Joe Rogan podcast. Check it out.

>> The Joe Rogan Experience.

>> TRAIN BY DAY. JOE ROGAN PODCAST BY

NIGHT. All day.

>> What's up, dog?

>> Joe.

>> Good to see you, my friend.

>> Same here, man.

>> What's crackle?

>> Life is good. Happy to be in Austin,

Texas.

>> Happy to have you. Are you doing Kill

Tony tonight?

>> I'll show up at Kill Tony tonight.

>> Nice.

>> Of course. My guy. So happy for him.

>> Yeah, he's killing it.

>> He always uh talks about us as his early

uh supporters.

>> Oh yeah, for sure.

>> I love that guy.

>> He's the best. I mean, that show is on

fire. It's a [ __ ] runaway train right

now.

>> Everywhere I go, Kill Tony. Kill Tony.

Kill Tony. Love you on Kill Tony.

>> It's such a fun show, you know. What a

great idea. Kind of amazing. Nobody

thought it up.

>> Well, he just kind of put his open mics

and his roasts and his personality and

his friends and his built a community.

It's kind of amazing.

>> Oh, it's incredible. He's the new Johnny

Carson. I mean, think about how many

like Adam Ray is killing it. Selling out

giant theaters. All these guys that, you

know, came through that show are [ __ ]

destroying now.

>> This is our tribe, Joe.

>> I know.

>> I love it.

>> It's amazing. It's a good time for

comedy.

>> Did I hear that you have a German

Shepherd?

>> No. No. I have a golden retriever and I

have a a Cavalier King Charles Spaniel.

>> Oh, okay.

>> Little tiny fella.

>> Somebody told me something different.

No, I love German shepherds, but I don't

>> I have a German Shepherd.

>> They're the best.

>> You have to exercise the [ __ ] out of

them, though.

>> They need work.

>> She loves to run around and dig and

climb and adventures.

>> They need tasks. They're not like my

golden. He's just cool just chilling,

laying on his back, getting his belly

rubbed.

>> Oh, I follow him on Instagram, don't

worry.

>> He's the best.

>> I look for my mornings with him.

>> I mean, they're a very lowmaintenance

dog and he he's trained. He he you could

train him very easily, but as far as

like like a guard dog and that kind of

useless.

>> My dog

my dog can like sit, stay, and run

around frantically. I'll be like run

around frantically and she'll just run

around.

>> Well, they have so much energy. Those

dogs are just designed to work.

>> I put her to work for two months this

summer on Broadway. She came out at the

end of my show and howled with me in the

audience.

>> She can howl on Q.

>> She We taught her. I had the same

trainer that did the Sandy from the show

Annie, like from when I was a kid, Bill

Baloney, and he's like, I could teach

her. She's like a wild rescue German

Shepherd from the desert. And there she

was like came out, jumped on a couch,

hit her mark, turned to the audience,

and we like sang.

>> Oh, that's awesome.

>> She had her own dressing room.

Nipy, her name's Nipy.

And you know, and then when the job was,

you know, when the run was over, she was

like, "No more work. Now I need

something else to do."

>> Yeah. They need things to do. Like

people that just have them and have them

in an apartment and don't go anywhere.

Like that's a crazy thing to do to a dog

like that.

>> Yeah.

>> A look at her.

>> Oh my god. Wow.

>> Look how sweet.

>> So she's a rescue dog.

>> She is.

>> Where'd you find her?

>> They found her in a in a in a bummy uh

breeder in Reno. Yeah. Yeah.

>> During the pandemic, I had an old dog. I

had an old senior dog that my ex found

on the street and we took care of her

the beginning of the pandemic and and uh

the ex left the dog. So, it's just me

and this old beat up street dog for a

few months and the vet was like, I got

another a puppy German shepherd. And so,

>> she was a puppy.

>> This one was. Yeah.

>> Oh, that's great.

>> So, now I was like 5 years ago already.

So, she's my bestie and and and

>> and we do everything. I mean, I just

love her to pieces. Like, I can't even

getting on the plane to come here

yesterday, was a part of me was like,

should I bring her let her run around

the four seas for a couple days and

whatever. But

>> yeah, it's hard leaving them. It's It's

like I have a kid. They look She looks

at me looking for the buzzwords.

>> Are we going? Are we staying? Are we

eating?

>> I know. They get separation anxiety big

time and they get very attached to one

person,

>> right? Yeah, like you're her daddy.

>> Oh, she's just so sweet. She just she'll

lay in bed, wait. She never wakes me.

Rolls over, arms up, ready to get she

can't start the day without a full belly

rub. Like I almost like hold her legs

and play her like a guitar

and she just, you know, tongues out just

complete euphoria. Once a week I take

all her collars off and just rub the

neck and just her eyes start watering

and

>> that's so cute. highly re I never was

into dogs. I'm slightly allergic. My

sister got snapped on by a Doberman when

we were little. So I was always a little

afraid and then it was just kind of

forced on me during the pandemic is all

these dogs needed homes. So now here I

am. I'm a freaking doggy daddy.

>> Oh, I love dogs. I've always had dogs. I

will never not have dogs. I love them. I

love them.

>> It's they're they're just these amazing

creatures that just love the [ __ ] out of

you. And especially if you train them

from the time they're puppies and you

give them nothing but love. Yeah. Like

they're so connected to you. And then

you know it's just awesome. You wake up

in the morning and it's always positive.

It's always hello. Hello. I wake up with

Marshall and he starts whining and

whimpering and he like I I do this thing

in the morning. I go, "Good morning,

sir. Good morning, sir."

He's wagging his tail and he's rolling

around on his back and I'm rubbing his

belly and he's giving me kisses. Uh,

>> he he loves it. He loves He gets so

excited to see me in the morning. It's

like his his ritual. He knows the

ritual's coming. He's going to get all

this love.

>> Does he sleep in your room?

>> No. No. My wife is a little bit

allergic, so he sleeps outside the room,

>> right?

>> But, uh, he is he's just a giant love

sponge. That's what he is. It's like he

loves everybody. Everybody who comes in

the house, like he meet you for the

first time, he's like, "I can't believe

you're here." He's just so excited to

meet everybody. My dog's checks

everybody. She's got to like check them

out. German Shepherd, you know, and if

somebody has a chemical imbalances are a

little off,

>> she lets me know.

>> Oh, yeah. You got screw ball friends.

>> Yeah. Well, every now and then, you

know, comics will be off their meds and

they'll come over and be like, I used to

know that person. I don't know that

person anymore. The dog just like alerts

me.

>> Oh, that's interesting. Yeah. They're

very watchful. You know, they're they're

shepherds. They're protecting you.

They're protecting their their daddy.

>> She's funny. on the plane. Like I've

only flown with her twice, but one, you

know, once to New York and then once

back after we were done on Broadway and

she's like it was nine months later. She

literally knew how to walk on the plane,

where to go, where her seat was, like

remembers everything like a person.

>> They're very smart dogs. Very smart

dogs. It's one of the reasons why they

need so much to exercise. Like the

dumbest dogs can just lay around and do

nothing. Yeah.

>> But really smart dogs, they need a lot

of activity. Especially shepherds, cuz

they're working dogs. If I leave her

alone too long, she'll dig up the

backyard. She needs something to do.

>> Yeah. They get crazy. They're like an

athlete.

>> Yeah.

>> You know, they just they need work. They

need to go.

>> And they don't need a lot of food. They

don't need a lot. She's She's like,

>> "What do you feed her?"

>> You know, I used to overfeed her and

give her a lot of table scraps and

spoiler. And then I learned more

recently that if I keep her to like a

cup and a half of kibble a day that the

vet recommended,

>> you should get her on raw food. Raw food

or fresh food?

>> Oh, interesting.

>> Yeah. I I used to feed my dogs kibble,

too. I had one dog that got cancer, and

I read about all these dogs getting

cancer, and you know, they get fat so

easy when you give them kibble. And it's

just because that stuff can sit on a

shelf forever. It's like, you wouldn't

eat it. Why are they eating it?

>> It's not healthy for them.

>> Sometimes I put a little turkey in the

>> turkeyy's great. Real food is great.

Real real food for your dog is the way

to go. I feed my dog farmer's dog. It's

uh it comes frozen. It has to be frozen,

right? And the way they attack it versus

the way they attack Kibble. Like

Kibble's like, "Okay, they're eating. No

big deal." Yeah. But they just can't

wait to eat this stuff. Like they get

excited. Like the little guy, the little

Charlie, he literally leaps up in the

air trying to get to the counter where

when I'm putting the food in his bowl,

he gets nuts. They love it.

>> It's real food. It's human grade food

for dogs. Check that out.

>> Oh yeah. It comes frozen. And also they

give it to you the right portions for

your dog so you don't have to think

about it. Like you put in your dog's

weight, what breed your dog is

>> and you know whether your dog's

overweight or not, and they they measure

it out calorie wise, so it's specific to

your dog.

>> My dog's weight is good, but I got to

get her to stop smoking. She's just got

>> You know what? It's funny. She used to

really hate when I light up a joint and

she'd when she was little, she'd run in

the other room, but now she's just like,

"Oh, that's daddy."

>> Well, she'd probably get a little

paranoid. I used to have a pit bull that

she would get paranoid that she was in

the room when we got high and I was

realizing, "Oh, this poor dog. She's

getting high, too." She was a rescue

dog, too. I found her. She was covered

in mange. It was so sad.

>> She was eating out of garbage cans.

>> That's heartbreaking.

>> Yeah. A friend of mine found her and uh

they took her in for and then they

called me and they said, "Do you want

another dog?" I had one dog already. I

said, "Absolutely." And as soon as I saw

her, I was like, "Oh,

>> yeah. Horrible."

>> It was so horrible. She was covered in

mine. She had little scabs on her and

everything. It all went away within like

two months of of food. But that dog,

because of living on the street, she

could never get enough food. She was

always like raiding garbage cans and

stuff. Like you'd have to lock up the

garbage can, strap it down with a bungee

cord.

>> She would tip them over and she was

never full. Even though she would like

get fat, she would she was never full

>> just in case.

>> It was just, you know, she was starving

when I when I found her.

>> The I had the old dog first. And then

the young German Shepherd. So the old

one had all these street habits like

that. And she taught him to the young

dog. Like the young dog

>> walks down the stairs as if she has a

broken back hip.

>> Oh no.

>> And she learned how to get in the car

from an old dog. So two legs. She She

could leap right in. She's a kid. But

she still goes two two paws up and I

have to pick her up.

>> Yeah. That's how Marshall does it.

>> Overprotective like the old dog.

>> Yeah, Marshall. I think he probably

could jump in my car, but it's like he

knows I'll just lift him up because I've

done it since it was a puppy. So, we do

this little little thing. I go, "You

ready?" He puts his paws out. I go,

"One, two, three." It's always one, two,

three, up. So, he gets ready.

>> Do they h do they talk to you? My dog

howls with me in the morning.

>> No, Marshall only talks when he wants to

come inside. Like, if he's outside,

he'll just bark once at the door just to

let you know.

>> He's really good. He's the best dog.

>> What does his bark sound like?

let me in. It's like, hey, I'm out here.

Come on. You know, he's out till he's

not, you know, he's out till he's bored

and then he just lets you know.

>> It's not annoying.

>> The old dog, if I had to put her like if

like a guy came over to work on the

house or something, I had to put her

like in a bedroom or a bathroom, she she

was she was, you know, big big dog. She

would gnaw on the handles. Oh,

>> so I have a house full of like chrome

uh door handles that all have like bite

marks in it. Like the the bite is

amazing.

>> Yeah. You got to give them things to

chew on all the time, you know? There's

chew toys all over my house everywhere.

My dog has Marshall has like a big box

filled with toys.

>> Yeah.

>> And it's like And he just goes in and

picks one out.

>> Yeah. Randomly depends who it is.

>> I go, "What are you going to get? Which

toy?" And he's like looking around.

Picks one out. And then him and the

little dog that play tug of war. It's

adorable.

>> They get a totally Oh my god,

>> you knew they'd get along before you got

the dog.

>> He's the easiest dog to get along with.

He gets along with everything and

everybody. Jaime's dog Jamie's got a

psycho dog. Jaime's got this little

French bulldog that's like a little a

little meat missile.

>> Yeah,

>> he's a nut.

>> He's great. He's great. He's awesome.

>> Oh yeah, he's nuts.

>> He's just He's three almost three. Two

and a half.

>> He's a little psycho. He's He's jacked.

He's super jacked. He's like this little

French bulldog. just [ __ ] jet.

>> And him and Marshall just play insane.

They ins It's insane. Like Carl throws

himself through the air at Marshall cuz

he knows that Marshall's like super

gentle and they just play back and

forth. But it's adorable.

>> If a dog is small enough, like a little

Chihuahua type dog, they can put their

head inside. My dog will just open her

mouth and let another dog just roll her

head inside her mouth.

>> No instincts.

>> Yeah. It's crazy. Just wants it to play.

It's just nuts that they those used to

be wolves. They've turned wolves into

these little tiny things you could carry

around.

>> I mean, in a thousand years, they'll be

Are they getting smarter the way humans

are evolving? I wonder.

>> That's a good question. I wonder. I

mean, I think there would have to be a

reason for them to get smarter. You

know, some dogs are like the dogs that

are trained like a Belgian Malamoa.

Those are really smart dogs. You know,

those are dog military dogs. Yeah. Th

those dogs you cannot just leave that

dog alone. Like it's like a shepherd

times 10. Yeah.

>> They look like shepherds sort of, but

they those dogs they're so intelligent.

>> Yeah.

>> You know, they they are constantly

scanning everything and looking for

everything. They know when you're weird.

They know everything,

>> right?

>> Yeah. So those dogs have to be smart

because they have jobs, you know? They

use them like those are the dogs they s

on like

>> Osama bin Laden's crew, you know? They

open the door and they breach dogs run

in. Incredible.

>> Yeah,

>> my dog's central whim compared to all

that.

>> So's mine.

>> She just wants to play.

>> Yeah, these are the only dogs that Well,

I've had a couple dogs before. Like I

had a a dog that was a Sheu enu mix and

he was kind of a [ __ ] Um but and I had

a a mastiff before that, but mostly I've

had like big guard dogs,

>> right?

>> You know, this these are the dogs of

first dogs I've had that are they're not

guarding [ __ ]

>> Marshall's not guarding.

>> They guard your emotions, buddy.

your emotions.

>> They're just sweet.

>> They're just awesome to have. It's like

you just have love around you all the

time and they're never in a bad mood.

There's never a day where he's never had

a bad day in his life. Every day is a

great day. Every day he's happy.

>> Even if you're not there.

>> Well, he gets sad if I'm not there for

sure. But like I pull out the ball. It's

always the same thing. It's never like

one day I'm like maybe he's going to get

bored of this [ __ ] ball. Nope. I pull

out that ball. Oh. Oh, the ball. The

ball's out. Let's go.

>> Bouncing around, wagging his tail,

jumping up. I got a ball. It's got like

the stick. Like it's like a long curved

stick, so he could throw the ball

further.

>> And you know, he just starts leaping up

towards the stick.

>> He gets so pumped. I'm like, "One day

he's going to get bored of this." Nope.

He's 9 years old. He's never getting

bored of it.

>> When I come up the stairs, if she sees

that I have my sneakers on, she starts

stretching like an Olympian.

>> Let's go. Time to go. Yeah, dogs are

awesome. People that don't have them, I

feel bad for them. Like you're missing a

lot of love in your life. Especially

like people that live alone, you know?

It's like you always have a friend. You

always have someone you I talk to my

dog. Like I have conversations with him.

>> Yeah. Yeah.

>> You know,

>> and that does does Marshall look you in

the eyes when you're talking.

>> Oh yeah. Oh yeah.

>> It's a real friend.

>> Oh, he's he's like the most loving

creature I've ever encountered.

>> Do you tell the dog stuff you wouldn't

tell your family or your friends?

>> No. Sometimes I'm like, "Hey, Nipy, man,

I probably shouldn't have said that to

you." She She has emotional and like she

knows when I'm happy, sad, nervous,

sick.

>> Mostly it's baby talk. Mostly he's like,

"My buddy."

>> Yeah.

>> Who's my but He watches TV with me. He

climbs up on the couch and sits on my

lap. He puts his head on my lap.

>> The best.

>> Yeah. And when there's animals on TV, he

parks his head up.

>> Yeah.

>> You know, cuz it's a big TV. And so he's

like, "What the [ __ ] is that? Is that

real?" He has to What what when when

Nipy first came out from the desert, she

was, you know, like six,

seven-month-old, you know, puppy, but

still a sizable dog, a German Shepherd

at 6 months, is already like a dog. And

the old dog, which was old, you know, on

her deathbed, but wise, street wise.

She was on the floor and the puppy was

up on my bed. It was her first night in

a home. And I put on TV. I put on um

House of Cards and it was this daunting

kind of scary music and the dogs just

watching and it's like a shadowy figure.

It was Kevin Spacy coming down the hall,

his character coming down the hall and

as this like man was revealed full

screen on a big screen, Nipy did a

backflip, fell off the bed and ran and

hid in the closet.

And the old dog Nata was like, "Oh boy."

She had to like pull herself up at her

bad legs and and and go in the closet

and tell her to come back out.

>> Now listen, it's TV.

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>> House of Cards. What a [ __ ] show that

was. Oh, what a [ __ ] show. They never

should have done that last season. Once

Kevin Spacy got cancelled, they should

have just canceled.

>> It was done

>> or you know, not

>> right.

>> Such a good [ __ ] show.

>> That was a great show.

>> It's crazy. I saw him. He was in Israel

doing some weird thing where he was like

doing like a song and dance routine in a

small club recently. Like he's been kind

of reduced to doing that for money.

Is that reduced or is that part of the

comeback?

>> You got to start.

>> I don't know. I mean, it's something. I

mean, I guess he's just making money,

you know? He's completely bankrupt. He

lost everything.

>> Mhm.

>> It's crazy.

>> Show business. It's

>> Well, it's not just show business,

right? It's uh it's also what did you

do? You know, what did you get caught

for? He got, you know, he was old school

dick grabber. All those old school guys.

No one really likes that getting their

dick grabbed like that.

>> Some gay guys do. I think I think what

he did probably worked on some guys. You

know what I'm saying,

>> right?

>> Like gay guys have a whole different way

of interacting with each other that we

don't have. But I think with Spacy, it

was like some of those fellas were

young.

>> And that's the problem.

>> Power. It's power. It's like in the gay

community, there's a lot of guys that

think it's okay for young gay guys who

are underage

to uh hook up with older gay guys. It's

a That's like Milo Yiannopoulos.

Remember him? He actually talked about

that on my show. He was talking about

when he was 14, he hooked up with this

this older guy and he's like, "Trust me,

I was the predator." He's like saying

that he was going after the guy. I was

like, "All right." But it's different in

their eyes. I mean, I'm just speaking

for gay guys that I've talked to. It's

different in their eyes than, you know,

an adult male and a young female,

>> right?

>> You know, but Kevin Spacy's a [ __ ]

unbelievable actor. That [ __ ] House

of Cards was so good. It was so good.

Such a good show. I'm glad it's still

out there, you know, because there's a

lot of stuff.

>> So good. It made me miss and rewatch

West Wing. That's how good it was. M I

haven't I never watched that. I I think

I maybe watched one or two episodes.

>> It's like an idealistic version of what

politics

could be, I guess.

>> Right. Martin Sheen is like the

president we wish we had like a really

>> that's a long time ago, but he's also

controversial. He's hiding a medical

thing. It like got way ahead of a lot of

the modern day stories.

>> Well, like Biden.

>> Yeah. Yeah. And uh his wife's a doctor,

so she's helping him.

Well, we always have these idealistic

ideas of who we want to be our leader.

And the thing about the Kevin Spy

character was like that's probably more

realistic. Like that guy is more

realistic. Like,

>> well, as we get older, we understand you

got to be cutthroat to make it. There's

got to be a certain killer instinct in a

president.

>> You're also most likely deeply

compromised by the time you get into

office,

>> which is the only way you navigate those

worlds. Like everybody's compromised.

Everybody's gone to that Eyes Wide Shut

party,

>> right?

>> I couldn't get in, just for the record.

>> Yeah, me neither.

>> Uh,

>> yeah. I don't I don't want to get in.

>> I know. That's a good thing. A dog can

kind of save your career cuz like you

get invited to some wild sex party. You

be like, I got my dog's been waiting for

me for 5 hours. Sorry, I I can't go.

>> Yeah. Meanwhile, it's better to just

hang out with your dog. You'll have a

better time and you won't feel gross in

the morning, I guess. But I think a lot

of those people are sociopaths. They

probably don't even feel gross ever.

>> I was out all weekend for the Fanatics

football stuff with Travis Scott's DJing

till 3:00 in the morning.

>> What is the Fanatics football stuff?

>> They had a flag football tournament in

LA. It was supposed to be in in Riott

and they had to move it to LA. Tom Brady

and and uh and the Fanatics. Uh

>> what's the Fanatics?

>> It's like um I guess it's a branding

company. They do all the jerseys. They

do all the

>> Oh. Um, Michael Rubin and Michael

Ratner, two friends of mine, did this

flag football game and I was just

partying. I just took the weekend off

and I'm like seeing all the football

players and and it was just so much fun.

And then just as the party's really

getting hot, I'm like, I miss my dog.

I'm going home.

>> Yeah. There's always this thing in the

back of your head like, I got to get

home. He's been home alone for 5 hours.

He's been home alone for six hours. I'm

thinking about him. He has to pee. He's

a good boy. He's not going to pee in the

house, but he's probably holding it in

upset.

Yeah.

>> Ain't it nuts? Like people think,

especially comics, you know, we want to

be up late, getting drunk, [ __ ] off,

being [ __ ] doing drugs. You know

what? You just want to get home.

>> Yeah.

>> Want to get home, chill out, relax,

watch TV.

>> I feel like if I had a dog when I was

starting out in comedy, I I would have

been more disciplined. I would have been

coming home instead of staying out all

night. I kind of regret that a little

bit.

>> You regret staying out all night.

>> Well, I mean, I was, you know, you know

how it is. You You do your set, you

start hanging out in the club in the

comedy club and drinking or eating or

whatever,

>> but there's a certain

>> I don't know, you go home and you're up

earlier, you get more done the next day.

>> Oh, absolutely. Well, it's just you feel

better. It's It's hard to leave when

you're having fun, you know. It's also

you feel like you're a part of a

different society. Society of people

don't have a regular job. You got

freedom. You're your own boss. I grew up

I lost my parents as a teenager. So I

live for I live every day like I could

die tomorrow. So I never want to leave.

I have ultimate FOMO all the time. I

never want to miss an event, a party. I

went to the Super Bowl. I went to

>> Allstar weekend. I want to go to the

Grammys. I love life. If I want to make

the most out of it all the time, it

works against me sometimes. I think

>> that's interesting, right? It's the plus

side of experiencing loss when you're

young. You really want you you really

relish life. You want to make the most

out of it. You want to enjoy it while

it's here.

>> Yeah.

>> Yeah.

>> One of the things I say on my show is I

learned early on human beings were made

to mourn and move on. You can't mourn

forever or a part of you dies. And

that's not fair,

>> right?

>> So, it gave me this sort of zest for

living.

>> You take that loss as a young person,

you're you're afraid at any second it,

you know, it's hard to make long-term

plans. Are your parents still alive?

>> Yeah. It's amazing amazing blessing. And

sometimes when you lose people young,

you're afraid. You're all you live in

constant fear that it's all going to

fall apart.

>> Yeah. I've lost a lot of friends. Like

sometimes I look at my my contact list

when I get a new phone, you know, and

you're swapping over contacts and I'm

like, "Oh, fuck." You know, I've got

like 20 dead people in my contact list.

Some of them I just keep in there, you

know?

>> I

>> I got old phones where like Bourdame was

texting me. I just kept the phone. I'm

like, I'm never throwing this phone

away. You know, bunch of friends who

>> I look at Bob Saget's texts all the

time. I listen to Gilbert Godfrieded's

voicemails. Yeah, I know what you mean.

Yeah,

>> it just it brings me right back to them.

I

>> those two guys that was those are two

tough ones. Those are two really tough

ones.

>> There's that famous picture of me, Norm

Gilbert and Bob that Adam Egat took

>> at Jones restaurant in Hollywood and I

show that in my special and I talk about

each one. Do like a tribute to Norm. I

do a tribute to Gilbert whose family is

a big part of my family now. His kids

are great kids. His daughter goes to

school here in Texas in Austin. And

there it is.

>> There it is.

>> And Bob, who just became a grandfather.

>> So they left quite a legacy, those guys.

And I really loved them. And they would

make me laugh, you know. I would just

set them up and they would go and I

would laugh until I was dying laughing.

>> [ __ ] Norm. What a legend.

>> The king.

>> He's such a great guy, too.

Yeah,

>> he's so funny, too. And his clips, I

don't know if it's my algorithm or what,

but

>> you would think Norm is making comedy

content every day if you looked at my

algorithm.

>> Well, mine, too. I think a lot of

people. So, like people just share them

because, you know, he had so many funny

things to say about everything. It's

such a unique perspective,

>> just an unusual state of mind.

Canadians. I have a theory that

Canadians I'm from New Jersey, so I feel

like New Jersey, I grew up as an

outsider to New York. We had a root for

New York sports teams. We had to listen

to New York radio stations as a kid TV

stations. And Canada has that with

America,

>> right?

>> So, I think they always feel like

comedians feel like outsiders a little

bit. I feel like Canadians kind of have

that.

>> Harland, he's Canadian. I mean, Canadian

comedians, you could go all day. Tom

Yeah.

>> Jim Carrey.

>> Jim Carrey.

>> A lot of Canadians.

>> Caroline Ray.

>> Uh,

and a lot more.

>> John Candy, right?

>> Yeah. John Candy was a Canadian. Yeah.

>> Uh, Martin Short,

>> was he? Is he? He is.

>> I think so. He's still with us.

>> Those SCTV people.

>> That's right.

>> Yeah. Martin Short is he had a rough

month. He lost a somebody very close to

him, but he's he's still one of the

funniest people in the world.

>> Oh, he was brilliant. All those [ __ ]

crazy characters.

>> Oh my god. I was at a birthday party

once and like Paul Rudd's 50th birthday

party years ago and I remember

everybody's like, "Let's do karaoke."

And everybody wanted to start. Everybody

was too like shy to like do karaoke

first. Then Martin Short walked up to

the mic, belted out like a Sinatra song,

dropped the mic and walked out to the

valet and left. Just like kicked it off

and went, "Fly me to the moon and he was

gone."

It's weird when you get older and you

realize how many guys have passed. Like

Patrice comes up in my algorithm all the

time and you know, you just watch old

clips. I went on a binge a few months

back of him on Opie and Anthony.

>> Yeah.

>> Just [ __ ]

>> Ruthless.

>> He would have been the number one

podcast in the world if he was alive

today.

>> Patrice.

>> Yeah. If he had a podcast cuz he

probably would have he probably I mean

it's a perfect normal transition from

Opie and Anthony to podcasting,

>> right?

>> He would uh he would have probably had

the best podcast in the world

>> except the guest would never get to talk

at all.

>> Yeah. It wouldn't matter. He would be

dressing him down.

>> He always had the funny

>> Patrice's greatness at the Charlie Sheen

roast. I always talk about this.

>> Yeah.

>> He went on last and he was like

he was we booked him late. He never

wanted to do a roast.

>> And he said, "I don't know this one. I

don't know that one." And finally I

called him one day. I go, "We're we're

roasting Charlie Sheen." He goes, "Oh."

He goes, "I don't know Charlie Sheen,

but I think I could do that." I go, "You

know him? You don't know him, but you

know what? Do you you know it's And he

goes, "All right, I'm coming." He

dresses total rock star, like a leather

suit, like this whole

>> like fantasy Patrice in his head. And he

and then the day of the show, he's like

complaining about his material. He's

like, "I don't know. All these writers,

they don't know me. This isn't me." Blah

blah blah. I go, "Patrice, [ __ ] all

that. Pay attention and roast the roast.

Just roast the roast. Make mental notes.

clock it all, let them see you taking it

in, and then just go on and talk about

what you just saw. And that's what he

did.

>> No, it was brilliant. Did you see

Charlie Sheen's uh Netflix documentary?

>> I haven't.

>> It's [ __ ] great, man.

>> Crazy. It's crazy. Like, he talks about

everything. Talks about this first time

he smoked crack. A girl was giving him a

[ __ ] when he smoked crack.

>> How else you supposed to do it?

>> He said it's the best experience he's

ever had. He says he's never topped it.

>> Wow.

>> Yeah.

>> Wow. makes you want to try it.

Makes you like think maybe.

>> He was a fascinating guest, too, having

him in here. It's like that guy's been

through so much [ __ ] and he's okay, you

know? It's like, how is he alive,

>> you know?

>> Some people are just different, right?

Tiger blood. I was on tour with him that

whole time.

>> That's right. That's right. You were

doing that thing with him. So what

happened was when he got kicked off at

Two and a Half Mend and he went kind of

kooky, he decided to do this whirlwind

tour. And the first one he did, he tried

to go and just wing it.

>> Torpedo of truth.

>> Yeah,

>> that's what he called it.

>> The winging it one did not work. No.

>> But then when he started doing it with

you and he did it with Russell, Russell

Peters did a bunch of them with him.

With comics, it actually worked because

like he would have someone to bounce

stuff off of and they knew how to be

entertaining. Yeah. And keep the flow

going,

>> right?

>> Yeah. And then you got into those

stories and it was amazing.

>> Yeah.

>> It totally turned around.

>> The first one I did was in Atlantic City

and he called me the night before

and I was in LA at a party and everyone

was like, "Yeah, yeah, go do it. Go do

it." So, I caught a like 6 am flight.

>> He called you the night before. What did

he say?

>> He's like, "My shows aren't going good.

Every I didn't know him." He goes, "Uh,

you know, like all these different

people keep telling me Simon Rex, you

know, other friends of his kept saying

Jeff Ross could come out and roast you

and save this." So, I just wrote jokes

all night. You know, left the party,

wrote jokes, caught a 6 a.m. flew. I

walk into his dressing room like an hour

before. Chuck Zto is literally staring

me down going, "Don't be too mean to my

guy, you know, like they're just trying

to scare me." And I'm like, "I'm here to

like work. I'm a comedian, you know, and

uh Charlie was really cool and and uh I

told his road manager, he goes, "What do

you need?" I go, "I need uh a podium to

roll out the big arenas. I want to make

it like a show and I need a hazmat

suit." Because he'd been bombing for

like a week every single night. I'm

going to come out. I go, I heard there's

a Bob scare. I roll out and it's Jersey,

so it's my crowd. And I just start

roasting him. And it went well. And I

was like, if you're winning, because

he's always like, winning, winning. I'm

like, if you're winning, something's

wrong with the [ __ ] scoreboard.

Old Jeff with hair. Duh. Winning.

>> Look at that,

>> boy. He looks so skinny.

>> Oh yeah.

>> That's a That's a look of a guy who does

Coke. Look how ripped he is. Jesus. Oh

man, he was he was up all night. We had

w he was like

>> so he was still partying hard back then,

>> you know. It's hard to say.

>> Had to be.

>> He didn't let me see that side of it.

>> I'm sure he was. There's no chance he

was clean.

>> A warlock.

>> Oh, that's right. He was a warlock. A

warlock with tiger blood,

>> right?

>> Violent torpedo of truth tour kicks off

in Detroit. TV star is booed off stage.

>> Yeah. So then after that they they kept

calling and going can you do this date

and can you do that date? It was like

more money than I'd ever made for a one

nighter. So I just start started getting

on the bus and the plane with them. And

>> how many dates you guys did?

>> I went up I w up doing eight.

>> And Russell, how many did you do?

>> I don't know. I don't know.

>> So you just had different comics. Who

else did it?

>> I don't remember anyone else but me. So

that's news to me that Russell did.

>> Yeah, Russell did a few. At least one I

know of.

>> Maybe there there might have been some

in Canada I didn't do. Well, Russell was

really good off the cuff. You know,

Russell's great work in the crowd.

>> I think Russell interviewed him.

>> I think Russell like that like like you

said. That's how he did it.

>> Yeah, I think that's how he did it cuz

now it occurs to me that he had

interviewers

>> on some of them. And I and he had a

radio guy and I think maybe Russell

might have done a Canadian.

>> That's a smart way to do it. Have

someone who's smart and quick just

interview because the stories are so

bananas.

>> Yeah.

>> All you need is the stories. just and he

was so open about stuff talking about

how much crack he would smoke and

>> Oh yeah.

>> And it was just so insane. And everybody

was so happy that someone was instead of

hiding from the fact that they [ __ ]

their life up, they were like

celebrating that they were off the rails

and everyone's like tiger blood.

I remember even Diego Sanchez who was

fighting in the UFC was saying he had

tiger blood.

That's how [ __ ] that's how popular it

was getting. Yeah, he was he was a he

was a thing.

>> Yeah, it was a thing. But it was a new

thing, right? It was a movie star who

had gone off the rails and was like

celebrating it and being open and honest

in interviews about prostitutes,

cocaine, chaos,

>> everything. All the above.

>> Yeah.

>> It was a totally new experience for the

general public cuz before if someone had

an addiction problem, it was like, oh,

so sad, right? He was doing coke and you

know I was my life had fallen apart and

then I found Jesus. You know it's like

always one of those things.

>> He wasn't on an apology tour. He went on

a [ __ ] you.

>> Yeah 100%. And no one had ever done that

before.

>> No one had ever done a [ __ ] you tour

before.

>> Uh

>> I mean it was a little ill advised the

first ones, you know, when he went on by

himself. Like that was a terrible idea,

>> right?

>> You can't just wing it. And when you're

on Coke, you think you could be do

anything, you know? or he would take

questions, but there's 15,000 people

yelling at him.

>> Right? If you're going to take

questions, it would have to be a person

who's a moderator who has a microphone

and talks to another person and is there

so they can keep it from going off the

rails and a line of people. You can't

just have people yelling out things in

the audience.

>> One night, one night somebody wanted his

money back and he brought the guy up and

gave his money back and then of course

like 400 people stood up like, "I want

my money back." Oh no.

>> He would get in. He would hear the

audience too much.

>> Yeah.

>> Well, he no experience with that kind of

stuff,

>> right?

>> If you think you could just do live

audience and deal with 15,000 people's

different personalities, then you don't

know what that's like, right? Good luck.

>> We wound up doing eight shows and I

would always roast them. So by the

eighth show I had 20 minutes of Charlie

Sheen. Every city I'd add jokes. So

that's when I was like, why don't we

just do this on TV? I mean, we have the

roast. And then we did the comedy

central roast.

>> Nice.

>> Patrice and all that. And Mike Tyson was

at that one.

>> It's a really interesting career arc

with him. Well, you if you know his

story, he was on the set of Apocalypse

Now with his father when he was 10,

right?

>> And then 10 years later, he was doing

>> what was the [ __ ] movie?

>> His [ __ ] big war movie. Jesus Christ.

Why am I blanking? Platoon. He was doing

Platoon when he was 20.

>> Yeah.

>> Which is nuts. 10 years later.

>> Yeah. I mean, he's doing the next iconic

war movie, right?

>> And he's a 20-year-old kid. And then all

of a sudden, he's a [ __ ] superstar,

>> right?

>> He was great in that movie.

>> And he's just off the rails. Just like

no restrictions. He's rich. He's young.

He's handsome. He's just going crazy,

>> doing drugs. But he made it through it

all. That's what's nuts.

>> I got to check that doc out.

>> It's great. He's a great interview, too.

Like, like having him on the podcast was

[ __ ] great. He's really nice guy.

>> He's very cool and honest about it all.

And

>> you know, and he's also like, "Hey, you

know, I can still act. Like, how about

I've [ __ ] paid my dues. I've been

sober for seven years. Like, give me a

shot."

>> Yeah.

>> He can still act.

>> He's a good actor.

>> I hope someone does do something like

that because I feel like if one big

movie came along, like maybe Tarantino

could put him in cuz he's the master at

like reviving careers. What he did with

Travolta and Pulp Fiction. Pulp Fiction

like Travolta was dead on the operating

table in his career before Pulp Fiction.

Pulp Fiction came along and boom, he's

back because they realized like, oh

[ __ ] John Travolta, John Travolta can

[ __ ] act.

>> And that that role was perfect for him.

Vince, he played this crazy hitman with

Samuel Jackson. [ __ ] what a movie.

>> I watch it all the time.

>> Yeah, it completely revived his career.

H

>> yeah. He's the like Quenton Tarantino is

like the master of seeing things that

other people don't see, you know? He's

like that guy's still great.

>> Yeah.

>> And I think that's like the case with

Charlie. Like someone's got to come

along and see and just go, I just need

to get him a role where he just can

really sink his teeth into it and he'll

[ __ ] kill it. Especially now at this

stage of his life where he knows how

important it is. He'll throw himself

into it, right? It'd be [ __ ] amazing.

>> Well, like some people don't act for a

long time and then look what Shawn Penn

just did. He just and he came back after

God knows how long and just did this

totally iconic, unrecognizable, strange

character.

>> I didn't see that movie. I' I've heard

all these mixed reviews.

>> Whatever. It's interesting to see

Shawn's take on this

soldier.

>> Look, Sean Penn's out of his [ __ ]

mind, but that's the kind of guy that

makes a great actor. A great actor.

Ditch the Oscars to go see.

>> Yeah. Go to Ukraine.

>> So cool.

>> Go hang out. Go hang out with my boy

Zinsky. Do Coke.

>> That pure Russian coke.

>> I like how you think that's what they

were doing. That's good.

>> I'm just guessing. I'm just taking a

wild guess. But that that guy, I mean,

how about him like goes and [ __ ]

meets the drug lord. What's his name?

What's wrong with my brain today, Jamie?

Um, what the [ __ ] his name? The dude

he met in Mexico. the guy who got

arrested,

>> El Chapo.

>> El Chapo, thank you.

>> Went down and met El Chapo. And that's

how El Chapo wind up getting arrested,

>> right?

>> He wanted to meet Sean Penn. Sean Penn's

like, "All right, I'll go meet." He

wrote an article for like Rolling Stone.

He like was a journalist,

>> right? I remember

>> went I mean, like who what [ __ ] movie

star goes down and meets El Chapo?

By the way, that shirt, Conor McGregor

um bought a shirt that's like exactly

like that shirt and recreated that pose

with I forget who he shook hands with,

but it was like this like funny inside

joke that a lot of people didn't catch.

It's like, why is he wearing that shirt?

And people realize, oh my god, he's

wearing the El Chapo shirt.

>> He's like, he bought a similar shirt.

He's like literally doing that.

>> Oh my gosh,

>> he's so silly. He dressed his gangster

El Chapo. He's literally doing the

thing, but he did it on purpose.

>> Nuts.

>> I mean, it takes insane balls to be a

world famous actor and decide I'm going

to go meet a drug lord in Mexico and

write an article for Rolling Stone.

>> He's an adventurer.

>> I guess

>> acting's a part of him, not all of them.

>> I mean, he must be. I mean, he's in

[ __ ] Ukraine. Like, what does he do?

>> I remember being at a party. Eddie

Veter's birthday party and Sean Penn

walked in with Stormmy Daniels. Like he

has friends from the most

diverse places.

>> That's funny.

>> Silinski, Stormmy.

>> Have you seen uh Kyle Dunigan's face

swap things with Trump and Stormmy

Daniels?

>> Oh my god, they're so funny.

>> So funny.

>> Kyle Dunigan, he's another guy that got

revived by Kill Tony or like really got

the world got to see him. like we did we

covered his face swap videos a bunch of

times on the podcast and blew them up.

But to see him as these characters like

when he plays RFK Jr. when he plays

Elon. Like that is what really like

kicked off Kyle's career,

>> you know?

>> Dude, his RFK is

>> so good.

>> So fun. His

>> is Elon so good.

>> That's when he first started doing the

face swap and I was like, "This is the

best. My text chain's always sharing his

stuff."

>> Is Bill Maher is Bill Maher is amazing.

You know, I tried to play

>> cuz his jokes are funny about it.

>> I tried to play the Bill Maher

impression with Bill Maher when he was

in here. He goes, "If you play it, I'll

leave."

>> Why does he care? I don't

>> because he doesn't hang out with comics

enough.

>> He's out there doing his show, hanging

out with political people, being all

serious. It's like you

>> he just wants to be a what do you call

it? A contrarian. I was on his podcast

and like he literally

he just wanted to fight about anything.

I go, "The Ramones are great." He's

like, "No, they're not." I'm like, "All

right, man.

>> How do you say Rock and Roll High

School's not great? Come on, son. The

look, the crazy hair,

>> all of it. The Ramones is one of the

greatest.

>> The Ramones ruled. They were ruled.

>> They wrote a song over two minutes in 5

seconds.

>> How could you say they're not great?

>> It's nice to go see them in college,

man.

>> You don't have to like it, but you you

got to admit there's there's a reason

why people love them,

>> right?

>> Yeah.

You know what I'm saying?

>> Yeah, man.

>> People are so weird when they want to

say something sucks. Like, I was having

an argument with someone there like

Taylor Swift's all dumb music. I go,

"No, it's not. It's not." She's got some

great songs. No Body, No Crime is a

great [ __ ] song.

>> By the way, anybody who writes their own

music and produces their own music.

>> Also, it's like, do you think you're

smarter than everybody who loves her?

Like, she's she's literally got more

fans than anybody alive. And you think

they're all wrong? That's kind of crazy.

Like, you just you don't have to like

it. You don't have to like it, but

there's there's like people have closed

minds.

I met her at Oscars' party last weekend

and she introduced hers. I was talking

to Travis. She was I was talking to

Travis for a few minutes and she said,

"Hi, I'm T inter you know I was a little

starruck cuz I don't know musicians are

the last thing for me like I I really

respect and she was super cool man and

she was really cool actually and I told

her that I went to her era show and she

did really

>> she said she watches the the roast and

>> Oh, that's funny.

>> It was pretty cool actually.

>> That's awesome. I wonder when they make

love if they wear helmets. Those two.

What's

>> Why do you think they wear helmets?

>> Just saying. It's got to be wild.

>> Travis and Taylor.

>> So sweet and passionate.

>> Maybe. I hope so.

>> That's what I think.

>> You have your fantasies. I have mine.

>> Shoulder pads, cleats.

>> Yeah.

>> Going for it on Astro Turf.

>> He's a nice guy.

>> Is he?

>> Has he been in here?

>> No. Never met him.

>> He'd be a good

>> good dude.

>> Yeah.

It's interesting when people are public,

like a public relationship like that.

Two super famous people. It's like

that's a lot of pressure and then you're

putting it all out there in the world

and like everybody's judging you like

it's hard enough to keep a relationship

together, but keep a relationship

together when you have to field

everyone's opinions of you. Especially

like Taylor Swift goes, how many [ __ ]

songs does she have about ex-boyfriends,

>> right?

>> It's like gez, if you break up with her,

the [ __ ] diss track of the universe

is coming your way.

Yeah. Right. Kendrick Drake. [ __ ] that.

Just don't break up with Taylor.

>> Exactly. Yeah. But it's just like you're

doing it in front of the world and

you're you're inviting all the shittiest

people in the world to have their

opinions about you. It's like

>> it's a lot of pressure.

>> Freaking Timberlake this weekend. That

really pissed me off. They released

>> a two or three year old video of him

getting a DUI.

>> Yeah. Oh, I did see that.

>> Why does that need to be out there? Why

do they What is

>> How is that a legal thing to take like a

a video of someone being arrested? Like

why is that? Because he's a public

figure. Why Why isn't that private? I

don't understand.

>> It makes

>> And there was nothing outrageous about

it. He didn't

>> hassling this guy and bringing up old

news. It really bugged me.

>> I mean, there was nothing outrageous

about it. I mean, he was very calm and

relaxed and, you know, they arrested him

for DUI. They, you know, they asked him

a few questions. There was nothing about

it that was, you know, like, oh, look at

Justin Timberlake. He's off the rails.

He's acting crazy.

>> So, it's like he had a few drinks.

Probably shouldn't have drove

>> drove got caught.

>> That's it,

>> right? It happens to a lot of people.

Yeah. And whatever. Just cuz he's famous

or whatever.

>> He wasn't acting like an [ __ ] He

didn't do anything terrible

>> and you know, and everybody wants like,

"Oh, look at him. He got caught,

>> right?

>> You have so much money and you still got

caught,

>> right?" You know, obviously get a

driver, dude. You know, you got to get

drunk, right? It's not that hard.

>> He's tooling around the Hamptons. They

thought he was fine.

>> Yeah, that's probably it, right? That's

where all the rich people drink and

drive.

>> Well, I don't I don't get having to

torture somebody by releasing the

videos.

>> Well, I mean, all he has to do is just

not be online for a few days and it'll

go away. But it's like, why is it okay

to release that? Why is that a public

record thing? Unless there's like some

Even if there's a case, that should be

something that gets released in court.

>> No, they release it as a public

information. But

>> what?

>> Right.

>> Why?

>> I don't know.

>> Why? Cuz he sings.

>> Cuz we live in a cruel [ __ ] world.

That's why.

>> Yeah. We We live in a place where people

enjoy cruelty. They enjoy Well, it's

like you look at him, you know, he's

like super famous, married to what's her

name? Was he married to Jessica?

>> Jessica. Beautiful woman. Yeah. Right.

He's got this perfect life. He's rich.

He's famous. He can dance. He can sing.

He's tall. He's handsome.

>> He's a star when he was young. [ __ ] that

guy. You know, that's how everybody is.

Oh, look. He was drunk.

>> [ __ ] you've been drunk before, too.

Shut the [ __ ] up.

>> Right.

>> And if you haven't, [ __ ] you.

>> If you never been drunk, [ __ ] you.

Unless, like your dad was an alcoholic

and, you know, understanding

circumstances.

But it's like why is that something that

people are I saw it came across my uh my

news feed and I I looked at it for a few

seconds. I was like there's nothing

outrageous about this. But you see Allan

Richmond though.

>> No,

>> the guy who plays Reacher, he beat the

[ __ ] out of some guy in front of some

kids today.

>> Yeah. Or yesterday. It was crazy. He

That guy's a giant dude. You know that

show Reacher?

>> Yeah, I heard of it. He's [ __ ] huge

and jacked and he was riding dirt bikes

and he got in some altercation with his

neighbor and someone filmed it and you

know he's all this hulking guy and I

don't know what the circumstances were.

Maybe the guy deserved it. Maybe the guy

was a piece of [ __ ] Maybe the guy came

after him first. But all you see in the

video is him beating this guy up and you

know he's [ __ ] this tank of a man.

He's huge. He's like 250 lbs and he's

beating some guy's ass and then he gets

back on his motorcycle and huh

>> he's doing it in front of kids too which

is kind of crazy

>> violence.

>> Well, it's also it's like why you I

don't know what happened so I don't

really want to comment on the

extenduating circumstances.

>> The TMZ article,

>> right?

>> Was pushed off the bike by the man.

>> Oh, the guy pushed him off the bike.

Okay.

Well, then that guy's just trying to get

it. You want to see the video? Let's

watch the video. So, watch the video.

Like, so this is after he already beat

the guy's ass.

>> I don't I'm not going to show it.

>> So, he's punching the dude.

The other guy's a big guy, too.

He might have just had a dicky neighbor.

Boy, neighbors and like especially if

you got a homeowners association,

they're some [ __ ] [ __ ] So this

guy, so if the guy pushed him off the

bike, I kind of understand

the guy pushed him off the bike, he's

lucky that's all he did to him.

>> This could be eight-year-olds like

>> with tricycles,

>> but those little kids that are there,

too, and he's yelling at him and

pointing at him. But if you really did

push him off the bike, that guy's a

piece of [ __ ]

>> And he's lucky. And he look, he's an

idiot because like even after he beat

his ass, he's still getting in his face.

and he's still talking [ __ ]

Okay. Well, that's a different story.

Well, that's good. That's good to know.

Yeah. [ __ ] that guy. You don't push

someone off a bike. And it's like cuz

the B dirt bikes were loud and they're

in the neighborhood. You know, turn your

TV up. Shut the [ __ ] up.

>> People are just so into everybody's

business. I've watched so many videos of

homeowners associations yelling at

people for doing whatever. parking an

old car in your driveway.

>> Or just like people always love to tell

people what they can and can't do,

>> right?

>> I've had homeowners associations before.

I don't know if you've ever dealt with

that.

>> It is a [ __ ] nightmare. You You have

to sit down and talk to these dorks who

tell you what you should and shouldn't

do with your fence.

>> Yeah.

>> How high are your hedges? Dude, I had a

situation once where the there was all

these rot iron fences in my neighborhood

and I repaired my fence and I replaced

it with a different row iron fence and

they said, "You can't have rot iron

fences. We have a new rule. It has to be

equesting fence." I said, "But there's

no consistency." I said, "The entire

neighborhood has rot iron fences." They

said, "It doesn't matter." I said,

"Well, let's go to court." I go, "I

don't give a fuck." I go, "I'll sue

you." I go, "I have money." I go, "Let's

go to court." I go, "I'm not taking my

[ __ ] fence down." And they're like,

"You're going to take your fence down."

I go, "You're not going to tell me

anything,

>> right?

>> You're not going to tell me what to do

just because I go, it looks great. It's

not like it's a blight on the

neighborhood. The house is beautiful.

Shut the [ __ ] up." And eventually I won.

>> Did you Did you have to sue?

>> Well, I threatened to sue and they

backed off because they were afraid of

suing. They were afraid of lawsuits cuz

then you'd have to they would have to

use the Homeowners Association funds to

do this. And it didn't make any sense.

Like I talked to a lawyer about it. I

said, "Does this make any sense?" He

goes, "No, there's a precedent in the

neighborhood. Like every third house had

rot iron fencing. And it wasn't like it

wasn't good-looking. Like it was

beautiful. It was new. It was clean. I

had a reputable company build it.

There's nothing wrong with it. And I was

replacing row iron fence with more row

iron fence. It was just better. It was

like the fence was broken. It looked

shitty. It was like, you know, they get

rusty where they connect. And I had to

get it replaced.

>> So what on earth was their problem?

>> Just [ __ ] [ __ ] This is how [ __ ]

they are. I had a neighbor who he lived

across the street. He told me that I had

to trim my trees and thin them out so

that he could see the view in the

distance. And I said, "What are you

talking about?" And he said, "We have a

regulation that says you can't obstruct

the view." I go, "These trees have been

here for 50 years." And then I talked to

the guy who sold me the house. He's

like, "That [ __ ] was trying to do

that with me, too. Just tell him to [ __ ]

himself." Yeah.

>> He's just a weird guy. He said he built

an observation deck at the top of his

hill in his backyard. So he could see

like the lights of the city in the

distance and he wanted you to cut your

trees down. So you're obstructing the

view. I go, "Your house is obstructing

my view of this hill. I like to look at

hills." Is that what we're going to do?

Take your house down. You take your

house down. I'll trim these trees. [ __ ]

you, man.

>> Lift this house up.

>> He's like, "Oh, so it's going to be like

that." I go, "Going to be like what? You

want me to cut trees down so you can

see?" Like you don't have a view, man.

You're not on the edge of the hill.

You're you're back set. This is what the

view looks like from where you are. This

house has been here before your house

was there. Yeah. Go eat [ __ ]

>> You could have asked nice and maybe you

would have done something.

>> I wouldn't have done a [ __ ] thing.

It's not It didn't make any sense. It's

just people want to tell people what to

do. Like I was reading this article

where this homeowners association hired

a tow company to go around the

neighborhood and tow all the cars that

had expired tags.

Can you imagine like you know your tax's

expired like ah [ __ ] I'll get to it I'm

I'm busy I'll get to it next week you

know you figure you're just running

around and then all a sudden they tow

your car like [ __ ] you man like [ __ ] you

just people love to tell other people

what to do and homeowners associations

when they get power they become like the

little hall monitors of the neighborhood

>> you know your grass is unruly you it's

supposed to be two inches it's poor like

just people people love to do that. They

love to tell people what to do and what

not to do.

>> I have one neighbor who kind of runs the

whole block and she puts everyone on an

email chain and she's pretty she leads

with love, but she looks out for

everybody.

>> Well, as long as I'm looking out is not

bad. It's just like nonsense. Like the

guy wanted me to trim the trees. He

wanted me to thin out my You want me to

chop the trees down? He goes, "No, I

just want you to thin them out. you can

thin them out. I go, "What you What are

you talking about? Chop all the leaves

off so that you could see lights in the

distance."

It was like the dumbest conversation.

And he realized while we're in the

middle of the conversation how dumb this

is,

>> right?

>> And then we never talked again. And I

would see him occasionally.

>> Isn't there a safety issue with trimming

your trees, like thinning them out,

fire?

>> Safety.

>> Well, I mean, where we were there was

The real issue is brush. The real issue

is the ground, you know, dried brush on

the ground. We were evacuated from where

I live three times from fires

>> down here.

>> No, this is in California.

>> Yeah. Yeah.

>> And when uh I lived in California, the

last big fire in 2018, we lost three

houses in front of our house and my

neighbor's house caught on fire. But uh

I had one my my crazy friend Bud would

not leave the neighborhood. They

evacuated the whole neighborhood. He

wouldn't leave. He's like, "I'm

staying." He's I'm staying. I'm going to

save my house. I'm going to save other

people's houses. And he [ __ ] did. He

saved his house. He saved a He saved my

neighbor's house. He checked my

neighbor's house. My roof the roof is on

fire. He got water on it. He called the

fire department. There was fire

departments that were like trying to put

out fires in the neighborhood the moment

they started and they they hosed his

roof down

>> cuz embers will fly and they land.

>> No, I had it in LA. I had to evacuate

for one day.

>> It's spooky, man. It's The fires in

California are no joke, man. It's It's

really weird to see when it happens

because you realize like how nature is

completely in control when that happens.

You just this storm of flames that comes

over the hills.

It's wild. It's It's wild and it cannot

be controlled. And once it starts, it's

just a matter of trying to contain it

and a certain amount of houses are just

going to go no matter what depending on

when which way the wind blows.

>> But that's was wasn't what the problem

was. Was this guy was just a [ __ ]

just a just it's a homeowners

association thing. It's just like people

that think they like they there was a we

I'm still a part of this email group

that you know I I'm still on the email

of the homeowner association. One of the

guys

>> um poisoned one of the people in the

homeowner association's dogs.

>> Yeah. Like they got in some sort of a

dispute about something and this guy

poisoned his [ __ ] dogs.

>> Wow.

>> Yeah. you evil [ __ ]

>> Wow.

>> But it's like that kind of thing. It's

these people that just want to control

their neighbors, man. It's so weird.

Like one of my neighbors.

>> What's the punishment for that?

>> He should be shot. You [ __ ] piece of

[ __ ] That's like killing a family

member. Somebody killed

>> whatever. He should have to eat whatever

he gave those dogs.

>> You should go to jail for sure. I don't

know what happened. I don't know if they

caught the guy. I They don't I don't

think they know exactly who did it. They

were They had no no video evidence. the

person who lived there apparently didn't

have good security cameras, but um

there's just a it's so weird like they

would get mad at someone for the way

they designed their house. And I was

like, "What do you give a fuck?" And

he's like, "This is like one of my

neighbors built a house and my other

neighbor go, what do you think about his

house?" I go, "The house?" Like, "I

don't care." And he's like, "I think

it's ugly and this this house is going

to lower our property values." I go,

"What? What are you [ __ ] talking

about? Your house looks great. You have

a beautiful house. Do you think people

are going to pay less for your house cuz

this house is boring? Like this doesn't

make any sense.

>> It's but it's just people they nitpick

and when they have control when people

have control over other people's situ

like they don't have control over their

own life and their life is just a sloppy

mess they always like to look at other

people's lives and I don't like where he

puts his dumpsters.

>> It's a hater.

>> Yeah,

>> we all confront that all the time.

>> It's not just a hater. It's a hater with

power because of homeowners

associations. And from that moment on, I

decided I will never buy a home with a

homeowners association. Never. No

[ __ ] chance. I don't care how cool

they are cuz someone not cool could move

in and then it becomes a nightmare. I

will never have conversations those kind

of people where they tell you what you

could do with your lawn. Like, [ __ ] you.

>> Yeah. [ __ ] you. When I was a young

comic, I lived with my grandfather in

the house that I grew up in. And we

would never ever ever mow the lawn. We

just didn't have any money. We didn't

care. And everyone in our neighborhood

just hated us. They would heckle us and

yell at us. So, I guess I've been the

eyesore. And now I'm on the other side

of it. My grandfather lived in the same

house that he bought in the 1940s. And

when he bought it in the 1940s, this was

in uh it was an all Italian neighborhood

in Newark. And then um where I'm from.

They started doing You were born in New

York.

>> Newark, New Jersey.

>> No [ __ ]

>> City [ __ ]

>> Let's go.

>> That's where I learned karate.

>> Is that really?

>> From detectives in Newark.

>> Really?

>> Oh yeah.

>> Yeah. People don't know you're a black

belt in Taekwondo.

>> Yeah. Yeah. Yep. Yep. Yep.

>> That's wild. Do you still do it at all?

>> I mean, I work out like, you know, not

with people, but I I know my moves and I

I do a few in the new Netflix special. I

throw some kicks for fun and tell the

story about getting a black belt at

starting at six, getting bullied. My mom

dragging me to the house of empty hands.

That was what it was called. Ronnie

Rosselli, Newark detective, teaching me

karate, almost like a father figure.

>> Oh, that's awesome.

>> Gave me confidence. Gave me

self-respect, respect for others. Taught

me that hard work pays off. You know,

when you get a black belt at 10 and a

half, you go, "Wow, maybe I could be

something in my life if I work as hard

as I did at that, maybe I could be good

at something else, too."

>> Yeah, for sure. I mean, it teaches you a

lot about like the belt system is really

good because you get rewarded for your

work and then you fe see like a tangible

result instead of just like, "Oo, I'm

getting better." It's like, oh, there's

like a ceremony. Like, I've reached a

new level. Like, now, you know, now I

have to be

>> Some of my most cherished memories are

those ceremonies of my dad and mom

watching me get my brown belt, blue

belt, brown belt, then black belt, and

competing in tournaments all over the

east coast.

>> Isn't that awesome?

>> The what was his name? Gary.

There's this karate guy. Used to throw

to Gary Alexander. He threw east coast

tournaments and I used to compete. I

still have a room half a dozen karate

trophies. That's awesome.

>> It's the best time of my life.

>> I lost most of my stuff, but I do have a

bunch of metals that I still have that

are in my drawer by my bed. Bunch of

metals from the day, but it seems weird

when I pick them up. They don't even

seem real.

>> It's from another life almost.

>> Oh, it's another life. Like I don't even

I until I like hit a bag or something

like that, I almost forget that I could

do it, you know? And then I do it. I'm

like, "Oo,

>> right.

>> Still got it."

>> I like block. I I like my kicks. I can

front snap kick. I can't sidekick. I can

barely roundhouse at this point. But

it's like

>> why not?

>> I got a belly. I've

There's no real good reason other than

I'm just, you know,

>> you ever thought about like starting to

take classes again?

>> If I if I I I do think about it. I

probably could. Yeah.

>> You know, you're good at kicking of

pushing me to do stuff like that.

>> It'd be good for your health. Just take

a class a couple times a week. What

would I take if I was a black belt in

Taewondo?