It's crazy that we think we can change

our thinking environment whilst keeping

our external environment the exact same.

And we're going to just continue to use

I don't know what what type of effort we

think it is that we're applying to our

own brain whilst experiencing the same

cues and stimulus but hoping that our

thinking is going to adapt.

>> You have to change to change. And it

sounds so like does that sound like a

trit truism or whatever? Like cliche.

Yeah, if nothing has changed, nothing

will change. And so you have to be like

something has to be the catalyst and you

were the only like either you get in a

car accident, your girlfriend breaks up

with you, you can use the negative at

least like if you are not happy with

your life and then something bad happens

to you, be grateful for it in the moment

because it means that you a change a

chaos variable has entered the building

>> and that means that you have the ability

for a short period of time before

equilibrium gets reestablished that you

can change [ __ ] without the same

consequences because all of your loops

got got muddled. Mhm.

>> And so like those are the periods of

time where you can go through tremendous

change because you're like well [ __ ] it.

>> Everything that I thought to be true

isn't. So what else uh that I think was

false but isn't

>> and then you can start moving towards

it. Came across this line from beauty of

SAS. It is an unwritten rule of life

that after every prolonged period of

hardship and uncertainty there is going

to be a period where you achieve quantum

leaps across multiple areas of your

life. The only requirement is that you

do not give up on yourself.

Failure and success are on the same

road. It's just that failure is an

earlier exit.

>> Mhm. Mhm.

>> What's that one about? Whatever you do,

don't be the guy who gives up at the

exact moment when you should be fighting

with everything you have.

>> You'll make it through either way, but

there's only one way you'll look back

and be proud of yourself.

This is the metaphrame of the story that

we one day tell. Like we tell stories of

who of what type of person we are all

day long when we're confronted with

different decisions. What type of person

am I? And

I would like to be known to myself as a

fighter is that I'm willing to fight for

what I want and for what I believe in.

And I think that

and that is why I think I would want to

have courage be the one thing that is

transferred. M

>> and I think it's because I'm going to go

back to that season because I think it's

for all of it.

Like

I I was a really good student at

Vanderbilt. I was vice president of the

powerlifting team. I was president of

the fraternity that I was in. I had a

38, I think, GPA. Um and I graduated in

three years. But I was so afraid of not

getting a job that I took the first job

that I was offered from the first

person, which was an introduction my dad

had from a patient of his. And to be

clear, so we were like, "Oh, it was a it

was an epism." It wasn't a great job.

But I was so afraid that I would be

jobless that I just took that job. And I

only say this to say that like

like you can change your stars.

like I was not the type of person who

who does the types of things that I do

now then and

I I I I retell those stories.

I don't talk about talk about them as

much because um honestly I block most of

them out because I was in so much pain

during that period of my life. And the

reason that I'm willing to keep making

content and write books and all that

stuff um is because I know that there is

a another person

who is going through a similar chapter

and worried if they are sane or if it is

only them and it is not.

And so like

you can't compare yourself to people who

are different chapters. You just have to

believe that you can change

incrementally, one behavior at a time

over an extended period of time, and

that those changes will aggregate, that

they will stack up. Um,

because like we don't know what the last

chapter is going to look like. We only

know what the next page does. And we get

to write that today. And

like I was

I was so driven by fear. I was so I was

so afraid of everything. um during that

chapter and so I was like other people's

opinions what if I fail what if this

doesn't work out what if people make fun

of me like I had all this this fear

around it and like the emotionality that

I have now towards it is because of the

the

a mix of of pity and pride that I have

for that young man the young Alex that

was going through that because

I'm proud that I made made it through

that. But I also pity the amount of pain

that I was going through um to to to

make that jump. And so

I don't I don't know who's listening,

but like

fear can be useful if you know that you

were driven by fear to some degree. And

in some ways it's almost shameful to say

it because it was the reason that that

the word that I never want to be have

used described for me is cowardly is

because I behaved like a coward. I was

afraid of everything. I was afraid of

failing. I was afraid of my dad's

judgment. I was afraid of of everything.

And I the the flip that made it for me

was just using that fear against

something bigger was that I was more

afraid of not of of looking back on my

life and never having tried. And I knew

that that would be so empty and I would

be so filled with regret and that I knew

that I would beat myself up over it

every single day as I got older that

that existence was was more terrifying

to me than the practical consequences of

me taking a step where I would fail. And

it sounds it's very easy for me to say

now to you or anyone who's listening

like of course the downside's not that

big. you go to sleep on a friend's

couch, whatever. But at the time for me,

it was everything. And it was all of the

status that I had spent all of my time

trying to accumulate. I was president of

this, president of that. I'd done all

the good grades. I had a good job on

paper. Um,

and so

whatever fuel you have, whether it's

anger, whether it's shame, whether it's

fear, even if you have all of them, like

if you know you have them,

try and put them behind you to to get

you to run away from it. If it's right

now, it's in front of you and it's it's

preventing you from taking the next

step. And so it's like if you can just

put it behind you so that you're running

away from this this future. It's like

run harder away from the future

that your current path is taking you

towards that you're afraid of than the

short-term path that running away from

it is going to run you into. It's like

you either have to be, you know, uh it's

like in

I'm taking some liberties here. Um,

it's like you can either fear the whip

of the the person behind you or the

enemy in front of you and the direction

you face is the one that you fear the

the least.

>> And so if you know that there's an enemy

in front of you and a whip behind you,

it's like you just need to in the short

term increase the pain of the one that

you want least.

>> Have you seen Succession?

>> Uh, the first season.

>> Okay. So

>> I don't watch it because it's too real

for me. So, it's it keeps me up and like

basically I get I get too like amped

when I watch it because I like it, but

I'm like I can't do this before bed.

>> So, I need like vampires and like

in the final season, Tom is having a

conversation with his wife and he says,

"I wonder if the pain that I would feel

without you

would be less than the pain that I feel

by being with you.

And that seems to be what you're talking

about here.

>> It's 100% that. And I

>> you talk in retrospect about that period

about what that guy went through.

Doesn't sound like pity to me. It sounds

like grief.

>> Sounds much closer to grief. Like

somebody

nearly died or did die or suffered a lot

and didn't deserve it.

>> Oh, I think that person totally died.

Like the I don't want to say the man I

was the boy that I was totally died. And

I think I mean the hardest the hardest

loss that I had to take was the the boy

that I was in my father's eyes that was

living up to his expectations which is

all that I wanted.

>> And so sacrificing that and it took

years and my dad and I are cool. We're

great. But like for a for a season

that's what I I had to sacrifice that

person and it was all I had wanted was

to make him happy. And so and again no

fault of his own but that is all I

wanted. And so it's like I had achieve I

had achieved the dreams that I had as a

younger man and in so doing it had

become my nightmare. And

that's why the third point that that you

read about no one is coming to save you.

Everything is your fault and you have to

sacrifice who you are for who you want

to become. Um I think is so real for me

is that you do and like like someone's

dreams will die. It is yours or theirs.

So, you just want to make sure that the

person who is dreaming for you has

bigger dreams for a life than you do.

>> And sometimes well-intentioned people,

because they want to be practical and

they want to be realistic, have smaller

dreams for you than you do. And if they

have smaller dreams, then you should

listen to you and not them.

Obviously, your dad built a a story

about what success looks like.

>> Yeah.

>> And you rejected it slowly but loudly. M

>> now that you're about to have a child,

what story are you going to tell that

kid

of of that period or no this story about

what success looks like? Like how how

certain are you that the story that you

tell your son isn't just a new version

of the same cage that you had to break

out of?

It's something that I think a lot about.

Um how do I, you know, the the child is

going to be born into

by the time he has memory, he will be

the son of a billionaire. That's

that's a lot. Um,

and in some ways I like don't wish that

on anyone, but I'm and yet I'm bringing

someone into that. Um, which has its own

thought circles I won't get into. Um,

but I am going to focus him to the

degree that I can influence his

behavior. um on

on being courageous

on leaving nothing on the field. I will

care endlessly

about his effort and very little about

the outcomes

assuming he controlled the

controllables. and I will

hold an incredibly high standard and it

is because I respect him and believe in

him and that he has the potential to

achieve it. And what's been very

difficult for me cuz I haven't I haven't

fully defined this and maybe I will by

the time he's born or by the time he's a

little older is is I've had trouble

trying to define what a successful

parent looks like and what a successful

child look like. Because if we deci if

we define a successful parent by the

output of the child, there's a whole

hell of a lot of people that have had

pretty tough parents that have turned

out really good. But then does that mean

that the parents are good or bad? I

don't know. Um,

and the successful child is the

successful child that he is happy. I

tend to reject that that definition

overall. Is it that he has purpose? I'd

probably prefer that. Um, because I

think happiness can be fleeting. Purpose

tends to stick a little longer. Um but

at the very end of the day I think um

character which I still just define as

just huge sets of behaviors. Um

I want him to be brave and I want him to

try his ass off. And if he does that

well no matter what he will be good

enough for me. But uh I will just more

so make the commitment that given all

the resources that I have both mental

and and financial um I will do the best

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