There's this cartoon of a woman in her

30s who doesn't have romantic love. It's

like the greatest tragedy ever. You

know, poor Lisa never found romantic

love and now she's in her 40s and she

has cats. What a tragedy. Guess what?

Lisa's just fine. All of the research

shows the following. Men need and

benefit from relationships much more

than women. Widows are happier after

their husband dies. True. This is true.

Widowers are less happy.

All right. Hi everybody.

Um, hi Scott. How are you?

>> So, if you're looking for the ultimate

sell signal, it's when Ben Stiller is

interviewing me. Literally sell

everything. Cats living with dogs. the

Earth is rotated off its axis. Like

this, quite frankly, this [ __ ] just

doesn't make sense.

>> You asked me and I said, "Yes,

>> I appreciate that.

>> I'm a I'm a fan." So, I've written a

little preamble that went longer than I

thought. I promised we're going to talk

a lot with Scott, but I just had to get

this out and I thought this is going to

be my introduction. Okay. Um, I've been

a fan of Scots ever since I saw him

going off on a rant on Bill Maher's Real

Time about four or five years ago about

Twitter and the internet and the future

of technology. and I think crypto and I

understood about 30% of the words he was

saying but he said them so fast and so

assertively and with such confidence

that I thought I understood all of it

and what I did understand was so crystal

clear and his analogies were so clever

that it made me think I could actually

understand Bitcoin

turns out I don't but I did realize that

I love listening to you

>> and um and then I started listening to

his podcast with uh the great Cara

Swisser

>> um who I also became became obsessed

with and their hilarious banter back and

forth like an old married couple talking

about super sophisticated ideas made me

feel like I could be a part of a world I

always was intimidated by tech and

finance and at one point before I even

met Scott I was so taken by his turn of

phrase this is true that I literally

started a file in my notes app uh of

Scott Galloway quotes which I pulled up

this is from like late in 2023 or early

2024 and these are just random quotes

that I had that I wrote wrote down that

I thought were writing down uh worth

writing down. Uh here here are a few.

Okay. Tesla is a drunken tourist with a

Hublo watch.

No idea what that means, but I love it.

Uh you can't read the label from inside

the bottle. Oh my god.

Uh you just said mendacious algorithms.

And I was like yes. I don't even know

what I mean. I guess I know what that

mean. You have you have to let your

inner child develop an outer man. That's

great. Uh, three things I hate most in

life are shoelaces, keys, and passwords.

You remember saying that?

>> I do.

>> Yeah. 8% of elected officials don't

understand technology. We'll get into

the statistics in a second. Um, vertical

content, own the hardware, own the

rails. That I had no idea what vertical

content was when you said that now, but

then I heard it, it made me want to get

some. Um,

I started to look him up on Twitter, on

YouTube. I would watch his rants about

technology and the internet and being a

male person. And I started to hear him

talk about mentoring young men and then

the somewhat controversial sounding idea

that young men in our society were at

risk and needed older male father

figures to guide them. So then I'm like,

is that what he's all about? Is he like

is that like his full-time job? He's

like into boy scouts and things. And you

know, I just wanted to know what who is

Skype Gallery? What does he do actually

besides memorize statistics? The man

knows more statistics at the top of his

head than any human being I've ever met.

Quick stock. Just give me a statistic

right now.

>> Uh 45% of men 18 to 24 have never asked

a woman out in person.

>> Thank you. Okay. Then I learned that he

was really wealthy and he had a plane

and I really wanted to know like what

does this guy do? And the more I watched

him, the more fascinated I was with how

he could just distill down the ideas of

this very complicated culture that we're

living in that goes a million miles an

hour and make things seem clear and

simple and also had a point of view

about what it was to be a person, more

specifically a man. This is when I

realized even though I don't know what

he actually does, I wanted to be Scott

Galloway.

>> Just me.

>> He actually embodied all the traits that

I wish I had had except being bald,

though he pulls that off.

But he's tall, articulate, smart, funny,

has a plane,

and is tall. And I uh never in a million

years would want to go on a punt as a

pundit on Bill Maher or MSNBC. Yet

everything he says I agree with. And I'm

like, "Yeah, that's the guy who I want

to be." And then I realized that we

actually do have a lot in common because

we both went to UCLA,

>> started the same day,

>> same time, right? We're basically the

same age. We were weaned on the same

beautiful 70s TV. Brady Bunch, Partridge

Family, I Dream of Genie, $6 million

man. And that's actually all we really

have in common. I realized um I I quit

school and went back to New York. And so

we never probably crossed paths cuz I

was only there for like nine months.

>> Well, there's a lesson there. Kids, drop

out of school.

>> Yeah. Um I could have probably met you

if I rushed the Jewish fraternity, but

instead I stayed in my apartment on

Hillgard and learned to juggle

um and not meet girls. Uh, now Scott,

you've written a book that I think is

part autobiographical, part handbook,

part manifesto, and completely

engrossing. I found it incredibly honest

and revealing, and at the end very

emotional. Um, I think you were willing

to be vulnerable and real about your

feelings of ego, anger, insecurity, and

it just makes this book very personal

and relatable. And even though it's kind

of in ways a self-help book and you

include a lot of charts and graphs on

economics and employment, it's really

written as a no holdsbred honest memoir,

too. Um, and I think what you're writing

about here is both personal exploration

and also a sort of call to arms on how

to help raise young men based on your

own experience. And you know, I think in

this day and time, it's always strange.

It's a strange thing to talk about uh

when you talk about mentoring young men

because I think a lot of people sort of

misinterpret it and I was watching you

on the Today show the other day and you

said you know even they said it at first

like oh this is like seemed

controversial at first what you were

talking about but you know really what

why is it so controversial now I'm going

to start asking you a question why is it

so controversial to talk about mentoring

young men

>> well

>> if you think it if if you agree with

that idea

>> so first off to to set the groundwork.

The statistics are pretty stark, right?

Um if you go into a morg and there's

five people died by suicide, four are

men. We have a homeless and an opiate

problem, but what we really have is a

male homeless and a male opiate problem.

The third time three times as likely to

be addicted, three times likely to be

homeless, 12 times uh to be

incarcerated.

And if uh so the the the

problem is pretty present and to the

right's credit the right or the far

right really recognized the problem and

it started talking about

um needing to lift young men up. The

problem is the remedy from the far right

and the voices that filled that void.

Their suggestion was that we return to

the 50s where women and non-whites had

less opportunity. That's not the answer.

and they began conflating masculinity

with coarseness and cruelty. At the same

time, the left hasn't been that helpful

because their advice when talking about

the struggles of young men is to say,

well, if you're only more in touch with

your feelings, you don't have problems,

you are the problem. And their basically

their advice is act more like a woman.

And I don't think that's helpful either.

And so there's an opportunity.

the the gag reflex is understandable

because let's be honest, we've had a

30,000-year head start. And since 1945

to 2000,

the US registered a third of all

economic prosperity globally, which is

5% of the population. So essentially,

Americans registered six times the

prosperity of the rest of the world. And

then you take that 5% and all of that

prosperity was largely crammed into the

third of the population that was white,

male, and heterosexual.

So when they hear a white dude talking

about, "Oh, poor men," they immediately

have a gag reflex like, "Oh [ __ ] it's

that Andrew Tate weirdness again trying

to set me back that feels that there's

an inverse correlation between women's

ascent and men's descent." And the

reality is the reason we won World War

II and men got to come home heroes is

because we embraced women in the

factories. Hitler wanted women to stay

at home. And we said, "Fuck that. Women

can make P-51s. Let's get them in the

workplace." Had women not entered the

workplace, had we not had the

advancement of non-whites and women

through the 60s, 70s, and 80s, America's

economy, just on a very, you know,

economic level would have crashed. So

the left I think does not recognize that

empathy is not a zero- sum game. Civil

rights didn't hurt uh white people

heterero or gay marriage didn't hurt

heteronormative marriage. But when you

started talking about men, there was a

gag reflex from um the left that wait,

you're one of those guys. That your

discussion of men is thinly veiled

misogyny. That the answers are always

going to be setting back the wonderful

rights that we've acquired for

non-whites and for women. And so I get

it that there's a bit of a gag reflex.

And effectively what's happening is

young men are being held responsible for

our unearned privilege.

We got more opportunities

than we deserved. A lot of our success

is not our fault. When I applied to

UCLA, the admissions rate was 74% when

we applied. Now it's 9%.

Uh homes are now six times as expensive

as they were when we were buying homes.

Incomes have gone up twice as much.

Right. The cost of education has gone up

sevenfold. And a young man is now um

one only one in three men are in a

relationship under the age of 30. Two in

three women. You think, well, that's

mathematically impossible. It's because

women are dating older because they want

more economically and emotionally viable

men. And a lot of the jobs that were

onramps for men into a middle class

lifestyle have disappeared.

And then you talk about the ultimate

enemy which is big tech trying to

convince men and attaching a profit

motive trying to convince young people

they can have a reasonable life faximile

of a life on a screen. And so the result

is a young generation of men who don't

have nearly the opportunities that we

had but are being held liable and

accountable for the opportunities we

had. And the result is you just would

never have a special interest group

killing themselves at four times the

rate of the control group and not weigh

in with programs. And so when you go to

the Democratic National Convention, as I

did, you see this parade of people

talking about the very real challenges

facing special interest groups, but

there's not one mention of the special

interest group that's fallen further

faster than any group in America, and

that's young men. So I think the gag

reflex is understandable.

I get it. But if you really start

looking at the data, you recognize that

we can walk and chew gum at the same

time. We can still address the problems

facing women. A woman once she has kids

goes to 73 cents on the dollar versus

men. That's a problem. Social media is

is unfortunately attacking the

self-esteem of young girls. And the

rates of self harm and cutting have

doubled since social went on mobile.

That's a problem. We can address it. But

we can also recognize that young men are

really struggling and that our country

isn't going to continue to flourish and

women aren't going to continue to ascend

if men are flailing. And what I would

offer up and this is the conversation

has become so much more productive than

when I started talking about it 5 years

ago and immediately got this wild push

back. Oh, you're Andrew Tate with an

MBA.

You know, the push back the the dialogue

has gotten so much more productive.

Governor Moore State of the State

address said he's going to focus

administration

uh this year on the struggles of young

men and boys. And the cohort that has

advanced the conversation and made it

much more productive is simple. It's

mothers. And what's happened is mothers

I get a lot my my fans are young men but

my supporters are women mothers. And

they say something like this. I have

three kids, two daughters, one son. One

daughter is in PR in Chicago, one is at

grad school in Penn, and my son is in

the basement playing video games and

vaping. Mothers see what's going on.

There is uh a lack of economic

opportunity, a lack of romantic

opportunities, and the deepest pocketed

firms in the world have connected profit

and revenues to sequestering young

people from relationships and anything

else in their life and then taking them

online and enraging them. And

unfortunately, men with a much less

mature prefrontal cortex are much more

susceptible to this. So I think the

dialogue, the good news is the dialogue

has become much more productive. This

would have been out of the gates 5 years

ago seen as two old white dudes trying

to keep women down.

>> Speak for yourself.

>> But this was

Hey, I college graduate.

Um,

>> yeah. I'm sorry things haven't worked

out for you. By the way, he just said he

was just saying he was just saying to me

off the off offline, I'm like, "What are

you working on?" He's like, "Meet the

parents for." I'm like, "It's good to

see you're finally making some money

from that shit." Anyways,

but look, why was it so controversial?

Why was it so controversial? No, the art

world, the our world needs that. The

world needs that, Ben.

>> Um,

>> sorry.

The gag reflex is understandable is what

I'm trying to say.

>> So what do you actually do?

>> I'm totally serious though.

>> What do I do?

>> Yeah, cuz like I know you're a

professor, but you're also like super

rich and you are super successful.

>> I know cuz I I got a ride on your plane

once.

>> That was exciting.

>> Just cuz you're famous. I'm a total

star.

>> Okay. Yeah. But seriously though, like

what is this combination that you've put

together being a professor who also is

like very good at business? Like what

what is it that you actually spend your

days doing besides memorizing

statistics? Because how do you know all

these statistics?

>> I did a lot of I did

>> it's insane how many statistics you

know?

>> I did a lot of drugs in college. Stay in

school.

>> Um

>> but like what's your like what do I do?

Like when you're not doing a book tour,

how do I make money? What do I do? What

do you want to know?

>> What do you how do you spend your time?

just just so

>> how much time do you spend thinking

about this stuff versus teaching versus

running your company?

>> So kind of three buckets. I spend about

a third of my time writing. I write a

newsletter. I enjoy writing books. Uh

about a third of my time on media,

podcast and television. And about a

third of my time um quite frankly on

investments where I go on boards. And

because I've lived in Europe the last

three years, I'm on leave from NYU so

I'm not teaching. But typically uh one

of those things a third of the time

would be teaching. But I consider myself

at the end of the day

uh a teacher. And my superpower or my

core competence is communicating. I make

a lot of money and get more relevance

than I deserve and can have an impact

because I'm a good storyteller. As you

can tell, I'm not a modest person. But

my superpower

my superpower is that people such as you

think I work harder than I do. I don't

work I used to work very hard. I don't

work nearly that hard anymore. And the

secret to scaling and making money and

having more relevance and impact than

you deserve is my superpower. And I'm

great at this. I'm great at attracting

and retaining really talented people.

Prop media. People think it's amazing

that you can draw these graphs and all

this, right? I got 25 people at PropG

Media and Katherine Dylan is here, Drew

Burroughs is here. I

um

new employees, Billy Bennett. I don't

know if anyone anyone else from Prop G

here

my assistant is here my chief of staff

my point is and this is I always try to

reverse stuff to a learning greatness is

in the agency of others and I'm not

saying that to be politically correct if

you want to have outsized opportunities

economically or from a relevant

standpoint you do this I mean I can't

seance must have taken at least three or

four people right three four five people

>> uh no I made it out all by myself.

>> 400.

I mean,

my point is um I'm a

>> No, you're saying delegating in a

certain way. Uh or what is is it is it

choosing This is an interesting thing to

me like choosing the people you who work

with you and making those choices that

someone that is so good at what they do

that you can then relax and go, I know

this person is going to handle this for

me. Is that

>> it's everything. The only thing the the

reason I get to live the life I lead is

because I was always able to find really

good people, give them a bunch of

ownership. I've So, the way I've made

money is I've started and sold

companies, but when I sell the company,

I typically never own more than 30 or

40% of it because I'd rather have 30 or

40% of something that gets sold for a

lot of money. And the way the only way

to get people to act like owners is to

make them owners. And so I've always

given away more than half my company to

the employees. And as soon as I find

someone good, I hold on to them. I've

been working I've known Mary Jeene for

25 years. I've been working with

Katherine Dylan for 15 years. Drew, our

tech guy, who I think is here tonight,

I've been working with 12 years. So it

it sounds it sounds pass, but greatness

is in the agency of others. So what do I

do? I teach. I communicate. Uh, and I'm

very fortunate to have people, great

people around me who who scale my

efforts and create a lot of econ

economic opportunity and relevance that

I I wouldn't have otherwise. We'll be

right back after a quick break.

Support for the show comes from

betterment. With investing, it's easy to

get distracted by the new shiny thing,

but there are some basic principles that

stand the test of time, including be

clear about your goals, make saving and

investing a habit, create a plan, and

stick to it. Betterman is a saving and

investment platform that makes it easy

to invest for the long term. Their

goals-based investing framework lets you

group accounts based on their purpose,

like kids college education or house

down payment. You can even upload a

photo as a visual reminder of what

you're saving for. Automated investing

features make investing consistently

easy, and Betterman's customized glide

path strategies with automated

rebalancing means that you can stick to

a plan without having to constantly

monitor your investments. added

sophisticated tax smart tools and you

get a powerful investing system that

requires very little maintenance, which

means you can go live your life without

having to worry if your portfolios are

doing what they should. So, be invested

in yourself, be invested in your

business, be invested with Betterment.

Get started at betterment.com. Investing

involves risk, performance, not

guaranteed. I'm Scott Galloway, and the

people behind successful brands know it

comes down to two things, the promise

and the performance. And great brand

managers know that most of the time it's

all about the performance. And that's

where Adobe Express comes in. Let's

imagine a fast growing fizzy drink brand

that's scaling across markets. And like

many companies experiencing rapid

growth, brand chaos is setting in. Logos

are being cropped, colors are being

changed, and off-brand content is

beginning to dilute brand equity and

reduce marketing ROI. Adobe Express

brings order to this chaos. Your

marketing team can build and share easy

to apply brand kits with your business's

fonts, colors, and logos. Pre-approved

templates with lockable elements make

following design guidelines a breeze for

everyone. Anyone with any level of

design experience can remix or reuse

templates to create onbrand content with

a consistent look and feel. And with

custom home, all the approved templates

made by creative teams are right at

everyone's fingertips, front and center

for quick and easy reuse. The clock

model reveals when connection with your

audience counts most. Adobe Express

ensures you show up polished and onbrand

every time.

Support for Prop comes from Chime. It's

no secret that managing your money can

be stressful. Overdraft fees,

mispayments, and the constant worry

about saving more can add on undue

pressure when life already feels full.

Chime says it can help ease that stress

by giving you simple tools to take

control of your finances one step at a

time. With Chime, your money moves

faster for you. You can open a checking

account with no monthly or maintenance

fees, set up direct deposit, and even

get paid up to two days early. Plus,

Chime offers fee free overdraft coverage

of up to $200. Chime says it's already

spotted members more than $30 billion.

And with more than 47,000 feef free

ATMs, that's more than the top three

national banks combined. They say you'll

have your money wherever you go. It's

all designed to help you stress less,

save more, and make your money work

harder for you. You can work on your

financial goals through Chime today. You

can open an account in 2 minutes at

chime.com/prop.

That's chime.com/propg.

Chime feels like progress.

>> Chime is a financial technology company,

not a bank. Banking services and debit

card provided by the bank or bank NA or

Stride Banka members FDIC. Spotting

eligibility requirements and overdraft

limits apply. Timing depends on

submission of payment file. Please apply

at out of network ATMs, bank ranking and

number of ATMs according to US News and

World Report 2023. Chime checking

account required.

>> Just to get back to what you were

talking about before I interrupted you

about it, I was it's interesting to me

when you say these role models for young

men and you talk about mothers.

>> Yeah. Um, can you talk a little bit

because I I in the book you talk about

your childhood a lot and um and your

parents and I can you talk a little bit

about how they influenced you growing up

being you know having divorced parents

what role your mom and and your dad but

really how your mom affected you.

>> So I've cried twice this week on

national TV. first on the view and about

two hours ago on Oh no, it's not cool.

I was just on the Daily Show and I'm not

exaggerating. Jordan Kper literally

moved his hands across and held my hands

and looked around like, "Oh [ __ ] I

don't know how to deal with this." Um,

look, raised by a single immigrant

mother who lived and died as secretary,

lied to my life. And one of the basic

takeaway is the following and I try and

do this and um, BA is here. We do this I

think really well. If you say to a kid,

regardless of of my mom worked very

hard, we didn't have a lot of money, it

was just us, me and her against the

world. But if somebody tells you every

day in small and big ways, implicit and

explicit, that they just think you're

wonderful, you know, I was by the time I

was 16, I was 6 feet with bad acne and

120 lbs. I wasn't like I didn't have

huge social capital, let's just put it

that way. But when someone's telling you

every day that you're wonderful, you

can't help but start to believe it. And

I think that confidence has always been

resonant inside of me, you know, and she

um I I was just really blessed when I

reverse engineer all of my, you know,

what's happened to me. The base of it is

someone who just was just, you know,

every day convinced me I was a good

person or that I was worthwhile. My dad

wasn't around. My dad left. My dad um

was a handsome man with a Scottish

accent, which meant in 70s California,

you could not only think with your dick,

you could use it. And

um married and divorced four times as

far as we know.

And uh so he left when I was eight and

he wasn't, you know, he tried. I forgive

him later in life because I think the

primary box you have to check as a as a

dad is to be better to your son than

your father was to you. And my dad was a

much better father than his son uh dad

was to him. His dad was an alcoholic and

physically abusive to him. And he was

pulled out of school at the age of 13.

lied and joined the Royal Navy where he

was jumping into freezing water in a wet

suit at the age of 18 to come home after

two years sending all his money home

because he wanted to come to America

where his mother informed him she'd

spent all his money on whiskey and

cigarettes and was angry at him when he

was upset because she said, "What was I

supposed to do? I'm bored." So, my dad

didn't have a lot of great role models

in his life. But, you know, he tried uh

checked a box. I inherited the gift of

storytelling and he he he made the

smartest decision that had the most

impact on my life and that is he and my

mother decided to immigrate to America.

A lot of my success is not my fault. So

their decision to get on a steamship at

the ages of

20 and 21 and come to America I'm just

very grateful. And in divorce you have a

tendency I think to sanctify one person

and demonize the other. When I did that,

I didn't speak to my father for years at

a time because I would get very angry

when I would think about he could have

made my mom and my life much easier and

he didn't. And you, you know, you hold

on to that resentment, right? I don't

know. I a lot of us have complicated

relationships with our parents. But the

learning here or the big unlock for me

and what I would tell anybody it's just

made me much happier is that growing up

my approach to relationships was

transactional. Am I getting as much from

this friendship as uh you are um uh with

a a girlfriend. Oh, my par your parents

are in town and I hung out with your

dad. That means you got to hang out with

my with my parents. And if you don't or

you know everything was a transaction. I

had a scorecard around every

relationship and including my father.

All right, I'm not going to be a better

son than you were a father to me. Full

stop. I'm just not. And then what the

biggest unlock or one of the biggest

unlocks from my life that started my

father is I said, "Okay, what kind of

son do I want to be? What kind of friend

do I want to be? What kind of partner do

I want to be? What kind of investor do I

want to be? What kind of business

partner do I want to be?" and then hold

yourself to that standard and just put

away the [ __ ] scorecard because you

always inflate your own contributions

and diminish theirs and you end up

unhappy. You always end up and I decided

I wanted to be a loving generous son

regardless.

>> Can I ask what point did you in your

life did you make that shift?

>> Few weeks ago. Um

under the influence of mushroom

chocolates. I'm reconsidering it. Um,

no. About quite frankly, not until I was

about 40 or 45. And as soon as I decided

I want to be a generous, loving son and

put the [ __ ] away, our relationship

just got much better. And and I realized

I, you know, forgave him for his flaws,

recognizing, you know, he did try and a

lot of his DNA, a lot of his risks have

paid paid huge dividends for me. So,

there's no reason I can't be grateful

for those things. I want to flip it back

to you. You had a different

relationship. Your parents married

long-term. I get the sense from the

things I've read about you. It sounded

like you grew up in what I would call a

very stable, supportive, loving

household, but that's the exterior

image.

I mean, you know, upper westside New

York 70s parents who were a comedy team,

relatively stable,

you know, like it was a different time.

It was a You know, I I just literally I

just made a documentary about my family

and that whole experience. And there's

so much that I can identify with what

you're saying in terms of getting to a

point in your life for me where it took

me to get to a point in my life where I

could appreciate that point of view of

looking what kind of relationship do I

want to have with my dad as opposed to

holding on.

>> Yeah. Um because I had a great dad and

for in a way though the daunting of

course I always had stuff with him as

any son does but the daunting thing was

for me was that he kind of was cast a

big shadow in terms of the way the

people reacted to him because they he

was a very generous guy loving guy. So

like for me it was hard to I I I was in

sort of in conflict because I was like

well yeah but he's my dad and you don't

really know like and he was great as a

dad too. It wasn't some some secret of

like what he was really like, but it's

still challenging. But to get to that

point for me was when I had kids and I

wanted to kind of get into this with you

a little bit. That point where you kind

of matured to a point where you could

say, "Okay, I want to have this kind of

relationship while your dad is still

alive."

>> Yeah. Um, you know, you wrote in the

book about there's a little section

where you talk about your parents'

friends who you grew up with who, um,

you know, were very kind of these larger

than life characters sort of when you

were a kid and then they got older and

you talk about how

>> when um, uh, your mom's friend was older

and she you basically she you needed

someone to help take care of her and she

left you things and you just you wrote

there's a little mention there where you

say like I couldn't quite be I couldn't

be there for her

>> the way that maybe you felt you should

have at the time. Um, and I really it

really resonated with me because I I

felt like and then you said, you know,

as you matured, you were able to figure

that out. But looking back, you said

like I wish I had shown up more for

that. And I it reminded me of a time

when parents, my parents' friends, two

of their very close friends, one of them

was very sick when I was in my 30s.

>> Yeah. And I couldn't deal with that of

this this guy who I remembered as a kid

was like such like I loved him so much

and I and he was on his deathbed

>> and I had I couldn't go to visit him.

>> Yeah.

>> And I felt awful about it cuz and at the

time I just couldn't deal with it.

>> Yeah. Um, and I feel like you really

talk so eloquently in the book about,

you write so eloquently in the book

about how you've gotten to this place

with your kids of really wanting to be

something and have a relationship with

them that maybe you couldn't have when

you were younger. And I think that to me

is like one of the themes in the book,

the idea of, you know, of growing and

changing as a person and and when you

get to these points in your life where

you're able to appreciate those things.

So the backstory is uh my mom's best

friends and my godfather were uh were

Carson and Charlie Evans. And remember

the first time you remember people for

the if there if you registered in motion

for a first time with them and I

remember thinking for the first time

these people were cool and rich. I had

never met cool rich people before. They

lived in the Hollywood Hills and they'd

have parties with live bands and cool

music and everyone seemed beautiful and

Carson was gorgeous. She was literally

and Charlie had a business. They were

kind of the toast of the town and he

took an interest in me and I remember

going to his business and it didn't look

like I was going to go to college. So

when I was a senior, I started spending

time at his printing company in the

valley and he was trying to get me used

to the thought that I might go to work

there and um they were the toast of the

town. Anyways, u Charlie

um lost his business, lost everything.

Carson said, "I'm leaving you." Went

into the garage, killed himself, and

my fast forward 20 or 30 years later. Um

my mom is sick and I'm living with my

mom. I'm doing a lot of virtue signaling

right now, but it's true. I was living

with my mom and Carson calls and by this

time Carson was a raging alcoholic

addicted to painkillers and she said,

"I'm coming. I'm I'm coming." I'm like,

"No, no, we're fine. We're fine." And

then up rolls from San Diego to Las

Vegas, this Canary yellow Corvette with

a little Scottish Terrier and 12 bottles

of Johnny Walker Red.

And she says, "I'm staying here. I'm

here to take care of my best friend."

And she used to make hot pockets for us.

And unfortunately, the image that will

always stay in my mind is me walking in,

getting there on a Sunday night from New

York and Carson naked on her back with

these enormous enhanced breasts and a

maintenance worker and it said Carlos.

And they were fooling around on my mom's

couch. And the weird thing is it was

such a strange time in my life. I'm

like, "This fits.

This fits."

And wow.

>> And just going back, you know, and then

things resolve. mom passes away and

Carson um uh about 3 years later I

couldn't get her meds or and I guess

without opiates you're basically she

died without cuz her her system it was

passed away and I get a call saying uh

you're the only beneficiary of her will

you're the sole beneficiary and quite

frankly I could have found time I should

have found time I called her every once

in a while but I didn't find time to go

see her. And I'm not proud of that. It's

just a lack of character, right? Uh to

not find time to go, you know, spend

time with a woman who took care of your

mom at the end. And there were just

certain things I couldn't do for my mom

that Carson did do as [ __ ] up and

drunk as she was all day. She was a

huge, huge asset to me at a critical

moment. So, I got all excited. I was

sad, but then I got excited about

potentially a windfall. and and she had

a safe and I'm like, "Oh my god, there's

got to be something good in there." And

it was like some weird stuff, some

photos, and this gold belt. And I used

to remember her wearing it of these big

$5 Indian head gold coins.

And I think the belt was probably worth

like, I don't know, 20 or $30,000. And I

thought, I'll just hold on to this in

case [ __ ] really gets real. I need to

shove something up my ass and move to

New Zealand or something.

And so I put in a dresser. It is never a

good idea for me to try and hide

anything. And then a few years later, a

friend of mine got divorced and I was

moving and I said, "You can have all my

furniture. I'm moving to a smaller

apartment."

And about five years later, I did I just

like really needed some money. I'm like,

"Oh, I'll sell the belt." And gold had

spiked to like, you know, a million

dollars an ounce or something. So I go

on this frenzy looking for that goddamn

belt.

I can't find it. And then fast forward

another 24 months later, my friend Adam

goes, "By the way, you know, we have

this great costume jewelry

uh we found in one of the the dressers

you sent me." And I'm like, "That

thing's probably worth like 80 grand by

now." And he's like, "Oh, my

13-year-old's been wearing it to his

eighth grade cuz he thinks it looks

makes him look like a rapper."

And I'm like, "Does he have it at school

right now? Cuz if he does, could you go

get it?" Like, he can't lose this thing.

But these gold coins are a reminder that

at the end of the day, like you can be

the toast of the town, you know, these

people had everything. One guy sticks a

rifle in his chest, you know, Charlie,

and the other dies addicted to opiates.

And I don't have any like hallmark

channel lessons here other than

relationships are everything. And just

to recognize a lot of your success and a

lot of your failure is not your fault

and you don't know what's going to

happen. Anyways, you probably that was

probably more than you wanted. Thank you

and good night everybody. It's been

great talking to you, Scott.

Um,

well, I mean, let's talk about You want

to talk about uh marriage and

relationship?

>> No.

>> No. Okay.

>> Yeah, sure.

Well, I thought was like really I I love

how much you talk about marriage in in

the book because um you obviously are

invested in your marriage and we both

have long-term marriages and um you give

interesting I think great advice about

what makes a marriage work. Um you had a

bunch of statistics about how married

people uh live longer and are happier or

they're happier. So

>> I'm I'm just I know

>> you're really selling this

and his wife is here. Um

>> no no I'm happier now. I'm like I'm in

but this actually is about the arc of

happiness that you have in the book is

interesting. He has the graph about the

arc of happiness which is like in across

your lifetime and it kind of goes like a

big smile

>> smile. Yeah.

>> And I found it to be very true. So this

is

I'll try and bring this back to the book

about men and that is

so there's this cartoon of a woman in

her 30s who doesn't have romantic love.

It's like the greatest tragedy ever. You

know, poor Lisa never found romantic

love and now she's in her 40s and she

has cats. What a tragedy. Guess what?

Lisa's just fine.

All of the research shows the following.

Men need and benefit from relationships

much more than women. Widows are happier

after their husband dies. True. This is

true. Widowers are less happy. Women do

live longer in relationships. They live

2 to four years longer. Men live four to

seven years longer. If a man hasn't

cohabitated with a woman or been married

by the time he's 30, there's a one in

three chance he'll be a substance

abuser. When women don't have a romantic

relationship, they oftentimes pour a lot

of that energy back into their friend

network and their professional lives.

When when men don't have a relationship,

they pour a lot of that energy back into

online content, nationalis, nationalism,

misogyny, anti-immigration, they start

blaming other people for their problems.

The bottom line is men need, especially

young men, need guardrails. And there is

nothing like the guard rails of a

relationship and especially marriage.

And when I I I'll flip this back to you,

but when I was younger, when I was, you

know, in my 20s, 30s, and even into my

40s,

everything was about more. I wanted more

money. No matter how much money, I want

more money. Relevance. I want more

relevance. No matter how fabulous my

experiences are, the people I was

hanging out, could I hang out with more

interesting people? Well, I'm in St.

Barts for New Year's. the same. What

about F1 for new? I just more. I want

[ __ ] more. Just never quite sad. And

the only time I have ever felt sad is

when I'm with my boys and my partner

Bayata and we look at each other and we

know we've done something right and it's

a hassle and it's the end of the night

and the kids instinctively throw their

legs over ours and we're all on the

couch or I know they're safe. I know

they're protected. I know they're loved.

I know they love me immensely. It's the

only time I've ever had a moment where I

thought, "Okay, I get it. I could go

now. I don't want to go now, but I get

it. This is it. This is enough." Only

time in my life where I've ever felt

sad. And what I would say to I didn't

want to get married. I didn't want to

have kids. I I just didn't. I thought,

you know, being single and alone in New

York is a empty and meaningless

experience, but as far as empty and

meaningless experiences go was pretty

damn good. And

And then I found someone who wanted to

have kids and said, "I'm not interested

in a long-term relationship with kids."

So I'm like, "Fine. Uh, we'll have

kids." And now, hands down, and all the

research shows this, the happiest people

are generally part of a family. And I

think the part of masculinity is the

greatest reward I feel is making them

feel like they're noticed and they're

loved, being a provider for them, making

them hopefully that they feel protected.

But it is the most unexpected means of

finding purpose and meaning in my life.

And the the most wonderful thing, it's

not even making money that's great. It's

making it with people. It's making it

with a team. When I met my my wife, I

had no money. She had no money. We've

built a great life together. We had no

kids. We have these two boys who get

less awful every day.

But doing that with someone else when

you don't when my mom passed away, one

of the hardest things about that was

every time something good happened to

me, I would call my mom. I got my first

bonus from Morgan Stanley. Call my mom.

And you know, your mom can just wax on

and she just loves hearing about great

things. I just I met a woman in a coffee

line and I got her number. Well, good

for you. That's so wonderful. You're so

handsome. It's no surprise, you know.

And for a good 5 10 years,

every time something good happened to

me, it was as if it didn't happen

because without calling my mom, it would

it like it wasn't cemented. It was like

it just didn't happen. And so now with a

wife and kids, it's like good things

happen again. Like we are building

something together and hands down the

most rewarding thing of my life. And if

I could have any sort of public policy

in some we need to put more money into

the pockets of young people such that

they can afford to mate and build loving

secure families.

60%

60% of 30year-olds used to have at least

one child 40 years ago. Now it's 27%.

And it's not some cool anti-kid thing.

Oh, they're worried about the climate.

they can't afford to. And also, when you

have a lot of young men who aren't

economically viable, we don't like to

have an honest conversation about

mating. Men mate socioeconomically,

horizontally and down, women

horizontally and up. Beyonce could work

at McDonald's and marry Jay-Z. The

opposite is not true.

75%

the truth folks, 75% of women say

economic viability is key to a mate.

Only 25% of men. So when men are not

doing well economically,

we have an absence of mating. We have an

absence of what is the opportunity to do

the most rewarding thing in the world,

and that is build a family where you get

to that point of building something with

someone else. And without those

opportunities,

you know, it's it's tough on women, but

it is absolutely disastrous for men

because without the guard post or the

guidepost of a relationship, a man

really comes off the tracks. So the

question is, how do we figure out a way

to lift up all young people, which I

think will disproportionately

benefit men right now because they're

kind of falling off of the tracks and

that is they don't have the money, the

confidence, or the skills to find a

partner. And when I think about the

most, it just makes me very upset and

rattled to think that the most rewarding

thing in my life is effectively off

limits. Marriage is the new luxury item.

four-fifths of people in the top

quintile of income earning households

get married. Only one in five men in the

lowest quintile ever have an opportunity

to mate. And unfortunately, that's more

the average or more typical in history.

Only 80% of women have reproduced in our

species on the planet. Only 40% of men

because the natural state of kind of

barbarism and a society just left where

it doesn't redistribute uh money back to

the middle class. The natural order is

Porsche polygamy where the few men who

are anointed money or so talented or

lucky they get a lot of money, they have

multiple mates and the majority of the

lower 90 of men don't have any. And a

society collapses on itself because

those men get angry and the most

dangerous person in the world is a

lonely broke young man. If you look at

the most unstable violent societies in

the world, they have a disproportionate

number of young men without a lack who

have a lack of economic and a lack of

romantic opportunities. And I think

right now the reason why we have elected

an insurrectionist president is because

young men are failing and young people

pivoted hardest from blue to red, 20 to

24. And the second group that pivoted

hardest was 45 to 64 year old women. And

my thesis is that's their mothers.

Because if your son isn't doing well,

you don't give a [ __ ] about territorial

sovereignty in Ukraine or transgender

rights. You just know your kid, your son

isn't doing well. So, I think we have

all sorts of reasons to make a huge

investment in younger people, not just

men, all younger people, right? The $40

billion a year tax credit for children

gets stripped out of the infrastructure

bill. The $120 billion uh cost of living

adjustment for social security flies

right through Congress. Old people have

figured out a way to vote themselves

more money. Our elected representatives

are a cross between the Golden Girls and

the land of the dead. And they keep

transferring more money from young

people to old people. A person under the

age of 40 is 24% less wealthy than they

were than a person that age 40 years

ago. People our age are 72% wealthier

than they were 40 years ago. What does

that mean? It means young people are

struggling. They're more anxious.

They're more obese. And it especially

hard on young men because we don't like

to talk about this but when a young man

has fewer opportunities to be provi be a

provider he is harshly judged in

society. Women are disproportionately

and unfairly evaluated on their

aesthetics. Men are unfairly and

disproportionately evaluated on their

economic viability. And we are producing

way too many economically unviable men.

It is bad for household formation. It

robs young men of the greatest

opportunity for happiness to build

something with someone else. And it

makes a nation unstable and violent.

We'll be right back.

Support for the show comes from

LinkedIn. We say this all the time on

our show, but it bears repeating.

Running a small business isn't just a

full-time job. It's about a dozen

full-time jobs that you rarely, if ever,

get to clock out of. At least until you

get to the point where you can start

hiring the dream team. And if you've

made it that far, you already know

there's no time to mess around. That's

where LinkedIn Jobs comes in. LinkedIn

makes it easy to post your job for free,

share with your network, and get

qualified candidates that you can manage

all in one place. And LinkedIn's new AI

feature can even help you write job

descriptions and then quickly get it in

front of the right people with deep

candidate insights. And if you decide

you want to go the extra mile to find

the perfect candidate, LinkedIn says

that promoted jobs get three times the

number of qualified applicants. It's all

these little things that let you find

help fast without compromising on

quality, which add up to you finally

having extra time in the day for, I

don't know, relaxing. Or knowing my

listeners, you'll probably use that

extra time to expand your empire even

further. Post your job for free at

linkedin.com/prov.

That's linkedin.com/prop

to post your job for free. Terms and

conditions apply.

Support for Prop comes from Pipe Drive.

The sales process isn't exactly an easy

process. Even the most experienced

entrepreneurs can have trouble keeping

up with everything. And it's even harder

when you have a bunch of scattered

information spread across tools and

systems with no clear view of what's

happening. Pipe Drive brings your entire

sales processes into one simple

centralized space, giving you a crystal

clear, complete view of sales processes

and customer information so you can stay

in control and close more deals faster.

Piperive knows every team works a little

differently, which is why they let you

fully tailor your CRM to match your

unique sales process and strategy all

within one platform. In Piper's visual

sales pipeline, you can see every deal,

track its stage, and know exactly what

needs to happen next. It's a powerful,

simple CRM built by salespeople for

salespeople. Join the over 100,000

companies already using Piperive. Right

now, when you visit piperive.com/propg,

you'll get a 30-day free trial. No

credit card or payment needed. Just head

to piperive.com/profg

to get started. That's

piperive.com/profg

and you can be up and running in

minutes.

Support for the show comes from Crucible

Moments, a podcast from Sequoia Capital.

We've all had pivotal decision points in

our lives that whether we know it or not

at the time changed everything. This is

especially true in business. Like, did

you know that autonomous drone delivery

company Zipline originally produced a

robotic toy? Or that Bolt went from an

Estonian transportation company to one

of the largest ride share and food

delivery platforms in the world? That's

what Crucible Moments is all about. Deep

diving into the make orb breakak moments

that set the course for some of the most

important tech companies of our time

with interviews from some of the key

players that made these companies a

success. Hosted by Sequoia Capital's

managing partner Rol Boa, Crucible

Moments is back for a new season with

stories of companies as they navigated

the most consequential crossroads in

their journeys. Hear conversations with

the leaders at Zipline Drive, PaloAlto

Networks, CLA, Supercell, and more.

Subscribe to season 3 of Crucible

Moments and catch up on seasons 1 and

two at cruciblemoments.com on YouTube or

wherever you get your podcast. Listen to

Crucible Moments today.

I should.

>> Yeah. I like being married.

>> What?

>> I like being married.

>> How long have you been married?

>> Uh 20 25

years.

>> 25 years.

>> Yeah.

>> Yeah. Well done.

>> Um how how important is it do you think

talking about masculinity in a marriage?

This just a something I was thinking

about like how important is it for men

in of marriage do you think to maintain

like that that thing of feeling like a

masculine man cuz that's you know do you

know what I mean? Uh-huh.

>> Well, I mean, just in terms of like you

talk about masculinity in young men, but

like as guys get to our age, you know, I

feel like guys our age start to try to

grasp on to holding on to something as

you start to get older.

>> Yeah. Look, I don't I don't think of it.

The honest answer is I don't know. I

haven't parsed the role masculinity

plays in a in a

>> What do you think about in your in in

your own marriage?

>> What? Okay. So, I've given a I've given

a couple best man toasts. And I'll give

you the exact toast I give for a

successful marriage. This is my my

feeling. Uh, one, put away the

scorecard. We talked about this. Just

decide the kind of husband you want to

be and always try and be in the plus

column. By the way, I think that is the

lipmus test when you become a man. I

think there are a lot of males that grow

really old and never become men. And I

think the ultimate lipmus test is the

following. It's the term surplus value.

You create more. Every one of us is

absorbing 20, 30, $60,000 a year in tax,

other people's tax revenue. If you call

911, someone shows up. If you need to go

to the hospital, they'll take care of

you. There are brave men and women

handling very expensive equipment to try

and defend our shores from people who

would like to kill us. All right, so we

have a debt. So, do you create more

economic value in jobs than you absorb?

Do you notice more people's lives than

notice yours? At some point, do more

people complain to you than you

complain? It's okay. You want it the

moment a man and some men ever get there

to a point where they are adding more

economic value, adding more love, adding

more concern, absorbing more complaints,

making more people feel good about

themselves and maybe made you feel good.

That's the whole [ __ ] shooting match

is surplus value. So anyways, keep put

the scorecard away. My first suggestion

in these tests. The second is the

following. always express

always express physical desire, sex and

affection. It's what says I choose you.

I think women want to be wanted. I I

sorry I that's my experience. And I

think having a really robust always

wanting to express your desire and

express affection. I think that says to

your partner, our relationship is

singular. I think it's hugely important.

And finally, and maybe most importantly,

never ever let a woman be cold or

hungry.

Cool.

Um,

I was afraid I wasn't going to have

enough questions, but man, um, it's

great to listen to you talk. There's I I

got one more thing I want to talk about

before there questions from the audience

and I I really want to read a bunch of

them because I

>> Well, first off, what do you think makes

a successful marriage?

>> Oh [ __ ] Um

I think um you have to want it and you

have to appreciate what you have. And

for me it it that's where I got to. It

took me a little bit to get there. And

uh really I think that's the thing in

marriages that go on a long time is that

you get used to each other and you take

for granted what you have. So to me it's

like always every day not taking it for

granted. I I had that ability because I

wasn't together the whole time we had

the separation came back together. And

>> what was the moment where you realized

this is worth investing and re-uping?

What was it

>> when I didn't have it?

I mean, when I had time to really sit

with, you know, being on my own and

think about it and

>> and was it loneliness or not sharing

your life with someone or not being in a

family unit?

>> It was all of those things. And having

the space, I guess I don't know. I don't

know. Like I was just like I realized,

oh, I miss I miss this.

>> And and yeah, and then I felt very

fortunate that I actually was able to,

you know, come back and that we were

able to come back. But like the great

thing is is like every single day that's

never a question, you know, now at this

point. Um,

uh, this is but I'm here to interview

you, Scott.

Um, no, I um I wanted to in what you

were saying before we go to the

questions, I wanted to talk about pick

up on what you're saying about the

surplus value thing. And in in the in

the book, you talk about how much you

love your family, which I found really

moving. And I've got a friend who's an

author, George Saunders, great author,

who's written in his short stories and

and novels about the idea of loving

bigger and outside of your own family

unit. Um this idea of like, you know, of

having that willingness to to sacrifice

outside of those in your immediate blood

relations. Yeah. Um, and you wrote I

just wanted to read this uh before

because I thought it was really moving

and it is what you write about your

um relationship and how you changed in

in terms of appreciating that when you

say you say I lost my self-absorption

for a moment and thought about the

millions maybe billions of people in a

constant state of despair over the

well-being of their children and this is

talking about the family unit which we

all feel that connection with their

children but um facing everyday things

they can't control that they that aren't

their fault or they're doing that

threaten their kids' well-being except

it feels like it's your fault fault. Our

only real job here is to ensure our kids

survive and prosper. Any threat to this

survival and hopeful prosperity is the

ultimate failure. Uh it cuts to tissue

and emotions you didn't know existed. So

like you know that idea of what you feel

for your own kids. How important do you

think this idea of empathy is for those

outside your immediate circle is in

terms of how how we go forward in the

world? I think about it in terms of

having done you know work with refugees

and seeing the you know I think the

horrible attitude that our government

has towards uh you know people who are

vulnerable um and how important it is to

have that empathy and is that something

you think about? Yeah, I I couch it in

the I talk about the three legs of the

stool of masculinity. Be a provider. I

think it's important that men at least

attempt from a very early age to be

economically viable. But the whole

shooting match, the whole reason why you

make money, establish strength,

establish skills is you move to the

second leg of the stool and that is

protection. And what really worries me

about our current leadership. So just

naturally, young men are going to look

to the most powerful person in the world

and the richest person in the world for

leadership as an example around

masculinity. They're just going to model

those people whether we want them to or

not because president's the most

powerful person in the world and the

richest man in the world has won this

game called capitalism. And what I just

find so disappointing and so incredibly

damaging and I think it's going to haunt

our young men for decades and it'll take

a ton of time to reprogram them is that

these individuals are not taking their

prosperity and moving to protection. If

you cut aid, if you have if you're the

richest man in the world and you're

cutting aid to HIV positive mothers,

that should be a reputational extinction

event. That is just

that

the the whole point I think of

masculinity is take care of yourself. Be

real get really [ __ ] strong. A man

under the age of 30 has incredible bone

structure, more double twitch muscle,

and this amazing substance called

testosterone. I jokingly say any man

under the age of 30 should be able to

walk into any room and know if [ __ ] got

real, they could kill and eat everybody

or outrun them. And when you get

physically and emotionally and mentally

strong, right, you're going to feel

better about yourself. You're going to

be less prone to mental illness. You're

going to be more attractive to potential

mates. Who breaks up fights at bars?

Really strong, confident people. Who

starts fights at bars? People who don't

feel very good about themselves. So, you

protect yourself. You get strong. You

protect your family. Then you start

protecting your community. And the

ultimate expression of masculinity, full

stop, is you plant trees the shade of

which you'll never sit under, right?

What you're talking about your work with

refugees, that's the whole that's the

whole shooting match. And I don't say

that to be virtuous. I say that it took

me forever to get there. I was so

focused on myself and taking care of

myself and making money. And I'm not

naturally I'm not naturally a kind or

philanthropic person. And I'm

embarrassed to say that, but it's true.

These were things I had to learn and I

had to appreciate. But what you realize

is that if you can get to that outer

ring of protecting people you'll never

meet. Jesus Christ, that makes you feel

like a man. And I'm not suggesting that

that's not reward that women can't get.

I think they actually have those

nurturing instincts come more easily.

But that's the whole point of leaning

into your manhood. Be really [ __ ]

strong. Be really talented. Make a [ __ ]

ton of money. Get influence. Be smart.

Be generous. Be kind. and then start if

you can protecting others. That's the

that's the basis of masculinity. If you

think about the most masculine jobs,

military, firemen, cop, at the end of

the day, they protect. And I think that

a lot of men, the men we're supposed to

look up to, have totally miss the boat

on protection. Like, why on earth would

you make that much money if you didn't

use it to protect people? It just it

makes absolutely no goddamn sense to me.

And that these are the worst role models

for young men. They've conflate

masculinity with coarseness and cruelty.

That's that couldn't be more any

anti-masculine. Being sued by two women

concurrently for sole custody of that

child because you've never seen that

child. Elon Musk,

that that couldn't be any more

anti-masculine. punching down and our

nation quite frankly is not very

nurturing or masculine right now. 20% of

people Americans are under the age of 18

but 40% of kids under the age of 18 are

on food stamps. That means we have

decided we are no longer in the business

of protecting the most vulnerable.

Our nation is losing its roots of

protection and masculinity. I think I

think I think women heal. I I think the

most successful families and the most

successful alliance in history and I'm

going to work on hopefully flipping

Congress and I want to get involved in

politics in terms of helping someone

retake the White House, but restoring

that that is so pandering to this

audience. But but I think the theme for

the next 10 years in America has to be

restoration of alliances. Alliances with

our great trading partners, alliances

between moderate Republicans and

moderate Democrats that see themselves

as Americans before their parties first.

But also, I think we need to restore the

greatest alliance in history, and that's

the alliance between men and women. And

what each gender has done a great job of

is trying to convince themselves that

it's the other gender's fault.

I know. I know. When a young man is like

unsavable, he starts blaming immigrants

for his economic problems and he starts

blaming women for his romantic problems.

It's like I there's nothing I can do,

boss. You've lost the script. And at the

same time, just to be an equal

opportunity critic criticizer here, a

lot of young women have absolutely no

empathy for young men. There's this

movement on TikTok where women are

saying they won't date. They've stopped

dating because they're worried about

being unalived. I don't know if any of

you have seen these things have gone

viral. Meaning they're worried they'll

be murdered by this violent pathological

group called Young Men. And here's the

data. If a man goes on a date, he's 16

times more likely to go home and hurt

himself than hurt his date. You're four

times more likely to get hurt on a car

ride over or choked during dinner than

to be hurt by a man. Men are dangerous.

Young men are not doing well and they're

dangerous, but they're dangerous towards

themselves. And just saying to young

men, you don't have problems. who are

the problem. We need empathy from women.

We need women women have to lead this

dialogue especially mothers and young

men need to recognize. We need to

celebrate the progress of our sisters

and mothers. But for God's sakes, I have

7 and a half billion points of evidence

that the greatest alliance in history is

the alliance between men and women. The

happiest households in the world bring a

combination of masculine and feminine

energy. And by the way, two women can

bring masculine and feminine energy. I'm

drawn, my close friends are generally

more feminine. I like nurturing, caring

men. I'm more drawn towards feminine

attributes and men. None of these

qualities are sequestered to people born

as a certain gender. But young men have

an easier time leaning into more

masculine attributes, and we need to

recast them as something wonderful.

There's no such thing as toxic

masculinity. There's cruelty, there's

abuse, there's violence. Those couldn't

be more non-masculine. But for God's

sakes, let's lift each other up. This

[ __ ] men and women together, bringing a

mix of that incredible femininity and

masculinity. That's the whole [ __ ]

shooting match. That's the most

rewarding thing ever. So, let's decide

we're allies again instead of instead of

finding reasons why it's the other

gender's fault. Let's let's let's get

out there.

All right, we're getting close to the

end, so I'm going to just ask a couple

of these questions. Thank Oh,

>> thank God.

>> Oh, this was your idea.

>> Thank god

>> this is not about Stiller Soda.

>> It's so It's so good to see you finally

making some money.

>> Okay,

>> Stiller Soda. Ben doesn't drink. That's

why we'll never be close.

>> Thank you. Okay,

>> but so he started

>> chocolate mushroom.

>> He started a a soda line. What's mine? I

ask for your input on branding.

>> You just wanted access to my social.

It's like when candidates call me for

advice. They just want my money. Cheers,

brother.

>> Cheers, man. Cheers. Good to see you.

>> Good to see you.

>> Thank you.

>> Okay, here's a couple of questions. And

going off of what you just talked about,

which was pretty profound. How big a

role how big of a role does repressed

emotion play in this young men, all men

issue? And is therapy helpful?

I don't feel really qualified to comment

on that. I I'll I'll just say from a

personal standpoint that I'm not an

adolescent psychiatrist. I just don't

have any domain expertise here. And

people are constantly fond of reminding

me on Twitter that I I have no domain

expertise in this area. Um what I will

say is the following. This is just

personal. From the age of 29 to 44, I

didn't cry. Do you cry a lot?

>> I do more now.

>> Now? Yeah.

>> Yeah. Um, meet the parents four.

>> We really needed that. Um,

anyways, from the age of 29 to 44,

>> you're not getting invited to the

premiere.

>> From age,

from the age of 29 to 44, didn't cry

once. Didn't cry when my mother died.

Didn't when my company went chapter 11,

you know, just didn't

didn't cry when I got divorced. just

didn't just lost the I forgot how

literally forgot how and then I started

again and what the advice I would give

to any man is that life goes especially

as you get older life starts falling off

a cliff years become quarters quarters

become months months become and I'm an

atheist I think at some point I'll look

into my kids's eyes and know our

relationship is coming to an end but it

kind of liberates me to be a little bit

more fearless with my emotions and what

I started doing and it's been just The

gift is when something moves me, I weep

up and I cry. And unfortunately, it's

gone a little bit overboard. I cried on

the View and The Daily Show. But my

suggestion or advice to men is don't

fall into some sort of [ __ ] up sense

of masculinity

that there's a good reason why men don't

want to cry or exhibit weakness. Because

for about 99% of our time on this

planet, if you exhibited weakness to

another man, there's a decent chance he

might sense that weakness, kill you,

have sex with your wife, and then eat

your children.

So, men have been taught instinctively

not to in any way exhibit weakness.

Vulnerability is not something that's

hardwired into our DNA. But if you see

something that inspires you, you need,

in my opinion, my advice would be to

stop and really bask in it and try and

understand why this thing inspires you.

This piece of art, this piece of design,

something you've read, read it again and

really try and understand and inform

your emotions. Why does this move you?

Try and let yourself lean into crime.

When you find something funny, do your

best to laugh out loud because you need

to slow life down. You need to inform

yourself. And I find that I'm much less

prone to real anxiety and real anger,

both of which I suffer from. If I'm more

in touch and registering emotions, I

just think it's healthy. It

>> informs your life. It slows life down.

In terms of at what point that type of

repression impacts a kid

psychologically, the honest answer is I

don't.

>> Yeah.

>> I don't feel like I have the domain

expertise. Why are you crying more, Ben?

>> Uh because I I don't know. Oh, I mean I

think

I mean also like you know when you're an

actor too like you're sensitive

sometimes you know and it's like kind of

like that stuff is actually stuff that

you are try to somehow be in touch with

but like in life for me I think I just

value everything that I have. uh I'm

more self-aware

and maybe I don't know maybe it's

because life has h you know things I've

gone through in life losing my parents

appreciating that um them as people

watching my kids grow up seeing how they

become people cats in the cradle

is true you know on a certain level it's

life happening to you so I I I feel like

it's a good thing too and I think what

you're talking about also is not just it

it you're talking about like stopping

and experiencing the moment of what's

happening in terms of what something

that moves you like actually cuz we're

just all going a million miles an hour

with social media and TV and life and

everything. If you're saying like stop

and actually experience the moment and

think about what you're feeling and feel

it and and just be be in the moment and

that I think is a very important thing

too.

>> We're we're sentient beings. the the

fear or the danger is you rip through

life, maybe make some money, maybe had a

couple kids, but did you ever really

feel anything? Like at the end of your

life, like did your life really happen?

>> Right?

>> So my sense is if you're committed to

squeezing as much juice out of this lime

called life as possible, if you aren't

regularly practicing feeling [ __ ] your

life will go like that. And at the end

of your life, you're going to regret not

having slowed it down and being what it

is to be human. Sentient means feeling.

I'm not good at it. I'm getting better

at it. But I think it's great advice for

all men. Live your life. Feel [ __ ] Lean

into it.

>> Do you feel like when you watch

something or listen to music or watch a

movie or something, it like unlocks

something for you, or do you find it

just happening in real life more?

>> Oh, I get a lot of it from art. I can't

watch Modern Family without tearing up.

>> Okay.

Um,

>> I do think Meet the Parents 4 might

really bring it out.

All right, I'm going to do one last

question.

>> How did I agree to see this [ __ ]

>> Um, what is your perspective on the role

of a man that is a father of a girl? How

do you have that? Uh, how do you have

that some impact without a male child to

show the way? I'm Can you here? couldn't

quite

>> a doctor wrote this

>> maybe or the person

>> I think and my wife's going to kill me

when I say this

we have two boys and she wanted a third

and I said no. Uh I was so freaked out

about I mean the reality is you have

your world of work, you have your world

of friends, you have your world of kids,

something comes off the tracks with one

of your kids and your whole world you

know that's it. the whole world just

shrinks to that kid.

>> And like most people, we knew people who

had had issues with their kids. I mean,

not huge issues, whatever. You know,

pick your acronym.

>> And my attitude was, we're good. We know

our two kids are pretty, you know,

either going to be good or great.

>> Let's cash out of the table. We're

pushing our luck, our odds. And also, to

be blunt, I wasn't making a lot of

money. And the most stressed I've ever

felt when Bayata gave birth to our first

child, it was right during the teeth of

the Great Financial Recession. And I was

basically broke. I'd basically lost

everything. I've been rich three times,

which means I've lost it all twice. And

the Great Financial Recession came along

and just wiped me out. And the first

thing I felt when Alec had the poor

judgment to come marching out of Bayata

at the wrong time,

I did. It was not bright lights and Bata

will confirm this. It's not bright

lights and angel singing. I was the

first thing I felt was kind of like

shame and anxiety cuz the the paternal

instinct kicked in and I'm like I have

had I've made so much [ __ ] money and

I've just blown it. I was so

narcissistic and egotistical thinking I

should double down on my own companies.

I was that idiot that borrowed stock

against his company to buy more stock

and you know never diversified in it to

win it. I'd read these articles about,

you know, Bill Gates putting all of his

money into his company and Mark

Zuckerberg turning down a billion

dollar, you know, just and I bought so

into that kind of macho. And then we had

a kid at exactly the wrong time for me.

And I I was so quite frank, I was just

worried I wasn't going to have the

economic security to handle three kids,