On this Father's Day, some dads may be content with a day of golf, fishing, World

Cup, perhaps anchoring a morning show. I'm just gonna throw that out there.

But for some dads or dads to be who maybe need a little help navigating fatherhood,

you may find the how to section of the bookstore a little sparse. Our next guest

sought out to change that writing in the weekend essay, fatherhood books are failing modern dads.

We talked to Kevin Maguire about what he thinks needs to change.

For this generation of dads, we're undergoing just this significant shift in what it means to

be a dad today. It's like we look at the generations of men who've come before

us, and fatherhood was really set in stone for the longest time. You know, you're expected

to provide, preside, and protect. These kind of three traditional anchors of fatherhood. And over the

last generation, there have just been these fundamental shifts in what it means to be a

dad today. You know, in in The US, one third of marriages, men and women earn

the same. In one sixth of marriages in The US, the woman earns more. So, like,

the just even you're looking at father as sole provider as kind of what used to

be a bedrock of fatherhood, this has shifted. And, you know, when I was I've been

a dad for twelve years. The reason I can't be on this show is my daughter

turns 12 today. Congratulations. Thank you. And what I've been seeing is just, like, there is

no there is no literature out there that is reflecting this different version of fatherhood that

we're all kind of trying to navigate. These are uncharted seas, and we're out there without

a map.

I wonder if that's breeding some of the resentment too because you have seen, especially here

in The US, kind of a backlash in this move towards, you know, going back to

being more traditionally gender roles in the family and the and and men are, you know,

talking about being needing to be providers, and that's their traditional jobs. Is part of the

problem that there isn't a really good blueprint for the alternative? A lot of these books

are still kind of formed around those gender roles, and that's maybe making it more difficult

for men who might wanna entertain a new or different way to do that to find

space.

There are there are a lot of kind of, like, the solidifying of these old gender

roles. And definitely, you know, I I write a newsletter and the and the book is

called the new fatherhood and it's all about this this kind of different version of fatherhood

that we're trying to intentionally craft. But there this is a very kind of much more

left progressive idea than what is the traditional fatherhood that people are still, you know, reaching

back, and they were like, I would we want a time when men used to be

men and, you know, being a father was much simpler and easier because, you know, there

wasn't really a lot of parenting that you had to do. You were allowed to just

you were allowed you were encouraged to just go back to work, and you would work

on your job, and that was it.

I know a lot of parents and dads who wanna do more, and I know a

lot of moms who are trying to navigate this too. You write about how you think

books for moms are very different than books for dads. Why do you think that is?

What's the issue there?

Well, I mean, you you talk to any any couple, and a husband and a wife

who are in any kind of a disagreement will go into this similar pattern, which is

a a wife will talk about a problem that is happening, and a husband will immediately

jump to how do I fix it. And the books follow the books that are available

for dad follow this thinking as well. It is a series of checklists. It's a series

of things that you have to get through. And the kind of idea is that these

old books position fatherhood as something that should be endured and not enjoyed. And now, like

and and those are the good fatherhood books. Now there are a lot of bad ones,

and the bad ones are all kind of centered in this language of the survivalist's guide

to fatherhood, the caveman's guide to fatherhood, you know, like, how to get through, like, the

initial six months. And even this thinking, it leads men to it gives them permission to

just look at fatherhood as this idea of, like, well, I just have to if I

get my head down and I work hard, I'll be able to get through the first

twelve months of my kid's life. And, like, there is so much more opportunity out there.

There a mindset shift that if we lean into it, we can see fatherhood for this

incredibly abundant time in our lives, not just for a better relationship with our children, but

newfound levels of empathy that help us be better managers at work, better leaders, better friends,

better partners. But it kind of has to come from the things that we're reading and

the conversations that we're having.

I know there is irony here because you've written a book called the new fatherhood. But

is there is there something wrong with this genre? Because as the parents who were sitting

next to me were saying, you can read a million books, but each kid is different.

Each family is different. Each person's situation is different. What's the best way to take into

that advice, but then kind of as you're saying, enjoy the moment, enjoy your children, and

enjoy parenthood?

You know, I think about work as identity as a core thing. You know, I write

about this in the book. I talk about this all the time, which is, you know,

historically, men have passed on a they've passed on a career. They've passed on a trade

to their children. Historically, they passed it on to their sons, and they passed it on

with a surname. So, you know, you look at butcher, spicer, baker, tailor. There are all

of these names which was just literally it was what you do, and you took that

and you gave it to your kids. And work formed this core part of our identity

and who we are for so long, And now we're starting to realize that, well, if

if all I am is the person I am inside of work, well, if works doesn't

start to go well, everything starts to fall apart. Yeah. And what men are doing now

is they're looking at different avenues in their life to find fulfillment and meaning, and and

they're realizing the the tap that's marked family is so much more you know, you can

turn it on, and the fulfillment will come gushing out versus the tap marked career, you

can be squeezing it for all it's worth to just get, like, a little bit of

meaning out of it.