Today I want to talk about something

that destroys relationships,

friendships, marriages and it's actually

something very very simple that you

would think is mundane and it is just

basic conflict resolution skills. Being

good at conflict resolution is

absolutely essential for a functional

life. In your work, in your marriage, in

dealing with people at church, every

aspect of your life, you need to know

how to resolve conflicts. What is

absolutely essential for conflict

resolution is humility. And as father

Moses says, there is no humility without

humiliation. You are going to be wrong.

You have to admit that you are wrong.

You have to admit when you were wrong

fast cuz often when we're getting into

disagreements, when we're getting into

arguments to other people, it's very

easy to not have the right attitude to

justify yourself. And why do we justify

ourselves? It's because often we have an

idea of oursel in our head. I I

definitely do and I've struggled with

this is you think I'm a good person, you

know, I have good intentions. I'm not

like other people who are malicious.

Like I'm actually trying to help people

and do good. Therefore, it's like if

someone doesn't like what I'm doing,

it's like, what do you mean? I'm trying

to help you. Therefore, you try and

justify ourselves. I think we can very

easily fall into this. And what this

really is is that it's egotism

because this image of self in our head

is not harmless. It's actually

dangerous. And it's because the greatest

idol you are ever going to face is

yourself. If anyone is going to keep you

from entering heaven, it's going to be

you. Your own pride, your own arrogance,

your own sloth, your own

self-justification. That is what is

going to condemn you. And so that's why

humility is absolutely key especially in

conflict resolution with your friends,

with your family, with your work. And

knowing this will radically change your

life. And even if we hear this, you're

going to experience it at some point in

your life of having this idea of

yourself shattered. So like anything,

like any of our sins, it starts with

awareness of it, of thinking about the

idea of yourself and destroying that

idol that you are a good person. No one

is good except God. God is a source of

goodness. And I don't say this to make

you sad, to make you despair. This is

actually the only way you can be free

is that egotism is not confidence. It is

self-worthship. It is pride. When you

build a image of yourself, I'm good. I'm

righteous. I have good intentions.

That's all that matters. I'm spiritual.

You know, I go to church. I do the fast.

I do all these things. I'm better than

the other people. like other people

don't go to church, other people don't

do this, other people don't volunteer.

It's like that's when we deceive

ourselves is whenever we compare

ourselves to other, we are completely

deceiving ourselves. That is what is key

in the public versus Pharisee situation

is that the Pharisee focused on his own

self-righteousness and that he's not

like other people. The publican said,

"Lord have mercy on me a sinner." That

should be our attitude in everything is

self-denial,

love, and not putting ourselves above

anyone.

This is the key to humility

is that it is going to be humiliating

when you're trying to help, you have

good intentions, someone corrects you,

admitting it soon. What often can happen

in arguments is that we prolong an

argument because of our pride where we

don't want to admit it and it may be

with a friend a friend who's bitter.

They bring something up. They h they're

resentful and we spew that venom back at

them that bitterness. Something

surprising happens like we think that

this isn't going to be a big issue with

a friend and then we maybe confront them

on it or ask and they explode. And so we

always have to be the bigger person and

do not condescend to them. If someone is

acting in a sinful bad way, don't give

into it. And I know it's so tempting.

It's so tempting if someone's throwing

crap at you in an argument and just

unloading all this bad stuff on you to

just want to give that back. Don't do

that. You are just adding fuel to the

fire. And so this is why it's also key

for humility is to have boundaries. Is

that this idea that we have good

intentions and we want to help people,

therefore we're good. That idea just

needs to die. And

having boundaries with knowing our

capacity is that when someone asks us to

do something, we want to help. We need

to be clear about what our boundary is.

What we are able to give is just be

direct, be honest. That is what virtue

is. Is that what having a boundary in a

relationship is with a friend with your

spouse, with a family member, with even

you know members of your church is

having a boundary and being honest about

what you can give in a situation so you

don't overcommit and then you build up

resentment and then that resentment

comes out and then it it feeds this

cycle. Prideful to not have a boundary.

You need to have boundaries. You need to

know the limits of yourself is that you

need to know that you are limited. All

of this mental image of ourselves that

we are aware of that if we are thinking

that oh I'm a good person I have good

intentions that that needs to stop is

that this is the most freeing thing

because then approach each situation

individually not to justify yourself but

just to focus on the facts of the

situation and just focus on yourself.

Did I respond in the best way I could

have? Did I give my best in this

conversation? And if you didn't,

apologize for it. Often in conflict

resolution with friends, with with

family members, we can bring a sense of

bitterness. Now, the opposite of egotism

and putting this to death is not low

self-esteem, but it is humility. Seeing

things truthfully. The publican prayed,

"Lord, have mercy on me a sinner." He

wasn't desparing. He was honest.

Humility is simply telling the truth

about yourself. And so when someone

corrects you, exposes your faults, or

confronts your pride, that's your chance

to be healed. If you receive it, instead

of being defensive about it, instead of

trying to justify yourself and say, "Oh,

well, I had I had good intentions. Oh, I

was trying to do this." Just say,

"Okay." Often what I have found is your

critics will tell you the most about

yourself. is that I like listening to my

critics and I've learned a lot from my

critics. Even though they will make some

unfair criticism. They will say some

things that are presumptuous and aren't

true. There is some legitimate criticism

from your critics. So listen to your

critics. Listen to your critics and

receive it. And again, you don't have to

try and justify yourself and explain

this. You can just admit where you are

wrong. And again, this doesn't mean to

despise yourself. It just means to stop

worshiping yourself. And it's very easy

to say, well, I'm not worshiping myself.

I'm not deceiving myself. But it's so

easy to do. We all do it in different

ways. If it's done in this way, I'm sure

it's another way. And when that false

self dies, the true self made in God's

image comes alive. When the ego falls,

when the ego falls and is put to death,

love rises, compassion rises, repentance

rises. God rises in you every time you

deny yourself. when you want to justify

yourself in an argument, when you want

to just be right, when you want to just

say, "Well, at least I'm not like that

other person." Or you have this false

idea of yourself is every time you put

that to death, you are denying yourself.

You are picking up your cross. And this

is essential to living a Christian life

is that we often think Christian

morality is just about these big things

like what's your opinion on abortion,

murder, gay marriage. It's like, well,

all those things are very important,

those things don't always just happen

every single day. What does happen every

day is conflict resolution. You're

dealing with people every single day.

It's like, are you being forgiving? Are

you being humble in those conversations?

Is this is the greatest idol you're ever

going to face is yourself. is just

knowing that is there is a battle within

you every day between your true self who

God wants you to be and the false self

who the demons are trying to pull you

down and to make you give in to all your

sins. How we can put this old self to

death is through a life in the church is

through being baptized and born again

and constant confession. That's why the

examination of conscience is really

important to do weekly. So, you're

reflecting on your sins and being honest

with yourself, asking God to illumine

you. And God is merciful. We sin so

much. He allows us to deal with just

some sins at a time. It's moving up the

ladder more and more. But you have to

start the program. You have to go to

confession. You have to receive the

Eucharist. All of this is meant to heal

your mind, soul, and body. Read the

saints. Read the lives of the saints.

There's lots of good books and YouTube

channels that show the lives of the

saints. and reading the aesthetics and

reading how they approach things is that

this is the point of Christianity is to

solve the problems in your heart. This

is the beginning of growth. That

self-perception idol is smashed. You can

actually start to grow. In every person

we meet, there's reasons to be angry at

them for their vain thoughts, for their

sins. Now, there's also reason to praise

them because of the good things they've

done. They're good fruits. They're made

in the image of God. There's always

going to be problems with people. And

so, we can start with seeing the good in

other people, just focusing on the good.

And if they do something bad, they're

sick. It's not them, it's the demons. We

pray for them and we and they're sick.

And when we start approaching everyone

that way, we start to see the world

differently. Not only that, but also

seeing the sinner in ourselves is when

we see someone do something bad, it's

like, "Oh, why would they do that?"

think about it and reflect on it and

think, well, I've probably done that

stuff and I've done things that are a

thousand times worse. And also, I'm

someone who's supposed to be taking my

faith seriously. I'm a terrible example

of a Christian. It's just accepting that

I'm not a good Christian. I'm not a good

person, but God wants me to be. God

wants me to be a saint and I and I know

I'm not good. Allowing it to settle in

that you're not a good example. And

that's when you can really start to have

growth because that's all God wants to

see. God just wants a humble heart. A

broken and humble heart God will not

despise. The more time you spend in

silence and with God and in prayer, it

will illumin you. It will bring clarity

to whatever issue you're struggling. You

probably have a heavy cross. God is with

you. I don't say all of this to make you

feel bad. I say all of it because it it

is sorrowful when you repent, but it is

also joyful. You can start doing

orthodox prayers today. All you need is

a Bible. Go to the Psalms. They're

beautiful. There's so many good psalms

about repentance. I hope you enjoyed the

video. Let me know if you want me to

make more videos like this. Thank you.

God bless.