Hey everyone, welcome to my weekend

special. I hope you enjoy the show. Hit

that like button and be sure to

subscribe to the YouTube channel so you

never miss my show, whether it's

Tuesday, Thursday, or Saturday. Here's

our first guest.

>> So, here's what I want to ask you, Ed.

>> Yeah.

>> What is it like to be Ed Mlette?

>> Um,

bless. I mean, it's a blessing to be me.

It's it's um it's a it's an ongoing

journey to you know find more out about

myself and more out about other people

um more about about my spirituality and

my faith too. I think where you and I

really have in common is we're just very

intentional about our lives and they

matter to us. And so I feel things

really deeply,

>> you know, and I think that sometimes

doesn't come with the package maybe when

you look at me or something. I don't

know. But I hear that often. But I just

feel things deeply and I feel things

deeply for other people. So I'm a really

emotional guy. Um yet I think I operate

pretty well even when I'm emotional. In

other words, it doesn't really dictate

my actions all the time, but it what

it's like to be me as a blessing. Like I

can't believe my life is what it is

based on where I come from that.

>> And where do you come from? For people

who don't know you, where do you come

from?

>> Well, I come from a loving family, but

really dysfunctional. So, my dad was an

al I wrote the book for this reason. My

dad was an alcoholic until I was 15

years old. Actually, 7 days before my

15th birthday. Only my dad would get

sober on 420, but he did. So 420 my dad

my dad's sobby birthday. But I come from

a lot of dysfunction and chaos. And when

you're the oldest son with three little

sisters of an alcoholic dad, you have no

self-esteem. You live in chaos. My

friends wouldn't know. I was thinking

about this the other day. My friends

would never we never had friends over

the house. Why? Cuz the whole street

could hear my dad yelling all the time.

They're afraid of him. And I used to get

this anxiety even we would do something

cool as a family. We never went on a

vacation my entire life ever once. But

if we did, never one time. But if we

did, that's why I love to travel and

dream because we just didn't do that

stuff. But I remember times like every

day was anxiety, but man, especially if

like we were going to go out to a

restaurant, like a big night out for my

family was like Sizzler. This little

steak place where you'd go and wait in

the line and order your steak, but to us

that was like, wow, we are we're my lets

are balling tonight, you know? But I

remember I remember going out and

getting such anxiety hours before cuz I

knew my dad was going to get in a fight

at the restaurant.

>> Oh my god.

>> It was going to be he was going to show

up drunk and it was either a server or

some other person in the restaurant and

we it just happens. The Sizzler had a

private room for their staff, Mel. I

swear to you. And we ate in there every

week. I thought, "Wow, this is

unbelievable. When we go out, they give

us this private room every time. They're

hiding my dad from everybody else in the

restaurant." And I didn't realize that

until we got older. So that's what it's

like to be me. So, you come from that

and you're like, "Wow." And now, you

know, there's a few people that like to

listen to me and I've helped a few

people. It's sort of mind-blowing to me.

>> What was the the pivot in your life?

Because you were crazy successful in

business and as an entrepreneur,

>> but what was the pivot for you for when

you were like, I want to like you're

still obviously crazy successful as an

entrepreneur,

>> but you made this change and you started

teaching.

>> Yeah. and you started sharing wisdom. Do

you know kind of the moment when there

was this like epiphany for you? Because

it feels to me almost like more

spiritual

>> than it was a business decision.

>> Way more spiritual. And it was right

before Wayne Dyer passed away. I've been

really blessed. I've had a couple

really, you know, unbelievable mentors

in my life. And I met Wayne Dyer when I

was very young. Most of your audience

would know who Wayne Dyer is, but if

they don't, they should Google him. He's

one of the great all-time beautiful soul

thought leaders ever. And so two guys

kind of ganged up on me. One's funny,

one's not. Wayne told me, he goes, "Hey,

listen. Um, you always watch you when

you're one-on-one with people and you

care so deeply and you're so present

with people and you spend so much time

with them." Ed, you need to you need to

take what you know out to the world

about the mind and spirituality and how

to change your life because you've done

this and and I'm like, Wayne, no one

wants to listen to me. I'm just an

entrepreneur. He goes, no, God gave you

this deep voice and this ability. And

Wayne had that voice, too. And it would

deepen.

>> It would deepen when we would talk.

talking. He goes, "No, I'm telling you

that." And I said, "Wayne, all my life

I've wanted to help people like people

helped my dad get sober, like my

mentors, like you." And Wayne said, "I

believe you'll change the world." And

Ed, you won't change the world because

you're brilliant or you're talented.

You'll change the world because of your

intentions.

And he got me. And I went, cuz I don't

believe I'm brilliant, and I don't

believe I'm talented. That's a lot of

work for me to believe, but I do know my

intentions. I do know my intentions. And

my intent is to definitely serve and

help people. love people because people

saved my family.

>> Tell tell us that story. Tell everybody

that story about how people saved your

family.

>> Well, I wrote this whole book because of

the one Moors in my life, but when I was

Mel, you're I'm going to give you this

is just for me and you. Everyone else

can hear it because I haven't talked

about this ever before, but it just

happened two weeks ago with Cristiana.

So, the the story is my dad was an

alcoholic and I'm driving. I'm almost 15

and I'm driving in my car and my dad's

crying. My dad's driving his car and

he's crying. I never saw my dad cry

before that day or after it. And he

finally pulls over and he's still

crying, but he doesn't look at me and he

just says, he's looking straight ahead

at the wheel. He goes, I'm gonna try to

go get sober. And I'll never forget

this. One more time.

>> And he goes, Eddie, I'm going to give it

one more try. And I have a chapter in

the book called One More Try. I get

emotional telling you this because it

altered my life. And I said I said,

"Daddy, what would be any different this

time?" He tried a lot of times. And he

said, "Eddie, um, I'm going to lose my

family. your mom's taking you and your

sisters. And the truth is, you deserve a

dad you can be proud of. I vividly

remember this. Now he's looking at me.

And he says, "Your mom deserves a

husband she can respect. So, I'm going

to try it one more time." And then he

came back and he was sober. And I said,

"Dad, these themes of one more start

coming up." I said, "Dad, are you never

going to drink again?" He goes, "I don't

know. Just not going to drink for one

more day."

>> That lasted for 35 years. And my dad,

you know, I watch I believe humans can

change my spiritual thing. I believe so

deeply human beings can change because I

watched my hero do it. My dad lived like

crap the first 15 years of my life and

then lived the best life of anyone I've

ever known personally the next 35. So I

watched it right and I watched what he

did. But the most amazing thing, Mel, I

got to tell you, this is not in the

book. It happened three weeks ago. Most

people think they're disqualified from

helping other people. Like yeah, Mel

Robbins, she's brilliant. legal mind,

personal development mind, business

mind. She's a powerhouse. She can change

people's lives. Mylet, yeah, he lifts a

lot of weights. He's got that deep

voice. He seems to have a little swagger

about him. Probably he could. He's made

hundreds of millions. Whatever. Me? No

way. Cuz you know what? You don't know

what I'm ashamed of. You don't know my

failures. I've had a divorce, a

bankruptcy, had a business that didn't

work. You know, I've done things I'm

just completely embarrassed by. Or hey,

you know, I've just never done anything

great before. and they say, "This

disqualifies me." Nothing could be

further than the truth. Your life

experience, your humanity is actually

what qualifies you. Check this out, Mel.

I wake up like three weeks ago on a

Wednesday crying. And I don't cry

enough. I said, "Babe, wake up. Wake

up." She goes, "What?" I said, "I'm 51

years old. This just dawned on me.

Someone helped daddy."

She went, "What, honey?" I said,

"Someone helped daddy in the lowest

moment of his life. the darkest moment

on his knee, losing his family, losing

his life, maybe physically losing his

life, literally, some precious soul

intervened in a dark bar or alley or I

don't know where it was, a meeting, a

coffee shop, and said, "I I'll help you.

I'll help you." And they changed my

life. I'm talking to you, Mel, because

of this person. They changed my

children's lives who weren't even born.

They've changed millions of people's

lives that I reach in that one moment.

there this human being and their

humanity stepped forward and saved my

family. And that's incredible to think

one person can have that ripple effect.

But the more incredible effect is what

qualified them to do it. The things they

were the most ashamed of, they were also

a drug addict and an alcoholic. Little

did they know the world was preparing

them when they're driving drunk and

lying to their family and cheating on

someone and stealing money for drugs was

preparing them for this to qualify them

to help my dad.

So the very things in life we think

disqualify us from making change in

other people's lives are the very things

that do qualify us. It's our humanity.

It's our frailties. It's our

vulnerability that allows us to connect.

If this person wasn't a drunk or a drug

addict, they could never have helped my

father. So this is amazing how God, if

you believe that of the universe

orchestrates these things. The only

difference was this person in this

critical moment had the courage to step

forward and say, "I'll help you and they

probably felt unqualified." But the

truth is their whole life was preparing

them to help my dad. And here we are

today. And so this is what everyone

needs to get out of this. There's a

power to doing one more. This isn't even

in the book. This is after the book was

written. My gosh, this this thing we

think disqualifies us is the very thing

that does qualify us. And so I wanted to

share that with you. I'm just rocking

like I I um

>> there's a lot there to unpack. I I I

remember uh I I just naturally started

rocking when I was a trial lawyer. You

always knew a jury was going to convict

when they started rocking. You know,

they like agree with you like so as

you're talking I'm like, "Yes, yes, yes,

yes." And it's so true because you're

right. How many times have you

disqualified yourself or stepped on the

break or held yourself back or talked

yourself out of it because you didn't

think that your life experience or just

you being there was enough. And if

that's the one thing that people get out

of your book that the power of one more

>> that would change the world. But that's

not the only thing that they're going to

get out of this. And I think Ed, you are

going to start to see this idea of one

more and the power of one more person or

the power of one person showing up over

and over and over and over and over

again because you've taken a highlighter

and highlighted something that is true

about life that it takes one to impact

millions. Let's talk about this book.

Why this book and why now?

Well, I I was with my dad when he passed

away. I was holding his hand and um

there's all these lessons, Mel, in my

life. But this is a heavy book, by the

way. We're being really emotional right

now, which there's a lot of that in the

book, but the truth is you've read it.

So, you know, it's a very heavy content

book on stuff you and I love, the

reticular act.

>> Well, can I just say something though?

Because some people hear the word heavy

and they're like, I'm out,

>> right?

>> That's not what he's saying. He is

saying that in every single chapter and

every single page there is a takeaway.

There is an insight. So it is thick with

life-changing tools and stories. That's

what he means by heavy.

>> That's what I mean. Thank you. That's

why you're here to clear up my mistakes.

So

>> that is not a [ __ ] mistake. Will you

shut up?

>> Literally. See, you don't think you're

smart. Well, I don't I don't I know I'm

not really smart, but what I am is the

thing what I am is the things in the

book. I would like to think that some of

my We just did it, Mel. There's four

people in my house. You met Cristiana

and I've got two kids. Yeah, I think you

met at least one of them when you were

at the house. I think you met my

daughter.

>> But um I'm fourth in the house in IQ.

And that's okay with me because actually

I think it gives people hope to know,

hey, look, this is an average ordinary

man who's produced some pretty

extraordinary stuff in his life. And I

did it with the stuff that's in the

book. But one of the things that's in

the book that why why the book was I was

with my dad and he passed and I think

you realize the power of one more in its

absence like when there isn't another

one

>> and so

>> Okay, stop.

>> Yep.

>> Stop.

>> Okay.

>> Okay, stop.

You realize the power of one more when

there isn't one.

>> Yeah. It's a fact. I uh this is hard for

me to say. I haven't said this out loud

ever, I don't think, but my my my

favorite human being to be with was my

dad. I obviously that doesn't count my

wife and kids, right? But and so my

favorite thing to do is to golf with my

dad. And and it wasn't cuz we're any

good cuz neither one of us are great.

But it was five hours with my best

friend right next to me, my hero,

>> plus in a golf cart.

>> And we would talk deep. My dad and I

didn't have casual talks. We disagreed

on politics and faith and all kinds of

stuff. And we would have deep

conversations. tonight. Do you know what

I would give Mel? Honestly, what I would

give to watch my dad walk off the green

one more time. Go, hey, dad, great putt.

Just put his arm away. That was a good

one, wasn't it, Eddie? You know, and

they say, "Hey, let me tell you how your

sister's doing, you know, do me a favor.

Call your sister, you know, and we would

just talk about family." My dad was a

simple guy, Mel. My I've had five jets.

You know that I've been blessed to own

some jets. My jet was parked within

walking distance. My dad was a runner.

My dad could run to my jet, see it the

never been on it. My dad never went on

one of my jets. Never set foot on one of

them. And I would say, "Dad, let's go to

Maui. Let's play some golf." He go, "Why

in the world would I go all the way to

Maui to play golf with my favorite man?

I could just play here in Chino. It's

not the golf. It's with my son. I don't

need to go do there. I I just want to be

with you." But when he died, I just have

to tell you, Mel, do you know what I

would give for one more round of golf

with my dad? If you're and you need to

begin to think about this if you're

listening to this. What if I said to

you, you and your sweetheart, whoever

they are, you got one more dance with

them. It's the last one.

>> Well, I'd hang up with you and I'd go

down and dance with Chris right now.

That's

>> I know you would. I know you.

>> Yeah. And you know what I think about a

lot is I think about the fact that my

dad is uh 76 and his dad died when he

was 82. And so if I'm lucky, I've got my

dad for maybe 10 more years. He lives in

Michigan. I'm here. I see him maybe four

times a year. That means if I'm lucky,

>> that's what I got.

>> Yep.

>> But that's probably not what I have.

>> That's probably less. Right. And and the

truth is, what if I said to you if you

walked in and saw your children tonight

that you get to tell them you love them

one more time? What if it was the last

conversation? What if you started to

approach your life as if there was only

one more? Just to start to think about

that for a second. And for me, it's

altered me. I mean, it's really changed

me. I'm more present with people. I um I

would do anything to get that back and

to have more time with them. The other

thing that occurred was like I'm next.

Napoleon Hill says in Think and Grow

Rich, begin with the end in mind, but

what why don't we do that with our

lives?

You know what do we want the end of our

life to look like? I held my father's

hand as he took his last breath. I know

what the end.

>> What was that experience like for you?

>> It was beautiful. And I'll tell you why.

When my dad got cancer, this my dad died

of cancer ultimately, but when he got

cancer, my dad said to me, he goes,

"Look," because my dad was a dude, you

know, he's like, "Hey, I'mma fight this

[ __ ] one time, but I'm not having you

guys carry me the next five, six years

and be a burden to the family and I'm

going to all get all shrunk up and lose

my hair."

>> That he sounds like my mother who's

like, "You're not going to wipe my ass."

>> That's my dad. Same. That's actually

exact terminology, right? But but here's

the truth. other than the wiping the

ass. That's exactly what he did. And he

went eight years chemo, radiation,

surgery, proton, chemo, surgery,

surgery, proton, new chemo, radiation,

eight years. And it was destroying him.

And I would say to my dad halfway

through, I'd say, Mel, I'd say, "Dad, I

say, why are you doing this?" And he

goes, "Well, maybe I'll get to one more

of my granddaughter's wedding."

>> These one mores would come. He go,

"Eddie, maybe I get to one more

Christmas recital for little Juliana.

Maybe I'll watch my grandson little

Jacob play one more football game. And

he used to tell me, he goes, Eddie, when

you're threatened with these one more is

never happening again. You fight your

ass for one more.

And then he would tell me when I was a

little boy, Christian, you've been to my

house. I live on this beach. Well, my

wife and I, we used to come on this

beach, walk down this beach, Mel, come

down here all the time. And I'd say,

babe, I'm going to get us one of these

beach houses someday. I'm going to live

up there. I literally live on the exact

beach now. And she's like, "You are?"

I'm like, "Yeah, we're going to get one

of these. Don't worry about I got it.

And I'd go home. I'd say, "Dad, who are

these people that live in these

oceanfront houses, right?" And my dad

go, "I have no idea who these people.

I've never met one of them. I have no

clue who they are. They're probably from

another planet. I got no idea." And I

figured out, Mel, over time, that I know

who they are. They're the one. The

second chapter of the book's called the

Matrix. And the reason it's the matrix,

both the RA, but also in the matrix,

Neo, they call him the one. See, when

you see a really happy family or a

successful family or both, if you go all

the way back in their lineage, at one

point they weren't.

>> They weren't.

>> It's true.

>> And then the one shows up. The one

arises in that family and stands up and

goes, "The world's not treating my

family like anymore. The myletes are

rising up. We think different. We

operate different in the world." And the

one changes that family forever. And

it's typically a lot closer than you

think. My dad did say this to me. He'd

go, "Eddie, this is the whole premise of

the book. He go, "I don't know about

that beach house stuff, how you get

there, but here's what I do know. It's

closer to you than you think it is." And

he goes, "Eddie, please don't spend your

life thinking that's a hundred years

away." Because if you think like that,

you will act in accordance with that

belief, and you will perpetually keep

your dreams that far away from you. And

he said, "I think it's one decision

away, one relationship away, one meeting

away, one thought, one emotion away, you

can change your life." And he goes,

"Look at me. That one decision to get

sober completely changed my life." And

I've always believed this man because I

believed it. It's been true. I'm one

decision away. I'm one meeting away. I'm

one this away. I'm one relationship

away. And it's I'm a stacking of those

one more in my life. The truth is the

difference between winning and losing in

life is sometimes so small it's almost

too scary to talk about. And it's one

new thought like, "Hey, I'm going to

give myself a high five every morning."

That one new thought can change your

life. It's one decision. It's one dinner

I walk into and I meet Mel Robbins at a

dinner table with some other folks that

I know. That changed my life. My life

got better in that instance. And so if

you begin to believe this, then the

question becomes, how do we find these

oneors? What are the things we need to

know in our mind to get them? What are

the things we need?

>> What are they? Like cuz I'm like, yeah,

yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like what are

they?

>> Well, there's a lot and they're in the

book, but one of them, for example, is

the RA, which is the filter that sort of

reveals what's most important to you in

your life. And so you know exactly how

it works, but for the benefit of

everybody else, it keeps you sane. It's

why you don't feel the blood rushing

through your right ear right now. It's

why when you walk in a crowded room and

there's all this noise, but someone says

Mel, not even loud. You can hear

auditorially over all the noise what's

important to you, which is your own

name. It's like for me right now, I just

bought a Tesla. I don't know if Musk is

buying Twitter or not.

>> You bought a Tesla? I don't

>> I did I did it cuz I like this dude's

just disturbing stuff. I have no idea

whether he's a good guy or not. I just

This guy's just rocking out a little

bit. I'm like, give me all these.

>> Which Tesla did you buy?

>> I bought the plaid. I bought the good

one.

>> What's that? I don't even know what that

is. I Because my daughter was just I was

bitching about the fact that I now have

to drive back and forth between Vermont

and Boston

>> as if it's a problem. And she's like,

"Why don't you get a Tesla and let the

car drive you?" And I was like,

>> I like it. And I'm going to tell you the

other thing I like.

>> Is this the the thing with the wings?

>> I don't know. No. Well, the doors open

that way, but what it does do is you can

hit the mode and it'll drive for you.

But I don't I don't trust it. But what I

do have that I like is I have this mode

on the car that it it will not let you

hit a car even when you're driving. So

like if you're stupid and you're not

going to break, it breaks. If you're

drifted into the wrong lane, which I do

all the time, it goes

>> I'm not surprised by that, by the way.

>> I know. I know. And

>> I can't wait for the call that you're

going to have where you call me and

you're like, "Mel, you know that boat I

bought in Miami? I just ran it up on

some rocks in Maine.

>> It's at the bottom of the Atlantic

Ocean.

That's actually way more likely than YOU

MIGHT THINK. THAT'S POSSIBLE. It's

extremely possible. We see if you Oh my

gosh. You saw me drive a boat and you

see me drive Well, I'm not going to

comment. It's probably possible. I need

a Tesla thing on the boat is what I

need. But I bought this Tesla, right?

It's crazy. It's driving my wife nuts.

I'm like, "Babe, red Tesla. White Tesla.

THERE'S ANOTHER WHITE TESLA. Three lanes

over the other side of the freeway going

the other direction." I GO, "HONEY,

THERE'S A BLACK TESLA." SHE'S LIKE,

"WHAT is wrong with you?" And I said,

>> "It's the RA. It's the RS. I said these

Teslas were always there. But

>> our daughter, dude, this just happened

to us. I'll give you a different car

that that is not a Tesla. So, the a used

Subaru Cross Tech, a Toyota RAV 4, uh

the our daughter's shopping for her

first car, and now she's like,

"Everybody drives one of these things."

I'm like, "No, they don't. They're just

Yes,

>> it looks like it, right?" And that's

because it's part of my RA. Here's how

life works. You already know this. If

you can program your matrix, your RA,

that the Teslas of your life become

these meetings, these decisions, these

people, these relationships, these

thoughts, these emotions, you got it.

And what I'm here to tell you is that

these things have always been around

you, but you're oblivious to them

because what's in your RA

>> are your fears, your anxieties, your

worries, your to-do list, your problems.

What's right in front of you, you see,

and so you validate it and prove it to

be true.

Do you have an exercise that you

recommend for people that are so mired?

>> Yes.

>> In the negative, like it's not going to

work out. This is going to be awful. It

never worked. Like what is an exercise

that you would tell somebody to do so

that they can start to reprogram that

way of thinking?

>> Yeah. I'm a big believer in daydreaming,

lucid daydreams. And so I have

>> lucid daydreams mean.

>> Yeah. What lucid dream daydreams means

very clear, very specific, and

repetitive. The big one is repetitive.

So here's what you already do. Your mind

moves towards what it's most familiar

with. We all know this or maybe most

people don't know this, but it moves

towards what it's most familiar with.

And here's I I have a chapter in the

book where I say, "Become an

impossibility thinker and a possibility

achiever." So, I'm going to combine two

things and I'll give you the technique.

>> Okay?

>> 99% of the people in the world operate

out of a frame of reference, a pattern

of thinking that is history and memory.

1% of the people operate out of

imagination and vision. This is a

different frame of reference. Why my

friends, it's very difficult when I'm

around most of my friends to go remember

when you guys remember remember that. My

friends almost never do that. If you

surround yourself with people where

you're reminiscing most of the time, not

only do you operate out of memory and

history, but you're reinforcing it with

the conversations you have with people.

I very when you and I are talking, we

were flying back with Jamie Kern Lima.

There was no reminiscing. We're talking

about the future and we're operating in

the present. This is a different pattern

of thinking and it must be it must be

worked on. And so why are we happier

when we're kids? I have two

philosophies. One, I think you were just

more recently with God. And two, you

operate out of imagination because you

have no history and memory. But by the

time you're about 10 years old, you

begin to slowly operate out of history

and memory. Oftentimes, the history and

memory of the emotions of your parents.

Did you guys lose me?

>> No. I'm thinking because this is super

super helpful to me right now. And it's

super helpful to me right now because

Chris and I just sold our family home

where we raised our kids for 24 years.

>> And um I've lived there almost half my

life. Uh my parents have never sold the

house I grew up in. My grandfather was

born on the family farm that my mother

was. This has never been modeled for me.

>> Wow. And so I was not prepared

>> for the avalanche of grief and panic and

uncertainty that happened

>> when all of a sudden in 24 hours the

house sold.

>> And I have spent the last 3 weeks in an

up and down emotional breakdown

>> around like literally when you said

reminiscing

>> Mhm.

Something snapped for me, Ed

>> because I was like, "Oh, shoot.

>> I am wallowing in the memory

>> and that is now becoming this

>> like cyclone."

>> Y

>> of sadness and regret and maybe we

shouldn't have sold it and maybe this

was too soon and maybe we weren't ready.

That has blocked my ability at times the

last two weeks to even remember why we

were all so excited. and now is the

time. And so it's the reflecting back

and then allowing myself to stay there

that has made the kind of grief that's

normal with a transition that big really

weigh me down. And so you just broke

something open

>> good. and gave me, I think, the keys to

really connect back into what you and I

both do so well, which is staying inside

the imagining of where is this going and

why are we doing this and what's

possible? Because, as we both know, the

brain also can only imagine what you're

losing. It can't actually imagine

something beyond your wildest

possibilities. And so I got to get back

the [ __ ] into the imagination piece of

this versus the memory and reminiscing

and all that stuff.

>> Yes. And what and I love that that helps

you. And what we do when we're

reminiscing or we're going down that

pattern is we're flashing in our mind

pictures and videos of other times. We

actually see them and it creates this

emotion in us. And so this is not

complicated. The most successful people

are the people in life that can get very

clear in their vision and their their me

in their um imagination repetitively.

Like when I work with top athletes, Mel,

one of the things that and by the way,

there's really simple visualizations in

the book that you just do very simply

and you do it repetitively and then I

teach you like slow it down. Now speed

it up. All it's doing is forcing you to

focus on it, add color to it, make it

black and white. It's very easy and it

it's it'll change your life. But when I

work with pro athletes, I'll give you an

example. I work with a fighter who won

last weekend in the UFC. And what he

does when things get really fast, when

he gets hit in fights, he speeds things

up and awfully goes into brawl mode. And

what happens is it's when he's lost a

couple fights. He had lost his last two

fights. And I have a chapter in the book

called equinimity, one more level of

equinimity. When you were visualizing in

your things will begin to slow down like

in the Matrix and bullet time. And in

this particular fight, Mel, what was

incredible is he was getting hit and he

started to speed up. And you watch him

consciously. I'm ringing in his ears. He

steps back and he gets slows down and

finds that equinimity. And he ended up

knocking this guy out with a leg kick,

Mel, that knocked the man out. I don't

like this stuff. For four minutes out on

the mat, it's one of the most

devastating knockouts in the history of

fighting. And afterwards, he gets

interviewed and he goes, "I don't know

what happened. I've never practiced that

leg kick before in person. Only in my

visions and imagination." and he

executed it to save his career to win

the fight. And so this is something you

can do over and over again. One more

thing on this visualization. We think we

visualize well, but the more we practice

it, it's a muscle. So when I work with

like a B-level baseball player, I'll

say, "Hey, let's visualize the pitch

coming in." They'll go, "I got it. I saw

it." I said, "Where'd you hit it?" They

go, "The middle." I go, "Okay, good.

Where's the camera?" They go, "Huh?" I

go, "Where's the camera? Is it over the

center field camera shooting over the

pitcher like you watched it on

television or is it from the batter's

box and you're watching the view out?

Inevitably, average players will go,

"I'm not I don't know." And I go, "Then

you weren't really visualizing. Let's

find the camera." They go, "Okay, it's

uh from the batter's box." I go, "Great.

Can you see the rotation on the ball? Is

the pitcher left or right-handed? Can

you see the stitches on the ball as it

comes in?" And I make them start to see

it more clearly. And then I'll say, "Can

you see the ball hitting a bat?" No.

Well, let's work on that. have the bat

hit the ball. Do you see the stitches

now rotating the other way back out? My

point is that I'm getting them to

visualize with specificity. But when I

work with a allstar player, they do this

naturally.

The difference in their athletic ability

is their ability to repetitively

specifically visualize. And this is not

complicated stuff. I even know when I

say it, you already do it. Some of you

with your fears and your worries, you're

really good at this. You can visualize

it with clarity and you can make it

bigger and bolder. You can change it to

black and white to make you really sad

about it. You can slow it down. You can

add sounds. So you ALREADY DO THIS WELL.

>> HOW DO YOU interrupt that? So if you are

in that negative visibility loop, right,

where I immediately my my visualization

was, oh my god, we just sold the

container that has held our family

together

for 24 years. Now that that's gone. Mhm.

>> I'm never going to see my kids.

>> Yep. Yeah. Which is

>> how do you how do you interrupt?

>> You interrupt. You know what it is? It's

a pattern interrupt. It's a pattern

interrupt. Okay. And so I have this on

how to create habits in the book. I

teach you actually how to create a

habit. It's a pattern interrupt.

>> And so we'll just be real here. For me,

it's usually a physical move. I'll move

myself. I'll snap my fingers. I'll do a

jumping. You may think this is nuts. For

me, a physical move will snap me out of

a thought pattern. That's for me. For

some people, it's an auditory thing. And

this is so funny. I have someone that I

coach right now and I sneezed on one of

our first calls and this person goes

into negative thought loops, Mel. Like

you can't believe most people say, "God

bless you." Right? Or, "Excuse you" or

whatever. This person was old school

except she's young and she goes,

"Kazutite." And I go, "What the [ __ ] did

you say?" She goes, "Kazutite." I go, "I

haven't heard that since my grandfather

in like 1977."

And so with her, we laughed about it. It

was a belly laugh. That word then became

a trigger for laughter. And so her way

out of her negative thought patterns,

this sounds so stupid. She goes, "Gazuit

tight, gazite." And she throws her arms

back and we make a laugh out of it. And

what happens is it doesn't put her into

the good loop. It interrupts the

negative one,

>> right?

>> It's an auditory funny one. For a lot of

people, it's a physical move. It's a

snap of the fingers. It's a grab of the

ear. And this is not complicated stuff.

You ever watch an athlete when they get

into the batters box, a baseball player,

they'll tap the plate two times, adjust

their batting gloves. Tom Brady gets

over the center. LET'S [ __ ] GO. PTON

MANNING USED TO SAY, "OMAHA." THESE WERE

PLAYS, but they were also triggered.

>> They were accused.

>> They were.

And so it could be a physical. Me, you

and I both, by the way,

>> one boom. The 5-second rule is a battery

interrupter. Yep.

>> You got it. So there's a That's the best

one. But that's that's what

>> I don't use that crap that I, you know,

teach.

>> Stop it.

>> No, I'm just kidding. Well, when I am in

a death spiral, I'm wallowing, you know.

>> Sometimes though, sometimes it's a

physical move for me.

>> Yeah, I think a physical move is a good

one. A snap of the fingers. I like that

a lot.

>> Okay, there you go.

>> I like that a lot. That's good.

>> Thank you.

>> What do people not know about you?

>> Um, a weird thing about me is I danced

in college and

>> Wait, wait, wait. But you did. What does

that mean? You danced.

>> I wasn't at Chip andale, but I danced in

college. So I I danced at a hip-hop club

in college to put myself through college

in addition to my baseball scholarship.

And then I toured for like two years

with a bunch of different hip-hop bands.

So you would not know that with a

51-year-old middleag.

>> Yeah. So you don't know that one. No one

knows that one, but

>> I've never seen you dance.

>> And you you were a big dude. WERE YOU

THAT BIG IN COLLEGE?

>> YEAH. I was way bigger in college. And

my daughter will tell you, you probably

never should see me dance because I'm

stuck in 1994. So when we go to

weddings, she's like, "Dad, um, just so

you know, the running man,

>> the running man, the sprinkler,

>> uh, the the Roger Rabbit, it's just not

there anymore." And I'm like, well, I'm

bringing this [ __ ] back, fellas. So

enjoy the wedding.

>> Up the next time we are doing it. That's

amazing.

>> Let's go. I've seen you dance. So, but

and uh a serious thing you probably not

know about me is that I still struggle

with the things that are in my book and

I wrote it mainly for me that I use

these tools because self-esteem doesn't

come easy to me. Um I'm speaking today

in Arizona. I kind of already know

what'll happen about six o'clock tonight

when I get back to my room. I'll go into

EdMlet mode, which is I should have said

this. I can't believe I missed that. Oh

my god. I still struggle with these

things and you know that about me too.

But I'm a work in progress and I I have

bought into the theory I said earlier

that my things that aren't perfect about

me that I might I could easily conceal

or be ashamed of or embarrassed by are

the very things that qualify me to help

you. And I also think that's probably my

favorite thing about you. We are we are

both two of the most tool driven really

use the stuff to produce results people

on the freaking planet and our content

let's just I'm just going to say it it's

better than everybody's damn content we

got great content right yet because it's

real yet we both had success outside of

this space which qualifies us

differently as well yet we'll both tell

you at any given time I've had three

weeks of a spiral that you can't even

believe that you just shared or hey

tonight after my talk and I hope that

people look at you and I and that we're

aspirational, not just inspirational.

Meaning that I aspire to be more like

this person with my vulnerability.

They're not perfect. I think most things

in life, I say this in the book about

being a parent, are caught, not taught.

>> Catch it. And I hope people catch things

from you and I. I'd say this last to

you, Mel, that I had a

>> just something about life that I think

is worth saying.

>> Really good friend of mine called me.

I've known her 30 years. I love her. And

she called me the other day and she's

like, "I'm" She got a preview of my

book. She's like, "I'm crying because I

knew you at that age and it's so true

and I can't believe what's happened to

your life." And she goes, "You just came

from such a neglected environment and so

did I. My mom and dad got divorced." And

she said, "Well, and I'm so glad both of

us aren't neglecting our children."

>> This was the hardest thing I've ever

said to a friend. And I said, um, I

won't say her name. I said,

"Sweetheart," she's a dear, dear friend

of mine, like a sister. And I said, "You

know I love you." And she said, "I do. I

said, 'You might want to look into

whether you're neglecting your kids.'

And she says, 'What in the world does

that mean?' And I said, 'Well, there's

lots of neglect in life. There is drug

addiction or alcoholism. There's abuse.

There's divorce. Maybe they didn't say

they love you enough. I said, the most

insidious form, though, is a child being

raised by a parent who's unwilling to

pursue their potential,

who's unwilling to chase their dreams.

That's neglect. You're installing in

that child that it's okay to settle,

that it's okay to be less than you're

capable of. That's neglect. It's

insidious and it's dangerous and it's

terrible. And I think the last 10 or 15

years, you've slid into doing that and

you need to change it. She went, "Oh my

gosh." And she said, "You're right." And

she made a change. And I said, "Why am I

telling you this?" I said, "Cuz I think

all great change in life comes from

love."

My dad got sober because he loved his

family so much,

>> not because he didn't want to drink

alcohol anymore.

>> Didn't want drugs in his system. It came

from love.

>> That's beautiful.

>> Yeah. And I know you love those children

of yours and the grandchildren you're

going to have. And it's time you start

having them catch things from you, not

just things you teach. It's caught, not

taught. So

>> that is just beautiful. All change comes

from love.

>> It does.

Wow.

>> Hey everybody, welcome back to Max Out.

Hey, my guest today is David Nurse. If

you don't know who David is, you're

going to be blown away by what we're

going to talk about today. And it's

going to improve your life. I can tell

you that for sure. I always try to bring

people on that do that for you, but in a

very unique and special way today. This

man is equipped uh to do that for you.

He's a life optimization coach. He's the

author of Pivot and Go, and he's just

got these He's an Iowa boy, so I already

like him. You guys know how much I love

actionable items that you can move with

immediately and he is loaded with them.

So, it's really a pleasure to have David

Nurse with me today. David, welcome to

the show, brother.

>> Ed, thank you very much. Been a big time

fan and listener of yours. So, much as

encouraging as I am, I mean, you

motivate me, man.

>> Thank you, brother. I I feel like we're

kind of kindred spirits because we both

want to make a very similar difference

in the world. And um the more I dove

into your work and your content, uh the

more and more impressed I became. I I

almost consider myself maybe a little

bit of an addict for the work you do now

because some of it is phrased in a way

>> that I've not heard before. And that's

what I like. It's like a young version.

Um

>> I don't know if it's a young Tony

Robbins version or what the heck I might

call it, but I love it. So, let's talk

first off about pivoting. The book pivot

and go too. But, you know, right now

we're catching a lot of people, millions

of people that are sort of in this, you

know, I got to make a pivot type move.

And one of the things I love in the book

that you talk about is you got to get a

perspective. You call it like a higher

perspective almost uh in order to make

those decisions. What do you mean by

just kind of let you go on that tangent

for a minute?

>> Absolutely. So, uh, making a pivot, like

it's a basketball term where the defense

is all over you or life is just sucking

you in and you can't see a clear path,

but you make a small slight turn, small

pivot, and it opens up an entirely new

perspective. And it's, you know, change

is very daunting for people when you

say, "Hey, you have to make this big

change." No one rarely can anyone do it.

But if it's these small these pivots,

these 1% step pivots, that's what can

open up an entire entirely different

perspective. And right now, like we're

all going through a time that we feel

stuck in some situation. We feel stuck.

And that's one of the worst feelings

that we can have. Me and you, we know

that that we had to make our life pivot

through sports. And we poured everything

we could into playing professional

sports, myself, the NBA, and I had to

make that pivot. like everything that I

did to pour into the into playing in the

NBA was actually for coaching in the

NBA. So, it's it's about looking at

something from a slightly different

perspective that can change your entire

perspective.

>> I think people are very hesitant to

make, you know,

>> 50% pivots, you know, in one move. And

that's really not usually where most of

the differences are made. They're small.

David also referenced the NBA. I think

you're the nephew of Nick Nurse who's,

you know, one of the great NBA coach

people think the NBA coach right now.

And then you all know that, you know,

David does this for all kinds of people,

but his forte particularly for a long

time has been with NBA players. And you

said something I I say that everything

in life happens for you, not to you. You

say something close to that, but in a

very nuanced and different way that

involves preparation almost for the rest

of your life. How do you word that? If

you just share that with everybody.

>> Yeah. So, I mean, it's it's about

preparing for the opportunity. And I

love that you brought up my uncle Nick

because he's a great example of this.

Now, people see him as winning this NBA

championship and they're like, "Oh, you

know, first year head coach, lightning

strikes in a bottle." No, he's been a

head coach for 27 years. And one of my

favorite quotes is, "It takes 10 years

to become an overnight success." But in

Nick's terms, 27 years to become an

overnight success. and and I've seen him

coaching over in countries you don't

even know play basketball taking players

ankles popping popcorn at halftime but

the thing is he lived in that hey I am

an NBA champion head coach and when he

was 22 when he started his coaching

career he put a picture of himself

holding an NBA trophy on the fridge and

he saw that every day he lived in that

mindset and developed that subconscious

awareness of hey I don't have to be what

the world says I am all this self-doubt

this negative talk I can I can live in

this NBA champion coach that I know who

I who I am going to be. And now it's

about embracing the process of taking

what I call 1% steps. And this makes it

not as daunting. 1% steps. Anybody can

do that daily. It's not you have to take

the whole you look at the big macros and

then you take you take the little micros

knowing that these steps then the most

powerful thing there is is the

compounding effect where you stack these

1% days on 1% days understanding it's

going to take 27 years to become an

overnight success but if you stay with

it you will get there and I like for

your story I I love how you you just

like literally hey I'm going to work my

butt off for these three years and then

we'll get there. But you put in that

work behind the scenes that nobody sees.

>> Yeah. Well, you're also being very

humble. So did you. So most of you

probably wouldn't know this about him,

but he was driven to become an NBA

player. And he now says that all that

work he was doing was preparing him for

what he's doing now. And he his

philosophy is you're all doing that. It

may not seem like it, but what you're

doing right now is preparing you for

what you're destined to do. And just

you're being humble, Dave, but I I

happen to know that you basically lived

in your car for like ever. Like

basically, this dude's homeless. He's

traveling around the world kind of

really doing not for free, but for

almost nothing and free often. I don't

think enough people are willing to

sacrifice short-term financially to get

the experience to build the reputation

to build the brand. And then boom, the

Brooklyn Nets call and kind of the world

starts to take off. But what I'd like

you to address because during that time

and during my time, I'm sure during

Nick's time, Dwayne Johnson's time when

he was struggling, had all, you know,

whatever he had in his wallet that he

talks about, there's a lot of

self-doubt. And I love techniques that

help fix things. And you got this thing,

man, with the mirror.

>> Oh, yes.

>> That is just awesome. Like I I I'm

waiting the whole week to do this part

of the interview right now because I

think this is so freaking brilliant. So

would you share this strategy with

people please?

>> Absolutely man. I'm really big on giving

people tools, actionable steps actually

how to do things because it's one thing

to talk about the purpose and the wise

and that's all great but there's a big

disconnect between actually knowing and

doing. So I'll take you through the

whole hands example and you can put this

into into play in your life. And this is

a tool that we all have. So we all have

our hands with us. So, first thing you

do when you wake up in the morning is

you look at your hands and you see all

that they've been through. Do this right

now if you're listening. Look at the

calluses, the grooves, everything that

you have been through, you have gotten

through. So, you're going to get through

the next challenging time as well. Now,

imagine the most confident person in

your life. Maybe it's a teacher, a

parent, a mentor. You see everything

that they've been through. Now, your

hands are their hands. Their hands are

your hands. You can get through it as

well. So, you wake up in the morning,

first thing you do, look at those hands.

You have the confident, self-awareness

hands. Now, at some point, you're going

to walk past a mirror. Most often, it's

it's early on to brush your teeth or

wash your face. Now, this mirror is what

I call the mirror of self-doubt. The

foggy mirror. We all wake up with

self-doubt. The imposttor syndrome is in

us when we wake up. We have that choice

to live in that and what the world is

telling us that we have to be or the

expectations or we can take our hands

those hands and make the motion of

wiping away that foggy mirror. So

literally there's a power in actually

making this motion triggering into our

subconscious that hey we don't have to

live in this self-doubt that we have. We

wipe away this foggy mirror with our

hands. So to keep it going with it now

so we have these hands. We've got our

confident hands. We have our wiping away

the self-doubt hands. Now, these hands

are our service hands, too. So, every

room that you enter, look at your hands

and say the word serve. So, you know,

when you step into that room, it's not

about yourself or what others can do for

you, what you can get out of it. It's

about what you can give, what you can

pour into others, how you can serve

others. Because that honestly like it

that is the biggest thing. It takes so

much pressure off ourselves knowing that

it's not all on us, but it's how we can

give and how we can serve. And so these

hands, try that. Like it's really

powerful, man. Try that. When you enter

a room or when you type an email or

write a text, you can look at your hands

and say serve. And the last part of the

hands, the tool that you always have

with you are the encouragement hands.

And there's a player in the NBA, Steve

Nash, used to play in the NBA. He's my

favorite player. He would lead the

league, lead the NBA in high fives

given. They take that stat. High fives

given. He gave 239 high fives a game.

Like literally like encouraging

everybody. He's a two-time NBA all-star.

He's 6'2 unathletic like myself, but yet

he was the best teammate that anybody

ever had because he was always given

high fives. And we can all do that. We

can be that person who gives high fives.

Yeah, sure. Maybe it's Zoom high fives

right now, but we can always be that

person that encourages and and looking

at your hands and and maybe it's sending

out I I do it every morning. I send out

either three texts or three video

messages to someone that maybe I haven't

talked to for a while. Just an

encouraging note to them. And man, you

wouldn't believe that the amount of

change that or trajectory in their life

that has had just by that encouraging

note. And we can all have that

encouragement hands. Thank you for

sharing that. And guys, um there's a lot

to unpack there. Like first off, if you

follow any of my work, any of you guys,

you know that I'm a big believer in

triggers. Great athletes do it. But it's

something that just now I've been I've

been teaching for years behind the

scenes to business people, but just now

it's becoming more mainstream. This is

brilliance what he just taught you. And

it ought to be one of these where you go

back a little bit and listen to it

again. If you're listening to it, he

gave you the physical description if you

check out YouTube, but hands are an easy

trigger. And I love that there's

multiple triggers that you've created

there. And all people that I know that

perform at a high level have these

triggers at their disposal. They're not

just thoughts, they're triggers. They're

phys you do enough of these looking at

your hands and the wipe away and all of

those different things that he's

referencing. And these hands serve as

well. And switching it with the

confident person. Those are those are

massive massive tools for people. It

just so happens also that Steve Nash is

now the new head coach of the Brooklyn

Nets, which is like pretty ironic too,

right? So, it's or the New Jersey Nets.

I don't know what they call themselves

now. So, that is awesome stuff right

there, brother. Thank you for that. Uge

everybody to practice that technique.

And one other thing, everybody, when you

hear someone brilliant like David give

you these techniques. These are things

that are more effective the more

repetitious they become. They're not

completely effective the first wipe

away, although you'll feel it the first

time you look at your hands, although

you'll feel it. Well, I'm going to tell

you the 300th time it has massive power

in your life. The other thing you teach

that I love is this notion of

terminology, the power that words have

over us and the redefinition of them.

And it's like to me right now this is

like a master class on pivoting,

changing self-confidence and improving

your life that the elite athletes only

get access to guys that you're now

getting access to. Would you kind of

dive a little bit into redefinition of

terminology?

>> Such a good question. Yes. And this is

very powerful. So this is actually one

of the steps. I have a seven steps to

develop unshakable confidence. And this

is one of them. Very powerful. And being

able to redefine vocabulary. And what I

mean by that is we all grow up learning

that certain words mean certain things

and we attach them like with failure or

success or rich. We all think they mean

certain things that we're taught but not

necessarily. Like let's take for example

the NBA as we've been talking about

basketball. So every time I work with a

player I'll ask them when was your last

shooting slump and then I'll see them

already their body language goes down

and they're like you know couple games

ago I couldn't make a shot. I missed

every one of them. And then I'll ask

them hey when was your last shooting

hippopotamus? And they look at me like

what are you talking about? You're

crazy. What? But what I'm doing there is

showing them it's just the power in the

word. They have already thought that

this word slump means something bad. But

it's only if you decide that you have

the power to be able to change that.

Just like failure. Like most people will

say, "Hey, failure is bad. They're

scared of failure." Some will even say

failure is a way to learn and grow.

Yeah, I agree with that. I think failure

is the only way to learn and grow. So if

we can embrace this failure and look at

it what I call being in the pit like

where you fall down in this pit this is

this failure and if you can embrace this

and understand this is what's sharpening

you this is what's making the fire that

makes the diamond even shinier like this

pit that you embrace like this is how

you're going to get out of this failure

and come out so much better on the other

end and like you mentioned earlier it's

it's not about like these these failure

times these difficult situation times

that happened to us, somebody else along

the along the line is going to go

through the same exact thing that we do.

Now, we use this failure not only for

our own growth, but also to help others

grow as well. And that's that's so

powerful just being able to redefine

that word of failure and even like the

word rich. I have a chapter in my book

called the rich life and it goes into

depth of like what really does rich

mean? I mean, you can have a lot of

money and you can end up being Steve

Jobs and miserable on your deathbed. But

are you rich in your relationships with

your family, with your kids, with your

spouse. Like, that's where you can

really pour into this living this rich

life and redefining these words that the

world says we have to think they're one

way, we can have them in a different

way,

>> brother. So good. So good. And and guys,

there's all these words that you use

that have certain triggers and power

over you as well. And sometimes infusing

humorous words for the power word loses

all of its influence over you. And so

sometimes whether it's the hippopotamus

word or you know you know here comes you

know this is the angry version of me and

you're like nah this is poopy pants or

whatever it sounds silly but it just you

the ridiculousness of it then it loses

its power over you. Same with when

you're in these things that we call

slumps and whatnot. I wanted to go back

for a second because it's interesting

for me for a guy that works with

athletes for the most part. Now you're

working with everybody but fa found his

bearings with athletes and I do a lot of

work with athletes as well and this is

an interesting topic you go to a lot

which is service. It's not something you

think you talk to an athlete about about

how to improve their life. And I always

say when you're feeling the most

helpless become helpful and and

instantly you're no longer helpless. But

you said it's I we I I moved over it too

quickly and I want to go back to it for

a minute because I'd like to know do you

do it every day? How do you do it? Which

was this three message thing in the

morning?

>> Yeah. So every morning I I will send out

a message and it's either a text message

or a video message just a small

encouragement to somebody and I'll have

my I I have a list of all my

relationships and everything like

relationships are who we are. We are the

people we surround ourselves with. We

know that. But also one thing about

cultivating relationships is how you

maintain relationships and how you grow

relationships. Like that's a skill in

itself. And having people know that

you're always there for them. You're in

their corner. Like you're there to cheer

them on, to be their encourager. Like

that's really really powerful, man. When

you get a text message or a video

message that just says, "I'm thinking of

you. Hey, checking in on you. Hope

you're doing well." Like that can change

your whole day. So I do that in the

morning, what I call that the big three.

But I also have the big three in the

evening as well. And I think this is a

great way to be able to track your

progress to be able to see how things

like in in your goals and your dreams

and your 1% steps that you're taking is

I'll have I'll write down three things

before I go to bed that I'm going to

focus on the next morning. So, I know

that when I after my morning routine,

I'm able to just go right into my main

three points and that like those are

going to be my three focuses because far

too often we have so many things

bombarding us left and right, especially

this time during this this virus time.

We don't know what's coming, but to be

able to keep that focus on three main

things, keep it on the main important

things. So, it's it's a it's a good way

to remember, hey, three text messages or

three three video messages, three big

things, and like you're compiling those

days, Ed, that's that's 1% win, 1% win,

1% win, and that compounding effect just

just kicks into play.

>> And I want So, so I want you guys to get

pivot and go because I want you to hear

the entire routine. But, you know, one

thing that I love is that it's simple.

Complexity is the enemy of execution.

Yep.

>> Especially at the highest level of

things. It can't be complicated things

that someone's thinking through in a

routine. They've got to be able to do it

quickly. It is interesting that you and

I had never met until today, but I've

been we've been familiar with each

other's work for a while. But, you know,

I wrote a book and I think the opening

line of the book is we have 86,400

thoughts a day. I start talking

immediately about thinking. I also uh do

a cold shower. We both use chili pads.

Maybe we'll get into that in a minute.

Amazing how we're we're both learned to

sleep a little bit differently. But you

talk very eloquently about how many

self-talk

thoughts you have a day, which is

different than total thoughts. And then

this notion, guys, if your mind isn't

blown so far, you're welcome because

when you hear about highlight reel,

which he works with athletes, and then

you hear about the self-talk thoughts a

day, this is groundbreaking stuff right

here, guys. So would you address that

for a second? I know you know where I'm

going, but they don't do it.

>> I I love it. And and first big credit to

you, too, because it like we're able to

give people tools and it's not like

super overly complicated. You hear far

too often all these doctors and

everybody talking like it sounds great,

but I don't know how to apply it. This

is way over my head. So, yeah. Yes,

thank you. And big credit to you. So, in

the the highlight reel is really really

powerful. Let's let's start off with the

highlight really. And and that that's

the moment that you know you feel like

you're just in the zone where you're

killing it. You're having the best

meeting, the best sales call, but for my

basketball players, the best game that

they've ever played. And I'll have them

watch their their clips or you can

visualize yourself your best moment that

you've had going through it. And I'll

have them do it every morning when they

wake up. I'll have them do it before

they step on the floor for practice and

before they step on the floor for game.

So constantly you're being put in this

frame of mind that this your highlight

reel you are at your best you can be

this person because these self-t talk

thoughts

we have 50,000 on average self-t talk

thoughts 50,000 80% of those are

negative so think about that 40,000

self-talk thoughts negative going

through your head throughout the day

like that's I mean that's terrible but

we can pivot this by one tool being

living in your highlight light reel

where you're constantly watching

yourself at your best and and I mean

this is this isn't something that's just

like oh this is airy fairy and up there

no you have done this like you have

literally done this you can do this

again you will do this again and we can

we can pivot these selft talk thoughts

into being 80% positive to 20% negative

and just think about how much that can

open up just not just for yourself but

how infectious living in that becomes to

others

>> okay so I'm a mom. I'm not a mom, but

I'm listening and I'm a mom. Uh, or I'm

a business person. I might be a young

athlete. I could be an entrepreneur.

Whatever. I'm a dentist. You're saying

to me that I ought to put together a

highlight reel of the best moments or

moment of my life and I should be

visualizing that video when and how

often.

>> Yeah, absolutely. Like even to the the

more detail you can get with things, the

better. So, you're watching like let's

say you're a mom and you made this

unbelievable meal or your kid got a

great report card all in the same day

and it's like this was your most your

proudest day. Now, you're going to do

this in the morning when you wake up.

You can do along with your hands after

you're done wiping the mirror clean. You

can just visually sit there and see this

going see that day like see what you

wore, see what you ate, see who you

interacted with. Recreate that day in

your mind. And that subconscious is is

where it's actually going to live. So

you're living in that highlight reel

zone.

>> So yeah, you can de I mean definitely

visualize seeing yourself going through

that moment that you are you are

absolutely at your best. And I I do it

three times a day myself. I have my NBA

players do it three times a day, but I

do it three times a day. I do it when

after my morning routine when I'll have

my coffee. I'll be doing it during that

time. I'll do it during lunch. I'll do

it during dinner. on scheduling it in. I

think it's really important that we

actually schedule things in too where

we're we're not just going to say we're

going to do them, we we put them on the

calendar, but to the point of of being

very detailed about it, like even for

gold. So, what I want to do is second

that everybody because, you know, one of

the things I've done, you know, without

really knowing I did it is every time

before I speak when I walk out on a

stage, I literally go through a

highlight reel of the best talk and

talks of my career, the feeling in my

body, what it looked like. One of the

thing with all of you with your

visualizations too that I want to tell

you is it's like meditation. You'll get

better at doing it over time. You'll

build the muscle of it, be able to see

it more clearly. You can slow it down

into slow motion. You can change the

colors. You learn to zoom in. And to the

extent that you great at doing it, it

imprints it more deeply in your

subconscious mind. So, just give

yourself the gift of doing that

regularly. The other thing you talk

about, man, that I love is, you know,

we've talked we've had experts on our

show about flow state here. We talk a

lot about focus. Thought it was

interesting. I'd never heard somebody

say this before, but you were saying you

can have a little bit too much flow and

a little too much focus. You talk about

is it the locus?

>> Yeah.

>> Yeah. What is that? which

>> it's one of my it's one of my favorite

terms because we all want to be in the

flow state and we all want to be focused

but often it doesn't go hand in hand but

it's it's that rhythm that you can be in

flow cuz so with with basketball players

or anybody that that is is trying to do

something at a high level sometimes we

overanalyze things and we really like

okay I gotta I gotta do this with my

elbow on my shot I gotta get to this

spot on the court or I gotta do this in

the business meeting that I'm at and it

and It takes us out of that flow, that

natural rhythm and that the talent that

that we have that we've developed over

preparation over time. So the key is in

this focus state, you are in the flow.

You are you're going off all the

preparation, all those hours that you

put in the 10,000 hours rule, that's a

real thing. Like that is that is real.

As much as we want to think there's

shortcuts, there's not shortcut. It's

the the myelin in our brain is what

develops the the muscle memory as we

know for for sports, for whatever we're

doing, but also for our mindset too. So

we live in this flow that we've

developed through the 10,000 hours. Now

we can also be very focused, very

streamlined while letting our flow being

able to take care of the rest. So it's

you don't I mean both are great, but if

you combine them, it's even more

powerful.

>> I love it. You talk about uh I'm loving

this just so you know. These are my

favorite shows where it's just it just

it's just naturally it goes. Two people

trying to serve.

>> Um self-confidence is a huge thing. You

my son just went off to college and

people have asked me, you know, are you

I don't know if I'm a good dad or a bad

dad, but I know that what I wanted my

son to leave with was some sort of moral

compass. It for us that comes through

faith, but want him to be a good person.

I wanted him to embody really, really

good work ethic, right? I wanted him to

have self-confidence.

And the fourth thing is I wanted him to

be able to communicate very well. I

think if you have those four things in

life, you've got a moral compass, faith,

you got great work ethic, you have

self-confidence, and you can

communicate, you're going to do pretty

well in the world. Those four things.

The third one so many people just

struggle with overall. It's it's at the

core of your work. Whether it's I think

it surprises most people that some of

the best athletes in the world also

struggle with self-confidence. They

think they're alone in this. And you do

have seven steps. I'm curious, you

probably know I was going to ask you

this, but why do you think it's such a

struggle naturally for humans? It seems

maybe it's not natural, maybe we learn

it to not have confidence and then could

you give us one other thing that you

think because you say I infuse people

with confidence, the athletes you work

with, that's a direct quote. another

step to helping me build my

self-confidence if I'm listening or

watching.

>> Yes, absolutely. Great question. And

first off, Ed, like that is we we know

where we get our joy is through the

faith. That so cool that you have your

son in like that's that's why I do

everything I do that with with joy

because I know I have faith. I know I

have Jesus. And

>> so, first of all, that's that's amazing.

But yes, confidence and having this

unshakable confidence is something we

all struggle with. Like 98% of us are

thinking of the worst case scenario even

though 98% of the time the worst case

scenario doesn't happen. It's just built

in us to think that worst case is going

to happen. And so I'll give you an

example. So the conf like I've preached

the confidence gospel to my NBA players

for years and years and I've seen it

take them literally from from average

players to future Hall of Famers just on

that self-confidence alone. And and I

know we we all can look around and we we

see that the uh success. We see our

results in certain situations. We see

our resume and we can find some

confidence in that. And that's that's

just that that's great. But that's just

the tip of the iceberg of what true

confidence is. And understanding this is

the foundation literally I think

literally of everything for confidence

for mindset is true selfawareness.

And what I mean by true self-awareness

is knowing what you stand for, why you

do what you do, and having it be

something bigger than yourself. So, I'll

give you an example real quick. One of

my best friends is Jeremy Lynn, and

Jeremy went through this time with the

New York Knicks. It was called

Lynsanity. He was like taking over the

NBA. He was he was going gamewinners,

30-point game. Like, he was the number

one trending thing in in the world for

weeks. But if Jeremy was being honest,

he would tell you that he like he didn't

really embrace that moment that he was

going through that because he was living

in the what ifs. What if I don't keep

this up? What will people think of me?

What if I can't keep performing at this

level? And it drove him nuts. So those

results that everybody saw, man, he

should be so confident. He was he was

very unconfident.

>> But so one of the biggest things that

I've seen over my career that I'm the

most proud of is seeing Jeremy come into

his own and realize his own

self-awareness. And that the fact that

he stands for so much more than just

basketball production, that he stands

for his his Taiwanese people, for his

faith in Jesus and for being a great

gourmet chef in the kitchen. Like he has

he has self-awareness in things other

than what the world is saying, hey, this

is where you have to be. Like this is

who you have to be.

>> So good. I uh dropped my son off at

college and obviously that

self-confidence thing is the biggest

piece. He's a college athlete, too. And

it's amazing that you just phrase it

that I just want to second things

because we've not talked about this

stuff. It's just remarkable. And the

last my my people that listen to my show

regularly will know this. I I left my

son the last thing I said to him as I

said, "Remember who you are and what you

stand for."

>> Yes.

>> And all of your confidence can come from

those things. And I think there's

something, by the way, self-awareness is

something I talk about an awful lot.

Completely agree with you.

>> The other thing is I don't think people

give themselves enough credit for their

intentions. So I think confidence can

come from I'm a good person. and I

intend to do well. The um there's a

reciprocity in life, you know, whether

you believe in if you're Christian like

you and I, the parable of the sewer that

you know the there's reciprocity in

life. Um what you reap is what you sow

also, which is not the parable of the

sewer, but it's a scripture

karma, whatever you think it is in your

life, that there power to intention that

I don't think enough people give

themselves confidence just stemming from

their awareness of their intention. Do

you not agree with that?

>> I completely agree with that. I love

that. I love that so much on so many

levels

>> because I mean what it is at the core is

knowing that hey, you are preparing for

your opportunity daily. We don't know

when that time is going to come. God has

that time and it's it's on a much better

time than we can even imagine. But

everything you do is a preparation for

an opportunity to come. The person that

you are today, how you act, no matter

who's watching or no matter what your

job title is, is going to determine what

you're going to be. And I have a story

in the book. One of my one of my former

teammates when I was playing in Europe,

he he came over and he was he got a

contract with the Spurs and now he was a

great player over in Europe and he's

playing with the Spurs. And so he goes

from this being this star to this bench

guy. And he told me he's like, "David,

I'm going to be the best towel waiver in

the NBA." Like literally, he was going

to embrace being on the bench and just

waving his towel and encouraging others.

And from that alone, like that became so

infectious to teammates where he finally

got his opportunity. He made the most of