this for many of you will be the most

important podcast episode I've ever

recorded and I don't usually ask you to

do this but in this case I'm going to

ask you to please listen to this entire

episode if you can and if you have the

opportunity to do so if there's

something in your life that you've

struggled with something you've

struggled to change that goal you've had

that you've never quite managed to

attain then this episode was made for

you I've been inundated with messages

over the last couple of weeks as we

approach the New Years and these

messages all seem to express slight

variations of the same critical question

which is how do I make and break habits

in 2023 our lives are quite simply a

manifestation of our habits the things

we repeatedly do so as many of you have

correctly identified if we can change

those habits we can make and break

behaviors take control of our lives and

finally achieve our most important goals

and in my life

all of the good things have come after

me breaking a habit that's had me

trapped in sort of a limiting sometimes

toxic cycle in my life and so habits and

studying how they're made and how we

make and break them with Will has been

one of the most important realizations

in my life and in the research of this

this particular podcast episode I spent

weeks researching and reading every book

that I could on the science of making

and breaking habits and in this episode

I'm going to tell you everything that I

learned everything that you need to know

from the most up-to-date scientific

research on habits and changing Behavior

and I do this in the hope that one of

you even one of you I think it'd be

worthwhile if I I land this effect on

one of you one of you can change

Behavior you've wanted to change and

therefore take control of a habit and

therefore change your life

multiple scientific Studies have found

that most people give up their New

Year's resolutions within a month and

according to a recent American study of

the 41 of Americans who made New Year's

resolution by the end of the year only

nine percent were successful in keeping

it nine percent that means if you make a

New Year's resolution at the start of

the Year by the end of the year only

nine percent of you have achieved it I

know this might make you not believe in

New Year's resolutions it might make you

think they're pointless but the study

also reveal something that suggests

otherwise six months after setting a new

year's resolution 46 of people who made

a resolution were still successful in

achieving it they still had the good

habits going compared to just four

percent of people who made a similar

goal that wasn't a New Year's resolution

that's a 1050 increase in the

probability of you achieving your goal

after six months if you set it as an

Year's resolution similarly research by

psychologist John Norcross a very famous

American psychologist has found that

resolution makers are more than 10 times

as successful in changing their behavior

is people who want to change but don't

have a formal resolution now I used to

be in the camp of thinking that

resolutions were an excuse for not

making change earlier in the year but

clearly there is something supported by

science and psychology that's happening

in terms of an intention setting that's

actually making New Year's resolutions

important but this podcast is not just

about New Year's resolutions this is

about goal setting generally and

breaking and making habits and as I said

12 months after you've set that New

Year's resolution just that nine percent

of people are still successful in their

resolution so this podcast episode is

also about purely making sure that you

are part of that successful nine percent

by giving you all the science and all

the information that you need to be part

of that nine percent almost 50 percent

of you will be successful six months

after your resolution but most of you

will fail in the next six months the

question is why

and I think

I know the answer

[Music]

pages of books and studies on habits and

goals and New Year's resolutions

it's clear to me that the first place to

start is by explaining exactly what a

habit is in the most simple way

but clearly habits are behaviors wired

so deeply in our brains that we perform

them almost automatically so why do we

have habits well they are very handy

prehistoric devices that our ancestors

have given us because decision making

and thinking itself consume so much time

and energy and the truth is if you never

made habits you would be spending so

much time in mental energy on routine

things like how do I get to work in the

morning or how do I get from the kitchen

in my house to the living room in my

house and if you used all of your time

on that you wouldn't have the capacity

to solve unique daily challenges many of

which Once Upon a Time presented a real

life or death threat so your brain

created habits which are neurological

Pathways that fire together so

frequently and successfully that your

brain wired them together to save you

time and energy once habits are formed

they're encoded in your brain

forever and this for me was a real

Revelation from reading through all the

research people tend to believe that

they can make a bad habit disappear for

good the science suggests otherwise let

me tell you a story about some rats in a

maze and what this recently uncovered

about how we can make and break habits

picture the human brain as an onion

composed of Leia upon a layer of cells

most of our complex thinking the things

that we really ponder over and the

things that really trouble us happen on

the outermost layers of the brain that's

the part of the brain that you're using

to listen to me right now on the

evolutionary time scale the outermost

layer was added fairly recently but as

you go deep inside the brain towards the

center of the skull you'll find this

golf ball-sized lump of tissues and this

is called the basil ganglia and this is

where all of your habits are stored for

ease and just so I don't have to

pronounce that difficult word again I'm

going to call this your habit control

center your habit control room and

because it's a such a prehistoric part

of the brain that same habit control

center can be found inside the brain of

rats as well so in order to study the

Habit control room world-leading

researchers from MIT conducted

experiments with rats where they

monitored the rat's brains and put them

inside a t-shaped maze with some

delicious chocolate hidden somewhere

inside the maze the first time the rat

was put into the maze it would wander up

and down the center Isle sniffing

corners and scratching at the walls it

could smell the chocolate but it

couldn't quite figure out how to find it

when it reached the top of the tea in

the Maze it often turned to the right

away from the chocolate and then

wandered left sometimes pausing for no

obvious reason at all eventually in all

the studies the animal found the

chocolate but there was no clear pattern

in the search the wandering behavior

that happened before that on the surface

it looked like each rat was taking a

leisurely unthinking casual stroll but

when they look at brain scans of those

rats at that exact moment it tells a

completely different story while each

animal wandered through the maze for the

first time its brain in particular that

habit control center in the core of the

brain was working on overdrive each time

a rat sniffed the air or scratched the

wall its brain exploded with activity as

if it was analyzing each new sand each

new site in each new sound and although

the rat looked calm the rat's brain was

ferociously processing everything but

once the rat had found the chocolate

once when placed back into the maze the

brain activity completely disappeared

the rat was now on autopilot it no

longer needed to process things it no

longer needed to think a habit had been

formed so the habit control center takes

over seemingly automatically retrieving

the stored information on how to get

from where it is at the start of the

maze to the chocolate and as if

possessed by the Habit control center

the rat glided straight to the chocolate

without pause in the same way that we

all Glide unconsciously to work or to

the gym or to that familiar part of the

house where without thinking every

single morning when we wake up without

having to consider the directions to get

there so because the rat was on

autopilot its brain was freed up to

think about other things so

theoretically the rat could Glide to the

chocolate while also pondering a complex

problem it was having it worked that day

by navigating the maze over and over the

rats formed what scientists now call a

habit Loop and there are three steps in

a habit Loop step one is you need a cue

which in this case was a click sound

they played when they dropped the rat

into the maze this Q in turn makes the

Habit control center activate the stored

routine and step two is a routine the

routine for the rats was the walk

through the maze towards the chocolate

and step three is you need a reward

which is of course the delicious

chocolate at the end of the maze the Q

routine reward is the Habit Loop The

Habit Loop happens to be the same for

humans also I've mentioned this over the

years before but my father smoked for 30

years of his life but he only ever

smoked in the car never at parties never

at home never at work only in the car

and in all honesty it would really upset

me because I think I grew up with this

kind of existential feeling or worry

that my dad was going to die someday

because he smoked because I'd heard all

you know all the things they say about

smoking in the carcinogens and why it's

bad for you so seeing your father do

that was quite troubling for me as a as

a young man and I tried I think in

subtle ways to encourage him to quit

but nothing seemed to work until one day

something I accidentally did led to him

making the decision to quit smoking

forever

his Q routine reward habit Loop is a

prime example of everything I've said he

would sit in the car and the car itself

was the queue sometimes cues are just

context for environment and that cue

caused a neurological pathway in its

brain to begin to fire up in his habit

control center his brain and seemingly

without thinking as if possessed he

would automatically reach down into the

car door and pull out his packet of

miniature cigars which was his routine

that reached down was his routine like

the rats walking through the Maze and

then he'd wind the window down and light

one up and the nicotine which releases a

a feel-good chemical in the brain called

dopamine in under just 20 seconds was

the reward Q craving routine reward but

then one day when I was 18 years old

after dropping out of University to

build my first tech startup I was

reading a book called hooked by niril

who's a previous guest on this podcast

that explains how big social media

companies and tech companies get their

users to form the habit of using their

products every day and become addicted

to their products every day by use using

the same habit Loop while I was reading

that book I happened to stop off at home

back in the southwest in Plymouth and I

accidentally left it in my father's

bathroom now for whatever reason like

many of us my dad loves to read while

he's on the toilet and so he ends up

picking up the book learning about that

habit Loop and finally understanding the

cue routine and reward that was causing

him to smoke and so he went into his car

some weeks later he didn't actually tell

me this until months after he'd quit

smoking he went into his car took the

cigarettes out and put these miniature

lollipops these little Chopper Chopper

lollipops in the Cigar Case in the place

where it was and my father after that

never smoked ever again The Habit Loop

had been interrupted a new less

addictive habit had been formed in its

place and within that my father's Health

outcomes had drastically improved going

back to the original point about how

just nine percent of us will

successfully keep Honey's resolutions I

think the study with the rats the Maize

and the chocolate may explain why you've

probably heard the phrase old habits die

hard and from the scientific perspective

that couldn't be more true I think this

is good news feel good habits I think

this is probably bad news for your bad

habits in that study with the rats

researchers eventually removed the

chocolate and the Rats still ran exactly

the same way through the maze the

researchers went one step further then

and poisoned the chocolate with a

chemical that makes the brain of the Rat

experience nausea and the Rats still ran

the exact same way through the maze even

though they stopped eating the chocolate

experiencing the reward at the end of it

the routine was still the same the queue

was still the same interestingly the

researchers then found a way to

interfere with the rat's brain and shut

off that automatic habit Loop that was

causing it to take the left Journey

Through The Maze and it worked instead

of running left through the maze the

rats started to run right through the

maze but then interestingly when the

researchers interfered with the rat's

brain again and disabled that habit Loop

of turning right through the Amaze the

rats instantaneously went back to the

previous habit of running left through

the Maze and they did it at the same

speed certainty and accuracy as they'd

done it previously once they'd learned

that habit they didn't need to learn the

old pathway through the maze once again

and their brain scan showed that they

weren't thinking about it they were back

on autopilot and researchers were

shocked because what this says and I

quote the researchers quote the original

habit had never ever really been

forgotten it was always lurking

somewhere there in their brain and I

think ladies and gentlemen this might be

one of the biggest misconceptions that

people have about habits you never get

rid of them

they're never forgotten you know the

same is true about so many things in our

lives I reflect on that and think about

some of the traumatic experiences I've

had that evidence remains ingrained in

our brain because it's useful for us

it's like if you go back maybe thousands

of years

knowing that a lion was something to run

from was something that was important

for your cognition to never forget and

this for me also explains why 91 of us

that saturnia's resolution to form a new

habit or to create a new Behavior

will fail within 12 months habits can't

be broken but this is the good news they

can be forgotten and they can be

replaced the scientists in the wrapped

maze chocolate study said and I quote

these results suggest that the brain can

quickly toggle between an old habit and

a new habit what's really stunning is

that old habits are totally intact and

retrievable in an instant habits can be

broken they can be replaced but they

can't be removed forever

so when you think about the Habit Loop

and the queue routine reward cycle it

becomes really clear why 91 of people

won't keep their New Year's resolutions

and why 25 of us won't even keep the

resolution for one week

because they're old bad habits are still

there

they never die

and the same cues are still there in

their lives whether it's an

environmental cue like my dad or it's a

chemical cue in the case of my former

partner where every time we went for a

glass of wine she got the craving to go

for a cigarette and the routine is of

course the same you know the cigars are

still there in my dad's car door or the

the Suites are still there in the draw

downstairs in my house and the rewards

on offer are all the same to an equally

delicious and compelling so it's all

well and good understanding this and

even interrupting the Habit cycle like

my dad successfully did with those

lollipops in the in the car draw but the

answer to sustaining a new habit is more

complicated to get those new

neurological Pathways to fire together

and therefore wire together scientific

studies conducted All Around the World

in humans and animals say that you need

just a little bit more

one thing we need and all the science

was clear on this is we need a

repetition you've heard this before some

studies say 21 days to form a new habit

some studies say 66 days the truth is

and I read a real plethora of research

is it seems to depend for some people it

happens in a shorter period of time for

some people depending on the Habit

depending on who you are it can take up

to hundreds of days to form the new

habit the director of the University of

Oregon social and effective Neuroscience

lab Elliot Berkman said since habits

take practice and repetition to form the

same is true when it comes to breaking

them in order to break those unwanted

habits and make new ones whatever

they're going to be I'm going to give

you the five rules of making and

breaking habits that have the most

scientific evidence to support them from

what I've found the things that

resonated with me the most that I

honestly didn't know with these five

rules in mind you'll drastically I

believe drastically increase your

chances of breaking any bad habit that

you have and making any new habit that

you desire to have so rule number one

stress is your puppet master many habits

as I'm sure you can relate including

smoking or excessive sugar consumption

involve the brain's dopamine or reward

system and dopamine if you understand

what that chemical is is a feel-good

chemical that transmits signals between

neurons in the brain the first time you

engage in a new rewarding Behavior you

get a euphoric feeling from doing it as

a result of that dopamine release this

leads to changes in both the connections

between neurons in the brain and the

system responsible for action and can

largely account for why we start to form

bad habits in the first place or habits

that we are we don't necessarily want

many of these rewarding things like

sugar or substances

um are powerful and chemically addictive

as well which means the Habit is even

harder to unanchor and our psychological

reaction to them in this day and age can

be linked all the way back to evolution

in the caveman days in the cave woman

days meat wasn't salted there wasn't

such a thing is candy or sweets and

highly addictive substances like tobacco

have only been growing in the wild for

nearly 8 000 years but it wasn't until

about 2 000 years ago that we started

picking tobacco up and chewing it and

smoking it Russell poldrack who's the

professor of psychology at Stanford

University says our brains are not well

equipped to deal with the big rush one

gets from these sorts of things and if

you just look at the High Street around

you humans are quite clearly designed

our entire society around activities

that will give us this habit-forming

dopamine response in our brains if you

go into a corner shop I can get crisps

again that releases dopamine sweets

adult magazines

cigars cigarettes booze and they sell so

well because they cause that

all-important dopamine release in our

brain which acts as the reward part of

the Habit Loop so we keep on coming back

to the corner shop for more and more and

more which means more shops have popped

up on the High Street catering to that

addictive habit Loop and that reward

part of the Habit Loop and if you think

about your High Street most of the shops

are selling sugar

caffeine or highly processed foods for

this very reason and I've always

wondered if highly processed foods like

french fries pizzas cheesecakes all of

my favorite things milkshakes trigger

the same neurological habit Loopers

smoking or other addictive drugs and new

findings published in the journal of

clinical nutrition finally suggest that

they do scientists studied a group of

overweight men between the ages of 18

and 35 years old the men were given

similar milkshakes however one had a

high glycemic index and then one had a

low glycemic index the glycemic index is

basically an indicator of how fast blood

sugar glucose levels Spike after

consuming certain foods carbohydrates

such as cookies and baked goods and

pasta and white bread and white rice all

have a high glycemic index they're

quickly digested while low glycemic

carbohydrates which include whole grains

and vegetables and fruits and legumes

and unprocessed grains are broken down

in a much slower way four hours after

the two groups of men were given the

milkshakes they had an MRI brain scan

which analyzed the activity in that

reward part of the brain and subjects in

the experiment who consume the high

glycemic milkshakes had spikes in their

blood sugar levels which then plummeted

four hours later and as their blood

glucose levels decreased those

participants developed excessive hunger

and their brain scans demonstrated high

levels of activity in a region of the

brain which is associated with

addiction and this really brings me to a

point from that professor at Stamford

where he said you're more likely to do

the thing you don't want to do when

you're stressed out I.E you're more

likely to go in search of that dopamine

hit in the form of sugar processed food

Drugs porn alcohol whatever it might be

if you're stressed out therefore one of

the most unobvious but important things

you can do to make a new habit stick and

form enough repetitions in that early

phase to make the neurons fire together

and wire together is to keep your stress

levels low especially in that critical

early phase while you're forming that

new habit Loop I.E if you're trying to

form a new habit whatever it might be go

to the gym whatever it might be and if

you want to be in that nine percent of

people that have achieved their New

Year's resolution 12 months from now

don't just focus on the habit focus on

your stress because high stress levels

are one of the forces acting against

your willpower as it relates to habits

and I think we can all relate I think we

can all sort of intuitively know that

when we're stressed we tend to reverse

back to bad habits and that's exactly

why they've proven this over and over

again in studies that stressed people

make bad choices as they go in that

desperate search of things that will

make them feel good in the short term

and because of this stress people are

very bad at delaying gratification

and being able to delay gratification as

I've come to learn in my own life is one

of the real keys of achieving any goal

we have in you know life business

relationships health or Fitness so what

is delayed gratification I've heard that

word for most of my life but what what

is it and why is it important what is

the research what are the studies that

prove the importance of it how do I do

it well the definition of delayed

gratification according to science is

the ability to delay an Impulse for an

immediate reward to receive a more

favorable reward at a later time and and

just on that point of delayed

gratification and how important it is

one of the most important studies I've

ever read was from the 1960s a famous

Stanford Professor named Walter Michelle

began conducting a series of important

studies around the concept of delayed

gratification during his experiments

Michelle and his team tested hundreds of

children most of them between the ages

of four and five years old and he

revealed what we now believe to be one

of the most important characteristics of

success not just in health not just in

work but also in life and they called

this this is a very famous experiment so

I imagine most of you will know this

experiment they called this the

marshmallow experiment I think certain

TV shows in America have mimicked this

and it's really quite funny to watch I

remember it when it went viral a form of

it went viral on social media a couple

years ago the experiment began

by bringing each child into a private

room and sitting them down on a chair

and placing one marshmallow on the table

in front of them the child was then

given a choice by the researcher the

researcher said I'm gonna leave the room

for a while and I'll come back in and

you can eat this tasty marshmallow if

you want to if that's your choice but if

you don't want to eat it and you if you

don't eat it I'll give you a second one

when I come back in so the choice was

simple one treat right now or two treats

when the researcher comes back in later

the research left the room for 15

minutes some kids as you can imagine

jumped up and put that marshmallow

straight in their mouth they'd eaten it

before he'd even left the room others

quite hilariously struggled around in

their chair and tried to restrain

themselves from eating it but eventually

gave in a few minutes later

and finally a few of the children did

manage to wait the entire time

and this study became known as the

marshmallow experiment but it wasn't the

funny reactions that made it famous the

mind-blowing and fascinating part came

many many years later as the years

rolled past and those same children

became fully formed adults the

researchers conducted a follow-up

experiment and they tracked each child's

progress in a number of different areas

of their life and what they found was

astonishing the children who were

willing to delay gratification and

waited to receive the second marshmallow

from the researcher ended up having

higher exam scores later in life they

ended up having lower levels of

substance abuse lower likelihoods of

childhood obesity better social skills

as reported by their parents and friends

and generally better scores in most

areas across their entire lives and

importantly the kids that didn't reach

for the marshmallow and became

successful adults also had much better

responses to stress they were likely

less stressed kids and they were

probably less stressed adults and it's

interesting to try and establish

causation between their

clearly stress undermines our ability to

regulate impulsivity stress hijacks the

brain and if you're stressed you won't

be able to delay gratification you will

continue to reach for those marshmallows

and you might not therefore achieve your

goals the researchers in the marshmallow

experiment continue to follow each child

for more than 40 years and year over

year over year the group who waited

patiently for the second marshmallow

succeeded in every capacity of their

lives that they were measuring in other

words the series of experiments proved

that our ability to delay gratification

was critical for success in life in our

love lives in our work and we know that

stress is a key factor preventing us

from delaying gratification you'll see

this everywhere in your life I've seen

it in mine if you're able to delay the

gratification of buying sweets or

desserts or cake or ice cream on your

way home from work that increases your

chance of eating healthier when you get

home and there's countless other

examples therefore and this is I guess

my big conclusion

therefore and this is not obvious but at

the start of your journey to creating

that new habit you have to focus on the

simple stuff that makes your life as

stress-free as possible and those

foundations are it's been proven by

science more sleep exercise regularly

and opt for stress reduction techniques

like meditation or massages or walking

or running or whatever helps you to

deregulate de-stress decompress because

scientists have shown that that alone

will increase your willpower and

drastically improve your chances of

cementing new habits and achieving your

big goals in your life and it's funny

because most people wouldn't think of

sleep as an important factor in

achieving most of their habits but the

science seems to be incredibly clear on

this according to World leading sleep

expert and neurologist Kathy Goldstein

sleep plays a major factor in the

success or failure of the most popular

New Year's resolutions for those trying

to lose weight or to eat healthier a

lack of sleep decreases leptin which is

the hormone that makes you feel full it

also boosts something called Girling aka

the hunger hormone which increases

appetite promotes fat storage and call

causes poor food choices and for those

of you like me that have goals

associated with work and becoming better

in your work or you want to get a

promotion or whatever it might be the

science is clear a lack of sleep reduces

your productivity and additionally sleep

deprived people in management roles are

described as less ethical not as alert

not as motivated and not as cheerful and

for those of you that might want to

boost your your social lives a lack of

sleep contributes to poor mood markedly

worse social interactions in all of the

studies and for those looking to quit

smoking like my dad a lack of sleep is

tied to higher rates of nicotine

dependency sleep is one of these

foundations that we often Overlook and

it's become a huge priority in my life

so if you want to make or break a new

habit rule number one in my five rules

is to forget all the complicated tips

and tricks and hacks and focus on those

Basics you'll succeed if you feel good

if you're not over stressed and if

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rule number two

know your cues incredibly important and

often overlooked as we've said

previously and as you know I've

indicated from that rap maze chocolate

experiment but also an example of my

father and my ex-girlfriend habits have

three main parts acute a routine and a

reward

cues are often just a context where you

tend to engage in that behavior so if

you want to break a habit step number

one has to be getting crystal clear on

exactly what your cues are if you're

aware of it you're empowered to do

something about it because the science

shows that you're most likely to relapse

to an old bad habit in the context of

when you usually perform that bad habit

knowing your cues and your triggers can

help you to avoid them and scientists

say that if a smoker disposes of a queue

like it could be an item a q item like

an ashtray or something like that that

reminds them of that habit they're

significantly more likely to give up

smoking so with this in mind

capitalizing on a major life change can

also help you to break or make unhealthy

habits

often people think like when you're

moving to a new city or starting a new

job or you're you know joining a new

social environment we might think that's

bad timing to start thinking about

making new habits because we're so busy

but science suggests the complete

opposite think about it if our cues come

from our environment usually your

current environment is full of hundreds

of different cues and triggers your home

your commute your dog walk your social

context even your friends collectively

all of those environmental factors

probably hold hundreds maybe even

thousands of cues and triggers that lead

to routines that get you rewards and

those cues and triggers and routines and

rewards those cues are holding your bad

habits in place so if you're used to

lighting up a cigarette on your way home

from work for instance or stopping off

at that fast food spot on your way home

from work moving to a new city gives you

a chance to break that cue it removes

the queue which means that you can

remove the routine and hopefully the

reward

and that's something that I

that I think about a lot which is

whenever I change my environment whether

it's moving into a new place or going to

a new city or making new friends or

doing something new how can I use that

sort of blank canvas as a as a way to

start creating new habits can I put my

fitness shoes in a certain obvious place

so that I'm cute every day to go to the

gym can I remove the sweet drawer from

my house completely and replace it with

a healthy drawer full of vegetables and

fruits those kinds of things and also

when we go to new places when we spend

time abroad for prolonged periods of

time that's a great opportunity despite

what people tend to think to really kick

start new habits and to shed old ones

rule number three don't focus on

stopping bad habits focus on replacing

them it is and I've experienced this

over and over again in my life it's

impossibly difficult to actually stop a

habit

um so I I delved into the science to try

and figure out why and what happens when

we try and stop doing a bad habit and

the science shows that focusing too much

on stopping something often makes you

rebound eventually and do it more we are

action-orientated creatures not in

action orientated creatures and some

Studies have shown that the more you

suppress your thoughts the more likely

you are to think about those things over

and over again and therefore revert back

to a bad habit one study done in 2008 on

the topic of appetite found that those

who suppressed their thoughts about

eating chocolate exhibited behavioral

rebound effects where they consumed

significantly more chocolate than those

who didn't and I'll tell you what I can

relate I can think of multiple times in

my life where I've made a pledge to

myself to quit something and because I'm

so focused on quitting that thing when I

eventually break maybe because I'm

stressed maybe because of another factor

I end up swinging so far the other way

because I've sort of held myself away

from that thing that I craved and

similarly a 2010 study published in the

psychological science found that smokers

who tried to restrain their thoughts

about smoking ultimately wound up

thinking about smoking even more and

this reminds me of a small piece of

advice my driving instructor said to me

when I was 18 years old 19 years old he

said Stephen the car goes where your

eyes are looking if you want to avoid

crashing into the cars on the side of

the road don't focus on the cars on the

side of the road because you're Veer

towards the park cars on the side of the

road so look forward into the distance

where you want the car to go and this

seems like a fairly fitting analogy for

what we're talking about and for the

Third Law of breaking and making habits

you end up doing the thing you're

focusing on so don't focus on stopping

smoking focus on the behavior you want

to replace it with the director of the

University of Oregon social and

effective Neuroscience lab Elliot

Berkman who I mentioned earlier he said

something which is really really

pertinent to this he said if you're a

smoker and you tell yourself not to

smoke your brain still hears smoke

conversely if you tell yourself to chew

gum every time you want a cigarette your

brain has a more positive

action-orientated goal to focus on and

this explains why those miniature

lollipops that my dad put in the side of

the car when he quit smoking was such a

good idea he didn't just take the

cigarettes out of the car altogether

which might have caused him to rebound

and think about them a lot he replaced

them with a new action-orientated habit

for his brain to latch onto and focus on

which in his case was of course sucking

lollipops similarly scientists suggest

that if 5 PM for example has been linked

to that glass of wine that you've been

trying to knock for a while

don't just remove the glass of wine from

your life instead double down on

hydration and make sure the fridge is

stocked with seltzers and cold water and

lemon just like my dad did but as I said

at the start of this podcast doing this

just once won't be enough forming a new

habit takes time and commitment so don't

feel discouraged if it takes longer than

you might expect I remember looking at

the because I think we've all grown up

in this world where they say that

forming a new habit takes 20 something

days people have repeated this to be

over and over again it takes 20

something days I think when I started

doing the keto diet for a little while

people said to me just do it for 25 days

and you'll be you know the Habit will

stick

so I looked into some of the sites

around this and a 2010 study published

in the European Journal of Social

Psychology found it took an average of

66 days for a behavior to change but as

I said at the start this varies wildly

for some people it's 20 days and in some

cases it was 250 days so I think that's

largely BS and I think the more

important thing is actually going to be

revealed in rule number five of these

five rules but before we get to number

five which really was a light bulb

Epiphany moment for me I'm going to give

you rule number four for forming making

and breaking the habits you want to in

2023 rule number four is you need a

better reason to quit

neuroscientists have shown that even if

you replace a quote-unquote bad habit

with a better one sometimes the original

habit will have a much stronger

biological reward than the thing you've

substituted it for and if you think

about what I said earlier

the habit's always going to be there so

even if you substitute it

like the scientists said in the rat

experiment it can so easily just toggle

back it never disappears the pathway the

neurons are fired together they all

wired together for example in the case

of my dad who I keep mentioning

throughout this podcast his brain

obviously knows that the lollipop is not

as addictive as the nicotine he's

getting from those cigars and therefore

it won't produce the same euphoric

neurological feeling in the reward

centers of his brain as those cigars did

but this is where the importance of

having an intrinsic motivation comes

into play and listen an intrinsic

motivation is a phrase any Avid listener

of this podcast has probably had me say

a lot the word intrinsic is one of my

favorite phrases it's basically a reason

for doing something that is genuinely

and personally important to you not

something that you're doing for external

Rewards or payment we call that an

extrinsic motivation and for me and

you've heard me bangling about this

um because it genuinely changed my life

my reason for getting healthy and

cutting junk food out of my diet was

always shallow as I've said before I

wanted to have a six-pack for summer so

for the first few months of every single

year when I made that New Year's

resolution I would work out every single

day and I would eat healthy food

obsessively until one of two things

happened until either

I got in shape or until

summer ended

then I would immediately revert back

like those rats who started running left

again I would immediately revert back to

my old habit of eating junk food and

avoiding any form of exercise and it

wasn't until 2020 when a certain virus

spread across the world tragically

killing millions of people in every

corner of the world that I got to see

as the most

imprinting alarming example how fragile

health is and how fragile life is and

that's when if I think about it now

that's when things changed in my mind I

realized like a wonderful

Epiphany that my health and fitness were

the most important thing in my life

because it is literally the the First

Foundation I've said this before think

of it like this table everything you

care about sits on this table your

career your family your goals all of

your future dreams everything now you

can remove any of the things on the

table and you still have everything else

I can God forbid get rid of my dog Pablo

and I still have everything else on the

table I can get rid of my career and I

still have everything else that's on the

table but if I get rid of the table

everything else Falls I lose everything

my health is the table my health is my

first Foundation everything in my life

is contingent on it so logically it must

be every single day when I wake up in

the morning it must be my first priority

and that one realization changed my life

it gave me like this

huge powerful intrinsic reason to focus

on my health which was not just six

packs and abs and chasing women or

whatever it might be and now we sit here

three years later when I'm in the best

shape of my life I've managed to kind of

stick at it of course I have ups and

downs and Peaks and troughs and whatever

else and some days where I'm you know in

the draw at 2AM eating too much

chocolate or whatever we're all human

none of us are perfect and I think it's

important to communicate that

um I have all the same struggles you

know some days my motivation's low some

days it's a bit higher but if if we zoom

out and I think that's the key if we

zoom out I've made drastically healthier

choices I'm in the best shape of my life

I've cut out a lot of the things that I

know are bad for me

and that really had a bad impact on my

body and my mind

um and that's all because I finally got

a better reason and my point here is

sometimes

your good habits don't stand a chance

because you don't have a good enough

reason like me you want a six-pack and

you want it for bad reasons one of my

favorite quotes of all time is change

happens when the pain of staying the

same becomes greater than the pain of

making a change I.E people don't change

until it's easier to change than it is

to stay the same

and unfortunately

this means people sometimes need a real

Health scare they need a death in their

family or some kind of other tragedy

until they have a strong enough reason

strong enough evidence to make a change

and that is tremendously sad it's been

the case for me too many times in my

life that I've had to lose something

to make a change I've had to lose

something to learn the value of it um

for me the events of 2020 were that

tragedy I said you know I sincerely hope

that

you guys that are listening to this

won't need a tragedy of your own to

realize what truly matters to you

um or to give you that intrinsic

motivation to live more aligned with the

with the person you want to be in the

values that you have

rule number five maybe the most

important I'll let you decide rule

number five and this is again slightly

controversial slightly unconventional

is willpower is not enough this is maybe

the most fascinating study I read of all

of them because it really made me Ponder

and it kind of disrupted my thinking on

Willpower and strength and

um mental strength and motivation

and it's probably a huge reason why 91

of people don't stick to their

resolutions dozens of studies show that

willpower is the single most important

habit for individual success and this is

true

but

for a long time people thought that

willpower is a skill that you could

develop and that therefore remains

constant Forever Until Mark murovan a

PhD scientist argued that if willpower

is a skill

then why does it not remain constant

throughout the whole day or even

throughout the whole week why does

willpower seem to fluctuate

he conducted an experiment to prove that

willpower like all of the muscles in our

body

gets exhausted the more we use it

throughout the day in his lab he did a

fairly simple thing he set up one bowl

of freshly baked cookies and then he set

up another bowl of radishes and listen

everybody hates radishes including me

well you know put them up chop them up

put them in a salad maybe I don't hate

them they're good for you but anyway in

this example most people would prefer

hot delicious cookies than radishes

right and the participants in the study

were divided into two groups one group

was instructed to eat the delicious

cookies and ignore the radishes the

other group was instructed to ignore the

delicious cookies and to eat the

radishes I know which group I would have

rather been in after five minutes into

that experiment the researchers

re-entered the room and gave both groups

of people a puzzle but the thing is the

puzzle was impossible to complete and

here's what happened

the people that had eaten the cookie

with their unused reservoir of willpower

because they hadn't had to use their

willpower they hadn't had to use their

restraint looked way more relaxed when

they were trying to solve that

impossible puzzle and they would

continue to try and solve it over and

over and over again some worked for more

than half an hour before the researcher

told them to stop on average the cook

eaters spent almost 19 minutes trying to

solve that puzzle before they eventually

quit on average now in the case of the

radish eaters with their depleted

willpower because they they had to

practice restraint they acted completely

differently it was a completely opposite

story

they vented as they worked to try and

solve that puzzle they got frustrated

one even complained that that the whole

experiment was a waste of time some of

them put their heads on the table closed

their eyes and one of them even snapped

at the researcher when she came back in

on average the radish eaters worked for

roughly eight minutes 60 less they tried

to solve the problem of the puzzle The

Impossible puzzle for 60 percent less

time than the cookie eaters before

quitting and when I read this study I

was shocked but I'm a skeptic so I tried

to think of why this might be I tried to

think of other factors and I thought of

maybe it's the sugar maybe the sugar in

the cookies are causing them to work

harder but when you look at other

studies where there isn't sugar anytime

someone's practicing restraint the same

effects are seen willpower isn't just a

skill it's a muscle like the muscles in

your arms or your legs and it gets tired

and it gets tired as it's forced to work

harder so there's less power left over

for all of the other things and since

since that cookie study was published I

think in 1998 numerous Studies have

built a case for the exact same thing

they call it the world power depletion

theory in one incredible example which

is almost hard to believe volunteers who

are asked to suppress their feelings as

they watched an emotional movie gave up

sooner on a test that they did after of

physical stamina than volunteers who

watched the film and were allowed to

react in whatever way they wanted to so

if you were asked to restrain yourself

when you then did a physical exercise

people gave up sooner in the physical

exercise in a similar study which

pointed at the exact same conclusion

people who were asked to suppress

certain thoughts were less able to

stifle laughter in a follow-up test

which was designed to make them giggle

so if the science here is correct which

I suspect it is and willpower is a

limited resource

it's really obvious that the more

pressure and restrictions and strain you

put on yourself when you're trying to

make a new habit and break old ones the

less the chance you have of achieving

them the more chance you have of

rebounding and relapsing this is why

unsustainable crash diets just don't

work this is why anytime you feel like

you're depriving yourself of something

that you really want you nearly always

end up failing and falling into relapse

this is why in a 2014 study almost 40

percent of people so they failed on

their New Year's resolutions because the

goal was too unsustainable or

unrealistic and 10 said they failed

because they had too many goals this is

why it's so important as you think about

what goals you're setting to make sure

that they're small enough and achievable

enough to become sustainable without the

need for major sacrifice which will

deplete your willpower reserves and that

is that for me was a real Revelation

because I think about all the habits

I've tried to set you know what I'm

talked about trying to get a six-pack

for summer think about what I said I

obsessively ate healthy food I went to

the gym every day for six months my

willpower eventually became depleted and

I rebounded rebounded like a yo-yo like

you've never seen before and this is why

you shouldn't try and give up every bad

habit that you have at the same time

this is why less goals increase the

chance of completing all of your goals

because with too many big unrealistic

sacrifice-centric goals your willpower

will be under tremendous unsustainable

strain it will run out you will fail and

it will rebound and this is also why so

many psychologists and scientists have

found that the best way to create a new

habit isn't by depriving yourself of all

rewards that is totally

counterproductive according to the

science it's by finding new rewards

healthier rewards less addictive rewards

but nonetheless making sure that you

still reward yourself in some way every

day along the way

and I'm gonna do something that I didn't

plan to do I'm going to give you a bonus

rule number six because this point I've

been talking about ever since I learned

to I think I've been pestering everyone

I saw Jay Shetty earlier on and I I

peppered him with it then I saw my

assistant I peppered her with it I think

the two guys in the room recording this

podcast with me I've peppered them with

it as well

this is something that I thought was

unbelievable because it's so easy it's

so simple it's a

it's a one second exercise which the

science has shown is tremendously

effective in helping you to create a new

habit so bonus rule number six

the secret power of posing a question

I'm going to give you one last short tip

that I found buried within the

scientific research that blew my mind

and blew my mind again so much so that I

had to check it was true it's called the

question Behavior effect it's an

incredible

simple phenomenon in which asking people

about performing a certain Behavior

drastically influences whether they do

it in the future or not the effect has

been shown to last for more than six

months after you ask a simple question

you know going back to one of the real

pioneering pieces of research on this a

study published in the Journal of

consumer psychology says asking the

right question is the key to behavior

change so instead of telling someone

else what to do or if it relates to a

goal you're trying to achieve for

yourself instead of just saying what

you're going to do

for example if you want to go to the gym

instead of saying I want to go to the

gym or I'm going to go to the gym

it's way more effective according to the

science to ask yourself or a person a

simple question which is are you going

to go to the gym

across repeated psychological studies if

an individual isn't exhibiting healthy

Behavior if they're then asked a

question about that behavior

or they ask themselves a question about

their behavior it serves as a reminder

of their choices direct questions in

their studies influence people to cheat

less to exercise more to volunteer more

and to even recycle more and the key

here isn't to ask any question or to ask

it in any way it's to ask a question

which encourages a definitive yes or no

answer really interestingly researchers

found that the question Behavior effect

was most effective and most powerful

when the question was administered via

computer or a paper and pencil survey

and I guess

you're wondering why that works why why

isn't it effective to say it to somebody

why is it better when a

a medium that can't respond that has a

yes or no box on it is more effective

than asking your friend or yourself the

same question and there are several

theories about why the question Behavior

effect works but most people believe

it's related to something called

cognitive dissonance cognitive

dissonance is where your ideal self the

person you want to be

doesn't match up with your real self

which is who you actually are so

although you might want to be a healthy

person your behavior your actions might

not be aligning with that they might not

be aligning with the actions of a fit

healthy person so someone asks you the

question or if you ask yourself the

question are you going to go to the gym

today

saying no would cause a lot of mental

discomfort to ease your discomfort

you're likely going to say yes then once

you say yes your prediction that you're

going to exercise that day becomes a

self-fulfilling prophecy because the

question has reminded you of who you

want to be the path to becoming that

person are you going to go to the gym

today and you've set an intention to

walk that path it's a simple question is

a reminder it delivers the path and it

gives you the opportunity to send a

clear intention to yourself and to

whoever else of what you're going to do

and the reason why this works even more

effectively when answering yes or no to

the question especially on a computer or

a pen or a paper is because these binary

choices in a yes or no box or on a

computer or on a piece of paper wherever

it might be don't allow for

clarification and excuses both of which

we all know allow us to wiggle away from

confronting the reality of who we want

to be the path of getting there and

establishing an intention well you might

want to explain you know Steve you know

I wanna I might say to myself you know I

plan on starting to exercise next month

or I'm going to stop sugar next month or

I'll go to the gym once my schedule

allows me to do so a yes or no question

doesn't give any room to create an

excuse the justification and to deceive

yourself you need to commit if it's yes

or no you need to commit one way or the

other so the next time you're tempted to

make excuses for your behavior and we

all do it I do it every day or to

lecture someone else about what they

should do differently

try this instead try asking yourself and

I did this last night it was 11 30 p.m

at night or whatever long day and I'm

sat there in my little office upstairs

and I think

I know I should go on the Peloton I've

not been on the Peloton in a little

while

um so ask myself a question said Steve

are you gonna go on the Peloton

like a bit of a weirdo I replied to

myself yes

use it on yourself ask yourself a clear

yes or no question about an area of your

life that you're struggling in

daily to find motivation and or if you

want to help someone in an empathetic

and effective way instead of saying you

should quit smoking you can raise the

question with them and ask them are you

gonna quit smoking are you going to

apply for that new job and ask them only

for a yes or no answer if you can

obviously remember to have empathy

because sometimes questions come with

them

something which isn't revealed unless

the person reads between the lines which

is judgment and we don't want to we

don't want to lead with judgment that's

not a good thing

um but raising awareness raising someone

else's awareness of their behavior with

this genital confrontation of their

ideal self can lead to significant

Behavior change

so with these six rules here's my

conclusive message to you

don't let the statistically High

likelihood of failure with your goals

and Years resolutions put you off trying

because the science also says that

resolutions are effective set yourself

up for Success using the rules in this

podcast please tell a friend if you've

got a friend in your life that is

struggling with something there's a

habit they want to make or a habit they

want to break please share this podcast

episode with them and hopefully it'll

make change in someone's life you know I

reflect on how that leaving that book at

home accidentally

had such a big accidental impact and I

give all the credit to my father for

actually doing it I accidentally left

the book somewhere which I had no

intention of helping anyone but he took

that book read it and to think an idea

helped him to stop smoking which is a

goal that he had for some people they

might love smoking and that's also fine

all of our goals are subjective

um to think that he was able to shake a

habit that was not good for his health

is much of the reason why I'm doing this

podcast which is this realization that

one idea could be any of these six

principles or something else that we've

shared today could have that effect on

someone that I'll never meet is the most

rewarding reason for staying up

it's fairly late here it's about 10 p.m

at night

um and doing this podcast so soon before

New Year's

and remember and I think this is an

important admittance life is all about

failing forward you like me in all areas

of your life will stumble you'll hit

hurdles life will happen

um that's completely inevitable but

hopefully with these principles in mind

you can pick yourself back up again and

again and again and again and you know

I've had to do this over and over again

in every habit that I've successfully

formed and the habits that I'm still

struggling to form until such a time

when the habits you're seeking to break

have been broken and the habits you're

seeking to make have been made and your

new behavior is creating the life that

you hope and desire to live

this is a never-ending Journey which is

something that I've clearly come to

learn from my own struggles with forming

new habits and breaking old ones but

regardless of the distance differences

and distinctions it's important to know

that we are all in this together as a

society if you're more happy productive

and successful then just buy like a

connective karma for us living on the

same planet that will increase the

chance of my life being happy more

productive and successful we are all in

this together so help each other out

pull each other up and have empathy for

those that are struggling the most

because as one of my guests said to me

on this podcast this year

the truth is when we think about that

person in our life that's struggling

with a habit if you were them if you had

walked their path in their life and you

had their DNA

the truth is you'd be doing exactly the

same thing so the best way to

demonstrate your gratitude for being

more fortunate in whatever subjective

regard that you might be

is to lift up those who aren't

I wish you all the luck in the world for

achieving your goals this year and in

the spirit of the sixth bonus Rule and

because I always end this podcast with a

question here's my very binary parting

yes or no question to you that hopes to

use the force of the question Behavior

effect

to help you achieve some of your habits

my parting question

is are you going to achieve your goals

this year

yes

oh no

thank you

quick one this episode is brought to you

by Mercedes-Benz who recently got in

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