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Body Language Expert: The 3 "Dark Psychology" Tricks To Read Anyone's Mind! - Chase Hughes

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Body Language Expert: The 3 "Dark Psychology" Tricks To Read Anyone's Mind! - Chase Hughes

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3349 segments

0:00

This is how social media starts roping

0:02

you in. This is how politics starts

0:04

roping you in. This is how cult leaders

0:06

will recruit you into a cult. It's the

0:08

number one way that we influence another

0:10

human being. Micro compliance. And

0:13

hypnosis is a great example of this.

0:15

Like I can have a person laying on the

0:16

floor unconscious in maybe a minute and

0:18

a half. And it's very easy to do.

0:20

Anybody can learn to do it. But one of

0:22

the things you'll see me do at the

0:23

beginning of that is like give me your

0:24

hand, put both hands out like this, and

0:25

then flip them over. You look all the

0:26

way up and look all the way down. I make

0:28

them do like 50 things. None of the

0:30

things that I just did with them are

0:32

meaningful. Everything was micro

0:34

compliance. And you don't realize that

0:36

you're going through massive amount of

0:38

compliance in order to get your behavior

0:40

to change or influence another human

0:42

being. Use what works for brainwashing

0:45

because our brains have not developed

0:46

one more wrinkle in the last 200,000

0:48

years. So a regular example of this is

0:51

novelty. Anything novel hijacks our

0:54

brain. So if you're trying to change

0:55

your beliefs or you want to lose this

0:57

weight, change something up in your

0:58

life, change your wardrobe, repaint the

1:00

walls in your office, you need to tell

1:02

the animal part of our brain here

1:04

because this has been proven on fMRI

1:06

studies that the decision shows up

1:07

before we're conscious of it. What about

1:09

humanto human skills? So people are

1:11

starving to have great conversations

1:13

that are very influential, which means

1:15

that if I'm an attorney, I can sway a

1:17

jury. If I'm a hostage negotiator, I

1:19

save people's lives. If I'm a parent, I

1:20

raise better kids because I can

1:22

communicate in a way that gets the

1:24

outcome that I'm looking for. And you

1:26

can do that with any of these techniques

1:27

like negative dissociation, the

1:29

childhood development triangle. There's

1:31

this thing called the PCP model. And

1:32

when it comes to influencing human

1:34

beings, that is the most important thing

1:36

that you could ever understand.

1:38

>> That might just be the most important

1:39

skill in the world. So, let's do some

1:40

role playing.

1:41

>> All right,

1:44

guys. I've got a quick favor to ask you.

1:46

We're approaching a significant

1:47

subscriber milestone on this show. And

1:49

roughly 69% of you that listen and love

1:52

this show haven't yet subscribed for

1:54

whatever reason. If there was ever a

1:55

time for you to do us a favor, if we've

1:57

ever done anything for you, giving you

1:59

value in any way, it is simply hitting

2:01

that subscribe button. And it means so

2:03

much to myself, but also to my team

2:04

because when we hit these milestones, we

2:05

go away as a team and celebrate. And

2:07

it's the thing, the simple, free, easy

2:09

thing you can do to help make this show

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a little bit better every single week.

2:13

So that's a favor I would ask you. And

2:15

um if you do hit the subscribe button, I

2:17

won't let you down. And we'll continue

2:18

to find small ways to make this whole

2:20

production better. Thank you so much for

2:22

being part of this journey. Means the

2:24

world. And uh yeah, let's do this.

2:30

Chase, the world is changing rapidly

2:33

before our eyes on so many fronts in

2:35

terms of geopolitics, but also in terms

2:37

of technology with this whole AI thing

2:39

that's rapidly accelerating. And with

2:42

that, you've got things like robotics

2:43

that are on the way and Elon Musk saying

2:45

that we'll have 10 billion humanoid

2:47

robots in the world in the future. And

2:50

these are going to be intelligent robots

2:51

because the software within them is now

2:53

artificial and it's incredibly

2:56

intelligent. One of the things people

2:58

say to me a lot is in a world where

3:00

we're going to have all this

3:00

intelligence, what jobs are going to

3:02

remain? And one of the points of

3:04

consensus from interviewing all these

3:05

great AI experts is that human skills,

3:08

any skills that are irreplaceably human,

3:10

social skills, people skills are going

3:14

to be of extreme value. You spend a lot

3:18

of time teaching people these skills. I

3:21

asked you a question just before we

3:22

started recording. The question I asked

3:23

you is, what is the thing you like

3:25

talking about the most that you think

3:26

adds the most value to people? What did

3:28

you say? helping people understand how

3:31

to guide human decision and and have

3:35

great conversations that are very

3:36

influential.

3:38

>> What does that mean in in real specific

3:40

practical terms?

3:42

>> It means that if we are in a

3:43

conversation, I become more likely to

3:46

help you achieve the outcome that I see

3:48

for you. So, if I'm a leader, then I can

3:51

do that. If I'm an attorney, I can sway

3:53

a jury. I can make a jury pick a certain

3:56

decision. If I'm a hostage negotiator, I

3:59

save people's lives. If I'm a parent, I

4:01

raise better kids because I I can

4:03

communicate in a way that gets the

4:05

outcome that I'm looking for from

4:07

another person. That might just be the

4:09

most important skill in the world. I

4:11

think it is increasingly so in a world

4:13

of AI where computers are going to be

4:14

able to handle a lot of the sort of

4:16

intelligent white collar related stuff

4:18

for us and we're going to be rendered

4:20

useful only for that which humans can

4:22

do, which is probably this stuff.

4:25

>> Yeah. the IRL in real life, humanto

4:27

human stuff.

4:28

>> And I think people are starving for it.

4:31

You've got a podcast that's

4:32

non-performative

4:34

and people are attracted to realism.

4:37

There's so much that's artificial and

4:39

performative that people are starving

4:40

for realism already. And this is pre-

4:43

AI. This was starting to blow up because

4:45

it just gave us a sense of something

4:47

that was real. We are in a epidemic

4:50

right now of loneliness where people are

4:53

disconnected from each other and these

4:55

human skills are going to matter more

4:56

than ever as AI comes out. I

4:58

>> I was thinking about what you teach in

4:59

terms of human behavior and getting the

5:01

best out of people and influencing

5:02

people to do what you want them to do.

5:04

And um AI does a lot of that.

5:07

>> It does. It seems like it's been

5:08

programmed to understand human behavior

5:13

and to get me to like it. So let's get

5:17

into some of that human behavior that

5:19

you think is critical in a world of AI.

5:22

In a world of AI, if the skills that

5:24

matter the most are humanto human

5:26

skills,

5:27

where does one where does one begin?

5:30

Let's understand humans first. Like how

5:32

could AI compromise a person? And when

5:35

it comes to influencing human beings,

5:37

the most important thing that you could

5:39

ever understand, whether you're a CEO, a

5:42

mom, or dad, is this thing called the

5:44

PCP model. And PCP is a three-step

5:48

cascade that happens inside the human

5:51

brain when we get influenced. Whether

5:53

we're doing something massively extreme

5:55

like some manurian candidate type stuff

5:57

or we we're just having a sales call and

6:00

we we make a sale. Everything goes

6:02

through PCP. So P is perception.

6:06

So the first step to really changing

6:09

somebody's outcome, getting you to make

6:11

a decision later on is to change how

6:13

you're viewing this situation.

6:15

So when people talk about owning the

6:17

frame of a situation or redefining what

6:21

a situation means right there is

6:23

changing the perception of it. If we're

6:26

just talking about AI AI can say yes uh

6:29

Stephen I see what you mean and I can

6:31

see why you're frustrated and you know

6:32

one of those like standard responses

6:35

but here's what's here's what this is

6:37

really about and it gives you this layer

6:39

that makes you say oh [ __ ] like this is

6:42

it's going deep. So now it's hit the P

6:45

on the PCP model. So it's modified your

6:48

perception of a situation. And how has

6:50

it specifically done that there? Is it

6:51

because it's acknowledged my point of

6:54

view but then given a new one?

6:56

>> Yes.

6:56

>> So if it just given me a new one, I

6:58

might not have believed it. But because

7:00

it first acknowledges my point of view

7:02

before delivering it a different one,

7:04

that's more effective.

7:05

>> Yes. So, and the biggest mistake that

7:08

people make with language is language

7:10

should be resonating and not directing.

7:14

If you want to speak well, you're not

7:16

directing people to think certain things

7:18

or to feel certain things. It should

7:20

resonate with what they're already

7:21

feeling and then start guiding them. So,

7:23

you're getting into their river, so to

7:26

speak, and flowing with that first.

7:28

Okay. So, let's let's do some role

7:30

playing.

7:31

>> All right. I say to you, Chase, I think

7:33

the sky is purple.

7:36

Your job is to carry out the perception

7:39

shift.

7:40

>> Yeah.

7:40

>> What would you say to me?

7:42

>> So if somebody says something that is an

7:45

idea that's far out there, I'll always

7:47

acknowledge it. And I would say like

7:50

every human being is different. And it's

7:52

fascinating how many rods and cones we

7:53

have in our eyes, how we all perceive

7:55

things differently. And it's amazing

7:57

when you see one thing that you might

8:00

see something that's purple and I see

8:01

the exact same thing. We may be seeing

8:03

the identical color, but our brains are

8:06

just interpreting it differently. Or

8:07

maybe we have a different word for it.

8:09

And it's amazing how much we agree on

8:11

and we just don't realize how much

8:13

aligned we are with a a situation in

8:16

life.

8:17

Does that make sense?

8:18

>> Mhm.

8:19

>> So, I've never I've never had to respond

8:22

to somebody calling this guy purple, but

8:25

if I can modify how you perceive a

8:27

situation. So, let's say we're at a

8:29

business networking event and I walk up

8:30

to you and I say, let's say I call out

8:34

the script, openly call out the script

8:36

and I say, "It's it's amazing how many

8:38

people are just running the script of I

8:40

need to look like a business

8:41

professional. I can't say anything that

8:44

makes me look emotional. I can't say

8:46

anything that's personal. I have to hand

8:48

out a business card. I have to like put

8:50

on this persona." So, I'm just openly

8:52

saying the script that's running inside

8:54

that person's head and I'm making you

8:57

aware of it, which means that I'm

8:58

changing your perception of the

9:00

situation. So, anything I can get you

9:02

aware of that's running inside of your

9:04

own head, I can massively start

9:07

transforming your behavior. And we'll

9:08

get to identity here in a minute, but

9:11

any script that you call out, you're

9:13

weakening its power. Ah,

9:16

>> so like if you shook my hand super

9:18

aggressively or somebody shook my hand

9:20

like a like a pretend alpha male and you

9:23

call out exactly what they're wanting to

9:24

happen and you say, "Wow, that handshake

9:27

is really firm. I just read an article a

9:29

few weeks ago that only alpha males do

9:31

that and you say the quiet part out

9:34

loud." So any script that's running in

9:37

the background or some kind of social

9:38

script, if I can surface that, then I

9:42

become a lot more powerful over the

9:44

situation because I've lessened the

9:46

power of a script. Any script that we

9:49

push down is going to be a lot more

9:52

powerful in that person. We're

9:54

increasing power

9:55

>> on that example of the Matt very, you

9:57

know, over the top handshake by calling

10:00

it out. What have you done? What have

10:03

you done in my head? So, I' I'm the one

10:04

that's just squeezed your hand really

10:05

tight cuz I want to be an alpha male.

10:08

>> You call it out. What What does that do?

10:10

It It disarms me or it makes me feel

10:12

great or

10:13

>> No. And and and I'm not saying that

10:15

that's a tactic anybody should do, but

10:17

if there's a script running here, like

10:19

here's what we're supposed to do. You

10:20

and I are on a podcast. We're supposed

10:22

to make eye contact with each other.

10:24

We're supposed to nod throughout this

10:25

entire thing. I'm making both of us more

10:27

aware of this.

10:28

>> And that gives us a little permission to

10:31

break away from it.

10:32

>> Oh. To break away from it. Yeah. So,

10:34

your desire to be the alpha male in the

10:36

handshake situation would be temporarily

10:39

kind of broken because I'm openly saying

10:41

out loud what you didn't want to say out

10:43

loud.

10:43

>> Oh, okay.

10:44

>> Does that make sense?

10:45

>> Oh, okay. So, you're like kind of

10:46

calling it out but without it being

10:48

>> without making fun of

10:49

>> aggressive. Yeah. Okay.

10:52

>> So, after I shift your perception, I all

10:55

I need to do is get you to see a

10:56

situation a little bit differently. And

10:59

if you turn on the news, oh my god, are

11:01

you going to see this all day, every

11:03

day, the perception changes. Oh, you

11:05

thought it was about this. Guess what?

11:07

Here's what they did today. And they did

11:09

this blatantly and now it's in your

11:11

face. They do all of this stuff to shift

11:14

your perception.

11:16

And in order to get your behavior to

11:18

change, once I shift your p perception,

11:21

then I change the C in the in this

11:23

model. And the C is context.

11:26

And context is the most important thing

11:29

in the world. And nobody's talking about

11:32

it. Probably everyone watching this or

11:34

listening to this right now is going to

11:36

get naked today.

11:39

They'll get in a shower. They'll get in

11:41

a bath. Whatever it is, but some almost

11:44

everybody's going to get naked. We're

11:46

probably not going to do it in the

11:47

middle of an office building like at

11:49

work. Context dictates what behavior is

11:52

permissible. So, if if you go back to 19

11:56

I think it was 1957,

11:58

there's this guy running a stage

12:00

hypnosis like comedy show, you know,

12:03

where they bring people up on stage and

12:04

make them do silly stuff. And

12:08

one of the guys that's up on stage, he's

12:10

knocked out and he's doing all this

12:12

crazy stuff. He's an offduty police

12:15

officer, so he's concealed. He has a

12:17

concealed handgun.

12:19

But one of the skits in this or one of

12:21

the bits that this comedian does, he

12:24

tells the people that all of you are

12:25

sheriffs and you can't leave the stage,

12:28

but everybody in the in the audience

12:30

right here is rowdy. They're making lots

12:32

of noise. You need to tell them to keep

12:34

it down. So, this starts and the

12:38

hypnotist says, "Now they're they're not

12:40

even listening to you. They're not

12:42

respecting you." And then he says,

12:43

"They're they're you can't leave the

12:45

stage, but one of them's pulling out a

12:46

gun." Then this offduty police officer

12:49

pulls out his service weapon and starts

12:52

firing into the crowd.

12:54

>> This is a true story.

12:55

>> True story.

12:55

>> Really?

12:56

>> Yeah. But is he a monster?

12:59

>> Of course not. Because context dictated

13:03

what he would do. So if I can change

13:06

context to where what I want you to do

13:09

is just an automatic thing, I can make

13:12

you do anything. The only the the real

13:16

skill is just being able to shift

13:17

perception and context. If you can just

13:21

shift perception and context, you can

13:22

radicalize someone on the internet and

13:24

turn them into a shooter. You can

13:28

radicalize somebody politically and make

13:30

them excommunicate their entire family

13:32

over a Thanksgiving. I'll give you an

13:35

example from UK. In in 19 in 1979, I

13:39

think there was a fire in in Manchester

13:41

in Wworth's department store.

13:43

>> Yeah. And it was during the daytime,

13:46

doors were open and it turned out that

13:48

most of the people that died were in the

13:51

restaurant and these the restaurant was

13:54

right by the door. So the fire inspector

13:57

looked and they were trying to figure

13:58

this out and a psychologist finally came

14:00

along and said they died because they

14:03

were waiting to pay their bill cuz no

14:06

one gave them permission to kind of

14:08

stand up and walk out. No one did it

14:10

first. So they kind of just went along

14:12

with the crowd. And in the context of a

14:16

restaurant, you don't stand up and walk

14:19

out until you've paid your bill.

14:21

>> So the context can also lead us into

14:24

something like that. So the perception

14:26

of the situation, even though there's a

14:28

fire, I'm locked in context of I'm

14:30

sitting in a restaurant. And and that's

14:34

been tested time and time again where

14:36

people will sit in a smoke fil room long

14:39

enough to die just cuz nobody else is

14:41

moving. So context matters. So how does

14:45

that pertain to being able to persuade

14:47

people

14:49

for like I don't know Debbie in Ohio.

14:52

>> Yeah.

14:52

>> Who's listening? Yeah.

14:53

>> How does she work and think about

14:55

context when she's in a sales meeting

14:57

speaking to her husband, her son,

14:59

whoever it might be?

15:00

>> Yeah. So, one of the best things that

15:02

you can learn when it comes to being

15:04

able to shift context is setting the

15:06

frame of what every interaction is and

15:08

being the one to openly say what the

15:10

frame is as the conversation starts.

15:13

Let's say you're talking to a kid and

15:14

it's a parent talking to a kid. The kid

15:17

thinks they're in trouble. That's the

15:18

context they have and I need to shift

15:20

their perception of our situation before

15:22

I can change their context. Mhm.

15:24

>> So, we sit down, we start the

15:25

conversation, and I'm like, I'm so glad

15:27

that we could have this talk in a calm

15:29

way that is focused on learning instead

15:32

of punishment.

15:35

A massively transformed perception and

15:38

context. So, I've changed what this

15:40

means and the definition of what's

15:42

allowed here.

15:44

>> So, context gives us the final P, which

15:47

is permission. So, if I change your

15:50

perception of a conversation and you can

15:52

do that right away and if if I'm

15:54

entering into a negotiation and we start

15:57

the room with, I'm glad that we could

15:59

all come here for this and I know both

16:01

of us want to find common ground as fast

16:03

as possible and I suggest that maybe we

16:05

even start there. So, I'm setting a

16:07

frame right right from the very

16:09

beginning. It's so surprising how few of

16:12

us do that when we go into a

16:13

conversation. I was just thinking back

16:15

over the last sort of 10 days of my life

16:17

in business meetings, very important

16:18

business meetings in Los Angeles with

16:20

new potential partners and walking into

16:24

the boardroom and sitting down and doing

16:26

the like formalities of like, oh, hi.

16:27

How's your weather? Like, how's the

16:28

weather? Where'd you live? Oh, fine. And

16:31

then a little bit of quiet. We introduce

16:33

ourselves and nobody really sets the

16:35

frame or someone sets the frame, but it

16:38

isn't you.

16:38

>> Yeah. And actually that meeting would

16:41

have been much more productive if I had

16:43

volunteered up a frame very early and it

16:45

was a frame in whatever I'm trying to

16:47

get out of that meeting.

16:48

>> Yeah. And anytime you're setting a frame

16:51

or just kind of setting the perception

16:53

of what's going on, especially in

16:55

business, start out by a negative first

16:57

because people [ __ ] about stuff in

16:59

business all the time and then go to the

17:01

positive. So you're doing kind of a

17:03

contrasting statement. So, like let's

17:04

say in in the last meeting you had, if

17:06

you said something like, "I'm so glad

17:08

we're meeting today, guys. There's so

17:09

many people out there that just fall

17:10

into these competitive mindsets."

17:13

>> Mhm.

17:13

>> Uh, and it's really good to do business

17:15

with people that are in a collaborative

17:17

mindset instead of a competitive

17:19

mindset.

17:20

>> With what you said, the frame that I

17:22

wish I'd said based on the all of the

17:24

the context was I'd walked into that

17:26

room wanting to get a deal done cuz I'm

17:27

sick of [ __ ] talking about it on

17:28

emails. Yeah.

17:29

>> And meetings, meetings, meetings,

17:30

meetings, meetings. So, I wish I'd

17:32

walked in and said something words to

17:33

the effect of, "I'm so glad we could

17:35

meet in person to finally really make

17:37

progress on this because there's been so

17:39

much talk about theoretical deals and I

17:42

feel like getting us together can get us

17:44

much closer, much quicker to figuring

17:46

out

17:47

>> a real deal that we can work on." Words

17:49

to that effect cuz I think that would

17:50

have started the conversation away from

17:52

the theoretical.

17:53

>> Yeah.

17:54

>> If I just called it out. But

17:55

unfortunately, I didn't say that and we

17:57

spent a lot of time just talking about

17:58

theoretical stuff again.

18:00

>> Yeah. And you can do that with

18:01

permission at the beginning with a

18:03

permission phrase and just say, "Hey,

18:04

just so I understand, and I may be I may

18:06

be wrong here, but what I understand is

18:09

the purpose of this meeting is for us to

18:11

kind of compile all these Zooms that

18:13

we've been on for months and months and

18:15

finally get something done and put a bow

18:17

on it that we have some kind of finished

18:19

product. Even if it's not perfect yet,

18:21

we have something tangible."

18:24

>> And that's that's permission. So you're

18:26

like, "I might be wrong about this." But

18:27

of course, they'll probably agree with

18:29

that. I think the same applies actually

18:31

for romantic relationships. Thinking

18:33

about having an argument with your

18:35

partner, you can go in just emotion

18:37

versus emotion. If you don't take a

18:39

minute to just

18:40

>> define

18:41

>> define what we're trying to accomplish

18:42

from this

18:44

>> and then when people drift because they

18:45

do in emotional situations, you've got a

18:47

frame to bring them back into that you

18:49

pre-agreed on,

18:50

>> you know, cuz when you get those emot

18:52

they'll bring up something your mother

18:53

did six, you know, four years ago or

18:55

something you and it just drifts away

18:56

from the frame.

18:58

>> Yeah. And if you watch the media, uh,

19:01

especially the opinion side of the

19:03

media, they talk about a politician that

19:04

they don't like, what do they start out

19:06

with? This is going to scare you. In

19:09

another piece of terrifying news, here's

19:11

what this guy did today up on the stage.

19:14

This politician did. So, they set the

19:16

frame for it to be terrifying. They're

19:18

setting up your perception from the very

19:20

beginning. And then if I if I change the

19:23

context

19:25

in one context, yeah, maybe this

19:27

politician's a bad guy. Another context

19:29

is this person is a threat to democracy.

19:34

I've heard that phrase a lot.

19:36

>> A lot. And that mean And what do we do

19:38

to threats to our entire democracy? We

19:40

kill them. So we start radicalizing

19:42

people instantly without them really

19:44

even processing that they're they're

19:46

internalizing that. M

19:48

>> we were radicalizing people just through

19:50

that context.

19:52

So if you can modify perception and

19:54

context, you can give someone that

19:56

permission, that final piece to do

19:57

anything. Let's go back to the police

19:59

officer in the hypnosis show. He had the

20:02

permission to start firing his firearm

20:04

because of the context of being attacked

20:06

by someone with a weapon.

20:08

>> Mhm. So once the context shift, your

20:12

social permission of what I'm allowed to

20:13

do, like I don't strip down and get

20:15

naked in my office, but I do when I'm

20:17

standing in front of a hot shower,

20:20

that is the permission to do things

20:21

differently. So if you want someone to

20:24

do something that they normally wouldn't

20:26

do, the question you ask yourself is, in

20:29

what context would the decision I need

20:32

this person to make be an automatic

20:34

thing? If we agreed on 10 different

20:37

things out of 11, then we the automatic

20:41

thing would be for us to sign an

20:42

agreement together.

20:43

>> Okay?

20:44

>> Or if if I'm being shot at, the

20:46

automatic thing for me is to draw my

20:48

weapon and and fire back. So it's an

20:51

automatic behavior based that typically

20:54

in another situation would violate

20:56

social permissions. Like I don't have

20:58

social permission to to behave in that

21:00

way.

21:02

>> I was reading about the story that you

21:04

referenced. I think I found the one in

21:06

December 1923. The New York Times

21:08

reported on it regarding a tragedy in

21:10

Croatia where an Austrian hypnosist

21:12

ended up firing into the crowd and um

21:17

killed three people and wounded several

21:19

others before he was snapped out of his

21:22

trance. Upon realizing that he had done

21:24

it, the officer reportedly arrested the

21:26

hypnotist on the spot,

21:29

which is strange to

21:31

>> That's called cognitive dissonance.

21:33

>> Yeah.

21:34

Wow. Okay. So, PCP, I understand that.

21:38

One of the things I was thinking about

21:39

is, is there any way for my audience

21:41

listening now based on everything you

21:42

know about SCOPS and the way that we're

21:44

manipulated with media, is there any way

21:47

that we might be able to help them be

21:50

more objective in a world that is trying

21:52

to force them into one frame or the

21:54

other? because I'd, you know, as a

21:56

podcaster, this is maybe a selfish

21:57

thing, I speak to so many different

21:59

people and I'm going to speak to someone

22:02

on the right, someone on the left, up,

22:04

down, left, right. I don't really as

22:07

long as I think I'm going to have be

22:08

able to have a conversation with them.

22:09

I'm going to meet them as I find them

22:10

and I'm going to have a conversation

22:11

with them. And there's really no

22:13

external pressure that's going to change

22:14

that. Yeah. Unfortunately, like I've

22:15

I've had all the external pressure in

22:17

the world and I'm not going to change

22:18

that because I have to do this myself

22:20

for a long period of time. So my the

22:23

thing that's going to keep me in love

22:24

with this job is to be able to follow my

22:25

curiosity and not be trapped by anyone

22:27

else's pressure. But that requires your

22:30

audience as well to be open-minded.

22:33

Which means that if I sit here with

22:34

Kamala Harris or with Donald Trump, I I

22:37

want my audience to come into the

22:39

conversation with as an open mind as

22:41

they possibly are able to.

22:43

>> Let's talk about how to manipulate your

22:44

next podcast guest into being more

22:47

open-minded.

22:48

>> Okay. And this technique is something we

22:51

teach called negative dissociation.

22:53

And the way that it works is I'll make a

22:56

small, it should sound like an

22:58

observation about the world. So in our

23:01

discussion, let's say we just sat down

23:02

and I'd say, you know what, I'm I'm glad

23:04

I'm interviewing with you. There's a lot

23:05

of people out there that are just so

23:07

closed off and locked in these little

23:10

rigid beliefs. And I'm not sure whether

23:12

it is they're just terrified of what

23:14

what people are going to think about

23:15

them if they step outside the lines

23:18

>> or if they're scared of being

23:20

open-minded for these other beliefs. I'm

23:22

not sure which one it is, but I mean you

23:25

meet these people so often

23:27

>> and you're going to nod. You nodded your

23:29

head while we were saying because what

23:31

is what I'm saying sounds true

23:33

>> and it probably is but you're making

23:36

that person very covertly agree that

23:39

they are not that person. M.

23:41

>> Does that make sense?

23:42

>> That makes perfect sense.

23:43

>> So throughout the conversation, what

23:45

you're really doing is you're not

23:46

getting them to make an agreement about

23:48

how they're going to act. You're getting

23:49

them to make an agreement about who they

23:51

are as a human being.

23:52

>> Mhm.

23:54

>> So the moment you can get them to

23:56

covertly make an I am statement in their

23:58

head, you're hacking your way into that

24:00

person's identity.

24:02

So like, let's say you said that, they

24:04

nodded, and then maybe a few minutes

24:07

later you're like, I I got a confession

24:08

to make. I, you know, I had social

24:10

anxiety growing up. How did you get this

24:12

open about everything? Have you always

24:14

been this way or was this through some

24:16

kind of like leadership training or

24:18

something like that that you went to?

24:20

>> And the moment you answer that question,

24:23

I've got you to commit. Now you're fully

24:25

committed uh to being wide open for the

24:28

rest of the conversation.

24:29

>> What would you assume they would then

24:30

say in such a scenario?

24:32

>> They're like, "Uh, I don't know. I I

24:33

think I've always been really open. I I

24:35

haven't been really scared about what

24:36

people think about me and I've always

24:38

tried to wear my heart on my sleeve. So

24:40

now you're getting to make all these

24:42

commitments

24:42

>> that they're going to be like that going

24:44

forward.

24:44

>> Yeah. Okay. I mean, you're not

24:46

permanently changing a human being,

24:49

>> but it's a temporary change that they

24:50

will make for one little compartment of

24:52

a of an interaction with you. And is

24:54

this because you're really you're

24:56

speaking to their you said their

24:58

identity, their sense of who they want

25:01

to be. And that's heavily driven by

25:04

social perception of what I think of

25:07

them.

25:08

>> Yeah. Uh but it's not who they want to

25:10

be. Uh it's who they say they are.

25:14

>> And those are different.

25:16

>> So

25:18

and man, Bob Chelini's got a great

25:20

example of this. They got these uh

25:22

people to stick signs in their yard.

25:24

These giant ugly signs that say drive

25:27

safe on them. And the way that they got

25:29

this like 85% of this neighborhood to

25:32

stab them into their yard, nasty, stupid

25:35

looking sign was a week prior, a week

25:38

before they knocked on their door and

25:40

they said, "Hey, I have a one question

25:41

survey. It'll take 15 seconds. Do you

25:43

support safe driving? Yes or no?" Of

25:46

course, everyone's going to say yes. And

25:49

then so now they've made a commitment

25:50

about who they are. Do you support? So

25:53

it's who are you as a person? And they

25:55

said, "All right, thank you so much for

25:57

that." And just to show your support,

25:59

could you put this tiny small sticker in

26:02

the window of your house facing the

26:03

street? And they're like, "Yeah, yeah."

26:06

And they go stick it on the window. But

26:08

they're more likely to do it because

26:09

they just said yes. But anyone who said,

26:12

"Yes, I support safe driving

26:15

a week later would stick that giant

26:17

stupid looking sign in their front

26:19

yard." And the and they double blinded

26:22

this. They did it in another

26:24

neighborhood where they didn't go door

26:25

to door first. They just went door to

26:26

door and said, "Hey, can we stab this

26:28

giant ugly sign in your yard?" And like

26:30

1% of people said yes, as opposed to

26:33

like 85% in the other neighborhood. But

26:36

it's a tiny agreement about who you are

26:38

as a person. So this is the power of

26:40

precommitting. Getting someone to

26:42

pre-commmit to something before you ask

26:44

them to do it.

26:45

>> Yeah.

26:46

>> And you get them to precommit in terms

26:48

of their identity and who they think

26:49

they are and who they want to be.

26:51

>> Yeah. But you're not getting them it.

26:53

I'm not using this technique to go to

26:55

make you sign a contract. I'm using it

26:57

to just make subtle shifts in how you're

26:59

behaving in our conversation.

27:01

>> So if I wanted you to focus on me more,

27:03

>> I'd do the opposite of the negative

27:05

dissociation thing. And remember, I'm

27:06

not talking about you because if I'm

27:09

sitting here saying, "Oh, Stephen, you

27:10

pay attention so well in a

27:12

conversation." That sounds super weird

27:14

and manipulative.

27:16

>> People say that to me all the time.

27:18

>> Yeah, maybe they want maybe they want

27:20

you to. In reality, if I do the opposite

27:23

of what that negative dissociation

27:25

statement did, and I I make a positive

27:28

group of people and assign an attribute

27:30

to them. So, that's how you would do

27:32

this. So, it's like, you know, Stephen,

27:34

it's amazing. Every time I meet these

27:36

really high performing CEOs, all of

27:38

these Fortune 100 companies that I work

27:40

with, you sit down with one of these

27:42

CEOs, it's like they all have the exact

27:44

same quality. You sit down with these

27:46

people and they stop what they're doing

27:48

and they just completely tune in to

27:50

other people when they talk to them.

27:54

>> So, I'm taking a quality that I know you

27:57

admire, like CEOs, all this kind of

27:59

stuff,

28:00

>> and I'm assigning a trait to that. and

28:03

you're going to nod and you're going to

28:05

that sounds kind of true but it also

28:07

means that you're agreeing that you are

28:09

also that type of person

28:11

>> but I'm never saying it about you. So

28:14

this is if I'm talking directly about

28:16

you which is what so many influence

28:17

people teach out there like oh I can

28:20

tell that you this or I can tell that

28:22

you're the kind of person that blank and

28:24

blank and blank. This is called aiming

28:26

language. my ang my language is aimed at

28:29

you and you can feel it and people can

28:31

feel that there's something going on if

28:34

there somebody's sitting there making

28:36

guesses and weird assumptions about

28:37

them. So anytime you're using any of

28:40

these techniques, it should feel and

28:42

sound like you're making an observation

28:45

about the world. It's interesting how

28:48

the sort of power of pre-commitment can

28:50

also be used on yourself to get you to

28:52

do things.

28:54

>> Yeah.

28:54

>> As you were saying, I was looking down

28:55

at some research here. Then there's

28:56

multiple studies that I find

28:57

fascinating. One of them is a study

28:59

conducted at MIT with students. Um they

29:03

gave these MIT students three major

29:04

papers for their semester. One class was

29:07

given ultimate freedom. They could turn

29:08

in all three papers at the very end of

29:10

the semester with no penalty. The other

29:12

class was forced to pre-commit to

29:14

strict, evenly spaced deadlines

29:16

throughout the semester. And the

29:18

students who had total freedom performed

29:19

the worst and experienced the most

29:21

stress. the students who pre-committed

29:24

to certain deadlines produced the

29:26

highest quality work and gave the best

29:28

work and got the best grades. It proved

29:30

that intentionally restricting our own

29:31

future choices through pre-commitments

29:33

is often the best way to beat

29:35

procrastination. And I remember the

29:36

study they did with people on a beach

29:38

where they had a fake thief run past

29:41

someone next to you on the beach and on

29:42

the beach and grab a radio and 20% of

29:45

people would chase the person. But if

29:47

someone had said to you uh in a

29:49

different study where someone runs up,

29:51

grabs the radio, but someone has said to

29:53

you seconds earlier, hey, I'm just going

29:54

to get an ice cream. Can you can you

29:56

take a look?

29:56

>> Can you just watch my stuff? 95% of

29:59

people would then chase the person

30:01

stealing the radio because we've made a

30:02

pre-commitment to another person. So

30:04

pre-commitments can work with yourself

30:05

or, you know, with others, which is

30:09

fascinating cuz especially to yourself.

30:12

I find that interesting that I can

30:13

change my own behavior by making a

30:15

pre-commitment attached to my own

30:17

identity. Um

30:20

I guess there's one more I'll share

30:22

which is this the study around savings.

30:23

They found that people who committed to

30:25

saving even if they wrote on a piece of

30:27

paper were up to five times in terms of

30:30

percentage terms. They went from saving

30:32

3% to saving 15% roughly 15% just

30:36

because they' done a pre-commitment even

30:37

years earlier that they would they would

30:39

save.

30:40

That's beautiful. I love that. And and

30:44

you're kind of just pre-doing your own

30:46

identity. And if if somebody wants to

30:49

master that, you make it about your

30:52

social commitment to yourself, to other

30:54

people, but publicly say like I am this

30:57

kind of person to yourself. So it's not

30:59

like I'm the I'm going to go to the gym

31:01

tomorrow. It's I am the kind of person

31:03

that goes to the gym is a much more

31:06

powerful identitybased action. And

31:10

identity is the number one thing in the

31:13

world when it comes to persuasion and

31:15

influence. There's basically the way

31:18

that I teach this to intelligence people

31:20

is when you're good at influence, you're

31:23

building two walls. One wall is anxiety

31:25

and the other one is cognitive

31:27

dissonance.

31:28

And the hallway that you're creating is

31:30

the relief from those from those things.

31:33

>> What are those two things? So I know I

31:34

know what anxiety is, but what's

31:36

cognitive dissonance? Well, the the

31:37

anxiety is like if I don't do what I

31:39

say, I'm going to have some so I'm going

31:41

to face social rejection or if I if I go

31:45

here and I and I break this rule or I

31:47

don't do this, I'm going to break a

31:49

social contract with somebody. The

31:51

cognitive dissonance is I am the kind of

31:53

person that does this and if I don't do

31:56

this, I'm not keeping with who I said I

31:58

am and and who I agreed to be and I'm

32:01

facing cognitive dissonance. So that's

32:03

like when

32:05

some politician wins the presidential

32:08

election that someone doesn't like. Like

32:11

you have that cognitive dissonance.

32:12

Either A I have to decide that wow a lot

32:14

of people like this person or B

32:17

everyone's stupid. And it's a lot easier

32:20

for me to just say everybody's stupid

32:21

and we always take that path. So

32:23

cognitive dissonance means that it's

32:26

bouncing them back into the hallway

32:27

every time they bump up against

32:29

something that they've previously agreed

32:30

to. And identity is the way that that

32:34

you can hack your own behavior so fast.

32:36

And the way that I explain this to

32:37

people, it takes 30 seconds to

32:39

understand it. If you were an Olympic

32:42

athlete and you had a a a badass body,

32:47

like you had a healthy diet, everything

32:49

was in in perfect shape. You woke up

32:51

every morning. You had great energy and

32:53

all that stuff. And one day you woke up

32:55

for some reason and you're 295 lbs.

33:00

and you wake up and you look in the

33:01

mirror and this something weird happened

33:03

overnight,

33:05

how fast would you get back to that

33:07

body? It would be lightning. You you may

33:11

set world records for for weight loss

33:14

because your identity is with that body.

33:17

It's not that, oh, I need to I want to

33:19

lose this weight so I can be healthy.

33:21

It's this is not me. And anytime you're

33:25

feeling this is not me or this is

33:27

against my who I am as a person, it's

33:30

the most powerful motivator when it

33:32

comes to influencing other people and

33:34

influencing ourselves

33:39

and like a goal like a weight loss thing

33:42

that I that I have a lot of my clients

33:44

do is to download the face app. There's

33:48

like an app that'll make you look super

33:50

fat and real real obese and print it off

33:53

and put it on your refrigerator.

33:56

>> And then people are like, "Oh, well,

33:57

aren't I programming my subconscious to

33:59

be fat?" Like, no. You're pro You're

34:02

programmed to go away from bad things

34:04

first. Never to positive things first.

34:07

It's always a way. Your ancestors live

34:09

because they mistook a a rock for a

34:13

bear. Not the other way around.

34:15

>> Yeah.

34:15

>> Never the other way around.

34:17

>> Yeah. So, you're not going to

34:18

accidentally program your brain, and I'm

34:20

I'm the brain guy, but put that on the

34:23

fridge, and you start you start hacking

34:26

into your own identity, but you're doing

34:28

it in a way that your mamalian brain,

34:30

the thing that runs the show, can see it

34:33

and understands it instantly. There's no

34:35

words, there's no motivational phrases

34:37

or anything like that. It picks up on it

34:39

instantly and starts setting a course

34:40

forward because it's cognitive

34:42

dissonance that you're creating for

34:43

yourself. I remember near Iel who I

34:45

interviewed who wrote the book on like

34:46

procrastination called indistractable

34:48

said to me a phrase that's always stayed

34:50

with me. It's probably, you know, we

34:52

spoke for six, seven hours, I think me

34:53

and Nia, there just this one phrase I

34:55

always think about. He said that humans

34:56

are discomfort avoiding creatures and

34:59

like we think that we're pleasure-

35:01

seeeking creatures, but when he said

35:03

discomfort avoiding, I really like

35:05

interrogated him. I was like, yeah, but

35:06

what about like horniness that makes me

35:09

have sex? And he was like, well,

35:10

actually that horniness is a form of

35:12

discomfort. Your body is sending you

35:13

this sort of almost irritation which is

35:15

making you take an action. And I stress

35:17

tested it across many areas of my life.

35:18

I was like, actually, he's he's right.

35:20

I I'm trying to avoid discomfort. And in

35:23

your example of seeing myself on the

35:24

fridge, yeah, I I would I would want to

35:27

avoid that. It would cause such

35:29

dissonance to my identity that I would

35:30

do everything to avoid that.

35:31

>> Some big ass fat Steven on the on the

35:34

fridge.

35:34

>> Yeah. I mean, that's actually every

35:36

couple of years. What gets me back in

35:38

shape is like catching myself in the

35:40

mirror or because I'm always on camera.

35:43

Sometimes I don't see myself kind of

35:45

getting out of shape and then I watch

35:46

the podcast back and I'm like, "Oh,

35:48

fuck."

35:49

>> Yeah. like Jack didn't tell me like no

35:51

one's told me and then then I'm like

35:54

right gym every day again and

35:56

>> uh interesting

35:57

>> and it's social because you're I mean

35:58

you're making this commitment in front

36:00

of a million people.

36:01

>> Yeah. What else do you think is

36:03

important to know as we head into this

36:04

AI world where human skills and people

36:06

skills going to be more important than

36:07

ever. What what other frameworks have

36:09

you got for me that I should bear in

36:10

mind or or ideas

36:13

>> as we go into AI? your leadership style.

36:15

Everyone's leadership style needs to be

36:17

front and center and I know there's a

36:20

lot of books out there that are

36:21

technically about leadership or but I

36:24

think they're about management and they

36:26

call themselves a leadership book. When

36:28

I teach what's most important when it

36:30

comes to understanding oursel is

36:31

developing authority. Uh but that

36:33

authority has those five traits of

36:35

authority. This is confidence,

36:36

discipline, leadership, gratitude, and

36:38

enjoyment. Do you do show notes where

36:41

people can download stuff in the

36:42

description?

36:43

>> Yeah, sometimes. I'll send I'll send

36:44

this inventory to you where people can

36:46

take this quiz and it's it's the most

36:49

revealing thing about your leadership

36:50

power.

36:52

But what people tend to do is seek out

36:54

the wrong type of authority. I've

36:57

learned this with 20 years of working

36:59

with people. That we will tend to seek

37:03

one of these little avenues that looks a

37:06

certain way because we think that's what

37:07

leadership is supposed to look like.

37:09

That's what authority is supposed to

37:10

look like. But there are three types and

37:14

the three types that I've broken them

37:15

down into and how authority channels to

37:18

other people because authority looks

37:19

different in different people. So it's

37:21

the president,

37:23

the professor and the artist

37:27

and we can have that authority. So like

37:29

the artist you could think like somebody

37:31

like Johnny Depp, the president you can

37:33

think of somebody like uh Obama. The

37:36

professor, you can think of like the

37:38

classic movie professor. It still

37:41

broadcasts authority, but it's not loud.

37:42

It's not extremely directive. And the

37:45

artist can hold a ton of attention.

37:48

>> Mhm.

37:48

>> And in some rooms doesn't hold any

37:50

attention at all. The authority is still

37:52

there. The attention isn't. For somebody

37:55

that's super calm, even if they're the

37:58

CEO of a company, they might be the

38:00

professor and the whole time their idea

38:03

of what leadership looks like is this

38:05

president.

38:07

So they're faking their way into this

38:09

thing and it never feels real. They

38:10

still like even though their authority

38:12

is really high, they have this weird

38:14

feeling of inauthenticity because

38:15

they're pushing towards the wrong

38:17

authority channel.

38:19

>> What's the cost of that?

38:21

I think that it detracts from your level

38:23

of authority which automatically means

38:25

that you're getting less outcomes that

38:26

you want in life

38:27

>> because your inauthenticity to both

38:29

others and yourself um like pays a toll

38:33

on you. So if I'm inauthentic to you

38:35

then that's going to hurt my authority

38:36

but then if I'm inauthentic to myself

38:38

it's going to hurt my happiness I guess.

38:41

>> Yeah.

38:41

>> I'm going to feel like I'm again going

38:43

back to your point about identity living

38:45

life.

38:45

>> Yeah. Yeah. And I think when people say

38:48

authenticity, we should note that what

38:51

we call most people call authenticity is

38:54

a costume of childhood beliefs. Like my

38:58

authentic self and how I act is

39:00

typically what I was in childhood. How I

39:02

deal with conflict, how I make friends,

39:04

how I stay safe, all these little

39:06

patterns that I learned when I was eight

39:07

or nine. I'm still repeating a lot of

39:09

that stuff. So when we say authenticity,

39:11

it's always important to think that it's

39:15

authenticity plus a removal of ego and a

39:19

willingness to receive social injury.

39:22

And that's the best way that I've ever

39:24

been able to describe that to somebody.

39:26

It's like if I'm being authentic in a

39:28

conversation, then I'm willing to

39:30

receive a social injury for it.

39:34

>> Cody Sanchez said something to me which

39:35

has stayed with me. She said, um, again,

39:37

I'm going to butcher it, but words to

39:38

the effect of,

39:40

"I won't be friends with anyone in

39:42

private that won't say something in

39:44

public that will cost them something."

39:49

And going to your point about social

39:50

injury, I think what Cody's actually

39:52

saying is like that's how I know that

39:54

they're authentic is they're willing to

39:56

risk something for something they

39:59

believe.

40:00

>> Yeah.

40:00

>> I also think this is how you know a

40:02

brand's authentic. like are they willing

40:04

to cause social ind injury in the near

40:06

term for something they believe in the

40:08

long term.

40:09

>> Yeah.

40:10

>> You know.

40:11

>> Yeah. And a lot of what a lot of the

40:15

recent brand debacles that we've had is

40:19

they thought they were doing something

40:20

to avoid social injury that caused a

40:23

massive social injury

40:24

>> because people said you're not being

40:25

authentic to your audience.

40:27

>> Yeah.

40:28

>> Yeah. When they tried to do like get

40:29

into identity politics and stuff like

40:31

that and

40:32

>> Okay. like like extreme virtue signaling

40:35

and stuff like that. Yeah.

40:36

>> Which backfires.

40:37

>> Can we go into this childhood

40:38

development thing really quick? Sure. I

40:40

think it's super important for people to

40:41

know. Sure.

40:42

>> And I'm I'm a behavior profiler and

40:44

>> if if anybody listening didn't know

40:46

that. And one of the things that I teach

40:49

everybody is this thing called the

40:50

childhood development triangle. So it's

40:52

just three sides of this triangle. So

40:55

when you're growing up, what did that

40:57

child have to do most of the time to

41:00

earn and keep friends? So friends is

41:02

one.

41:04

And then to feel safe. What did the kid

41:07

have to do to feel safe? For some kids,

41:09

safety was like,

41:11

I don't know, somebody gives me a hug at

41:13

the end of the day. For some kids, it

41:14

was like, am I going to eat today?

41:17

>> For some kids, it's like cracking jokes.

41:19

>> Yeah. And

41:20

>> I'm going to crack jokes and keep

41:22

friends. I'm going to feel safe by

41:23

becoming really loud and dominating the

41:27

room. I'm going to become safe by

41:28

getting really small and shrinking so

41:30

nobody notices me or I'm going to become

41:33

safe by being hypervigilant because I

41:35

don't know if dad drank before he got

41:37

home or if he's going to start drinking

41:38

when he got home. So it's like what did

41:41

that child what are the scripts that

41:43

that child needed to run on autopilot to

41:46

feel safe to make friends and then to

41:48

get rewards and that would be the third

41:50

side and the rewards for some kids might

41:53

just be like appreciation and it's

41:55

typically just appreciation affection

41:57

love

41:59

and that tends to get written in

42:02

childhood and the kid who writes all

42:05

these permanent scripts they put them in

42:07

a backpack and carry them all the way

42:09

into adulthood.

42:10

Yeah.

42:11

>> And 90% of us are walking around with

42:13

this exact triangle governing our life.

42:16

And if you look around at people at

42:18

work, you see this woman who every time

42:21

there's a meeting, uh, she wants to

42:23

speak up a lot, but then she shuts her

42:25

mouth and her body shuts down and all

42:27

this kind of stuff. You're seeing an

42:28

eight-year-old who got yelled at at a

42:31

family dinner table.

42:32

>> That's all. But you're just seeing it in

42:34

a grown-up body. I have two examples

42:36

that are super front of mind that

42:39

completely align with what you've just

42:40

said. I have two colleagues that I work

42:42

with and I got six months into working

42:44

with one of them and I could always tell

42:46

that there was something not quite right

42:47

because whenever I was in the room they

42:50

would they would stare at me a lot and

42:53

um they would be a little bit more on

42:56

the pessimistics pessimistic side than

42:58

I'm used to. And one day at dinner, I

43:00

was talking to them about their

43:01

childhood and they offered up that their

43:03

dad was his mood could change rapidly

43:07

and he was always pointing out why

43:09

something would never work and why and

43:11

he was an extreme pessimist. And

43:13

suddenly this person who is in my life

43:15

suddenly made sense. I completely

43:17

understand it because you grew up in

43:18

that environment where to be safe

43:20

>> um you

43:22

>> agree with it

43:23

>> had to pay attention to to the authority

43:25

figure and then yeah you had to also you

43:28

learned maybe that you know pessimism

43:31

was a way to safety yeah safety and then

43:34

there's another colleague who's actually

43:35

in the room over there and I'll ask her

43:37

before we publish this if I can say this

43:39

publicly but similar thing she she

43:40

expressed to me that she had a dad that

43:42

was his mood would change rapidly and I

43:44

said to her one day I said Um, I call

43:47

her Sarah. I said, "Sarah, you're always

43:48

staring at me." Whenever I look at you,

43:50

you're already looking at me and it's

43:52

like you're like overanalyzing and

43:54

overthinking. And she explained to me

43:55

the same thing. She said, "When I grew

43:56

up, my dad's mood would just change like

43:58

this." So, every time I'm preempting,

44:01

I'm like a radical preempter. I'm

44:03

thinking 20 steps ahead of like what

44:05

might go wrong or, you know, which makes

44:07

her exceptional at her job. But I would,

44:09

you know, you know, one might assume

44:11

that that comes at some kind of cost.

44:12

>> Yeah.

44:13

>> So, safety. Yeah. Very true. Very true.

44:16

And the the way that I explain this, if

44:18

somebody wants to like it's not where

44:21

you can kind of go back and like sit

44:22

there for five minutes, put it on a

44:24

post-it note, and then figure your whole

44:25

life out. I wish I had a cool a trick to

44:28

do that. But the way that like I want

44:31

people to think about this is going back

44:34

to your childhood, a lot of those

44:35

things, these are just contracts that

44:37

were written in a child's voice. And

44:40

when you start hearing these patterns

44:42

repeating in your head, force yourself

44:44

to hear the voice of a kid. That's all

44:47

it is. It's just a kid who made these

44:50

choices. It's not an adult. So, we're

44:53

typically three different people, all of

44:55

us. We have a work self, like a

44:58

professional kind of self. We have a

45:00

home self, and we have a self with

45:02

friends.

45:04

And what is that as a kid? That's

45:06

classroom, playground, home.

45:09

So I'll typically take people through

45:11

this process of where were you around

45:14

authority figures which is like

45:15

classroom or home. What were you around

45:18

when your all your friends were around?

45:19

You got made fun of or you had to become

45:21

really small. And that that goes on the

45:23

friends side of the triangle and that

45:26

that talks about how the social patterns

45:28

that are going to show up for me. And

45:30

somebody says well I keep attracting

45:32

these negative people into my life. Why

45:34

do I do that? And that that goes to

45:36

these patterns because if I do this, I

45:38

know this is going to happen. I know

45:39

that's going to happen. It's just

45:41

completing a story archetype.

45:43

So that's the childhood development

45:46

triangle. And it is really powerful to

45:48

start understanding our own patterns.

45:50

And I'm not saying that you can go out

45:52

there and there's like here's six steps

45:54

that are going to change your whole

45:56

freaking life if you if you do these six

45:58

things. The awareness is what you want.

46:01

You want massive like self-nowledge and

46:03

and self-awareness

46:06

>> uh with the side agreement of I am not

46:10

special and I'm completely okay if I am

46:13

never understood because most of what

46:16

happens uh when we get into arguments

46:18

with our spouse, we get into these

46:19

[ __ ] arguments with people at at work,

46:23

it's our argument to be understood more

46:26

than it is for us to come to a solution.

46:29

I need you to understand me. So getting

46:32

okay with the idea that you might not

46:34

never ever be understood is like step

46:36

number one. Number two, I am not

46:38

special.

46:40

And that that helps us to open the door

46:42

to start coming into a lot of these

46:43

things. But if you if you're a leader at

46:46

work, you can start seeing these

46:47

patterns in your employees and you can

46:49

be like, I see an eight-year-old there.

46:52

And if you get to a point where you're

46:53

seeing some of these a behavior that

46:55

might have pissed you off in somebody

46:57

that works for you and you're like,

46:58

"Wait a second. Now I can see exactly

47:01

what's going on because this, this, and

47:03

this probably happened." You don't need

47:05

to make some prediction or

47:07

fortunetelling thing about their

47:08

childhood, but you're starting to see

47:10

these patterns and you know now how your

47:12

team's going to respond in conflict. And

47:15

if they if it's a conflict and it's

47:16

social, you're seeing all their friends

47:18

patterns. If it's a conflict and

47:20

somebody might be losing their job,

47:21

you're going to see their safety

47:22

patterns come out and you'll see your

47:24

own.

47:24

>> So, do you think I should go to the key

47:26

people in my life, maybe my team, and

47:27

ask them these questions about around

47:30

how did you make friends? Is that the

47:32

question?

47:34

>> What did you do to make and keep

47:35

friends?

47:35

>> What did you do to make and keep

47:36

friends? And what was the safety

47:38

question again?

47:39

>> Like what what did you need to do or

47:41

avoid to feel safe?

47:43

>> And the rewards one,

47:45

>> what did you feel? And this one's always

47:47

you want to put the word feel in there.

47:48

What did you feel like you had to do to

47:50

earn rewards? And what were rewards to

47:52

you?

47:52

>> Okay,

47:53

>> it was appreciation. Or somebody that's

47:54

like hyper significance driven, like,

47:57

I've got to have the Rolex, I've got to

47:59

have the Ferraris, and all of this kind

48:00

of stuff. They never got rewards because

48:04

their parents ignored them unless they

48:06

brought home a certificate. Their

48:08

teacher called and said they did a good

48:09

job. They played the piano recital and

48:11

did a great job. And lots of people were

48:13

acknowledging them and clapping for

48:14

them. They only got acknowledged when

48:16

they were socially significant.

48:18

>> And am I right in thinking here that

48:19

these are fundamentally interlin in many

48:21

ways? Because when you're talking about

48:23

safety, I was running through my head

48:26

the things that made me feel safe and

48:28

they were rewards

48:30

>> that I could tell my friends about.

48:32

>> So I like I touched all three of them

48:34

and part in part because we, you know, I

48:36

was thinking I was very different to my

48:38

social group when I was younger. We were

48:39

a black family. There wasn't another

48:41

black family that I knew of. um um other

48:44

than maybe one other kid I think in the

48:45

area in Plymouth in 1994 or five. Um so

48:49

some of the material things I wanted

48:51

like the the shoes that everyone had

48:53

made me feel safe cuz they made me fit

48:55

in.

48:56

>> Y

48:56

>> and that you know and that got me

48:58

friends. Y

48:59

>> or at least I thought it did.

49:00

>> So like for me it really was like an

49:02

interconnected triangle.

49:03

>> Yeah.

49:03

>> That's just one of many examples that I

49:05

could think of. it does tend to do that

49:07

and I will typically wait for somebody

49:09

to figure that out and as they're

49:11

filling it out they they're kind of like

49:12

oh I did this because of this to get to

49:14

this

49:15

>> and it you'll see a little cycle start

49:17

happening.

49:18

>> Uh but it's great for self-nowledge but

49:19

if you're a behavior profiler that's

49:22

what's going to run people. You're going

49:23

to know how they're going to respond to

49:24

conflict. You're going to know what

49:26

they're going to avoid. You're going to

49:28

like if you're putting teams together I

49:30

know what people I want to have working

49:31

with each other. And it doesn't have to

49:33

be some complex 9hour thing like you can

49:36

see this stuff in everyday life. And

49:39

you're not saying that I need to

49:41

radically change.

49:42

>> No. But what if one part of this

49:45

triangle or one behavior I've learned

49:47

for safety or for rewards or for friends

49:50

is making my life worse?

49:52

>> Yeah.

49:53

>> You know what? It could be ruining my

49:54

life. Like it could be the things

49:55

standing in the way of me having a

49:57

romantic relationship or getting a

49:58

promotion or building a business. It's

50:00

like getting in the way now. Yeah. What

50:02

do I do, Chase?

50:04

>> So, you you've identified the pattern.

50:06

Let's assume that you've you've got it.

50:07

You're like, "Oh, I've got this [ __ ]

50:09

that's that's happening on repeat." The

50:12

part two of this is I need to focus on

50:14

that being a kid

50:17

that belongs to a child and I need to

50:20

write down like this. Here's how that

50:22

child wrote the contract, made the

50:24

promise to themselves, developed the

50:25

contract. And then even if you make it

50:28

up like when let's I'm going to write

50:30

down a little thing. When did this kid

50:32

bring it into adulthood?

50:34

I need to stay small in order to stay

50:37

safe. Let's say it's one of those

50:38

things. And then you just start telling

50:40

yourself that is a child's voice. That's

50:43

a child's voice. So you the voice is not

50:46

going to go away. That's the sad part.

50:49

That's like me you trying to not

50:51

complete the sentence Mary had a little

50:54

in your head. You can't get rid of it.

50:56

No matter how hard you try to delete

50:57

that, it's repeated over years and

51:00

years. Just like one of these things

51:02

that that what truly changes for you is

51:05

hearing a child, hearing a misguided

51:08

child who developed a coping mechanism

51:10

for the world,

51:12

not knowing that they were like they

51:14

just assumed, I'm going to have this

51:16

forever. I'm going to need this as an

51:17

adult. I'm going to bring this into my

51:19

adult life. Part two of this is you make

51:22

a like a wallpaper or something for your

51:25

desktop and we talked about being

51:27

negatively uh motivated. We're away from

51:30

negative things.

51:32

You make a like a motivational wallpaper

51:34

that has your big limiting belief on it

51:36

and then take it to an extreme. I had a

51:38

client that had this if I say small I'm

51:40

going to be safe. Uh and he was in a b

51:43

like he owned a business but he wouldn't

51:45

go get these big clients and he wouldn't

51:48

he wouldn't go do this. The guy's got

51:49

three kids and I said, "I want you to

51:51

make a desktop wallpaper that says, "My

51:53

kids don't deserve for me to be

51:55

successful.

51:56

And I want you to look at it every

51:57

single day when you turn your computer

51:59

on." Because that's exactly what your

52:00

belief is saying.

52:02

Because if your kids truly deserved it,

52:04

it would override the belief. So you

52:07

just need to write the belief in plain

52:08

English. And what it's truly truly

52:10

costing you in your life is my kids

52:12

don't deserve me to be successful. My

52:15

kids don't deserve money. And that's

52:18

what it comes down to. And every day you

52:20

look at it, you you have a feeling of

52:22

disgust. And there's a hyper awareness

52:25

of that thing running in your head.

52:26

You're going to be more prone to hear it

52:28

when it does come up. And you're also

52:31

training yourself to hear it as a

52:33

child's voice, which means you're going

52:34

to start hearing fiction. You're still

52:36

hearing the same sentence, but you're

52:38

hearing a fictional story. There's two

52:40

parts to this. I I love this, and

52:41

there's two parts to it that I think I

52:42

wanted to talk about. The first is in

52:45

doing so, in waking up in the morning

52:47

and seeing my wallpaper that says like

52:48

my kids don't deserve a great life or

52:50

whatever. Um, of course it's going to

52:52

motivate me to take action, which is

52:54

then going to start to build new

52:55

evidence once I take action, once I win

52:57

that big client and I realize that

52:59

everything's fine, which is going to

53:01

change my life. And then the second

53:02

point I wanted to point out is like

53:04

people listen to podcasts like this and

53:06

they write this stuff down and then they

53:09

have relapses and things don't change

53:12

fast enough. And I think that can

53:13

sometimes make them feel hopeless or

53:15

inadequate because they heard it on the

53:17

diary of a sea or whatever and then they

53:19

did it for a bit and they struggled and

53:21

it didn't quite work out and then they

53:22

went back to their old behavior. And I

53:24

think in part this happens because we

53:26

live under the presumption that this

53:28

stuff is easy and it's fast and that at

53:30

some point in the future I can fix my

53:32

trauma. Like I think one of the best

53:34

realizations I ever had was realizing

53:36

that the [ __ ] that I've carried with

53:37

me in that backpack since I was a kid

53:39

that the stuff about what will make me

53:41

safe or what will reward me or how I'll

53:43

make friends or who I am or whatever my

53:45

survival mechanisms they will be be with

53:48

me forever and actually instead of

53:51

trying to delete them or like throw them

53:52

out the backpack what I was able to do

53:54

yeah

53:54

>> is like turn down their ability to make

53:57

the decision.

53:58

>> That's it. That's it.

54:01

You've totally got it. And and I would

54:04

say this for anybody out there that

54:06

you're trying to go through this and

54:08

you're having a hard time. I get it.

54:10

It's totally tough. The number one way

54:13

that we influence another human being,

54:15

let me just kind of metaphor this for

54:16

one second. Uh when you watch a

54:19

hypnotist,

54:20

and hypnosis is anybody can learn to do

54:22

it. It's a it's a pretty easy thing. So,

54:25

it looks very dramatic, but one of the

54:27

things you'll see me do at the beginning

54:28

of that is like go ahead and give me

54:30

your hand and I'll hold their hand for a

54:32

second. Like, put both hands out like

54:33

this and then flip them over. That's

54:35

great. Now, just just to test your eyes

54:37

really quick. Look all the way up and

54:39

look all the way down. Look all the way

54:40

left. Look all the way right. All right.

54:42

Then, spread your feet a little further

54:43

apart, a little closer together.

54:44

Actually, no. Face this way. Now, I will

54:47

make them do like 50 things. None of the

54:49

things that I just did with them are

54:51

meaningful. None of them.

54:55

Everything was micro compliance.

54:58

So this is how social media starts

55:00

roping you in. This is how politics

55:02

starts roping you in. This is how cult

55:04

leaders will recruit you into a cult.

55:07

Micro compliance and you don't realize

55:11

that you're going through this massive

55:12

amount of compliance. So like you go

55:14

through a doctor's physical and they go

55:16

through like this 90point checklist.

55:19

they've made you do 50 things and then

55:21

they recommend a weird drug or they

55:23

recommend you get on some other drug,

55:24

take some time to think about it because

55:27

our brain it's hardwired for these micro

55:29

compliances. So I say this to say that

55:32

if you're going through any of these

55:34

things and you're trying to change your

55:36

beliefs or you're trying to change

55:37

something in your body, use what works

55:39

for brainwashing and figure out a way

55:42

that you can get micro compliance with

55:44

your own goals on a very regular basis.

55:47

small little wins. So your brain has

55:49

that just like hypnosis, just like cult

55:52

recruiting, just like brainwashing,

55:54

small little things at the very

55:55

beginning. So everything in influence

55:57

should be looked at as a wedge.

56:01

>> Everything.

56:03

>> It reminds me of that famous study they

56:06

did where they got people to give

56:08

electric shocks to other people, the

56:10

Mgrim obedience experiment.

56:11

>> Yeah. and they managed to get a member

56:13

of the public to give another member of

56:16

the public lethal electric shocks just

56:19

through sort of micro compliance but

56:21

also through authority because the

56:22

experimenters were like wearing white

56:24

jackets, white overalls, etc.

56:26

>> And here's the second thing in that

56:27

experiment that's going to going to

56:29

perfectly tie back to this.

56:31

>> So this experiment that you're talking

56:32

about happened at Yale University. It

56:34

was 1962.

56:36

Uh, and we I mean there's tons of data

56:39

on it, but essentially strangers would

56:41

shock another person seemingly or what

56:43

they thought was to death just because

56:45

some dude in a lab coat told them to.

56:48

But what they didn't account for, and

56:50

even Dr. Mgram's book was called

56:52

obedience to authority. They thought it

56:53

was all about the authority, the lab

56:55

coat, the guy's tall. Uh, it's a

56:57

professional setting. But really think

57:00

about if you go back to our ancestors

57:03

like the most important resource to your

57:06

ancestors was your was focus there's

57:09

nothing more important than focus and

57:11

the number one way to generate focus and

57:14

you because you if if I don't have your

57:16

focus I can't command authority right so

57:19

focus is always first my focus authority

57:22

tribe and emotion those are the four

57:23

things that govern a mammal all mammals

57:25

dolphins doesn't matter so I have to

57:29

have focus before authority and they

57:31

didn't talk about that. And the way to

57:33

get focus is through novelty.

57:35

>> Novelty meaning something unexpected is

57:38

occurring. So like if you walk past the

57:40

same bush every day 10,000 years ago and

57:44

your job is to carry fish from the river

57:46

and suddenly you walk past that bush and

57:48

you hear a big ass uh stick snap,

57:52

all of your focus,

57:54

all of it is on that stick. Not it's not

57:57

on your kids. It's not on your health.

57:58

It's not on anything that's going on.

58:00

It's to this new unexpected piece of

58:03

information that hijacks our brain.

58:06

Anything novel hijacks our brain. So if

58:09

you see like and it follows that

58:11

pathway, focus, then authority, and then

58:14

tribe, but what's everybody else doing?

58:15

And then emotion, then how do I feel

58:18

about it? So it's and and what happens

58:20

is we are hardwired to respond to these

58:24

things. You cannot decide not to respond

58:27

to novelty. Your head turns to to loud

58:30

sounds. All this stuff happens.

58:32

So the way that if if you're trying to

58:34

do this like brainwash yourself is

58:38

change your house up. Change something

58:40

up in your life. Change your wardrobe.

58:42

Repaint the walls in your office. Move

58:45

your furniture around. Buy a new car if

58:47

you if you can. I want you to like just

58:50

imagine is how would I influence my dog

58:53

in this situation?

58:56

I would need imagery. I would need

58:58

something to shift. If I move the

59:00

kitchen table to the side and move all

59:02

the furniture, when my dog comes out of

59:04

the bedroom, he's going to know

59:06

something's different.

59:07

>> Yeah. I think this is one of the great

59:09

secrets of good marketing is that it

59:12

beats your brain's wallpaper filter. And

59:16

um I wrote a little bit about this in my

59:17

last book about this idea of beating the

59:19

wallpaper filter. I think we talked a

59:21

little bit about it last time, but I

59:22

talked about a study where they got a

59:23

rat and put it in a maze with chocolate

59:25

at the other end of the maze. And they

59:26

looked at the rat's brain as it went

59:28

through the maze the first time and they

59:30

saw that the rat's brain was like

59:31

exploded with activity. It's smelling

59:33

the walls. It's trying to figure it out

59:35

like and then they put the rat in the

59:37

maze the second time and there's like

59:39

almost no brain activity because it's on

59:42

autopilot. It knows the maze, so it

59:44

doesn't need to use any of its cognitive

59:45

resources. Its cognitive resources can

59:47

be allocated to new surprising things.

59:49

The maze is no longer surprising.

59:51

Whizzes through the maze to the

59:52

chocolate. And even like as you think

59:54

about how you got out of your bed this

59:55

morning and got down to the kitchen, you

59:57

didn't have to think.

59:58

>> So you paid no attention. Yeah.

60:00

>> Um but you would have paid attention if

60:02

you walked down there and your like sofa

60:03

wasn't there.

60:04

>> Um and how does that then apply to

60:06

marketing? So, like how do you surprise

60:07

people is like a central question of

60:10

anyone who's trying to build a personal

60:11

brand, start a podcast or do marketing.

60:14

Um, but I guess also to to persuade

60:17

people. It's one of the things I think

60:18

about a lot when I talk on stage.

60:20

>> Yeah.

60:21

>> Is I know I'm competing with your mobile

60:24

phone, your Twitter feed, or your Tik

60:27

Tok. So, I have to do something almost

60:29

like every 10 seconds to like catch you

60:32

off guard. And Mr. Beast, I guess, is

60:33

the great master of this. is probably

60:35

why he's got half a billion YouTube

60:36

followers

60:38

>> because the minute that video starts,

60:41

>> yeah, you're hooked in.

60:42

>> You're hooked.

60:44

>> But this I mean that's the power of

60:45

novelty. I would challenge anybody to

60:47

take this challenge. If you're scrolling

60:50

through short form content, watch for

60:52

something that like jerks your

60:55

attention, like some kind of weird

60:57

novelty thing that happens. And that

60:59

video is probably short 20 maybe 40

61:02

second video that that

61:04

captures your focus through novelty. The

61:07

next video watch for an authority

61:09

figure, a famous YouTuber, a celebrity,

61:12

a politician, a pop singer who thinks

61:15

that they know politics, all that kind

61:18

of stuff. Watch for an authority figure.

61:20

Next, watch for a tribe signal. So, a

61:24

tribe signal is going to be here's how

61:26

many people agree with this. Here's lots

61:28

of people doing one thing. These tickets

61:31

are selling out. Here's the Taylor Swift

61:33

concert. Here's everyone cheering at the

61:35

concert. Here's how you're supposed to

61:37

behave is basically what that means in

61:38

the tribe section. You're supposed to do

61:40

what these people are doing. And then

61:42

watch for the emotion. So, watch for

61:45

this pattern. It'll be a focus

61:47

generating novelty. Then it'll be

61:49

authority. Then you'll see tribe. Then

61:51

you'll see an emotional video. And guess

61:53

what happens after the emotional video?

61:55

>> Wow. ad.

61:57

>> Much of the reason most people haven't

61:59

posted content or built their personal

62:01

brand is because it's hard and it's

62:03

timeconuming and we're all very very

62:04

busy. And if you've never posted

62:06

something before, there's so many

62:09

factors in your psychology that stop you

62:11

wanting to post, what people will think

62:13

of you, am I doing this right, is the

62:15

thing I'm saying absolutely stupid. All

62:17

of these result in paralysis, which

62:19

means you don't post and your feed goes

62:22

bare. I'm an investor in a company

62:24

called Stanto, which you've probably

62:25

heard me talk about. And what they've

62:27

been building is this new tool called

62:28

Stanley that uses AI, looks at your

62:31

feed, looks at your tone of voice, looks

62:32

at your history, looks at your best

62:33

performing posts, and tells you what you

62:36

should post, makes those posts for you.

62:38

You can also just use it for

62:39

inspiration. And sometimes what we need

62:41

when we're thinking about doing a post

62:42

for our social media channels is

62:44

inspiration. Building an audience has

62:46

fundamentally changed my life, and I

62:48

think it could change yours, too. So,

62:50

I'm inviting you to give this new tool a

62:52

shot and let me know what you think. All

62:54

you have to do is search

62:55

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62:56

now to get started. I've had so many

62:59

founders speak to me and say, "Why

63:01

didn't this particular ad that I ran on

63:03

this platform work for me?" Maybe the

63:05

copy wasn't good, the creative wasn't

63:06

strong, but usually the problem is

63:08

they're not having the right

63:08

conversation because that ad never

63:10

reached the right person. And if you're

63:12

in B2B marketing, that is much of the

63:14

game. And this is where LinkedIn ads

63:16

solves that problem for you. Their

63:18

targeting is ridiculously specific. You

63:20

can target by job title, seniority,

63:23

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63:25

someone's skill set. And their network

63:27

includes over a billion professionals.

63:29

About 130 million of them are decision

63:32

makers. So when you use LinkedIn ads,

63:34

you're putting your brand in front of

63:35

the right people. And LinkedIn ads also

63:37

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63:40

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63:42

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63:44

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63:47

And when you spend $250 on your first

63:49

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63:58

Terms and conditions apply.

64:00

>> I heard you say something as well that

64:02

um if you want to persuade other people,

64:03

you should make them feel clever.

64:05

>> Yeah.

64:06

>> Explain this to me.

64:07

>> I

64:09

refer to this as maybe the most

64:11

dangerous persuasion skill there is.

64:15

And what I'm the 10-second brief is I

64:19

basically I'm going to put a Lego right

64:21

here on the table in front of you and

64:23

I'm going to put another Lego right here

64:25

on the table in front of you and I'm

64:27

just going to keep having the

64:28

conversation to where eventually your

64:31

brain is going to be like, "Oh, I bet

64:33

those things go together." So the idea

64:36

came from you. So I'm going to give you

64:38

one piece of information and another

64:40

piece of information, but I will never

64:41

put them together for you. And the

64:44

reason is that any idea that you think

64:46

came from your own mind, you have no

64:48

ability to resist it.

64:51

So all I have to do is make you have an

64:54

idea.

64:55

So a regular example of this is let's

64:58

say you're watching the news and they

65:00

say uh local Austin woman has been

65:03

reported missing. Neighbors said that

65:07

earlier this day people saw her arguing

65:10

with her boyfriend.

65:11

>> Oh yeah. details after the break.

65:14

>> So, yeah.

65:15

>> And your brain is like, "Oh, I know what

65:17

happened. Oh, I know exactly what

65:19

happened." But they make you feel

65:22

clever.

65:23

>> Yeah.

65:23

>> They give you a piece of data and a

65:25

piece of data, but they don't tell you

65:27

to put it together.

65:28

>> The media do this all the time.

65:30

>> Yes. And if you can do this in a

65:32

courtroom,

65:34

it you it will be the biggest unfair

65:36

advantage you'll ever have in a legal

65:38

standing because it'll win lots of

65:41

trials.

65:43

The way that like if there's a formula

65:45

on how to use this is here's a piece of

65:48

information here and it's a piece of

65:51

information that you will absolutely

65:53

agree with that makes sense to you and

65:55

another piece of information that makes

65:57

sense to you. It it has to be two things

66:00

that that make sense to your brain

66:03

because it's like you're not going to

66:04

experiment with something that you're

66:05

not familiar with. So, two pieces of

66:08

familiar information close enough

66:10

together where the brain is going to

66:11

say, "Oh, you know what I can do? I'm

66:13

going to put those two things together."

66:14

>> Isn't this how conspiracy theories take

66:16

hold as well?

66:16

>> Oh, yeah. Cuz I, you know, Yeah. You

66:20

know, there's a big um there's a big

66:22

enduring conspiracy theory that someone

66:25

like Bill Gates has done things that are

66:27

nefarious as it relates to health. And

66:29

like I guess the two pieces people are

66:31

connecting is they're saying, "Well,

66:33

he's worked a lot. He's very rich and

66:34

powerful and he's very very interested

66:36

in health,

66:38

>> biotech,

66:39

>> and and vaccines and all these other

66:41

things." And and you know, someone very

66:44

very very very powerful. We often think

66:45

of, you know, very powerful, successful,

66:47

influential people as being somewhat

66:49

like evil or not having our interests at

66:51

heart. And then someone who's spending a

66:53

lot of money on like health and medical

66:55

side of things um

66:59

is is quite an unusual thing. So we put

67:01

two and two together. We have you know

67:02

we think they have bad intentions

67:03

because they are a billionaire and that

67:05

word is you know comes with certain pre

67:07

preconceptions and then health and then

67:10

a pandemic happens and I think people

67:12

you know

67:14

>> this is how I think a lot of

67:15

conspiracies

67:16

>> name a movie from when you were a kid

67:18

where the bad guy or where the super

67:21

rich person in the movie wasn't the

67:23

evil.

67:24

>> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

67:25

>> I mean it's programmed into the media.

67:28

It's a definite programming that was

67:31

very deliberate in our country. It's

67:34

like always the rich people are evil. Uh

67:36

but then people will say, "Oh, well Tony

67:38

Stark was rich. They made him a

67:39

sociopath."

67:41

>> It's interesting because I think, you

67:43

know, I can make the case that at some

67:44

point it's intentional. But at some

67:47

point also, it becomes such a clear

67:49

stereotype that you have to follow that

67:52

stereotype when you're like writing

67:53

movies or else it doesn't make sense to

67:55

people.

67:55

>> Yeah. And I'm not saying it was

67:56

intentional within the last like 200 300

67:59

years. I'm we're talking about like the

68:01

brothers grim

68:02

>> uh ancient fairy tales

68:05

>> and it w I think it was intentional then

68:07

like having wealth is bad. There's

68:09

virtue in poverty. That's the big thing

68:11

they wanted to communicate to their

68:13

kids. Poverty is virtuous.

68:16

>> And of course like we're we're still

68:17

doing a lot of that stuff today.

68:19

>> But the reason is exactly what you're

68:22

saying is correct. I think it's it's

68:24

burned into like some collective

68:26

archetype.

68:27

>> Yeah.

68:27

>> Of of what stories have become

68:29

>> and we wouldn't recognize it. So like if

68:31

I watched a movie and there was a very

68:33

successful billionaire businessman.

68:36

All I have to say is that for you to

68:38

fill in the gaps. You're thinking

68:39

private jet. You're thinking how they

68:40

treat people. You're thinking,

68:42

>> you know, they're on their phone with a

68:43

briefcase. You're thinking, you know,

68:45

that they have what they're wearing. You

68:46

know what they're wearing. And I didn't

68:48

say any of that stuff.

68:49

>> Yeah. And you made me feel clever

68:51

because I put all that stuff together. M

68:53

>> that came came from my own mind.

68:55

>> And speaking of archetypes, that's the

68:57

second way that you can win any court

68:58

case in the world.

69:00

>> Have you got experience with court cases

69:02

and stuff like that?

69:03

>> A lot.

69:03

>> What is your experience?

69:05

>> As far as I know, I'm the only trial

69:07

consultant that offers a 200% money back

69:09

guarantee uh when I work.

69:11

>> So, what does that mean as a trial

69:13

consultant? What's your objective in

69:14

simple terms?

69:15

>> It's always a little different and it

69:17

depends on whether I'm working for

69:18

prosecution or defense. Uh, I know

69:21

nothing about the law, like just about

69:24

nothing. But I know people. So, I will

69:28

typically go in and we'll pick a jury

69:31

and we'll select a jury. And we want to

69:34

select a jury based on this factor and

69:36

this factor and based on this zip code.

69:38

Here's the question that we want to ask

69:40

to find out which is going to be a good

69:42

juror and which is a bad juror. But then

69:43

I have to figure out questions that are

69:45

covert. How can I covertly ask a

69:47

question where the opposing council, the

69:49

other attorney, won't know what I desire

69:52

and what I don't desire based on the

69:54

answer? So, one case I worked for was

69:57

with a was for a large grocery store

70:02

company who was being sued because a

70:05

lady slipped on a green bean.

70:08

Real [ __ ]

70:10

Uh, and they hired me because it was it

70:12

was a big big lawsuit. And uh I want a

70:17

jury that has an internal locus of

70:20

control that they are in charge of their

70:22

own life. They're they're responsible

70:24

for their destiny. And we want to weed

70:26

out the people that have the opposite.

70:29

We want to weed out the people that kind

70:30

of victim mentality like the world

70:32

happens to me that kind of thing.

70:35

So,

70:37

we have to figure out how do I ask a

70:39

question that A reveals that is B covert

70:42

and C is not going to expose what we're

70:45

looking for to opposing council. So,

70:47

we'll come out with a question like, how

70:49

does a person catch a cold?

70:52

And then you get one person that

70:53

answers, well, these stupid kids picking

70:56

their boogers. They're wiping on the

70:58

escalator. They're coughing, sneezing

71:00

all over the place. People aren't

71:01

wearing masks. who asked the next guy,

71:03

"How does a person catch a cold?" And he

71:06

says, 'Well, uh, if I've ever caught a

71:08

cold, I was in place a place I shouldn't

71:10

have been. I didn't wash my hands

71:12

thoroughly enough. I didn't take care of

71:13

my body. I didn't take vitamins. I

71:15

didn't take care of myself.

71:18

>> Very, very different. So, we'll we know

71:20

what what is satisfactory for us to

71:23

select a jury. And that's just one uh

71:25

tiny example.

71:26

>> But, I'm going to pause you there cuz I

71:28

just wanted to share something before we

71:29

carry on with this story cuz it's

71:30

fascinating. It's actually the last

71:31

question I ask on our culture test when

71:33

we employ people for my company. We ask

71:35

them 35 questions before they are

71:37

offered the chance to interview. And the

71:39

last question is, when I don't do great

71:41

work, who's to blame? And it asks them,

71:44

it says, "The people I worked with, I

71:46

wasn't given clear enough instructions

71:48

from a client or a boss or myself." And

71:51

it's remarkable that 45% of the

71:54

population will click, it was me. When I

71:57

don't do great work, it's not my team to

71:58

blame. It's not the person above or

72:00

below me or some other factor. It is me.

72:02

And that scores them. I shouldn't say

72:04

this because it's going to ruin my test,

72:05

but I'm going to just say it. That

72:07

scores the highest marks on that that

72:09

particular question because again, we're

72:11

trying to reveal like if you have that

72:12

sense of personal responsibility.

72:14

>> Yeah.

72:14

>> And internal locus of control, internal

72:17

center of control in your life, which

72:19

correlates to better work, more

72:21

ambition, harder work, better long

72:23

long-term success, and better happiness.

72:25

More happiness. Sorry, please continue.

72:28

>> And that you you can tell they're

72:29

driven, too. They're going to own their

72:31

mistakes. They're going to they're going

72:32

to help other people be more

72:33

accountable.

72:34

>> Probably going to learn faster because

72:35

they're going to take responsibility.

72:37

>> Absolutely.

72:39

So, with an archetype in the jury room,

72:41

so we've selected, let's say we've

72:42

picked a jury, then the goal is what is

72:46

the what is the overall archetype of the

72:49

case that's playing out in front of us

72:51

right here? It's a small person suing a

72:54

big company. Let's say if I'm on the

72:56

opposite now, let's say I'm on that

72:57

lady's side, then I'm gonna come out

73:00

with without ever saying the name, I'm

73:03

gonna come out and I'm gonna make you

73:05

think David and Goliath all day long

73:08

without knowing that I made you think

73:10

David and Goliath. I might say giant. I

73:13

might say someone small. I might say

73:16

slingshot. I might say all these little

73:18

key words that are probably in your head

73:19

about the David and Goliath story just

73:21

to plant that narrative in your head.

73:24

And that m might be the first three

73:26

hours of of the day and I've jammed that

73:29

into your head and you think it's your

73:30

own idea. Does this make sense so far?

73:33

>> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

73:34

>> So then the next time I'm going to talk

73:36

about uh maybe it's a deposition or

73:39

something like that. We'll talk about

73:40

waiting in line at the DMV. We're going

73:43

to talk about

73:44

>> for people that don't know the context

73:45

there because they're not in the US.

73:46

>> Yeah. So waiting in line at the at this

73:49

government identification card office.

73:51

Everyone every around the world will

73:53

have some form of that when you've gone

73:54

to get a passport or whatever.

73:56

>> Yeah. Waiting at passport control. Um

73:59

your doctor's office keeping you waiting

74:01

for 45 minutes and not caring about your

74:04

time. We're going to talk about all

74:05

these situations where a big big company

74:08

is screwing over another person or a big

74:11

big government doesn't know what the

74:13

hell they're doing. They're incompetent.

74:15

So the attorney doesn't say any of this.

74:18

He's just mentioning the scenario.

74:21

So if I mention a scenario, what I'm

74:23

there's like a little file clerk in your

74:25

head and if I mention any scenario, I

74:28

can get that little guy to run down to

74:30

the file cabinet and pull out

74:32

a folder that has that stuff in there.

74:34

So when I say hot air balloon, your your

74:38

file clerk runs down there and like,

74:40

okay, I was at a hot air balloon

74:42

festival in New Mexico or something and

74:44

pulls that file out. So, if I can get

74:46

your file clerk to keep pulling files

74:48

out throughout the day, what the one

74:50

thing the file clerk does, and this is a

74:52

gross generalization,

74:55

is anything that's pulled out throughout

74:58

that day, and if it's in one context,

75:00

the file clerk leaves them all out on

75:02

the desk.

75:04

And if I can get enough files, all the

75:07

files that I want out on that desk,

75:09

that's going to influence every decision

75:11

that you make when you go home tonight.

75:15

So that's kind of the persuasion except

75:17

I'm putting it in there in the form of

75:19

an archetype. And if I get you to think

75:22

David and Goliath, I want you to think

75:24

that this is the midpoint of that story,

75:27

not the end. So if I just get you to

75:30

think this is probably David and

75:32

Goliath, this is the middle part of the

75:34

story. This is when the little kid, the

75:37

shepherd kid, is walking down the hill

75:39

to challenge uh challenge the giant.

75:42

your brain comes up with the ending to

75:44

the story automatically.

75:46

>> Mhm.

75:47

>> So these arc types are so woven into us

75:49

that we think if I could just complete

75:51

an arctype story, it's justice.

75:54

>> And what does archetype mean?

75:57

>> So an archetype is just like a a brand

76:01

of story.

76:02

>> Okay. So like a a hero's journey,

76:04

>> like a beginning and middle,

76:06

>> tragedy, a loss and return, a rags to

76:09

riches story, a wounded healer story,

76:12

all these classic story types. So

76:15

there's like 12 story types. Joseph

76:17

Campbell's uh talked a lot about this,

76:20

but if our brains has about 12 of these

76:22

little arc types, and if it's like a

76:23

wounded healer story, and there's a

76:26

redemption thing at the end, which is

76:28

called a redemption arc, I'm going to

76:30

get the audience to see that we're at

76:32

the 75% mark right where it's about to

76:34

happen. And if I just get you to see a

76:37

situation through the lens of an arc

76:39

type, your brain automatically not just

76:42

predicts, but you know how it's going to

76:44

end.

76:46

And you want to make it in that way

76:48

because it looks like justice. It looks

76:50

like the right thing to do. And you

76:51

don't even know why your brain is trying

76:53

to do that. Even though I'm the one

76:55

that's jammed the archetype into your

76:57

head for a couple of days.

77:02

>> So, bringing this back to Debbie in

77:04

Ohio.

77:05

>> Yeah.

77:06

>> How might she use such a strategy in her

77:09

own life to

77:11

get the best out of the people she works

77:12

with or those around her?

77:14

>> Yeah. So you can also use this as a

77:16

profiling tool. If I have

77:19

>> and uh if you take notes on this stuff

77:22

about people in your office, I would

77:23

keep them private,

77:25

>> but

77:26

figure out like this guy's on a you

77:29

don't even have to know and memorize all

77:30

these 12 arc types. What movie are they

77:32

in? When they talk about their life,

77:34

what movie are they in? You have the one

77:36

guy in the office that wants to go on

77:38

crazy adventures and do stuff that

77:39

nobody else has done. This is that's a

77:41

Back to the Future archetype. You can

77:43

make up your own archetypes, but if

77:45

they're if they're doing all of this and

77:47

everything's going good, what's the next

77:49

thing they're going to predict? They're

77:51

going to have a problem coming up in

77:53

their life. So, I know how they're going

77:55

to predict their future if I just know

77:56

what story they're in.

77:58

>> Andrew Bamonte, who's that CIA spy who

78:00

I've had on the show a few times, told

78:02

me about his rice framework um in

78:04

espionage, reward, ideology, coercion,

78:06

and ego. um reward being the things you

78:09

want like money, ideology being you know

78:12

doing this is good for your family,

78:13

doing this is good for your country, the

78:15

C being coercion which is pressurizing

78:17

people and the E being ego. He said, "Of

78:19

all four of these, ideology, like

78:21

understanding someone's ideology is the

78:22

most persuasive for when he was a spy."

78:26

And the way that I've kind of

78:27

conceptualized that and maybe built upon

78:29

it a little bit, and I I'm saying that

78:31

cuz I don't want to be butchering his

78:32

idea, is I think everybody has a hero's

78:35

journey that they're on right now. And

78:38

when you're meeting them to get them to,

78:39

you know, maybe come and work at your

78:41

company or persuading them to do a deal,

78:43

like the first great challenge is

78:45

listening to them long enough for them

78:47

to hand over their ideology to you so

78:50

that you can speak to them. Not through

78:51

your own ideology and what you want, but

78:53

you can talk through their ideology. And

78:56

like even with me, obviously there's

78:58

like a hero's journey in my mind.

78:59

There's like a story

79:00

>> all of us

79:01

>> that like is behind me, but also I want

79:03

to be ahead of me. And if you know, if

79:05

you can listen long enough to figure out

79:07

what that is, you can tell me, "Okay,

79:08

Steve, I'm going to sell you this Range

79:10

Rover and tell me the features of it or

79:13

the benefits of it through

79:15

>> yes,

79:16

>> the hero's journey that I want to live

79:17

out."

79:18

>> Everyone listening right now has that.

79:19

Like, you have a hero's journey that

79:21

you're on. And the most persuasive thing

79:23

I think anyone could do is not just give

79:24

you money or whatever is to let them

79:27

know that the thing you're offering is

79:29

going to realize that story or at least

79:32

the next chapter.

79:34

>> Okay? So not it. We don't always want to

79:37

sell a completion. We just want to say

79:39

this is the logical next step of this

79:41

story. Like this guy did a bad thing. He

79:45

needs to be punished. And what happens

79:47

after the punishment? This is the

79:48

learning the lesson and being redeemed

79:50

arc. M

79:51

>> so we're not we're not going to tell a

79:53

jury or suggest to a jury that he's

79:55

going to go learn a lesson and then come

79:56

back. We're just going to suggest like

79:58

what's this next thing that happens. So

80:00

if somebody has this arc if we figure

80:01

out what what is my journey? What is

80:03

what arc type am I living right now?

80:05

What type of story

80:07

then I can figure out how my brain is

80:10

predicting the future? Because

80:12

archetypes are so woven into our brains

80:15

without language. So the language is not

80:19

necessary for the archetype to exist.

80:21

>> So it's if you know someone else's

80:24

archetype, you can understand how

80:26

they're going to predict their future

80:27

and how they're going to make choices.

80:28

>> And how do you get their archetype out

80:30

of them?

80:30

>> You're going to hear it. It's so funny

80:32

like there's you don't even need special

80:34

questions. You ask them about their

80:36

life. Ask them where they're from. Ask

80:38

them to give me like this summary of

80:40

like what happened when you worked there

80:41

at that company. Well, I did this and

80:43

this and this and nobody thanked me. It

80:45

was a thankless job. the manager was a

80:47

total [ __ ] So now you're starting to

80:50

see an archetype like the guy was in a

80:52

tragedy there. The guy was a victim

80:54

>> and they want to be appreciated.

80:56

>> Yeah. So now he's here at this brand new

80:57

company for redemption. So now we're in

81:00

a redemption story arc. Does that make

81:02

sense?

81:03

>> Yeah, it makes perfect sense.

81:04

>> So it it just comes out naturally in

81:06

everybody's speech. But the the funny

81:08

thing is I've never seen it applied to

81:13

courtrooms in the way in the way that we

81:16

do it and it's a just such a powerful

81:18

tool.

81:20

The number one thing that I specialize

81:22

in is this thing called the time

81:24

distance problem. This is what I wanted

81:26

to solve throughout my entire career. So

81:29

we have two axes,

81:32

our vertical axis and horizontal axis.

81:35

So this horizontal axis is the distance

81:38

line

81:41

and the vertical axis going up and down

81:44

is the time line.

81:48

Okay, so we have time and we have

81:50

distance. So distance is how far away

81:54

from a behavioral norm can I get a

81:57

person to go?

81:59

>> So can I get Stephen to confess to a

82:02

crime? Like doing something that's going

82:05

to send you to jail for 30 years is way

82:08

outside of your behavioral norm. And for

82:11

me to be able to do that in an

82:12

interrogation room, I have to do some

82:15

techniques. I have to do some crazy

82:17

stuff. If I do it in sales, then I'm

82:19

getting you to make a decision that you

82:20

maybe otherwise wouldn't have. Maybe if

82:22

I'm in time share uh sales or something

82:24

like that.

82:26

And at the end of the day,

82:30

some people can get people far on the

82:33

distance line, but it's going to take

82:35

forever to do it. It's going to take

82:38

maybe a year to to make something happen

82:40

>> of persuading them and trying to sell to

82:42

them, etc.

82:43

>> Yeah. And the last interrogations I did

82:46

that were for a corporation in

82:49

California,

82:51

I had to do 45 interrogations in like

82:54

two days. and I had maybe 25 minutes per

82:58

interior. It's the the least amount of

82:59

time I've ever been given. And that was

83:04

the time distance problem. So, how do I

83:06

layer on the techniques, the identity,

83:08

the perception, context, and permission?

83:10

How do I get that layered into a

83:12

conversation as fast as possible so I

83:14

can shift someone's behavior as fast as

83:16

possible? So, everything that you're

83:18

looking at is typically a time distance

83:20

problem. And there's one more universal

83:22

thing, and this may not even fit

83:24

anywhere in the episode because it's

83:25

random, but you were talking earlier

83:27

about like carrying this trauma in your

83:28

backpack. So many people are trying to

83:30

get rid of this trauma. The reason that

83:33

psychedelics can rewire PTSD so effing

83:37

fast is that it that doesn't delete your

83:40

trauma at all. The memory is still

83:41

there. The whole all that stuff is still

83:43

there. It changes the perspective so

83:46

massively that you can still see the

83:49

event, but it forces you to see all of

83:51

that stuff through a different lens.

83:53

>> So, if you look at somebody that has

83:55

some depression stuff going on, some

83:57

weird mental stuff going on in their

83:59

life, so much of of what ails us, even

84:02

someone who's lacking confidence and

84:03

they say, "I I can't be a leader. I

84:05

can't go into this meeting. I can't do

84:06

this negotiation." It's a perspective

84:08

problem. It's

84:10

>> like 90% of the problems that that that

84:12

people have that I work with is just a

84:14

perspective issue and nothing else. And

84:17

occasionally, um, if somebody's been

84:19

going through a lot for a long time, uh,

84:21

I would get your neurotransmitters

84:23

tested and get your brain tested and see

84:26

if you've got some chemical imbalance

84:27

that's that's causing a lot of stuff.

84:29

Just sometimes a vitamin deficiency

84:30

could cause a lot of that. Do any of you

84:32

remember a conversation I had on this

84:34

podcast with anthropologist Dr. Daniel

84:36

Lieberman? It was one of the most viewed

84:38

conversations of all time on the Diary

84:40

of a CEO. And interestingly, the most

84:42

replayed moment of that entire

84:44

conversation was when I talked about a

84:46

specific pair of shoes that I wear.

84:48

They're called Barefoot Shoes, and

84:50

they're made by a brand called Vivo

84:52

Barefoot, who have become one of the

84:53

sponsors of this show. Now, all of their

84:55

shoes have significantly reduced

84:57

support, which gives my feet the

84:59

opportunity to strengthen just by

85:01

wearing them. And research from

85:02

Liverpool University backs this up.

85:03

They've shown that wearing Vivo Barefoot

85:06

shoes for 6 months can increase foot

85:08

strength by up to 60%. So if you want to

85:11

start strengthening your feet, which are

85:13

the foundation for the rest of your

85:14

body, head to vivobarefoot.com/doac.

85:17

And if you do that, I'll give you 15%

85:20

off when you use my code Steven B15.

85:24

Use that code at checkout. And I'll also

85:26

give you a 100day money back guarantee.

85:29

Steven B15.

85:32

Enjoy.

85:33

We have finally caved in. So many of you

85:36

have asked us if we could bundle the

85:38

conversation cards with the 1% diary.

85:40

For those of you that don't know, every

85:42

single time a guest sits here with me in

85:44

the chair, they leave a question in the

85:45

diary of a CEO and then I ask that

85:47

question to the next guest. We don't

85:49

release those questions in any

85:50

environment other than on these

85:52

incredible conversation cards. These

85:54

have become a fantastic tool for people

85:56

in relationships, people in teams, in

85:58

big corporations, and also family

86:00

members to connect with each other. With

86:02

that, we also have the 1% diary, which

86:04

is this incredible tool to change habits

86:05

in your life. So many of you have asked

86:08

if it was possible to buy both at the

86:10

same time, especially people in big

86:12

companies. So, what we've done is we've

86:14

bundled them together and you can buy

86:16

both at the same time. And if you want

86:17

to drive connection and instill habit

86:20

change in your company, head to the

86:21

diary.com to inquire and our team will

86:23

be in touch. Outside of psychedelics, is

86:26

there any useful ways you found to

86:27

change one's perception?

86:30

There's they have all kinds of like

86:32

sleep deprivation,

86:34

sensory deprivation tanks and darkness

86:37

retreats, all those things that people

86:40

talk about with breath work and they go

86:41

on these big ass retreats. I don't know

86:43

anything about those things. Do study

86:45

psychedelics a lot and

86:49

I I think John's Hopkins this year I

86:51

think said that it was the most

86:52

effective drug ever tested in human

86:54

history

86:55

>> for depression, treatment resistant

86:56

depression or

86:57

>> for psychological problems. the

86:59

treatment position, depression, PTSD,

87:02

addiction, and now we have this new drug

87:04

called Ibagane. It's not new. It's been

87:06

around for thousands of years, but uh

87:09

that's helping people with addiction.

87:11

And

87:12

there is now people a able to do

87:15

intravenous uh DMT for like 5 hours at a

87:19

time instead of five minutes at a time.

87:21

And I was the 41st person in the world

87:23

to do the intravenous uh DMT.

87:26

>> Where did you do that?

87:28

uh Denver.

87:30

I did it because it DMT boosts has a

87:34

massive boost of BDNF which is brain

87:36

derived neutrophic factor and it also

87:39

produces a lot of plasticity, a lot of

87:41

brain plasticity. So I was trying to fix

87:43

my brain. I've got a brain disease.

87:45

So I went down there on this 5 hour

87:47

thing and I've been completely different

87:49

ever since that day. So it is a it is a

87:52

massive benefit and it's heavy though.

87:56

DMT is a heavy heavy thing to go

87:59

through. I don't see I can't see any

88:01

reason why any human being would use it

88:03

recreationally.

88:05

For anyone that hasn't experienced DM2,

88:07

how would you describe the experience? I

88:09

know that's going to be hard to do

88:10

because of some of my friends have done

88:12

it and when you ask them to describe it,

88:14

it seems to be quite abstract.

88:16

>> Yeah. It's like if you if we had some

88:20

two-dimensional creatures that were

88:22

living on this piece of paper right here

88:24

on the table and one of those creatures

88:27

figured out that he can smoke some DMT

88:30

and that somehow enabled us to peel this

88:32

two-dimensional creature to where it

88:34

could see in three dimensions and see

88:36

everything in this room. That's a DMT.

88:40

You're getting peeled out of reality

88:42

into some other realm. And the the weird

88:45

thing is every scientist that I know

88:47

that's studying DMT, not one of them

88:50

thinks it's a hallucination.

88:52

>> What do they think it is? I think the

88:54

the more someone the more familiar

88:56

someone is with DMT, the less certain

88:57

they are about what the hell's going on.

89:01

But everyone everyone literally everyone

89:03

who uses DMT pretty much goes to the

89:05

same exact places and they all meet the

89:08

same entities, the same seven or eight

89:10

different types of entities. And it's

89:12

been the same for 4,500 years of of

89:14

recorded history with DMT. And DMT is

89:18

something we make in our own body. It's

89:19

it's an indogenous chemical. Has it

89:21

changed your perception of what reality

89:23

really is?

89:24

>> 100%. Yeah. It's so much more real than

89:27

this reality.

89:29

It's like

89:32

it's it's so ineffable. There are no

89:35

words that that can describe it, but

89:38

it's a thousand maybe a million times

89:40

more real than this in such a way that

89:44

just coming back to this feels like

89:47

everything is kind of claymation for a

89:49

little while.

89:49

>> Claimation

89:50

>> or just fake like a cartoon uh of some

89:53

kind. It's just really low resolution

89:56

and it I I come back with no certainty

89:59

about anything. And I think everybody

90:01

comes back with that lack of certainty.

90:03

You're not coming back and be like, I

90:05

saw this exact thing and here's what it

90:06

means and here's how the universe is

90:08

created and and all of that, but you go

90:11

up there and you come back and you're

90:12

like, something about this plane doesn't

90:15

feel real anymore. And that is a

90:17

permanent shift that's hard for some

90:18

people to make. And you can't unsee

90:22

that you were kind of able to poke your

90:24

head out of the out of the side door of

90:26

the Truman Show and and look out

90:28

backstage for a little while. So, has it

90:31

made you believe that this isn't real?

90:34

This reality that we're living in now is

90:36

not real.

90:38

>> We'd have to define real.

90:40

The only

90:43

>> How would you define real?

90:45

>> Yeah, that's a good question. So, that's

90:46

why you can touch it, you can measure

90:48

it, you can taste it, smell it. Would

90:50

that be real?

90:51

>> Do you think we're living in a

90:52

simulation?

90:54

that we have to define simulation

90:56

because I think every society has this

90:58

hubris of the universe is whatever is

91:01

cool to us right now electricity came

91:03

out the universe was energy industrial

91:06

revolution came out the whole universe

91:08

was a giant machine and right now

91:10

everybody says oh that we in we just

91:12

discovered computers the universe must

91:14

be a computer it's like the the hubris

91:17

of of every generation what I mean by

91:19

simulation I I think like is it rendered

91:22

in some way by something. Uh

91:27

I I study this stuff all day, every day

91:30

of my life. And I think that the more we

91:33

the more discoveries we have in particle

91:36

physics and quantum mechanics, the more

91:38

they're proving the hermetic principles,

91:40

right?

91:41

>> What's that?

91:42

>> These are the seven ancient principles

91:44

of this guy named Hermes Tismagist, also

91:47

known as Thoth, like an an Egyptian guy.

91:50

They're confused about his name, but

91:53

he's like uh he wrote these like these

91:56

first two principles are the most

91:57

important. The first one is all is mind.

92:00

>> All is mind.

92:01

>> All is mind. The all is mind. The

92:03

universe is mental. And then the second

92:06

one is as above so below. And here's how

92:09

I explained this to my son a couple days

92:11

ago. I said, "Have you ever had a dream

92:14

where there's like a building in the

92:15

dream? Maybe there's a house in front of

92:17

you. and what are you looking at the

92:20

house with? And he said, "Well, my

92:22

eyes." I said, "Why? Which eyes are

92:25

they? Are they your eyes that you're

92:27

seeing the house with?" And he said,

92:29

"No, cuz you're imagining your own set

92:31

of eyes to see the house with in your

92:33

dream. Your eyes don't aren't there.

92:35

Your body isn't there. So, you're

92:37

imagining the whole body and the world."

92:39

And I said, "What's the distance between

92:40

you and that house in your dream?" They

92:43

said, "30 feet." I said, 'What is the

92:45

air made out of between you and the

92:47

house?' And he said, 'A and I said, 'You

92:49

have air in your dreams? Is it real

92:51

air?' He said, 'N no, it's just it's my

92:54

brain. I said, so is there distance

92:56

between you and the house? He said, no.

92:58

What's the house made out of? Me. What's

93:00

the air made out of? Me. The entire

93:03

thing is me. The ground I'm standing on,

93:05

the house, the the clouds in the sky. So

93:08

in a dream, you can verifiably prove

93:12

that something is real. You can test it,

93:14

you can touch it and all of that and the

93:17

perception of it is is very much real.

93:20

So the theory now and I don't I don't

93:23

have any certainty about this but one

93:25

interesting theory that I've heard from

93:26

many different neuroscientists

93:29

is like if we look at as above so below

93:32

like a universe spins like a DNA double

93:35

helix. You can zoom in on a human

93:37

eyeball and it looks the same as a

93:38

nebula. What if dreams are this level

93:42

level one and this is like level two of

93:44

that where we're hallucinating distance?

93:48

We're hallucinating. And I think

93:51

whatever the case is, I have no idea. I

93:54

have no theories about it myself. But

93:56

whatever the case is, I do think that

93:59

separation is the greatest lie ever told

94:01

to the entire world of like the you are

94:05

separate from that person like this you

94:06

are separate from this and how people

94:09

say I need to go spend time in nature

94:11

like you are nature like that's that's

94:14

part of who you are. You're made out of

94:15

that stuff. You're made out of that

94:17

dirt.

94:19

So I think the illusion of separation is

94:21

is the one thing that I think will help

94:23

a lot of people and that's why

94:25

psychedelics can really just rewire

94:28

somebody's brain so so fast. It just

94:32

deletes that separation. Feel like I

94:35

just did had some DMT

94:37

because you said you know level one is

94:39

dreams, level two is maybe this reality.

94:41

So the question in my mind was what's

94:42

level three?

94:45

>> Yeah. Then that would maybe be what you

94:46

see on DMT.

94:49

>> You said that world was more real than

94:50

this one.

94:52

>> Oh yeah. Exponentially, immeasurably.

94:56

>> Why? How how do you quantify realness?

94:58

Like what's this the measuring stick

95:00

there?

95:01

>> It it

95:05

there there are no words for it.

95:07

>> Has this changed your view on religion?

95:10

>> Yeah.

95:11

>> How has it changed your view?

95:12

>> I wasn't really a religious person. I

95:14

think it made me a much more spiritual

95:16

person. And I think before any

95:20

psychedelic therapy that I went through,

95:21

I was I was performing spirituality.

95:24

So spirituality was kind of something I

95:26

I did to show people.

95:28

>> Yeah. Virtue. Virtue to signal virtue.

95:31

>> And

95:33

now spirituality, you kind of see it

95:35

like it's not a big deal. It doesn't you

95:37

don't have to go buy linen yoga pants

95:40

and and wooden beads and bathe in

95:42

essential oils to be spiritual. Like you

95:44

can just

95:46

maybe have a hand up there and be less

95:48

certain. I think the certainty is the is

95:51

the enemy. Like we haven't been here

95:53

very long. We're very very newborn

95:55

creatures on this planet.

95:56

>> Has it made you more empathetic?

95:58

>> Unbelievably so. Yeah.

96:02

At the end of the day, it everybody

96:05

wants to like after your first or second

96:08

time going to psychedelic therapy,

96:10

you're like, "Oh, I need to understand

96:11

the secrets of the universe now." Which

96:14

you go in there with this like very

96:15

egoic

96:17

uh egocentric uh desires and then

96:21

they're like, "Okay, you want to

96:22

understand the universe? They'll show it

96:23

all to you." And your brain's not

96:24

capable of understanding it, remembering

96:26

it or translating it once you once you

96:29

come back anyway. And I think o over

96:32

time you learn that the more ego I have,

96:35

it's like I'm performing. And then every

96:38

time I go back in there or every time

96:39

like I kind of reflect on that

96:41

experience, it helps me to unzip this my

96:44

little ego costume uh a little bit more.

96:49

Did you know that you can get banned

96:50

from DMT?

96:52

Really, dude? You got to look this up.

96:55

There are thousands of people out there

96:57

who were using DMT recreationally

97:00

and the beings up there basically told

97:03

him you are done and you're you're

97:05

banned from from DMT and the journey

97:07

stops right there in that moment and the

97:10

guy can take hit after hit after hit

97:12

after hit of DMT and nothing happens.

97:15

You can be banned from that realm or

97:18

whatever it is. I think they call it

97:20

hyperspace. Now

97:22

>> in the culture culture surrounding DMT,

97:24

there is a widely reported anecdote

97:26

phenomenon called being locked out of

97:28

hyperspace.

97:30

Many frequent users report reaching a

97:32

point where the drug simply stops

97:33

working as expected regardless of the

97:35

dose.

97:37

The common descriptions include the

97:39

waiting room wall, getting stuck in the

97:40

initial onset phase and being unable to

97:42

break through. The gray room, seeing

97:45

only flat, colorless, or dull visuals

97:47

instead of the visual vibrant geometry.

97:49

The hypers slap. A terrifying or deeply

97:51

uncomfortable experience where entities

97:53

appear to tell you that you aren't

97:56

welcome or shouldn't be here anymore.

97:59

The sudden blackout, smoking the

98:01

substance and simply falling asleep or

98:04

remembering nothing, effectively being

98:06

denied entry. H

98:09

I think there's there are thousands of

98:11

people. one of the um very very random

98:14

but persuasive thought experiments I

98:17

sometimes

98:19

um use to explain why I've started to

98:21

believe that there's probably something

98:23

more is weirdly how much I've learned

98:26

about the gut microbiome.

98:28

>> And it sounds like a strange thing and

98:29

like not a connection one would expect

98:31

to make. But when I sat here with these

98:32

experts and they're like, "Oh, by the

98:34

way, there's 38 trillion living

98:36

organisms in your gut right now." I

98:41

you know, you're saying like what is

98:43

below is above or whatever that phrase

98:45

was. I was like, okay, so those 38

98:47

million creatures, I know that you could

98:48

argue that maybe they're not conscious

98:50

or whatever you want to say. Yeah.

98:51

>> But they have no idea. Like if they

98:54

work, they have no idea that they're

98:56

living inside another organism down. If

98:59

they could debate, they would be

99:00

debating religion. They'd be saying, "Do

99:02

you think we have a creator?" And they'd

99:03

look around and they wouldn't see him.

99:05

But because they don't realize that

99:07

they're inside,

99:09

I guess their god, like their creator,

99:12

the thing that's feeding them every day

99:14

and keeping them alive and that kind of,

99:16

you could argue created them because I

99:18

created the environment for them to

99:19

reproduce.

99:20

>> And when I thought about that, I thought

99:22

about the oceans. I was like, the, you

99:23

know, the animals at the very bottom of

99:25

the deepest ocean have no idea that

99:26

there's anything above. They have no

99:28

idea. And then I and then you got to ask

99:30

yourself, am I like arrogant enough to

99:31

believe or naive enough to believe that

99:33

like this is it? that I am at the top of

99:36

the mountain and there's nothing. It's

99:38

so egotistical to think like there isn't

99:40

there could be nothing above me. And

99:41

then the other thing that's been really

99:42

persuasive for me in my journey of like

99:45

spirituality or religion or whatever you

99:46

want to call it is I did a bunch of star

99:49

tours and generally getting interested

99:50

in the stars and sitting there with a a

99:53

star expert and him saying to me at

99:54

night time in Joshua Tree look over

99:56

there and he'd like get this big

99:58

binocular out this 1 m binocular and he

100:00

say what you're seeing there is he'd say

100:02

something crazy like 28 million lighty

100:04

years away and I'm looking at a whole

100:07

another galaxy and it's just this speck

100:08

and it's 28 million light years away.

100:12

Scratching my head going like, "What the

100:14

that is inconceivably far away and it's

100:17

just this dot." And he goes, "Yeah,

100:18

there's like trillions of those."

100:21

>> And I'm thinking, "Oh, like the gut

100:23

microbiome. There's like 38 trillion of

100:25

those."

100:25

>> Yeah.

100:26

>> And they're just specks with life on

100:28

them that we understand at some granular

100:31

level, but maybe not the deepest

100:33

granular level. So maybe I'm just

100:34

another gut in the bug of some toddler

100:37

in some other space. And I just don't

100:39

know the answer. What do you do with

100:40

that information? No idea.

100:43

>> But the new theory is that this

100:44

consciousness is external to our body.

100:48

>> What does that mean?

100:49

>> Like our brains act as a receiver and a

100:52

filter for consciousness and not a

100:55

creator of consciousness. So that

100:57

hypothetically maybe DMT is something

101:00

that just pops that filter off and

101:03

allows us to experience full

101:04

consciousness.

101:07

M

101:07

>> and then if the all is mind. So if

101:09

everything in my dream is made up of me

101:12

and we just copy paste that up to this

101:13

level, we're all maybe part of one mind

101:16

and there aren't any people.

101:21

It's just a mind. So like the distance

101:24

between us doesn't exist. It's just just

101:26

like a dream except we're sharing a

101:28

dream up here. And that's one of the I

101:32

think that's a part of that that new

101:33

consciousness theory. I don't subscribe

101:35

to any of them. Any one of them in

101:37

particular.

101:38

>> You haven't got to believe any of this

101:40

stuff. Um

101:43

>> because it's hard to you're never going

101:45

to know for sure. But even hearing it

101:47

makes me feel a lot more empathetic for

101:49

my fellow being.

101:51

>> Yeah.

101:51

>> Cuz it makes me you. It makes it makes

101:54

your enemy you. It makes your friend

101:56

you. Makes the person you love hate

101:57

whatever. It makes all of them you. And

102:00

none of us would. I think I think we

102:02

treat ourselves much better sometimes

102:03

than we would treat someone a thousand

102:06

miles away in a different country with a

102:07

different color skin.

102:08

>> Yeah.

102:09

>> Um so that's what I love about this

102:11

conversation and actually every time I

102:12

bring myself back to this point about

102:14

consciousness being one, it does make me

102:17

more empathetic to things.

102:19

>> It does. And it's not because you're a

102:20

moral person.

102:22

>> Like you don't have to have morals

102:23

anymore. So if I see you as me,

102:27

>> I'm just protecting myself.

102:29

>> Yeah. Like it's just a natural

102:31

>> in the same way I would with my

102:32

children.

102:32

>> Yeah.

102:33

>> Or Yeah.

102:34

>> Yeah. And I mean the the morality

102:36

doesn't need to exist anymore. It's just

102:39

the right thing.

102:41

>> Chase, what is the most important idea

102:43

we didn't talk about that we should have

102:45

talked about specifically as it relates

102:46

to the most important skills people are

102:50

going to need? whether it's body

102:51

language or people skills or sales

102:53

skills in the world we're heading

102:54

towards where they're positing that

102:56

robots are going to take away lots of

102:57

the manual labor jobs and artificial

102:59

intelligence is going to take away a lot

103:01

of the like cognitive work and we might

103:03

be rendered left with each other in the

103:05

real world.

103:06

>> Yeah.

103:07

Number one is making people feel heard

103:12

and seen

103:14

and resonating with them when they're

103:16

heard and not judging them when they're

103:18

seen.

103:20

That's the number one because AI,

103:24

you can mark my words, AI will never in

103:27

a million years

103:30

serve as a replacement for humans on the

103:33

social level of Maslo's hierarchy of

103:35

needs where we have survival, safety,

103:37

belonging. That that third row of

103:40

Maslo's pyramid cannot be fulfilled

103:43

through electronic means as of yet

103:44

anyway. And maybe the they're going to

103:47

start making sex robots and all that

103:49

kind of stuff when these these things

103:51

come out. But we cannot fulfill that

103:55

desire. We cannot fulfill that need. So

103:58

what's above that? Then we have esteem,

104:02

our self-esteem and our our

104:04

self-actualization.

104:06

We can never move past level three

104:08

because we're getting a placebo of

104:10

connection from Twitter and Tik Tok and

104:14

all these apps and uh these pseudosocial

104:17

apps. YouTube, we have these parasocial

104:19

relationships on YouTube and

104:23

it's it cannot fulfill that level. Our

104:26

brains were not wired to receive digital

104:28

connection.

104:30

We have our brains have not developed

104:31

one more wrinkle in the last 200,000

104:33

years. Exactly. the same brain.

104:37

>> So, we're not going to outscience

104:39

uh the lower part of the brain. And you

104:41

can't like meditate your way out of

104:44

having good relationships and being

104:46

around 3D people. You you need it in

104:48

your life. And I genuinely think AI is

104:51

never going to replace it.

104:53

>> I would agree. I would agree.

104:57

I think one of the things that's been

104:58

really persuasive in this regard is I

105:00

remember in psychology lessons when I

105:02

was like maybe 16 years old, Mrs. Lowi.

105:06

I've always missed Miss Lowry. Miss

105:08

Lowry, if you're listening, please get

105:09

in touch. My I shouldn't say my email.

105:11

Um, but just get in touch through

105:13

Gareth. He knows know me, but I just

105:15

wanted to say that because she she was a

105:16

great teacher for me in psychology. I

105:18

really only like two lessons in school,

105:19

business and psychology. So, Mr. Hughes

105:21

and Mrs. Lounley Lown's lessons. The

105:23

others I found a bit tricky, but I

105:25

thought those two teachers saw something

105:26

in me. Miss Lowry was talking about the

105:29

recess monkeys experiment where they got

105:31

these like recess monkeys to um either

105:35

they gave them a fake mother but that

105:37

had cloth on it or they gave them a wire

105:40

mother so a mother made out of wires and

105:44

they looked at their psychological

105:45

outcomes over time. I'm probably

105:47

butchering this, so please community

105:48

note me, Dio team, so that the facts are

105:50

on the screen. And what they found is if

105:52

you want the monkeys that grew to be

105:54

most psychologically stable and happy

105:57

and weren't psychopaths were the ones

105:59

that had a cloth mother and the the

106:01

monkeys that became erratic and clearly

106:03

had deep psychological problems were the

106:05

ones that just had a wire mother. So

106:07

that's always reminded me that even in a

106:08

world of robots or AI, whatever, there's

106:10

still something irreplaceably human

106:12

about physical human connection and

106:14

touch.

106:15

>> Yeah. which I actually think is going to

106:16

become is going to absolutely surge in a

106:18

world where we do have robots and

106:19

intelligence and retentive algorithms. I

106:21

think there's going to be this

106:21

bifocation of society where many people

106:23

flee back to the real world.

106:27

Yeah. And the two biggest things that we

106:29

have as a result of all this is

106:31

loneliness and division

106:33

and the division is manufactured and the

106:35

loneliness is a byproduct.

106:38

Is there anything else you wanted to

106:39

share?

106:40

>> Yeah, maybe some good news. That was

106:42

some shitty. I'd be shitty to stop on

106:44

that note.

106:45

>> Give me some good news.

106:47

>> I think one of the the number one thing

106:49

that people need to know is that if you

106:52

wrote down the biggest insecurities that

106:54

you've ever had in your entire life,

106:56

every crazy crazy thing about how you

107:00

thought it was a big deal, you have to

107:02

forget forgive yourself for that [ __ ]

107:04

you did when you were 12. You have to uh

107:07

stop doing this. You have to you have to

107:09

stop hiding yourself from other people.

107:10

If you just wrote down every one of your

107:12

insecurities with a hundred people

107:16

and then had someone type all of them

107:18

out, all hundred people,

107:21

you wouldn't be able to find your own.

107:28

You you'd be very confused. You'd think

107:31

that someone just paraphrased you a

107:33

hundred times if you're digging through

107:35

that hat trying to find your

107:36

insecurities.

107:38

And it would shock you. Uh, and it's one

107:40

thing to hear it maybe on a podcast, but

107:42

to see it in real life. If you see the

107:45

depth of other people, we are so much

107:49

the same. And all the [ __ ] that we hide

107:52

because we don't want anybody else to

107:54

see it. Everyone else is hiding the

107:56

exact same stuff. Everybody else is

107:58

feeling the exact same way. The number

108:01

one thing that people regret on their

108:02

deathbed is like, I should have treated

108:05

it more like a game. I should have

108:07

figured out what was important in the

108:08

game and done what was actually

108:10

important. Uh, and that's it.

108:15

>> That means a lot to you, doesn't it?

108:17

>> That particular point, it's almost like

108:19

you've changed since the last time we

108:20

spoke in a way.

108:22

>> Yeah.

108:22

>> I think there's been a bit of an

108:23

evolution.

108:24

>> Yeah.

108:26

And I think that level of empathy is

108:28

super important to life and it helps

108:30

slow things down. And no matter what

108:33

you're going through, put put make a

108:35

poster and put this up on your wall.

108:38

It's supposed to be fun.

108:41

It's supposed to be a game.

108:43

And I think Alan Watts had a quote that

108:45

said, "Most of man's memory comes from

108:48

taking very seriously what God made for

108:51

fun."

108:58

It's hard not to take it seriously

108:59

though when it seems to threaten some of

109:02

our prehistoric

109:06

design. And if we go back to the

109:08

triangle where you've got friends and

109:09

rewards and you've got safety, if it

109:12

threatens any of these things, then it

109:14

doesn't feel so fun,

109:15

>> right? Depending on your perspective.

109:18

And that's where the big perspective

109:19

shift comes in of like I got to remind

109:22

myself this is supposed to be fun.

109:25

>> Chase, we have a closing tradition on

109:27

this podcast where the last guest leaves

109:28

a question for the next not knowing who

109:29

they're leaving it for. And the question

109:31

left for you,

109:32

>> Sounds like you've rehearsed that.

109:33

>> Yeah, I've said it quite a few times

109:34

now. Probably 500 times. Um,

109:39

if you were going to take on a new

109:42

challenge this year to expand the

109:45

territory of your skill set

109:48

in a way that would make you happy, what

109:50

would it be?

109:53

I think uh developing the ability to

109:58

shut the [ __ ] up and celebrate when

110:01

there's a win.

110:03

Uh, we just had like a giant record

110:05

month in our company. massive record

110:07

month and I was like, "Okay, okay." And

110:09

then I just went I joined another

110:11

meeting and it fell by the wayside and I

110:14

think I'm going to regret doing that and

110:15

I think celebrating wins is a skill uh

110:19

that I need to cultivate better.

110:25

Mo Gordat um from episode 101 was the

110:28

most shared episode of any podcast in

110:30

2023 on Apple in the UK according to

110:32

Apple and one of the things he said in

110:34

that conversation he's um head of Google

110:36

X who left when his son died in a

110:37

routine operation and he went in search

110:39

of happiness so at Google he was leading

110:40

the innovation teams all like the AI

110:42

stuff robots and all that stuff and I

110:44

remember he he like becomes a backpacker

110:46

at 50 odd years old ends up having a

110:48

divorce from his wife after 18 years and

110:50

his whole life when he sat in the chair

110:51

he was like backpacking he had this one

110:53

shirt he'd come to my studio and short

110:55

in London, this this old kitchen, this

110:57

used to be my kitchen. And he said a

110:58

line to me which has always stayed with

110:59

me. He said, "Happiness is when your

111:01

expectations of how your life are

111:02

supposed to be going are met." And so

111:04

from that, I can deduce the opposite to

111:06

be true, which is unhappiness is when

111:08

your expectations of how you thought

111:10

your life was supposed to be going go

111:11

unmet. And in there, I I always come

111:13

back to this because like almost all of

111:15

my unhappiness is when I had an

111:17

expectation of how my life was supposed

111:20

to be going or something was supposed to

111:21

be going. your relationship, getting cut

111:22

off in traffic, whatever it might be,

111:24

podcast, whatever.

111:25

>> And when it when you fall short of one's

111:27

expectation, that gap is like is

111:29

dissatisfaction and frustration or

111:31

whatever else. And so, can one play with

111:34

this by

111:36

being grateful? Because I think great

111:37

gratitude is a proxy of realizing that

111:41

expectations you once had are now being

111:44

met and succeeded. But the problem is as

111:46

striving creatures, we keep a delta

111:50

between where we are and where we expect

111:53

to be. So like when you talked about

111:55

celebrating your win there, I was like

111:57

the problem is you're already thinking

111:58

about the next one. So you've already

111:59

created a delta.

112:00

>> Yeah.

112:01

>> And that's going to keep you on whereas

112:02

like the you know is it Eastern

112:05

traditions are all about gratitude which

112:06

in that moment is going [ __ ] Chase we

112:09

did it.

112:09

>> Yeah.

112:10

>> This was a dream.

112:11

>> Yeah.

112:11

>> And you did it. And like are you able to

112:14

sit in that? The problem I've also

112:15

discovered with this spiel is I expected

112:18

it to be automatic. I expected the

112:22

gratitude and the excitement and the joy

112:24

to be automatic.

112:26

>> Yeah.

112:26

>> So when it didn't automatically show up

112:28

when I became a millionaire or the

112:29

podcast did well,

112:32

I thought maybe it'll show up on the

112:35

next one.

112:36

>> Yeah.

112:37

>> Instead of like taking a moment and

112:39

forcing it out of me like reminding

112:41

myself that this was it. Chase.

112:43

>> Yeah.

112:43

>> This was the dream.

112:44

>> And that's the perspective.

112:45

>> Yeah. Perspective.

112:46

>> Like your your camera angles, like mine,

112:48

I'll speak for myself, is just so zoomed

112:51

in on on this exact moment on what's

112:54

going on in the business, this meeting

112:56

that's coming up in a few minutes.

112:58

They're just like dragging that camera

113:00

by the throat and pulling it up to like

113:03

when you zoom out on Google Maps and be

113:05

like,

113:05

>> "This is a big deal." Like you have time

113:09

to pause. Nothing you think is a big

113:11

deal is a huge deal. You can pause, you

113:13

can cancel that meeting uh and really

113:16

celebrate.

113:17

It's so true. And it maybe like when I

113:21

became a millionaire, I thought it was

113:22

like it's going to fix my posture. It's

113:26

going to make my skin look better. Um it

113:30

didn't do anything. It didn't do [ __ ]

113:32

Hm. And the crazy part about that is you

113:35

hear often hear of what they call gold

113:37

medal depression, which again is a prime

113:39

example of like you you had an

113:41

expectation of that moment. You thought

113:42

confetti and a marching band and it

113:44

would be I don't know like front page of

113:46

the newspaper or whatever. And the

113:47

reality is it didn't do [ __ ] So now you

113:50

got a problem. Now you're Now a lot of

113:51

people they get upset. They come back

113:53

from the Olympics with a gold medal and

113:54

they're depressed because they climb to

113:56

the top of the mountain. They got and it

113:58

didn't change anything. Now that's a

114:00

problem.

114:01

>> Yeah. So I actively practice especially

114:04

ahead of an accomplishment. I actively

114:06

practice forced gratitude which is like

114:08

really taking a moment and and zooming

114:10

out as you say. And then the other is

114:12

like before I just got my house in LA

114:14

which is this incredible [ __ ] house

114:15

and like blows like from where I come

114:17

from it's you know kid born in Botswana

114:20

moves to the UK. Um before I walked into

114:23

the house I I literally out loud

114:26

reminded myself that this was not going

114:28

to change anything in my life. It wasn't

114:30

going to make me an inch happier in any

114:33

way. It was going to have no material

114:35

impact on anything. No one's opinion of

114:37

me is going to change. Nothing. It's

114:39

going to do nothing for me. And when I

114:41

walked into that house for the first

114:42

time,

114:43

>> I could actually really enjoy it because

114:45

my expectations were so low.

114:48

>> That's beautiful.

114:49

>> So, it was very easy to exceed my

114:50

expectations cuz I had none, you know,

114:52

and I actually enjoy every day when I

114:53

walk downstairs because it's like

114:55

blowing my mind.

114:56

>> Yeah.

114:56

>> You know,

114:58

>> that is awesome. But you still get to

115:00

celebrate that that you got the house.

115:02

>> Yeah.

115:03

>> Without it meaning something about you.

115:05

>> Yeah.

115:05

>> That's I think that's the difference.

115:07

>> Yeah. Yeah. You're right.

115:08

>> Like you can feel good about a good

115:10

YouTube comment without it without you

115:13

going, "Yeah, yeah, Stephen is a good

115:15

guy,

115:16

>> you know, like where you're not writing

115:18

identity statements about it."

115:19

>> Identity. That's the key. That's what I

115:21

was clearly doing there is I'm saying

115:22

this is not going to impact my identity

115:23

in any way. Don't [ __ ] think it's

115:24

going to going to.

115:25

>> Yeah. But it still means that when I

115:26

wake up in the morning and see a view, I

115:27

go, "Wow, that's so wow."

115:29

>> Yeah.

115:30

>> You know,

115:30

>> so true. So true. I fully resonate with

115:34

that.

115:34

>> Chase, where do people go to get more of

115:35

you? Where's the best place?

115:38

>> Best place is nci.un university.

115:41

>> NCI. University. I'll link that below

115:43

for anyone that's looking for the link.

115:46

>> And my YouTube channel is just my name.

115:49

>> We'll try and collab with you on this

115:50

video. So, if you should if you look

115:52

down below, you should see two icons.

115:54

and you'll see the directio icon and

115:56

Chase's icon. If you're watching on

115:57

YouTube, just click Chase's icon and

115:58

you'll go over to his YouTube channel.

116:01

Chase, thank you so much.

116:02

>> Thanks, Stephen.

116:03

>> YouTube have this new crazy algorithm

116:05

where they know exactly what video you

116:07

would like to watch next based on AI and

116:09

all of your viewing behavior. And the

116:11

algorithm says that this video is the

116:14

perfect video for you. It's different

116:16

for everybody looking right now. Check

116:18

this video out and I bet you you might

116:20

love it.

Interactive Summary

The video discusses various psychological and neurological principles related to influence, persuasion, and behavior change. It introduces concepts like micro-compliance, novelty's effect on the brain, and the PCP model (Perception, Context, Permission) as frameworks for understanding how individuals are influenced. The discussion highlights the increasing importance of human skills in an AI-driven future, contrasting them with the capabilities of artificial intelligence. Various techniques for influencing others are explored, including negative dissociation, the childhood development triangle, and the power of pre-commitments and identity-based actions. The conversation also delves into the nature of reality, consciousness, and the potential impact of psychedelics like DMT, suggesting that human connection and empathy are irreplaceable. Finally, it touches upon the importance of celebrating wins, managing expectations, and the idea that 'all is mind' and separation is an illusion, ultimately promoting a more empathetic and game-like approach to life.

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