HomeVideos

Leading Neuroscientist: Stress Leaks Through Skin, Is Contagious, Gives You Belly Fat! Dr Tara Swart

Now Playing

Leading Neuroscientist: Stress Leaks Through Skin, Is Contagious, Gives You Belly Fat! Dr Tara Swart

Transcript

3841 segments

0:00

Did you know there's a really

0:01

fascinating experiment done on

0:02

weightlifters? They lifted no weights

0:04

for 2 weeks. They just sat there and

0:06

they visualized themselves lifting

0:07

weights.

0:08

They had a 13% increase in muscle mass.

0:12

People should realize how much potential

0:14

they have in their brains. Dr. Tara

0:16

Swart. She's a neuroscientist, medical

0:18

doctor, executive advisor, and

0:20

best-selling author. She's here to teach

0:22

us on how to build mental resilience to

0:24

overcome our biggest challenges.

0:26

Is stress contagious?

0:28

Mhm. So, cortisol is the main stress

0:30

hormone and it will leak out of our

0:32

sweat about this far around us, go into

0:34

the skin of everybody else, and it's

0:36

going to impact them.

0:39

And as a survival mechanism, it will

0:42

help you to store fat around your

0:44

abdomen. So, stress causes belly fat?

0:46

Belly fat that's really hard to shift.

0:48

There's another rabbit hole you could go

0:49

down about social contagion. So, there

0:51

are statistics that show that you meet

0:53

people who are to similar psychological

0:55

level to you. For example, if someone

0:57

gets divorced, you're more likely to get

0:59

divorced in the next year. Your brain

1:00

brain can play tricks on you. So, what

1:03

can I do about that?

1:04

The brain is actively growing and

1:06

changing till we're about 25.

1:08

But from 25 to 65, if you do things that

1:12

are intense enough to force your brain

1:14

to change, you will actually improve the

1:16

highest functions of the brain. Things

1:18

like regulate your emotions better,

1:20

solve complex problems, think flexibly,

1:23

override any unconscious biases that you

1:25

may have. It begs the question then,

1:27

where do I start?

1:38

Dr. Tara Swart.

1:40

What are the

1:42

sort of existing ideas that your work

1:46

and what you speak about

1:48

is confronting, the like unhelpful

1:50

existing preconceptions

1:52

about the brain, human potential that

1:55

your work is confronting head-on? So,

1:58

the first thing I came up against, cuz

1:59

this was around the time of the

2:01

financial crisis,

2:03

was the lack of understanding of the

2:04

brain-body connection.

2:06

So,

2:07

these high-performing executives were

2:09

kind of acting like

2:12

their body was just the vehicle that was

2:15

moving their brain around from meeting

2:16

to meeting.

2:18

And both

2:20

disrespecting their

2:21

their physical health, but also not

2:24

understanding that what they were

2:25

actually really being paid for was to

2:27

use their brain, and they weren't

2:29

creating the best conditions for that

2:31

brain to operate in.

2:32

Um and I'm talking about really basic

2:34

things like sleep and a good diet and

2:36

hydration and not being sedentary,

2:39

managing your stress, etc.

2:42

So, you know, this tiny organ,

2:44

if it's not in an environment that is

2:47

giving it the best chance of doing its

2:49

job, it's not going to and a crack's

2:51

going to appear somewhere.

2:53

Um

2:54

and the first time I really

2:56

kind of

2:57

had a big confrontation with a bank was

2:59

when

3:01

people were dropping dead on the trading

3:02

floor of heart attacks.

3:04

And they

3:06

asked me to work more in my capacity as

3:08

a former medical doctor to help with the

3:10

physical stuff.

3:12

And I said I can't do that if we don't

3:13

address the mental and emotional piece

3:16

because that's what's causing this.

3:19

And they just could could not get that.

3:21

What did you want to do with those

3:23

people in a specific and practical

3:24

sense? What if you could have,

3:26

you know, been in charge of

3:28

preventing them from dropping dead on

3:29

the trading floor,

3:30

Mhm. where would you have started?

3:32

The understanding that stress,

3:34

so everything that you're experiencing

3:37

mentally and emotionally that's

3:38

challenging, and things like a lot of

3:41

travel, which is challenging for your

3:42

body,

3:43

that that raises levels of the hormone

3:46

cortisol, which comes from your adrenal

3:48

glands.

3:49

And that cortisol courses around your

3:51

blood through your entire body and

3:54

brain.

3:55

And the brain has receptors

3:57

for understanding what's going on in

3:59

terms of threat to your survival.

4:02

So, in a 24-hour cycle, depending on

4:04

your age and your gender, there's a

4:06

normal range for cortisol. So, it can go

4:08

up and down like this. You know, if

4:09

something challenging happens, we need

4:12

to adapt and rise to meet that

4:13

challenge. But when that level is above

4:16

the top range all the time, these

4:19

receptors in your brain

4:20

basically think that there's an imminent

4:22

threat to your survival.

4:24

So, there's this whole cascade of

4:26

hormones,

4:27

and they basically cortisol causes

4:30

inflammation in the body. Mhm. So,

4:32

inflammation of your vascular system,

4:34

inflammation around your heart,

4:36

and everything else, gut and, you know,

4:38

other things. But

4:39

particularly around that time we were

4:41

seeing a lot of heart attacks caused by

4:43

stress. This was in the absence of high

4:45

blood pressure, high cholesterol,

4:47

smoking. It was all stress.

4:50

I read a I read a study and I was

4:52

watching a TED Talk that seemed to make

4:54

the case that stress was

4:56

somewhat subjective. I It's an

4:59

interpretation of of events. Mhm. So,

5:01

one can be in a situation where they

5:03

feel very stressed. You can put a

5:05

different person in that situation and

5:06

they wouldn't experience it as stress.

5:08

Also, there is I think there's quite a

5:09

famous TED Talk that makes the case that

5:12

stress only has physiological

5:14

consequences in the form of disease and

5:17

inflammation and the heart attacks

5:18

you're describing,

5:20

if we believe

5:22

that stress is going to have that effect

5:24

on us. If we believe stress is bad.

5:25

yeah. I get that.

5:27

Is that true? Um

5:29

So, I would define stress as when the

5:33

load that you perceive on you

5:36

physically, mentally, emotionally, or

5:37

spiritually is too much for you to bear.

5:41

So, yes, it is subjective.

5:43

Um when I moved into business and

5:45

leadership, people would use the terms

5:47

good stress and bad stress, and I found

5:49

that really difficult having been a

5:50

psychiatrist and seeing people actually

5:53

break down

5:55

to think that there's any such thing as

5:56

good stress. But what I have, you know,

5:59

the way that I've adapted that over the

6:00

last 10 or 15 years is that there's an

6:03

adaptive response, which is a healthy

6:04

response to a challenge, and we have

6:07

that for a reason. We need that, and

6:08

that can be a good thing, but that

6:10

should be a spike. It should go up, and

6:12

it should go back down again. If it

6:13

stays high all the time,

6:16

that's not good.

6:18

My second question now is about the

6:20

contagion of stress. Once upon a time I

6:22

Googled, um cuz I had a thesis, I

6:25

Googled is stress contagious?

6:27

Mhm.

6:28

And it came up, and it said it was

6:30

contagious.

6:32

Is it contagious? In what circumstances

6:34

do we need to be aware of that

6:35

contagion? And more importantly, how and

6:37

why is it contagious? Okay, I will tell

6:40

you the answer to that, but I'm going to

6:41

ask you a question first.

6:43

Have you ever walked into a room with

6:44

someone, and by the time you've left

6:47

that meeting with them, you just feel so

6:49

drained?

6:51

Okay, so you

6:52

yeah. Yeah, you know so you know the

6:53

feeling. So, I'll tell I'll tell you how

6:54

it works physiologically.

6:56

Um I'm going to start with something

6:58

else to like build you up to this story.

7:00

So, did you know that women who live

7:03

together or work closely together will

7:05

synchronize their menstrual periods

7:07

within two or three months?

7:08

Yeah, I found this out many years ago,

7:10

and it has completely changed my

7:12

perception on so many things.

7:14

So many things because

7:16

I have to be honest, I'm I'm a very sort

7:18

of logical, I need like science and

7:20

evidence, and so I always thought about

7:24

I don't know, physical physical things.

7:26

Like, if I can't see it, it doesn't

7:27

exist. Yeah. It's kind of been my my

7:28

like framework for thinking about life.

7:30

And when I heard about that, I checked

7:32

it was true, found out it was true, and

7:34

it broke the frame in which I think,

7:37

because if if there are invi- if if it's

7:39

possible that invisible forces now

7:41

between me and you are interacting with

7:43

our bodies. Okay, what what else is

7:44

possible?

7:46

I'm already using a certain form of eye

7:48

contact with you to create emotional

7:50

resonance. Uh-oh. What have you done to

7:51

me?

7:51

We're going to get sidetracked. Do you

7:52

want to go back to the whole thing?

7:54

of eye contact are you using with me?

7:58

Tell me. So, basically

8:00

We'll go back to the whole money thing.

8:00

We'll just park that.

8:01

park that. It's it's related. Um

8:04

so,

8:05

when a baby is born,

8:07

one of the ways that it learns what

8:10

emotion the mom's experiencing, how it

8:12

understands its own emotions, and you

8:13

everything that grows over childhood and

8:16

teenage and to,

8:17

you know, prosocial behavior,

8:20

starts off mostly with eye contact with

8:23

the mom.

8:24

So, at first they can hardly see

8:25

anything. They can just kind of see two

8:26

blobs, and then they start to understand

8:28

more about like micro facial expression

8:30

changes and stuff. But, eye contact with

8:32

the mom is hugely important.

8:34

So, most people are right-handed. So,

8:36

they'll be holding their baby in their

8:37

left arm, so they can still use their

8:39

dominant hand do stuff.

8:41

And that means that when you gaze at

8:43

your baby,

8:44

your right eye is looking into their

8:46

left eye.

8:48

And then that interaction that from the

8:50

optic nerve

8:51

is

8:52

going around the brain. It's impacting

8:55

the um amygdala, where emotions come

8:58

from.

8:59

And it's creating this emotional

9:01

resonance loop that's part of how the

9:02

mother and the baby bond.

9:05

So, that right eye to left eye eye

9:06

contact is the most bonding eye contact

9:09

that you can have with someone. Now, you

9:10

could say, "Oh, but my mom was

9:12

left-handed." Or you could be

9:13

left-handed, but, you know, if I'm

9:15

taking a chance on trying to build that

9:17

bond with someone, that's the

9:19

statistically most likely one to create

9:22

good resonance between you. So, you

9:24

walked in here and you started looking

9:25

in my left eye. I waited till we sat

9:28

down.

9:30

I gave you a hug. You gave me a hug, you

9:32

know. So, all of these little things,

9:34

they start to

9:35

And, you know, we've laughed about a few

9:36

things before we've come on air. Those

9:38

are the sorts of things that create like

9:41

um

9:42

higher levels of the bonding hormone

9:44

oxytocin. So, you're more likely to

9:45

lower your guard, trust the person, take

9:48

a healthy risk. Um

9:51

So, yeah. I mean,

9:52

like I said, I know that stuff. So, I

9:54

live my life like that.

9:56

Just want to get get make sure I've got

9:57

that clearly in my mind so I could

9:59

repeat that to someone else

10:01

later. Good for dating. Yeah, of course

10:04

it is. I think we might go down that

10:06

that down that path a little bit, but

10:07

the reason that works is because there's

10:09

an association in our brains that if

10:12

someone is looking into your left eye,

10:13

it kind of triggers something a bonding

10:15

response that is quite innate in us.

10:18

Yeah. Is that the TLDR of it? Okay.

10:20

Super interesting. What else?

10:23

What else? If I'm trying to bond with

10:25

someone. So, everybody listening to this

10:26

right now, whether they're in work,

10:27

they're in sales, they they're looking

10:29

for a partner, whatever. It's a nice

10:31

little trick

10:31

Mhm. to look into someone's left eye.

10:33

I'm going to only look into your left

10:34

eye for the rest with your right eye.

10:36

How do I I'm just looking with both.

10:39

Yeah, you feel like that, but once you

10:40

start doing this, I promise you, you

10:42

will notice a difference. Okay.

10:45

Um what else? What are the tricks to

10:46

make to encourage bonding?

10:48

Encourage bonding. So, physical

10:50

interaction. So, um

10:52

you know, depending on the

10:53

appropriateness of it, minimum

10:55

handshake,

10:57

maybe a hug, maybe a kiss on the cheek,

10:59

you know, depending on what um situation

11:01

you're in. I do this handshake where I

11:04

we hug so we don't handshake. I many

11:06

many years ago I read an article that if

11:08

when you

11:09

shake someone's hand, you put the other

11:11

hand over the top of it, it creates a

11:13

sense of warmth and trust. So, I've been

11:16

doing that for 10 years now. Give them

11:18

my left hand or my right hand, and then

11:19

the other hand goes over the top of it.

11:21

Yeah. It's definitely extra, and you see

11:23

this in a lot of um kind of more ancient

11:25

cultures that there is like more of a

11:28

handshake than what we do, which seems

11:29

it's just one hand, and it's quite brief

11:31

and stuff. So, yeah, the more of that

11:33

kind of physical touch that you can get,

11:36

the the better. So, you know, everyone

11:37

that I've met since I've come in this

11:39

morning, I've either shaken hands with

11:41

them or hugged them, and I would not not

11:43

do that. Mhm.

11:46

Is there anything else in terms of

11:47

encouraging the release of oxytocin

11:50

that you're aware of? What are the

11:51

behaviors that increase that bonding

11:54

chemical in our brains?

11:55

Um eye contact and touch are the main

11:57

ones. Okay. Laughing together is another

12:00

one. Um

12:02

and then

12:03

not to do with another person, but if

12:05

you take a bath rather than a shower,

12:06

then you'll release more oxytocin.

12:09

Massage helps. Well, you're immersed in

12:12

warm water, so it feels like a hug.

12:17

So, you you'd theoretically get out of

12:18

the bath and be kinder and happier and

12:22

more people would want to bond with you

12:24

more. Well, you'll be more in the mode

12:26

of bonding. doing that, yeah.

12:28

So interesting. What about um

12:29

vulnerability?

12:31

Cuz I I I heard shared struggle is one

12:33

of the things that releases oxytocin.

12:36

Yeah, so um yeah, going through

12:38

something not necessarily traumatic, but

12:41

that's highly emotional, that is very

12:42

bonding as well.

12:44

So, we see this a lot on the reality

12:46

shows where people are like, "Oh, we're

12:47

going to be friends for life." You know,

12:49

if you do something like a skydive or a

12:51

bungee jump in a group, then you know,

12:53

you do feel more bonded to those people.

12:55

Um but they're not as practical as the

12:58

just the little things that you can do

12:59

every day.

13:00

Okay, so let's go back to this hormone

13:02

conversation. We'll take that off the

13:03

shelf. So, we're talking about stress

13:04

and the contagion of stress.

13:06

So, you started by setting the scene

13:08

with the fact that women who interact

13:10

with each other physically closely, they

13:12

synchronize their menstrual cycles.

13:14

And so, whenever I

13:16

want to explain something that's complex

13:19

or I don't actually know the current

13:21

neuroscience, I always take it back to

13:25

what happened in ancient times.

13:27

So, when we were living in the cave,

13:29

the men hunted and gathered and lived

13:31

quite nomadically. So, sometimes they

13:34

would go away for months at a time. And

13:37

actually, if they went far enough away

13:39

and were closer to another cave of the

13:41

same tribe, they would actually just

13:42

stay there and never return to the

13:44

original tribe original cave. But

13:46

mostly, they would leave for weeks or

13:49

months and then return to the original

13:50

cave.

13:51

And in those days, the most fundamental

13:55

important thing for the survival of the

13:56

human species was that the alpha male

13:58

must pass on his genes.

14:01

So, if he was going to be away for

14:02

months and he couldn't, you know, that

14:05

there weren't men there to defend the

14:06

women from predators, maybe there was

14:08

going to be a spell of the ice age and

14:10

they would all freeze to death or

14:12

they wouldn't have food.

14:14

Um

14:15

he needed to make sure that at least

14:18

five women were impregnated with his

14:21

sperm at the same time. So, that if

14:23

there was a food shortage or there was

14:24

like stillbirth or miscarriage or

14:26

whatever, at least one out of five would

14:28

survive.

14:30

So, to be able to do that, they had to

14:32

be fertile at the same time. So, that's

14:34

why that mechanism exists.

14:36

Now, we don't need that mechanism now,

14:39

but it's still wired into the way that

14:41

we operate. So, those sex steroid

14:45

hormones like estrogen and progesterone,

14:48

they leak out of our sweat about this

14:50

far around us. And that's why if you're

14:52

living with another woman or if, you

14:53

know, you're sitting across the desk

14:54

every day,

14:56

then particles of hormone from my sweat

14:59

would go into the

15:01

through the skin of the other woman. If

15:03

she's within what distance? I mean, it's

15:05

not you wouldn't have to be sitting next

15:07

to each other. If you live together,

15:08

then that means you're interacting

15:09

enough that it would happen.

15:10

Okay.

15:12

So, particles

15:13

not if you work together. If you work

15:15

together and you sit right next to each

15:16

other every day, then it does happen,

15:18

too. So, you know, in a a small office

15:20

that's got like six girls in it, that

15:22

that the menstrual synchronization will

15:24

happen.

15:25

Interestingly, it's led by the alpha

15:27

female. So, yeah.

15:30

So, you can you can work out if you

15:32

don't know already who the alpha female

15:33

it well, if you you know, basically,

15:36

let's say my cycles don't change and

15:37

everyone says, "Oh, I got my period

15:39

early or I haven't had my period yet,

15:40

but now it's started." Then that would

15:42

mean that I probably I was the alpha

15:44

female.

15:46

How does the body know who the alpha

15:47

female is?

15:48

That will be to do with levels of

15:49

testosterone. Why why did the body Why

15:52

does that matter who the alpha female

15:53

is? Why does it matter that they sync up

15:55

with her? I I don't I don't know if it

15:57

really matters. I think it's just a case

15:59

of physiology. So, it's a little bit

16:00

like in the um

16:03

troops of gorillas,

16:06

the

16:07

stress levels of the silverback gorilla

16:10

affect the other gorillas more than

16:12

gorillas who are peers to each other.

16:14

So, there is we have a natural

16:15

hierarchy. I mean, it must be related to

16:18

survival as well.

16:19

So, she was

16:21

probably the person who the alpha male

16:24

was going to impregnate first.

16:26

Probably. So, everyone needs to kind of

16:28

fall in line cuz when she starts having

16:30

sex, they need to be ready.

16:31

Yeah. Okay. And also, it'll probably be

16:33

to do with things like, you know,

16:35

survival genes. So, it'll be the people

16:37

with the hardiest genes cuz that's what

16:39

you'll want to pass on as well. Mhm.

16:41

Okay, makes sense. Most resilient. Okay.

16:44

Okay, so where were we?

16:45

Stress and contagion.

16:46

We've done all the hormones and the

16:47

menstrual cycle stuff.

16:48

So, basically, cortisol is the hormone

16:50

that works in that same way. So,

16:52

cortisol is the main stress hormone.

16:54

And this one doesn't matter if you're

16:56

male or female, but it does matter where

16:57

you are in the hierarchy of the

16:59

organization as I just mentioned.

17:01

So,

17:04

usually in that conversation I mentioned

17:06

to you where you go into a room and you

17:07

just feel completely drained afterwards,

17:10

usually the person that comes out

17:11

feeling drained is less senior than the

17:13

person that's had that effect on them.

17:15

And that's why this is so crucial to

17:18

leadership.

17:19

Because your stress levels as a leader,

17:21

as a CEO, are going to have more impact

17:24

on everybody else

17:26

than the rest of the people um put

17:29

together, basically. So, managing your

17:31

stress is obviously important for you,

17:33

but it's important in terms of what

17:36

happens to other people. And the first

17:37

issue I came up against was

17:40

CEOs and CFOs that said, "Well,

17:43

I won't show them that I'm stressed.

17:46

I won't I won't tell them what's

17:47

happening with the numbers. I won't

17:50

display emotions in front of them." And

17:51

I said, "They're still going to know

17:53

physiologically. It's going to impact

17:55

them."

17:56

So, now you really have to do something

17:57

about it.

17:59

Um

18:01

and the other thing about cortisol,

18:03

which is quite funny,

18:05

well,

18:06

one of the side effects is quite funny,

18:08

is that as a survival mechanism, it will

18:12

help you to store fat around your

18:14

abdomen.

18:15

So, you know, again in the cave, if you

18:17

were potentially going to like not find

18:19

food for a month, then if you had extra

18:21

fat around your abdomen, you could

18:22

digest that and survive till you could

18:24

find food.

18:26

So, with my clients in financial

18:28

services, it got to a point where as

18:30

soon as I walked into the room, they'd

18:31

just lift their t-shirts up and say,

18:33

"Now you know how I've been in the last

18:34

month."

18:36

And then I had a really, really funny

18:38

incident when I was speaking at a bank,

18:41

and the CEO's

18:43

PA was there in the audience.

18:46

And I was explaining that, you know,

18:47

leadership stress leaks down, that that

18:50

stress can lead to abdominal fat that

18:52

you can't shift. And she shouted out,

18:56

"So, he's the reason that I'm fat."

19:00

But, Steve, no one laughed.

19:03

Really?

19:03

Yeah.

19:04

And that's when I knew that, okay, he

19:06

obviously is like really stressing

19:08

everyone out.

19:10

Oh gosh, no one laughed.

19:12

No.

19:14

Through fear or something or just cuz

19:16

they all just thought it was true? It

19:17

wasn't funny. It was the truth. Jesus.

19:21

So, stress causes belly fat? Mhm. Mhm.

19:23

Belly fat that's really hard to shift.

19:25

So, again, what I would see with people

19:27

is that they would say, "Oh, I put on a

19:28

bit of weight around the middle, you

19:29

know, had to loosen the belt a bit. So,

19:31

I've started eating less. I've started

19:33

like exercising more and I still can't

19:35

shift it." And again, that's when I

19:36

would explain this is the impact of

19:38

cortisol. As long as you're still

19:40

leaking out extra cortisol, nothing's

19:42

going to change. So,

19:45

uh uh and like I said, even exercising

19:47

more or eating better,

19:49

less or differently, whatever it is,

19:52

wouldn't shift that fat. You had to get

19:54

to the root cause. You had to reduce the

19:56

cortisol.

19:58

It also made me think about when you

20:00

consider promoting someone in your

20:01

organization, Mhm. you have to be very

20:03

careful that if you put a

20:05

particularly stressed

20:07

cortisol leaking individual high in the

20:09

organization, there's going to be

20:11

a significant impact for everyone below

20:13

them. Yeah.

20:14

Is that accurate? Is that an accurate

20:15

observation?

20:16

no, that's a really good way of putting

20:17

it. I mean, I always think of that

20:19

phrase, "What got you here won't get you

20:20

there," which is more about the fact

20:22

that people get promoted cuz they're

20:23

good at what they do, but they don't

20:24

really get taught all the, you know,

20:26

best management and leadership skills.

20:28

But that's a really pertinent point. If

20:29

there are

20:31

a person who is stressed particularly,

20:33

who suppresses stress,

20:35

um which some of these, you know,

20:37

successful people do,

20:39

then it would have an impact down the

20:40

organization. It begs the question then.

20:42

So, if if someone's listening to this

20:44

and they go, "Do you know what? I'm a

20:45

leaky cortisol person. I'm highly

20:46

stressed and it's probably getting to

20:49

people around me.

20:51

What can I do about that?" So, first of

20:53

all, if someone's saying that, half the

20:54

battle is won. The problem is when

20:56

people are not aware of that.

20:58

Um but let's say you are. So, let's say

21:00

that

21:01

I give you that list of signs and

21:03

symptoms that you've got high levels of

21:05

cortisol, which include things like

21:07

sleep disruption because cortisol's part

21:09

of the 24-hour clock.

21:10

Melatonin helps us to wake up. Cortisol

21:12

helps

21:14

Melatonin helps us to fall asleep.

21:15

Cortisol helps us to wake up.

21:17

Um maybe you've noticed the belly fat.

21:20

Um because of the really strong

21:22

connection between the brain and the

21:23

gut, any sort of reflux or indigestion

21:26

symptoms are often signs that you've got

21:28

high levels of cortisol, too. And of

21:30

course, things like irritability and

21:31

mood changes.

21:33

What I mostly would hear people say is

21:34

that I can just about keep it together

21:36

when I'm at work, but when I get home,

21:38

if my kids are, you know, annoying or my

21:41

partner's asking for too much, I just

21:42

snap. So, that means you're like one

21:45

step away from snapping at work if

21:47

somebody like pushes you too far. So,

21:49

that's not good. Because cortisol is

21:51

pro-inflammatory, it's very drying of

21:54

the system, as well. So, you might

21:55

notice

21:56

that your skin's really dry or you've

21:57

got skin problems. Your skin isn't just

22:00

the physical border of your body, it's

22:02

the psychological boundary of your body,

22:04

too. So, often stress shows up in the

22:06

skin.

22:08

Then

22:09

there are two main things that you can

22:11

do.

22:13

One is physical exercise cuz you can

22:15

literally sweat cortisol out of your

22:16

body. So, you can sweat excel excess

22:19

cortisol out of your body by doing

22:21

aerobic exercise.

22:23

Um the other one is journaling, so

22:25

writing out what's on your mind rather

22:27

than just let it be in there and keep

22:29

going round and round.

22:31

Or if you've got a therapist or a

22:32

trusted friend, speaking it out loud.

22:34

So, it's

22:36

getting cortisol

22:38

and or

22:40

the negative thoughts that are

22:41

associated with your stress out of your

22:43

brain body system.

22:45

I think this is fascinating. I looked at

22:48

the back end of our YouTube channel, and

22:50

it says that since this channel started,

22:52

69.9%

22:54

of you that watch it frequently haven't

22:56

yet hit the subscribe button. So, I have

22:58

a favor to ask you. If you've ever

23:00

watched this channel and enjoyed the

23:01

content, if you're enjoying this episode

23:02

right now, please can I ask a small

23:04

favor? Please hit the subscribe button.

23:05

Helps this channel more than I can

23:06

explain and I promise if you do that to

23:09

return the favor, we will make the show

23:12

better and better and better and better

23:14

and better. That's a promise I'm willing

23:16

to make you if you hit the subscribe

23:17

button. Do we have a deal?

23:19

I've had a real revelation in my life

23:20

over the last um

23:22

hm

23:23

maybe 6 months about sleep. Mhm. Again,

23:27

it's why I said I think before we start

23:28

recording that I don't have any meetings

23:30

scheduled before 11:00 a.m. and I sleep

23:32

with my eye mask on and I just wake up

23:34

when I wake up.

23:35

Yeah, me too. Oh, really?

23:36

Yeah.

23:37

I've never really met anybody that has

23:39

that. It's It is a privilege. I have to

23:40

acknowledge that that not everyone can

23:42

do because of work circumstances or

23:43

whatever else, but um the importance of

23:46

sleep

23:47

You're a neuroscientist.

23:49

Yeah.

23:50

Um there's a lot of people who have

23:51

dysfunctional sleep. We live in a world

23:52

where it's I feel like it's increasingly

23:54

difficult to have

23:56

you know, great sleep. Mhm. Um how

23:59

important is that for the brain and also

24:01

you know, you know, we were talking

24:02

about stress there, but for Yeah.

24:04

con- containing our stress levels?

24:06

It's so important. I can't stop going on

24:08

about it and I do understand that for

24:11

some people it's not a choice that they

24:12

just don't sleep well or they their

24:14

sleep gets interrupted cuz they've got

24:16

young kids

24:17

or they do shift work. So,

24:19

I'm not particularly talking about the

24:22

people where

24:23

there's a reason that you can't sleep in

24:26

this way. I I'm mostly directing it this

24:29

out if you have a choice,

24:30

this is the way that you need to sleep

24:32

and this is why. If you don't have a

24:34

choice, there are some things that you

24:35

can do to mitigate it as well. I mean,

24:37

obviously I

24:39

have done shift work as a junior doctor

24:40

in the NHS and I travel a lot, so I'm

24:42

like jet lagged half the time, Mhm. but

24:45

I try to do everything I can

24:47

to make that as as good as possible and

24:50

the reason is

24:51

we've always known that when you sleep,

24:54

you lay down your memories and new

24:56

learning, you process your emotions. The

24:58

cells in the body regenerate themselves.

25:00

We've We've known that for a long time.

25:01

That's never really been enough for

25:04

these very driven C level people to want

25:08

to give up 8 hours a night to sleep, you

25:10

know, it's

25:11

if they feel they can get by on 4 or 5

25:13

then they'll rather do that because

25:14

they've got so much to do.

25:16

The ideal is 8 hours and 15 minutes in

25:18

population norm studies. So, that

25:20

doesn't mean it's for everyone, but for

25:22

most people that's the ideal. Actually,

25:24

sleeping more than that can be

25:25

depressogenic, so it can start to lower

25:27

your mood. So, you don't want to really

25:29

be sleeping for 9 plus hours, but you

25:31

ideally need to be in bed for 9 hours to

25:33

get that amount of sleep.

25:36

And so, there was some

25:38

award-winning research around 2012 to

25:40

2014 when we were beginning to

25:42

understand how important the cleaning of

25:45

the brain is overnight.

25:47

So, this entirely new system that we

25:48

didn't know existed, which is called the

25:50

glymphatic system, it's like the

25:52

lymphatic system in your body, but it's

25:54

to do with glial cells, so it was named

25:56

the glymphatic system.

25:58

That system

26:00

is a very active

26:03

kind of waterway channel cleansing

26:06

system of the brain. We used to think

26:08

that the fluid around the brain and

26:10

there's ventricles, which are like

26:12

lakes, and then there's just like

26:13

trickling areas that

26:15

that sort of passively drip through the

26:18

brain overnight.

26:19

We did not expect to see like jets of

26:22

fluid

26:23

flushing out toxins from the brain.

26:26

So, the exact things that we see in the

26:28

pathology of dementing diseases, like

26:30

Alzheimer's and Parkinson's, like tau

26:32

proteins and amyloid plaques and

26:35

neurofibrillary tangles.

26:38

Um How do you say that in English?

26:41

Those things are being

26:43

flushed out of the brain very actively

26:45

overnight. And that process takes 7 to 8

26:48

hours to complete the cleaning.

26:50

That's why you need to be in bed for 8

26:52

to 9 hours.

26:54

So, it takes 7 or 8 hours to of

26:55

restorative sleep or just being in bed?

26:58

Just sleep. Not in bed. If you're in bed

27:00

awake,

27:02

you're not asleep. You know, you have to

27:03

be asleep, but you'll go through the

27:04

different sleep cycles every 90 minutes.

27:07

This isn't in time with that. This is

27:09

just taking 7 or 8 hours to flush the

27:11

stuff out of your brain. So, one of the

27:12

things I do say to people who who don't

27:14

sleep well is if you find yourself awake

27:16

at night and you're not lying on your

27:17

side, turn yourself onto your side cuz

27:20

that's the best position for this

27:21

cleansing process.

27:23

I actually have a special pillow that

27:24

makes me sleep on my side

27:27

cuz I wasn't naturally a side sleeper.

27:29

So, doesn't matter if it's the left or

27:31

the right, but that is a better position

27:33

in terms of the veins in your neck um

27:36

than sleeping on your back or your

27:37

front. So, that's one thing you can do.

27:39

Oh, you woke up, you know, your sleep

27:41

was disturbed, at least turn yourself

27:42

onto your side.

27:44

What is the special pillow?

27:46

Just you just bragged about it then

27:47

moved on, I feel like. It's it's a

27:49

memory foam pillow. Am I allowed to

27:51

mention the brand?

27:52

yeah, yeah. We'll we'll make sure they

27:53

sponsor it before we

27:55

It's a memory foam pillow. This my one

27:57

is by Tempur UK.

27:59

Um

27:59

and they actually they gifted it to me

28:01

because I was talking about side

28:03

sleeping. Yeah, it's great. Okay. I'm a

28:05

side sleeper. My girlfriend's a back

28:07

sleeper,

28:08

but I can't sleep on my back. It's funny

28:10

cuz I started on my front. That lasts

28:12

for 15 minutes cuz I get bad back at the

28:13

bottom of my back. I roll onto my side.

28:16

But I I've always wondered if there was

28:17

um

28:18

when you look at tribes and our

28:19

ancestors, how they would sleep. Would

28:21

they sleep in groups? Would they sleep

28:22

alone? Would they sleep on their side,

28:23

their back?

28:25

Do you know the answers to any of that?

28:26

Um I know that co-sleeping is definitely

28:28

how we evolved from co-sleeping, so in

28:31

groups.

28:32

And

28:34

what was what I find interesting is that

28:36

you needed to huddle together like that

28:38

for physical warmth in the cave,

28:40

but it also because of that proximity

28:43

and and and interaction, you got more of

28:46

the bonding hormone oxytocin, so you

28:48

also experience the warmth of being part

28:50

of a tribe. Um and I think they slept on

28:53

their side because they would have to be

28:55

ready for an attack

28:57

from a predator, so you'd need to keep

28:59

your dominant arm um

29:01

ready to, you know, grab something. And

29:04

most likely they slept on their left

29:06

because they would have been protecting

29:07

their most vital organs, the heart.

29:09

Um

29:10

Just thinking then about this bonding

29:12

chemical and how it comes out when we're

29:14

in close proximity. A lot of couples,

29:16

lot of people, me sometimes as well,

29:19

sleep in the spare room

29:21

because

29:22

I have work commitments, but that'll

29:23

mean that I'm up early or my partner has

29:25

work commitments that means she's up

29:26

early, but even some of my friends who

29:28

are in the early stages of parenthood

29:31

Mhm. have separated and have a sleep

29:34

divorce situation.

29:36

When you talked about the bonding in the

29:38

oxytocin being released when we're in

29:40

closer proximity, and obviously at night

29:41

time is when we're literally touching

29:43

each other.

29:44

Is it conceivable that by separating

29:46

rooms and by doing a sleep divorce,

29:48

we're actually eroding our bonding?

29:51

I would never do it. You would never

29:52

sleep in a different room from your

29:53

partner?

29:53

Never.

29:54

Apart from maybe if there was a young

29:56

baby and one person had to go to work

29:59

and one person didn't.

30:00

That I get,

30:02

but that's temporary.

30:04

And

30:06

ideally people would find ways to make

30:08

up for that. I mean, I guess you're in a

30:09

bit of a love bubble with the oxytocin

30:11

from the baby at that time, so that is

30:13

quite neuroprotective.

30:15

But

30:17

co-sleeping is it's it's fundamental to

30:20

our survival. It was physically when we

30:23

were in the cave, but now I would say

30:25

emotionally, spiritually, it's

30:27

fundamental to our survival. I mean What

30:29

do you mean by co-sleeping? Just to

30:30

clarify.

30:31

Sleeping together.

30:32

So, mostly in, you know, in our society

30:35

that's as a couple, but a lot of

30:38

other cultures, the whole family sleeps

30:40

together. Why would you never do it? You

30:42

seemed quite passionate about that.

30:44

Because I it's so good for you.

30:47

The bonding, the physical warmth, the

30:49

skin-to-skin contact, the

30:52

love, the trust, you know. I mean, I'll

30:53

put up if some if somebody's waking up

30:55

early and I don't have to wake up at

30:57

that time, I'll I'll even put up with

30:58

that.

31:00

So, you'll have less quality sleep. It

31:02

won't be less quality sleep. I've worn

31:04

HRV monitors and shown that even at the

31:06

time

31:08

if

31:10

my husband woke up at 5:00 and I

31:11

wouldn't wake up any at all before 8:00,

31:14

and he gave me a kiss goodbye, I got a

31:16

spike of resilience at that time.

31:18

Resilience? Yeah.

31:19

How How do you measure that? So, I was

31:21

using that Finnish technology, um where

31:24

you wear the

31:25

HRV monitor with a gel pad on your

31:27

chest. Um and so, it's color-coded for

31:30

whether you're doing light exercise,

31:33

heavy exercise, whether you're stressed,

31:35

or whether you're recouping resilience.

31:37

And mostly people recoup resilience

31:39

overnight.

31:40

But, um you know, you could clearly see

31:43

with people with young children, you

31:44

could see when they were woken up

31:45

overnight cuz it would go into stress.

31:47

Some people recoup resilience during the

31:49

day

31:50

if, you know, let's say you're like with

31:52

your partner or your sibling and you're

31:54

just sitting together and it's super

31:55

relaxed. Or if you love your job, you

31:57

know, that you can see that happening

31:58

during the day as well.

32:00

But, because I am so

32:04

obsessed with my sleep,

32:06

I wouldn't normally welcome any sleep

32:08

disturbance.

32:10

But, the power of sleeping together and

32:12

cuddling all night

32:15

is so neuroprotective

32:17

that

32:19

I would encourage everybody to do it if

32:21

they can. I also know some people who

32:22

say, "Oh, I sleep better if I sleep on

32:24

my own."

32:25

Um

32:26

but we we're not meant to survive on our

32:29

own. We are meant to survive as part of

32:31

a tribe. And

32:34

I think now, you know, since the

32:36

pandemic,

32:38

people are more lost and lonely and

32:40

disconnected than ever. If you've got

32:41

somebody that you can actually sleep

32:43

with overnight, I strongly suggest that

32:46

you do it.

32:48

So, I want to go in that direction

32:49

because I'm super compelled by that. The

32:50

the change in the world and the lost,

32:52

the lonely, the disconnected. But, just

32:54

to pause for a second on this word

32:55

resilience you're using linked to heart

32:57

rate variability. You're You're talking

32:59

about like a physiological resilience,

33:01

like a the body being more resilient

33:04

versus the kind of When we talk about

33:05

resilience, we we we say it in more of a

33:08

psychological context of like I can

33:10

withstand

33:12

greater stress or pressure. But, you're

33:14

You used a heart rate variability

33:16

monitor that measures the

33:18

distance between heartbeats

33:21

and saw that when your husband gave you

33:22

a kiss, your heart rate variability

33:25

increased,

33:26

which means that your body was more

33:28

physiologically resilient. It actually

33:30

measures both because it compares your

33:32

heart rate variability to your heart

33:34

rate. Okay. So, it knows if you're

33:36

exercising because your heart rate has

33:37

gone up. But, if your heart rate is at

33:40

like base level,

33:42

then

33:43

the So, the then then the very the

33:45

change in variability can either mean

33:46

that you're stressed or you're recouping

33:48

resilience. If your heart rate is high,

33:50

then it's obviously

33:51

physical. Um

33:53

but

33:55

it

33:56

it's a it's a factor of both. So, it's

33:58

not just looking at

34:01

physical resilience. It is looking When

34:03

When it's in this turquoise zone,

34:05

that is actually more about recouping

34:07

psychological resilience. But, those two

34:10

things, you know, they feed into each

34:11

other, but it can tell the difference

34:12

because of your heart rate. So,

34:13

obviously I was asleep, so my heart rate

34:15

was low. And you saw what on the monitor

34:17

when he gave you a kiss?

34:18

saw it, but cuz it can does it by every

34:19

15 minutes as well. And I saw the

34:21

highest spike of turquoise at that exact

34:24

time.

34:26

It's funny cuz my girlfriend a couple

34:28

about a month ago or 2 months ago, I

34:30

left the house quite early in the

34:31

morning, maybe about the similar time

34:33

6:00 a.m. in the morning when she was

34:35

still in bed and I came up to her and

34:37

gave her like a big kiss. I basically

34:39

kissed all around her. This is so

34:40

sloppy.

34:41

I kissed all around her face and on her

34:42

nose and just gave her a big big hug and

34:44

stuff and I walked away, like got in the

34:46

got in the got in the taxi and left,

34:47

whatever.

34:49

And she said to me the same day or the

34:51

day after she went "I don't know what

34:53

happened there, but it unlocked

34:55

something in me." And

34:56

you know, then my girlfriend went on to

34:58

say she had um had some challenges with

35:00

her menstrual cycle and it and she

35:03

came on her period.

35:05

That's amazing. I love that.

35:07

right. Like when she says things to me

35:09

and she knows this, but I give her a

35:11

credit. I'm always skeptical cuz we

35:13

think differently. She's quite

35:14

spiritual. I'm very like I need some

35:15

science.

35:16

Mhm. And um

35:18

she said that to me and I just thought a

35:20

kiss and a hug in the morning it hasn't

35:21

couldn't have had any physiological

35:22

impact on her.

35:24

But um now I'm starting to question

35:27

whether once again I was wrong.

35:31

That's amazing. I mean, you know,

35:33

some of these things can't necessarily

35:35

immediately be explained by science, but

35:38

if you use your intuition, then

35:40

you have to ask yourself and I feel like

35:42

you are coming around to thinking that

35:43

could be true. When I'm when I'm given a

35:45

reason, I accept things. If you know, if

35:48

there's even

35:49

even a slither of science that could

35:51

justify it, then I I come around to

35:53

ideas, but I do need the science. Do you

35:55

think that men and women are different

35:56

in terms of their intuition and their

35:59

their ability to want you to smile.

36:00

Their ability to kind of understand some

36:02

of these forces that exist in the air.

36:06

Because my girlfriend it seems to be so

36:07

attuned to feelings and intuition and

36:11

and I'm less so.

36:13

Yeah, so if let's let's put it like

36:15

this. If you had a hundred people in a

36:17

room, 50 men and 50 women,

36:19

and you asked them to line up in order

36:21

of height,

36:22

not all the men would be taller than all

36:24

the women. In the middle there'd be a

36:25

bit of a mixture.

36:27

And it's like that with the brain and

36:28

intuition and everything else. So,

36:31

yeah, there are

36:32

some

36:34

there's some disparity. So, I think most

36:36

people would agree that it feels like

36:38

more women are in touch with their

36:39

intuition than men, but it's absolutely

36:41

not all women

36:43

versus all men.

36:45

Do you believe women are more in touch

36:46

with their intuition?

36:47

I think they're more open to accepting

36:49

that it's a thing. And

36:52

I believe that the more men need the

36:54

science to explain how intuition works.

36:57

Interesting. I wondered if there was

36:58

like a brain

37:00

neurological reason for that.

37:02

I think there'd be more women and men

37:03

that believed in

37:05

intuition and those like

37:07

feelings that are hard to explain and

37:08

the you know.

37:09

That's changed a lot. I mean, I remember

37:11

when I was teaching at MIT about 7 years

37:13

ago and I was teaching the science of

37:15

intuition. Someone actually stood that

37:17

you know, it's all senior leaders in the

37:18

classroom. It's executive education.

37:21

Um someone stood up and said, "Well, I'm

37:23

not going to make a really important

37:24

decision like hire or fire based on my

37:27

gut feeling, am I?"

37:29

And

37:30

he was quite young and quite a few of

37:31

the older guys turned around and were

37:32

like, "That's absolutely how I would

37:34

make my decision and my most important

37:36

decisions." But at that time, it was

37:39

still kind of like

37:41

not everybody was really sure that

37:42

that's like your superpower, but I think

37:44

people are beginning to understand more

37:46

that with age and experience and wisdom,

37:49

you do understand that intuition is

37:51

actually your strongest should be your

37:54

strongest decision-making modality. What

37:57

is intuition?

37:59

So,

38:00

because you can't remember everything

38:01

that you've experienced in your whole

38:03

life,

38:04

but you know, somewhere in the neural

38:06

architecture and and you know,

38:09

in the gut neurons as well,

38:11

that information is stored cuz you have

38:13

experienced it.

38:14

So,

38:15

maybe you would say that you understand

38:17

that wisdom and experience is the

38:19

product of patterns that you've seen

38:21

repeating in your life that are

38:22

conscious to you.

38:24

Intuition is

38:26

the lessons that you picked up along the

38:27

way that you're not conscious of, but

38:29

they're still stored in your nervous

38:31

system.

38:33

And so, the less conscious you are of

38:36

them, the deeper they're pushed into the

38:38

nervous system. So, there's a process

38:41

called Hebbian learning, named after the

38:43

neuroscientist Donald Hebb,

38:46

and that is

38:48

is basically, you know, neurons that

38:49

fire together wire together, but it's

38:50

that the things that you've learned

38:52

today, like things that you've learned

38:54

by speaking with me, that's going to be

38:56

very front of mind and kind of just in

38:58

like little pathways that are just kind

39:00

of connecting up with each other. But

39:02

stuff that you learned when you were

39:03

five, like when you put your hand in a

39:06

fire and it burnt you and you never ever

39:08

want to do that again, that's deep down.

39:10

You're not really conscious of that, but

39:12

you know, and and other things maybe

39:13

that you don't recall.

39:15

So, we believe that your

39:18

that wisdom

39:19

gets pushed from the outer cortex

39:24

into the limbic system, which is the

39:26

emotional system of the brain, into the

39:28

brainstem, into the spinal cord,

39:31

and into the gut neurons.

39:32

And that's why they sometimes call it

39:34

gut instinct because it's that feeling

39:36

of knowing something but not knowing why

39:37

you know it.

39:38

Um but it's actually to do with the fact

39:40

that you have wisdom and experience

39:43

that is

39:45

it's in it's it's embodied in you,

39:47

but you're not conscious of it

39:48

necessarily.

39:50

It's quite surprising to hear that

39:52

those memories, that wisdom could be

39:55

in the gut.

39:56

People think of

39:58

you know, I think I'm certainly someone

39:59

who always thought that my cognition, my

40:01

memories, and my all of the intelligence

40:04

exists just in my brain.

40:07

Your memories and your cognition

40:09

and your IQ

40:12

are in your brain,

40:14

but your Your

40:15

is in your brain and your gut.

40:19

This sounds super stupid, but I don't

40:21

care. I should just be I should just be

40:22

honest about my stupidity.

40:24

Where in my gut? I'm like

40:26

I thought that was like my stomach.

40:28

It's where I put the food.

40:29

Yeah. So, you know, you've got your

40:31

stomach, you've got your small

40:32

intestine, you've got your large

40:33

intestine. You have other organs, your

40:35

liver, your spleen,

40:37

your kidneys. And they're all

40:39

innervated, which means they've all got

40:40

nerves going into them. So does your

40:42

heart.

40:43

So, you know, we could we could have a

40:44

similar conversation like this about

40:46

your heart as well, because your heart

40:48

only knows how to be because of the

40:50

nerves that that penetrate it.

40:52

So,

40:53

you know, this round brain in here in

40:55

the spinal cord that goes down the

40:57

center of your back, that gives rise to

40:59

all of the neurons that go out to your

41:01

arms, your legs, all of your organs,

41:03

your skin, which is your largest organ.

41:06

And

41:08

so that's that's how that works because

41:10

every single part of your body has nerve

41:14

nerve cells or, you know, nerve

41:17

pathways in them. So, that's the

41:18

connection.

41:19

That's brings us back to what, you know,

41:21

what what I was saying about the

41:22

brain-body connection. They're they're

41:24

intimately connected and it's a

41:26

bidirectional thing. It's they can't

41:28

exist without each other.

41:31

And the more you understand that there's

41:33

that constant feedback going back and

41:34

forth, the more you can tap into that

41:37

kind of thing. The more you can

41:39

know days before you're going to get

41:40

sick. I bet your girlfriend knows days

41:42

before she's going to get a cold or flu.

41:44

Yes, she does.

41:45

Yeah. All the time. And my clients

41:48

never know. And as soon as they go on

41:50

holiday, they're sick the whole week.

41:53

Why Why when they go on holiday?

41:55

Because they suppress it to be able to

41:57

do their job.

41:58

And you can suppress illness or you can

42:00

just not not not acknowledge it.

42:01

It's not it's it's not necessarily that

42:03

they had a cold virus that they

42:05

suppressed, but it's that their body is,

42:07

you know, the immune system is being run

42:09

down by the cortisol. And so as soon as

42:11

it gets a break,

42:13

that's when it kind of succumbs. Um

42:16

and there was a time after the financial

42:18

crisis when

42:20

I had people saying, "I've had the you

42:22

know, I've had this cold for like 4

42:23

weeks now or 6 weeks, but everybody's

42:26

got it." And I was like,

42:29

"I'm sorry, but do you actually think

42:30

that's normal? Do you think it's normal

42:32

to have a cold for more than a week?"

42:34

And you know, then it it's takes a

42:37

challenge like that because also the

42:39

other thing that happens in you know,

42:40

with group think whether it's at work or

42:42

in your social circle is

42:44

that we don't challenge each other

42:45

enough on those sort of things. So,

42:47

if a friend said, "Oh, I've had this

42:48

cold for 6 weeks."

42:50

I might say, "Oh, poor you." But

42:53

if I I wouldn't, but someone might. But

42:56

um

42:57

you know, it's also about saying, "Is

42:59

there something else wrong?" cuz that's

43:00

not that's not usual. Um and for me,

43:03

that would absolutely lead back to

43:04

cortisol.

43:06

Second ago, we were going to go down the

43:07

pathway of the looming crisis

43:10

that you speak about.

43:11

What is the looming crisis that you're

43:14

concerned about?

43:15

Stephen, I

43:17

I saw this looming at the beginning of

43:18

the pandemic. It's not looming anymore.

43:21

It is We are in crisis.

43:23

So,

43:24

you know, all of the

43:26

health anxiety and the uncertainty and

43:28

the fear

43:29

and the loss that we experienced

43:32

um during the pandemic

43:34

was bad enough, you know, it caused a a

43:36

level of stress that no one who's alive

43:38

today has experienced before.

43:40

Um

43:42

but we've come out of it,

43:44

you know, we're relatively

43:47

I don't know if I could say back to

43:48

normal or in the new normal.

43:51

And we have not paid any attention to

43:54

the consequences of what happened to us.

43:57

And when I say us, I mean everyone from

44:00

the babies that were born at that time

44:01

that never saw anyone but their

44:02

immediate family,

44:04

the teenagers that interestingly boys

44:06

did better than girls because they play

44:08

video games on the internet, so they

44:10

stayed connected.

44:11

You know, the older people, the isolated

44:14

the people that like lost loved ones,

44:15

etc. Like there's so many things. I

44:17

could say more things than that.

44:19

We we haven't really acknowledged that

44:22

that's what happened and what we went

44:24

through.

44:25

We

44:27

most people are not really

44:30

understanding what's changed for them or

44:32

what's going on for them at the moment

44:33

as a result of that and we certainly

44:35

haven't made any plan for the future.

44:38

Um

44:39

you know, I'm really into like

44:41

indigenous wisdom at the moment and one

44:43

of the things I've learned about the

44:44

first Americans is that when they make a

44:46

big decision for their community, they

44:48

imagine the impact of that decision

44:50

seven generations into the future. We

44:53

don't even think about one generation

44:55

into the future.

44:59

We just think about

45:00

like what's going on right now. We We We

45:03

don't even really think about our own

45:04

future like some of the time.

45:07

I remember thinking like literally in

45:09

March of 2020,

45:10

this is going to be a mental health

45:12

crisis. Like whatever happens

45:13

physically,

45:15

and as time went on, more so I thought,

45:18

mental health crisis, mental health

45:19

crisis.

45:21

And then I started to think, okay,

45:25

what else could it be?

45:27

And

45:28

I had time, of course, to

45:31

indulge in some of the other areas of

45:32

interest that I couldn't when I was like

45:34

traveling and working for Lonza. So I

45:35

you know, started reading more about

45:37

spirituality and ancient cultures and

45:39

stuff.

45:40

And I thought this could be a spiritual

45:42

revolution. When you say spiritual

45:44

revolution,

45:46

it's a very big, broad

45:48

term. Mhm.

45:50

What do you mean?

45:52

If I look back and and you've you know,

45:54

you've led a very nice story of of my my

45:57

journey since I changed career is that

45:59

it started off with that physical piece,

46:01

you know, for me where I was working,

46:02

there was stress, but people were having

46:04

heart attacks.

46:06

Then, I spent many years working on

46:07

mental resilience with people.

46:10

Um

46:12

and emotional regulation was part of

46:13

that, and that became important again in

46:15

the pandemic because we were in like

46:17

close quarters with people and

46:19

you know, and it was just very

46:20

different, and it was hard, and there

46:21

was homeschooling and working and

46:23

everything.

46:25

Um what I've seen as a some of the good

46:27

things I've seen as a result of the

46:28

pandemic is that we've definitely

46:30

appreciated again the importance of our

46:32

time in nature.

46:34

Um so, I think most of us felt that,

46:36

that, you know, being able to get out

46:38

and be somewhere green was really

46:39

important. And because there was like no

46:43

planes and no traffic, you know, we

46:44

could see the stars in the sky again. We

46:46

saw amazing sunsets. We people began to

46:48

appreciate birdsong.

46:50

And now the studies are showing that

46:53

time spent in nature actually has a

46:55

really positive impact on your physical

46:57

health, your mental health, and your

46:59

longevity.

47:00

So, you know, that's one good thing

47:02

that's come out of it, but

47:04

are we all still, you know, making time

47:06

for that, or are we just going back to

47:07

kind of our old ways? The other thing

47:10

things of interest that have come out is

47:11

that having a purpose that transcends

47:13

yourself

47:14

is really important

47:16

to your

47:18

um mental health particularly, but it

47:20

will have knock-on effects. So,

47:22

you know, you could say

47:25

well, I do my podcast, and I love doing

47:26

my podcast, and I get to meet

47:27

interesting people, and I you know, I

47:30

share that knowledge with others.

47:32

A lot of that is still to do with

47:34

self-satisfaction.

47:36

So, having something that doesn't

47:38

necessarily do anything for you,

47:40

but gives you purpose in life is really

47:43

important. And what could that be? That

47:45

could be

47:47

That could be volunteering. It could be

47:50

um

47:53

you know, for you know, for me, like I I

47:54

give out a lot of free information on

47:56

Instagram that and and not for to try to

47:59

get work or anything like that.

48:01

Um

48:02

it could be so, you know, when I say

48:04

volunteering that sounds quite big, but

48:05

it could be like asking your elderly

48:07

neighbor if you can do their groceries

48:09

for them when you go to the supermarket.

48:12

Um it could be

48:13

calling up a friend and checking that

48:15

they're okay.

48:16

Just something that makes you feel like

48:18

life is worth living.

48:21

But it doesn't necessarily earn you

48:22

money or directly improve your life.

48:25

I've spoken to a lot of therapists who

48:26

talk about

48:28

the fact that we two of the things we

48:30

never want to feel is like we're A

48:31

different and B we're not enough.

48:34

And I was thinking about that through

48:35

the lens of our tribes. In a In the

48:37

context of a tribe, if I was different,

48:39

there was a risk of me being kicked off

48:40

the tribe. And if I would didn't feel

48:42

like I was enough, I I

48:43

again would have a risk of being kicked

48:45

out of the tribe because I'm not

48:46

valuable to the tribe. And in the

48:47

context of what you were saying about

48:49

serving others, is that again sort of

48:50

like a prehistoric desire to

48:53

um feel like we're adding value and we

48:56

are of use to the tribe by serving

48:58

the greater good of the of our tribe. Is

49:01

that where that instinct comes from in

49:02

us? I love what you've done, which is

49:03

exactly what I said, which is when I

49:05

when I'm not sure of the answer, I'll go

49:07

back to evolution. Mhm. I always do that

49:09

in therapy, yeah. I love that. I think

49:11

I hadn't thought of it like that exactly

49:13

like that before, but I think it's true.

49:14

You know, a tribe sadly could not afford

49:16

to carry dead weight.

49:18

So, if you weren't enough, you know, if

49:20

you were injured, if you were

49:23

immobile, if you were elderly,

49:25

if you weren't contributing,

49:27

then you might get left behind.

49:29

And then there's this um really

49:31

interesting new area of research called

49:33

neuroaesthetics or neuroarts,

49:35

which is about having some kind of

49:37

creative activity in your regular

49:39

schedule.

49:41

So, um there's there's lots of research

49:43

that shows that if you're not doing

49:45

something creative once a week,

49:47

and that could be dance, music,

49:50

painting, drawing, going to the theater,

49:52

reading a novel. So, really quite broad.

49:54

Time in nature actually is included in

49:56

it.

49:57

Then, because nature is the palette that

49:59

we all love. You know, you could have

50:01

different taste in art or music to me,

50:05

but all humans love nature cuz we've

50:06

always been in that that beauty. So, the

50:09

impact of that on your mental health and

50:11

your physical health and your longevity

50:12

is huge as well.

50:14

But, even just like every morning, I

50:16

actually thought of this this morning

50:17

cuz I I wanted to mention this, but I

50:20

had zested a lemon last night when I was

50:22

cooking.

50:23

And so, this morning when I went to get

50:24

the milk out of the fridge, I I smelled

50:26

it cuz it was in the fridge and I just

50:27

thought that is so beautiful.

50:30

And so, they say things like, you know,

50:32

if you've put like

50:34

a bunch of flowers on your bedside table

50:36

and it smells nice and that's the first

50:37

thing you smell in the morning and then

50:38

you like look at the beautiful flowers.

50:40

If you've

50:41

got objects of beauty in your house, if

50:43

you listen to birdsong in the morning,

50:45

that that's all neuroesthetics. It's

50:46

living a life that is aesthetically

50:50

pleasing to your brain.

50:51

And that's good for your health. Why?

50:54

Um

50:57

Should we go back to evolution? Should I

50:59

make a guess with Please, that's my

51:01

favorite thing to do.

51:03

I think it's to do with safety. So,

51:06

if you were able to spare your mental

51:08

resources to appreciate beauty,

51:11

that must mean that you're safe. That

51:13

must mean that you're not just trying to

51:14

survive.

51:15

So, it's actually

51:17

I mean, we do appreciate beauty. So,

51:20

seeing, smelling, you know, hearing,

51:21

tasting nice things, it's going to make

51:23

us feel better. But, also,

51:26

we're only going to be doing that if

51:29

we have the luxury of being able to do

51:31

that. Then, it can be such small things.

51:33

But, also, what it signals to your brain

51:35

is I'm safe

51:37

because I have time to read a novel or

51:41

I have time to crank the music up and

51:44

dance around my living room.

51:45

Through the frame of this idea that

51:48

pathways that fire together wire

51:50

together,

51:52

I was also thinking about every time

51:53

I've seen a tree, I've been safe. So, is

51:56

there an association that trees are

51:58

safety? You know what I mean? Every time

51:59

I've been out in nature, I've been

52:01

physiologically, psychologically safe.

52:03

So, is it now the case that because

52:04

there's that neurological association,

52:06

the pathways have widened fired

52:08

together, if I, you know, do you talk

52:09

about the brain-body response, if I put

52:11

myself in that situation again, it will

52:13

signal to my body that I'm safe. Yeah,

52:15

it will that's neuroplasticity. It's the

52:17

It's repeating that and giving yourself

52:19

the message that every time I'm around

52:21

trees, I'm safe. I feel safe. It won't

52:24

be the same for everyone. I would

52:25

imagine that again, when we lived in the

52:27

cave, that

52:30

we naturally did things like looked at

52:32

the stars in the sky at night, danced

52:34

around the fire, did cave paintings.

52:37

Um so, that's very wired into our our

52:40

psyche as well. Um

52:42

you know, they would adorn themselves a

52:44

lot more than we do.

52:46

So, that appreciation of aesthetics

52:49

has always been there not and not just

52:51

from nature, from some of our rituals

52:53

and ceremonies as well. And really the

52:56

conclusion that I've come to with this

52:58

whole spiritual crisis and and then the

53:00

potential revolution is that

53:03

all the things that we need

53:06

to go through that revolution have

53:08

always been in the world as long as

53:10

we've existed.

53:12

And that to me is beautiful because

53:15

it's not like we have to do some crazy

53:17

new different things that we've never

53:19

thought of before.

53:20

We can

53:23

The way that I put it is we know about

53:26

generational trauma and

53:28

intergenerational trauma and epigenetics

53:30

and how all these bad things can like

53:32

come down the line, but there's also a

53:34

lot of beauty and wisdom that's there

53:38

that we can have access to. It's it's

53:41

don't have to like reinvent the wheel at

53:43

all. We can just go back to doing the

53:45

things that we did

53:47

when

53:48

we were at peace.

53:50

It's interesting, but it but that's not

53:52

going to that's not easy to do in the

53:54

world we live in cuz we've built a

53:55

society in a world where

53:56

Yeah.

53:58

We live in these like white four white

54:00

walls in cities alone. We're more lonely

54:02

than ever before. We order our food

54:04

using glass screens. We use pornography

54:08

as a replacement for intimacy and and

54:11

connection.

54:12

We use social networks instead of

54:14

socializing.

54:15

Internet connection has reduced real

54:17

connection.

54:19

How you'd have to like completely

54:21

redesign society, it seems.

54:23

You can start with yourself.

54:27

So,

54:29

I completely agree with what all those

54:31

things that you've just said. It's how

54:32

most people live.

54:33

But I don't live like that.

54:36

How do you live, doctor?

54:39

Um

54:40

I I actively try to spend as much time

54:42

in nature as I can, and I have like

54:45

a lot of like plants and flowers in and

54:48

around my house.

54:50

I am very very careful about who's in my

54:53

tribe. So, it's positive, meaningful,

54:58

deep, spiritual relationships.

55:02

Um

55:04

I

55:08

don't use pornography or dating apps.

55:12

I just go through your legs.

55:15

Um

55:17

Yeah, and I you know, I try What do you

55:18

think of pornography on the brain?

55:21

I mean,

55:23

the two most basic drives in the brain

55:25

are sex and food.

55:26

So,

55:27

the potential impact is is huge.

55:31

Um

55:32

I agree with you that increasingly it

55:34

has created a big disconnect between men

55:37

and women in real life, which is really

55:39

sad.

55:42

What What is that disconnect?

55:44

Um I think that

55:47

the ideal of what a woman has to be or

55:50

can be is very distorted by pornography.

55:53

Mhm.

55:54

Um

55:56

I think, if I put together, you know,

55:59

what I hear from my friends about dating

56:01

apps with that, that

56:02

the way that people feel they can treat

56:04

others has really, really changed. And I

56:06

think this has accelerated since the

56:07

pandemic as well.

56:09

Um

56:10

so this real lack of empathy for

56:14

the consequences of your actions and

56:15

comments on other people.

56:17

And I think pornography contributes to

56:20

that because it

56:21

changes the way that men view women. Um

56:26

I think the impact on women in terms of

56:28

what you have to look like, like how

56:29

much plastic surgery you have to have,

56:31

what you've got to be prepared to, like,

56:33

do in an intimate relationship, or or

56:35

actually

56:36

the biggest issue I would have is what

56:38

you're expected to do when you're not

56:40

even in an intimate relationship, you

56:41

know, just when it becomes more of a

56:43

transaction, when the rules have changed

56:46

about

56:47

you know, again, what I hear now very

56:49

commonly is oh, we've been on three or

56:51

four or five dates or whatever it is,

56:53

that must mean,

56:55

you know,

56:56

move to the next level kind of thing.

56:58

So, I think that going back to

57:01

having like really respectful

57:03

relationships, having a lot of empathy

57:05

for other people, looking out for the

57:08

people in your life that might be

57:09

lonelier than you.

57:11

Um

57:13

when I say, you know, I I mean, I

57:14

absolutely do not have my phone in my

57:16

bedroom, but when I say limit screen

57:18

time, that is a difficult one because we

57:20

all use our screens for work and to

57:22

communicate with our friends, but there

57:25

are studies that show the amount of time

57:26

you spend

57:28

even communicating with friends online

57:31

versus face-to-face has all sorts of

57:33

impacts in terms of like

57:36

how

57:37

like socially comfortable you are, how

57:40

empathetic you are. It can even have on

57:43

teenagers a really big impact on body

57:46

dysmorphism.

57:47

So, it's fine to actually spend quite a

57:49

lot of time online as long as you are

57:51

also spending a lot of time with people

57:53

face-to-face.

57:55

One of the things you said there was

57:56

about limiting who's in your tribe. Mhm.

57:59

W-

57:59

Why is that important?

58:02

Why is it important to not hang around

58:04

with certain people and spend more time

58:06

with other people from like a

58:08

neurological perspective in terms of our

58:10

health and our outlooks and our outcomes

58:11

and neuroplasticity?

58:13

So, if we just like link this back a

58:15

little bit to the question that you

58:16

Googled, which is is stress contagious,

58:19

then there's another rabbit hole you

58:21

could go down, which would be about

58:23

social contagion.

58:25

So, there are statistics that show that

58:27

in your social group, if someone gets

58:30

divorced, you're more likely to get

58:31

divorced in the next year.

58:33

If someone in your social group is

58:35

obese, you're more likely to become

58:37

obese.

58:38

Now, I'm not absolutely not saying don't

58:40

be friends with someone cuz they got

58:41

divorced or they put on weight, but I'm

58:43

I'm talking more about the

58:46

attitudinal stuff.

58:48

So, the

58:51

you know, how you treat other people,

58:52

how kind you are, how generous you are,

58:55

how open you are to conversations about

58:56

intuition or spirituality. Basically,

58:59

you meet people who are at a similar

59:01

psychological level to you.

59:03

And

59:04

so,

59:06

we're always working on ourselves,

59:08

hopefully, and you want to be with

59:10

people if if you are, then you want to

59:12

be with people who are growing, too, who

59:13

are open to challenge, who are learning,

59:15

who

59:16

are interested in exploring

59:17

spirituality,

59:19

um who care about their mental health

59:21

and other people's mental health. So,

59:23

it's really

59:24

about, you know, having this this circle

59:26

of trust.

59:28

And knowing that you've got support, but

59:31

equally that if you do something that's

59:33

really not okay, that somebody's going

59:34

to tell you.

59:36

You mentioned the word earlier

59:37

neuroplasticity.

59:41

What is it? Why did it matter and

59:44

I think from looking at your work

59:45

previously, you had a bit of an epiphany

59:47

on this subject matter in your career.

59:49

Where you realized that, you know, I you

59:50

probably like most most people don't

59:52

even think it's a thing. They don't

59:53

think it's

59:55

They think that once you grow up, you're

59:57

set in your ways, but it sounds like

59:59

there was an epiphany at some point in

60:00

your career where you realize the

60:01

importance and the possibilities that

60:03

neuroplasticity presented. Well, we have

60:05

to start by saying that when I was at

60:06

medical school and doing my PhD in

60:08

neuroscience, we did not know about

60:10

neuroplasticity.

60:11

So, we absolutely thought that when you

60:14

physically stopped growing,

60:16

that everything in your brain was set

60:18

for the rest of your life. That you

60:19

couldn't change your intelligence, you

60:21

couldn't learn to manage your emotions

60:23

differently.

60:24

Um that it would be much harder to learn

60:26

new things.

60:28

What we know now is that the brain is

60:30

actively growing and changing till we're

60:32

about 25.

60:34

Oh,

60:35

I missed it.

60:37

No, you didn't you didn't miss it. You

60:39

didn't miss it.

60:39

I know I look 24, but

60:41

You didn't you didn't miss it. So, from

60:42

25 to 65 and I would say even beyond

60:45

now,

60:47

if you don't do anything to change your

60:48

brain, it will tend to plateau. So, you

60:50

know, if you're in a job where you do

60:51

the same thing every day and you're

60:52

pretty good at it,

60:54

you could stay like that for the rest of

60:55

your life. And that is fine for some

60:57

people.

60:59

If you do things to that are intense

61:01

enough

61:03

to force your brain to change, then you

61:06

can basically, you know, learn lots of

61:08

new things, but also get what we call

61:10

global benefits in your brain. So,

61:12

let's say you decided to learn a new

61:14

language.

61:15

Maybe you'd learn Portuguese or French.

61:17

Have you spoken to her?

61:20

Have you spoken to her? No.

61:23

That just felt very feels like you know

61:26

when someone says something to you and

61:27

it feels like they've already had a

61:28

conversation behind your back cuz it's

61:29

so

61:30

on the money. No, I actually have a deal

61:31

with her this year that I'd learn

61:33

Portuguese by the end of the year and

61:34

we're in September now. And I know six

61:37

words. So, that just felt a little bit

61:39

close to home. So,

61:41

let's move on. So, so that's great. So,

61:43

you have actually a reason to learn one

61:45

or two languages. If you do that

61:49

your brain will not only get the

61:51

benefits of being able to speak French

61:53

or Portuguese, but you will actually

61:55

improve your executive functions. Now,

61:57

these are the highest functions of the

61:58

brain. Things like um being able to

62:03

regulate your emotions better, solve

62:05

complex problems, think flexibly, think

62:07

creatively, override any conscious or

62:10

unconscious biases that you may have.

62:13

These are great benefits to get from

62:14

actually just doing something like

62:15

learning a language or a musical

62:17

instrument. Um and it can be smaller

62:20

things like

62:21

travel, interacting with people who've

62:23

had a different life to you, cooking

62:25

something new, taking a different route

62:27

to work, reading a

62:29

newspaper or a magazine that's very

62:30

different to what you normally read.

62:32

Doing a podcast. Well, you do this every

62:35

day. Yeah, exactly.

62:36

Yeah, so it's not inducing

62:37

neuroplasticity in your brain. Although

62:39

you're learning new things.

62:40

people.

62:40

Yeah, you're meeting different people.

62:41

You're learning new things.

62:43

But it's probably not what we would call

62:45

attention intense enough

62:48

to actually be shifting pathways in your

62:50

brain.

62:51

Wow.

62:52

So, having all these conversations isn't

62:54

like expanding my It is in terms of your

62:57

like the facts that you're learning.

62:58

Yeah. But your actual process of you

63:01

know, finding a person, doing a bit of

63:03

research into them, meeting them, having

63:05

a conversation with them, being good at

63:07

asking them certain questions.

63:10

That's a very natural pathway for you.

63:12

So,

63:13

you you know, you're getting better and

63:15

and at it. But that's not a new big

63:19

change in your brain.

63:21

So what Okay, right. So I think when

63:23

people hear about neuroplasticity, when

63:25

I first heard about that that it was

63:27

even a thing, it was a revelation that

63:28

we could do things to change our brains.

63:31

What is What is it that people typically

63:33

want from neuroplasticity? They want to

63:34

be someone else in other ways. They want

63:36

new habits. They want new ways of

63:38

thinking. They want to stop being a

63:39

negative thinker or an overthinker in

63:41

certain situations.

63:43

If I wanted to to to stop being an

63:45

overthinker or a negative thinker,

63:47

or if I wanted to um

63:51

you know, there's certain habits we all

63:52

have in that I have in my life that I'm

63:53

like

63:54

I just feel like it's me now.

63:57

Yeah, like procrastination.

63:59

Procrastination shows up sometimes.

64:01

I'm just saying that because I'm not

64:03

learning this.

64:03

to. I'm joking.

64:04

No, I don't I don't procrastinate too

64:06

much cuz I don't really have a choice

64:07

these days. I procrastinate on some

64:09

things. I think we all do. Things that I

64:10

find

64:11

yeah, we all do. Um No, I'm really glad

64:13

you've taken this into the intention

64:14

people cuz obviously I use

64:16

the analogy of language as a great one

64:18

to help people understand that you

64:20

you learn something new, it builds up

64:22

that pathway in your brain, it shifts

64:23

your brain around, it has other

64:24

benefits. But what people are really

64:26

looking for is changing habits and

64:29

behaviors that are not serving them in

64:30

life. Yeah. So whether it's lack of

64:33

motivation

64:34

Yeah, lack of motivation, overthinker,

64:36

negative thinker,

64:38

lose your lose your temper, um

64:42

uh you know, sort of feel very stuck.

64:47

People pleasing, you know, like so many

64:48

things.

64:49

Mood, reactions, and reactivities.

64:52

So the process for that, which is

64:54

underpinned by neuroplasticity, like the

64:56

physiology of what happens in the brain,

64:58

is raised awareness. So let's say that

65:01

you've, you know, you've had a

65:03

relationship breakup again for the

65:05

similar reasons and, you know, whatever

65:06

happened before.

65:08

So then you get to a point you're like,

65:09

"Okay,

65:10

last time I just kind of

65:12

didn't really deal with that and just

65:13

moved on to the next relationship. Now

65:15

I'm beginning to see there's a pattern.

65:17

I think I need to do something

65:18

different. Step one is spot the pattern.

65:20

And step one is 50% of the battle.

65:24

So, you know, once you know, okay, this

65:26

is a thing that I think or I believe or

65:28

I do

65:30

that comes out with a result that I

65:31

don't want. That is half the battle. So,

65:33

once you've done that,

65:35

you don't try to change anything

65:36

straight away. The next stage is called

65:38

focused attention.

65:40

So, you look around in your life, at

65:41

work, in your personal life, in like,

65:44

you know, sports, if you play sports,

65:47

um with different types of people, and

65:49

through your past, where are the times

65:52

I've done that? What what what triggers

65:54

me into doing that or what pushes me

65:55

into doing that? Let me give you an

65:57

example Mhm. so we can work through this

66:00

these steps with an example. Got a

66:01

friend in my life that repeatedly

66:05

dates people who are married or in a

66:07

relationship.

66:08

Oh.

66:09

And ends how you'd expect it to end, in

66:12

her heartbreak. Yeah. But it's this

66:13

spiral she's on. Yeah. So,

66:16

step one would be becoming aware of this

66:18

pattern. You're dating people that are

66:19

in this For some reason you're

66:21

So, in this case, that is obvious. If

66:24

you're if you're

66:25

getting into relationships with people

66:27

who are already attached, you know

66:28

you're aware of that. What I would want

66:30

to dig into with her

66:32

is what it is that she believes about

66:34

herself

66:36

that makes her think that that's okay.

66:38

And I'm imagining already that there

66:40

must be a

66:42

a level of self-worth that is

66:46

has struggled, you know, and maybe

66:47

there's something in her childhood

66:48

that's caused that, but

66:50

you'd only do that if you didn't believe

66:52

that you deserved someone of your own.

66:55

So, that's the kind of conversation I

66:56

would have with someone like that. I

66:57

would

66:58

I would probably ask her like, you know,

67:00

what what goes through your mind when

67:01

you decide to do that again? And she

67:04

would say something that she's conscious

67:05

of thinking. I would want to dig below

67:08

that and and ask what it is that she

67:09

believes about herself that makes her

67:11

think that. So, that's quite an

67:13

important part of the raised awareness

67:15

is getting below the thought into the

67:16

belief. Next step is or certainly if if

67:20

she's got a history of this is, you

67:21

know, maybe in journaling acknowledging,

67:23

writing down, okay, this time that I

67:25

went out with someone that was

67:27

you know, kind of

67:29

engaged in a relationship with someone

67:31

else or this time I had an affair with a

67:32

married man. What happened? Like that

67:35

decision-making process, the point from

67:37

which you agreed to get into that, what

67:39

was the consequence? So, really

67:42

that's the focused attention marrying

67:44

together that decision with the

67:46

consequence. You know, one of the things

67:48

I say is you are basically the sum of

67:50

every decision that you've made in your

67:51

life. That's who you are.

67:53

So, once there's a bit more

67:56

understanding and attention around like

67:58

what causes that and how it happens, the

68:00

next stage is deliberate practice. So,

68:02

the first challenge is going to be the

68:04

next time she meets a man

68:06

who's not available.

68:08

And she may not yet be able to say no to

68:11

that. She may have to make another

68:13

mistake, but she'll make it armed with

68:14

all the knowledge that she's got now.

68:17

And she'll see it for what it is.

68:19

Or she will be able to say no to that

68:22

man this time.

68:23

So, the next step is deliberate

68:24

practice, which is where you say, okay,

68:26

I used to behave like this. Uh this is

68:29

the the new me that I want to be as

68:30

somebody who says no to every man that's

68:32

married, who um you know,

68:36

replaces every negative thought with a

68:37

positive thought or whatever it is that

68:38

you're working on.

68:40

You then look for scenarios to practice

68:41

this new behavior. And at first it will

68:43

be hard because you have a pathway there

68:46

that may have been set since childhood

68:48

that is used to doing a certain thing

68:50

and the brain is a very energy-hungry

68:52

organ, so it's it's always trying to use

68:54

the path of least resistance. Let's say

68:56

I'm an over-thinker, okay? And you're

68:58

asking me these questions and I've got

68:59

this voice in the back of my head

69:00

saying, why is she even asking me that?

69:02

What's he trying to get to? Is he trying

69:03

to trick me?"

69:04

What I would What I would try to do is

69:06

silence that voice in my head and say,

69:08

"Okay, in this podcast with Stephen, I'm

69:11

going to focus on him. I'm going to take

69:13

his questions for what they are, and I'm

69:15

going to speak from my area of

69:17

expertise. I'm not going to worry about

69:18

that other stuff that, you know, can go

69:20

on in my head."

69:22

And

69:23

let's say this time I managed to do that

69:25

50% of the time, and then I go and do

69:27

another podcast next week, and I manage

69:29

to do it 75% of the time, and you know,

69:31

and so on. Eventually,

69:34

this new pathway that I've been building

69:37

will become stronger than the one that I

69:38

had before, and then every time I turn

69:41

up for a podcast, I'll just be

69:43

completely present and attentive, and

69:45

I'll get to the end of it, and

69:47

that's the new me, now.

69:49

So, behaviors that we repeat, so let's

69:51

start starting at the beginning of those

69:53

three steps. The first step is becoming

69:54

aware of the

69:56

pattern in our lives. The second step is

69:58

becoming really cognizant of the pain or

70:01

the consequences of that

70:04

pattern. Mhm. And the third step is kind

70:06

of like setting an an intention for who

70:08

we want to become, Mhm. and the goals we

70:10

have, and then practicing it as much as

70:13

possible.

70:13

Yeah. And that is the three steps to The

70:16

fourth It's not a step, but the fourth

70:18

factor is accountability. Okay. Because

70:20

most people left to their own devices

70:23

will give up on that process when it get

70:25

feels too hard. At step three. Yeah.

70:28

Um so,

70:31

you know, with years of practice and

70:34

journaling, I have become better at

70:36

holding myself accountable,

70:38

but for most people, there's got to be

70:41

some external. So, it could be a friend.

70:43

Um one of the reasons I'm a big fan of

70:45

doing these action boards is that

70:47

there's a very tangible thing in front

70:48

of you that with images of what you said

70:50

you wanted to achieve this year, which

70:52

you can clearly and your friends and

70:53

family can see at the end of the year

70:55

whether you did or you didn't.

70:57

Um and you know, of course, you can have

71:00

an actual like professional person that

71:02

is there like your language teacher to

71:04

hold you accountable.

71:06

to

71:07

We're going to have to edit this out cuz

71:08

you really are pushing this.

71:10

You've got an agenda here.

71:12

I I've been really You spoke earlier

71:14

about just a second ago about how

71:17

when you're trying to create a new

71:18

pathway, if there's an existing one Mhm.

71:21

that is very well established from your

71:23

childhood,

71:24

Mhm.

71:25

it's increasingly harder. So, I've

71:27

always been unorganized. I lived I grew

71:29

up in a home that was looked like atomic

71:31

bomb had hit it.

71:32

Yeah. It was just a show inside. It

71:34

was an absolute mess. So, that habit of

71:37

just being messy is quite well

71:39

established. The pathway in my brain of

71:41

being messy is well established. And

71:42

more broadly, I'm thinking here about

71:44

trauma and how trauma looks in the

71:46

brain.

71:46

Mhm. When we've had really traumatic

71:48

early experiences in our life or in the

71:50

context of my friend, we might have

71:51

learned that we're not deserving of

71:53

someone or we we're not worthy or we you

71:55

know, we're not enough or we're

71:56

different. That might be a really well

71:58

established pathway.

72:00

Does doesn't that

72:03

suggest that there are some behavior

72:04

patterns that are just

72:07

practically immovable, practically

72:09

unchangeable? Mhm. Um I don't want to

72:12

say yes to that, but what I am going to

72:13

say is we've moved away from using this

72:15

term hardwired, which kind of means like

72:18

it's there forever.

72:19

And we talk about soft-wiring now

72:20

because of neuroplasticity.

72:23

I know people who have been through

72:24

incredible amounts of trauma. There's

72:26

going to be an example coming up on my

72:28

podcast soon

72:29

who has done so much work on herself

72:33

that she's really in a beautiful place

72:35

as a psychologist and a Vedic astrologer

72:37

helping other people learn to deal with

72:39

that trauma.

72:40

So,

72:41

there's a lot that can happen.

72:43

She was clearly a very resilient person

72:45

and got herself educated.

72:49

Some people deal with the consequences

72:50

of trauma for the rest of their life.

72:52

And you know, it runs their life and

72:53

it's it's sad.

72:55

Um

72:56

you may not be able to

72:59

deal with every single thing that you've

73:01

experienced or the full extent of what

73:03

you've experienced, but I do believe

73:04

that there's a lot that everybody can

73:06

do.

73:07

Earlier you talked about generational

73:08

trauma

73:10

um and epigenetics, so you said.

73:13

What are What are both of those things?

73:15

The first time I heard about

73:16

generational trauma, I thought it was

73:17

like woo-woo

73:19

uh fluffy

73:22

hopeful like wishful think like

73:24

a nice way to blame your ancestors for

73:27

the way that you are.

73:29

As if when I first heard about this

73:30

concept that you you could be passed

73:32

down trauma from your parents or your

73:35

grandparents, it just seemed like it

73:36

couldn't possibly be true. Yeah, I know.

73:39

I mean, it's relatively new area of

73:40

research. So

73:42

I'm actually going to separate this into

73:43

a few things. So generational trauma

73:46

um and you can look this up is related

73:50

to specific

73:51

times of acts that were

73:55

um

73:56

placed onto particular marginalized

73:59

groups.

74:00

So like First Americans, slavery

74:04

um

74:05

there's in in Asia there are some

74:07

particular groups that were um

74:10

treated in a certain way.

74:12

And that is the

74:14

So the impact of generational trauma is

74:16

when something happened to one

74:17

generation

74:19

there's a psychological spillover and it

74:21

can be something to do with you always

74:23

feel isolated or you always feel lonely

74:25

or you always feel at the margin or you

74:27

always feel left out. That's because

74:30

a whole generation were treated in a

74:31

certain way and that has an impact.

74:34

Intergenerational epigenetic trauma is

74:37

about how

74:38

some external

74:41

event

74:43

actually changes the expression of your

74:45

genes.

74:46

So we have a genotype and a phenotype.

74:48

Genotype is your DNA. It doesn't change,

74:51

but the phenotype is which bits get

74:53

switched on and switched off.

74:55

The most famous examples of this are the

74:57

Holocaust and the Dutch famine.

75:00

But, there are other examples.

75:01

And we are sufficient generations away

75:04

from that now to have seen like

75:06

three plus generations changes in the

75:09

stress responses.

75:11

And so and it's not always bad. So,

75:14

sometimes people are more resilient

75:15

because their grandparents or

75:16

great-grandparents went through

75:18

something terrible. Sometimes people are

75:19

more anxious.

75:21

And it's hard to know necessarily why

75:23

things might go one way or another.

75:25

I always say to people that

75:28

you aren't born with the genes that your

75:30

parents had when they were born.

75:32

You're born with the expression of the

75:34

genes that your parents had around the

75:35

time of conception.

75:38

And then, of course, your mother's

75:39

stress levels through through the

75:41

trimesters of pregnancy.

75:43

And this isn't meant to blame anyone for

75:45

what happened in the past or how

75:47

stressed they feel when they're

75:48

pregnant. It's meant to raise awareness

75:50

of the fact that if you have something

75:52

in your family's history or you did have

75:54

a particular stress particularly

75:56

stressful pregnancy, you can use

75:59

neuroplasticity

76:00

to improve the chances of your baby

76:03

expressing genes that will be more

76:05

helpful for them in life than if you

76:07

didn't know about all of this stuff.

76:09

So, if you had a particularly stressful

76:11

pregnancy, let's say, you're a woman who

76:13

was really under stress when you were

76:16

um

76:18

eight months pregnant.

76:20

How does that impact the baby? And what

76:22

what what symptoms are you like to

76:24

likely to see in that baby that it

76:25

wouldn't have had otherwise?

76:28

Okay, so I'm going to give you a really

76:29

like tangible answer before I take it

76:31

back to the um

76:33

something we were talking about before.

76:34

Imagine the mother's a heroin addict.

76:36

Mhm. That is affecting the baby, right?

76:38

Yeah, yeah. And that's because they

76:40

share the same blood supply. Yeah.

76:42

So, if the mother is stressed and she's

76:44

got high levels of cortisol, then that

76:46

cortisol is going through the placenta

76:48

into the baby's blood supply.

76:51

And basically

76:53

being stressed from in utero

76:55

could switch on genes for

76:59

not being resilient to stress or being

77:00

more

77:01

um liable to anxiety or mood disorder.

77:05

Um and it's already starting off, you

77:06

know, inflammation in this like tiny

77:08

baby that hasn't even been born yet. I

77:10

know that sounds terrible and I really

77:12

don't want this to come across like all

77:14

moms have to be completely zen and never

77:16

get stressed cuz that's just not

77:17

reality. But, you know, everything that

77:20

you can do, of course, to manage your

77:21

stress during pregnancy is helpful. But,

77:24

then completely understanding that if

77:26

your child then starts to show any like

77:28

symptoms of anxiety or

77:30

you know, in in inability to manage

77:32

their emotions after an age where they

77:33

should be kind of able to do that, you

77:35

can introduce them to meditation. You

77:37

can sit with them and talk to them about

77:39

their emotions and how they're feeling.

77:41

There are lots of really like great

77:42

books and videos that you can use to

77:44

like educate children about that kind of

77:46

thing. Um

77:48

I always say knowledge is power and

77:52

unfortunately

77:54

difficult things can happen to people in

77:56

life, but

77:57

every time something like that's

77:58

happened to me, I've gone down a rabbit

78:01

hole of, okay, what can I find that can

78:03

help me to overcome this and and be

78:05

better.

78:06

I was just thinking about as you were

78:07

talking about grief and the brain.

78:10

The relationship between, you know, what

78:12

happens in the brain when we're

78:13

experiencing grief and stuff. I think

78:15

about grief and heartbreak as strong

78:17

emotions. So many of us, including one

78:19

of my best friends, is recent is

78:20

recently grieving a relationship he's

78:22

lost and I've got another friend that's

78:24

lost someone in their life Mhm. who's

78:25

passed away. And it's such an

78:27

all-consuming force Mhm. that seems to

78:30

be resistant to advice.

78:32

I just wondered if through your work

78:34

you'd learn anything about grief in the

78:35

brain and heartbreak in the brain. Yeah,

78:37

so I think there's so many uh versions

78:40

of grief that we've seen particularly in

78:42

the last few years, which is loss of

78:44

sense of self,

78:45

loss of someone through a relationship

78:47

breakdown, and loss of someone through

78:49

actual death.

78:51

Um

78:52

and

78:53

it's interesting

78:55

to hear you say

78:57

as a, you know, caring onlooker that

78:59

it's something that's so overwhelming

79:00

and resistant to advice. I strongly

79:02

believe that

79:05

to ever heal from grief,

79:07

you have to go to the bottom of the

79:09

hole, and however you do that

79:11

is not something that anyone else can

79:13

comment on. I think if you are

79:16

doing things like throwing yourself back

79:17

into work, or like partying too much to

79:20

avoid it, that's not right. But if

79:22

somebody has to go somewhere emotionally

79:24

to deal with grief,

79:27

they've got to be supported and allowed

79:28

to do that. And

79:31

and then maybe at times

79:33

gently nudged in terms of like, how you

79:35

doing? You know, is it kind of are you

79:37

feeling

79:39

any sort of like healing or resolution

79:41

or understanding or acceptance?

79:43

I do think particularly with grief that

79:45

if we haven't been through something

79:47

ourselves, it's it's it's really hard to

79:49

imagine how bad it is, even though you

79:51

might, you know, care very deeply.

79:53

What makes you think that? What makes

79:55

you think that you have to go to the

79:56

bottom of the hole?

79:57

Because I think we are very avoidant

80:00

emotionally. Um I think that's part of

80:02

the

80:02

you know, greater issue that I was

80:04

talking about, which is

80:05

being lost and disconnected. And I

80:07

remember

80:08

when my first marriage broke up and I

80:11

was changing career,

80:13

thinking if I hadn't been a psychiatrist

80:14

and know the things that I know, I can

80:16

see how you could end up on a

80:17

psychiatric ward going through, you

80:19

know, the breakup at breakdown of a

80:20

marriage.

80:21

Um

80:22

so what all I'm trying to say, I'm not

80:24

trying to say you have to feel terrible.

80:25

What I'm trying to say is you have to

80:27

process all the emotions.

80:29

And you kind of have to surrender to it

80:31

a bit, because

80:32

if you try to gloss over that, it will

80:34

come back and bite you

80:36

later.

80:37

And I've seen many stories of that

80:38

happening where people

80:41

you know, did really great things like

80:42

write a book about it or, you know,

80:44

shower all of their care and love and

80:45

attention onto other people

80:48

and then eventually found that they

80:49

hadn't actually dealt with their inner

80:50

emotions. So,

80:52

when I say go to the the bottom of it, I

80:54

don't necessarily mean

80:56

feel really terrible. I mean, process

80:59

all of the emotions fully because then

81:01

you can actually heal and at some stage

81:03

move forward. It doesn't mean you

81:04

forget, you know, the person or what

81:06

happened, but

81:09

if you try to gloss over it, I think

81:11

this

81:12

it's

81:13

it's dangerous cuz it's such a deep

81:15

it's such a deep emotion. It's such a

81:17

facing of your own mortality.

81:19

Quick one, I discovered a product which

81:21

has changed my life called Eight Sleep.

81:23

And I'm so proud to say today that I had

81:25

a chat with the founder of the brand and

81:26

they are now a podcast sponsor. And one

81:28

of the things I've come to learn on this

81:29

podcast from speaking with sleep experts

81:31

like Matthew Walker, is how important

81:33

temperature is when it comes to sleep.

81:35

The temperature of your room, the

81:37

temperature of your bed. And also one of

81:39

the big insights I had from speaking to

81:41

some experts was that the temperature of

81:44

the room should fluctuate throughout the

81:46

night as you move through different

81:48

stages of sleep. So, when you first get

81:50

into bed, it should be quite cool in

81:52

bed. It should then get a little bit

81:54

cooler and then the temperature should

81:56

increase near the end. And that is a

81:57

reflection of what would have happened

82:00

in nature once upon a time. You've

82:02

probably come to learn that I have

82:03

sponsors on this podcast that I use and

82:06

products that I love. My sponsors should

82:08

be a reflection of the conversations I'm

82:10

having, but also a reflection of what

82:12

I'm using in my life. So, to celebrate

82:14

them being a new podcast sponsor, I

82:15

always want to get a discount for you

82:17

guys and I've got one. Go to

82:18

eightsleep.com, which is e i g h t

82:22

sleep.com/steven

82:25

and if you do that, you'll save $150

82:28

on the pod cover that I have on my bed,

82:30

the one I'm talking about. Grab your pod

82:32

cover, send me a DM, and let me know how

82:35

you get on. As you may know, this

82:36

podcast is sponsored by Huel. If you're

82:38

living under a rock, you might have

82:39

missed that. I've come to learn over

82:40

time not all of the products they have

82:42

are for me, but the ones that are for me

82:44

have really, really changed my life in a

82:46

profound way. All of the products are

82:47

designed for different use cases and

82:49

different people. For me, as you'll

82:50

probably know, the ready-to-drink

82:52

bottles are a staple of my life at the

82:54

moment. Um and they have been for many,

82:55

many years. But for a lot of other

82:57

people, they have the hot and savory,

82:59

which is a 5-minute hot meal that's

83:00

nutritionally complete. It contains all

83:02

the good stuff that all Huel products

83:03

contain, which is the 23 vitamins and

83:06

minerals and the

83:07

wonderful balance of sort of nutritional

83:09

completeness. And then you have the bars

83:10

as well. If you've heard about Huel on

83:12

this podcast, you've heard me talking

83:13

about it a lot. You're aware that I'm an

83:14

investor in the company. You're aware

83:16

that I'm on the board of the company.

83:17

And you're not sure where to start, I

83:19

would highly recommend starting with the

83:22

best-seller bundle. Basically, we'll

83:23

send you a package in the post

83:24

containing all of the favorite products

83:26

that people love, and then you try them

83:28

all and stick with the ones that really,

83:31

really fit you. The link is in the

83:33

description below to try the best-seller

83:34

bundle.

83:36

In your book, you talk about the

83:37

mechanisms of neuroplasticity.

83:40

What are the mechanisms of

83:41

neuroplasticity and the three factors

83:43

that have the biggest impact on changes

83:45

in the brain?

83:46

So, the first one is myelination. And

83:48

anyone who does a lot of sport, who

83:50

repeats a certain, um

83:51

you know, weight training, will

83:52

understand that that's what's happening

83:54

to my muscles.

83:56

You know when I said, you know, you come

83:58

here pretty much every day and you sit

83:59

with someone and you interview them and

84:00

you're really great at asking questions.

84:02

That's like something you're super good

84:04

at. That, because you repeat it, it

84:06

becomes like a superpower. And that

84:09

means that that what's happening there

84:10

is myelination. So, myelin is a fatty

84:13

substance that coats some neural

84:15

pathways. And those pathways become fast

84:18

pathways.

84:20

Now, there's a reason from evolution why

84:21

we have some fast pathways and some slow

84:23

pathways. And the reason is that if you

84:27

put your hand in the fire, your reflex

84:29

to snatch your hand out is a fast

84:30

pathway, but your pain reflex is a slow

84:33

pathway because if you were

84:34

incapacitated by pain, the minute you

84:36

put your hand in the fire, you wouldn't

84:37

be able to get away from it.

84:39

One of the mechanisms of neuroplasticity

84:41

is becoming even better at something

84:43

that you're really good at, and that's

84:45

happens through myelination.

84:46

The most common one, which is something

84:48

that you're quite good at, but if you

84:51

had loads of time, you could become

84:53

really good at it, but you maybe don't

84:55

have loads of time,

84:56

happens through synaptic connection. So,

84:58

that's the one that can feel like quite

85:00

hard work.

85:01

But, if you put in the effort, then you

85:04

can change your brain. So, that means

85:05

that neurons that already exist in the

85:07

brain connect up with each other and

85:09

start to form new pathways.

85:11

And the third mechanism,

85:13

which doesn't happen a lot in the adult

85:15

brain, but it does happen around the

85:16

hippocampus cuz we do lay down new

85:18

memories in life,

85:20

happens a lot in children's brains, is

85:22

called neurogenesis.

85:24

And that is um little embryonic nerve

85:26

cells that float around in the brain

85:28

actually becoming fully formed nerve

85:30

cells, neurons, and connecting up

85:32

through synaptic connection, and maybe

85:34

getting myelinated.

85:36

And there's a factor, a growth factor

85:38

that's involved in that, the embryonic

85:40

cell becoming an adult cell,

85:42

which is called BDNF, or brain-derived

85:45

neurotrophic factor. And trophic means

85:48

growth, so neurotrophic is growth of

85:50

neurons.

85:51

And the things that contribute mostly to

85:53

that are aerobic exercise and eating

85:56

dark-skinned foods.

85:59

Yeah.

86:01

Dark-skinned foods?

86:02

Yeah. So, let me just cover the exercise

86:05

one first cuz this is one of my fun

86:07

facts, which is that if you are

86:08

regularly doing aerobic exercise,

86:11

the turnover of those cells in your

86:12

brain is about 13, 14%.

86:15

So, like the the amount in the speed in

86:17

which they like die die off. No, the

86:19

speed in which they go from embryonic to

86:21

full-grown cells.

86:22

Oh, okay.

86:22

Yeah.

86:23

Okay. So, cuz we want neurogenesis to

86:25

happen. Okay.

86:27

If you haven't been doing exercise for a

86:29

while and then you start,

86:31

the rate of cell turnover is like 30%.

86:34

So, it it increases

86:36

after a period of inactivity with new

86:38

aerobic exercise. So, that's my excuse

86:40

for like being a couch potato half the

86:42

time and then starting up again.

86:45

Oh, oh, yeah.

86:46

Who you kidding?

86:49

Okay, so it will it will accelerate the

86:50

speed in which you'll make you're making

86:52

those connections.

86:53

Yeah, making the

86:54

embryonic cells grow into new cells and

86:56

then connect up with existing ones.

87:00

In So, I want to make sure I'm super

87:01

clear on this. So, if I'm trying to

87:03

develop if I'm trying to speak a

87:04

different language,

87:05

Mhm.

87:06

by doing exercise that has an impact on

87:09

Oh, it'll help you learn and retain

87:10

memories, yeah.

87:12

So, in

87:15

in in simple language, if I'm doing

87:16

aerobic exercise, my ability to

87:18

accelerate my neuroplasticity

87:21

will increase. Yeah.

87:23

Oh.

87:25

What if it's like

87:26

not aerobic exercise? What if I'm just

87:28

like lifting big weights? Um there are

87:29

benefits to your brain of other types of

87:31

exercise, but weight training doesn't

87:34

relate to neurogenesis as much. Okay.

87:37

This isn't so much about language, but

87:39

it's another example of mind over

87:42

matter.

87:43

So, this was an experiment done on two

87:45

groups of weightlifters.

87:48

Thought you might like this one.

87:50

That's a big compliment. Thank you so

87:51

much. You think I'm a weightlifter? You

87:54

think I identify as a weightlifter? You

87:55

looked at me and thought weightlifter.

87:57

Totally. Thank you so much. Um this was

88:00

finger and elbow weights, so so maybe

88:01

not so glamorous in this experiment.

88:04

Okay. So, one group

88:06

lifted finger or elbow weights. I think

88:09

this This a 2-week study

88:11

and they showed I think it was about a

88:13

40% increase in in muscle mass of the

88:17

targeted muscle group for those weights.

88:20

Their counterparts

88:22

only imagined lifting weights for 2

88:25

weeks. They lifted no weights for 2

88:27

weeks. They just sat there and they

88:28

visualized themselves lifting weights.

88:31

And they had a 13% increase in muscle

88:34

mass.

88:36

Interesting.

88:38

So, we can tell our brain to grow

88:39

muscle?

88:42

Have you been secretly doing that?

88:44

I could be doing that instead. I've been

88:45

going to the gym.

88:47

It'd be much easier if I could just

88:48

watch the football and tell myself that

88:50

I'm lifting weights.

88:51

Well, I don't think you can watch the

88:52

football. I think the whole like

88:54

visualization and you know, intention

88:56

and attention stuff was important part

88:57

of it. I mean, that's that speaks to the

88:59

the power of our thoughts again, doesn't

89:01

it really? If if our thoughts can tell

89:04

our brain to grow muscles.

89:07

Has that been Is that

89:08

It's in the book.

89:10

But it But is it like Is it

89:12

Is that widely accepted as the truth?

89:14

I'm surprised there's not like personal

89:16

trainers that just sit you down in an

89:17

empty room and just go, "Right." Well,

89:19

think about the number of athletes that

89:21

use visualization as part of their

89:22

training.

89:24

Of course they do the exercise and the

89:26

practice and everything, but

89:27

they That's hugely used in sports.

89:31

Interesting. It's obviously not a case

89:33

that I would just then go home and start

89:34

imagining working out, but it does it

89:36

does again remind me of the importance

89:38

of just thinking about

89:40

um positive things that are in line with

89:42

my goals. Yeah. I mean, what's the harm

89:45

in

89:46

imagining yourself more muscular or more

89:48

youthful alongside eating the dark foods

89:51

and getting enough sleep, you know? It's

89:53

like it's part of the package. Do you

89:55

want to know what you should eat so that

89:56

you can

89:57

Please. What is What is this

89:58

dark-skinned foods? So, basically, you

90:00

know, at the basic level, we want people

90:02

to have a a healthy balanced diet,

90:04

mostly plant-based.

90:06

But where you can choose

90:08

a darker version of a food,

90:10

the um pigment in the skin of that food

90:13

has higher levels of antioxidants called

90:15

anthocyanins, and they also contribute

90:18

to neurogenesis.

90:19

So, it's basically like eating black

90:21

beans instead of white beans, or eating

90:22

blueberries instead of strawberries.

90:24

Dark chocolate instead of milk

90:26

chocolate. Purple sprouting broccoli

90:28

instead of green broccoli. Um

90:31

and good quality coffee counts as well.

90:36

Yeah, so I you know, I try to

90:38

vary what I eat, but also always choose

90:40

the darker option if I can.

90:44

Okay, so is there anything else that

90:46

one needs to know about the process of

90:48

neuroplasticity? So, from what I've

90:49

ascertained so far, it's about

90:51

understanding um the patterns we have in

90:53

our brain, understanding the

90:54

consequences of them. Repetition is key

90:57

to establishing new pathways.

90:59

Um is there anything else that I need to

91:00

be really aware of? Cuz I do want to

91:03

grow my brain and change my brain.

91:05

Yeah. So, the accountability piece,

91:07

which we've discussed. But, also

91:08

creating the conditions in your body for

91:11

your brain to be able to do all of that

91:12

stuff. And so, you know, this is a bit

91:14

of repetition, but sleeping roughly 8

91:17

hours a night, having regular sleep and

91:19

wake times seems to have an additional

91:21

benefit. We don't know why.

91:22

So, within an hour. So, go to sleep

91:24

between 10:00 and 11:00, wake up

91:26

whenever. Um

91:28

not being sedentary. So, being

91:30

physically active doesn't necessarily

91:31

mean you have to pound it at the gym.

91:33

To be honest, in terms of

91:34

neuroplasticity,

91:36

you don't want to do too much high

91:37

intensity exercise because it spikes

91:39

your cortisol levels. So, it's better to

91:41

do kind of quite gentle exercise.

91:44

Eating 30 different plant products a

91:47

week, and varying the color as much as

91:49

possible.

91:51

You know, managing your stress, the

91:52

whether it's through meditation or just

91:54

like removing the causes of stress.

91:56

If you're doing and being hydrated.

91:59

If you are doing all of those things,

92:00

and you want to play at level two of the

92:02

game,

92:03

you could start doing time-restricted

92:04

eating.

92:06

So, only eating between

92:08

I only eat between 12:00 noon and 8:00

92:09

p.m.

92:10

But, you could do 8:00 a.m. to 8:00 p.m.

92:12

So, that kind of fasting is very

92:14

beneficial for your brain as well, but

92:15

only if you've got the foundations

92:17

right. It's not going to help you if you

92:18

don't.

92:19

What does it do for the brain, fasting?

92:21

Intermittent fasting? Um well, it helps

92:23

to regulate your blood sugar levels.

92:26

So, you know, spiking blood sugar levels

92:29

aren't good for your body or your brain.

92:32

Um and fasting and calorie restriction,

92:35

they do have like

92:36

brain health and longevity benefits, but

92:40

that, you know,

92:42

only if your foundations are right. You

92:45

know, somebody who's stressed or

92:47

eats badly or doesn't sleep enough will

92:49

not benefit from time-restricted eating

92:51

or intermittent fasting. Um

92:54

because it is a form of stress on your

92:56

body, but it's a form of stress that

92:57

your body can take

92:59

and use to build resilience if the

93:02

baseline level of stuff is good.

93:04

And for neuroplasticity to happen, we

93:05

need to be taking on

93:08

big cognitive challenges, challenges

93:10

that kind of break existing pathways.

93:12

Yeah. So, I want to learn to DJ. I've

93:15

been learning for about 12 months now.

93:16

Mhm. Um that feels like a

93:19

big cognitive challenge for me.

93:21

Yeah, that's great. Um

93:24

that's the type of thing that would

93:25

establish a new pathway in my brain.

93:26

Absolutely. Someone's just looking to

93:28

build their self-esteem and their

93:30

confidence. What does the brain tell us

93:32

about the process of doing that? Is it

93:34

Is it Does it go back again to what we

93:36

said about awareness, about

93:37

understanding the feelings and the

93:39

consequences, and about setting goals

93:41

and repetition and accountability?

93:44

It will get to that, but there's

93:45

actually a little bit of a jump-start to

93:47

that, which is really helpful,

93:48

particularly in terms of confidence and

93:50

self-esteem, which is that usually

93:53

there's a particular recurring negative

93:55

thought that's associated with feelings

93:57

of lack of confidence.

93:59

Um

94:00

so, if you can identify what that is

94:04

and

94:05

create a positive affirmation that's

94:08

like the opposite of it or something

94:10

that counteracts it,

94:11

then that can be a great way to get

94:13

started. My phrase would have been, "It

94:15

has to be perfect and it's not going to

94:17

be perfect."

94:18

I wouldn't have been able to say this

94:19

last year, but now I would I would

94:21

probably be able to say, "It is going to

94:23

be better than perfect. It is going to

94:24

be amazing. Like, I know it." Um but to

94:27

get myself there, I could have said,

94:30

"It doesn't have to be perfect, but it's

94:31

going to be great." Or I could have

94:32

said,

94:33

"Maybe it will be perfect." Sometimes

94:35

the question I ask myself is, "What's

94:37

the best possible outcome that could

94:39

happen here?" So, it's changing your

94:41

language in your mind about the things

94:43

that you think. So, that's basically

94:46

metacognition, which is that you can you

94:48

you can understand your own thinking.

94:50

And then,

94:52

reversing that narrative quite strongly,

94:54

even if it doesn't feel like it's

94:55

totally true, and just repeating that so

94:58

much that you start to wear down that

95:00

other pathway. Does language really

95:02

matter? The language we say to ourselves

95:04

and to others.

95:05

Yeah, yeah, it really matters. Yeah, how

95:07

we speak about ourselves. How do we know

95:09

that matters?

95:10

I mean, it's it's neuroplasticity. If

95:11

you're repeating something

95:13

in your mind or out loud,

95:16

then if that's being repeated more than

95:20

another statement, it's the one that

95:21

your brain's going to believe.

95:24

So, we can trick our brains effectively

95:26

by saying something else to ourselves

95:28

repeatedly. Cuz there's this whole

95:30

movement in, you know, the personal

95:31

development community which says you

95:32

just kind of look in the mirror

95:34

and you say to yourself like, "I'm

95:35

beautiful. I'm attractive. Everyone's

95:37

going to love me. I'm going to be rich."

95:39

Mhm.

95:40

And I

95:40

found it hard to get on board with that

95:42

train. Yeah.

95:44

That one Cuz I know I'm bullshitting

95:45

myself.

95:46

I you know, in my like subconscious or

95:48

whatever, I just know if I said those

95:50

things, I'm not saying about myself, but

95:52

saying those very, very far away things.

95:54

I just think my brain is smart enough to

95:55

know that I'm bullshitting myself. Yeah,

95:57

I think there's an element of reality to

95:58

it. So So, there's a few things there,

96:00

which is

96:01

those particular things that you said

96:03

are very shallow.

96:04

They are not really the things that

96:06

people should need, you know, need to be

96:07

saying to themselves. Um

96:10

what I find,

96:12

and I picked this up from podcast with

96:14

Lewis, is

96:15

he said that sometimes he would just say

96:17

to himself, "I'm safe. I'm safe. I'm

96:19

okay." And actually just sometimes

96:20

saying to myself, "I'm safe."

96:22

is that's what I need to hear, not I'm

96:25

beautiful and I'm amazing. That That

96:27

does feel like

96:29

A, it's kind of thing that everybody

96:31

probably wants to say. B,

96:33

It's not addressing the underlying

96:34

issues, is it?

96:35

Yeah, it's not addressing. And And I'm

96:36

going to be rich. I mean, that's the

96:38

worst one because you actually have to

96:40

do stuff to make that happen, you know?

96:41

You can't just say say that.

96:43

So, I think finding the stuff that you

96:45

need to say to yourself that is not to

96:47

do with social expectation or parental

96:49

expectation or, you know, social group.

96:53

Um what everybody else is doing. Like,

96:55

what you really want to know of yourself

96:58

that's going to set you up to be able to

96:59

go out into the real world and do the

97:01

stuff that you need to do to get the

97:03

other things that you want.

97:05

There you said, you can't just say it,

97:07

you have to go out and do it.

97:08

Mhm. Now, when people hear this term

97:10

manifestation, Mhm.

97:12

it's highly associated with just kind of

97:14

saying stuff or thinking stuff.

97:16

And it's less associated with actually

97:18

going out and doing it. So,

97:19

Yeah. a lot of people just turn off when

97:21

someone talks about manifestation

97:23

Mhm. because it sounds kind of woo-woo,

97:25

put it on the vision board, and it will

97:27

happen. And in fact, I think I've said

97:28

this a few times, but I had

97:30

I wouldn't say it was an argument, but a

97:31

disagreement which resulted in the

97:33

person I was speaking to literally

97:34

getting out of a taxi in the middle of

97:36

New York City and walking off. I was on

97:37

a date many years ago. And the girl was

97:39

saying to me that she goes, "You can

97:40

just manifest anything in your life. So,

97:42

you can just think about it, and then it

97:44

will happen." So, I said to her, I was

97:44

like, "You think you could just like

97:46

think about becoming a millionaire, and

97:47

then it will happen. And she goes,

97:48

"Yeah." And I go, "And you wouldn't even

97:50

have to like

97:51

do all the stuff?" And she was like,

97:52

"No, you could just like think about it

97:54

and the universe will attract it into

97:55

your life."

97:57

Do you believe in manifestation?

97:59

And if so, what form of manifestation?

98:01

And how is that supported with

98:03

neuroscience?

98:03

Mhm.

98:05

So, I believe in manifestation based on

98:10

your brain. So, your thoughts, your

98:13

beliefs, your actions.

98:15

So, where I've called my book The

98:16

Source, I have said your brain is the

98:19

source of you being able to attract

98:21

everything that you want into your life.

98:23

So, I sat down one summer and I like

98:27

researched the laws of attraction and

98:28

and just looked at whether I could

98:30

explain them through cognitive science,

98:32

which is psychology and neuroscience.

98:34

And I could.

98:35

So, so I was kind of like, "Oh, I'm onto

98:36

something here." And the first stage for

98:38

me was

98:40

understanding that it is absolutely to

98:42

do with the way that you think, but then

98:44

it's not magically like attracting

98:45

something in the atmosphere. It's to do

98:47

with the changes that you make based on

98:49

your thought process.

98:51

I do I do believe in vision boards, but

98:53

I call them action boards because I see

98:55

them as a representation of what I want,

98:57

but I still have to go out there and

98:58

make those things happen. Mhm.

99:00

I think it's also much more empowering

99:03

to believe that it's your brain that's

99:05

making that stuff happen and not some

99:07

external

99:08

force that you're not really sure what

99:10

it is. So, how would I manifest

99:12

something into my life? Say I want to

99:13

manifest a great relationship.

99:16

Mhm. I'm in a great relationship, but

99:17

say I was single and I wanted to

99:19

manifest the perfect partner. Mhm. How

99:21

would I manifest the perfect partner

99:23

into my life

99:24

using the brain as the source? Yeah, so

99:27

with that one

99:29

I I think the preferred method is to

99:32

create a list of the attributes that you

99:34

want in that person.

99:36

But you

99:37

then have to make sure that you are

99:40

everything that is on that list. Ooh.

99:44

So, if I want a blonde, I've got to dye

99:45

my hair.

99:47

I'm joking.

99:48

I'm joking.

99:50

Um okay, I get I get what you mean. So,

99:51

you you're talking about fundamental

99:53

qualities and values. Yeah. And then

99:55

making sure that you represent those

99:56

qualities and values. That's I've never

99:58

heard anyone say that, but that is so

99:59

important because

100:02

I know so many people who would write a

100:04

list that they couldn't meet themselves

100:06

in terms of fundamental values. They

100:07

probably want their partner to be

100:08

disciplined, to care about their health,

100:10

to be honest.

100:12

Mhm.

100:13

And if they ask themselves are those are

100:15

they those things, they'd probably fail

100:16

at that. Mhm. To be fair, my partner is

100:19

so much better than me in so many ways,

100:20

nearly every way.

100:22

Um I'd probably fail at that list, too.

100:24

Why is that important?

100:26

I think that you you hear a lot people

100:28

saying this is what I really want in

100:29

someone,

100:30

but you never really hear

100:33

people saying I've really worked on

100:34

myself and this is what I believe I have

100:35

to offer.

100:37

And so, psychologically,

100:40

you you meet people at the level of

100:42

psychological evolution that you're at,

100:45

but equally on the sort of flip side of

100:47

the coin, you meet people at the level

100:48

of psychological wound that you have.

100:51

So,

100:52

to be in a balanced relationship

100:55

with someone that's really great,

100:57

you got to be bringing something to the

100:59

party. I mean, no one's going to go out

101:00

with you if they're really amazing and

101:03

you're a drag. But, drags want amazing

101:05

people.

101:06

This is the problem, right?

101:09

It's true, right? I guess so. Are you

101:11

scared to say it? Like

101:13

When I was at When I was at optimal drag

101:15

in my life, when I was the most a drag

101:16

in my life, I attracted drag people, but

101:19

I wanted amazing people and I could

101:20

never get them.

101:21

Yeah, but I feel like with you, that was

101:24

part of your journey of

101:26

knowing that you could become an amazing

101:27

person.

101:28

I believed I could. Yeah. Exactly. So,

101:31

you got an amazing person once you did

101:33

the work that took you out of

101:35

dragsville. Amen. Okay, so that's super

101:37

interesting. So, make sure you are the

101:39

things on that list because we'll rise

101:41

to the level of our um our values and

101:43

we'll fall to the level of our wounds.

101:46

Yeah, I love the way you put that, but

101:47

also that

101:51

you know, what you have to offer in a

101:52

relationship is just as important as

101:54

what you want out of it. And I don't

101:56

know, as a society we just don't really

101:58

seem to think about it like that.

102:00

There's actually a note in my diary

102:01

where I wrote

102:04

people who focus on what they want don't

102:06

typically get what they want. People who

102:08

focus on what they have to offer

102:09

typically get what they want.

102:11

That's amazing. That's like basically

102:13

the same thing. Yeah, I literally just

102:14

parroted it off you. Day drives to No,

102:16

but it is in my diary and I posted on

102:17

Instagram story a while ago that it was

102:19

just an observation to me in in business

102:21

when you hire people, the people that

102:23

are focused on like can I get a pay

102:25

rise? Can I get a pay rise? Don't

102:26

typically get the pay rise, but the

102:27

people that focus on what they have to

102:29

offer

102:29

Yeah. they're the ones that you you give

102:31

all the you promote and you give the pay

102:33

rise to you because they're focusing on

102:35

the most important thing, which is I

102:37

think over prolonged periods of time,

102:38

not always in the short term

102:40

and not always in every case, but life

102:42

will eventually give you roughly what

102:44

you deserve over a long term generally

102:46

for most people, not always.

102:47

Yeah.

102:47

Cuz there's going to be someone that

102:48

says I don't know I don't know I don't

102:49

know. So,

102:50

you can't what about me because

102:52

uh I've pre presented a caveat, but

102:54

generally that's what I've observed. And

102:55

I've seen people cheat the system. I've

102:57

seen people get a little bit further

102:58

ahead than their talent or their value.

103:01

Mhm. But life has a wonderful way of

103:03

bringing us back to the level of our

103:04

values. And you said it in

103:05

relationships, life will drop you to the

103:08

depth of your wounds or to the height of

103:10

your values. So, really if you want to

103:13

find a sustainable way to get what you

103:14

want in life is to do that, work on what

103:16

you can offer other people. Yeah. And as

103:19

you were speaking, it made me think that

103:20

actually if let's say if I was

103:21

constantly like oh, you know, I want I

103:24

want this pay rise, I want that man.

103:26

That's going to be a cortisol inducing

103:28

state in your body. But if instead of

103:30

that, I'm like, what can I do for

103:31

Stephen?

103:32

Um, I have so much love to give. That's

103:34

going to be oxytocin. And who's someone

103:36

going to be more attracted to?

103:38

Interesting.

103:40

Oh, that's so true.

103:41

One of the things I want to talk to you

103:42

about that has been risen in culture

103:45

recently is neurodivergence.

103:48

Mhm.

103:50

Big topic. Mhm.

103:52

Autism, ADHD. Mhm. Um, so much there. I

103:57

had a mother send me a voice note the

103:58

other day, her child has just been um

104:02

diagnosed with autism. She's really

104:03

struggling with it and trying to

104:04

understand uh what it means and where it

104:07

came from and was it hereditary? And

104:10

there's so many guests that on my

104:11

podcast have talked about the rise in

104:13

diagnosis of ADHD and um is it something

104:16

that we are

104:18

causing by the way that we choose to

104:19

live our lives?

104:21

When you And from an understanding of

104:23

neuroscience, what is neurodiversity and

104:26

what are causing it and what is curing

104:29

it?

104:30

Yeah, so this would come more from my

104:32

experience as a psychiatrist when I did

104:34

do some work with children as well. Um

104:37

So, neurodiversity is basically anything

104:39

that doesn't fall into the

104:42

category of a typical brain. So, you

104:45

know, the way that most of the

104:46

population think and how their brain

104:48

works. So, that could would include

104:50

things like dyslexia and dyscalculia and

104:54

ADD, ADHD

104:56

and autism {slash} Asperger's spectrum

104:59

and other things.

105:01

Um

105:03

I think that a lot of it is to do with

105:05

better diagnosis.

105:07

So,

105:09

I'm not saying it isn't that it it isn't

105:11

the case that these things have risen,

105:14

but I think we're also much better at

105:15

diagnosing them. So, for example, when I

105:17

worked with mostly little boys with

105:19

ADHD,

105:21

when I saw them for the first time and I

105:22

took the full family history,

105:24

there was quite often an absent father

105:26

who'd actually been like several

105:27

different relationships and like

105:29

couldn't hold down a job and you kind of

105:31

thought, yeah, he probably had it but

105:33

was undiagnosed.

105:35

So, there is an element of that.

105:37

I do think that it is an adaptation to

105:40

the world which is changing at such a

105:42

rapid pace which is, you know, always

105:44

switched on, so much technology. And

105:46

some people would say that autism is

105:49

even like a form of evolution in a way

105:52

to like help us

105:54

keep up with the changing pace of the

105:56

world.

105:59

So, you don't necessarily think we know

106:00

if it's increasing in prevalence?

106:03

I think it is but it's partly naturally

106:06

increasing and partly because we're

106:07

better at diagnosing it.

106:10

Okay.

106:11

I do wonder as as well sometimes things

106:13

like dyslexia whether

106:15

humans have always had an element of

106:17

dyslexia um

106:18

but it's more

106:20

it's more obvious and more of a

106:24

more of a challenge in the world we live

106:26

in. Um

106:27

Think about the schooling system and

106:28

writing and education is a fairly new

106:30

construct.

106:31

Yeah, yeah, exactly. And so, this isn't

106:33

to do with neurodivergence but to do

106:36

with things like gender identity and um

106:39

sexual orientation, what I found in my

106:42

research with the um indigenous wisdom

106:46

is that those things were understood

106:48

long ago. There was a place for people

106:50

um and an understanding of

106:53

you know, their their role in in society

106:56

and sometimes even an elevated role.

106:59

So, it's really interesting that we're

107:01

grappling with things now like

107:03

you know, what gender does your child

107:04

want to be and what life, you know, is

107:07

your child going to have if they're gay

107:09

or whatever. And like apparently these

107:10

these ancient cultures were dealing with

107:12

this like

107:14

all the time, no problem. Your second

107:16

series of your podcast is going to focus

107:17

on some of this work that you learned.

107:20

Yeah. What are some of the interesting

107:22

things that if you could only tell me a

107:23

few that you think would have the most

107:25

significant impact on my life and you

107:26

can't mention learning Portuguese,

107:28

um what would you tell me about?

107:30

Um so one theme that's come through

107:32

quite strongly is related to creativity,

107:35

which was kind of mentioned, but that

107:37

doing things like humming and chanting

107:39

are actually like really beneficial.

107:42

Um and they've obviously been around

107:43

forever and we don't really know why

107:45

people did them in the first place,

107:47

but in terms of expressing creativity

107:50

and like calming down the nervous

107:52

system,

107:53

that's one thing that seems to have come

107:55

through from kind of like Ayurveda, but

107:57

also from the um first Americans as

108:01

well.

108:02

James Nestor said that to me. Did he?

108:04

That humming was Yeah.

108:06

was good for your health and immune

108:08

system, I think he said. Um

108:10

Like through your nose, like

108:13

There's different, you know, there's

108:14

different types. You can do um

108:17

even just like

108:19

um Come on.

108:21

I can see you.

108:21

I was going to say that.

108:23

You were avoiding it.

108:26

That'll be in the trailer.

108:29

There's also humming like at the back of

108:30

your throat.

108:32

Humming like between your lips. So like

108:35

Oh, it's such basic stuff. I mean, you

108:36

can do that on the tube, you know, you

108:37

can do it when

108:40

That was going in the trailer.

108:41

No, it's not.

108:43

Why would that help? Why would that help

108:45

us? I don't really actually like know

108:47

the answer. I'm just pick I'm just

108:49

thinking of the What can we get from

108:51

indigenous wisdom that could help us

108:52

now? But I guess it's something to do

108:54

with regulating your parasympathetic

108:56

nervous system. Ah, okay. That's

108:58

actually what he said, yeah. Yeah.

109:00

Yeah, now I've remembered.

109:02

This point about um aging generally,

109:03

longevity and aging. One of the really

109:05

interesting things you talk about in the

109:06

book is this idea of sort of

109:07

psychological priming and

109:10

psychological priming of aging.

109:13

And that psychological priming is the

109:15

effect that the mindset of aging has on

109:17

our physical body. How our thoughts

109:20

about aging affect our physical

109:21

abilities. What I interpreted from that

109:23

is our thoughts about aging

109:26

have an impact on our aging.

109:28

Yeah, so actually there's a really

109:29

fascinating study. It's one of my

109:31

favorite ones to talk about, which was

109:33

um three groups of octogenarians.

109:36

What's an octogenarian?

109:37

People in their 80s. Okay. And one group

109:39

was the control group, so they just

109:41

lived like normal for a week.

109:44

One group um had to reminisce about

109:46

being in their 60s for most of the week

109:49

whenever they had an opportunity to.

109:52

And one group were actually driven to

109:54

retrofitted versions of their homes

109:57

that looked like what their house looked

109:59

like 20 years ago.

110:01

They were given newspapers dated from 20

110:03

years ago.

110:04

They had photos of themselves in that

110:06

house when they were in their 60s.

110:09

And and one of the things was they got

110:11

there and they were they were sort of

110:12

like, "Okay, you know, who's going to

110:14

carry our suitcase up

110:15

to the bedroom or whatever?" And they

110:17

were like, "No, you're 60 now. You carry

110:18

your own suitcase." So it literally

110:20

started from the minute they got there

110:22

and these little old ladies had to

110:24

and and gentlemen had to carry their

110:26

cases up.

110:27

Um after 1 week

110:31

the people in that group

110:33

were taller

110:35

because their their posture improved.

110:38

They were they had better

110:39

musculoskeletal coordination than they

110:41

had a week before.

110:43

In before and after photos that were

110:45

shown to people that didn't know them,

110:47

they were rated as younger in the 1 week

110:49

after photos than the

110:51

photos from arriving at that place.

110:55

Um

110:56

and the reminiscing group also had some

110:59

improvements, but not as much as the

111:00

group that lived like they were in their

111:02

60s.

111:04

And so there was three groups. Yeah.

111:06

The ones that went back and relived

111:07

their life, the ones that reminisced,

111:08

and the ones that did nothing at all.

111:09

Yeah.

111:10

Wow.

111:11

And that really goes to show the impact

111:12

of

111:14

what we think about ourselves and then

111:16

all of the physic physiological

111:18

consequences of that. You talk about

111:20

this

111:21

your eyes as well. Mhm.

111:24

About you going to get Was it like laser

111:25

laser eye surgery or something?

111:26

No, no. It's just like People told you

111:28

you needed glasses or

111:29

Well, my optician told me. So, he's um

111:32

of Indian origin, same age as me, and he

111:35

said, "Oh, I think you know, you're

111:36

probably going to need reading glasses

111:37

next year." And I was like, "No, I do

111:39

not want reading glasses. That makes you

111:41

look really old." And he was like,

111:42

"Yeah, I know I know we both look

111:44

younger than we are, but you know, your

111:46

eyes are going to age just like anybody

111:48

else's." And I was like, "No, they are

111:51

not." So, I left, came back a year

111:53

later. He said, "How's it going with the

111:55

reading?" I said, "It's fine."

111:57

And he sort of went, "Okay, Tara." So,

112:00

he's doing my eye test. He spins around

112:03

on his little chair halfway through and

112:04

says,

112:06

"Your eyes haven't got worse. They

112:08

haven't even stayed the same. They've

112:09

got better."

112:11

And I said, "I know." And he said, "What

112:12

have you What have you been doing?" And

112:13

I said, "Well, I just said no to you

112:15

when you said I'm going to have to get

112:17

reading glasses."

112:18

And when I'm like looking at my phone or

112:20

a book and it feels like it would be a

112:21

bit easier if I moved it further away, I

112:23

just don't.

112:26

And what what's that doing in the brain?

112:28

Why is that Why did that improve your

112:29

reading? Um

112:32

Well, I hadn't experienced a problem

112:34

with my reading, but he was obviously

112:35

seeing the numbers slightly change. Um

112:38

I really didn't do much more than what

112:40

I've just said. So, it was like not

112:41

accepting the the limitation and then

112:43

not changing my behavior. And I think

112:44

that's what you see from the third group

112:46

of people, which is that

112:49

they they had to change their behavior

112:51

to to live like

112:53

without any help and in a way that they

112:56

had to when they were younger. So, that

112:58

essentially removed the limitations that

113:00

we impose on ourselves, which is that if

113:02

I'm X age, it must mean that I need

113:04

reading glasses or I need a walking

113:06

stick or whatever it is.

113:08

There's a kind of opposite experiment to

113:09

that, too, which was done with

113:11

um young medical students in Florida.

113:15

And they had to walk between five rooms.

113:17

And on the table were five pieces of

113:20

paper with a word on it, and you had to

113:21

string a sentence out of it.

113:23

And but that wasn't the real experiment.

113:25

They thought that was the experiment.

113:27

The real experiment was that in one of

113:29

the rooms, the words that were on the

113:30

table were Florida, beach, sunshine,

113:34

walk,

113:36

bungalow.

113:37

And

113:38

all of them walked more slowly out of

113:41

that room than any of the other rooms,

113:43

because those words are associated with

113:45

retirement.

113:48

And that made them slow down. That You

113:50

asked me, is language important in our

113:52

to our brain? That's how important it

113:54

is.

113:57

So, you're saying words can change our

113:59

behavior so quickly.

114:00

That's what the experiment showed. I've

114:02

been thinking a lot, you know, I said,

114:04

I've got this vlog on YouTube called

114:05

Behind the Diary. And in two of the

114:07

episodes, um I've caught myself out

114:09

while I'm filming, because I said words

114:11

that I thought would be unhelpful. And I

114:13

think people Someone in the comments

114:16

actually challenged me, because there's

114:17

one day when I'm filming Dragon's Den,

114:19

and I'm filming myself, I'm just talking

114:20

about what's going on, and I go, "Oh, I

114:21

really need a coffee this morning." And

114:22

I stop myself and say, "Mhm, I shouldn't

114:24

say need." Mhm. And then I go, "There's

114:26

something about this casual use of the

114:28

word need throughout our lives that is

114:30

disempowering me. It's making me a slave

114:32

to the coffee." So, I make this point,

114:34

which I'm sure people think I'm a little

114:35

bit bit weird for making, but I should I

114:37

really need to not say the word need

114:38

associated to the things, because I will

114:40

then probably develop a psychological

114:43

um and maybe a physic like a somewhat of

114:45

a physical need for that for that thing.

114:47

And it just it's it's also just bringing

114:49

that word need need into your life, like

114:52

you don't have enough, like that you

114:53

need something. Mhm. Um I'm constantly

114:57

changing my words, like little you know,

114:58

tweaking them like that. So,

115:00

I would say,

115:02

"Oh, I'm going to treat myself to a

115:03

coffee." And that was your decision. You

115:05

were powerful there. Yeah. That's a

115:07

choice you made.

115:08

Yeah. Is there a overarching point here

115:10

about personal responsibility as well?

115:12

When people talk about um

115:14

I can't exercise um

115:16

"I don't have any time." Mhm. It feels

115:18

like a really disempowering

115:21

frame versus

115:23

"I've got other priorities." Mhm.

115:26

Which feels empowering. And I think

115:27

about this all the time because if you

115:28

ask someone why they don't exercise,

115:29

they'll typically blame on some force.

115:32

The frame makes it seem like there's a

115:34

force that's controlling their life for

115:35

them that has not given them the time or

115:38

that they could not. Whereas really it's

115:40

just a typically case of priorities. And

115:41

your your child or your your

115:44

job that pays your mortgage can be your

115:46

priority. But I think it's important

115:48

I've always felt it's important to

115:49

acknowledge the fact that

115:51

you made the choice Mhm. to take care of

115:53

your child or to go to your

115:54

mortgage-paying job versus I didn't you

115:57

know I didn't have any time. Yeah. This

115:59

is why I think about language so much

116:01

and the language that I use and how

116:02

that's dominating my life. Even

116:03

constantly telling myself that I'm

116:05

unorganized. Like messy. Mhm. So,

116:08

how that's probably making me a messy

116:09

person.

116:13

What have we talked about that that we

116:15

probably should have talked about? Is

116:16

there anything at all? Any studies or

116:18

any insights into the brain and how we

116:20

change habits that are stubborn?

116:23

Um or anything else at all that you've

116:25

learned from

116:26

the ancient wisdom? Mhm.

116:30

The you know I know that we've talked

116:31

like very broadly on lots of different

116:33

things, but I hope that with for me my

116:36

intention with every sentence that I've

116:38

said to you

116:40

is that people should realize how much

116:42

potential they have in their brains.

116:44

Like how

116:45

capable they are of having

116:49

an even more amazing life than they have

116:50

already.

116:53

I think I accept that now more than I

116:56

ever have before

116:57

because I've had this conversation with

116:59

you. I think I accept that there's so

117:01

much untapped potential in me and that

117:03

I'm not this kind of

117:05

fully formed

117:06

um rigid lump of cells. I can change

117:10

fundamentally.

117:12

Um I think a lot of people probably are

117:14

if they've gotten to this point in the

117:15

conversation will also accept that.

117:17

If you were to close with

117:21

I guess the step one, like the the thing

117:24

that I should immediately do as I move

117:25

forward in my life from here

117:27

that would help me to start moving

117:29

towards that person that I want to

117:31

become

117:32

the

117:34

organized, great partner

117:38

successful in his business, great with

117:39

his podcast all of those things.

117:42

What is that first step? And you know

117:43

what's funny is cuz my brain keeps

117:45

thinking about the taxi driver that I

117:46

that I met on the way here who said he'd

117:48

listened to the podcast and he told gave

117:49

me a little bit of a window into his

117:51

world. So he's driving the cab every day

117:53

and I meet a lot of cab drivers that

117:54

listen to the podcast and we chat. And

117:56

often times they sometimes they they

117:58

have dreams of doing other things. So

118:00

they they might say to me, "You know, I

118:01

want to start my own business one day

118:03

and I'm just looking

118:06

I'm looking for the first couple of

118:07

steps. But I I reflect on what you said

118:10

and go they're going to be so hardwired

118:11

into their patterns

118:13

in their jobs, in their habits, in their

118:14

routines that it's very hard to make

118:15

that jump. Yeah.

118:18

So if I could give people a takeaway to

118:20

start with that's really simple

118:22

but it doesn't mean there isn't a lot of

118:24

hard work at the other end of it

118:26

it would be be very clear on what it is

118:29

that you want.

118:30

So you've mentioned a few things.

118:32

Spend 5 minutes sitting down

118:35

and visualizing those things being true

118:39

and then give gratitude for that.

118:41

That would be my first step.

118:44

Give gratitude for those things being

118:46

true.

118:48

Just 5 minutes. I'm a great partner. I'm

118:50

not messy. My podcast is super

118:52

successful.

118:54

Like see it, feel it in your body,

118:57

taste it in your mouth, hear it in your

118:59

ears.

119:01

Completely immerse yourself in that for

119:02

5 minutes, longer if you can.

119:05

And then just

119:07

be so grateful for all of that.

119:10

Essentially, what you're doing is moving

119:12

your brain from a fear state to a trust

119:14

state, and that is the gateway to making

119:16

these changes.

119:21

Thank you so much. Thank you.

119:23

Really a thought-provoking, wonderful

119:25

conversation, and I've learned so much,

119:26

and you've given me so much food for

119:28

thought.

119:28

Thank you. And you've changed my mind on

119:30

a lot of things in my life.

119:31

That's a great compliment.

119:33

and I've

119:34

I know a few things about

119:35

neuroplasticity because I've had guests

119:36

here that have spoken to me about it,

119:38

but I have a better understanding of it

119:39

now, and I also understand, I think most

119:41

importantly,

119:43

the part of manifestation

119:45

that is

119:49

understandable through the lens of

119:50

science, yeah, I guess.

119:52

We have a closing tradition on this

119:53

podcast where the last guest leaves a

119:54

question for the next guest, not knowing

119:56

who they're going to leave it for. Oh.

119:59

This question

120:02

is

120:05

what could you choose to change

120:09

and choose to feel great about?

120:12

The same thing. That's what the question

120:14

question says, what could you choose to

120:15

change and choose to feel great about?

120:18

Um

120:19

I assume it's the same thing.

120:20

Mhm.

120:22

I could finally realize my dream of

120:24

feeling like I am truly a creative

120:27

person,

120:28

and

120:30

I'm not exactly sure what that would

120:32

look how that would look yet, but I'm on

120:35

the path to it, so I think getting

120:38

clearer on that

120:39

um

120:41

would feel great, and actually doing it

120:43

would also feel great.

120:45

You are already a creative person,

120:46

though.

120:48

Thank you so much for saying that. I

120:50

feel like I have one more step to go

120:52

before I

120:53

really feel that I've done that because

120:54

that was such a

120:56

a deep-seated thing for me. I mean,

120:58

there's a bit more of a backstory to it,

121:00

which I didn't give you, but my English

121:02

teacher said to me, "You are so good at

121:05

drama.

121:06

You should read English at Oxford and go

121:08

to Rada."

121:10

And I came home and told my parents, and

121:13

they literally said,

121:14

"Over over my dad said, "Over my dead

121:16

dead body.

121:17

You'll go to medical school, and then

121:19

after that, you can do whatever you

121:20

want."

121:21

And so,

121:23

I think there is that frustration in

121:25

there that's been in there for a long

121:26

time. Like, these days, you can't

121:28

imagine anything better than your kid

121:30

coming home and one of the teachers

121:32

having picked them out as exceptional.

121:34

Um

121:35

But, of course, at that time, there were

121:37

no brown people on TV.

121:39

So, it was seen as an even bigger risk

121:41

than than it would be now. And

121:43

I have to say, you know, every time I

121:45

see

121:46

someone that looks like me who's like

121:48

made it as an actress, I just I it makes

121:50

me so happy. Um

121:53

So,

121:55

Why did your father say that?

121:57

I think that Indian parents, you know,

121:59

they they think that stability is the

122:01

key to happiness for their children. So,

122:03

having a stable career,

122:05

having a regular salary. I don't really

122:07

come from a family of entrepreneurs,

122:09

which is why it was so crazy when I gave

122:10

up my job and started up a business. No

122:12

one could understand it.

122:14

Um And I was afraid of not having a

122:17

regular paycheck.

122:19

And then at some point, I realized

122:22

I could earn zero in any one month, but

122:24

I could also, well,

122:26

you know, I could There's no There's no

122:27

limit to what I could earn. And I think

122:29

this realization came when in one month,

122:31

I invoiced what I was earning in a year

122:32

as a doctor.

122:36

Didn't they think you were your

122:37

grandmother reincarnated?

122:39

Mhm.

122:40

And she grew up in a village in India

122:42

and didn't have access to education, and

122:44

that was a big regret of hers.

122:46

So, I was given, you know,

122:48

the best education that money could buy.

122:52

Got an MD and a PhD. It's like it's

122:54

overcompensation, and it wasn't really

122:56

necessarily what I ever wanted.

123:00

Thank you so much. You've given me so

123:01

much to think about. What a wonderful

123:02

conversation, what a wonderful ray of

123:04

sunshine and light you are in the world.

123:06

I'm so excited to see your your career

123:08

continue to evolve and touch so many

123:10

more people. Um all of your work is

123:12

incredible. You've got your podcast

123:14

coming up as well, which I think

123:15

everyone's going to be super excited to

123:16

hear about, because if it's anything

123:18

like this conversation, it's going to be

123:19

of tremendous tremendous value.

123:21

Um when is that when is that going to be

123:23

out?

123:23

It's launching on October 4th, but

123:25

season 1 is already available to listen

123:26

to if people haven't

123:28

listened to it already. Reinvent

123:29

yourself with Dr. Tara. Yeah.

123:33

Which is the second season, which is in

123:35

that second season you're aiming to do a

123:36

lot of the ancient wisdom

123:38

stuff. So exciting. Really really

123:40

excited to hear that. So, October 4th,

123:42

we'll look out for that. Thank you so

123:43

much for your time. Um Thank you.

123:46

Dr. Tara

123:48

Swart.

123:50

There's actually the word art in your

123:51

name. Oh, that's so cute.

123:54

But there is. Have you ever noticed

123:55

that?

123:55

No.

123:57

Okay. Well, I'm I'm excited for our next

123:59

conversation and to hear about how

124:00

you've pursued that creativity, because

124:02

it's certainly within you. Um and it's

124:04

such a wonderful honor to have met you

124:06

today and to learn from you. Thank you.

124:07

much. Thank you.

Interactive Summary

This episode features Dr. Tara Swart, a neuroscientist and medical doctor, who discusses the profound potential of the human brain. She explains the brain-body connection, emphasizing how stress, specifically the hormone cortisol, affects our physical and mental health, including the development of hard-to-shift belly fat. Dr. Swart introduces the concept of neuroplasticity—the brain's ability to grow and change—and provides a practical framework for changing habits through raised awareness, focused attention, and deliberate practice. She also explores the importance of sleep for brain health, the science of bonding and oxytocin, and offers insights on manifestation as a cognitive process rather than a mystical one.

Suggested questions

4 ready-made prompts