Hey y'all. I saw this video of Kaiat

showcasing his hate wall, which is

literally a wall in his studio where he

posts some of the most vitriolic things

that people say about him. People

telling him to quit, that he's trying

too hard, what he does is cringe,

everything he does is performative.

And this is a little bit weird because

most of us spend a lot of energy trying

to avoid criticism. So today we're going

to talk about the psychology of hate,

how it affects us, and potentially how

to channel it into something good.

>> I want to show you guys the power to

embrace hate. Embracing hate, you guys

find ways to weaponize it.

>> You guys seen this clip?

>> I

used to struggle with

like caring about what people thought.

So,

>> I got a hate wall

of all the hate

>> that I received

to motivate me even more.

>> Embrace my flaws and find ways,

>> you know.

>> Interesting. He talks about embracing

his flaws,

>> make amazing things.

They don't believe until you make it

cool.

>> So, what I really love about this is to

understand what hate is and to

understand how what are the possible

ways that you can deal with hate. Okay?

So, first thing to understand is hate is

when someone it's not anger, right?

Anger is like diffuse. Anger is like I

can be angry at the rain but I don't

hate the rain. If I develop a hatred for

the rain, that requires a

personification of it. Right? The the

the rain is not a force of nature. It is

like a thing that is in my life that is

actively trying to harm me. So the first

thing to understand is like the

difference between anger and hate is

anger is an emotion activated in the

amygdala. Hate is personal. Hate

requires a me and hate requires a you.

Right? this particular person is doing

this particular thing to me.

And when someone sends hate our way,

there are a lot of different ways we can

deal with it. A really common one that I

deal with as a psychiatrist is people

internalize it. You're at school. I

certainly did. You're at school, people

call you a loser, and if people call you

a loser, that means I'm a loser, right?

You get bullied at school. Maybe your

parents are like, "Oh yeah, you're like

not like there's golden boy, golden

child, and black sheep. You're not like

your older brother. You're not like your

older sister. They're so much smarter

than you, so much better than you. It's

terrible." But sometimes parents play

favorites. So the first thing that we

can do is receive the hate. Like like,

"Hey, bring it in. You hate me. Okay,

this becomes my truth." And we're not

stupid for doing this. This is how we've

evolved, right? So human beings have

evolved to be sensitive to the opinions

of others because we're a communal

species and unless you pay attention to

what people think and you can adjust

that in some way you'll get kicked out

of the tribe and you can't survive as a

human on your own. First thing we do is

internalize it. And now someone said but

we can use it as fuel right but that too

hate can be used by us in a couple of

different ways.

So, in sort of this like narcissistic

picture, when someone sends negativity

your way, they become the victim and

they use their victimhood for their

benefit. Oh my god, this person hates

me. Oh, I'm I'm such a victim in this

scenario. They're trying to take me

down. And there's the good side and the

bad side. There's the Jedi and the Sith.

And the Sith hate the Jedi. And that

means like it's like I'm I'm part of the

force of good. Hate becomes a

representation of evil. We're not going

to take what they say seriously, by the

way. Right? If we're being narcissistic

about it, if they're criticizing me,

that means they are bad. They are

expressing words to me in an angry or

hateful way, that means they are wrong.

Second thing we can do is kind of play

victim. Third thing that we can do is

have it galvanize us. Right? These

people, and this is sort of I think what

Kai is sort of alluding to, is that he

embraces the hate, right? He's going to

prove these people wrong. All these

people are sending anger his way, hate

his his way, and he's like, I'mma prove

him wrong, right? I'mma show them. I use

this as motivation. How? Like, think

about it for a second, right? Cuz

sometimes like it causes us to fall

apart and other times like he goes into

that room and he looks at that and think

about what emotions does that evoke.

Does he feel bad about himself? Right?

So, this is what's really important. I

we don't know exactly what's going on

with Kai, but I think it's a it's a good

principle. So, I I want you all to think

about this for a second, right? When I

evoke, not embrace, when I evoke the

feelings of hate, I'm going to make a

wall of all the people that dislike me.

Okay? And when I make that wall, I'm

going to go and I'm going to look at it

every day. And I want you to think, what

does this do to you? Why would you do

this? And this is where we get to that

component of hate is personal. So, they

are persons and I am a person. I am over

here. They're over here. So we can use

that hatred of like, okay, the way that

we respond to it, I'm going to prove

them wrong. This still becomes about my

ego though. I'm going to prove them

wrong, right? Like they are wrong. I am

right. And I'm going to show them that.

And that can be useful, right? It can

galvanize us into action. As someone

said, we're going to repurpose hate as

motivation also based in the ego. But I

think there's one way that is even

better than that, even healthier than

that, and that is to understand what

hate truly is. So, this is what I want

y'all to think about. Kai right now, I

think he's try trying to start a

clothing line. I don't know the details

or whatever, right? And I think he's

taking a step back from streaming. So,

what is it about him that people hate?

Why does this particular thing result in

this response? Right? So, if we really

want to understand hate and if you guys

want to be able to utilize hate, control

hate, even channel it even more because

using your ego, engaging in the ego is a

problem because then it becomes about me

and you. I'm going to prove them wrong.

But then you're opening yourself to up

to a very dangerous game because now

it's me against you and what if it

doesn't go well. Then they win and you

lose, right? And then if you win, they

lose and then you feel really good. But

you're kind of creating this conflict.

So if you guys really want to understand

hate, if you want to master hate, what

we got to do is look at the comments

themselves. I keep seeing comments, Dr.

K, how do I apply this to a situation in

my life? That's literally why we created

a coaching program. Our coaches are

certified on an evidence-based

curriculum designed to help you get

unstuck. This involves analyzing your

patterns, increasing your understanding,

and working with you week to week to

help you develop a plan to create

lasting change. So, if y'all are

interested, check out the link in the

description below. So, this is the first

thing to understand about like hate,

right? So, is it's not always triggered

by everything, even by certain people.

If somebody hates you, there's something

about you that triggers them. And that

is very important information. What

people don't ask is why does this person

hate me? What is it about me that this

person truly hates? And if we look at

the comments, we can get an insight into

that and then we'll understand something

very interesting about hate. So, let's

take a look. Hard to watch. He's trying

too hard. Another quick cash grab. put

some holes in sweaters and stitch some

trash leather together and sell it to a

bunch of kids. Doesn't someone dress him

up? The the stuff that y'all throw on

him, make it make y'all close y'all's

eyes and call it style. What you

yourself is wearing is ugly. You want to

do baggy do early 2000s? This is ugly.

Corny, bro. Ignore the So, here's what I

want y'all to to think about for a

second. Why Why are these people

bothered by this? What difference does

it make to them? He's trying too hard.

What is their criticism? What is the

criticism here? Literally spelled out,

he's trying too hard. Why on earth would

someone trying too hard result in

somebody else hating you? Have you guys

thought about this ever? Right? What do

y'all think? Okay, someone saying

they're jealous. Jealous of what? What

are they jealous of? Fine, it's envy. We

detect that, right? They feel it's

unfair. Threatens their own sense of

self. Very good. Okay. So, this is

beautiful. I love this. You guys are so

good. So, this is the the really

interesting thing that I think people

don't realize about hate. The number one

reason that people will hate you, and I

really believe this, okay, this is not a

hyperbole, is that they see in you a

capability that you are fulfilling that

they are failing to fulfill. Cuz what

they So, let's just think about this for

a second. So Kai is a very successful

streamer. I'm sure he has plenty of

money. And what is he doing? Is he

retiring to a yacht and playing video

games all day and getting high or like

what is he doing? What is he doing? He's

stepping away from his career, entering

an entirely new field that he has no

experience in. I don't know too much

about Kai, so some of these statements

could be wrong. I don't really know. And

he's like, "Hey, I'm gonna try to do

this thing because I'm passionate about

it. I'm stepping outside of my comfort

zone. I'm leaving all of my success

behind. I'm forging into new territory

and I'm going to give something a shot.

And oh my god, do people hate him for

that. And so I once had a patient who

was literally morbidly obese. This is a

medical diagnosis. BMI of like 36 to 38

somewhere is where she started. So this

was back when I was working at Mass

General Hospital in kind of a community

health center. So low socioeconomic

status, poor, lived in Boston. So one of

these like, you know, Irish Catholic

people who had been in Boston for years,

a lot of alcoholism in the family, a lot

of obesity in the family, a lot of abuse

in the family, diagnosis of PTSD comes

to me and I try to help her lose weight

cuz she we're like working on her

confidence. And so then what she starts

to do is like start she goes home and

she says, you know, I'd like to start

eat trying to eat a little bit

healthier. And her parents are like,

that's wonderful. And then she starts to

do it and they hate her for it. I don't

know if you guys have ever seen this,

but like when you make healthy food

choices, have you guys ever noticed that

there are some people in your life that

really try to sabotage you? Like they

really hate you for it. They're like,

"Why are you doing that?" Like, you can

have you can have a sweet. It's okay.

Like, you eat healthy all the time. You

eat so healthy. Eat the brownie. You can

afford to eat the brownie. Like, what

are you worried about? You look great.

Eat the brownie. Why don't you eat the

brownie? I'm okay not eating the

brownie. It's okay. Like, yeah, I know I

eat healthy, but like, I'm okay without

it. Eat the brownie. It like triggers

people so hard. Someone in my life has

recently decided to become vegan for

health reasons. And boy, does it trigger

the f out of the people around, right?

It's almost like they try to sabotage

you. And that's what happened with my

patient. People tried to sabotage her.

It got to the point where when there was

healthy food, she would buy a bag of

literally baby carrots, a 5B bag of baby

carrots or something like that. She came

in one day and she's like, "Look, the

they threw out the baby carrots." And I

was like, "Where did the baby carrots

go?" And they're like, "Oh, they looked

like they were spoiled. They had a weird

smell. Mom threw out the baby carrots."

Why? So, this is the key thing to

understand. If people hate you, there

are a couple of things that you can

You're like, "Oh my god, I used to care

what people think. Now I use it to fuel

me." There's something there's a layer

even beyond that. In my opinion,

understand that they are seeing

something in you that they are reacting

to. They reason they hate you is not

because they think you can fail. They

hate you because they think you can

succeed. They're worried that you're

going to succeed. And it's fine. Like,

they can rationalize out, right? Like,

oh my god, this person is a successful

influencer. They have so much money.

They're so successful. That's why they

have a car and I don't have a car. They

There's something really interesting

because remember, hate is about

identification, personification. It's a

relationship. And this is what they do

is they other influencers, right?

They're like the influencer is not a

person. They have all these advantages

that I would never have. Therefore, I

don't feel like we're comparable. But

the moment that you step outside of your

comfort zone, the moment that you walk

away from your advantages, now suddenly

he's trying too hard. And when we see

somebody else trying too hard, we look

when they see him doing this kind of

stuff, they think about all of the ideas

that they had. All of the ideas

subconsciously that they chose not to

pursue. all of the dreams that they had

that they walked away from because they

said, "I can't do it. It's not going to

work." Or, "What if it fails? What if

people don't like it?" Right? And then

when you do it, it really bothers them.

Hatred and jealousy doesn't apply to

people that you don't identify with. It

applies with the people that you

identify with the most. And even with

influencers, that's the basic problem,

right? Is we're human. So people will

continue to identify with us as they

should because we are human. And when

you start to do something that they know

that they could have done, the reason

people will hate you the most is when

y'all both have a shared potential, but

you live up to it and they do not. This

is very difficult to experience. And

this is where you guys may be on the

hating side, right? What is it like? And

I I see this with people who are

critical of me and I don't know exactly

what's in their head, but sometimes like

I can really feel the identification in

the hate and they're really bothered by

like what I have done because they could

have done it too. They just didn't. And

you may have felt that too. And I want

you guys to think about if you feel this

hate towards someone else, right? Why do

you hate this thing about this person?

And ask yourself, I'm not saying I'm

100% correct here, but ask yourself, is

there an element of this where I am

looking at them and I know if I made

different choices, if I woke up earlier

in the morning, if I did, I know these

are the things that I've always wanted

to do, but I don't do them. And it

shines a light on your weakness. And

that is not something that you can

tolerate. And then what is the ultimate

thing that you can do? You can watch

them get torn down because suddenly if

they got torn down then you are

righteous. You are justified. Oh, thank

God I didn't try cuz that dumbass tried

and he failed. And so it was a smart

move. Thank God I did not try because

the one thing that would be really hard

to live with is to realize that I should

have tried and to make to make me face

that mistake, oh my god, is so hard for

me to manage. So another thing to

understand

people hate you not because of your

capacity to fail but because of your

capacity to succeed. And so people will

say you know if somebody's pissed at me

I must be doing something right. So the

other thing to understand is this is

this is I I try to help people

understand this right? So if you

internalize other people's criticism you

internalize their anger internalize

their hatred the other thing to

understand is the reason they hate you

is because they believe in you. if they

didn't believe in you. No one's hating

on a 90-year-old grandma living in a

nursing home for like trying to make a

gold medal in the Olympics, win a gold

medal, right? No, like no one believes

she's capable of that. So, no one is

going to get jealous of her for that. No

one can be jealous of you. No one can

hate you unless they think something is

possible. And if you guys have been

bullied, you kind of know what I'm

talking about, right? And this is in

every sort of like teenage romcom

with ugly girl with glasses and her hair

done in a bad way. And why do the pretty

girls hate the ugly girl? Why do they

keep her down? Because she's really

beautiful

and they know it and she doesn't. So

they try to push her down, push her

down. At the end of the movie, she has

has her hair done, gets contact lenses,

shows up, right? And then, oh my god,

ugly duckling has transformed. If people

are hating you and you believe you're an

ugly duckling, you're not an ugly

duckling, you're a swan. That's why they

hate you. So, understand that that

hatred is them being afraid of you

living up to your potential. And how

that reflects on them because they see

you, they identify with you, they're

like you and you made it and they

didn't. Oh, really hard to handle if

you're experiencing hate towards other

people. That's the other thing you

should think about as well. why this

person there's one other thing this is a

bit different so as I started

understanding things in this way

teaching things in this way there's

another kind of element to this there's

another kind of motivation that I think

you can get from this hatred so one is

to be galvanized engage in the ego

relationship they want me to fail I'm

going to prove them wrong there's still

an I and there's still a them one of us

is going to win and one of us is going

to lose that is fundamentally an

ego-based relationship ship. I don't

think it's it can really help you

succeed. Don't get me wrong, right? I've

worked with many of people who are

incredibly egodriven and they will rise

to the heights of success, net worths of

like $40 billion, like whatever cuz I

want to be number one. Very good for

motivation. Don't think it's healthy. I

wouldn't advocate for it. But if you

want maximum material success to be

ego-driven is a pretty good way to do

it. I mean, all you have to do is look

around at the world. Look at the people

who are the most successful in the world

and ask yourself, is this person

contented? Is this person peaceful? Are

they egotistical? Are they threatened by

the success of others? How much of their

climb to the top is because they can't

fathom, they can't handle somebody else

climbing to the top because they want to

be number one? They need to be number

one. And will that get you to the top of

the mountain? Sure. Right? I can't make

a strong argument against it, but I

don't think it's the right thing to do.

But if that's what you want, if you want

to be number one, go for it. You know,

sometimes when when clients come to me,

I'll I'll tell them kind of straight up,

look, if your goal is to make a billion

dollars, you should probably go to

somebody else. If your goal is to make

between 10 and hundred million and you

want to be relatively happy, contentful,

and peaceful doing it, then I'm the

right person. Like entrepreneurs that I

work with, so I'll I'll be really

straight with them. It's like, if you

want to be number one, like go to

somebody else. If you want to be happy,

content, and be very successful, then

I'm the person. So this other element

that I want to talk to you all about is

a little bit strange. But when I sort of

got a lot of hate, I started to realize

that this is the mountain that I have to

climb. And sometimes when people send

hate your way, this is sort of like the

spiritual work that you have to do. So

for my patient who is trying to lose

weight, when you're moving in the right

direction,

what's really scary is the world doesn't

show up to make it easy for you. In

fact, the better you do, the greater the

challenges the universe will place in

front of you. It's hard enough to have a

BMI of 38.1

and decide, I want to try to eat

healthy. It's hard enough to try to

conquer your own desires, be raised in a

household where soda is available, three

meals a day, consume three meals a day.

It's hard to be in a household and make

all of these changes on your own. And

when you decide to put your life

together, the universe is like, "Ah, you

know what? We're going to make it

harder. We're going to make your parents

throw out your healthy food." And this

is where a lot of people despair and

understandably so. Like, it's hard

enough to do this and now you're going

to throw this against me. There's

another angle to this that I'm trying to

find the words for, but like this is

your spiritual challenge. This is where

you will truly understand. This is the

universe giving you the opportunity to

really understand how incredibly

powerful you are. That is hard for

regular people to do. This is damn near

impossible. But you are absolutely

capable. And you must be forged in the

fires, right? The heat of the fire is

what determines the purity of the metal.

And so as difficulties arise, as you

start to walk a path that is spiritually

harmonious, as you start to become the

person that you know you were capable of

being truly living up to your potential,

the world will help you in some ways,

but it'll also increase the handicap.

And we understand this in video games,

right? You beat level one that has the

final boss is level 10. You go to the

second zone, final boss is level 20.

Final third zone, final boss is level

30. Last boss in the game is level 60.

As you get better in life, it's kind of

weird. It's hard to describe. You will

notice that there are more and more

roadblocks that get put in front of you

just when things are going right. If

this is happening in your life, do not

despair. Understand that this is the

universe forcing you to become what you

are truly capable of. Right. And this is

what's kind of weird. Once you

understand that, once you understand,

okay, this is the handicap, so be it.

I'm not going to give up. And that's

kind of the the interesting thing.

That's the step you have to take, right?

Like, let the world like, let it come.

Like, come at me, bro. I may fail and

that's okay. But I'm not going to give

up. Things are getting harder and harder

and harder. So be it. Am I going to give

up? No. That's where you become who you

truly are, right? That's how you develop

power and confidence. In Sanskrit, we

call this word shi energy. That's when

you start to channel your most divine

self. When the world is arrayed against

you and all hope is lost, right? That's

when you really rise to the best. So one

time I played as for last story, one

time I played at a charity tournament

for Dota 2 and I suck at Dota and it was

a charity tournament. So, there were a

bunch of retired pros, okay, who were

like playing, not retired, some of them

were like top streamers and things like

that. Some of them were retired pros,

right? And some of the best players in

in their day, they were the best players

in the world. And like it's a charity

tournament. I'm the lowest player there

by several thousand MMR. And I played

the best goddamn Dota of my life.

There's one moment apparently where I

jked a TI winner in the trees and like

chat was going insane, right? But like I

can only play my best. You can't play

your best if you're smurfing. what

you're truly capable of is only revealed

with the depth of hardship that you're

facing. And so if people are hating on

you and you feel like the world is is

moving against you, no my friend. Well,

actually, yes, it is moving against you.

But it doesn't matter because you can

handle it. All you need to do is become

that which you know you are. Deep inside

you, there's a voice that tells you, "Oh

my god, like I can do this. I can do

this. I can do this." Right? I want to.

Actually, it doesn't tell you I can do

it. It tells you this needs to be done.

It's a calling that is deep within you.

So when people come at your way with

hate, realize this is the universe

telling you to level up, telling you to

become what you should, what you are

meant to be. And then remove and when I

when I go through that process and I try

to help people go through that process,

it also removes ego from the equation,

right? It's like they hate us. We don't

need to teach them a lesson. Like why?

That's a gratification of the ego. What

I tell my clients that I work with is

leave them in the dust. Don't Why play

whack-a-ole with haters on the internet?

Just leave them in the dust, right? The

best revenge is living a good life. And

really, that's true. They're going to be

back there raging and hoping your next

endeavor fails while you are doing

something that is wonderful, engaging,

testing yourself, right? And if you guys

have played video games or you've

competed, you know that the most

satisfaction win, most satisfying win,

the most satisfying achievement comes

because of the challenge, in spite of

the challenge. Because the world teaches

us that we are nothing. And when it

tries really hard to teach us that

lesson and when we refuse to learn it,

when we become what we are truly meant

to be, that is what when we know who we

are. So the universe is sending you you

hate signals because it wants you to

grow up.