The reason that it's so hard to love

yourself is because you know you right

like you know this person really could

be doing so much better and they kind of

choose not to. Even if the self-loathing

is justified is it productive? When you

look at your thoughts of self-loathing

who is doing the looking because the

self-loathing is inside the mind which

is the object that you are observing. I

spent so much time in my own head and

the more time I spend in my head, what

do you think happens? Does the loathing

get better? No, it gets worse. Is

self-love really the answer? I just need

to learn to be happy by myself. Be happy

by myself. Be happy alone. Be happy

alone. Be happy alone. And then, are you

okay, bro? Yes. I just need to learn to

be happy by myself first. Seems like

when it comes to the topic of loneliness

and dating, you always see self-love

being brought up. Love yourself first

before getting into a relationship. If

you don't love yourself, then how can

you love others? I understand the

rationale. If you're miserable and get

into a relationship, it won't solve your

problems. Instead, it'll just spread

your misery to your partner. It'll drain

them constantly. G give you validation

and support without receiving anything

in return. However, when I see the topic

of self- loveve online, it feels like

you must be an enlightened monk who has

achieved self-actualization before you

even enter the dating market. Just

taking a walk outside, you'll meet tons

of people who are conventionally

unattractive or have horrible character

who are in relationships. It could be

loving or abusive. It doesn't matter.

What matters is that they are in one

despite have not having looks smacks or

being a kind person. My conclusion from

all of this is that dating, just like

many things in life, boils down to a

game of luck. Your attempts to gain

wealth, status, and improve your looks

and skills are all to increase your luck

of finding someone attractive, but that

outcome will never be guaranteed. Some

people will lose. I'm not implying a

black build rhetoric that you shouldn't

work on yourself, but it seems like

everyone tells you you must be

comfortable alone, and I want to prepare

myself for that life path. I just don't

understand. This isn't even about

dating. Humans are inherently social

creatures. How can you possibly feel

content living through life without

connections and people who love you for

who you are? Friends, family, community,

children. Okay, so we're going to talk

about So team found a clip that I want

to show you guys. This is hilarious. at

the new norm of capacity, right? So now

I just have

>> 10 pounds I carry.

>> How do you deal with that?

>> Yeah. H

>> how did you get down to just one love

for yourself? [laughter]

>> Um yeah, I it starts with um

>> that was actually hilarious with so much

love for [laughter] like I I love that

that is not the answer and that's what

we say to ourselves and that doesn't

help us. This is me thinking self-

loveve is not the answer.

>> It helps in the sense of like it it

frees up. It allows you to to actually

do things like I feel like when we are

so angry and mean to ourselves, we get

really paralyzed, right? So that like

perfectionism of like I'm never going to

be exactly what I need to be cuz I'm so

messed up is like

>> then I'm not going to try. Right. So

like I tongue and cheek fantastic that

that's actually

>> I was I wasn't um and I don't think we

can start there

>> which is hilarious. Okay, so that's Dr.

Michaela. If you guys don't know Dr.

Michaela, she's awesome. She teaches us

many things. She is an awesome

compliment to my perspective because

she's one of these people that

understands self- loveve, right? So she

was like, "Oh my god, with so much

self-love." And I was like, [laughter]

that's hilarious because I I don't get

self- loveve. So let's let's dispense

with a couple of things. Is selflove

really the answer? Okay, so first thing

is people will say if you don't love

yourself, how on earth can you love

someone else? And I will say so easily.

It is so easy to love somebody else,

right? because other people are decent

human beings. Other people are

productive. Other people are kind. Other

people have [ __ ] going on. So, this is

like the first thing that I don't get. I

find that it is actually way easier to

love somebody else than it is to love

yourself. It's like you can be the worst

human being on the planet and if you see

a kitten outside in the cold, you can

love that kitten so easily. You can love

your kids. You can love your spouse.

Like if you fall in love with someone,

it is so easy to love other people. So

this is the first thing that like I

don't get that perspective. We're going

to talk a little bit about how

relationships with self- loveve without

self- loveve can be a problem. So we'll

get to that. But like I think sometimes

we forget that often times you're the

hardest person to love. And I think

sometimes people who haven't felt this

internal sense of self-loathing like

don't understand this. Right? So, a lot

of people will be out there and they'll

be like, "Learn to love yourself first,

bro, and then you can love someone

else." And I think there's like two

kinds of people. There's people who sort

of needed to discover self-love, and

then there's people who have

self-loathing. And those aren't quite

the same, right? There's some of us who

are like don't really know how to love

ourselves, but we're somewhere in like

the neutral, like somewhere around zero,

and then you have to learn how to love

yourself. And then there's those of us

who self-loathe. those of us who go to

bed every night saying tomorrow will be

different and then waking up tomorrow

and repeating the same [ __ ] day over

and over and over again. And then

there's like people like the reason that

it's so hard to love yourself is because

you know you right like you know like

this person really could be doing so

much better and they kind of choose not

to because many of us live lives of like

not self-love but like self appeasement

where it's like this thing that I'm

waking up with today is really not

having a great day so I'm going to just

I don't know I'm going to order a Philly

cheese steak with a side of fried rice

and I'm going to play Ruby's please

resolve until I fix this artificial life

on the internet instead of fixing my

own. So, this is where like I I get it.

I I think that self- loveve is hard to

do on your own. It's really something

that [snorts] I'm starting to sort of

get it, but I still really don't. So,

first thing is when people say, "Look,

it's hard to love other. You can't love

other people unless you learn to love

yourself." I don't think that's true. I

think it's actually way easier to love

other people. I think the other really

scary thing is that selflove cannot be

learned by you. It has to be taught.

This is what's so scary. And there's so

much data to back this up. Like, so this

idea, right, of like being in a room

trying to learn self-love is almost

impossible to do. We'll give you guys a

path at the end of this section. Like,

so I'll share with y'all how you

actually do this, but this is not how

self- loveve is actually learned. You

don't learn self- loveve by sitting in a

room by yourself. The sad truth is that

most human beings on the planet learn

selflove through social conditioning.

And there's tons of this doesn't mean

that you can't do anything about it. But

I I hate this because sometimes I'm I'm

left in a situation where someone is

like, "How do I learn self-love?" And

then I look at all this pile of science

and we'll get to that in a second. And

I'm like, "Look, learning self-love by

yourself is hard." And then people hear

that and they're like, "Well, looks like

I'm [ __ ] because there's a lon

loneliness epidemic. No one cares about

me. I'm socially isolated. And it's

like, I'm not trying to tell you that

you're screwed. We're going to tell

y'all how to try to fix this problem.

And I think there is a lot that you can

do. But I hate to be the one to say that

human beings are biologically

made to be social creatures. And if we

really look at the science behind

self-love, it is something that is

socially conditioned just like many

other things. So I don't know if you

guys have heard of something called

attachment theory. So this is a a very

very um prominent theory in psychology

that talks about how human beings form

relationships especially and how our

relationships are determined by our

earliest caregivers. So there are three

kinds of attachment. There's secure

attachment which about 50% of the people

on the planet have. There's anxious

attachment which we'll get to where

people are worried that other people

don't like them. So even if you're in a

relationship you're kind of you're you

don't feel comfortable in that

relationship. And then there's 20 about

25% of people have anxious attachment.

20% of people have something called

avoidant attachment. These are people

who have learned that emotional bonds

are scary things to be avoided at all

costs. And so about 20% of people are

avoidant and they try actually to try to

distance themselves. So then 5% of

people have disorganized attachment.

That's when people have very serious

problems growing up. But there's a

really good way to sort of understand

these three forms of attachment. And I

think about it um in terms of sex and

intimacy. So if you're securely

attached, sex becomes an expression of

emotional intimacy, right? So I feel a

certain way about you. I'm deeply in

love. I'm playful. Um I'm supportive. I

feel supported. And so the sexual

activity, the physical intimacy becomes

a reflection of that. So sometimes sex

is passionate, sometimes it's playful,

sometimes it's it's a chore, which can

be totally fine. And then there's

anxiously attached people where sex

becomes a um a hook for emotional

intimacy. So these people will often

times engage in in sexual activity to

try to pull someone in emotionally. I'm

going to have sex with you so that you

don't abandon me. I'm going to have sex

with you to make you happy. Please stay.

I will do whatever you want. And then

avoid attachment. People use sex as a

barrier to emotional intimacy. This is

just a purely physical thing. There's no

feelings involved. Once I bucket you

into a sexual object and we're in a

situationship and it's friends with

benefits, then I don't have to deal with

all these emotions. I don't want any of

these emotions. I don't want any of this

emotional connection. That kind of

explains these three attachment styles.

Okay, we've done a ton of videos on

attachment. So, here's the scary thing.

People who are securely attached tend to

have the highest level of self-love. And

secure attachment comes through our

conditioning. It comes through the way

that our parents raised us. So if your

parents treat you with respect, if your

parents treat you with unconditional

love, right? Then you learn to love

yourself. If I take a kid and I bully

him every day, that child will

internalize

the way that human beings treat them.

That's what we do. Like that's like

literally what we do. So if you take a

little kid and you say, "Oh my god, this

winter baby is the second incarnation of

Jesus Christ. Oh my god, my D baby is

the best witter baby in the world. and

my R to baby has the best poo poos and

the best smile and is just the smartest

to baby. And anything that he does wrong

is not wrong. It's your fault. If you

raise a child like that, the child will

receive that conditioning and they will

become a raging narcissist. They will

become incredibly entitled. If I abuse a

child growing up, they will internalize

a negative sense of selfworth. So the

first thing we got to understand, for

the majority of human beings on the

planet, the way that they determine

their self-love is through the way that

they are treated. Now, this creates a

huge problem because if you were

mistreated growing up, if you don't love

yourself very much, if you have some

degree of self-loathing, which is

usually deserved, let's be honest, and I

say this to someone who had a lot of

self-loathing towards myself. And and

basically, like I think a lot of it was

justified, you know? I think that's the

kind of thing that really like frightens

me as a psychiatrist. Like sometimes I

have patients who come into my office

and they're like, "I suck at life and I

don't do this and I don't do this and I

don't do this and I don't do this." And

I'm kind of like, "Yeah, I see what

you're saying, man. Like I actually like

I get what you're saying." Now, what Dr.

Michaela said is really really important

because she says even if that's true,

having all that anger towards yourself

doesn't help you. Right? So this is

where like there's a lot of subtlety

here. But if we're talking about

self-loathing and self-love, even if the

self-loathing is justified, is it

productive? And that's what's so hard

about this, right? Because if you've

been conditioned in this way, you can't

just wake up one day and fix it. If you

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So, what do you do about it? Right? So,

if we're in this situation where there's

like a lot of self-loathing, maybe

there's an absence of self-love, we're

also stuck because self-love is is

largely something that we learn from

other people. We can gain it by

ourselves. There are certain things that

we can do. So how do we gain it? And

this is where you know I kind of say

this as a psychiatrist. This is where

like therapy works really well. Right?

So if you think about what therapy is,

therapy around self-love is first of all

observing your patterns. What is the way

in which you talk to yourself

critically? Kind of analyzing them. Does

this actually help you or not? The

problem with self-loathing is that when

we listen to it, we don't actually

improve our circumstances at all. And

this is the really really scary thing. I

see this in so many patients where there

comes this like critical point that it's

really hard to dig yourself out of which

is if you have self-loathing to the

point that you deserve not to be happy

then things become really hard. It's

almost like this psychological event

horizon where once you deserve to be

unhappy then it's like congruent. Does

that make sense? Then it's like oh I

deserve punishment. this is my

punishment, right? Like I deserve this.

So there's this weird kind of like

martyrdom that I see in some patients

who have a lot of self-loathing where

it's like, okay, other people, you know,

deserve way better than I do. I don't

deserve a whole lot. I'm pathetic. I'm a

loser. I screwed up. Right? And then the

moment that you stop deserving

something, then you don't strive for it.

Like you don't feel entitled to it. So

whenever there's this spark that could

turn into a fire of motivation and

change, you tend to quash it down. And

this is what really gets people in

trouble in relationships. And when

people say you have to learn self-love

before you enter relationship, I think

this is what they're talking about.

Because if you don't love yourself and

you enter a relationship, you are

entering a minefield. You're entering a

war zone. Because if you don't love

yourself, there are a couple of really

terrible things that can happen. The

first is you you're vulnerable to abuse,

manipulation, and being taken advantage

of. And we see this all the time where

often times people with anxious

attachment. People who are afraid that

you're going to leave will enter into

relationships with people who are

avoidantly attached. So the very person

that you shouldn't be dating is exactly

who you're attracted to. We also see

this in cases of borderline personality

disorder dates person with narcissistic

personality disorder. So the person who

thinks I'm the best thing on the planet

ends up dating someone who will

absolutely mold to them. So the problem,

the reason people will say, "Okay, you

have to learn self-love first." Is

because if you don't have self-love and

you enter into a relationship, if you're

not careful, the person that you enter

into the relationship with will be able

to take so much advantage of you because

when they mistreat you, you don't

deserve to be treated well. Right? So

when people say this, they're not I

mean, I think it's challenging, but they

they're absolutely coming from a valid

place, which is like if you don't do

this, people are going to take advantage

of you. The other problem that happens

when you don't have self-love and you

enter into a relationship is like we

said this is social conditioning. So

you're looking for love and approval

from someone else. And then this can be

very subconscious even on their part.

They can discover that if I give you

approval you're happy and if I don't

give you approval you'll do whatever I

say. So, I tend to see the worst

relationships in terms of abusive

manipulation, being taken advantage of

where at least one partner does not

understand self- loveve. Because if you

don't understand self- loveve, then you

don't understand boundaries. You don't

understand what you truly deserve. And

in some really messed up cases, they get

these martyrdom complexes where they're

like, "Okay, since I'm so pathetic, I

might as well sacrifice myself for the

sake of other people. and if I sacrifice

then I will be worth something. Right?

So they end up putting themselves last.

They end up sacrificing a lot. Often

times they end up in relationships where

people become dependent on their

sacrifice. And then since I'm a pathetic

person, at least I have some value. I

have some identity. I have some ego over

helping someone else. At least I'm worth

something in that way, right? My

sacrifice helps me feel worth something.

And that too is something that's like

evolutionarily like deeply baked in.

We're generally speaking somewhat

altruistic as human beings. We're

community oriented, right? So we all

value sacrifice and even if you aren't

worth anything in here, you can still be

worth something by sacrificing for

someone else. So how do you fix this,

right? So if you're someone who

struggles with self- loveve and you're

trying to find it by yourself, I think

there are a couple of things that you

can do. So the first is focus a little

bit on appeasement versus love. When you

look at the way that you behave with

yourself, how much of what you do is to

appease yourself? Cuz people say like,

"Oh my god, it's so hard to leave the

house and I feel so uncomfortable." Like

think about if you loved yourself, how

would you behave? And if you wanted to

appease yourself, how would you behave?

And a lot of times, this is where kind

of like tough love comes in. And I had

an awesome patient who came up with the

system. We were working on this. They

they were from the south, too. And so we

sort of bonded over that. And they came

up with like what we called the what

they they made this up. So, credit to

them. The okay buddy system. And what

the okay buddy system is when we were

trying to learn a different way of self

dialogue, they like would say like,

"Okay, buddy." Like, they'd be like,

"Okay, buddy. I understand you're

feeling hard." Like, "I I understand

that it's hard, buddy. Okay, it's okay,

buddy. It's okay. I understand that it's

tough." Right? But you can handle it.

It's okay, buddy. There's just this way

that people talk to when there's a

slightly younger person than you and

they're struggling, right? When you're

kind of like, "Okay, buddy. Like, you

got this. Like, it's okay. It's okay."

They treat themselves in that way. Does

that make sense? But that's the way that

they would talk to themselves, right?

It's okay, buddy. Like, I know it's

hard. I know it's tough. You got this,

buddy. And so, we have to learn how to

change the way that we speak to

ourselves and think a little bit about

how much do you do that appeases you,

that appeases the part of you that's a

little bit whiny and a little bit too

tired. We don't really push ourselves.

And I think a lot of times people have

difficulty with self- loveve because

they think that it is like it's kindness

absolutely, but it isn't appeasement,

right? So when I like love my kids, I

don't spoil them all the time. Like

sometimes it's spoiling, sometimes it's

appeasement, and sometimes it's like,

"Okay, buddy. I know this is hard, but

we got to learn. We got to push

ourselves. I know it's hard right now. I

know it is difficult." So what really

confuses people is we're really good at

beating ourselves up and punishing

ourselves and being still and kind of

we'll we'll get calcified, but we don't

really like love ourselves enough to do

ourselves favors, even if they're hard.

We're going to do the dishes tonight.

we're going to go ahead and set up

something. We're going to cook a healthy

meal for ourselves. We don't take care

of ourselves. So, I oftentimes find

that, you know, this is a good place to

start. A second thing that's really

tricky is that, like we said, social

conditioning is really important. This,

and now we have to talk about what makes

social interaction hard. And I find that

people who struggle with self-love and

have self-loathing do a lot of

negotiating against themselves. So, when

I'm sitting in my office and I'm talking

to someone, I look for this, which is

anytime there's a social interaction,

they will negotiate against themselves.

So, I met a group of people, they

invited me to a thing, and instead of

going to the thing, I tell myself, "Oh,

they just invited me out of politeness."

I'm not actually letting them dictate to

me how they feel about me. I'm inventing

it in my head, and I'll do them a favor

by not going, "They just invited me out

of politeness because I was there."

You're not even giving them the chance

to actually like you. So there's a lot

of like ambiguous social stimuli that

get warped by your self-loathing. So to

really pay attention to how people treat

you instead of making assumptions about

what they're thinking and what they're

feeling. If people don't like you, they

will let you know in any manner of

reasons, right? Sometimes they'll tell

you explicitly. Sometimes they'll leave

you on red for like four weeks. But for

those of us that know this, because

sometimes we leave people on red for

four weeks. And this is what's really

[ __ ] right? Sometimes the reason you

leave people on red is not because you

dislike them, but because you like them.

Because they sent you a really

meaningful message and they deserve a

really meaningful response, but you just

didn't have the time for it right now

and you were thinking about what to say.

And it's so important because you do

care about this person, right? It's kind

of weird. So, watch out for the times

where in a social interaction, they're

behaving a particular way and then

you're negotiating against yourself. if

you're twisting their actual actions,

their invitations, you know, whatever

into being negative. Last thing that

we're going to talk about is I did say

that this is possible to learn self-love

entirely on your own is possible, but I

would say it is very difficult. So, this

is where in my case like I kind of where

basically meditation works really well

at this kind of stuff. And some of the

meditations that I teach, there's a lot

of the teachings that are in the

ashtavakraita. So it's it's a a text on

advant that sort of talks about a couple

of different things but really it's it's

leaning at one thing and and some of the

things in the ashtavakita talk about

okay so where is your self-loathing

where is the self-love and it doesn't

ask those specific questions but that's

what it's leading into and I'm going to

this is this is kind of like a hard

thing to understand if you guys want to

do it on your own this is a way that

works but it is very hard to do it's way

easier to get socialized by other human

beings but here's how to do it. So if

you look at self-loathing or self-love,

where do the self-loathing and where do

the self love exist? I know this sounds

kind of weird. They actually exist

outside of you. And here's what I mean

by that. So there's the outside world,

okay? I can see balloons behind me. I

can perceive things, right? So there's

like me as the perceiver and then there

are the objects of my perception. Right?

Now y'all are perceiving a dude talking

on the internet. So that I am not you,

right? Like I am outside of you because

you can perceive me. So here's the

really wild thing. Your thoughts, your

emotions, your opinions of yourself are

technically outside of you because you

can observe them, right? So when you

look at your thoughts of self-loathing,

who is doing the looking? Because the

self-loathing is inside the mind, which

is the object that you are observing.

It's kind of weird, I know. So, I was

trying to explain this to my kid the

other day where I said to her, "I'm

going to teach you a little secret." So,

she was having trouble with her sister

and they were getting into a fight and I

think the reason she was getting into a

fight is because she hadn't slept well.

She hadn't eaten properly and I was

trying to we were explaining that to

her. I was like, you know, so how do you

feel right now? And she's like, well,

this and I was like, have you slept

well? Are you hungry? We ate something.

We had a little chat and I was like, how

do you feel now? How is it dealing with

your sister? And it's like way easier.

So, I told her, I was like, hey, I'm

going to let you in on a little secret

that very few people know. Your body and

your mind are part of your environment.

They are the environment that you

inhabit more so than any physical object

inside of you. I want you all to really

think about this. Your most immediate

environment is your mind, right? Because

that is the circumstances

in which which in which you live. So if

you look at someone who has self- loveve

and look at someone who doesn't have

self-love, how is their mind different?

It's very different. The way that their

mind responds to them being taken

advantage of is like night and day. And

then the way that you deal with that, I

know this is getting complicated, but

hear me out. When my mind tells me this

is not okay, I respond to my mind

telling me when my mind tells me that

this is okay. It's okay for people to

mistreat me, I respond to that. And then

my work is sometimes overcoming what the

mind tells me to do. But if I am

overcoming the mind, that means that the

mind is not technically part of me.

There's an object that is outside of me.

So I I'll I want to show you all

something. This is a a great clip,

right? So So one of the interesting

things is I I I do think that if you

look at it from like a clinical

perspective, there is a bad way for your

mind to function and there is a good way

for your mind to function. that what you

perceive as yourself to be is actually a

pile of like micro traumas that have

built up into something that I would

call ego or a humod. And I think that's

the big missing step.

>> So a lot of this like finding

authenticity

is about actually getting rid of your

ego.

>> And it's interesting because Joe keeps

on using the word love. I don't know

what that word means.

>> Yeah.

>> Right. So, so I I I'm sure we're talking

about the same thing, but that language

has never made like the concept of

self-love. If you ask me today, do I

love myself? I I I don't know what that

means. I I just am,

>> you know, I I don't have a I would even

say like the goal is to not even have a

relationship with yourself.

>> Does this make sense to you?

>> Because the moment that you have a

relationship with yourself, a

relationship is between two things. in

my path to self-acceptance.

I wouldn't even call it self-acceptance

because that that means that someone is

doing the accepting and something is

being accepted.

>> And that's actually duality. That's

division. That's not the real self.

That's a very subtle form of ego, right?

And I don't know if that makes sense and

we can get into that, right?

>> So, I don't know if that makes sense to

y'all, but like this is where this is

like very hard, right? And I think Joe

absolutely gets it. If you guys have

seen that podcast, it's it's Joe and

Charlie Hudson. Uh, sorry, Joe Hudson

and Charlie Hoopert. But like, like, so

you can do this. This is doable. You can

sit in your room and you can grind out

self-love, but it's like very hard. And

I mean, in my case, it took like years

of practice, like dedicated practice of

grinding every single day to like learn

this stuff. So, I would not recommend

it. I think it's better to find social

people. Don't negotiate against

yourself. Understand that if you want to

learn self- loveve, unfortunately, other

human beings are the fastest way to

learn self- loveve. And if none of that

works, if y'all are committed to doing

it by yourself at home alone, I don't

think it's like talk about things that

make you feel good about yourself or

maybe do something nice for yourself.

I'm not saying that that advice is bad,

but I think the real way to do it is

like actually through observing that

really what you are. So, you can observe

your thoughts. You can observe your

emotions. You can have self-loathing

towards yourself. But even self-loathing

towards yourself is an emotion. It is a

thought. It is an idea of who you are.

And you can watch all of that. Okay. So,

let me ask you all, I'm going to leave

you all with a really important

question. This question is enough. Is

the part of you that sees how much you

hate yourself, does that part of you

hate yourself? When you see the

self-hatred, here's you hating on you.

When you look at this from the outside

is this thing over here that is looking

at the self-hatred that it's not here's

you here's you judging you here's you

watching you judging you does that part

of you hate you and that's why they use

a really beautiful word that has lost

it's we don't use it anymore in the west

they say to abide

in yourself to live within that

awareness to just sit in the place that

watches you loathing yourself. Because I

don't know if this makes sense. When you

are in the self-loathing, you are over

here and you hate that person. That

person's an [ __ ] The hatred is right

here. You feel the hatred over here and

you're looking at yourself over here.

But the hatred is here. The hatred is a

part of you. You could even step it one

step further back and you can look at

yourself hating yourself. And that part,

does that part hate you? First answer

that question. Secondly, abide within

that space. So, a lot of people say,

"What do I do?" And now I'm going to

explain to y'all how meditation changes

you. So, remember that your mind is the

environment that conditions you. If I

surround myself with red pill manosphere

stuff, if I surround myself with pink

pill feminism, whatever, radical

feminism, Missandry, whatever, right? If

I s surround myself with a particular

kind of video game or a particular

community, whatever my mind happens in

my mind is the environment that I live

in. And the really interesting thing, it

doesn't matter. Whatever happens in my

mind will only get radicalized over

time. And I know this sounds really

weird. I know I'm pulling a lot of weird

things, but I'm going to try to explain

it. So, I'll give you all a really

simple example of your mind's job is to

radicalize you towards black or white.

That is how the mind functions. Give you

an example. Later today, I'm going to go

to the grocery store and I'm going to go

to the peanut butter aisle because we

need peanut butter. I'm going to look at

all of these peanut butters and I am

going to not know. I don't know which

peanut butter I want. When I walk into

the aisle, I don't know which peanut

butter I want. And 60 seconds later, I

will pick one. I did not know. And then

my mind does something and then I arrive

at a decision. So, my mind was

considering all of the possibilities.

And then over time as I turn thoughts

over in my head, I'm radicalizing myself

towards a decision. I'm ending up with a

decision where at the very beginning I

had none. So this is what's really

weird. If you spend time in your own

thoughts, you will get radicalized.

Right? So if you guys have done this,

right? So we're talking about

self-loathing. I spel spent so much time

in my own head. And the more time I

spend in my head, what do you think

happens? Does the loathing get better?

No. It gets worse. It get it gets worse

and worse and worse and worse. Even to

the point where if other people are

turning to me and saying, "Hey, all

look, we think you're great. What does

my mind do?" It says they're just saying

that to be nice. I'm negotiating against

myself. I'm even I'm not even listening

to what they say. So, the biggest

problem that most of us have is that we

spend too much time in our own heads.

Now, a lot of people will say the way to

get out of your own head is to go and

touch grass, which is absolutely one

method. But [laughter] I don't know if

this makes sense. Here's your head. You

can go touch grass over here or you can

abide in the self over here. You can go

in the opposite direction. And you can

look at your mind and you can say, "Wow,

my mind is really having a tough time

today." And the more that you sit over

here, if you just spend time over here,

that is the environment that you spend

time in. And then over time, that part

of you will grow. And that's how you

transcend the concept of self-love. Once

you realize, okay, this is just a human

instrument. Today, all doesn't love

himself. Not that big of a deal. I'm

just sitting here watching. So to abide

in the self, does the part of you that

observes your self-loathing, does that

part actually have any self-loathing?

And if the answer is no, just hang out

there. If the answer is yes, try to go

one step further. One step further back.

I love this. The misery trumpet is

playing. Absolutely. Right. So you can

watch, you can be the one playing the

misery trumpet or you can be listening

to the music. It's hard though, y'all.

I'm not kidding. It's like really hard.

It's so much easier to simply be loved

by someone else. Hey y'all, hope you

enjoyed today's video. We talk about a

bunch of topics like this on the

channel, so be sure to subscribe for

more. If you're already subscribed, GG,

and we'll see you in chat.