this is a critical conversation around

truly the future of humanity but we

don't like to talk about this this

report is absolutely shocking this is a

crisis and young men are struggling so I

sat down with two leading voices on

societal issues to discuss the rise of

millions of lonely addicted men and the

most important question is how do we fix

this so let's start with this graph it

shows that young women are now out

earning young men it is true we have

given women so many tools to achieve but

now boys are being left behind and the

number of males aged 16 to 24 who are

not in education employment has

increased by staggering 40% and the data

I've seen is that when the woman in the

relationship starts making more money

they become twice as likely to get

divorced because traditionally women

seek Partners who have more economic or

social status than they do and emotional

intelligence is the new currency in

dating but these guys were raised not to

be emotionally intelligent but to be a

provider that a lack of male involvement

in kids lives is a big factor leading to

this and once they lose a male role

model they become much more likely to

engage in criminal activity and so we

are just creating a lot of these angry

young single men who are saying well

this is rigged against me we actually

asked some of audience to write in and

this guy Jeffrey wrote in and said my

entire life I have never felt like I was

good enough like I could never earn my

place in society it's devastating but

something that's controversial I got

push back on I think the secret weapon

for men that they don't Leverage is to I

want to hear a woman's perspective on it

honestly what I would do is

this has always blown my mind a little

bit 53% of you that listen to the show

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[Music]

Lost

Boys in March 2025 the center of social

justice released this report which is

sent a couple of shock waves across the

UK especially across the media and just

to give you a little bit of a sort of

preface and some context on what this

report says at the start of the report

Andy cook who's the CEO of the report

says we listen to those working on the

front line the teachers the youth

workers the Charities and the parents

who day in day out see the of young

people and in recent years they've been

telling us the same thing something is

going on with our boys and because of

this they wrote this report called The

Lost Boys which looks at all of the the

different facets of why young men are

struggling and in this report they say

boys are struggling in education they're

more likely to take their own lives

they're finding it more difficult to

find stable work and far too often

they're cour in crime the numbers don't

lie something has shifted and we cannot

ignore it any longer it's not just about

about and youate or online influences

these are symptoms not the cause the

deeper truth is that too many boys are

growing up without the guidance

discipline and purpose they need to

survive and there's some frankly

horrific graphs which actually sent the

CEO of my company A lady called Georgie

um into quite an emotional state she she

texted me and told me she was crying

look looking at some of these graphs

which we'll talk about today but this is

a subject that I know both of you know

very very well so I'm Keen to get into

exactly why this is happening and what

we can do about it but the preface this

discussion to understand where you both

come from and the perspective you have

Logan who are you yes and what do you do

I'm a behavioral scientist term dating

coach so that means that I take all the

lessons from the field of Behavioral

Science how we make decisions and then I

apply them to the field of relationship

science which is how love works and so

I'm really passionate about this topic

because for a long time I've found that

wherever I go people say oh I know all

these great single women do you know any

great single guys and I just thought oh

okay maybe that's always been happening

but when I actually dug into the data I

saw that we are truly in a dating crisis

right now and there is a huge mating gap

between the type of men that women are

looking for and the type of men that are

available this is a critical

conversation around truly the future of

humanity because marriage rates are down

that means birth rates are down and so

this conversation is extremely

important and what sort of reference

points do you Drew up on because you've

got some sort of unique access to data

right right so I work at hinge for the

last five years and so I accessed to

tons of data there around how daters are

dating now how daters are dating

differently what sets successful daters

apart and then I also have conducted my

own research for this conversation so I

sent out a survey to thousands of my

newsletter subscribers and people were

very excited to talk about this and I've

conducted a lot of new research that

I'll be sharing for the first time on

this topic um so I make my living at

data and trying to come up with insights

I spent most of my career looking at

data to try and make add shareholder

value and then I have the luxury now

focusing on things I'm really interested

in and I just sort of stumbled upon data

about it reflects that the cohort that

is ascended fastest globally is women

and this is a wonderful thing and a huge

Collective Victory and the group that

has fallen furthest fastest is men in

Western markets and the data was just so

overwhelming and also I was close to

being one of these men I didn't have a

lot of economic or romantic um prospects

when I was a young man but there were

programs and an environment where I

could be successful and I worry that

some of the Temptations of Technology

the economic

Trends uh had they

been where they are now then I could

have very easily ended up as statistic

so I just sort of relate to these

problems I'm Keen to understand from

your perspectives

what do you think like the first Domino

that falls in a young man's life or a

young boy's life that causes the

outcomes we're talking about today like

what is where is the first place to

start so the research I've looked at in

Richard Reeves from the American insute

of boys in medicine good research here

the the point of

failure if you reverse engineered issues

to is when a boy loses a male role model

and that is in the US we have the second

most single family uh parent homes

behind Sweden and what's interesting is

that in single parent homes girls

actually have similar outcomes similar

rates of High School attendance income

rates of self harm boys once they lose a

male role model become much more likely

to be incarcerated engage in criminal

activity harm themselves it ends up that

while being physically stronger boys are

emotionally and mentally much weaker so

the loss of a male role model is I would

argue kind of the first point of failure

that predicts that a kid aort is going

to struggle and that has impacts on

Family Court economic policy and just

general in our general zeis in our

society

where men need to step up if we want

better men we need to be better men we

need to step into that void another one

that Richard Reeves talks about is that

there's not enough men in the education

system so I believe when Tim Waltz was a

teacher one out of three teachers in his

school was a man but now it's like 24%

and so where do kids spend most of their

time in school and who's teaching them

mostly not men and it's and you think

well women can be fantastic teachers and

it's true but after school programs not

as many coaches that t typically are M

male not as much compensation so they

don't get rewarded for being coaches and

if you just think about it logically who

ises a teacher Champion a teacher

Champion is someone that reminds them of

themselves when they were a kid so and

also just look at the there's incredible

bias I would argue against males in

school a boy is twice as likely to be

suspended on a behavior adjusted basis

twice as likely to be suspended for the

exact same infraction is a girl five

times as likely if it's a black boy and

so and once you're suspended twice it

probably means you're not going to

college in addition look at the

behaviors we promote in school sit still

be a pleaser be organized raise your

hand you basically just described a girl

and so and also quite frankly a lot of

the jobs that require tertiary education

attainment there's more women now in law

school and medical school and quite

frankly good for them they're just

better at that they're better students

they deserve to make more money they

deserve it but the reality is it has

huge ramifications when we no longer

have wood Auto or metal shop they've

gone away right so those used to be a

past to do some middle- class jobs

they've been replaced by computer

science and so what are the paths for

the two-thirds of males that aren't

going to end up with a traditional

liberal arts college degree right and

just to add a few more stats to that so

we know that 70% of valid tans in the US

are female and women are much more

likely to be in the top 10% of their

class but then on the SAT men and women

or young men and women earn the same

scores so there's definitely something

happening in schools that is

prioritizing the female experience or

that women are better at that we

definitely want to celebrate the success

of women I think the changes that have

happened over the last 50 years are

incredible and I feel like I'm a

beneficiary of that and so is my

daughter if you look at all of the books

that my daughter was given when she was

born they're about great women in

history you can be anything dream big

little one and so I feel like we have

given women so many tools to achieve and

in many ways those have been manifested

but now boys are being left behind and

so this isn't a zero some game I was

nervous about coming on here because I

thought people would say she's a male

apologist she doesn't see how much women

are still struggling I think everyone is

struggling I think life is hard but

what's happening right now is we need to

have empathy for young men and we need

to bring them up because this isn't just

a problem about young men men and

patriarchy doesn't just hurt women a lot

of people think about the patriarchy as

something that prizes men and hurts

women but when there's a very narrow

definition of men everyone is hurt by

that and that's all the research that

I've done is over and over seeing women

feel like they are not enough good men

to date and men feel like they're being

held to a ridiculous standard of holding

both sides of the coin being feminine

and

masculine it turns out as you were

speaking I was looking at the stats

around fatherless homes and it turns out

that there has been a significant

increase in the amount of young boys

being raised without a father present

about 25% live without a biological step

or adoptive father according to the

National Fatherhood Initiative in the US

has the world's highest rate of children

living in a single parent household and

92% of the time that's with the mother

alone and in 1968 only 11% of children

lived without lived with only their

mother compared to 21% in 2020 so that's

doubled in the last 50 odd

years which is pretty pretty staggering

and then obviously the consequence of

that as Scott described is that

individuals from farther absent homes

were 300% more likely to carry drugs to

carry guns to deal drugs um and all of

and there's this huge plethora of mental

health consequences if you don't have a

father in the home I mean what do we do

about that and like where are the

fathers yeah where are the role where

are they

going well it's it's complicated

there's there's male abandonment there's

just no getting around it but also going

back to Family Court sometimes the

courts in the finan you know our economy

make it difficult for a man to stay

involved in the kids's lives and

also um you know family courts getting

better at saying all right the kids I

mean just a personal anecdote I uh have

a friend who recently has gone through

divorce two daughters very much wants to

be involved in their lives they're 13

and 15 year old girl and quite frankly

dad's there on the weekends and they got

their own thing going on and they don't

necessarily make dad a priority and

dad's not around for what I call the

garbage time and that is what I found

with my boys is the moments of

serendipity and connection happen

randomly when you're taking them to

school when you're out in the back you

know jumping around or playing whatever

it is these garbage moments and when

you're not in the household for whatever

reason there's just there isn't that

much garbage time and I think slowly but

surely they lose sometimes connection

with their kid there's also there's

something weird going on I'm curious

Logan if youve got date on this but you

have a one-year-old daughter right

you're G to be amazed when my 14y old

boy had a Halloween party and the boys

are like cute they're dopes they're boys

there's some 14-y old girls who look

like they could be the junior senator

from Pennsylvania they're 5'1 they're

articulate hello Mr Galloway how are you

with a love home the boys are like I

don't know and and biologically girls

mature faster their prefrontal cortex is

18 months ahead of a boys an

18-year-old girl or woman is competing

against a 16 and a half year old when

she's competing against an 18yearold and

they're even finding that it's getting

worse that women or girls are starting

to menstruate earlier and boys testicles

are descending later so the Gap in

maturity biological Gap they think might

even be growing and they don't know if

it's p

pesticides but when I meet my uh eighth

graders colleagues there's a huge

difference between yeah between us

between the boys and the girls and

Richard's one of Richard's suggestions

is that we red shirt boys that we hold

them a year back that boys start

kindergarten at 6 whereas girls start at

five so the research in the UK shows

that 70% of girls are ready to start

school at age five but many fewer boys

boys are capable of starting at that age

in terms of Readiness and so if you were

to hold boys back then they might be on

more equal playing field for those

critical moments of four to five of 13

to 14 where the brains really develop at

a different

stage I want to talk about that sort of

Early Education experience and how it

can be adapted but also just like if the

environment of the classroom is right

for boys as we were talking about the

point about fathers at listeners as well

I found this graph which is also pretty

shocking and it it goes into what you

something you said Scott it basically

shows that the absence of a father on a

boy causes depressive symptoms but the

absence of a father on a young girl

doesn't cause the same depressive

symptoms which means that the absence of

a father for a boy drastically increases

their chance of being depressed whereas

if for a girl it doesn't there's a lot

of other graphs that look like that in

terms of women and young girls are just

actually a lot more resilient in

childhood so if you are in foster care

as a young woman you have less negative

outcomes than young men and so there's

this theory in parenting of is your a

child an orchid or a dandelion and so

the Orchid really needs very particular

situations to grow they need a certain

amount of light they need to be watered

in a particular way and they'll thrive

in some situations and they will not

thrive in others whereas a dandelion can

really survive in many situations and so

women young girls tend to be more

dandelion in childhood and so that's why

when you have a boy and a girl both in

negative situations the boy is more

negatively impacted boys are just weaker

there's a crazy stat I read that two uh

15-year-olds a boy and a girl both

sexually molested and to be clear

they're equally heinous crimes but the

boy who's sexually molested is six to 10

times more likely to kill himself later

in life it ends up that boys are just

less

resilient do you think there's somehow

more of a stigma there like I wonder why

that's talk about it uncomfortable feel

there's inia there's a lack I mean I

think just until a few years ago the

social incentives were to never speak

about it right I was on lwis house

podcast and he just openly said I was

sexually abused as a child and it was so

shocking for me wow to hear this big

handsome guy yeah I don't think he would

have said it 10 or 20 years ago I think

people would have assumed that it was

his fault it made him less of a man so I

I think a lot of that has hopefully

gotten better but we just have to

acknowledge boys

mentally and emotionally are weaker than

girls Lewis H didn't admit that until a

couple of years ago is that right so

he's lived with that his whole life and

wow it wasn't until he was I think

having dysfunction his relationships and

a few other things had happened that he

decided he wanted to say it publicly for

the first time which again feeds into

your point we actually um asked some of

our audience to write in and one of the

people that wrote in was a teacher in a

primary SL preschool and she said to me

she was an Anon teacher in Germany she

says every year it seems like more and

more children always boys have this new

energy to destroy the classroom dynamics

these boys almost always have two things

in common a lack of boundaries at home

an unsupervised unlimited access to all

kinds of content on the internet EG porn

their perception of what is okay and

what is Right becomes completely

distorted I have tried so many things

and every year it's becoming an even

bigger challenge

young boys in school so one proposal is

to delay education for boys put them in

education later is the classroom itself

a problem like they're sitting in school

listening to someone speak at you

someone proposed to me on this podcast

before that boys need more sort of

practical play and the classroom isn't

designed for that I wasn't sure if that

was well in in single sex boy school

they end up with double the amount of

recess ton and that is they they have I

I equate boys to dogs a happy dog is a

tired dog and if it's not tired if it

doesn't get to run it's going to cause

trouble and I feel the same way about

boys so in these schools where they

decide what's best for the boys there's

usually more exercise and more free play

and more rough housing co-ed schools and

you're also seeing I think with boys I

mean there's just

we by even acknowledging that men play a

critical Ro role in boys' lives a few

years ago that was seen as sexist what

you mean what you're saying moms can't

do this and I can just tell you there

are certain moments when my partner

needs me to weigh in I don't know if

it's the depth of my voice my physical

size the way they relate to me the fact

that I'm not you need

Dad or that's what I found especially

with boys they need almost like that

that that not physical

intimidation but it's almost like they

begin tuning out their mom over time I

mean they're incredibly close to their

mother that looked to her for n ing when

they really have a problem I find the go

to Mom but they will constantly test the

boundaries constantly and I think a lot

of a lot of single mothers quite frankly

with boys just can't keep a lid on that

kid they can't control the kid so and I

think you're finding at schools when

there's no male kind of I don't know

involvement or that that I don't know

what I'll call physical presence and

then you add on this dopa

uh machine that they get used to

squeezing a dopa bag a hundred times a

day as they need it and then you take

the dopa bag away they're just more

prone to emotional outbursts I'm curious

if you've done any research around why

that is that emotional Outburst more

common among boys than girls I haven't

done that research but I am imagining

that there's moms out there that are

raising Boys on their own and they might

be like yes it is hard but what do I do

right and so for that boy who isn't

taught a lot of guys in school and isn't

in the Boy Scouts which doesn't exist

anymore or doesn't have Big Brothers Big

Sisters like what does that Mom do so

with that you talk brought a Boy Scouts

in America there's there's Scouts for

America and it can be boys and girls

right but Girl Scouts have their own

single sex but boy scouts aren't allowed

to have their own single sex so the

question is all right you know what do

you do and I think that we need a

societal zeist that says immediately if

there's no longer a male involved we

have to get other men involved and

acknowledge that that's not being sexist

that that's you know that that's

important that you get men involved and

I think so I came from a single parent

household raised in by a single

immigrant mother who lived and died a

secretary light of my life as soon as my

dad was gone and then he had to move

away for work she got other men involved

in my life and I had wonderful men

involved in my life I had a stock Brer

neighbor down the hall came in with his

girlfriend and said you want to go hor

horseback riding you take me horseback

riding I don't don't know if men would

be comfortable doing that uh in today's

age so getting men involved in their

lives after school programs Boy Scouts I

had a lot of wonderful men I used to go

camping you know and there were men

everywhere involved in my life and I I

worri that a lot of those institutions

yeah and also there's a reticence and a

hesitance for men to get involved in a

boy's life that isn't theirs for fear

they're going to be perceived as

something's wrong with them I was

thinking that so if we have less men in

the home raising the children and then

we go to school and the stat says that

72% of teachers in middle school are

women as well there's no men at school

either it's no wonder that boys are

struggling so severely at such a young

early early age for so many reasons

because one would assume that they're

being

socialized in the same way as

girls I'm seeing I've got a mother at

home don't have a father I've got women

at school don't have male teachers I

mean that's a controversial thing to say

I'm sure it used to be but I think

people are waking up a little bit now we

need more male teachers there's more

there's more female fighter pilots per

capita the male kindergarten teachers

there's just there's an absence there

are some boys not some there are

millions of boys in America whose first

male role model is a prison guard and

there just no men in their lives after

school programs being cancelled no women

very very few men K through 12 dad's not

around there are there are Community

there are literally communities you read

articles about it where it's like where

are the men yeah that's so I'm trying to

figure out where are

they online doesn't look like they're in

work they're not in college the reality

is they're just AR for a lot of reasons

a host of reasons male a lack of male

involvement in kids lives is a big big

factor leading this there are other

factors there's socioeconomic factors

there's biological factors there's a

lack of vocational training there's

Outsourcing of many of the jobs that

made a a man's path to the middle class

viable you want to talk about the UK a

big problem is a lack of growth yeah

there's just not there's not a lot of

income opportunities for a young man

who's not exceptional and what we've

seen in the US is essentially if you

look at our economic policies and

college it's never been better to be

remarkable like if you're in the top 10%

if you're high school class you're going

to make more money than the top 10% did

102 30 if you end up at Google you're

you're going to make a kid at Google

who's amazing computer science the can

make millions of dollars by the time the

30 but I can prove to every one of us

mathematically that 99% of our children

are not in the top 1% and our economic

policies have basically said that school

and college is meant to identify a super

class of 1centers that we're going to

try and turn into billionaires instead

of figuring out the infrastructure in

the programs to ensure the bottom 90

have a shot of being at the top 10 and

one of the staff is just

around uh College acceptance when I

applied to UCLA the acceptance rate was

76% now it's 9% I was unremarkable for

whatever reason prefrontal cortex single

mother whatever you want to call it but

back then they had the mission and the

charge to let in unremarkable kids and

that's no longer the case because

America's superpowers are optimism and

we all believe our kids in that top 1%

and the reality is they're not or people

think I like an economy where you can

make a billion dollars because that's

going to be me one day so they have

ignored the fact that we are crowding

more and more prosperity and opportunity

into the remarkable and I for me it

comes down to what is what do we want in

America in UK do we want a super class

of billionaires or do we want a society

in an operating system that gives

unremarkable people a shot of being in

the top

10% uh it's become win or take all and

we have purposely created a set of

Economic and education policies that

Crow a massive amount of prosperity into

the top 1% and we have opted for it

because we believe we have a shot at

being in that top 1% I love that because

I think the winner takes all applies to

a lot of different things so I bet the

top 10% of Americans now are healthier

than they've ever been while the rest of

the country has never been healthy best

healthare in the world if you're in the

top 10% yeah or in marriages the top

marriages today are the best marriages

of all time yet we have declining

marriage rates so we're nearing the

lowest rate of marriage that we've ever

had in American history so most people

are or fewer people are getting married

but if you're you know two college

graduates who get married in your 30s

you might have an even stronger Bond

than people in the past but that is a

small group at the top marriages become

a luxury item yeah if you're in the top

Quintel of income earning households

you're you're 75% get married if you're

in the bottom quintile only 25 if you're

in the lower quintile of income in men

only one in four chance of getting

married and this has huge impact on our

society because we know that married

people are healthier they're wealthier

they live longer when couples are

married they actually have lower rates

of child poverty and so this has huge

implications for our society if we're

having fewer marriages especially when

you think about having fewer

babies I am I want to get into dating

and and marriage and love on all those

things I one of the things that really

shocked me as I Was preparing for this

conversation was this graph MH because

this isn't the narrative that we hear

can you both see this one this is the

reverse gender gap oh yeah gender pay

Gap graph and it shows that young women

and out out earning young men that's not

what I heard in terms of like if I log

onto social media we've been trying to

fight the gender pay Gap but to see that

young men are now falling behind both in

education both in unemployment young men

face higher unemployment nearly twice

the rate of women looking at the early

developmental stats this graph was

horrifying I like actually couldn't

believe that was true

that young young boys are struggling so

much in education but then to see also

that it's reflected in so that graph

shows that boys age 16 to 24 are making

10% Less in full-time employment than

women and so it is true that we're

seeing a reverse income graph but what

we do need to talk about is even when

women make more in their 20s that

changes around age 30 they have kids

when they have kids right it's like this

meteorite hits and there's this huge

burden placed on women and I think

that's a big part of the conversation

that we'll talk about when we talk about

dating is women still feel like they

have to have you know do all the

household chores and raise the kids but

suddenly they have to earn a full-time

income too and so so many of the gender

roles are changing and so yes that graph

is true we have seen since 2020 that

there's a shift but I don't want to just

say oh women are making more in

perpetuity because as soon as there's

kids involved they pay the price you

know you said that women feel the need

to then also earn a career and those

things where did that come from well

there's this idea of hypergamy so

traditionally women seek Partners who

have more economic or social status than

they do and for most of human history

this worked because men had the

resources and so there was sort of this

Arrangement where women could often

marry someone who is more educated or

earned more but over the last 50 years

that's really changed and so what I'm

seeing in my work working one-on-one

with women is that when they say that

there aren't enough good guys to go

around that's actually true so we now

have this huge mating Gap where we have

these high- performing High earning

women that have done the work and gone

to therapy and work out and they're

ready for their great partner but

they're not able to find enough guys who

are available and If this is a problem

now with the women I work with in their

30s we are going to be facing a much

more severe crisis 10 15 years from now

so currently 60% of college enrollment

is women but soon it's going to be for

every two women that graduate it'll be

one man so that means half of those

women will not have a guy who graduated

from college and so this is a crisis

because these women are saying okay if

you cannot be the provider then you need

to be offering more emotional

intelligence is the new currency in

dating but these guys were raised not to

be emotionally intelligent not to give

emotional support but to be a provider

and so they've been chasing this lion

I'm going to hunt for this Lion of being

a provider but suddenly they're told you

need to hunt for a tiger which is

emotional intelligence they don't have

the skills to do that and so women have

raised the bar in terms of what they

need from men while men are continuously

falling

behind yeah there's there's a lot there

there's some Nuance around the pay thing

so the data I've seen is that women

under the age of 30 in urban areas are

now making more money but to your point

the moment they have kids where

Corporate America has really failed is

it hasn't figured out out a way to

maintain a woman's professional

trajectory once she decides to deploy

her ovaries and have kits and there's

some data saying okay two-thirds of

divorce can be reverse engineered to the

man starting to make less money if if

when the woman in the relationship

starts making more money they become

twice as likely to get divorced three

times as likely to use ED drugs because

the guy loses a sense of purpose and

self-esteem what gets lost in that data

is the reality is if a woman is stepping

up and stepping into the economic void

and being more econom

ially uh being a greater economic

contributor then logically it would make

sense that men need to step up

logistically and I think what a lot of

women are saying is like okay I'm not

getting anything I'm not you're no

longer a provider and by the way you

haven't filled that void you hadn't made

up the Delta so there's some there's

some nuan around it what what also I

think is important to say is that if

women are better students and showing

the discipline and the skills to go to

college in an information economy and

making more money

then okay good on them just as for

whatever reason men made more money

maybe it wasn't fair but you know it's

not a crime against humanity if women

have the skills to make more money what

happens though is the second order

effects that you're talking about and

that is we don't like to talk about this

75% of women say that economic viability

is hugely important in a may only 25% of

men for men it's not a criteria for

women it is and Chris Williamson of the

modern wisdom podcast he has has this

great Stat or it calls out the high

heels effect and that is 50% of women

say they won't date a man shorter than

them I'm curious what you think but I

think it's more like 80% I think it's

embarrassing thing to say because just

instinctively women feel like they'll be

vulnerable during gestation and they

want someone they think physically could

protect them I just think it's hardwired

into them even if they don't know it

women metaphorically are getting taller

every year and women made horizontally

and up and Men horizontally and down and

when the pool of horizontal and up keep

shrinking they just have so this notion

a ton of great women where are the men

or there's no men there's a lot of men

just not men they'd want to date right

and then you speedball it with the guys

who are in the top 10% can engage in

Porsche polygamy they can get a date

every goddamn night which does not

encourage long-term or very good

behavior so the guys they all want are

not incented to enter into long-term

relationships and the bottom half of men

are literally shut out of the mating

market and we always kind of we always

kind of and this goes to your bwick kind

of portray men as the Predators and the

idiots and the they just got their act

together there's something strange going

on in that is online dating when a woman

a woman can go out with a guy a high

status male and I'll put forward this

thesis and I want you to respond to it

she can have sex with him which gives

her the impression that's her weight

class for a relationship but he's not

interested in a relation ship and then

she basically decides the bottom 90 are

no longer in her weight class and you

can't tell a woman to lower expectations

but the reality is and what the data

I've seen on dating apps is that all of

the women want the same few guys and

they shut out the rest yeah okay so

there's a few things I'll respond to

there so one going back to the income

graph I want to just call out that yes

right now in a few Urban markets women

are making more than men so women in DC

in New York under 30 are making more

than men on average but in most

situations men are still making more

than women but we're talking about a

projection going back to the dating

research so yes it's exactly as you

described what we have right now is

there's fewer and fewer men that are

hypergamous mates for women so if

there's a much smaller pool of guys then

what you have is you have a bunch of

women competing for the same men and

then a bunch of guys getting ignored but

what I also see is that those top guys

are having a hard time deciding so I

feel like in my coaching practice as a

dating coach I'm working with a lot of

women who say what do I do I've changed

my profile the way you said I should I

took your class but I still feel like

there's just not enough great guys and

then I work with these CEO men who are

having such a hard time choosing and so

I think we really have this exacerbated

problem where so many women are

competing for the same men and then a

bunch of guys are getting ignored and

then what ends up happening is where do

those guys go and they go online that's

what you see they go to porn they go to

porn or they go to Reddit I mean I love

Reddit but they're really going to some

of these redpilled communities and so

what you're seeing now is just men

really opting out of society so when you

go back to that Stat one in seven young

men in the UK is neat not an employment

education or training they have just

opted out and as Scott says there's

nothing scarier than a single man a

young single man and so we are just

creating a lot of these angry young

single men who are saying well this is

rigged against me and so that's why I am

worried about the rise of people like

Andrew Tate and if we wonder where are

the dads where are the men well men are

finding these father figures but they're

finding them online and they're not the

father figures that I would choose for

the majority of men and so I'm really

worried about this because I feel like

women are saying guys you need to step

up because I can provide and I don't

need from you and guys are not prepared

to rise to the occasion what what are

women looking for he Scott talked about

height yeah so I would say you know I

work at hinge but I do think that apps

have perpetuated this issue around

height because if you can set your

height filter to something then you

might set it higher and then it's as if

you have the dating app is a club and

you're literally having bouncers that

prevent a bunch of guys from even

getting into the club so many women in

the US set their height filters at 6

feet but but only 14% of men in the US

are six feet or taller so what happens

to the other 86% of men and women are

saying where's my guy it's like well you

he's not even showing up on your app and

so a huge thing that I push women to do

is to change their height filters and

just say there is nothing that proves

that you're going to have a successful

long-term relationship if the guy is

higher I'm married to a short King I

love it I feel like I really found this

Gem and I think that so many women are

missing out on great potential partners

because of things like height Scott's

Point as well about they will date one

of the men in the top 10% yeah sleep

with him potentially and then that kind

of adjusts their standards and they

expect all other men to meet that

standard but there isn't just there

isn't enough men to meet that standard

is that I haven't specifically heard

that I mean there is a lot of evidence

around a sort of mating that people sort

of have an internal sense of how

attractive they are and that they end up

with someone similar to that but aort of

mating is different than hypergamy which

is really this idea as Scott said that

women tend to date horizontally and up

and men date horizontally and down so if

you have two-thirds of women who are

college grads and onethird of college

grads who are men and some of them are

going to date women without college

degrees you truly do have this dating

crisis where there's just not enough men

to meet this hypergamous mating again

you can't tell women to lower their

expectations but this is the reality

when you ask a man if you could have a

woman who had 80% of everything you

wanted 75% say yeah I'm on board when

you say to a woman a man has 80% of what

you want 75% say that's that's not

enough but if you but but even look at

the media right right right what does

the media tell a woman to do he's out

but he didn't open your door he's not

nice to his parent you walk walk right

out on that man like it's literally

every piece of media is you don't need

him you're a strong independent woman

pull the rip cord you're out and

it is the the the basic kind of

communication around this is you are a

strong independent powerful woman that

is wonderful and quite frankly you don't

need the imperfect man and uh they're

just not they're just not connecting I

read that on Tinder a man of average

attractiveness has to swipe right 200

times to get one coffee and then four of

those five coffees will ghost him

they will they will decide they don't

want to meet him or they won't show up

that means a guy of average

attractiveness has to swipe right a

thousand times to get one coffee now

what does that tell that guy women don't

value me women make me feel rejected and

then they go online and they meet they

see these misogynists telling them it's

not your fault and these men become much

more prone to misogynistic content much

more prone to nationalistic content

blaming other people for the lack of

Economic Opportunity they start

sequestering from society I worry that

we are literally evolving a new species

of asexual asocial male and if a man by

the age of 30 hasn't either lived with

someone or married someone there's a one

in three chance he's going to have a

substance abuse problem wow in addition

it goes so much deeper than that

because if they don't develop the

skills you know the reason romantic

comedies are 2 hours and not 15 minutes

is this [ __ ] is hard like finding an

attractive intelligent woman generally

speaking 75% of people who've been

married longer than 30 years say in the

beginning one was much more interested

than the other and it was almost always

the man women are women are much

choosier the basic the basis of

evolution is seed trying to get

everywhere men and women to playing a

much finer filter to to select the

strongest smartest and fastest speed so

men need an environment to demonstrate

excellence and you hear these woman talk

about he was kind he was good at work I

like the way he smelled he was funny

where do men demonstrate Excellence when

they're not going to college they're not

going into an office because of remote

work where do they have they're not

going to church they're not going to

Temple where does a woman have the

opportunity to fall in love other than

these Baseline metrics and you were

talking

about women say you've seen these Tik

toks over $100,000 that's not

unreasonable and over 6 feet that's 2.2%

of the male

population so where where do they fall

in love where can a man demonstrate

Excellence it used to be go to Temple

seven single women seven single men and

they kind of pair it off and worked it

out and online dating similar to online

e-commerce online rentals it's created a

winner take most if not all environment

and it's it's basically been amazing for

attractive guys attractive wealthy guys

tall wealthy guys it's been amazing for

them for all the other guys it's been a

disaster and it's been made it mildly

shittier for every woman it it is the

digitization of mating I believe has

been a disaster it's been bad for women

it's been disastrous for

men I want to talk about how the genders

seem to be separating in a lot of

important ways we know from research

around political affiliation that women

are now on average 30% more liberal than

men so they are definitely experiencing

political polarization then for the

first time in history more men are

attending church than and women and when

I started this research I really came at

it from this point of is it just me or

there not as many eligible guys but when

I dug into this I found that both

genders really feel misunderstood and so

I asked men and women who has more power

in relationships so equal amounts men

and women said oh we have the same

amount of power 42% of that but then

what was so interesting is that 46% of

men said women have more power and 46%

of women said men have more power so

there's this huge feeling of oh the

other gender has all of this power and

when I spoke to people I want to tell

you about three dating paradoxes that I

saw so the first dating Paradox for men

is this idea that now that women are

providers and do not need a man to take

care of them financially they really

want guys to step up with emotional

support but here's the Paradox they were

not raised and they don't know how to

give that emotional support or emotional

availability so we know women even if

they have the same number of friends as

guys the women are talking to their

friends much more often women speak to

their kids even starting at a very young

age they use more emotional language

with their daughters and their sons so

constantly we have this feeling where

we're asking men to do something when

they don't have the skills I was talking

to my friend David and he said women are

in graduate school when it comes to

emotional conversations and guys are in

third grade the other part of the

Paradox is that women are asking men to

be more emotionally open

but then they get shamed when they do

that so we have this great quote from

ber Brown where she says we beg guys to

open up we beg them to let us in and

then when they do we can't stomach it

and I heard that over and over in my

research there's this quote where a guy

says a woman would rather see me die on

the White Horse than fall off of it and

so there's this sense that I have to be

perfect I have to be the masculine and

The Feminine but I don't have the skills

to do that and women say that they want

these guys to be Emo but as soon as they

show emotionality it can freak those

women out so one guy that I spoke to for

this said I went on a few dates with

this woman at some point I told her that

my mom had had a suicide attempt and the

next day she texted me and said I'm

sorry I can't see you I cannot process

your emotional trauma for you and so

guys are getting a lot of mixed messages

we want you to be feminine we want you

to support us but when you do it freaks

us out and so we don't want that and

digging into the research and I want to

look into this more I think it's that a

lot of women want emotional support they

want you to support them in their

emotional Journeys but they're not as

ready to have you open up in your

emotional Journey can I put forward a

thesis and I want you to respond to it

because I haven't done the

research in marketing we call it

consumer dissonance what people say they

want yeah and then what they actually

buy and what women say they want is an

emotionally in touch man and what they

want is a masculine man and that they

will articulate what they want in a man

and includes being more emotionally

available and then they want to have sex

with a traditional masculine man and

what I hear from a lot of and this is

anecdotal evidence and it's pulse

marketing and you tell me what the data

says but there's just so many single

women in my age group and there's L it

feels like there's literally no men in

my age group as bad as it is for people

in their 20s and 30s trying being a

woman in your 50s trying to date right

and they tell me the same thing these

are liberal Progressive educated women

they say by the way I like a manly man

yeah and they say it under their breath

so there's what

supposedly is stated around I need more

emotional availability someone's touch

with their

feelings but what the research shows is

they want a guy with facial hair who's

the who's still women are still very

attracted to traditional masculine

attributes yeah I mean I think we're

just in such a hard moment because you

have women who are saying I don't want

to date a guy who earns less than me and

you might think okay well the data

hasn't caught up with the dating if more

women are in higher education and more

women are earning more then maybe you're

going to be the one who earns more in

your relationship but what they feel

like is projecting out I'm going to end

up doing most of the housework most of

the child care I might as well get a guy

that can contribute financially so they

don't want to change their expectations

around that and so I think we truly are

in a moment where women are being asked

to do more masculine things and men are

being asked to do more feminine things

and I think a lot of that is progress

but it also seems to be creating a lot

of confusion in the dating

world yeah it's sort of was just

thinking I coach a lot of young men and

occasionally women ask me for dating

advice and you coach it sounds like a

lot of both and what I first thing I say

to men is I asked them like would you

want to have sex with

you all right are you in shape what do

you look like naked are you do you have

a plan you don't have to be rich now but

do you have a plan right uh have you do

you have you found means of being

confident can you demonstrate kindness

and Excellence across anything and the

the only advice I give women is second

coffee and that is maybe it wasn't great

I mean if you don't like the guy and

you're just like turned off fine but if

it was just okay maybe give it a second

coffee I have a chapter in my book

called make the second date the default

yeah and it's really because I feel like

I won the lottery with my husband but he

is somebody that takes longer to open up

and he's this lowb bur we met in college

we met again s years later then we were

friends for a year and I feel like he's

this incredible partner husband father

but I don't know that if we'd met just

randomly on the first date that I would

have gone on the second date and so I

think people really do need to train

themselves to look for these slow burs

Logan Scott said something there about

what he thinks women want which is these

sort of traditional masculine features

is this what you see in the data what's

hard is I think Scott's right about what

people say they want versus like so

stated versus preferences so according

to the research that I did women are

saying the number one thing that they're

looking for is kindness and compassion

that's also what men are saying that

they're looking for so in many ways this

is great people are looking for the same

things but I just feel like there's

these huge disconnects now where people

don't feel like they can get what they

want men are saying they want kindness

and compassion that was I made them say

what are all the things that you care

about and then what is the number one

thing that you care about and kindness

and compassion was first for both of

them the stuff I've seen or the stuff

I've read is that for women and I talked

to men about this number one is they

have to Signal resources and we don't

like to say it out loud and by the way

it doesn't necessarily mean you have to

have a Range Rover and a panel right now

but you have a plan right you you have

your [ __ ] together you go home at

midnight when everyone's partying

because you have to be up for work you

work out which shows a level of

discipline and that you can commit to

something you're in school you've got a

good job this person is going to have

resour resources and I don't think

that's changed a whole lot I think a

man's ability to to Signal future

resources has gone down I'm not sure

it's become any less of a criteria

number two is intellect and it's very

instinctual because if you make good

decisions for the tribe your kids are

more likely to survive someone who's

smart is more likely to take care of

your Offspring than someone who's stupid

what's interesting and I love this is

the fastest way to communicate intellect

is humor and I joke I joke this is bad

but I say this is my impression of a

woman I'm laughing I'm laughing I'm

naked and that is I've always thought if

a guy can make a woman laugh she will

she will date him and then the third

thing and this is where guys screw up

this is what I tell a guy's secret

weapon is it's kindness women want to

see that you are a good person you you

treat service staff well you're good to

your parents you have manners you treat

people well even with no reciprocal

expectation because they know that a

kind person if and when she's vulnerable

and needs help and maybe isn't bringing

as much to the table for certain periods

of time that that this is a kind man and

you know sure you want to do your best

to Signal resources and have a plan sure

maybe you're smart maybe you aren't

there's not a lot you can do there but

the secret weapon I think for men that

they don't leverage and I do think it's

a practice is to demonstrate kindness

and we don't talk about that enough as

men it's like well okay and it's little

things have good manners be thoughtful

follow up with people and I I think that

anyways those are the three things that

I have read women want uh in men okay

there's so much there so one one is I do

think we need a new definition for

modern masculinity or mature masculinity

or evolved masculinity and I think that

that's why this moment feels so painful

is that we don't have it because I agree

with you I don't think women are saying

I want a feminine man I think they want

a modern masculine man and so that means

somebody who is decisive and can provide

but also somebody who's able to

communicate with them emotionally and so

one of the suggestions that I came here

today to talk about is this idea of

men's groups so about a year ago my

friend David claven who happens to be a

world-class magician came to my husband

and said I'm going to form this men's

group and so it's about six or seven men

and they meet together monthly and and

they have served they they have formed

this Council of peers so every month

that they get together every guy sits

down with Post-it notes and says the two

issues that are most pressing for him so

first of all I think that that's a great

way of doing it because it's actually

that time to say what am I struggling

with I think many people in their lives

maybe especially men don't sit there and

saying what's top of mine for me so guys

get the quiet time to do that then they

go around in a circle and whoever has

the most pressing issue they get to take

their time and some men might say know

these are top of mind for me but it's

not a priority I'll give the time to

someone else and each month they talk

about what's going on for them they hold

each other accountable so month three

they might say hey David you've been

talking about that for the last three

months are you going to actually do

anything about it and I love that these

men have a masculine space to actually

go through what's going on for them

because maybe they have wives and

girlfriends they can go to maybe they

don't but I think it's a different type

of advice that you get from a council of

trusted peers and I really do think that

men's groups could change a lot of these

issues because I can sit here and say

everybody should be in therapy guess

what therapy is really expensive and

many insurance companies will not

provide it or there's a huge waiting

list and so if we just sit around for

all these guys to go to therapy that's

not going to happen but men's groups are

a way that men can lead each other they

can provide this tribe of peers and I

have just seen so many changes in this

group so David told me his story where

he had a lot of anger about his mom's

debilitating illness and he wasn't

really experiencing it and it was coming

out as anger at his mom but he wasn't

conscious of that but by getting the

anger out in a safe place with men the

only place where he felt like he could

truly be angry he was able to get over

it and to actually treat his mom with a

lot more empathy or my husband has gone

to the group and talked about ego stuff

at work or how hard the transition to

becoming a parent has been and I feel

like the men in this group have grown so

much over the 12 months that it's been

happening that I just paid for my

brother-in-law to be in a men's group

and I want there to be tons of men's

groups because I really feel like this

isn't an issue that a therapist or a mom

or I can really solve I think men need

to be solving this problem within

themselves where you said is really

powerful because if you walk down the

hallway at Stern there's golden seeds

Venture cap women and Venture Capital

black women's Consulting Club there

there are women's

supporters there's nothing for men and

these groups are really wonderful man

talks is one that I've been looking at

where they've said let's get together

and just be supportive of each other and

it's and it's a fairly new phenomenon I

think people are afraid of men Gathering

because traditionally bad things have

happened in that right there I mean

gangs I'm just thinking of like many

situations in which like if once there's

a TIY torch I want there to be some

women there right like so there's a

reason why people have been fearful of

this or it's like when the whole world

was was a men's group a men's club you

didn't need to have Men's Clubs but I

think in this moment this is a really

powerful organic Grassroots way for men

to change so I imagine that you have

group chats with men that are your peers

that you go to for advice and I feel

like there's men out there that don't

have that and we are meant to make

decisions by getting advice from other

people I personally have a board of

directors that in my life when I'm going

to make a big decision I meet with them

so when I took my last job when I

decided to move all these different

things I meet with my board of directors

and I say what am I not seeing what are

my blind spots and they've given me a

lot of good and hard advice and I think

we all need to be building our own board

of directors and for men that might be

this men's group do you mind if I pause

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Bartlet it is hard as a as a young man

to um share how you feel with other

young men even if they like your best

friends it's so much easier just to

roast each other yeah like my my group

chat with my guys yeah is probably a

little bit more advanced in in terms of

emotional openness but most of it is

just like a war zone well like izing

each other attacking each other but

that's kind of our way of showing love

and then you'll have once every two

weeks someone will be going through

something so like one of my friends now

he they' just found out that there's a

complication with the pregnancy and the

tone shifts and we all become supportive

but my girlfriend tells me how rare that

is that we have this space where we'll

we'll talk about our emotions and how

we're feeling and we'll swi switch from

like trying to kill each other in the

most like funny way to being really

really emotionally supportive a lot of

men don't have that well so funny you

said that because my husband's really

funny and so are some of the other guys

in the group and they actually had to

talk about how they needed to be less

funny because the F the humor was

becoming a distraction and somebody

brought up you know in their own male

way like I think that sometimes we're

about to go deep and then someone makes

a joke and even though that joke was

really good we don't go back to where we

were and we don't go as deep so they

actually work on being less funny in

that group but look at the work that you

do you sit for hours a week and you

learn and you ask people questions and

you're working on yourself I'm not

surprised that you have a group of peers

that you can go to for that but I would

wager that the average man doesn't have

that and I feel like there are going to

be so many women who are listening and

watching this and they're like I want

that for my husband what is the

evolutionary basis for this this is what

I was thinking the whole time I was like

did we lose the man's group at some

point in our past and is that why we're

adding it back into our lives like what

was what used to do this job before so

what I've heard and I think evolutionary

biology you always have to take certain

things with a grain of salt because

people can kind of explain away any with

it but it's that a lot of times men were

sitting next to each other and they were

having these conversations on the

Savannah and that's often why like guys

prefer to do activities side by side and

not facing each other and so you had men

who were in conversation with their

peers or you know and outside and

outside hey heard you getting divorced

right right or it's like you know why

it's so good to have conversations in

the car I feel like you had a lot of men

that were in groups at church you had

men who were in The Elks Club you had

veterans that were meeting we actually

feel like this is a time where much

fewer men are getting together and this

is all of the amazing research that's

happening now around loneliness is that

the average young guy is spending many

fewer hours a week with their peers face

to face so even though a guy might be

catching up with his friend playing

video games I just don't think that

that's the same thing and so I feel like

we need this in-person time with our

friends to develop these relationships

and instead we have people on Tik Tok

people on Twitch watching other people

live their lives you brought up two

interesting thing you when is your your

your friend group I have a similar group

same eight gu eight guys I live with my

freshman here at UCLA for 30 or 40 years

we've been kind of Constant Contact

email now on

WhatsApp when your friend had something

bad happen to him I think for a long

time men have waited and show empathy

for each other what none of my male

friends have ever done their friend

group would say is I I've never heard

one of my male friends go I'm depressed

I'm I'm just super [ __ ] lonely and

depressed you just don't hear that from

Men I'm struggling with anger I'm I have

I'm all of a sudden I have a rectile

dysfunction you would just I've never

heard one of my male friends when their

mom dies or they get divorced we weigh

in with a lot of empathy but you never

hear them really open up because men are

worried that if we display weakness

another man might kill us

and take our [ __ ] from us or the women

aren't going to want to have sex with us

so there's still I think a huge

inability for men to proactively talk

about how they're really feeling and

then you talked about a board of

directors a great Board of Directors for

a man in his 20s unfortunately not

unfortunately is a girlfriend yeah and

I'll just use personal

experience I had a great girlfriend when

I was 24 and she basically said to me if

you don't stop getting high every night

I'm going Toop stop having sex with you

that was very motivating for me I really

liked being with a

partner without the guardrails of a

romantic relationship I think men are

just I want to say lost but women create

more social connections outside of a

romantic relationship and sometimes that

absence of a romantic relationship they

pour that energy into friendships and

their professional life whereas Men

start pouring it into video games and

rdit in porn so the fact that only one

in three men in America under the age of

30 has a girlfriend and two and three

women has a boyfriend you think well

that's mathematically impossible it's

not because women are dating older

because they want more economically and

emotionally viable men if I hadn't been

in relationships that were great

guardrails for me in terms of my own

behavior my own

ambition I men need without the prospect

or the existence of a romantic

relationship men have worse outcomes

than women who don't have and it it is

what I'm do you agree with what I'm

saying does the research bear that

out you know it's interesting because

part of me where my head goes is like

are you asking women to do the emotional

labor of raising men and when you phrase

it like that it sounds really negative

but from anecdotal experience from my

own life you know I've been with my

husband for 10 years I think we both

really shaped each other but like even

yesterday he texted me and he's like I'm

going to get an Uber instead of renting

a car at the airport you've taught me

how to be such a Savvy traveler like

that's a small example but but it's like

you really do influence each other and I

think that I think sometimes about my

single friends and how they go to bed at

night and they don't have a person next

to them to give them advice and to

listen to them talk about their day and

I think that when we're in long-term

relationships there's an element of

raising each other and building memories

together and making each other better

and having that investment equals three

right and that's why I just all these

women that come to me and all these men

that are looking for love that want

relationships and something is happening

right now where the Gap just seems to be

widening and these relationships aren't

happening and this is even true in

teenage relationship so it used to be

that for Baby Boomers and Gen X three4

of men had had a relationship in their

teen years and now it's under 50% and so

if you start building your relational

skills at an early age then you get

better and better at dating over time

but if as you said by the time you're 30

you haven't been in a relationship

that's seen as a red flag to a lot of

people

and so I think we have a problem now but

I'm really projecting that we're going

to have a much greater problem in the

future I think a real enemy of

relationships and mating for people in

their 20s that we haven't talked a lot

about I had Dr Anna lmy from Stanford on

my pod talking about addiction and

something we're just starting to come to

grips with and as I read more about it I

think porn is really let's talk about

porn well personal experience I used to

to go on Camp the only reason I

graduated from UCLA I graduated with a

2.27 GPA if I graduated with a 1.97 I

wouldn't

graduated not an not the only motivator

but a real motivator for me was the

prospect of meeting someone I I could go

on to campus and there might be a chance

I'd meet friends be social and possibly

meet a potential romantic partner it was

very motivating and if I'd had porn on

this right and on my screen always

available I'm not sure I would gone on

campus I I just would have spent a lot

more time at home and unfortunately the

deepest pocketed most talented companies

in the world are trying to convince

young people that they can have a

reasonable fact simile of life on a

screen with an algorithm and what I say

to young men I coaches it I'm not going

to tell you not to consume porn but try

to modulate it because I think that fire

of wanting to meet someone and wanting

to demonstrate excellence and being

having perseverance and enduring

rejection getting your [ __ ] together and

dressing well and smelling nice and

showering for God's sakes that Mojo that

desire is incredibly important for

society and we're taking young men's

Mojo Away With frictionless Open Access

ond demand porn have you seen these noof

fap communities yeah have you seen this

yes okay so I was listening to this

episode of Modern William with Chris

Williamson and he was interviewing Hamza

who was self-identifying as a former

redpilled person and he was talking

about how much it changed his life to

try to enter the noof fap Community

which means no masturbation and so I do

think that porn is a huge problem my

first job out of college was running the

porn pod for Google so what this meant

was that we would sell ads for the porn

advertisers this team does not exist

anymore this was a long time ago um my

parents were like I sent you to Harvard

and now you're selling ads for

pornography

but when I look back I'm like what was I

perpetuating because I feel like there's

just so many problems with what

technology is doing in terms of

replacing human connection so let's just

project out chat PT is already amazing

I'm currently in my Google feed getting

ads for replica and the ads say get your

perfect AI boyfriend always there for

you yeah so you think about the fact

that real life relationships are messy I

tell my husband on a weekly basis please

throw contact lens in the garbage and

every week we have a disagreement about

that well guess what your online

girlfriend she doesn't nag you she

doesn't tell you to pick up your socks

she only tells you how great you are and

always tells you you know that you're

doing the right thing and how was your

day then you insert sex robots Okay so

you have your emotional needs met you

have your sexual needs met maybe you're

watching porn while engaging with your

sex robots why would you want to go

through the very challenging potential

rejection of real life relationships and

I feel like if all these things come to

pass which it seems very likely that

they will we are truly in a crisis

moment when it comes to birth rate and

future generations and it impacts them

it'll impact the economy because the

skills you have to develop to be

successful in The Mating Market are life

skills you have to be able to endure

rejection you have to have a sense of

humor you have to be able to read the

room show me a guy who's good in a bar

I'll show you a guy who probably be good

in a boardroom and the skills you have

to develop as a young man if you want a

romantic and a sexual relationship pay

dividends the rest of your life and if

you don't develop those skills I think

it impacts your life across a bunch of

Dimensions this is something I'm worried

about for genz in general so I did a ton

of research with post-pandemic genz

daters men and women in the UK and

United States and such a big theme that

came out of it was that they don't have

rejection resilience and I think that we

hear this in many aspects of life so

someone that I'm close to he's the

former dean of brown he's a professor

there and he was talking about how it

used to be that his office hours were

empty and that's when he could do his

reading or play solitire but now

students come basically saying tell me

exactly what's going to be on the test

tell me exactly what to write in my

paper because they are not willing to

fail I have friends who are managers at

Google and they give somebody feedback

in a Google doc and the person is crying

because they take that as extreme

rejection and so if you don't have the

resilience built up fail then you are

not going to take risks and everything

in life worth having is worth taking a

risk for and so I feel that I have my

dream job nobody messaged me on LinkedIn

and said hey Logan do you want to study

dating and relationships no I invented

this job and now I get to have it and

same thing is true with relationships

it's not about waiting for the perfect

person to show up it's about becoming a

great person who somebody else chooses

and going after what you want I want to

talk about all of this and it

specifically offer some solutions to the

young to the parents to the boys to the

teens to the men that are listening we

had a young man actually write in on

this subject and he said I've suffered

with crippling loneliness and so I've

spent over $1,000 hiring women online

just to talk to me and to keep me

company on top of that I've spent

several ,000 more engaging in other

business with them after doing this for

nearly a year now I still feel

incredibly unfulfilled and on the

subject of porn 30% of internet traffic

is now related to porn with about 80% of

that porn traffic coming from men and

20% coming from women I actually had a

conversation on this podcast before

about porn and funly enough the top

comment was by the way us women what get

porn addicted to because it was a bit of

a blind spot to me but I think that's

something that's worth

acknowledging and the stats are

staggering in terms of how higher porn

consumption correlates to higher

probabilities of

depression what you do about it like on

an individual level I get it try not to

watch porn but I mean that doesn't seem

like incredibly great advice because if

you're lonely you're not getting laid no

one wants to date you for all the

reasons we've talked about today

restraint seems to be a pretty

shitty solution give this one to okay so

I coach young men I take two to three on

at any time and I don't know if this is

the right way but it's my way I'm like

you got to lean into your advantage when

you're our age you have more you have

Capital you have more money than time

they have Capital they have a lot of

time and I asked them to unlock their

screen and I say to them I gamble with

options I gamble at my age I still

gamble I I preach about lowcost index

funds and I buy call options that makes

no [ __ ] sense it's gambling but I

know it I watch porn I try and modulate

my use so I can put the majority of my

sexual energy into my partner but I

watch porn because I want them to not

feel like I'm going to judge them they

unlock their phone and I say we're going

to find 8 to 12 hours a week of time of

capital and we're going to reinvest that

capital and higher Roi Investments it is

so easy to find 8 to 12 hours it can

sometimes find seven hours or 15 hours

just in tick talk you look at screen

time I look at screen time and I say all

right come with through with me we're

going to find eight to 12 hours and then

we're going to reinvest that capital in

three Investments one we're going to

start working out and getting fit you're

going to work out three times a week

with weights you should be able the the

human mail form is spectacular you

should be able to walk in in any room

under the age of 30 if you're a man and

know that if [ __ ] got real you could

kill and eat everybody or outrun them I

need you to be strong you're going to be

more mentally healthy you're going to be

kinder look at the people who break up

fights at bars they're big strong men

look at the people who defend their

country you want to be strong as a man

it feels [ __ ] amazing testosterone

your your bone structure your muscle

mass it's amazing lean into that we're

going to get strong two you got to start

making

money and the kids are you know to be

honest the kids I'm coaching are really

struggling these are kids at home at the

age of 23 with their mom not getting

along with their mom nothing going on if

you have a phone you can make money I

don't care if it's lift Tas ret because

you get a taste for the Flesh and the

the way to start making a lot of money

is to start making a little bit of money

because you start to figure out the

economy how could I make more money

maybe at some point could I buy a car

and hire a driver to be an Uber you know

what what is the way