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The Mental Frame & Specific Daily Actions to Succeed | Andy Stumpf

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The Mental Frame & Specific Daily Actions to Succeed | Andy Stumpf

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5199 segments

0:00

Pick the choice as often as possible

0:02

that is slightly more difficult. To me,

0:04

it's the small stuff that nobody sees

0:06

that makes the biggest difference in the

0:08

world. Everybody knows the harder choice

0:11

versus the easier choice. Everybody

0:15

to include myself will look externally

0:18

and say what do I need to do? I know

0:21

what I need to do and so do they. They

0:24

need to do the thing then even if it's

0:26

microscopic that they want to do less

0:29

more often than they do the thing that

0:30

they want to do more. That over time is

0:33

the juice. Welcome to the Huberman Lab

0:35

podcast where we discuss [music] science

0:37

and science-based tools for everyday

0:39

life.

0:43

I'm Andrew Huberman and I'm a professor

0:45

of neurobiology and opthalmology at

0:48

Stanford School of Medicine. My guest

0:50

today is Andy Stumpf, a retired Navy

0:52

Seal and subsequently a member of the

0:54

Red Bull High Performance Team where he

0:56

was a wing suitor, where they literally

0:58

get into what some people call squirrel

0:59

suits and fly. He set two world records

1:02

wing suiting. But today's discussion is

1:04

not really prompted by his career in the

1:06

military, nor his wing suiting, although

1:08

it does impact the discussion. Today's

1:10

discussion was prompted by my reading of

1:12

Andy's recent book called Drown Proof.

1:14

Now, there are a lot of books out there

1:15

by former Navy Seals, but upon reading

1:17

it, I realized that this was a special

1:19

book and that Andy's experience and the

1:21

lessons he shares and most importantly,

1:22

the tools he shares are both unique and

1:25

indeed important for everyone to hear.

1:27

For instance, he describes a tool in

1:29

there that I now use every single week,

1:31

which has allowed me and many other

1:33

people, and I'm certain you to separate

1:35

out issues of concern versus issues of

1:38

impact. meaning to allow you to actually

1:40

be able to impact perhaps not control

1:43

but certainly have an impact on certain

1:45

things while ignoring the issues in life

1:47

that distract you that pull you into

1:49

drama and that can numb you out and that

1:52

essentially waste your life. Today

1:54

you'll learn what that exercise is and

1:55

how to implement it in your life. You'll

1:58

also learn a lot of other simple tools

1:59

about how to take the slightly harder

2:01

road in certain moments versus the

2:03

easier road. You'll also learn from Andy

2:06

about the most difficult things that he

2:08

encountered in life and how he navigated

2:10

them. And no, those weren't in the

2:12

military nor wings suiting. It actually

2:14

comes from his personal life which he

2:15

shares very candidly. And finally, we

2:18

have a very serious and in many ways

2:20

somewhat emotional discussion about

2:22

suicide and mental health more

2:24

generally. I do hope that that

2:25

discussion will benefit all of you. I'm

2:28

certainly we are certainly I should say

2:30

very open to your input. That discussion

2:32

of course raises more questions than it

2:34

provides answers. But I think we can all

2:36

agree that this is an extremely

2:37

important and timely topic. The

2:39

frequency of suicide is increasing

2:41

significantly in all communities. So for

2:44

reasons related to the range and the

2:46

nature of the specific topics that we

2:48

discuss today, you're in for a very

2:50

special episode. Thank you, Andy Stumpf.

2:53

Before we begin, I'd like to emphasize

2:55

that this podcast is separate from my

2:56

teaching and research roles at Stanford.

2:58

It is however part of my desire and

3:00

effort to bring zero cost to consumer

3:02

information about science and science

3:03

related tools to the general public. In

3:06

keeping with that theme, today's episode

3:07

does include sponsors. All right, my

3:10

book is finally ready for release.

3:12

Protocols, an operating manual for the

3:14

human body is coming out in 3 months.

3:16

It's my first book and I've been working

3:18

on it for many years now and it's really

3:21

a reflection of decades of research and

3:23

experience that came even prior to

3:24

starting the book. My goal for this book

3:26

is that it serves as an easytouse manual

3:29

for dealing with any number of different

3:30

pain points or performance goals that

3:32

you might have in terms of mental

3:34

health, physical health, and

3:35

performance. It covers the science and

3:37

most effective protocols for sleep,

3:38

nutrition, exercise, focused learning,

3:41

and neuroplasticity, stress management,

3:43

and much more. I'm super excited to

3:45

share it with all of you. The launch

3:47

date is September 15th. You can learn

3:49

more about it or pre-order by going to

3:51

protocolsbook.com.

3:52

It's also available on Amazon.com. And

3:55

I'm super excited that Protocols is

3:58

finally ready for release. And as

4:00

always, thank you for your interest in

4:02

science. And now for my discussion with

4:04

Andy Stumpf. Andy Stumpf, welcome.

4:07

>> Thank you for having me.

4:09

>> I read your book, Drown Proof Reese,

4:12

>> which makes me nervous, by the way.

4:13

Telling you that before we started.

4:14

>> Listen, I've read [laughter]

4:16

a lot of books, including a lot of the

4:18

quote unquote seal books. It's awesome.

4:20

I'll mention a few of the reasons why

4:22

it's awesome, but I'll let people read

4:23

it for themselves. But just to really

4:26

get right to it, one of the practices

4:29

that you describe in the book is

4:31

something that I decided to do right

4:33

away, and I've been doing every week

4:34

since I listened to it. Now, granted, I

4:36

just listened to the book a few weeks

4:37

ago, so that means twice, but I found it

4:39

to be tremendously useful, not just

4:41

during the exercise, but in the days

4:43

that follow. And it's really uh remapped

4:46

a lot of uh what I would call my

4:48

unhealthy tendencies and given me much

4:52

more sense of agency and my days are are

4:55

just going so much better. In fact, I

4:56

was on time today for the first time in

4:57

my life.

4:58

>> Influence versus concern.

4:59

>> Yes. So, could you describe this uh

5:01

simple exercise because I I'll tell you

5:04

having having done it, it is immensely

5:06

powerful. I only wish I had learned

5:07

about it like in junior high school.

5:11

>> Story of my life. Yeah. Uh so first off,

5:14

not my creation. This is something I

5:16

don't remember and I think I said this

5:18

multiple times in the book because I

5:19

want to be very clear that of basically

5:22

taking ownership over nothing in that

5:24

book because they're not my unique

5:25

ideas. They were things that were taught

5:26

to me that I'm trying to pass forward.

5:29

So, I don't remember exactly where I

5:30

first saw this, but the way it was first

5:33

uh positioned to me was your circle or

5:37

sphere of influence, which is very

5:41

small, and your sphere of concern, which

5:43

for most people, to include myself, is

5:45

very large. So, if it was the size of

5:47

this table, that would be your concern.

5:50

The influence would be the size of a pin

5:51

drop on the table. And the exercise is

5:53

actually really simple. Take a standard

5:55

piece of paper, draw a line down the

5:56

middle, concern on one side, influence

5:59

on the other, and you just take the time

6:00

to write down the things that are

6:02

occupying your waking hours. I don't

6:04

know if you're anything like me, I try

6:07

not to set an alarm unless I have

6:08

something really pressing that day, but

6:10

if I do wake up and my brain does a

6:12

revolution, I have to get out of bed

6:13

because otherwise I'm staring at the

6:14

ceiling in the bedroom. And

6:18

if I have really sticky things in the

6:20

morning, I'll I'll usually do this about

6:22

once a month or once every six months

6:24

now. But almost every time that thought

6:27

will be on the left hand side of the

6:28

column. It's just a concern. Why is it

6:30

preventing me from going back to sleep?

6:32

Why can't I let go of it? And it's

6:34

social media, the world that we all live

6:36

in. It's things you can't control. It's

6:38

just all the stuff that you spend your

6:41

energy and effort focusing on. And then

6:43

you go to the other side of that paper

6:45

and I'm still yet to find more than one

6:48

thing that you can write down. And

6:50

that's the direct influence that you

6:52

have. And all you really can write on

6:53

that is yourself. Now you can you can

6:55

tunch that out and say your thought

6:56

process, the way you speak to yourself,

6:58

the way you plan your day, the way you

7:00

manage your time. But all that goes back

7:02

into things you can actually directly

7:04

control which leads you to the

7:07

realization or leads me to the

7:09

realization that I have no control over

7:12

what happens to me in my life but I have

7:13

absolute and complete and total control

7:15

over how I respond to it. And I think

7:17

that speaks to the agency piece and it

7:20

helps me especially when I have those

7:21

sticky thoughts. It helps me at least

7:24

take a step back. I'm not going to say

7:25

I'm perfect and I can put down a lot of

7:27

the things that I'm concerned with, but

7:29

it will identify for me a healthy or an

7:31

unhealthy attachment to those things and

7:33

it does help me cross back over to okay,

7:35

I understand that this is scary or

7:39

concerning, but being scared or

7:41

concerned about it doesn't impact

7:42

outcome. Everything on the right hand

7:44

side of the paper does. So that's what

7:46

it does for me. Man, you want to talk

7:48

about developing some more efficiencies?

7:50

It's a great tool. It's startling how

7:52

much is going to be on the left and how

7:54

little is going to be on the right.

7:56

>> Yeah, it's been a game changer for me

7:58

because and maybe I misinterpreted the

8:00

exercise a little bit because on the uh

8:02

right hand side of the uh the page, I've

8:05

been listing out the things that I can

8:07

control and the things that I can do

8:09

with my time.

8:10

>> That still goes back to you're

8:11

controlling the management of your time.

8:12

That's totally fine.

8:14

>> And with all these tools, I don't think

8:16

there is a wrong answer if it has the

8:17

impact that you're looking for. Again,

8:19

you could titrate all that back up to

8:20

you controlling yourself and what you do

8:23

with your time. I think it's perfect.

8:24

>> Yeah. Again, just an awesome exercise. I

8:27

really encourage everyone to do it for

8:29

me once a week has been very helpful and

8:31

it just pops to mind anytime I'm

8:34

thinking like I saw something in the

8:35

news yesterday and and you start going

8:37

down these rabbit holes and you're like,

8:38

wait, what am I doing? Like, what am I

8:40

doing? And and we can blame the

8:41

algorithms, we can blame the world, but

8:43

ultimately Yeah. You know, it's, you

8:45

know, once you realize that you're being

8:47

manipulated, I think the obligation is

8:49

to not follow that that path.

8:50

>> The algorithm is real. I don't know what

8:52

it means. I've listened to people argue

8:53

about it at nauseium, but I have the

8:55

choice as to whether or not I interface

8:57

with the algorithm. And that's where the

8:59

power

8:59

>> that's what I think the algorithm is

9:01

trying to do is figure out a way to take

9:02

that power away from you

9:04

>> and put it back into their hands. But

9:06

it's optional.

9:07

>> You learned this some years ago.

9:09

>> Yes.

9:10

>> In the teams.

9:11

>> Yes.

9:11

>> But you still do it now about once a

9:13

month.

9:13

>> Mhm.

9:13

>> Mhm. [clears throat] you carry around

9:15

with you.

9:15

>> If you're anything like me, I spend a

9:16

lot of time on airplanes. It's a really

9:18

good time to occupy yourself with

9:20

something that is for me at least

9:21

productive as opposed to just tuning out

9:23

and watching YouTube videos of sovereign

9:25

citizens get arrested, which is one of

9:26

my favorite pastimes. I highly recommend

9:29

people get into it.

9:29

>> These are the people that um that say

9:31

you can't arrest me. I'm a sovereign

9:33

citiz.

9:40

Are they out there testing the law or

9:42

are they hoping that they'll get, you

9:44

know, flagged and and that there'll be a

9:46

video so they can promote the sovereign

9:48

citizen thing or they are they just

9:50

really into being sovereign citizens and

9:52

living their lives?

9:53

>> I think some of them fall into the first

9:54

category and I think some of them

9:56

actually just legitimately believe.

9:58

>> Okay.

9:59

>> And they uh there's amazing things on

10:01

the internet.

10:02

>> You shouldn't believe all of them,

10:04

>> right? [laughter]

10:06

>> Maybe even most of them.

10:07

>> That's a fair point actually. the vast

10:09

majority of things you should take I

10:11

think with a large dose of scrutiny on

10:13

the internet.

10:14

>> We're about the same age. So late 40s

10:16

for you, 50 for me. I was thinking about

10:18

this in light of this concern versus

10:20

influence exercise, which is, you know,

10:23

that they created these like 10 and 20

10:25

and 30 year high school reunion things.

10:27

I think for the reason that you have the

10:30

choice to go back and learn about what

10:32

people are doing and who's still

10:35

married, who's still alive, who's

10:37

thriving, or what whatever, whatever the

10:39

reason is, we have these things called

10:40

reunions. But with social media, there's

10:43

this opportunity to be constantly aware

10:45

of everybody you grew up with, them of

10:47

you, uh people you knew 5 years ago in a

10:49

job that you no longer think about. So I

10:52

I feel like that left column now has

10:54

grown tremendously regardless of

10:56

somebody's age. The opportunity to be

10:58

aware of so many more things not just

11:01

distant in other countries and other

11:03

other issues entirely but like our past

11:06

lives are very much like anchored to us

11:08

now unless we really literally draw that

11:11

line and and sever from all that stuff.

11:13

Because like as much as I wish the best

11:15

for all my classmates and all these

11:17

people in graduate school and whether

11:18

like it it really a lot of it should not

11:21

occupy one's mind. Do you ever wonder

11:24

whether social media itself is making it

11:26

harder to do this exercise?

11:27

>> I think it could be. Do you know who

11:29

Chad Wright is?

11:30

>> Yes, I know of him and we've

11:31

corresponded a little bit.

11:33

>> He is hilarious.

11:35

>> You want We should probably describe it.

11:37

>> He does the same type of stuff that

11:38

Gogggins does. He's an endurance

11:40

athlete.

11:41

>> Long red beard. I call him the Forest

11:43

Gump of the Seal teams to his face so

11:44

I'm comfortable saying it. He's amazing.

11:46

I've had him on the show a couple times.

11:48

Uh knew him when we were in the teams

11:49

together and he came on the show on my

11:52

show in November and I don't know

11:54

[clears throat] how we started talking

11:55

about it but it was this conversation

11:56

around screen time. It's like all right

11:58

bud [clears throat] let's pull the

11:59

phones out. Let's see what we got. It's

12:02

not awesome. I think it was 4 and 1/2

12:03

hours. So, we decided that in January of

12:07

this year, we're going to try to drive

12:08

our screen time per day to under an hour

12:10

for total phone usage. I think phone

12:13

calls we were able to strip out of that.

12:14

[gasps]

12:15

I think the closest he got was about 90

12:17

minutes. And then the last week of

12:18

January for me, I got mine down to 30

12:20

minutes. Now, for clarity, I was still

12:22

doing a lot of the stuff that I was

12:24

doing on my phone, but I forced it over

12:26

to my laptop, which was a really

12:28

interesting experience because it's way

12:29

less sticky on that platform. So,

12:32

Instagram on your laptop sucks. [snorts]

12:35

It's not intuitive. The things that you

12:37

would normally just do with your thumb,

12:38

they don't exist. So, you end up closing

12:40

your laptop up. So, I'd get on there,

12:41

post what I wanted to, and then just

12:43

leave. My mental health was better in

12:45

January than it had been in a long time.

12:48

So, I 100% think that social media is

12:52

not only designed to suck up as much as

12:56

that left-hand portion of your list as

12:58

possible, but again, it's it's optional.

13:02

I mean, you create content, you have a

13:05

massive platform. I create content. We

13:07

can easily tell ourselves we have to

13:09

exist on these platforms, which to a

13:11

degree we do. The question I ask myself

13:13

is, is the platform working for me or am

13:16

I working for it? And that's the healthy

13:18

relationship. And I think actually that

13:19

goes right back to that exercise. Am I

13:21

targeting what I do with my time and

13:23

being efficient with it and then moving

13:24

on? Or am I just getting stuck into this

13:27

thumb scroll of death, which is right

13:29

before bed? I've heard you say it's the

13:30

best time to have electronic device

13:31

light.

13:32

>> Yeah. [laughter] Real bright in a dark

13:34

room

13:34

>> right before bed. Right.

13:35

>> If you really want to maximize, make

13:37

sure you do it first thing in the

13:38

morning, too. And don't get outside and

13:40

look at the sun, you know. But it's so

13:42

sticky. I'm telling you, when I hopped

13:44

over to my laptop,

13:46

>> at first I couldn't even figure out how

13:47

to post a picture

13:49

>> and it's so clunky and so not intuitive

13:52

that you don't want to play with it.

13:54

>> Are you still there now?

13:55

>> Oh, no. I went right back to using my

13:56

thumb.

13:57

>> What's Chad doing now with his uh social

13:59

media? Is he still

14:00

>> He's probably doubled it. He said the

14:02

same thing, too, by the way. Man, this

14:04

is amazing. We should do this more often

14:06

and just right back to being on your

14:08

thumb again by probably March. So what's

14:10

mindboggling about this is and you'll

14:12

tell me no we're just ordinary people

14:13

who were trained to do extraordinary

14:15

things but you know seal seal selection

14:17

you know pairs down you know for every

14:19

hundred guys you know maybe 15 get

14:21

through maybe 10 you know consistently

14:24

right discipline is certainly a piece of

14:25

that resilience mental toughness you

14:27

know whatever language you want to throw

14:29

at it you have that Chad has that you

14:31

guys were weaned in that you were forged

14:33

in that then you do high-risisk high

14:35

consequence work right and on minimal

14:38

sleep etc etc And here are two guys

14:40

challenging each other to spend less

14:43

time on social media. Accomplish it by

14:46

virtue of competition. Okay, cool. And

14:48

then you say revert. What does that say?

14:50

Not about seals. [laughter] What does

14:52

that say about the platforms? Cuz I

14:54

mean, think about the rest of the world.

14:55

>> It says everything you need to know

14:57

about the platform. The fact that you

14:58

could, like you just said, you can

15:00

recognize all of those things. You can

15:02

both text each other back and forth and

15:04

you're limited phone usage for the day.

15:06

Man, this is awesome. and 60 days later,

15:08

you're back to the same behavior that

15:10

led you to the November or December

15:12

conversation.

15:13

>> That's all you need to know about the

15:14

platforms.

15:15

>> Okay, I I have to drill into this. This

15:17

is not where I thought we would

15:18

[laughter] we would go first, but but it

15:19

gets right to the heart of discipline

15:21

and self-control versus influence and

15:22

time and and time is everything. When

15:25

you are on a social media platform and

15:26

you're scrolling away, are you aware of

15:28

the time that's drifting away from you?

15:30

>> Yes.

15:31

>> Are you thinking why am I doing this but

15:34

I feel compelled to do it or are you

15:36

oblivious? Is it like being drunk where

15:38

you don't you you're not thinking about

15:39

the the the fact that you shouldn't be

15:41

doing it until you sober up.

15:43

>> I'm aware. I am aware that it's not

15:44

healthy and I will actually sometimes I

15:47

don't know if you're like this. I talk

15:48

to myself out loud. Somebody from the

15:50

outside would probably think I'm a

15:51

psychopath, but uh I will I will say to

15:54

myself, why why are you doing this? This

15:55

doesn't feel good. And just

15:58

>> for hours.

15:59

>> An hour. An hour. 45 minutes.

16:01

>> I can't go that far. I I would I would

16:03

feel as if I needed to take a shower if

16:05

I went that far. But if I have 15

16:07

minutes,

16:08

>> man, it's it's enticing.

16:11

>> And I don't know what it is about it. I

16:13

don't feel joyful after doing it. I try

16:16

not to compare myself to other people.

16:17

Good luck being on the internet and

16:19

doing that. I try not to get caught in

16:21

the uh the negativity aspect of it

16:23

because I can I recognize the negativity

16:25

bias in myself where you'll get 99 like

16:29

this is amazing and one guy is like you

16:30

kind of suck and you're just like you

16:31

mother [laughter and clears throat]

16:33

that's the only comment you pay

16:34

attention to.

16:34

>> It's the brain is is uh wired for to

16:38

identify those outliers.

16:39

>> So I refuse to be mean on social media.

16:40

I won't make negative comments. Um well

16:43

don't get me wrong you can insult people

16:44

by not being mean. just have to work

16:46

your way around it and takes a little

16:48

bit longer. But, uh, I know it's not

16:50

healthy. I know I could do

16:53

anything other than that time and be

16:55

more productive and maybe move my life

16:57

just a little bit in the direction I

16:58

want to, but I don't. I'd like to take a

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20:10

the episode description. I've got a

20:11

theory that I'm just going to share.

20:13

Please,

20:13

>> that I've been thinking about a lot

20:14

lately, having just spent some time

20:16

with, let's just say, one of the major

20:20

providers of online content. It's not a

20:22

social media platform. So, I have this

20:25

theory that unlike being drunk or doing

20:29

drugs of any kind, opioids or or or

20:32

amphetamines or something where people

20:34

exit the state of of intoxication and

20:36

and they realize like, oh my god, like

20:37

that was a huge waste of my time, my

20:39

life. I made these mistakes. etc. Being

20:42

on social media is different because

20:45

there's this awareness that we're on

20:47

there and we probably could or should be

20:49

doing something else often. And I have

20:52

this theory that it's the perfect

20:54

addiction

20:56

because

20:57

it's what I would call low resolution

20:59

enough that it doesn't occupy all of

21:02

your mind. Like when people are really

21:03

intoxicated, they're not thinking about

21:04

the fact that they shouldn't be

21:05

intoxicated. That's the state they're

21:06

trying to achieve. This is a state that

21:08

people come out of and report. There are

21:10

data on this. They go, "Yeah, it didn't

21:12

feel good being on there for the last 45

21:13

minutes or 30 minutes or I feel like I

21:15

wasted a lot of time." So, they're aware

21:17

of that even while they're doing it.

21:19

Very unusual for addictions, right? Most

21:21

addictions fall into the category of

21:23

trying to erase the sense of time, lose

21:25

themselves in the activity, forget the

21:27

trauma if you think it's trauma related,

21:28

just forget everything else and just be

21:30

in this moment. Gamblers will say this,

21:32

right? It's that zone they they crave so

21:34

much. This is different. Doesn't feel

21:36

really good. you're aware that you're

21:38

not supposed to be doing it quite like

21:39

that or that much. So, I actually think

21:41

it's it's the quote unquote ultimate

21:44

addiction because it's low resolution

21:46

enough that your brain circuits can get

21:48

attached to it and keep doing it while

21:50

you're monitoring yourself and yet you

21:54

can run these two tracks at the same

21:55

time so you're not getting absorbed and

21:57

coming out of it going, "Oh my god, I

21:59

didn't study for my final exam. Oh my

22:01

goodness, I didn't pick up the kids from

22:02

school." It's just low resolution enough

22:05

that you can still kind of tend to the

22:07

the kids, kind of be in a conversation,

22:09

sort of be on the Zoom, sort of like and

22:13

doesn't totally fall apart. Exactly. And

22:16

so in some ways, because it's not so

22:18

extreme, I think that's actually one of

22:21

the problems. The other problem is, of

22:22

course, our brains can, but are not

22:24

really designed to be split into these,

22:26

you know, two different activities for

22:27

for terribly long. It's not just an

22:29

inability to multitask. I actually think

22:31

that low resolution thing is you can

22:33

kind of do it while you're doing other

22:34

things. So I'm just this is something

22:36

that I actually want some laboratories

22:37

to look at.

22:38

>> Where does that lead if left unchecked?

22:40

>> Well, for you and for me, the

22:42

consequences are different and probably

22:45

less immediate because we've already

22:47

built our careers. There's the social

22:49

detriment, you know, relationships to

22:51

family and stuff that undoubtedly suffer

22:53

somewhat, right? But they're doing it

22:54

too, right? So there's that. I do worry

22:57

now I really sound like I'm in my 50s

22:59

like about the younger generation

23:00

because I don't know whether I would

23:03

have been able to escape this tunnel.

23:05

>> Yeah.

23:06

>> Had these devices been around. So I

23:08

think that otherwise incredible

23:10

accomplishments and human beings and

23:12

careers and families and everything in

23:14

between art and music is literally not

23:18

going to be made. I fear this much more

23:20

than I fear AI to be honest. I much much

23:23

more.

23:24

>> Yeah. in terms of taking away jobs and

23:26

taking away careers. I think that

23:28

because it's it's I'll tell you this, I

23:30

am confident that it is way way worse

23:34

than the than the quote unquote opioid

23:35

crisis which was already terrible.

23:38

>> I think we're going to be okay. So, I

23:39

have three data points which happen to

23:41

be my children. So, almost 18, almost

23:44

21, almost 23.

23:46

>> My middle son has got it dialed.

23:49

>> He's going to college in Bosezeman. I

23:50

think he's getting ready to start his

23:51

junior year in mechanical engineering.

23:52

He's doing an internship at a quantum

23:55

computing laboratory. I don't know what

23:57

that means. He tries to tell me. I'm

23:59

like, he just talked to my wife. It's

24:02

super cool stuff.

24:02

>> He made a robotic hand. Of course, the

24:04

first way he tested it was a middle

24:06

finger, which I deeply, deeply

24:07

appreciate.

24:08

>> He is your son

24:09

>> 100%. He exists on social media. Mhm.

24:12

>> He downloads the app once per week,

24:15

spends an hour on it, erases it because

24:20

it's the pendulum going the other

24:21

direction for him.

24:22

>> Mhm.

24:23

>> My oldest keeps it on his phone, but

24:26

uses it very sporadically and it's

24:28

almost at least so the middle one's

24:30

going to be 21. The other one's going to

24:31

be 23. My oldest now is almost at the

24:34

point and I think his peer group is

24:35

almost at the point a little bit of

24:37

mocking people who spend, you know what

24:39

I It's almost now it's almost almost on

24:42

the other side like oh you're one of

24:43

those even though they were raised with

24:45

electronic devices in their hand. My

24:47

daughter on the other hand surgically

24:49

connected to her hand and is constantly

24:53

consuming. So, I think she will get

24:55

there as well, too, because when I can

24:57

kind of pull her out of that digital

24:59

world or we go places that have less

25:01

than optimal cell coverage intentionally

25:04

and somehow the Wi-Fi doesn't show up

25:06

because dad unplugs the router like,

25:07

"Oh, there's no Wi-Fi at the house. That

25:09

sucks." She can see the light, but my

25:11

other two, as they've gotten a little

25:12

bit older, they have they have seen it

25:14

and found it on their own. And I I think

25:16

we're gonna be okay because I think that

25:19

generation now is really

25:22

viewing these platforms with a little

25:23

bit more of a wary eye.

25:25

>> And I don't know why, but my middle son

25:27

was the first one. He just was like,

25:29

"Nope, this is what I do. I'm on there

25:31

for an hour. It's 100% for memes for

25:33

him." And then he just deletes the

25:35

thing.

25:35

>> Great. No, I'm I'm I'm very reassured by

25:38

by what you just said.

25:39

>> That's a data point of three, though.

25:40

So, well, it's interesting because the

25:43

data on, for instance, um, smoking in

25:45

teens, like when we were growing up, a

25:47

lot of people smoked. Young people

25:48

smoked. You know,

25:49

>> that'd be your first act of rebellion.

25:51

>> There were all these campaigns to try

25:52

and get young people to quit smoking.

25:54

And they did not work. It's going to

25:55

give you lung cancers.

25:56

>> This is your lungs after smoke. None of

25:58

that worked. What worked was the ad

26:01

campaign that had these old white dudes

26:04

cackling and talking about all the money

26:06

they were going to make on these young

26:08

kids smoking. So, the rebellion of

26:10

youth, if you leverage it against the

26:11

big industry platforms, no one likes to

26:14

be manipulated, but when kids realize

26:16

and teens realize that they're being

26:18

manipulated, they'll push back in a way

26:21

that can be really good for them, which

26:23

is a little bit of what what we're

26:24

hearing here. So, so you know,

26:25

>> as a parent, I can tell you they push

26:27

back in ways super hard, maybe almost

26:30

pendalum the other way. I tell you what

26:32

they're also pushing back on in my all

26:34

three of their generation, alcohol

26:36

consumption.

26:38

Damn. Don't get me wrong, they there's a

26:42

time and place for everything. We go to

26:44

a yearly jiu-jitsu retreat in Costa

26:46

Rica. The drinking age is 18. One of my

26:50

sons is in college. Like I said, it's an

26:52

interesting watching those two. That

26:54

might be the only singular time they

26:56

drink in an entire year. That was the

26:59

opposite of me growing up and the the

27:01

culture of the first community I went

27:03

into. It is wild to see the push in the

27:07

other direction. And now I talk peptides

27:10

or my middle son. I told him I was

27:13

coming here. He's just like, "Oh, oh,

27:14

ask him what I need to be doing for

27:15

sleep optimization." Like, "Oh

27:16

[laughter] my god."

27:17

>> Happy to send it to him. That's his

27:19

generation.

27:19

>> Mhm.

27:20

>> I was not I think I started looking at

27:22

sleep optimization about last Thursday.

27:25

>> You know, it just wasn't the thing that

27:26

we were looking at. So, I actually, as

27:29

much as my children, I truly believe

27:31

children are just designed to sharpen

27:32

their teeth on the parents bones, I also

27:34

have a lot of faith on the next wave

27:37

coming through.

27:38

>> This is not a question I ever thought I

27:39

would ask on this podcast as somebody

27:41

who did an episode on alcohol that got

27:43

some reach and got people rethinking

27:45

whether or not they wanted to drink. And

27:47

I should just quickly say the major

27:49

response to that was one of three

27:51

different um types. One was, I don't

27:54

like drinking and now I can justify not

27:56

drinking. There were a lot of people who

27:57

felt that they had to drink and now they

27:58

had justification not to. Other people

28:00

who said, "Wow, I didn't realize that,

28:03

you know, it can increase breast cancer

28:04

risk. You know, we have cancers in our

28:06

family and that's a real thing." So, you

28:07

know, class one carcinogen, etc. And

28:09

then the third category, like, you know,

28:10

I wish you hadn't told me this

28:12

information. I really enjoyed drinking

28:13

and now my friends don't want to drink

28:14

with me. Fair and I don't tell people

28:15

what to do and I, you know, etc. But

28:19

I have to ask, do you think that your

28:21

kids and their generation are possibly

28:24

missing out by virtue of, you know, not

28:28

drinking at all?

28:29

>> That's a fantastic question. I mean, it

28:31

is a social lubricant

28:33

>> for a degree. I was probably and still

28:36

am antisocial in large crowds. Is there

28:39

an aspect of that where it legitimately

28:41

helped me not necessarily feel more

28:43

comfortable, but maybe get out of my own

28:44

way when I was younger? Yes. Did it lead

28:48

to some bad decisions along the way?

28:51

Yes. Did bad decisions and those

28:54

consequences shape the human being that

28:56

I would become along the way? Yes.

29:01

I don't know where it it where it lands.

29:03

I do think that there is a chance that

29:06

yes, they are missing out on maybe not

29:09

formative life experiences, but

29:12

important life experiences. Well, I

29:14

think the the camera phones are a big

29:16

concern with drinking now because people

29:18

are so worried about becoming uh less

29:21

inhibited and maybe not even saying or

29:23

doing the wrong thing, but even things

29:25

as trivial as like look, not everyone is

29:26

an awesome dancer. They can get filmed,

29:28

they can get posted, they can get

29:29

teased, there's social shame. The other

29:32

problem is that many many people are

29:34

awesome at certain things and those are

29:36

the things that tend to be high

29:37

amplitude also and so people feel like

29:39

they you know if they're going to be

29:40

seen online they have to be in some in

29:43

impressive form. So I don't really know.

29:46

I I do worry about the cannabis thing

29:48

because I'm not anti-cannabis, but I do

29:50

think given a couple drinks a week

29:53

versus smoking weed in terms of like the

29:56

the overall risk benefit, alcohol seems

29:59

less risky to me. But the the can

30:01

>> Yeah, I think so. I mean, look, there

30:03

are high high performers and people who

30:05

can use cannabis and that like not a

30:07

problem.

30:08

>> Young males in particular who have a

30:10

predisposition to psychosis or bipolar

30:13

disorder. Yeah. Some of them smoke high

30:15

potency weed or even low potency weed

30:17

and they never come back from the

30:19

psychotic episode. I know a lot of

30:22

examples of that and that's in the data

30:24

now. So alcohol, yeah, you can drive off

30:27

a cliff, you can run somebody over, you

30:29

can say or do something really really

30:30

stupid. But assuming those things don't

30:32

happen, the the immediate risks and

30:35

long-term consequences of like having

30:38

having a couple beers or a couple drinks

30:40

or maybe even a few more,

30:43

>> you get home safe, you don't say or do

30:44

anything stupid, like you're not going

30:46

to make yourself psychotic.

30:47

>> I'm kind of in the same boat that you

30:48

are. I'm not here to tell people how to

30:49

live their life. I do think that they

30:51

should pay attention to the risk versus

30:52

reward. you know, live your life how you

30:54

want. Your choices are going to have

30:56

potential consequences, and some of

30:57

those can be pretty big. There's some

30:59

things I deeply regret about my

31:01

expressions of being a human being when

31:03

I was drinking when I was younger. And

31:05

there are some things that I feel like

31:08

my life would be completely different

31:10

without that I would never want to give

31:11

those experiences back.

31:13

>> I don't know how you table that though.

31:16

>> This is a fascinating cover.

31:18

>> Didn't know we were going to go here.

31:19

>> Yeah. It's I mean I at my own life I

31:22

wouldn't give up those experiences

31:26

>> but I also don't feel comfortable saying

31:28

you have to drink to have them.

31:31

>> Mhm.

31:31

>> I don't know what the difference looks

31:32

like though. Maybe later on as you grow

31:35

into your I mean I'm a more confident

31:36

person now absent alcohol than I was a

31:39

more confident person younger absent

31:41

alcohol. So maybe time will help you get

31:43

to those places where you could take

31:44

those actions where you needed that

31:46

social lubricant. But maybe not. I don't

31:48

know man. Well, it's like sleep is super

31:50

important and I think it's great for

31:51

everyone, especially young people, to

31:53

understand just how great they can feel

31:55

and mentally and physically perform when

31:57

they're well rested. I think it's also

31:59

an important not just right of passage,

32:01

but experience to know just how terrible

32:03

you can feel after a night of no sleep

32:05

and still go take a midterm exam or go

32:08

for the run you were supposed to go for.

32:09

because it's quote unquote the best

32:11

thing for you, but just because how do

32:13

you explore the outer margins of your

32:15

capacity unless you know how feeling

32:19

really great feels and how let's just

32:22

say not lousy but how po like minimally

32:25

good you can feel and still complete

32:27

something while you're completely

32:28

crushed like I mean after a breakup

32:31

after two or three nights of poor sleep

32:33

in a very stressful time not having

32:35

eaten perfectly like it's good to

32:37

understand what a workout or what going

32:38

to class and forcing yourself to stay

32:40

awake or having a hard conversation with

32:42

your significant other feels like when

32:43

it's like the the last thing your body

32:46

wants you to do. I think there's utility

32:48

there. You know, it's kind of like the

32:49

ice bath of of mental experiences,

32:51

right?

32:52

>> Are you a fan of the ice bath?

32:53

>> I am. And

32:55

>> what temperature?

32:56

>> Cold. I So on Rogan, I said, you know,

32:59

low 50s. And he he like he was shocked

33:02

and dismayed. He looked he seemed it was

33:04

like an older brother or guy you respect

33:07

looking at you like oh man should we

33:09

even continue this podcast. I was like

33:11

you and I quickly went to yeah but I go

33:13

into the sauna at 220 degrees Fahrenheit

33:15

you know which I do. I'm very heat

33:16

tolerant not as cold tolerant. I like to

33:18

do cold shower cold plunge or whatever

33:21

like you know low 40s now.

33:23

>> All right. To me, there is nothing as

33:25

reliable and provided you don't like

33:27

jump into an ice hole or something

33:29

stupid like that or do you know

33:30

hyperventilation breathing and then jump

33:32

into cold water which has killed people.

33:34

Provided you don't do that. I I don't

33:36

know of anything that is both safe and

33:37

reliably can give you that adrenaline

33:39

spike

33:40

>> in a way that you can start to learn to

33:42

work with what it's like to be in a

33:44

highly adrenalized state. I think

33:46

there's just value in having your but

33:48

body flooded with adrenaline somewhat

33:51

against your will but you're controlling

33:53

some of it and learning. I think it's a

33:55

great space to explore, okay, do I

33:58

distract myself? Do I lean into it? Like

34:00

you can you can explore a lot of your

34:02

own consciousness in these high arousal

34:04

states. And I do think there's

34:06

carryover. And yes, there's a nice long

34:07

wave of dopamine that lasts many hours.

34:09

That's known. There's a nice long wave

34:11

of adrenaline.

34:12

>> But yeah, I think it's a great training

34:15

tool if you don't want to do it

34:16

immediately after resistance training

34:18

because it can uh it can reduce some of

34:20

the the the quote unquote gains you

34:21

would get because it it vasa constricts.

34:24

You want blood flow. You want to peruse

34:25

the muscles in order to, you know, get

34:27

get the strength and hypertrophy uh

34:29

benefits from the training. But provided

34:31

you do it before or on off days or 6

34:34

hours after you resistance train, I

34:36

think it's a really valuable tool.

34:38

>> What protocol would you use? I like to

34:40

have my cold plunge at about 80. What

34:42

would you do like 10 in, five out a

34:44

couple times?

34:44

>> 80° F.

34:45

>> It's great. I can bump it to 85 if you

34:48

think that that's a little too low. You

34:50

know, team guys have this advantage that

34:51

they did all that so they can be like,

34:53

"I did it. I don't want to do it."

34:54

Right? That's kind of like I went

34:55

through that.

34:56

>> That's an advantage.

34:56

>> You know, it's like the people who are

34:57

sleepd deprived in medical school.

34:59

They're like, "Yeah, I don't do that

35:00

anymore." I get it. Like you guys

35:01

suffered enough. When I went down to

35:03

Jacos, he he specifically had me um do a

35:06

heat cold protocol because I like to do

35:08

three rounds of each. You know, heat

35:10

somewhere about, you know, 210 215,

35:12

maybe as high as 220, which is hot, but

35:14

I'm pretty heat tolerant.

35:15

>> For how long?

35:15

>> That would be 20 minutes. and then go

35:17

into the you don't want to start right

35:19

off with that right and then go into the

35:20

cold. And so they packed the sauna, they

35:24

cranked that thing up and they kept

35:26

resetting the clock and literally he'll

35:29

tell you I was down on the floor where

35:30

it's you know not cool but it's still

35:32

colder heat rises obviously and his

35:34

daughters they were laughing his family

35:37

and then so everyone in there young and

35:38

old male and female was just laughing at

35:40

me. So, he has what he calls the factory

35:42

reset protocol, which is where you don't

35:44

know how hot or how long you're going to

35:46

be in there, and you don't know how cold

35:47

or how long you're going to be in there.

35:48

And we'll talk about this a little bit

35:50

about time, but I don't know if you

35:52

don't like the cold, you don't have to

35:53

do it, but I do think most people can

35:55

really benefit from it.

35:56

>> I'm saying I'll develop a protocol for

35:59

80. The sauna will be at 97. Easy

36:04

transition back and forth. Who knows?

36:07

>> All right. um taken from the guy who

36:10

jumps out of uh or off of mountains in a

36:12

in a squirrel suit. Let's talk about the

36:13

squirrel suit.

36:14

>> Sure.

36:14

>> And why in the world anyone who values

36:16

their life seriously though would do

36:19

this? And is there an off-ramp? Is there

36:22

a parachute? And uh when you learn how

36:24

to do this,

36:25

>> how hard is it to learn? And what's the

36:27

juice there?

36:28

>> Okay, a lot of questions there. Okay,

36:29

it's funny. A lot of people call them

36:31

squirrel suits. It's just a wing suit.

36:33

Squirrel is actually a manufacturer of

36:35

one of the suits. fantastic branding.

36:37

They happen to be the suit that I

36:39

jumped. So, essentially, it is

36:42

a human body turning into a nylon wing.

36:45

That's really all it is. It's nylon.

36:46

It's some neopre around the wrist. So,

36:48

you have a little bit of flexibility in

36:49

the wrist. They're really actually

36:51

advancing the leading edge technology

36:53

with the fabrics. Just I mean, it's

36:55

crazy to look I don't know the name of

36:57

the program, but you're looking at all

36:58

of these images from the side of wind

37:01

angles and how the suits they're looking

37:03

to reduce drag. Um, and it's more than

37:06

just the rigidity of your body. So, at

37:08

least the suits that I jumped are modern

37:10

suits. They are ram air inflated. So,

37:13

there is an outer layer on both sides,

37:16

an upper layer, let's say, for the your

37:17

back, and an under layer for your belly.

37:19

In between, it's much like a canopy.

37:21

There's ribbed fabric with port holes.

37:24

And on the front and back of the wing,

37:27

as you give it air speed, either exiting

37:30

an airplane that's already in flight,

37:31

it's most skydiving airplanes are

37:33

probably doing 80 to 120 miles an hour

37:36

or in the base jumping world, and this

37:38

is where it can get spicy, is you have

37:40

no air flow for about the first 4

37:42

seconds because

37:42

>> base jumping, for those that don't know,

37:43

is

37:44

>> fixed, call it a fixed object. Building

37:45

antenna span or earth is what the

37:47

acronym stands for.

37:49

>> You're probably not going to do it off

37:50

of buildings because it's it you need

37:51

time to get the suit actually flying.

37:54

But it's a different experience because

37:56

if you jump out of an airplane, those

37:57

ram air inlets fill up. Your suit is

37:59

it's pressurized. You can feel it and

38:01

you can already fly your suit. You can

38:03

flip over. You can actually I've gotten

38:04

above aircraft many time. You can

38:06

basically translate that horizontal lift

38:08

into power and go above them shortly.

38:10

You're going to come back down. Um

38:12

otherwise you'll stall the suit and it

38:13

starts waffling down. But in the base

38:16

jumping world, it's a zero airspeed

38:17

exit. So for the first about 0 to 4

38:20

seconds, you don't have any air filling

38:23

up the ram air inlets. So if you don't

38:25

go off in the right body position or if

38:27

you go head low and are scorpioning or

38:29

head high and then you pitch through

38:31

that and there is terrain below you,

38:34

that's how a lot of people die. But the

38:36

suit itself is is basically that. It's

38:38

uh there's wings. There's a large wing

38:39

between your leg, a wing underneath your

38:41

arm on both the left and right hand

38:43

side. And they come in a variety of

38:44

sizes. So learning it is

38:47

>> [gasps]

38:48

>> It's simple, not easy. First off,

38:51

skydive before you throw a wings suit on

38:53

in the skydiving world. I think I had

38:54

3,000 jumps before I put a wing suit on

38:56

the first time.

38:57

>> Is it important that people do different

38:59

types of skydiving? By the way, I'm not

39:00

versed in skydiving. So, what's the most

39:03

basic type of I I assume a tandem jump,

39:06

then you start doing individual jumps?

39:07

>> Some people go like I went right to the

39:09

first time I did a skydive, I had an

39:11

instructor holding on to me from for

39:12

both sides until my parachute deployed.

39:14

It's a very structured program that most

39:17

modern drop zones will have. A lot of

39:19

people will do a tandem first, which I

39:21

recommend. If you're un if you've never

39:23

done it and you're uncertain about

39:24

whether or not you would like it, I I

39:25

think there's two really good options.

39:27

One is a tandem, but if even that idea

39:30

makes you a little bit uncertain,

39:32

there's now enough wind tunnels around,

39:34

commercial wind tunnels. There's down

39:35

there's Oceanside wind tunnel. There's

39:37

one in LA. There's one in San Diego.

39:39

They're all over the place. I was just

39:40

in Virginia Beach. There's one in

39:42

Virginia Beach. So, it simulates the

39:45

sensation of falling through the air in

39:47

an environment where you don't have to

39:48

wear a parachute. You don't have to ride

39:49

an airplane. You literally hop in there.

39:50

They can hold on to you and it feels

39:52

like skydiving.

39:54

>> Sounds like fun.

39:55

>> It's leveled up what people can do in

39:57

the air cuz it's this contained

39:59

environment where you can see if you're

40:00

moving a millimeter. The number of jumps

40:02

I have had where you get out, you jump

40:04

out into the air where your only

40:05

reference is another person that's

40:07

moving around and you get you were

40:09

sliding all over the place. [ __ ] you.

40:10

You were sliding all over the place.

40:11

Neither of you know cuz your reference

40:13

is the earth just flying around and then

40:15

you get into win tunnel and you're both

40:16

up against the glass. You're like we

40:17

both suck. So makes it a little bit more

40:19

difficult. The most basic type of

40:22

skydiving would be just exiting the

40:24

plane in flighting with your belly to

40:26

the oriented towards the ground and

40:27

deploying your parachute on time.

40:29

Skydiving is two parachutes, main

40:30

parachute and reserve. Reserve is packed

40:32

by an FAA rigger and I believe it's for

40:35

one period of time it was 90 days in

40:37

between pack jobs. I think it's 6 months

40:39

in between pack jobs down but full. They

40:41

open it up, the reserve, they open the

40:43

parachute up, they inspect it, they make

40:45

sure that the canopy is good, the lines

40:46

are good, um the automatic activation

40:49

devices, which are computers sensing uh

40:52

fall rate, barometric pressure with a

40:54

firing criteria, which will fire your

40:56

reserve for you if you do nothing, which

40:58

has hundreds of documented saves, by the

41:00

way,

41:01

>> um for an unconscious jumper, whatever

41:03

it may be, or somebody, as crazy as it

41:05

is to say, somebody falling through the

41:08

air, forgetting to look at their

41:10

altimeter. because they're having so

41:11

much fun.

41:13

It happens. So, cypresses or vigils or

41:17

just AADs, automatic activation devices

41:20

have saved hundreds of lives. So, that

41:22

reserve parachute is packed by a rigger.

41:24

Most civilian jumpers will pack their

41:26

own main parachute. It takes 5 minutes

41:28

for an experienced jumper, maybe 20

41:30

minutes for somebody who is learning.

41:32

And you can go do

41:34

I think the most jumps I've ever done in

41:36

a day was probably 30. That was at a at

41:38

a an event called a boogie where it's

41:40

just as fast as you can go and you're

41:42

just jumping jumping jumping. An average

41:43

day for me when I lived in San Diego

41:45

would be six to eight jumps. I'd like to

41:47

take a quick break and acknowledge our

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co-enzyme Q10 with your first AG1

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subscription. For somebody's first

43:07

non-tandem jump, how high is the plane

43:09

off the ground?

43:10

>> 13,000 is about average. 13 AGL. So, if

43:14

you're learning in Colorado or another

43:17

Rocky Mountain state, you might only get

43:20

12 AGL because you might be up to 16 to

43:23

18,000 ft. Mhm.

43:24

>> But there's [clears throat] flying with

43:25

your belly oriented to the earth.

43:27

There's people who like to do it

43:28

vertically, either feet down or head

43:30

down. People who fly on their back.

43:32

There are formation jumps where they'll

43:34

get a bunch of people together. I think

43:36

the world record is hundreds of people

43:38

linked up in freef fall. You can watch

43:40

it from the ground. It's crazy to see.

43:42

They'll have eight aircraft and you just

43:45

see these just people bombing out of the

43:47

back

43:47

>> and they'll make these snowflake

43:49

configurations and people just sitting

43:50

there on the ground watching either

43:51

naked eye or with uh

43:53

>> with binoculars. And then at breakoff

43:54

altitude, everybody's tracking away and

43:56

then all these canopies open up and then

43:58

on landing it gets a little bit wild. So

44:00

it can get as much as you want. And then

44:02

um wing suiting is just a part of that.

44:04

But you can jump a a smaller wing suit.

44:07

So if the suits I ended up jumping had a

44:10

lot of fabric because I wanted to have a

44:12

nice glide ratio and I wanted to be able

44:14

to extend the amount of time in the air.

44:17

You can get suits with a smaller wing

44:18

which give you more maneuverability and

44:20

you learn in those and then get a little

44:22

bit bigger, a little bit bigger and

44:24

bigger, bigger. So, as safely as

44:26

possible, graduating your way towards

44:28

those larger suits that can have more

44:31

consequence. Uh you can end up on your

44:33

back in the wing suits and flat spins.

44:35

And I've seen people they you can get

44:37

out of it. You need to get out of it

44:38

quickly, but we're talking fully blown

44:40

uh red eyes when they get to the ground

44:42

from centrifugal force. and pretty

44:45

quick, too. That's the skydiving world.

44:48

Two parachutes. The base jumping world

44:50

is you're now down to one parachute that

44:53

is packed very similar to a reserve, but

44:55

it's packed now by the jumper who is

44:57

doing the base jumping. And the reason

44:59

for that is you are generally very close

45:01

to the ground at an altitude where a

45:03

reserve isn't going to save you because

45:04

it does take a couple hundred feet for a

45:06

reserve to open up. And um in the US

45:10

there's one place to legally do it 24/7

45:13

365. It's the Pine Bridge up in Twin

45:16

Falls, which is where I learned it's,

45:18

you know, the legality aspect is if

45:21

people pursue to go that they want to go

45:23

that way, um, do your research because

45:25

there's some cities that had some

45:26

problems with it. So, they made it a

45:28

felony, which will change your life if

45:30

you want to test gravity off of a

45:31

building. I don't know if the capital F

45:33

is necessarily worth it. Vegas and New

45:35

York are two good examples of that. Um,

45:38

most people start off with that bridge.

45:40

Uh, and then an antenna is, of course,

45:42

exactly that. radio antennas and there

45:44

are other countries in the world where

45:45

that is legal to do and a lot of times

45:47

people will travel [gasps]

45:49

uh buildings you can get permission uh

45:51

depending um I know one of your guys

45:53

worked with Red Bull not for Red Bull he

45:55

clarified for us shockingly enough if

45:58

you write a large check things that were

45:59

once illegal

46:01

>> can become legal for short periods of

46:03

time so they will get permission to go

46:05

off of buildings

46:06

>> or you can go to Dubai where for I think

46:08

it was a year they had this huge just it

46:11

was fully just set up for legal base

46:12

jumping off one of the top floors of one

46:14

of those skyscrapers, which is

46:15

unbelievable. And then Earth, which is

46:18

obviously that and cliffs. Um, my first

46:22

uh base jump off of a uh actually was

46:26

from the bridge. I have I should I have

46:28

done an antenna buildings not many

46:32

building not many buildings but my first

46:34

jump uh off the earth was Monte Brento

46:36

in Italy which you jump open your canopy

46:41

land walk across the street and there's

46:43

an Italian espresso just waiting for you

46:45

perfect it's basically heaven and then

46:47

we stayed there for two and a half weeks

46:48

and went into Lauder Brunin in

46:50

Switzerland

46:51

but I had been skydiving and flying a

46:55

wings suit then I had to learn how base

46:57

jump and then at some point you have to

46:59

combine those two. So one day you have

47:01

to go from never having pushed off of a

47:04

cliff in a wings suit and having time

47:07

flying it in the air to kind of bridging

47:09

that gap where now you have this first 4

47:11

seconds that you have to deal with where

47:13

the the suit feels really sloppy. It

47:15

doesn't feel rigid and you can't really

47:17

do anything until it powers up and you

47:20

can pull away. So that's kind of the

47:22

activities. The why I can't answer for

47:25

anybody other than myself, but the why

47:28

for me actually had nothing to do with

47:30

the activity itself. And it is

47:32

dangerous. There are some people who try

47:34

to romanticize the danger of that. And

47:37

if people want to part participate in

47:39

things because they're dangerous and

47:41

that's how they want to define

47:42

themselves. I leave that to you. Um

47:44

just, you know, be aware of the

47:45

potential consequences you might get

47:47

yourself into. For me, I got into that

47:50

about three years after I got out of the

47:51

Navy, and I didn't realize what it was I

47:54

enjoyed so much, but it was the mental

47:56

reset associated with that. Um, at about

48:01

1 minute out on a helicopter, for me,

48:03

and I can only speak for me, your

48:05

entire, you know, we talking about time,

48:08

your entire circle of

48:12

concern goes away, completely gone. And

48:16

there are very few times in my life

48:18

where I've ever been able to get into

48:20

that headsp space. But it might be the

48:23

most powerful headsp space I've ever

48:24

been able to arrive into. And my ability

48:26

to find my way there lasted for months

48:29

afterwards

48:30

>> because overseas,

48:32

yeah, they ask you to do some some

48:34

bizarre stuff, but you also likely at

48:37

some point in in your career

48:38

[clears throat] will have a family,

48:40

maybe your first house, whatever it is,

48:41

and like [ __ ] the washing machine

48:43

just broke. And you're dealing with real

48:45

life stuff. Did I Did I write enough

48:46

checks before I left the before the

48:48

digital age? Did I write enough checks

48:49

before I left to make sure that the rent

48:51

was already paid? Now, these are the

48:53

things you're thinking about just normal

48:54

everyday life, an argument with your

48:55

spouse, your kids, the holidays you may

48:57

have missed, all that stuff. You get on

48:59

a helicopter and you start heading

49:00

towards an objective and all that stuff

49:03

starts to go away. And in about for me

49:05

about the one minute and in until it e

49:08

lands or you're stepping off it becomes

49:10

this focus on the next 3 seconds of your

49:14

life is the only thing I was capable of

49:17

thinking about and that is such a

49:19

beautiful place. God you want to talk

49:21

about the ability

49:24

to perform

49:26

and not feel like you're necessarily

49:28

you're not trying to force it. you're

49:30

just there's books been written about

49:32

the flow state for lack of a better

49:33

term. Incredibly impactful and I didn't

49:36

realize how much I needed that and I

49:39

didn't realize how much that job was

49:41

providing for me until it was gone. And

49:44

then the static of everyday life just is

49:47

overwhelming. Skydiving,

49:50

I guess you could get that or maybe I

49:51

got that when I first started, but after

49:53

a few thousand jumps,

49:55

about everything that's going going to

49:57

go wrong, you're going to have your

49:58

first cutaway. you're going to have a

49:59

mount, you know, I mean, you're going to

50:00

deal with your gear, your reserve is

50:02

going to open. And so that that really

50:05

narrowed focus, it actually starts

50:06

opening back up.

50:09

The base jumping world, I remember the

50:11

first time I was the guy who taught me,

50:13

he's like, "All right, you just climb

50:14

over the edge of the rail here and

50:15

you're looking at 486 ft. You test the

50:18

wind by spitting and if you can if it

50:20

drifts past a certain point, you're good

50:22

to go. [laughter] So you can track your

50:25

spit to where you are going to deck if

50:27

you don't pull your parachute. Now on

50:29

the first one, he's holding on to the

50:30

pilot shoot so it rips it off for you so

50:32

you don't have to worry about it.

50:33

[snorts] But you want to talk about that

50:35

right back into that space. Holy cow.

50:38

That's what base jumping was for me. I

50:41

had some of the the deepest

50:43

conversations with my friends on the

50:45

4-hour hikes that would lead to a

50:46

90-second jump. and two weeks of those

50:50

90-cond jumps, I could get myself into

50:52

such a more dialed headsp space for 6

50:55

months and be better at business,

50:58

better, you know, a more patient father,

51:00

a more patient husband. That's that to

51:02

me is why

51:05

>> and at some point

51:07

it probably due to the death of my

51:09

friends and I had found other activities

51:11

that had started to provide that it

51:13

crossed the metric for me where the risk

51:16

was no longer worth worth the reward. I

51:19

I have been skydiving since 1999. I

51:21

could take 5 years off and go jump out

51:23

of an airplane and I'd be fine. But I

51:25

can't do that in the base jumping world.

51:26

The currency and competency piece is so

51:29

important. And then when I moved to

51:30

Montana, my access to the drop zones and

51:33

the ability to maintain currency and

51:34

competency in that wings suit really

51:36

decreased.

51:38

So it got to a place where it just it

51:41

wasn't worth the risk. Skydiving is

51:42

still a bunch of fun, but I found other

51:45

activities that I could kind of lose

51:46

myself in. Maybe not to the same I don't

51:49

think to the same degree. I I

51:52

it's hard to describe zipping up in that

51:54

suit with a maximal heart rate to the

51:58

point where you're looking over your

51:58

buddies like, "Hey, can are you hearing

52:01

my heart too?" Cuz it's pretty loud.

52:03

It's about the you know what I mean like

52:04

that thrush in your ears. That's

52:06

informative uh [laughter] to hear that

52:07

your heart was maxed out because I

52:10

wondered if you you know if adrenaline

52:11

was low, if it was higher, you know,

52:13

something had had happened

52:14

systematically over the years in the

52:16

teams where your adrenaline was set too

52:18

low, you need to crank it above a

52:19

certain threshold. Sounds like you were

52:21

right where any rational person would

52:23

be, which was terrifying

52:25

>> because at some point you grab your

52:26

little tail wing and you make a little

52:28

nice little teepee with it and you get

52:29

your toes to the edge and you check all

52:32

your stuff and then you are just looking

52:34

out into the abyss and you have to make

52:38

yourself rock forward past a point of no

52:41

return that if you change your mind,

52:44

whoopsies, that doesn't work anymore.

52:46

And then you need to have maximal human

52:48

performance for about the next 4 seconds

52:49

of your life

52:50

>> if you want your life to continue.

52:53

So if you're not scared in that

52:55

environment, I would recommend you stop

52:57

that activity immediately because you're

52:58

not paying attention. It was terrifying

53:02

and that's probably why I liked it so

53:04

much. It was awesome. Don't get me

53:06

wrong.

53:07

>> Ripping down a mountain in Switzerland 6

53:08

feet off the ground almost playing tag

53:10

with your shadow and then turning around

53:12

and like carving through trees. Amazing.

53:14

So, you're actually pretty low to the

53:16

ground, just going very very fast over

53:18

steep ground.

53:19

>> Yes, if you want to be. Not everybody

53:20

chooses to fly that way. And you can you

53:22

can have on the exact same jump. I can

53:25

think of one very spe uh specifically.

53:27

It's at the far end of the valley in

53:29

Switzerland. It's a 4-hour hike up. And

53:30

it's I mean, you're getting water in

53:32

your in your, you know, canteen or

53:35

algaene out of like these glacially just

53:36

spouting out of the rocks and there's

53:38

sheep and stuff and, you know, it's like

53:40

a postcard. You walk for 4 hours. You

53:43

can have a really aggressive jump on

53:45

that and fly for 60 seconds or you could

53:47

flatten your suit out and just glide and

53:49

glide for two and a half minutes. Same

53:50

jump, different choices. Not that, you

53:52

know, necessarily flying farther out.

53:54

You still need to pack your parachute

53:56

correctly and all those things, but your

53:57

likelihood of impacting a tree at 100

53:58

miles an hour with your face is a lot

54:01

better than flying six feet off the

54:03

ground around corners that hopefully

54:05

you've done some test jumps on and

54:07

gotten lower and lower and lower and

54:08

lower instead of just flash pointing

54:10

that thing and hoping for the best as

54:12

you come around the corner, which people

54:13

do.

54:14

>> How fast are you moving once you're

54:15

above the ground?

54:17

>> If you really bend those suits over, I'd

54:18

say you could get them to about 120

54:22

face first. You're a human missile. It's

54:26

awesome. [laughter]

54:28

>> I can, you know, we can the those of us

54:30

like myself listening to this can only

54:33

wonder, right?

54:34

>> You can [clears throat] feel it in the

54:35

suit. So, again, the Ram Air inlets

54:37

>> when you're a little bit flatter flying

54:39

slow, you just it feels like you're on

54:41

an air mattress is really what flying

54:42

them feels like.

54:43

>> As you bend the suit over and you're

54:45

just violently diving at the ground, you

54:49

can feel the suit. It's almost like it's

54:51

it just your power meter is just all the

54:54

way up. And so if you get in trouble,

54:55

you can flatten that out. And that's how

54:57

that's your safety. You can disconnect

54:58

from the terrain, which is how

55:00

unfortunately some people die. They're

55:02

not paying attention to that sensation

55:03

and they're slowly getting flatter and

55:04

flatter and flatter and flatter. Then

55:07

they encounter flat terrain and they

55:08

don't have enough performance in the

55:09

suit to clear it and they impact. But

55:12

that when you're pitched over like that

55:14

and that thing is just and you it feels

55:19

like you are licking the largest 9bolt

55:22

battery you've ever licked in your life.

55:24

[laughter]

55:25

>> Would your uh would your parents say

55:27

that this this is a window into the

55:29

young Andy Stump or or is this a

55:32

departure or an an evolution? Devolution

55:35

evolution.

55:37

>> I don't know if they would have called

55:38

that one. I don't think

55:41

I I don't know if I would have called

55:43

that activity if I would have said this

55:44

one was going to be interesting to me.

55:46

>> Let me ask you this. When you were a

55:48

kid, I'm not recommending anyone do

55:49

this, but when you were a kid and your

55:51

and your guy [snorts] friends uh someone

55:53

found one of the larger firecrackers

55:55

available, were you the kid that would

55:57

hold it after it was lit until the last

56:00

second and then throw it? Cuz I knew

56:01

that kid, but it wasn't me.

56:03

>> Does he still have both hands?

56:04

>> Uh yes. But the he was a great

56:06

skateboarder by the way between pro

56:07

skateboarder right out of high school.

56:09

>> Um moved on to other things eventually.

56:11

I think those things were correlated

56:12

right. I he big railings like he had a

56:14

very very good relationship with

56:16

confronting fear. There was another kid

56:18

in our crew who would have been around

56:20

the corner the moment the thing came

56:21

out. Okay. I was neither of those kids.

56:23

Yeah. Right.

56:24

>> And then there's a distribution in the

56:26

middle.

56:26

>> Yeah.

56:27

>> Where were you?

56:28

>> My answer is not going to make sense to

56:29

you because holding it that long sounds

56:32

dangerous. [laughter]

56:34

It is dangerous, but wings suit.

56:36

>> I know. That's what I'm saying. It's not

56:37

going to make sense. That sounds

56:38

dangerous,

56:39

>> but just for the sake of danger, which

56:41

somebody could 100% say about base

56:43

jumping as well,

56:44

>> but I don't know if holding on to say an

56:46

M80 and wondering, you know, how long

56:49

you can provides for you that mental I

56:53

mean, I'm talking about your canopy

56:55

opens, you land, you're laying in a

56:57

[ __ ] meadow in Switzerland on your

56:59

back like at a sense of ease and peace.

57:05

>> I don't think you're getting that from

57:06

an M80. Yeah, the reason I ask is that,

57:09

you know, there are a lot of questions

57:10

that the scientist in me wants to know

57:12

about, you know, resetting of adrenaline

57:14

set points and, you know, and because

57:15

people can become desensitized to to um

57:18

high-risisk, high consequence type

57:20

situations.

57:21

>> You see that in the wing suiting

57:22

community, I would say specifically the

57:23

wings suit based jumping community,

57:25

>> the fatality rate is high.

57:27

>> I would never tell anybody that it is a

57:29

safe activity, but I think you can do it

57:31

as safely as possible. There's still

57:33

immense residual risk, so you have to

57:35

ask yourself, what is it worth? If we

57:37

were to plot out um number of wings suit

57:40

jumps

57:41

>> and

57:43

plot fatality time of fatality relative

57:46

to first jump, right? So, so that the

57:48

question like the area under the curve.

57:50

So, are you getting to address what you

57:52

just said,

57:53

>> are you getting more deaths the longer

57:55

people have been doing it independent of

57:56

the number of jumps, right? You can't

57:58

really do that experiment. It's it's not

57:59

a perfect experiment. The the question

58:01

is, are people getting more dangerous to

58:03

themselves because they need they're

58:06

pushing further and further into the

58:10

abyss, getting closer to the edge, uh,

58:12

taking risks, or is the novice more

58:14

dangerous because they're a novice?

58:16

>> I think the Dunning Krueger effect is

58:17

always

58:19

>> the most dangerous aspect of it. I think

58:21

it would probably track, you certainly

58:23

see people, especially in the

58:27

content age, I've seen people reach out,

58:30

not to me, but to forums, hey, I just

58:32

want to get into wings suit base jumping

58:34

as fast as possible. And everybody on

58:36

there is like, whoa,

58:38

>> no, you need to go I mean, most people

58:40

will recommend skydiving 200 jumps to

58:42

even before you put a wings suit on,

58:43

which for most people who aren't doing

58:45

it professionally, that's going to take

58:46

a year or two. It's a slow progression.

58:49

But that person reaching out saying that

58:50

doesn't have time for that. So you're

58:53

definitely going to get some people

58:54

early on. The guys who are around the

58:57

longest, the ones that I know who are

58:59

kind of the titans in the sport. It's

59:01

not that I don't worry about them. I

59:03

worry less. I think it's maybe more. I

59:05

honestly I think it's that Dunning

59:06

Krueger curve where it's going to get

59:08

people. Especially when let's say you do

59:11

this amazing job, right? you ripping

59:12

around a corner and things you learn

59:15

later on like, hey, is it ascending or

59:18

descending thermals right now? Where's

59:20

the wind coming from? What type of day

59:22

is this? Is the slope I'm just jumped

59:24

off. Maybe it was a

59:28

westernfacing slope that I jumped

59:30

towards and I felt this amazing upbrush

59:32

of air, which is what you want to feel

59:34

on an exit point. Same thing as why

59:35

airplanes take off into the wind. It

59:36

helps with performance. Well, as I am

59:40

cruising down this mountain, am I

59:42

thinking about the fact that

59:43

threequarters of it is covered in the

59:45

shade and maybe the thermals have

59:46

swished along the way and you're going

59:48

to start feeling this pressure of almost

59:50

a hand on your back? You, you know, you

59:52

do it the first time you do that jump

59:55

and you survive. The dangerous thing to

59:58

say is nailed it. But did you nail it or

60:02

did you get away with it?

60:04

>> And that's what kills people. And that's

60:06

that perfect Dunning Krueger ascending

60:08

line.

60:09

>> And there's a a quote that should be

60:10

stamped into everyone's brain, young and

60:12

old. Did Did you nail it or did you get

60:14

away with it? Because it translates to a

60:17

lot of areas of life that could spare

60:19

people a lot of pain and some important

60:21

insights.

60:22

>> I got away with it more than I nailed

60:25

it.

60:25

>> I'm I am

60:26

>> Are you just being humble?

60:27

>> No.

60:28

>> Okay. No, you don't know what you don't

60:30

know until

60:32

you see somebody else get bit by the

60:35

same thing or you're on a jump with

60:37

somebody and only one of the three makes

60:38

it out or two of the three makes it out

60:40

and they all had the same idea and plan

60:43

>> and you describe some of that in your

60:44

book. I don't want to give that story

60:45

away but

60:46

>> with Alex specifically. I wasn't there

60:48

for Alex's jump but I had jumped with

60:50

Alex enough for years.

60:53

The the one thing I wish I could do

60:54

looking back with him is I was there

60:56

with him for some close calls that he

60:59

had. A few were bad decisions that he I

61:04

would like to think corrected for

61:05

because there there is a phase in

61:06

anything that you're doing that my uh

61:09

instructor taught me how to fly

61:11

helicopters. He's like, "Listen, once

61:13

you know better, you can do better. But

61:15

there's a phase where you don't know any

61:17

better. And so you think what you're

61:19

doing is correct until either somebody

61:20

points it out or you watch something so

61:23

horrific happen and you pay attention to

61:25

an investigation afterwards or a debrief

61:27

afterwards and you can learn from that.

61:30

But with uh with Alex, I I wish I could

61:33

go back and just honestly slap him

61:35

around a little bit because that's what

61:36

it would take for him to pay attention.

61:38

He would be appreciative of it, I think,

61:39

if he understood what it would save. But

61:43

I I would associate his death directly

61:46

also with that Dunn and Krueger curve.

61:48

And he had been doing it for years. That

61:50

doesn't mean you're out of that. It's

61:52

that middle area where you think you

61:53

have everything dialed. I think he had

61:55

gotten away with it more than he had

61:57

nailed it. And I and I had to. Would you

61:59

let your kids squirrel suit? Do I have

62:03

the right to stop them?

62:05

>> Yes.

62:07

>> No.

62:10

knowing the risk. I mean, I would do

62:12

everything I could to prepare them as

62:14

much as possible and and by that I mean

62:16

scare the absolute dog [ __ ] out of them

62:18

with the reality and confront them with

62:21

the actual reality of it. Show them how

62:23

long it would actually take,

62:26

what they would need to do, what they

62:28

would need to sacrifice in order to be

62:30

able to get at that level. But then if

62:33

they

62:35

wanted to make that choice,

62:39

I don't feel like I have the right to

62:41

stand in between them and that desire.

62:45

>> Appreciate the honest answer. I'm sure

62:47

I'm sure they do, too. I don't know if

62:48

your wife appreciates that particular

62:50

answer, but we'll ask her. I don't get

62:51

involved in marital disputes. That's a

62:53

That's a

62:54

>> We don't have any. Our relationship is

62:55

perfect. [laughter]

62:57

>> Excellent. Excellent answer. Wait,

62:58

you've been married before. No, that was

63:00

that was a joke.

63:01

>> That is correct. I tell you what, I

63:02

learned some stuff. I learned some

63:04

stuff.

63:04

>> You talk very openly in in the book. I

63:07

mean, to the extent you don't reveal

63:09

specifics, but about the the challenges

63:11

of of uh of that the ending of that

63:14

first marriage,

63:15

>> hardest thing I've ever done in my life.

63:16

People think that being a seal is hard,

63:18

and it is. Um, but a lot of that is

63:21

truncated with, hey, we're going to go

63:23

overseas for this short period of time

63:25

and time away, and it can be

63:26

physiologically and psychologically

63:28

challenging. But once you're in that

63:30

community, I didn't encounter anything.

63:34

The military never asked me to do

63:36

anything that that got me to a place

63:38

where I was judging or asking myself

63:42

what type of person I was or if I was a

63:45

good enough person to be able to

63:48

continue going forward with anybody

63:50

other than just myself. Like those

63:52

questions I wasn't asking myself in the

63:53

military at the lowest points of a

63:56

nearly 2-year divorce process. That was

63:58

very contentious. And quite frankly, the

64:00

reason I I don't go into details is I

64:02

have built a larger or a platform and my

64:04

ex-wife doesn't have one. And that's the

64:05

fairest way to be about it.

64:06

>> I totally respect that.

64:08

>> If people want to go talk with her,

64:09

trust me, I know the story you're going

64:10

to get. Enjoy it. Believe what you want

64:12

to believe. I always tell people if you

64:13

hear bad stuff about me, please believe

64:15

it.

64:16

>> That's what you tell them.

64:17

>> Yeah. I mean, why not? It it I am

64:21

certainly not everybody's cup of tea.

64:23

There's no way to please everybody ever.

64:26

Amen to that.

64:27

>> So if somebody is out there who wants to

64:31

run me through the mud, cool. Just

64:33

believe every word that you are told if

64:36

you want to. But if you want to get the

64:37

real spit, come hang out with me for a

64:39

bit and maybe compare and contrast those

64:41

two things. But if you don't want to do

64:42

that, cool.

64:43

>> Yeah,

64:43

>> that's on you. It took every tool that I

64:45

wrote about in that book to get through

64:47

that circle of influence, circle of

64:48

concern, all the things that I was

64:50

worried about. What can I do today?

64:51

Breaking time down into the shortest

64:53

chunks humanly possible. controlling how

64:55

I talk to myself. It was absolutely

64:58

soulc crushing

65:00

and

65:02

10 out of 10. Do not recommend.

65:05

>> Yeah, zero stars on Trip Adviser.

65:07

>> Yeah, that portion of the book um

65:09

stopped me, I have to say. And and I uh

65:12

there were other parts of the book that

65:13

that paused me where I was like, whoa, I

65:16

didn't expect this coming. And you know,

65:17

I take notes on what I listen to. I also

65:19

read the hard copy. I should have

65:20

mentioned that earlier. I like to do

65:22

both. It's really helpful for me. Uh I

65:24

think maybe other people would benefit

65:25

from that as well. But that segment

65:27

where you said this is the hardest thing

65:29

I'd ever been through and it was as you

65:31

put it again soul crushing. And what I

65:34

gathered was and I certainly can say

65:37

I've experienced this before in a

65:38

different context that when

65:40

>> other people's narratives start to the

65:43

boundaries between other people's

65:44

narratives and and your narratives and

65:46

then

65:47

>> and in your case kids were being

65:48

affected which is um which is huge as a

65:51

child of a divorced parents. I think

65:53

it's also probably got to be somewhat

65:55

different. you I mean you talk very

65:57

kindly of your own parents your story of

65:59

of of your relationship to your mom and

66:01

her passing which we can also get to

66:03

that also stopped me also got me to call

66:05

my mom um [laughter] so she'll thank you

66:08

right I call my mom you know well you

66:11

know time and you know and you never

66:13

know how much you have left

66:14

>> you never know how much time you have

66:15

left but

66:16

>> what inspired you to talk about that in

66:19

particular I know you're not one of

66:21

these guys and you know I don't want to

66:23

say team guys in particular But you're

66:25

not one of these guys who wants to paint

66:26

a perfect picture of himself. Yeah.

66:28

>> But talking about how a contentious

66:30

divorce

66:32

>> came close to, you know, brought you

66:34

really close to your edge, maybe to your

66:35

edge, but fortunately not over it.

66:37

>> It's an interesting choice and one that

66:39

I appreciate and I know readers will

66:40

appreciate. It humanized the whole

66:43

thing. But what at what point did you

66:45

decide that you wanted that in the book?

66:47

>> I mean, probably from the beginning. I

66:49

think one of the biggest mistakes people

66:50

would make is if they would look at a

66:52

job like the one I used to have and

66:54

think that the people who do it are not

66:57

normal people. I was talking with uh

66:59

Chris Williamson about this and it's a

67:02

mistake that people make. There's no

67:04

Captain America shield and cape and cowl

67:07

that you actually wear. The things they

67:09

ask you to do are sometimes pretty

67:12

nutty. But

67:15

after that, you go take your gear off,

67:19

clean yourself up, get some food,

67:23

get together with the guys, and you just

67:24

talk about normal dayto-day [ __ ] If you

67:28

were having an argument with your wife

67:30

before you went out on an operation,

67:32

you're coming back to that. If your

67:35

house would had burned down, which I

67:38

wish I could say I didn't know

67:39

somebody's house burned down, but I did.

67:41

They got that notification shortly

67:43

before we went out on objective.

67:45

Hopefully didn't allow that to invade

67:46

their mental thought process during, but

67:48

when they came back, that's what they're

67:50

dealing with. Then you come back from

67:51

deployment and you're presented with all

67:54

of those things. It's just it is such a

67:57

mistake to think that there are people

67:58

out there who have everything figured

68:02

out or that are impervious to the things

68:04

that are damaging to you as the person.

68:08

I started doing Q&A sessions on Friday

68:11

for my show because I kept getting just

68:13

this volume and wave of emails [snorts]

68:16

and at first I wasn't really trying to,

68:18

you know, tunch them into buckets and I

68:19

thought if I started doing the Friday

68:21

episodes it would decrease but instead

68:22

it m multiplied them by orders of

68:24

magnitude and I realized there really

68:26

were some deep themes. You know, one of

68:29

them is I I just don't know how to get

68:31

started on my goals. But another one is

68:34

and this is the most dangerous one. I

68:36

feel like I'm alone. I feel like I'm the

68:39

only person dealing with this.

68:43

How can you give me some advice? I look

68:45

at your life from the outside and it

68:46

seems like you just have, you know, you

68:48

were able to do all these hard physical

68:50

things. What would you do if you were

68:52

me? I'm like, dude, I am you. So, you

68:56

have to put that in there. How can you

68:57

not? I mean, at the end of the day, I

68:59

don't know what I want to do with my

69:00

life, but I want to try to help people.

69:03

I don't think you can do that if you're

69:05

trying to sell [ __ ] But I do think

69:08

you can help if you can talk about your

69:10

own personal experiences and your own

69:12

mistakes and the thing the the things

69:13

that you have suffered with not always

69:16

past tense because my life is certainly

69:18

not perfect and I go through seasons of

69:19

my life now as does everybody. Why not

69:21

be honest about that? Why try to portray

69:23

this,

69:25

you know, follow my 12step program for

69:28

1999 every month and you're going to

69:29

have it all figured out? Those are some

69:31

of the most unhappy people that I know,

69:32

by the way. and often times not nearly

69:34

as successful as they are presenting

69:35

themselves.

69:36

>> Definitely.

69:37

>> I would rather just be like, "Listen,

69:40

you think your life is bad? Why don't

69:42

you put a seatelt on your chair? I got a

69:43

little story for you." And then people

69:44

hit, they're like, "What? You mean you

69:46

guys deal with that stuff, too?" It's

69:48

like, "Yes, that's the whole point.

69:50

You're not alone. You're not unique in

69:52

this." So, I think from the very

69:54

beginning of deciding to write it, I I

69:55

didn't know necessarily that I would

69:57

that I would use that particular

69:59

example,

70:01

but if it's the most difficult thing

70:03

I've done in my life, I'm obligated to

70:05

put that in there and talk about it as

70:08

openly as possible while maintaining the

70:10

privacy of the other person involved.

70:11

Yeah, I was impressed how you m

70:14

maintained respect for your kids, for

70:15

your ex-wife, your your current

70:17

relationship, you know, and um and at

70:19

the same time acknowledged that, you

70:21

know, the the exchange was anything but

70:23

cordial.

70:24

>> It was anything but cordial. And you

70:25

know, I've talked about this before, but

70:27

and I don't know if it made it in the

70:28

book, but I lost contact with my oldest

70:31

son for 18 months. I was the one who

70:33

initiated the end of the relationship,

70:35

and he was the oldest at the time. And I

70:38

don't know if it was a matter of him

70:39

being in a a certain phase of his own

70:41

life. And dude, you know the deal. Being

70:43

a a young man is not the easiest path,

70:47

nor is being a young woman by any

70:49

stretch. But it's really interesting how

70:51

adults forget how difficult it was in

70:53

those years to just get through the day

70:55

when you think that everything is you

70:57

don't even know who you are. You're

70:58

trying to figure it all out. But for 18

71:00

months, I I tried calling him. I tried

71:05

texting him. I tried writing him letters

71:08

to his mom's house. I would pull up next

71:10

to him at a parking lot that he would go

71:12

to before he went to work and he would

71:15

burn [clears throat] out out of the

71:16

parking lot without even acknowledging

71:18

that I was there. And you think SEEL

71:21

training is hard? Imagine something that

71:23

you don't have the vocabulary to

71:25

describe how much you love and thinking

71:29

every day, I don't know if I'm going to

71:31

get this back. What else can I do?

71:35

And now thankfully by staying the course

71:38

I think I have a closer relationship. I

71:39

mean and not everybody has that that

71:42

outcome but our relationship is probably

71:46

closer than it has ever been. and he'll

71:48

call and ask for my advice or just want

71:50

to bounce stuff off of me, which I think

71:52

as a parent, like if your kids are

71:54

soliciting your time to ask questions,

71:57

whatever it is you're doing, stop doing

71:59

that and take the time because it's

72:02

pretty awesome and it means that they

72:05

care about what you say. But I thought

72:07

that was gone, man. You want to talk

72:08

about soularching? There's nothing I did

72:10

in the SEAL teams that made me wonder

72:12

whether or not I was a good enough man

72:13

to still exist. But that experience did.

72:17

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73:55

Wow. Well, I I will say um as the

73:59

description of your your final moments

74:01

with your mom led me to call my mom, I

74:03

wasn't being facicious. It really did.

74:05

You know, the description of the divorce

74:08

process and the challenges that go there

74:10

that, you know, I don't want to make

74:11

this about my story, resonated in

74:13

certain ways, grew up in a very high

74:15

conflict divorce. what you just said.

74:17

Now, uh I'm on good terms with my dad,

74:19

but I, you know, I'm familiar with being

74:22

the son who wants to be protective of

74:24

his mom, but still loves his dad and

74:25

being caught in the middle. And I would

74:27

think about those two. How could you not

74:28

with all three of my kids? How? And I

74:30

have this conversation with with my wife

74:32

now who honestly is the only reason that

74:37

I think I pulled out of that was the

74:39

recognition and seeing from somebody

74:41

else like hey just so you know like I

74:43

know you're going through it but this

74:45

person sees something in you that is

74:47

worth I mean I dedicated the book to my

74:48

kids and to my wife for that reason but

74:52

we'll talk about this now because some

74:54

it's like why why would they say that or

74:55

why would they do that and she's like

74:57

listen that's always going to be their

74:59

mom. I'm like, "Yep, got it. Totally

75:01

nailed it. I understand now." And it

75:02

reenters and like, "Okay,

75:04

>> doesn't make it any easier to deal with,

75:06

but I understand."

75:07

>> Sons and fathers have a certain dynamic

75:09

and um mothers and sons have a certain

75:11

dynamic. And mothers and daughters,

75:13

fathers, I only know my own experience.

75:15

I do have a sister, so I there's a

75:17

parallel experiment. There's a control

75:19

experiment. She wouldn't appreciate me

75:20

calling her the control experiment, but

75:22

>> did you realize in your parents divorce

75:24

that it was going bad before it did

75:25

before they got divorced?

75:27

>> Definitely. Um, and listen, I've done a

75:29

lot of work with both of my parents to

75:31

uh we're on great terms now. I can truly

75:33

say that. My dad was on this podcast. I

75:35

know you've had

75:36

>> uh conversations with your dad publicly.

75:37

My dad and I are quite close,

75:39

>> you know, and I I now look at it

75:41

differently. I I I'm living in a state

75:43

of gratitude these days where I

75:44

basically like, okay, they gave me life.

75:46

It's huge. Like you you can't realize

75:49

that when you're younger because you're

75:50

like, you know, f my life, you know, at

75:52

times, but they gave me life. So,

75:53

there's that. They gave me so many

75:55

opportunities. And then the hardship of

75:56

those years, I had my own story and

75:59

version of it. But recently, just

76:01

because of some evolutions in my

76:02

personal life, which are all good. I'm

76:04

like, I'm going to put myself in my

76:06

dad's try and put myself in my dad's

76:09

frame where he was, what he was trying

76:11

to do in his career and in his personal

76:13

life. And then my mom's frame. I confess

76:16

it's a little harder to do that because

76:17

my dad and I are both male and there's

76:19

always going to be that. But my mom and

76:20

I were still at home and he was living

76:22

elsewhere. So I I've tried to really

76:24

work through it in those ways and I keep

76:26

coming back to this place where I I now

76:29

I go oh my god that must have been so

76:31

hard for them

76:33

>> like not for me like I had I mean years

76:35

of understanding how hard it was for me.

76:37

I go for them I'm like holy [ __ ] like

76:40

that's got to be so tough. I would I

76:41

mean I was really hard on my dad.

76:43

>> How old were you when you realized your

76:45

parents were just people doing the best

76:46

they could

76:47

>> yesterday? No I'm just kidding. I mean,

76:49

>> no. I No, I

76:50

>> for a long time in life as kids though,

76:53

your parents are

76:55

>> what they say, gospel. And they have

76:57

they must have the answers to everything

76:59

because they're older than any human

77:01

being's ever been.

77:02

>> Oh man.

77:02

>> And then you realize they are out there

77:05

making [ __ ] up on the fly, doing the

77:07

best they can with the data set that

77:09

they have in front of them,

77:11

>> not doing great most of the time. It's

77:13

not because they're not trying to do

77:14

great. They're just [ __ ] people.

77:17

>> Yeah. Well, I can't speak for your kids

77:19

and I wouldn't, but I can say that for

77:21

me, I I joked yesterday, but it was

77:23

actually very young because I I came to

77:25

this kind of black and white conclusion,

77:27

which was not the correct one, which was

77:29

they don't know what they're talking

77:30

about.

77:31

>> And that led me to go elsewhere to look

77:33

for answers, and I found a lot of

77:35

answers to a lot of things that I

77:36

wanted. I also found some wrong answers.

77:38

Yeah.

77:38

>> Had great mentors throughout my life.

77:40

And the day you realize that your PhD

77:43

adviser doesn't have the answers, that's

77:45

when you go get a postto adviser and

77:47

then you realize they don't have the

77:48

answers and you go start your own lab

77:49

and then you realize, oh my god, how

77:50

hard their job was? Cuz now you're

77:52

dealing with graduate students that are

77:53

like saying things like, "Do you even

77:55

know what you're doing?" Until the paper

77:56

gets accepted and then they're like, "Oh

77:58

my god, like you really know what you're

77:59

doing." [laughter] My first graduate

78:00

student will laugh when she hears that.

78:02

She's actually a professor now with a

78:03

she has two kids. She's happily married.

78:05

She has super successful lab. So but and

78:07

I said, "Have you gone through that

78:09

evolution?" and she's like,

78:10

"Absolutely." So, I will say this, and I

78:13

again, I can't speak for your kids u

78:15

whatsoever, but there was a real benefit

78:20

to having that realization early that

78:22

they don't know everything.

78:24

>> Yeah.

78:24

>> Because you're you're forced to go look

78:26

for certain answers elsewhere. There's

78:28

also something really beautiful to the

78:30

the reconnect, you know, that I have

78:33

with my dad and my mom and I were more

78:35

constant over the years because our, as

78:36

you said, the relationship can be that

78:38

much closer. Would you wish it on

78:39

anyone? Would you wish divorce on

78:41

anyone? No. But at the same time, like,

78:45

you know, my life wouldn't be what it

78:47

was. So, that portion of the book, I

78:49

have to say, surprised me. I know you're

78:51

you're very humble, so please hear this

78:53

as it lands. It impressed me that you

78:54

were willing to put it in there and the

78:56

way you did and how you handled it. And

78:57

it really got me thinking about my

78:59

relationship to my dad, my own family

79:01

life now, uh where that's going. And um

79:04

and it gave me a lot of uh

79:07

hope and humility around like it's hard

79:10

being a person, let alone being a

79:12

parent.

79:13

>> Yeah.

79:13

>> You know, [laughter] and and and the kid

79:16

the kid the kid piece is easy is easy to

79:18

relate to, but it really opened my

79:20

perspective. So, I'm grateful to you for

79:21

putting that in there.

79:22

>> Yeah. I didn't uh it to me it just

79:24

seemed natural. I didn't even give it a

79:26

second thought. You're also jumping out

79:27

of off mountain sides and squirrel

79:29

suits, you know.

79:31

>> But I'm telling you, if you've ever

79:32

tasted that 9vt the way I did, you might

79:34

you might actually be like, "So, what is

79:36

this progression?" Let's talk about the

79:38

wings suit and the 9volt battery a

79:39

little bit more because you talked about

79:40

the state that you were in, not just

79:43

during, but in the 6 months or so after.

79:46

>> So,

79:48

>> that's not going to be the long tale of

79:50

adrenaline. I'm guessing I don't think

79:51

you were walking around for 6 months

79:53

like amped on life completely. you were

79:56

able to dial in. Could you talk a little

79:58

bit more about that? Did you ever take

79:59

take some time to think about like what

80:02

is this? And did you get that after a

80:04

gunfight? Did you get that after uh you

80:08

know a funeral? Uh you've gone to more

80:10

than your fair share of those. Like what

80:12

do you think's going on there?

80:13

>> It was the opposite of walking around

80:15

adrenalized. People often times have

80:18

asked me, you know, what does it feel

80:19

like to be an adrenaline junkie? And I'd

80:21

say I don't know. I don't feel like I am

80:22

one. I might participate in some things

80:24

that from the outside would be viewed as

80:26

people seeking adrenaline, but I don't I

80:29

don't like that hyper adrenalized

80:32

feeling where

80:34

>> you know well and it could be different

80:36

for anybody and everybody whether it's

80:39

the tasting copper in your mouth or the

80:41

heart rate or the you know feeling your

80:44

hair. I don't I don't like that

80:45

sensation and that's not what I felt on

80:47

the edge. I just was scared shitless

80:49

quite frankly. It's not an adrenaline.

80:52

It would be the opposite of walking

80:53

around feeling like that. I would

80:55

describe it as feeling settled or

80:59

anchored

81:00

>> in the ability to just

81:05

sit into it and think clear. It's it's

81:08

like having a stereo dial and the static

81:11

and you're just twisting it down and

81:15

then the BS of life and it comes back up

81:16

and it comes back up and it comes back

81:18

up and you go on another one of those

81:19

trips or I I should say I would go on

81:21

another one of those trips and it it

81:23

would dial it down after a gunfight.

81:26

It's not like the movies most of the

81:28

time. It is so fast. It is such a rote

81:30

decision but it's high adrenaline

81:33

presumably

81:35

moderate.

81:36

I think it would depend on how much time

81:38

you had to make a call. I mean it most

81:41

of it is

81:43

or in many times a broad example come

81:46

around a corner binary threat or not

81:48

threat there's not a whole lot of time

81:50

to get ramped. I mean you got to make a

81:52

decision right there. I think maybe

81:54

afterwards you might get an adrenaline

81:55

dump or it it might catch up with you

81:58

and and I and I don't I can't really

82:01

think of any anytime I've thought about

82:03

an adrenaline dump where I've seen it.

82:04

It's people actually kind of melt a

82:06

little bit the far side of that where

82:07

they're just

82:08

>> Mhm.

82:09

>> their performance degrades for sure.

82:10

They're on the other side of the bell

82:12

curve of performance. I didn't see

82:13

anybody experiencing that or maybe they

82:16

were doing that when we were on a

82:17

helicopter or vehicle on the way out.

82:19

Not that much adrenaline. And again, it

82:22

it's just not as much time as movies and

82:24

TV shows make it out. It's just not that

82:26

it's not that sexy. When you got back, I

82:29

would say for myself,

82:32

you know, if the if the optic of time

82:34

starts coming in [clears throat] at

82:35

about the one minute out, I would say as

82:38

you were to get back

82:40

and and I would say for most guys, it's

82:42

more of a routine, but taking gear off a

82:45

certain way, hang it up, uniform off,

82:48

shower, food. I think you find that

82:50

settling spot once the guys come back

82:52

together generally communally over a

82:53

meal or back in your hut whatever your

82:55

team you know we would usually have it

82:56

separated by team I think you would find

82:58

your way to that settled space as well

83:00

too so similar I don't know if it was as

83:02

powerful though let me ask it slightly

83:04

differently coming back from a wings

83:06

suit jump and it went well everybody

83:08

lived including you maybe learned a few

83:11

things maybe some errors you were able

83:14

to correct which is also learning but

83:15

you feel good about it how do you sleep

83:17

that night

83:18

>> oh so Good. M. Yeah. [clears throat]

83:20

Mhm. Yeah. Probably better sleep.

83:23

Um, let me see. I'm trying to think

83:26

about sleep. God, I mean, you're going

83:28

out so repetitively.

83:31

Yeah. I mean, guys are Well, wasn't

83:35

unhealthy reliance upon ambient. Is that

83:37

sleep or hallucinating? [laughter] I

83:39

mean, ambient can induce um some

83:42

amnesia. Uh, but you know, it it has its

83:44

place, but I it's not it's not the first

83:46

line of attack. You know, I I know Seal

83:48

Team guys like liked ambient. I think

83:50

nowadays they're using things less um

83:52

>> it's what they had available.

83:53

>> Yeah. Yeah.

83:54

>> And I mean unrestricted in a bowl. Take

83:56

what you want.

83:57

>> I know people who would take two

84:00

unpackage another two, put them next to

84:03

their bed with a little cup of water for

84:05

the middle of the night when they woke

84:07

up.

84:08

>> I don't think four is healthy. I'm not a

84:09

doctor, but I don't think four is

84:11

healthy.

84:11

>> There are better ways. But but when

84:13

you're out with your wings suit buddies

84:15

and you you guys had a great jump that

84:16

day and you're going back, everyone

84:17

knocks out

84:18

>> you're wiped. You're just wiped.

84:20

>> And so for that next 6 months, you're

84:22

feeling like you're in you're in a

84:23

really good space.

84:24

>> You would feel it changing at like the

84:26

3-month mark, but for for a nice 3

84:28

months for me, it was it was clean. You

84:30

could just think better.

84:31

>> And I I don't know the mechanism behind

84:33

it other than maybe your brain gets

84:36

better at parsing out the [ __ ] that

84:38

doesn't actually matter. And as you get

84:40

that focus, so once it identifies it in

84:42

that moment, you hold on to it less. I

84:44

don't know what's going on there.

84:45

>> It's still a mystery. You know, I've

84:46

spent some time looking at this in

84:48

advance of this conversation. And

84:50

>> the the simple theory would be it raises

84:52

your stress threshold. So the things

84:54

that get you to secrete adrenaline, like

84:56

everyday trivial things, that's not

84:58

happening anymore. Okay, that's a

84:59

reasonable theory. That's actually what

85:01

the ice bath will do. That's what a

85:02

morning workout will do. But it turns

85:04

out that's not what happens when in when

85:06

people go into these flow states and you

85:07

get this long tail of a of flow

85:10

opportunities because the tendency when

85:12

people's stress threshold goes up too

85:14

high is that uh they tend to engage in a

85:18

lot of meaningless behaviors because

85:19

they're not stressful enough. You want

85:21

the sensation of like that was a tough

85:23

conversation and I've got to deal with

85:25

it or that was a tough conversation I

85:27

just need to avoid this person right

85:28

like this is just not a healthy you you

85:30

know stress is a good indicator of of

85:32

pain and sometimes it's a psychological

85:34

pain that we need to overcome ourselves

85:36

sometimes is psychological pain we need

85:37

to excise from our lives so it sounds

85:40

very different than that and the reason

85:41

I'm so interested in this is it's the

85:43

exact same way that it seems to come up

85:46

a lot on this podcast that like Rick

85:48

Rubin has described after putting

85:51

together an album with some amazing

85:53

artists where they've just been working

85:55

and working and working.

85:58

>> It's not just the time

86:00

while doing the work. It's in the it's

86:02

in the months that follow. It's like

86:04

this piece. It's like it's the postflow

86:06

state something. We don't have a name

86:08

for this.

86:08

>> And it's almost like it lowers your

86:10

stress threshold. Not it because I agree

86:13

with you. If it just raised your stress

86:15

threshold,

86:16

>> I would have just continued to do

86:18

riskier and riskier behaviors. But at

86:20

the end, I feel like it lowers it and

86:23

just strips away the BS stress and makes

86:26

you less likely to invest in those other

86:28

potentially nonsense high-risisk

86:31

behaviors. I have no ability to describe

86:33

it whatsoever. And again, I didn't

86:35

realize what that headsp space was

86:37

giving me while I was in the military. I

86:39

knew something was missing after I had

86:40

gotten out. And I think a lot of guys

86:42

find themselves in that

86:43

>> kind of abyss of how do I replicate

86:45

this? Spoiler alert, you can't really.

86:48

and they have to deal with that and work

86:49

their way through that. And I'm not

86:50

recommending that wings suit skydiving

86:53

or base jumping is the path for guys

86:55

getting out. And I specifically wrote

86:56

about this. I've seen people who can do

86:58

this in art getting lost in creating

87:01

something or yoga or meditation or ice

87:03

bath or sauna or I found a lot of it in

87:07

the ability to detach and be in the

87:08

moment in jiu-jitsu. Even though it's

87:11

totally artificial violence, you're in

87:13

the moment because it sucks when your

87:14

friend chokes you because you want to

87:15

choke your friend obviously. But you can

87:18

find it. It doesn't have to be

87:20

prescriptive. But if you can find your

87:23

way there, I don't care that nobody can

87:25

describe what it is. I am here to tell

87:26

you, it will change your life if you can

87:29

find your way into that space. It really

87:31

will.

87:32

>> There's a wonderful book um in addition

87:34

to yours. It turns out there's another

87:36

great book out there. Um how dare no

87:38

audio version, but it's called The

87:39

Secret Pulse of Time, and it's about

87:42

time perception. And so the idea that

87:45

comes to mind that maybe we could talk

87:46

about is perhaps these endeavors,

87:50

whether that's wing suiting or producing

87:51

an album or painting or gardening or

87:53

whatever it is, jiu-jitsu, whatever it

87:55

is that somebody does to access this

87:57

flow state and get this gets this long

87:59

tale of postflow benefit. Whatever we

88:02

whatever that is, we don't have a name

88:04

for it. Again, it seems to calibrate our

88:05

time perception is one idea

88:08

>> that perhaps brings us so much into each

88:10

moment that it's almost like our ability

88:12

to capture moments that becomes high

88:13

fidelity. Again, you talked about

88:15

getting the static out. Yeah.

88:16

>> Right. And then when we go back into

88:18

everyday life, it's almost like we're

88:19

perfectly calibrated. There's I'm

88:21

stating a theory here. So now you wake

88:23

up the next morning, you're home, and

88:24

your kid comes in and they're talking

88:25

about something and you're thinking, and

88:27

we'll get back to toilet paper in a

88:28

little bit. And you be like, "Listen,

88:30

dude, you're talking about this, but you

88:31

didn't take [laughter] care of the

88:31

toilet paper. This will become relevant

88:33

in a moment." If you read Andy's, I've

88:34

never thought so much about toilet paper

88:36

rolls in the bathroom and how they're

88:38

stacked. My girlfriend and I had a

88:39

conversation about it the other day

88:41

because of Andy's, but that will all

88:42

make sense in a few moments. But it's

88:44

almost like you can still be in that

88:46

real world stuff, but your time

88:49

perception is adjusted so that you know

88:51

what you're doing. It's just that thing.

88:53

So then when you pivot to the next

88:54

thing, you need to sit down and do some

88:55

work. It's almost like you can adjust

88:57

your uh your your frame rate

89:00

appropriately.

89:00

>> It's like it pulls you into that. allows

89:03

you to sink into those things

89:06

>> and digest better, to think better.

89:10

>> The yeah, the clarity of thought was

89:12

just

89:13

>> and it would change how I thought about

89:16

an argument or a conversation and it

89:18

would allow me to look at it from a

89:19

different perspective. And I have no

89:21

idea why that was the case, but I agree

89:24

with what you're saying. I think there

89:25

might be some aspect of that, the

89:26

fidelity and the ability to truly see

89:29

clearly in that moment pulling you and

89:32

anchoring you into that. There's

89:33

something there. I don't know.

89:35

>> A really cool paper uh came out just the

89:38

other day showing that when we're

89:41

stressed

89:43

prior memories, while we can still

89:45

access them, we can't make um insightful

89:48

connections between things. And I won't

89:49

describe the whole experiment. It was

89:50

really cool. They basically have people

89:51

reme remember pairs of of objects and

89:54

then there's some link between the two

89:55

pairs. So like it would be like apple

89:57

yerba mate and there'll be yerba mate uh

90:00

wings suit and then some point later you

90:02

need to link you know the wings suit to

90:03

the apple right you know it conceptually

90:05

not just that way they built up from

90:08

basic things like I just described and

90:10

as you ramp up people's levels of stress

90:12

>> you essentially lose the ability to make

90:14

these um connected insights and this

90:16

speaks to the the hard wiring and the

90:18

software that the brain uses I almost

90:20

wonder whether or not your stress

90:22

threshold as you said is brought down so

90:23

that you can now have novel insights

90:25

like Oh, this conversation with my son

90:26

about the toilet paper is actually

90:28

important [clears throat] in a way that

90:30

isn't just me being annoyed and and I

90:32

feel like maybe maybe it be fun to

90:34

explore this as the science evolves with

90:35

you you you know and and talk about it

90:37

more because I think the reason I'm so

90:39

obsessed with this is for two reasons.

90:41

One is navigating everyday life which is

90:45

a lot. That's a lot of what people are

90:47

challenged with. It's so vital. The

90:49

other is how to navigate the hard stuff

90:53

in life. So, I want to get to both of

90:55

those things and talk about some

90:56

examples from your life and from your

90:58

book. But before we do that, I feel like

90:59

we're obligated to talk about toilet

91:01

paper. The number [clears throat] of

91:03

pictures I have received via email of

91:06

people taking pictures of their kids'

91:08

bathrooms

91:10

and and basically saying I thought I was

91:12

the only one. [laughter]

91:14

Okay.

91:16

All right. This is really seeming like

91:17

an inside joke now for those that read

91:19

Andies what you got. All right. We will

91:21

get back to time perception, navigating

91:22

the the everyday and the hard things in

91:24

life. I won't forget. We'll spin that

91:25

plate in the background. It's spinning.

91:28

>> The toilet paper section. Yes, it made

91:30

me laugh. It also made me think about

91:32

the little things I do each day and the

91:35

little tiny itty bitty shortcuts that

91:38

I'm taking and how those ratchet up. So,

91:40

tell us about toilet paper.

91:41

>> It always takes longer to do it wrong is

91:43

the bottom line. And we all are tempted

91:45

with these shortcuts. So,

91:46

>> that's the mantra we have to remember.

91:48

my children, their bathroom, if there

91:51

was going to be an Ebola outbreak in the

91:52

US, it might start there. I don't know

91:54

anything about Ebola, but I feel like it

91:56

might start there. So, as with most

91:59

bathrooms, there's toilet paper rolls.

92:01

And my kids, when they finish a toilet

92:05

paper roll, instead of popping it off

92:07

the holder, taking it, and going and

92:10

getting a new one, they go get a new

92:12

one, and they sit it right there. So,

92:15

it's like

92:17

empty toilet paper roll up against the

92:20

wall.

92:21

You would think that when this one is

92:24

done, they would take them both, but

92:27

instead they do this. So, there's two

92:30

against the wall and then the other roll

92:32

goes here. Now, I can't use this one cuz

92:35

this is open. But when this role is

92:37

done, you would think that they wouldn't

92:41

create a pyramid, which historically,

92:43

from my understanding of math, isn't

92:45

great to balance things on, but they

92:46

will make a pyramid and then put this up

92:49

here. And inevitably, this roll goes

92:50

forward, hits the ground behind the

92:52

toilet, and then they start screaming

92:54

from the bathroom, "I need toilet paper,

92:56

Dad." To which I respond, you got

92:58

yourself there. You can figure it out on

93:00

your own.

93:01

>> This is all of your kids.

93:03

>> Yeah, for sure.

93:04

>> Okay.

93:05

>> Yeah. And they're all your kids.

93:07

>> Yeah.

93:07

>> All right. I'm not I'm not really saying

93:09

anything that I'm just saying.

93:10

[laughter]

93:10

>> I'm just And so the point in all of this

93:13

is if you don't want to be somebody

93:15

screaming for a toilet paper roll, it

93:18

actually takes less time to go and when

93:21

you're out of toilet paper, disconnect

93:23

it, throw it away on the way, and bring

93:25

another one in. It's the same thing as

93:27

laundry. Do your laundry.

93:30

I'm not perfect at this by any stretch,

93:32

but do your laundry, fold your laundry,

93:35

put it away. That always takes less time

93:37

than do your laundry in a pile. Then

93:39

you're in a pinch and you're looking for

93:40

your t-shirt, whatever shirt you want to

93:42

wear.

93:43

>> And I own a lot of black clothing.

93:44

>> Oh my god, I do too. It's all blues,

93:46

blacks, and an occasional red. The red

93:48

ones are easy to find in that particular

93:50

cohort. But otherwise, you're in there

93:51

and it's stuff's inside out, so you

93:53

don't know if it's got the right logo.

93:54

There's socks coming out of the sleeves.

93:57

five excellent amount of time that would

93:59

take you as opposed to just wash your

94:01

laundry, dry it, fold it, put it away.

94:04

I have tried to express this message to

94:06

my children to the limits of my

94:08

vocabulary. I went into my daughter's

94:11

bathroom before we came up here. There

94:14

was three rolls of toilet paper. Two of

94:16

them were empty and wedged on the side

94:17

and the third one was vertical. And I

94:19

just closed the door and walked away.

94:20

Pretend like it didn't happen. They

94:22

don't they don't listen to me. It always

94:25

takes longer to do it wrong. And those

94:27

are the little shortcuts that we all

94:29

take. We tell ourselves,

94:31

>> I'll do it later or I I I don't have

94:33

time to do it right now. We all have the

94:35

same amount of time. It's where you're

94:36

allocating your time. Do it upfront. And

94:39

I assure you, like the McCraven speech

94:41

about making your bed, the number of

94:44

parents that probably thought that was

94:46

life-changing was just amazing. Like,

94:48

yes, somebody else is telling my kid to

94:50

make the bed. It's not actually about

94:51

that. It's about having the discipline

94:53

to do the little things. And it is way

94:55

better at the end of the night when

94:56

you're tired to come back to a bed that

94:58

is made and ready for you to hop into

95:00

than having to, and not most people

95:01

would do this, but make it first and

95:03

then get into it. But it just gets worse

95:04

and worse and worse. And in the end, it

95:06

will take you longer to correct for that

95:07

than the individual action of just doing

95:09

it right the first time. What's your

95:11

advice with respect to this?

95:15

[sighs]

95:16

>> I mean, I can give you the advice, but I

95:18

also don't follow it all the time

95:20

either. Every every single decision that

95:22

you have in front of you in your life

95:24

will have a slightly easier and a

95:25

slightly harder choice. Make the

95:27

slightly harder one more often than the

95:29

slightly easier one. And the thing I

95:31

liked a lot about McCraven's messaging

95:33

around the bed is that it started your

95:36

day with an act a small act of

95:37

discipline that could seem meaningless,

95:39

but then what if you pair another small

95:41

one with that and then another small one

95:43

with that? I think that can really set

95:44

you up for success in your day. And yes,

95:46

at the end of the day, boom, your bed's

95:48

ready to go and you can hop back into

95:49

it. just feels better to get into a main

95:51

bed.

95:52

>> It took me a while to realize that most

95:55

of the people that I could tell were

95:58

really squared away in their jobs and

96:00

because I happen to know their personal

96:01

lives too. Also, their personal lives,

96:04

they're pretty tidy people.

96:06

>> Yeah.

96:07

>> Uh whether by sheer will or by reflex,

96:10

they're just pretty tidy.

96:12

>> I don't think it's ever by reflex. I

96:13

think it's always by always by will.

96:16

>> And it's not fun. And I'm, don't get me

96:19

wrong, I'm not I'm not perfect at it.

96:20

But if I can look back at my lives or my

96:22

life at times where things were

96:26

a little bit less effort involved in and

96:31

being successful or making traction, it

96:33

wasn't in chaos. It was in a little bit

96:35

more of a controlled environment by me

96:37

again controlling what I can control,

96:39

which is my actions in the morning. You

96:41

know it if you sit down in front of a

96:43

desk and you can't even find the thing

96:44

that you're looking for to do the work

96:46

on it. How I don't know anybody who has

96:48

become ultra successful in life with

96:50

that model. But I think we could both

96:52

sit down and talk about some people who

96:54

are nailing it. And I think the vast

96:56

majority of them would fall into that

96:57

tidy category or disciplined category.

97:01

But it's micro discipline that can make

97:03

it seem as if you have this macro

97:04

discipline, but that's not actually what

97:05

it is. It's the little things that

97:07

nobody sees. That's what leads you to

97:09

that end state. It's interesting earlier

97:11

we were talking about social pressure

97:13

and um alcohol and social media. You

97:16

know, it's interesting to me that there

97:21

seems to be some degree of social

97:23

pressure to not do the slightly harder

97:26

thing. You know, [snorts] like what what

97:28

we're describing now. I I never get into

97:30

uh thinking about what the comments

97:31

would be, but I I'd be willing to bet

97:34

one pinky that a fair number of people

97:37

are either thinking or commenting

97:40

directly. Yeah. Like that's really

97:42

neurotic. Like, loosen up.

97:43

>> Yeah. Take a picture of your [ __ ]

97:44

room and send it to me. It looks like

97:46

[ __ ] [laughter]

97:47

>> Exactly. My dad's first generation

97:49

immigrant from South America and I'll

97:51

never forget when uh in it was in the

97:53

mid '9s.

97:55

He probably took me to a movie in an

97:57

attempt to repair our relationship and

97:58

eventually it worked. Dad, we're doing

97:59

great. [laughter] Talk to him today. I

98:01

called him today. We're on such good

98:02

terms, it feels good to be able to say

98:03

it. And I'll never forget, we were at

98:06

the movies and there were these people

98:08

walking by and they were wearing kind of

98:09

like um baggy sweats and flip-flops or

98:12

something and he stopped me and he's a

98:14

very orderly guy and he said, "See that?

98:18

That's the beginning of the end." And I

98:20

said, "What do you mean?" [laughter] and

98:22

he said, "I come from a third world

98:24

country. When people start going into

98:26

the movies in their pajamas, it's the

98:28

beginning of the end." And I thought,

98:30

"Okay, this is like you couldn't be more

98:32

out." He's I I actually think he's

98:34

right. What he was talking about is that

98:36

the the when the social pressure is not

98:38

sufficient to like keep people feeling

98:40

as if they need to show up as if they're

98:42

in public. Yeah. Right. and he might

98:44

have been a bit extreme, but you know

98:45

when when that social pressure isn't

98:47

there, then the social pressure

98:48

eventually erodess around what people

98:50

can say, what they can do. And then I do

98:52

think that era of kind Jerry Springer

98:53

daytime television where people would

98:55

watch people who were way more screwed

98:57

up than them so they could feel a lot

99:00

less screwed up.

99:01

>> What's it called? Shouting fruit when

99:03

you take pleasure in other people's

99:05

pain.

99:05

>> Yeah. Well, I think that there's that's

99:07

that's the word for it for sure. But I

99:09

think this is kind of adjacent to that

99:11

where it's it's like giving yourself

99:13

license to not feel that bad because

99:15

like like either they're just so

99:18

neurotic that I don't want anything to

99:19

do with that kind of world where

99:20

everything's right angles or like well

99:23

at least I'm not in total squalor. And

99:26

this is where I think that you know we

99:27

hear so much about oh everyone's

99:28

presenting them bestel the their best

99:30

selves on social media. Also a problem

99:32

to seem perfect because no one's

99:33

perfect. But I do think that there is

99:35

this drift where we go, well, like it's

99:39

not going to crush my life with a toilet

99:41

paper thing. Like if it were going to

99:42

cost me my relationship or, you know, my

99:44

allowance, you know, you guys might

99:45

think about it differently, right? Yeah.

99:46

But so I think but what I got from your

99:49

book, this this section of your book is

99:50

that it's because the consequences are

99:53

so small

99:55

>> at the individual level, but the upside

99:57

is so big.

99:58

>> Yes. when you, you know, collect these

100:01

things together that the real incentive

100:04

to do the slightly harder thing is

100:05

there.

100:06

>> I mean, the toilet paper is not going to

100:07

cost you your life. If it does, I'm

100:08

going to need a case study on how that

100:10

happened cuz I'm fascinated at this

100:11

point. But what if it the we'll call it

100:15

what it is, either the lack of

100:16

discipline or the laziness in the moment

100:18

changes the trajectory of your life

100:20

because you apply that to everything in

100:22

your life because that's how you start

100:25

your day and how you end your day. I get

100:27

it, people.

100:29

I could I'll take a picture of my room

100:30

and send it out. Guess what? It's not

100:31

hospital corners on the bed and there's

100:33

probably something in the corner. I'm

100:35

not saying that I'm perfect in this, but

100:38

it's not being neurotic.

100:40

It's doing the work that nobody sees.

100:43

And for the people who com, you know,

100:45

say, "Oh, that's, you know, that seems

100:46

too neurotic for me." Like, let's let's

100:49

have a cup of coffee. Where do you want

100:50

to be in your life? And where are you at

100:52

in that journey? I would I'm fascinated

100:54

by and then like we were saying

100:57

internet's the best worst thing people

100:59

can find this conversation and then

101:02

critique us to death and say that we're

101:04

being neurotic but I'd also love to

101:06

connect with somebody and say listen why

101:08

do you have your an allergic reaction to

101:10

that particular statement is it because

101:13

perhaps you're living it and if you are

101:15

let's talk about the potential impact

101:17

that it's having because again I didn't

101:19

create this I'm passing along you know

101:22

one of the mantras in the games. How you

101:23

do anything is how you do everything

101:26

there. There's so many stupid small

101:29

things that you do specifically in

101:32

training that have nothing to do with

101:34

anything except doing the stupid small

101:36

thing. That's that's it. I mean, you

101:40

know, this the uh two mile swim, you

101:42

have a KBAR knife in one of your hands

101:44

and a CO2 cartridge in another and

101:46

you're wearing your life jacket and

101:47

we're like got a jeweler's loop out

101:49

looking at the, you know, the little uh

101:53

twistin section of the CO2 cartridge.

101:56

God help you if I find a grain of sand

101:58

or a fleck of rust. Guess what? the

102:01

jacket's still going to function even if

102:03

both of those things still exist because

102:05

it actually has nothing to do with the

102:07

knurling of the CO2 cartridge and

102:09

everything to do with I told you to have

102:12

nothing in this to make sure it was

102:14

basically brand new because you have to

102:17

follow the procedure because the

102:18

procedure is what's going to save your

102:19

life. Can you even when you're exhausted

102:22

and you don't want to and you have

102:24

limited time do what I told you to do

102:26

because of the impact that it'll have. I

102:28

mean that exists in that community

102:30

everywhere. So it's not me. I'm just

102:32

telling you the most successful people

102:35

that I have encountered are not becoming

102:38

successful in chaos. Now of course there

102:41

will be an uh somebody that can point to

102:43

something and say well what about this

102:44

person? I'm not saying that there's not

102:46

a what do they call it? A white elephant

102:47

or a black elephant whatever it may be.

102:49

Does that scale? No it doesn't. So, if

102:54

you're trying to replicate that, oh,

102:55

they did it through chaos, so I'm going

102:56

to as well. Live your life however you

102:58

want to, but maybe you and I aren't

103:00

being neurotic. Maybe we're just trying

103:01

to help. Yeah. Uh, you said even when

103:03

exhausted and limited uh in time, those

103:06

are the two times when these little I

103:10

guess I used to think about them as

103:12

extras. I'm trying to start thinking

103:14

about them as foundational. That's when

103:16

they become really tough. It's when they

103:17

matter the most though

103:19

>> because if you I mean [laughter]

103:22

it's like this toilet paper roll weighs

103:24

2,000 lbs. There's no way I can get it

103:25

to the garbage or this tire. That's

103:27

exactly like the days you don't want to

103:28

work out. Those are the most important

103:30

days. Even if you do less, the mental

103:32

victory there in my mind at least, and

103:35

I'm not an expert in any of this, far

103:37

outweighs any of the physical aspect.

103:39

It's the fact that you did and you

103:41

didn't want to. If you stack that up

103:42

over a lifetime, you're going to blow

103:44

people away with what you can can

103:46

accomplish.

103:48

>> Yeah. And the uh generalizability of

103:50

what you just described is definitely

103:52

supported by science. People have

103:54

perhaps heard me say this before, so

103:55

I'll make it very brief, but there's

103:56

this brain area, the anterior midsulate

103:58

cortex, which most neuroscientists that

104:01

teach neuro anatomy, including me,

104:02

didn't know what it did until a few

104:04

years ago. And a guy at Stanford, Joe

104:06

Parveves, he's a neurosurgeon. He was

104:07

stimulating this brain area and regions

104:10

adjacent to it looking for epileptic

104:12

fosi in a patient. That's how they find

104:13

out where the where to burn out the

104:15

seizure site and he's stimulating in the

104:18

singulate cortex and then he gets to

104:20

this anterior mids singlet cortex and in

104:21

every patient where he taps this region

104:23

electrically the person feels and

104:26

reports I feel like there's a storm

104:28

coming and I want to lean into it. I

104:31

know I can go through it. Someone else

104:33

might describe it as I feel like there's

104:35

this like big thing about to happen but

104:38

I I'm going to persevere. So it's

104:42

[clears throat] amazing right? So this

104:43

anterior mids singulate cortex turns out

104:45

hypertrophies well it grows in volume

104:48

per maybe in number of connections etc a

104:51

number of neurons maybe but certainly

104:52

grows in volume when people successfully

104:55

diet when they take their existing

104:58

exercise program and just add three 30

105:00

minute uh sessions of cardio. But here's

105:03

the caveat. if they hate cardio.

105:06

[laughter] If you love the ice bath,

105:08

this your anterior mid singular cortex,

105:10

which by the way predicts successful

105:12

dieting, predicts successful completion

105:13

of any of other hard things.

105:16

>> All of that relates to whether or not

105:18

the thing that you're introducing is

105:20

something that you do not want to do in

105:23

the moment that you do it. And so

105:24

there's real science to this. Now,

105:26

there's a long review that I can put a

105:27

link to in the in the caption if people

105:28

want to get into the science. So this is

105:30

in human studies and it goes just on and

105:32

on. So it's not the thing, it's the

105:35

thing you don't want to do.

105:36

>> Yeah.

105:37

>> And so when people say, "I love working

105:38

out and the final two reps of that set

105:40

that teaches me how to be hard in life."

105:42

You're like, "Do you like working out?"

105:43

They're like, "Love it." And you're

105:44

like, "Ah, it's not doing anything for

105:45

your internal singular cortex." So I

105:47

think this is very important science,

105:48

which is why I keep bringing it up on

105:49

multiple podcasts. And and I think the

105:51

toilet paper roll. So your kids have

105:52

this amazing opportunity.

105:54

>> Uh other people have to uh

105:56

>> I don't know, do whatever. Um you know,

105:58

they seem like very uh hard driving

106:00

kids. um the way you describe them.

106:02

Anyway, so it turns out that for them

106:04

the the the toilet paper thing and no uh

106:08

your dad didn't pay me to say this, the

106:10

toilet paper thing turns out to be the

106:12

the route to anterior midsulate cortex

106:15

growth which then translates to by the

106:18

way growth of this structure is the

106:21

defining feature of what are called

106:22

superagers. bit of a misnomer because

106:24

these are people who maintain cognitive

106:26

ability and many of their physical

106:28

abilities relative to their peers into

106:30

their 80s and 90s.

106:31

>> That makes sense.

106:32

>> It's so it may even be related to the

106:34

will to live. It may be that the

106:36

tenacity structure in the brain which

106:39

people who successfully push back

106:41

against certain you know life

106:42

confrontations and things and on and on.

106:44

So it's it's pretty cool structure and

106:45

it may be the basis of the toilet paper

106:47

phenomenon. It's same thing as putting

106:50

your dishes in the dishwasher when

106:51

you're done as opposed to just dropping

106:53

them in the sink for the next morning.

106:54

The examples are everywhere. Not that

106:57

that would ever happen in our house, but

106:59

[laughter]

107:00

uh we're going to get back to the time

107:02

perception piece, but um you've

107:04

mentioned jiu-jitsu a few times. Yeah.

107:05

>> What's an aspect of jiu-jitsu that for

107:08

you is this thing, this friction point

107:11

where you actually don't want to do or

107:12

do you just love the whole thing?

107:14

>> What I love about jiu-jitsu is it can't

107:15

be mastered. There's no way. I and I

107:17

have been very fortunate enough now to

107:18

train with people or be around them that

107:20

have been black belts for damn near as

107:22

long as I have been alive. And I love

107:25

asking them, you know, what do they like

107:26

about it? And it's these seasons and

107:28

phases where

107:30

they think they have it figured out and

107:31

then they see something else and their

107:33

realization is they haven't even begun

107:36

to understand. And so they build back up

107:38

and something again and they the more

107:40

experience these people have, the less

107:43

they think it have that they have it all

107:45

figured out. And I I don't know what the

107:47

key to aging is, but I love doing things

107:50

that seem as if it is impossible to

107:53

master them.

107:54

>> I think that's the key to staying at

107:55

least mentally as young as possible,

107:57

constantly learning new stuff. I would

108:00

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108:01

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109:17

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109:22

>> I seem to be referencing your book a

109:23

lot, but there's a great story in your

109:24

book about um some intestinal distress

109:27

that that is not uh

109:28

>> Is that what we're calling it?

109:29

>> Yeah. that is not of the just the the

109:31

diarrhea constipation type, but but like

109:34

you described it as the worst pain

109:36

>> Yeah.

109:36

>> you'd ever experienced, which when most

109:39

people hear a statement like that, they

109:40

go, "Okay, well, what pain have you

109:41

experienced?" Well, turns out you also

109:43

been shot.

109:44

>> Um, turns out, uh, you were, you know,

109:48

your job selection process involved a

109:50

fair amount of immediate and long-term

109:52

pain processes under, you know, uh,

109:54

limited sleep and so on. So we we can

109:57

check the box easily for you like

109:58

understands pain and then this was the

110:00

worst pain. What do you think about this

110:02

notion maybe I heard this from Chad

110:04

Wright that when you vocalize about how

110:07

hard something is that you make it more

110:10

real? I was wondering if in that moment

110:12

where you're in the hospital I don't

110:13

want to give it all away. It's it's a

110:15

great chapter actually uh and you're

110:17

dealing with this worst pain of your

110:19

life not from being shot but from the

110:21

other thing that were you just cursing?

110:25

Were you quietly cursing in your head?

110:27

Do you think that we can make our

110:29

physical pain and just challenges in

110:31

general worse by talking about them or

110:34

do you think holding it in makes it

110:35

worse?

110:36

>> I don't think you could make it worse

110:39

by talking about it. I think if people

110:41

were open and honest about let's just

110:43

say pain in general, whether that is

110:45

internal or external, I think what they

110:47

would be shocked to find is they're

110:49

generally surrounded by people willing

110:50

to do anything they can to help relieve

110:52

that pain. So I think you could probably

110:53

make it much better.

110:55

For anybody who thinks that I might have

110:57

stuff figured out or I'm an intelligent

110:58

person, here's a story for you. Here's

111:00

how stupid I am. So, I was doing a

111:03

podcast when I felt the first little

111:05

shift in my stomach. I took a sip of

111:07

coffee. I was like, "Huh, [laughter]

111:08

that's weird." And I thought it was a

111:10

gas bubble. My wife was teaching a

111:13

jiu-jitsu seminar at the time. We were

111:14

just south of Salt Lake City. So, I got

111:16

done with that. I couldn't

111:19

[clears throat] really stand up

111:19

straight, but it was the open mat

111:21

portion. So, I throw the ghee on, go

111:23

roll for 90 minutes. Couldn't definitely

111:27

could not stand up straight after that.

111:28

So, I was just slouching in a chair, you

111:30

know, to try to hide it from my wife who

111:32

had at that point started looking over

111:34

at me. And she was like, "What's going

111:37

on?" I'm like, "God, I just got a

111:37

stomach ache. It's not that big of a

111:39

deal." And we were going to drive from

111:42

Salt Lake City back to uh Callispel,

111:44

Montana, where I live, which should take

111:45

a day.

111:47

and she was saying, "Hey, let's get you

111:49

some like, you know, gas medicine or

111:51

something like that." And she wanted to

111:53

go to In-N-Out. We don't have any

111:54

In-N-Outs in Montana. For people who

111:56

live around In-N-Outs, I'm here to tell

111:57

you it's a really big thing to people

111:59

who don't live around them. I don't know

112:00

why I was

112:01

>> That's pretty darn good.

112:02

>> Yeah, I'm I was raised by them or around

112:04

them. So, to me, not that big of a deal.

112:06

I'll grab them when I can, but also not

112:08

going to totally detour off to go get

112:10

one. So, she goes and gets her, you

112:12

know, double double, whatever it is.

112:14

Pulls into the Walgreens. I'm in the

112:15

passenger seat at this point. She, first

112:17

off, she tricks me. I drove her to the

112:19

In-N-Out. She's like, "Just let me

112:20

drive." I'm like, "Fine." We get to the

112:22

Walgreens.

112:24

I'm in a good amount of pain at this

112:25

point. She goes inside to get gas sex

112:28

pills or whatever. She comes out. I am

112:30

upside down in my seat trying to relieve

112:32

the gas bubble cuz that's what I thought

112:33

it was. So, my head was down by where

112:34

you keep your feet. I didn't let her

112:37

know I was. So, she comes back into the

112:38

car. I was like, "What are you doing?"

112:41

Just fully inverted in the car. Like,

112:44

I'm fine. just, you know, I was just

112:45

trying to see if I could get the gas

112:46

bubble to dislodge. And she asked me,

112:50

"What do you want to do? Do you need to

112:52

go to the hospital?" I'm like, "I think

112:53

we're going to be okay. Just start

112:54

driving home. We'll be going through

112:55

Salt Lake, so we'll get to a higher

112:57

level of care if it gets worse." She got

112:59

onto the phone, Google the nearest

113:01

hospital, and drove me straight there.

113:02

So, that's how smart I am when it comes

113:04

to pain. I wasn't verbalizing how bad it

113:07

was, and it wasn't it was incrementally

113:09

getting worse, but that's an example of

113:11

a I 100% don't have anything figured

113:13

out. That's how dumb I am. And B,

113:15

keeping it to myself didn't help much,

113:17

but she knew me well enough that it was

113:19

time to go. I was able to walk into the

113:21

emergency room and then I ended up

113:22

laying on the emergency room floor

113:24

mostly cuz it was cool and I I was

113:25

starting to sweat at that point. They

113:27

bring me in and uh did a bunch of

113:30

imaging. I had an intestinal blockage

113:32

which required emergency surgery. the

113:33

next day. The most painful portion of

113:35

that though was

113:38

about 6 hours when they gave me this

113:40

fluid that you drink to constrict all of

113:43

your intestines that they generally give

113:45

to elderly people who haven't [ __ ] in

113:46

weeks. So, what I ended up having is I

113:48

had a loop of scar tissue on the inside

113:50

wall of my stomach that a piece of

113:52

intestines had gone through and it

113:54

cinched. M. So that particular red juice

113:58

of death was the single most consistent

114:01

pain that I have ever been in. Athletic

114:05

sweat through all my clothing. Uh my

114:07

sister and I have a genetic blood

114:09

abnormality where I don't process

114:10

opiates the same way as people do. So

114:12

morphine to me doesn't even do anything.

114:13

I did not know that until I got to the

114:15

emergency room in Baghdad after being

114:17

shot. And I kept asking for more

114:19

morphine and the guy pulled out a chart

114:21

and said, "This [clears throat] is what

114:22

you weigh. This is your dosage. You are

114:25

now at the threshold. If we give you

114:27

more, your heart's going to stop. So

114:29

they stopped the morphine, put me on

114:31

delotted, barely touching the pain at

114:34

the maximum dosage of delotted, but that

114:37

was

114:40

the worst pain I've ever been in. And

114:42

it's funny that you ask about talking

114:45

about it or not. My sister is a nurse.

114:48

She's been in healthcare for quite some

114:50

time. and they had just gone on vacation

114:54

and my wife wanted to get a hold of them

114:57

and I'm like whatever you do not call

115:00

them and ruin their vacation. What she

115:02

was trying to do was understand what she

115:05

needed to say to the staff so she could

115:07

talk to them in their language because

115:09

the dosages they were get it just wasn't

115:11

doing anything. And I think to a degree

115:12

they thought I was uh like seeking meds

115:16

even though I think the athletic sweat

115:18

might have been a little bit of a tell

115:20

the fact that I'm like riding and the

115:22

doctor's coming. I'm like I don't care

115:23

what it is. Cut it out right now. We can

115:24

just do surgery. He's like oh we got to

115:26

do imagery and you got to do paperwork.

115:28

I'm like sign my name that like let's

115:29

just do the uh knock me out and cut this

115:31

out of my body right now. I don't even

115:32

care what's left. But I didn't even want

115:36

to share that with my sister because I

115:39

didn't want to ruin her experience with

115:40

her family in another country. And that

115:42

didn't make anything better. Shortly

115:44

after that, right after I told my wife

115:46

not to call her, she went outside and

115:48

called her. And then I got switched over

115:50

to the ICU where they hit me with

115:51

ketamine and that did the trick almost

115:53

to the point where and I almost they

115:55

almost pushed me into the Khole and I

115:57

didn't like that at all. I could hear

115:58

the uh hairs on the inside of my ears

116:01

starting to move around and it was a

116:03

dead quiet room and I remember saying to

116:04

my wife,

116:05

>> "Can you hear it? It's so loud in here."

116:07

And she's like, "It is completely and

116:11

utterly silent right at the lip." To the

116:14

point where I told the doctor, "Please,

116:15

no more ketamine regardless of what it

116:16

takes." But then they went and did the

116:17

surgery.

116:19

All of that to say,

116:21

the more open and honest I was, the

116:23

better it got. in the time where I was

116:26

trying to not share that or not talk

116:28

about the pain, it was still just as

116:30

real for me, but there was no benefit in

116:34

being quiet like that. And I think that

116:35

that's something that people can in my

116:37

life and I'm not sure yours.

116:41

Every time I verbalized pain or grief or

116:45

struggle surrounded by people willing to

116:48

help out, why not talk about it? What's

116:51

the potential downside if you look at it

116:53

purely from a physical perspective was

116:55

me suffering for a few more hours

116:57

because I'm an idiot. [laughter]

117:01

>> Well, I totally agree that when it's

117:03

real pain, it's important to share.

117:07

Also, uh God bless your your wife for

117:10

not listening to you around this

117:12

particular issue.

117:13

>> She's got me figured out. It's

117:14

everything up to a point she's like,

117:15

"Nope, I'm we're going to we're going to

117:16

go ahead and take the wheel from here."

117:18

>> Yeah. [laughter] Well, it's like I in uh

117:21

uh before we came in here, we were

117:22

talking about dogs. Uh we'll get back,

117:23

but you know, having owned a bulldog

117:25

mastiff, you realize that they hide

117:26

their pain. Like he, you know, ran out

117:30

two uh you know, two they don't have

117:33

knees, right? But he ran out two ACLs,

117:35

right? I mean, he was his own worst

117:36

enemy, but he would never quit on me

117:38

either. So, it's like you kind of have

117:39

to [clears throat] know that about

117:40

bulldogs, right? So, there's enough uh

117:42

bulldog in you. Uh you have a dashund.

117:45

Yes. A wiener dog. I know that they're

117:47

very very smart and they're kind of

117:48

mischievous. Yeah.

117:50

>> Right. But they're loyal. They um incred

117:53

you are either one of their people or

117:56

you're one of their enemies.

117:58

>> Is that you?

117:59

>> I'm his probably his favorite person.

118:01

>> No, I meant is that your your phenotype,

118:02

too? Is that your either one of my

118:04

people or you're one of my enemies?

118:06

>> I don't think so.

118:07

>> Okay. Yeah. You don't strike me that

118:08

way.

118:08

>> I am inherently distrustful of human

118:10

beings just based off my own personal

118:12

experience.

118:12

>> All human beings.

118:13

>> Not all human beings. Well, yes, the

118:16

species, but not every person that I

118:18

that I meet. I am just aware

118:21

>> that there is a subsection of who we are

118:25

>> that is out there that ticks in the

118:28

completely opposite manner with which I

118:30

do. And I'm not to say here to say

118:31

that's right or wrong, but I've seen it

118:33

enough with my own eyes that I can never

118:37

forget that

118:38

>> you're talking about from your time on

118:39

deployments.

118:40

>> Yeah. Yeah. just seeing beliefs and

118:43

ideologies that are completely at odds

118:45

with what my beliefs and ideologies are.

118:47

And sorry for anybody listening to this.

118:49

Whatever your belief and ideology is,

118:50

there is an axis out there that feels

118:52

that way. That's just the way that it

118:53

is. It doesn't mean you should distrust

118:55

everybody. I just remind myself that

118:57

human beings are really capable of some

118:59

gnarly stuff. But I also don't walk

119:00

around

119:02

snapjudging everybody. I try to enjoy my

119:05

life just like everybody else does. But

119:07

yeah, for that dog it's uh you can go

119:10

from being one of his enemies to one of

119:11

his friends though if you have enough

119:13

treats and spend enough time around him.

119:14

Then he gets super excited when he sees

119:16

you. But they're amazing dogs.

119:17

>> Yeah. I love dashins. I I don't know

119:19

that I have the uh the tenacity to own

119:24

one. But I mean because bulldogs are

119:26

stubborn.

119:26

>> Yeah.

119:27

>> But they're so food driven and they're

119:31

not that smart. [laughter]

119:34

tell them that

119:34

>> I've had a bulldog long enough and now a

119:36

second one to know that they're um and

119:38

it's part of what makes them great.

119:40

>> They they don't do advanced math on on

119:42

their life experience. They're doing

119:44

basic addition

119:46

>> and sleeping.

119:47

>> We have

119:47

>> They'll die for you.

119:48

>> Yeah.

119:49

>> But if your life isn't on the line,

119:50

they're not doing [ __ ] at all. That's

119:52

kind of like the bulldog.

119:54

>> Our dog does puzzles.

119:55

>> Yeah. So, right. That's what I'm talking

119:58

about. Yeah. And like we have an outside

120:00

fetch ball that I thought didn't fit

120:02

through the doggy door. Was in the house

120:03

the other day. What's going on?

120:05

>> Right. [laughter] Right. Totally same

120:07

same species, all completely different

120:09

brain structures,

120:10

>> man. Well, and they were bred to be

120:11

independent because they were bred to be

120:13

down in little tunnels going for I tell

120:15

people they were bred to fight lions.

120:16

Nobody seems to believe me. I'm also not

120:18

sure that that's true, but you

120:18

>> need 75 of them.

120:20

>> Yeah, like rats. Yeah, that's that's

120:21

what I tell people. They hunt in packs.

120:22

Obviously, I would be terrified of 75

120:24

wiener dogs chasing me down.

120:26

>> Absolutely. [laughter] They're down down

120:28

in tunnels. And that's also why they

120:30

bark so much and why their bark is so

120:32

loud. It's so it's their handlers can

120:34

track them as they went. So, a lot of

120:36

that stuff makes sense, not necessarily

120:38

in an urban setting, but you know, it's

120:40

fun to deal with. Your dog needs to do

120:43

puzzles or he'll drive you crazy.

120:45

>> Man, we could go down the the the

120:47

conceptual uh rabbit hole of uh of dog

120:51

breeds, but we won't because we left an

120:53

important plate spinning that I want to

120:55

return to. What do we leave?

120:56

>> This notion of time perception to

120:58

navigate everyday life more effectively

121:02

and time perception

121:04

uh to navigate the real really hard

121:09

stuff. Your community by virtue of the

121:11

work that you guys did and do loses a

121:14

lot of people relative to other

121:16

professions. There's a there's a high

121:18

fatality rate relative to other

121:19

professions. But in the larger outside

121:22

world now, uh you know, we are seeing

121:25

much more suicide. Let's just be real

121:28

blunt.

121:29

>> Yeah.

121:29

>> Walking in here today, we were talking

121:30

to one of our team members here, not

121:32

SEAL team members, but editors, you

121:34

know, somebody uh a real um

121:38

a real luminary in the the the

121:40

skateboarding world. you know, cause of

121:43

death still unclear, but you know, like

121:44

there's yet another example of somebody

121:47

highly accomplished,

121:49

family, etc. I have a colleague who

121:51

recently um sadly took his own life.

121:53

Like this just happens across domains,

121:55

right? And it's not just men, it's

121:57

women, too, but it does seem to be

121:58

higher among men these days. You know,

122:00

it raises some really complicated but I

122:03

think important questions around

122:06

what is going through people's minds

122:08

that would lead them them to think that

122:11

it was or should be the end of the line

122:13

for them for themselves goes against

122:16

every bit of adaptive evolutionary

122:18

biology. It goes against all religious

122:21

doctrine in terms of what's adaptive.

122:23

So, you know, there's no straightforward

122:25

answer to this, but earlier we were

122:27

talking about before we were recording,

122:29

perhaps people get into a tunnel of the

122:32

idea that the way they feel in a given

122:35

moment is the way it's going to be

122:36

forever. So, two guys sitting here who

122:38

are not in that state to yeah

122:40

>> kind of wonder about that is uh we can

122:42

only speculate,

122:43

>> but what do you think based on what

122:47

you've observed and you welcome to share

122:49

if you like this from your book you talk

122:51

about Dave? Yeah.

122:52

>> Is there any understanding of of what's

122:54

going on for people in the in the days,

122:57

weeks, months, moments leading up to uh

123:00

those decisions that you know maybe we

123:02

can do some good here and help people

123:04

identify if they are starting to enter

123:07

that it's always going to feel like this

123:09

mode.

123:10

>> And there have been so many

123:11

conversations about this and there are

123:13

so many programs that exist to try to

123:16

help. I I'll say guys because that's the

123:19

community that I came from with this.

123:21

The Green Beret community

123:23

has now lost more people to suicide than

123:26

combat operations since 2001. What?

123:29

Yeah. I don't know where the SEAL

123:31

community is with that, but I bet you

123:32

they're close. The numbers will eclipse

123:35

for sure. So, it is an issue, but it it

123:39

is an unavoidable issue. Every situation

123:43

is different to a degree that they share

123:46

some similarities. the so in speaking

123:48

specifically of the SEAL teams I mean

123:50

there's the biggest similarity right

123:51

they came from that community and they

123:53

probably had

123:55

some semblance of shared experiences

123:57

whether that be deployments time away

124:00

from family the psychological and

124:02

physiological stresses of the job

124:06

but it doesn't seem to impact everybody

124:08

equally either everybody's experiences

124:10

differ you could be in a room I was

124:12

going to say with six people but it's

124:14

unlikely you'll be in a room with six

124:15

people just because uh we don't

124:18

generally have that many people and we

124:19

try to solve issues with as few as

124:21

possible but let's say four. I have no

124:23

understanding why

124:26

the same shared experience, although

124:28

maybe viewed from a slightly different

124:31

angle, in totality, could break

124:33

somebody, but not the other three, or

124:35

why everybody has a different volume of,

124:38

you know, somebody's got this much

124:39

volume versus this much versus a

124:40

thimble. And I don't I don't understand

124:43

why

124:45

those experiences

124:47

seem to break some people or in my

124:50

opinion I think they can if you put the

124:52

work in make you an even better version

124:54

of yourself. And I also think that you

124:56

can pour some of the stuff out or drill

124:57

a hole in the bottom and work through

124:58

these things. Dave being the example

125:04

the things that stick out would be and

125:06

again this is me. This is me speaking. I

125:08

can't speak for Dave.

125:12

There was a huge delta, I think, between

125:15

how he thought of himself and how other

125:18

people thought of him.

125:22

And in most of the funerals that I've

125:24

gone to that involve suicide, the number

125:27

one question is why? Why didn't somebody

125:32

reach out for help? or and maybe they

125:34

did because you you know you don't I

125:35

mean I guess you could look at their

125:36

electronic device or maybe it was a face

125:38

to face it's hard to say but the

125:41

difference in

125:44

what Dave left behind he left behind

125:46

some journals

125:48

and I think that there are

125:51

pros and cons

125:53

if you are in a place where you have the

125:56

opportunity to read somebody what they

125:58

have left behind and not you may not

126:01

want to know it may make it more

126:02

difficult

126:03

because I've also seen people attach a

126:05

very immense amount of grief because

126:07

they either think that what was written

126:09

and left behind was specifically about

126:12

them or they oh man I was there and I

126:14

could have you know the could have would

126:16

have should have which is all

126:17

hypothetical and doesn't change the fact

126:19

that it already happened but I've seen

126:20

people deeply deeply struggle with that

126:23

so that would be the negative the pro

126:25

could be perhaps I don't know closure so

126:28

it really depends on the person choose

126:30

wisely as somebody who is

126:32

experienced that. Um, my experience is

126:35

it was a combination of both. I I felt a

126:37

deeper level of understanding but also a

126:40

deep sense I wish I would have done

126:41

more. [snorts]

126:45

the internal struggles

126:48

and self-t talk and monologue.

126:52

I couldn't read it without crying

126:57

and I don't think he realized

127:01

how highly other people thought of him.

127:05

The gap between the two is just

127:06

unbelievable. He he and not everybody is

127:10

he was isolated at the time. there was

127:13

alcohol involved to the best of my

127:14

knowledge which unfortunately especially

127:17

in the community that I come from those

127:19

two things are pretty often tied not

127:21

always but often tied alcohol in that

127:23

decision as well and the stats are

127:26

pretty well back about you know alcohol

127:28

being you could speak to this and you

127:30

know the [snorts] central nervous system

127:32

depressant it's not like yay I'm feeling

127:34

the best I've ever felt it generally

127:36

will spiral you in the other direction

127:38

but when I look at Dave he was and is to

127:41

this day what I would consider to be the

127:43

standard for a team guy. And what I

127:47

loved about him so much is that not only

127:49

did he expect that standard from other

127:51

people, but he held himself and actually

127:53

more than that. I think I would say he

127:56

held himself to a higher standard than

127:59

he would hold other people to. If you

128:01

met his standard, you were going to get

128:02

two thumbs up. Probably not a pat on the

128:04

back, but you were going to get two

128:05

thumbs up and you were going to know you

128:06

did a good job. if you did not meet his

128:09

standard, which I tested many times, you

128:11

were very specifically told where you're

128:15

deficient in life and as a human being.

128:17

[laughter]

128:18

And he, God, he had a tongue like a

128:20

whip. He was awesome. And uh

128:24

I think at the end, and this is me

128:27

speaking for him a little bit, I think

128:30

he arrived at a place

128:33

where he couldn't live with the reality

128:35

that he couldn't hold himself to the

128:37

standard that he had expected from other

128:39

people. And I think it destroyed him.

128:41

But I don't know if he shared that with

128:42

anybody. I don't think so. some of the

128:44

last people that he spoke with

128:49

knew that he was

128:51

struggling. For sure. He he had an

128:53

alcohol addiction issue for sure. And

128:54

for clarity, I mean, that's Dave would

128:57

be pissed actually if I didn't mention

128:59

that cuz he would never tolerate anybody

129:01

else beating around the bush. He

129:02

legitimately had an issue with alcohol

129:04

as some people do from that community.

129:07

They knew that he was struggling. He's

129:09

the only guy I know who did multiple

129:12

treatments of I have zero experience in

129:14

psychedelics, but from listening to

129:16

people talk about Iwasa and I gain rides

129:19

that don't seem to be a very good time

129:21

and often times will instantaneously

129:23

change the relationship they have with

129:25

substances, whether it's opiates or

129:27

alcohol. Not that you would never drink

129:29

again, but their their relationship with

129:31

it just shifts. They're like, "You know

129:32

what? Uh, I don't even have the desire

129:34

to do so."

129:36

72 hours later, 96 hours later, and it's

129:40

not like he just tried once. He would go

129:42

back. He would even facilitate

129:45

treatment for other [snorts] people,

129:49

but it wasn't working for him. But he

129:51

wasn't he wasn't sharing that. And that

129:54

isolation and loneliness

129:57

and that difference between that

129:59

standard and what he was able to do

130:03

got him to that place where he put a gun

130:05

in his mouth, you know, alone, isolated

130:08

at his family home in Florida.

130:11

And when everybody showed up at the

130:12

funeral, it's like,

130:14

what could we what could we have done

130:16

more? [clears throat] And that happens

130:17

at every Nobody's at a funeral say did

130:20

everything I could. never have heard

130:22

that by the way that just God I nailed

130:24

it like really exhibit A would like none

130:28

of us nailed it we all [ __ ] up or

130:32

did we do the best that we could and

130:34

it's something that we can't stop I

130:36

don't know I have I've started to have

130:37

pretty deep conversations with friends

130:40

around from that community around what

130:43

can be done I don't think uh an

130:46

absolutionist approach is good I think

130:48

driving to zero is possible is

130:50

impossible because It's a it's a an

130:52

affliction that strikes all of humanity.

130:56

A reductionist approach, I think, is

130:57

helpful, but at this point, I don't know

131:00

what else can be done.

131:04

I mean millions of dollars advocated

131:06

towards these type of programs. things

131:09

like Ambio, you know, just south of the

131:12

border or what Marcus and Amber

131:14

component are doing with vets which are

131:15

largely an interface to the and there's

131:16

portals and people and I'm on some of

131:18

these groups where

131:21

even the inkling somebody is in trouble

131:23

or you need help like people are they're

131:25

trying to get stuff done getting

131:26

connected people are getting on

131:27

airplanes and I was with mutual friend

131:30

DJ I think it was last week and one of

131:32

his new guys who had become a team

131:35

leader who had gotten out just killed

131:37

himself.

131:39

and both and we we sit there with faces

131:43

like this with things that are un that

131:46

we don't know what to say in between us.

131:48

I don't know. [sighs] I don't know

131:50

what's going on there.

131:52

>> Yeah. Well, I certainly don't know

131:54

either. I think that um

131:58

if we can borrow anything useful from

132:01

other areas of

132:03

uh mental health and neuroscience

132:05

because it I think ultimately this is a

132:08

brain issue

132:09

>> right I don't think it's like a gut

132:10

health issue although that could impact

132:12

it right I might be wrong

132:13

>> right it could be yeah I mean that it

132:15

could be but but I think it's a a

132:17

thought process that leads to a decision

132:18

that you know and that's in the brain so

132:20

if we were to just take like start at

132:22

ground truths

132:23

>> not to try and make this reduction we'd

132:25

say maybe suicidality is not one thing

132:29

just like we know that you can get a

132:31

fever from a lot of things.

132:33

>> I don't want to say no one is immune

132:34

because I do think that fortunately it's

132:37

you know not everybody but maybe

132:39

everyone has the potential to go there

132:40

and there's certain buffers that we're

132:42

not aware of.

132:43

>> You might come out of the box immune to

132:45

it but I think either something

132:47

psychologically or physiologically could

132:49

happen that maybe could open a door that

132:51

had started off closed. Mhm.

132:54

>> That's a guess.

132:55

>> In all these instances that are leaping

132:57

to mind of unfortunately real life

132:59

suicides, every single one of the people

133:02

um was a very high performer at one

133:04

point, highly very highly regarded,

133:06

revered, etc. And so I I think you've

133:09

really um touched on something important

133:12

which is that this notion of like it's

133:14

lonely at the top that there's it's true

133:16

that there's people are busy you know

133:18

there's not the general public is not so

133:21

concerned about you know winners and

133:23

their plight you know but when you hear

133:25

about something like this you know um

133:28

you realize that it people can be quite

133:30

lonely and perhaps as the number of true

133:33

peers that somebody has because they're

133:35

in a leadership position over already

133:36

ultra high performers

133:38

the need to impress, the need to not

133:40

have their their image shattered is it

133:42

goes up and up and up and up. There

133:44

might be something there. I think

133:46

>> there's certainly important work to be

133:47

done, but there aren't real data, I

133:50

don't think, on the number of people who

133:52

were kind of veering in this direction,

133:54

but somebody reached out. Yeah.

133:56

>> And then they're 6 months later saying,

133:57

"Hey, thanks. You know, I you know, you

133:58

really helped me back when and maybe

134:00

they weren't right at that edge." Yeah.

134:01

>> So, we don't have data on what worked to

134:03

keep people away from this edge either.

134:06

So, it's a really tough problem, but you

134:08

know, tough problems are tractable.

134:11

>> Yeah. I worry less about the guys who

134:13

are able to verbalize what they're going

134:15

through.

134:17

It's the ones who are more quiet. You

134:19

know, you talk about, you know, lonely

134:21

at the top. Dave, I left Dave's military

134:23

career largely out of it. He originally

134:27

wanted to go to development group and

134:29

didn't make it through the screening

134:30

process. I think largely more due to a

134:32

personality conflict with one of the

134:33

instructors, which totally happens. If

134:35

you get on somebody's radar, you might

134:37

have to come back through. But he ended

134:38

up going to another JSOW command that

134:42

works at an incredibly high level, very

134:45

less known,

134:47

oftent times by yourself in adversarial

134:52

countries. And he crushed it there, I

134:54

think, for like 10 years. I mean, he's

134:56

like

134:58

the top performer of performers. And

135:02

then they contracted him to come back

135:03

and teach guys in their own very long

135:06

selection course. What I didn't realize

135:09

is how much he was struggling

135:12

just holding up that image. Though a

135:14

part of their selection course occurs

135:16

out in Las Vegas.

135:18

He had more than one incident where he

135:20

thought his career was going to be over

135:21

because he went out and got shitfaced

135:23

and got arrested.

135:25

They work so independently and

135:28

individually so often nobody even

135:30

realized he had gotten in trouble until

135:33

his security clearance came back around

135:34

and it popped on his security clearance

135:37

which then you know leads to a whole

135:39

variety of other things. But that

135:40

happened to him while he was active and

135:42

then after while he was out. But if you

135:45

were look at the guy you mean you'd say

135:47

to him how do I match your career

135:49

exactly? What exactly are you doing to

135:51

be able to do what it is that you're

135:53

doing? man, behind the curtain. Holy

135:56

[ __ ]

135:58

Just suffering.

136:02

You could see it in the writing, just in

136:04

the

136:06

the shape and texture of the words. You

136:10

could you could see it degrading towards

136:13

the end. It's gnarly.

136:16

>> And look, I'm not one of these people

136:17

that thinks everyone should just go do I

136:19

gain, which is not a recreational

136:21

experience, you know? Right. But I was

136:22

going to say the fact that he did that

136:24

has worked. I'll just say this on I've

136:26

said it publicly before, but I'll make

136:28

sure I hammer this, you know, straight

136:30

in the middle that I've been very

136:31

supportive of veteran solutions because

136:34

um and the work that was being done at

136:36

Stanford to support them. the arc of

136:38

both successful escape from addiction

136:41

and PTSD or whatever you want to call it

136:43

through the proper use of Ibagane

136:45

medically supervised

136:48

as well as the number of just tragic

136:52

instances of people who didn't make it

136:54

there happen to know Chad Wilkinson's

136:56

wife and talked to Sarah you know and

136:58

you know it's a painful thing to be at

137:00

these things and hear all these

137:01

wonderful stories of people that feel

137:02

like they were rescued their spouse was

137:04

rescued and then um the spouses that are

137:06

there saying, you know, it's grateful

137:08

this exists and I'm I'm frustrated that

137:10

it wasn't there in time for their spouse

137:13

or parent or, you know, or kid. So many

137:16

people have benefited, but some people

137:18

just seem like they're refractory to it.

137:21

Well, hopefully talking about suicide,

137:24

frankly, will will um get people

137:27

thinking about different avenues around

137:30

it. That's the hope.

137:31

>> Yeah. I don't know the angle. I mean,

137:33

I've tried to focus sometimes on talking

137:35

about the impact that it has on those

137:39

left behind in the hopes that that

137:40

would,

137:42

I don't know, buy somebody a 1%

137:46

maybe think about that for

137:47

[clears throat] 1% and it changes

137:49

literally the trajectory of their life.

137:51

I don't understand

137:54

the choice. I I will describe the choice

137:56

of ending your own life as an irrational

137:58

decision. That's I can't make any sense

138:01

of it other than to say like you said it

138:02

goes against every evolutionary

138:05

everything that we can understand. So

138:08

somehow people are arriving at an

138:11

irrational decision and considering it

138:14

to be the only rational solution.

138:18

Talking about the people that they left

138:19

behind and the impact it's going to have

138:23

doesn't seem to have impacted it at all.

138:25

>> I don't I don't know what the answer is.

138:28

many times, you know, if whatever is

138:30

left behind or text messages, the

138:32

world's better off, you know what I

138:33

mean? Better off without me, they feel

138:35

I'm not going to say they feel as if

138:36

they're doing the world a favor. That's

138:38

that's not what I mean to say, but

138:39

oftentimes the language is close to

138:41

that. Like, I'm doing this because you

138:44

will be better off without me. And

138:45

again, irrational decision as their only

138:48

rational option. I don't I don't know.

138:52

I do know that statistically it's way

138:53

higher in the occupation that I came

138:55

from. What I didn't realize and what

138:57

I've started talking with a lot more

138:58

about guys I serve with is their time

139:00

before the military though.

139:03

The trauma in in the military can

139:05

certainly be unique, but I tell you

139:07

what, the number of guys that I've

139:08

talked to now that I didn't have these

139:10

conversations with that I when I was in,

139:12

they brought a full seabag of trauma

139:14

with them before. And if you layer that

139:18

on top of everything that happens while

139:20

you're in and you don't get a handle on

139:22

that, [snorts]

139:24

it's gonna get a handle on you. And I

139:26

think that's played itself out many

139:27

times. A lot of the emphasis is on just

139:30

the military aspect. And I'm not saying

139:32

that everybody from the military world

139:33

came in with the broken, shattered,

139:35

fill-in-theblank bucket of trauma, but

139:39

there's a lot of them. The more that you

139:40

dig into this, and that has to be

139:42

addressed as well, too. It makes sense.

139:45

If you had a jacked up childhood or you

139:47

were bullied, what better job than to be

139:50

able to dispatch bullies or those that

139:52

are praying upon others? Yeah, that's

139:55

exactly what you're going to want to do.

139:56

But that doesn't mean that the little

139:58

suitcase you brought with you isn't

140:01

going to meet you on the tail end of

140:02

that journey. Then you pair that with

140:04

isolation. A lot of times guys get out,

140:05

they'll move, uh, you know, back to

140:06

where they came from. So away from their

140:08

social circle, the uniform goes up in

140:10

the closet.

140:12

identity and purpose struggle that we

140:14

all have when you go from that

140:15

occupation, social isolation, maybe they

140:19

bring with them some unhealthy social

140:21

habits,

140:23

alcohol, whatever else it may be with

140:25

them with that isolation, with those

140:27

struggles, with that baggage.

140:30

It's a lot. Man, you make a very

140:33

important point. I think, you know,

140:34

perhaps one of the reasons they went

140:37

into that profession is they were

140:38

traumatized going in. But of course, as

140:41

you also pointed out, many guys are not.

140:43

They

140:43

>> I won the genetic lottery with my

140:45

parents that they were spectacular. But

140:47

I now

140:49

I just I wish I had been mature enough

140:52

to sit down with people when I was

140:54

younger and be like, "Dude,

140:56

like are you okay?

140:58

>> What was your what was your background

140:59

like coming up?"

141:00

>> You know, tell me about your life before

141:02

the teams. Cuz nobody ever asked about

141:04

your life. They're like, "Where you

141:04

from?" Cool. Shut up. Did you make it

141:06

with your buds? Great. Go get your [ __ ]

141:07

It's time to go do gangster [ __ ] I'm

141:08

like, "Okay, cool. Let's go do gangster

141:10

shit." It's afterwards where I get to

141:13

know these people better at a deeper

141:15

level. I'm like, "I'm sorry, what what

141:17

situation did you come from?" Dave was a

141:20

good example.

141:21

>> He brought a lot with him.

141:24

Again, that's a data point. I can't

141:26

apply that broadly,

141:28

>> but in the anecdotal conversations I

141:31

have had, it is trending past 50% of the

141:33

guys brought a lot of stuff with them.

141:36

Yeah. and the um the sort of

141:39

hyperproclivity for alcohol might have

141:41

been related to that. I mean, we can do

141:43

a just so story, but what you're saying,

141:45

you know, it it ratchets together in in

141:48

a logical way. And of course, everything

141:50

we're talking about wicks out to the the

141:52

world at large. I mean, checking in on

141:55

people is no small thing.

141:57

>> Yeah.

141:57

>> You know, I I a few years ago, I talked

141:59

about how like, you know, this group of

142:00

like people were just like check in in

142:02

the morning and it seemed people like,

142:03

"Oh, well, that's like supposed to be

142:04

the health act." It's like, "Oh, no.

142:05

There's one guy in my in my crew that

142:08

like he's he's like every single morning

142:10

if we don't hear from him by 8:00 a.m.

142:12

like he's dead, you know, [laughter]

142:14

like you know, and then like 8:15, he's

142:16

like, "Sorry, I'm late, guys." And, you

142:17

know, just by virtue of that group, he

142:19

sends he's, you know, he sends around a

142:20

little Bible passage sometimes like a

142:22

wish for the day for folks. Everyone

142:24

checks in. It's like it's a real thing.

142:26

Like, it's a real thing. And it's not

142:27

just that I would be worried about him.

142:28

I honestly I'd be worried about me if if

142:30

he didn't send that. Now, is it am I

142:31

completely dependent on it? No. But

142:34

those small things, back to this notion

142:36

of small things, they can really matter.

142:38

They can they can really make the

142:39

difference. I don't know. my mind goes

142:40

to all these places and maybe I've uh

142:42

spent uh more than my fair share of time

142:44

with uh our mutual friend Eddie Penny

142:47

where I I actually think and and forgive

142:49

me because I'm a scientist but these

142:50

days I talk very openly. I actually

142:52

think that evil forces can hijack

142:54

people's minds. I know it sounds crazy,

142:57

it sounds like conspiracy, but I believe

142:58

that inside of our minds we have a

143:00

susceptibility to positive messaging and

143:03

we have a susceptibility to evil

143:05

messaging and it can come in in

143:07

different forms. And I think bad forces

143:10

can work through us and they tend to

143:12

come through the places of shame. They

143:15

come through the things that we don't

143:16

want to acknowledge. They're like the

143:18

way it was described to me by someone

143:19

far smarter than me is it's like a

143:20

lighthouse that's you know spinning its

143:24

um its illumination and then there's

143:26

like there's like some like dirt on the

143:29

on the lighthouse and it casts this like

143:31

shard of a shadow and that's where stuff

143:34

comes in and gets us. And if we can kind

143:35

of see that stuff and really acknowledge

143:37

it, that's kind of what the real trauma

143:39

proc trauma healing process is about.

143:41

And once you own it, it's very

143:43

different. Things can't get to you the

143:44

same way. Now, I'm speaking in like

143:46

riddles and metaphors here. So, so I

143:48

want to be careful because I'm a

143:50

scientist. I believe in biology, but I

143:51

think that hopefully conversations like

143:53

these will start to open up the the

143:55

thought and maybe in the dialogue around

143:57

this because I think the mental health

143:58

community, but really the general public

143:59

needs to start thinking about this in a

144:01

real way because the numbers, as you

144:04

mentioned, the SEAL teams and other

144:05

special operations communities are

144:07

staggering, but

144:08

>> it's growing. I mean, and on and on and

144:11

I don't believe anyone is completely

144:13

immune just given the the the examples.

144:15

These are people who had quote unquote

144:17

[clears throat] everything going for

144:18

them and then some. So, God willing,

144:21

this will have some positive impact. You

144:23

know,

144:23

>> I think it's important that somebody

144:25

like yourself as a scientist is open to

144:28

other non-scientific

144:30

answers or

144:33

possibilities at least because we

144:36

clearly don't have [snorts] it figured

144:37

all out yet. And I'm not a scientist,

144:39

but I'm pretty sure scientists don't

144:41

know everything, regardless of how some

144:43

of them might like to tell you that they

144:45

do.

144:45

>> Definitely do not know everything. And

144:47

if we don't know everything, maybe let's

144:49

just keep it open to possibilities

144:52

because in that journey, hopefully one

144:54

day we will figure out everything. But

144:56

if we lose a bunch of people along the

144:58

way because we were unwilling to at

145:00

least even table a conversation about

145:02

something maybe outside of the science

145:04

realm, I don't think it's worth knowing

145:06

everything.

145:07

>> I think that our we were talking about

145:08

dogs before. I think um our species is a

145:11

remarkable species technology

145:13

development. And I think that we have

145:14

incredible capacity for for goodness.

145:18

And I think we also should finally

145:20

acknowledge after many thousands of

145:22

years that we have a hardwired failure

145:25

to understand ourselves that the the

145:29

answers are just not going to come from

145:31

us. This is where I sit now. I don't

145:33

want to sound too dogmatic about this.

145:34

like it's just obvious like you wouldn't

145:36

expect uh 50,000 dashons to come up with

145:40

uh well maybe they could come up with a

145:41

supercomputer but you know

145:42

>> I'm in on this experiment so far. Do you

145:44

know anybody who'd be willing to back us

145:46

[laughter]

145:46

>> in this day and age? I probably do. Um

145:49

but it be it's just so you know we we

145:51

tend to think that because we are the

145:52

curators of the earth. We are the ones

145:54

that control the technology. All that is

145:55

true that we're sort of above our own

145:58

[ __ ] and we're not. No. And so the

146:01

big re revelation for me was like, oh

146:04

maybe we shouldn't look to ourselves

146:07

certainly or even other humans or even

146:09

groups of humans or the technologies we

146:11

create or that combination for every

146:13

answer. I do think gene therapies are

146:15

going to cure a lot of diseases. I think

146:16

that AI actually has is going to be of

146:18

great benefit etc etc. It's got its

146:20

issues but we'll navigate that. But when

146:23

it comes to how somebody like Dave could

146:26

be literally take his own life, I think

146:29

the implementation of the solutions will

146:31

have to come from humans. But that

146:33

really understanding the root of the

146:34

problem is not going to come from from a

146:36

from a strictly scientific psychological

146:39

understanding. This just my belief. I

146:41

think that's okay. I think I I like that

146:43

type of malleable

146:45

willingness to accept other options much

146:48

more than I like the dogmatic rigid

146:50

you're not going to do anything other

146:52

than it's either this way or the

146:53

highway. I feel comfortable sharing

146:55

this. Let's just say that I knew someone

146:57

very well. I still know him.

146:58

Fortunately, he's still alive in your

146:59

community who was in a really

147:01

challenging place. And the only language

147:03

I heard someone else speak to him and

147:04

fortunately he's still around. They said

147:06

something to him to the words of like,

147:09

"Your goggles are foggy, so you can't

147:12

trust anything you think or see about

147:14

yourself for the next six months. You

147:17

only can trust these three people."

147:20

>> It's not a bad approach.

147:21

>> And he said, "Okay."

147:24

And he's like, "You cannot do that. It's

147:25

it's as if you're you're you're wearing

147:27

prism glasses." It's kind of what I

147:29

jumped in with. Borrowed that from a

147:31

neuroscience experiment.

147:32

>> The DUI glasses is a better analogy.

147:34

grasping, you're grasping for the mug

147:35

here, but it's actually right here. And

147:37

if you can just accept the fact that

147:39

your your optics are off, your thinking

147:42

is off, you cannot trust it.

147:44

>> And and the reason that resonated with

147:46

me and got me thinking about the other

147:47

thing I just said is the I I think that

147:50

we all have this innate desire to not be

147:52

controlled. And I think that I'm not

147:54

gonna do the if only game, could have,

147:56

would a, should have, but if people as

147:59

as hard driving as like teen guys or

148:01

just anybody were told, listen that what

148:03

you feel it actually is not coming from

148:05

you. You're being controlled that can

148:08

set up a resilience. It can I do think

148:10

you can trigger that anterior mids

148:11

singulate cortex and it's like instead

148:14

of [ __ ] me or [ __ ] all them all these

148:16

other people it becomes no you can just

148:19

start to like you can start to resist

148:21

these forces and I I do think there's

148:23

something there so I don't think science

148:25

alone is going to cure suicidality or

148:27

psychology alone I don't think it'll

148:29

come in the form of a pill again I think

148:30

the implementation will be very much of

148:32

the human world but I think that the um

148:35

the core understanding about what's

148:36

happening in those moments

148:39

is going to come from accepting a a

148:41

bigger picture. And I think it's obvious

148:43

what I'm talking about here. And hey,

148:45

why why not?

148:46

>> It's a it's a deep topic, man. It's a

148:48

tough one. I know everybody wants easy

148:50

solutions. I just don't think there is

148:52

one on that topic.

148:54

>> It's a painful long road.

148:57

>> Bringing it to the everyday life.

148:59

>> Mhm.

149:00

>> I was imagining if I was like a I don't

149:02

know 20year-old or 30year-old or 40 or

149:05

50y old.

149:06

>> Do you ever think you'd be 50? I said,

149:08

"Oh, [laughter]

149:09

actually no." At my 50th birthday, I was

149:11

like Joe Strummer, one of my heroes,

149:12

died at 50. My graduate adviser dead at

149:14

50. Like a lot of friends, even though I

149:16

was in the military, dead early. Like I

149:19

felt really lucky to make it to 50. And

149:21

uh I feel very excited about what's to

149:24

come, but I'm mindful

149:26

>> of everything we just talked about.

149:27

Yeah. You know, um but no, I never never

149:30

did. But the fifth floor is awesome

149:31

because Kelly Starret described it to me

149:33

best. He he said, "Listen, when you're

149:34

in your 40s and you're like in good

149:36

shape and your life is together, you're

149:37

like, "Yeah, like you're doing okay

149:39

relative to your peers." The moment you

149:40

hit 50, like you're like, "All right,

149:42

I'm doing great." And he said, "But you

149:43

have to be very careful because that's

149:44

like comparing yourself to people who

149:46

are really slacking." So, [laughter] you

149:47

got to triple down humor. He goes,

149:49

"Don't come off the gas pedal." So,

149:51

>> oh, Kelly Sturret.

149:53

>> Yeah. I can imagine that many people are

149:56

thinking, "Okay, g give me the program."

149:58

I know you're anti-hacks. I am, too. But

150:00

what would that look like? What can they

150:02

do? Start with the bed. So wake wake up

150:04

in the morning. Let's let's walk through

150:06

it.

150:06

>> Yeah, the bed. Do the bed. Don't do the

150:09

bed. I would say start as early as you

150:11

can with some semblance of a disciplined

150:13

act. If you don't want to do the bed,

150:15

drink a drink a 16 glass of water in the

150:17

morning before you have a cup of coffee.

150:19

Not many people enjoy doing that. Uh

150:22

especially if it's not flavored with

150:23

something. But I tell you what, I

150:25

implemented that and it's kind of

150:27

amazing how much better you feel when

150:28

you hydrate a little bit after you sleep

150:31

with your mouth tape, of course, on your

150:34

sleep metrics cuz you have to have a

150:35

competition with your wife on who's

150:36

winning the sleep score. Not a big deal.

150:38

And I I hate being prescriptive. And so

150:41

just broadly, I tell people to pick the

150:44

choice as often as possible that is

150:46

slightly more difficult. And the reason

150:48

why the bed doesn't work for some people

150:50

is that you have somebody you care about

150:51

deeply still sleeping on the other side.

150:52

And maybe your day starts at a time

150:54

where they're not ready to get out of

150:55

bed, right? So you don't want to

150:56

negatively impact somebody else's life.

150:58

So you can have this, I have to do this

151:00

to get started. To me, it's the small

151:03

stuff that nobody sees that makes the

151:05

biggest difference in the world. It's

151:06

the choice to have the water before your

151:08

coffee. It's the choice to the night

151:11

before you go to bed, if you're, you

151:13

know, you're going to have a busy day,

151:16

meal prep. Or if you're going to have a

151:18

breakfast that is other than ready to

151:19

eat or complicated, do all the prep work

151:21

beforehand so it makes it, you know what

151:23

I mean? It's just the small things that

151:25

nobody, oh great, post it on Instagram.

151:27

Look, I'm cutting up asparagus so I can

151:28

put it into my omelette. But in the next

151:30

morning when it's ready to go and you

151:31

actually have a healthy breakfast over

151:33

something far less healthy, the

151:36

difference in your life and the

151:37

difference in your energy and your

151:38

thought process and all those things

151:40

continue to build. I try to get people

151:43

or advocate sweat or get as close to

151:45

sweat as you can once a day. For some

151:47

people, that's just getting off the

151:48

couch and walking around. And I get it.

151:50

I have limited time just like everybody

151:52

else does. If I push my physical

151:54

exertion until later in the day, I am

151:56

far more likely to push it off until the

151:58

next day. So, I try to bring it a little

152:00

bit earlier into my day. The jiu-jitsu

152:02

training for me usually occurs around

152:03

midday. So, that's a nice setup. And

152:04

that's based off a class schedule, not

152:06

my own creation.

152:07

>> Are you working out early day as well?

152:10

Uh, I will either do jiu-jitsu or

152:12

workout. I generally don't do both. Um,

152:15

as I am getting older as well. I see the

152:17

utility in both and the lack of utility

152:20

in doing both very hard in the same day

152:22

because man, you can augur yourself in

152:25

with a little bit too much. So, I'll do

152:26

one or the other. But also, sweat could

152:28

be and again this I mean they can get as

152:30

far out there as you want. It could be

152:31

sitting in a sauna for 30 minutes if

152:33

that's all you got and you don't you

152:34

know what I mean? Figure it out. which

152:36

in your case is an ice bath. [laughter]

152:39

>> Well, I'm just using 80. Yeah.

152:42

>> Set a sauna to 105, which is the perfect

152:44

temperature for a sauna. Easy. I mean,

152:46

you could put one in the other. You

152:48

could

152:49

>> ice bath and sauna. How much research

152:51

has been done on that, Andrew? Not

152:52

enough. You know,

152:54

>> we could create the world's first ice

152:55

bath sauna.

152:57

>> I don't think it's going to sell.

152:58

>> Call the stump.

152:59

>> It's not going to sell. [laughter]

153:00

>> It's not going to sell.

153:01

>> Yeah. It would just be at 90° for both

153:02

of them, which I think actually would be

153:04

perfect and delightful. Everybody knows

153:08

the harder choice versus the easier

153:11

choice. Everybody

153:14

to include myself will look externally

153:17

and say what do I need to do? I know

153:20

what I need to do and so do they. They

153:23

need to do the thing then even if it's

153:25

microscopic that they want to do less

153:28

more often than they do the thing that

153:29

they want to do more. the and I know

153:31

that's broad and I know people want more

153:32

of a prescription than that, but that

153:35

over time is the juice.

153:38

>> What I like about it so much is that it

153:40

it transcends circumstances and it

153:43

transcends the kind of moment to moment.

153:46

So there's always an opportunity to do

153:48

something slightly harder and then you

153:49

find yourself in that friction point,

153:50

that laziness point of like, I'll do

153:52

this later or, you know, like leave that

153:54

dish in the sink and you know

153:55

>> how many times you realize, oh [ __ ] I

153:57

got to go. You got a coffee cup in your

153:58

hand.

153:59

>> Finish it off and the sink's right there

154:00

and so is the dishwasher. This is a

154:03

perfect example. Easy one. Put it in the

154:04

sink, which you have to deal with later.

154:06

Crack the dishwasher opener, put the

154:07

thing in there, close it up, and be on

154:09

your way. That is an example to me of a

154:12

small victory. That's making the

154:14

slightly harder choice. Is that in and

154:15

of itself going to change your life? No.

154:17

But what if you make that choice a

154:19

hundred times in your day? You're

154:21

telling me it's going to look the same

154:22

as it did yesterday? No way in hell. No

154:25

way in hell. Pair that out over a week,

154:28

over a month, over a year. Your life's

154:30

not going to look the same. Yeah. I

154:32

think the the social pressure to

154:35

not do that stuff is the new

154:39

counteracting pressure and the draw to

154:40

to the phone and all these things. But

154:42

look, it's just all more opportunities

154:44

to grow your anterior mid singulate

154:45

cortex size uh

154:46

>> without somebody sticking, I'm assuming,

154:48

a thing in your head. That doesn't sound

154:50

fun.

154:50

>> Yeah. The funny thing about

154:51

neurosurgeons is they'll tell you, well,

154:53

listen, after we make the little hole in

154:54

your skull, they literally say this. One

154:55

of my best friends from childhood is a

154:57

chair of neurosurgery at UCSF and he'll

154:58

tell you, look, you know, yeah, we make

155:00

the hole like we do the thing, but then

155:01

we put a titanium plate in there

155:03

afterwards and that's actually better

155:05

than a skull cuz it can protect your

155:06

brain even better.

155:07

>> Maybe on that one little tiny area.

155:09

People actually, if you look this up,

155:11

there people who have, you know, these

155:12

big pieces of titanium plate. Anyway,

155:14

fortunately,

155:15

>> the wing suiting thing, you close shop

155:17

with that early enough that you don't

155:18

need those things. Which brings me to

155:20

kind of the the uh final question,

155:23

although there might be one more. What

155:24

are you super excited about these days?

155:26

So, of all the things I do now, and for

155:29

people who are unfamiliar with me, I own

155:31

a coffee shop. Um,

155:33

>> Black Rifle.

155:34

>> Black I own a Black Rifle coffee shop in

155:35

Callispel, Montana. Uh, very good

155:37

friends with the founder. He allowed me

155:39

to open up the first one in Montana. Uh,

155:41

host a podcast. I travel the world with

155:45

my wife. She's coaching. I do not coach

155:46

jiu-jitsu. I participate in jiu-jitsu.

155:48

Please don't ask me for jiu-jitsu advice

155:50

because I'm going to tell you I'm not a

155:51

coach. Go talk to somebody who does this

155:52

profession.

155:53

>> You roll with her.

155:54

>> Yes. If you can beat your spouse, don't.

155:57

That's going to save people a lot of

155:59

pain and suffering right there. It's not

156:01

worth it. I have beat my wife one time.

156:04

And for clarity before somebody clips

156:07

this, I am talking in the context of a

156:09

jiu-jitsu. [laughter]

156:11

>> As that was coming out, I'm like, "Oh

156:13

no."

156:15

>> In a jujitsu, consensual jiu-jitsu

156:19

exchange, I have submitted my wife one

156:21

time.

156:23

in

156:25

the visual of our eye contact. I should

156:29

have realized before finishing the

156:31

submission what the potential long-term

156:33

consequences would be. I did not. And uh

156:37

let me be the test subject for anybody

156:39

else out there who trains with their

156:41

significant other. Just drill. Just

156:43

drill. Let them assume a dominant

156:45

position. And if they beat you, great.

156:49

Take my advice for that. So, jiu-jitsu,

156:51

coffee, podcast, I guess I can say I'm

156:54

an author now. I have no plans for a

156:56

second book. I had no plans for a first

156:57

book, but here we are. All of those

157:00

things, if you had given me an unlimited

157:03

amount of time for a month when I was

157:06

getting out of the SEAL teams and had

157:08

said, "Here's

157:11

bunch of legal paperwork, like legal

157:13

notebooks and a pen, as many as you

157:14

want. Write down anything that you think

157:17

you could possibly be doing when you get

157:18

out. Not a single thing that I am doing

157:21

right now would have been on that list.

157:23

Couldn't even have fathomed it. I worked

157:25

for a strength and conditioning company

157:26

for a while. In doing that, I started

157:28

being the pilot for the owner of that

157:30

company, which led me to doing part 135

157:32

charter operations, flying jets, which I

157:36

did that for a little bit. And then I

157:37

was a professional skydiver and base

157:39

jumper for years. I got into the public

157:40

speaking world. uh moved to Montana,

157:44

then got into the coffee shop stuff, and

157:46

I lost complete and utter sense of what

157:49

the hell I wanted to do with my life

157:50

somewhere in that mix.

157:53

And what I am actually the most excited

157:55

about now is that I have absolutely no

157:58

idea what I want to do next.

158:01

And I am old enough to realize that I

158:05

don't have to like white knuckle it.

158:07

That it's going to present itself

158:10

because that has was been the case in my

158:13

life up to this point. So, you know,

158:17

money is a great thing. I only want to

158:18

make enough money so I can say no to

158:20

things. It's my favorite most powerful

158:21

word. Yes. The addition and subtraction

158:24

it is. The older I get, subtraction is

158:26

way more powerful.

158:27

>> Are you good at saying no?

158:28

>> No. [laughter]

158:31

It can be hard. It depends because

158:33

[clears throat] if the question comes

158:34

from a pure business aspect, my litmus

158:37

test is, do I naturally do this in my

158:38

life? And would I actually enjoy this

158:41

regardless of the check? If either of

158:43

those is a no, it's an easy no. Tougher

158:45

ones are uh friends, family, hey, do you

158:48

want to do this? That get a little bit

158:50

tougher because it's a little bit of a

158:51

mix of personal and professional. But I

158:54

am at a place where I know that I have

158:56

the tools that I will be able to sort

158:59

whatever comes my way. And by relaxing a

159:03

little bit and white knuckling it less

159:05

and not having a specific target that

159:07

I'm throwing darts at, it has actually

159:09

provided more opportunities for me than

159:12

anything else. So

159:16

yeah, I I wish I could give you a

159:19

specific answer, but truly the

159:22

realization that I know I'm prepared for

159:24

whatever comes next is actually what I'm

159:26

the most excited about.

159:27

>> Very cool. I I can sense your excitement

159:30

about the uncertainty about exactly what

159:33

it will be, but the certainty that

159:35

you've got a process that's now well

159:37

worked out within you that just emerges

159:39

and that it's going to happen. You know,

159:41

when I first got out of the military, it

159:42

was almost crisis mode. I was working

159:44

for the strength and conditioning

159:45

company as my initial bridge out and I'd

159:47

been doing so on the weekends

159:48

moonlighting. So, I had from a economic

159:51

off-ramp, I went from making what I was

159:53

making the military to what I was making

159:54

for that company. there was a slight

159:56

increase as opposed to a decrease, which

159:57

is great

159:59

until that ended 16 months later when I

160:02

quit without having uh another job lined

160:04

up whatsoever and then went into the

160:06

garage and started selling things on

160:07

Craigslist, which is a really good way

160:09

to meet really weird people. If you

160:10

haven't tried it, give it a give it a

160:12

go. Um maybe meet them away from your

160:14

house, [laughter] you know, meet them

160:16

down the street somewhere. But it was

160:20

for years, am I going to have enough

160:22

money to pay the bills? Am I going to

160:23

have enough money for the mortgage? What

160:25

am I going to do? What am I going to do

160:27

if somebody doesn't reach out with an

160:29

opportunity? Built a a I would say I

160:32

mean I was going to say a tool a toolkit

160:35

or a skill set, but it's more a

160:36

mentality than anything to realize that

160:38

you can solve what does come out and you

160:40

can kind of build on your you know your

160:42

foundation of the work that you have

160:43

done and that can slowly build out over

160:45

time. It takes time. This is not

160:46

something that happened in a matter of

160:48

one year. This is well over a decade at

160:50

this point. But getting out of that

160:52

survival mode and just having the

160:55

ability to assess opportunities from a

160:59

place of do I even want to do this as

161:01

opposed to a place of I feel like I have

161:03

to.

161:05

Man, you want to talk about a sleep

161:06

score difference. [laughter]

161:08

>> Totally. Oh, can can relate. Can relate.

161:11

Oh, it's it's a world apart.

161:13

>> Yeah.

161:14

>> And you've earned it.

161:15

>> But it takes time. And that's what

161:17

people don't want to see. It's the

161:18

overnight 10ear success, which again,

161:22

I'm sure you could point to somebody who

161:24

has that. Does that scale broadly?

161:27

>> Yeah. And it doesn't last. I I don't

161:29

know anyone that came up quick and it

161:30

just had like a step function where it's

161:32

still going. It's, you know,

161:33

>> or continued on the the vertical

161:34

forever. Yeah. And again, it's an

161:36

outlier. Cool. Totally get it. And two

161:38

thumbs up for that person.

161:40

>> But for everybody who thinks they're

161:41

going to replicate that even by doing

161:44

exactly the same things hasn't been my

161:46

experience. Last question. You talk

161:49

about the price of success.

161:51

>> Mhm.

161:52

>> And just acknowledging it. Wouldn't want

161:55

to scare anyone out of uh going after

161:57

their dreams.

161:58

>> I would. That's what I'm here for. And

162:00

[laughter]

162:01

>> either short-term or long-term dreams

162:02

because I'm like a you know, pick the

162:04

target and go after it. You know, you

162:06

know,

162:07

>> I think fiveyear fiveyear increments are

162:10

really good. That's Anyway, that's just

162:12

my bias. But there is a price.

162:15

>> Yeah. I could list off the number of

162:17

things I missed or didn't do or failed

162:18

or whatever. You certainly talk about

162:21

some of those and and they can go from,

162:23

you know, the many small things that one

162:25

can miss out on that it, you know, in

162:28

total are turn out to be bigger things

162:30

and then they're like key moments that,

162:32

you know, people miss. And maybe let's

162:34

just get your thoughts on gauging the

162:37

price of success. Should people have a

162:39

sense of what their line is uh before

162:42

they you know jump into the you know the

162:45

line of pursuit for their goal or do you

162:47

think it's just something that you know

162:48

you just got to learn by experience?

162:50

>> I think until you learn through at least

162:52

a little bit of experience it's hard to

162:54

gauge where your line is because for a

162:56

while you just don't know what you don't

162:59

know. And maybe we live in a in a world

163:01

where information is more accessible and

163:04

so people can figure it out. Like my

163:06

middle son as an example. It was

163:07

fascinating watching my kids use the

163:10

internet to bridge gaps in knowledge

163:12

going on to you. My middle son

163:13

specifically started two businesses when

163:15

he was in high school. Uh he started a

163:19

window cleaning company called Peeping

163:20

Tom's windows [laughter] which but by

163:23

the way I came up with both of these

163:24

names. That was the only marketing help

163:26

I had. And he had a Christmas light

163:29

company that was called Epstein's Lights

163:30

because they're not going to hang

163:31

themselves. Right. Again I I came up

163:34

with the names. He had to go door to

163:36

door, but everything to include LLC's,

163:40

equipment, it's YouTube. How do you How

163:43

do you start an LLC? How do you get a

163:46

business license? How do you get

163:47

insurance for a window cleaning company?

163:50

So, I think when you and I were growing

163:53

up, you were kind of out there smacking

163:54

your head against the wall a little bit

163:56

unless you could find somebody who was

163:58

exactly in that profession. So, when I

164:00

was in high school wanting to be a team

164:02

guy, I didn't know any team guys. I

164:04

mean, I knew Charlie Sheen, but who

164:07

didn't, right? Documentary movie who

164:08

probably inspired thousands of people to

164:11

join the military and then they get

164:12

there and like, "Oh, this is all made

164:14

up. Damn it." Except for the opening

164:16

scene where he shitfaced, wakes up in

164:18

the ocean. Relatively accurate.

164:19

[laughter] Beyond that though, don't

164:21

take that movie seriously. You're not

164:22

jumping off your jeep over the bridge

164:23

in, you know, Chesapeake to get to work.

164:26

I didn't actually run into a seal to get

164:30

beta from until I was in the military.

164:34

So, I didn't even have access to that.

164:36

There are I mean, I saw this when I was

164:37

an instructor. There are websites that

164:39

list every single day of training with

164:41

relative accuracy to everything you're

164:43

going to do that day, which actually the

164:46

instructors were pissed about. And then

164:48

I realized, oh, that's a good thing.

164:50

That plays to our favor.

164:52

>> You were an instructor.

164:53

>> I was an instructor. you can then remind

164:55

them how much time they have left. You

164:58

can play the time game in reverse with

165:00

them. But again, growing up, I

165:03

I didn't have a real good place to get

165:06

this information where my kids do now.

165:08

So, I think that there's an opportunity

165:10

if you smartly use these tools that you

165:13

can maybe learn a little bit more and at

165:15

least get access to some of the mistakes

165:18

or just the the mistakes that you would

165:20

naturally make because you just didn't

165:21

know. Like you probably could do a

165:22

window cleaning business, but you might

165:23

get in trouble from the city because a

165:25

year into it, you didn't realize you

165:26

needed to have a business license. Like,

165:27

okay, you could skip that because you

165:28

could go to the internet and find out

165:30

what you need and the requirements and

165:32

all that stuff.

165:35

I much like you, I don't ever want to

165:39

tell people that they shouldn't pursue

165:40

their goals, both short-term and long

165:43

term.

165:45

But I am now of the opinion as I get

165:48

older

165:49

that I would rather have people arrive a

165:52

little bit under this massive lifetime

165:55

goal

165:57

and be a really happy, really fulfilled,

166:00

really enriched person than somebody who

166:03

carves out everything from their life,

166:06

life experiences, social experiences,

166:09

family experiences, holidays, and they

166:12

get exactly what it is that they wanted

166:15

and they have nothing. Cuz I think both

166:17

you and I know people who from the e

166:20

outside, oh my god, the money, the fame,

166:24

the fill in the blank, they're not that

166:27

happy, but they have everything that

166:29

they wanted and they have nothing. That

166:32

sounds like hell. I'd rather have people

166:35

fall a little bit short of that and be

166:37

really happy about where they are. But

166:40

it's tough. I mean, how can you be

166:41

prescriptive with that? How do you say

166:43

aim for your goal, Andrew, but just a

166:46

little bit short?

166:47

>> That's a shitty fortune cookie. You

166:49

know,

166:51

>> try hard, but leave some for yourself.

166:54

>> It is a tough one. And um if people at

166:58

sort of top 1% of their careers were

167:00

willing to open the veil on their lives

167:03

and show what, you know, Christmas Day

167:05

looks like for them or what, you know,

167:06

New Year's Day looks like for them or a

167:08

typical, you know, Friday evening looks

167:11

like for them. Yeah,

167:12

>> you know, a lot of people would probably

167:14

rethink their goals.

167:15

>> I think it would shock a lot of people.

167:18

>> And again, I don't consider my the

167:21

people we're talking about, I mean,

167:22

these are publicly facing people. You

167:24

could look at them and think that it's

167:27

perfection. And we have a little bit of

167:29

social circle overlap and I've rubbed

167:31

elbows with a couple of these people and

167:34

kind of leave with the perception of,

167:35

man,

167:37

you have everything, but at what cost? I

167:40

just don't think it's worth it.

167:42

>> Yeah, I don't think it's worth it

167:43

either. And it sort of brings us to

167:45

elements of our prior conversation about

167:47

when things really, you know, drop into

167:49

the trench for certain people who are,

167:50

you know, at least from the outside

167:52

doing incredible in their professions or

167:54

their craft.

167:55

>> I think there is a a place to find

167:57

balance on the whole. Maybe it's like

168:00

first 50 years you just, you know, I'm

168:02

talking to myself, right? You just grind

168:05

it out and then you go, okay, cool. Like

168:06

the, you know, someone said it, I didn't

168:08

say this. this I think it was Naval that

168:09

said this like you you know one of the

168:11

reasons to win the game is so you can

168:12

stop playing the game. So you have to

168:14

sort of define what winning the game is

168:16

and and that's different for different

168:18

things. But that portion of your book

168:20

really got me thinking. You know,

168:21

>> money is an interesting aspect.

168:24

More seems to be the number people are

168:26

after more than a number. And I don't

168:29

know what that looks like because if

168:31

your number is never enough and you're

168:33

constantly seeking and you never get to

168:35

enjoy what you have via an experience as

168:37

opposed to a thing that you're not going

168:39

to get to take with you anyway,

168:41

doesn't more end up netting you less?

168:44

Yeah, Morgan Hel has a he has a couple

168:46

of really good books. Um I actually like

168:49

the second one more. Uh they're both

168:50

excellent, but the second one is called

168:52

The Art of Spending Money, which sounds

168:54

like, you know, here's a rich guy

168:55

telling people how to spend their money.

168:57

Very interesting book. mostly

168:59

psychological about how to really um

169:01

assess what's what things are worth to

169:03

you both in terms of what it takes to

169:04

get the resources and then when to use

169:06

them. And I mean I will say you know all

169:09

the there's a lot of data saying that

169:11

you know you know past it used to be

169:13

like $70,000 a year now I think it's

169:14

scaled up with inflation you know past a

169:16

certain amount of money people aren't

169:18

happier. I disagree I actually think

169:20

that money cannot buy happiness but it

169:22

certainly can buffer certain kinds of

169:25

stress. I agree.

169:26

>> Not all forms, right? I know some very

169:28

wealthy people. They used to fund my lab

169:29

for studies on optic nerve repair who

169:31

had kids with diseases that were

169:33

blinding diseases. I'll tell you, you

169:34

can have a billions of dollars in the

169:36

bank and

169:40

they're putting money to try and heal

169:42

that pain and solve the problem.

169:44

Fortunately for their kid and many

169:46

others, that's the the fortunately part

169:48

is that they're willing to do that.

169:49

>> Yeah.

169:50

>> But money can solve certain problems,

169:52

not others. But it can buffer stress,

169:55

certain forms of stress. And I think

169:57

that's not that's just the honest truth.

170:00

>> Yeah.

170:00

>> It can't buy connection of a real kind.

170:02

And it can undermine

170:04

>> I was going to say at a certain level of

170:05

money, I've seen it undermine the

170:07

connection because the person becomes

170:09

wary of why does this person want to

170:10

have a connection with me in the first

170:12

place? And they're they didn't come that

170:14

way. They got taken advantage of enough

170:16

times that they develop that thought

170:18

process.

170:19

>> You know, it's a whole other

170:20

conversation, but money is a certain

170:21

form of energy. And when people have a

170:23

lot of it, it it tends to attract people

170:25

who want to I don't want to say steal,

170:27

but they they feel like some they're

170:28

entitled to some of that energy. At the

170:31

end of the day, I I think if everyone

170:33

could define what enough for themselves

170:35

is, maybe with that includes a buffer,

170:37

like because they grew up with a lot of

170:38

financial fear or something, they need

170:40

enough plus a little bit more just in

170:42

case kind of thing. I know people like

170:44

that.

170:45

>> Past that, I I don't think there's

170:47

anything more to be gained in terms of

170:48

well-being or life experiences.

170:50

>> I do agree with the stress. I mean if

170:51

you can get to a place where you could

170:53

outsource food or menial tasks that will

170:57

give you more time to do the things that

170:59

you are enriched by yes it 100% can help

171:02

with that but you know the example you

171:04

said you know a billionaire who probably

171:07

feels helpless. What you know like those

171:11

two things shouldn't go together in a

171:13

sentence but that's the reality. No

171:15

amount of money is going to make that

171:16

person not feel helpless especially when

171:17

they're touched by that particular

171:19

situation in their life. may not be the

171:21

end all be all that people think it is.

171:23

>> Well, Andy,

171:25

loved the book. I know I've said that

171:27

many times, so I don't want to diminish

171:29

from that statement by saying it too

171:30

many times, but it's an awesome book.

171:32

Thank you.

171:32

>> Um really has changed my life for the

171:34

better. I've been recommending it like

171:35

crazy. I was in New York last week

171:37

giving a talk to uh this group raising

171:39

money for a different laboratory and um

171:42

they said, you know, what's what's the

171:43

difference between people who are like

171:45

11th to 100th in their profession versus

171:48

the top 10? And I said, "Well, so much

171:50

of it is about how they allocate their

171:51

energy." And I found this tool recently

171:53

in, you know, Andy's book. And, you

171:55

know, I'd been talking about the book

171:57

like crazy because of the practical

171:59

value that it has and also the potency

172:01

of the of the true life examples that

172:04

you give that really extend to

172:06

everybody. I know we talked a lot about

172:07

teams and guys and stuff and everything

172:10

in there really is of benefit. I say

172:12

this with certainty to men, women, boys,

172:15

girls, young and old. So much value

172:17

there. you're you're clearly a get after

172:19

it kind of person. You're also clearly

172:21

very reflective and whatever friction it

172:24

took to write portions or or that book

172:26

and get it out there, I'm just very

172:27

grateful that you did. It's it's a real

172:29

asset and um I'm also very grateful you

172:32

came here today to

172:33

>> to share.

172:34

>> We finally linked up

172:34

>> and we finally linked up. I have to say

172:36

Montana is my favorite state in the

172:39

entire country and maybe my favorite

172:40

place in the entire world. Many years

172:42

ago, I dreamed of living there and I

172:43

love hiking in Glacier. And yes, they do

172:45

have real bears there. Not like in

172:47

Yoseite where they have bears, but not

172:49

the kind of bears that will hunt you.

172:50

So, wear your bearbell. Story for

172:52

another time.

172:53

>> Griff actually got somebody not too long

172:54

ago. Oh, really? Yeah. And Glacier.

172:56

>> Yeah. Wear your bearbell. [laughter]

172:58

Hang your food. Wear your bearbell. But,

173:00

uh, listen, man. You're doing amazing

173:03

work. And we'll put links to all the

173:05

things mentioned. But, thanks so much.

173:07

Let's do it again.

173:08

>> Thank you. I appreciate it. Thank you

173:10

for joining me for today's discussion

173:11

with Andy Stumpf. To find links to his

173:14

book, Drownp Proof, which again I highly

173:16

recommend everybody read or listen to,

173:18

as well as to find links to his work and

173:20

to his podcast, please see the links in

173:22

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Interactive Summary

In this episode, Andrew Huberman interviews former Navy SEAL and high-performance expert Andy Stumpf. The discussion centers on Stumpf's book, 'Drown Proof,' and explores practical tools for navigating life's challenges, such as the 'concern versus influence' exercise. They also delve into the dangers of social media addiction, the importance of disciplined habits, and the physiological and psychological impact of extreme experiences like wing-suit flying. Furthermore, the episode addresses the heavy topic of suicide within the veteran community and the pursuit of meaning and balance in life.

Suggested questions

4 ready-made prompts