Don't listen to other people's opinions.

Friendly reminder that most people are

fat, poor pansies and don't listen to

them when they try to deter you from

whatever it takes to succeed. The

average person will always try to keep

you average. It makes sense that if you

want to be extraordinary, you will do

things that an ordinary person would see

as extra. This is the really hard part

that I had to come to terms with. It's

that a lot of people want to see you

fail because it justifies the risk that

they chose not to take. We always have

to think about listening to the people

who are closest to our goals, not

closest to us.

We yearn for the approval

of

many people

who don't have lives that we want.

And so if they have a specific life,

then it means that that is what they

think is valuable. And if we don't want

what they have,

then why would we value their weight on

our decisions?

>> And so it's like you have this, they're

like, we have this mold that is my life.

Your life no longer fits my mold. And

you're like, "Right, I don't like the

pot that that mold makes." And so

somehow when people state the obvious,

which is that you are living your life

against my preferences,

we somehow feel like that needs to

change because when we're younger and

growing up,

>> we can't leave.

>> Yeah. You can't leave. And you do need

to live your life according to your

parents' preferences, your teachers

preferences, your classmates's

preferences, your principal's

preferences. Um, but when you get older,

you do have to break the mold and decide

what mold you want. And in so doing, you

will be against their preferences. And

if the vast majority of people have a

life that you don't want, then you're

going to do things that the vast

majority of people don't agree with.

>> I think the average American adult is

obese, likely to be divorced, and has

less than 1K in the bank. And doing what

everybody else does sounds like a great

idea, but it's actually a reliable route

to a life that you're probably not

looking for.

This is I feel very passionately about

this particular topic because

it means that the path to exceptionalism

is lonely

and loneliness is something that we

decry as a society that there's

something wrong with it. There's

something bad. There's something wrong

with you.

If many people disagree with you, but

this is but success and pursuit of large

endeavors is one of those few domains

where

everyone disagreeing with you is a

signal that you are actually

doing something different. Now,

sometimes you doing something different

is the wrong move. I think um Larry

Ellison said this. He said, uh,

if everyone thinks your idea is stupid,

either

they're right or you're right.

>> And if you're right, then you're likely

to make a lot of money. I'm loosely

paraphrasing, but basically it's like we

have to be willing to do exceptional

things in isolation

and deal with the pain of rejection. Um,

and some of rejection isn't people

saying, "No, I don't want to buy from

you." Some of rejection is people just

rejecting your behavior, rejecting who

you're becoming, rejecting the choices

that you're making.

>> Um, and I think that rejection often

times is harder because it often

surfaces as snide remarks,

>> jokes that are demeaning, that have a

little bit too much edge to them, like a

little bit too much truth, or even just

being excluded, a more silent version of

that. Not commission, but omission. Oh,

we won't invite them out. Yeah. You you

you turned up to squash practice. I

didn't know it was on. I just thought

that I don't know. Do you guys not tell

me? Oh, yeah. Well, all right. Come on,

join. Yeah, there those moments and I

think those moments are very painful.

Um, but you you trade those moments for

the many moments when you're at home

alone

looking at your life around you and

saying this is not what I want.

>> I don't want to be here,

>> right? I don't want to be here. I don't

want to be who I am

>> and I don't want to be there with them

either then.

>> Right? And so it's no man's land. Um,

and I think that that is like the

beginning of the metamorphosis, the

beginning of the transformation.

>> It's the single most powerful idea that

me and you have come up with, the lonely

chapter

>> by far. By far. And I think the reason

that it speaks to people is that the

amount of doubt that you have to endure

when doing this for the first time when

nobody around you understands what

you're trying to do. When you're

actively being discouraged from making

changes and you have no promise of glory

or success on the other side of it is

one of the most perfect cocktails of

pain and discomfort that you can go

through. And this happens on every

mountain. So it happens on your first

mountain and it happens on your second

mountain. Like if you are you've

achieved some level of success that

everyone around you deems as successful

enough by their standards not yours when

you pursue the next summit they then all

of it begins again. The machine begins

again. I actually think that for a lot

of people the first big lonely chapter

that they will feel will be after their

first success because for a lot of

people the first success is done within

the frame that they're already inside

of. They get to the top of it and

realize it wasn't what they wanted. And

then some people decide to go back down.

Uh maybe some people don't need to go up

the first mountain to realize they're

somewhere they don't want to be. But for

a lot of people, especially people that

are driven and and pushed toward

excellence, I think they actually have

to get there within this was my story,

right? getting

one of the biggest events companies in

the UK running an organization that is

cool and fun and I got to define and I

was the boss and everybody knew me and

there's some wealth and some status and

some freedom and there's girls

everybody's telling me that this is

something that I should be happy about

and satisfied with and for some reason

it didn't feel right and the only way to

try and find something new is to let go

of something that everybody else is

telling you is something that you should

want

>> local maximums

and it's like the furthest up they can

see up the mountain and then when you

get to that new local maximum you have a

different perception than they do and

you can see the next peak and they can't

>> some people don't need to go up the peak

but I think a lot of people do.

>> Yeah. I um I wonder if those are

different types of lonely chapter wonder

if there's a different type of a lonely

chapter of letting go. I I I've kind of

been hold that thought. I I just I I

really wanted to talk to you about the

difference between having fallen off and

having never never made it.

>> And having fallen off a lot of the time

is somebody going from one local maxima

to another local maxima that's higher or

to a global maxima. Like sure some

fall-offs occur not through choice but

that evolution might be somebody going

my priorities have changed

>> and you are judging me on the scorecard

of the game that I used to play.

>> I'm not bothered about that anymore.

Oh, that guy fell off.

>> Man, I have two two completely different

thoughts about this. Um,

one is short and then I'll I'll make the

longer one. Um, I realized when I was I

was writing something a while ago. Um,

that

when you haven't when you have no

evidence or no proof that you're going

to be successful, everyone will ask why

you're working so hard. And then once

you win, everyone asks why you're

working so hard. Mhm.

>> You know that was the Mark Manson one

that he said, "We'll tell you how lucky

you are." Oh, is it?

>> And you liked the idea of

>> No, they just asked you again why you're

working so hard. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. And

>> it was a funny remix.

>> Yeah. And um and it was just a

realization that people were literally

always going to ask me why I was working

so hard or why you were working so hard

and why are you pursuing your goals

because they're saying that your goals

are not the goals that I would pursue

and to which you would respond yes.

The second thing was um I was I was

talking to an entrepreneur, really

successful, and they were saying, "Hey,

I really want um I want to dominate my

market. I want to put everyone else out

of business, blah blah blah blah blah."

And I, as somebody who has put people

out of business, um, I will say that

it doesn't come with parades and it

doesn't come with balloons and it's not

Goliath versus Goliath because by the

time you actually beat them into true

submission, it's really like a giant

beating a child

>> because it's almost never a true fair

fight and there are no rules and there

is no referee and no one determines you

the winner. And so what ends up

happening is you get bigger and bigger

and bigger and then they shrink into

irrelevance and then you see a Facebook

post that says that they've changed

their goals and that they actually

determine that this isn't as important

to them as it once was.

>> And I think that one that's okay. Um

two, it's not satisfying at all. three,

when you see the jobs and the employees

that actually worked at the company that

were just, you know, living their lives

and have kids and all of a sudden like

this idea of this conquest that you're

going to beat someone feels

significantly less rewarding.

>> Um,

>> that's glorious.

>> 100%.

And

I used to I used to joke that when

losers lose, they change their goals

rather than say they lost.

And

I think it's more that they might have

at some point while they began to lose,

maybe it's the first quarter, the second

quarter of their game, they're down by a

few points, they might have some

awareness of what it would take in order

to win, but they determined at that

point that the trade was no longer worth

it.

>> And I think that that's okay. And I

would say that that has that is a shift

that I've had personally is that if

someone no longer determines that the

price is worth it, then amazing. they've

made a they've made a conscious

decision. What I what I I would say I

advocate against is having that decision

made for you because you weren't

conscious of the decision being made to

begin with

>> and then just basically accepting it.

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