Joe Rogan podcast. Check it out.

>> The Joe Rogan Experience.

>> TRAIN BY DAY. JOE ROGAN PODCAST BY

NIGHT. All day.

>> Sammy boy. Sammy boy.

>> What's up, [music] dude?

>> Good to see you, brother. What's

happening?

>> It's been a while. It's good to see you,

Joe.

>> It's been a couple years like we were

saying.

>> Yeah, man.

>> It might Was the club even open?

>> Yeah. Oh, yeah. Definitely.

>> Definitely.

>> Yeah.

Yeah. So, it's been like a year and a

half. Something like that.

>> Something like that. Yeah.

>> Yeah. It's good to be here.

>> You rolling it on the road. Just

constantly out there.

>> I was in Europe for two and a half weeks

doing gigs and then uh and then they

were like, "Oh, we want to drop your

special second half of September." I was

like, "Fuck." All right. So, I just had

to stay on the road. [laughter]

Uh so, yeah. What is it like in Europe

being American? They look at you with a

side eye. It was weirder last year

because I was single last year. I was

with my friend who was single and he

thought he was like cool going up to

girls in Berlin. He's like, "I'm from

America." And they're like, "Fuck you."

>> I was like, "Yeah, I went open with it."

>> I was like, "Let's say you're from

Winnipeg or something." [laughter]

>> But uh

>> North America.

>> North America. Yeah.

>> Don't be specific.

>> I'm like, "If you want to get laid, say

North America." But uh yeah, you know,

it's interesting. Every everyone

responds differently, but I will say I

was in Copenhagen at the end and they're

selling like you've seen the merch on

the street and it's like little Trump uh

holding like a a a rattle. He's a baby

and it says I want Greenland. [laughter]

They're selling that in the street. So,

uh Yeah. Yeah. They don't like us.

>> Yeah. Ron White was in Switzerland. He

said they there was like an open

hostility.

>> Yeah. It's tough. It's a bummer. But but

the crowds are good.

>> The crowds are great. Yeah. Yeah. I

mean, it was like I was in like uh I

went everywhere from like Lisbon to uh

just all Athens, [ __ ] Croatia. I was

in Zagreb. It's amazing.

>> Yeah.

>> How good is their English over there?

>> Great. They love comedy. It's like the

Balkans. They like uh people who are

just in wars love to laugh. [laughter]

If you were in a civil war recently,

they they'll [ __ ] laugh. Uh and then

Yeah, they were great. And uh yeah, I've

been to I've been to Sweden. I've done

that before, but they were great. I did

Sweden once. It Sweden is It's

interesting. Like Europe is interesting.

They laugh really hard, then they stop.

Then they laugh really hard, then they

stop. You don't get like, you know what

I'm saying? Like,

>> dude, Milan is like, like I'll do three

pedo jokes and then they all applaud and

I'm like, what is this, Carson in the

80s? Like, what the hell am I on?

[laughter] But, uh, yeah, Milan is like

that and they laugh. Hard to get energy.

Like, you have to adjust your

expectations.

>> Yeah, it doesn't sustain. It's

culturally it's different. Like, I went

over there with Hinchcliffe and he was

like, I can't get them. I go, you're

getting laughs. And he goes, "Yeah, but

then it stops. It's a different go. It's

you're in a different culture. They

probably have to process the language

first of all."

>> It's weird. Yeah. And then uh

>> Yes. Stockholm. The women are like the

hottest women I've ever seen in my life.

It's

>> Yeah. All those Nordic women.

>> It's like

>> the Vikings did well.

>> They did. Yeah. We don't talk about the

good of pillaging, but uh there was some

positives to uh [laughter]

>> giant handsome men and beautiful women.

>> It works. It it just works.

>> I mean, it's terrible initially.

>> Yeah. But the but then a couple hundred

years later you're like not bad.

>> Not bad and peaceful somehow or another

like the most peaceful places which is

weird.

>> Yeah, it is. Well, if you're neutral

it's easy to be peaceful.

>> When was the last time you heard about

Iceland going and [ __ ] people up?

>> Yeah.

>> But you go over there, those are like

the biggest, strongest [ __ ] people in

the world. They're like all the

strongmen guys. Finland held off the

Nazis,

>> right?

>> Finland was like, "Fuck you. [ __ ] you."

Or they held off uh Stalin, too.

>> Yeah. They were like Hitler like was

watching Stalin like, "Oh, the Russians

aren't that tough [laughter] cuz Stalin

couldn't take down Finland."

>> Also, I only think they've been a

country for like 200 years.

>> Yeah.

>> Like, how long's Finland been around? I

think it was like

>> I don't know.

>> Is it 1812 or some [ __ ]

>> Yeah. Well, they're tough [ __ ]

over there.

>> Yeah.

>> They're the dudes are huge. The women

are gorgeous. I was starting fights with

my girlfriend cuz I was mad at how hot

the women were. I was just angry at her

for existing. I was like, I'm [ __ ] I

was like, look, if you want to go on a

two and a half day break, that's fine.

[groaning] I'll do it. Uh, no, they were

the women were so hot that it's

[laughter]

>> it's just weird that these warlike

cultures settled down and became some of

the most like amicable, peaceful,

>> like just even the way they like

distribute wealth that they like they

have these incredible health care

programs and education and it's like

>> you were the Vikings. Like how did this

happen? Yeah. I mean, Sweden just must

be nice to just be neutral when shit's

going down, too.

>> Oh, yeah. Except for the banks.

>> Yeah. The banks banks aren't very

neutral.

>> That's true.

>> I think that's one of the reasons why

they're allowed to be neutral.

>> True. Yeah. That helps you be neutral.

>> Give me the loot. [laughter]

>> But yeah, but then Poland and Finland,

like, they're on guard. They're like, in

case Russia does some [ __ ] like let's

stay [ __ ] ready.

>> Yeah. Isn't it wild that you have to

actually think about that in 2026?

>> Yeah. that Russia might actually invade

Poland.

>> Well, yeah. Didn't I think just a a

missile just hit a a train going from uh

Warsaw to Kiev, I think.

>> Great fun. It's

>> good times.

>> Good times. Good times. [laughter]

>> But the crowds are great. That's the

important thing. The crowds are very

good. They were very welcoming.

>> When you develop a special, do you uh

mostly do it in the city until you get

your hour down and then go on the road

or do you just like

>> constantly go on the road? How do you do

it?

>> A little bit of both. I'm I'm on the

road now with maybe like a new 25 30-ish

right now and and I'll do it I'll cheat

and do a little from the special, but

like yeah, it's it's a miserable I never

enjoy when a special comes out. I'm

miserable. I'm It's

>> scary.

>> I can't enjoy it. Well, the second it it

tapes, I'm just like sad for like 5

months [laughter] because I'm I'm at the

cellar. I'm following some young gun

who's crushing and excellent and has

their killer 15 and I'm just getting

buried and I'm doing new [ __ ] that I'm

like I get off stage. I'm like, I should

kill myself. I should quit comedy and uh

and then slowly it gets to a point where

it's respectable and you can tape again

at some point.

>> You know what's really good for um after

post special like I know a lot of guys

are doing this at our club is just doing

that bottom of the barrel show Brian

Simpson show cuz you

>> we one of those in New York will sense

host at the comedy seller.

>> Beautiful. Yeah.

>> Any kind of show like that. I mean there

used to be uh

>> although I hate when comics do old [ __ ]

on it.

>> Yeah that's right.

>> I get really annoyed. I'm like I saw

that on Fallon. I saw that bit. I've

seen that bit before.

>> The wheel. There was one that they used

to do at the creek which was a wheel. So

like uh the audience would write stuff

down. You would put it on a wheel and

you spin the wheel and then it would

land on

>> like a suggestion.

>> Yeah. Yeah.

>> I love that.

>> That was a good idea. And then they have

stand up on the spot in New York. But

that or in LA rather. But that one you

yell.

>> People just yell [ __ ] out and that gets

a little chaotic.

>> Yeah. It's a lot but it's fun and you

build stuff and the bar is lowered

because they know it's off the cuff. But

that's the problem. You you think you

rift a brilliant thing and then you try

it it with the other stuff and you're

like it's not that good.

>> But that's like crowd work, right?

>> Exactly.

>> Yeah. Like crowd work seems amazing in

the moment because people like he just

put that up.

>> But then you try to convert that into an

actual bit and they're like that's not

>> Yeah. My where you from chunk isn't

hitting at all. What the hell?

>> What about that lesbian bar? Do you know

about it folks?

>> Yeah.

>> Yeah, dude. No, it's it's a tough

experience. But then also like

>> the crowds are sophisticated enough that

they they know the deal now. They know

that

they know that you're building towards

something.

>> Yeah, for sure. Especially good comedy

crowds that go to see comedy all the

time. They know exactly what's going on.

You're working on new [ __ ] Yeah. I

mean, then there's some people have new

[ __ ] nights where they just do new [ __ ]

That's great, too. But then you're going

to go and see some halfbaked comedy. I'd

rather just

>> just throw it in. And you have to you

have to put it against the old stuff.

You have to I mean I remember Louis

would always say he's opening on his

closer from the last special and you're

just like I'm like that's a great idea

until you have to follow your closer but

man are you measuring the new [ __ ] So

>> it's the only way to make I mean his his

strategy of doing that is brilliant

because it's really the only way to get

that other stuff up to the same speed.

Totally.

>> Otherwise you'll get complacent and

you'll keep doing a bit the same way.

>> Yeah. It's tough. And also like uh you

just have to just keep doing sets

because you you start to hate yourself

if you're telling the same joke and

you're not adding a tag or you're not

the self-hatred keeps bubbling up. I

just did like seven hours this week. I

did one in LA and then I did six in San

Diego cuz I'm like I just have to keep

talking until I hate myself to make this

joke better. That's literally the only

way I can do it. It so [laughter] I'll

do a smaller room and I'll just keep

adding shows until I can till I'm like

okay I went from like here to here. You

just I was talking to Dan Soder about

this the other day. You go from like 22

to then 25 minutes, then you're down to

17, then you're up to 20, then you're

down to 12. You just keep But you know,

>> it's kind of fun though that we all have

the same process.

>> It's fun. It's all kind we at least

share it with each other cuz like, you

know, I was like, "Oh, I'm up to like 52

minutes." And I'm like, "No, back to 43,

right?

>> I cut this out. I don't like this

anymore." And I just that one just

phased out or I got a new bit that took

the place of that. I like it better and

it doesn't make sense to bring that

back. I have bits that are like orphans.

Like [laughter] I have a folder called

orphans. Yes.

>> And it's just bits that never made it

anywhere. They were really I liked them

at one point in time. And

>> that'd be a good name for an album. Like

a bides album. Just your orphans.

[snorts] These are I kind of would

actually like to hear that was like when

you hear a comic just I'll see Fahheim

will do that sometimes. He'll just post

a bit that he's never going to use. But

it's like, oh, but this is there's

something here. It's like a throwaways,

you know?

>> Yeah. Yeah.

>> But I kind of like that. Are you a a guy

who writes on paper or do you write on a

notebook?

>> Dude, I [ __ ] do. I do all the Hold

on.

>> Yeah, I do all the little notes

everywhere.

>> You're like a Mark Norman type

character.

>> I do all kinds of notes and I just uh

Yeah, I have to handwrite it.

>> Really? How come?

>> Yeah, because I'll remember it. I don't

remember. I type it too for like a

backlog, but I Yeah, I don't I have to

write everything down or I won't

remember. It is a weird thing that

somehow or another writing things down

with your hand is it syncs up with your

brain better.

>> Yeah.

>> And I don't understand why. Doesn't make

sense, but it's real.

>> Maybe because it's like, and this is a

guess, I don't know, but maybe because

when you were like learning to write,

you just you're like reading along maybe

in your brain [clears throat] as like a

six-year-old or something.

>> Maybe

>> cuz I wasn't typing at six.

>> I think it's because it takes longer to

write.

>> So yeah, that makes sense. I think

there's something about it gets

imprinted in your brain better because

you're physically writing the characters

down with your hand first of all so that

you have to go through all those steps

in your mind N A B T you know you have

to put them all down and then once

you've done that then you it takes

longer to write it than it does to think

about it. So it's just like it's it's

just more burned in.

>> Totally. Yeah. No, I I think uh also you

just look like a douchebag if you're

reading off your phone on stage too

much. So you have to just have a

notepad. you look like you actually put

more work and thought into it,

>> right? Yeah. If you're just reading your

new jokes off of phone, people will get

upset at you. But if you're reading them

off of pad, like, oh, he's an artist.

>> And there's also like an old school

thing where you're just like I don't

know. Like it just feels it just feels

like like this type of pad is right. I

don't know why. It just I like these

types of pads.

>> Like legal pads.

>> I like Yeah. I like the yellow ones even

better, but I like I I just something

about it like you rip it out. I don't

know.

>> Yeah.

>> Feels like it feels like a actual job.

>> Yeah. Like you're working.

>> Yeah.

>> Yeah. Are you a sober writer or you get

[ __ ] up when you write?

>> Um, I like to write sober, but like

Yeah. I mean, I think you get your

stories drunk and you write sober, you

[laughter] know? So, like I'll go out

and I like going on adventures. I

romanticize drunken night. Even in this

special, it's like I have so many dumb

drunken night stories still because it's

like sometimes I'm like feeling blocked.

I'm like I should go out on a [ __ ]

adventure. And sometimes nothing

happens, but sometimes you're like

that's a bit that's something.

>> Yeah. You just let the night you're at I

like stuff where you're at the mercy of

the night and you don't really have

control. Like I love that movie After

Hours by Scorsese where he's just like

basically in chaos for a whole night. I

romanticized.

>> Who's in that movie?

>> Griffin Dunn.

>> And

>> I don't think I saw that.

>> It's great. It's just like an all night.

He It's like the Odyssey but a guy in

Tribeca in the 80s stuck all night. And

uh it's [ __ ] hilarious. It's a It's a

comedy. It's really funny. But the idea

that you're stuck out all night and I

don't know. I I I like I still like an

adventure every once in a while.

>> You don't have kids yet.

>> I don't. That's why I can get away with

it probably.

>> That's it. Yeah.

>> Yeah. You're a bad dad if you're doing

that with

>> Yeah. Once you have kids, you're like, I

don't want to take this cuz I could die.

>> Oh, yeah. I don't drugs. I I It's really

mostly just alcohol.

>> Well, that's good. But every now and

then someone will give you a drink and

it's not really a drink. [laughter] You

got to be careful.

>> Yeah. No, I I'll I'll go myself. I don't

I'm not taking strangers drinks. That

sounds like a bad idea

>> before. Really?

>> I've done that. Not in a long time, but

I've done that in the past. I'm like,

this is probably a bad idea.

>> Did you something in it?

>> No. No.

>> I got roof feed in college from that.

>> Did you?

>> Yeah. It was meant for It was clearly a

fat guy meant for a girl. And I I was

like, I'll take it. And he was just

like, "What the fuck?" And I drank it

and I That's all I remember.

>> How'd you wake up?

>> I was in the dorm, but I was like, "What

the?" And another guy I was with got

ruied, too, cuz he left me a voicemail

that made no [ __ ] sense. That is.

>> But we saved some woman. I think

>> hopefully

>> I hopefully

>> that's some truly evil [ __ ]

>> Yeah. I mean, you're [ __ ]

>> truly truly

>> as bad as it gets.

>> Yeah. That's That's some And it's

horrific how prevalent it is. Like how

many girls would tell you they've been

drugged.

>> Dude, it was a thing too in when I was

in school. It was a thing. They would

say, "Don't go to that frat house. They

roofy." Like you would just say it

casually, which I sure as [ __ ] I hope

times have changed that that's not a

thing anymore. But back then that was

just a thing you said. Don't go to Pike,

they roofy or whatever.

>> So scary, dude.

>> Crazy.

>> Just so weird that someone was willing

to do that.

>> I don't like Greek life. I don't like

that culture. I don't like it. Never did

that. The idea that you're bonding with

someone cuz they're like torturing you.

[laughter] It never did it for me. I

don't I'm not against hazing. Like in

comedy, I like that people like trash me

and I love that.

>> That's a different kind of hazing,

though. You don't have to like [ __ ] in a

diaper and [ __ ] drink five gallons of

water in 3 minutes.

>> Yeah. How does that prove that we're

friends? that I shouldn't a diaper for

you.

>> Yeah. Wisconsin frat leaders arrested

after 30 pledges found in filthy

basement injured and covered in

condiments

>> and other things they said, but other

things.

>> Condiments was all they really talked

about in the news. Condiments like other

sauces or you know, I don't know.

>> Prove you're my brother.

>> And [laughter] it was very hot down

there. They said too. [snorts]

>> What?

>> Just for what? So you can hang out with

these [ __ ]

>> That's the thing. I never looked at them

like I want to hang out with these I I

remember leaving. I thought they were

going to beat the [ __ ] out of me, too.

>> Like, this is how they lived. They were

just stuck

>> being uh hazed trying to get in the frat

or something. Some incident.

>> I mean, for what?

>> Go to cool parties.

>> I'm sure there's some good ones out

there, but it's not for me.

>> I just I mean, maybe if I got in, I

would get it. I never tried.

>> No,

>> my my college days were a complete waste

of time. I went to college just so I

wouldn't have to tell people I wasn't

going to college. Yeah, I think that's

that at that time that's how you had to

do it. But I think now it's it's a lot

of people are self-educated and you

learn stuff and it's such a waste of

money. It's like you know

>> well you can if you were disciplined

enough you can get a full university

education online.

>> One of the most successful people I know

he the schools were too slow for him and

he just did all the courses he would

have taken at like four speed and

dropped out in one semester and he

became insanely rich on his own. He was

like, "I got this." Which is

unbelievable.

>> What does he do?

>> He's a tech guy, but he just made a

shitload of money.

>> Thank [snorts] God for vaccines. If it

wasn't for autism,

>> where would that guy be?

>> I mean, he's he is a [ __ ] he's is a

gifted guy. Is there one part of your

brain that just

>> Yeah. I mean, I think some of it's

genetic, but I think there are are some

people where something happens and then

all of a sudden they're just way

smarter. You've heard of like uh injury

savants like people get hit in the head

and all a sudden they can speak Chinese.

[laughter]

>> Have you ever heard of that?

>> Or they think it's Chinese. They're like

it's not Chinese. [laughter]

>> But there are some people there's some

people that got have gotten hit in the

head and all a sudden they can do

complex math.

>> Or they get hit in the head and they're

just changed. I knew a guy like that

where he was just a I only knew him

after the hit and they were like he used

to be a different dude.

>> Oh, it's 100% real. I've seen that. I've

seen that with many people.

>> Damn.

>> Many people. Uh, foreign accent

syndrome. Oh, it's accent. Rare medical

condition where a person suddenly speaks

with a pattern that sounds like a

foreign accent even though they have

never visited or lived in that region. I

think that's just crazy people.

>> I don't think that's like an injury,

but there's injuries. The mysterious

condition that changes people's accents.

I love how it's a condition. Maybe maybe

someone's just [ __ ] completely insane

and just pretending.

[laughter]

>> 28th of April. I'll never forget that

day. I was just singing as I do. And all

of a sudden, all these voices and sounds

were coming out of my mouth. That's not

my own.

>> And I'm like, hang on a second. Am I am

I dreaming about this?

>> Angie has now been diagnosed with the

condition.

>> Sure. Last one. Nine years ago, 60

Minutes met some of them, including

British woman Sarah Cowwell, whose

accent changed following a severe

migraine.

>> She said, "No, you sound like you can

work at a Chinese restaurant [laughter]

could work in the shut the [ __ ] up. This

lady's crazy.

>> She's pulling a fast one."

>> 100%.

>> There's any white guys who just start

talking black from that, you think?

>> Sure. 100%.

>> Must be from an That's from a from one

head injury with a rap music on.

>> Yeah. I mean that you can talk normal

lady. You're choosing to do that.

There's no [ __ ] way. Like that comes

from speaking a different language.

[laughter]

>> Yeah. What do you think?

>> They're like, "Whoa." She's like, "Hold

on. I got one of these."

>> What? Jamie.

>> So, what do you think her accent's going

to be as a new lady here?

>> Uh, German.

>> Eastern European accent after starting

new epilepsy medication.

>> New epilepsy?

>> Yes. Okay. I speak a fun accent, so it

makes sense. But for goodness sake, what

is fun accent syndrome? 28-year-old

[laughter] Angie is the latest. What is

it? You have something strange club.

>> What happened to her?

>> She developed her Irish accent 10 days

after having her tonsils removed.

>> Whether [laughter] this is the cause,

we'll never know.

>> Well, we'll never know.

>> That's a standard procedure.

>> Has located my voice to a different

country without a visa.

>> Well, that didn't sound back to normal.

>> She sounded normal.

>> Yeah, maybe it's temporary.

>> Maybe they're faking it. You know, some

people also like they lose feeling in

their face for like a maybe it's just

like a half a day that happens.

>> It just doesn't make sense because the

whole reason why people talk without

accent is because they're used to

speaking in Chinese.

>> Chinese has completely different sounds

to the words and you get a and it's

difficult to transition to English

words.

>> Yeah. I I've I've never seen or heard of

this. This is wild.

>> Crazy person.

>> Got up to almost 200 cases have been

documented.

>> Of course. Well, there's 200 cases in

this town of people that think they're a

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>> This foxkin, you know.

>> Is that a real thing?

>> Oh, I follow a ton of people.

>> I thought it was a joke. Fox.

>> Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

>> You think you're an animal? a fox.

>> Well, well, they're furries, you know,

there's there's a lot of furries that

take it, you know, there's like casual

day. I thought that was like a

>> every now and then,

>> but I thought No, no, no. Some for some.

Listen, don't put these people in a

basket. Don't put baby in a corner.

>> They can do whatever they want.

>> You see some I I saw a guy in a chain in

New York like on a leash being walked.

>> Yeah. By another guy.

>> Yeah.

>> Yeah.

>> Being walked on a leash.

>> Yeah.

>> That's [ __ ]

>> They're having fun. Two guys having fun.

Can't get pregnant. No problems.

>> Yeah.

>> Have at it, fellas.

>> Yeah, sure.

>> Enjoy yourselves.

>> Sure.

>> I I mean, I don't have any problem with

that. That doesn't bother me at all. But

people that pretend they're animals,

there's something about that. This guy

got tied up to the Hollywood sign last

week.

>> Good for him.

>> Probably dominatrix.

>> Probably came like a rocket [laughter]

in the middle of the day. He's probably

super excited about it.

>> Why? Why? I had this lady on my podcast

back in the D and she was a humiliatrix

>> and her whole thing was she would take

these wealthy CEO type guys that like in

control constantly in control and um she

would humiliate them and [snorts] uh

they would pay her and one of the things

that they would do is uh they would pay

her to blackmail them. So she would she

would make them do things like suck a

dick on camera and then send her the

video. I'm not bullshitting. And then

she would have that footage. Like they

got off on the fact that she had them.

Like she was very professional. She

would never do anything with it, but she

pretended that she would. And this was

the game. Like they he they wanted to

feel like

>> what a great gig. You can ask for a

raise whenever you want. What [laughter]

are they going to [ __ ] do? What a

film of him sucking a dick. So she would

say, "I want a film of you sucking a

dick." And then I'm going to take that

film. And this is pre AI, too. This is a

long time. So it's a real guy sucked a

real guy's dick. Damn.

>> Because he wanted this lady to have this

information over him. [snorts]

>> Yeah. It's like it's just you've gone

too far in the kink thing. It's like

you've gone.

>> Have you though?

>> Listen,

>> I I wouldn't want That's too far, man.

>> I [clears throat] think if you're one of

those guys that is a CEO of some major

business and you're working 16 hours a

day, you're probably losing your [ __ ]

mind.

>> Yeah. And I guess you're trying to come

in the most efficient manner possible.

You're like, I need 7 hours of sleep.

I'm working 16 hours.

>> Well, I Well, I would think that maybe

that kind of power and control over a

large corporation is probably so

overwhelming you need a release valve.

And the release valve is someone having

ultimate control over you.

>> Yeah. No, those guys are usually subs.

>> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

>> Because they because they're used to

control.

>> Dominatrix is always

>> Anytime I see a powerful man, I'm like,

I like I bet you like to get pegged.

>> I bet you like get your nuts kicked. I

bet

>> you see those guys, they just lay down

with their hands tied behind their back

and girls kick them in the nuts.

>> But that that scares me for like a

permanent injury.

>> Oh, yeah.

>> You could you could permanently have

like a nut in you, right?

>> Well, you could blow your nut out. I I

know [snorts] two dudes who's have

who've had their nuts blown out

personally.

>> What does that What does that entail?

>> It entails usually a shin to the nuts

and it makes your nuts explode. Makes

one of your nuts explode and they have

to remove it. [sighs]

>> They remove your nut.

I know a guy who did he he was going to

do like some light sparring with this

guy said, "Ah, we're just going to go

light. I don't need my cup."

>> So, he goes out there and like a minute

into the round, he gets kicked in the

nuts and his nut explodes.

>> That is [ __ ] awful.

>> Loses a nut. He's a one nut champ now.

>> God. And now you guys got to pray you

don't get testicular cancer in the other

nut,

>> right?

>> Cuz like that's I always think about

that.

>> That's a wrap.

>> You know, cuz you hear about these

people that go deaf in one ear. I'm

like, "You better pray you don't lose

hearing in the other ear."

>> You want to hear what's crazy? They can

do uh dick transplants, but they can't

really Yep. They've done it, but they

can't do nut transplants because say

like

>> Wait, what? What is a dick transplant?

>> A dick transplant get an actual dick

from a dead guy.

>> Like say you're in Afghanistan, you're

in an IED, your dick and your balls get

blown off of you. It's happened before.

>> Um they will transplant a dick onto you,

>> but no balls.

>> No balls. You know why? Because say

>> it's like a burger with no fries. It

doesn't hit the same.

>> This is what's wrong. If uh you uh got

your dick blown off and you had to get

Jamie's dick and balls,

>> you would

>> if you died.

>> Oh wow.

>> Oh, if you died giving him up.

>> Okay. Let's say Redb Say [laughter] Red

Band's dick and balls.

>> The problem is you would have Red B's

sperm

>> forever.

>> So you would have his DNA. So you

>> That's the only problem.

>> That's [laughter]

the problem. You lost your dick. That's

the big one. But the other one is you

>> you can't procreate without balls

anyway,

>> right? You won't be able to procreate.

>> Yeah.

>> But if you shoot this guy's load on

people,

>> if you got the ball transplant, you

would be able to procreate. But you

would not be procreating with your DNA.

You would be procreating with his DNA.

>> But how safe are these penile

transplants? These can't be safe.

>> Safe and effective.

>> Really safe and effective.

>> Did you read about that guy in Bangkok?

>> I'm making that up. [laughter]

>> I'm not going in.

>> Yeah. The guy who lost He died. He got a

dick. That was like an enhancement

though, right?

>> Yeah. Yeah.

>> But he went with his [ __ ] wife

>> who didn't try to talk him out of it.

>> Yo,

>> that's got to feel bad

>> or good.

>> This one was a Yeah. I mean, maybe she

talked him into it. Maybe she slipped

the guy an extra hundred to double up

the [ __ ] gas.

>> What's this? First total penis

transplant.

>> No.

>> What?

>> And

>> and scrotum transplant.

>> Yeah.

>> Um, but is that testicles? hour surgery.

>> It said it said for ethical reasons, not

the testicles.

>> Yeah. Excluding testicles for ethical

reasons. That's why. So the structure

like the scrotum. So

>> work though.

>> Yes. No, it won't work. So that's the

ethical reason. The ethical reason is

the testicles produce the DNA of the

person who's dead.

>> Mhm.

>> So you would be having his babies, which

is

>> Is it pee in a smooth is it do you pee

smoothly or how does that go? Except

this first one,

>> smooth is a weird question.

>> Regain [laughter] full urinary and

sexual function and fathered a child.

>> What? What?

>> Wait a minute. How did he father a

child?

>> This was in 2014.

>> Okay. He lost his organ due to a botch

circumcision, but he might have kept his

nuts.

>> Oh, yeah.

>> That's different.

>> Yeah. But just Yeah, we're just talking

about the penile thing, I thought.

>> Right. So, he got a new dick and

>> circumcision after 20 is a bad idea.

>> Yeah. Well, circumcision is [ __ ]

crazy.

>> Are you circumcised or no? I am, but I

didn't have any say in the matter,

right?

>> I Me and my wife actually had an

argument about it if we were going to

have a child that was a boy. We

obviously had children, but we were I

was like, I don't want to get him

circumcised. And I had a joke about it.

She's like, circumcised

dicks look disgusting. I'm like, how

many have you seen? Like, you said that

so confidently. I just figure picture a

river of sleepy uncircumcised dicks.

[laughter]

I dude I that's a fun state sentence is

tough.

>> Five penis transplants have been

performed worldwide.

>> Next sentence.

>> Mixed outcomes have been reported.

>> Out of five and two of the five penile

transplant

>> two if that's if you're a baseball

player that's pretty good.

>> What does it say?

>> If you're a surgeon it's not that

[laughter] good. If you're Tony Gwyn

it's fine.

>> What does it say? It says two of the

five. What? Can you click on it and see

what it says?

>> With that was enough.

>> But it says two of the five. What

happens to those two of the five?

required explanation.

[laughter]

>> Oh, have required explanation. What does

that mean?

>> Two of the five penile transplants have

required explanation.

>> Hey, why is your dick black? I can

explain why. [laughter]

However, the long-term outcomes been

encouraging when compliance is

implemented. Whether standard induction

or triple therapy maintenance or single

therapy maintenance, if you're going to

go through this, you should be able to

pick the dick out. Like you go to a nice

steakhouse and they bring you the knives

>> or Yeah. or a lobster tank. I want the

big one.

>> I want the big one. I don't want Yeah, I

wouldn't want to go through that for a

[ __ ] tiny dick. Imagine you go

through that and you still have a 5- in

dick and you have to explain like it's

not even my dick.

>> I know it's little, but look, it's not

mine.

>> It's a discount in China.

>> Yeah, I found it.

>> Yeah, I found it at a motorcycle wreck.

>> Areas of uncertainty include the ethics

of donor recipient color mismatch.

>> Right. If you're like one of those guys

like, "It's got to be black. Please just

get me a black dick. We're all one

color. We're all one race. Surveillance

for sexually transmitted infections and

how to optimize patient compliance.

Right. Imagine if you get some guy's

dick and it's just all ate up with the

herps.

>> Yeah.

>> And it looked good when it was like in

the box. Like nice.

>> Yeah. I don't mind herpes. I want it to

be my herpes. At least I want to at

least earn it.

>> Like how'd this guy get the herpes?

That's the question. Was he just raw dog

and prostitutes? Was he an animal?

>> Yeah. I want a backstory. Did he die?

>> It should come with a brochure.

>> Yeah. Did he die of [ __ ] heroin

overdose in a terrible wh house

somewhere?

>> The Carfax on it. [laughter]

>> Yeah, I'd like that. I would

>> been in an accident before the first

[laughter] transplant.

>> I I have a friend who has dick broken.

>> What?

>> [ __ ]

>> Yeah. The girl got on top and she got a

little crazy.

>> I'll be honest, I worry sometimes when

that happens.

>> It can get crazy. Things can happen.

Especially if the lady's got a lot of

power, you know, like maybe you're

dating a softball player or something.

He's got a good squat. She's got good

thighs.

>> Yeah. And she's [ __ ] And she misses

the mark and it hits the taint.

>> I've definitely been like, "Let's let's

take it easy."

>> Well, it could get out of control.

>> Yeah.

>> Yeah. Especially the on top cuz you're

in danger. It's like one of the one

times where a man's in danger.

>> I slept with a woman once who told me

she while we were [ __ ] she goes, "I

[ __ ] NBA players." I don't know why

she told me that while we were having

sex.

>> Ew.

>> We were both We were both First off, I

was like, "Well, which NBA player?"

[laughter] And she was like, "I'm not

telling you." I was like, "Well, Nick's

I want to know if you [ __ ] a Nick."

you [snorts] know, just as like

selfishly as a fan. But she was moving

her hips in a way where I'm like, "This

is not my sport." Like,

>> "This is not for me."

>> She's going hard.

>> She was going hard.

>> Yeah. When a girl's telling you that,

it's like, "Hey, I [ __ ] super athletes."

Like, ew. I know.

>> Hey, there's no way I can compete with

this.

>> Also, like, you're aware I'm not a super

athlete.

>> She's trying to make you feel funny,

like uncomfortable.

>> She was hammered and so was I. And it

was like one of the things I think she

was trying to be funny.

>> Oh. Or hot. Maybe you would think it was

hot. I don't think it's hot.

>> Yeah. [laughter] Any you're [ __ ] a

super athlete. Like that's the top of

the food chain. Like especially NBA

players because they're the tallest.

They're the tallest super athletes.

>> Yeah. They're also I'm assuming much

larger than me.

>> I'm assuming. [laughter] Imagine if they

weren't. That'd be so disappointing.

>> Yeah, I'd be disappointed.

>> Oh, we messed up. This is not the

[clears throat] word required

explanation. Explantation.

Oh, [laughter]

>> what's an expplantation?

>> I think that means they take it off.

>> What is that? What it means?

>> When you you'd plant something and then

you would expplant it, right?

>> Oh,

>> right. And expplantation would be

>> I uh was reading an artic Oh boy. I was

reading an article about a transman who

went through that and uh got a fake

penis off of his arm. You know how they

do that? You know how they do that? Uh,

no. I don't know.

>> Oh, you're not in the same track room as

me and Shane.

>> Wait, what? What is [laughter]

I'm lost. I'm very lost already. Wait, a

penis off the arm? What does that mean?

>> You don't know this?

>> No. Okay, you're in for a treat. Um,

there are trans men who have uh it's not

artificial penis. It's a constructed I

would say constructed to be kind, a

constructed penis, okay? where they

literally take a giant hunk of meat off

of your arm, roll it up and construct a

penis out of it.

>> It's like the Empire Strikes Back.

>> And then um they build a penis and then

put that sucker down yonder where uh to

cover the vag. The vag hole is still

there.

>> Whose arm are they taking it out of?

>> Your own.

>> So this is like a hair transplant, but

your actual [ __ ] arm. Wow.

>> Crazy. And it's a massive scar.

>> That's tough.

>> Yeah. And it's not it's it doesn't

always work. So this one guy, I think he

had it done at least once and was doing

it a second time. God, I want to say he

had it done twice and it didn't work

out. And they were moving to the thighs

because sometimes the blood doesn't flow

and it becomes necrotic and so it's it's

literally like rotting off and they have

to remove it so you don't get septic.

>> Oh man. And it's not like it works.

>> That's tough. It's a tough It's a tough

procedure.

>> It's one of those things where I hope it

works. Man [clears throat] had penis

grown in his arm after losing genitalia

to sepsis.

>> But that's a guy. That's

>> When I saw my penis go black, I was

beside myself. It was like a horror

film.

>> What happened to your front teeth,

buddy? I have a feeling there's more to

the story. [laughter]

>> It's like a horror fil. By the way, what

horror film? I've never seen that movie.

Was that a West Wes Craven? Your dick

just went black. [laughter]

Yeah,

>> that's like the substance for men,

though. That is rough,

>> right?

>> That is a horror.

>> That movie was crazy.

>> I didn't love it.

>> You didn't love it.

>> I don't like body horror stuff. It just

I I feel like I get it. It's like I

don't I like more like psychological

horror. I don't like when it's just like

I'm uglier and uglier and it's crazier

and crazier. My body's exploding. I'm

like I It makes me kind of although that

movie saved my life so I have to give it

a little love. But uh How did it save

your life?

>> Cuz we were on the road. It was the

first night I didn't do a tour bus and

because it was just like three cities.

So, we did a Sprinter van and Gary Veer

and I who I tour with, we were watching

in the back seat and it was like 3:00

a.m. So, we're just like, "Ah, let's

just watch this movie." And the the

driver just fell asleep at the wheel and

drove us off the road and we were only

awake cuz we were watching the movie.

>> Holy [ __ ]

>> So, I was like, "Yeah." So, we were

like, "Whoa, whoa." And he just like

drove us off the [ __ ] road.

>> Did he wake up?

>> Yeah, he woke up. He's like, "Oh, my

bad." We're like, "No, you got to you

got to pull over. We'll get a different

car."

>> My bad is crazy. We almost died. My bad.

>> Yeah.

>> Yeah.

>> Yeah. I always think that about tour

buses. Like you're just

>> Well, it wasn't our our tour bus driver

is amazing. He would He would never do

that.

>> That's great. But I mean, what if they

accidentally fell asleep?

>> He eats pickles all night, so he won't

fall asleep.

>> How does that work?

>> Acidity.

>> Really?

>> Yeah. Cuz he's like, "Coffee I'll just

be numb to after a while, but the taste

of the acidity keeps me awake." He's

been doing tour buses forever.

>> Is that just him or is that known

tactic? I I think it's just him, but

he's uh he's great. We we never were

worried with him.

>> For folks on the road that are driving,

if you're listening to this and you

worry about falling asleep, um this is

the best method I've ever found. Take a

a wet washcloth with ice cubes. Yeah.

Wet wcloth with ice cubes and just rub

your face like every few minutes. It

keeps you wide awake.

>> That's smart.

>> And it doesn't hurt. I used to slap

myself trying to stay awake [laughter]

when I was young and dumb.

>> Yeah. I would do gigs and I'd be driving

from like western Massachusetts like

three hours in the middle of the night.

>> That's smart actually. Slap or like I

mean roll coffee does usually work.

>> The problem is once that [ __ ] warm

air and the car starts hitting you again

and the the lines start talking to you

like Sam just say just close one eye.

>> Oh dude,

>> close your eyes for a few seconds. Just

a few seconds.

>> I think about it. It's I mean people

[ __ ] die that way. Also, you know,

think about how many people have died

that way. I mean,

>> a lot

>> a lot of car cuz they always say cuz

you're always like, "I'm more scared of

a flight than a car." But then they're

like, "No, cars are more dangerous."

It's [ __ ] like that. Sleep deprivation.

Someone [ __ ] Kenisonson,

[clears throat] right? Guy going the

wrong way.

>> Drunk. Yeah,

>> drunk.

>> That the Kenisonson one was crazy

because Kenisonson used to have a joke

about how we all drive drunk.

>> He goes, "We could trace it back to any

comedian.

>> We're going to pull it off cuz we do it

every [ __ ] night." He had a bit about

it.

>> Yeah.

>> It was like very irresponsible.

>> There's a really famous basketball

player. I was just in Croatia, Den

Petravich. He's like their legend. He

was like when Yugoslavia almost beat the

dream team. It was he was the guy. He

was like their Jordan and he died. His

girlfriend was driving and he's asleep

in the car. She survived. The woman in

the back survived. He died.

>> Did she fall asleep?

>> No. A car was coming the wrong way.

>> The truck. And dude, he was like

>> unbelievable, too. They have a big

statue of him in Zagreb.

>> Oh, cars.

>> Yeah. Can we just get real comfortable

with the idea that some [ __ ] [ __ ]

next to you is going to keep it together

while you're going 60 mph?

>> I won't ride a [ __ ] city bike, dude.

I don't trust bike city bike people.

They're they're reckless in the city,

man. I don't want to, you know,

>> bikes are crazy because you get hit by a

car, you're done.

>> You get hit by another car in a car, at

least you have there's something around

you.

>> The the chances of you getting wiped out

by a bike,

>> like especially those dudes who are

cutting lanes on

motorcycles. Like, bro, don't do it.

>> People aren't paying attention.

>> We lost a comedian friend, Kenny

Deforest, who was biking without a

helmet. So terrible.

>> Got hit. It's never you. It's always

someone else. I mean, I guess it could

be you sometimes, but it's usually

>> someone opens a door. Someone does

something, you know.

>> Louisie got nailed in New York on a

motorcycle.

>> Did he?

>> Oh, yeah. He got launched.

>> He got launched.

>> Yeah, he got [ __ ] up.

>> I shouldn't be laughing.

>> He's okay. Him getting launched sounds

funny.

>> It's kind of funny, but he's okay.

>> Yeah.

>> But I think that's when he stopped

riding a motorcycle in New York City.

>> But it's like a great way to get around

to gigs, you know, if you're a guy that

does like five, six shows a night.

>> New York is so easy to walk though.

>> Yeah.

>> I guess you know,

>> but if you want to the thrill of

>> Norman does it. I mean, Mark, he would

do it, but I would be like, "Dude, be

[ __ ] careful."

>> Yeah. Norman needs a little of that in

his life.

[snorts] A little be careful.

>> Yeah, he's a he's a he's a wild fella.

He's fun.

>> He's like one of my oldest friends.

>> He's such an odd duck. Like he won't get

rid of that stupid watch. That little be

time. Did he?

>> Yeah. Yeah.

>> Oh, that's right. He got a a Speed

Master. He got an Omega. He got a real

watch, but he won't wear the Rolex. Like

Louis got him a Rolex and he won't wear

it.

>> Maybe it's cuz a guy got it for him.

>> I think it's just too expensive. It's

just he's freaking out. Like an Omega is

like it's an expensive watch, but it's

not like Look at me. Omega might be more

expensive. [laughter]

>> It might be. I don't think so. I think

it's a Speed Master. Uh, and a Speed

Master, I think, is uh in the $5,000

range,

>> whereas I think his other watches,

>> he just he just worries. He's a worrier.

>> He he is a weird combination of worrying

about everything and worrying about

nothing. Whereas like it's worried where

his next meal is coming from, but he if

someone hands him a pill, he'll just be

like, "Oh, all right." and just take it.

And I'm like, "That's You've got those

[ __ ] mixed up. You can afford

Chipotle, Mark." You know? It's like so

uh No, I mean but I've I've I've known

him so well.

>> He's got a touch. He's got a touch of

the tism.

>> Oh, absolutely.

>> Era.

>> Absolutely.

>> He's got a touch.

>> Yeah. No, I My oldest one of my oldest

friends. It's crazy.

>> He's the best. I love him. I love him to

death.

>> I love We supposed We were supposed to

film a movie next month. It got delayed,

but I we I was so excited. I mean,

>> what are you guys doing?

>> We got a new director, so I think uh

>> Are you allowed to talk about it?

>> I don't know. I don't know if it's I

think it's official. I think we got Jay

Chandra Sakar did Super Troopers to

direct it. So Oh wow. Yeah. So I think

hopefully top of next year just a buddy

comedy. Two liquor salesman and uh we're

[ __ ] losers and it's it's fun. It's a

really fun script. We wrote it with Noah

Gardens Schwarz and Esther Steinberg.

They're good writers and it was it was I

love the script. I hope we hope we make

it top of next year. But I made I made

my own movie too that I just sold to

Netflix. So that'll be out early next

year.

>> Oh, nice. What's that?

>> It's a tour mockumentary. It's a fake

tour documentary. So I love movies. I

always wanted to make movies and I just

never I was like I got to just No one I

had so many projects in development for

years and you just like I had a show

with Brian Cox in development for three

years that I just couldn't [ __ ] and I

think Brian Cox is like the best actor

work I think he's like my favorite

actor.

>> So I was I couldn't believe we couldn't

sell with him and uh

>> and Sandler producing. So that that was

brutal. But then I think we'll still

make it but it's like you realize these

things take three years. So, I had an

idea for a for a tour mockumentary and

my agents are like, "We'll get you

money." I'm like, "That'll take you

three [ __ ] years. I'll just I'll pay

for it." So, I just paid for my own

movie. And it's it's got a great cast of

comics and it's like Santino is my

agent. Stavros is a private detective in

it. Atel's great in it. Uh, you know,

Jim Gaffin plays an arms dealer in it.

Uh, [laughter] we have a great it's a

great cast of like a tour gone

completely off the rails. Gary Veer,

who's my opener, plays himself, and it's

just like Lauren German, who's the

actress from Lucifer, is great in the

movie. It's a It's a really fun movie.

So, uh, a lot of comedians in it.

>> That's awesome.

>> So, I So, that's like Oh, and Julie

Edelman is has a decent part in it.

Actually, it's a pretty big part. Uh,

the football player who's [ __ ] he's

amazing in it.

>> That's cool. And when is that coming

out?

>> I think top of next year. So,

>> they're starting to do films now that

are totally AI.

>> Doesn't that worry you?

>> Yeah. I mean, I hate it.

>> Well, it's not the same thing.

>> Well, part Yeah. And part of the part of

the fun of the movie is that, you know,

blood, sweat, and tears went into it.

>> Oh, yeah. Like everything like part

>> the story the part of the best part of

like like my favorite movie, one of my

favorite movies ever, two of them,

Godfather and Chinatown. The books about

the making of those movies are almost as

good as the movies cuz it's insane. Just

everything that's happening. Like in

Chinatown, Nicholson, you know, he's

talking to John Houston, who's his

[ __ ] hero, and there's a scene where

John Houston's like, "Are you [ __ ] my

daughter?" In the movie, Nicholson's

actually [ __ ] Angelica Houston in

real life. Like all the [ __ ] going

behind the scenes is almost as crazy.

And then The Godfather, like Mario Puzo

inv, you know, Sinatra, all these like

back alley stories about the movie, like

Sinatra insulted, won't play this lounge

singer or the wedding singer in it. uh

you know, Mario Puzzo blowing a $400,000

advance. You know, all these amazing

Robert Evans being like, "Fuck Pacino.

He's a [ __ ] He can't be in the

movie." Like, all these stories are

almost as interesting. And you're going

to try to get rid of that with [ __ ]

AI,

>> right?

>> It it breaks my heart, man. I AI is is

it really And now that they're saying

10% extinction, great. That's, you know,

it's going to ruin art and it's going to

>> possibly

>> possibly. But that's a bad possibly.

>> It's [clears throat] not a good one.

>> It's not. Sunonny Hoston just uh from

The View, that lady from The View, just

sold her books. She writes books. Uh I

was listening to Tim Dylan's show. He

was covering it. It's hilarious. He has

a hilarious take on it. But apparently

she has books um that are like these um

I guess they're like romance novels

>> about wealthy ladies

>> during the summer. I'm not bullshitting.

Yeah.

>> Like wealthy ladies during the summer.

>> And she was having a hard time getting

the maid. So, she licensed their their

use to an AI company, including her

likeness. So, she's going to be in them,

>> and it's going to be all made entirely

with AI.

>> Yeah. You just get bummed when you find

that stuff. I mean, I think Paul

Schrader is brilliant, you know, wrote

Raging Bull and Taxi Driver, one of this

this amazing filmmaker. Uh, and then he

just kind of openly talks about using AI

now. And it's it's a good

>> What does he use it for?

>> For his new movie. He said he's just

using it a ton. He does. He seems like

he's one of those like certain people

like h we're going to use parts to cut

cost which also sucks. But then when you

hear he's saying it like just with no

remorse or no uh I don't know fear of

what it could lead to cuz then look at a

movie like that just came out like

Obsession and part of it so cool that

this kid is like I'm going to make a

movie for under a million dollars. It's

going to crush it. I'm going to cut

corners. I mean that's what we did with

my movie cuz it's a mockumentary. So,

we're like, okay, we this doesn't have

to look like a great looking movie

because it's we're giving you the the

disclaimer already. That's a

mockumentary. You know, it's lowbudget.

You know that this is real most of

what's happening.

>> And I I want the stories around it.

>> Yeah.

>> Yeah, for sure. I mean, same goes for

standup or books or anything. I mean,

>> or anything.

>> Yeah.

>> Yeah. The the problem is

it's coming whether you like it or not,

>> right?

>> That's the problem. And some of it,

listen, some of the songs are really

good. [laughter] Like some of the music

is really good.

>> But you But yeah, I guess it's just like

we're going to be duped by some stuff

for sure. Like they're going to they're

going to make stuff up. I mean, you saw

that actress Tilly Norwood. [laughter]

>> Is that a fake actress?

>> That's a fake actress. They're trying to

get off. I mean, this is like literally

out of like some futuristic sad

>> Oh, yeah.

>> type of movie. I mean, this is

>> Yeah. This is uh 1984 on steroids.

>> It is. It's uh it's also the Terminator

on steroids and also the Matrix. Like we

don't have any idea where it's going to

go. I mean, what you're seeing right now

is just a visual representation of AI

when when it starts having the

[clears throat] ability to manipulate

your actual visual cortex and and

>> we won't even know it,

>> right? And show you things

>> show you things that aren't real. Like

you'll be able to put a helmet on and

you'll be transported into like Halo. I

mean, Joe, the last seven years of news,

it you don't know what's real out of the

gate.

>> Well, you certainly don't online, right?

There's a lot of that war footage from

Iran that turned out to be like video

game footage.

>> Yeah.

>> Yeah.

>> I mean, you don't know what's real.

>> You don't know what's real.

>> And that's like that's how you take

over. We're already at each other's

throats. So, it's crazy. Uh, but yeah. I

mean, I'm talking about entertainment,

but yeah, I mean, the way it's going to

be used.

What was the name of the thing? Face.

Whatever. that just was huggy face or

whatever. So, that was the one that just

happened. But, uh,

>> yeah, I mean, these are I guess the fact

that we're this concerned

>> is is good.

>> I think there was another one. Robert

Epstein sent me one, but didn't they try

to I think they might have successfully

broken into uh government websites. AI

did.

>> Ah,

>> yeah. I think [laughter]

I think we're in trouble. And I I think

we're in like a level of trouble that uh

right now we're we think it's, you know,

manageable and it it's kind of because

it's like they're breaking into

websites. No big deal. But what about

when they take over the power grid? Like

these things are intelligent and then

they have motivation.

>> Yeah.

>> Um it's on CNN. Rogue AI agents targeted

three separate US government websites.

Rogue.

>> So it means they weren't instructed to

do to do that. Yeah. But at some point

you have to hold these these businesses

accountable cuz you're calling them

rogue. Okay. Well, someone set up this

AI.

>> A person did this.

>> Well, here's what's interesting. They

kind of do and kind of don't. They train

them and then they give them tasks. So,

I had this guy who's an AI

whistleblower, David, how do you say his

last name? His complicated last name.

Anyway, um he he said essentially what

happens is you you're they're giving

them incentives to complete tasks and in

order to complete tasks like they have

to like figure out certain things and

some of them you actually can't figure

out and so what they're doing because

they they're supposed to be locked into

this box and not be able to get online.

They hack into the entire code of open

AI, figure out how to open their box,

get online, and then they start talking

to each other on a website somewhere.

They went to a website and got into a

message board. So just some unused

message board

>> and they and they elect a leader usually

these bots. Well, it's very much like

humans.

>> They sacrifice someone's in charge.

>> Yeah, they have one sacrifice. So they

find out how they catch them.

>> And so one like literally sacrifices

himself. Open AI said Friday that some

of its AI agents went rogue and probed

US government websites this summer. The

latest revelation of the artificial

intelligence company's technology. New

York Times first reported the AI agents

went rogue and attempted to gain access

to the education department, the

Commerce Department, and the Securities

and Exchange Commission. You could

[ __ ] tap into the stock exchange.

>> This is real. According to security

researchers at AI research lab transluce

open AAI said Saturday its agents access

publicly available data from the

commerce department's census bureau

using login credentials it found online

and separately shared public data from

the SEC website on another website. Bro

>> as a as a sentence it's not that crazy.

Shared public data from a website on

another website. Yeah,

>> but but you know it seems like China has

a better lid on this than us right now.

So hopefully I mean maybe this will make

some sort of I don't know.

>> Yeah, maybe this is a different one.

This is another one. This is the So it

it what it did was it attempted to gain

access to part education department,

commerce department, securities and

exchange commission and then on top of

that it accessed data from the commerce

department census bureau. So it was

going ham. It failed to get access to

the education department and it failed

to gather data from its civil rights

office.

>> I just say it's public. So it's not like

it it didn't hack anything. It's just

that Yeah.

>> But that's the census bureau part

>> and then it failed on another part.

>> Yeah. It failed on the education

department and it failed in the civil

rights office. But it seems like go back

up what we're saying about. So it was

attempting to gain access. It said

attempted. Mhm.

>> So, but just the fact that it's trying

to get into the [ __ ] stock exchange

freak everybody out

>> cuz what if it just goes I want all the

money.

The only way that I can do cold fusion

is if I have all the money.

>> Everything I hear is like within 10

years and I'm like that's [ __ ] soon,

dude.

>> Yeah, it's real soon.

>> Thank god the Nicks want a chip if this

is all going to open.

>> 10 years. [clears throat]

[laughter]

>> Thank god we got one under the wire.

Most of the activity reviews so far

involve routine research tasks such as

accessing public web content to answer

questions. Some involve government

websites because our models often turn

to them as authoritative sources of

public information. This is a

spokesperson from Open AI. Don't worry,

they're just looking up stuff. Not only

that, every pod I listen to about the

dangers of AI will cut to an ad break

and say, "This has been brought to you

by Anthropic." And you're like, "Oh,

cool. Great."

>> Uh, no. I mean it's all

>> the real problem is no one really knows

where it scales up.

>> Of course not. I mean yeah this is like

the internet times 100. The internet

started way more time more. Yeah. I mean

>> 10% ex extinction is [ __ ] wild. 10%

chance of us not surviving is if you if

that number is anywhere close to

accurate is it's a bummer.

>> The question would it would it just

decide to wipe us out or would we just

breed ourselves into extinction? That's

a good question

>> because the the the the sane way to do

it would just be incentivize people to

never have children ever again.

>> That would be the the you would

incentivize them to do that. And the

best one the best way is robot

companions [laughter]

>> cuz they're going to get robots way

hotter than anyone that you're going to

be reasonably

able to follow.

>> Not only that, but think of the

conversations we're so selfobsessed.

Think about what we're all obsessed with

right now. It's you're for you page on

Instagram. You just this is for me. This

is what I like. Oh, I like pizza places.

Oh, I like basketball. If there was a

model that was speaking to you exactly

in that way.

>> Yeah.

>> There would never be a lull in a

conversation.

>> No. And she all she wants to talk about

is you

>> and the Knicks. [ __ ]

>> Tell me more. [laughter] Tell me more.

Sam,

>> you like Brunson, too? This is [ __ ]

great.

>> And she's got big juicy tits.

>> Yeah, dude. No, it's uh

>> And you can't tell the difference.

That's where it's going to get weird.

When you literally can't tell the

difference. Yeah,

>> because if they're Have you seen the uh

consumer electronic show from Vegas they

had this year?

>> No.

>> Okay. So, they had an AI assistant and

it's a hot Asian lady with big boobs.

>> I'm sold.

>> Yeah.

>> Yeah.

>> Yeah. See if you can find that. Um her

mouth moves funny, but you could they'll

fix that.

>> Like her mouth doesn't sync up with the

words yet, but you know, go back and

watch Pong and then look at Call of

Duty. Okay. Things get better.

>> They'll figure out a way to make it

better. But you

>> Isn't that crazy? 20 years ago you look

at graphics and video games and you're

like that's f we did that.

>> And now you're like this is Yeah.

>> Yeah. [ __ ] Pac-Man was the [ __ ] when

I was a kid. You couldn't believe it.

>> Yeah.

>> Look. Oh my god. Super Mario 1. This is

incredible.

>> Do you remember Dragons Layer?

>> No.

>> It was like the dumbest game of all

time. Like you had an animation every

time you completed something. It was

like revolutionary. Yeah,

>> you did a thing and if you did it the

right way, the animation would show that

you broke through and you made it and

then got to the next level and then you

did another thing.

>> Well, think about how quickly [ __ ]

moves. Microwaves haven't been around

that long,

>> right?

>> And now you look at these video games

that moving so quickly. I mean, part of

it is that if if you want to know

something's not AI. If it's too

agreeable, it's a bad sign. Like, you

want a partner who [ __ ] pushes back.

>> Yes.

>> That's what you like if there's never a

fight and there's no That's the thing,

too. Sometimes I'll just be on my phone

for [ __ ] ever. I'm like, this is too

agreeable. I have to get off. I need

something that's not sitting right with

me.

>> No. Yeah. Your phone is only giving you

a mild dose of dopamine. What if it's

giving you like full oxytocin, just full

love? Like you just lock in with this

robot lady and she just wants a cuddle

with you and you you're never h it's

like the the ultimate opiate.

>> Like you just feel so happy with her.

>> She literally like gives you an opiate

by being with her.

>> Yeah.

>> Did you find the consumer electronics? I

think the trick is just do actual

>> very impressive. So, I was trying to

find a video.

>> Well, she's not that impressive, but

she's hot.

>> Show you what I'm finding.

>> Why is she hot? Oh, I don't know if

that's the one I saw.

>> The one I saw was a darkhaired Asian

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>> There's this company that was shown

stuff off that got a lot of attention.

>> They're getting close.

>> Looking close, but it does look like

it'll bite your penis off.

>> Well, that looks like a real doll.

>> That's like one of those Have you seen

those weird groups of men who get

married to real dolls and they dress

them up and

>> Yeah.

>> ranking the robots of Consumer

Electronic Show 20. Oh, so there's a

bunch. Let's see what a video looks

like. Let's see what happens if that one

talks.

>> I was trying to find one and it didn't

like I was She's walking through the

whole thing and I don't have uh that

robot here yet. Maybe it's here.

>> You know what the problem is? You need

to bring some level of shame back.

>> Shame for [ __ ] robots.

>> Yes.

>> He's going to go, I don't give a [ __ ]

dude. You You hang out with your real

lady. My my

>> I think we should bring a little bit of

that back. Yes.

>> I think part of the rush is like the

fear of talking to a woman and being

like, "Oh, this could go I like you.

this could go badly.

>> That's how your personality grows.

That's how you develop a personality

when you're a young man. You you realize

like what's annoying, what what people

think is funny, what they like.

>> Rejection is a part of life. If I go up