Is there a biological divorce predictor

in terms of a specific way a couple's

cortisol syncs up or clashes that tells

you if their marriage is going to fail

before they realize it themselves?

>> I found that when couples had really

strongly linked levels of cortisol, they

reported lower marital satisfaction. And

you'd think like, okay, they've got more

similar hormones, that's probably a good

thing. We found the opposite in our lab.

And I think it's because you don't

actually want to be contagious to other

people's stress. When one person is

really stressed, it's helpful to have a

partner who can lay that, who can calm

you down.

>> This is interesting for me because I

think actually the reason why my

relationship works with my fiance

Melanie is because Mel is a little bit

more emotionally variant and I'm kind of

the like prefrontal cortex calming

board. That kind of brings us back down.

>> Yeah. Yeah.

>> Her emotional variance is super useful

because she's almost like a threat

detector

>> Right.

>> in every regard. If our relationship is

drifting a little bit or if we're

disconnected, she'll she'll know first.

However, sometimes that can mean some

things are harder to deal with.

>> Mhm.

>> And maybe she's more prone to worry

sometimes. She's expressed the gratitude

of me being able to like bring her back

to a place of calm. I've often felt that

that's kind of like my job. And I've

often thought that that our relationship

works because you do have two different

types of people.

>> It's interesting cuz you could think if

you were paired with somebody who was

super stable, life might feel boring. If

she was paired with somebody who was

really volatile, life might feel too

chaotic. So, we frequently are drawn to

people who complement something about

ourselves and who are sort of different

enough that it can sort of expand our

worldview. It's often the differences

that drive us together. They can

ultimately polarize us when things go

awry. So, you can imagine a future where

she's always the emotional one and

you're always the calm one and nobody

gets a chance to break out of that and

that becomes really entrenched in a way

that like pulls you apart. But you could

also imagine a future where you meet in

the middle.

>> Yeah.

>> Like you become more emotionally

attuned.

>> Yeah.

>> And she becomes calmer and more stable.

And that's sort of the ideal. You want

to be joining around those differences.

>> I would say that's definitely what's

happened.

>> So that's good. That's a good time for

your relationship. Time to have a kid.