You need to hear about this. 72% of

people are struggling with stress. 70%

have at least one feature of burnout,

and we are seeing a rise in mental

health problems like we've never seen

before. What's happening? So, as a

doctor, I can tell you that

Dr. Aditi Nerurkar is a Harvard

physician, nationally recognized stress

expert who is understanding and

combating modern-day burnout. When I was

a medical student working 80 hours a

week, I was in my own stress struggle,

and it was terrifying, but I couldn't

find a doctor who could help. So, I

became the doctor I needed. I uncovered

all of these studies and found a

solution that wasn't just try to relax.

We are seeing increased rates of

depression, sleep disorders, fatigue, or

burnout because stress is higher than

ever. Studies have shown at least 60 to

80% of patient visits have a

stress-related component.

Jesus. It's crazy. And 60% of people

with burnout had an inability to

disconnect from work. And being addicted

to work and can't shut off, and checking

your phone 2,600

times a day. Yes, that is a statistic.

So, you might be experiencing atypical

burnout. Even 2/3 of parents have

burnout.

That's crazy. And yet, even though we

are all collectively experiencing it,

it's so isolating. And now I'm 330

million people go 2 weeks before

speaking with anyone. So, what can we

do? Well, these are the five resets that

are going to help you survive and

thrive. The first technique is

Quick one. This is really, really

fascinating to me. On the back end of

our YouTube channel, it says that 69.9%

of you that watch this channel

frequently over the lifetime of this

channel haven't yet hit the subscribe

button. I just wanted to ask you a

favor. It helps this channel so much if

you choose to just subscribe. Helps us

scale the guests, helps us scale the

production, and it makes the show

bigger. So, if I could ask you for one

favor, if you've watched this show

before and you've enjoyed it, and you

like this episode that you're currently

watching, could you please hit the

subscribe button? Thank you so much, and

I will repay that gesture by making sure

that everything we do here gets better

and better and better and better. That

is a promise I'm willing to make you. Do

we have a deal?

Dr. Aditi Nerurkar.

Where does your story begin? And when I

say that, I'm talking about the story

that inspired the work you do on stress,

burnout. There tends to be a catalyst

moment in the experts that I speak to's

lives where something happened which

started a chain of events, the first

domino that fell, which led them to be

sat here. Where does that story begin

for you?

My origin story as a doctor with an

expertise on stress started as a

stressed patient who couldn't find a

doctor with an expertise in stress.

And I became the doctor I needed at a

time when I was in my own stress

struggle.

What is the backdrop? What is the

situation of stress, the state of stress

in the world at the moment? Are we

getting more stressed as a people?

We are seeing unprecedented levels of

stress in the world. It is affecting

every single industry

and no country or group, including, you

know, all ages, all industries, all

races, it is the great equalizer.

More now than ever. So, as a physician

and clinician

those of us who work in the medical

field, stress has always been a major

problem.

We see it with our patients, but now, if

there is one silver lining from the

recent several years, is that now mental

health, stress, burnout, the lexicon has

grown, and it is something that people

are talking about finally in the

C-suite, in other areas, where before it

was, you know, there was so much taboo.

There still is, but it is finally

getting the recognition it deserves. And

stress right now is

higher at greater rates than ever.

What are the What are those rates?

So, typically, 70% of people have at

least one feature of burnout. 72% of

people are struggling with stress, and

approximately that same number have said

that the past several years have been

the most stressful of their entire

professional careers.

What's happening?

A couple of things are happening. So,

going back to my own personal stress

story, why did I have those palpitations

at night as I was going to bed, I was

developing something called a delayed

stress reaction. And what happens is,

under periods of acute stress like the

recent events that we've all endured

collectively as a global whole,

during acute periods of stress, we shore

up our internal reserves. As a human

being, you often do not crack in that

moment. You keep it together at all

costs. I've seen this with my cancer

patients. They have a cancer diagnosis,

and they go through the treatment,

radiation, chemotherapy, all of it, and

they are fine. They do not shed a tear.

Then, when they get that first

clean bill of health from their doctors,

they are in my office sobbing. And

everyone is confused. Why now? What's

going on now? Same thing with all of us.

You may be feeling this way, I may be,

too. Right now, it's that feeling of

like, okay, we've just lived through the

pandemic, we should be celebrating. I'm

sure you've seen every headline over the

past several years, at least I did,

the roaring '20s are coming, the

post-pandemic era. The Guardian had a

great piece on this, and I remember

seeing headline upon headline, and I

would just laugh because I would think

that is not how the brain works. The

reason we are all feeling very much not

the roaring '20s is because our brains

are built like dams.

So, what happens is, when you are going

through a period of stress, you shore up

your internal reserves and you keep it

together at all costs. That is just how

the brain is built. When that acute

period of stress is over, so in a cancer

patient, the actual cancer treatment,

for me as a medical resident going

through, you know, the difficult 30-hour

work shift and going to bed, and for all

of us collectively going through the

pandemic experience and the various

things that have happened since, we keep

it together. But when we have that

moment of respite, when that acute

stressor is over, then our psychological

defenses come down and our true emotions

can emerge, and it's often a deluge, and

it comes out in different ways. So, the

manifestations of stress are different,

but it's this delayed stress response.

We are all feeling it, which is why none

of us feel like it's the roaring '20s.

We are seeing increased rates of mental

health issues, anxiety, depression,

sleep disorders, stress-related

disorders, and a general feeling of

malaise or fatigue or burnout now

even more than we were back in 2020 or

2021. It's the delayed stress reaction.

What is stress? We should probably

define that word, and I'd also like to

try and define it against the word

burnout. Are they different things? Are

they the same thing? Do either of them

exist?

Great question.

There is a difference between acute

stress and chronic stress.

Under normal circumstances, we function

in resilient mode, and we are governed

by the prefrontal cortex. The prefrontal

cortex is the part of our brain, if you

put your hand here, right behind the

forehead. And it is the part of your

brain that is responsible for, in

scientific terms, we call it general

executive function, or, you know,

layman's terms, adulting.

God, mine's huge.

Behind the skull.

Okay. Memory, planning, organization.

This is what our strategic thinking.

You're really good at these things,

Steven.

you so much. The prefrontal cortex is

what governs all of that. Under stress,

we are governed not by the prefrontal

cortex, but by the amygdala. And the

amygdala is a tiny, almond-shaped

structure deep in our brains. You can't

touch it. It's not like the prefrontal

cortex right behind here. It's like

between your ears, deep down. And that

is our emotional center. It's the limbic

system, and we often call it the

reptilian brain because that part of our

brain has not evolved the way other

parts of our brain have. So, it's that

And the response that that amygdala

creates is the fight or flight response,

that stress response in our bodies. So,

under acute stress, we are not governed

by the prefrontal cortex up here, we are

governed by our amygdala. Our brains and

our bodies are expertly designed to

manage acute stress. We are built for

managing stress. However, nowadays, so

for example, let's talk a little bit

about the fight or flight response that

the amygdala

governs, right?

Back when we were all cave people,

we were in the forest, we saw a tiger.

You would either flee or fight, and

there's all of these bodily mechanisms

that happen when you are engaged in the

fight or flight response. Your heart

beats faster. Your lungs start taking in

more oxygen. Blood is shunted away from

your vital organs, and it goes to your

muscles, so you can either fight or you

can run. Your pupils dilate. There's so

many biological, physiological

mechanisms that happen with the fight or

flight response.

Then, when that acute threat is over, so

you either have fought or you have flown

away from the tiger, you have a moment

to recalibrate. Modern-day times, there

are no acute threats anymore. All of our

tigers are chronic, bills,

financial troubles, marital conflicts or

relationship problems, health issues.

So, there's this constant low hum of

that fight or flight response in the

distance. And that is the problem. So,

acute stress, we are good at. Our brains

and bodies are great at managing. And it

serves serves a role, right? Of course

it serves a role. It's evolutionarily

healthy, and we can talk about the

differences between healthy stress and

unhealthy stress, but when it starts

becoming chronic, that is when burnout

sets in. Your brain doesn't get time to

rest or recharge. It's not like a tiger

in the forest where you fight, flee, and

then there's like a respite time. So,

it's just ongoing in the in the

background at a low hum at all times.

What are the symptoms of burnout then?

How do I know if I'm burnt out?

The interesting thing about burnout is

that the definition is changing. So,

earlier, when you think about burnout,

you know what someone with burnout has,

or you might yourself might think like,

"Oh, I know what burnout is. I don't

have it." That's a lot of people feel

this way. Classic, typical symptoms of

burnout: apathy, lethargy, feeling

unproductive, not very motivated. And

the WHO in 2019 designated burnout as an

occupational phenomenon and a clinical

syndrome, which was really validating

for many people who are feeling that

way. This is 2019, way before the

pandemic. In 2020, 2021, and 2022, what

burnout is looking like has changed. So,

it is no longer these classic, typical

symptoms. Now, we are seeing

increasingly atypical features of

burnout. In one study, 60% of people

with burnout had an inability to

disconnect from work as their main

feature of burnout. So, it's not what

you think when you're thinking about the

face of burnout of someone who's really

not interested in work, you could be

that person who is engaged in work and

can't shut off, and you're thinking to

yourself, "This can't be burnout. I'm

totally, you know, engaged in work. In

fact, I can't shut off my brain." You

might be experiencing atypical burnout.

Atypical burnout. Cuz yeah, when I think

of burnout, I think of like, like not

getting out of bed and losing

motivation, but you're telling me that

my addiction to work might be a symptom

and a sign of being burnt out. That's

right.

So, how do I know? Cuz I'm addicted to

my work. I love my work.

You know when you when it is different

from your baseline. Being addicted to

work, you love your work, yes, but you

also make time for sleep, yeah,

relationships and connections with loved

ones, you feel a sense of engagement in

the world, it is not interfering with

your day-to-day life, so to speak.

Okay. So, when you are feeling that

sense of inability to unplug, that means

you're checking your phone multiple

times per night because you feel like

you have to keep up, you are trying to

keep up in in the hamster wheel

situation where you just can't. And so,

there are many manifestations of this

atypical burnout, but that is one. And

so, often what's happening now is that

people are feeling burnt out. Again,

unprecedented rise, right, in stress,

chronic stress, and burnout. And often,

people don't recognize that it's

happening to them simply because the

face and definition of burnout is

changing.

How many people are burnt out? Do they

know? Have they done any studies on that

to figure out what that number is?

We don't know. I mean, it depends on the

sector. So, there are lots of studies on

burnout, and so one big study, it was

done on parental burnout and found that

2/3 of parents have burnout. 2/3? Jesus,

66%.

Yeah, and that is probably

underestimated and certainly

underreported. So,

typically, we're seeing anywhere rates

from 60 to 70% of people note burnout,

but again, think about, you know, if

you're if based on what we've talked

about, if you are feeling like, "I'm not

burnt out." So, you if you're

self-reporting burnout and you're

saying, "I I don't really feel burnt

out. I'm very engaged in my work. In

fact, I check my email 10 times a

night." You could actually be having

burnout. There's also a lot of stigma

and shame around burnout, so people

don't want to come forward and say,

"Hey, I might have be stressed or I

might have burnout."

If I have that atypical burnout,

what does it matter?

It matters because your brain and your

body deserve a rest. And to function

optimally,

you need to have spaciousness, you need

you know, to function optimally, you

need to have rest. And when you feel

that sense of burnout, you are not

thriving. What if I don't feel it? What

if I'm one of those people that you just

described, that's, you know, checking my

emails 15 times a night, I seem to I

seem to be successful in my work, I

can't I'm kind of out of balance in my

life. I don't really have anything else

going on in my life. I'm just work,

work, work, work, work, work, work,

work, but I don't necessarily feel like

there's anything wrong. So, if I don't

feel like there's anything wrong, if I'm

successful in my work, then what is the

case for making a change? So, I've had

lots of patients. I had a clinical

practice in Boston, and what you're

describing is the, you know, young

entrepreneur. So many patients who are

young entrepreneurs, and the question I

would always ask them is, "What's your

end game?" So, is it a sprint or a

marathon? Are you looking to do this for

2 years and you love it, and then that's

it? You're going to cash out? Or do you

want to think about what your life is

going to look like 10, 20, 30 years from

now?

And so, they would think about it,

ponder, and then say, "Yeah, I want to

spend time, you know, I my end game is

that I want to lead a great life, and I

want to live until I'm 75 or until I'm

100." And so, if you are on this fast

track that you're describing, you know,

burnout is not conducive with this idea

of longevity and having that long life.

That's what I was thinking. I was

thinking of case studies that I know of

of people that I think probably check

their email 15 times a night and I like

that. And

those that are out of balance, I think,

as you say, you can do that intensity,

but you can't do it consistently. Like,

it's possible to be that intense, but

it's not sustainable.

And it doesn't allow you to achieve the

other things that life can offer you

that will make you happy. There's no way

of of being like that and having like a

healthy relationship with your family,

building a family, staying in shape, and

all those other things. And that for me

is the really clear

that is you just play it out, zoom out

on your life, in 10 years' time,

something's going to be broken.

Something's got to give. You know, we

don't have I mean, I think that's

a good segue into this idea of toxic

resilience. It's like, we don't all

have, human beings, we don't have an

unlimited amount of bandwidth. There is

a discrete amount of bandwidth that we

all have, mental and physical. And so,

if you are not getting the proper rest

that you need and you're not sleeping as

much as you, you know, your body and

brain need. And it's not about you as in

personal, "I don't need sleep. I only

need 4 hours." I've also had many

patients who've said that to me. But

your brain and your body do

physiologically and biologically need a

certain amount of rest simply for the

cellular function to continue. But we've

got those posters up in our kitchens,

you know, not my kitchen, obviously, but

some people have their posters up in the

house, the the keep calm carry on.

That's like a

a hallmark of society today is to just

tough it out and carry on. And we're

praised for that. We're praised for our

resiliency. Resilience is a good thing,

right? Beautifully said, keep calm and

carry on. Resilience, the true

scientific definition of resilience is

our innate biological ability to adapt,

recover, and grow in the face of life's

challenges.

But resilience doesn't function in a

vacuum. You need stress for resilience

to show itself. Without stress, there

can be no resilience. So, think of

swimming. You the swim instructor is the

stress saying like, "You can make it to

the other side." And your resilience is

what keeps your head up as you're

swimming while your arms are flailing.

And then with time and practice, it gets

better.

What you're describing, keep calm and

carry on, is a manifestation of hustle

culture, and it our our entire modern

society is built on this idea of toxic

resilience. And so, what is toxic

resilience? You have heard the word

resilience over your lifetime, and you

had no real, you know, no real it had no

real charge, right? Like, you would

listen to that word and it would be

like, "Okay, fine." And over the past

several years, specifically 2020, 2021,

it was used, it was like a real buzzword

at the start of our quarantine. "We're

resilient. We're going to get through

this." And it has been misused, and this

is because of corporations and large

companies said, "You can work more.

You're working from home now. Take on an

extra project. You're resilient. Doesn't

matter that you're doing childcare and

working. You're resilient." And so, you

you hear these toxic messages all of the

time. Resilience went from being

something that's true, which is honoring

your boundaries, making space and time

for rest and to recharge, focusing on a

sense of self-compassion, and

understanding that you are a human being

with limitations. That is true

resilience.

Toxic resilience is productivity at all

costs, a mind-over-matter mindset, and

what many of us think of as true

resilience is in fact toxic resilience.

We are taught from a very young age that

dealing with discomfort and being okay

with discomfort is what resilience is

all about, and I am here to debunk that

because absolutely not. Resilience is

our innate biological ability, but it

also needs rest and recovery. It is not

meant to be toxic. But being resilient,

is that a good thing in your view? Being

a resilient person?

Resil- Being Being a resilient context.

I mean, the psych- being psychologically

resilient. Being resilient is an

excellent thing to be. It is something

that we can learn how to be better at.

And yes, true resilience is wonderful.

The challenge right now is that many of

us hear the word resilience and we

bristle at it. I do. When I hear, you

know, the messaging of toxic resilience,

no one calls it toxic resilience when

they're giving you that messaging. They

just say, "Hey, this is resilience."

It's cringeworthy, right? Like, you hear

it like, "Oh, be more resilient." And

so, yes, true resilience is a gift. It

is our innate biological ability. We all

have the power and the aptitude for true

resilience, but toxic resilience is what

we often see and what is often promoted,

and that is something that needs to

stop.

Do you think people are getting more or

less resilient with the nature of the

way that the world is?

Often have the conversation about

whether

you know,

the boomer generation are more or less

resilient than the Gen Z or whatever's

coming next. What's next? Is it like

Alpha? I think it's Generation Alpha.

These new generations.

And the argument or the stereotypical

argument is that because the boomer

generation were working in factories and

mines and they were doing harder labor

and they had less comparison cuz they

didn't have social media and they didn't

see, you know, their mate down the road

having a choc a frocca latte yata during

their lunch break and doing yoga

sessions whatever, then they are more

resilient. And the Gen Zs, they've got

it easy. They're all doing like, you

know,

breath work and yoga for 6 hours a day.

Is Is that true?

I would say no, because we know that

with Gen Z and other younger

populations, we're seeing a rise in

mental health, burnout, stress like

we've never seen before. And I don't

think it's because they're {quote}

{unquote} less resilient. They are

managing lots and lots of onslaughts.

You know, they've lived through

something really awful. They've had a

sense of collective trauma. Their minds

are still young. They haven't had that

lived experience of, you know, decades

of going through stuff. So, no, I don't

think so. And of course, the older

generation is going to say that. I

remember when I was in my medical

training, you know, people would say,

"Ah, 80 hours? It's all you're working?

Cuz we worked 120 hours." Cuz there was

some reform in terms of like how many

hours we could work as medical

residents. And 80 hours felt awful to

me. And so, I think it's important to

validate and normalize people's

difficult experience. And it's not about

what happened to you, you know, like So,

in this example about prior generations,

it's about

helping people feel a sense of

validation because if you you need to

name it to tame it. And so, for example,

when you are going through a difficult

experience like a young person, there

are there's such a rise of

anxiety, depression, stress-related

conditions, sleep disorders, mental

health challenges, physical health

challenges in the younger population.

It's not because they're not resilient.

It's because they're living in a

hyperconnected world and that is causing

all sorts of issues down the road for

them, both mental health and physical

health. So, I

reject this idea that the older

generation was more resilient. They had

less stimulation and they had, you know,

different They had different challenges,

but I think it's important to normalize

and validate the difficult experience

that people are having. I want to go

through your book now, which is called

The Five Resets, which is released

January 2024. Very exciting.

Um which really aims to take on how we

deal with stress, how we manage stress.

There's sort of shades of

neuroplasticity and how we can change

our our responses to stress, but

I guess the first question about the

canary in the coal mine, why did you

write about that? What's that got to do

with stress?

It has everything to do with stress

because stress is something that is so

individualized, and that's something

that we were talking about earlier,

right? Like some people who feel a sense

of stress have physical manifestations.

Like I had palpitations. You had

palpitations. Someone else might have

headaches, neck pain, shoulder pain,

back pain, GI upset, gastrointestinal

issues, dizziness, fatigue, sleep

problems, irritability, anger. The list

goes on and on. It's It's like

never-ending list.

And

the canary in the coal mine is my way of

personally, it's my way of really

explaining this idea of the physical

manifestations of stress. So, my canary

in the coal mine was palpitations. What

is What is that phrase? I've never heard

the phrase the canary in the coal mine.

Well, I've heard the phrase before, but

I've just kind of been one of those

people that pretends they know what it

means.

The canary in the coal mine is a

historical reference.

Back when there were coal miners, they

would bring a canary, a bird, down into

the mines with them. The bird would sing

its canary song.

When the air got bad, the workers were

just working, right? Like 12-hour days

and continued to work. When the air got

bad, they the canary would stop singing.

They were in their mode. They didn't

understand, you know, they weren't

paying attention. And when the canary

stopped singing, that was the first tell

that the air is bad before any physical

or mental health ramifications for the

workers. And so, the coal miners, when

they stopped hearing the canary song,

they would leave the mine with the

canary, and it was the first tell of

something going awry. And so, everyone

has a canary within them that tells them

a signal, a song that is telling them

that there is something happening with

their stress. I didn't pay attention to

it. It took a the palpitations to occur

every single night for 2 weeks before I

sat up and took notice. All of the

physical manifestations of stress that

I've mentioned,

of course you need to see a doctor like

you and I did, got the full workup, and

been told stress is often what we call a

diagnosis of exclusion, meaning you rule

out any organic problems and then you

say, "Okay, this is because of stress."

So, seeing your doctor and getting that

full workup is important. I have to say

that as a medical professional because I

believe in the medical system and I'm

part of the medical system. And so, the

canary in the coal mine is this idea

that we all have a song, a stress song,

and our body is trying to tell us

something. And understanding that canary

symptom for you, you know, it takes a

little time to dig through, but once you

kind of figure it out, then you can use

that. We all have our Achilles' heel of

something that is the tell. So, when if

you have a medical condition like, say,

peptic ulcer disease, that's easy to

understand. You know, you feel like,

"Oh, I have stomach pain." And so, I

can't eat certain foods and I need to

take care of myself and there'll be a

flare and then you manage that symptom

and it goes away. And, you know, you

know what that tell is of peptic ulcer

disease, stomach pain. But for stress,

often things are happening to your body

and you're not even aware of what that

physical manifestation is. That's not to

say that it's, you know, your headaches

are caused by stress, but they're

certainly worsened by stress. So, when

you have a certain symptom happening to

your body, understanding that, hey, that

could be my canary song.

I think everybody intuitively knows what

that canary is. I think everybody knows

what that is. I've got a bunch of

different ones.

Um whenever I'm stressed, and you I I

don't even know when I'm stressed,

but I don't know why, but I don't I

don't know consciously that I'm

stressed, but certain things start to

happen.

I have this really weird one where on my

tongue, I'll get a little bit of like a

not like an ulcer. It kind of feels like

I've got a spot on my tongue. I get that

whenever I'm stressed.

My skin gets worse. So, I get like spots

on my face when I'm stressed. Um there's

a few of them. I I I'll get a cold

pretty much exclusively when I'm

stressed, which happens about one time

once every 6 months or so.

I think generally I manage stress well,

generally,

but I'm not immune. I once upon a time

thought I was immune. I thought stress

and all these other things, mental

health, all happened to other people.

Turns out, happens to me, too. That's

right. You know, and I think I really

pushed myself for a good 5, 6, 7, 10

year You know, I was a CEO of a company

that had hundreds and hundreds and

hundreds of employees.

Um and I was 25,

23, 24, 25, 26, 27. So, I pushed myself

very hard and I think for the first

couple of years I withstood it, but then

as time went on,

you know,

I was not able to outrun

the inevitable.

Um And that's that resilience myth, you

know, that like resilient people don't

get burned out. It can't be me. Of

course I Of course I'm not stressed. I

Someone like me couldn't even fathom

being stressed, and I have seen

thousands of people who have said that

very thing. I said the exact same thing

during my stress struggle. Stress?

Doesn't happen to people like me. It's

You don't want to admit it, either,

because there's a there's an element of

it where you go, "I don't want to be

[ __ ] weak. I don't want to be the

weak person. If I'm If I'm experiencing

stress or I'm burnt out, then that makes

me inadequate in some way. So, I don't

want to talk about that." You know, but

I I I think I've been a victim of that,

like that pride, that ego, especially as

like a as like a man and like a CEO and

all of those things that are

stereotypically, toxically associated

with strength. Um I've never wanted to

admit that I was stressed, ever. I don't

think I've ever actually said the words

to anybody, but I've definitely been

stressed, and I know because my body

told me, and it tells me in a very

predictable way. That canary stops

singing.

So, I just think that's important

because

It's your mind-body connection, and once

you see it, you cannot unsee it. It's

like gravity. It's all around you. It's

working in the background all the time,

and then suddenly you start paying

attention and it's like, "Oh my god."

And on that point of it feeling like

evidence of your inadequacy, it's

actually evidence that you're a human.

That you're perfectly normal. That

you're That you're not broken versus

this idea that it's evidence that you're

broken.

Um Beautifully said. Thank you. Really,

just Have you listened to this podcast

before? I'm checking. I am I'm not

joking.

For the record, testing, testing 1 2 3.

I am a

avid fan of this podcast and I have

listened countless times and I This is

the one podcast I regularly listen to on

my morning walks, and I have shared on

Instagram probably hundreds of lessons

in my stories about what I've learned on

this podcast.

Thank you.

So,

stress on the brain,

you write about that your book as well.

I know that stress causes cortisol. This

is my very limited understanding of

stress.

It causes cortisol. Talk me through

that. And then I have this other

question that I wanted to ask you about

the contagion of stress. If I am

stressed and Jack is sat over there,

will Jack feel my stress?

So, let's talk about stress

and the main highway of stress in the

brain and the body. It is the HPA axis.

H stands for hypothalamus, P stands for

pituitary gland, A stands for the

adrenal glands.

The hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenal

axis. Mouthful. But, the H and P part of

the axis is in your brain and the A part

of the axis is above your kidneys, the

adrenal glands. And that is the

information highway that is responsible

for our stress response. It's all of the

things that we talked about, the fight

or flight response, it makes our

heartbeat, it makes, you know, it does

all sorts of stuff. The amygdala works

in that HPA axis as well.

And other parts of the brain, the

prefrontal cortex, etc. So, when you

have that experience of stress, and this

is we're talking about acute stress,

this is what is happening to you. Your

brain and your body are syncing up and

reacting. There's a cascade of hormones

that happens in the body and that is

what you feel as, "Wow, I'm stressed."

Or, like you describe, this discomfort

or familiar feeling of like, "Wait a

second, I know what this is. It's that

thing that I have when I'm under

pressure or under situations that are

tense."

And that is the stress response.

And that is essentially what is

happening to our bodies when we are

feeling that fight or flight syndrome.

Unfortunately, what often happens with

the amygdala is that while it is helping

with this fight or flight syndrome and

the HPA axis, it with chronic stress

does not shut off. And that is the

problem. So, those hormones are just

flowing through that high highway all

the time.

cortisol is our stress hormone and it's

all part of that as well because

cortisol surges during, you know,

adrenaline, noradrenaline, all of these

hormones are working through our bodies

and surging through our bloodstream.

Cortisol is also a stress hormone. And

so, when we have chronically elevated

levels of cortisol, all sorts of badness

can happen. Is stress contagious? Cuz I

I was on I was on Google and I typed in

is stress contagious and it says that in

a workplace, stress is contagious.

Stress is not contagious in the way that

you think of a virus or microbes are

contagious as far as I am aware. Now,

there might be emerging data to suggest

otherwise, but it is not like a microbe

where like it's going to spread like the

a virus that it's going to spread from

me to you, for example.

But, Cuz there are hormones, aren't

they, that spread like pheromones? Is it

pheromones?

Pheromones, but that's different. That's

like,

you know, that's more for like like

attraction, sex, and other things like

charisma, etc.

What is kind of contagious, and I want

to use that word loosely, is like

emotion. So, yes, creating a toxic

environment, right? Like, we call it in

pop culture like a vibe. Like, that

person just didn't have a good vibe.

What's really interesting, and there

it's anecdotal, there isn't a ton of

research to support this, but I find

this fascinating,

that the heart has a electromagnetic

field that extends 15 ft.

That's something that one of my

early mentors had told me. And so, that

is that vibe that you sense from people.

Like, you feel that goodness, right?

Like, when you meet someone that you

just really like their heart, you know,

it's like heart expansiveness.

So, when

other people we're with 5 ft away from

each other. So, your heart, it's

electromagnetic field is overlapping

with my heart's electromagnetic field

right now. So, they say.

Now, I've heard this in lots of, you

know, lots of people say this, but I

have also dug deep into the science of

like, does this even exist? Is that is

this even a real thing? And I'm not sure

if it's a real thing because I haven't

found like multiple scientific studies

that show robust data that yes, this is

a real thing. But, it is a fascinating

thing to think about as a mind exercise.

Not so much from the scientific

perspective, but like from a human lived

experience perspective of, you know, and

I try to think about that when I enter a

room. Certainly when I'm with a patient.

We call it the therapeutic presence or

the therapeutic encounter.

And it's this idea that when you are

with a patient or right now, I'm talking

to you and I am the doctor talking to

you, right? Not your doctor, of course,

but

it's this idea that you have that you

can have a therapeutic experience. I try

to engage in the therapeutic encounter

at every talk

anytime I'm speaking to an audience. I

want people to leave feeling a sense of

healing. Healing and cure are two

different things, by the way. So, I'm

not saying like I'm, you know, we're

going to talk and then it's like you're

going to be cured of whatever illness

you I can't wait. I can't wait. I want

to see some of those pressure spots.

But, it's like it's this idea of like

feeling that sense of healing and it's

the therapeutic encounter. There is

science behind the therapeutic

encounter. And what that simply means is

that doctors who have that sense of

therapeutic presence, you know exactly

what I mean. You might not call it that.

And then you also have had lots of

doctors who've had no therapeutic

presence and you know what that feels

like, too. How does one get a

therapeutic presence? It's something

that needs to be cultivated. Of course,

it's something that, you know, you can

have, but then you cultivate it with

training and practice, etc. But, the

therapeutic presence, that therapeutic

encounter has been shown to actually

have health outcomes. So, greater

adherence, you know, to medication,

tighter glucose control, decreased

asthma flares, like real concrete health

outcomes when you have a therapeutic

encounter with in that doctor-patient

relationship. So, there is some magic

secret sauce happening in that

encounter. And what is it? How do I

cultivate it? Are there any tricks?

Any any tips, tricks? Is there like a

body language thing? Maybe, I don't

know. Yes. So, as a doctor, I can tell

you that there is lots of studies. There

are lots of studies which show that it's

not really the amount of time you spend

with someone. It's your body. And so,

for example, they've been they've done

studies on doctors who stand for, let's

say, 7 minutes and talk to the patient

versus a doctor who sits down, makes eye

contact, and is at the same level or a

lower level than the patient, the

patient has a perceived sense that this

doctor cares more and is more engaged

and has a therapeutic presence. No

difference in time. I think that's the

great myth that people people say, you

know, "Oh, I need to spend more time to

create a therapeutic presence." It's not

about the time spent. It's about how you

are spending the time and the quality of

time. So, that's like one trick that you

could try. Eye level, you mentioned eye

level there. Being at the same eye level

or lower because it's a power dynamic.

Think about when you're seeing if you

were in the hospital and you're lying in

a hospital bed and your doctor came in

and you're lying there and the doctor is

speaking above you. Does that feel

therapeutic in any way? Not really. But,

if the doctor came, pulled up a chair,

sat next to you, and looked at you eye

level. That's why when you're talking to

a child, it's better to bend down and

make, you know, get on their level and

talk to them. And if I'm in a meeting

and my chair is maybe a little bit

higher and I'm speaking to a client and

I want the client to do a deal with me,

it's best for me to get down to their

eye level.

It depends because in that situation,

you know, again, this is like what you

were talking about earlier. Like,

there's times when you want to show a

sense of like power.

And therapeutic presence is not a sense

of power, right? It's a sense of

equality, compassion, empathy. Are these

the qualities that you're trying to

create in a business interaction? I

don't know. Maybe. Well, one of the

things we've learned from, I don't know,

I've been to making content for about

10, 15 years now, for a long time,

making lots of videos. One of the things

we've learned is that the engagement

goes significantly up if you are on the

eye line of the camera. So, you'll

notice in the Diary of a CEO,

we don't shoot from above, we don't

shoot from below. We go to great lengths

to make sure that the camera is is on

eye line. And we just see that the

engagement numbers are higher. And

actually, the more down the barrel it

is, especially so if I'm looking into

this camera here, the more down the

barrel and the more on eye line I am,

the better the engagement with the

video. We've just seen that over

thousands and thousands of videos we've

made. So, that's why the the podcast is

set up like this where there's

we're on we're on your eye line and

we're on down the barrel as much as we

possibly can be without you seeing too

much of the back of my head there. And

the same applies for this one cuz it

just makes, for some reason, the

engagement with the audience is better.

We see it in the numbers. That's

interesting.

many tricks that you could use. I mean,

like, sitting down eye level is one. Um,

mirroring also something else. This is

not related to stress, but it's like

mirroring. So, for example, as I'm

talking to you,

as you're talking, if I do this,

if I do this, and then you're like, "Oh,

this person is like totally following

me."

But, it's like if I start doing this,

you just did this and so I did that. So,

there's like mirroring is something that

you, you know, there's lots of ways to

try that. But, again, it has to be

supported by science.

Yes. It The key is authenticity, though,

right? Like, you can do all of these

things, but ultimately, authenticity and

the human The really fascinating thing

about podcasting, by the way, and any

sort of

connection with another human being is

the voice.

So, we as children, as infants, we are

highly attuned to voice. It's one of our

first primal instincts, right? Like,

hearing our mother's voice or our

caregiver's voice or our parents' voice.

And we can our BS meter

with voice is high.

So, if someone isn't authentic, and that

is why the audio version, like so

listening to a podcast, the reason like

you can always suss out like who is

uh for example, I don't know, like who's

telling the truth and who's not.

And it's not like something that you can

explain. You just like you're like, "Oh,

I don't really like this person." Or I

really like this person. It's because

they lead with authenticity,

vulnerability, all of these things that,

you know, the likeability factor is

high. It's because our brains are primed

to recognize and register the human

voice

in a way that's very different from the

physical.

So, yes, we of course, like we see

someone and you get the whole picture,

yes. But when you hear them in your ear,

there's like something that is deeply

intimate about that experience and that,

you know, evolutionarily and even like

in our own life,

it's um very poignant.

And it's an intuitive thing. We don't

necessarily know what it is about a

voice that's authentic. It's just a

feeling.

it. And you know it because when you

hear someone on a podcast, you

immediately are like, "Oh,

yeah, I like this." And you don't know

why you like it or, you know, you feel

that connection. It's like the voice is

a very primitive thing. And it's also

like it's it was because we formed those

connections and synapses in our brain

pre-verbal, right? Like when we were

infants. Same thing with smell.

You know, you smell something and it

takes you right back to that moment. Uh

I was so fascinated. I remember where I

was when someone told me about

pheromones,

that there's these chemicals that

like leave our bodies and then into my

chemicals will interfere with your

chemicals. I just thought that was

absolute witchcraft. And I'm a very like

logical science-based person, so I need

science and evidence to believe

anything. And then when I heard this

rumor that like, you know, if you put a

my mother and my sister in the same

house, their menstrual cycles would sync

up. That's right.

I Googled it to check if it was true.

Google told me it was true. And then I

thought,

"Fuck, I now believe in witchcraft."

Do you know what I mean? Like if Well,

have you read the book The Red Tent? I

mean, it's like very much along those

lines of like biblical times they had a

red red tent for women menstruating

women and then it would just like the

whole tribe would like sync up and

they'd be in the red tent during

menstruating times. They've done studies

with um t-shirts and attractiveness. So,

you will smell a t-shirt that, you know,

they've done studies with women and men

have worn the t-shirts and then you

smell the t-shirt and you say like I

like this scent or I don't. And it's not

body odor, it's pheromones. And um

they've matched it with like the

pheromones that you like and then you

see the visual and there's a match. Like

this person is attractive and then you

smell the pheromone and there's like a

match. It's that person's pheromones. Um

often they say like you you described

your mother and your sister, for

example,

they say that like genetically, the more

different, the more attractive, right?

Because we're always trying to Ah.

So, if you Of course, there's like a

comfort thing of like, you know, your

mother and like that's different.

Because pheromones are mostly for um

attractiveness and mating behavior.

So, it's not about

comfort, you know, I guess there might

be some studies about comfort and

maternal comfort and um self-soothing or

soothing with your parent or caregiver.

But most of the pheromone research that

I'm aware of is

um like sexuality, attractiveness,

charisma,

um but mostly due to mating behavior. Um

so, going back to this subject of

stress,

I get stressed now. I kind of understand

the difference between acute stress and

sort of chronic stress, which is a very

bad thing. In your book, you talk about

the resilience rule of two.

Yes.

The resilience rule of two is how our

brains make change possible.

So,

when we are undergoing a change, even a

positive change in our life, like let's

say, you know, I've had a patient who

came to see me and had a binder filled

of things that he was trying. And it was

like the kit- everything but the kitchen

sink approach.

And so, he came to see me and was like,

"Doc, I've been doing a great job. It's

been a month and now I'm in month two

and I don't want to do any of it. And

I'm done."

And he was under a lot of stress and he

was trying all sorts of things. We've

all been there. We've tried lots of

different things. And then you just say,

"Okay, I'm done. Can't do any of it."

Why?

Our brains, even when we're making

positive changes, like let's say you

recognize like, "Yeah, I think stress is

a problem in my life. I'm going to make

a change. I'm going to start eating

better and I'm going to start exercising

and sleeping better and I'm going to

spend time with friends and I'm going to

do less work and I'm going to do all of

these things to help my life and, you

know, make a big lifestyle overhaul."

And I'm really stressed. It will not

last because our brains have the ability

to make two new changes at a time

because even positive change, like all

of these things that we're describing

right now, are a stressor to your brain.

How do we know that? How do we know we

can only make two changes at once? The

basis of the rule of two is based on a

seminal landmark study in the 1960s by

two psychiatrists, doctors Holmes and

Rahe.

They looked at 5,000 people and looked

at 43 common conditions, like life

events that happen in people's lives,

the most common ones.

Graduation, getting a new job,

buying your first home, a outstanding

personal achievement, getting married,

having a child, getting a divorce, death

of a loved one, 43 of the most common

conditions. And when in every single

condition, good and bad, got a score.

They studied 5,000 people and found that

the more life events someone accrued,

and it's not about like age or, you

know, chronology of age. It's just the

more life events a person accrued, the

greater their stress. The greater the

likelihood also that they would develop

an illness later in life.

And that Holmes and Rahe study is the

basis of this rule of two because what

they discovered is that positive life

changes are also a stress to your brain

and your body. And that is because there

is a certain level of adapting. You

know, there's a certain level of human

adaptation that needs to happen with

something positive and fantastic that

happens in your life to regain the

stability that you had before. Think

about your own life. There are probably

so many examples. I recently moved into

a new home. Everyone was like,

"Congratulations, this is amazing, a new

home."

And it was wonderful for a few months

and then like also incredibly stressful.

And then of course, I had the delayed

stress reaction 3 months later, right?

Like where you're running on adrenaline

initially and everything is great and

then

that stops and then you're, you know,

having sleepless nights about all the

various stressors. So, the rule of two

is based on this idea that positive life

events, things that you think might be

really helpful to you to manage your

stress, if you do them all at once,

chances are it's not going to stick. So,

instead, aim to do two new things at a

time. Build them into your life over

time. In the five resets, I offer five

mindset shifts, 15 science-backed

strategies, and every step of the way,

it's about two small changes at a time.

You work with your biology of stress

rather than against it and competing

against it. That is how you make change

possible. In clinical practice, when I

was a medical resident learning how to

take care of patients, my mentors would

do the same thing. So, this is 50 years

later after that study. They taught me

that when I'm seeing a patient, you

know, a patient will come in with a

laundry list of symptoms or they will

have six, seven, eight medical

conditions. You always focus on two

things. Because if you say to the

patient, "I really think you should stop

smoking. Here's some suggestions. Let's

work on your weight and get your weight

better. Let's work on your cholesterol.

How about your blood pressure? How about

minimizing chances of cancer?"

Too overwhelming for the brain to

sustain.

Instead, let's focus on getting you to

stop smoking and let's focus on lowering

your cholesterol. These are two tangible

things that you can work on. It takes

about 8 weeks to build a habit. Once you

are engaged and that has become a habit

for you, then you add two new things.

Let 8 weeks go by, then two new things.

So, over time, you do address that

laundry list of symptoms. Or in this

patient's case, you know, all eight

medical diagnoses. In the other

patient's case who came in with

everything but the kitchen sink approach

to managing his stress, we eventually

did get all the way to the finish line

of fixing his stress and addressing all

of the issues. But it only happens two

small incremental steps at a time.

The five resets. The first of those

resets is to get clear on what matters

the most.

When you are feeling a sense of stress,

you are living in survival mode.

You are governed by your amygdala.

It's focus is self-preservation. You are

literally living in the moment.

Your prefrontal cortex is the area of

your brain that, like we said, behind

the forehead, that governs forward

thinking, planning, organization.

When you tell someone who is deeply

stressed and in a

crisis or fight or flight mode, "Oh,

just figure it out. You know, make a

plan. Figure out what's going to help

you and just do it. Mind over matter."

None of that helps. It is also

biologically impossible to think five,

10 steps ahead when you are living in

fight or flight mode governed by your

amygdala.

The first reset get clear on what

matters most offers three concrete

science-backed strategies that can help

you when you are feeling a sense of

stress and you're in fight or flight

mode to help get out of your own way,

create a roadmap and a plan forward. So,

it actively through going the

by going through these strategies you

slowly get out of that amygdala mode and

back to letting your prefrontal cortex

take over. So, how do I figure out what

matters to me most? Is there a system?

Yes.

Most is an acronym m o s t and the book

has a whole strategy of how to figure

out what matters to you most because

it's not so much what's the matter with

me. It's what matters to me most. So,

when you shift that framework and stop

blaming yourself and criticizing

yourself of like this you know, what's

the matter with me? Why do I feel like

this? Instead have an external why we

know that when you have a why you can

get through things, right? Like you have

a North Star of like how do you want to

get to that place? And so, my job is to

hold up a mirror and say this is your

why because you you figured it out using

the strategies. The first reset will get

you a clear plan and roadmap to that

destination. So, I'm going to do the

first reset. Um

So, you have a stress score that you

sort of initially do with your patients,

right? So, you figure out how stressed

they are. That's right. There's some

questions I think in the book which I'll

put up on the screen for anyone that's

watching the video. These are questions

you ask your patient to help them figure

out their stress score. Yes. And then

the first reset is really figuring out

what matters to them which is

the acronym you're talking about most

motivating objectives small and timely.

That's like a

What am I doing with that? So, I'm

setting myself a a goal

or understanding what matters what goals

matter to me and I want those goals to

be motivating objective which means

um can you objectively and easily

monitor

this goal's progress? Small is the goal

small enough to guarantee success? And

timely is the goal time sensitive? Can

you achieve it in the next 3 months?

I've had so many patients when I was

seeing patients in Boston I have had so

many patients who have been stressed and

they want to feel better but they don't

know why.

Because they are consumed with what's

matter what's the matter with me? What's

the matter with me? Rather than what

matters most to me. And so, this is a

way to reframe that internal dialogue

and the conversation to what matters

most to you. And so, you figure out what

your most goal is and there are many

examples throughout the book. The book

is filled with patient stories real life

people who've had lots of different

experiences and there examples of most

goals. You know, some most goals have

been I want to throw I want to teach my

grandson on how to throw a baseball.

I want to go this summer on a hike and

my knees not hurt. How does that help me

with my stress?

Because you have something to look

forward to. Okay. It takes me out of the

present moment. And it also gives you

something measurable. You know, when we

stress can often feel like this vague

nebulous thing that's happening to us,

right? But we need a metric to measure

our progress and the book is filled with

metrics. And so, the most goal is your

first sort of like North Star of this is

where you want to go and then there are

various other strategies throughout the

book of like how to get there and what

to measure. We do this with I don't

know. We do this with every single we do

this with blood pressure. We check to

see like if you have high blood

pressure. We check like oh, your blood

pressure's getting better with these

interventions. But we don't do anything

when it comes to stress. We just say

like are you feeling better? Yes or no.

And stress is not a yes or no question.

There are degrees and shades of stress

in there. So, you need a quantifiable

metric to say yes

my stress is getting better. Why?

Because I wanted to walk 20 blocks and

guess what? I could walk zero blocks

when I started with you, but now I can

walk five blocks and that is good. So,

whatever that goal is for you of like

you're feeling a lot of stress because

you've had a medical issue or you know,

whatever that most goal to you is

finding that goalpost to say like okay,

that's my destination and this is where

I am today and then finding a way to get

there. And um this this team here

there's about 30 of us at the Drive CEO

and we we have a group inside the

company which is about exercise and

fitness and we do that because

um so many members of the team love to

exercise. I mean even the team here in

New York City they went out for a long

run all of them together

um in the morning. And I think you know,

we do that because we have goals for

fitness and we like exercise whatever

else. What is the evidence that shows

exercise helps with stress management?

What is the research? Reams of research

on exercise helping with stress and the

real

misconception is that you have to do a

lot of exercise to manage stress and

that is unequivocally false.

Even a little bit of exercise can help

because it gets you out of your head and

into your body.

A few minutes here and there can make

all the difference.

Park far away when you're driving

someplace and you're going to a

restaurant or you're going into a mall a

shopping center. Park far and walk if

you can. Build it into your day

throughout the day. Take the stairs if

you can. It is just small incremental

changes over the course of a day. Aim

for 20-minute walk. It has lots of

health benefits. It gets you out of your

head into your body. It gets you into

that daily habit of movement. Initially

when you are a sedentary person and a

lifelong non-exerciser going into the

gym to exercise is like a complete

deterrent. I remember as a medical

resident when I was going through my

stress struggle I had a state-of-the-art

gym in my building. I remember being

incredibly stressed and you know, I'm a

doctor. I was like oh yeah, exercise is

good for me.

I walked into the gym. I saw the

mirrors. I saw all of the fancy

equipment the techno music blasting. I

walked right out. Walked right out.

I then started a walking regimen simply

because it was nice out one day and I

walked around the block and then I was

like oh, that felt really nice. Next day

I walked around the block and then some.

Did a 5-10 minute extra walk. And then

the next day it was manageable. It was a

low lift. It was easy for me to do.

Wasn't like all this complicated

equipment. So, I walked a little bit

more and I just gradually moved up over

the course of a week or two to 20

minutes and then I committed to a

20-minute walk. Over time my

self-efficacy which is that ability of

of you to know like oh, I can do this.

It increased and that's what happens

when you exercise and you do something

like this something small a little bit

every day your sense of self-efficacy

increases. So, you feel like oh, I can

do this and your inner critic starts

silencing.

And then I started walking. Just the

walkers. You know, not the extreme

exercises just the walkers. You're

telling me there's research that shows

those people have are less stressed in

their lives and more resilient person.

It's not so much that walkers are less

stressed. It's that movement when you go

from being sedentary to moving that

daily physical activity even at low

levels can help decrease your stress.

So, it's not like Why and how?

So many reasons. So, the first reason is

because something like walking is

something that's a very natural

phenomenon that all of us do. We don't

really feel like walking when we are

feeling a sense of stress. You just want

to be still, but science shows that you

know, you've heard of the expression

sitting is a new smoking. You've heard

of that expression. But a research study

found that sitting can also increase

your sense of anxiety.

So, it's not so much that sitting is the

new smoking per se. Yes, but it also has

a tremendous impact on your actual

mental health and that movement is a

antidote to that. So, it's not necessary

that you have to do excessive exercise,

but even just a simple walk getting out

low grade exercise has been shown to

help with longevity. It's been It's been

shown to help with so many markers of

health just a simple walk. And yes, your

team, you know, people like to run. I'm

not saying that like you don't have you

you can continue running, but that's

someone who is like a avid exerciser and

so, they run. Some people walk. It

doesn't really matter what you do. It's

that you do something you enjoy a little

bit every day.

I want to talk about social media and in

your book you use this term popcorn

brain which

I for a second when I read what popcorn

brain meant

started to think maybe I now have a

popcorn brain.

What is a popcorn brain?

Many people most people have popcorn

brain. Popcorn brain is a biological

phenomenon a real biological phenomenon

coined by a man named Dr. Levy a

psychologist.

And it is essentially your brain

circuitry starting to pop based on

overstimulation. So, it's not like your

brain is actually popping, but it's that

sensation of

popcorning

because of spending too much time

online.

It is hard to disengage from what's

happening online because there's a

constant information stream and it is

difficult to live fully offline where

life moves at a decidedly slower pace.

Popcorn brain is an affliction that

nearly every single person has right

now. Think about what you do when you're

waiting in line at the grocery store.

You're not just like letting your brain

wander pondering things. You are on your

phone. What are you doing at the bank?

On your phone. At a car wash at a

traffic light. Pedestrians walking

across the street. They're not looking

up at the light. In fact, it's like one

of the hazards, a public health hazard

of, you know, pedestrians having near

miss accidents because they're looking

down on your phone. I see it in Boston

all the time. A busy street and people

are looking at their phone.

Most people listening now will be like

on a tube somewhere, on a train, on a

plane,

looking at their phone.

While they're listening to this, but we

rarely give our brains a moment of rest.

So,

popcorn brain is different. A lot of

people will ask me, is popcorn brain

internet addiction? No.

Internet addiction is a real, it's

called internet addiction disorder. It's

a DSM-4 criteria and it means that's our

diagnostic criteria in um medicine.

And it's a real disorder, but what

really defines

internet addiction and popcorn brain is

that internet addiction interferes with

your life where you're unable to do

certain things. Popcorn brain, on the

other hand, is ubiquitous. It's

everywhere. It is what defines modern

life. Those two are very different

things.

And when we are feeling a sense of

stress, we are especially prone to

popcorn brain. Why? Because when we feel

stressed, we talked about the amygdala,

right? Like that part of our brain that

is focused on survival and

self-preservation.

Back evolutionarily, when we were all

cave people,

there was a night watch person and that

person would sit by the fire, the tribe

would sleep, and that person would scan

for danger

to keep the tribe safe.

In modern times, we have all become that

night watch person and we scroll

incessantly when we feel a sense of

stress because it is our primal urge. It

is the way our amygdala feels a sense of

safety because we are scanning for

danger. We are no longer in a tribe,

we're not cave people anymore. So, what

do we do? We scroll. That is how we are

scanning for danger, especially when we

are feeling stressed. In recent times,

there's been a lot of bad news. In fact,

it feels like the onslaught of bad news,

one thing after another, whether it's a

climate disaster or a conflict in a

certain part of the world or something

or the other is always happening now.

The information stream, it is rapid and

unprecedented.

And so, we are constantly scrolling and

scanning for danger. And it's that

primal urge to scroll. So, how do we The

goal is really not to limit our social

media use or media use because we know

studies have shown that it is not about

abstinence because that actually doesn't

have an impact a positive impact on our

mental health or our well-being, but

what does have an impact on our mental

health and well-being is

decreasing our reliance to our phones.

You know, most of us check our phones

2,600

times a day. That is a statistic. 2,617

times a day is the average number of

times a person looks at their phone.

Think about that, right? The other thing

you want to think about is when you're

thinking about like, huh,

do I have Am I Do I have a reliance on

my phone? It's like the goal here is to

reconsider your relationship with your

phone. It is not about abstinence. We're

not trying to become digital monks here.

It's about creating digital boundaries.

In every relationship in your life, you

have boundaries. You have a boundary

with your partner, with your children,

with your colleagues because

relationships need boundaries, right? To

thrive. Why don't we have a boundary

when it comes to the relationship we

have with our phone? There is no

boundary. It is simply porous. We check

in the morning, we check at night.

What's the first thing you do when you

wake up before your second eye is even

open? You are scrolling.

Studies show that 62% of people check

their phones within 15 minutes of waking

up and about 50% check them in the

middle of the night.

I'm guilty of this. I I like I'm not

going to pretend I'm some saint here.

I'm that person. I'm on on the upper end

of that scale.

I'm glued to my phone.

Glued to my phone. And you know what?

When I'm stressed, I'm even more glued

to it.

That is facts.

I tell you, when I'm stressed, I got

some bad habits. It's your primal urge

to scroll. It's a feedback loop. You

want to feel safe. out the window.

You know, all kinds of bad habits that

are

And we can talk about the diet piece,

too.

of them we can't talk about, but we can

talk about the diet piece. For some

reason,

if there's ever a time in my life where

my diet slips, it's when work is hard or

when I'm, you know, when something's

difficult in my life.

That's when I I just can't get out of

that bad diet rut for just, you know,

just a moment. So, we can do a small

caveat cuz I think the social media

piece is really interesting and what

people like everyone loves hearing about

that.

The reason that you crave high So,

emotional eating is what you're

describing when you're saying that your

diet goes out the window when you're

feeling a sense of stress. And that is

because your amygdala

When your amygdala, like I said, it's

like a I'm like a broken record when I

say your amygdala is focused on survival

and self-preservation.

Your amygdala doesn't recognize a famine

coming or bills or work stress, right?

It's the reptilian part of your brain.

And so, it is focused on survival and

calories equals survival. So, when you

are stress eating or emotional eating,

your body craves high-fat, high-sugar

foods.

That's just biologically what your body

craves. And that is why instead of

berating yourself and letting that inner

critic really Instead of berating

yourself and letting that inner critic

really take off, like when you're

craving, you know, chocolate cake or my

guilty pleasure is tortilla chips. I

just can't get enough when I'm under

stress. What's your stress food?

Carrot cake.

Oh my god, I didn't Listen, I can't get

carrot So, you know, it's carrot cake's

not easy to get. You can't bake it

yourself very easily. But um I'd say

like just things like that, like sweet

foods are my probably my my thing when

when I'm really stressed. And it I

sometimes I go through these periods,

maybe it once every like three to four

months. I'm like really I think

generally, if you see what I eat, I

think I'm really healthy. I think I I do

what I say, but there are moments, you

know. And it should be that way because

you're a human being and it ebbs and

flows. And so, you're not a robot,

you're a mere mortal, as am I. And so,

even though I know all of the science,

like put a chocolate cake in front of me

when I'm stressed and I will, of course,

it's my biology. Anyway, so back We can

talk about social media if you wish, but

that is an important caveat cuz I think

people

often when you're stress eating and

you're feeling a lot of stress, like you

even said, right? Like, I hate myself

when I'm my diet is off and

I stop beating myself up. I'm like,

"Steve, listen, you got bloody podcasts,

there's people that follow you that

like, you know,

I think like you got you got to live

what you say." And then I'll just go

through that moment of It's like It

feels like most of the time I've got my

hands on the steering wheel and I'm in

charge. And then once in a while, I'm in

the backseat and this car is on

autopilot and and we're just flying down

the motorway and I'm I'm like, "Jesus,

I'm I'm trying to get back into the

front seat." And I'm struggling against

I don't know, the wind, the windows are

open, shit's flying everywhere. And then

eventually I get a hold of the steering

wheel again with one hand and then I can

kind of pull myself back onto the

steering wheel. And we have another good

couple of months, you know. Discipline

has its turns.

And that ability that you have, that

where you are able to get out of the

backseat,

get your whereabouts and get back into

the front seat and the driver's seat,

that time for you is likely maybe a

week, maybe 2 weeks max. Yeah. And

because you have all of this knowledge

and you've done this before, it's a

muscle, right? It like grows, that sense

of agency and like I can do this. I know

how to get this back on track. For

others who may not have the practice

that you have or the knowledge, it takes

a longer time. And that is what I am

trying to work on is like closing the

gap between knowledge and action.

Understanding, by the way, that your

brain it takes 8 weeks to build a habit

and falling off the wagon is part of

habit building. So, how? How do we close

that gap? Some There's going to be

people listening to this now that have

heard everything you've said. They want

to implement better habits in their life

to counteract the stress they're

experiencing. They want to get away from

that red velvet carrot cake, whatever.

Um but they don't have that sense of

agency or they struggle to a more

extreme extent. You don't have to have a

sense of agency. In fact, my favorite

patients have been the skeptical

patients.

And people who are like, "I don't

believe any of this stuff." When you

follow the five resets and the 15

science-backed strategies, your body

it's all based on the biology of stress.

So, when you start the process and you

go through the first technique and the

second technique, your brain and your

body will just know what to do because

you will be doing the work. It's all

about the work of doing. And when you do

better, you feel better. That's the

mind-body connection. Your brain and

your body are constantly speaking to

each other. They're inextricably linked.

What's good for your body is good for

your brain. And when you do better, you

feel better, but it's all in the doing

and getting yourself into that moment of

action when you have the information,

but you need to act. It's all about

small Keeping it smaller than you think

it is. So, it's not about going to the

gym for an hour every day when you're

stressed. Forget it. Your amygdala and

prefrontal cortex will be duking it out

for that one. No way, you're not going

to go. It's like you're wading through

molasses to put your sneakers on. But,

if you start small and say I'm going to

go for a 5-minute walk today, you'll do

it. But sometimes it's so small that

it's almost humiliating. It's so small

that it seems trivial. That's how it

feels, right? Two minutes, what's that

going to do? Two minute walk, that's not

that's going to do nothing.

Trust the process. I'm not going to lose

any belly fat with 2 minutes. It's not

about losing belly fat. So, the cosmetic

promise of fitness has never propelled

any of my patients from going from

lifelong non-exercisers to exercisers.

Taut bellies, muscular physiques, never

the reason people exercise. People start

exercising because because those are all