girlfriend said, "I'm a loser for taking

CS seriously." I was happy after my EC

League match today and my girlfriend

said, "Congrats, but that it's kind of a

loser stuff to take a video game so

seriously." I didn't really see it like

that. I only play 10 hours per week, so

I didn't think I could be a loser. My

team is one BO3 away from reaching EC

Advanced. I'm proud of us. But I guess

since it's still in the amateur level,

it's not so impressive. It's just a

hobby now. How to stop people thinking

you were a loser for taking the game

seriously when you win major. Should I

break up with her? And Lewig. really

love Lewig's opinions and takes on

things. I think he's a really thoughtful

person. In college, I became obsessed

with Smash. I wanted to go to

tournaments, commemorate, commentate

games, and make videos about it. My

girlfriend at the time thought it was

lame as hell, and we broke up shortly

after. There's a beauty in dedicating a

portion of your life to a delusional

dream, but you need people in your life

who will support you. I thought this was

great. Does playing video games make you

a loser? If you're dating someone who

thinks playing video games makes you a

loser, should you break up with them?

And there's this thing about delusional

dreams. Should you have dreams? Should

you have delusional dreams? What's the

difference between a dream and a

delusional dream? I love like all of the

things that this touches. So, first

let's start with this concept of loser.

Does playing a video game make you a

loser? My answer is it depends. How do

you know when it's a problem? So, here's

my take on it. If playing video games

prevents you from doing the things that

you should be doing, kind of makes you a

loser. Like that's kind of my like

general, you know, yard stick to measure

that. I think video games are a

perfectly acceptable hobby, recreation,

or career. Should you break up with

someone who thinks that you playing

video games makes you a manchild makes

you a loser? And I would also say sort

of. So, it's not that you have to break

up with them, but I want y'all to

understand what kind of person this is.

So when someone looks at a behavior that

you do, looks at one attribute of your

life and makes a broadcale judgment

based on that attribute. The question

that you want to ask yourself is, do you

want someone who judges you based on

their conditioning or do you want

someone who judges you based on their

experience with you? And generally

speaking, I think if you are in a

relationship with someone who judges you

based on the conditioning of the world,

that is going to be a suboptimal

relationship. It can be very harmonious

and works for people. Sometimes it's

mutual. I'm going to judge you for this.

You're going to judge me for this. We're

both conditioned. We like it. That can

actually work. Another good example of

this is like, you know, if you refuse to

date someone because they don't have a

physical object, like an iPhone, right?

I've seen these these cases of like,

yeah, like I refuse to date a guy or

girl who does not have an iPhone, which

is like fine. It's your prerogative to

date what you who you want. My point is,

what does that say about them? And if

your answer is anything beyond they

don't have an iPhone, that is

technically wrong, right? If you say,

"Oh, that means that they're not keeping

up with the time." Like, you can't make

that generalization. What are the

associations of owning an iPhone? You

know, I want to date someone who's a

doctor. And like even if you marry

someone who wants to date a doctor, that

may not end well for you. Are they is

that based on their conditioning or are

they treating you like a human being?

Are their responses to you based on the

whole plethora of individuality that you

are? And that doesn't mean that you have

to break up with them, but I want to be

clear that like you should be clear

about who you are dating and how they

look at you. And we all do this by the

way, right? Uh what's my example? Um I'm

such a little when it comes to

some of these things like there like

another example is Tesla, right? So like

people will make all kinds of

implications about someone if they own a

Tesla. If they own a Tesla that means

this. So it used to be if you own a

Tesla that means that you're pro-

environment and you're liberal and

things like that. Now if you own a Tesla

it means that you're maybe conservative

and you like Elon M. Like I'm not even

sure what it means, right? People will

make like all kinds of judgments on

people. I will do this too. I can't

think of anything right now. So, should

you break up with them? Like, I don't

think it's that simple. I think it's are

you willing to be in a relationship with

someone who takes one aspect of who you

are and generalizes it to mean all kinds

of other things. Generally speaking, the

more they do that, the harder it is for

you to have a healthy relationship

because they're not judging you based on

you. They're judging attributes of you

as proxies to other things. The other

thing that I think is really important

in a relationship is if you have people

who are flexible around their opinion of

you, then I think that's really good.

So, it's fine if they start this way,

but if you explain to them, look, I'm

taking care of all my stuff. I play for

10 hours a week. Like, you waste 10

hours plus a week browsing short form

content, I don't really think it's that

different, right? And if they kind of

push back on that or they're not willing

to be flexible on that, then I think

it's clear the main thing you need to

understand is who you're getting into a

relationship with. Because if they're

rigid around this, they're likely to be

rigid around other things. And I think

probably one of the best indicators of

long-term success in a relationship is

flexibility around your beliefs. Doesn't

mean that you don't can't have any.

Doesn't mean that you need to compromise

them all, but what is your capacity to

change? Loneliness is in an all-time

high. Sexlessness is at an all-time

high. Relationships are probably in the

worst state they've ever been in the

history of humanity. And that's why I

made Dr. K's [music] guide to love, sex,

and relationships. Let's talk about who

you should actually date. Falling in

love is sometimes one of the biggest

mistakes that you can make. You know, I

started to do a lot of research about

how to have like really good sex.

[music] Visit healthygamer.gg/guide

to learn more. Good luck out there,

mother. Y'all are going to need it.

My instinct is that the number one

reason why people are not willing to

commit to a relationship is because they

perceive a lack of ability to change in

their partner. So if someone

demonstrates that they're not capable of

change, then what you marry is what you

get. And then you can't marry them until

they are what you need and what you

want. So I want you all to think about

this, right? So it's like if you are in

a relationship with someone who is

willing to adapt to circumstances, then

they don't need to be perfect now. They

will change over time. And so

willingness to change for the sake of

your relationship, I think, is one of

the strongest positive indicators of who

to have a healthy relationship with. And

the really scary thing is this runs

contrary to a lot of what social media

will tell us. Social media will tell us,

don't compromise for another

human being, especially not a romantic

partner. If you want to do this, you do

it. If you want to play video games for

40 hours a day, who cares if you have a

newborn at home, you speak your truth.

If you want to move to New York City,

when you've got a 12-year-old and an

8-year-old at home to pursue your acting

career because in middle age when you

gave up your career and you had two

kids, if this is speaking your truth and

finding your truth and going on your

soul journey, you go for it. How dare

you let your husband restrain you? Oh my

god, everything is so patriarchal,

right? We're getting fed this. If a

don't do XYZ, then you dump her

and you move on. Here's how you find

women that are malleable. Here's how you

manipulate women so that you never have

to change. Toxic examples all over the

place. So, should you break up with

them? I don't know. That's for you to

decide. But be clear about their

rigidity. Be clear about what's going

on, how they inter how they perceive

you, how they judge you. And then

there's this issue of delusional dreams,

which I'm a huge fan of. So first thing

is what's the difference between a

delusional dream and a dream capability

right? So there are a lot of dreams that

I think are delusional that I think you

should absolutely pursue but get better

to the point where they're no longer

delusional. Don't give them up because

they're delusional. Run towards them,

not away from them. A lot of people will

tell you, "Oh, this is unachievable.

Don't do it. Terrible idea." I think you

should go for it. I think pursuing

delusional dreams is one of the best

things that you can do. Now, sometimes

it's really dumb, right? Sometimes

they're truly impossible. So, if your

dream is to like I don't even know what

go to Saturn, like maybe that's

delusional, but even then it's not clear

to me that you shouldn't pursue it. The

pursuit of delusional dreams is what's

responsible for the advancement of

humanity. Humanity advances because one

person looked at something that had been

impossible and said, "I'm going to do

that thing even though it's impossible."

And then they worked towards that thing.

They may not have done that thing, but

then someone else came along and then at

some point we started continually doing

the impossible. My favorite example of

this is transplant medicine. Some insane

doctor was like, "Oh my god, this heart

ain't working anymore. You know what I'm

going to do? I'm going to cut out a

heart from this other creature and I'm

going to stick it in this creature and

I'm going to hook up all the tubes and

I'm going to cross my fingers." Like,

how insane is that? We're going to

remove a body part from another person.

People are trying head transplants, by

the way. I don't know if you guys know

this. trying just full transplant of the

neck and the brain and the head onto a

body which is wild. It's like then are

you transplanting the whole body or you

transplanting the head? But I think

often times we underestimate the value

from pursuing a a delusional dream. It's

not about accomplishing the dream

necessarily, right? So I had dreams to

become an enlightened human being and I

was going to chase enlightenment. So I

strove to become a monk. That ended

terribly. One day I got laid, game over.

Am I mad or upset that I pursued that

dream? Hell no. You know, I I don't know

if I agree that the journey is more

important than the the destination. But

man, we grossly underestimate the value

of the journey. And Lwig became obsessed

with Smash and he tried to make it work.

Didn't really work. But there is no

doubt in my mind that in the pursuit of

that dream, he learned many of the

things that make him an exceptional

content creator today. The Smash

community is filled with love and

passion and arguably a game maker who is

like not even supportive and actually

anti- community in a lot of ways. So

like the grit and resilience that that

community needs to thrive. They really

pull things together with duct tape and

thread. It's amazing. Such a tight-knit

community. I still remember interviewing

Bobby Scar because I wasn't too familiar

with Smash community. Now I'm getting

into Smash because I play with my kids,

which is great. Actually, cool

milestone. About a year ago, I could 1v2

them and kind of dumpster them. Um, I

tried 1v2ing them like two or three days

ago and just got absolutely edgeguarded

out of my mind. Like one of them would

attack me, right, and I would hit and

we'd trade and I kind of get knocked off

and then the other one like a

wolf would be just waiting to pounce.

And the problem with like I don't know

if this is possible. I'm really curious

about this, but if you're really good at

Smash and you're 1v2, is it possible to

escape edgeguarding? Because the cool

down of like one person who like the

cool down seemed I I would get owned

like if I got knocked off the ledge

once, they would be waiting like hyenas

at the edge of a watering hole for me to

come out. I got basically I mean I I

didn't I think maybe I knocked one of

them out once, but once I hit the edge,

it's like game over. So I think this is

where we we underestimate the value of a

failed dream. So you should go for it. I

think it's great. You need people in

life who will support you. I think

that's absolutely true. And I think the

trickiest thing here is understanding

when someone does not want you to pursue

your dreams but is supportive. So just

because you want someone who will

support you does not mean that they need

to be in favor of your dreams, right?

And this I think is also another like

black and white kind of thing. Oh my

god, if this person does not support my

dreams, I want to do this thing. My

partner is not supportive. them.

And this I think comes down to one word

which is enough. I think the right way

to do this as a partner is to give them

a fair shot. Support them, encourage

them, let them go for it. And also at

some point I think it's okay to say

enough. Hey, you've been trying to go

pro and smash for eight years. There's

no income there. Enough, man. Like move

on. Find something else, right? Right.

And I I think that's what's really hard

is you can have a partner partner who is

supportive of you without being

supportive of your behaviors. And then I

think if you're in the position of being

that partner, the scariest thing is I

don't want to give you all license to

say, "Oh my god, I'm so tired of this

thing. Enough is enough." It's not about

how you feel. If you're frustrated by

that's not the right compass, that's not

being a supportive partner. It's looking

at them. What is happening to their

efforts? Are their efforts being

squandered? Are they sweating day and

night to get nothing? Is their life

better off if they separate if they

decide to move on from this thing?

Right? You should a supportive partner

thinks about you, not themselves, not

their own frustration. So, if I've got a

young kid at home, oddly enough, the

thing to think about, I think this is

different because there's a child's

needs that need that trump, in my

opinion, the parents needs. That's an

important distinction. But I still think

like the right attitude is sure this is

what's important for the kid, but also

like you playing 40 hours of WoW a week

is not actually as good for you in life

as you spending 40 hours a kid with your

40 hours a week with your kid. And then

there's some debate over that, I think,

which is fair, right? So, how many hours

is okay if you have a a parent who gets

to relax some? Are they a better parent

when they spend time with their kids?

There's a lot of nuance and detail

there. But I I would strongly encourage

y'all. I mean, this too was like sort of

a dream, except it really wasn't. It was

not like something I set out to do. Last

thing to explain and also to give y'all

a tip. If you do have a delusional

dream, if it requires telling other

people, you should tell other people.

But if it doesn't require telling other

people, keep it secret. I'm going to

give you all a psychological, cognitive,

and scientific reason, and I'm going to

give you all a spiritual reason. Freud

made an interesting discovery. Words are

a substitute for action. If a patient

has homicidal ideiation, sharing that

with a therapist usually reduces their

homicidal ideiation. Talking about

things helps you remove some of them

from you, the drive for it. We use that

in therapy all the time. Second bit

about this is that there are people who

talk about what they're going to do and

people who do things. Sometimes they're

talkers and sometimes they're doers.

Sometimes there's both. It's not

mutually exclusive, but there is

evidence that speaking about something

activates your reward circuitry in some

small way. And then we get into a

problem which is what we're rewarding is

speaking about something. And then the

behavior that we are reinforcing is

speaking about something instead of

doing the actual thing. The other thing

from a spiritual perspective is when

something gets externalized, it is no

longer within you. also true of things

like trauma. So when we have traumatic

thoughts, feelings, memories in here,

when we vent the trauma, it is no longer

in here. When it stays in here, it

compounds. So I talk about this I think

in in Dr. K's guide to meditation. One

of the key things is this is why we keep

mantra secret. The more secret your

mantra is, if you don't share it with

anyone, the power of it compounds. So if

you have a delusional dream, I'd say be

hungry for it. Chase it. work on your

capabilities so that it is no longer

delusional. And in the words of Gandalf,

keep it secret, keep it safe.