I've had bouts with depression

throughout my career, but man, when it

hits me, it's bad.

>> Which kind of brings us to the airport

incident? You know, I really messed up,

man.

>> You and her and her.

>> Look what happened.

>> So, it's Father's Day and I felt good in

the morning. I spent the morning with my

kids, but then as I was traveling to

work, I felt that feeling again. It's

like a cloud in my head that I just

can't get out from under. So, I started

drinking.

>> I'll fight you right now.

>> No, I don't want to fight, bro.

>> And my emotions got the best of me.

>> Bro, relax. Relax. Relax, bro. Relax.

got arrested.

>> This guy's a UFC.

>> Did I just ruin everything that I was

working for? You know, I don't know yet.

And it could have been so much worse.

>> What was going on in your mind?

>> I was angry at the world and I just

couldn't stop thinking about my father.

You know, he's actually homeless right

now. And I tried to help him out and

he's back out on the street. Not that

anything's an excuse, but it wasn't

myself. And I never really spoke about

it until right now, but I'm back in

therapy. And when you sit down with

somebody and start opening things up,

you realize this could be linked to my

childhood.

>> And when I think about your earliest

contacts, you got a father that's an

alcoholic, violence in the home, and

your mom said that you were an alcoholic

kid.

>> I started drinking at 12, 13,

>> expelled from school as well.

>> And you got arrested and I didn't have

any goals.

>> So, it was a bit of a roller coaster,

but look what happened. You rose,

>> one of the best lightweights in the

world.

>> I was on top of the world, but the

roller coasters go down too. And this

was the moment.

>> Yeah, man.

>> July 30th, you retired. How does it feel

looking at that photo?

>> Yeah. I'm trying not to tear up, dude.

It was my life, man. Those gloves, me

putting them on the mat is a piece of

myself I left. But a wise man said, "If

a man's lucky, he gets to die twice."

That part of me that every day wake up,

push yourself to be the best fighter you

can be, is dead. I'm retired Dustin. I'm

businessman Dustin. Now, you know, it's

just I'm trying to figure it all out cuz

for 20 years I was dreaming about being

the best. I just want to dream again,

you know.

>> Has there ever been anything that

compared?

>> No. Nothing fills that void of what

fighting was. And fighting was a part of

therapy for me. And some days I wake up

and I'm like, these top guys that are

winning now on these upcoming cards, I

can beat them still.

>> So, is there any possibility that you

ever return to the UFC?

>> This is super interesting to me. My team

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Please help us. Really appreciate it.

Let's get on with the show.

>> Dustin Porier.

>> Yo,

>> you know, there's a there's a question

that we kind of throw around in society.

Um, we say it quite quite flippantly to

people we meet, friends, family,

strangers. Um, but but in this context,

I want to ask it in the most sort of

intentional way and give me the long

answer.

How are you doing

>> as a whole? Great.

Uh recently

there's been some turbulence, you know.

Uh but I'm I'm doing well. Doing well.

>> There's been some turbulence.

>> Yeah.

Give me some color on that.

I

last week,

which is not new to me, let my emotions

get the best of me. Kind of was in a in

a bad spot. uh mentally started

drinking, got arrested, you know, um got

into some trouble at the airport in

Atlanta and uh you know, not proud of

it, but it is what it is.

>> I want to um give some background

context and I spent the last couple of

days sort of looking through your

childhood and where you come from and

who you are to try and fill the picture

of Dustin Porier in my head. And I've

got lots of photos of you here as a as a

young man. Um, got another one even

younger here that I'll share with you

here.

>> Yeah.

>> And I think this is incredibly important

context because I'd watched you fight

the best that there is and beat the best

that there is in the UFC. But it wasn't

until I understood your earliest context

that I started to like understand the

picture of where you've come from and

also in some part like how that makes

you who you are today.

>> So, so take me back. What is the early

context that people need to understand

to really understand you as a man?

>> Um,

I'm just a man. Uh, trying his best,

trying to provide for my family,

learning as I go,

not scared to work hard, not scared to

chase dreams. Just a kid from Lafayette,

Louisiana, who found something to put

his all into and and try to become great

at it, you know, with fighting.

>> Your your father and your grandfather

were fighters. My father boxed um

growing up when he was younger. My

grandfather was in the Navy and worked

in the oil field and stuff. They weren't

successful fighters. I wouldn't say they

were like nobody knew who they were, but

definitely Yeah, I come from fighters

for sure.

>> And from money? Do you come from money?

>> No, definitely not.

>> What was that like growing up? Was there

>> It was normal to me cuz I didn't know

any different, you know. Um, it wasn't

like I missed a meal or anything like

that, but definitely wasn't wasn't rich

or anything or had money to do a whole

lot of things when I was younger, but a

working-class family, you know.

>> And your parents divorced when you were

younger?

>> Yeah. Yeah. I lived I lived with them up

until about maybe kindergarten or first

first grade, then they got divorced.

>> Do you have any sort of mental models or

mental images of them being together

when younger? Is there any memories of

them being together?

>> Honestly, dude, not to to be to turn it

dark or anything, but the early memories

I have of them together aren't the best.

You know, it's fighting and violence and

stuff,

>> physical fighting.

>> Yeah. Yeah.

>> In that Instagram post you you wrote

recently after the incident in the

airport, you mentioned your father and

you mentioned, I think, some of his

struggles. He had his own struggles with

alcohol.

>> Yeah. His whole life he has. Yeah.

Alcohol has ruined his life. And alcohol

was present when you were a young man

when you were still there.

>> He's been an alcoholic my entire life.

>> Did you have a relationship with him

after the divorce?

>> Yeah, of course. I don't know what

that's called. Uh split custody or

something where

>> every other weekend I would go to his

house, spend the weekend at his house.

>> How did that season of your life do you

think as you look back shape the man

that you became? Like that early context

under the age of 10 years old that

violent parents, they divorce, they

separate, your dad is struggling with

alcohol. Like how do you look back on

that?

>> As a grown man, I look back and think my

father was an idiot for,

you know, getting not being there with

his kids. You know, as a father, I think

about that. Like I I don't waking up

with my kids in the house, running up to

me, making them breakfast every day.

Like I couldn't I I never want to live

that type of life. I can't can't even

imagine it. So, as an adult and a father

looking back on it, I think he's made a

lot of mistakes that, you know, I think

he still lives with. and your mom.

>> Uhhuh.

>> Got some nice photos of her as well. Um

that's your wife. Um but she seems to

have been um a real constant throughout

your life. That's her there.

>> For sure. For sure. I'll be on vacation

with her in a week. Yeah. Look at my

face.

>> Post fight.

>> Her and my grandmother raised me. She

was, you know, everything. Mothers are

everything.

And she's she still is, you know,

calling me, texting me every day,

checking on me, asking how I am.

>> And you got two brothers.

>> So I have two brothers I grew up with.

Two brothers and a sister I met when I

was 25 26 years old from my father.

>> I guess I'm trying to figure out as well

cuz I I heard about what you were like

in school. You struggled in school.

>> It sounds sounds like you got in a lot

of fights when you were younger.

>> Um I'm trying to figure out where that

came from in you.

>> Yeah.

I mean, living in South Louisiana, we we

fought all the time. Uh, but I just kept

doing it. I just kept going with

fighting, you know,

>> as a young man. I I read that you were

expelled from school as well.

>> Uhhuh.

>> And was that again for fighting and

struggling to

>> Yeah. Yeah. Fighting. The one that got

me expelled was a fight.

>> And that seems to be a little quite a

consistent pattern from 10 to 14. Um,

struggling in school, fighting. And then

at 15, I hear that you end up in

juvenile detention center.

>> 14.

>> 14.

>> Mhm.

>> What was the what was the road there?

What happened?

>> I had got into some trouble at one of

the times I was living with my father. I

uh got into a fight

>> and and physically hurt somebody in the

fight and got arrested and uh I was on

probation at the time and I wasn't going

to school. got picked up for truency and

some other things like that for not

going to school and uh failed the drug

test. I was on probation at the time,

failed the drug test and then I they

sent me to juvenile detention.

>> Were you drinking at that age?

>> Yeah.

>> At 15.

>> Mhm.

>> When did you start drinking?

>> I was talking to my wife the other day

and I was thinking about that. I don't

know 12, 13 probably. H

it is it is quite um it's quite curious

to me that you know 14 15 you're getting

in trouble for fighting you end up in a

detention center you're drinking from 12

years old and it it like begs the

question to me as someone that's done

lots of these interviews like what was

going on in that in that young man's

mind

>> I don't have an answer what was going on

um not having anywhere to put my focus

not I wasn't trying to be the best at

something I was just living dayto-day

doing whatever you know I didn't have

any goals

I was a young kid, you know. It's tough

to it's tough to say to look back to

that young and really say what I was

thinking at that age. Um

I was just being a kid, I guess.

>> Were you a happy kid?

>> Yeah.

>> You were a happy kid.

>> Yeah.

>> And you were spending the week with your

mother and then the week you said was it

the weekends with your father?

>> The weekend or every other weekend? I

forget exactly how it was. Yeah.

>> And when you talk about his life being

ruined by alcohol, what do you mean by

what do you mean by that?

I mean, he has

he's ruined his marriages. He's ruined

his relationships. He's ruined his

friendships. He's ruined his

relationships with his family, with his

kids. Two son, three Well, my little

brother kind of is off and on talking to

him, but he has two kids that don't

speak to him at all and and won't uh you

know, he's been in jail plenty of times

for for alcohol-related stuff. And

yeah, I if I could paint a picture what

you think of of of a classic drunk uh or

alcoholic, you know, very selfish um and

continues to go back to it. Continues

he's actually homeless. Homeless right

now.

>> He's homeless right now.

>> Yeah. Part of that me getting in trouble

at the airport was

I just felt uh and it's not my weight to

carry, you know, but I just felt I try

to help him out and he's back out on the

street. It's like it almost doesn't want

help, you know? And I was just kind of

on Father's Day, I was traveling to work

and I I just

couldn't stop thinking about my father

and I started drinking in the airport

and that's kind of what led to the

incident. It's just But when I feel like

that, you know, I've been going to

therapy and stuff like that. years ago,

I started going to therapy. And

when I started feeling better, I stopped

practicing everything I learned through

therapy, you know,

>> and uh then I felt that feeling again.

Just an

I guess call it depression. Just didn't

feel well. And when I feel like that, I

know I shouldn't drink.

And I drank anyway. So, you know, not

that my father anything's an excuse.

Obviously, I did what I did. Um,

but I knew I knew better in the moment

when I'm feeling like that to to to

drink or do anything. You know, alcohol

has never benefited me, especially in

times like that where I'm mentally not

the best.

>> You use the word depression there to

describe that feeling to to give it a

word. So, let's use that word.

>> Um, can you paint a picture for me in

terms of what that actually feels like?

That day that you wake up, it's Father's

Day, you don't feel good. Like, what is

that?

>> No, I I felt good in the morning. you

know, I spent the morning with my with

my kids. My daughter wrote me a letter.

She gave me presents, you know, did all

the Father's Day stuff. I had a a great

morning. But then when I left my home to

go to fly out, I started feeling it, you

know, and and

days leading up to that, it would come

off and on, coming off and on, and I

would think about, you know, my father

and it would kind of bring me down, but

it wasn't that bad. But for Father's

Day, it just hit me, man. It hit me hard

>> because he's currently homeless.

>> Yeah.

>> Here in Louisiana. Yeah.

Yeah.

I actually, man, when I got out of jail

in Atlanta and flew back home on that

Tuesday, I got back late maybe Tuesday.

Uh Wednesday morning, I drove to where

he

he lives or where he sleeps, and uh went

to the sheriff's office, got in contact

with the coroner. I had to do a whole

process to to sign a OPC, order of

protective custody. I tried to get him

to pick him up against his will and and

all this stuff and they did but I went

at the wrong time and I went early in

the morning when I woke up and when they

picked him up he wasn't disoriented he

was normal you know and uh so they

released him again.

>> What is the range of feelings and

emotions you have towards him at the

moment?

you know, he's always

that's tough. And I'm not angry at him.

I'm uh and once again, this isn't an

excuse for my actions. You know, my

father just came to a head on Father's

Day, but uh just

upset to see him doing this to himself

and not getting out of his own way and

continuing to let it get just worse and

worse progressively over the years when

he when he knows better. you know, when

he knows better.

I mean, most people when

you make a mistake or do you try to fix

it, you try to make tomorrow better than

yesterday, you know, next year better

than this year. Everybody just keeps

doing the same thing. And that's because

he's addicted to alcohol.

>> What is his story?

I wish I I I knew more so I could tell

you, but

been like a hard worker his whole life,

you know, did whatever. Worked in the

oil field for a long time, but uh check

to check his whole life. Um

simple guy, you know, was a really good

athlete in in school.

Got a woman pregnant at a young age in

high school, so he couldn't uh continue

to focus and chase his dreams of playing

football. um you know back then when you

got a a girl pregnant you got married

and got a job and and things like that.

So that's what he did.

>> So that day you wake up you're feeling

okay in the morning it's father's day

you start thinking about your father you

get that feeling that you describe as

depression.

>> Yeah.

>> Um which is just how what is that

feeling? It's feeling

>> for someone that has never experienced

it before. You know, I I've had bouts

with depression throughout my career.

When it hits me, you know, it hits it

hits me hard. And that day, it hit me.

It hit me hard, man. You know, going to

the airport, it just feels like

everything is has a its own gravity and

it's going to pull me towards the

negative. No matter what it is, it's

like a cloud in my in my head that I

just can't get out from under it. It

It's hard to explain to you unless

you've been through it. That's what I

try to tell my wife cuz she's always so

happy and so, you know, which is great.

But like when I feel like that and it

doesn't happen often, but man, when it

hits me, it's bad, you know? It's bad.

>> Do you remember the first time you felt

that?

>> I don't, but my wife, you know, me and

my wife been together a long time since

we were in off and on through middle

school and high school and all that,

but she she tells me, "Don't you Yeah,

>> there she is. She tells me, "Don't you

remember? Like, I've always thought

something, you know, you never wanted to

be around big crowds, go to all the

parties with me when I was younger and

do all that stuff." Yeah, because I I

just didn't like to be around that many

people that much, you know, I I maybe it

was uh anxiety I was dealing with. I

don't know. This stuff is all new to me.

So, I'm just I would tell her how I feel

and she's like, "Don't you remember?"

So, she thinks I've been having it, but

I started noticing it, you know, more

recently

>> in the last years, three, four years.

Was there a catalyst at all? A catalyst

moment? Something that happened that

caused you to feel that or

>> if I could link it to something, it was

I lost a big fight, came back home with

which fight?

>> My second fight with Justin Gatechi.

>> Yeah.

>> Lost that one, came back home,

everything was good, and then it would

just I was really emotional, man. You

know, some days I would be fine, some

days I would be sad, and I was like,

"Something's off, you know, something's

off." off. So that's when I started

going to therapy and trying to unpack

some of the stuff that I didn't even

know I was walking around with, you

know.

>> Did you learn anything through the

process of therapy? I've been to

therapy, too. I've been I mean,

>> still the day uh I got back from

Atlanta, I started going to therapy

again

>> after the airport incident.

>> Yeah. Yeah. Right before I I went try to

help my father, uh I went through a

therapy session. So I had kind of closed

the door on therapy when I started

feeling good again, you know? But then

I'm starting to realize like it's not

something that you just fix. It's

something you have to work on always.

And you know, so and that's that's what

I'm trying to do, you know, since for

the last week I've been waking up early,

reading some stuff, writing, doing

something hard in the morning, just

trying to do everything that I was doing

that made me feel better 3 years ago.

And I'm trying my best, man.

Have you learned anything about yourself

through the process of therapy? Yeah,

that maybe some some of the childhood

stuff I'm still carrying around. I don't

think about it, you know. It's not like

the first, you know, but

>> it's unconscious a lot of it.

>> Right. Right. Right. But deep down I'm

still carrying things I think from my

childhood. And everybody, you know, I've

learned a lot through therapy. Everybody

deals with different emotions and

process things differently. And

and I'm still going through it. You

know, I'm back in therapy now.

I've I've been able to interview lots of

people and so I've interviewed like

psychologists, lots of them, so many

therapists I've interviewed. One of the

the things that I noticed which was

quite stark to me was that um young boys

in particular that grow up without a

stable father figure are much more

likely to be um have anger issues, be

depressed, struggle in life. But it's

actually the the data excuse more

towards young boys without that sort of

stable father figure. Um but also that

if you compound that with there being

violence in the home from a young age

that's also another factor which

exacerbates the situation where so those

are sort of two of the things that stood

out to me was the absence of your father

also having a father or a parent that's

dealing with addiction

>> is another burden for so many reasons.

So those three things are the things

that from your story and from you know I

I thought oh that's

>> those are um those are challenges that

are understandable to stay with you as a

as an adult.

>> Yeah for sure. And then then you don't

even think about think about them at all

throughout your whole life. And then you

sit down with somebody and start opening

things up and talking about things. You

see, well, maybe I could be, you know,

this could be linked to different things

and I could be carrying stuff that isn't

mine to carry and and things like that.

You know, as I'm growing up and being

more mature and talking and speaking to

with professionals and stuff, I'm

starting to unpack some of that.

>> And was that difficult to do

>> therapy?

>> Yeah.

>> Yeah, man. Yeah. You know, it's

>> difficult to even say, isn't it?

>> Right. And even at the beginning when I

first started doing interviews like

Ariel Hwani and stuff and I would bring

it up like I'm you know I'm working on

myself I'm going to therapy. I it felt

weak in the moment like who am I? I'm

going through therapy. I'm telling the

world I'm going to therapy. But then I I

look at it hindsight. I'm like you know

what that's that's strength. I you know

especially in a tough guys sport.

>> Mhm.

>> You know we're fighting and bleeding and

beating each other up. Beating the best

guys up in the world. You know fighting

the best guys in the world. And I need

to go to therapy to unpack some stuff.

It just it's crazy. The human mind is is

incredible.

>> It's funny cuz we go to the gym, right?

And we like work on our physical

performance, but going to therapy is

that we got to hide that.

>> And the gym was a part of therapy for

me. Fighting was a part of therapy, you

know, for me. And uh and I always always

was scared of that. You know, what am I

going to do to

to sabotage myself when I when I retire

from fighting because I don't have this

outlet anymore. You know, I've done it

for 20 years of fighting. I always had

somewhere to go, you know. I always had

to to get better at the gym, to to work

on fighting, to focus on something.

Every day I could get up and push myself

to try to be better, to answer a new

question, to do anything with fighting

to get better

on multiple levels, whether it's the

techniques or whether it's my my

physical fitness, anything. There was

always something to work on work on

always. And when I retired, I was kind

of worried about that, like how will

life look post fighting, you know? Um, I

was scared of it. I was scared of it

>> because I mean you've been fighting

since you were what 16 17.

>> Yeah.

>> And you're 37 now. So it's just over two

decades that fighting has been your kind

of north star and your orientation.

>> It was always there for me. Always there

for me. You know, no matter what was

going on, I could go to the gym and

drown out any noise in my brain. Any,

you know, quiet that voice in your head.

And I was scared to not have that

anymore. And I I still have it. I can

still go to the gym every day if I want,

but it's not the same. You know, it

doesn't feel the same.

>> It doesn't feel the same.

>> Not being on the mats preparing to fight

someone for your life and your family's

well-being in front of the world. If I'm

just training just to spin my wheels, it

doesn't feel I've done this my whole

life training. Still fun. I have fun.

You know, we do whatever train, but it's

not It doesn't feel the same to me

anymore

>> because there's not a goal, a big goal

at the end of it to focus your being.

>> Exactly. Hm.

>> When you look through the last 20 years,

you do you see fighting as a really

productive distraction in some respects

then?

>> For me, yeah, for me 100%.

>> Yeah. It was an outlet. It was something

to focus on. It was something to try to

be the best at. It was It consumed me,

man. It consumed me. Fighting was my

entire life. And now post fighting, it's

like separating myself

from the fighter is I'm I'm trying to

figure it out still. You know, a a buddy

of mine told me the other day, a wise

man told him, "If you're lucky, you die

twice. If a man's lucky, he gets to die

twice." And that's kind of what I'm

going through right now. Now, that that

makes sense to me. You know, that part

of me that every day wake up, push

yourself to be the best fighter you can

be is dead. You know, I'm retired Dustin

now. I'm businessman Dustin. I'm father

I was I was a father before when I was

still fighting, but I have other things,

other hats to wear. You know, it's just

I'm trying to figure it out.

I'm trying to figure it all out.

>> And it's only been 11 years. Not even a

year. Yeah.

>> July 30th, wasn't it? Last year that you

retired

>> here in this in New Orleans.

>> Do do they offer you any support with

that retirement process?

>> As far as

>> as far as giving you like a road map for

how to deal with the mental shift?

>> No.

>> There's no like sort of postfighting

program.

>> No, there should be. For sure. There

should be, but no. because it's quite a

familiar story across sports,

>> right? And that's what I was always when

I would see it happen, I knew I was

like, I'm never going to be that, you

know, I'm never going to be the guy that

goes and gets arrested or gets hooked on

drugs or blows all of his money and

just, you know, you see it over and over

and not just in fighting, in

professional sports, you know,

it's like you've done something so long

your whole life, so intense and so, you

know, it takes all of you. When it's

gone, it's like, what else can I do to

the maximum? What else? dopamine hit can

I get what can I just pour myself into

and go crazy on something you know and a

lot of times it's bad things dangerous

things you know you see it time and time

again and I always said I'll never be

that guy and I'm not you know I ran into

some trouble the other the other week

but I'm still making a lot of right

decisions you know what I mean I'm not

that it just sucks to be at this point

to where I always saw those guys getting

arrested and doing stuff and I was like

man what an idiot what an idiot you know

but I wasn't going through it then I

didn't understand it

>> at that time And alcohol has been a a

constant through your childhood through

your career

>> for me drinking.

>> Yeah.

>> No, I mean I

>> when you were younger

>> celebrate when I was younger probably

every weekend you know but

>> as I became an adult and focused on

fighting I went years without drinking.

>> Okay. And then even now, well, as I when

I retired, it slowly became more and

more and more cuz I didn't not have, you

know, when I was in training camp, I

wasn't getting drunk and and drinking

like that. I had to wake up the next day

and run miles and be at the gym and make

a weight and I was really focused.

>> Um, but when I retired, I didn't have to

anymore. So then it kind of started

slipping back in. And even when I was

fighting, you know, c celebrations,

gatherings, I would drink. I would

drink, but it wasn't a weekly. It wasn't

a weekly or daily thing, but I've always

had a bad relationship with alcohol.

Like I've always

90% of the times if I do drink, I'm

going to drink to be the best at

drinking.

>> I'm going to drink more than everybody.

You know, that's the danger. It it can

benefit you in other things that that

drive and that craziness. You know, you

can focus it on something and it'll

benefit you or it can hurt you. You

know, and that's that's the way I've

always been. So I as learning learning

myself over the years, I know, you know,

to be careful with alcohol and going

through mental things like I know

especially when I'm feeling the way I

felt that day to not touch it. But I

just

told that voice to shut up and I just

drank and did what I wanted to do, you

know, but I I know better. Um, as I got

gotten older, it's gotten better, you

know, but until recently,

>> I sat here with um a lady called Dr.

Anna LMK. She's like a dopamine expert.

Uh,

>> and I actually didn't really know until

she she sat here and explained it to me

that um, alcohol gives you a big hit of

dopamine.

>> Yeah.

>> She also said to me that um, sort of

genetically, person to person, we all

have a different vice. So, for example,

she said that she got addicted to erotic

novels.

>> Now, another person would never get

addicted to that. Um, some people's vice

is alcohol. So, they they do what you

describe, which is they have one and

then it's just straight line up until

>> Right. Yeah. other people like they can

have one or two or three and it kind of

plateau and they stop and they go home

>> and I envy them. You know, I have my

wife is like that. One of my good

buddies is like that. They can have two

drinks and be done. If I drink, we're

drinking till the bottles gone. You

know, that's

no matter how many times in my life I've

said it's going to be different this

time. It's going to be, you know, I'm

only going to have two. It It's never

never worked out. So, coming back home,

talking to my wife and stuff, uh,

I'm going to cut alcohol completely out

of my life. You know, I made that

decision. I'm not going to be like my

father or make another mistake like I

made in the airport. It's just it's not

helping me in any way. You know, it

might be a quick release and a quick hit

of dopamine, but it's not benefiting me

in any way. So, I got to cut it off. Cut

it off from my life.

>> It's not an easy thing to do

>> with socializing and things like that.

It's it's it's tougher to to be the

sober one, but in everyday life, it's

it's not hard

>> for me. You know, I've I've never been

an alcoholic. I just have a bad

relationship if I do drink.

>> So, cutting it out completely is,

>> you know, not a big deal.

>> So, so take me to that day then. You

wake up, you go to you go to the

airport, you're flying to Atlanta.

You're going you're going somewhere.

Where are you going?

>> Atlanta. I'm going to uh to South

Florida. It was actually a three-le

trip. I was supposed to go to South

Florida for a day that afternoon, fly

out, go to LA,

>> shoot a commercial for 3 days from LA,

Vegas,

work for CBS

for the weekend,

and then fly home. So, it was a three it

was a big trip.

>> Yeah, three leg trip.

We didn't We didn't even get the first

leg. We didn't even get the first leg,

man.

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Thank you so much.

>> What happened?

What the sequence of events?

>> On my flight from Lafayette, Louisiana,

I drank two champagnes. Nothing crazy,

you know. Just

um landed in Atlanta. I had a little bit

of a layover.

Went to a bar, restaurant bar,

started drinking champagne.

Some guys came in, took some shots. One

thing led to another,

go to my gate, get into it with the desk

agent. They call security, call the

police.

>> Do you remember what you said to the

desk agent?

>> No.

>> No.

>> Did the police didn't tell you after?

>> No.

>> So, you didn't even get on the plane?

>> No, I never got on the plane, I don't

believe. I'm pretty sure 90 90 90% sure

I never got on the plane. Um, and it

might have been that the desk agent

might have saw I was intoxicated and

it's like now we can't get on this plane

and that's might have what started it. I

don't know. But I do want to apologize

to those desk agents whoever they are

and the police for having to put up with

me man. They did it. I actually

uh asked a lawyer in Atlanta who I've

been working with if he can please get

me that officer's information, his

address. I want to if I can write him a

letter, his cell phone, if I can call

him just to tell him how great of a job

he did, you know, dealing with a person

in that condition and how professional

he was and, you know, he's incredible.

It could have been so much worse. It

could have been so much worse. I just

want to thank him. I didn't get to do

that.

>> So, there's some kind of argument with

the desk agents that you I'm guessing

you can't recall.

>> No.

>> And then they say you're not getting on

the flight.

>> Yeah. And that leads to them calling

>> the police.

>> The security or police

>> and the video we see is of the security

guy coming in.

>> The police officer. Yeah.

>> You've watched the video, right?

>> No. So, my wife watched it. A buddy of

mine. I've kind of pieced it together at

this point. I don't want to see it, man.

>> You don't want to see it?

>> I don't want to see it.

>> Okay.

>> I don't want to see it. Even when my

wife started playing it and I heard it,

she went watching the other room. And

then I have a buddy I work out with 5

days a week.

>> He's kind of between him and my wife,

I've put the pieces together and pretty

pretty much know the the extent of what

happened.

>> Why don't you want to watch it?

>> I just don't want don't want to see it,

man.

>> Can you articulate why that is?

uh to see myself in that condition,

disrespecting police officers,

disrespecting uh workers at the airport,

disrespecting myself, disrespect my

family. I just don't feel like it's

going to benefit me to see that. If

anything, I think it's going to bring me

down. It's going to I'm going to keep

thinking about it. Uh I I like I said,

for the most part, understand what

happened, know what happened. I don't

need to see it again, you know.

So, in that video, you you seem to get

aggressive quite quickly, and you you

offered this um gentleman a fight. Um he

kind of backs off. He knows who you are

clearly straight away.

>> He backs off. What I find interesting

also is he pulls out his taser. He's

going to he says, you might tase you,

but as you walk away and you're

arrested, you dap him up and you you you

congratulate him on the job he did.

>> Yeah. And my buddy was telling me that

>> he he was telling me like his my buddy's

wife thinks that's the best part of the

video.

>> It's the best part because it's funny

because you're known as

>> Yeah. So I didn't watch the video at

all.

>> Mhm.

>> And I

every day passing I be able to piece a

little bit more together and memories

kind of, you know, flashes of what

happened are kind of playing in my head.

But uh I I got home, deleted all my

social. I posted that on Instagram. Then

I uninstalled all social media off my

phone. So I haven't since Father's or

the day after Father's Day. I haven't

been on anything. I haven't se I know

they're making fun. I know they're

talking about me. Obviously I've been in

the light with being a professional

athlete for a long time. I know how this

goes. Um so I just uninstalled all my

stuff. So I haven't seen any of the

clips, any of the videos, any of

anything, you know, besides what my wife

and my buddy are are telling me.

>> Your buddy that you train with?

>> Yeah.

>> Yeah. Well, it was it was uh it was

interesting because you you seemed as

you walked away, you were quite polite.

>> Yeah, that's what I I told him. I was

like, maybe I realized what was going

on, you know, maybe I had a aha moment

like what the hell is what am I doing,

you know, in that drunken stuper. I

don't know.

>> You said to him that he did a good job,

>> right? Yeah.

>> Which was quite nice,

>> right? And I

looking back at it now

with what they're what they're telling

me and the way he handled it, he did a

great job. You know,

>> I need to thank him cuz like I said, it

could have been so much worse. What if

it was a young hotthead cop who wanted

to be a superstar? I wanted to, you

know, it could have been horrible. you

know, I could be sitting here facing

serious charges

and just to put my wife and my children

through that, you know, just,

you know, it's not good.

>> So, you went to jail that day?

>> Yeah.

>> You got charged with being drunken

disorderly or intoxicated?

>> No, they charged me with uh public

intoxication.

>> Okay. And they let you go the same day.

>> Yeah. I spent like a night spent the

night or the afternoon in jail until I

sobered up.

Then they release you on probation or

something.

>> I'm not on Well,

>> what's it called? I don't know what the

laws are here.

>> I haven't been to court and all that

stuff yet. So, they just know they on

bond.

>> Okay. On bond. Okay.

>> And that's when you go and you know

after then go and you do the therapy

session, you go and try and find your

father.

>> Yeah.

>> All these trips are canceled, I'm

guessing, at that point.

>> Yeah.

>> You have to go home and speak to your

your wife.

>> Right. Right.

>> Can't be easy. It wasn't fun for sure,

you know, to let her down. And

it's just been so long since I I don't

even know how to

address it really when I when I got

home. I I haven't been in trouble. I

haven't been arrested in so long, you

know, decades and decades. I don't I

don't even know when's the last time I

got arrested. This is the first time in

a in a very long time.

But to go back and

my my partner who's been with me through

everything and and has grown with me

through everything to go back and like

see her face to face.

Yeah. I just keep apologizing and it'll

never happen again.

>> If I'm a fly on the wall during that

conversation when you get home, what do

I observe?

me telling her it'll never happen, never

happen again, and

her telling me it can't happen again,

you know. Um,

yeah, man.

Telling her that I'm going to focus on

myself and and be better from this. I

know it sucks right now in the moment,

but this decision, this arrest, this

quit drinking for the rest of my life,

it's going to benefit me and my kids in

the future. So, things happen, you

learn. Um, and that's just what it is.

You know,

>> you met uh Jolie when you were 14 years

old.

>> Younger.

>> Younger. Really?

>> Yeah. 14 is is like a freshman in high

school.

>> Mhm. We were dating

uh in middle school

>> and in many respects she's really um she

sacrificed quite a lot for your a loter.

>> A lot. She dropped out of college and

moved me to South Florida

uh for me to chase my dreams.

>> Cuz she was going to nursing school,

wasn't she?

>> Yeah. Yeah.

And I honestly don't think I would have

made it to the point I made it to in in

fighting if I didn't have an anchor like

that at home. You know,

man, she been my best friend for a long

time.

Yeah. sort of go home after getting

arrested and speaking to her and like

not only did I let myself down, but I

have a family, you know, I have kids. Uh

I let my family down, man. That's what

hurts.

>> This is another beautiful photo.

>> Yeah,

>> the gang.

>> That's them.

Yeah, man. I let them down. Let myself

down. But like I said,

I'm going to learn from this and

continue pushing forward and it will

never happen again. Um, it's going to

affect the trajectory of my whole life.

This one this one arrest, you know. My

my son and my daughter is never going to

grow up and see me intoxicated. They're

never going to see me say things or do

things I don't mean to do or mean to

say, you know. So, like I said, it

sucks, man. It's it's bad. Um, but it's

going to benefit me and my family in the

long run. So, it's just something that

had to happen, I guess.

>> So, she did she know what had happened

before you got back from jail.

>> Had she seen videos or

>> No, no, no, no,

>> she hadn't.

>> No. Well, the police officer called her

>> when I was in the in the holding cell

and stuff. So, yeah, she knew what was

going on. She didn't know in the moment

if she probably knew a couple hours

after, you know, once they booked me and

all that.

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What's interesting is um

you know we've seen these kind of

incidents happen before but I've I've

never seen such a large amount of people

understand you would expect the reaction

to be from the general public from

fighters from people at large to be oh

my god this is a bad person but I think

because you've conducted yourself in a

certain way throughout your career that

wasn't the sentiment

>> I'm not seeing what people are saying

>> it wasn't the sentiment I can tell you

it was it was crazy I was like I was

saying it to my fiance I was saying Like

the reason why the sentiment has been

he's going through some things and this

is a good man is because a you've

conducted yourself so well throughout

your career. You've had good values in

victory and in and in loss. But also I

think because you've actually spoken

about some of these struggles publicly.

>> I've never bit my tongue. I've always

been open, you know, about what I'm

going through. When I was able to

pinpoint and talk about what I was going

through when I didn't know, I couldn't

speak on it. But as I got older and

started doing therapy, I'm able to speak

on it. And

>> yeah, I am going through things at some

some days, you know.

>> Um,

>> well, that's what I'd say to you is, you

know, you've not looked at the internet,

but the internet has been heavily

supportive of you.

>> And, you know, my I think a lot of that

probably is longtime fight fans and

people who've been following my career a

long time. You know, I grew up in

fighting, so people got to watch me from

a kid, you know,

grow up. So they they know my character

for the most part. It was a bad day. It

wasn't, you know, it's not a bad life. I

had I I messed up. I had a really bad

day

>> where I was angry at the world and

obviously alcohol doesn't doesn't help

that. And uh I really messed up. But

people have seen me year after year and

I I mean well and I really mean it and I

think they they know it's authentic and

>> but I am just a human being and I make

mistakes. So, I think those fans, if

people are sticking up for me, it's

because they they know it's Dustin.

Like, I'm going to he's going to shake

back or he's going to, you know, turn

this into a positive somehow. And that's

my goal, you know. I don't want to let

anybody else out there down. I'm trying

my best. You know, I I have to take care

of myself first. And I'm doing that the

right steps. And that's that's just it.

I think the people who are standing up

for me

have watched me grow up, you know. Well,

dare I say, I think that was the

majority of the sentiment was that this

is a good a good man who's who's

struggling and it was people sending

sympathy because because of that, but

also because there's a couple of clips

that went viral online of you speaking

on both Theon's show and Joe Rogan's

show. And so, in the in the in the wake

of, you know, this clip going viral of

you in the airport, these other clips go

viral with them, which is

>> Oh, you haven't seen it? Okay. Okay. I

mean, obviously I did the I did the

interviews or whatever you're talking

about, so I said it. So, I'm sure if you

showed it, I would remember, but I

haven't seen what people are talking

about.

>> Well, this clip went viral at the same

time. And this is what gave it context.

>> Have to. Yeah.

>> You just There's no If you get

complacent or if you Why

>> I'm like a It's honestly, bro, I'm a

danger to myself when I'm have nothing.

No goal circled on my calendar. I'm a

danger to myself, man.

>> Yeah.

>> Yeah. I beat I beat myself up mentally.

I I'm home. I drink. I'm It's just not

good. I have to have some kind of

battle.

>> Yeah.

>> Yeah.

>> H And I've always been like that. But

like as I'm getting older, I'm kind of

recognizing

>> Oh, you can see it more.

>> Yeah. So, I kind of set set goals. So, I

>> So, that clip went viral and there was a

a clip just like it um of you on Dur

Rogan, which is you saying almost

identically the same thing

>> which also went viral with it.

>> So, this gave everybody context.

>> And so, you see that and you go, "Okay,

we understand." And I think we're now,

you know, we're old enough, mature

enough to understand that once a pro

alete leaves the high octane, high

adrenaline sport like UFC that your

brain has changed

>> for sure.

>> And not least because of the dopamine,

but also, you know, there's other

reasons why there's there's head

injuries are quite prevalent in the

sport. So there was a huge amount of

sympathy. I just wanted you to know that

cuz I know you've not seen it but

>> but I mean I still feel horrible but it

you know and not even using fighting or

head trauma or my homeless father or any

of that stuff as an excuse. I just want

to say that like I did these things. I

know better. I know right and wrong. I

don't want to lean on these as a crutch

of of my actions. You know what I mean?

And the other the other clip that went,

just so you know, just so because these

this is you and Joe Rogan talking about

similar thing.

>> Want to show what I was talking about.

It's like a gift and a curse, man. It's

like you have to be all in at something.

Those kind of people who are built like

that.

>> Whether it's fighting or drinking or

whether it's good or bad, you're going

all in. It's dangerous.

>> The problem. Yeah. The problem is like

what you see with Connor, when they

don't have the fighting, then they go

all in with the other things.

>> Yeah. Yeah.

>> Right. Fighting was always for me always

pulled everything together, you know.

>> That's why like retiring is scary, man.

Days are long. I have a lot of time.

It's I don't have to get ready for a

fight. I don't, you know,

>> you're still a young man, too. You still

have a whole lot of life ahead of you.

I'm

>> 37, man.

>> Yeah. So, it makes you think like, what

do I do now? What do I do with my

future? What do I do? What do you want

to do?

>> Dude, I kind of got like for a week or

so, I would say depressed, but I kind of

got into like a funk like what the hell

am I going to do with my life? Every day

I would wake up for the last 20 years,

how can I be better fighter? How can I

what's new in fitness? How can I push

myself? I want to be the champion. And

then boom, you lay the gloves down and

you wake up and you're a

civilian.

>> And that's meant that you, you know,

some of your your fellow fellow peers

like Jon Jones have come out and said

some really nice things and other

fighters have come out and said some

really nice things and sent their

support and, you know, well wishes.

>> I appreciate it. I'm I'm working on

myself. I'm trying my best.

>> Were you aware that John Jones had had

done a post and stuff? My buddy Kyle

said, the guy who I work out with every

day I was talking about, he told me that

Jon Jones came out and said something

and it was positive.

>> He said, uh, Matt Brown as well, a

former fighter did a video. He said it

was really nice and stuff. And I'm sure

I'll see some of that stuff. I don't

want to like you relive the moment that

much. I don't want to keep like diving

back, but when I do get back on social

media or do start watching videos and

stuff again, I'm sure I'm going to see

some of it, you know? you know, and I

appreciate everybody, but

I'm I just

it feels weird to, you know, I'm I'm not

looking for for that for sympathy or for

to make this okay. It's not okay, you

know.

>> You know, it's not. But I I think the

reason I'm sort of really keen to tell

you is once upon a time we didn't really

understand mental health and so people

were thought to be crazy or whatever

when they acted out of character but I

think the world has gotten to such a

place now where we we think about

context a bit more

>> and this was really it was really nice

to see for me um having done a little

bit of background research as well to

see that people's first reaction wasn't

just to villainize somebody it was to

understand people actually went, "Oh,

no. This is someone struggling with

their mental health. It's not a bad

person. It's a bad mental health

situation." Um, which I've actually not

really seen before, which was, as I say,

it was really nice. But I know you I

know what you're saying. You're saying

you don't want to blame anything, right?

I don't want to blame anything or have a

crutch to lean on about my actions,

about what happened. You know, I did it.

you know, I'm not not blaming it on

mental health or anything like that,

even though I'm focusing on that now.

You know, I I did I

did that. I decided to drink that day

when I wasn't feeling well. It's it's

all on me.

>> So, is it kind of a bit of a roller

coaster in your world post fighting in

terms of your mental health? Is it ups

and downs and ups and downs?

>> Yeah, big time.

>> And what is the

>> Some days I wake up and I feel like I

made the right decision, you know? Uh, I

need to be home. I need to be doing

things around the house. I need to be

here every day with my kids making the

breakfast. And then some days I wake up

and I'm like, "What the am I doing?

I can beat all these guys still, you

know? I can still beat these guys, but I

don't know if that ever leaves. I might

be 60-year-old having coffee one day

saying the same thing. I can beat these

guys. I don't know if that's just a

competitive spirit. I don't know if

that's just fighting your whole life. I

don't I don't know. But I these top guys

that are winning now and and fighting

now on these upcoming cards, I can I can

beat them still.

I know I can. And then I wake up the

next day and I'm like, "Ah, good thing I

don't have to fight these guys anymore."

Then the next day it's like, I can I can

be the world champion. You know, it's

it's just up and down every day.

And how does your your mental health

sort of correlate to those ups and those

um thoughts?

>> Even though I have those days where I

want to fight and think I made the right

decision, my mental health has been

pretty even. You know, up until

recently, I I haven't been worried about

myself or having to

go to my journal and sit in the morning

and have coffee like I've been doing

this last week, you know. But I when I

do start feeling 100% normal, okay

again, I need to continue to do those

things, you know? I can't I can't

stop because I feel good. It's it's a

constant. It something's going on with

my brain. Like I have to practice these

these things every day. And now being

removed from the incident, removed from

my three years ago when I felt really

bad and I was in the dark place, I'm

realizing that like it's it's not a

Eureka moment where you're fixed. You

got to this is everyday work for the

rest of your life most likely. I'm

pretty sure.

>> Was it just the last week or was it you

said in recent times?

>> In recent times that was like the

the boiling point on Father's Day. Um,

but there's been days. Yeah. There's

been days where I've not expressed to my

wife how I'm feeling and I was feeling

down or

>> the last two months.

>> Couple few months. Yeah. There's good

days, bad days, you know,

>> where you haven't expressed to your wife

how you're feeling.

>> Yeah. Some days I will tell her, but

some days I I don't, you know, I just

continue to go along my day and, you

know, so I don't want to be that guy to

where I wake up and my wife's worried

about how I'm feeling that day. wake,

you know, I don't want her worrying

about me like that. I wonder who who's

waking up today is is depressed is upset

Dustin waking up today or is this my

normal husband I'm waking up to? I don't

want to worry her. So some days, you

know, if I'm feeling really bad, which

hasn't been that often lately, I'll tell

her I'm, you know, today I'm not feeling

that well. I don't want my daughter

coming in the in the bedroom, you know,

why is that staying in bed all day? You

know, I don't want to tell her again

that I'm not feeling good today. You

know, she doesn't understand. and I have

a she's about to be 10 years old. She

she can't comprehend what's going on. I

can barely comprehend it, you know. So,

to keep them more on a steady day-to-day

thing, if if it's just slightly I'm kind

of feeling a little bit off today, I

just suck it up and go about,

you know, my business.

>> But there will be days where you you

stay in bed all day.

>> There has been. Yeah.

And you try and sort of avoid the

conversation with like your daughter.

>> Yeah.

>> It's not It's not often, but it happens.

Yeah.

>> Do you find that if you don't talk about

it, it kind of comes out in other ways?

Cuz I

>> Well, you battle it up so long until it

finds a way out, you know?

>> Yeah.

>> Yeah.

>> Which kind of brings us to the airport

incident, I guess.

>> Could could be

>> to some degree,

>> right? But even the airport incident,

those days leading up, even if I did

have an off day, uh I didn't feel like

it was that that bad, that serious, that

dangerous to myself or anybody else, you

know? I really didn't feel like that.

>> It's an interesting thing. I've I've

often actually contended with when I'm

having like bad moments, do I tell my

partner so I can really relate to the

feeling? Cuz in part, I think as a as a

man sometimes you want to be you have it

within you that you need to be strong

and steady. Especially with like my

fiance, I'm like I have to be strong and

steady. So if I'm having a bad day or

whatever, I I feel like I have to keep

it to myself. But then it always finds a

way out and it hurts her like it will

hurt the relationship.

>> So actually I think with with age I've

gone actually to avoid all problems be

honest as fast as you can.

>> Right. Yeah. Honesty is always the best.

>> It's always the best. Is that kind of

how you feel as well with it or is it a

similar? I mean,

>> for the most part, I I am really open

and honest, but like if I'm just kind of

feeling off and it's for me to I know

you don't understand what that what that

means or maybe you have something you

can link it to when you feel kind of

just like today's not

>> not my day. If I'm feeling off, I'll let

her know. I've been pretty honest. But

like I said, if it's just slight like

I'm just not feeling right, I won't if

it's slight, I won't I won't even bring

it up. I got to be a dad and continue to

do things every day and stuff like that.

But if I'm feeling really down to where

I don't even want to leave the house at

all and stuff, you know, I'll let my

wife know.

>> On this point of purpose, when you were

talking to Thea and Joe, it was you were

saying that, you know, the purpose you

had for 20 years has now gone. So in its

place, you kind of need to find

something else. You need to figure out

what what's in its place. How are you

thinking about that today?

>> I retired at 36 years old. That's young

to, you know, like I said, the days are

long. I have all day every day to I need

to stay busy and that's what I have been

doing, you know, working with CBS,

working with uh the podcast we have down

in South Florida every Monday. I've just

been trying to saying yes to as much

stuff as I can. So, I'm don't have time

to sit back and think. And that could

have been my demise as well. Maybe I was

being too busy. Maybe I wasn't focusing

on my mental health and myself as much.

You know, it's easy to get lost in these

whirlwinds of busy and be here, be

there. You know, life just moves so fast

sometimes.

Do you have a plan for for for what you

want to commit yourself to? You're 37

now, right?

>> So, I mean, you got another 50 50 years

ahead of you to to climb other mountains

potentially,

>> right? No, I don't have anything locked

like locked down what I'm going to do

exactly what I'm going to focus

everything on, but I need to find

something, man.

>> Has there ever been anything that

compared?

>> No, nothing ever will nothing. I have a

void inside of me that nothing will, you

know, being a father is very fulfilling

and and I love it and it it's it's

rewarding and I actually enjoy it, but

nothing fills that void of what fighting

was in my life. You know, I haven't

found anything yet. I don't think there

is.

>> You don't think there is? I just don't

know what's going to consume me and take

all of myself the way fighting did. You

know, I woke up thinking about it. I

went to sleep thinking about it. I It

was my life, man.

I cared so much about it, man. I was in

love with it.

>> You can still play a role in the

industry though. No.

>> Yeah. And that's what And that's what I

thought I was, you know, was a good

avenue. That's what I was trying to do.

That was my goal after fighting is I

want to stick around the sport

whether I'm on the desk broadcast or

with the podcast. Anything pertaining to

the sport where I can talk about it, you

know, be around the sport that's given

me everything I have and taught me so

many lessons in life. I I just want to

be around it speaking about it, be on

the mats, helping younger fighters,

whatever, you know, and I was doing and

I was doing that when I retired, you

know.

>> I'm still doing it.

>> But it's not the It's not the same.

>> No.

>> How does it compare as a percentage? Is

it 20% the way there, 50% the way there?

Or

>> probably closer to 20. It's not It's not

even 50. No.

>> Have you spoken to other fighters who

have expressed the exact same sentiment

that like fighting was the the Mount

Everest for me and I don't know what to

do next?

>> Not really to that to that exact point,

but other fighters have reached out and

said, "Hey, you know, I'm I'm all ears

if you ever want to talk about it." But

I went through it as well. You know,

laying the gloves down isn't as easy as

you think. You know, people who I look

up to you have reached out to me and and

uh I never took anybody up on it. You

know, I've never started speaking to

other fighters about what they do to get

past and I should, you know, it's all

it's my my doing, you know,

>> cuz it's not it's not a new problem, is

it?

>> No, this is

>> everyone but lots of people have

expressed,

>> right? And it's not just a new problem

with fighting. It's a new problem, I

think, with a lot of athletes, you know,

who've done it for a long time and

reached the pinnacle. and you know when

it's over

you know you have a lot of life left to

live.

>> I've heard similar sentiments expressed

from some of my friends that were in the

military and then left the military 36

37 years old and it's like that was

their Everest that was also the

camaraderie that they had being in camp

and uh being in in on base and stuff

like that and going away being deployed

and then they come back and they're a

civilian all of a sudden. Right.

>> It's difficult.

>> Yeah, man. But that's life. Life's

difficult you know. just

got to figure something else out, you

know, got to figure solve a new puzzle.

It's just life keeps going.

>> You were going off to work when you were

caught up in this airport incident.

>> Yeah.

>> How are you thinking about work

prospects and stuff like that

considering all that swirling around at

the moment and all these things?

>> Worried about losing everything I've

been working on, you know, that

is a possibility as well, you know.

um

like post fighting when I retired, all

the stuff that I've been doing, all the

the desk work that me focusing on

getting better at all that stuff. I'm

like, did I just ruin everything that I

that I was working for, you know? I

don't know yet.

It's still too too early to really have

those answers, I think.

>> Have you got like sponsors and stuff

like that, or is it just your partners

where you do guest work and podcasts and

stuff like that?

>> No, I have a bunch of sponsors.

>> Yeah. and they've been understanding.

>> It's kind of murky right now. I think

it's still too fresh. I know uh one big

one isn't a sponsor anymore.

>> Oh, you lost a sponsor.

>> Oh, yeah. I'm I'm sure I lost a few. I'm

waiting to see when the smoke clears

who's still with me or not. That day

cost me not only embarrassment and

embarrassment to my family, uh it cost

me a lot of money, too. you know,

I'm I'm losing sponsors. I'm losing gigs

and losing things that I had set up. You

know,

>> you're losing gigs you had set up in the

future as well.

>> Well, we'll see.

Obviously, the gigs, the three things I

was supposed to do that that week

are are gone. And then a big sponsor of

mine is gone because of it.

>> And of the um of the comm the

professional commitments you have coming

up, what are those kinds of things that

you have? I know you um you said in an

interview that I watched that you'd

reached out to was it Paramount?

>> Oh, I worked with Paramount.

>> Yeah, work with them. But you'd reached

out to them to say, "Listen, I want to

sharpen my skills

>> as a commentator,

>> as a desk analyst."

>> Des desk analyst. And so you'd reached

out to them post, you know,

postretirement because you wanted to get

more and more into that. I just thought

it was really cool that you proactively

reached out to them and said, "Listen,

I'm here."

>> Yeah. If you guys think that I would be

a good fit anywhere on a broadcast or

anything, I would love to

talk about fighting and talk about this

sport as it continues to grow with what

I've learned through the two decades of

doing it. You know, if I can be a voice

in this area, please let me do it. And

and they did, you know, and I told them

like, I'm coachable. I don't have no

hard feelings. Like, if I'm doing

something wrong, please let me know. I'm

very, you know, because a lot of these

other people who work the desk come from

a media background or things like that.

Of course, we have a lot of fighters,

but who work the desk, but a lot of

these other people might not take

criticism and coaching as well as

somebody who's been coached their whole

life. So, I'm letting them know like if

if there's something I'm doing that is

not the right etiquette, it's not if I

if I can do something better, please let

me know. Coach me. I'm not it's no

judgment. You're never going to rub me

the wrong way. Please let me know. I

want to be good at this. That's what I

was trying to let them know.

>> Well, it's cool. It's cool because a lot

of people, they they come in with a lot

of ego. um especially if they've been at

the the the peak of their powers in one

profession.

>> Yeah.

>> They kind of don't want to humble

themselves enough to be

>> a whole new thing for me. You know,

>> talking on TV and talking about fights

and and things like that is a whole new

thing. So, I wanted to learn as much as

I can.

>> And you have a contract with them?

>> Yeah, I did. We'll see.

>> Oh, you're worried that it might not be.

>> It could be. Yeah.

>> I guess when something like

>> I had a year contract with with

Paramount CBS to work the the desks for

the fights. Okay. Well, I hope they all

stick with you.

>> We'll see. I think on the in a few weeks

I'm back on the podcast. So, I know

they're bringing me back to the Monday

podcast. We talk about fights every

Monday. In two weeks, I'll be back on

that. And so, we'll see if that

continues. You know,

>> you you know, the other thing is you are

you are young. You're 37. I'm 33. And uh

>> you're young.

>> Yeah. Yeah. That's how I can I can

almost relate would be like if my career

was was wrapping up in a couple of

years. Like my main, you know, but I'm

in the I guess my career is business. So

I can kind of do that forever.

>> Well, for sure.

>> But if I if I had to if I'd spent the

last 20 years of my life I've spent the

last 15 years of my life building

businesses. So if I wrapped up in a

couple years time and I had to change

profession and I couldn't do what I've

done for the last 20 years anymore.

>> Gosh,

that's what athletes go through

>> for sure. They climb the mountain and

then aging happens and they get older

like we all do and then they have to

say, "Right, brand new mountain." That

doesn't happen to most people in most

care. You kind of just keep climbing.

>> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

>> True. I never thought about it comparing

it to other other uh careers.

>> Do you enjoy the the desk work?

>> I really do, man.

>> Yeah.

>> That's why I'm scared to lose it, too,

cuz I I really enjoy being connected to

the sport. You know, this sport has,

like I said, given me everything I have.

Me and my family, everything we have is

through fighting.

Just like Jon Jones, where marginal

improvements in your cognitive

performance can have a massive impact,

sometimes I podcast for 10 hours a day.

Over the last couple of weeks, I've been

in filming for a TV show and then I have

like one or two days off to get all of

my work done, which means there's lots

of cognitive load. And so I turned to

ketones because I find myself more

articulate, able to think more clearly,

able to work out better when I'm fueled

by ketones. And so the reason I became a

co-owner of this company and the reason

why they now are a sponsor of this

podcast is because I remember one of my

team members called Cristiana, she tried

it once and came up to my desk and she

goes, "This is the best product ever

made." And I think in part that's

because she really cares about those

cognitive benefits as I do, as Jon Jones

does, and as I think most of my

listeners probably will. So if you