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Hi everybody. Welcome back to the show.

So today I want to share an experience

with you that I had recently that really

made me reflect on life in general and

how we all operate our lives. And so

here's what happened. I was on a

daddyaughter trip with my daughter not

that long ago, Bella. We were in Boston

and we had gone out to dinner one night

and after dinner we called a cab and a

cab came and picked us up and when we

got in the cab I could tell this guy

that was driving the cab was an odd

dude. He was kind of agitated and

fidgety and we both kind of looked at

each other and kind of smirked thinking

this could be interesting and it really

got interesting. And so I'm going to

tell you this story, but I tell you this

story under the premise that it made me

look at life in general and being in

control in our life or who or what is in

control and how terrifying it can be in

our lives to feel out of control.

And frankly, in my work, so many people

I meet are not in control of their

lives. They're not in control of their

emotions, their behaviors, and something

else is always driving what they're

doing. When you can uncover who's really

driving in your life, what's driving the

way you behave, what's driving the

results of your life, you can have a

significant breakthrough. And believe it

or not, this evening I had one. So

here's what happens. Bella and I have

dinner and it was a great dinner. So

great to be able to get away with just

one of your children at some time. And

so we just had an incredible experience

and it ended up being a great weekend.

But this night was terrifying. And so we

get into this cab and we begin to drive

and immediately this guy takes off,

screeches out. I say, 'Hey man, you

know, hang on a second. I've got the

most precious commodity in the world

back here with me, which is my daughter,

right? This guy starts to accelerate and

my daughter and I ended up being on a

25minute ride that was one of the most

terrifying experiences of both of our

lives where we were totally out of

control and at the mercy of this person.

I don't know if you ever had a cab ride

to some of these cities, but sometimes

it can almost be funny. You're sitting

back there going, the crazy things

they'll do. Sometimes it's so scary

you're almost laughing. I don't know if

you ever had that experience before in a

cab, but where they're just driving

crazy and cutting people off and not

breaking and running red lights. And if

you ever did that yourself or even if

you were riding with a friend of your

car, be like, "Hey, slow down. Take it

easy. You're going to kill us here." For

some reason, these things happen in cabs

I found in my life. But this one was a

totally different level. And so he hits

the accelerator so quickly, we're both

thrown back into the seat we're in and I

can't move forward. And I'm trying to

tell this guy because there's a cage,

you know, between you and the front. Hey

man, slow down. And my daughter starts

laughing, I think, out of fear. You

know, have that giggle where you're kind

of scared. And I start kind of laughing

at first as well. We find ourselves

doing over 60 m an hour in the beginning

of this ride on one-way streets in

Boston. I don't know if you ever been to

cities like Boston before. These are

one-way streets. She should be going 15

m an hour maximum. It's dark out. The

lights aren't on. Her and I don't know

the city very well. And we're doing 60 m

an hour. We almost hit a parked car.

Then we take a left. Almost hit an

uncommon car because he took a left turn

onto the wrong way of a oneway. And he's

zooming out of it. We're doing 60 m an

hour. And everywhere we went around

corners, around bends, the car's almost

skidding. And we're both yelling him,

"Stop. Stop." And he's not. He thinks

because we laughed in the beginning, but

somehow we're enjoying this and he's

actually doing more of it. And it gets

to the point where we end up zooming

towards this fork in the road and now

we're doing about 80 miles an hour on a

road that should be maybe 15 m an hour

maximum. And what happened throughout

this ride is we lost total control of

our lives. I mean, complete control. We

were at the mercy of this person

driving. And you know what it's like

when you get in a cab. I've never met

him before. I don't know his background.

I don't know what drugs may be going

through his system. I've got my daughter

back here whose life I'm now in fear of.

I'm in fear of my own life at the same

time. And we're going so fast. We're

jammed in the back by these seat belts.

This was not a normal crazy cab ride.

This was something else. And it was a

terrifying experience to be totally out

of control. And this pilot, this person

driving up front, owned our lives. Our

entire lives were in his hands and they

weren't in very good hands. And when I

tell you that this is the most crazy

ride of my life, we ended up pulling

onto the on-ramp of the freeway, going

the wrong way at one point, heading onto

the wrong way of an on-ramp, certainly

towards our deaths. This just happened.

and he catches himself, throws it in

reverse, does about 30 miles an hour in

reverse where we're weaving back and

forth the wrong way now and then back.

And we end up flying. You can probably

picture what this experience was like

for us. And now I'm yelling at the guy,

you know, you can imagine the words

coming out of my mouth, but he's not

stopping cuz he's so worked up. Probably

whatever was in his system at the time.

And we finally pull up to the valet at

the hotel. We were blessed to be staying

at a pretty nice hotel. And I could see

the valet could see us coming because

you could hear the engine roaring from a

couple blocks away. You can picture

this. And it's dark out. It's raining a

little bit now. You can hear our car

coming.

And we finally corner around the hotel

and he screeches into the valet. And of

course, we spent those 25 minutes

totally out of control in our lives.

Someone else driving everything. And as

a control freak in my own life, it was a

terrifying experience. And so I won't

get into what happened after that, but I

had my daughter get out of the car. I

said, "Bella, get out of the car." And

me and this man exchanged a few words.

It wasn't really very intense because I

was still in such shock.

Frankly, in hindsight, I wish I was more

aggressive with him. And I paid the the

the fair

and I shut the door. And here's what

happens next. He takes off out of the

valet full speed. And now I'm telling

the valet. I'm in the middle of telling

the valet, my daughter and I, what this

experience just was. And we watch the

car. He's he is still within sight

distance of the valet.

And he hits a car head on. Then he hits

a parked car. This was within eye shot

of where we were. About 35 to 40 seconds

after he dropped us off, he was in a

very serious car accident. Now,

fortunately, by the way, we're just out

of the car. So, my daughter and I were

seconds away from being in that

accident. Now, fortunately, the people

that he hit ended up being okay, and I

believe he was okay. And I tell you all

of that story because I believe it was a

tremendous metaphor for our lives.

Number one, it was a terrifying

experience. The terrifying part wasn't

necessarily

just the fear that we were going to hurt

ourselves or be killed or hurt someone

else, but it was this notion of being

completely out of control and something

and someone else was driving everything.

And I think a lot of people's lives are

that way. If you could picture that car

ride, I want you to picture your life.

And I want to ask you a question because

that crash is inevitable if something or

someone else is driving things behind

the scenes in our subconscious mind or

in our emotions or even spiritually. We

were seconds away from that crash. And

my fear is that so many of you,

including myself, sometimes

have something or someone else driving.

And that we're not in control of our

choices and our decisions. and that we

don't do a self audit regularly enough

to say, "What's driving my behavior?

What's driving these results I'm

getting? Who's really in control here?

Am I really in control of my life? Am I

in control of my decisions? Am I in

control of the choices that I'm making?"

And more often than not, someone else or

something else behind the scenes,

subconsciously, and sometimes even

consciously, is in control of our lives.

And we live our lives out of control.

Before I get into some of the teaching

that I want to share with you, I want to

ask you a question. Do you really feel

like you're in control of your life? Do

you really feel like you're in control

of your choices? Or far too often, are

you a passenger in the backseat of your

own life? Out of control, zigging and

zagging dangerously through life, maybe

even more dangerously than most people

know. Maybe more on the edge than most

people could ever possibly understand or

realize.

And I have to tell you, those

experiences are terrifying, not only in

that car that night. And what ends up

happening at some point is there's a

crash

and the carnage can be terrible in our

lives. And so, let's ask ourselves

together today, myself included, who's

driving right now for you in your lives.

Are you in the back seat, a passenger in

your own life, and something or someone

else is driving most of your life in

control of too many aspects of your

life?

And so let's look at what some of those

things could be that may possibly be

driving things. Number one, are your

fears the driver of your life? Is that

who's in control? Is that who's really

driving who guides things? And you're a

pastor in the back seat sort of being

thrown around

out of control because your fears drive

your choices and your behaviors in your

life. Could that be what's driving right

now? And if fears are driving your life,

ultimately there will be a crash.

If fears are driving your life, you are

in the backseat of your life, not in the

front seat driving, not in control of

your life. Fears could ultimately be

driving most of the choices you're

making in your life, most of the

feelings you have in your life and most

of the results of your life. For far too

many people, the front seat is being

driven by their fears and they're in the

back seat at the whims and choices

and decisions that their fears make on

their behalf.

Maybe it's not your fears. Maybe it's

some other person's opinion that you're

worried about. Maybe it's judgment still

from parents. I have a very good friend

of mine who told me recently, she said,

"I'm still trying to get the approval of

my dad and my father's been passed away

for 15 years.

Is it some other person's opinion that's

driving the choices? You're afraid of

the hate you might get from them, the

criticism, the ridicule, the

frustration?

Do you live with someone whose emotions

are on edge all the time and you're

afraid of their anger? You're afraid of

them lashing out. You're afraid of their

judgment. You're afraid of their

emotions ups and downs. The roller

coaster type person in your life. You're

afraid of them. Maybe you don't phrase

it that way, but you don't want to

offend them. You don't want to work them

up. You don't want to poke them too

much. Or maybe you've got a parent or a

friend or a group of people that you're

afraid of their judgment

and their opinion, what they'll think of

you if you really were authentic and

vulnerable about who you are and what

you want and what the emotions are that

you have in your life. So you you wear a

mask. You pretend to be somebody that

you're not to please these people. Is

some other person's opinion driving your

life? Is it both of them? Is it your

fears that drive sometimes? And then

when your fears decide to get in the

passenger seat, some other people's

opinion, they're driving now, but you're

still on the back seat, totally out of

control.

By the way, sometimes we fear the

opinion of an imaginary person who

doesn't even exist, but we're just

worried about what they're going to

think. We don't even know who they are

or what they're thinking, but we don't

want to mess it up. And that's a person

who lives out of control. just zigging

and zagging out of life. Half the time

going the wrong way, throwing it in

reverse. Really scary way to live our

lives. Yet so many people live an

unexamined life. By the way, I think to

some extent, I'm talking to myself. I'm

a control freak. I know that. And I know

that in that car that night, I didn't

like not being in control. But I do know

that there's been times in my life where

there are other things that control me.

I wonder, why did I make that choice?

Why did I say that? Why can't I get

control of my emotions? Or why do I keep

falling into this pattern?

So, I relate. Let me ask you this. Maybe

it's not fears. Maybe it's not someone's

other opinion. Maybe it is. Maybe it's

just an old story that's in control of

your life. There's a story you keep

telling yourself about your past, about

someone who hurt you or some harm that

was done or some failure of yours, and

you just keep this old story going,

and it's controlling your entire life.

It drives everything you do to this day.

Some old story that you just keep

carrying and carrying and carrying. My

mom did this. My dad did that. My sister

this. That divorce. This person hurt me.

It may even be a true story. But that

old story is driving the car of your

life, not you. You've allowed this

story, true or not, let's just assume

it's true, to control your life. And

until you let go of that story, until

you surrender that yes, that happened,

but I'm going to create a new story. I'm

going to tell you where I'm going. That

old story keeps driving. And by the way,

that old story, you know what it does?

It takes you on the same road the same

time over and over and over again. It's

like having no navigational equipment,

no steering wheel, no brake, no

accelerator. It's just on autopilot.

It's like having an autodriven car that

you don't even need to be driving. And

it's just this story just drives your

life and it's been driving it for too

long. So maybe it's an old story that's

driving your life. And that story is in

control of your life, not you. Let me

say this halfway through on these

different choices. You were born to be

in control of your life. You and God,

you and your higher power, you and your

faith partnering together. Your fears

aren't supposed to be in the front seat

driving your life with you in the back

seat, some spectator being thrown around

afraid. Other people's opinions,

parents, siblings, friends, imaginary

people that don't even exist. Their

opinions shouldn't be driving your life.

But behind the scenes, let's just be

real. That's who's driving. That's who's

in control. This old story that you keep

telling, stop.

It's controlling your entire life. It

allows you to make no new turns, see no

beautiful new vistas, take in anything

brand new because you keep repeating the

same story on the same track on the same

map.

Maybe it's not an old story. Maybe it

is. Maybe it's your emotions that are in

charge of your life. Do you have a

tendency to get to sadness too quickly,

anger, anxiety? I think in my case, if I

were being honest, I think many times my

emotions have taken the front seat and

they've driven. I've allowed my emotions

to be the driver. I've had a propensity

when I was younger, I think anger, I'd

have these outbursts, maybe some of you

relate to this, and then later I feel so

bad. Why Why was I so worked up? Why did

this emotion take over and drove for

that entire hour of my life, that entire

day, that entire week of my life? Maybe

some of you wake up and you have this

pattern of sadness. This emotion keeps

popping up and it's in control of your

life. It dictates the decisions or the

lack thereof that you keep making. Maybe

it's anxiety,

right? I don't know which one it is, but

these emotions are in control of your

life, not you. They drive your

proverbial life for you.

It's a scary thing, isn't it? When you

feel though, if you're one of these

people where your emotions start to you

go, it's you know it, right? It's coming

and these emotions start driving and

you're not in control and you can't stop

it. You can't turn it off. And then

later you look back with regret and you

you're frustrated with yourself. I think

a self audit right now, some

self-reflection, some examination as I'm

talking. Are there emotions that are

driving? Is that the driver that's so

scary? That cab driver that night was

pretty dang scary, right?

Maybe anger is your cab driver. Maybe

sadness is your cab driver. Maybe

anxiety is your cab driver. Maybe your

old story is your cab driver. Maybe

other people's opinions. Maybe it's your

fears. But when emotions drive our

lives, we are an outofcrol human being.

And by the way, even those of you that

hang on for those rare moments of total

joy, total bliss, those little

fractional moments that you're going to

get, let's just be honest, one to five,

maybe 10% of the time at best in your

life, you're going to hang on and delay

all of the great things in your life

just for those fleeting moments of some

little,

you know, hit of bliss as opposed to you

being in charge of your life and

allowing yourself to experience the

emotions you want anytime you want. You

dictate the story. You dictate the

opinion. You push away the fears. You

choose the emotions. The emotions don't

choose for you. Maybe it's not that.

Maybe who's driving is your lack of

belief. Maybe it's your lack of

self-confidence and belief in yourself.

And that lack of belief, that lack

feeling that you have for yourself is

really in control of your life. That's

the cab driver. or the cab driver of

your life is I don't believe in myself.

So that I don't believe in myself as the

cab driver. It drives every choice I

make. It's why I avoid make taking

risks. It's why I don't date or I don't

see people or I don't start a business

or I don't really go for it in my

business or I don't start building my

personal brand or I don't write that

book or I don't give that speech or I

don't reach out to that person that I

want to reconcile with. My lack of

belief is the cab driver of my life. I'm

totally out of control if I'm being

honest because this lack of belief is

going on behind the scenes. It's this

loop that I keep running. That's who's

really driving my life, not me. So, is

it your lack of belief? Maybe it's not

lack of belief. Maybe it's just your

patterns. You've developed these

patterns in your life of thoughts, most

of which were installed in you when you

were very, very young. And you have

these patterns that you just keep

repeating over and over. I have I think

of a few friends of mine. And why does

it surprise us when someone behaves like

who they are?

You know, I have a few friends I think

of recently like they made some choices

that, you know, they've always made

these choices. They just, you know, they

can go for 5 months or a year or 8

months being a better version of

themselves, but ultimately they do the

same thing they've always done. They go

back into the same pattern, the same

choice, the same self-destruction,

the same pain they cause other people,

the same selfishness, whatever it might

be. Their patterns are in total control

of their life. And so they can go a

little while. It's almost like an

alcoholic who's like, I can quit for a

month. I can quit for 6 months. I can

quit for 8 months. Eventually, that

pattern comes back again. And so, are

your patterns the cab driver of your

life? Are they the ones in charge? Do

your patterns eventually come back and

they kind of rule the roost?

What about this? Maybe it's you as a

child

is still in control of your life. Things

that happened to you when you were a

child, the thoughts you had as a child,

the mindset, the identity you developed

as a child, the 5-year-old you still in

charge, the 8-year-old you still in

charge, the 12-year-old you still in

charge. Not the adult well- read someone

listening to personal development.

Listen to the best in the world. Listen

to me right now. Not all the stuff

you've learned, but it's your patterns.

Or it's you as a child that's in charge.

And this little girl or little boy is

still in charge of your life rather than

this grown strong woman who's capable of

taking charge and being the driver. this

grown strong man who can make new

choices and new decisions and create a

new life and treat people differently

and feel differently. That's not who's

driving. That's not who's in charge.

You're in the back seat and the

5-year-old you in the front seat

driving. Nothing scarier than a child

driving the car of life. Nothing scarier

than a child. Can you imagine a

seven-year-old driving that cab through

Boston that night? But so many of you,

the seven-year-old you is driving you

through this entire life. this

9-year-old, this 5-year-old, this

2-year-old. It's time for that to stop.

And then lastly, you know what? Maybe

there's just another person who's in

control of you. Maybe there's a person

in your life that you've allowed to take

control of you.

And those of you that are in that

situation, right, when I said it, you

know exactly what I'm talking about.

Those of you that have a girlfriend

that's living like that or a buddy of

yours that's living like that, you know

exactly what I'm talking about. This

other person controls them. They've

allowed this other person to take

control of their life, to be in charge

of their life, pleasing them, not

offending them, making them happy,

making them comfortable, pulling them

out of their emotional turmoil, tried to

avoid that person's emotional outburst

or their ridicule in their life.

So many people have entered a dependent

type relationship, a codependent type

relationship with a friend or a loved

one, their significant other. And the

truth is that other person's in control

of your life or their life and not you.

And you weren't born to have another

person control your life. Nobody is that

important that they should be in control

of your life. Nor should you be in

control of their life. And maybe if

you're that type of person who you have

this propensity that's going to control

people, maybe you need to evaluate that

today, saying, "What am I doing to this

person in their life?" And if you're

being controlled by another person,

you've got to ask yourself, "When did I

surrender control to this person? And

how do I get this back?" Because all of

these things

are equally or more scary than that cab

ride I had that night. Because all you

got is this one life. All you've got is

this one life. this precious life that

you were born to do something great with

that you're supposed to be born to help

other people to live with great emotions

to make great contributions in your life

to have tremendous memories. Not every

moment of life is supposed to be

blissful and perfect. But the truth of

the matter is you should have more

bliss, more abundance, more success,

more wealth, more contribution, more

memories maybe than you're getting right

now. And it's a scary way to go through

life. I want to challenge you today to

evaluate what I've covered. To get out

of the backseat of your life, to stop

allowing your fears, other people's

opinions, old stories, your emotions,

your lack of belief, your patterns, your

inner child, or another human being to

control your life, and you step forward

and get in the driver's seat again. And

so that these crashes don't keep

happening. This journey of life is

supposed to be a rather beautiful one

where we have these awakenings and

breakthroughs and discoveries and

understandings. I like to say that I'm

addicted to the expansion of my being.

Whatever that means. For some of you,

it's the expansion of your contribution.

It's the expansion of your emotions.

It's the expansion of your wealth, the

expansion of your company, the expansion

of the relationships you have, the

expansion of the difference that you can

make. But none of those things are

possible if you aren't in the driver's

seat. If you aren't in control of your

life. And I don't want you to be

standing around waiting for that

inevitable crash that we saw at the

valet that night. You weren't born for

that. You were born to do something

beautiful and magnificent with your

life. And so I hope today you take an

evaluation of who's really in charge,

who's really doing the driving in your

life. And as I've listed these different

drivers in life, these different things

that can take control of our lives, that

you eliminate the ones that impact you

the most, and you switch seats and you

move them to the back seat. It's not

like they're always just going to go

away instantaneously. Let me be very

clear. When you make decisions like

this, they don't just disappear. But if

you can move them to the back seat and

you step forward in the front seat, now

you're driving and they're spectating.

They'll do their best to climb in that

front seat from time to time, but if you

understand who they are and you're aware

of them, you can move them back there

anytime you need to and you can drive

the results and the emotions of your

life. Got a quote. I want to ask you

what this means. By the way, I've never

done this before. I have guys listen to

the show where I read someone's quotes

back to them. That's how good they are.

And my I'm sure you took these from

other places, but you live by them,

which is what matters to me. May your

choices reflect your hopes, not your

fears.

What do you mean when you say that? And

how's that manifest itself?

>> Um

yeah, I would say that um you know the

the life that we want I feel like the

circumstances that we want the the

state of mind that we want is all like

reflected upon reflected from the

choices that we make on a dayto-day. And

um I feel like you know at the very

beginning the the choices that I make I

have to be able to trust myself and

respect the choices that I make. Um, and

from there when I do that, I feel like I

can look to the future with hope and

like maintain a vision of like what I

want my life to look like and okay, like

that's the mountaintop. It's like, all

right, what are the choices that are in

the individual steps that are going to

take me to get there? And just keep

those things as simple as possible. like

what can I get to what can I do today in

this moment or within this hour that can

you know move me closer to or you know

create the heart and the mind and the

framework in me to handle that success

or handle that um level of anointing

like what can I do today to move me

towards that because a lot of times we

can look at that mountain and I'm I'm

victim of it too of like man that's

super high up like dang I don't know if

I'm going to get there and if I what if

I fall off what if I don't make it what

are these people going to think about

And u you start to do things out of

making sure that you don't look bad or

making sure that you don't slip or

making sure that you don't lose when

really like there are certain losses and

failures that need to happen along the

way probably to help you get to where

you want to go. And that's with with

that hope that doesn't always mean that

everything's going to go your way, but

it does mean that you're moving in that

direction and learning the things and

just living a real life of like

everything's not always going to be

wins. Everything's not always going to

be positive, but I can if I maintaining

that hope and that faith through those

circumstances is what's preparing me to

to make whatever I want, whatever vision

I have to become reality, I guess. Yeah.

You got to ask yourself, everybody, if

you're listening to this, how many

choices do you think you make on a daily

basis out of fear? And how many do you

actually make out of hope or your vision

or your dream? be really interesting

thing to ask yourself like because your

autopilot is one way or the other and I

will tell you that I think 90 plus

percent of people their autopilot is to

operate to avoid pain or out of fear and

it is and he's raising his hand and it

is not out of dream vision I'm actually

doing a podcast on this later today it's

not out of the for the latter which is

dreams hopes faith we don't make our

choices unconsciously that way it's

something worth looking at and what if

you could just change that by 20%. That

20% of the time at least you moved out

of hope and faith and dreams. How do you

deal with doubt Darren? I mean I got to

think first off being a top level

athlete there's a lot of doubt sobriety

there's doubt coming out and doing this

today you know putting yourself out on

social media like you do daily teaching

these lessons. I'm sure not everyone's

like that's amazing what you're doing

and wondering whether or not you know

like you said you've made some mistakes.

I have this thing I'm doing right now

where I say there's four Ds that I think

the adversary or the devil uses to get

us off our dreams. And the four are

discouragement, doubt, delusion, and

delay.

Doubt's a huge one. There's probably not

a human watching this today or listening

to it who does not struggle with some

degree of doubt. And when they look at a

dude like you, like 66, 250, super

handsome dude, millions of dollars,

accolades, he probably has no doubts,

does he? and how does he deal with him

if he does?

>> Man, uh that takes me to one specific

moment. It was a 2020 season, which was

my best season. Um and I had a 200 yard

game that year. We played the Jets and

there's like only six dudes at my

position in the history of the league

that have done that. And um I remember,

you know, you play Sunday, Monday is

like a lift, watch the film, then

Tuesday is your off day, and then

Wednesday is your first day of practice

out of the game. And we're at Wednesday

in practice. I'm lining up routes on air

against like no defender out there just

catching the pass just getting warmed up

and in my mind I'm like all right like

got to catch this don't drop this pass.

I'm like I just came off of a 200 yard

game where I caught everything that was

thrown at me could not be stopped but

here I am on Wednesday like I hope I

catch this pass with no defender

covering me. So, it's like even in the

midst of success and doing a lot of

great things, I'm still battling that

doubting mind because it's it was wired

in me since I was a kid of like I don't

know if these people are going to accept

me. I don't know if I'm, you know, safe

here. I don't know if my performance is

ever going to be enough.

>> And then it's like you do a performance

that is not just more than enough but

historically

recognized and I still am like

>> I hope I catch this pass in practice.

Like it's a it's a real thing and it

constantly has to be revisited and and

sat with honestly like when it's when

doubt comes like I'm I was used to

numbing it like with pills with drinking

with women like whenever when doubt

comes in but it's really sitting with

that doubt and being like well why am I

afraid of that like what does like what

is the worst possible thing that could

happen and I'm am I could I handle that

like you know if somebody points at me

and laughs or says something in the

comments like because I fail like can I

like what about that scares me so much?

And that'll kind of point you to more

towards answers. So, uh, it's still

something I'm unpacking in my life.

>> That's fascinating to me that you have

200 yards against, you know, the best

defenders in the league and all these

schemes and by the time you got 80

yards, their schema to shut you down.

So, you end up getting 200 and now

you're worried about catching a pass in

the air with nobody covering you, right?

And one of the lessons from that that

I've learned Darren because you know

with my work with athletes but just

humans is a lot of us think well failure

causes doubt and it does but one of the

great triggers of doubt is progress.

When you're making progress it's a huge

doubt trigger because now you're going

into unchartered territory. And what

starts to happen in your mind is you

start thinking the tools that got me

here aren't going to get me beyond here.

And it starts triggering these doubts.

So just remember this everybody. It's

why most people don't succeed long term

because they their results start to

exceed their identity and what they do

is they cool their life back down.

They're like, I'm going to doubt myself

right back to where I'm comfortable at

200 yards. I never done that in an NFL

game before. Let me cool this thing back

down where I get 40 next game and drop a

couple passes. Right. And if you're on

audio, he's nodding like smiling because

progress is a great trigger of doubt in

your life. It's a huge one. Welcome back

to Max Out everybody. I'm Ed Mlette and

today I'm extremely excited to share

these thoughts with you because I think

what we're going to cover today may be

the single most important thing that

will lead to you reaching the ultimate

version of yourself, your optimal

results, your max out level of play or

not ever getting there. And so it's that

important to me. You know, people ask me

often, what were some of the decisions

and choices and areas I focused on that

made the biggest difference for me in my

life? And today's topic is the thing

that I would probably give you the gift

of first. And that is the power of your

identity. See, I believe the most

powerful force in the world is to be

consistent with the thoughts, ideas,

concepts, and beliefs you hold to be

true about yourself. And that is what

identity is. Identity is the governor on

every single area of your life. It

literally sets the temperature for all

of the conditions of your life.

Shakespeare has this incredible quote

that says, "We know what we are, but not

what we may be. And the who you may be

is going to be dictated by your ability

to alter your identity because you are

going to always be consistent with what

you believe you're worth and what you

believe you deserve or what is your

identity. Your identity, the best

analogy I could give you is like a

thermostat sitting on the wall of your

life. It sets the entire temperature for

the conditions of your life in multiple

areas. And so most people think their

life is dictated by external

circumstances. They spend their entire

life trying to control what is outside

of them. You've all heard the great

saying that people in 12step programs

talk about about learning to control the

things they can and letting go of the

things that they can't control. And the

fact of the matter is you cannot always

control the external factors that are

impacting you in your life. The good

news is it's the external things in your

life that do not dictate the direction

or the ultimate destination of your

life. That is a fallacy. Listen to me

when I tell you this. External

circumstances do not dictate the

ultimate destination of your life. It's

an internal game. You and your faith,

your God, are what will control the

direction of your life, not the external

things that are impacting you all the

time. And this identity is that internal

thermostat. It sets the temperature just

like a thermostat sitting on the wall of

the conditions of your entire life. Let

me give you an example of how the

thermostat of our lives works. The best

analogy I can give you is exactly how

one works in the room I'm sitting in. It

sets the temperature of the room. And so

the external conditions don't impact the

internal temperature of this room

because that thermostat regulates the

condition of the room. So if we open the

door and the windows in this room and

cold air blew in here, the thermostat

would kick on, wouldn't it, and heat the

room back up to 75°. So no matter what

hit it, it regulates the temperature of

the room. The reverse is also true. If a

bunch of hot air blew in the room, if we

open the doors and the windows, the

thermostat would cool the room back down

and regulate it to 75°.

Guess what? That's exactly how your life

works. Once you accept this truth, it is

a fact that it's not the external things

that are happening. It's the internal

thermostat. Too often in life, people

don't work on changing their identity.

They're always working on producing

external results. Have you ever known

somebody who was wealthy and no longer

is? Have you ever known somebody who

made a bunch of money and no longer

does? How about somebody who was in a

great relationship and that relationship

no longer exists? How about someone who

got in great shape that is no longer in

that shape again? If your results begin

to exceed your internal thermostat, you

will find a way to cool your life back

down to what you believe you're worth

and you're comfortable at your identity.

You'll think it's coincidental. Oh, I

was this accident happened or this

appointment canceled or this

circumstance took place. It's not

coincidence. All of those things have

happened because you set the thermostat

of your life and you've regulated what

you're going to get. Isn't that

incredible that you can learn all the

talents, the behaviors, the skills, the

tactics, all the strategies that I teach

you, but if you don't alter that

thermostat internally, you could have

all of the skills of a 100 degree

producer and you will live a 75°ree

existence because you will turn the air

conditioner of your life on back down to

cool it where you're comfortable. It's

also true, by the way, you've seen this

in your own life. Maybe you've had

something really good going in business

before. You've got momentum. It seems

like things are happening great. And

then you wake up four, five, six months

later and you've cooled your life, your

business right back down to where it was

before. Maybe you'd saved some money at

one time and then coincidentally your

car broke down or a bill happened or

there was a run of birthday parties and

all of a sudden that bank account's back

to where it always was. It's not

coincidental. You've cooled the

conditions back down again. And so

you've seen this happen. Maybe you got

in great shape at one point, but your

identity wasn't that fit a person, and

you've cooled it back down to about what

you're comfortable being. This is true

in your faith, in your relationships. By

the way, you have multiple thermostat

settings. You have one in your faith,

you have one in your fitness, one in

your money, one in your happiness,

right? One in your business life. So,

there's multiple identities we have. The

reverse is also true. There's been times

in your life where the circumstances,

the conditions were terrible. You

thought you'd never get out of it.

You're never going to eat again. Well,

guess what? You ate again, didn't you?

And you heated your life back up to that

same place again. So, you've proven this

over and over in your life, haven't you?

So have I. So has every single human

being. The governor on our life, the

regulator of our life is our identity,

which is the internal thermostat that

sets the temperature for our life. So

the key in life is to learn all the

thoughts, the skills, the tactics, and

the strategies that can heat our life up

in the areas that matter most to us. But

if we don't simultaneously

change the conditions of our thermostat,

change what we're comfortable living at,

change our identity, our worth, change

the thoughts, beliefs, concepts, and

value we hold to oursel, we will cool or

heat our life back to that regulated

temperature. And so I'm telling you, the

overall key to changing the external

conditions of your life is changing that

internal thermostat setting. So that's

what we're going to talk about some

strategies on today. Just being aware

that you need to alter the thermostat is

a life-changing, liberating condition. I

cover this in very specific detail and

#maxoutyoulife my book. It's a quick

read 100 pages. I wrote it so that every

page has strategies on it. No fluff. If

you want the book, go to maxoutbook.com.

If you put in the code max out, I'll buy

the book for you. So, I cover this in

detail there, but I want to cover it in

detail right now with you as well. What

you need to be doing is becoming aware

of how important it is that you adjust

this thermostat setting as you produce

better results. As you start to learn

new skills and strategies and tactics,

see, you can move from an average

business into an extraordinary business

with incredible opportunity, but you

will produce the same results you're

getting in the average business if you

don't change that thermostat setting up

to 95 or 100 or 120° of what you believe

you're worth, the thoughts, concepts,

and beliefs you hold true to be about

yourself. So, it is the regulator on our

lives and it's the main thing I work on

with my private coaching with some of

the elite performers I work with in

business and athletics and entertainment

and politics is me working with them on

changing that internal thermostat where

we can heat it higher and higher and

higher so that they can produce the

results and the conditions of their life

stay and exceed those levels all the

time. In fact, in my own life, I'm

always working on my self-confidence.

I'm working on my tactics and

strategies, my ability to influence,

right? My thoughts, all of those

different things. But the thing I'm most

obsessed about that I know is going to

get me to the ultimate version of me is

constantly elevating the temperature in

the areas that matter to me. Adjusting

that thermostat setting higher and

higher and higher and higher so that I

can get those conditions to match it cuz

it always will. You will always get your

thermostat setting. Always in your life.

So, can I give you any insights as to

how to change that thermostat setting? I

can. Let me give you a couple. The most

powerful way and the easiest way to

change your thermostat setting is by

adding people to your circle, very close

proximity that live at a higher

temperature in that area than you do.

For example, in your faith, let's just

say you're a 75 degree in your faith.

You've already seen this. You can't

possibly begin to regularly associate

with good godly people who pray

regularly, who try to live righteously

and they're at 110, 120° of of faith in

their life and not have that proximity

heat you up. Now, you won't get to where

they are. You'll get to somewhere

between where you are at 75° and they

are at 110. Over time, you become a 100

degree and you alter the thermostat

setting through association. Same in

business. If you and I were to hang

around each other every single day and

let's say you were a 75 degree in

business hypothetically and I don't know

that about you but let's just say you

were and I was 150 degree and we hung

around each other all the time. Don't

you think through that association

regular especially if you had two or

three or four people like me in your

life that just over time you don't even

feel it. You're at 80, you're at 85,

you're at 90, you're at 95 and that's

where you are. We understand the power

of this with our children because we

know at school the teachers have

influence over them. their mentors, but

the people that really have influence

over our children are their friends

because they're around them all the

time. And so we know it sets their

temperature. This is true in in fitness.

If you're a 75 degree of fitness and

every meal, every day at the gym, all

your associations, hypothetically

speaking, were with someone who was

shredded and fit the way you wanted to

look at 150 degrees. You know, over

time, you get heated up. And so, you

can't be with someone every day. You

can't be with them all the time. But the

key is to get more proximity in the

areas that matter with people whose

thermostat setting is higher than yours.

I am a product. You are listening to me

right now because I've been so obsessed

with this concept of adding new

associations to my life that live in the

areas that I want to improve in at

higher temperatures than me. It's my

obsession to this day. I'll give you a

secret. One of the reasons I even do my

show is I know that I'm influencing many

of these guests in the areas that matter

most to them through our proximity. And

in some cases, they do it for me. And so

I'm obsessed with the power of

association. But I don't just associate.

See, all personal says, "Yeah, you're

the five people you hang around." Kind

of. You really are the five to 10 people

you hang around if you're conscious all

the time of studying them, of observing

them, of asking questions, of the fact

that you should be altering your

thermostat setting. That's when it

really moves. It's not just hanging

around. It's consciously and

intentionally spending time with people

where you allow it to impact you, where

you study them, where you really observe

them, where you're open to their

influence. There has to be a level of

trust before you can do that where you

surrender yourself to them. But it's not

just being around them. It's

intentionally being around people that

alters that thermostat setting. So power

of association is the main way to do it.

Second way to alter your identity is in

a short window of time. Behave

completely differently. In a 30-day

window of time in your fitness life, you

shock your system into eating or

training completely differently than you

used to. or in your business life, you

make a hundred times more phone calls, a

hundred more contacts. You do something

in a very short window of time that

shocks you into believing, my gosh, I

can never go back where I was before.

You trick your brain into believing

you're different. There's this part of

our brain that always wants to be

consistent with what we're worth. Well,

if in a short window of time I begin to

behave completely differently, your

brain begins to believe you deserve

something differently. When you begin to

do the things nobody else is willing to

do, you begin to believe you deserve the

results nobody else deserves to get.

This is important also because it

changes the water line. It's almost like

a water line in the pool. If you raise

it, it leaves a new mark. If you ever

seen that before in a lake or a pool

where you raise the water line a short

window of time and it just changes the

mark in your life. It changes the

thermostat setting. So, you can alter

things in your life in short bursts. And

I do this often in an area where I

really need to change. Like right now, I

just started back on a really seriously

deeply committed fitness journey. I want

to get back and past where I've ever

been in fitness in my life. So, I'm

going to add some of these new

associations. I'm going to train with a

new group of people because I've been

training alone. I'm going back to

training with some people that are

fitter than me, men and women that are

fitter than me. That's my first

combination. That'll alter my thermostat

setting, our proximity. And secondly,

I'm going psycho the next 30 days. I'm

going psycho. I'm I'm altering my

nutrition in my diet dramatically, my

workouts dramatically, and I'm going to

shock my system in the next 30 days into

changing the water line, changing that

temperature setting. That's the second

way you alter identity, alter the

thermostat setting so that you alter the

external results. I've said this to you

before as well. See, beliefs are so

important to guard because once you have

a belief, your brain goes to work. And

I've said this in another audio video

where your brain has to go to work to

prove your beliefs to be true. Your

brain literally goes to work on finding

the evidence to prove you right. And so

that identity, you're constantly

reinforcing it. Let me give you an

example of what I mean. If you believe a

certain worth about yourself, a certain

identity, that impacts the type of

action you're willing to take. So if

there's a goal you've got set, it

doesn't matter what it is, pick a goal.

to the extent that you believe it's

consistent with your identity is to the

extent that you will make an effort

towards it. It's a self-fulfilling

prophecy, however, because what happens

is if your identity is here and the goal

is there, you will only make an effort

congruent with what you believe you're

worth. And so that limited effort you

make produces the result not consistent

and it reinforces the belief. It's like

a self-fulfilling prophecy. So you set a

goal that is inconsistent with an

identity you're working on. You will

only make an effort consistent with the

identity which will get you to here

doesn't produce the result and it

reinforces this belief you have about

yourself. So it's important as you set

new goals as you set new visions that

you also upgrade your identity

simultaneous. You're in process of

upgrading it because that identity

impacts the effort you make right

impacts the will you put towards it. And

that will is reinforced by the lack of

result. And so it becomes this

self-fulfilling prophecy. See your your

mind has this belief it wants to prove

to be true and it starts to find

references. So if you believe you're

75°, it's going to start finding legs to

put under that table to make it immobile

so it can't move to prove you right. And

so our identity equals our effort. And

the challenge is that effort produces

the result. And so this identity has

everything to do with the effort you

make which produces the result which

will reinforce the identity or the lack

thereof. So it's critical that you

upgrade identity with your new visions

and goals. The next layer of this is you

need to stop what's no longer needed.

In other words, there were behaviors and

thoughts you've had in the past that

were needed to produce the results you

currently have, but you need to stop

what's no longer needed. Maybe you're

continuing a behavior in your life

that's no longer needed. Maybe you're

continuing a thought or a worry that at

one time was needed but no longer is.

Maybe there's a stress or an anxiety or

a belief you're holding true to be about

yourself that maybe you needed at some

point in your life that you no longer

need. It could be something to protect

yourself from fear, to protect yourself

from harm, or to serve you in getting

through a certain circumstance. But if

we're not conscious of dropping a

thought or a behavior that's no longer

needed, we take old thoughts, old

behaviors that serve an old version of

oursel into trying to become the new

version of ourselves. So ask yourself

that question. What do I need to drop

that's no longer needed? Is it a person?

Is it a thought? Is it a behavior? Or is

it an emotion? One of those things you

probably are carrying with you from the

past that maybe you needed to get

through a circumstance. Maybe you needed

to get through a relationship, through a

setback, through a failure, or just to

produce the results you currently get.

But that thought, that behavior, that

emotion, that person is no longer needed

for you to go to the next level of your

identity, the next level of your

performance, the next level of yourself.

And then finally is this. If you're

stuck, you're stuck in a story. That's

where you're stuck. There's a story

you're telling yourself that doesn't

serve you anymore. And you have to

evaluate what that story is. And I'm

serious right now. If you say, "Ed, I'm

kind of stuck where I am." Well, what

you need to do is you need to alter your

associations. You need to do something

in a short window of time. No question

about it. You definitely need to

evaluate what is no longer needed. And

evaluate the story you're telling

yourself. There's all kinds of stories

we tell ourselves that don't serve us

anymore. This is critical. Maybe it's a

story about your past, a story about

your parents, a story about a previous

relationship, a story about a success

you used to have. you keep talking about

that doesn't serve you to get to the

next level. If I can be real with you,

whatever you've achieved up to this

point, that story you keep talking

about, every second you spend in that

old story about what you've achieved,

your degree, some business you had, one

thing you were real successful at in the

past, every time you live in that story,

you're stripping time and focus from the

new story. What's the new story you're

telling yourself? You can't have a new

identity without a new story. What's the

old story you keep forgetting? Maybe

it's not a success. Maybe it's a failure

that you've had. It was a business

setback. It was the market turned. It

was the economy. It was someone who did

you wrong. A relationship that let you

down. A business partner who wasn't

consistent. A failure you've had. A poor

decision you made. A mistake you made in

your life. And you're repeating this

story to yourself simultaneously trying

to create a new identity. You can't take

that old story into the new identity.

One of the things we have to do to

create a new identity is to begin to

tell a new story. What's your new story?

Who are you now? What are you all about

now? Where are you going now? What's

this new version of you? See, here's

what's amazing. At any point in your

life, you can just decide to write a new

script. You could decide to become a

whole new character. See, the leading

character in the story of your life is

you. And guess what? You and God control

the script. You can write a new script

at any time you want. Listen to me. At

any time you want, you can simply decide

to be a new character. I'm strong now.

I'm beautiful now. I'm handsome now. I'm

bold now. I'm funny now. I'm smart now.

I'm going there now. Stop telling the

old story. Here's the truth. Nobody

cares. No one cares if you had a

failure. No one cares if you've had a

setback. No one cares if you had a

victory. And none of those failures,

none of those setbacks, none of those

victories. And that old character you

keep playing is the very thing that will

prevent you from becoming this new

version of you. It's a story. If you're

stuck, it's an old story you're telling

with an old character that was last

year's version, last decade's version.

Who's the new character? What's the new

script? What's the new story? I must

tell you, I have a lot of weaknesses, a

lot of things I do that don't serve me.

But this identity thing, I get this.

It's the key. Now, there's a lot of

little mini things in life that matter.

There's never one thing. If you said,

"What's the key?" I can tell you it's my

addiction and my obsession to working on

my identity, it's the thought of mine

that dominates most of my thinking.

That's number one. So, I'm conscious of

the concept. That's huge. Just being

aware of the concept will put you light

years ahead of 99.9% of the Just

awareness of the power of identity. Just

now you knowing about the thermostat

puts you in the 0.1% of all the people

on the spinning earth right now. And

then the next thing I'm really focused

on is always adding people to my life in

the areas that matter to me that live at

higher temperatures than me. The second

thing is I'm constantly doing things in

short burst of time to change the

waterline. I'm also super obsessed with

dropping what's no longer needed. There

were certain things I needed to think

and do and say or people I needed to be

around, emotions I needed to have that

got me to the place I'm currently at. I

have evaluating all the time. What is no

longer needed? What emotion, what

anxiety, what thought, what belief, what

person, what behavior is no longer

needed in my life? And then lastly, I

never tell the old story. I don't like

telling the old story. I'm constantly

trying to write the new script, become

the new character in my life. And it

could just be the new emotions. It could

be the new beliefs I have. It could be

the new story, the new place I'm moving.

But I'm constantly retelling a new story

all the time. I'm constantly obsessed

with writing the next chapter of my

life, not reading the previous ones. The

happiest and most fulfilled people don't

read the past chapters of their life.

Whether they're good or bad, they are

writing new ones all the time. These are

the keys of changing the internal

thermostat of our lives and ultimately

are the keys of changing the external

circumstances of our lives. Today we're

going to talk about how to build

unlimited self-confidence. And the

reason that I'm covering this topic

today is probably more than any other

topic I've been getting asked lately

about the struggles people are going

through with self-doubt, not believing

in themselves, negative thoughts about

themselves. And I believe the solution

to self-doubt is to build something

bigger than that doubt, which is to

build our self-confidence. And one thing

to know about the fact that you doubt

yourself is one, I struggle with it as

well. One of the reasons I've had to go

learn to build all these tools for

myself is because in my life, my

baseball career, my academic career, my

business career, my speaking career,

I've been riddled with self-doubt that

creeps up all the time in our lives. Am

I enough? Am I good enough? Do I deserve

this? Is this something that's part of

my destiny? Should I be doing this? And

if you're a religious person, I believe

the adversary, if you believe in the

adversary, I believe the adversary's

greatest tool that he could use against

you to get you to lose in your life is

to get you discouraged and doubting.

These are two of the most chaotic things

that the adversary can do to us or that

we do to ourselves in our own minds is

to get ourselves doubting, to get

ourselves discouraged. Because you can't

win when you doubt and you can't win

when you're discouraged. What I found

out though about self-doubt is that you

don't overcome it. You build something

bigger than it. Which means you build

your self-confidence. And the greater

and greater your self-confidence get, it

minimizes the impact self-doubt has on

us. Now, why is that so important? It's

important because you have to understand

one thing about the doubts and the

negative thoughts you have about

yourself. As hard as this is to accept,

these are not your thoughts. You weren't

born doubting. You weren't born

discouraged. You weren't born thinking

negative things about yourself. Those

were thoughts that were placed in you

and given to you by an external source

at some time in your life. It could even

be our parents. Don't do that. Be quiet.

Sit down. Be a good boy. Be a good girl.

Maybe it was criticism you received as a

as a little one that you may not even

remember to this day. It could have been

a school teacher. It could have been

ridicule at school from other children.

But when you were young in your

formative years, these negative thoughts

about yourself were planted in you by an

external source. That's so powerful to

understand because these things you

think you believe about yourself that

have become really true to you, you

don't even really believe. They were not

your original thoughts. But the power of

belief is so incredible in our lives.

It's so insidious because when we have a

belief about something, even if it was

given to us by somebody else, our mind

goes to work on proving to us that this

belief is true. A belief is almost like

this table right here, just the top once

we get it. And what our mind tries to do

is it tries to build legs under the

table to reinforce that belief. So,

somebody told you you weren't enough or

you weren't smart enough or pretty

enough or fast enough or strong enough

or you don't come from the right place

or you're not in the right culture, the

right race, the right religion, the

right height, the right IQ as a young

person or you were put down and these

beliefs were given to you. What happens

is your mind tries to prove beliefs

true. So, it finds references. So once

you think it, your mind finds an example

of your life where you weren't enough.

Another one where you weren't enough,

you weren't smart enough, you weren't

pretty enough, you weren't handsome

enough, you weren't strong enough, and

it finds these references and it builds

like a leg and multiple legs on a table.

And pretty soon, you can't move it, and

it's stuck in there as a firm belief.

That's why we have to guard our beliefs

so preciously cuz our mind goes to work

on finding these legs, these references

which are real experiences in our life

to prove to us that that belief is true.

And so although you may believe it to be

true about you, these doubts and

negative thoughts you have, these were

not your original thoughts. That's a

powerful thing to understand because you

weren't born this way. You weren't born

doubting. You were born perfect. You

were born believing you were going to do

something great. You were born happy.

You were born believing you were going

to do something special with your life.

As a baby, I promise you, you had no

negative self-t talk. You had no

negative self-doubt. These are external

sources. It's so important to know

because those thoughts aren't really who

you are. They're somebody else's

thoughts they gave you because of how

they felt about themselves. And so,

today we're going to talk about how to

build self-confidence and how to

eliminate self-doubt. So, how do we

build this self-confidence? The process

of building self-confidence is actually

very easy. Believe it or not,

self-confidence is selfrust.

Self-confidence is building a reputation

with yourself that you keep your word to

you, that you keep the promises you make

to you. When I meet somebody who has a

ton of self-confidence. I don't look at

that as somebody with a big ego. There's

a difference. Somebody with

self-confidence has a reputation with

themselves that I do the things I say

I'm going to do. That's where

self-confidence comes from. When I meet

someone who's not self-confident, I know

this is someone who has consistently

made promises to themselves, they've not

kept. They've started a diet and done it

for a while, but not kept it. They've

made a commitment and goals to go make a

certain amount of money in business and

they started down the road, but then

they didn't deliver on it long term to

get up at a certain time of the morning

and then they don't do it. And so, they

have a process and a habit in their life

more often than not of not keeping the

promises they don't make to other

people. They don't keep the promises

they make to themselves. And so the cool

thing is self-confidence is an internal

game. You do not need external

accolades, external admiration in order

to build self-confidence. You don't need

any of those external forces. It's all

done internally. You control this. And

you control this by beginning today to

keep the promises you make to yourself.

And you have to stack the deck in your

favor. Stack the game so you win. It's

not good enough just to keep the

promises you make to yourself. You must

acknowledge it when you do it to you to

give yourself credit to create

confidence momentum is what I call it.

So whether that's setting the deck where

you're going to get up a little bit

earlier, you're going to make a certain

amount of phone calls you miss a certain

amount of appointments. You're going to

eat a certain amount of calories in your

fitness. You're going to spend a certain

amount of time with your children or

your parents. And you begin to do these

things you say you're going to do. You

say simple things like, "I'm going to

lay out my clothes the night before I go

to bed every night before I go to sleep.

So when I wake up, that decision's made

for me. And believe it or not, the fact

that you just do something that simple

that you then deliver on begins to build

confidence. You say, "I'm going to

stretch in the morning when I get up."

And you do it all of a sudden. I'm not

going to check my phone for 30 minutes.

All these habits I teach. When you just

begin to do the things you tell yourself

you're going to do, you begin to build

self-confidence, which is this

reputation with yourself. So ask

yourself a question right now. What is

one thing right now, one promise I can

make to myself that I'm going to begin

to keep starting this minute and begin

to do it? It could be how often I'm

going to pick up a book and read it. But

you begin to stack things you commit to

do and then you deliver on them and you

acknowledge them to yourself, you're in

the process of building self-confidence.

Why is that so important? Of all the

athletes I coach, when my athletes are

performing at their peak level, they're

at their highest self-confidence level.

In fact, I love when I watch some of the

athletes I coach get interviewed and

they kind of do this ash humble routine

in their postgame interviews. Yeah, you

know, just part of the team, you know, I

got to lie, I could have done a lot

better today. But inside, I know these

people are incredibly self-confident

people. Any of you athletes listening to

this, you know this, the great athletes,

you know, have incredible amounts of

self-confidence. have to believe in you

when it's a battle. When you're a hitter

against a pitcher or when you're a

quarterback against a defense or you're

a defenseman in the NHL against their

best offensive player or you're a golfer

and you have to make a 9- FFT putt to

win a tournament, right? You better have

self-confidence. In fact, the separator

more often than not at the highest level

in sports is not they're a better

shooter or a better putter or throw the

ball a little bit faster because

everybody throws hard in the major

leagues nowadays, it seems, right? that

separators their self-confidence. It's

true in being a parent. It's true in

being a business person. It's true in

every area of our life. The separator at

the top levels is self-confidence. So

now you have that first thing that

you're going to commit to that you're

going to deliver on. Now what I would

ask you to do that now that you've done

that is if you really want to build

self-confidence, can you begin to extend

that list of five, eight, and 10 things

that you are going to begin to do that

you commit to you that you're going to

do every single day to begin to stack

that self-confidence. That's going to

change it. Now, let's go back to the

self-doubt for a second. Self-doubt is

the inverse of that. I don't trust me. I

don't think I'm good enough. These are

thoughts placed from the outside inside

your mind. The minute you acknowledge

that, that's not my thought. That's

someone else's. That's not You begin to

eliminate. I call it like scratching the

CD. When I begin to have negative self-t

talk, negative thoughts, I literally

picture, and I'm old, by the way, but I

picture an old record player or a DVD,

and I just scratch it. I scratch it.

That thought gets scratched. I'm not

good enough. I'm not smart enough. I'm

not good-looking enough. I I I'm not

fast enough, strong enough. I'm not

prepared enough. I once they enter,

that's not my thought. That's something

someone gave me when I was a kid. And I

scratch it and I literally say to

myself, "Scratch it. Scratch it. Scratch

it." And over time, it's like a It's

like a DVD or a CD or a record player.

Over time, that thought can't be played

again in your recorder when you scratch

it enough times. So, I literally picture

scratching and I say, "Scratch it." I

experience self-doubt. I experience

negative thoughts and I scratch them. I

scratch them. I scratch them and over

time it almost becomes funny. It's that

thought's impact on me starts to be

minimized over time. Every time I

scratch it, I picture scratching it like

a DVD or a record or a CD and I say it

to myself. Scratch it. Scratch it.

Scratch it. And what it does is it

acknowledges the thought. It loses its

power over me. The first time it's still

got some impact on me. the second time

it might, but the fourth, fifth, seventh

time, all of a sudden that thought just

doesn't have the impact on me anymore

because I acknowledge it's not mine.

I've scratched it. And over time, my

mind just doesn't want to play that song

anymore, doesn't want to play that movie

anymore. And so, that's how I begin to

eliminate those thoughts in my mind. I

build up my self-confidence and I

scratch my self-doubt. There's also this

misconception from people that you are

certain things. Meaning some people have

this misconception that I am what I

possess. In other words, I am my

possessions. And so they link their

self-confidence to their possessions.

And so they're constantly trying to

acquire more and more possessions

thinking that's where they get their

self-confidence from. That's how they're

defined as a person. I am my

possessions. Couldn't be further from

the truth. It's a hollow way to try to

gain self-confidence by possessing

things. Nothing wrong with going for

material possessions. I have all kinds

of them, but I don't link my confidence

to those possessions. Nor am I deliluted

into thinking if I could just possess

more things, then I'll feel better about

myself. So, this is a mistake. There's a

flawed thought. Number one flawed

thought, I am my possessions. Second

flawed thought, I am my accomplishments.

In other words, my self-confidence is

only linked to what I accomplish. So,

because I haven't accomplished certain

things, I don't have that certain title,

that certain award, that certain

recognition, I don't believe in myself.

I'm riddled with self-doubt. I'm defined

by my accomplishments. The difficult

thing about that is now all your life

you're going to have to accomplish more

and more and more in order to feel

self-confident. Eliminate self-doubt.

You are not your accomplishments. You

are not your possessions. You are you.

You are perfect. You are beautiful. You

were born to do something great with

your life. If you're a person of faith

like me, you believe God made you in his

image and likeness and wants you to do

something great with your life. Not that

you are your possessions, not that you

are your accomplishments. And this is

the the social media insidious influence

it has in our lives. People think, I

don't feel good about myself. I've got

this self-doubt. The gateway to me

feeling more self-confidence is if I

could possess more things or if I could

accomplish more things. Yes, having nice

things will make you feel better about

yourself. Yes, accomplishing things

certainly is a reinforcement for

self-confidence, but it's not the

pathway to getting it. The pathway to

getting it is doing something great with

your life where you keep the promises

you make to yourself and acknowledge

this self-doubt, this self-thought, this

negative talk isn't even mine. It was

given to me when it was impossible for

me to defend myself as a child and maybe

it even happened in adolescence and

probably some of those incidences have

happened for you as an adult. And these

ones as an adult are like that thing I

said earlier. Oh, it's another time I

reinforce the table. I'm not good

enough. I'm not smart enough. I'm not

prepared enough. I'm not the right race.

I'm not the right gender. I don't come

from the right kind of family. I don't

have the right education. And we find

these references as adults to reinforce

these self-doubting beliefs we were

given by somebody else as a child.

Flawed belief is that you are your

possessions. You are your

accomplishments. Third flawed belief. I

am what other people say I am.

Wrong. You are not what other people say

you are. Good or bad. I see too many

people that if someone says something

negative about them, they believe that's

who they are. This is the flawed third

belief. I am my possessions. I am my

accomplishments. And you know what? Or I

am what other people say I am. Let me be

clear with you. You are not what other

people tell you you are. They It wasn't

true when you were 18 months old, 5

years old, or 55 years old. You are not

what other people say you are. So stop

letting that dictate your

self-confidence or fill you with

self-doubt. And for the record, you are

also not the good things people tell you

you are all the time. Don't live for

likes. Don't live for comments on your

social media. Don't don't do things in

your life just to solicit

someone saying something great about

you. It's a cheap, shallow, hollow way

to try to gain self-esteem and

self-confidence. It's fleeting. It's

shortterm and it's needy. In fact, the

fact that is a necessity for you to get

liked, to get people to say good things,

to get comments on your social media or

to do so in your presence indicates a

lack of self-esteem and self-confidence

because we know self-confidence is an

internal game where we keep the promises

we make to ourselves. The fourth type of

flawed thinking is I am what I look

like. In other words, if I don't look a

certain way like what the magazine says

I should or social media says I should.

If I don't look like these people, I

shouldn't have self-confidence. And

that's ridiculous. I can tell you

straightforwardly. You're beautiful as

you are. Especially the ladies listening

to this or watching this. The world is

constantly trying to get you to believe

you're not enough. You don't look right.

You should lose this weight. You should

gain this. This should be smaller. That

should be bigger. Whatever it might be.

They're constantly messaging women,

you're not enough. You're not enough.

You're not enough. You are what you look

like. And this is true for men as well.

Let me tell you straightforwardly. You

are not what you look like. You are your

soul. You are your spirit. You are your

gifts. You are the contributions you

make. You are your intentions. You are

perfect as you are. That doesn't mean we

don't want to look better. Doesn't mean

we don't want to get into shape, but we

want to do that to feel better about

ourselves, not for the accolades from

other people. We want to do that to feel

healthier and stronger and be the

ultimate version of ourselves. But by no

means does that mean you're not perfect

as you are. By no means does it mean you

are defined by what you look like. You

are not defined by what you look like.

You are defined by the content of your

character, the way you treat other

people, and the difference you make in

the world. So the four flawed thoughts

that I see most right now is I am my

possessions. No, you're not. I am my

accomplishments. No, you're not. I am

what other people tell me I am and say I

am, good or bad. No, you are not. And

fourth, you are not what you look like.

These are flawed beliefs that lead right

to self-doubt and away from

self-confidence. So the things we need

to do to change our self-confidence is a

keep the promises we make to oursel and

b very important. We must begin to give

ourselves credit for those things when

we deliver on them. I want you to

remember this as well. There's a power