Joe Rogan podcast. Check it out.

>> The Joe Rogan Experience.

>> TRAIN BY DAY. JOE ROGAN PODCAST BY

NIGHT. All day.

>> Dimmitri was here when Donald Trump was

here.

>> Wow. That made my day.

>> It was important. Doesn't matter what's

odd.

>> It doesn't.

>> No.

>> There we go.

>> Um.

>> Wow. These are nice.

>> Dimmitri the snake.

>> Yeah. Tapeworm.

>> There he is. Oh, that's right.

>> Tapeworm. Yeah. What's going on with

your face? What are you doing?

>> This is a tight one for me today, guy.

[laughter]

What?

I'm feeling ripe.

>> What is that?

>> It's a It says Betty.

>> Billy.

>> Billy. Oh, B I

>> L L Y.

>> Oh, okay.

>> It's a uh

it's a memorial tattoo.

I don't know if you knew this or not,

but uh

my uh

my kid got hit by a truck.

>> When did you have a kid?

>> About two years ago. I haven't told

anyone.

I was ashamed. It was a one night stand.

Kid,

>> is it a human kid? Yeah,

[laughter]

>> Billy.

>> Did he get hit by a truck?

>> Got hit by a truck.

>> Was he just walking?

>> Well, someone and I won't say who, left

the gate open and uh he wandered out

into the street and uh boom,

like hit by a 18-wheeler.

And uh this is like a memorial. So, you

got Billy tattooed on your forehead?

>> I have two tattoos. I got Billy on my

forehead and I got a tattoo of his

little face over my heart.

>> Let me see it.

>> Really?

>> Yeah.

>> God.

>> First of all, what happened to the one

when you were attacked by the bear

>> that healed up? [laughter]

This is Billy.

>> Billy Goat.

>> He's a kid.

>> Billy the kid.

>> Yeah.

>> Yeah. Poor little guy.

>> Poor little guy.

>> He was a service animal.

>> I thought he was your son.

>> Well, he was my boy. He was a kid.

>> But you said he got him out of a one

night stand.

>> Well, that girl sold him to me. He was a

service animal.

[sighs]

>> Mhm.

>> Yeah.

It sucks, dude. And you know what sucks?

He was hit by a truck that was hauling

medical supplies. Okay.

>> How ironic,

>> right? He's laying there. And to watch

your kid bleet to death.

He's just laying on the pavement like

just bleeding to death.

>> Amazing. He was still alive.

>> Well, he I couldn't believe it. He was

alive and and a respirator rolled out of

the back of the truck, a life-saving

device, and crushed his stupid his

crushed his head. So he was killed not

by the truck but by the final blow of

the respirator landing on him,

>> right? So the irony,

>> what are the odds?

>> Well, this is the irony in life, Joe.

Like he he got hit by the truck, might

have survived a respirator rolled out of

the back. These things weigh a good half

ton.

>> Lands on the idi on the kid's face and

uh gone.

>> Poor Billy.

>> So memorial tattoos.

>> Well, you're a good guy. That was a good

>> I would have ate them.

>> Is that right?

>> Yeah.

>> How does goat taste? I haven't had it.

>> It's pretty good. Yeah, I've had it.

>> You have?

>> Sure. First time I ever had it was in LA

at a Mexican spot. They sell they were

selling goat tacos. They were delicious.

>> Oh my god.

>> Yeah. And then I had a neighbor, well

not a neighbor, who's a landscaper that

was a friend of mine that would uh he

would fight chickens. They do chicken

fights.

>> [ __ ] fights.

>> Yeah.

>> Yeah. I've had those.

>> Trying to be polite. Clean it up for the

viewers.

>> Wow. Chicken chicken fights.

>> [ __ ] is kind of the technical name.

>> Seems wrong.

>> Yeah.

>> When you're saying it.

>> Have you ever

>> I don't like how you're saying it. But

anyway, they would roast a goat. He told

me uh whenever they would do a co [ __ ]

fight better. Feel better.

>> Well, it's not for me. It's for

>> for the culture.

>> For the Yeah. I mean, it is what it is.

A pit fight. A pit bull fight.

>> Actually, I wonder how you say it in

Spanish cuz Elco

>> So anyway, he lived in this

neighborhood. You would swear to God

that it was Mexico. It was crazy. Like

every sign was in Spanish. All the

people were in Spanish. There was

roosters everywhere. You just on his

street you hear

like all day long. It was like it was

crazy. And so he had this friend of

mine, friend of his rather, uh he went

to his we went to the backyard and in

the backyard there's just stacks and

stacks of rooster cages. They had so

many roosters. And they had these prize

roosters and they had a whole pit. So

they had a thing. It was almost like a

barn looking area. And you go in there

and there's a pit,

>> a cockpit.

>> And then that that's where they would

fight. And he he was showing me where

they would roast a goat. He said every

time they would have a a [ __ ] fight,

they'd roast a goat and everybody have

beers. And

>> well, if you're going to have a [ __ ]

fight, you might as well roast a goat.

>> That's what I said.

>> But if I had a cockpit in my backyard,

I'd get like a Delta pilot and an

American Airlines pilot and toss them in

>> and let them fight it out.

>> Let them fight it out in the cockpit.

>> Who do you think would win? probably

Delta because they have

>> the DEI program.

>> Do they?

>> Yeah.

>> Or in this case, they do the DI

>> the DIE program cuz someone ain't coming

out alive.

>> Well, I think we need pilots. So maybe

you should do it with someone that's

like over represented in the

marketplace. Like what what would be

like we could get rid of some of those

folks

>> who we could single out?

>> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Would be like we've

had enough. There's too many of you

guys.

>> Yeah.

Politicians.

>> Yeah.

>> Yeah.

>> Oh, yeah. Homeless advocates. I'd love

to see politicians get in a pit and

fight,

>> right?

>> Yeah.

>> Two men enter, one man leave. I mean,

that had to how it went down a long time

ago.

>> Yeah.

>> A long time ago.

>> Oh, you're talking like cavemen years.

>> Yeah. Tribal days.

>> Tribal day. Yeah.

>> Yeah. They probably had a fight.

>> Yeah.

>> My opponent's a piece of [ __ ] He wants

to steal all the coconuts.

>> Yeah.

>> Yeah. Well, I think I think back then

the hierarchy worked based on physical

dominance, intimidation.

>> Mhm.

>> Like you'd be a good leader. You got you

got you're jacked.

>> Yeah. I'm not a good leader though

because I'd be like, you got to do what

you want to do. I'm not really

interested in running this place. I got

to get out of here.

>> Yeah. Yeah. Because once you decide

you're running it, you're stuck with

everything.

>> Yeah. And all the problems are your

problems.

>> Wow.

>> And everyone wants to kill you. Like who

the [ __ ] would want to be president?

This is why voting for president is a

real problem.

>> Yeah.

>> Like in 2028 it was like who's going to

win in 2028? Who's going to win? Who's

going to run? Who wants that [ __ ]

job? What normal healthy person wants

that job where at least half the country

is going to [ __ ] hate you. And the

people that you got in that got you in

like they're not going to be happy cuz

you're never going to be able to do what

you're saying you want to do. It's not

even possible. What' you just put up,

Jeremy?

>> Uh, I was going to say, do you think

they could start dueling again like they

did in the 178? They used to duel. Yeah.

>> Many periods of history, according to

Perplexity, our AR sponsor, politicians

fought literally with fists, canes,

swords, and pistols, and some famous

ones were killed or badly injured in

these clashes. 1700s, 1800s, dueling was

a common way for gentlemen and

politicians to defend their honor in

Europe and the United States. That would

be sick if congressmen, you know, if

like on they start screaming and yelling

at each other like they always do. Yeah.

>> I challenge you to a duel and everyone's

like, "Oh, let's [ __ ] die."

>> They go out on the White House lawn.

>> Andrew Jackson killed Charles Dickinson.

>> Yeah.

>> The author

>> and was wounded himself.

>> That's not the author, is it?

>> No, no, no, no, no. I mean,

>> that's Dickens. That's Dickens.

>> Oh, okay. [laughter]

I mean, that's a bad review for a book

when you go,

>> you piece of [ __ ]

>> I didn't like Tom Sawyer. Boom.

>> Did Dickens write Tom Sawyer

>> or Huck Finn?

>> No, no, no. That was um

>> Sammy Clemens. Mark Twain. Sammy

>> Twain.

>> Yeah.

>> What the hell did Dickens write?

>> Oh, I don't remember.

>> The uh the Christmas one.

>> Christmas one. The Grinch.

>> Which one did he write?

Grinch that stole

>> Oliver Twist. Christmas Carol is the one

I was trying to think of. David

Copperfield, Great Expectations.

>> Oh, he wrote that?

>> Yeah, Christmas Carol is one I was

thinking of.

>> Okay. He wrote some great stuff. What

year was um Put that thing up again

about the DS

>> because uh so Jackson killed someone

>> 1806.

>> In 1806. When was he president?

>> Later. It says later.

>> Wow.

>> Yeah. So he shot someone and then became

president. He was a murderer and he

became president.

>> Vice president did it in 1804.

>> Whoa.

>> JD Van's going out and shooting the

Treasury Secretary right now.

>> What? This is crazy. They had a pistol

duel with the Treasury Secretary.

[laughter]

>> Hamilton was mortally wounded and died

the next day.

>> That' be crazy to see right now.

>> Wow. Wow.

>> The UFC fights at the White House. Maybe

they could do that.

>> It ended this guy Burr's political

career. Scroll back up again. And Aaron

Burr. So was the vice president, Aaron

Burr, shot the [ __ ] Treasury

Secretary. That's crazy.

Former Treasury Secretary and killed him

and then it ended his career.

>> Even in 1804, they were like, "That's

outrageous." But isn't that crazy? That

was just the 1800s.

>> Yeah.

>> 200 years ago, they were shooting each

other.

>> And America's all about guns. So why

aren't we just doing that now? It would

end a lot of like really shitty

conversations. Yeah. Because a lot of

people they talk in a way they say

horrible mean things because they know

there's no repercussions.

>> Yeah.

>> If if they could just challenge you to a

fist fight on the Senate floor.

>> Look at

>> that was a thing.

>> Yeah.

>> Would change a lot.

>> 1856.

Representative Preston Brooks of South

Carolina entered the US Senate Chamber

and brutally beat Senator Charles Summer

of Massachusetts with a cane after

Summer gave an anti-slavery speech that

insulted Brook's cousin.

Summer was left unconscious and badly

injured.

>> Whoa.

Whoa. Because he gave an antislavery

speech. Imagine. Why'd you hit him? The

guy's against slavery. Oh

>> yeah. Yeah.

>> Did you use a weapon at least? Yeah.

He's a cane. He's against slavery.

>> What the hell are you going to do? Just

let him be against slavery?

>> Yeah. [laughter]

>> He insulted my cousin, a slave owner.

>> Wow.

>> Well, you know, America's like kind of

built on gun culture, so it sort of

seems to fit, you know.

>> Also, combat like Thank you. It's just a

little bit more. It's like violence.

There's going to be a UFC on the White

House lawn.

>> Yeah, that seems like a good safe place

to be, huh? Everyone's going to know

where all the world leaders are going to

be. We're all going to be stuck sitting

in that spot for six hours calling

fights.

>> You're going to be there, right?

>> Super safe. I feel completely safe.

>> You're going to be there, right?

>> Yeah. Oh, I'm going to be there.

>> Do you do you like the concept of it or

No,

>> I do not like it.

>> How come, guy?

>> Because it's outside and I think world

championship fights should be in a

controlled environment because out of

respect for the athletes and how

difficult it is to compete

professionally in a world title.

However,

>> I should say, however,

>> it's going to be a spectacle. Whether I

was there or not, I would be watching

100%.

>> It's uh I think it's awesome that Trump,

this is one of the things that I like

about him. He's like, "Fuck it. Let's do

it."

>> He puts on cage fights on the White

House lawn. That's nuts.

>> He's fearless.

>> But he does wild [ __ ] I like that. I

like that part. I don't like the Iran

war thing, but I like that. You don't

like the concept that uh Iran can no

longer have nuclear weapons.

>> I think that's better than a UFC fight.

>> That is a good concept. However, I don't

necessarily know there's a clear way to

get out of this. And if you know what we

did in Afghanistan for 20 years and how

much American taxpayer dollars were

spent and how many people lost their

lives,

>> but in Afghanistan, it felt like they

were just sweeping out like goat farmers

and guys hiding in caves. Whereas here

there's a directive where they're

preventing a rebel country from having a

bomb that could annihilate portions of

our planet. So I think that's a much

clearer and more positive agenda than

wiping out guys living in the hills of

Afghanistan creating opium.

>> That's true if it made sense. The

problem is uh I had Scott Horton on the

podcast explaining what is actually

involved in making depleted uranium and

making it weapons grade and what would

have to be done in order to get it to a

bomb level.

>> It's very difficult. It's it's not as

simple and they weren't nearly capable

of doing that. Not nearly, but pursuing.

>> It's a good question because they were

being he was also saying they were being

inspected on a regular basis. And

essentially, this is Israel wanting us

to go to this war. Israel wants Well,

and makes sense. If I was Israel, if we

were America and Mexico had nukes

pointed at us or whatever. It's not

nukes, but you know what I'm saying?

Like, if they did, if they were trying

to build a nuke, if Mexico and America

were constantly in conflict and Mexico

was trying to build a nuclear bomb,

That would be a good reason where I

America would want to go [ __ ] up Mexico.

Like, hey, you can't have a nuclear

bomb. This is Israel's position, right?

Israel's right there with Iran. They're

close enough. They're throwing missiles

at each other.

>> I get why they would want it. I just

don't know if it's a good thing for

America. And I don't know if there's a

way out of it.

>> Well, I think what we have to look at is

the bigger scope. If not America

cleaning it up, who does it? Who has the

power and the wherewithal to do it? You

know, we've used like twothirds of our

missiles doing it.

>> Yeah. But it leaves us vulnerable if

there's any other kind of a conflict.

We're like under armed right now.

>> I don't think we're ever underarmmed

when we have our Triton submarine force

lurking in the oceans 24/7 and nobody

knows they're there. Even members of

American military.

>> What do you know? How do you know this?

>> Oh, I know things, guy.

>> Did Billy tell you this?

>> Billy. Billy's dead. [laughter]

>> Wait a minute. Do you know something

about these Triton submarines for sure?

What do you know?

>> Well, they're they're they're

circumnavigating our oceans 24/7.

>> How many are there?

>> I think there's a fleet of 12 to 24. I

think it's closer to 12. But these

things can stay underwater for up to a

year. And most members of our American

government don't even know they're

there. They don't know where they are.

>> How much underwater jerking off is going

on right now?

>> Well, think about it. One Triton

submarine. Trident submarine

>> has how many guys on it?

>> I don't know how many guys, but it has

something like 24 nuclear warheads and

each warhead has 24 that break off. So,

one of these submarines could take out

half the world and we've got them going

all the time. So, whenever you're afraid

of any little hot spot in the world,

just remember that we have this going on

in the ocean. A lot of people don't know

about it.

>> I like you say this we [ __ ] when you're

Canadian.

>> Yeah.

>> Interesting. Yeah, when the [ __ ] hits

the fan, Canadians like to pretend

they're Americans. I don't like it.

>> I'm just not worried. Like, I'm not

worried about America ever being

vulnerable. It's It's an area. It's It's

a nautical force that you don't really

hear about, but if you were to look it

up, there's this there's this force out

there that could take out the world.

>> Well, Jamie just looked it up.

US Navy submarine force today consists

of about 53 of fast track of fast attack

submarines, 14 ballistic missile

submarines and four guided missile

submarines all nuclearpowered. That

yields a total of roughly 70 to 71

nuclear submarines in the force making

it the world's largest nuclear submarine

fre fleet. Why currently in the oceans

is classified except for people who talk

to Harlon.

>> Exactly. Harland knows the exact number

of US nuclear submarines at sea at any

moment and their locations are

classified for operational security. The

Navy does not release real-time

deployment figures. Public discussion

instead uses overall force and general

deployment concepts like continuous SSBN

deterrent patrols rather than daybyday

counts.

>> Mhm.

>> Okay, that makes me feel a little

better.

>> Well, you need not worry. And that's you

didn't even tap into the trident. The

trident are the nuclear ones that run

silent. So you can't ping them.

>> You can't go.

>> You can't That's That's pinging. That's

sonar.

>> What do you mean you can't use sonar to

fight?

>> You can't ping them. They're nuclear.

They're silent. They're silent predators

in the ocean.

>> Really?

>> They're huge. And I told you one one

nuclear warhead splits off into 16 or

24. So, one of these one of these damn

Trident submarines could put anyone in

its place at any time. So, don't you

worry about our missiles being depleted.

Mr. Joe Zachary Rogan. [laughter]

>> Zachary. How do they get a new nick?

>> I don't know. If I know about

submarines, I know about your middle

name. [laughter]

>> Okay, I'm going have to change my

license. In current open sources,

Trident submarines usually means US Navy

Ohio class ballistic missile submarines

that carry Trident 2 D5 nuclear

missiles. And there are 14 of these

boats.

>> There you go. And so these boats are

just floating around ready to [ __ ]

people up. So do you think it was a good

idea to go into Iran, start bombing?

>> I think whoever's the bad player, I

think it's a good idea. If it was North

Korea, Iran, Israel, Canada, Mexico,

>> anybody [ __ ]

>> whoever is causing [ __ ] in the world, we

don't have time for you. Let's get on.

Let's get in line. Let's all work

together or you get a timeout. You We

don't We don't have time for this

anymore. We're a society of

sophisticated human beings. We got to

move forward. There I am. Sonar guy.

>> Look at you, dude. That's That's me on a

trident. That's what you do in your

spare time.

>> Yeah, I ride around the world protecting

things.

>> They dye your hair before you go into

there? [laughter]

>> Triggered an old memory when he started

doing that,

>> right?

>> What movie was that in?

>> Down Periscope.

>> Down.

>> Wow. Look at you, dog.

>> Yeah, but this is real, guys. So, I'm

just saying to you, don't ever fret.

>> Okay.

>> There's no one on earth that can

threaten America.

>> How did 9/11 happen then?

>> Well, that that was landbased. That was

terrestrial and that was simple planning

and box cutting and hijacking.

>> But we're talking about global warfare,

nuclear war. Let's say Moscow launched

and hit seven of our cities tomorrow.

Well, guess what? Moscow

Debbie 7 or8 China submarine waiting

just offshore for you.

>> [laughter]

>> This episode is brought to you by Amazon

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>> Right. But there's no one left here to

celebrate cuz we're all dead.

>> It doesn't matter. America doesn't lose

is what I'm trying to tell you, my guy.

>> Oh, we still win when everyone's dead.

>> Yeah. Still win. The guys floating

around in the Indian Ocean and the

Atlantic and the North Sea.

>> So those will be the new civilization.

>> America wins even when they lose, my

guy. Maybe that's why the aliens are

under the water. Maybe they're the ones

that survived.

>> You believe that?

>> The apocalypse.

>> Yeah, I don't know about the aliens

under the water.

>> Tim Burett was on this podcast.

>> Well, what does he know?

>> He said that there are three. Did he say

three bases or five?

>> I don't remember.

>> When your last name's [ __ ]

>> No, no, no. It's Bett. It's my

>> He's a very honest man.

>> So, what did he say?

>> He said that there's these three

location. I think it's three. See if

three or five. I can't remember which

one.

>> Hang on, let me tell you. [laughter]

>> Five.

>> So, you said there's these spots under

the o where regularly they have these

events where things come out of the

ocean.

>> When you say things, are we talking

giant squid? Are we talking

extraterrestrial?

>> They're talking crafts that move in a

way that we can't right now. 500 miles

an hour under the water. They're

transmedium, meaning they can go above

the ground and in the water with no, it

doesn't seem like it's causing them any

resistance. Yeah.

>> Bashett said there are five underwater

bases, and in some reports it's f it's

phrased as five or six. What

>> the clearest reporting says he pointed

to five areas in the US waters where

such bases could be. So they there's a

bunch of areas in the ocean and if you

think like you were going to hide

something,

>> that's where you would hide it. We can't

we don't go in the ocean that much,

right? On land. We go in the ocean, but

we don't know the ocean. It hasn't been

mapped. I think we've only mapped less

than 10% of the ocean floor.

>> We know more about the surface of the

moon than we knew know about the bottom

of the ocean. Correct.

>> And so when they're if they if they were

here, that would be the place to hide.

Just go to the deepest parts of the

ocean where no one can go.

>> Yeah.

>> And you build bases

>> cuz if they can travel here from another

planet.

>> Yeah.

>> James Cameron went to the bottom of the

Mariana Trench. We watched a video of it

the other day.

>> Fascinating. So he did that in 2012. If

he can do that, for sure something that

can come here from another planet can

also go down there and most likely set

up a base.

>> I'm skeptical. I don't I'm not denying

it, but I'm I'm thinking if you're an

extraterrestrial

and you're coming to a planet like ours,

what what's the upside of

>> going deep down into a trench that's I

think it's what, three, four, five miles

deep? The areoli trench.

>> Areoli.

>> What's it called?

>> Huh? [laughter]

>> Areola's the thing around

>> your tits.

>> Did you catch this yesterday? Probably.

Maybe not. The new Disclosure Day

trailer.

>> I did.

>> So Steven Spielberg's in it.

>> Yeah. He's saying,

>> first of all, bro, cut your nails.

You're freaking me out. Scratch. You

scratch.

>> He's a nose picker. Some people keep

them long to get boogers.

>> Spielberg probably likes to pull out a

crank out a greeny. Boy,

>> picture Spielberg laying in bed at night

just cranking out a greeny and eating

it.

>> So he said that he believes that we are

being visited much. I don't think he

does that. He's a respectful.

>> Look at those nails. Those are booger

picking nails.

>> He's just too busy to trim his nails.

>> I don't know. He probably could have

someone trim those dirty booger nails.

>> You think that's what they are?

>> He looks like an eye eye almost.

>> What if he had like one long coke nail?

What if he had like one long pink nail?

>> Like an eye eye? Like a [ __ ] coke

nail, bro.

>> You ever seen an eye?

>> It's like those [snorts] dudes, they

grow the pinky nail long to let

everybody know they do coke.

>> Pull up an eye, Jamie.

>> What does that mean?

>> You'll see in a second. Dr. Coke nail.

>> Jesus.

>> A e a y.

>> Maybe it's that ink from the tattoo.

That

>> Now show them the middle finger of the

eye.

>> Whoa. Look at that hook. So, they have

an elongated middle digit that they

stick deep down into coconuts and

melons.

And uh that's a Spielberg hook right

there. [laughter]

>> That is what the fingers look like. Look

at that. That's Spielberg at night

laying in his water bed picking

greenies.

>> I don't think he does that.

>> I think he does. There's one in his

beard right there.

>> I feel bad that I brought it up.

>> Look, there's the hand. There's the eye.

Oh,

>> I I H.

>> And isn't it interesting, Joe, if we go

full circle, if you're down in a Trident

submarine and the captain says, "Press

X572 and obliterate Iran right now." The

operator would go, "I I sir."

[snorts]

>> I don't think they say that. I think

they say Roger.

>> Well, the guy's name is Roger.

>> Why do they say Roger?

>> Huh?

>> I wonder why they say that name. Like

it's not Mike.

>> Roger was based off of the Jolly Roger,

the flag, the skull and crossbone. So

the nautical term Roger came from that.

Jolly Roger.

>> Yeah, but the military uses that too.

Roger that,

>> right? But they adopted it from the uh

the Navy.

>> Let's find out if that's true.

>> Yeah, I was going to find what what is

Roger the term Roger that. Where's that

come from?

>> As I'm looking that up, do you know why

pirates wear an eye patch?

>> Cuz they cut their [ __ ] eye off.

>> No. Oh, so they could uh see better at

distance

>> at night under the under the ship

because it's dark,

>> right? Yeah. It's uh for

when you know light when you get

accustomed to darkness

>> the more But why does why does having

one eye closed?

So, do they put the patch over the other

eye when they go under at night?

>> Yes, you switch.

>> Whoa.

>> They switch eyes.

>> So, they they never have to get adjusted

to the dark. Well, that's crazy. Yes.

So, Roger has to do with Morse code

according to

>> that is actually kind of amazing. What a

smart move. You put one patch over your

eye during the daytime and one patch at

night and you can always see.

>> Y

>> originally stood for the letter R which

is used as shorthand for received in

Morse code. Yeah.

>> In an early radio. So saying Roger means

I received your message.

>> Oh. Oh, interesting. And it also hankers

back to the skull and crossbones. The

Jolly Roger, if you pull that up,

>> I don't think it does.

>> Yeah, it is. It's a derivative of the uh

cranial area of the uh the tib the tibia

cross the cranial.

>> Jamie doesn't believe you.

>> The hell's going on?

>> When Jamie laughs, I know something's

up.

>> What is uh Jolly Roger? No, the Roger

and radio talk and the Roger and Jolly

Roger come from different traditions and

are not historically connected. Do you

think this is maybe top secret

information that you know and maybe you

just made a mistake by telling the whole

world?

>> Can I answer it with uh

[laughter]

you've just been sonar player. So

imagine [clears throat]

if there was a super sophisticated uh

intelligent civilization that existed

way before ours like 30,000 years ago

and then they had developed underwater

travel, space travel, all that jazz.

Then the apocalypse comes and the only

ones that survive are the Trident

submarine guys that are in the ocean,

>> right?

>> Maybe that's why all these bases are in

the ocean. Maybe they are the the last

remaining survivors of a super advanced

civilization

>> that existed thousands and thousands of

years before like Mesopotamia.

>> But my point to you, Joe, good point.

Valid. Valid.

>> Think about it for Daddy's going to

play. I'm not even refuting it, but I'm

going to

>> roll it around the old Canadian. roll it

around and I'm going to come back at you

with an argument that if I'm an

intelligent life force and I've got this

sphere with oceans and land, why do I

want to make life harder for myself? Do

you know the pressure that you're at 3

miles down in the ocean? The amount of

pressure that come look what happened to

that little that little submarine that

popped about three years ago,

>> right? So why do you want to live in an

environment where you have so much

pressure when you could simply land on

the terrestrial plane and live

pressurefree? Because if they are

insanely advanced, one of the things

that's proposed is that they have some

sort of a gravity bubble and this is how

they move through space and this is how

they don't use propulsion that they

essentially us through space.

>> Exactly. That's why these crafts act as

transmedium crafts. When these crafts

are flying and they go into the ocean,

the the ocean rather, there's virtually

no splash.

>> And they're moving 500 miles.

>> Frictionless.

>> Exactly. They're not they're not

existing in the same spaceime as we are.

They have a bubble and this bubble

completely distorts everything around

them. [snorts] So you're saying if they

descended into the depths of our ocean,

they wouldn't experience the pressure

because the bubble

>> Exactly.

>> is forcing off the pressure. Exactly.

>> Interesting.

>> But still, okay.

>> What is your purpose for going

underwater when you could just land on

the surface of the Earth?

[clears throat]

>> Maybe they're observing us and making

sure that we don't [ __ ] things up.

>> But how can they observe us if they're 3

miles underwater? Well, they come out of

the water, Harland. That's the whole

reason why they know they're there, cuz

they keep experiencing these crafts that

are rising out of the water in these

very specific locations.

>> Yeah.

>> You seem like a disinformation agent

from the government or something.

>> I am. I am.

>> It seems like it.

>> I am.

>> You should work out on being a little

more stealthy.

>> What do you mean?

>> Because it's very obvious to me that

you're what the kids call controlled

opposition.

>> Well, that could be me

counterintuitively

pre-programming you to think sideways.

What would be the benefit of that? I'm

not experiencing these ways of

espionage.

>> What's the benefit of living a mile down

in the ocean in the Areoli Rift?

>> I think this the [clears throat] whole

reason they're in the ocean is because

that's where we won't find them. Like if

you wanted to watch like a civilization,

if we went to another planet, okay,

let's say this, we let's say we go to

another planet and we find people that

are living like cave people. They're

killing each other with spears. They're,

you know, robbing and raiding villages.

If we wanted to just observe and we had

the ability to observe from the sky

motionless with no sound at all and just

watch them, don't you think we would do

that?

>> Yeah.

>> We wouldn't interfere. We would want to

know as much about them as we could.

>> Right.

>> Every now and then when one of them was

going to get watered, we [ __ ] dart

them with a tranquilizer dart, check

their DNA, take some jizz, and then

leave them there just like they do to

us. We would do the exact same stuff if

we could do it. If we were just a little

more advanced than we are now. So not,

you know, millions of years in advance,

which we think maybe possibly some

civilizations are, but maybe a hundred

years or a thousand years.

>> And we found a planet and that planet

had cave people on it.

>> 100% we would do most of the things that

these aliens are doing.

>> If we had a way where we could dart them

and tranquilize them and they'd have no

idea that we did it and they would just

wake up in the jungle confused, we would

do it. If we did medical tests on them,

if we could take them, [clears throat]

bring her to a secure medical facility

that we had, maybe in a helicopter or

some sort of a spaceship that we've

created, and we run some tests on them,

take some sperm, take some skin samples,

do a [ __ ] cat scan on them, whatever,

and then put them back in the jungle. We

would do it 100%.

>> This isn't Mutual of Omaha's Wild

Kingdom. We're not W the Beast. We're

not seals. Like, clearly they share some

of the intelligence we have. They're

masters of aeronautics. We've mastered

aeronautics in our physical plane. So

what's with all the mystery? Like if

they can communicate and they can talk

and they can build

>> as we can. It's not like

>> No, we're too primitive.

>> Why don't they just How do you know

that?

>> Because if something

>> Why don't they just go, "Hey, let's go.

Let's go chat to the idiots."

>> No.

>> If we're that dumb. At least we can

communicate.

>> I think you have

>> our fighter jets fly with their fight.

Our fighter jets track them. We lock on

to them.

>> No, they're not.

>> So, we're sharing aeronautical

intelligence.

>> No, no, no. They're not sharing. They're

trying to find them and then they dart

away and move in ways that we can't

explain.

>> But we see them. We track them. We share

the same airspace. We're both flying. I

don't know why I'm getting so fired up.

[laughter]

>> Yeah. But still, dude, if we went to

another planet and found

Australiathecus, we found an early

human, you know, one of the early

primates,

>> okay?

>> 100% we would dart it.

>> 100% we would tranquilize it. We would

run tests on it. We would want to know

about it 100%.

>> Okay? You're talking about a

Neanderthal,

>> right? That's what we are to them. If

they're the little grays with the big

heads and they communicate

telepathically and they could fly here

instantaneously from other solar

systems, we might as well be the ape

people.

>> But why the evasion? Like if you saw

Homopicus or whatever it's called,

>> Australia

>> holding up a cell phone, would you still

go, let's dart it and probe it and let

it go? I want you just go, "Hey, that

that monkeyy's got a cell phone. Let's

go talk to it. We can talk. We have cell

phones." Like why the why the mysterious

distance? Like if they're in the ocean

and they know we're intelligent beings,

why not just come up and say, "Hey,

anyone want to go snorkeling?"

>> I think Australiathecus with a spear is

about as intelligent to us as we are to

them. But if they have an evolved

language and they have communities and a

civilization, isn't that enough for us

to just walk into camp and go, "Hey

guys, I mean, they did it with with tri

with uh, you know,

uh, tribes that live in the Amazon.

Who's that guy? Who's the guy they

boiled in the pot?" That famous saying

uh, what's that famous? Oh, I can't

think of it right now. Uh, but anyways,

we we wandered into into the Amazon and

walked right up to like weird Amazon

tribal people. It's not like we hid and

tried to hide from them.

>> Yeah. But they didn't know those people

were even there.

>> But when they found them, they

integrated. They approached them. They

go, "Hey, this is a t-shirt. This is a

camera."

>> Those are human beings that are the

exact same kind of human beings as the

people that were visiting them. They're

not different species.

Still,

>> no.

>> So, if you Joe Rogan were out in a field

one day

>> Uhhuh.

>> and you saw a new species of like people

jumping around having a picnic, sharing

a salami,

>> would you would you just hide behind a

log and watch them or would you would

you go, "Hey, uh, who are you? What are

you?"

>> Well, you're not even allowed to contact

unconted people.

>> Say that again. You're not allowed to

contact like North Sentinel Island, that

island in the middle of the Indian Ocean

where that uh preacher went and got

killed because he was trying to bring

them Bibles,

>> right?

>> You're not allowed to contact unconted

tribes.

>> Uh is that like all of them?

>> Most of them.

>> I don't think so.

>> Indian Ocean, they they they have that

North Sentinel Island protected. And you

know, there's people that discourage

people from contacting people in the

Amazon. There's several unconted tribes

in the Amazon. I wish they'd stay that

way. Yeah.

>> Stay unconted.

>> Well, I don't want to see a beautiful

like Pygmy or someone from an Amazonian

tribe wearing an Adidas shirt.

>> Why not?

>> Or a Hooters shirt.

>> Hooters would be funny.

>> No,

>> that'd be funny.

>> I want to see them wearing like cuckook

feathers and uh you know, hookah pick

bones. Leave them alone.

>> Spear fishing with a BE hat on.

>> Joe, come on guy. No. [laughter]

No. See, that's

>> why not.

>> Well, then that's why the aliens under

the ocean are staying away from us. They

don't want to be corrupted by our

ridiculous society of Hooters and

Cracker Barrels.

>> Okay. If you were in the Amazon,

wouldn't you want a t-shirt?

>> If I was if you were walking through the

Amazon, you Harlon Williams. Yeah.

>> The third right now alive in 2026. If

you were in the Amazon and I said,

"Would you like to wear a t-shirt while

you're walking through the Amazon?"

Yeah.

>> What would you say

>> as a white North American male?

>> I'd say definitely.

>> And they want one, too. It's better than

no t-shirt.

>> No, it's not.

>> There's a tribe of five people and one

of them has a shirt.

>> One of them's got a tight shirt. I hate

that.

>> Look, he's got flip flops. That guy on

the right is ball. That is the baller of

the [ __ ] neighborhood. That's the guy

that pulls up in the 65 Chevel and

everybody's like, "Look at him with his

flipflops."

>> I think that's that guy who wrote

Margaritavville. What was his name?

[laughter]

>> Jimmy Buffett.

>> That's Jimmy Buffett for God's sake.

Mike read about

>> what's it called?

Isn't [laughter] that him?

>> I think that's him.

>> Where's him?

>> Get away again.

>> Well, we get dinged on YouTube for that.

Jamie,

>> it's very You guys are getting way too

close. Yeah,

>> you know, you get dinged like

>> Oh, you can't sing.

>> They take away your [ __ ] advertising

revenue if you hum a song.

>> Okay,

>> the these dirty criminals.

>> Wow.

>> Hum a song. You dirty scumbags trying to

steal advertising money.

>> What if we mess with them and hum a tune

and sort of play name that tune with

them? And if they'll do, they'll [ __ ]

ding you.

>> Even if they can't figure it out, like

they've got to sit around the office.

>> They'll pretend. Then you have to go to

court.

>> Name that tune in seven notes. And I'm

like,

>> don't do it. Don't do it.

>> Do you know what I just did?

>> You [ __ ] us up. That's You know what

song that was?

>> I don't care.

>> I do.

>> What is it? It was uh that Pink Floyd uh

song.

>> No, no, no. Don't you don't say that

because then they'll get us.

>> Yeah, but they don't know which one.

>> Doesn't matter.

>> And they can't prove it.

>> They They don't have That's what you

don't understand. They don't have to

prove it.

>> Oh,

>> all they have to do is make a claim.

>> Huh?

>> And then you have to fight it and you'll

lose.

>> You're Joe Rogan, though. They're not

going to mess with you, guy.

>> Oh, you're so incorrect.

>> By the way, dude, you are jacked.

>> I work out.

>> Can we get your shirt off?

>> No. [laughter]

How come?

Joe, don't be selfish.

I want you to Would you please take your

shirt off?

>> For what reason?

>> Because you have a beautiful body.

>> Okay.

>> And you work so hard at it. And no one

gets to see it. And you know, you want

people to see it, but you can't do it.

You can't go, "Well, I'm Joe Rogan. I

crafted this body." But if I ask you to,

you get to show it off.

>> I don't really want to show it off.

That's why I wear clothes.

>> You do though.

>> But I don't.

>> It's like if you did this podcast but

didn't put it out. What's the point?

>> I don't think that's the same thing.

>> I would love it if you showed your

beautiful body.

>> Okay. [clears throat]

>> I love it.

>> There you go.

>> Oh yeah, Joe.

Dude, can we stand? No, that's enough.

>> Dude, look at that.

>> I have muscles.

>> Can we talk about before you put the

shirt on? Can we talk about it?

>> What do you want to talk about?

>> How you do that?

>> I work out. You could do it, too.

>> Well,

>> do you work out?

>> Yeah.

>> How often?

>> Do you really want to get into this?

>> Sure.

>> You do?

>> Yeah. How often do you work out?

>> Because I'm about to crack an egg open

on your show that I don't think anyone's

ever talked about.

>> How often you work out?

>> A lot.

>> Yeah.

What are you doing these days?

>> Okay. You want to get into this?

>> Sure.

>> Here we go. Here we go. Joseph Zachary

Rogan.

>> I'm I don't want to get in trouble. But

I'm working out. By the way, beautiful

body. Your chest is stunning. See, I'm

glad

>> it doesn't even make me uncomfortable

that you say that. Like some men I would

be like, "This is odd."

>> No. No. I'm not a fly guy.

>> What does that mean?

>> Like homosexual. [laughter]

>> [laughter]

>> I'm straight as they come, but I believe

in holding up people's hard work. And

that didn't just come from sitting

around eating Pringles and BaskinRobins.

You worked your ass off. You deserve to

show it. And you never could cuz it's

you. And now I get to help celebrate

you. And all your fans got to see all

that hard work. And I love it, guy.

Okay. But I'm straight as a Chinese

truck driver.

>> Chinese truck drivers are never gay.

>> Never. Is

>> that part of the job?

>> Yeah.

>> There. Seriously though, how many dudes

are jerking off under the ocean?

>> How many guys are jerking off to you

just taking your shirt off?

>> A couple. But how many guys are jerking

off to me taking my shirt off while

they're under the ocean?

>> Let me check. If you got 14 subs, how

many people are on each sub? How many

men are on each sub?

It might not be known.

>> Let's take a guess.

>> They keep it very secret. If you had to

guess, how many people are on each sub?

>> I'm going to say [laughter]

no.

>> A thousand.

>> A lot more than that.

>> Really?

>> On the on the Trident. The Trident are

like floating cities. number it gave me

might be including all submarines,

including like every government, not

just ours.

>> Okay. But how many how many people are

on each submarine?

>> How many like could one of those

submarines hold?

>> A small one is 30 to 70. I'll show you a

large

>> a small one.

>> Yeah.

>> Large one is 120 to 140.

>> Wow.

>> That seems about it. Big 160 maybe max.

>> And there's 14 of them. So, there's at

least a thousand dudes underwater right

now.

>> It said there's 40 to 70,000.

[clears throat]

>> 40 to 70,000 guys under the water.

>> Yeah.

>> Yeah.

>> Wa.

>> So, don't worry about United States

taking a hit. My god,

>> this is crazy.

>> This wild.

>> That's a crazy statistic.

>> Are you glad I dropped by today?

>> I'm always glad when you drop by, but

this is crazy. 40 to 70,000 people are

underwater in submarines at any given

moment with huge uncertainty. Why? We

can only estimate. No navy or company

publishes a live count of how many

submarines are deployed right now or how

many crew are aboard each one and how

many deployments are classified.

Civilian research and tourism subs are

also not tracked in a global real-time

way.

>> Wow.

>> Wow.

>> That's crazy. So that could be a whole

new civilization. So if they blow up the

earth, but how many chicks?

>> Well, that's the thing. The ratio is

probably not good. The ratio is probably

non-existent. How many chicks are in

these subs?

>> That's classified.

>> Are they Do they have girls that serve

in these subs?

>> There's There's girl submariners.

>> What is the number? It's like 10 to one.

>> And worse, what do they look like? But I

bet they're the [ __ ] cream of the

crop underwater cuz this the pressure

squeezes in all the cellulite.

>> No. No. There's no other girls.

>> Oh, they're the Oh, yeah. You got You

get

>> No competition. Yeah. No competition.

Like how many ladies? Let's take a guess

of how many ladies are underwater at any

given time. 20.

>> Yeah.

>> 10%.

>> 10%.

>> Women are likely well under 10% of

submarines worldwide with higher

percentages in a few navies such as US

and some NATO allies. Those are the ones

that are in trouble.

>> There's 609 uh assigned to submarines in

the US.

>> Wow. 609 women get getting how many

dudes hitting on them?

>> Yeah.

It's That would must be hell. Be

underwater with a guy who's annoying you

and you can't get away from him.

>> Can't get away. He's farting. [sighs]

>> Underwater sex.

>> Underwater farts must be horrible.

>> But let's

>> What do they do with the [ __ ]

>> They don't come up sometimes for months.

>> Oh yeah. The trident go out for I think

a year almost.

>> And so what do they do with their [ __ ]

>> They just eject it. They eject it into

the sea.

>> They're not doing anything a whale isn't

doing. But do they eject it into the

sink?

>> They have to. I mean, they can't make

meatloaf.

>> Can you imagine if like during that

process somehow or another it got

clogged up cuz somebody used too much

toilet paper and the sub sinks?

>> Yeah. A fatty

>> cuz Javier just took a giant dump.

>> They might melt it.

>> Melt it.

>> They can rise up too. Don't forget they

can break

>> throw it into the nuclear pit where the

engines

>> can manage trash by compacting, melting,

or jettisoning it to avoid det.

>> Okay, that's trash. What about poop?

>> Well, I that's I said

>> did you ask about poop? Ask about poop

just specifically because waste could

mean, you know, paper cups.

>> It's the same thing though. I would

always go now if you were jettisoning

your poop everywhere, you might want to

have detectors for human waste in the

water and you might start figuring out

where the submarines are. So maybe you

don't want to do that. He's operating on

another level

in the 40s probably.

>> This is a dude that's into conspiracies.

>> Jamie,

>> he operates on other levels.

>> Tracking.

>> Do you know that term can neither

confirm nor deny came from a Russian

submarine that was sunk that we were

pulling out of the ocean and there was

and they had to they got questioned

about it and they said, "Are are we in

possession of this r Russian sub? Are we

pulling it out of the ground?" And they

said, "We can neither confirm nor deny."

Because they had to answer.

>> So that is an answer without an answer.

>> I can neither confirm nor deny.

>> That's akin to saying pleading the

fifth.

>> Sort of. But it's you actually are

answering. You can neither confirm nor

deny.

>> That's like saying I'm What do you do

for a living? I'm in heating and air

conditioning.

>> No, because that's a very specific

trade.

>> Well, they kind of counteract each

other. What do you do? I'm in shipping

and receiving. [laughter]

Are you sure? I can neither confirm nor

deny.

>> I see.

>> I mean, this is an avoidance uh problem

that But I want to talk to you about my

workout regime.

>> Okay.

>> Cuz you asked.

>> I did ask.

>> I'm doing something so advanced.

Uh you do the ice baths, right?

>> Mhm.

>> You you soak in them.

>> Yep.

So, I'm doing something so extensive

that I'm exercising myself into a new

race.

>> What are you becoming?

>> And no one's said this before on your

podcast, I don't think, but I'm working

out so hard to become a new race.

And two words,

Gara Ruffa. You take your ice baths,

garam, my guy.

>> What is that?

>> Jamie, look it up and do it quick, you

[ __ ]

I mean, do it quick. [laughter]

>> A garafa.

>> Look it up. You're becoming a fish.

>> Oh, that's not any fish. The garuffa

people submerse their legs and feet into

the tanks and the garuffa have vibrating

lips, Joe, and they eat skin cells.

Picture this. Underwater.

>> So those the ones like when you go into

Thailand and ladies dump their legs into

a fish pond,

>> right? Vibrating lips.

>> Clean your toes off,

>> Joe?

>> Mhm.

And how are you working out to become

one of those? So, while you're taking

your ice baths,

>> Yeah.

>> I'm submerging my whole body, my lower

>> extremities

into one of these tanks.

>> These fish are sculpting my body, my

lower extremities.

And have you ever heard of malaria

pills?

>> Yes.

>> So, while everyone else is popping ompic

and doing everything else, I've been on

malaria pills for four years.

And these things can flip your blood

platelets. Okay, that's the power of

malaria pills. They can actually change

your red blood cell count and your white

blood cell count. It's powerful

medicine.

>> Okay.

>> So, with the use of my malaria pills

and the garuffas

and I don't know if you want to see the

results, but my legs are hammerjacked

right now.

>> Let me see them. Let's see. My legs are

power. Take your pants off.

>> Okay. Come on.

>> Okay. Are you sure?

>> Yeah. Yeah.

>> And before I do it,

>> I'm I'm going into a new race and I

don't want anyone to accuse me of doing

black leg.

>> Notice he has baggy pants on.

>> I don't know if you've ever seen the

fastest man in the world is who?

>> Hussein Bolt.

>> Hussein Bolt. The biggest high jumper in

the world is a black man. The longest

long jumper is a black man. The f

highest vertical jumper is a black man.

And this isn't racist. This isn't black

leg. But this is me.

>> What are you doing?

>> Working out into a new race. And I'm

proud of this.

>> Pull your pants off.

[laughter]

>> I wouldn't be laughing if I were you.

These legs are jacked.

[laughter]

[screaming]

[gasps]

>> Look at these legs.

>> Why are they a different color?

>> Well, I told you I'm working out into

another race.

>> You have [ __ ] serious leg muscles,

man.

>> Yeah.

>> Where'd you get those leg muscles?

>> I told you.

>> What's going on with your underwear?

That's kind of crazy.

>> What do you mean?

>> My underwear are covering it. What kind?

What the the [ __ ] do you have on your

legs?

>> Dude, I told you I'm working out right

into another race.

>> Are those your real legs? That's very

impressive. You don't have like silicon

over them or anything? Those your actual

leg muscles, bro.

>> Wait a minute. Why is

>> giant leg muscles?

>> Why is it you can take your shirt off

and I don't I compliment you,

>> but it's like your legs don't m mass.

They don't m match up with the rest of

your

>> cuz the colors off.

>> No, the muscles are crazy. Stand up

again. Yeah,

>> those muscles are insane.

>> Yeah, look at these.

>> Are those real?

>> Well, what?

>> Tell me the truth. They look like

plastic.

>> What are you talking about?

>> It looks like you're wearing something.

>> J, come on,

>> Jamie. Those are the most insane legs

I've ever seen in my life. Right. Right.

>> If that was a guy weighing in at a UFC

fight, that would make sense. But

>> go viral.

>> Two words. Gara Ruffa.

>> Where'd you get those legs,

>> dude? I sink them.

>> So, if I sit in the tank, I'll get legs

like that.

>> Well, are you taking malaria pills?

Oh, no.

>> You do my combo.

>> Do you want to

>> stand up? Let me see the pants.

[laughter]

>> I mean,

>> and look at the skin difference.

[snorts]

>> Pull take your shirt off so I can see

where the skin changes color.

>> I Excuse me.

>> I want to see where the skin changes

color.

>> If you take your shirt off again, I

will.

>> But I just did.

>> But I want to do it together.

>> Okay, do it together.

>> [laughter]

>> You son of a [ __ ] You son of a [ __ ]

You Rogan. [laughter] What have you done

for? What? Where did you get those

[ __ ] pants? [laughter]

>> Broke. [laughter]

>> Don't fall in there. Don't go in there.

>> A gourd.

THE only thing I could fit in there was

a gourd. [laughter]

Oh my [snorts] god.

[laughter]

Oh,

[laughter]

Joe.

When I first saw your legs, I was like,

"What the [ __ ] is going on? How does he

have legs like that?"

>> I noticed earlier he's got some baggy

pants on. [laughter]

>> I know. Jes

weird.

>> Where the [ __ ] did she get those pants?

>> Dude, [snorts]

why can't I look good?

>> You look great.

>> God.

>> Like, you could wear those like to a

pool, like a public pool, and the ladies

would definitely be checking you out.

>> Yeah.

>> Like, look at his gourd.

>> Can I leave the gourd with Dimmitri? Can

we add to the collection?

>> I'm going to have people smell it. I'm

going to tell them, "Smell that." smell.

>> That was in Harlon Williams pants,

>> dude.

>> Not even in his pants. It was like

rubbing up against his [ __ ]

>> I'm going to leave that there for people

to smell.

>> Yeah.

>> Yeah. Next time someone comes in, what's

all this stuff here? Grab it first.

>> I'm like, smell that.

>> Can I pull my pants up?

>> You Yeah, sure.

>> Feels weird sitting here with my pants

down.

>> Well, you are wearing pants. You're

wearing rubber pants.

>> Well,

>> rubber muscle pants.

>> Come on.

>> Don't you want legs like that for real,

>> Joe? Wouldn't that be awesome?

>> That's like me saying, "Don't you want a

chest like that for real? You're hairier

than I thought."

>> Really?

>> Are you part Armenian?

[laughter]

>> Are you?

>> No.

>> No.

>> Great. [clears throat]

Hang on. I got to pull my pants up.

[laughter]

God

from behind. [laughter] Put the board

back in.

THERE WE GO. [laughter]

AH, STUCK.

Blur that. I don't know.

>> Do we have to blur it?

>> I don't know.

>> No, it's a gourd.

>> And you're worried about a song getting

dinged. [laughter]

>> Oh my god.

[laughter]

>> Silly [ __ ] Ch.

[snorts]

[laughter]

>> Oh my god.

>> Do you know how

>> I'm crying?

>> Do you know how moist my balls are right

now?

>> How bad that gourd must smell?

[laughter]

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But I am proud of you because [laughter]

[laughter]

Oh my god.

>> I'm proud of you that you took your

shirt off cuz I'm not joking. You worked

so hard for that.

>> Thank you.

>> And you could never show it. You had to

have a conduit. You had to have someone

invite you to do it so it didn't look

self-centered or conceited. You deserve

to show that hard work to the world.

Thank you.

>> Good for you. And you look great.

>> Thank you very much.

>> You're welcome. I love it. And I hope

it's an inspiration to people watching

to want to be as physically fit and put

together. It's great. Right.

>> Sure.

>> I feel like remember when you were a

kid, they had those books where you

could take half a body and half a body

and remember their little kids books and

you'd fold them.

>> Yeah. You fold them over.

>> I feel like if we took your upper part

and put it on my lower part, we'd have

the immaculate human being. And then

those fart bubbles from the bottom of

the ocean won't have a trouble coming

around.

>> Yeah.

>> You look like me and Joe Zachary Rogan,

those fart bubbles from the areoli

drench will come up and suck us a dirty

lasagna.

Sorry, I get excited, Joe.

>> Maybe it's the like forever chemicals

leaking through the rubber underwear

you're wearing. [laughter]

>> They're not underwear. How dare you?

Those are my legs.

>> You should take them off cuz you're

sweating that's leeching into your blood

right now. All the BPAs.

>> God, I don't want to die. But you know

what's interesting? My legs are bronze.

>> And we don't talk about the bronze

people. We always talk about white and

black,

>> but

>> what about the bronzies,

>> the Incas, the Mayas?

>> I mean, these people and the legs on

them. Did you ever see Apocalyptto? And

I don't know if this is in any history

books anywhere, but those bronzies could

motor.

>> Yeah, true.

>> So, I've got legs where if I'm being

chased, if a rapist is coming after me,

I'm out of here. There's three men in

this room. Two of you are getting raped.

Not me.

>> Wow.

>> Yeah.

I mean, these legs, I could jump over uh

Dolly Parton's gazebo.

>> By the way, speaking of Areola, have you

seen hers?

>> I haven't.

>> They're the size of lily pads. I had I

had a one nighter with her about three

weeks ago. She's

>> a one night show.

>> A one night stand. We were jackhammering

all night. Picked her up at a bar in

Malibu. Hammer jack.

>> I don't think it was really Dolly

Parton. It was It was She goes out.

>> Oh, she was that night.

>> You sure it wasn't a lady wearing a

mask,

>> dude? It was her. And her areas are the

size of lily pads. I'm not kidding. I

woke up in the morning, there were two

bullfrogs sitting on her tits.

>> Why you looking at me like that?

>> She's kind of old to be [ __ ]

>> Not for me. Have you seen my legs?

>> Also, she's a very respected lady. I

think it's very rude. 80.

It's the way I said effing. We We made

love.

>> Oh, okay. I feel better.

>> We made love and her areas are the size

of lily pads.

>> I feel a lot better now. Thanks.

>> Yeah. Sorry. I didn't mean to.

>> Yeah.

>> I should keep it classy.

>> Do you like them big? The big areas.

>> I like a big areola. Reminds me of a

pancake.

>> Yeah.

>> Like sometimes I'll put a dollop of

butter on it.

>> It's a robust woman. Like it's a lot

going on there. As big areas.

>> And the dark ones. And they're great to

take with you camping. If you ever have

a rubber raft and you get a hole in it,

you can rip one off and patch it.

>> Oh Jesus.

>> Yeah,

>> that's not what I was thinking.

>> Well, you don't camp much.

>> Just bring a patch.

>> Yeah, but if you don't have one, you can

rip off a dirty areoli

>> that you're hoping you're going to get

out of the woods.

>> Well, if you can't and you're with a

chick, you got an areoli.

>> Lose your areola forever just because

you forgot to bring a patch.

>> Yeah, but it's What do you want? one

you're one areoli less so you have your

life back

>> plus if she's 80 they don't those don't

heal that good she could die from

infection

>> it's about living it's not about

>> having an areoli

you want to get out of the woods or not

uh one titty Jackson or whatever her

name is

>> okay tough love

>> speaking of sex have you been on this

only fans thing

>> have you gone on

>> no I don't go

>> it's all I'm hearing about you right all

you hear about now is only fans

fans.com.

>> Yep. They do comedy shows.

>> I finally go on this thing cuz it's all

I'm hearing about. Onlyfans.com. I go on

about a week ago and I'm on there for

about two hours and it's just video

after video after picture and I'm on

there so long my eyes are like

>> right

>> spinning. And finally I stop the damn

thing and I'm like screw this. I already

have central air conditioning. Why the

hell am I looking at this site? I don't

need a fan.

I mean, good lord.

[clears throat]

I'll pull my legs out. I will pull my

dirty bronze legs out and wrap them

around your neck like a dirty anaconda.

>> What the [ __ ] is wrong with you? Do you

think if you're a woman you'd be doing

Only Fans?

>> You know, it's an interesting question.

It's a moral moral dilemma, isn't it?

>> Let's imagine if Haron was a female and

Haron was 21 and just got here from

Canada