Body Language Expert: The 3 "Dark Psychology" Tricks To Read Anyone's Mind! - Chase Hughes
3349 segments
This is how social media starts roping
you in. This is how politics starts
roping you in. This is how cult leaders
will recruit you into a cult. It's the
number one way that we influence another
human being. Micro compliance. And
hypnosis is a great example of this.
Like I can have a person laying on the
floor unconscious in maybe a minute and
a half. And it's very easy to do.
Anybody can learn to do it. But one of
the things you'll see me do at the
beginning of that is like give me your
hand, put both hands out like this, and
then flip them over. You look all the
way up and look all the way down. I make
them do like 50 things. None of the
things that I just did with them are
meaningful. Everything was micro
compliance. And you don't realize that
you're going through massive amount of
compliance in order to get your behavior
to change or influence another human
being. Use what works for brainwashing
because our brains have not developed
one more wrinkle in the last 200,000
years. So a regular example of this is
novelty. Anything novel hijacks our
brain. So if you're trying to change
your beliefs or you want to lose this
weight, change something up in your
life, change your wardrobe, repaint the
walls in your office, you need to tell
the animal part of our brain here
because this has been proven on fMRI
studies that the decision shows up
before we're conscious of it. What about
humanto human skills? So people are
starving to have great conversations
that are very influential, which means
that if I'm an attorney, I can sway a
jury. If I'm a hostage negotiator, I
save people's lives. If I'm a parent, I
raise better kids because I can
communicate in a way that gets the
outcome that I'm looking for. And you
can do that with any of these techniques
like negative dissociation, the
childhood development triangle. There's
this thing called the PCP model. And
when it comes to influencing human
beings, that is the most important thing
that you could ever understand.
>> That might just be the most important
skill in the world. So, let's do some
role playing.
>> All right,
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being part of this journey. Means the
world. And uh yeah, let's do this.
Chase, the world is changing rapidly
before our eyes on so many fronts in
terms of geopolitics, but also in terms
of technology with this whole AI thing
that's rapidly accelerating. And with
that, you've got things like robotics
that are on the way and Elon Musk saying
that we'll have 10 billion humanoid
robots in the world in the future. And
these are going to be intelligent robots
because the software within them is now
artificial and it's incredibly
intelligent. One of the things people
say to me a lot is in a world where
we're going to have all this
intelligence, what jobs are going to
remain? And one of the points of
consensus from interviewing all these
great AI experts is that human skills,
any skills that are irreplaceably human,
social skills, people skills are going
to be of extreme value. You spend a lot
of time teaching people these skills. I
asked you a question just before we
started recording. The question I asked
you is, what is the thing you like
talking about the most that you think
adds the most value to people? What did
you say? helping people understand how
to guide human decision and and have
great conversations that are very
influential.
>> What does that mean in in real specific
practical terms?
>> It means that if we are in a
conversation, I become more likely to
help you achieve the outcome that I see
for you. So, if I'm a leader, then I can
do that. If I'm an attorney, I can sway
a jury. I can make a jury pick a certain
decision. If I'm a hostage negotiator, I
save people's lives. If I'm a parent, I
raise better kids because I I can
communicate in a way that gets the
outcome that I'm looking for from
another person. That might just be the
most important skill in the world. I
think it is increasingly so in a world
of AI where computers are going to be
able to handle a lot of the sort of
intelligent white collar related stuff
for us and we're going to be rendered
useful only for that which humans can
do, which is probably this stuff.
>> Yeah. the IRL in real life, humanto
human stuff.
>> And I think people are starving for it.
You've got a podcast that's
non-performative
and people are attracted to realism.
There's so much that's artificial and
performative that people are starving
for realism already. And this is pre-
AI. This was starting to blow up because
it just gave us a sense of something
that was real. We are in a epidemic
right now of loneliness where people are
disconnected from each other and these
human skills are going to matter more
than ever as AI comes out. I
>> I was thinking about what you teach in
terms of human behavior and getting the
best out of people and influencing
people to do what you want them to do.
And um AI does a lot of that.
>> It does. It seems like it's been
programmed to understand human behavior
and to get me to like it. So let's get
into some of that human behavior that
you think is critical in a world of AI.
In a world of AI, if the skills that
matter the most are humanto human
skills,
where does one where does one begin?
Let's understand humans first. Like how
could AI compromise a person? And when
it comes to influencing human beings,
the most important thing that you could
ever understand, whether you're a CEO, a
mom, or dad, is this thing called the
PCP model. And PCP is a three-step
cascade that happens inside the human
brain when we get influenced. Whether
we're doing something massively extreme
like some manurian candidate type stuff
or we we're just having a sales call and
we we make a sale. Everything goes
through PCP. So P is perception.
So the first step to really changing
somebody's outcome, getting you to make
a decision later on is to change how
you're viewing this situation.
So when people talk about owning the
frame of a situation or redefining what
a situation means right there is
changing the perception of it. If we're
just talking about AI AI can say yes uh
Stephen I see what you mean and I can
see why you're frustrated and you know
one of those like standard responses
but here's what's here's what this is
really about and it gives you this layer
that makes you say oh [ __ ] like this is
it's going deep. So now it's hit the P
on the PCP model. So it's modified your
perception of a situation. And how has
it specifically done that there? Is it
because it's acknowledged my point of
view but then given a new one?
>> Yes.
>> So if it just given me a new one, I
might not have believed it. But because
it first acknowledges my point of view
before delivering it a different one,
that's more effective.
>> Yes. So, and the biggest mistake that
people make with language is language
should be resonating and not directing.
If you want to speak well, you're not
directing people to think certain things
or to feel certain things. It should
resonate with what they're already
feeling and then start guiding them. So,
you're getting into their river, so to
speak, and flowing with that first.
Okay. So, let's let's do some role
playing.
>> All right. I say to you, Chase, I think
the sky is purple.
Your job is to carry out the perception
shift.
>> Yeah.
>> What would you say to me?
>> So if somebody says something that is an
idea that's far out there, I'll always
acknowledge it. And I would say like
every human being is different. And it's
fascinating how many rods and cones we
have in our eyes, how we all perceive
things differently. And it's amazing
when you see one thing that you might
see something that's purple and I see
the exact same thing. We may be seeing
the identical color, but our brains are
just interpreting it differently. Or
maybe we have a different word for it.
And it's amazing how much we agree on
and we just don't realize how much
aligned we are with a a situation in
life.
Does that make sense?
>> Mhm.
>> So, I've never I've never had to respond
to somebody calling this guy purple, but
if I can modify how you perceive a
situation. So, let's say we're at a
business networking event and I walk up
to you and I say, let's say I call out
the script, openly call out the script
and I say, "It's it's amazing how many
people are just running the script of I
need to look like a business
professional. I can't say anything that
makes me look emotional. I can't say
anything that's personal. I have to hand
out a business card. I have to like put
on this persona." So, I'm just openly
saying the script that's running inside
that person's head and I'm making you
aware of it, which means that I'm
changing your perception of the
situation. So, anything I can get you
aware of that's running inside of your
own head, I can massively start
transforming your behavior. And we'll
get to identity here in a minute, but
any script that you call out, you're
weakening its power. Ah,
>> so like if you shook my hand super
aggressively or somebody shook my hand
like a like a pretend alpha male and you
call out exactly what they're wanting to
happen and you say, "Wow, that handshake
is really firm. I just read an article a
few weeks ago that only alpha males do
that and you say the quiet part out
loud." So any script that's running in
the background or some kind of social
script, if I can surface that, then I
become a lot more powerful over the
situation because I've lessened the
power of a script. Any script that we
push down is going to be a lot more
powerful in that person. We're
increasing power
>> on that example of the Matt very, you
know, over the top handshake by calling
it out. What have you done? What have
you done in my head? So, I' I'm the one
that's just squeezed your hand really
tight cuz I want to be an alpha male.
>> You call it out. What What does that do?
It It disarms me or it makes me feel
great or
>> No. And and and I'm not saying that
that's a tactic anybody should do, but
if there's a script running here, like
here's what we're supposed to do. You
and I are on a podcast. We're supposed
to make eye contact with each other.
We're supposed to nod throughout this
entire thing. I'm making both of us more
aware of this.
>> And that gives us a little permission to
break away from it.
>> Oh. To break away from it. Yeah. So,
your desire to be the alpha male in the
handshake situation would be temporarily
kind of broken because I'm openly saying
out loud what you didn't want to say out
loud.
>> Oh, okay.
>> Does that make sense?
>> Oh, okay. So, you're like kind of
calling it out but without it being
>> without making fun of
>> aggressive. Yeah. Okay.
>> So, after I shift your perception, I all
I need to do is get you to see a
situation a little bit differently. And
if you turn on the news, oh my god, are
you going to see this all day, every
day, the perception changes. Oh, you
thought it was about this. Guess what?
Here's what they did today. And they did
this blatantly and now it's in your
face. They do all of this stuff to shift
your perception.
And in order to get your behavior to
change, once I shift your p perception,
then I change the C in the in this
model. And the C is context.
And context is the most important thing
in the world. And nobody's talking about
it. Probably everyone watching this or
listening to this right now is going to
get naked today.
They'll get in a shower. They'll get in
a bath. Whatever it is, but some almost
everybody's going to get naked. We're
probably not going to do it in the
middle of an office building like at
work. Context dictates what behavior is
permissible. So, if if you go back to 19
I think it was 1957,
there's this guy running a stage
hypnosis like comedy show, you know,
where they bring people up on stage and
make them do silly stuff. And
one of the guys that's up on stage, he's
knocked out and he's doing all this
crazy stuff. He's an offduty police
officer, so he's concealed. He has a
concealed handgun.
But one of the skits in this or one of
the bits that this comedian does, he
tells the people that all of you are
sheriffs and you can't leave the stage,
but everybody in the in the audience
right here is rowdy. They're making lots
of noise. You need to tell them to keep
it down. So, this starts and the
hypnotist says, "Now they're they're not
even listening to you. They're not
respecting you." And then he says,
"They're they're you can't leave the
stage, but one of them's pulling out a
gun." Then this offduty police officer
pulls out his service weapon and starts
firing into the crowd.
>> This is a true story.
>> True story.
>> Really?
>> Yeah. But is he a monster?
>> Of course not. Because context dictated
what he would do. So if I can change
context to where what I want you to do
is just an automatic thing, I can make
you do anything. The only the the real
skill is just being able to shift
perception and context. If you can just
shift perception and context, you can
radicalize someone on the internet and
turn them into a shooter. You can
radicalize somebody politically and make
them excommunicate their entire family
over a Thanksgiving. I'll give you an
example from UK. In in 19 in 1979, I
think there was a fire in in Manchester
in Wworth's department store.
>> Yeah. And it was during the daytime,
doors were open and it turned out that
most of the people that died were in the
restaurant and these the restaurant was
right by the door. So the fire inspector
looked and they were trying to figure
this out and a psychologist finally came
along and said they died because they
were waiting to pay their bill cuz no
one gave them permission to kind of
stand up and walk out. No one did it
first. So they kind of just went along
with the crowd. And in the context of a
restaurant, you don't stand up and walk
out until you've paid your bill.
>> So the context can also lead us into
something like that. So the perception
of the situation, even though there's a
fire, I'm locked in context of I'm
sitting in a restaurant. And and that's
been tested time and time again where
people will sit in a smoke fil room long
enough to die just cuz nobody else is
moving. So context matters. So how does
that pertain to being able to persuade
people
for like I don't know Debbie in Ohio.
>> Yeah.
>> Who's listening? Yeah.
>> How does she work and think about
context when she's in a sales meeting
speaking to her husband, her son,
whoever it might be?
>> Yeah. So, one of the best things that
you can learn when it comes to being
able to shift context is setting the
frame of what every interaction is and
being the one to openly say what the
frame is as the conversation starts.
Let's say you're talking to a kid and
it's a parent talking to a kid. The kid
thinks they're in trouble. That's the
context they have and I need to shift
their perception of our situation before
I can change their context. Mhm.
>> So, we sit down, we start the
conversation, and I'm like, I'm so glad
that we could have this talk in a calm
way that is focused on learning instead
of punishment.
A massively transformed perception and
context. So, I've changed what this
means and the definition of what's
allowed here.
>> So, context gives us the final P, which
is permission. So, if I change your
perception of a conversation and you can
do that right away and if if I'm
entering into a negotiation and we start
the room with, I'm glad that we could
all come here for this and I know both
of us want to find common ground as fast
as possible and I suggest that maybe we
even start there. So, I'm setting a
frame right right from the very
beginning. It's so surprising how few of
us do that when we go into a
conversation. I was just thinking back
over the last sort of 10 days of my life
in business meetings, very important
business meetings in Los Angeles with
new potential partners and walking into
the boardroom and sitting down and doing
the like formalities of like, oh, hi.
How's your weather? Like, how's the
weather? Where'd you live? Oh, fine. And
then a little bit of quiet. We introduce
ourselves and nobody really sets the
frame or someone sets the frame, but it
isn't you.
>> Yeah. And actually that meeting would
have been much more productive if I had
volunteered up a frame very early and it
was a frame in whatever I'm trying to
get out of that meeting.
>> Yeah. And anytime you're setting a frame
or just kind of setting the perception
of what's going on, especially in
business, start out by a negative first
because people [ __ ] about stuff in
business all the time and then go to the
positive. So you're doing kind of a
contrasting statement. So, like let's
say in in the last meeting you had, if
you said something like, "I'm so glad
we're meeting today, guys. There's so
many people out there that just fall
into these competitive mindsets."
>> Mhm.
>> Uh, and it's really good to do business
with people that are in a collaborative
mindset instead of a competitive
mindset.
>> With what you said, the frame that I
wish I'd said based on the all of the
the context was I'd walked into that
room wanting to get a deal done cuz I'm
sick of [ __ ] talking about it on
emails. Yeah.
>> And meetings, meetings, meetings,
meetings, meetings. So, I wish I'd
walked in and said something words to
the effect of, "I'm so glad we could
meet in person to finally really make
progress on this because there's been so
much talk about theoretical deals and I
feel like getting us together can get us
much closer, much quicker to figuring
out
>> a real deal that we can work on." Words
to that effect cuz I think that would
have started the conversation away from
the theoretical.
>> Yeah.
>> If I just called it out. But
unfortunately, I didn't say that and we
spent a lot of time just talking about
theoretical stuff again.
>> Yeah. And you can do that with
permission at the beginning with a
permission phrase and just say, "Hey,
just so I understand, and I may be I may
be wrong here, but what I understand is
the purpose of this meeting is for us to
kind of compile all these Zooms that
we've been on for months and months and
finally get something done and put a bow
on it that we have some kind of finished
product. Even if it's not perfect yet,
we have something tangible."
>> And that's that's permission. So you're
like, "I might be wrong about this." But
of course, they'll probably agree with
that. I think the same applies actually
for romantic relationships. Thinking
about having an argument with your
partner, you can go in just emotion
versus emotion. If you don't take a
minute to just
>> define
>> define what we're trying to accomplish
from this
>> and then when people drift because they
do in emotional situations, you've got a
frame to bring them back into that you
pre-agreed on,
>> you know, cuz when you get those emot
they'll bring up something your mother
did six, you know, four years ago or
something you and it just drifts away
from the frame.
>> Yeah. And if you watch the media, uh,
especially the opinion side of the
media, they talk about a politician that
they don't like, what do they start out
with? This is going to scare you. In
another piece of terrifying news, here's
what this guy did today up on the stage.
This politician did. So, they set the
frame for it to be terrifying. They're
setting up your perception from the very
beginning. And then if I if I change the
context
in one context, yeah, maybe this
politician's a bad guy. Another context
is this person is a threat to democracy.
I've heard that phrase a lot.
>> A lot. And that mean And what do we do
to threats to our entire democracy? We
kill them. So we start radicalizing
people instantly without them really
even processing that they're they're
internalizing that. M
>> we were radicalizing people just through
that context.
So if you can modify perception and
context, you can give someone that
permission, that final piece to do
anything. Let's go back to the police
officer in the hypnosis show. He had the
permission to start firing his firearm
because of the context of being attacked
by someone with a weapon.
>> Mhm. So once the context shift, your
social permission of what I'm allowed to
do, like I don't strip down and get
naked in my office, but I do when I'm
standing in front of a hot shower,
that is the permission to do things
differently. So if you want someone to
do something that they normally wouldn't
do, the question you ask yourself is, in
what context would the decision I need
this person to make be an automatic
thing? If we agreed on 10 different
things out of 11, then we the automatic
thing would be for us to sign an
agreement together.
>> Okay?
>> Or if if I'm being shot at, the
automatic thing for me is to draw my
weapon and and fire back. So it's an
automatic behavior based that typically
in another situation would violate
social permissions. Like I don't have
social permission to to behave in that
way.
>> I was reading about the story that you
referenced. I think I found the one in
December 1923. The New York Times
reported on it regarding a tragedy in
Croatia where an Austrian hypnosist
ended up firing into the crowd and um
killed three people and wounded several
others before he was snapped out of his
trance. Upon realizing that he had done
it, the officer reportedly arrested the
hypnotist on the spot,
which is strange to
>> That's called cognitive dissonance.
>> Yeah.
Wow. Okay. So, PCP, I understand that.
One of the things I was thinking about
is, is there any way for my audience
listening now based on everything you
know about SCOPS and the way that we're
manipulated with media, is there any way
that we might be able to help them be
more objective in a world that is trying
to force them into one frame or the
other? because I'd, you know, as a
podcaster, this is maybe a selfish
thing, I speak to so many different
people and I'm going to speak to someone
on the right, someone on the left, up,
down, left, right. I don't really as
long as I think I'm going to have be
able to have a conversation with them.
I'm going to meet them as I find them
and I'm going to have a conversation
with them. And there's really no
external pressure that's going to change
that. Yeah. Unfortunately, like I've
I've had all the external pressure in
the world and I'm not going to change
that because I have to do this myself
for a long period of time. So my the
thing that's going to keep me in love
with this job is to be able to follow my
curiosity and not be trapped by anyone
else's pressure. But that requires your
audience as well to be open-minded.
Which means that if I sit here with
Kamala Harris or with Donald Trump, I I
want my audience to come into the
conversation with as an open mind as
they possibly are able to.
>> Let's talk about how to manipulate your
next podcast guest into being more
open-minded.
>> Okay. And this technique is something we
teach called negative dissociation.
And the way that it works is I'll make a
small, it should sound like an
observation about the world. So in our
discussion, let's say we just sat down
and I'd say, you know what, I'm I'm glad
I'm interviewing with you. There's a lot
of people out there that are just so
closed off and locked in these little
rigid beliefs. And I'm not sure whether
it is they're just terrified of what
what people are going to think about
them if they step outside the lines
>> or if they're scared of being
open-minded for these other beliefs. I'm
not sure which one it is, but I mean you
meet these people so often
>> and you're going to nod. You nodded your
head while we were saying because what
is what I'm saying sounds true
>> and it probably is but you're making
that person very covertly agree that
they are not that person. M.
>> Does that make sense?
>> That makes perfect sense.
>> So throughout the conversation, what
you're really doing is you're not
getting them to make an agreement about
how they're going to act. You're getting
them to make an agreement about who they
are as a human being.
>> Mhm.
>> So the moment you can get them to
covertly make an I am statement in their
head, you're hacking your way into that
person's identity.
So like, let's say you said that, they
nodded, and then maybe a few minutes
later you're like, I I got a confession
to make. I, you know, I had social
anxiety growing up. How did you get this
open about everything? Have you always
been this way or was this through some
kind of like leadership training or
something like that that you went to?
>> And the moment you answer that question,
I've got you to commit. Now you're fully
committed uh to being wide open for the
rest of the conversation.
>> What would you assume they would then
say in such a scenario?
>> They're like, "Uh, I don't know. I I
think I've always been really open. I I
haven't been really scared about what
people think about me and I've always
tried to wear my heart on my sleeve. So
now you're getting to make all these
commitments
>> that they're going to be like that going
forward.
>> Yeah. Okay. I mean, you're not
permanently changing a human being,
>> but it's a temporary change that they
will make for one little compartment of
a of an interaction with you. And is
this because you're really you're
speaking to their you said their
identity, their sense of who they want
to be. And that's heavily driven by
social perception of what I think of
them.
>> Yeah. Uh but it's not who they want to
be. Uh it's who they say they are.
>> And those are different.
>> So
and man, Bob Chelini's got a great
example of this. They got these uh
people to stick signs in their yard.
These giant ugly signs that say drive
safe on them. And the way that they got
this like 85% of this neighborhood to
stab them into their yard, nasty, stupid
looking sign was a week prior, a week
before they knocked on their door and
they said, "Hey, I have a one question
survey. It'll take 15 seconds. Do you
support safe driving? Yes or no?" Of
course, everyone's going to say yes. And
then so now they've made a commitment
about who they are. Do you support? So
it's who are you as a person? And they
said, "All right, thank you so much for
that." And just to show your support,
could you put this tiny small sticker in
the window of your house facing the
street? And they're like, "Yeah, yeah."
And they go stick it on the window. But
they're more likely to do it because
they just said yes. But anyone who said,
"Yes, I support safe driving
a week later would stick that giant
stupid looking sign in their front
yard." And the and they double blinded
this. They did it in another
neighborhood where they didn't go door
to door first. They just went door to
door and said, "Hey, can we stab this
giant ugly sign in your yard?" And like
1% of people said yes, as opposed to
like 85% in the other neighborhood. But
it's a tiny agreement about who you are
as a person. So this is the power of
precommitting. Getting someone to
pre-commmit to something before you ask
them to do it.
>> Yeah.
>> And you get them to precommit in terms
of their identity and who they think
they are and who they want to be.
>> Yeah. But you're not getting them it.
I'm not using this technique to go to
make you sign a contract. I'm using it
to just make subtle shifts in how you're
behaving in our conversation.
>> So if I wanted you to focus on me more,
>> I'd do the opposite of the negative
dissociation thing. And remember, I'm
not talking about you because if I'm
sitting here saying, "Oh, Stephen, you
pay attention so well in a
conversation." That sounds super weird
and manipulative.
>> People say that to me all the time.
>> Yeah, maybe they want maybe they want
you to. In reality, if I do the opposite
of what that negative dissociation
statement did, and I I make a positive
group of people and assign an attribute
to them. So, that's how you would do
this. So, it's like, you know, Stephen,
it's amazing. Every time I meet these
really high performing CEOs, all of
these Fortune 100 companies that I work
with, you sit down with one of these
CEOs, it's like they all have the exact
same quality. You sit down with these
people and they stop what they're doing
and they just completely tune in to
other people when they talk to them.
>> So, I'm taking a quality that I know you
admire, like CEOs, all this kind of
stuff,
>> and I'm assigning a trait to that. and
you're going to nod and you're going to
that sounds kind of true but it also
means that you're agreeing that you are
also that type of person
>> but I'm never saying it about you. So
this is if I'm talking directly about
you which is what so many influence
people teach out there like oh I can
tell that you this or I can tell that
you're the kind of person that blank and
blank and blank. This is called aiming
language. my ang my language is aimed at
you and you can feel it and people can
feel that there's something going on if
there somebody's sitting there making
guesses and weird assumptions about
them. So anytime you're using any of
these techniques, it should feel and
sound like you're making an observation
about the world. It's interesting how
the sort of power of pre-commitment can
also be used on yourself to get you to
do things.
>> Yeah.
>> As you were saying, I was looking down
at some research here. Then there's
multiple studies that I find
fascinating. One of them is a study
conducted at MIT with students. Um they
gave these MIT students three major
papers for their semester. One class was
given ultimate freedom. They could turn
in all three papers at the very end of
the semester with no penalty. The other
class was forced to pre-commit to
strict, evenly spaced deadlines
throughout the semester. And the
students who had total freedom performed
the worst and experienced the most
stress. the students who pre-committed
to certain deadlines produced the
highest quality work and gave the best
work and got the best grades. It proved
that intentionally restricting our own
future choices through pre-commitments
is often the best way to beat
procrastination. And I remember the
study they did with people on a beach
where they had a fake thief run past
someone next to you on the beach and on
the beach and grab a radio and 20% of
people would chase the person. But if
someone had said to you uh in a
different study where someone runs up,
grabs the radio, but someone has said to
you seconds earlier, hey, I'm just going
to get an ice cream. Can you can you
take a look?
>> Can you just watch my stuff? 95% of
people would then chase the person
stealing the radio because we've made a
pre-commitment to another person. So
pre-commitments can work with yourself
or, you know, with others, which is
fascinating cuz especially to yourself.
I find that interesting that I can
change my own behavior by making a
pre-commitment attached to my own
identity. Um
I guess there's one more I'll share
which is this the study around savings.
They found that people who committed to
saving even if they wrote on a piece of
paper were up to five times in terms of
percentage terms. They went from saving
3% to saving 15% roughly 15% just
because they' done a pre-commitment even
years earlier that they would they would
save.
That's beautiful. I love that. And and
you're kind of just pre-doing your own
identity. And if if somebody wants to
master that, you make it about your
social commitment to yourself, to other
people, but publicly say like I am this
kind of person to yourself. So it's not
like I'm the I'm going to go to the gym
tomorrow. It's I am the kind of person
that goes to the gym is a much more
powerful identitybased action. And
identity is the number one thing in the
world when it comes to persuasion and
influence. There's basically the way
that I teach this to intelligence people
is when you're good at influence, you're
building two walls. One wall is anxiety
and the other one is cognitive
dissonance.
And the hallway that you're creating is
the relief from those from those things.
>> What are those two things? So I know I
know what anxiety is, but what's
cognitive dissonance? Well, the the
anxiety is like if I don't do what I
say, I'm going to have some so I'm going
to face social rejection or if I if I go
here and I and I break this rule or I
don't do this, I'm going to break a
social contract with somebody. The
cognitive dissonance is I am the kind of
person that does this and if I don't do
this, I'm not keeping with who I said I
am and and who I agreed to be and I'm
facing cognitive dissonance. So that's
like when
some politician wins the presidential
election that someone doesn't like. Like
you have that cognitive dissonance.
Either A I have to decide that wow a lot
of people like this person or B
everyone's stupid. And it's a lot easier
for me to just say everybody's stupid
and we always take that path. So
cognitive dissonance means that it's
bouncing them back into the hallway
every time they bump up against
something that they've previously agreed
to. And identity is the way that that
you can hack your own behavior so fast.
And the way that I explain this to
people, it takes 30 seconds to
understand it. If you were an Olympic
athlete and you had a a a badass body,
like you had a healthy diet, everything
was in in perfect shape. You woke up
every morning. You had great energy and
all that stuff. And one day you woke up
for some reason and you're 295 lbs.
and you wake up and you look in the
mirror and this something weird happened
overnight,
how fast would you get back to that
body? It would be lightning. You you may
set world records for for weight loss
because your identity is with that body.
It's not that, oh, I need to I want to
lose this weight so I can be healthy.
It's this is not me. And anytime you're
feeling this is not me or this is
against my who I am as a person, it's
the most powerful motivator when it
comes to influencing other people and
influencing ourselves
and like a goal like a weight loss thing
that I that I have a lot of my clients
do is to download the face app. There's
like an app that'll make you look super
fat and real real obese and print it off
and put it on your refrigerator.
>> And then people are like, "Oh, well,
aren't I programming my subconscious to
be fat?" Like, no. You're pro You're
programmed to go away from bad things
first. Never to positive things first.
It's always a way. Your ancestors live
because they mistook a a rock for a
bear. Not the other way around.
>> Yeah.
>> Never the other way around.
>> Yeah. So, you're not going to
accidentally program your brain, and I'm
I'm the brain guy, but put that on the
fridge, and you start you start hacking
into your own identity, but you're doing
it in a way that your mamalian brain,
the thing that runs the show, can see it
and understands it instantly. There's no
words, there's no motivational phrases
or anything like that. It picks up on it
instantly and starts setting a course
forward because it's cognitive
dissonance that you're creating for
yourself. I remember near Iel who I
interviewed who wrote the book on like
procrastination called indistractable
said to me a phrase that's always stayed
with me. It's probably, you know, we
spoke for six, seven hours, I think me
and Nia, there just this one phrase I
always think about. He said that humans
are discomfort avoiding creatures and
like we think that we're pleasure-
seeeking creatures, but when he said
discomfort avoiding, I really like
interrogated him. I was like, yeah, but
what about like horniness that makes me
have sex? And he was like, well,
actually that horniness is a form of
discomfort. Your body is sending you
this sort of almost irritation which is
making you take an action. And I stress
tested it across many areas of my life.
I was like, actually, he's he's right.
I I'm trying to avoid discomfort. And in
your example of seeing myself on the
fridge, yeah, I I would I would want to
avoid that. It would cause such
dissonance to my identity that I would
do everything to avoid that.
>> Some big ass fat Steven on the on the
fridge.
>> Yeah. I mean, that's actually every
couple of years. What gets me back in
shape is like catching myself in the
mirror or because I'm always on camera.
Sometimes I don't see myself kind of
getting out of shape and then I watch
the podcast back and I'm like, "Oh,
fuck."
>> Yeah. like Jack didn't tell me like no
one's told me and then then I'm like
right gym every day again and
>> uh interesting
>> and it's social because you're I mean
you're making this commitment in front
of a million people.
>> Yeah. What else do you think is
important to know as we head into this
AI world where human skills and people
skills going to be more important than
ever. What what other frameworks have
you got for me that I should bear in
mind or or ideas
>> as we go into AI? your leadership style.
Everyone's leadership style needs to be
front and center and I know there's a
lot of books out there that are
technically about leadership or but I
think they're about management and they
call themselves a leadership book. When
I teach what's most important when it
comes to understanding oursel is
developing authority. Uh but that
authority has those five traits of
authority. This is confidence,
discipline, leadership, gratitude, and
enjoyment. Do you do show notes where
people can download stuff in the
description?
>> Yeah, sometimes. I'll send I'll send
this inventory to you where people can
take this quiz and it's it's the most
revealing thing about your leadership
power.
But what people tend to do is seek out
the wrong type of authority. I've
learned this with 20 years of working
with people. That we will tend to seek
one of these little avenues that looks a
certain way because we think that's what
leadership is supposed to look like.
That's what authority is supposed to
look like. But there are three types and
the three types that I've broken them
down into and how authority channels to
other people because authority looks
different in different people. So it's
the president,
the professor and the artist
and we can have that authority. So like
the artist you could think like somebody
like Johnny Depp, the president you can
think of somebody like uh Obama. The
professor, you can think of like the
classic movie professor. It still
broadcasts authority, but it's not loud.
It's not extremely directive. And the
artist can hold a ton of attention.
>> Mhm.
>> And in some rooms doesn't hold any
attention at all. The authority is still
there. The attention isn't. For somebody
that's super calm, even if they're the
CEO of a company, they might be the
professor and the whole time their idea
of what leadership looks like is this
president.
So they're faking their way into this
thing and it never feels real. They
still like even though their authority
is really high, they have this weird
feeling of inauthenticity because
they're pushing towards the wrong
authority channel.
>> What's the cost of that?
I think that it detracts from your level
of authority which automatically means
that you're getting less outcomes that
you want in life
>> because your inauthenticity to both
others and yourself um like pays a toll
on you. So if I'm inauthentic to you
then that's going to hurt my authority
but then if I'm inauthentic to myself
it's going to hurt my happiness I guess.
>> Yeah.
>> I'm going to feel like I'm again going
back to your point about identity living
life.
>> Yeah. Yeah. And I think when people say
authenticity, we should note that what
we call most people call authenticity is
a costume of childhood beliefs. Like my
authentic self and how I act is
typically what I was in childhood. How I
deal with conflict, how I make friends,
how I stay safe, all these little
patterns that I learned when I was eight
or nine. I'm still repeating a lot of
that stuff. So when we say authenticity,
it's always important to think that it's
authenticity plus a removal of ego and a
willingness to receive social injury.
And that's the best way that I've ever
been able to describe that to somebody.
It's like if I'm being authentic in a
conversation, then I'm willing to
receive a social injury for it.
>> Cody Sanchez said something to me which
has stayed with me. She said, um, again,
I'm going to butcher it, but words to
the effect of,
"I won't be friends with anyone in
private that won't say something in
public that will cost them something."
And going to your point about social
injury, I think what Cody's actually
saying is like that's how I know that
they're authentic is they're willing to
risk something for something they
believe.
>> Yeah.
>> I also think this is how you know a
brand's authentic. like are they willing
to cause social ind injury in the near
term for something they believe in the
long term.
>> Yeah.
>> You know.
>> Yeah. And a lot of what a lot of the
recent brand debacles that we've had is
they thought they were doing something
to avoid social injury that caused a
massive social injury
>> because people said you're not being
authentic to your audience.
>> Yeah.
>> Yeah. When they tried to do like get
into identity politics and stuff like
that and
>> Okay. like like extreme virtue signaling
and stuff like that. Yeah.
>> Which backfires.
>> Can we go into this childhood
development thing really quick? Sure. I
think it's super important for people to
know. Sure.
>> And I'm I'm a behavior profiler and
>> if if anybody listening didn't know
that. And one of the things that I teach
everybody is this thing called the
childhood development triangle. So it's
just three sides of this triangle. So
when you're growing up, what did that
child have to do most of the time to
earn and keep friends? So friends is
one.
And then to feel safe. What did the kid
have to do to feel safe? For some kids,
safety was like,
I don't know, somebody gives me a hug at
the end of the day. For some kids, it
was like, am I going to eat today?
>> For some kids, it's like cracking jokes.
>> Yeah. And
>> I'm going to crack jokes and keep
friends. I'm going to feel safe by
becoming really loud and dominating the
room. I'm going to become safe by
getting really small and shrinking so
nobody notices me or I'm going to become
safe by being hypervigilant because I
don't know if dad drank before he got
home or if he's going to start drinking
when he got home. So it's like what did
that child what are the scripts that
that child needed to run on autopilot to
feel safe to make friends and then to
get rewards and that would be the third
side and the rewards for some kids might
just be like appreciation and it's
typically just appreciation affection
love
and that tends to get written in
childhood and the kid who writes all
these permanent scripts they put them in
a backpack and carry them all the way
into adulthood.
Yeah.
>> And 90% of us are walking around with
this exact triangle governing our life.
And if you look around at people at
work, you see this woman who every time
there's a meeting, uh, she wants to
speak up a lot, but then she shuts her
mouth and her body shuts down and all
this kind of stuff. You're seeing an
eight-year-old who got yelled at at a
family dinner table.
>> That's all. But you're just seeing it in
a grown-up body. I have two examples
that are super front of mind that
completely align with what you've just
said. I have two colleagues that I work
with and I got six months into working
with one of them and I could always tell
that there was something not quite right
because whenever I was in the room they
would they would stare at me a lot and
um they would be a little bit more on
the pessimistics pessimistic side than
I'm used to. And one day at dinner, I
was talking to them about their
childhood and they offered up that their
dad was his mood could change rapidly
and he was always pointing out why
something would never work and why and
he was an extreme pessimist. And
suddenly this person who is in my life
suddenly made sense. I completely
understand it because you grew up in
that environment where to be safe
>> um you
>> agree with it
>> had to pay attention to to the authority
figure and then yeah you had to also you
learned maybe that you know pessimism
was a way to safety yeah safety and then
there's another colleague who's actually
in the room over there and I'll ask her
before we publish this if I can say this
publicly but similar thing she she
expressed to me that she had a dad that
was his mood would change rapidly and I
said to her one day I said Um, I call
her Sarah. I said, "Sarah, you're always
staring at me." Whenever I look at you,
you're already looking at me and it's
like you're like overanalyzing and
overthinking. And she explained to me
the same thing. She said, "When I grew
up, my dad's mood would just change like
this." So, every time I'm preempting,
I'm like a radical preempter. I'm
thinking 20 steps ahead of like what
might go wrong or, you know, which makes
her exceptional at her job. But I would,
you know, you know, one might assume
that that comes at some kind of cost.
>> Yeah.
>> So, safety. Yeah. Very true. Very true.
And the the way that I explain this, if
somebody wants to like it's not where
you can kind of go back and like sit
there for five minutes, put it on a
post-it note, and then figure your whole
life out. I wish I had a cool a trick to
do that. But the way that like I want
people to think about this is going back
to your childhood, a lot of those
things, these are just contracts that
were written in a child's voice. And
when you start hearing these patterns
repeating in your head, force yourself
to hear the voice of a kid. That's all
it is. It's just a kid who made these
choices. It's not an adult. So, we're
typically three different people, all of
us. We have a work self, like a
professional kind of self. We have a
home self, and we have a self with
friends.
And what is that as a kid? That's
classroom, playground, home.
So I'll typically take people through
this process of where were you around
authority figures which is like
classroom or home. What were you around
when your all your friends were around?
You got made fun of or you had to become
really small. And that that goes on the
friends side of the triangle and that
that talks about how the social patterns
that are going to show up for me. And
somebody says well I keep attracting
these negative people into my life. Why
do I do that? And that that goes to
these patterns because if I do this, I
know this is going to happen. I know
that's going to happen. It's just
completing a story archetype.
So that's the childhood development
triangle. And it is really powerful to
start understanding our own patterns.
And I'm not saying that you can go out
there and there's like here's six steps
that are going to change your whole
freaking life if you if you do these six
things. The awareness is what you want.
You want massive like self-nowledge and
and self-awareness
>> uh with the side agreement of I am not
special and I'm completely okay if I am
never understood because most of what
happens uh when we get into arguments
with our spouse, we get into these
[ __ ] arguments with people at at work,
it's our argument to be understood more
than it is for us to come to a solution.
I need you to understand me. So getting
okay with the idea that you might not
never ever be understood is like step
number one. Number two, I am not
special.
And that that helps us to open the door
to start coming into a lot of these
things. But if you if you're a leader at
work, you can start seeing these
patterns in your employees and you can
be like, I see an eight-year-old there.
And if you get to a point where you're
seeing some of these a behavior that
might have pissed you off in somebody
that works for you and you're like,
"Wait a second. Now I can see exactly
what's going on because this, this, and
this probably happened." You don't need
to make some prediction or
fortunetelling thing about their
childhood, but you're starting to see
these patterns and you know now how your
team's going to respond in conflict. And
if they if it's a conflict and it's
social, you're seeing all their friends
patterns. If it's a conflict and
somebody might be losing their job,
you're going to see their safety
patterns come out and you'll see your
own.
>> So, do you think I should go to the key
people in my life, maybe my team, and
ask them these questions about around
how did you make friends? Is that the
question?
>> What did you do to make and keep
friends?
>> What did you do to make and keep
friends? And what was the safety
question again?
>> Like what what did you need to do or
avoid to feel safe?
>> And the rewards one,
>> what did you feel? And this one's always
you want to put the word feel in there.
What did you feel like you had to do to
earn rewards? And what were rewards to
you?
>> Okay,
>> it was appreciation. Or somebody that's
like hyper significance driven, like,
I've got to have the Rolex, I've got to
have the Ferraris, and all of this kind
of stuff. They never got rewards because
their parents ignored them unless they
brought home a certificate. Their
teacher called and said they did a good
job. They played the piano recital and
did a great job. And lots of people were
acknowledging them and clapping for
them. They only got acknowledged when
they were socially significant.
>> And am I right in thinking here that
these are fundamentally interlin in many
ways? Because when you're talking about
safety, I was running through my head
the things that made me feel safe and
they were rewards
>> that I could tell my friends about.
>> So I like I touched all three of them
and part in part because we, you know, I
was thinking I was very different to my
social group when I was younger. We were
a black family. There wasn't another
black family that I knew of. um um other
than maybe one other kid I think in the
area in Plymouth in 1994 or five. Um so
some of the material things I wanted
like the the shoes that everyone had
made me feel safe cuz they made me fit
in.
>> Y
>> and that you know and that got me
friends. Y
>> or at least I thought it did.
>> So like for me it really was like an
interconnected triangle.
>> Yeah.
>> That's just one of many examples that I
could think of. it does tend to do that
and I will typically wait for somebody
to figure that out and as they're
filling it out they they're kind of like
oh I did this because of this to get to
this
>> and it you'll see a little cycle start
happening.
>> Uh but it's great for self-nowledge but
if you're a behavior profiler that's
what's going to run people. You're going
to know how they're going to respond to
conflict. You're going to know what
they're going to avoid. You're going to
like if you're putting teams together I
know what people I want to have working
with each other. And it doesn't have to
be some complex 9hour thing like you can
see this stuff in everyday life. And
you're not saying that I need to
radically change.
>> No. But what if one part of this
triangle or one behavior I've learned
for safety or for rewards or for friends
is making my life worse?
>> Yeah.
>> You know what? It could be ruining my
life. Like it could be the things
standing in the way of me having a
romantic relationship or getting a
promotion or building a business. It's
like getting in the way now. Yeah. What
do I do, Chase?
>> So, you you've identified the pattern.
Let's assume that you've you've got it.
You're like, "Oh, I've got this [ __ ]
that's that's happening on repeat." The
part two of this is I need to focus on
that being a kid
that belongs to a child and I need to
write down like this. Here's how that
child wrote the contract, made the
promise to themselves, developed the
contract. And then even if you make it
up like when let's I'm going to write
down a little thing. When did this kid
bring it into adulthood?
I need to stay small in order to stay
safe. Let's say it's one of those
things. And then you just start telling
yourself that is a child's voice. That's
a child's voice. So you the voice is not
going to go away. That's the sad part.
That's like me you trying to not
complete the sentence Mary had a little
in your head. You can't get rid of it.
No matter how hard you try to delete
that, it's repeated over years and
years. Just like one of these things
that that what truly changes for you is
hearing a child, hearing a misguided
child who developed a coping mechanism
for the world,
not knowing that they were like they
just assumed, I'm going to have this
forever. I'm going to need this as an
adult. I'm going to bring this into my
adult life. Part two of this is you make
a like a wallpaper or something for your
desktop and we talked about being
negatively uh motivated. We're away from
negative things.
You make a like a motivational wallpaper
that has your big limiting belief on it
and then take it to an extreme. I had a
client that had this if I say small I'm
going to be safe. Uh and he was in a b
like he owned a business but he wouldn't
go get these big clients and he wouldn't
he wouldn't go do this. The guy's got
three kids and I said, "I want you to
make a desktop wallpaper that says, "My
kids don't deserve for me to be
successful.
And I want you to look at it every
single day when you turn your computer
on." Because that's exactly what your
belief is saying.
Because if your kids truly deserved it,
it would override the belief. So you
just need to write the belief in plain
English. And what it's truly truly
costing you in your life is my kids
don't deserve me to be successful. My
kids don't deserve money. And that's
what it comes down to. And every day you
look at it, you you have a feeling of
disgust. And there's a hyper awareness
of that thing running in your head.
You're going to be more prone to hear it
when it does come up. And you're also
training yourself to hear it as a
child's voice, which means you're going
to start hearing fiction. You're still
hearing the same sentence, but you're
hearing a fictional story. There's two
parts to this. I I love this, and
there's two parts to it that I think I
wanted to talk about. The first is in
doing so, in waking up in the morning
and seeing my wallpaper that says like
my kids don't deserve a great life or
whatever. Um, of course it's going to
motivate me to take action, which is
then going to start to build new
evidence once I take action, once I win
that big client and I realize that
everything's fine, which is going to
change my life. And then the second
point I wanted to point out is like
people listen to podcasts like this and
they write this stuff down and then they
have relapses and things don't change
fast enough. And I think that can
sometimes make them feel hopeless or
inadequate because they heard it on the
diary of a sea or whatever and then they
did it for a bit and they struggled and
it didn't quite work out and then they
went back to their old behavior. And I
think in part this happens because we
live under the presumption that this
stuff is easy and it's fast and that at
some point in the future I can fix my
trauma. Like I think one of the best
realizations I ever had was realizing
that the [ __ ] that I've carried with
me in that backpack since I was a kid
that the stuff about what will make me
safe or what will reward me or how I'll
make friends or who I am or whatever my
survival mechanisms they will be be with
me forever and actually instead of
trying to delete them or like throw them
out the backpack what I was able to do
yeah
>> is like turn down their ability to make
the decision.
>> That's it. That's it.
You've totally got it. And and I would
say this for anybody out there that
you're trying to go through this and
you're having a hard time. I get it.
It's totally tough. The number one way
that we influence another human being,
let me just kind of metaphor this for
one second. Uh when you watch a
hypnotist,
and hypnosis is anybody can learn to do
it. It's a it's a pretty easy thing. So,
it looks very dramatic, but one of the
things you'll see me do at the beginning
of that is like go ahead and give me
your hand and I'll hold their hand for a
second. Like, put both hands out like
this and then flip them over. That's
great. Now, just just to test your eyes
really quick. Look all the way up and
look all the way down. Look all the way
left. Look all the way right. All right.
Then, spread your feet a little further
apart, a little closer together.
Actually, no. Face this way. Now, I will
make them do like 50 things. None of the
things that I just did with them are
meaningful. None of them.
Everything was micro compliance.
So this is how social media starts
roping you in. This is how politics
starts roping you in. This is how cult
leaders will recruit you into a cult.
Micro compliance and you don't realize
that you're going through this massive
amount of compliance. So like you go
through a doctor's physical and they go
through like this 90point checklist.
they've made you do 50 things and then
they recommend a weird drug or they
recommend you get on some other drug,
take some time to think about it because
our brain it's hardwired for these micro
compliances. So I say this to say that
if you're going through any of these
things and you're trying to change your
beliefs or you're trying to change
something in your body, use what works
for brainwashing and figure out a way
that you can get micro compliance with
your own goals on a very regular basis.
small little wins. So your brain has
that just like hypnosis, just like cult
recruiting, just like brainwashing,
small little things at the very
beginning. So everything in influence
should be looked at as a wedge.
>> Everything.
>> It reminds me of that famous study they
did where they got people to give
electric shocks to other people, the
Mgrim obedience experiment.
>> Yeah. and they managed to get a member
of the public to give another member of
the public lethal electric shocks just
through sort of micro compliance but
also through authority because the
experimenters were like wearing white
jackets, white overalls, etc.
>> And here's the second thing in that
experiment that's going to going to
perfectly tie back to this.
>> So this experiment that you're talking
about happened at Yale University. It
was 1962.
Uh, and we I mean there's tons of data
on it, but essentially strangers would
shock another person seemingly or what
they thought was to death just because
some dude in a lab coat told them to.
But what they didn't account for, and
even Dr. Mgram's book was called
obedience to authority. They thought it
was all about the authority, the lab
coat, the guy's tall. Uh, it's a
professional setting. But really think
about if you go back to our ancestors
like the most important resource to your
ancestors was your was focus there's
nothing more important than focus and
the number one way to generate focus and
you because you if if I don't have your
focus I can't command authority right so
focus is always first my focus authority
tribe and emotion those are the four
things that govern a mammal all mammals
dolphins doesn't matter so I have to
have focus before authority and they
didn't talk about that. And the way to
get focus is through novelty.
>> Novelty meaning something unexpected is
occurring. So like if you walk past the
same bush every day 10,000 years ago and
your job is to carry fish from the river
and suddenly you walk past that bush and
you hear a big ass uh stick snap,
all of your focus,
all of it is on that stick. Not it's not
on your kids. It's not on your health.
It's not on anything that's going on.
It's to this new unexpected piece of
information that hijacks our brain.
Anything novel hijacks our brain. So if
you see like and it follows that
pathway, focus, then authority, and then
tribe, but what's everybody else doing?
And then emotion, then how do I feel
about it? So it's and and what happens
is we are hardwired to respond to these
things. You cannot decide not to respond
to novelty. Your head turns to to loud
sounds. All this stuff happens.
So the way that if if you're trying to
do this like brainwash yourself is
change your house up. Change something
up in your life. Change your wardrobe.
Repaint the walls in your office. Move
your furniture around. Buy a new car if
you if you can. I want you to like just
imagine is how would I influence my dog
in this situation?
I would need imagery. I would need
something to shift. If I move the
kitchen table to the side and move all
the furniture, when my dog comes out of
the bedroom, he's going to know
something's different.
>> Yeah. I think this is one of the great
secrets of good marketing is that it
beats your brain's wallpaper filter. And
um I wrote a little bit about this in my
last book about this idea of beating the
wallpaper filter. I think we talked a
little bit about it last time, but I
talked about a study where they got a
rat and put it in a maze with chocolate
at the other end of the maze. And they
looked at the rat's brain as it went
through the maze the first time and they
saw that the rat's brain was like
exploded with activity. It's smelling
the walls. It's trying to figure it out
like and then they put the rat in the
maze the second time and there's like
almost no brain activity because it's on
autopilot. It knows the maze, so it
doesn't need to use any of its cognitive
resources. Its cognitive resources can
be allocated to new surprising things.
The maze is no longer surprising.
Whizzes through the maze to the
chocolate. And even like as you think
about how you got out of your bed this
morning and got down to the kitchen, you
didn't have to think.
>> So you paid no attention. Yeah.
>> Um but you would have paid attention if
you walked down there and your like sofa
wasn't there.
>> Um and how does that then apply to
marketing? So, like how do you surprise
people is like a central question of
anyone who's trying to build a personal
brand, start a podcast or do marketing.
Um, but I guess also to to persuade
people. It's one of the things I think
about a lot when I talk on stage.
>> Yeah.
>> Is I know I'm competing with your mobile
phone, your Twitter feed, or your Tik
Tok. So, I have to do something almost
like every 10 seconds to like catch you
off guard. And Mr. Beast, I guess, is
the great master of this. is probably
why he's got half a billion YouTube
followers
>> because the minute that video starts,
>> yeah, you're hooked in.
>> You're hooked.
>> But this I mean that's the power of
novelty. I would challenge anybody to
take this challenge. If you're scrolling
through short form content, watch for
something that like jerks your
attention, like some kind of weird
novelty thing that happens. And that
video is probably short 20 maybe 40
second video that that
captures your focus through novelty. The
next video watch for an authority
figure, a famous YouTuber, a celebrity,
a politician, a pop singer who thinks
that they know politics, all that kind
of stuff. Watch for an authority figure.
Next, watch for a tribe signal. So, a
tribe signal is going to be here's how
many people agree with this. Here's lots
of people doing one thing. These tickets
are selling out. Here's the Taylor Swift
concert. Here's everyone cheering at the
concert. Here's how you're supposed to
behave is basically what that means in
the tribe section. You're supposed to do
what these people are doing. And then
watch for the emotion. So, watch for
this pattern. It'll be a focus
generating novelty. Then it'll be
authority. Then you'll see tribe. Then
you'll see an emotional video. And guess
what happens after the emotional video?
>> Wow. ad.
>> Much of the reason most people haven't
posted content or built their personal
brand is because it's hard and it's
timeconuming and we're all very very
busy. And if you've never posted
something before, there's so many
factors in your psychology that stop you
wanting to post, what people will think
of you, am I doing this right, is the
thing I'm saying absolutely stupid. All
of these result in paralysis, which
means you don't post and your feed goes
bare. I'm an investor in a company
called Stanto, which you've probably
heard me talk about. And what they've
been building is this new tool called
Stanley that uses AI, looks at your
feed, looks at your tone of voice, looks
at your history, looks at your best
performing posts, and tells you what you
should post, makes those posts for you.
You can also just use it for
inspiration. And sometimes what we need
when we're thinking about doing a post
for our social media channels is
inspiration. Building an audience has
fundamentally changed my life, and I
think it could change yours, too. So,
I'm inviting you to give this new tool a
shot and let me know what you think. All
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coach.stand.store
now to get started. I've had so many
founders speak to me and say, "Why
didn't this particular ad that I ran on
this platform work for me?" Maybe the
copy wasn't good, the creative wasn't
strong, but usually the problem is
they're not having the right
conversation because that ad never
reached the right person. And if you're
in B2B marketing, that is much of the
game. And this is where LinkedIn ads
solves that problem for you. Their
targeting is ridiculously specific. You
can target by job title, seniority,
company size, industry, and even
someone's skill set. And their network
includes over a billion professionals.
About 130 million of them are decision
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you're putting your brand in front of
the right people. And LinkedIn ads also
drive the highest B2B return on ad spend
across all ad networks in my experience.
If you want to give them a try, head
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And when you spend $250 on your first
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one. That's linkedin.com/diary.
Terms and conditions apply.
>> I heard you say something as well that
um if you want to persuade other people,
you should make them feel clever.
>> Yeah.
>> Explain this to me.
>> I
refer to this as maybe the most
dangerous persuasion skill there is.
And what I'm the 10-second brief is I
basically I'm going to put a Lego right
here on the table in front of you and
I'm going to put another Lego right here
on the table in front of you and I'm
just going to keep having the
conversation to where eventually your
brain is going to be like, "Oh, I bet
those things go together." So the idea
came from you. So I'm going to give you
one piece of information and another
piece of information, but I will never
put them together for you. And the
reason is that any idea that you think
came from your own mind, you have no
ability to resist it.
So all I have to do is make you have an
idea.
So a regular example of this is let's
say you're watching the news and they
say uh local Austin woman has been
reported missing. Neighbors said that
earlier this day people saw her arguing
with her boyfriend.
>> Oh yeah. details after the break.
>> So, yeah.
>> And your brain is like, "Oh, I know what
happened. Oh, I know exactly what
happened." But they make you feel
clever.
>> Yeah.
>> They give you a piece of data and a
piece of data, but they don't tell you
to put it together.
>> The media do this all the time.
>> Yes. And if you can do this in a
courtroom,
it you it will be the biggest unfair
advantage you'll ever have in a legal
standing because it'll win lots of
trials.
The way that like if there's a formula
on how to use this is here's a piece of
information here and it's a piece of
information that you will absolutely
agree with that makes sense to you and
another piece of information that makes
sense to you. It it has to be two things
that that make sense to your brain
because it's like you're not going to
experiment with something that you're
not familiar with. So, two pieces of
familiar information close enough
together where the brain is going to
say, "Oh, you know what I can do? I'm
going to put those two things together."
>> Isn't this how conspiracy theories take
hold as well?
>> Oh, yeah. Cuz I, you know, Yeah. You
know, there's a big um there's a big
enduring conspiracy theory that someone
like Bill Gates has done things that are
nefarious as it relates to health. And
like I guess the two pieces people are
connecting is they're saying, "Well,
he's worked a lot. He's very rich and
powerful and he's very very interested
in health,
>> biotech,
>> and and vaccines and all these other
things." And and you know, someone very
very very very powerful. We often think
of, you know, very powerful, successful,
influential people as being somewhat
like evil or not having our interests at
heart. And then someone who's spending a
lot of money on like health and medical
side of things um
is is quite an unusual thing. So we put
two and two together. We have you know
we think they have bad intentions
because they are a billionaire and that
word is you know comes with certain pre
preconceptions and then health and then
a pandemic happens and I think people
you know
>> this is how I think a lot of
conspiracies
>> name a movie from when you were a kid
where the bad guy or where the super
rich person in the movie wasn't the
evil.
>> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
>> I mean it's programmed into the media.
It's a definite programming that was
very deliberate in our country. It's
like always the rich people are evil. Uh
but then people will say, "Oh, well Tony
Stark was rich. They made him a
sociopath."
>> It's interesting because I think, you
know, I can make the case that at some
point it's intentional. But at some
point also, it becomes such a clear
stereotype that you have to follow that
stereotype when you're like writing
movies or else it doesn't make sense to
people.
>> Yeah. And I'm not saying it was
intentional within the last like 200 300
years. I'm we're talking about like the
brothers grim
>> uh ancient fairy tales
>> and it w I think it was intentional then
like having wealth is bad. There's
virtue in poverty. That's the big thing
they wanted to communicate to their
kids. Poverty is virtuous.
>> And of course like we're we're still
doing a lot of that stuff today.
>> But the reason is exactly what you're
saying is correct. I think it's it's
burned into like some collective
archetype.
>> Yeah.
>> Of of what stories have become
>> and we wouldn't recognize it. So like if
I watched a movie and there was a very
successful billionaire businessman.
All I have to say is that for you to
fill in the gaps. You're thinking
private jet. You're thinking how they
treat people. You're thinking,
>> you know, they're on their phone with a
briefcase. You're thinking, you know,
that they have what they're wearing. You
know what they're wearing. And I didn't
say any of that stuff.
>> Yeah. And you made me feel clever
because I put all that stuff together. M
>> that came came from my own mind.
>> And speaking of archetypes, that's the
second way that you can win any court
case in the world.
>> Have you got experience with court cases
and stuff like that?
>> A lot.
>> What is your experience?
>> As far as I know, I'm the only trial
consultant that offers a 200% money back
guarantee uh when I work.
>> So, what does that mean as a trial
consultant? What's your objective in
simple terms?
>> It's always a little different and it
depends on whether I'm working for
prosecution or defense. Uh, I know
nothing about the law, like just about
nothing. But I know people. So, I will
typically go in and we'll pick a jury
and we'll select a jury. And we want to
select a jury based on this factor and
this factor and based on this zip code.
Here's the question that we want to ask
to find out which is going to be a good
juror and which is a bad juror. But then
I have to figure out questions that are
covert. How can I covertly ask a
question where the opposing council, the
other attorney, won't know what I desire
and what I don't desire based on the
answer? So, one case I worked for was
with a was for a large grocery store
company who was being sued because a
lady slipped on a green bean.
Real [ __ ]
Uh, and they hired me because it was it
was a big big lawsuit. And uh I want a
jury that has an internal locus of
control that they are in charge of their
own life. They're they're responsible
for their destiny. And we want to weed
out the people that have the opposite.
We want to weed out the people that kind
of victim mentality like the world
happens to me that kind of thing.
So,
we have to figure out how do I ask a
question that A reveals that is B covert
and C is not going to expose what we're
looking for to opposing council. So,
we'll come out with a question like, how
does a person catch a cold?
And then you get one person that
answers, well, these stupid kids picking
their boogers. They're wiping on the
escalator. They're coughing, sneezing
all over the place. People aren't
wearing masks. who asked the next guy,
"How does a person catch a cold?" And he
says, 'Well, uh, if I've ever caught a
cold, I was in place a place I shouldn't
have been. I didn't wash my hands
thoroughly enough. I didn't take care of
my body. I didn't take vitamins. I
didn't take care of myself.
>> Very, very different. So, we'll we know
what what is satisfactory for us to
select a jury. And that's just one uh
tiny example.
>> But, I'm going to pause you there cuz I
just wanted to share something before we
carry on with this story cuz it's
fascinating. It's actually the last
question I ask on our culture test when
we employ people for my company. We ask
them 35 questions before they are
offered the chance to interview. And the
last question is, when I don't do great
work, who's to blame? And it asks them,
it says, "The people I worked with, I
wasn't given clear enough instructions
from a client or a boss or myself." And
it's remarkable that 45% of the
population will click, it was me. When I
don't do great work, it's not my team to
blame. It's not the person above or
below me or some other factor. It is me.
And that scores them. I shouldn't say
this because it's going to ruin my test,
but I'm going to just say it. That
scores the highest marks on that that
particular question because again, we're
trying to reveal like if you have that
sense of personal responsibility.
>> Yeah.
>> And internal locus of control, internal
center of control in your life, which
correlates to better work, more
ambition, harder work, better long
long-term success, and better happiness.
More happiness. Sorry, please continue.
>> And that you you can tell they're
driven, too. They're going to own their
mistakes. They're going to they're going
to help other people be more
accountable.
>> Probably going to learn faster because
they're going to take responsibility.
>> Absolutely.
So, with an archetype in the jury room,
so we've selected, let's say we've
picked a jury, then the goal is what is
the what is the overall archetype of the
case that's playing out in front of us
right here? It's a small person suing a
big company. Let's say if I'm on the
opposite now, let's say I'm on that
lady's side, then I'm gonna come out
with without ever saying the name, I'm
gonna come out and I'm gonna make you
think David and Goliath all day long
without knowing that I made you think
David and Goliath. I might say giant. I
might say someone small. I might say
slingshot. I might say all these little
key words that are probably in your head
about the David and Goliath story just
to plant that narrative in your head.
And that m might be the first three
hours of of the day and I've jammed that
into your head and you think it's your
own idea. Does this make sense so far?
>> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
>> So then the next time I'm going to talk
about uh maybe it's a deposition or
something like that. We'll talk about
waiting in line at the DMV. We're going
to talk about
>> for people that don't know the context
there because they're not in the US.
>> Yeah. So waiting in line at the at this
government identification card office.
Everyone every around the world will
have some form of that when you've gone
to get a passport or whatever.
>> Yeah. Waiting at passport control. Um
your doctor's office keeping you waiting
for 45 minutes and not caring about your
time. We're going to talk about all
these situations where a big big company
is screwing over another person or a big
big government doesn't know what the
hell they're doing. They're incompetent.
So the attorney doesn't say any of this.
He's just mentioning the scenario.
So if I mention a scenario, what I'm
there's like a little file clerk in your
head and if I mention any scenario, I
can get that little guy to run down to
the file cabinet and pull out
a folder that has that stuff in there.
So when I say hot air balloon, your your
file clerk runs down there and like,
okay, I was at a hot air balloon
festival in New Mexico or something and
pulls that file out. So, if I can get
your file clerk to keep pulling files
out throughout the day, what the one
thing the file clerk does, and this is a
gross generalization,
is anything that's pulled out throughout
that day, and if it's in one context,
the file clerk leaves them all out on
the desk.
And if I can get enough files, all the
files that I want out on that desk,
that's going to influence every decision
that you make when you go home tonight.
So that's kind of the persuasion except
I'm putting it in there in the form of
an archetype. And if I get you to think
David and Goliath, I want you to think
that this is the midpoint of that story,
not the end. So if I just get you to
think this is probably David and
Goliath, this is the middle part of the
story. This is when the little kid, the
shepherd kid, is walking down the hill
to challenge uh challenge the giant.
your brain comes up with the ending to
the story automatically.
>> Mhm.
>> So these arc types are so woven into us
that we think if I could just complete
an arctype story, it's justice.
>> And what does archetype mean?
>> So an archetype is just like a a brand
of story.
>> Okay. So like a a hero's journey,
>> like a beginning and middle,
>> tragedy, a loss and return, a rags to
riches story, a wounded healer story,
all these classic story types. So
there's like 12 story types. Joseph
Campbell's uh talked a lot about this,
but if our brains has about 12 of these
little arc types, and if it's like a
wounded healer story, and there's a
redemption thing at the end, which is
called a redemption arc, I'm going to
get the audience to see that we're at
the 75% mark right where it's about to
happen. And if I just get you to see a
situation through the lens of an arc
type, your brain automatically not just
predicts, but you know how it's going to
end.
And you want to make it in that way
because it looks like justice. It looks
like the right thing to do. And you
don't even know why your brain is trying
to do that. Even though I'm the one
that's jammed the archetype into your
head for a couple of days.
>> So, bringing this back to Debbie in
Ohio.
>> Yeah.
>> How might she use such a strategy in her
own life to
get the best out of the people she works
with or those around her?
>> Yeah. So you can also use this as a
profiling tool. If I have
>> and uh if you take notes on this stuff
about people in your office, I would
keep them private,
>> but
figure out like this guy's on a you
don't even have to know and memorize all
these 12 arc types. What movie are they
in? When they talk about their life,
what movie are they in? You have the one
guy in the office that wants to go on
crazy adventures and do stuff that
nobody else has done. This is that's a
Back to the Future archetype. You can
make up your own archetypes, but if
they're if they're doing all of this and
everything's going good, what's the next
thing they're going to predict? They're
going to have a problem coming up in
their life. So, I know how they're going
to predict their future if I just know
what story they're in.
>> Andrew Bamonte, who's that CIA spy who
I've had on the show a few times, told
me about his rice framework um in
espionage, reward, ideology, coercion,
and ego. um reward being the things you
want like money, ideology being you know
doing this is good for your family,
doing this is good for your country, the
C being coercion which is pressurizing
people and the E being ego. He said, "Of
all four of these, ideology, like
understanding someone's ideology is the
most persuasive for when he was a spy."
And the way that I've kind of
conceptualized that and maybe built upon
it a little bit, and I I'm saying that
cuz I don't want to be butchering his
idea, is I think everybody has a hero's
journey that they're on right now. And
when you're meeting them to get them to,
you know, maybe come and work at your
company or persuading them to do a deal,
like the first great challenge is
listening to them long enough for them
to hand over their ideology to you so
that you can speak to them. Not through
your own ideology and what you want, but
you can talk through their ideology. And
like even with me, obviously there's
like a hero's journey in my mind.
There's like a story
>> all of us
>> that like is behind me, but also I want
to be ahead of me. And if you know, if
you can listen long enough to figure out
what that is, you can tell me, "Okay,
Steve, I'm going to sell you this Range
Rover and tell me the features of it or
the benefits of it through
>> yes,
>> the hero's journey that I want to live
out."
>> Everyone listening right now has that.
Like, you have a hero's journey that
you're on. And the most persuasive thing
I think anyone could do is not just give
you money or whatever is to let them
know that the thing you're offering is
going to realize that story or at least
the next chapter.
>> Okay? So not it. We don't always want to
sell a completion. We just want to say
this is the logical next step of this
story. Like this guy did a bad thing. He
needs to be punished. And what happens
after the punishment? This is the
learning the lesson and being redeemed
arc. M
>> so we're not we're not going to tell a
jury or suggest to a jury that he's
going to go learn a lesson and then come
back. We're just going to suggest like
what's this next thing that happens. So
if somebody has this arc if we figure
out what what is my journey? What is
what arc type am I living right now?
What type of story
then I can figure out how my brain is
predicting the future? Because
archetypes are so woven into our brains
without language. So the language is not
necessary for the archetype to exist.
>> So it's if you know someone else's
archetype, you can understand how
they're going to predict their future
and how they're going to make choices.
>> And how do you get their archetype out
of them?
>> You're going to hear it. It's so funny
like there's you don't even need special
questions. You ask them about their
life. Ask them where they're from. Ask
them to give me like this summary of
like what happened when you worked there
at that company. Well, I did this and
this and this and nobody thanked me. It
was a thankless job. the manager was a
total [ __ ] So now you're starting to
see an archetype like the guy was in a
tragedy there. The guy was a victim
>> and they want to be appreciated.
>> Yeah. So now he's here at this brand new
company for redemption. So now we're in
a redemption story arc. Does that make
sense?
>> Yeah, it makes perfect sense.
>> So it it just comes out naturally in
everybody's speech. But the the funny
thing is I've never seen it applied to
courtrooms in the way in the way that we
do it and it's a just such a powerful
tool.
The number one thing that I specialize
in is this thing called the time
distance problem. This is what I wanted
to solve throughout my entire career. So
we have two axes,
our vertical axis and horizontal axis.
So this horizontal axis is the distance
line
and the vertical axis going up and down
is the time line.
Okay, so we have time and we have
distance. So distance is how far away
from a behavioral norm can I get a
person to go?
>> So can I get Stephen to confess to a
crime? Like doing something that's going
to send you to jail for 30 years is way
outside of your behavioral norm. And for
me to be able to do that in an
interrogation room, I have to do some
techniques. I have to do some crazy
stuff. If I do it in sales, then I'm
getting you to make a decision that you
maybe otherwise wouldn't have. Maybe if
I'm in time share uh sales or something
like that.
And at the end of the day,
some people can get people far on the
distance line, but it's going to take
forever to do it. It's going to take
maybe a year to to make something happen
>> of persuading them and trying to sell to
them, etc.
>> Yeah. And the last interrogations I did
that were for a corporation in
California,
I had to do 45 interrogations in like
two days. and I had maybe 25 minutes per
interior. It's the the least amount of
time I've ever been given. And that was
the time distance problem. So, how do I
layer on the techniques, the identity,
the perception, context, and permission?
How do I get that layered into a
conversation as fast as possible so I
can shift someone's behavior as fast as
possible? So, everything that you're
looking at is typically a time distance
problem. And there's one more universal
thing, and this may not even fit
anywhere in the episode because it's
random, but you were talking earlier
about like carrying this trauma in your
backpack. So many people are trying to
get rid of this trauma. The reason that
psychedelics can rewire PTSD so effing
fast is that it that doesn't delete your
trauma at all. The memory is still
there. The whole all that stuff is still
there. It changes the perspective so
massively that you can still see the
event, but it forces you to see all of
that stuff through a different lens.
>> So, if you look at somebody that has
some depression stuff going on, some
weird mental stuff going on in their
life, so much of of what ails us, even
someone who's lacking confidence and
they say, "I I can't be a leader. I
can't go into this meeting. I can't do
this negotiation." It's a perspective
problem. It's
>> like 90% of the problems that that that
people have that I work with is just a
perspective issue and nothing else. And
occasionally, um, if somebody's been
going through a lot for a long time, uh,
I would get your neurotransmitters
tested and get your brain tested and see
if you've got some chemical imbalance
that's that's causing a lot of stuff.
Just sometimes a vitamin deficiency
could cause a lot of that. Do any of you
remember a conversation I had on this
podcast with anthropologist Dr. Daniel
Lieberman? It was one of the most viewed
conversations of all time on the Diary
of a CEO. And interestingly, the most
replayed moment of that entire
conversation was when I talked about a
specific pair of shoes that I wear.
They're called Barefoot Shoes, and
they're made by a brand called Vivo
Barefoot, who have become one of the
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shoes have significantly reduced
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wearing them. And research from
Liverpool University backs this up.
They've shown that wearing Vivo Barefoot
shoes for 6 months can increase foot
strength by up to 60%. So if you want to
start strengthening your feet, which are
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Enjoy.
We have finally caved in. So many of you
have asked us if we could bundle the
conversation cards with the 1% diary.
For those of you that don't know, every
single time a guest sits here with me in
the chair, they leave a question in the
diary of a CEO and then I ask that
question to the next guest. We don't
release those questions in any
environment other than on these
incredible conversation cards. These
have become a fantastic tool for people
in relationships, people in teams, in
big corporations, and also family
members to connect with each other. With
that, we also have the 1% diary, which
is this incredible tool to change habits
in your life. So many of you have asked
if it was possible to buy both at the
same time, especially people in big
companies. So, what we've done is we've
bundled them together and you can buy
both at the same time. And if you want
to drive connection and instill habit
change in your company, head to the
diary.com to inquire and our team will
be in touch. Outside of psychedelics, is
there any useful ways you found to
change one's perception?
There's they have all kinds of like
sleep deprivation,
sensory deprivation tanks and darkness
retreats, all those things that people
talk about with breath work and they go
on these big ass retreats. I don't know
anything about those things. Do study
psychedelics a lot and
I I think John's Hopkins this year I
think said that it was the most
effective drug ever tested in human
history
>> for depression, treatment resistant
depression or
>> for psychological problems. the
treatment position, depression, PTSD,
addiction, and now we have this new drug
called Ibagane. It's not new. It's been
around for thousands of years, but uh
that's helping people with addiction.
And
there is now people a able to do
intravenous uh DMT for like 5 hours at a
time instead of five minutes at a time.
And I was the 41st person in the world
to do the intravenous uh DMT.
>> Where did you do that?
uh Denver.
I did it because it DMT boosts has a
massive boost of BDNF which is brain
derived neutrophic factor and it also
produces a lot of plasticity, a lot of
brain plasticity. So I was trying to fix
my brain. I've got a brain disease.
So I went down there on this 5 hour
thing and I've been completely different
ever since that day. So it is a it is a
massive benefit and it's heavy though.
DMT is a heavy heavy thing to go
through. I don't see I can't see any
reason why any human being would use it
recreationally.
For anyone that hasn't experienced DM2,
how would you describe the experience? I
know that's going to be hard to do
because of some of my friends have done
it and when you ask them to describe it,
it seems to be quite abstract.
>> Yeah. It's like if you if we had some
two-dimensional creatures that were
living on this piece of paper right here
on the table and one of those creatures
figured out that he can smoke some DMT
and that somehow enabled us to peel this
two-dimensional creature to where it
could see in three dimensions and see
everything in this room. That's a DMT.
You're getting peeled out of reality
into some other realm. And the the weird
thing is every scientist that I know
that's studying DMT, not one of them
thinks it's a hallucination.
>> What do they think it is? I think the
the more someone the more familiar
someone is with DMT, the less certain
they are about what the hell's going on.
But everyone everyone literally everyone
who uses DMT pretty much goes to the
same exact places and they all meet the
same entities, the same seven or eight
different types of entities. And it's
been the same for 4,500 years of of
recorded history with DMT. And DMT is
something we make in our own body. It's
it's an indogenous chemical. Has it
changed your perception of what reality
really is?
>> 100%. Yeah. It's so much more real than
this reality.
It's like
it's it's so ineffable. There are no
words that that can describe it, but
it's a thousand maybe a million times
more real than this in such a way that
just coming back to this feels like
everything is kind of claymation for a
little while.
>> Claimation
>> or just fake like a cartoon uh of some
kind. It's just really low resolution
and it I I come back with no certainty
about anything. And I think everybody
comes back with that lack of certainty.
You're not coming back and be like, I
saw this exact thing and here's what it
means and here's how the universe is
created and and all of that, but you go
up there and you come back and you're
like, something about this plane doesn't
feel real anymore. And that is a
permanent shift that's hard for some
people to make. And you can't unsee
that you were kind of able to poke your
head out of the out of the side door of
the Truman Show and and look out
backstage for a little while. So, has it
made you believe that this isn't real?
This reality that we're living in now is
not real.
>> We'd have to define real.
The only
>> How would you define real?
>> Yeah, that's a good question. So, that's
why you can touch it, you can measure
it, you can taste it, smell it. Would
that be real?
>> Do you think we're living in a
simulation?
that we have to define simulation
because I think every society has this
hubris of the universe is whatever is
cool to us right now electricity came
out the universe was energy industrial
revolution came out the whole universe
was a giant machine and right now
everybody says oh that we in we just
discovered computers the universe must
be a computer it's like the the hubris
of of every generation what I mean by
simulation I I think like is it rendered
in some way by something. Uh
I I study this stuff all day, every day
of my life. And I think that the more we
the more discoveries we have in particle
physics and quantum mechanics, the more
they're proving the hermetic principles,
right?
>> What's that?
>> These are the seven ancient principles
of this guy named Hermes Tismagist, also
known as Thoth, like an an Egyptian guy.
They're confused about his name, but
he's like uh he wrote these like these
first two principles are the most
important. The first one is all is mind.
>> All is mind.
>> All is mind. The all is mind. The
universe is mental. And then the second
one is as above so below. And here's how
I explained this to my son a couple days
ago. I said, "Have you ever had a dream
where there's like a building in the
dream? Maybe there's a house in front of
you. and what are you looking at the
house with? And he said, "Well, my
eyes." I said, "Why? Which eyes are
they? Are they your eyes that you're
seeing the house with?" And he said,
"No, cuz you're imagining your own set
of eyes to see the house with in your
dream. Your eyes don't aren't there.
Your body isn't there. So, you're
imagining the whole body and the world."
And I said, "What's the distance between
you and that house in your dream?" They
said, "30 feet." I said, 'What is the
air made out of between you and the
house?' And he said, 'A and I said, 'You
have air in your dreams? Is it real
air?' He said, 'N no, it's just it's my
brain. I said, so is there distance
between you and the house? He said, no.
What's the house made out of? Me. What's
the air made out of? Me. The entire
thing is me. The ground I'm standing on,
the house, the the clouds in the sky. So
in a dream, you can verifiably prove
that something is real. You can test it,
you can touch it and all of that and the
perception of it is is very much real.
So the theory now and I don't I don't
have any certainty about this but one
interesting theory that I've heard from
many different neuroscientists
is like if we look at as above so below
like a universe spins like a DNA double
helix. You can zoom in on a human
eyeball and it looks the same as a
nebula. What if dreams are this level
level one and this is like level two of
that where we're hallucinating distance?
We're hallucinating. And I think
whatever the case is, I have no idea. I
have no theories about it myself. But
whatever the case is, I do think that
separation is the greatest lie ever told
to the entire world of like the you are
separate from that person like this you
are separate from this and how people
say I need to go spend time in nature
like you are nature like that's that's
part of who you are. You're made out of
that stuff. You're made out of that
dirt.
So I think the illusion of separation is
is the one thing that I think will help
a lot of people and that's why
psychedelics can really just rewire
somebody's brain so so fast. It just
deletes that separation. Feel like I
just did had some DMT
because you said you know level one is
dreams, level two is maybe this reality.
So the question in my mind was what's
level three?
>> Yeah. Then that would maybe be what you
see on DMT.
>> You said that world was more real than
this one.
>> Oh yeah. Exponentially, immeasurably.
>> Why? How how do you quantify realness?
Like what's this the measuring stick
there?
>> It it
there there are no words for it.
>> Has this changed your view on religion?
>> Yeah.
>> How has it changed your view?
>> I wasn't really a religious person. I
think it made me a much more spiritual
person. And I think before any
psychedelic therapy that I went through,
I was I was performing spirituality.
So spirituality was kind of something I
I did to show people.
>> Yeah. Virtue. Virtue to signal virtue.
>> And
now spirituality, you kind of see it
like it's not a big deal. It doesn't you
don't have to go buy linen yoga pants
and and wooden beads and bathe in
essential oils to be spiritual. Like you
can just
maybe have a hand up there and be less
certain. I think the certainty is the is
the enemy. Like we haven't been here
very long. We're very very newborn
creatures on this planet.
>> Has it made you more empathetic?
>> Unbelievably so. Yeah.
At the end of the day, it everybody
wants to like after your first or second
time going to psychedelic therapy,
you're like, "Oh, I need to understand
the secrets of the universe now." Which
you go in there with this like very
egoic
uh egocentric uh desires and then
they're like, "Okay, you want to
understand the universe? They'll show it
all to you." And your brain's not
capable of understanding it, remembering
it or translating it once you once you
come back anyway. And I think o over
time you learn that the more ego I have,
it's like I'm performing. And then every
time I go back in there or every time
like I kind of reflect on that
experience, it helps me to unzip this my
little ego costume uh a little bit more.
Did you know that you can get banned
from DMT?
Really, dude? You got to look this up.
There are thousands of people out there
who were using DMT recreationally
and the beings up there basically told
him you are done and you're you're
banned from from DMT and the journey
stops right there in that moment and the
guy can take hit after hit after hit
after hit of DMT and nothing happens.
You can be banned from that realm or
whatever it is. I think they call it
hyperspace. Now
>> in the culture culture surrounding DMT,
there is a widely reported anecdote
phenomenon called being locked out of
hyperspace.
Many frequent users report reaching a
point where the drug simply stops
working as expected regardless of the
dose.
The common descriptions include the
waiting room wall, getting stuck in the
initial onset phase and being unable to
break through. The gray room, seeing
only flat, colorless, or dull visuals
instead of the visual vibrant geometry.
The hypers slap. A terrifying or deeply
uncomfortable experience where entities
appear to tell you that you aren't
welcome or shouldn't be here anymore.
The sudden blackout, smoking the
substance and simply falling asleep or
remembering nothing, effectively being
denied entry. H
I think there's there are thousands of
people. one of the um very very random
but persuasive thought experiments I
sometimes
um use to explain why I've started to
believe that there's probably something
more is weirdly how much I've learned
about the gut microbiome.
>> And it sounds like a strange thing and
like not a connection one would expect
to make. But when I sat here with these
experts and they're like, "Oh, by the
way, there's 38 trillion living
organisms in your gut right now." I
you know, you're saying like what is
below is above or whatever that phrase
was. I was like, okay, so those 38
million creatures, I know that you could
argue that maybe they're not conscious
or whatever you want to say. Yeah.
>> But they have no idea. Like if they
work, they have no idea that they're
living inside another organism down. If
they could debate, they would be
debating religion. They'd be saying, "Do
you think we have a creator?" And they'd
look around and they wouldn't see him.
But because they don't realize that
they're inside,
I guess their god, like their creator,
the thing that's feeding them every day
and keeping them alive and that kind of,
you could argue created them because I
created the environment for them to
reproduce.
>> And when I thought about that, I thought
about the oceans. I was like, the, you
know, the animals at the very bottom of
the deepest ocean have no idea that
there's anything above. They have no
idea. And then I and then you got to ask
yourself, am I like arrogant enough to
believe or naive enough to believe that
like this is it? that I am at the top of
the mountain and there's nothing. It's
so egotistical to think like there isn't
there could be nothing above me. And
then the other thing that's been really
persuasive for me in my journey of like
spirituality or religion or whatever you
want to call it is I did a bunch of star
tours and generally getting interested
in the stars and sitting there with a a
star expert and him saying to me at
night time in Joshua Tree look over
there and he'd like get this big
binocular out this 1 m binocular and he
say what you're seeing there is he'd say
something crazy like 28 million lighty
years away and I'm looking at a whole
another galaxy and it's just this speck
and it's 28 million light years away.
Scratching my head going like, "What the
that is inconceivably far away and it's
just this dot." And he goes, "Yeah,
there's like trillions of those."
>> And I'm thinking, "Oh, like the gut
microbiome. There's like 38 trillion of
those."
>> Yeah.
>> And they're just specks with life on
them that we understand at some granular
level, but maybe not the deepest
granular level. So maybe I'm just
another gut in the bug of some toddler
in some other space. And I just don't
know the answer. What do you do with
that information? No idea.
>> But the new theory is that this
consciousness is external to our body.
>> What does that mean?
>> Like our brains act as a receiver and a
filter for consciousness and not a
creator of consciousness. So that
hypothetically maybe DMT is something
that just pops that filter off and
allows us to experience full
consciousness.
M
>> and then if the all is mind. So if
everything in my dream is made up of me
and we just copy paste that up to this
level, we're all maybe part of one mind
and there aren't any people.
It's just a mind. So like the distance
between us doesn't exist. It's just just
like a dream except we're sharing a
dream up here. And that's one of the I
think that's a part of that that new
consciousness theory. I don't subscribe
to any of them. Any one of them in
particular.
>> You haven't got to believe any of this
stuff. Um
>> because it's hard to you're never going
to know for sure. But even hearing it
makes me feel a lot more empathetic for
my fellow being.
>> Yeah.
>> Cuz it makes me you. It makes it makes
your enemy you. It makes your friend
you. Makes the person you love hate
whatever. It makes all of them you. And
none of us would. I think I think we
treat ourselves much better sometimes
than we would treat someone a thousand
miles away in a different country with a
different color skin.
>> Yeah.
>> Um so that's what I love about this
conversation and actually every time I
bring myself back to this point about
consciousness being one, it does make me
more empathetic to things.
>> It does. And it's not because you're a
moral person.
>> Like you don't have to have morals
anymore. So if I see you as me,
>> I'm just protecting myself.
>> Yeah. Like it's just a natural
>> in the same way I would with my
children.
>> Yeah.
>> Or Yeah.
>> Yeah. And I mean the the morality
doesn't need to exist anymore. It's just
the right thing.
>> Chase, what is the most important idea
we didn't talk about that we should have
talked about specifically as it relates
to the most important skills people are
going to need? whether it's body
language or people skills or sales
skills in the world we're heading
towards where they're positing that
robots are going to take away lots of
the manual labor jobs and artificial
intelligence is going to take away a lot
of the like cognitive work and we might
be rendered left with each other in the
real world.
>> Yeah.
Number one is making people feel heard
and seen
and resonating with them when they're
heard and not judging them when they're
seen.
That's the number one because AI,
you can mark my words, AI will never in
a million years
serve as a replacement for humans on the
social level of Maslo's hierarchy of
needs where we have survival, safety,
belonging. That that third row of
Maslo's pyramid cannot be fulfilled
through electronic means as of yet
anyway. And maybe the they're going to
start making sex robots and all that
kind of stuff when these these things
come out. But we cannot fulfill that
desire. We cannot fulfill that need. So
what's above that? Then we have esteem,
our self-esteem and our our
self-actualization.
We can never move past level three
because we're getting a placebo of
connection from Twitter and Tik Tok and
all these apps and uh these pseudosocial
apps. YouTube, we have these parasocial
relationships on YouTube and
it's it cannot fulfill that level. Our
brains were not wired to receive digital
connection.
We have our brains have not developed
one more wrinkle in the last 200,000
years. Exactly. the same brain.
>> So, we're not going to outscience
uh the lower part of the brain. And you
can't like meditate your way out of
having good relationships and being
around 3D people. You you need it in
your life. And I genuinely think AI is
never going to replace it.
>> I would agree. I would agree.
I think one of the things that's been
really persuasive in this regard is I
remember in psychology lessons when I
was like maybe 16 years old, Mrs. Lowi.
I've always missed Miss Lowry. Miss
Lowry, if you're listening, please get
in touch. My I shouldn't say my email.
Um, but just get in touch through
Gareth. He knows know me, but I just
wanted to say that because she she was a
great teacher for me in psychology. I
really only like two lessons in school,
business and psychology. So, Mr. Hughes
and Mrs. Lounley Lown's lessons. The
others I found a bit tricky, but I
thought those two teachers saw something
in me. Miss Lowry was talking about the
recess monkeys experiment where they got
these like recess monkeys to um either
they gave them a fake mother but that
had cloth on it or they gave them a wire
mother so a mother made out of wires and
they looked at their psychological
outcomes over time. I'm probably
butchering this, so please community
note me, Dio team, so that the facts are
on the screen. And what they found is if
you want the monkeys that grew to be
most psychologically stable and happy
and weren't psychopaths were the ones
that had a cloth mother and the the
monkeys that became erratic and clearly
had deep psychological problems were the
ones that just had a wire mother. So
that's always reminded me that even in a
world of robots or AI, whatever, there's
still something irreplaceably human
about physical human connection and
touch.
>> Yeah. which I actually think is going to
become is going to absolutely surge in a
world where we do have robots and
intelligence and retentive algorithms. I
think there's going to be this
bifocation of society where many people
flee back to the real world.
Yeah. And the two biggest things that we
have as a result of all this is
loneliness and division
and the division is manufactured and the
loneliness is a byproduct.
Is there anything else you wanted to
share?
>> Yeah, maybe some good news. That was
some shitty. I'd be shitty to stop on
that note.
>> Give me some good news.
>> I think one of the the number one thing
that people need to know is that if you
wrote down the biggest insecurities that
you've ever had in your entire life,
every crazy crazy thing about how you
thought it was a big deal, you have to
forget forgive yourself for that [ __ ]
you did when you were 12. You have to uh
stop doing this. You have to you have to
stop hiding yourself from other people.
If you just wrote down every one of your
insecurities with a hundred people
and then had someone type all of them
out, all hundred people,
you wouldn't be able to find your own.
You you'd be very confused. You'd think
that someone just paraphrased you a
hundred times if you're digging through
that hat trying to find your
insecurities.
And it would shock you. Uh, and it's one
thing to hear it maybe on a podcast, but
to see it in real life. If you see the
depth of other people, we are so much
the same. And all the [ __ ] that we hide
because we don't want anybody else to
see it. Everyone else is hiding the
exact same stuff. Everybody else is
feeling the exact same way. The number
one thing that people regret on their
deathbed is like, I should have treated
it more like a game. I should have
figured out what was important in the
game and done what was actually
important. Uh, and that's it.
>> That means a lot to you, doesn't it?
>> That particular point, it's almost like
you've changed since the last time we
spoke in a way.
>> Yeah.
>> I think there's been a bit of an
evolution.
>> Yeah.
And I think that level of empathy is
super important to life and it helps
slow things down. And no matter what
you're going through, put put make a
poster and put this up on your wall.
It's supposed to be fun.
It's supposed to be a game.
And I think Alan Watts had a quote that
said, "Most of man's memory comes from
taking very seriously what God made for
fun."
It's hard not to take it seriously
though when it seems to threaten some of
our prehistoric
design. And if we go back to the
triangle where you've got friends and
rewards and you've got safety, if it
threatens any of these things, then it
doesn't feel so fun,
>> right? Depending on your perspective.
And that's where the big perspective
shift comes in of like I got to remind
myself this is supposed to be fun.
>> Chase, we have a closing tradition on
this podcast where the last guest leaves
a question for the next not knowing who
they're leaving it for. And the question
left for you,
>> Sounds like you've rehearsed that.
>> Yeah, I've said it quite a few times
now. Probably 500 times. Um,
if you were going to take on a new
challenge this year to expand the
territory of your skill set
in a way that would make you happy, what
would it be?
I think uh developing the ability to
shut the [ __ ] up and celebrate when
there's a win.
Uh, we just had like a giant record
month in our company. massive record
month and I was like, "Okay, okay." And
then I just went I joined another
meeting and it fell by the wayside and I
think I'm going to regret doing that and
I think celebrating wins is a skill uh
that I need to cultivate better.
Mo Gordat um from episode 101 was the
most shared episode of any podcast in
2023 on Apple in the UK according to
Apple and one of the things he said in
that conversation he's um head of Google
X who left when his son died in a
routine operation and he went in search
of happiness so at Google he was leading
the innovation teams all like the AI
stuff robots and all that stuff and I
remember he he like becomes a backpacker
at 50 odd years old ends up having a
divorce from his wife after 18 years and
his whole life when he sat in the chair
he was like backpacking he had this one
shirt he'd come to my studio and short
in London, this this old kitchen, this
used to be my kitchen. And he said a
line to me which has always stayed with
me. He said, "Happiness is when your
expectations of how your life are
supposed to be going are met." And so
from that, I can deduce the opposite to
be true, which is unhappiness is when
your expectations of how you thought
your life was supposed to be going go
unmet. And in there, I I always come
back to this because like almost all of
my unhappiness is when I had an
expectation of how my life was supposed
to be going or something was supposed to
be going. your relationship, getting cut
off in traffic, whatever it might be,
podcast, whatever.
>> And when it when you fall short of one's
expectation, that gap is like is
dissatisfaction and frustration or
whatever else. And so, can one play with
this by
being grateful? Because I think great
gratitude is a proxy of realizing that
expectations you once had are now being
met and succeeded. But the problem is as
striving creatures, we keep a delta
between where we are and where we expect
to be. So like when you talked about
celebrating your win there, I was like
the problem is you're already thinking
about the next one. So you've already
created a delta.
>> Yeah.
>> And that's going to keep you on whereas
like the you know is it Eastern
traditions are all about gratitude which
in that moment is going [ __ ] Chase we
did it.
>> Yeah.
>> This was a dream.
>> Yeah.
>> And you did it. And like are you able to
sit in that? The problem I've also
discovered with this spiel is I expected
it to be automatic. I expected the
gratitude and the excitement and the joy
to be automatic.
>> Yeah.
>> So when it didn't automatically show up
when I became a millionaire or the
podcast did well,
I thought maybe it'll show up on the
next one.
>> Yeah.
>> Instead of like taking a moment and
forcing it out of me like reminding
myself that this was it. Chase.
>> Yeah.
>> This was the dream.
>> And that's the perspective.
>> Yeah. Perspective.
>> Like your your camera angles, like mine,
I'll speak for myself, is just so zoomed
in on on this exact moment on what's
going on in the business, this meeting
that's coming up in a few minutes.
They're just like dragging that camera
by the throat and pulling it up to like
when you zoom out on Google Maps and be
like,
>> "This is a big deal." Like you have time
to pause. Nothing you think is a big
deal is a huge deal. You can pause, you
can cancel that meeting uh and really
celebrate.
It's so true. And it maybe like when I
became a millionaire, I thought it was
like it's going to fix my posture. It's
going to make my skin look better. Um it
didn't do anything. It didn't do [ __ ]
Hm. And the crazy part about that is you
hear often hear of what they call gold
medal depression, which again is a prime
example of like you you had an
expectation of that moment. You thought
confetti and a marching band and it
would be I don't know like front page of
the newspaper or whatever. And the
reality is it didn't do [ __ ] So now you
got a problem. Now you're Now a lot of
people they get upset. They come back
from the Olympics with a gold medal and
they're depressed because they climb to
the top of the mountain. They got and it
didn't change anything. Now that's a
problem.
>> Yeah. So I actively practice especially
ahead of an accomplishment. I actively
practice forced gratitude which is like
really taking a moment and and zooming
out as you say. And then the other is
like before I just got my house in LA
which is this incredible [ __ ] house
and like blows like from where I come
from it's you know kid born in Botswana
moves to the UK. Um before I walked into
the house I I literally out loud
reminded myself that this was not going
to change anything in my life. It wasn't
going to make me an inch happier in any
way. It was going to have no material
impact on anything. No one's opinion of
me is going to change. Nothing. It's
going to do nothing for me. And when I
walked into that house for the first
time,
>> I could actually really enjoy it because
my expectations were so low.
>> That's beautiful.
>> So, it was very easy to exceed my
expectations cuz I had none, you know,
and I actually enjoy every day when I
walk downstairs because it's like
blowing my mind.
>> Yeah.
>> You know,
>> that is awesome. But you still get to
celebrate that that you got the house.
>> Yeah.
>> Without it meaning something about you.
>> Yeah.
>> That's I think that's the difference.
>> Yeah. Yeah. You're right.
>> Like you can feel good about a good
YouTube comment without it without you
going, "Yeah, yeah, Stephen is a good
guy,
>> you know, like where you're not writing
identity statements about it."
>> Identity. That's the key. That's what I
was clearly doing there is I'm saying
this is not going to impact my identity
in any way. Don't [ __ ] think it's
going to going to.
>> Yeah. But it still means that when I
wake up in the morning and see a view, I
go, "Wow, that's so wow."
>> Yeah.
>> You know,
>> so true. So true. I fully resonate with
that.
>> Chase, where do people go to get more of
you? Where's the best place?
>> Best place is nci.un university.
>> NCI. University. I'll link that below
for anyone that's looking for the link.
>> And my YouTube channel is just my name.
>> We'll try and collab with you on this
video. So, if you should if you look
down below, you should see two icons.
and you'll see the directio icon and
Chase's icon. If you're watching on
YouTube, just click Chase's icon and
you'll go over to his YouTube channel.
Chase, thank you so much.
>> Thanks, Stephen.
>> YouTube have this new crazy algorithm
where they know exactly what video you
would like to watch next based on AI and
all of your viewing behavior. And the
algorithm says that this video is the
perfect video for you. It's different
for everybody looking right now. Check
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Ask follow-up questions or revisit key timestamps.
The video discusses various psychological and neurological principles related to influence, persuasion, and behavior change. It introduces concepts like micro-compliance, novelty's effect on the brain, and the PCP model (Perception, Context, Permission) as frameworks for understanding how individuals are influenced. The discussion highlights the increasing importance of human skills in an AI-driven future, contrasting them with the capabilities of artificial intelligence. Various techniques for influencing others are explored, including negative dissociation, the childhood development triangle, and the power of pre-commitments and identity-based actions. The conversation also delves into the nature of reality, consciousness, and the potential impact of psychedelics like DMT, suggesting that human connection and empathy are irreplaceable. Finally, it touches upon the importance of celebrating wins, managing expectations, and the idea that 'all is mind' and separation is an illusion, ultimately promoting a more empathetic and game-like approach to life.
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