there are only three ways where stress

will break you but the majority of how

stress kills us is because of but this

is completely within your control Mo go

D is back and this time he's on a

mission to help millions of people

manage their stress no matter what their

circumstances stress is very good for

you until it kills you and what most

people don't understand is that it's an

addiction stress is a badge of honor now

it means that I'm wanted I'm needed and

the reality is that 80% of the stuff you

do at work is just to prove your life

but we tell ourselves we're too busy

that's a lie but the truth is that we

are getting to the point where this

turning into burnout anxiety panic

attacks we're all suffering now I think

the most interesting part of stress is

to understand that what breaks us is the

long application of obsessions and

nuisances nuisances are stressors that

are triggered every day and there are so

many of them the first 10 minutes of

your day you get 10 15 stressors and

then obsessions create a lot of stress

as a result of the LI that you told

yourself this is quite serious what do

we do about it though so you get

stressed in four modalities mentally

emotionally physically or spiritually

and each of those is a different

language so your mental stress speaks to

you in a language that is different than

your emotional stress but if you learn

that language then you can easily deal

with that stress when it happens and

it's simple techniques so we should

cover as many of them as we can so first

of all

congratulations diio gang we've made

some progress 63% of you that listen to

this podcast regularly don't subscribe

which is down from

69% our goal is 50% so if you've ever

liked any of the videos we've posted if

you like this channel can you do me a

quick favor and hit the Subscribe button

it helps this channel more than you know

and the bigger the channel gets as

you've seen the bigger the guests get

thank you and enjoy this episode

[Music]

Mo how are you

doing uh I'm here again love it uh it's

always a pleasure to be with you Steve I

am doing

um I am somewhere between the best time

of my life and

uh and the most interestingly inviting

for change time of my life what you

mean I think the I think I'm I'm thanks

to you of course by the way and and many

others I've i' I think my message is

getting to a lot of people I think

that's uh really really really it feels

such an honor to be actually making

progress on my mission and what I stand

for uh but I have to say I think the

world is changing in so many

ways that doing what we've always done

may not deliver the same

results so I feel that I have to revisit

it very

deeply uh how I can continue to help I

how I can continue to explain what I

think will be probably the most needed

in the in the times to come but uh but

also not um I think most people don't

realize how different the world is going

to be in the next 5 years are you

talking about AI again May it's not just

AI Steve we know that it's not just AI

it's not just AI what is

it I remember last time we met I we in

closing I was telling you we hitting the

perfect

storm uh economics

geopolitical uh climate

AI uh synthetic

biology

um yeah and I think the the the the

highlight of it is what I call the end

of the truth if you think about what's

about to happen in our

world and uh yeah I I I will openly say

this is going to be the most stressful

time of any generation that we've ever

met you and

I uh it's it is so disruptive in so many

ways it's so disruptive it doesn't have

to be stressful it can be navigated so

beautifully uh but it is going to be so

unusual so unfamiliar for so many of us

I think what's going to be the cause of

the

stress the biggest reason is is the pace

and the unfamiliarity of the

change it's not the the devastation of

the impact if you think about it I as I

said I think we can all sail through

this I mean a big part of my focus this

year is to is to help

explain how how people can see all

that's happening and really uh and

really sail through it in a way that

doesn't uh halt the progress if you want

But but so much change in such a short

amount of time I think the reality is

that humans become very stressed when we

have a lot of

unfamiliar um you know change happening

in front of us and I think this is where

we stand today we stand in a world where

I think I think it's led by economics

the level of debt in in Western

societies uh that cannot be fixed with

the normal execution of fiscal policies

that leads governments

to to um dilute our economies in ways

that are affecting that is you know

basically everyone

feels uh but I have to admit I think

that you know the

current economic and geopolitical view

of the world is leading lots of

governments in the world to

um yeah to to create um to create

conflicts that

are uh that are going to expand beyond

the current Horizon I I I don't know if

this is how we want to start the

conversation but I I believe you know

you know how it is it's Wars are not the

results of conflict conflict is the

needed trigger to start a

war uh or the illusion of a conflict is

the needed trigger to start a war that

helps fiscal policy and sets GE

political stance on situations and I

think our world is becoming quite

interestingly a world where the truth is

morphed in ways that uh you and I uh are

unable to figure out so that we can uh

so that we can agree to the leaders

doing things that we shouldn't allow

them to do and as a result of that we

most of us are going to be in a dilemma

economically politically

sometimes safety wise and sometimes

um purpose-- wise uh very uh very

unusual times when you think about the

times we're living in more

broadly what is the most important sort

of context in your in your mind for the

viewer to understand if they're trying

to understand how you're seeing the

world right now because you've written a

book now about the subject of stress and

I know that you're someone who's got you

know so many different books in your

mind and in your soul that you're always

working on sometimes for years and years

sometimes those books never make it out

so for you to commit your energy and

time to writing a book about stress for

me as someone that knows you well it is

a clue of sorts to a perspective you

have topic yeah on the nature of the

world what is that n nature of the world

what is the backdrop there that you're

seeing it is the top Topic in my mind uh

first of all I I wrote this because of

my co-author Ellis Alis uh came to me at

a point in time and she

said you know you cannot continue to

write about happiness and well-being

without addressing stress right Alice

herself had a very uh stressful you know

uh stage of her life in her 20s and she

learned through it that it's not the

events of your life that stress you it's

the way that you deal with them that

does right and and so we started to work

on this um around uh 2021

uh but then we suddenly recognized that

this probably is the topic of the time

right so so unstress is a part of a big

strategy to try and get a million people

out of stress every year uh simply

because uh I think the mounting stress

in the world is one uh because of events

outside most people's

controls uh and two is because stress

will cause more stress so so what is

happening in our world today you you

walk the streets and you feel it right

you know you you can you can easily see

that people are struggling economically

for example and so they are um behaving

in ways that are stressing others let's

you know you know it's it's a bit less

safe in the city of London it's a bit um

you know more um challenging to make

ends meet and so on and so forth right

so the truth of the matter is that the

events are leading those who are

not uh capable of dealing with stress to

a situation where where where they will

be more stressed okay and and you ask me

what is the state of the world I think

the state of the world is that we let me

try to explain

this think of a think of hunters

gatherers right uh when Hunters

gatherers um when the best hunter in the

tribe went out to hunt you could

probably feed the tribe for a couple of

days more right when the best farmer uh

you know managed his or her Farm better

you could probably feed the tribe for a

month more right when the best

manufacturer uh manufactured something

you could probably feed or serve the

world for a month more scale continues

to grow right but at the same time the

the gain of the best hunter was probably

two more wives the gain of the best

farmer was probably millions of dollars

the gain of the best industrialist was

probably billions of dollars the the the

award the reward that you get as a

result of automation so think of it as

as the uh you know as the conduit that

you put your efforts through to get

something on the other side gets

magnified a long time now with what is

about to happen from an economic and

technological point of view the gains

are going to become massive right so one

platform owner such as open AI for

example will almost entirely own for a

while until they are disrupted the

commodity that we call intelligence

right they they will almost have a plug

in the wall where you know you plug in

and you get 100 IQ more points more

right the amount of power that this

generates for the company for the

country for the economy for the culture

Becomes prohibitive of every other

company and every other culture and so

everyone's competing right uh most

people don't talk about that because

they're not aware of the scale of the

conflict if you want so we are about to

head into a world where Nations that are

struggling economically have found an

opportunity to get out of where they

are uh at the expense of the rest of of

society and that's going to cause a lot

of stress it's going to cause stress in

the replacement of jobs it's going to

cause stress economically it's going to

cause stress about the uncertainty of

geopolitical uh landscape uh it's going

to cause stress around you know I'm I'm

even I am not able to keep up with the

speed at which technology is changing

right so that becomes all of that change

all of that uncertainty I think is going

to cause uh a situation where a lot of

us dealing with things that might make

us anxious I was looking at some of Ray

Kell's work he's obviously one of the

leading futurists in the world and there

was a chat called um I think it was

called Michael Simmons that studied his

work and produced some predictions based

on his predictions and he said that if

you're 10 years old now by the age of 60

you'll experience a Year's change at

today's rate in 10 days exact if you're

40 now you'll experience by the time you

get to 60 you'll experience a Year's

change in 3 months at today's rate and

the 21st century will experience I think

he said 10,000 years of change which is

a thousand times more or whatever than

the yeah than the previous um century

and I remember thinking about how how

one can navigate that without you know

losing losing their mind to be honest if

if the world is changing at such a speed

and you feel dis you surely would feel

disempowered to some degree yeah uh I

mean one of the very first principles of

unstress is the idea of limit it's the

idea of being able to choose what to let

in and what not to let in because there

is that constant attempt to keep up with

what's happening uh that uh goes beyond

human ability and and in reality uh you

know I I as I said I I can't even keep

up with what's happening I I don't know

if you've seen the latest editions of

Chad jpt or Sora or whatever you can now

have full conversations full

conversations with an engine that

appears very human that you know um

changes its tonalities that um answers

in a very clever way that is so

political and so well presented you know

when you ask the the difficult questions

it will say things like oh no you know

this is subject to human Ingenuity and

when humans do this they seriously like

a machine is so good at giving me the

answer that politicians give me and and

it's quite interesting when you really

think that this is last time we spoke

about uh you know AI was what a year ago

yeah yeah there is a point in time where

your well-being is

not uh as a matter of fact all all the

time your your well-being is not the

result of the events happening in your

life you know as I said the slogan of

unstress is it's not the events of your

life that stress you it's the way you

deal with them that does right and there

is a point we were chatting before we we

started uh filming the you know you and

I make choices you and I make choices

that stress us right and and believe it

or not we make those choices not because

we're not intelligent enough to

recognize the impact we make those

choices because we are so caught up on

in that cycle right and that cycle keeps

speeding up and you get caught up in it

and you and I are the kinds of people

that you know think a little too much of

ourselves like I can keep I can keep

going I can keep faster I can go faster

right I can take more H the truth is no

I think that I think we're in entering a

time of human evolution if you ask me

where it's about time that you make your

well-being your number one top priority

your number one top priority because it

it seems to me that we are all getting

into forget all of the big picture stuff

you know economic and geopolitical and

so on but ask me how many of the people

that you know H friends acquaintances

co-workers whatever who are not

stressed right there there are studies

now that will tell you 70 to 80% of

clinics visits of doctor visits are

because of stress related illness right

this is quite serious and and you know

sometimes you look back at covid days

and you say this is the biggest pandemic

of our of our time it's not stress is

the biggest pandemic of our time by a

very very very large margin almost

everyone you know is stressed in in in

an interesting way

right now stress in itself is not a bad

thing you know if you have a

presentation or a or a podcast with an

important person tomorrow and you're

preparing for it stress is good for you

right but the truth is that we are

getting to the point where good is

turning into burnout it's turning into

anxiety it's turning into panic attacks

it's turning into you know it it really

is getting the tall on on you know we're

we're all suffering so we have to change

that we have to find a way where we can

actually deal with our world as it is

because we're not going to be able to

change that world so that we're not as

stressed by it as as the world is making

it uh you

know sort of dictating to us that we

should be that

stressed in the book you describe stress

as the new Addiction mhm why why are we

addicted to stress it's a status

symbol it's a status symbol so there are

two ways we uh invite stress proudly

into our life one one way is I'm busy is

is a badge of honor now right it's like

I'm busy means I'm wanted I'm needed

okay it means that look at me you know I

I have enough to do right and some sadly

if you're not in that space you start to

tell yourself maybe I should be in that

space the opposite of of of Sanity if

you ask me right other is because we're

unable to sit with our

brains we're unable to Simply say look

I'm just going to sit down and reflect

on the week because if you you know if

you start to sit with yourself demons

pop up like oh you're not so you're

you're not good enough oh you know they

they didn't like you when you said this

or right all of the negative thoughts

pop up and interestingly that that

psychological discomfort if you want one

of the easiest way Beyond social media

one of the easiest ways to get rid of it

is to keep your brain busy in something

else so you keep adding stuff right and

and in a very interesting way I think

you and I both experienced that you make

decisions you design your life and then

the stress follows two and a half months

later okay I know for a fact this is my

fourth book right and even though Alice

is really really really doing an amazing

amount of the work that's needed for the

book I that burned out every book right

publishing a book is just a grueling job

simply because people don't buy books

because of the content that's in them

right they buy them because of the

marketing that you do about them right

and it's you know it's my biggest job if

I want to get a million people out of

stress to Simply make them make people

pre-order the book because if they

pre-order the book the book pops up on

the bestseller list and then a million

people not a million but you know

100,000 people get to see it every day

and think about stress right the the

challenge

is you know it's going to happen and yet

you had a couple of speaking engagements

and four podcast recordings and one trip

to do this and right and then in the

middle of all of this which actually was

my year this year and you know my mom

fell and you know I lost my brother and

my sister and you know it was a very

difficult year but I didn't know that

this was going to be the case back in

November when I was planning my February

and March right and so we're going

through those

cycles and then suddenly life pops up

and goes like all right let me show you

what it is okay and yet you know on the

next book or on the next tour or on the

next you know work appointment we just

overload ourselves to the point that is

beyond human it's it is if you ask me it

has all of the symptoms of addiction

okay it you know it is a a um you know a

a a substance almost that we're

using because it justifies to us that

you know this is the way we should

live so what would my workaholic brain

say my workaholic brain would rebuttal

youo and say well if I don't load my

calendar and if I don't work 100 hour

weeks then I'm going to miss out on my

own potential I'm not going to live the

life I could have lived I could I you

know if I keep working like this I'm

going to be able to get a big plane and

a mansion and a sports car and I'm going

to be free and I'm going to have the

best holidays and the best food so

that's why I'm doing absolutely not the

truth you you know that for a fact that

the week you don't work is the week you

are most

productive you know that for a fact that

you know that I mean think about it huh

I could load my calendar with a million

podcast interviews and that would never

allow me the time to write a

book the the the reason why we we we you

you may have a diff you may make a

difference to anything to your your your

relationship with your loved ones to

your career to your uh you know uh uh a

contribution to whatever is because you

allow yourself those

spaces in which creativity happens in

which Ingenuity happens in which real

connection happens in which you know and

and you know that for a fact you know

for a fact that you're heading to

Australia that you're going to produce

nothing in that trip other than

consuming what you've produced

before correct M yeah it's true yeah and

and so and so so the question is where

is the balance is the balance is the

balance in me loading my calendar for my

potential or is the balance in freeing

my calendar for my potential so so this

year here for for example I have uh I

struggled with with two things I mean my

team is an incredible team who are very

motivated very very hardworking and each

carries a separate responsibility right

so they they'd all P pull on my

availability right to get things

achieved and so what do they do one will

pop up and say I have this incredible

guest you know this Steven Bartlet gu is

great guy you should have him on your

podcast you're going to be in London

that day why don't you invite him over

right and then another will say oh but

hold on you know this newspaper wants to

talk to you and then a third will say oh

but there is this customer that wants

you to speak and and so on right and

what ends up happening is that you and I

don't blame you and every one of us when

presented with opportunities you go like

come on man push yourself a little bit

right two things happen you push

yourself to the point where you end up

getting burned out okay by the way I say

that with love but especially when you

get older

like your body just can't take it

anymore right at the same time what ends

up happening is that you're uh you're

depriving yourself of the true

productivity the true productivity is

that 1 hour in the morning where you're

not stressed where your calender is not

loaded or you sit down and write the

perfect email to someone that changes

something or make the perfect call to

someone that does something for you or

you write down a concept that fits in

your next book or and so on and so forth

and that applies to everyone huh it it

is that 1 hour in the morning where I

make my coffee and I sit with Hannah my

wife and we connect so deeply right it's

that one hour and the question is how

valuable is

that how valuable is that hour as

compared to the consumption hours all of

the hours where you're being used not to

not to realize your potential but to but

to react to potential you've already

achieved and for all of work I mean I

when I when I ran my business at Google

H I refused to be in meetings openly I

was like why and by the way I encouraged

my people uh the idea of showing up in a

meeting is just to say hey by the way

I'm here I clicked in in the morning uh

stamped my my entry card or whatever I

don't know what you call it in English

but I I attended and I'm alive look at

me I'm sending an email just so that you

know I exist right I think in my entire

career 12 years at Google I sent four

emails I initiated four emails okay yes

I responded to to emails that basically

said Mo what do you think of that if an

email didn't say mo what did you think

of that I wouldn't respond

why they're not asking for my opinion

why should I why why wen't you sending

initiating more emails because you

initiate one email and you get a

shitload of emails back right and and

what's the point right why don't you

just simply tell tell yourself hey by

the way I have no need to prove that I

exist the proof that I exist is I

deliver my

numbers right and so when I when I

initiated an email people read it so how

did you get things done then called

people phone calls or or walks or

conversations in the corridors or you

know a a quick um like hey by the way

what's up with this and we had weekly

reviews and we had you know lots of

connections human connections right by

the way most of the time nothing

requires you to interrupt the flow most

of the time to interrupt the flow of the

weekend nothing cannot be discussed in

the weekly review on

Monday right and and I think that the

reality is that we're creating you we're

saying it's an addiction you're creating

all of those circumstances to make it

look like everything is

so you know like it's so crucial and

it's so urgent and it's so important

because we can squeeze out that 5% more

efficiency yeah I I give up on the 5%

more and 95% of the efficiency you can

achieve with 20% of the

work I'm trying to figure out if there's

you have to

concede that you will be less Innovative

productive if

you wean yourself off your stress

addiction because this is obviously the

B Li I think I have with myself if I'm

honest I think I think I tell myself the

story that you know working really

really hard working all hours and really

throwing myself into it is because I'm

going to get close to my potential and

then someday I don't have to work as

much my life will be free and these are

the kind of you know narratives I tell

myself which as I say them I know I'm

like that's embarrassing sorry I am so

sorry i l but but this is this is

identical to the story of you know there

is this very very interesting Fable of

the billionaire that goes to the to the

beach somewhere and he finds a fisherman

and the fisherman goes fishing and he

gets two fish you know sells one in the

market and then feeds his family the

other one and so the billionaire goes

like no no no no no you're you're wrong

you're wrong you're you're doing this

wrong you should uh you know go get four

fish or as many as you can huh and you

know and and basically sell them in the

market and he goes like why and he says

then you can buy a bigger boat and what

do I do with a bigger boat you buy even

more you get even more fish right and

you know what what do I do with that you

sell all of it and you get a fleet and

you know what do you do with the fleet

you get even more fish and he says why

and he goes like then you can retire

happily and sit on you know live in a

place near the ocean and go out in your

boat every morning and the guy goes like

but I'm going out in my boat every

morning already like why are you telling

me this story they we've been given a

dream we've been given a dream okay and

that dream is more is better faster is

better we've been given a dream that

says I need to I need a billion dollars

to feel comfortable not really I mean

you're not you're not a fancy guy don't

drive up a Lamborghini right so so you

the truth is the truth is we really

really really can have a much bigger

impact and impact on what by the way

because if the impact is I'm going to

change the world is that a better and

more important impact than I'm going to

hug my

daughter because think about it huh

relatively I'm going to spend time with

my girlfriend or my wife I'm going to

you know

relatively it's you succeed at what you

set your priority to and is there a

balance somewhere is there a balance

that says I'm going to limit my

life to achieve impact but the

95% right give up the 5% and save

yourself 80% of the

effort Mo most people when when people

go to to work I I'm going to say this is

going to upset a lot of people but 80%

of the stuff you do at work is just to

prove your

life okay 20% of what you do at work

actually achieves the numbers okay

that's the truth of all work

generated and and in your own day you

know can you actually do it with the

objective of I'm going to achieve 100%

of my target 110% of my target but I'm

going to do that with the minimum amount

of effort fairly to my employer I'm not

cheating anyone I'm delivering is the is

the problem that we don't have a Target

because I don't have a Target so for me

it's um because I can I should I

maximize whatever I can do to Achieve

Financial gains or uh you know followers

gains or numbers on the podcast and so

on Amazing Just Add a Target H and say

and I maximize my well-being in the

process suddenly the equation becomes

incredibly

different it it enables you to do this

longer it enables you to do it more

effectively one of the backbone models

of unstress is something we call the

Three L's limit learn and lesson right

and limit believe it or not is the

absolute

core of a lot of what we call nuisances

so so let me try to explain this at a

very top level the the the the sources

of your of stress in your life uh we

call them a ton of stress t o NN right

and you know trauma obsessions nuisances

and noise trauma happens from outside

you it's a major change in your life and

it hits you so hard and it breaks you

for a short time but believe it or not

91% of people will face at least one but

but often several PTSD inducing

traumatic event in their life that's

like the L loss of a loved one or you

know losing your job so unexpectedly to

to to the point you have to suffer or

whatever okay being in a war zone and so

on Believe It or Not 93% of them will

recover within 3 months trauma is not

what breaks us right the the interesting

stuff that breaks us is the long

application of obsessions nuisances and

Trauma and and and noise obsessions are

macro issues that you tell yourself

don't exist in the real world at all

okay like I have a belly a little belly

so no one will ever love me you can you

can obsess about this for the rest of

your life right and and make it your

life story and basically create a lot of

stress as a result of that script that

you told yourself okay uh you know

nuisances are the little ones the little

forms of that you know things that are

triggered every day by you passing in

front of the of the mirror as you walk

out of the door and you go like um man

you're still fat or whatever right

believe it or not most of our stress

however comes because of what we call

nuisances nuisances are are stressors

that don't break you they're not trauma

okay but there are so many of them that

you include in your life so many of them

when Alice wrote uh uh you know the

limit bit of the of the chapter she she

wrote a beautiful script about the first

5 minutes or 10 minutes of your day and

she started to count the stressors that

you trigger in in your life in those

minutes from the very loud alarm right

to the to the you know opening your your

social media and seeing something

upsetting or you know open opening

WhatsApp and getting a message you don't

like and so on and so forth right and

this is five minutes 10 minutes before

you even had your coffee you get 10 15

stressors the trick is how beneficial

for your life have those been and if

we're aware if we're able to look at

those stressors and say hold on I'm

going to take an inventory of all of the

things that stressed me last week okay a

genuinely honest inventory and I'm going

to tell myself oh by the way I don't

need this I don't need this I don't need

this I don't need this right my commute

if I leave 10 minutes early would it be

easier if I leave 10 minutes late would

it be easier if I if I take music or the

diary of the CEO podcast with me would

it become easier right and and if you

actually attentively deliberately look

at all of the nuances in in your life H

how many of them can you limit countless

I promise you you can limit countless

nuisances you can remove that friend

that's annoying you okay by simply

texting them and saying I don't want to

be your friend anymore or or simply

winding down the conversations or when

they tell send you something or talk to

you about something you go like oh very

interesting right instead of engaging in

those things can you can you limit the

you know the the the the amount of junk

food you get you let into your life can

you limit the amount of restrictions and

control that you apply to yourself in

your life and millions of little things

a lot of them feel like obligations do

they really yeah yeah do you want to

live out of obligation do you know what

I mean friendships feel like obligations

we've committed to do something go to an

event take part in a charity whatever it

is you know and they feel like

obligations now so we we feel like we

have to see it through even if it's

causing us stress or just Comfort she's

amazing coming from you because you're

one of the most shrewd business people I

know I'm not even talking about myself

although actually I am talking about

myself because some of the things I was

thinking about do feel like obligations

and I do wish I could just and and and

how do you do that in business Steve I

know you really well you'd say you you'd

stay you'd say a straight no without

explanation you wouldn't even apologize

it's the things that I've already

managed to tie myself in because you

know old Steve overestimated future

Steve's Capac

St old Mo and and future old Steve

stitches up future Steve because you

know old Steve is you know super

ambitious and he doesn't understand

there's only 24 hours a day and you know

look I mean I'm I'm not immune to this I

it's actually my biggest issue my

biggest challenge

is this beginning of this year I sat

down and I realized I had 18 full-time

jobs sounds familiar yeah right and I

cut them down to nine

right and I went to everyone I love and

I celebrated and I said look I cut them

down by 50% and they looked at me and

said they're still nine you must have

had to upset some

people I I simply said that's it we're

not doing this project you're going to

hurt some people's feelings there the

truth is by the way I think we're

talking at your your life and my life

but this applies to everyone listening

right you have this person that

constantly calls you and says hey let's

go out for coffee and the coffee is

annoying like hell right and you're like

yeah but I've known them for 20 years

and they're really lovely I swear to you

I had one of my really close wonderful

friends who was really really struggling

with his ego so most of the

conversations would be around him trying

to

prove that he's good enough and I had a

lovely conversation with them I said at

the end of one of those coffee meetings

I said I think we shouldn't meet again

he said what do you mean you're

traveling I said no no every time I sit

next to you you make me miserable and he

said why and I said because you're

constantly trying to do ab and C can you

change that please right simple H if he

managed to change it I would have stayed

he didn't manage to change it we met

again and I said look I love you very

much and I think we should be friends

but not to the point where we meet every

Sunday doesn't make any sense for me to

volunteer part of my son Sunday to

suffer right and and it is actually

quite possible to do that lovingly by

saying look I realize that you are in

this stage it's not my responsibility to

take you out of it by the way that's not

what friends are for my responsibility

as a friend is to be there when you ask

me a specific thing that relates to what

you're going through that I'm capable of

providing but just sitting there for 4

hours to listen to something that I'm

not able to change doesn't doesn't make

any

sense right and some of of our listeners

will be stuck in that relationship right

that is really abusive or really not you

know effective or and and what are they

doing it's an obligation you know we've

been together for years it's you know

it's it's he's he or she is not that bad

and is that the truth H is you know can

you can you make choices that simply say

I will put my well-being my mental

well-being first what is the short-term

cost of putting ourselves first because

that's often the thing that prevents us

doing it is there is a clear short-term

cost I understand the long-term gain

potentially but the shortterm thing is

the thing that keeps us in prison so

Hannah my my wonderful wife is a

therapist so therapy is not a topic you

know psychology is not a topic I I

researched heavily uh so she's teaching

me quite a bit and and one of the

biggest eye openers for me is that she

said we love consistency we hate change

even if change is good for us okay so if

we if we uh you know follow a script

that says I am ugly or I am not good

enough or whatever changing that script

that script is painful but changing that

script is more painful because your your

survival mechanism says I'm familiar

with this pain I know how to deal with

this pain I don't want the uncertainty

right so so you know the the way we

started this this podcast and you asked

me what what is the most stressful thing

about the modern world is that

unfamiliarity of the future where were

unable to to know what it looks like and

so we resist we resist the change we say

look I am in this place I know how to do

it very well it's hurting my back it's

keeping me on Long flights it's doing

this it's doing that but I'm really very

familiar with it okay I always make a a

big joke about this when I was leaving

Google

X so I uh I was um you know obviously

soul for happy was booming one you know

my my 1 billion happy mission was 10

million happy when we started the first

print of the book and and 10 million

took eight weeks like you have to tell

yourself sorry for my English

Google like you know I I have to I have

to focus on this right but when I was

leaving Google and Google was so kind to

me and I was very fortunate and I made a

reasonable amount of money don't have

most of it now anymore but at the time I

started to tell myself but what about

the future of I am my daughter okay but

what about my ex and her her needs what

about this what about that do I have the

financial resources to do this typical

engineer I started that spreadsheet okay

put every possible expense put every

possible uh you know uh um source of

Revenue and so on and it appeared to be

okay right and so my brain volunteers to

tell me oh but hold on Mo what if there

is a nuclear war because the you know

the IR Iranians don't agree with the

Americans and that the nuclear dust

comes to Dubai so your real estate

portfolio in Dubai gets wiped out and

what will happen then and yeah if you

want to continue to to hold on to your

you know safety mechanisms you're going

to end up in a place where there is

always something that that could go

wrong and the answer was if that happens

I think I'll be a lot a lot more

concerned about other things than how

much revenue I'm making at the time

right and the truth is for every single

one of us we we we are afraid of the

change so we stick to the familiar okay

and the familiar could be killing

us and it's quite interesting that we

know it could be killing us whatever

scale you are in in the world right you

you know you're you're studying

something you not you're not enjoying

but it's familiar I went on that path

it's been 3 years

already right and I'm not saying jump

and say that's it and start over that

consistency matters but tell yourself I

have one more year to finish I'll finish

this year with with the minimum effort

to achieve the result and I'll start to

look at other parts of my Life by

reinvesting my hours right I you know

you're stuck in that relationship but

dating is horrible I don't want to leave

that person around yeah but you know if

it's not working that sooner or later

you're going to leave the person right

and I think my story and your stories

are great examples of what happens when

you leave that person

I mean not yours but M mine like when

when you're available so that when the

right person shows up you're there if

you're you know your true obligation to

yourself is to put yourself in those

situations of

uncertainty that you chose calculated

risks rather than let the world push you

you know like Alice constantly speaks

about the world will always push you to

either heal or change direction okay

quite interestingly the the way we write

both of us is very very interesting

because Alice is you know so soft and

feminine and spiritual in her writing

I'm a freaking engineer like everything

to me is an equation and a bullet point

and so on so I always say the world will

push you to change direction or to

learn Brainiac she she says the the

world will push you to change direction

or to heal H they're more or less the

same but learning is like sort of The

Brainiac process of it and and healing

is the so so why not why not get

yourself in the place where the world

wants you to be so that you he or change

direction why not make that decision

yourself so many of us contend with loss

verion don't we and this is I was you

know Daniel kman he passed away I think

three or four days ago and he's did he

yeah he's a

real amazing writer an amazing thinker

he was incredible really really

incredible individual that's inspired so

many people including myself in so many

ways um but I I remember that paper he

produced I think in the 1980s about loss

AV verion I know the the the paintings

yeah yeah yeah remember that yeah and in

that in in that work where he discovers

this term loss of version he talks about

how um humans need the gain to be two to

three times bigger than the thing they

lose the possible loss yeah yeah so the

pain we experience from losing 10 pounds

on the floor or1 on the floor isn't

equal to the pleasure we experien from

finding 10 we'd have to find 20 or 30 to

equal the pain of losing 10 and that

speaks I think in some part why people

stay in the situation they're in because

for me to go after a better relationship

it better appear to be two to three

times better than the one I'm going to

lose or the job it you know has to

appear to be two to three times better

than the one I'm sacrificing and that

almost Keeps Us pinned down I actually

did a bit of research a couple of years

ago as to why we have loss AV verion

like what's the evolutionary basis and

the best answer I could find was that we

come from a a background of trading with

like other rapes and stuff and there was

there's often a risk that the person

might not trade back or the you know so

we factor that into the trade yeah we

factor in the the probability that we

won't it won't be be an equal trade

life's not an equal trade we pursue

things and we don't get them and I think

that's part of what's holding us in

situations aren't serving us and in the

stress you

describe it's uh it's uh it's surprising

though if you look back at your

life and you really take a factual view

of the of the history of your life most

of the time when you lost something you

opened up a space that allowed something

else to walk in right this is the truth

of life right if if you you know if you

lose a job that's the only time where

you're allowed to actually find another

job it's a shame hindsight doesn't have

the wisdom of foresight because your

brain is a survival mechanism your brain

is constantly ignoring all of that all

that you've learned and saying there

could be a nuclear war right and and

it's quite interesting when you really

think about it because I always say if

your worst fear have ever fears have

ever happened you wouldn't be here right

now okay and by the way if some of them

happened surprisingly you're still here

isn't that interesting huh so yes your

worst fear happened and you made it

because you never factor in the reality

of how resilient you actually are and

and I think that the the the trick

really is not is also not not the the

fact that we should be a little

conservative and cons you know concerned

about certain things but how much of our

life should we be concerned about like

if you if you really rank the the things

that are important in your life how many

of them actually matter enough so that

you don't make the change four five

right that but there but we hold on to

200,000 other things below the four or

five 200 let's say

2,000 realistically for each and every

one of us that you know my Hannah when

Hannah came to my home the first time uh

she uh looked at my home and she said oh

Hannah Hannah is my wife yeah uh I fell

in love badly badly and and you know and

again because I had space in my life

just remember that we're going to talk

about that later are we really are we

going to go talk about unstressful at

all the the the the when she came to my

home the first time she said oh because

she follows my podcast and she knows my

works and and so on she said oh you're

not a minimalist you're a minimalist

want to be and and I said what do you

mean because I am reasonably minimalist

right but but she has that uh you know

attitude to things where she says it's

only going to come into my life if I

truly love it truly love it like you

know I I have 16 types of tea in my uh

in my cupboard some of them have never

tasted right she has two but she really

loves them right and and I think that's

the trick the trick is when you rank

life H you you hold on to that you know

box of Earl gry that you you bought a

year ago and you know you're like yeah

I'll drink it one day will you really

right you hold on to that friend that

you met when you were four and you know

yeah this changed you changed right but

we hold on to those things and the trick

is can we actually let go of those

things can we leave the space for other

things to come in or for us to chill and

find expansion in our life right so so I

you know I I I used to have that

attitude of trying everything Saturday

to to throw 10 things away from my home

okay Believe It or Not

endlessly endlessly you can throw 10 10

things or give give away 10 give away 10

things uh from your home you know last

Saturday I had this beautiful um uh

humidifier you know just to make the the

room a little more uh humid okay and I

was like should I keep it should I throw

it away should I keep it should I throw

it away and then I plugged it in and it

didn't work I haven't used it for like a

year and half and you have to imagine

that so many of those things are there

they're bugging you down they're

stressing your life so if they're not

used they're stressing you and and you

can choose to leave them just leave them

behind do you believe that do you

believe that if you're not using it even

if it's just sat there that it's

stressing you out 100% and it's actually

and and you're depriving it of the

opportunity to

live so so think about I know this is

philosophical but a humidifier is

supposed to

humidify right it's it's not supposed to

sit there and look pretty if you're not

using it someone else will use it right

and believe it or not the simple impact

of when they're using it you save them

the the need to actually buy another one

right and in in doing that you might

have contributed a tiny bit to our

planet and and you know the the hoarding

that we have in our lives the number of

things that we keep I you know I I love

Arabic incense h and like everything and

you see sometimes silly things like you

know it's so what each of those is like

$10 I had like 14 different uh scents

right and then I realized you know what

anytime I light an incent I light one

okay and when I need to to order another

one I'll get it within one day so when

this one is about to finish and I've

really enjoyed it really loved it I'll

order another one limit you're you're

supposed to constantly limit the number

of things in your life by the way you

know you you may think it's not taking

away from your life but it's taking

space it's taking attention it's taking

the space of something else it's you

know requiring you to deal with it clean

it dust it it's just why is this what

you refer to in that stress quadrant

from unstress as

noise noise no noise is what happens

from within your head okay so it's

little stressors H that you don't

uh that that don't happen in the real

world okay it's little stressors that

you know when I'm when I'm uh uh looking

at myself in the mirror or when I'm

driving and thinking about oh you messed

up on that thing right it's it's

generated so the the ton of stress is

very straightforward it is uh external

and internal macro and micro so if you

look at stress coming from within you or

from outside you right internal and

external and if you look at it coming

from a small reason of stress or a big

reason of stress the the great example

is trauma is macro external macro

meaning it's a very very high stressful

impact uh you know very significant

comes from outside you we don't cause

ourselves trauma something else causes

us trauma right that trauma capital T

here huh and and and yeah so it's noise

is micro it's like that constant nagging

in your head like you know you you need

to uh your hair is starting to show

white like so constant nagging it's like

you're getting old okay it's it's small

it doesn't kill you but if you say it

every day starts to become uh quite

significant which actually is really I

think the most interesting part of of

stress is to understand that stress is

very good for you right until it kills

you and I think what most people don't

understand is that there are only three

ways where stress will break you one is

trauma outside you but we said you'll

recover very quickly the other is

burnout and the third is anticipation of

stress okay and these two are completely

within your control so trauma is outside

your control but 93% will recover in 3

months 96% will recover in 6 months and

most of us will actually get

post-traumatic growth so postt trauma

you'll be fine okay the majority of how

stress kills us is burnout which is a

large very large number of small

stressors so the burnout equation as I

wrote it in the book is the number of

stressors multiplied by the intensity of

each multiplied by the time of

application of each multiplied by the

frequency of application so take a

commute for example if if you commute is

one

stressor multiplied by if it's a two

hours commute and it's very annoying and

you're surrounded by people it's very

intense okay and if you have to do it

twice a day it's very different than if

you do it four times a day okay and if

you have to do it every day it's very

different than if you have to do it once

a week so you add all of those up the

sigma of all of those when that reaches

the breaking point of what you can carry

as a human you'll break right and and

and normally you'll break because of a

tiny thing like your best friend goes

like hey chubby and you go like what I

can't take this anymore and you can

cannot take out go go out of of bed

anymore you know previously you would go

like yeah skinny whatever you you would

just laugh about about it and and I

think the trick

is is to to say save yourself from

burnout it's not that what one L

stressor right it's it is all of the

other 400 stressors that piled up so

that when that last one is applied you

break right and and it's it is quite

interesting because we know we normally

never break because of stress it's not

the event that breaks us okay so so one

of of the interesting topics and

unstress is is of course Alice in her

very spiritual soft you know um um um

practice approach you know wrote her her

parts of the book and I was like Alice I

I just still don't get it and and she

she said what don't you get and and in

my Approach I said in physics right

stress is very defined stress is very

clear in physics right your an object is

stressed when you uh uh when you stress

an object you apply a force to a square

area to the cross-section of the object

right the object the stress is not just

the the result of the force it's not the

external stressor the external challenge

or threat that we face that stresses us

it's your square area that also plays in

that equation so basically our stress as

humans if you apply the same concept of

physics is the intensity of the

challenges that you face divided by the

skills and resources es and the

abilities that you have to deal with

that stress right so the stress equation

is your you know the challenge divided

by the resources okay and that's why

someone you know like you may be able to

carry things that would make someone

freak out it's it's the reason why

someone like me would you know laugh

about things that made me freak out in

my 20s right because you not because the

event is different it's because you

increased your resource

so how does someone increase their

resources because I think everybody

listening to this now either they're

that person or they know someone who um

flaps yeah when things get a little bit

tricky they flap yeah so and when I'm

saying flap if you don't know what I'm

saying I mean like they Panic or they

they worry or they have like a bit of a

panic and worry is a different topic we

should absolutely cover that right so so

panic and worry is is breaking down

under the anticipation of threats yeah

okay but but but it when it comes to

dealing with stress right you know I

don't know how to say it but someone in

at at work when I used to be in the

corporate world would walk in and say oh

the CEO has changed you know we've been

working on this deal for the last N9

month and the CEO has changed everything

has collapsed and I'm like no it hasn't

no I've done 200 deals in my life where

the CEO has changed and you have to

rebuild your network and you have to do

this and that and so on I mean I think

the most valuable example I remember in

my life is to the 2008 crisis so when I

joined Google uh my boss which I really

adore at the time he was so direct and

very shrewd and so the introduction when

I joined the management meeting the

first day is he says hey everyone this

is Mo he's bringing the average age of

the company up and I was like one more

sentence please like please say

something else he didn't that was it the

introduction is he's bringing the

average age of the company up but when

the economic crisis of 2008 happened

Google completely panics and the older

group goes like it's not the first time

we've seen economic crisis before it's

cyclical this is what happens maybe we

should behave this way right it's the

same event but you have more resources

because you've seen it over and over

right so it's your accountability as a

person to tell

yourself that I need to learn the

techniques okay that I need to

understand to be able to manage stress

and and the way we we wrote them in and

unstress is we said you get stressed in

four modalities you get stressed

mentally get stressed emotionally

physically or spiritually okay and each

of those is a different I don't know how

to say a different language course so

your mental stress speaks to you and

responds to you in a language that is

different than your emotional stress

it's different than your physical stress

that's different than your spiritual

stress okay but if you learn that

language H then you can easily

deal with that stress when it happens

okay and it's simple techniques like you

know we probably should cover as many of

them as we can but take the simplest

thing mental stress is the kind of

stress that wakes you up at 4:00 a.m. at

night because a thought is running

through your head you can't stop it

right simple techniques are write the

thought down okay promise yourself that

you're going to think about it in the

morning before you go to bed and most of

the time if you

simply let the thought reside on paper

it won't res in your head okay and keep

the promise so when you wake up the next

morning actually think about that

thought that you that you made the

promise to your brain that you will

simple technique and there are hundreds

of those like you know we have in in the

mental stress space for example we have

something we call the gy g y m m m m mm

so eight eight different practices right

and and and the trick here

is learn that technique apply that

technique and you will be able to deal

with stress a little bit better okay and

you know creating a support network your

ability to uh question your thoughts you

know I have a technique that we I call

meat Becky the idea that you allow your

brain to express things and share them

rather than block them and so on and so

forth right and and and that skill in

mental stress is very very different

than emotional stress okay because your

brain speaks to you all the time it

rarely ever if if if at all ever tells

you the truth that's the language that

your brain speaks it only tells you what

it thinks is the truth okay your

emotions speak to you all the time and

it's always the truth right if if you're

afraid you're afraid there's no there's

no lying about that okay but the problem

is that emotions are so subtle they're

so Blended they're brush Strokes of

multiple emotions overlaid on each other

and we're told not to acknowledge them

at all so we don't even respond to the

language right your body speaks in in in

in aches and and pains okay what why

that smile before you go to Australia

right but but but yeah but we ignore it

completely we go like this is normal

this is it's normal to have aches and

pains you know I'm traveling for 16

hours must have aches and pains right no

you you must not you you you you have

aches and pains because you're stressing

your body okay but if your body is your

priority you're not going to have the

aches and pains right your spirit would

cry through intuition I mean Spirit here

is not a religious thing right but your

non-physical part call it your

Consciousness the part that doesn't

relate to your physical form okay it

sends you signals all the time related

to your purpose and what you're supposed

to be doing through your intuition how

many of us listen to our intuition when

we're running through life and and so

when these are skills this is the entire

body of the book the

skills of how do you build your your

resources in terms of spotting by

listening to the language that the

modality speaks to you spotting that

you're being stressed and then how do

you actually speak back to it and deal

with it with the resources that you need

so that you you're not that stressed

anymore how do we how do we know how do

we spot our own stress because it's it's

hard isn't it when we've told ourselves

a different story about the feeling or

that sensation we tell ourselves

different stories about it we say you

know this this is this AAL pain is good

because it means growth or this burnout

or this anxiety is good because it means

you know productivity but how do we

truly know that we are we've pushed

ourselves too

far and I think the the easiest one to

recognize believe it or not is physical

stress right physical stress is

undeniable it is when you when you when

you when you have a th a sore throat you

know something's wrong yeah and you tell

yourself something's wrong okay when you

have back pain you know something's

wrong yeah but you don't tell yourself

something's wrong okay and the SYM the

the the the symptoms of physical stress

are very straightforward you know

digestive issues headaches uh you're

unable to sleep very well you're unable

to rest when you sleep and so on and so

it's very simple your body theoretically

is a machine that should work

seamlessly okay unless there is a a

disease or an illness or whatever it

should work seamlessly should simply be

like a a luxury car you run it and it

runs right if it starts to shake and you

know and it it's not performing well you

have to stop and say what is going on

and every every stress will give you a a

slightly different physical signature

right anxiety is felt in your stomach

right you know uh uh fear is all over

your body you just want to run you feel

that like you can feel

it the trick is how do you get embodied

how do you allow yourself H to sit with

your body and say so you know Alice

writes about a very normal practice is a

body scan and so few of us do it you you

know on a long flight you should sit

with your body and go like okay close

your eyes you know take a deep breath

and scan your body from your top of your

head all the way to your toes and see

where it

hurts right and and ask yourself how

much more effective in your mission

would you be if it doesn't hurt I think

this is the the part that a lot of

Workaholics you know you described it as

an addiction earlier now if you sat down

with someone who had another form of

addiction and told them this like

logically they'd refuse it yeah they'd

say yeah I know this injecting this

thing in me is bad but addictions are

complicated emotional states aren't they

they're like deep

psychological emotional states and

obviously there's a chemical element to

it but but often we find um that that

there's a trauma or there's an

underlying issue with self-esteem or

whatever it might be that's causing it

so although there's many people

listening to this now including myself

that go okay I know what you're saying

is true but I part of me thinks I'm a

little bit dragged and not very driven

so I never had much control

you but but that's kind of what I

imagine a lot of people's like rebuttal

is to that is like yeah I know this like

someone said to me before that you know

you know I'm embodying the listener now

people have told me that I need to stop

and I'm thinking of some of my best

friends some of my best friends are

literally like they're killing

themselves because of their work and

like objectively if you ask them they'd

say I'm killing myself because of this

work what's your favorite

band I think is Kanye and I have to

separate the art from the individual for

reasons but it's the it's the art it's

the pushing boundaries making things

that are unapologetically unique you

know this already makes this episode

quite a very useful one uh but uh but uh

theoretically if Kanye is performing in

London tonight yeah would you go yes

yeah you'd find the time yeah yeah it's

a lie we tell ourselves we're too busy

it's a lie we're not okay anyone who's

too busy has not watched Game of Thrones

because if you allowed yourself to watch

Game of Thrones that's like 600 hours of

of your life okay you're not too busy

right anyone who's too busy this is the

interesting bit the interesting bit is

if you are too busy okay when you get

home you're unable to do

anything right and you waste 3 hours

binge watching something or completely

brain dead right the truth is that those

three hours are wasted three hours you

could actually waste them through during

the day they're wasted anyway and use

them differently when you get home

the the truth is not we're not too busy

and the problem is this and I I I rarely

ever use threats as a motivation but the

problem is you're going to put in the

time you're going to put in the time by

working on your stress beforehand or

lying in bed when you're burnt out

that's the truth the truth is your you

know the body keeps the score you know

the book right eventually your body is

going to go can't do this anymore right

your mind is going to say I just I I

just can't deal with this and even I'm

I'm you know I'm theoretically trained

in this my whole life I've managed very

very complex very stressful jobs I I run

so many things at the same time and I

will tell you openly I burn out at the

end of every book launch I'm hoping this

year I'm not okay but but that's the

truth the truth is I will eventually

after running really hard for 3 weeks I

will eventually spend a week and a half

unable to do anything on average that

means I worked a week and a half so why

did you keep doing it to yourself I I

because of what you're because of what

you and I struggle with we assigned to

ourselves things

beforehand right this year I'm saying I

may not get there why because when I'm

publishing uh so we're we're filming

this long before unstressful right and

at the same time when the publication

date happens I'm doing nothing during

those two weeks or two and a half weeks

nothing but unstress very unlike the

typical me right the typical me thinks

of himself as Superman I'm super old man

now right and it's quite interesting

because at at the end of the day if I

can if I plug so many things in my life

eventually eventually believe it or not

you balance it out what about the people

who really don't have a choice is there

anybody that doesn't have a choice you

know I'm thinking about the people that

work on the factory line and they're

providing they're working two jobs

providing for a family that are you know

struggling what about those people first

of all I think these are the most

honorable commended people that we can

ever talk about but I will before I talk

about them I'll ask you to think about

how blessed you are okay and everyone

who's not in that

position uh anyone who's not not in a

war zone anyone who was not uh born to a

very very difficult circumstances right

if you're not one of those then ask

yourself why are you pushing yourself so

hard right now if you're one of those

people remember it's limit learn and

listen okay if your external

circumstances don't you're not able to

change them you can ex you can you can

change your ability to deal with

distress no I have to ask you a question

you know me you you've come to know me

we've known each other for years now you

know you've observed my life you kind of

understand all the pieces in my life you

understand what I do here you've also

seen behind the scenes you know how

obsessive I am about the things that I'm

involved in um what is the that

I'm telling myself of all the people

that could like do you know you know you

know what I'm saying like i' I've

actually pondered this for some time

because I do have moments where I go

Steve you don't have to work anymore you

don't have to you're not going to like

nothing I'm going to accomplish my life

is going to make me any more anything

really to myself it's not going to it's

not going to make me happier that's for

sure it's not going to mean that I can

live better in anyway so why am I like

why am I doing this what is the

I'm telling

myself you don't have a

ceiling your structure doesn't have a

seiling so I told you before we before

we uh we started uh this conversation so

you and I uh make a reasonable amount of

revenue from speaking engagements for

example so my my policy was very

straightforward when I started uh my

mission 1 billion happy I openly said

I'm going to go to any place that has

more than 50 people and I'm going to

speak for free right and then I met my

wonderful business manager Monir and mon

said that's not right I said what do you

mean and he said if it's a profit making

organization okay uh that's going to

hire you or if it's a paying event so

they're going to use you and then sell

tickets you should charge them okay

that's the cycle the complete cycle of

Life otherwise go and speak for free

right and that tiny change created

Revenue right the question is how much

revenue is

enough because I was willing to do it

for free remember that so in my

conversation with mon very very

professional also a brother to me said

M he said this is the target for this

year I said if I give you the

Restriction of 20 travel days for the

year or 20 trips basically would you be

able to make that Target he said well in

that case we're going to have to change

the Dynamics and we're going to have to

maybe can can we make them 25 no I said

20 trips a year okay everything else I

can do online everything else I can do

right the question is where's the

ceiling the boundary where's the

boundary right and

boundaries are not set by the world for

you the world will keep pushing you

right you you and I talk about our lives

which are not typical lives but where's

the boundary if or any of our listeners

where's your boundary with your

friends okay where's your boundary with

the arguments with your partner where's

your boundary with you know the the the

challenges that you um are willing to

accept uh at work right where's your

poundies let me play Devil's Advocate

then so you made a limit you know you

said I'll do what's it 20 yeah 20 20

trips a year you'll do 20 trips a year

okay so Devil's Advocate would be well

Mo if you did

40 or if you did 30 you'd make x amount

more money and that money can be put

towards your mission of making a million

people unstressful if you just did a

little bit more you'd be closer to

achieving your mission the truth is H if

I made only 20 and I created a program

online I'd create more revenue of from

that and I can put that uh uh you know

Revenue to unstress but it would reach

more people at the same time do you

think part of this I was just thinking

as you SE interrupt but I was thinking I

think part of it with me is I'm really

good at measuring it's really easy if we

use the case of speaking appointments

it's really easy to measure the gain and

it's very difficult to measure the loss

or the cost yeah you're you're

constantly driven by opportunity cost

yeah if if you sell your health and

well-being for Revenue it's always

opportunity cost it's always opportunity

cost it's always but they're paying me X

how can I leave that on the table okay

you leave that on the table because you

don't need

X right and two because X the true cost

of X is not 3

hours or an hour that you speak the true

cost of X is your well-being your health

what you're selling H is your time is

your joy is your health that's what

you're selling you're not selling your

intellectual property and your

relationships and your relationships

okay I I I told you I fell in love and

suddenly everything became very

different because in all honesty H yeah

I'd lose a speaking engagement to spend

an an extra day with my wife we have the

most incredible conversations right she

enlight me on so many different ways and

I can promise you you know Finders

Keepers my my book about love when I sit

with

Hannah and she and she teaches me about

psychology and the impact of psychology

on dating that wasn't part of my my my

Approach at all okay so believe it or

not that day is eventually going to

create a book or or a training or

whatever that's going to change more

people's life H than anything I could do

with money Remember by the way the other

side of this is that our biggest

resource you know when when when we were

at Google I had this conversation at a

point in time with people and I said why

does google.org contribute money why

don't we contribute code we're so much

better at producing

code uh than any other organization that

can contribute money can can we write

Disaster Recovery uh uh uh software can

we write this can we can we quote that

that be becomes our contribution right

what is your

contribution I would say I I love you

you're you're so dear to me I I'd say

you're not observing the

season your first contribution in your

20s was you with your energy with your

drive I mean look at your

books more and more and more maturity

more and more deliverables very C L

thought through look at what you do here

if you don't mind me saying Steve this

is your biggest

contribution right this could happen in

a week a

quarter now you you do two a week yeah

yeah mad absolutely

mad absolutely mad I'm I love you but to

a week you're stressing yourself and

you're stressing the listeners

only reason why you you do two a week is

because it gives you more

views where's the rush and it's your

life that's being traded for

listeners so you're

saying I'm I'm so I'm I I know you

really well you know how you love your

girlfriend how much time did you spend

with her in the last quarter not enough

and and and how much of it was

completely attentively restful oh my God

H even less yeah I I I flew over here

with my daughter so my daughter was in

Dubai she she came to London with me

best 9 hours

ever ever okay what would I have been

doing with that time on the flight

writing thinking responding to emails

what a waste of

life what a waste of

life you see the trick is H we said that

the stress equation is the external

challenges divided by the resources you

have to deal with them how many of the

external challenges do we

create how how many of those do we

invite in our life how many of those are

the result of us not setting

boundaries and the question is is to to

achieve

what to achieve

what right I I had a very dear friend of

mine that uh uh was in a relationship

that was horrible okay and I said why

are you there and she said well we share

the same apartment can't leave him

because you know I can't afford rent on

my own I said

roommate like where is how is that

challenging okay how is that challenging

why would you allow yourself to go

through this when there are

alternatives I was I was wondering if

people's childhood plays a big role in

their bias towards you know this work

holism this sort of

self-inflicted um stress

disease that many of us put ourselves

through because you know like first and

second generation immigrants who where

their mother or their father was

fighting for survival they almost like

inherit that belief that life and work

is about survival um even though it's

not objectively true anymore it's not

objectively true for me but I still feel

like I've got my mother's

survival thing in me and coupled with

that I've got a lot of like shame from

being different when I was younger and

trying to fit in and being the only

black kid and chemically relaxing my

hair and listening to the cooks and the

Arctic Monkeys to pretend I was a white

you know rich person those the only two

bands I know because those are the on

those are the ones I used to pretend to

listen to and I just wonder for those

people it feels like you know when I

said how am I bullshitting myself

earlier to you I was expecting you to

say something about you you

think I you would say to me I think

that I've con I've connected my work to

my self-esteem or my self-worth in some

deep way and I'm still trying to fight

for my like sense of self-worth I'm

still trying to convince myself that I'm

enough with my work and people you know

this is what this is in some respects

why we all just like take the promotion

we take the opportunity I think about

this who's like how many people decline

a promotion because they consider the

implications of what they'll have on

their family or their you know one of my

favorite chapters in happy sexy

millionaire was how you quit your CEO

job yeah and and you when you really

look at that you basically were saying

it's killing me there was no joy in it

anymore yeah and it's quite interesting

the the CH the challenge for most of us

humans is that we're very capable on

achieving what we set our mind

to the question is always what do we set

our mind

to okay if if you ask me you're in a in

a treadmill yeah you're like you know

that hamster wheel yeah okay and there

is no ceiling so the hamster wheel is

basically saying I'm here I'm going to R

run like mad I'm really I'm a very good

hamster okay and and as long as you're

in in that wheel you're going to run run

like M and you're very capable you keep

running to achieve what what that's the

whole question when do we put our

well-being in the

equation

later yeah so I I'll tell you very

openly one of the most interesting

thoughts I have in my life uh who did I

interview

recently I don't remember but remember

when we spoke about heartbeats yeah okay