Leading Neuroscientist: Stress Leaks Through Skin, Is Contagious, Gives You Belly Fat! Dr Tara Swart
3841 segments
Did you know there's a really
fascinating experiment done on
weightlifters? They lifted no weights
for 2 weeks. They just sat there and
they visualized themselves lifting
weights.
They had a 13% increase in muscle mass.
People should realize how much potential
they have in their brains. Dr. Tara
Swart. She's a neuroscientist, medical
doctor, executive advisor, and
best-selling author. She's here to teach
us on how to build mental resilience to
overcome our biggest challenges.
Is stress contagious?
Mhm. So, cortisol is the main stress
hormone and it will leak out of our
sweat about this far around us, go into
the skin of everybody else, and it's
going to impact them.
And as a survival mechanism, it will
help you to store fat around your
abdomen. So, stress causes belly fat?
Belly fat that's really hard to shift.
There's another rabbit hole you could go
down about social contagion. So, there
are statistics that show that you meet
people who are to similar psychological
level to you. For example, if someone
gets divorced, you're more likely to get
divorced in the next year. Your brain
brain can play tricks on you. So, what
can I do about that?
The brain is actively growing and
changing till we're about 25.
But from 25 to 65, if you do things that
are intense enough to force your brain
to change, you will actually improve the
highest functions of the brain. Things
like regulate your emotions better,
solve complex problems, think flexibly,
override any unconscious biases that you
may have. It begs the question then,
where do I start?
Dr. Tara Swart.
What are the
sort of existing ideas that your work
and what you speak about
is confronting, the like unhelpful
existing preconceptions
about the brain, human potential that
your work is confronting head-on? So,
the first thing I came up against, cuz
this was around the time of the
financial crisis,
was the lack of understanding of the
brain-body connection.
So,
these high-performing executives were
kind of acting like
their body was just the vehicle that was
moving their brain around from meeting
to meeting.
And both
disrespecting their
their physical health, but also not
understanding that what they were
actually really being paid for was to
use their brain, and they weren't
creating the best conditions for that
brain to operate in.
Um and I'm talking about really basic
things like sleep and a good diet and
hydration and not being sedentary,
managing your stress, etc.
So, you know, this tiny organ,
if it's not in an environment that is
giving it the best chance of doing its
job, it's not going to and a crack's
going to appear somewhere.
Um
and the first time I really
kind of
had a big confrontation with a bank was
when
people were dropping dead on the trading
floor of heart attacks.
And they
asked me to work more in my capacity as
a former medical doctor to help with the
physical stuff.
And I said I can't do that if we don't
address the mental and emotional piece
because that's what's causing this.
And they just could could not get that.
What did you want to do with those
people in a specific and practical
sense? What if you could have,
you know, been in charge of
preventing them from dropping dead on
the trading floor,
Mhm. where would you have started?
The understanding that stress,
so everything that you're experiencing
mentally and emotionally that's
challenging, and things like a lot of
travel, which is challenging for your
body,
that that raises levels of the hormone
cortisol, which comes from your adrenal
glands.
And that cortisol courses around your
blood through your entire body and
brain.
And the brain has receptors
for understanding what's going on in
terms of threat to your survival.
So, in a 24-hour cycle, depending on
your age and your gender, there's a
normal range for cortisol. So, it can go
up and down like this. You know, if
something challenging happens, we need
to adapt and rise to meet that
challenge. But when that level is above
the top range all the time, these
receptors in your brain
basically think that there's an imminent
threat to your survival.
So, there's this whole cascade of
hormones,
and they basically cortisol causes
inflammation in the body. Mhm. So,
inflammation of your vascular system,
inflammation around your heart,
and everything else, gut and, you know,
other things. But
particularly around that time we were
seeing a lot of heart attacks caused by
stress. This was in the absence of high
blood pressure, high cholesterol,
smoking. It was all stress.
I read a I read a study and I was
watching a TED Talk that seemed to make
the case that stress was
somewhat subjective. I It's an
interpretation of of events. Mhm. So,
one can be in a situation where they
feel very stressed. You can put a
different person in that situation and
they wouldn't experience it as stress.
Also, there is I think there's quite a
famous TED Talk that makes the case that
stress only has physiological
consequences in the form of disease and
inflammation and the heart attacks
you're describing,
if we believe
that stress is going to have that effect
on us. If we believe stress is bad.
yeah. I get that.
Is that true? Um
So, I would define stress as when the
load that you perceive on you
physically, mentally, emotionally, or
spiritually is too much for you to bear.
So, yes, it is subjective.
Um when I moved into business and
leadership, people would use the terms
good stress and bad stress, and I found
that really difficult having been a
psychiatrist and seeing people actually
break down
to think that there's any such thing as
good stress. But what I have, you know,
the way that I've adapted that over the
last 10 or 15 years is that there's an
adaptive response, which is a healthy
response to a challenge, and we have
that for a reason. We need that, and
that can be a good thing, but that
should be a spike. It should go up, and
it should go back down again. If it
stays high all the time,
that's not good.
My second question now is about the
contagion of stress. Once upon a time I
Googled, um cuz I had a thesis, I
Googled is stress contagious?
Mhm.
And it came up, and it said it was
contagious.
Is it contagious? In what circumstances
do we need to be aware of that
contagion? And more importantly, how and
why is it contagious? Okay, I will tell
you the answer to that, but I'm going to
ask you a question first.
Have you ever walked into a room with
someone, and by the time you've left
that meeting with them, you just feel so
drained?
Okay, so you
yeah. Yeah, you know so you know the
feeling. So, I'll tell I'll tell you how
it works physiologically.
Um I'm going to start with something
else to like build you up to this story.
So, did you know that women who live
together or work closely together will
synchronize their menstrual periods
within two or three months?
Yeah, I found this out many years ago,
and it has completely changed my
perception on so many things.
So many things because
I have to be honest, I'm I'm a very sort
of logical, I need like science and
evidence, and so I always thought about
I don't know, physical physical things.
Like, if I can't see it, it doesn't
exist. Yeah. It's kind of been my my
like framework for thinking about life.
And when I heard about that, I checked
it was true, found out it was true, and
it broke the frame in which I think,
because if if there are invi- if if it's
possible that invisible forces now
between me and you are interacting with
our bodies. Okay, what what else is
possible?
I'm already using a certain form of eye
contact with you to create emotional
resonance. Uh-oh. What have you done to
me?
We're going to get sidetracked. Do you
want to go back to the whole thing?
of eye contact are you using with me?
Tell me. So, basically
We'll go back to the whole money thing.
We'll just park that.
park that. It's it's related. Um
so,
when a baby is born,
one of the ways that it learns what
emotion the mom's experiencing, how it
understands its own emotions, and you
everything that grows over childhood and
teenage and to,
you know, prosocial behavior,
starts off mostly with eye contact with
the mom.
So, at first they can hardly see
anything. They can just kind of see two
blobs, and then they start to understand
more about like micro facial expression
changes and stuff. But, eye contact with
the mom is hugely important.
So, most people are right-handed. So,
they'll be holding their baby in their
left arm, so they can still use their
dominant hand do stuff.
And that means that when you gaze at
your baby,
your right eye is looking into their
left eye.
And then that interaction that from the
optic nerve
is
going around the brain. It's impacting
the um amygdala, where emotions come
from.
And it's creating this emotional
resonance loop that's part of how the
mother and the baby bond.
So, that right eye to left eye eye
contact is the most bonding eye contact
that you can have with someone. Now, you
could say, "Oh, but my mom was
left-handed." Or you could be
left-handed, but, you know, if I'm
taking a chance on trying to build that
bond with someone, that's the
statistically most likely one to create
good resonance between you. So, you
walked in here and you started looking
in my left eye. I waited till we sat
down.
I gave you a hug. You gave me a hug, you
know. So, all of these little things,
they start to
And, you know, we've laughed about a few
things before we've come on air. Those
are the sorts of things that create like
um
higher levels of the bonding hormone
oxytocin. So, you're more likely to
lower your guard, trust the person, take
a healthy risk. Um
So, yeah. I mean,
like I said, I know that stuff. So, I
live my life like that.
Just want to get get make sure I've got
that clearly in my mind so I could
repeat that to someone else
later. Good for dating. Yeah, of course
it is. I think we might go down that
that down that path a little bit, but
the reason that works is because there's
an association in our brains that if
someone is looking into your left eye,
it kind of triggers something a bonding
response that is quite innate in us.
Yeah. Is that the TLDR of it? Okay.
Super interesting. What else?
What else? If I'm trying to bond with
someone. So, everybody listening to this
right now, whether they're in work,
they're in sales, they they're looking
for a partner, whatever. It's a nice
little trick
Mhm. to look into someone's left eye.
I'm going to only look into your left
eye for the rest with your right eye.
How do I I'm just looking with both.
Yeah, you feel like that, but once you
start doing this, I promise you, you
will notice a difference. Okay.
Um what else? What are the tricks to
make to encourage bonding?
Encourage bonding. So, physical
interaction. So, um
you know, depending on the
appropriateness of it, minimum
handshake,
maybe a hug, maybe a kiss on the cheek,
you know, depending on what um situation
you're in. I do this handshake where I
we hug so we don't handshake. I many
many years ago I read an article that if
when you
shake someone's hand, you put the other
hand over the top of it, it creates a
sense of warmth and trust. So, I've been
doing that for 10 years now. Give them
my left hand or my right hand, and then
the other hand goes over the top of it.
Yeah. It's definitely extra, and you see
this in a lot of um kind of more ancient
cultures that there is like more of a
handshake than what we do, which seems
it's just one hand, and it's quite brief
and stuff. So, yeah, the more of that
kind of physical touch that you can get,
the the better. So, you know, everyone
that I've met since I've come in this
morning, I've either shaken hands with
them or hugged them, and I would not not
do that. Mhm.
Is there anything else in terms of
encouraging the release of oxytocin
that you're aware of? What are the
behaviors that increase that bonding
chemical in our brains?
Um eye contact and touch are the main
ones. Okay. Laughing together is another
one. Um
and then
not to do with another person, but if
you take a bath rather than a shower,
then you'll release more oxytocin.
Massage helps. Well, you're immersed in
warm water, so it feels like a hug.
So, you you'd theoretically get out of
the bath and be kinder and happier and
more people would want to bond with you
more. Well, you'll be more in the mode
of bonding. doing that, yeah.
So interesting. What about um
vulnerability?
Cuz I I I heard shared struggle is one
of the things that releases oxytocin.
Yeah, so um yeah, going through
something not necessarily traumatic, but
that's highly emotional, that is very
bonding as well.
So, we see this a lot on the reality
shows where people are like, "Oh, we're
going to be friends for life." You know,
if you do something like a skydive or a
bungee jump in a group, then you know,
you do feel more bonded to those people.
Um but they're not as practical as the
just the little things that you can do
every day.
Okay, so let's go back to this hormone
conversation. We'll take that off the
shelf. So, we're talking about stress
and the contagion of stress.
So, you started by setting the scene
with the fact that women who interact
with each other physically closely, they
synchronize their menstrual cycles.
And so, whenever I
want to explain something that's complex
or I don't actually know the current
neuroscience, I always take it back to
what happened in ancient times.
So, when we were living in the cave,
the men hunted and gathered and lived
quite nomadically. So, sometimes they
would go away for months at a time. And
actually, if they went far enough away
and were closer to another cave of the
same tribe, they would actually just
stay there and never return to the
original tribe original cave. But
mostly, they would leave for weeks or
months and then return to the original
cave.
And in those days, the most fundamental
important thing for the survival of the
human species was that the alpha male
must pass on his genes.
So, if he was going to be away for
months and he couldn't, you know, that
there weren't men there to defend the
women from predators, maybe there was
going to be a spell of the ice age and
they would all freeze to death or
they wouldn't have food.
Um
he needed to make sure that at least
five women were impregnated with his
sperm at the same time. So, that if
there was a food shortage or there was
like stillbirth or miscarriage or
whatever, at least one out of five would
survive.
So, to be able to do that, they had to
be fertile at the same time. So, that's
why that mechanism exists.
Now, we don't need that mechanism now,
but it's still wired into the way that
we operate. So, those sex steroid
hormones like estrogen and progesterone,
they leak out of our sweat about this
far around us. And that's why if you're
living with another woman or if, you
know, you're sitting across the desk
every day,
then particles of hormone from my sweat
would go into the
through the skin of the other woman. If
she's within what distance? I mean, it's
not you wouldn't have to be sitting next
to each other. If you live together,
then that means you're interacting
enough that it would happen.
Okay.
So, particles
not if you work together. If you work
together and you sit right next to each
other every day, then it does happen,
too. So, you know, in a a small office
that's got like six girls in it, that
that the menstrual synchronization will
happen.
Interestingly, it's led by the alpha
female. So, yeah.
So, you can you can work out if you
don't know already who the alpha female
it well, if you you know, basically,
let's say my cycles don't change and
everyone says, "Oh, I got my period
early or I haven't had my period yet,
but now it's started." Then that would
mean that I probably I was the alpha
female.
How does the body know who the alpha
female is?
That will be to do with levels of
testosterone. Why why did the body Why
does that matter who the alpha female
is? Why does it matter that they sync up
with her? I I don't I don't know if it
really matters. I think it's just a case
of physiology. So, it's a little bit
like in the um
troops of gorillas,
the
stress levels of the silverback gorilla
affect the other gorillas more than
gorillas who are peers to each other.
So, there is we have a natural
hierarchy. I mean, it must be related to
survival as well.
So, she was
probably the person who the alpha male
was going to impregnate first.
Probably. So, everyone needs to kind of
fall in line cuz when she starts having
sex, they need to be ready.
Yeah. Okay. And also, it'll probably be
to do with things like, you know,
survival genes. So, it'll be the people
with the hardiest genes cuz that's what
you'll want to pass on as well. Mhm.
Okay, makes sense. Most resilient. Okay.
Okay, so where were we?
Stress and contagion.
We've done all the hormones and the
menstrual cycle stuff.
So, basically, cortisol is the hormone
that works in that same way. So,
cortisol is the main stress hormone.
And this one doesn't matter if you're
male or female, but it does matter where
you are in the hierarchy of the
organization as I just mentioned.
So,
usually in that conversation I mentioned
to you where you go into a room and you
just feel completely drained afterwards,
usually the person that comes out
feeling drained is less senior than the
person that's had that effect on them.
And that's why this is so crucial to
leadership.
Because your stress levels as a leader,
as a CEO, are going to have more impact
on everybody else
than the rest of the people um put
together, basically. So, managing your
stress is obviously important for you,
but it's important in terms of what
happens to other people. And the first
issue I came up against was
CEOs and CFOs that said, "Well,
I won't show them that I'm stressed.
I won't I won't tell them what's
happening with the numbers. I won't
display emotions in front of them." And
I said, "They're still going to know
physiologically. It's going to impact
them."
So, now you really have to do something
about it.
Um
and the other thing about cortisol,
which is quite funny,
well,
one of the side effects is quite funny,
is that as a survival mechanism, it will
help you to store fat around your
abdomen.
So, you know, again in the cave, if you
were potentially going to like not find
food for a month, then if you had extra
fat around your abdomen, you could
digest that and survive till you could
find food.
So, with my clients in financial
services, it got to a point where as
soon as I walked into the room, they'd
just lift their t-shirts up and say,
"Now you know how I've been in the last
month."
And then I had a really, really funny
incident when I was speaking at a bank,
and the CEO's
PA was there in the audience.
And I was explaining that, you know,
leadership stress leaks down, that that
stress can lead to abdominal fat that
you can't shift. And she shouted out,
"So, he's the reason that I'm fat."
But, Steve, no one laughed.
Really?
Yeah.
And that's when I knew that, okay, he
obviously is like really stressing
everyone out.
Oh gosh, no one laughed.
No.
Through fear or something or just cuz
they all just thought it was true? It
wasn't funny. It was the truth. Jesus.
So, stress causes belly fat? Mhm. Mhm.
Belly fat that's really hard to shift.
So, again, what I would see with people
is that they would say, "Oh, I put on a
bit of weight around the middle, you
know, had to loosen the belt a bit. So,
I've started eating less. I've started
like exercising more and I still can't
shift it." And again, that's when I
would explain this is the impact of
cortisol. As long as you're still
leaking out extra cortisol, nothing's
going to change. So,
uh uh and like I said, even exercising
more or eating better,
less or differently, whatever it is,
wouldn't shift that fat. You had to get
to the root cause. You had to reduce the
cortisol.
It also made me think about when you
consider promoting someone in your
organization, Mhm. you have to be very
careful that if you put a
particularly stressed
cortisol leaking individual high in the
organization, there's going to be
a significant impact for everyone below
them. Yeah.
Is that accurate? Is that an accurate
observation?
no, that's a really good way of putting
it. I mean, I always think of that
phrase, "What got you here won't get you
there," which is more about the fact
that people get promoted cuz they're
good at what they do, but they don't
really get taught all the, you know,
best management and leadership skills.
But that's a really pertinent point. If
there are
a person who is stressed particularly,
who suppresses stress,
um which some of these, you know,
successful people do,
then it would have an impact down the
organization. It begs the question then.
So, if if someone's listening to this
and they go, "Do you know what? I'm a
leaky cortisol person. I'm highly
stressed and it's probably getting to
people around me.
What can I do about that?" So, first of
all, if someone's saying that, half the
battle is won. The problem is when
people are not aware of that.
Um but let's say you are. So, let's say
that
I give you that list of signs and
symptoms that you've got high levels of
cortisol, which include things like
sleep disruption because cortisol's part
of the 24-hour clock.
Melatonin helps us to wake up. Cortisol
helps
Melatonin helps us to fall asleep.
Cortisol helps us to wake up.
Um maybe you've noticed the belly fat.
Um because of the really strong
connection between the brain and the
gut, any sort of reflux or indigestion
symptoms are often signs that you've got
high levels of cortisol, too. And of
course, things like irritability and
mood changes.
What I mostly would hear people say is
that I can just about keep it together
when I'm at work, but when I get home,
if my kids are, you know, annoying or my
partner's asking for too much, I just
snap. So, that means you're like one
step away from snapping at work if
somebody like pushes you too far. So,
that's not good. Because cortisol is
pro-inflammatory, it's very drying of
the system, as well. So, you might
notice
that your skin's really dry or you've
got skin problems. Your skin isn't just
the physical border of your body, it's
the psychological boundary of your body,
too. So, often stress shows up in the
skin.
Then
there are two main things that you can
do.
One is physical exercise cuz you can
literally sweat cortisol out of your
body. So, you can sweat excel excess
cortisol out of your body by doing
aerobic exercise.
Um the other one is journaling, so
writing out what's on your mind rather
than just let it be in there and keep
going round and round.
Or if you've got a therapist or a
trusted friend, speaking it out loud.
So, it's
getting cortisol
and or
the negative thoughts that are
associated with your stress out of your
brain body system.
I think this is fascinating. I looked at
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I've had a real revelation in my life
over the last um
hm
maybe 6 months about sleep. Mhm. Again,
it's why I said I think before we start
recording that I don't have any meetings
scheduled before 11:00 a.m. and I sleep
with my eye mask on and I just wake up
when I wake up.
Yeah, me too. Oh, really?
Yeah.
I've never really met anybody that has
that. It's It is a privilege. I have to
acknowledge that that not everyone can
do because of work circumstances or
whatever else, but um the importance of
sleep
You're a neuroscientist.
Yeah.
Um there's a lot of people who have
dysfunctional sleep. We live in a world
where it's I feel like it's increasingly
difficult to have
you know, great sleep. Mhm. Um how
important is that for the brain and also
you know, you know, we were talking
about stress there, but for Yeah.
con- containing our stress levels?
It's so important. I can't stop going on
about it and I do understand that for
some people it's not a choice that they
just don't sleep well or they their
sleep gets interrupted cuz they've got
young kids
or they do shift work. So,
I'm not particularly talking about the
people where
there's a reason that you can't sleep in
this way. I I'm mostly directing it this
out if you have a choice,
this is the way that you need to sleep
and this is why. If you don't have a
choice, there are some things that you
can do to mitigate it as well. I mean,
obviously I
have done shift work as a junior doctor
in the NHS and I travel a lot, so I'm
like jet lagged half the time, Mhm. but
I try to do everything I can
to make that as as good as possible and
the reason is
we've always known that when you sleep,
you lay down your memories and new
learning, you process your emotions. The
cells in the body regenerate themselves.
We've We've known that for a long time.
That's never really been enough for
these very driven C level people to want
to give up 8 hours a night to sleep, you
know, it's
if they feel they can get by on 4 or 5
then they'll rather do that because
they've got so much to do.
The ideal is 8 hours and 15 minutes in
population norm studies. So, that
doesn't mean it's for everyone, but for
most people that's the ideal. Actually,
sleeping more than that can be
depressogenic, so it can start to lower
your mood. So, you don't want to really
be sleeping for 9 plus hours, but you
ideally need to be in bed for 9 hours to
get that amount of sleep.
And so, there was some
award-winning research around 2012 to
2014 when we were beginning to
understand how important the cleaning of
the brain is overnight.
So, this entirely new system that we
didn't know existed, which is called the
glymphatic system, it's like the
lymphatic system in your body, but it's
to do with glial cells, so it was named
the glymphatic system.
That system
is a very active
kind of waterway channel cleansing
system of the brain. We used to think
that the fluid around the brain and
there's ventricles, which are like
lakes, and then there's just like
trickling areas that
that sort of passively drip through the
brain overnight.
We did not expect to see like jets of
fluid
flushing out toxins from the brain.
So, the exact things that we see in the
pathology of dementing diseases, like
Alzheimer's and Parkinson's, like tau
proteins and amyloid plaques and
neurofibrillary tangles.
Um How do you say that in English?
Those things are being
flushed out of the brain very actively
overnight. And that process takes 7 to 8
hours to complete the cleaning.
That's why you need to be in bed for 8
to 9 hours.
So, it takes 7 or 8 hours to of
restorative sleep or just being in bed?
Just sleep. Not in bed. If you're in bed
awake,
you're not asleep. You know, you have to
be asleep, but you'll go through the
different sleep cycles every 90 minutes.
This isn't in time with that. This is
just taking 7 or 8 hours to flush the
stuff out of your brain. So, one of the
things I do say to people who who don't
sleep well is if you find yourself awake
at night and you're not lying on your
side, turn yourself onto your side cuz
that's the best position for this
cleansing process.
I actually have a special pillow that
makes me sleep on my side
cuz I wasn't naturally a side sleeper.
So, doesn't matter if it's the left or
the right, but that is a better position
in terms of the veins in your neck um
than sleeping on your back or your
front. So, that's one thing you can do.
Oh, you woke up, you know, your sleep
was disturbed, at least turn yourself
onto your side.
What is the special pillow?
Just you just bragged about it then
moved on, I feel like. It's it's a
memory foam pillow. Am I allowed to
mention the brand?
yeah, yeah. We'll we'll make sure they
sponsor it before we
It's a memory foam pillow. This my one
is by Tempur UK.
Um
and they actually they gifted it to me
because I was talking about side
sleeping. Yeah, it's great. Okay. I'm a
side sleeper. My girlfriend's a back
sleeper,
but I can't sleep on my back. It's funny
cuz I started on my front. That lasts
for 15 minutes cuz I get bad back at the
bottom of my back. I roll onto my side.
But I I've always wondered if there was
um
when you look at tribes and our
ancestors, how they would sleep. Would
they sleep in groups? Would they sleep
alone? Would they sleep on their side,
their back?
Do you know the answers to any of that?
Um I know that co-sleeping is definitely
how we evolved from co-sleeping, so in
groups.
And
what was what I find interesting is that
you needed to huddle together like that
for physical warmth in the cave,
but it also because of that proximity
and and and interaction, you got more of
the bonding hormone oxytocin, so you
also experience the warmth of being part
of a tribe. Um and I think they slept on
their side because they would have to be
ready for an attack
from a predator, so you'd need to keep
your dominant arm um
ready to, you know, grab something. And
most likely they slept on their left
because they would have been protecting
their most vital organs, the heart.
Um
Just thinking then about this bonding
chemical and how it comes out when we're
in close proximity. A lot of couples,
lot of people, me sometimes as well,
sleep in the spare room
because
I have work commitments, but that'll
mean that I'm up early or my partner has
work commitments that means she's up
early, but even some of my friends who
are in the early stages of parenthood
Mhm. have separated and have a sleep
divorce situation.
When you talked about the bonding in the
oxytocin being released when we're in
closer proximity, and obviously at night
time is when we're literally touching
each other.
Is it conceivable that by separating
rooms and by doing a sleep divorce,
we're actually eroding our bonding?
I would never do it. You would never
sleep in a different room from your
partner?
Never.
Apart from maybe if there was a young
baby and one person had to go to work
and one person didn't.
That I get,
but that's temporary.
And
ideally people would find ways to make
up for that. I mean, I guess you're in a
bit of a love bubble with the oxytocin
from the baby at that time, so that is
quite neuroprotective.
But
co-sleeping is it's it's fundamental to
our survival. It was physically when we
were in the cave, but now I would say
emotionally, spiritually, it's
fundamental to our survival. I mean What
do you mean by co-sleeping? Just to
clarify.
Sleeping together.
So, mostly in, you know, in our society
that's as a couple, but a lot of
other cultures, the whole family sleeps
together. Why would you never do it? You
seemed quite passionate about that.
Because I it's so good for you.
The bonding, the physical warmth, the
skin-to-skin contact, the
love, the trust, you know. I mean, I'll
put up if some if somebody's waking up
early and I don't have to wake up at
that time, I'll I'll even put up with
that.
So, you'll have less quality sleep. It
won't be less quality sleep. I've worn
HRV monitors and shown that even at the
time
if
my husband woke up at 5:00 and I
wouldn't wake up any at all before 8:00,
and he gave me a kiss goodbye, I got a
spike of resilience at that time.
Resilience? Yeah.
How How do you measure that? So, I was
using that Finnish technology, um where
you wear the
HRV monitor with a gel pad on your
chest. Um and so, it's color-coded for
whether you're doing light exercise,
heavy exercise, whether you're stressed,
or whether you're recouping resilience.
And mostly people recoup resilience
overnight.
But, um you know, you could clearly see
with people with young children, you
could see when they were woken up
overnight cuz it would go into stress.
Some people recoup resilience during the
day
if, you know, let's say you're like with
your partner or your sibling and you're
just sitting together and it's super
relaxed. Or if you love your job, you
know, that you can see that happening
during the day as well.
But, because I am so
obsessed with my sleep,
I wouldn't normally welcome any sleep
disturbance.
But, the power of sleeping together and
cuddling all night
is so neuroprotective
that
I would encourage everybody to do it if
they can. I also know some people who
say, "Oh, I sleep better if I sleep on
my own."
Um
but we we're not meant to survive on our
own. We are meant to survive as part of
a tribe. And
I think now, you know, since the
pandemic,
people are more lost and lonely and
disconnected than ever. If you've got
somebody that you can actually sleep
with overnight, I strongly suggest that
you do it.
So, I want to go in that direction
because I'm super compelled by that. The
the change in the world and the lost,
the lonely, the disconnected. But, just
to pause for a second on this word
resilience you're using linked to heart
rate variability. You're You're talking
about like a physiological resilience,
like a the body being more resilient
versus the kind of When we talk about
resilience, we we we say it in more of a
psychological context of like I can
withstand
greater stress or pressure. But, you're
You used a heart rate variability
monitor that measures the
distance between heartbeats
and saw that when your husband gave you
a kiss, your heart rate variability
increased,
which means that your body was more
physiologically resilient. It actually
measures both because it compares your
heart rate variability to your heart
rate. Okay. So, it knows if you're
exercising because your heart rate has
gone up. But, if your heart rate is at
like base level,
then
the So, the then then the very the
change in variability can either mean
that you're stressed or you're recouping
resilience. If your heart rate is high,
then it's obviously
physical. Um
but
it
it's a it's a factor of both. So, it's
not just looking at
physical resilience. It is looking When
When it's in this turquoise zone,
that is actually more about recouping
psychological resilience. But, those two
things, you know, they feed into each
other, but it can tell the difference
because of your heart rate. So,
obviously I was asleep, so my heart rate
was low. And you saw what on the monitor
when he gave you a kiss?
saw it, but cuz it can does it by every
15 minutes as well. And I saw the
highest spike of turquoise at that exact
time.
It's funny cuz my girlfriend a couple
about a month ago or 2 months ago, I
left the house quite early in the
morning, maybe about the similar time
6:00 a.m. in the morning when she was
still in bed and I came up to her and
gave her like a big kiss. I basically
kissed all around her. This is so
sloppy.
I kissed all around her face and on her
nose and just gave her a big big hug and
stuff and I walked away, like got in the
got in the got in the taxi and left,
whatever.
And she said to me the same day or the
day after she went "I don't know what
happened there, but it unlocked
something in me." And
you know, then my girlfriend went on to
say she had um had some challenges with
her menstrual cycle and it and she
came on her period.
That's amazing. I love that.
right. Like when she says things to me
and she knows this, but I give her a
credit. I'm always skeptical cuz we
think differently. She's quite
spiritual. I'm very like I need some
science.
Mhm. And um
she said that to me and I just thought a
kiss and a hug in the morning it hasn't
couldn't have had any physiological
impact on her.
But um now I'm starting to question
whether once again I was wrong.
That's amazing. I mean, you know,
some of these things can't necessarily
immediately be explained by science, but
if you use your intuition, then
you have to ask yourself and I feel like
you are coming around to thinking that
could be true. When I'm when I'm given a
reason, I accept things. If you know, if
there's even
even a slither of science that could
justify it, then I I come around to
ideas, but I do need the science. Do you
think that men and women are different
in terms of their intuition and their
their ability to want you to smile.
Their ability to kind of understand some
of these forces that exist in the air.
Because my girlfriend it seems to be so
attuned to feelings and intuition and
and I'm less so.
Yeah, so if let's let's put it like
this. If you had a hundred people in a
room, 50 men and 50 women,
and you asked them to line up in order
of height,
not all the men would be taller than all
the women. In the middle there'd be a
bit of a mixture.
And it's like that with the brain and
intuition and everything else. So,
yeah, there are
some
there's some disparity. So, I think most
people would agree that it feels like
more women are in touch with their
intuition than men, but it's absolutely
not all women
versus all men.
Do you believe women are more in touch
with their intuition?
I think they're more open to accepting
that it's a thing. And
I believe that the more men need the
science to explain how intuition works.
Interesting. I wondered if there was
like a brain
neurological reason for that.
I think there'd be more women and men
that believed in
intuition and those like
feelings that are hard to explain and
the you know.
That's changed a lot. I mean, I remember
when I was teaching at MIT about 7 years
ago and I was teaching the science of
intuition. Someone actually stood that
you know, it's all senior leaders in the
classroom. It's executive education.
Um someone stood up and said, "Well, I'm
not going to make a really important
decision like hire or fire based on my
gut feeling, am I?"
And
he was quite young and quite a few of
the older guys turned around and were
like, "That's absolutely how I would
make my decision and my most important
decisions." But at that time, it was
still kind of like
not everybody was really sure that
that's like your superpower, but I think
people are beginning to understand more
that with age and experience and wisdom,
you do understand that intuition is
actually your strongest should be your
strongest decision-making modality. What
is intuition?
So,
because you can't remember everything
that you've experienced in your whole
life,
but you know, somewhere in the neural
architecture and and you know,
in the gut neurons as well,
that information is stored cuz you have
experienced it.
So,
maybe you would say that you understand
that wisdom and experience is the
product of patterns that you've seen
repeating in your life that are
conscious to you.
Intuition is
the lessons that you picked up along the
way that you're not conscious of, but
they're still stored in your nervous
system.
And so, the less conscious you are of
them, the deeper they're pushed into the
nervous system. So, there's a process
called Hebbian learning, named after the
neuroscientist Donald Hebb,
and that is
is basically, you know, neurons that
fire together wire together, but it's
that the things that you've learned
today, like things that you've learned
by speaking with me, that's going to be
very front of mind and kind of just in
like little pathways that are just kind
of connecting up with each other. But
stuff that you learned when you were
five, like when you put your hand in a
fire and it burnt you and you never ever
want to do that again, that's deep down.
You're not really conscious of that, but
you know, and and other things maybe
that you don't recall.
So, we believe that your
that wisdom
gets pushed from the outer cortex
into the limbic system, which is the
emotional system of the brain, into the
brainstem, into the spinal cord,
and into the gut neurons.
And that's why they sometimes call it
gut instinct because it's that feeling
of knowing something but not knowing why
you know it.
Um but it's actually to do with the fact
that you have wisdom and experience
that is
it's in it's it's embodied in you,
but you're not conscious of it
necessarily.
It's quite surprising to hear that
those memories, that wisdom could be
in the gut.
People think of
you know, I think I'm certainly someone
who always thought that my cognition, my
memories, and my all of the intelligence
exists just in my brain.
Your memories and your cognition
and your IQ
are in your brain,
but your Your
is in your brain and your gut.
This sounds super stupid, but I don't
care. I should just be I should just be
honest about my stupidity.
Where in my gut? I'm like
I thought that was like my stomach.
It's where I put the food.
Yeah. So, you know, you've got your
stomach, you've got your small
intestine, you've got your large
intestine. You have other organs, your
liver, your spleen,
your kidneys. And they're all
innervated, which means they've all got
nerves going into them. So does your
heart.
So, you know, we could we could have a
similar conversation like this about
your heart as well, because your heart
only knows how to be because of the
nerves that that penetrate it.
So,
you know, this round brain in here in
the spinal cord that goes down the
center of your back, that gives rise to
all of the neurons that go out to your
arms, your legs, all of your organs,
your skin, which is your largest organ.
And
so that's that's how that works because
every single part of your body has nerve
nerve cells or, you know, nerve
pathways in them. So, that's the
connection.
That's brings us back to what, you know,
what what I was saying about the
brain-body connection. They're they're
intimately connected and it's a
bidirectional thing. It's they can't
exist without each other.
And the more you understand that there's
that constant feedback going back and
forth, the more you can tap into that
kind of thing. The more you can
know days before you're going to get
sick. I bet your girlfriend knows days
before she's going to get a cold or flu.
Yes, she does.
Yeah. All the time. And my clients
never know. And as soon as they go on
holiday, they're sick the whole week.
Why Why when they go on holiday?
Because they suppress it to be able to
do their job.
And you can suppress illness or you can
just not not not acknowledge it.
It's not it's it's not necessarily that
they had a cold virus that they
suppressed, but it's that their body is,
you know, the immune system is being run
down by the cortisol. And so as soon as
it gets a break,
that's when it kind of succumbs. Um
and there was a time after the financial
crisis when
I had people saying, "I've had the you
know, I've had this cold for like 4
weeks now or 6 weeks, but everybody's
got it." And I was like,
"I'm sorry, but do you actually think
that's normal? Do you think it's normal
to have a cold for more than a week?"
And you know, then it it's takes a
challenge like that because also the
other thing that happens in you know,
with group think whether it's at work or
in your social circle is
that we don't challenge each other
enough on those sort of things. So,
if a friend said, "Oh, I've had this
cold for 6 weeks."
I might say, "Oh, poor you." But
if I I wouldn't, but someone might. But
um
you know, it's also about saying, "Is
there something else wrong?" cuz that's
not that's not usual. Um and for me,
that would absolutely lead back to
cortisol.
Second ago, we were going to go down the
pathway of the looming crisis
that you speak about.
What is the looming crisis that you're
concerned about?
Stephen, I
I saw this looming at the beginning of
the pandemic. It's not looming anymore.
It is We are in crisis.
So,
you know, all of the
health anxiety and the uncertainty and
the fear
and the loss that we experienced
um during the pandemic
was bad enough, you know, it caused a a
level of stress that no one who's alive
today has experienced before.
Um
but we've come out of it,
you know, we're relatively
I don't know if I could say back to
normal or in the new normal.
And we have not paid any attention to
the consequences of what happened to us.
And when I say us, I mean everyone from
the babies that were born at that time
that never saw anyone but their
immediate family,
the teenagers that interestingly boys
did better than girls because they play
video games on the internet, so they
stayed connected.
You know, the older people, the isolated
the people that like lost loved ones,
etc. Like there's so many things. I
could say more things than that.
We we haven't really acknowledged that
that's what happened and what we went
through.
We
most people are not really
understanding what's changed for them or
what's going on for them at the moment
as a result of that and we certainly
haven't made any plan for the future.
Um
you know, I'm really into like
indigenous wisdom at the moment and one
of the things I've learned about the
first Americans is that when they make a
big decision for their community, they
imagine the impact of that decision
seven generations into the future. We
don't even think about one generation
into the future.
We just think about
like what's going on right now. We We We
don't even really think about our own
future like some of the time.
I remember thinking like literally in
March of 2020,
this is going to be a mental health
crisis. Like whatever happens
physically,
and as time went on, more so I thought,
mental health crisis, mental health
crisis.
And then I started to think, okay,
what else could it be?
And
I had time, of course, to
indulge in some of the other areas of
interest that I couldn't when I was like
traveling and working for Lonza. So I
you know, started reading more about
spirituality and ancient cultures and
stuff.
And I thought this could be a spiritual
revolution. When you say spiritual
revolution,
it's a very big, broad
term. Mhm.
What do you mean?
If I look back and and you've you know,
you've led a very nice story of of my my
journey since I changed career is that
it started off with that physical piece,
you know, for me where I was working,
there was stress, but people were having
heart attacks.
Then, I spent many years working on
mental resilience with people.
Um
and emotional regulation was part of
that, and that became important again in
the pandemic because we were in like
close quarters with people and
you know, and it was just very
different, and it was hard, and there
was homeschooling and working and
everything.
Um what I've seen as a some of the good
things I've seen as a result of the
pandemic is that we've definitely
appreciated again the importance of our
time in nature.
Um so, I think most of us felt that,
that, you know, being able to get out
and be somewhere green was really
important. And because there was like no
planes and no traffic, you know, we
could see the stars in the sky again. We
saw amazing sunsets. We people began to
appreciate birdsong.
And now the studies are showing that
time spent in nature actually has a
really positive impact on your physical
health, your mental health, and your
longevity.
So, you know, that's one good thing
that's come out of it, but
are we all still, you know, making time
for that, or are we just going back to
kind of our old ways? The other thing
things of interest that have come out is
that having a purpose that transcends
yourself
is really important
to your
um mental health particularly, but it
will have knock-on effects. So,
you know, you could say
well, I do my podcast, and I love doing
my podcast, and I get to meet
interesting people, and I you know, I
share that knowledge with others.
A lot of that is still to do with
self-satisfaction.
So, having something that doesn't
necessarily do anything for you,
but gives you purpose in life is really
important. And what could that be? That
could be
That could be volunteering. It could be
um
you know, for you know, for me, like I I
give out a lot of free information on
Instagram that and and not for to try to
get work or anything like that.
Um
it could be so, you know, when I say
volunteering that sounds quite big, but
it could be like asking your elderly
neighbor if you can do their groceries
for them when you go to the supermarket.
Um it could be
calling up a friend and checking that
they're okay.
Just something that makes you feel like
life is worth living.
But it doesn't necessarily earn you
money or directly improve your life.
I've spoken to a lot of therapists who
talk about
the fact that we two of the things we
never want to feel is like we're A
different and B we're not enough.
And I was thinking about that through
the lens of our tribes. In a In the
context of a tribe, if I was different,
there was a risk of me being kicked off
the tribe. And if I would didn't feel
like I was enough, I I
again would have a risk of being kicked
out of the tribe because I'm not
valuable to the tribe. And in the
context of what you were saying about
serving others, is that again sort of
like a prehistoric desire to
um feel like we're adding value and we
are of use to the tribe by serving
the greater good of the of our tribe. Is
that where that instinct comes from in
us? I love what you've done, which is
exactly what I said, which is when I
when I'm not sure of the answer, I'll go
back to evolution. Mhm. I always do that
in therapy, yeah. I love that. I think
I hadn't thought of it like that exactly
like that before, but I think it's true.
You know, a tribe sadly could not afford
to carry dead weight.
So, if you weren't enough, you know, if
you were injured, if you were
immobile, if you were elderly,
if you weren't contributing,
then you might get left behind.
And then there's this um really
interesting new area of research called
neuroaesthetics or neuroarts,
which is about having some kind of
creative activity in your regular
schedule.
So, um there's there's lots of research
that shows that if you're not doing
something creative once a week,
and that could be dance, music,
painting, drawing, going to the theater,
reading a novel. So, really quite broad.
Time in nature actually is included in
it.
Then, because nature is the palette that
we all love. You know, you could have
different taste in art or music to me,
but all humans love nature cuz we've
always been in that that beauty. So, the
impact of that on your mental health and
your physical health and your longevity
is huge as well.
But, even just like every morning, I
actually thought of this this morning
cuz I I wanted to mention this, but I
had zested a lemon last night when I was
cooking.
And so, this morning when I went to get
the milk out of the fridge, I I smelled
it cuz it was in the fridge and I just
thought that is so beautiful.
And so, they say things like, you know,
if you've put like
a bunch of flowers on your bedside table
and it smells nice and that's the first
thing you smell in the morning and then
you like look at the beautiful flowers.
If you've
got objects of beauty in your house, if
you listen to birdsong in the morning,
that that's all neuroesthetics. It's
living a life that is aesthetically
pleasing to your brain.
And that's good for your health. Why?
Um
Should we go back to evolution? Should I
make a guess with Please, that's my
favorite thing to do.
I think it's to do with safety. So,
if you were able to spare your mental
resources to appreciate beauty,
that must mean that you're safe. That
must mean that you're not just trying to
survive.
So, it's actually
I mean, we do appreciate beauty. So,
seeing, smelling, you know, hearing,
tasting nice things, it's going to make
us feel better. But, also,
we're only going to be doing that if
we have the luxury of being able to do
that. Then, it can be such small things.
But, also, what it signals to your brain
is I'm safe
because I have time to read a novel or
I have time to crank the music up and
dance around my living room.
Through the frame of this idea that
pathways that fire together wire
together,
I was also thinking about every time
I've seen a tree, I've been safe. So, is
there an association that trees are
safety? You know what I mean? Every time
I've been out in nature, I've been
physiologically, psychologically safe.
So, is it now the case that because
there's that neurological association,
the pathways have widened fired
together, if I, you know, do you talk
about the brain-body response, if I put
myself in that situation again, it will
signal to my body that I'm safe. Yeah,
it will that's neuroplasticity. It's the
It's repeating that and giving yourself
the message that every time I'm around
trees, I'm safe. I feel safe. It won't
be the same for everyone. I would
imagine that again, when we lived in the
cave, that
we naturally did things like looked at
the stars in the sky at night, danced
around the fire, did cave paintings.
Um so, that's very wired into our our
psyche as well. Um
you know, they would adorn themselves a
lot more than we do.
So, that appreciation of aesthetics
has always been there not and not just
from nature, from some of our rituals
and ceremonies as well. And really the
conclusion that I've come to with this
whole spiritual crisis and and then the
potential revolution is that
all the things that we need
to go through that revolution have
always been in the world as long as
we've existed.
And that to me is beautiful because
it's not like we have to do some crazy
new different things that we've never
thought of before.
We can
The way that I put it is we know about
generational trauma and
intergenerational trauma and epigenetics
and how all these bad things can like
come down the line, but there's also a
lot of beauty and wisdom that's there
that we can have access to. It's it's
don't have to like reinvent the wheel at
all. We can just go back to doing the
things that we did
when
we were at peace.
It's interesting, but it but that's not
going to that's not easy to do in the
world we live in cuz we've built a
society in a world where
Yeah.
We live in these like white four white
walls in cities alone. We're more lonely
than ever before. We order our food
using glass screens. We use pornography
as a replacement for intimacy and and
connection.
We use social networks instead of
socializing.
Internet connection has reduced real
connection.
How you'd have to like completely
redesign society, it seems.
You can start with yourself.
So,
I completely agree with what all those
things that you've just said. It's how
most people live.
But I don't live like that.
How do you live, doctor?
Um
I I actively try to spend as much time
in nature as I can, and I have like
a lot of like plants and flowers in and
around my house.
I am very very careful about who's in my
tribe. So, it's positive, meaningful,
deep, spiritual relationships.
Um
I
don't use pornography or dating apps.
I just go through your legs.
Um
Yeah, and I you know, I try What do you
think of pornography on the brain?
I mean,
the two most basic drives in the brain
are sex and food.
So,
the potential impact is is huge.
Um
I agree with you that increasingly it
has created a big disconnect between men
and women in real life, which is really
sad.
What What is that disconnect?
Um I think that
the ideal of what a woman has to be or
can be is very distorted by pornography.
Mhm.
Um
I think, if I put together, you know,
what I hear from my friends about dating
apps with that, that
the way that people feel they can treat
others has really, really changed. And I
think this has accelerated since the
pandemic as well.
Um
so this real lack of empathy for
the consequences of your actions and
comments on other people.
And I think pornography contributes to
that because it
changes the way that men view women. Um
I think the impact on women in terms of
what you have to look like, like how
much plastic surgery you have to have,
what you've got to be prepared to, like,
do in an intimate relationship, or or
actually
the biggest issue I would have is what
you're expected to do when you're not
even in an intimate relationship, you
know, just when it becomes more of a
transaction, when the rules have changed
about
you know, again, what I hear now very
commonly is oh, we've been on three or
four or five dates or whatever it is,
that must mean,
you know,
move to the next level kind of thing.
So, I think that going back to
having like really respectful
relationships, having a lot of empathy
for other people, looking out for the
people in your life that might be
lonelier than you.
Um
when I say, you know, I I mean, I
absolutely do not have my phone in my
bedroom, but when I say limit screen
time, that is a difficult one because we
all use our screens for work and to
communicate with our friends, but there
are studies that show the amount of time
you spend
even communicating with friends online
versus face-to-face has all sorts of
impacts in terms of like
how
like socially comfortable you are, how
empathetic you are. It can even have on
teenagers a really big impact on body
dysmorphism.
So, it's fine to actually spend quite a
lot of time online as long as you are
also spending a lot of time with people
face-to-face.
One of the things you said there was
about limiting who's in your tribe. Mhm.
W-
Why is that important?
Why is it important to not hang around
with certain people and spend more time
with other people from like a
neurological perspective in terms of our
health and our outlooks and our outcomes
and neuroplasticity?
So, if we just like link this back a
little bit to the question that you
Googled, which is is stress contagious,
then there's another rabbit hole you
could go down, which would be about
social contagion.
So, there are statistics that show that
in your social group, if someone gets
divorced, you're more likely to get
divorced in the next year.
If someone in your social group is
obese, you're more likely to become
obese.
Now, I'm not absolutely not saying don't
be friends with someone cuz they got
divorced or they put on weight, but I'm
I'm talking more about the
attitudinal stuff.
So, the
you know, how you treat other people,
how kind you are, how generous you are,
how open you are to conversations about
intuition or spirituality. Basically,
you meet people who are at a similar
psychological level to you.
And
so,
we're always working on ourselves,
hopefully, and you want to be with
people if if you are, then you want to
be with people who are growing, too, who
are open to challenge, who are learning,
who
are interested in exploring
spirituality,
um who care about their mental health
and other people's mental health. So,
it's really
about, you know, having this this circle
of trust.
And knowing that you've got support, but
equally that if you do something that's
really not okay, that somebody's going
to tell you.
You mentioned the word earlier
neuroplasticity.
What is it? Why did it matter and
I think from looking at your work
previously, you had a bit of an epiphany
on this subject matter in your career.
Where you realized that, you know, I you
probably like most most people don't
even think it's a thing. They don't
think it's
They think that once you grow up, you're
set in your ways, but it sounds like
there was an epiphany at some point in
your career where you realize the
importance and the possibilities that
neuroplasticity presented. Well, we have
to start by saying that when I was at
medical school and doing my PhD in
neuroscience, we did not know about
neuroplasticity.
So, we absolutely thought that when you
physically stopped growing,
that everything in your brain was set
for the rest of your life. That you
couldn't change your intelligence, you
couldn't learn to manage your emotions
differently.
Um that it would be much harder to learn
new things.
What we know now is that the brain is
actively growing and changing till we're
about 25.
Oh,
I missed it.
No, you didn't you didn't miss it. You
didn't miss it.
I know I look 24, but
You didn't you didn't miss it. So, from
25 to 65 and I would say even beyond
now,
if you don't do anything to change your
brain, it will tend to plateau. So, you
know, if you're in a job where you do
the same thing every day and you're
pretty good at it,
you could stay like that for the rest of
your life. And that is fine for some
people.
If you do things to that are intense
enough
to force your brain to change, then you
can basically, you know, learn lots of
new things, but also get what we call
global benefits in your brain. So,
let's say you decided to learn a new
language.
Maybe you'd learn Portuguese or French.
Have you spoken to her?
Have you spoken to her? No.
That just felt very feels like you know
when someone says something to you and
it feels like they've already had a
conversation behind your back cuz it's
so
on the money. No, I actually have a deal
with her this year that I'd learn
Portuguese by the end of the year and
we're in September now. And I know six
words. So, that just felt a little bit
close to home. So,
let's move on. So, so that's great. So,
you have actually a reason to learn one
or two languages. If you do that
your brain will not only get the
benefits of being able to speak French
or Portuguese, but you will actually
improve your executive functions. Now,
these are the highest functions of the
brain. Things like um being able to
regulate your emotions better, solve
complex problems, think flexibly, think
creatively, override any conscious or
unconscious biases that you may have.
These are great benefits to get from
actually just doing something like
learning a language or a musical
instrument. Um and it can be smaller
things like
travel, interacting with people who've
had a different life to you, cooking
something new, taking a different route
to work, reading a
newspaper or a magazine that's very
different to what you normally read.
Doing a podcast. Well, you do this every
day. Yeah, exactly.
Yeah, so it's not inducing
neuroplasticity in your brain. Although
you're learning new things.
people.
Yeah, you're meeting different people.
You're learning new things.
But it's probably not what we would call
attention intense enough
to actually be shifting pathways in your
brain.
Wow.
So, having all these conversations isn't
like expanding my It is in terms of your
like the facts that you're learning.
Yeah. But your actual process of you
know, finding a person, doing a bit of
research into them, meeting them, having
a conversation with them, being good at
asking them certain questions.
That's a very natural pathway for you.
So,
you you know, you're getting better and
and at it. But that's not a new big
change in your brain.
So what Okay, right. So I think when
people hear about neuroplasticity, when
I first heard about that that it was
even a thing, it was a revelation that
we could do things to change our brains.
What is What is it that people typically
want from neuroplasticity? They want to
be someone else in other ways. They want
new habits. They want new ways of
thinking. They want to stop being a
negative thinker or an overthinker in
certain situations.
If I wanted to to to stop being an
overthinker or a negative thinker,
or if I wanted to um
you know, there's certain habits we all
have in that I have in my life that I'm
like
I just feel like it's me now.
Yeah, like procrastination.
Procrastination shows up sometimes.
I'm just saying that because I'm not
learning this.
to. I'm joking.
No, I don't I don't procrastinate too
much cuz I don't really have a choice
these days. I procrastinate on some
things. I think we all do. Things that I
find
yeah, we all do. Um No, I'm really glad
you've taken this into the intention
people cuz obviously I use
the analogy of language as a great one
to help people understand that you
you learn something new, it builds up
that pathway in your brain, it shifts
your brain around, it has other
benefits. But what people are really
looking for is changing habits and
behaviors that are not serving them in
life. Yeah. So whether it's lack of
motivation
Yeah, lack of motivation, overthinker,
negative thinker,
lose your lose your temper, um
uh you know, sort of feel very stuck.
People pleasing, you know, like so many
things.
Mood, reactions, and reactivities.
So the process for that, which is
underpinned by neuroplasticity, like the
physiology of what happens in the brain,
is raised awareness. So let's say that
you've, you know, you've had a
relationship breakup again for the
similar reasons and, you know, whatever
happened before.
So then you get to a point you're like,
"Okay,
last time I just kind of
didn't really deal with that and just
moved on to the next relationship. Now
I'm beginning to see there's a pattern.
I think I need to do something
different. Step one is spot the pattern.
And step one is 50% of the battle.
So, you know, once you know, okay, this
is a thing that I think or I believe or
I do
that comes out with a result that I
don't want. That is half the battle. So,
once you've done that,
you don't try to change anything
straight away. The next stage is called
focused attention.
So, you look around in your life, at
work, in your personal life, in like,
you know, sports, if you play sports,
um with different types of people, and
through your past, where are the times
I've done that? What what what triggers
me into doing that or what pushes me
into doing that? Let me give you an
example Mhm. so we can work through this
these steps with an example. Got a
friend in my life that repeatedly
dates people who are married or in a
relationship.
Oh.
And ends how you'd expect it to end, in
her heartbreak. Yeah. But it's this
spiral she's on. Yeah. So,
step one would be becoming aware of this
pattern. You're dating people that are
in this For some reason you're
So, in this case, that is obvious. If
you're if you're
getting into relationships with people
who are already attached, you know
you're aware of that. What I would want
to dig into with her
is what it is that she believes about
herself
that makes her think that that's okay.
And I'm imagining already that there
must be a
a level of self-worth that is
has struggled, you know, and maybe
there's something in her childhood
that's caused that, but
you'd only do that if you didn't believe
that you deserved someone of your own.
So, that's the kind of conversation I
would have with someone like that. I
would
I would probably ask her like, you know,
what what goes through your mind when
you decide to do that again? And she
would say something that she's conscious
of thinking. I would want to dig below
that and and ask what it is that she
believes about herself that makes her
think that. So, that's quite an
important part of the raised awareness
is getting below the thought into the
belief. Next step is or certainly if if
she's got a history of this is, you
know, maybe in journaling acknowledging,
writing down, okay, this time that I
went out with someone that was
you know, kind of
engaged in a relationship with someone
else or this time I had an affair with a
married man. What happened? Like that
decision-making process, the point from
which you agreed to get into that, what
was the consequence? So, really
that's the focused attention marrying
together that decision with the
consequence. You know, one of the things
I say is you are basically the sum of
every decision that you've made in your
life. That's who you are.
So, once there's a bit more
understanding and attention around like
what causes that and how it happens, the
next stage is deliberate practice. So,
the first challenge is going to be the
next time she meets a man
who's not available.
And she may not yet be able to say no to
that. She may have to make another
mistake, but she'll make it armed with
all the knowledge that she's got now.
And she'll see it for what it is.
Or she will be able to say no to that
man this time.
So, the next step is deliberate
practice, which is where you say, okay,
I used to behave like this. Uh this is
the the new me that I want to be as
somebody who says no to every man that's
married, who um you know,
replaces every negative thought with a
positive thought or whatever it is that
you're working on.
You then look for scenarios to practice
this new behavior. And at first it will
be hard because you have a pathway there
that may have been set since childhood
that is used to doing a certain thing
and the brain is a very energy-hungry
organ, so it's it's always trying to use
the path of least resistance. Let's say
I'm an over-thinker, okay? And you're
asking me these questions and I've got
this voice in the back of my head
saying, why is she even asking me that?
What's he trying to get to? Is he trying
to trick me?"
What I would What I would try to do is
silence that voice in my head and say,
"Okay, in this podcast with Stephen, I'm
going to focus on him. I'm going to take
his questions for what they are, and I'm
going to speak from my area of
expertise. I'm not going to worry about
that other stuff that, you know, can go
on in my head."
And
let's say this time I managed to do that
50% of the time, and then I go and do
another podcast next week, and I manage
to do it 75% of the time, and you know,
and so on. Eventually,
this new pathway that I've been building
will become stronger than the one that I
had before, and then every time I turn
up for a podcast, I'll just be
completely present and attentive, and
I'll get to the end of it, and
that's the new me, now.
So, behaviors that we repeat, so let's
start starting at the beginning of those
three steps. The first step is becoming
aware of the
pattern in our lives. The second step is
becoming really cognizant of the pain or
the consequences of that
pattern. Mhm. And the third step is kind
of like setting an an intention for who
we want to become, Mhm. and the goals we
have, and then practicing it as much as
possible.
Yeah. And that is the three steps to The
fourth It's not a step, but the fourth
factor is accountability. Okay. Because
most people left to their own devices
will give up on that process when it get
feels too hard. At step three. Yeah.
Um so,
you know, with years of practice and
journaling, I have become better at
holding myself accountable,
but for most people, there's got to be
some external. So, it could be a friend.
Um one of the reasons I'm a big fan of
doing these action boards is that
there's a very tangible thing in front
of you that with images of what you said
you wanted to achieve this year, which
you can clearly and your friends and
family can see at the end of the year
whether you did or you didn't.
Um and you know, of course, you can have
an actual like professional person that
is there like your language teacher to
hold you accountable.
to
We're going to have to edit this out cuz
you really are pushing this.
You've got an agenda here.
I I've been really You spoke earlier
about just a second ago about how
when you're trying to create a new
pathway, if there's an existing one Mhm.
that is very well established from your
childhood,
Mhm.
it's increasingly harder. So, I've
always been unorganized. I lived I grew
up in a home that was looked like atomic
bomb had hit it.
Yeah. It was just a show inside. It
was an absolute mess. So, that habit of
just being messy is quite well
established. The pathway in my brain of
being messy is well established. And
more broadly, I'm thinking here about
trauma and how trauma looks in the
brain.
Mhm. When we've had really traumatic
early experiences in our life or in the
context of my friend, we might have
learned that we're not deserving of
someone or we we're not worthy or we you
know, we're not enough or we're
different. That might be a really well
established pathway.
Does doesn't that
suggest that there are some behavior
patterns that are just
practically immovable, practically
unchangeable? Mhm. Um I don't want to
say yes to that, but what I am going to
say is we've moved away from using this
term hardwired, which kind of means like
it's there forever.
And we talk about soft-wiring now
because of neuroplasticity.
I know people who have been through
incredible amounts of trauma. There's
going to be an example coming up on my
podcast soon
who has done so much work on herself
that she's really in a beautiful place
as a psychologist and a Vedic astrologer
helping other people learn to deal with
that trauma.
So,
there's a lot that can happen.
She was clearly a very resilient person
and got herself educated.
Some people deal with the consequences
of trauma for the rest of their life.
And you know, it runs their life and
it's it's sad.
Um
you may not be able to
deal with every single thing that you've
experienced or the full extent of what
you've experienced, but I do believe
that there's a lot that everybody can
do.
Earlier you talked about generational
trauma
um and epigenetics, so you said.
What are What are both of those things?
The first time I heard about
generational trauma, I thought it was
like woo-woo
uh fluffy
hopeful like wishful think like
a nice way to blame your ancestors for
the way that you are.
As if when I first heard about this
concept that you you could be passed
down trauma from your parents or your
grandparents, it just seemed like it
couldn't possibly be true. Yeah, I know.
I mean, it's relatively new area of
research. So
I'm actually going to separate this into
a few things. So generational trauma
um and you can look this up is related
to specific
times of acts that were
um
placed onto particular marginalized
groups.
So like First Americans, slavery
um
there's in in Asia there are some
particular groups that were um
treated in a certain way.
And that is the
So the impact of generational trauma is
when something happened to one
generation
there's a psychological spillover and it
can be something to do with you always
feel isolated or you always feel lonely
or you always feel at the margin or you
always feel left out. That's because
a whole generation were treated in a
certain way and that has an impact.
Intergenerational epigenetic trauma is
about how
some external
event
actually changes the expression of your
genes.
So we have a genotype and a phenotype.
Genotype is your DNA. It doesn't change,
but the phenotype is which bits get
switched on and switched off.
The most famous examples of this are the
Holocaust and the Dutch famine.
But, there are other examples.
And we are sufficient generations away
from that now to have seen like
three plus generations changes in the
stress responses.
And so and it's not always bad. So,
sometimes people are more resilient
because their grandparents or
great-grandparents went through
something terrible. Sometimes people are
more anxious.
And it's hard to know necessarily why
things might go one way or another.
I always say to people that
you aren't born with the genes that your
parents had when they were born.
You're born with the expression of the
genes that your parents had around the
time of conception.
And then, of course, your mother's
stress levels through through the
trimesters of pregnancy.
And this isn't meant to blame anyone for
what happened in the past or how
stressed they feel when they're
pregnant. It's meant to raise awareness
of the fact that if you have something
in your family's history or you did have
a particular stress particularly
stressful pregnancy, you can use
neuroplasticity
to improve the chances of your baby
expressing genes that will be more
helpful for them in life than if you
didn't know about all of this stuff.
So, if you had a particularly stressful
pregnancy, let's say, you're a woman who
was really under stress when you were
um
eight months pregnant.
How does that impact the baby? And what
what what symptoms are you like to
likely to see in that baby that it
wouldn't have had otherwise?
Okay, so I'm going to give you a really
like tangible answer before I take it
back to the um
something we were talking about before.
Imagine the mother's a heroin addict.
Mhm. That is affecting the baby, right?
Yeah, yeah. And that's because they
share the same blood supply. Yeah.
So, if the mother is stressed and she's
got high levels of cortisol, then that
cortisol is going through the placenta
into the baby's blood supply.
And basically
being stressed from in utero
could switch on genes for
not being resilient to stress or being
more
um liable to anxiety or mood disorder.
Um and it's already starting off, you
know, inflammation in this like tiny
baby that hasn't even been born yet. I
know that sounds terrible and I really
don't want this to come across like all
moms have to be completely zen and never
get stressed cuz that's just not
reality. But, you know, everything that
you can do, of course, to manage your
stress during pregnancy is helpful. But,
then completely understanding that if
your child then starts to show any like
symptoms of anxiety or
you know, in in inability to manage
their emotions after an age where they
should be kind of able to do that, you
can introduce them to meditation. You
can sit with them and talk to them about
their emotions and how they're feeling.
There are lots of really like great
books and videos that you can use to
like educate children about that kind of
thing. Um
I always say knowledge is power and
unfortunately
difficult things can happen to people in
life, but
every time something like that's
happened to me, I've gone down a rabbit
hole of, okay, what can I find that can
help me to overcome this and and be
better.
I was just thinking about as you were
talking about grief and the brain.
The relationship between, you know, what
happens in the brain when we're
experiencing grief and stuff. I think
about grief and heartbreak as strong
emotions. So many of us, including one
of my best friends, is recent is
recently grieving a relationship he's
lost and I've got another friend that's
lost someone in their life Mhm. who's
passed away. And it's such an
all-consuming force Mhm. that seems to
be resistant to advice.
I just wondered if through your work
you'd learn anything about grief in the
brain and heartbreak in the brain. Yeah,
so I think there's so many uh versions
of grief that we've seen particularly in
the last few years, which is loss of
sense of self,
loss of someone through a relationship
breakdown, and loss of someone through
actual death.
Um
and
it's interesting
to hear you say
as a, you know, caring onlooker that
it's something that's so overwhelming
and resistant to advice. I strongly
believe that
to ever heal from grief,
you have to go to the bottom of the
hole, and however you do that
is not something that anyone else can
comment on. I think if you are
doing things like throwing yourself back
into work, or like partying too much to
avoid it, that's not right. But if
somebody has to go somewhere emotionally
to deal with grief,
they've got to be supported and allowed
to do that. And
and then maybe at times
gently nudged in terms of like, how you
doing? You know, is it kind of are you
feeling
any sort of like healing or resolution
or understanding or acceptance?
I do think particularly with grief that
if we haven't been through something
ourselves, it's it's it's really hard to
imagine how bad it is, even though you
might, you know, care very deeply.
What makes you think that? What makes
you think that you have to go to the
bottom of the hole?
Because I think we are very avoidant
emotionally. Um I think that's part of
the
you know, greater issue that I was
talking about, which is
being lost and disconnected. And I
remember
when my first marriage broke up and I
was changing career,
thinking if I hadn't been a psychiatrist
and know the things that I know, I can
see how you could end up on a
psychiatric ward going through, you
know, the breakup at breakdown of a
marriage.
Um
so what all I'm trying to say, I'm not
trying to say you have to feel terrible.
What I'm trying to say is you have to
process all the emotions.
And you kind of have to surrender to it
a bit, because
if you try to gloss over that, it will
come back and bite you
later.
And I've seen many stories of that
happening where people
you know, did really great things like
write a book about it or, you know,
shower all of their care and love and
attention onto other people
and then eventually found that they
hadn't actually dealt with their inner
emotions. So,
when I say go to the the bottom of it, I
don't necessarily mean
feel really terrible. I mean, process
all of the emotions fully because then
you can actually heal and at some stage
move forward. It doesn't mean you
forget, you know, the person or what
happened, but
if you try to gloss over it, I think
this
it's
it's dangerous cuz it's such a deep
it's such a deep emotion. It's such a
facing of your own mortality.
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In your book, you talk about the
mechanisms of neuroplasticity.
What are the mechanisms of
neuroplasticity and the three factors
that have the biggest impact on changes
in the brain?
So, the first one is myelination. And
anyone who does a lot of sport, who
repeats a certain, um
you know, weight training, will
understand that that's what's happening
to my muscles.
You know when I said, you know, you come
here pretty much every day and you sit
with someone and you interview them and
you're really great at asking questions.
That's like something you're super good
at. That, because you repeat it, it
becomes like a superpower. And that
means that that what's happening there
is myelination. So, myelin is a fatty
substance that coats some neural
pathways. And those pathways become fast
pathways.
Now, there's a reason from evolution why
we have some fast pathways and some slow
pathways. And the reason is that if you
put your hand in the fire, your reflex
to snatch your hand out is a fast
pathway, but your pain reflex is a slow
pathway because if you were
incapacitated by pain, the minute you
put your hand in the fire, you wouldn't
be able to get away from it.
One of the mechanisms of neuroplasticity
is becoming even better at something
that you're really good at, and that's
happens through myelination.
The most common one, which is something
that you're quite good at, but if you
had loads of time, you could become
really good at it, but you maybe don't
have loads of time,
happens through synaptic connection. So,
that's the one that can feel like quite
hard work.
But, if you put in the effort, then you
can change your brain. So, that means
that neurons that already exist in the
brain connect up with each other and
start to form new pathways.
And the third mechanism,
which doesn't happen a lot in the adult
brain, but it does happen around the
hippocampus cuz we do lay down new
memories in life,
happens a lot in children's brains, is
called neurogenesis.
And that is um little embryonic nerve
cells that float around in the brain
actually becoming fully formed nerve
cells, neurons, and connecting up
through synaptic connection, and maybe
getting myelinated.
And there's a factor, a growth factor
that's involved in that, the embryonic
cell becoming an adult cell,
which is called BDNF, or brain-derived
neurotrophic factor. And trophic means
growth, so neurotrophic is growth of
neurons.
And the things that contribute mostly to
that are aerobic exercise and eating
dark-skinned foods.
Yeah.
Dark-skinned foods?
Yeah. So, let me just cover the exercise
one first cuz this is one of my fun
facts, which is that if you are
regularly doing aerobic exercise,
the turnover of those cells in your
brain is about 13, 14%.
So, like the the amount in the speed in
which they like die die off. No, the
speed in which they go from embryonic to
full-grown cells.
Oh, okay.
Yeah.
Okay. So, cuz we want neurogenesis to
happen. Okay.
If you haven't been doing exercise for a
while and then you start,
the rate of cell turnover is like 30%.
So, it it increases
after a period of inactivity with new
aerobic exercise. So, that's my excuse
for like being a couch potato half the
time and then starting up again.
Oh, oh, yeah.
Who you kidding?
Okay, so it will it will accelerate the
speed in which you'll make you're making
those connections.
Yeah, making the
embryonic cells grow into new cells and
then connect up with existing ones.
In So, I want to make sure I'm super
clear on this. So, if I'm trying to
develop if I'm trying to speak a
different language,
Mhm.
by doing exercise that has an impact on
Oh, it'll help you learn and retain
memories, yeah.
So, in
in in simple language, if I'm doing
aerobic exercise, my ability to
accelerate my neuroplasticity
will increase. Yeah.
Oh.
What if it's like
not aerobic exercise? What if I'm just
like lifting big weights? Um there are
benefits to your brain of other types of
exercise, but weight training doesn't
relate to neurogenesis as much. Okay.
This isn't so much about language, but
it's another example of mind over
matter.
So, this was an experiment done on two
groups of weightlifters.
Thought you might like this one.
That's a big compliment. Thank you so
much. You think I'm a weightlifter? You
think I identify as a weightlifter? You
looked at me and thought weightlifter.
Totally. Thank you so much. Um this was
finger and elbow weights, so so maybe
not so glamorous in this experiment.
Okay. So, one group
lifted finger or elbow weights. I think
this This a 2-week study
and they showed I think it was about a
40% increase in in muscle mass of the
targeted muscle group for those weights.
Their counterparts
only imagined lifting weights for 2
weeks. They lifted no weights for 2
weeks. They just sat there and they
visualized themselves lifting weights.
And they had a 13% increase in muscle
mass.
Interesting.
So, we can tell our brain to grow
muscle?
Have you been secretly doing that?
I could be doing that instead. I've been
going to the gym.
It'd be much easier if I could just
watch the football and tell myself that
I'm lifting weights.
Well, I don't think you can watch the
football. I think the whole like
visualization and you know, intention
and attention stuff was important part
of it. I mean, that's that speaks to the
the power of our thoughts again, doesn't
it really? If if our thoughts can tell
our brain to grow muscles.
Has that been Is that
It's in the book.
But it But is it like Is it
Is that widely accepted as the truth?
I'm surprised there's not like personal
trainers that just sit you down in an
empty room and just go, "Right." Well,
think about the number of athletes that
use visualization as part of their
training.
Of course they do the exercise and the
practice and everything, but
they That's hugely used in sports.
Interesting. It's obviously not a case
that I would just then go home and start
imagining working out, but it does it
does again remind me of the importance
of just thinking about
um positive things that are in line with
my goals. Yeah. I mean, what's the harm
in
imagining yourself more muscular or more
youthful alongside eating the dark foods
and getting enough sleep, you know? It's
like it's part of the package. Do you
want to know what you should eat so that
you can
Please. What is What is this
dark-skinned foods? So, basically, you
know, at the basic level, we want people
to have a a healthy balanced diet,
mostly plant-based.
But where you can choose
a darker version of a food,
the um pigment in the skin of that food
has higher levels of antioxidants called
anthocyanins, and they also contribute
to neurogenesis.
So, it's basically like eating black
beans instead of white beans, or eating
blueberries instead of strawberries.
Dark chocolate instead of milk
chocolate. Purple sprouting broccoli
instead of green broccoli. Um
and good quality coffee counts as well.
Yeah, so I you know, I try to
vary what I eat, but also always choose
the darker option if I can.
Okay, so is there anything else that
one needs to know about the process of
neuroplasticity? So, from what I've
ascertained so far, it's about
understanding um the patterns we have in
our brain, understanding the
consequences of them. Repetition is key
to establishing new pathways.
Um is there anything else that I need to
be really aware of? Cuz I do want to
grow my brain and change my brain.
Yeah. So, the accountability piece,
which we've discussed. But, also
creating the conditions in your body for
your brain to be able to do all of that
stuff. And so, you know, this is a bit
of repetition, but sleeping roughly 8
hours a night, having regular sleep and
wake times seems to have an additional
benefit. We don't know why.
So, within an hour. So, go to sleep
between 10:00 and 11:00, wake up
whenever. Um
not being sedentary. So, being
physically active doesn't necessarily
mean you have to pound it at the gym.
To be honest, in terms of
neuroplasticity,
you don't want to do too much high
intensity exercise because it spikes
your cortisol levels. So, it's better to
do kind of quite gentle exercise.
Eating 30 different plant products a
week, and varying the color as much as
possible.
You know, managing your stress, the
whether it's through meditation or just
like removing the causes of stress.
If you're doing and being hydrated.
If you are doing all of those things,
and you want to play at level two of the
game,
you could start doing time-restricted
eating.
So, only eating between
I only eat between 12:00 noon and 8:00
p.m.
But, you could do 8:00 a.m. to 8:00 p.m.
So, that kind of fasting is very
beneficial for your brain as well, but
only if you've got the foundations
right. It's not going to help you if you
don't.
What does it do for the brain, fasting?
Intermittent fasting? Um well, it helps
to regulate your blood sugar levels.
So, you know, spiking blood sugar levels
aren't good for your body or your brain.
Um and fasting and calorie restriction,
they do have like
brain health and longevity benefits, but
that, you know,
only if your foundations are right. You
know, somebody who's stressed or
eats badly or doesn't sleep enough will
not benefit from time-restricted eating
or intermittent fasting. Um
because it is a form of stress on your
body, but it's a form of stress that
your body can take
and use to build resilience if the
baseline level of stuff is good.
And for neuroplasticity to happen, we
need to be taking on
big cognitive challenges, challenges
that kind of break existing pathways.
Yeah. So, I want to learn to DJ. I've
been learning for about 12 months now.
Mhm. Um that feels like a
big cognitive challenge for me.
Yeah, that's great. Um
that's the type of thing that would
establish a new pathway in my brain.
Absolutely. Someone's just looking to
build their self-esteem and their
confidence. What does the brain tell us
about the process of doing that? Is it
Is it Does it go back again to what we
said about awareness, about
understanding the feelings and the
consequences, and about setting goals
and repetition and accountability?
It will get to that, but there's
actually a little bit of a jump-start to
that, which is really helpful,
particularly in terms of confidence and
self-esteem, which is that usually
there's a particular recurring negative
thought that's associated with feelings
of lack of confidence.
Um
so, if you can identify what that is
and
create a positive affirmation that's
like the opposite of it or something
that counteracts it,
then that can be a great way to get
started. My phrase would have been, "It
has to be perfect and it's not going to
be perfect."
I wouldn't have been able to say this
last year, but now I would I would
probably be able to say, "It is going to
be better than perfect. It is going to
be amazing. Like, I know it." Um but to
get myself there, I could have said,
"It doesn't have to be perfect, but it's
going to be great." Or I could have
said,
"Maybe it will be perfect." Sometimes
the question I ask myself is, "What's
the best possible outcome that could
happen here?" So, it's changing your
language in your mind about the things
that you think. So, that's basically
metacognition, which is that you can you
you can understand your own thinking.
And then,
reversing that narrative quite strongly,
even if it doesn't feel like it's
totally true, and just repeating that so
much that you start to wear down that
other pathway. Does language really
matter? The language we say to ourselves
and to others.
Yeah, yeah, it really matters. Yeah, how
we speak about ourselves. How do we know
that matters?
I mean, it's it's neuroplasticity. If
you're repeating something
in your mind or out loud,
then if that's being repeated more than
another statement, it's the one that
your brain's going to believe.
So, we can trick our brains effectively
by saying something else to ourselves
repeatedly. Cuz there's this whole
movement in, you know, the personal
development community which says you
just kind of look in the mirror
and you say to yourself like, "I'm
beautiful. I'm attractive. Everyone's
going to love me. I'm going to be rich."
Mhm.
And I
found it hard to get on board with that
train. Yeah.
That one Cuz I know I'm bullshitting
myself.
I you know, in my like subconscious or
whatever, I just know if I said those
things, I'm not saying about myself, but
saying those very, very far away things.
I just think my brain is smart enough to
know that I'm bullshitting myself. Yeah,
I think there's an element of reality to
it. So So, there's a few things there,
which is
those particular things that you said
are very shallow.
They are not really the things that
people should need, you know, need to be
saying to themselves. Um
what I find,
and I picked this up from podcast with
Lewis, is
he said that sometimes he would just say
to himself, "I'm safe. I'm safe. I'm
okay." And actually just sometimes
saying to myself, "I'm safe."
is that's what I need to hear, not I'm
beautiful and I'm amazing. That That
does feel like
A, it's kind of thing that everybody
probably wants to say. B,
It's not addressing the underlying
issues, is it?
Yeah, it's not addressing. And And I'm
going to be rich. I mean, that's the
worst one because you actually have to
do stuff to make that happen, you know?
You can't just say say that.
So, I think finding the stuff that you
need to say to yourself that is not to
do with social expectation or parental
expectation or, you know, social group.
Um what everybody else is doing. Like,
what you really want to know of yourself
that's going to set you up to be able to
go out into the real world and do the
stuff that you need to do to get the
other things that you want.
There you said, you can't just say it,
you have to go out and do it.
Mhm. Now, when people hear this term
manifestation, Mhm.
it's highly associated with just kind of
saying stuff or thinking stuff.
And it's less associated with actually
going out and doing it. So,
Yeah. a lot of people just turn off when
someone talks about manifestation
Mhm. because it sounds kind of woo-woo,
put it on the vision board, and it will
happen. And in fact, I think I've said
this a few times, but I had
I wouldn't say it was an argument, but a
disagreement which resulted in the
person I was speaking to literally
getting out of a taxi in the middle of
New York City and walking off. I was on
a date many years ago. And the girl was
saying to me that she goes, "You can
just manifest anything in your life. So,
you can just think about it, and then it
will happen." So, I said to her, I was
like, "You think you could just like
think about becoming a millionaire, and
then it will happen. And she goes,
"Yeah." And I go, "And you wouldn't even
have to like
do all the stuff?" And she was like,
"No, you could just like think about it
and the universe will attract it into
your life."
Do you believe in manifestation?
And if so, what form of manifestation?
And how is that supported with
neuroscience?
Mhm.
So, I believe in manifestation based on
your brain. So, your thoughts, your
beliefs, your actions.
So, where I've called my book The
Source, I have said your brain is the
source of you being able to attract
everything that you want into your life.
So, I sat down one summer and I like
researched the laws of attraction and
and just looked at whether I could
explain them through cognitive science,
which is psychology and neuroscience.
And I could.
So, so I was kind of like, "Oh, I'm onto
something here." And the first stage for
me was
understanding that it is absolutely to
do with the way that you think, but then
it's not magically like attracting
something in the atmosphere. It's to do
with the changes that you make based on
your thought process.
I do I do believe in vision boards, but
I call them action boards because I see
them as a representation of what I want,
but I still have to go out there and
make those things happen. Mhm.
I think it's also much more empowering
to believe that it's your brain that's
making that stuff happen and not some
external
force that you're not really sure what
it is. So, how would I manifest
something into my life? Say I want to
manifest a great relationship.
Mhm. I'm in a great relationship, but
say I was single and I wanted to
manifest the perfect partner. Mhm. How
would I manifest the perfect partner
into my life
using the brain as the source? Yeah, so
with that one
I I think the preferred method is to
create a list of the attributes that you
want in that person.
But you
then have to make sure that you are
everything that is on that list. Ooh.
So, if I want a blonde, I've got to dye
my hair.
I'm joking.
I'm joking.
Um okay, I get I get what you mean. So,
you you're talking about fundamental
qualities and values. Yeah. And then
making sure that you represent those
qualities and values. That's I've never
heard anyone say that, but that is so
important because
I know so many people who would write a
list that they couldn't meet themselves
in terms of fundamental values. They
probably want their partner to be
disciplined, to care about their health,
to be honest.
Mhm.
And if they ask themselves are those are
they those things, they'd probably fail
at that. Mhm. To be fair, my partner is
so much better than me in so many ways,
nearly every way.
Um I'd probably fail at that list, too.
Why is that important?
I think that you you hear a lot people
saying this is what I really want in
someone,
but you never really hear
people saying I've really worked on
myself and this is what I believe I have
to offer.
And so, psychologically,
you you meet people at the level of
psychological evolution that you're at,
but equally on the sort of flip side of
the coin, you meet people at the level
of psychological wound that you have.
So,
to be in a balanced relationship
with someone that's really great,
you got to be bringing something to the
party. I mean, no one's going to go out
with you if they're really amazing and
you're a drag. But, drags want amazing
people.
This is the problem, right?
It's true, right? I guess so. Are you
scared to say it? Like
When I was at When I was at optimal drag
in my life, when I was the most a drag
in my life, I attracted drag people, but
I wanted amazing people and I could
never get them.
Yeah, but I feel like with you, that was
part of your journey of
knowing that you could become an amazing
person.
I believed I could. Yeah. Exactly. So,
you got an amazing person once you did
the work that took you out of
dragsville. Amen. Okay, so that's super
interesting. So, make sure you are the
things on that list because we'll rise
to the level of our um our values and
we'll fall to the level of our wounds.
Yeah, I love the way you put that, but
also that
you know, what you have to offer in a
relationship is just as important as
what you want out of it. And I don't
know, as a society we just don't really
seem to think about it like that.
There's actually a note in my diary
where I wrote
people who focus on what they want don't
typically get what they want. People who
focus on what they have to offer
typically get what they want.
That's amazing. That's like basically
the same thing. Yeah, I literally just
parroted it off you. Day drives to No,
but it is in my diary and I posted on
Instagram story a while ago that it was
just an observation to me in in business
when you hire people, the people that
are focused on like can I get a pay
rise? Can I get a pay rise? Don't
typically get the pay rise, but the
people that focus on what they have to
offer
Yeah. they're the ones that you you give
all the you promote and you give the pay
rise to you because they're focusing on
the most important thing, which is I
think over prolonged periods of time,
not always in the short term
and not always in every case, but life
will eventually give you roughly what
you deserve over a long term generally
for most people, not always.
Yeah.
Cuz there's going to be someone that
says I don't know I don't know I don't
know. So,
you can't what about me because
uh I've pre presented a caveat, but
generally that's what I've observed. And
I've seen people cheat the system. I've
seen people get a little bit further
ahead than their talent or their value.
Mhm. But life has a wonderful way of
bringing us back to the level of our
values. And you said it in
relationships, life will drop you to the
depth of your wounds or to the height of
your values. So, really if you want to
find a sustainable way to get what you
want in life is to do that, work on what
you can offer other people. Yeah. And as
you were speaking, it made me think that
actually if let's say if I was
constantly like oh, you know, I want I
want this pay rise, I want that man.
That's going to be a cortisol inducing
state in your body. But if instead of
that, I'm like, what can I do for
Stephen?
Um, I have so much love to give. That's
going to be oxytocin. And who's someone
going to be more attracted to?
Interesting.
Oh, that's so true.
One of the things I want to talk to you
about that has been risen in culture
recently is neurodivergence.
Mhm.
Big topic. Mhm.
Autism, ADHD. Mhm. Um, so much there. I
had a mother send me a voice note the
other day, her child has just been um
diagnosed with autism. She's really
struggling with it and trying to
understand uh what it means and where it
came from and was it hereditary? And
there's so many guests that on my
podcast have talked about the rise in
diagnosis of ADHD and um is it something
that we are
causing by the way that we choose to
live our lives?
When you And from an understanding of
neuroscience, what is neurodiversity and
what are causing it and what is curing
it?
Yeah, so this would come more from my
experience as a psychiatrist when I did
do some work with children as well. Um
So, neurodiversity is basically anything
that doesn't fall into the
category of a typical brain. So, you
know, the way that most of the
population think and how their brain
works. So, that could would include
things like dyslexia and dyscalculia and
ADD, ADHD
and autism {slash} Asperger's spectrum
and other things.
Um
I think that a lot of it is to do with
better diagnosis.
So,
I'm not saying it isn't that it it isn't
the case that these things have risen,
but I think we're also much better at
diagnosing them. So, for example, when I
worked with mostly little boys with
ADHD,
when I saw them for the first time and I
took the full family history,
there was quite often an absent father
who'd actually been like several
different relationships and like
couldn't hold down a job and you kind of
thought, yeah, he probably had it but
was undiagnosed.
So, there is an element of that.
I do think that it is an adaptation to
the world which is changing at such a
rapid pace which is, you know, always
switched on, so much technology. And
some people would say that autism is
even like a form of evolution in a way
to like help us
keep up with the changing pace of the
world.
So, you don't necessarily think we know
if it's increasing in prevalence?
I think it is but it's partly naturally
increasing and partly because we're
better at diagnosing it.
Okay.
I do wonder as as well sometimes things
like dyslexia whether
humans have always had an element of
dyslexia um
but it's more
it's more obvious and more of a
more of a challenge in the world we live
in. Um
Think about the schooling system and
writing and education is a fairly new
construct.
Yeah, yeah, exactly. And so, this isn't
to do with neurodivergence but to do
with things like gender identity and um
sexual orientation, what I found in my
research with the um indigenous wisdom
is that those things were understood
long ago. There was a place for people
um and an understanding of
you know, their their role in in society
and sometimes even an elevated role.
So, it's really interesting that we're
grappling with things now like
you know, what gender does your child
want to be and what life, you know, is
your child going to have if they're gay
or whatever. And like apparently these
these ancient cultures were dealing with
this like
all the time, no problem. Your second
series of your podcast is going to focus
on some of this work that you learned.
Yeah. What are some of the interesting
things that if you could only tell me a
few that you think would have the most
significant impact on my life and you
can't mention learning Portuguese,
um what would you tell me about?
Um so one theme that's come through
quite strongly is related to creativity,
which was kind of mentioned, but that
doing things like humming and chanting
are actually like really beneficial.
Um and they've obviously been around
forever and we don't really know why
people did them in the first place,
but in terms of expressing creativity
and like calming down the nervous
system,
that's one thing that seems to have come
through from kind of like Ayurveda, but
also from the um first Americans as
well.
James Nestor said that to me. Did he?
That humming was Yeah.
was good for your health and immune
system, I think he said. Um
Like through your nose, like
There's different, you know, there's
different types. You can do um
even just like
um Come on.
I can see you.
I was going to say that.
You were avoiding it.
That'll be in the trailer.
There's also humming like at the back of
your throat.
Humming like between your lips. So like
Oh, it's such basic stuff. I mean, you
can do that on the tube, you know, you
can do it when
That was going in the trailer.
No, it's not.
Why would that help? Why would that help
us? I don't really actually like know
the answer. I'm just pick I'm just
thinking of the What can we get from
indigenous wisdom that could help us
now? But I guess it's something to do
with regulating your parasympathetic
nervous system. Ah, okay. That's
actually what he said, yeah. Yeah.
Yeah, now I've remembered.
This point about um aging generally,
longevity and aging. One of the really
interesting things you talk about in the
book is this idea of sort of
psychological priming and
psychological priming of aging.
And that psychological priming is the
effect that the mindset of aging has on
our physical body. How our thoughts
about aging affect our physical
abilities. What I interpreted from that
is our thoughts about aging
have an impact on our aging.
Yeah, so actually there's a really
fascinating study. It's one of my
favorite ones to talk about, which was
um three groups of octogenarians.
What's an octogenarian?
People in their 80s. Okay. And one group
was the control group, so they just
lived like normal for a week.
One group um had to reminisce about
being in their 60s for most of the week
whenever they had an opportunity to.
And one group were actually driven to
retrofitted versions of their homes
that looked like what their house looked
like 20 years ago.
They were given newspapers dated from 20
years ago.
They had photos of themselves in that
house when they were in their 60s.
And and one of the things was they got
there and they were they were sort of
like, "Okay, you know, who's going to
carry our suitcase up
to the bedroom or whatever?" And they
were like, "No, you're 60 now. You carry
your own suitcase." So it literally
started from the minute they got there
and these little old ladies had to
and and gentlemen had to carry their
cases up.
Um after 1 week
the people in that group
were taller
because their their posture improved.
They were they had better
musculoskeletal coordination than they
had a week before.
In before and after photos that were
shown to people that didn't know them,
they were rated as younger in the 1 week
after photos than the
photos from arriving at that place.
Um
and the reminiscing group also had some
improvements, but not as much as the
group that lived like they were in their
60s.
And so there was three groups. Yeah.
The ones that went back and relived
their life, the ones that reminisced,
and the ones that did nothing at all.
Yeah.
Wow.
And that really goes to show the impact
of
what we think about ourselves and then
all of the physic physiological
consequences of that. You talk about
this
your eyes as well. Mhm.
About you going to get Was it like laser
laser eye surgery or something?
No, no. It's just like People told you
you needed glasses or
Well, my optician told me. So, he's um
of Indian origin, same age as me, and he
said, "Oh, I think you know, you're
probably going to need reading glasses
next year." And I was like, "No, I do
not want reading glasses. That makes you
look really old." And he was like,
"Yeah, I know I know we both look
younger than we are, but you know, your
eyes are going to age just like anybody
else's." And I was like, "No, they are
not." So, I left, came back a year
later. He said, "How's it going with the
reading?" I said, "It's fine."
And he sort of went, "Okay, Tara." So,
he's doing my eye test. He spins around
on his little chair halfway through and
says,
"Your eyes haven't got worse. They
haven't even stayed the same. They've
got better."
And I said, "I know." And he said, "What
have you What have you been doing?" And
I said, "Well, I just said no to you
when you said I'm going to have to get
reading glasses."
And when I'm like looking at my phone or
a book and it feels like it would be a
bit easier if I moved it further away, I
just don't.
And what what's that doing in the brain?
Why is that Why did that improve your
reading? Um
Well, I hadn't experienced a problem
with my reading, but he was obviously
seeing the numbers slightly change. Um
I really didn't do much more than what
I've just said. So, it was like not
accepting the the limitation and then
not changing my behavior. And I think
that's what you see from the third group
of people, which is that
they they had to change their behavior
to to live like
without any help and in a way that they
had to when they were younger. So, that
essentially removed the limitations that
we impose on ourselves, which is that if
I'm X age, it must mean that I need
reading glasses or I need a walking
stick or whatever it is.
There's a kind of opposite experiment to
that, too, which was done with
um young medical students in Florida.
And they had to walk between five rooms.
And on the table were five pieces of
paper with a word on it, and you had to
string a sentence out of it.
And but that wasn't the real experiment.
They thought that was the experiment.
The real experiment was that in one of
the rooms, the words that were on the
table were Florida, beach, sunshine,
walk,
bungalow.
And
all of them walked more slowly out of
that room than any of the other rooms,
because those words are associated with
retirement.
And that made them slow down. That You
asked me, is language important in our
to our brain? That's how important it
is.
So, you're saying words can change our
behavior so quickly.
That's what the experiment showed. I've
been thinking a lot, you know, I said,
I've got this vlog on YouTube called
Behind the Diary. And in two of the
episodes, um I've caught myself out
while I'm filming, because I said words
that I thought would be unhelpful. And I
think people Someone in the comments
actually challenged me, because there's
one day when I'm filming Dragon's Den,
and I'm filming myself, I'm just talking
about what's going on, and I go, "Oh, I
really need a coffee this morning." And
I stop myself and say, "Mhm, I shouldn't
say need." Mhm. And then I go, "There's
something about this casual use of the
word need throughout our lives that is
disempowering me. It's making me a slave
to the coffee." So, I make this point,
which I'm sure people think I'm a little
bit bit weird for making, but I should I
really need to not say the word need
associated to the things, because I will
then probably develop a psychological
um and maybe a physic like a somewhat of
a physical need for that for that thing.
And it just it's it's also just bringing
that word need need into your life, like
you don't have enough, like that you
need something. Mhm. Um I'm constantly
changing my words, like little you know,
tweaking them like that. So,
I would say,
"Oh, I'm going to treat myself to a
coffee." And that was your decision. You
were powerful there. Yeah. That's a
choice you made.
Yeah. Is there a overarching point here
about personal responsibility as well?
When people talk about um
I can't exercise um
"I don't have any time." Mhm. It feels
like a really disempowering
frame versus
"I've got other priorities." Mhm.
Which feels empowering. And I think
about this all the time because if you
ask someone why they don't exercise,
they'll typically blame on some force.
The frame makes it seem like there's a
force that's controlling their life for
them that has not given them the time or
that they could not. Whereas really it's
just a typically case of priorities. And
your your child or your your
job that pays your mortgage can be your
priority. But I think it's important
I've always felt it's important to
acknowledge the fact that
you made the choice Mhm. to take care of
your child or to go to your
mortgage-paying job versus I didn't you
know I didn't have any time. Yeah. This
is why I think about language so much
and the language that I use and how
that's dominating my life. Even
constantly telling myself that I'm
unorganized. Like messy. Mhm. So,
how that's probably making me a messy
person.
What have we talked about that that we
probably should have talked about? Is
there anything at all? Any studies or
any insights into the brain and how we
change habits that are stubborn?
Um or anything else at all that you've
learned from
the ancient wisdom? Mhm.
The you know I know that we've talked
like very broadly on lots of different
things, but I hope that with for me my
intention with every sentence that I've
said to you
is that people should realize how much
potential they have in their brains.
Like how
capable they are of having
an even more amazing life than they have
already.
I think I accept that now more than I
ever have before
because I've had this conversation with
you. I think I accept that there's so
much untapped potential in me and that
I'm not this kind of
fully formed
um rigid lump of cells. I can change
fundamentally.
Um I think a lot of people probably are
if they've gotten to this point in the
conversation will also accept that.
If you were to close with
I guess the step one, like the the thing
that I should immediately do as I move
forward in my life from here
that would help me to start moving
towards that person that I want to
become
the
organized, great partner
successful in his business, great with
his podcast all of those things.
What is that first step? And you know
what's funny is cuz my brain keeps
thinking about the taxi driver that I
that I met on the way here who said he'd
listened to the podcast and he told gave
me a little bit of a window into his
world. So he's driving the cab every day
and I meet a lot of cab drivers that
listen to the podcast and we chat. And
often times they sometimes they they
have dreams of doing other things. So
they they might say to me, "You know, I
want to start my own business one day
and I'm just looking
I'm looking for the first couple of
steps. But I I reflect on what you said
and go they're going to be so hardwired
into their patterns
in their jobs, in their habits, in their
routines that it's very hard to make
that jump. Yeah.
So if I could give people a takeaway to
start with that's really simple
but it doesn't mean there isn't a lot of
hard work at the other end of it
it would be be very clear on what it is
that you want.
So you've mentioned a few things.
Spend 5 minutes sitting down
and visualizing those things being true
and then give gratitude for that.
That would be my first step.
Give gratitude for those things being
true.
Just 5 minutes. I'm a great partner. I'm
not messy. My podcast is super
successful.
Like see it, feel it in your body,
taste it in your mouth, hear it in your
ears.
Completely immerse yourself in that for
5 minutes, longer if you can.
And then just
be so grateful for all of that.
Essentially, what you're doing is moving
your brain from a fear state to a trust
state, and that is the gateway to making
these changes.
Thank you so much. Thank you.
Really a thought-provoking, wonderful
conversation, and I've learned so much,
and you've given me so much food for
thought.
Thank you. And you've changed my mind on
a lot of things in my life.
That's a great compliment.
and I've
I know a few things about
neuroplasticity because I've had guests
here that have spoken to me about it,
but I have a better understanding of it
now, and I also understand, I think most
importantly,
the part of manifestation
that is
understandable through the lens of
science, yeah, I guess.
We have a closing tradition on this
podcast where the last guest leaves a
question for the next guest, not knowing
who they're going to leave it for. Oh.
This question
is
what could you choose to change
and choose to feel great about?
The same thing. That's what the question
question says, what could you choose to
change and choose to feel great about?
Um
I assume it's the same thing.
Mhm.
I could finally realize my dream of
feeling like I am truly a creative
person,
and
I'm not exactly sure what that would
look how that would look yet, but I'm on
the path to it, so I think getting
clearer on that
um
would feel great, and actually doing it
would also feel great.
You are already a creative person,
though.
Thank you so much for saying that. I
feel like I have one more step to go
before I
really feel that I've done that because
that was such a
a deep-seated thing for me. I mean,
there's a bit more of a backstory to it,
which I didn't give you, but my English
teacher said to me, "You are so good at
drama.
You should read English at Oxford and go
to Rada."
And I came home and told my parents, and
they literally said,
"Over over my dad said, "Over my dead
dead body.
You'll go to medical school, and then
after that, you can do whatever you
want."
And so,
I think there is that frustration in
there that's been in there for a long
time. Like, these days, you can't
imagine anything better than your kid
coming home and one of the teachers
having picked them out as exceptional.
Um
But, of course, at that time, there were
no brown people on TV.
So, it was seen as an even bigger risk
than than it would be now. And
I have to say, you know, every time I
see
someone that looks like me who's like
made it as an actress, I just I it makes
me so happy. Um
So,
Why did your father say that?
I think that Indian parents, you know,
they they think that stability is the
key to happiness for their children. So,
having a stable career,
having a regular salary. I don't really
come from a family of entrepreneurs,
which is why it was so crazy when I gave
up my job and started up a business. No
one could understand it.
Um And I was afraid of not having a
regular paycheck.
And then at some point, I realized
I could earn zero in any one month, but
I could also, well,
you know, I could There's no There's no
limit to what I could earn. And I think
this realization came when in one month,
I invoiced what I was earning in a year
as a doctor.
Didn't they think you were your
grandmother reincarnated?
Mhm.
And she grew up in a village in India
and didn't have access to education, and
that was a big regret of hers.
So, I was given, you know,
the best education that money could buy.
Got an MD and a PhD. It's like it's
overcompensation, and it wasn't really
necessarily what I ever wanted.
Thank you so much. You've given me so
much to think about. What a wonderful
conversation, what a wonderful ray of
sunshine and light you are in the world.
I'm so excited to see your your career
continue to evolve and touch so many
more people. Um all of your work is
incredible. You've got your podcast
coming up as well, which I think
everyone's going to be super excited to
hear about, because if it's anything
like this conversation, it's going to be
of tremendous tremendous value.
Um when is that when is that going to be
out?
It's launching on October 4th, but
season 1 is already available to listen
to if people haven't
listened to it already. Reinvent
yourself with Dr. Tara. Yeah.
Which is the second season, which is in
that second season you're aiming to do a
lot of the ancient wisdom
stuff. So exciting. Really really
excited to hear that. So, October 4th,
we'll look out for that. Thank you so
much for your time. Um Thank you.
Dr. Tara
Swart.
There's actually the word art in your
name. Oh, that's so cute.
But there is. Have you ever noticed
that?
No.
Okay. Well, I'm I'm excited for our next
conversation and to hear about how
you've pursued that creativity, because
it's certainly within you. Um and it's
such a wonderful honor to have met you
today and to learn from you. Thank you.
much. Thank you.
Ask follow-up questions or revisit key timestamps.
This episode features Dr. Tara Swart, a neuroscientist and medical doctor, who discusses the profound potential of the human brain. She explains the brain-body connection, emphasizing how stress, specifically the hormone cortisol, affects our physical and mental health, including the development of hard-to-shift belly fat. Dr. Swart introduces the concept of neuroplasticity—the brain's ability to grow and change—and provides a practical framework for changing habits through raised awareness, focused attention, and deliberate practice. She also explores the importance of sleep for brain health, the science of bonding and oxytocin, and offers insights on manifestation as a cognitive process rather than a mystical one.
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