oh look at I have this pen and then the

moment that this external thought this

person has more the moment that that

thought enters my happiness is destroyed

the reason that video games no longer

become fun is because we get bored while

playing them we can be very very excited

about the future but the moment that the

thought of climate change the thought of

inflation the thought of a dating crisis

enters our mind we are no longer happy

today I want to teach you how how to be

happy now that may sound insane because

is happiness something that can be

taught because normally when we think

about happiness we think about a

fulfilling life oh yeah the future is

bright but there's climate change

there's war there's inflation we think

oh happiness is finding the person that

you love right oh if I could just get

this person to love me back then I would

be happy but often times those people

succeed in entering a relationship and

it doesn't lead to happiness divorce

rates are 50% people change the

relationship turned out not to be what

you thought it was and then we think

about happiness's goals like I want to

achieve all of these things and if I

achieve all of these things then I will

be happy but y'all know better than I do

all kinds of crap gets in the way so how

on Earth are we supposed to be happy in

today's world well it's actually pretty

simple the problem is that we have

forgotten or lost what it means to

actually be happy we we have lost our

technical understanding of what

happiness is right so if you ask someone

oh what is Happy what is happiness to

you first of all that's that question is

stupid because happiness to you is

irrelevant there is no happiness to you

it's not like we asking the question oh

what is sadness to you what is pain to

you what is feeling anxious to you no

like these are common technical

neuroscientific definitions of the human

state of existence and we have lost our

understanding of first of all what the

definition of happiness is and since we

don't even know what it is we can't

consistently create it but here's the

crazy thing we actually know exactly

what happiness is that's what I'm going

to teach you today and once we

understand what it is we will understand

how to create it I know this is going to

sound nuts but basically irrespective of

the circumstances of your life now if

you're listening to this the first thing

that you're going to say is this is

[ __ ] right like this is insane you

can't just make a video about be H

learning to be happy or how to be happy

and then everyone becomes happy if it

was that so simple someone would have

done it well hear me out and let's pay

attention and then we'll see right cuz I

get that I get how insane it is but just

bear with me so the first thing that we

got to understand is that happiness does

not come from objects right so this is

the biggest mistake we make and it's a

tragedy that this is true by the way so

we go our whole lives thinking that a

particular particular thing will make me

happy right so oh if I have a burger

today I will be happy if I can get this

person to fall in love with me I will be

happy I'm a virgin if I can get laid I

will be happy if I get promoted if I

make more money all of these things will

bring me happiness now why do we believe

this stuff because in our experience duh

duh it's true I wanted a burger I got a

burger and I ate it and now I'm happy Dr

K what the hell are you talking about

this is how it works except it doesn't

work that way I know I know just hear me

out cuz if the burger is where the

happiness is every time you eat a burger

you would be happy right and I was

addicted to video games this is the big

tragedy is that the the happiness is not

in the object if it was I would I

wouldn't be here I would be super happy

being a degenerate gamer playing video

games 24 hours a day seven days a week

that's what I'd be doing all the time

but the whole problem is that chasing

that object doesn't consistently bring

you happiness and you all know this

right because you can have your favorite

show that you want oh I really want to

binge watch a show and then it's just

not enjoyable you really want to play

this video game oh Path of Exile 2 just

came out and everyone's really excited

you load up pathway like or you do

finally get that person to go out with

you on a date you do finally get laid

and it turns out that this is not what

you thought it was so the first thing

that we have to understand is that if

the happiness is in the object every

time we engage with the object we would

get the same level of happiness right

like that's just how it works if the

weight of this pen is in the pen when I

pick up the pen I feel the weight that

doesn't change no matter how many times

I pick it up what my mood is what the

weather is it doesn't matter doesn't

matter the the the the quality is

intrinsic in the object but that's not

how it works for happiness so how does

it work for happiness so once again

we're going to pay attention to our

experiences so there's this saying that

comparison is the thief of joy and I've

been seeing this posted on all of the

Instagrams comparison is the thief of

Joy don't compare don't compare don't

compare so we can learn a lot from this

the problem is that comparison is not

the only thief of Joy right so we can go

through our lives not comparing and

there are all kinds of other things that

can take away our happiness and this is

really important data because if we

understand the mechanism of how

comparison takes away our happiness we

will understand what happiness truly is

so let's say that I get a toy okay I get

some present for Christmas and I'm

really happy happy I'm like [ __ ] yeah I

got this toy and then I I call my friend

and my friend who you know also got

Christmas presents like yeah I got that

same toy and I got this other toy and

now suddenly I was happy right I was

really happy with the the toy and then

this other this bit of information this

bit tiny bit of information from my

friend enters my brain and then suddenly

I was so happy with this oh wow I'm so

happy and then suddenly this happiness

disappears like what the isn't that

weird weird like think about that for a

second right isn't it really strange

that you can be perfectly happy with

something then something happens and the

happiness is robbed oh I got promoted

yeah I'm making $100,000 a year oh your

bonus was you're making 120 suddenly I'm

unhappy so kind of weird right and now

let's look at our other example of

playing a video game or binge watching a

show and not enjoying it what is it that

makes you not enjoy binge watching a

show why do we even long for things like

binge watching shows playing video games

drugs sex even sleep I work with people

who are suicidal and they long for death

what are they longing for with all of

these things they are longing for a

peace of mind right so I want to get

lost in a show I want to be so engaged

with the show that the rest of the world

disappears I want to turn that that TV

on at 6:00 and I want to watch all

through the night fuel myself and then

when Dawn comes I'm going to pass out

it's going to be amazing dude I've done

land parties guys I know we we know what

we're talking about if you're a land

party person you want to obliviate your

mind you want to be lost with drugs you

want to be completely outside of your

own head and that brings us to another

Point as well which is that everyone is

doing mindfulness now but mindfulness is

a scam that's not really what it is the

point of mindfulness is not to fill your

mind with things it is actually the

exact opposite to empty your mind the

actual practice is mindlessness right

that's what we're trying to do we're

trying to empty our mind and when we

enter this empty mind State we end up

being relatively content and happy

people who do mindfulness meditation for

about an 8-week period their quality of

life increases they become objectively

happier so how can we kind of distill

all of these examples to understand what

the nature of happiness is so when I'm

enjoying oh I got a pen for Christmas

yay I'm very happy so at this moment my

mind is focused on this I am absorbed in

this this is why we love drugs so if if

people who you know are dancing while

they're drunk or eating getting the

munchies while they're high what is so

fun about that it's that you are

completely absorbed within the activity

this is also why orgasm is so much fun

because when you are having an orgasm

you are not thinking about anything else

so the nature of happiness is very

simple the nature of Happiness is a

one-pointedness of the mind and anytime

we are absorbed within one activity we

are happy the problem that we fall into

is that we become dependent on external

objects to create this one-pointedness

of the mind for us since I don't know

how to make my mind one-pointed I'm

going to rely on a video game or drugs

or a a TV show and we don't watch boring

shows right we're going to r on this

object to make our mind one-pointed the

problem is that as we rely on this

external object to force one-pointedness

of the mind for us then our mind becomes

weak we are not capable of making our

mind one-pointed now there's a really

really interesting term to describe a

mind that is not one-pointed a mind that

is fractured in a thousand directions

and as a psychiatrist the thing that my

patients consistently hate the most

across every patient that I've worked

with the thing that people dislike the

most is something called boredom when

people hear about our coaching program

their first response is usually why

would I work with another human being

when I can watch YouTube videos all on

my own working with a coach is about

amplifying your time and effort we're

great at wanting things and even making

some progress but we usually struggle

with follow through or have some kind of

setback and that's exactly where working

with a coach can help coaches provide

personalized support to help you set

appropriate goals make progress and even

work through setbacks just let us know

what your goals are what kind of support

you're looking for and we'll match you

with the best coach for your unique

needs check out the link in the

description below to see if coaching is

right for you so what is boredom what

happens inside you when you were bored

your mind is all over the place you want

to do this you want to do this you want

to do this you feel Restless you feel

like fidgeting right there's nothing to

occupy the mind so when we're bored I

don't know if this has ever happened to

you but a couple days ago I was bored so

I loaded up a video game I played it for

5 minutes and I was like ah this is not

fun for me so I closed the video game I

started browsing Reddit for a couple of

minutes then I closed Reddit and I was

like this is not fun for me then I

loaded up a second video game Star

sector and then Path of Exile and I

played that for 5 minutes and I was like

H this is not doing it for me what human

beings hate more than anything else in

this world is boredom happiness and

sadness are not opposites happiness and

boredom are opposites because happiness

is a one-pointed mind and boredom is a

mind that's all over the place

why is it that we watch TV when we eat

something because when we eat something

instead of focusing on this our mind is

running all over the place so instead

what we want is we want an artificial

way to focus our mind so that we're not

bored when we eat and now if we look at

all of the things that destroy our

happiness we will see that there is one

very very very simple pattern I used to

be one-pointed and now an external

thought enters and shatters is why my

one-pointedness I used to be oh look at

I have this pen and then the moment that

this external thought this person has

more the moment that that thought enters

my happiness is destroyed the reason

that video games no longer become fun is

because we get bored while playing them

we can be very very excited about the

future but the moment that the thought

of climate change the thought of

inflation the thought of a dating crisis

enters our mind we are no longer happy

happy and this is the cool thing about a

one-pointed mind all the things that you

think of as making you unhappy will no

longer make you unhappy really good

example is something called work so I've

seen so many posts about people saying

oh is this just life where we're working

from 9 to5 and then we commute and then

that's it I can't I can't do this for 30

years right I can't slog away for 30

years and then on the flip side we have

this thing called The Flow State which

is this mythical creation of this time

when people are like they're working

really hard being really productive and

it feels really good like that sounds

completely op what's the difference

between these two states when you are

grinding 9 to5 and you don't like your

job what is happening in your mind are

you absorbed with your work of course

not your mind is wandering your work is

boring what is boring is a many

fluctuations of the mind all at once

right this is the nature of suffering my

work is so boring so then I have to

distract myself I can tolerate work if I

listen to an Audi book if I listen to a

podcast why do we do that because when I

listen to a podcast it creates

one-pointedness of the mind and makes

the work more tolerable but it's not the

podcast itself it is simply the

one-pointedness of the mind that becomes

tolerable and this is true from a

clinical perspective as well if we look

at any mental illness you can whichever

one you want we're going to go through a

bunch of them what we we will see is

that all of these mental illnesses share

one thing which is many fluctuations of

the mind when someone is depressed

they're thinking oh life is hopeless

there's no point no one likes me I'm

failing I'm terrible I'm a loser so many

thoughts when we look at something like

a panic attack or anxiety that's even

worse oh my God this is going to happen

and this is going to happen and this is

going to happen and then you engage with

those thoughts you feed those thoughts

and you work yourself from anxiety into

a panic attack what is the difference

between anxiety and panic attack the

number of thoughts that you're having

per second we can even look at things

like obsessive compulsive disorder which

is literally the de definition of

obsessive compulsive disorder is to have

intrusive obsessional thoughts that will

never go away the reason that we engage

in compulsions is to shut off our

thoughts literally this is what happens

in OCD people are like unless I flick

the light switch up and down seven times

I will keep having thoughts of everyone

in my life dying in a car accident so in

order to shut off the thoughts they

engage in the behavior this is the

really sad thing if we look at the world

today we all have a very mild form of

OCD we don't really have OCD but the

analogy still holds because what are we

doing I have a negative thought what do

I do I engage in a compulsive Behavior

to make it go away I'm bored what should

I do play a video game makes the thought

of boredom go away I feel terrible about

myself what should I do watch some porn

makes the thought of being feeling

terrible about myself go away so if you

want to create happiness in your life

irrespective of your

circumstances and I know this is what's

really going to rub people the wrong way

because we all think that the

circumstances create happiness but we

know that's not true there are plenty of

billionaires out there who are still

struggling to be happy and I've worked

with homeless people who seem oddly

content you may have met some of these

people in your life where you're like

how is this person so happy despite

having so little or you may look at

another person and say how on Earth is

this person so unhappy when they have so

much so sure there is a correlation

between the amount of security you have

the amount of money you have in your

happiness that correlation absolutely

exists but what we're talking about is a

technical definition of Happiness what

is happiness within you so now the

question becomes how do we create it so

the first thing that we've got to do is

talk about meditation and I know oh

meditation is the answer meditation is

the answer meditation no meditation not

the answer we're going to talk about it

you decide whether meditation is the

answer meditation is not going to make

you happy okay let's understand how

meditation can make you happy if you do

it the right way what does meditation

train us to do meditation trains us to

have a one-pointed mind that's it

observe your breath keep on observing

your breath but I'm bored I don't give a

[ __ ] keep observing your breath keep

observing your breath but I'm bored I'm

not doing anything there's no video

games there's no titties it's just

meditation I'm bored right meditator I'm

titty I don't

know I don't know if that's going to be

Ed I don't know whatever okay so what's

the purpose of meditation so if you want

a one-pointed mind meditation is simply

the easiest way to practice entering a

one a one-pointed state of mind right so

this is why meditation is also an

evidence-based intervention for anxiety

for depression for schizophrenia for OCD

like cool how that works right it

relieves all of these things because it

it counters the basic problem with those

which is too many thoughts thoughts all

over the place really chaotic thoughts

and yall know what this is like you know

what it's like to be have thoughts full

of your head and you don't know what to

do and you're spiraling and all feels

terrible it's so much suffering instead

we want peace we want peace peace of

mind okay so meditation is the first

thing that will train you to do that if

you want to do that the second thing

that we can do and this one is going to

be even a crappier answer than

meditation is learn to tolerate boredom

so this is what I would recommend for

you all you guys if if the weather is

decent you're not going to like get

frostbite or anything so I I think a

grounding practice works really well so

go outside make sure your shoes are off

and hopefully you can step on grass or

dirt or something natural make sure your

head is uncovered and your feet are

touching the ground and spend 30 minutes

with your eyes closed outside focusing

on each foot and then the top of your

head so we're going to do this rotating

meditation I guess of focusing on one

foot focusing on the second foot

focusing on the top of our head so just

rotate your awareness between these

three things take a deep breath in and

feel yourself just pulling in the energy

from the ground in the sky okay the

purpose of this is just to create the

tolerance of boredom so the other thing

that we can do to help us be happy is

just to learn how to tolerate boredom so

I think this grounding practice is

really really good because it gives us

something to occupy the mind but it's

something that on purpose I'm not giving

you something that's going to be very

occupying right I don't want you to be

very occupied I want you to be bored you

can also if you're if you've got balls

of steel or ovaries of Steel you can

also try freeballing travel so this is

something that's really dangerous right

you could try going on a plane or going

on a bus or going on a car and like not

doing anything like don't take anything

to do and just free ball it just like go

for it like raw dog that stuff you know

like it's not just give it a shot you're

like oh my God Dr K that sounds terrible

but well think about it like what are

you really losing I mean you have

thousands and thousands and thousands

and hours of playing video games and

watching shows and stuff like that what

like four hours of not watching

something is going to kill you yeah Dr

Gate's going to kill me oh my God so

learn to tolerate boredom the better you

are at tolerating boredom sitting with

boredom letting those thoughts arise and

letting them pass the more happy you

will become and now we get to the third

and arguably the hardest thing and the

that will actually make everything else

that I said completely false okay so now

I'm going to torpedo my whole argument

so if you really want to be happy if we

look at ourselves when we are in a

moment of Happiness the cause of

disruption is something called a

lingering thought so you're sitting

there maybe you're at Thanksgiving or

Christmas or whatever and you're having

a good meal and then a thought Creeps in

right so we already said that

one-pointedness of the mind is what

creates happiness fair enough but if we

look at when we try to be happy we have

these persistent lingering thoughts that

will enter our mind they come from

somewhere and these lingering thoughts

are really really dangerous because

there are all kinds of desires that we

have that are unfulfilled there are all

kinds of goals that we set for ourselves

there are all kinds of worries that we

have about the future so the last thing

to really consider is that you cannot be

happy it's going to be very hard to be

happy as long as those lingering

thoughts are there now I'm not talking

about depression I'm not talking about

comparison I know it's kind of weird

because like it's hard for me to Define

this but hopefully you know what I'm

talking about there are some thoughts in

your life that keep coming up about

things that you should do that's what a

lingering thought is it's persistent

it's not a random fluctuation it is a

persistent fluctuation and it's not

something that is necessarily like

depressive right it's not a thought that

makes you feel really really terrible or

really really anxious there are thoughts

that connect and come from your heart

and things that you know you should do

things that make you feel sad and

disappointed more disappointed with

yourself than sad right it's like I

should really do this thing and the last

thing that I'll tell y'all is that in

order to make these lingering thoughts

go away you've got two options you can

either become a level 100 Yogi or you

can do the [ __ ] thing and what I want

yall to understand is When we struggle

with these thoughts these lingering

thoughts we struggle with

procrastination I should do this oh like

oh it's so hard that's not what I'm

talking about should shouldn't enter the

equation there's a different way to look

at this which is do you want to have a

peaceful mind if the answer is yes you

will never have it as long as that karma

is incomplete as long as that thought is

lingering it is incomplete you will

never be happy you can level up to 100

level Yogi and then gain complete

Detachment and be perfectly happy you

can do that way that's way harder what's

way easier is actually doing the [ __ ]

thing so when you're quiet when you're

got got some moment of Happ when you're

one-pointed and that thought pops up the

way that you need to approach that task

is do I want peace of mind I know this

is going to sound insane for the rest of

my life if I want peace of mind for the

rest of my life it has to start with

this lingering thought because if you

always wanted to be a painter and you've

wanted this for 15 years and it keeps

coming up keeps coming up this will

haunt you it has haunted you for your

entire life so so then you must do the

thing if you want a mind at peace now

you may say but Dr K does this mean I

should just do whatever you know like

should I just work really hard and

fulfill all my goals no I want y'all to

understand very clearly what I'm saying

what I'm talking about is the state of

happiness and what shatters the state of

Happiness I'm not telling you to fulfill

your goals so that you have a happy life

I've worked with billionaires who have

tried that doesn't work the Fulfillment

of the goal is not what brings you

happiness the Fulfillment of the goal

makes the lingering thought go away and

allows you to be one-pointed for a

moment in

time Focus Dr K focus focus your mind

the one exception could be the insertion

of certain body Images could bring us

happiness I don't know anyway

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