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Master Self Control & Overcome Procrastination | Dr. Kentaro Fujita

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Master Self Control & Overcome Procrastination | Dr. Kentaro Fujita

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4540 segments

0:00

In my own research, we have shown that

0:03

if we can get people to think about

0:05

their whys, the purposes behind their

0:07

decisions, the broader purposes behind

0:09

their what they're doing, they're much

0:10

more likely to be able to overcome the

0:12

temptation. So, if there's a piece of

0:14

chocolate cake in front of me and I'm

0:15

trying not to eat it, if you said, "Oh,

0:17

I'm I'm not supposed to eat that because

0:19

I'm on a diet." That doesn't have much

0:21

magic to it. But, if instead I'm saying

0:23

things like, "I need to do this for my

0:24

family. I want to look good for my

0:26

children's wedding photos." Or, you

0:27

know, "My children are looking at me. I

0:29

want to be a good example." Or all these

0:30

other kinds of reasons that you might

0:32

these higher order reasons that you

0:34

might have for getting healthier, being

0:36

fitter, or whatever, not eating the

0:37

cake, we show that that increases the

0:40

odds that people will avoid the cake.

0:43

And we think it's cuz it's giving people

0:44

meaning. If these are higher order

0:46

things that I care about, and these are

0:47

what's going to motivate me to hold out.

0:50

Welcome to the Huberman Lab Podcast,

0:52

where we discuss science and

0:54

science-based tools [music] for everyday

0:55

life.

0:59

I'm Andrew Huberman, and I'm a professor

1:01

of neurobiology and ophthalmology at

1:04

Stanford School of Medicine. My guest

1:06

today is Dr. Kentaro Fujita, professor

1:08

of psychology at Ohio State University,

1:11

and an expert in the science of

1:12

self-control and motivation. If you're

1:15

somebody who has ever struggled with

1:16

procrastination, sticking to a goal, or

1:19

coming up with the goals for your life,

1:20

today's episode is for you. We start off

1:23

today's discussion talking about the

1:24

famous two marshmallow experiment, the

1:26

one where they placed kids in a room

1:27

with a marshmallow and told them that if

1:29

they delayed gratification for that

1:31

marshmallow, meaning they didn't eat it,

1:33

they would then get two marshmallows.

1:34

Those experiments received a lot of

1:36

attention in that they were supposed to

1:38

predict whether people would be

1:39

successful later in life. We talk about

1:41

the criticism of those experiments, but

1:43

also how some of those conclusions were

1:45

valid, and more importantly, how people

1:47

of any age, including you, can build

1:49

mental resilience and your ability to

1:52

experience deferred gratification toward

1:54

your goals. We also talk about intrinsic

1:56

versus extrinsic motivation. These are

1:58

topics that are very misunderstood out

2:00

there, but Dr. Fujita clarifies that

2:03

when we receive rewards for something we

2:04

are naturally inclined to do, meaning

2:06

that we love, it does not reduce our

2:08

motivation to do that thing. And this is

2:10

an important point and we go into it in

2:12

terms of the practical steps for

2:14

building and maintaining your progress

2:15

on goals. We also talk about what the

2:17

data say about the specific steps that

2:20

are most effective to both initiate and

2:22

reach short and long-term goals. We also

2:25

talk about how to get out of impulsive

2:27

states and states of procrastination.

2:29

What the data say about how to do that.

2:31

Today's episode is really focused on

2:33

science and more importantly practical

2:35

takeaways, several of which I plan to

2:37

incorporate into my own life. I only

2:39

wish I had this knowledge when I was

2:41

younger, but now thanks to Dr. Fujita

2:43

coming on the podcast, people of all

2:45

ages can make great use of the

2:46

information and data from his studies.

2:49

Before we begin, I'd like to emphasize

2:50

that this podcast is separate from my

2:52

teaching and research roles at Stanford.

2:54

It is, however, part of my desire and

2:55

effort to bring zero cost to consumer

2:57

information about science and

2:59

science-related tools to the general

3:00

public. In keeping with that theme,

3:02

today's episode does include sponsors.

3:05

And now for my discussion with Dr.

3:06

Kentaro Fujita. Dr. Kentaro Fujita,

3:10

welcome. Thank you. Really excited to be

3:12

here today.

3:13

I'm super excited to talk to you. We

3:15

hear so much about motivation,

3:17

discipline, willpower, tenacity, but we

3:20

really haven't had a modern update on

3:22

the psychology of these in a long while.

3:25

Not just on the podcast, but I think

3:27

most people have heard of the so-called

3:29

marshmallow experiment, which hopefully

3:31

you could explain to us. Tell us what it

3:33

revealed, some of the criticisms, maybe

3:35

even some criticisms of the criticism,

3:38

because I think the marshmallow

3:39

experiment, which everyone will learn

3:41

about momentarily if they don't already

3:43

know what that is, sort of stands as

3:44

this,

3:45

you know, symbol of whether willpower is

3:49

somehow innate or whether it's something

3:52

that can really be cultivated. So, if

3:54

you would, uh what is the marshmallow

3:56

experiment?

3:57

>> So, the marshmallow test was actually a

3:59

series of experiments that was conducted

4:01

by Walter Mischel

4:02

uh in the '60s to '70s to '80s at

4:06

Stanford. And what happens in the

4:08

classic paradigm is a child comes in and

4:12

is seated in front of a plate with some

4:13

kind of thing that they really want.

4:16

Generally speaking, it was a single

4:17

marshmallow. And the children were told

4:20

that the experimenter was going to leave

4:22

for a while,

4:24

but if they could avoid eating the one

4:27

or or basically hold out and not eat

4:29

[snorts] the one,

4:31

and it was still there when the

4:32

experimenter came back, they could get

4:34

two marshmallows. So, this is

4:35

essentially [snorts] a self-control

4:36

problem because you have a smaller,

4:38

sooner reward, and you're sort of

4:40

trading that off with a larger, later

4:41

reward. And the key dependent variable

4:43

here was how long the child could wait.

4:46

Now, the dirty little secret about the

4:48

marshmallow experiments is that no child

4:50

waited the full 15 minutes that the

4:51

experimenter was gone,

4:53

but what you could do is you could

4:56

basically, as soon as the door closed,

4:57

you would start the timer, and then the

5:00

the amount and and you were just

5:01

basically looking to see how long the

5:03

children would wait. That was

5:04

interpreted as the child's delay of

5:07

gratification ability or the otherwise

5:09

self-control.

5:11

Now, there were a series of experiments

5:12

that we can talk about. Um they used

5:14

these experiments to learn a lot about

5:16

the different tactics and skill uh

5:18

tricks and tools that kids could learn

5:20

to use to improve their delay of

5:22

gratification, but that's not what

5:23

everybody knows. What everybody knows

5:25

about these experiments is that

5:27

many years later, they analyzed data in

5:30

which they looked at children's delay

5:32

times. So, again, how long did they wait

5:33

before they indulged in the one

5:35

uh one marshmallow,

5:37

and then they they they saw to what

5:39

extent it was correlated with important

5:40

life outcomes like academic achievement,

5:43

career success, income, uh even things

5:46

like incarceration, social

5:48

relationships, and what they found was

5:50

shocking. The longer children could wait

5:53

before eating the single marshmallow,

5:55

the more likely

5:57

uh they were to have to to do well in

5:59

school, more likely make more money,

6:01

have more friends, have better physical

6:03

and mental health, uh and also have

6:05

lower incarceration uh and problematic

6:08

behave social behavior reports.

6:11

Uh and so this got people really excited

6:12

about self-control because it was like

6:14

it it suggested it was a key skill for

6:16

important life outcomes. And this is

6:18

what generated a lot of that excitement.

6:20

Did any of the kids actually get two

6:22

marshmallows as a reward? It depends on

6:24

the data set. So,

6:26

research has now shown that the

6:28

marshmallow test waiting times depend on

6:29

a lot of things. Um so, in the original

6:32

experiments, there were something like

6:33

15 minutes. Others experimenters have

6:35

shortened that time to 10 minutes, and

6:38

that's a little easier for children to

6:39

do. Another really important thing about

6:41

the marshmallow test is that the child

6:43

has to trust the experimenter. If you

6:45

don't trust the experimenter, why should

6:47

you bother waiting, right? It's

6:49

perfectly rational just to go ahead and

6:50

grab the one if you don't trust the

6:52

experimenter's actually going to bring

6:53

you two. Um so, there have been

6:55

experiments in which the experimenter

6:57

looks reliable or unreliable in front of

6:59

the child, so they forget something or

7:01

they remember to do something. And when

7:03

experimenters are unreliable, children

7:06

do not wait. They just go and grab the

7:07

marshmallow. And it's been argued that

7:09

that's actually a sensible rational

7:10

behavior. So, the setup here, it sounds

7:13

really simple, but there's a lot of

7:16

uh art behind this to make this

7:17

experiment work the way that's supposed

7:19

to.

7:20

Is it a leap to assume that the adage

7:23

that children who observe their parents

7:25

doing the thing that the kids are told

7:27

not to do are less likely to follow

7:29

instructions? For instance, if parents

7:31

say, "Listen, no electronic devices

7:32

until after dinner and you've done your

7:34

homework." and then the kids see their

7:35

parent look at their phone, uh

7:38

does that reduce trust in the parents'

7:40

advice?

7:41

I don't know if it reduces the trust in

7:43

the parents' advice, but there is a lot

7:45

of research on what's known as social

7:46

modeling. Uh the most famous experiment

7:49

of this, they brought in a blow-up doll,

7:51

which they it was a clown, uh and it was

7:53

referred to as Bobo.

7:55

Uh and kids either watched the video of

7:57

an adult punching Bobo or being nice to

7:59

Bobo, and then we're allowed [snorts] to

8:01

play with Bobo themselves. And those

8:03

that watched the the adult punch Bobo

8:05

were more likely to punch Bobo

8:06

themselves. So, this suggests that

8:08

children are very observant for own

8:10

behavior. And so, if you are acting in a

8:11

certain way, children are learning that

8:13

that's the appropriate way to learn. So,

8:15

I don't know that it's been done

8:16

specific on self-control. It may have.

8:18

Um but certainly in many, many other

8:20

behaviors, children are remarkably

8:22

observant of what adults do.

8:24

I won't hold you responsible for

8:25

defending or holding up the marshmallow

8:28

experiments, but they've received a lot

8:30

of criticism over the years. As have

8:32

many paradigm-shifting

8:35

areas of psychology, right? I I mean, I

8:37

or or neuroscience. You know, I think

8:39

it's uh important for everyone to know

8:41

that the moment that there's sort of a a

8:43

theory put forth, like growth mindset or

8:45

for the developmental neurobiologist,

8:47

the idea that all neurons in the cortex

8:50

migrate radially, like

8:52

two, five years later,

8:54

someone's going to find an exception to

8:55

that, and then the whole thing seems to

8:57

crumble, but then it sort of comes back

8:58

where the answer is both.

9:00

In terms of the the marshmallow

9:02

experiment, I've heard a lot of

9:03

criticism. It wasn't as predictive as we

9:05

thought. Maybe the experimenters were um

9:08

sort of bi- biasing the data collection.

9:11

What are the valid criticisms in your

9:13

view? And what are the criticisms of the

9:15

criticisms in your view?

9:17

So, as I mentioned, the marshmallow

9:19

experiments or marshmallow tests, they

9:21

have to be set up right. And like a lot

9:24

of other psychology experiments, I think

9:26

the psychologists

9:27

kind of intuitively understood what it

9:29

took to get it right, but we're not very

9:31

good at articulating those for others to

9:33

follow in kind of a recipe book. The

9:36

most famous criticism or the one that

9:37

got the most press recently is that

9:40

there was a very large data set of

9:41

children outcomes in which they

9:43

completed the marshmallow test at 4

9:45

years old

9:46

and then a bunch of different life

9:48

outcomes at adolescence. And so they

9:50

basically wanted to see whether they

9:52

could replicate the marshmallow test.

9:54

And they In principle, they should have.

9:56

And they did and they did not. So, if

9:58

you looked at the simple correlation

10:00

between did delay time predict outcomes

10:03

like academic achievement and

10:05

problematic behavior, the answer was

10:07

yes. It seemed to replicate.

10:10

But then the the the researchers

10:13

controlled for things like social

10:15

economic status, which is one of the

10:16

criticisms of the original Stanford

10:18

studies because Stanford children, or at

10:21

least the children that were going to

10:22

the Stanford University daycare where

10:24

these experiments were being conducted,

10:26

were not your average American family.

10:29

Mostly well-to-do. And this matters. And

10:32

so when the researchers they had like 30

10:34

or 40 other covariables that they were

10:36

controlling for. When they controlled

10:37

for all these other variables,

10:39

children's delay of gratification was no

10:41

longer predicting these outcomes that

10:42

was supposed to. And so this paper got a

10:44

lot of attention

10:46

for basically saying, "Look, there's

10:47

this The marshmallow tests are bunk."

10:50

Now, this has been controversial because

10:52

the question is was that statistical

10:54

adjustment appropriate and are we

10:56

interpreting that statistical adjustment

10:58

correctly? Um there have been other

11:00

experimenters other researchers who have

11:03

come along. One of them is named Yuuko

11:04

Muna- Kata and her team. They took the

11:06

same data set and they reanalyzed it

11:09

with a different set of assumptions, a

11:10

lot more conservative. So, rather than

11:12

30 throwing in 30 covariates, they put

11:14

in theory-driven covariates, ones that

11:17

made sense from what we know already

11:18

about research as opposed to like

11:20

throwing in the kitchen sink.

11:22

Um and when they did that, they still

11:23

found that delay of gratification

11:25

predicted reports of problematic

11:27

behavior, which suggests a very clean

11:29

replication of the original marshmallow

11:31

test. So,

11:33

you know, some people have suggested

11:34

that that that failure to replicate the

11:37

original marshmallow test, it got a lot

11:39

of attention, but it may not have been

11:42

the final answer because these

11:43

experimenters, again, came along, looked

11:45

exactly the same data set, and came to

11:47

the opposite conclusion. So, there's

11:49

still a bit of a debate out there, but I

11:51

think the main point to take away here,

11:52

again, is that the way that you set up

11:55

the marshmallow test is really

11:56

important. You have to have trust, you

11:58

know, and the argument about social

12:00

economic status is that kids who grow up

12:03

in high SES environments, they're very

12:05

stable, they're very predictable. So,

12:07

when you wait, you are more likely to

12:09

get the larger later reward. But, if you

12:11

come from a lower SES family, where

12:14

rewards come and go, and people and, you

12:17

know, just because you save now doesn't

12:19

mean it's going to pay off later,

12:21

they're not going to wait, and so it's

12:22

not as indi- indicative for them. So,

12:25

all of these things have to be carefully

12:27

controlled for, and they were part of

12:28

the original experiments. Again, not

12:31

really well articulated. To the extent

12:34

that you can create a situation where

12:35

people do trust that they will get the

12:37

larger later reward,

12:39

there does seem to be some predictive

12:40

ability of this test. Now, let me just

12:42

say as a self-control researcher my-

12:44

myself, I think people are missing the

12:46

boat. What is most interesting about the

12:48

marshmallow test is not whether or not

12:50

they can predict outcomes later. And

12:52

that that's very nice

12:54

to convince people that self-control is

12:56

important. If I'm applying for federal

12:58

grant money, for example, that's

12:59

probably the first sentence that I

13:01

write, that, you know, that's that

13:02

self-control predicts life life

13:04

outcomes. There've been many, many other

13:06

ways of testing this hypothesis, so I

13:08

don't think we need to rely on the

13:09

marshmallow test to make that point

13:10

anymore.

13:11

The most important thing about the

13:13

marshmallow test that gets completely

13:14

overlooked, refer- goes back to

13:16

something you said earlier, Andrew. Is

13:18

it an innate talent, or is it something

13:20

that we learn?

13:21

The most important experiments, Walter

13:23

Mischel and his team were teaching

13:25

children the strategies of self-control.

13:28

And when children learn them, their

13:30

delay ability got better. That is a

13:32

really, really important lesson because

13:34

it suggests that self-control isn't

13:36

something innate. Instead, it's

13:38

something that we learn over time. Let

13:40

me just give you an example. So, one of

13:42

the things that he taught children was

13:43

is it better to stare at the one

13:45

marshmallow or close your eyes? Cover it

13:47

up or close your eyes? Three-year-old

13:49

children believe that it's better to

13:50

stare at it cuz they think that's how

13:52

I'm going to motivate myself. Like if I

13:53

can see what I want, I'm going to be

13:55

able to wait. Right? I can see the one,

13:57

I can imagine the second, I can wait

13:59

longer.

14:00

Five-year-olds learn that that's not

14:02

going to work and they learn to cover it

14:04

up or close their eyes.

14:05

Interestingly,

14:07

this basically you can create a written

14:09

test where you can ask or a verbal test

14:11

where you can ask children what do you

14:12

think you should do in order to to wait

14:14

longer,

14:15

and research shows that children who

14:18

Well, let me let me let me be more

14:19

careful. Research shows that there are

14:21

age-related differences. So, at 3 year

14:22

old they don't know anything, but at 5

14:24

year old they've learned. And then later

14:26

on at 13 years old, those children who

14:29

correctly understand the quote-unquote

14:30

rules of self-control have less

14:32

problematic behavior. So, Walter Mischel

14:35

and his team went to a summer camp for

14:37

children with behavioral problems, and

14:39

those that understood the rules that the

14:42

the tricks that work and the tricks that

14:43

don't work were less likely to have

14:45

behavioral problems uh at that camp than

14:48

those who did not. So,

14:49

knowledge matters. Self-control can be

14:52

learned. It can be taught. You can learn

14:54

by trial and error. And I think that's

14:56

really important because it suggests

14:57

that rather than being something that

14:59

we're born with,

15:00

we can get better. We can grow. We can

15:03

we can improve over time. And I think

15:05

this is a really important lesson that

15:06

often gets overlooked with these

15:07

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I'm smiling as you describe the

17:36

strategies these children take because

17:38

I've seen some of the videos and we'll

17:39

provide a link to those in the show note

17:41

captions. They're adorable and in many

17:43

ways they reflect the behavior of adults

17:45

but in a much purer form. Uh I recall

17:48

one where I think it was a young boy

17:50

where he's like leaning into the

17:51

marshmallow and he's and he's kind of

17:53

doing like a yum yum yum yum yum like a

17:54

like acting as if it but he's not

17:56

letting himself do it and then he looks

17:57

away and it seems to be that he's aware

17:59

he wants to move. He's letting himself

18:02

move but then he's pulling back. And as

18:03

somebody who's uh currently training a

18:05

puppy, I can tell you that the weight

18:07

with placing food or a treat in front of

18:09

the puppy and getting that what

18:10

neuroscientists call top-down

18:11

inhibition, the the suppression of

18:13

impulse, um getting that trained up is

18:16

so interesting because talking about a

18:18

dog now but um my new

18:21

uh you know bulldog mastiff puppy, he

18:24

will intentionally look away from the

18:26

food as a way to he's so tempted to eat

18:28

it. So, I'll say look at me, that

18:30

actually makes it easier for him. So, it

18:31

makes it seem like he's more disciplined

18:32

but I think all mammals, probably all

18:35

creatures that

18:37

have this top-down inhibition come up

18:39

with these strategies and I have to

18:40

assume that they're pretty unique not

18:42

just by age but to the individual.

18:43

Agreed. And I remember one kid spinning

18:45

around in his chair.

18:46

>> Agreed. And it does seem to be that the

18:49

impulse to do something is obviously

18:51

involves movement. And it seems and I'm

18:53

curious if there's any research looking

18:55

at if people have an opportunity to

18:57

actually move their body as opposed to

18:58

sit rigidly and prevent movement whether

19:01

or not they're more effective in

19:02

suppressing impulsive behavior. I mean,

19:05

in cultures um many cultures you have

19:07

things like worry beads to to sort of

19:09

dispel anxiety. Some people when they

19:10

get stressed will go for a walk or a run

19:12

and it does seem to work. It's almost

19:14

like that there's a revving of the of

19:17

the engine that drives movement. We

19:19

could talk neural circuits but it

19:20

doesn't really matter what those are.

19:22

And when we're trying to suppress any

19:24

kind of behavior, being able to channel

19:26

that movement elsewhere seems useful. Or

19:28

what as I was taught as a camp counselor

19:30

for young kids, be a channel not a dam

19:32

because trying to get a bunch of young

19:33

young kids to sit still is pretty tough.

19:37

What you're saying is really

19:37

interesting. So let me copy out

19:39

everything I'm about to say with by

19:41

saying this is all speculation. I

19:43

personally don't know of research

19:44

studies that look specifically at

19:46

movement but everything that you're

19:47

saying makes total sense to me because

19:49

the root the Latin root for the word

19:52

motivation is to move. Right? So the I

19:55

motivation is supposed to be the energy

19:57

force behind all of our movements. It

19:59

impels action. So to me it makes sense

20:01

that if I'm trying to motivate a

20:03

particular behavior,

20:05

being able to to act would be

20:09

I mean it is a actually channeling my

20:10

energy towards doing something. I mean

20:12

there are experiments that I can tell

20:14

you a little bit about Andrew where, you

20:15

know, to try to train self-control, they

20:18

will have people um

20:20

uh quote unquote approach or avoid an

20:22

object with a joystick. Right? So if you

20:24

see something that you're supposed to

20:25

avoid, you pull the joystick back so you

20:28

creating psychological distance from the

20:30

temptation versus on the things that

20:32

you're supposed to approach like the

20:33

broccoli you're supposed to eat, you're

20:34

supposed to move the joystick forward.

20:36

And there's some research suggests that

20:37

this kind of automatic, you're not

20:39

actually moving but you know, you're

20:41

taking action that's often associated

20:43

with movement, that that can actually

20:45

help improve people's self-control over

20:47

time, help develop evaluations such that

20:50

okay, the for dieters for example, the

20:52

chocolate cake is bad but the broccoli

20:55

is good. Having these movements towards

20:57

the good stuff and away from the bad

20:59

stuff um

21:00

does seem to improve self-control

21:03

afterwards.

21:04

Again, the question is I I um

21:07

you know, it's not quite what you're

21:08

talking about in terms of actual

21:09

movement. Um I think there's also some

21:11

research. Again, this is I'm not I'm not

21:13

exactly sure, but there's some research

21:14

suggest that like if you fidget, you you

21:17

might learn better um than when you

21:19

don't fidget. There's also some research

21:21

where if you are taking notes with pen

21:23

and paper as opposed to a computer, you

21:25

can learn better. And again, I'm not

21:27

saying these be just because I think

21:28

they're so important, but rather I just

21:29

think they're nice illustrations of

21:30

exactly what you're suggesting, which is

21:31

there's something some really

21:32

interesting connection between

21:35

movement and motivation, which I think

21:38

I I mean, I think that's a truism, but I

21:40

think these are really interesting

21:41

examples of that.

21:42

One thing I've been just grappling with

21:45

for a number of years now is this

21:47

concept that

21:49

doing hard things makes it easier to do

21:52

other hard things. And on the one hand,

21:54

that seems obvious, right? Um because

21:57

it's a process. The learning to

21:59

recognize that the what I call limbic

22:01

friction, that's obviously not a real

22:03

scientific term, but that, you know,

22:04

limbic system or more autonomically

22:06

activated, we feel like, "Ah, we don't

22:08

want to do it." Or we

22:10

we or we're afraid to do something and

22:11

and we have to push ourselves to do it.

22:13

That's a process that translates across

22:15

things. Um sure, I I fully accept that,

22:18

but

22:19

as much as I believe that getting up in

22:20

the morning, getting outside, getting

22:22

sunlight, maybe taking a cold shower,

22:23

getting a workout in

22:25

can

22:26

deliver people to a state of mind where

22:28

they say, "Hey, you know what? By 8:00

22:30

a.m., I did a lot of hard things.

22:32

Anything else that I confront during the

22:34

day is going to be much easier." While I

22:36

acknowledge that can be true, I also

22:38

acknowledge from my own experience that

22:41

doing a bunch of hard things seems to

22:43

exhaust some sort of mental and or

22:45

physical resource that actually makes it

22:47

harder to both avoid certain things and

22:51

to push through hard things later. And

22:53

so, obviously, this depends on how hard

22:56

you exercise, are you eating enough, are

22:57

you sleeping enough, but assuming all

22:59

things being equal, I'm just curious, is

23:01

there a self-control resource center?

23:05

It could be distributed across neural

23:07

circuits, it could be psychological,

23:08

too, of course, but does something like

23:11

that exist and is there any evidence for

23:13

that in your work or the work of others?

23:15

There's two thoughts that immediately

23:17

come to mind with what you just said.

23:19

The idea that, you know, you can learn

23:21

by doing hard lots of hard things, you

23:23

learn that you can do hard things and do

23:25

other hard things.

23:26

I mean, I think that's really

23:27

interesting from a motivation

23:28

perspective cuz

23:30

you could argue that, you know, what's

23:32

going on here is that there's some kind

23:34

of self-efficacy component that when

23:35

I've done hard things, my my self-esteem

23:38

goes up and my estimation and confidence

23:40

to be able to do harder things

23:41

increases. And so, and we do know that

23:43

as self-efficacy goes up, your your your

23:47

ability to do things, your motivation

23:49

goes up and your ability to perform also

23:50

goes up. So, we definitely know that

23:52

self-efficacy is a really important

23:53

thing.

23:54

The other thing that you mentioned is

23:55

the possibility of exhaustion. And I

23:57

find this really interesting because

23:59

it's a highly controversial topic in

24:01

social psychology.

24:02

>> [snorts]

24:03

>> There was a big

24:05

um boom of experiments um in the 2000s

24:09

uh that suggested just what you're

24:11

saying, that self-control is kind of

24:12

like a muscle. And if I use it for one

24:14

type of task, I exhaust it for all

24:16

others. I have to wait in order for it

24:18

to recharge before I can use it again,

24:20

much like any other muscle.

24:22

Also, like any other muscle, if I keep

24:24

using it over time, it should get

24:27

stronger. And there were some evidence

24:29

for both of those.

24:30

Unfortunately, those experiments have um

24:33

much like the Walter Mischel study, have

24:35

come under come under attack for whether

24:36

or not they can replicate. And the

24:38

conclusions are a bit mixed. There's

24:40

some analyses, they're called multi-lab

24:42

experiments where a whole bunch of labs

24:44

get together and they try to see if they

24:45

can replicate something. And that way

24:47

you get rid of experimenter bias.

24:49

There's some multi-lab replications that

24:50

have tried to replicate this effect. So,

24:53

what you do in the lab is you do one

24:54

hard task that would requires

24:55

self-control, and then you do a second

24:57

one, and the prediction would be if

24:59

you've done a hard thing first, then you

25:01

should be worse at the second one.

25:03

So, one multi-lab experiment did not

25:05

show that it was that it worked, and

25:07

another one showed it did.

25:09

The one that showed it didn't work was

25:11

led by people who conducted this

25:13

research in the first place, so it was

25:14

seen as very damning. Like, if they

25:16

can't get this experiment to work, then

25:17

it doesn't exist. And so, I think the

25:19

consensus in the field is that it

25:22

doesn't actually happen, or at least we

25:24

can't get it to work in lab. Could you

25:26

just for clarity's sake, when you say it

25:28

doesn't happen, what specifically are

25:30

you referring to? Let's say we have you

25:34

do a task where you have to write

25:36

something down with your left hand.

25:38

Okay, so this requires a lot of effort,

25:39

requires a lot of self-control to

25:41

Left-handers out there are like,

25:42

>> That's right. No, no, no, no, no, no,

25:43

no, opposite hand. Yeah, yeah, yeah, no,

25:44

I'm just teasing. I'm just teasing.

25:46

Then then we ask you to

25:48

you know, do some other really difficult

25:50

task, like some task that requires

25:52

inhibition. So, the one example is the

25:54

Stroop task, right? So, you see words in

25:56

different color fonts, you're supposed

25:58

to identify the font color, but if you

26:01

see the word blue in red ink,

26:05

although the right response is that it's

26:06

red, because it's written in red ink,

26:08

you automatically read the word blue, so

26:10

you want to say blue.

26:12

This requires inhibition, requires you

26:14

to stop your behavior, and research

26:16

suggests that if you did the

26:17

non-dominant handwriting first, and then

26:19

you did the Stroop task, that

26:21

>> [snorts]

26:22

>> your Stroop task should become worse. In

26:23

other words, you should have a harder

26:24

time stopping yourself from just reading

26:26

the word.

26:27

Again, so if you've done the left-handed

26:29

writing, then you make more mistakes,

26:31

and you are slower in your responses at

26:33

the Stroop task. That's what's known as

26:35

the depletion effect, right? Cuz I got

26:37

tired, and so therefore my self-control

26:39

is worse until it recharges.

26:41

So, one of these multi-lab experiments,

26:43

they tried something like this using

26:45

different tasks, but you have given you

26:47

a sort of an example of what kinds of

26:48

experiments they run, and they could not

26:50

replicate the depletion effect. Another

26:53

multi-lab experiment though, smaller in

26:55

scale and not by the original authors,

26:57

they were able to get the depletion

26:58

effect. So, there's a little bit of just

27:00

mixed evidence and it's not clear

27:02

whether depletion really is a thing.

27:04

Now, let me say as a researcher myself,

27:07

I'm in this really uncomfortable

27:08

position where I actually think

27:10

depletion is a real phenomenon cuz I

27:12

experience it all the time in my own

27:14

life.

27:15

Yet, I think the way that we have

27:17

studied it in the lab hasn't been very

27:18

good because much like the Walter

27:20

Mischel studies, I don't think the

27:21

original authors were very good at

27:23

trying to explain what exactly you need.

27:26

What are the implicit decisions that

27:28

they're making to set up this experiment

27:30

that makes it work.

27:31

There have been some accusations of like

27:33

cheating and monkeying with the data. I

27:35

I I don't know about that, but my own

27:37

take on this is I think depletion is

27:39

real. I just don't think we figured out

27:40

how to bottle it up in the lab.

27:42

We do know that people believe that

27:45

self-control is depletable or at least

27:47

willpower is depletable and the more you

27:49

believe it, the more you show these

27:50

patterns. So, there's amazing work by

27:52

Veronica Job. She has this little

27:53

questionnaire that she asks, you know,

27:56

if you engage in a strenuous task, do

27:58

you feel recharged or do you feel more

28:00

tired?

28:01

And those people who say they feel

28:02

recharged,

28:05

act recharged after doing a really hard

28:07

task. So, it's hard people doing hard

28:08

things.

28:09

But, for people who say that no, you

28:11

know, I think it's exhausting,

28:13

then when they're asked to do the

28:15

experiment, they actually show the

28:16

depletion effect. So, there's some

28:18

evidence that people's lay beliefs about

28:20

willpower might really play a key role

28:23

in whether doing hard things makes you

28:25

tired or whether doing hard things

28:26

recharges you. Well, I'm going to stamp

28:29

the belief into my mind that doing hard

28:31

things makes other hard things easier

28:34

because I do believe in the belief

28:35

effects

28:36

that you describe and that my colleague

28:38

Ali Crum at Stanford has described for a

28:40

number of different categories of of

28:42

thinking and behavior. I also happen to

28:44

like exercise and I happen to like the

28:47

sorts of things that are supposedly

28:49

building up willpower. So, I'm going to

28:50

tell myself this, but your point is is

28:53

taken, which is that

28:55

our narratives about willpower matter a

28:57

lot for whether doing hard things makes

29:01

subsequent hard things harder or easier.

29:03

I'm curious about the specificity of

29:05

these kinds of effects.

29:07

For instance, if people

29:10

do any number of hard things, uh

29:13

but they're told to pay attention to

29:14

their internal process. Like, um can

29:17

they feel their stress go up and then go

29:18

down? Um maybe they learn to do some

29:21

long exhale breathing to lower their

29:22

autonomic tone, which we know, you know,

29:25

slows heart rate, etc. Can people learn

29:27

a process that then they can apply

29:29

across different scenarios? Because I

29:32

think one of the fascinating things to

29:34

me about

29:35

school,

29:37

about exams, about sports, or at the

29:40

extreme about, you know, screening for

29:42

special operations. You know, we've had

29:44

many people from the SEAL Team

29:45

communities and other special operation

29:47

communities on this podcast is this

29:49

notion that maybe it doesn't matter so

29:51

much whether it's cold water or it's

29:53

exercise or it's um

29:56

matrix math. It The point is that you

29:58

have to get into that place of friction

30:00

and then recognize something about where

30:02

and how your mind and body go and start

30:05

to work with that. And I think that cuz

30:07

that's getting to a deeper layer of

30:08

willpower and tenacity that

30:11

you know, no one thing um can can really

30:15

we can say is like the best tool. Like,

30:17

for instance, you're a you're a

30:19

well-trained musician. Um having been a

30:22

failed musician, I suppose I'm still a

30:24

failed musician. I too am a failed

30:25

musician.

30:25

>> you that not hearing the um

30:28

the the notes come out of the instrument

30:30

that one would want to hear and that

30:32

that you're told should come out of the

30:34

instrument is incredibly frustrating.

30:37

I think it's every bit, if not more

30:38

frustrating, than the inability to,

30:41

uh you know, do something physical. So,

30:43

it's not really about what we're doing,

30:44

is it? It's really about being able to

30:46

tolerate that friction, that

30:48

frustration. Can people learn to

30:50

recognize that state and push through

30:52

that state and therefore translate it

30:54

across everything from sport to

30:56

instruments to school to parenting to

30:58

whatever.

30:59

I think what you're saying is really

31:00

interesting and I have a whole bunch of

31:01

thoughts which I'm going to try to

31:03

get out in a systematic and organized

31:05

way. So, first, again, I'm not an expert

31:08

in this area, but we do know that people

31:10

have differential distress tolerance,

31:12

how much

31:14

unpleasantness they're willing to put

31:15

themselves through and there are

31:16

individual differences.

31:19

As far as I know, it there there

31:22

it probably can be trained

31:24

and usually through exposure, but again,

31:25

I'm not an expert in this area.

31:28

What I can speak to with respect

31:29

specifically to willpower is that

31:32

willpower training paradigms have shown

31:34

to shown very limited success. So, for

31:37

example, if again, imagine you're doing

31:39

the Stroop task and you're doing

31:40

hundreds and hundreds and hundreds, if

31:41

not thousands of these trials. Another

31:43

training exercise is you literally go

31:45

home and you practice doing everything

31:47

with your non-dominant hand as opposed

31:48

to using your dominant hand. So, these

31:50

willpower exercises, you do them for a

31:52

week and you come back.

31:53

Some experiments have suggested that

31:55

they do in fact improve self-control,

31:57

others say that they don't and on

31:59

average reviews of this literature have

32:01

suggested that the effect is much

32:03

smaller than you might hope despite all

32:05

the work that you put in and it's very

32:06

variable. So, some people will see some

32:09

gains, but they'll be small and but many

32:11

people will see no gains. That's about

32:13

willpower specifically and this is at

32:15

the point where I have to get a little

32:16

bit more detailed.

32:17

I think there's a difference between

32:19

willpower and self-control.

32:22

So, willpower is one of the ways that we

32:25

improve and enhance our self-control

32:27

abilities, but it's not the only one.

32:31

And so, the other ones, I've already

32:33

described some of them to you that

32:34

Walter Mischel discovered with the delay

32:36

of gratification paradigm. So, he wasn't

32:38

studying willpower. He wasn't seeing He

32:40

wasn't testing whether children could

32:42

just gut it out and use their own brains

32:44

to inhibit their behavior. Instead, he

32:47

was looking at things like covering your

32:48

eyes or covering you the bowl or turning

32:50

your head or imagining the marshmallows

32:52

to be puffy white clouds or imagining

32:55

that there's a picture frame around it.

32:56

So, it's not real. It's just It's just

32:58

the picture. Um all of these different

33:00

behavioral and psychological strategies

33:03

that children were using

33:05

These enhance self-control without

33:08

leveraging willpower.

33:11

At this point, you could ask what is

33:12

willpower?

33:13

And there it's not actually clear in

33:15

psychology what that actually means, but

33:16

most people understand willpower to be

33:18

the effortful inhibition or suppression

33:22

of impulsive tendencies. So, there's a

33:25

yummy piece of cake in front of me and

33:27

I'm really tempted to eat it.

33:29

Willpower or

33:30

inhibition is the active fighting of

33:33

that temptation. Telling myself, "Don't

33:34

think about it. Don't give in. Don't do

33:36

something that." I think this is sort of

33:38

the paradigmatic sort of version of of

33:41

of self-control in which you use your

33:43

mental muscles to push down those ideas.

33:46

Those trainings are the ones I was

33:48

telling are not very effective.

33:50

But, training some of the other

33:52

strategies that we might have like

33:55

closing your eyes or imagining a

33:57

cockroach crawl across the cake or

33:59

asking yourself,

34:01

you know, what your children would say

34:02

if they saw you eating the chocolate

34:04

cake after saying that you wouldn't.

34:06

All [snorts] these other strategies,

34:07

behavioral and psychological strategies

34:09

or tools, as we might refer to them,

34:11

those can be taught and those can in

34:13

fact improve your self-control. So,

34:16

whether or not self-control is something

34:18

that you can learn to get better at, I

34:21

think the answer there is yes.

34:23

Whether willpower is something that you

34:24

can get better at, there I am not so

34:27

sure.

34:28

I have this kind of running theory in my

34:31

mind, which is anchored in neuroscience.

34:33

We know that areas of the brain

34:36

are involved in kind of more

34:37

sophisticated

34:38

processes where we can imagine ourselves

34:40

now, think about our past, think about

34:42

our goals in the future. Kind of a

34:43

high-level strategy formation definitely

34:46

involves the forebrain, but it's a

34:47

distributed phenomenon. I think everyone

34:49

agrees on that. And then we have brain

34:51

areas that we know from stimulation

34:53

during neurosurgery, brain lesions, etc.

34:56

that they're kind of like switches. It's

34:58

like they make you want to eat. They

35:00

make you want to mate. They make you

35:03

want to vomit. They make any number of

35:04

things. These are hypothalamic, these

35:06

are deep limbic and hypothalamic

35:08

circuitry.

35:09

And

35:09

I have this kind of what very crude idea

35:12

that

35:13

when it comes to suppression of behavior

35:16

or it comes to aspirational

35:18

behaviors like motivating to do

35:20

something hard over time that

35:23

when we find ourselves at a friction

35:24

point, like we don't want to do

35:25

something we should or we're having a

35:27

hard time resisting something that we

35:29

shouldn't that we have to go a layer

35:31

deeper into the limbic system and

35:33

hypothalamus. Like we just have to come

35:35

up with contingencies that are much

35:37

grosser than the than the like like like

35:39

you said, like a cockroach on a on a

35:41

marshmallow. It's like sugar's good, we

35:43

have an innate circuit for being drawn

35:44

towards sugary things, fatty things,

35:46

yum. What is a like hardwired? So you So

35:49

we go towards the vomit reflex a little

35:52

bit, right? We

35:53

We don't want to get up and go to class

35:55

cuz we're exhausted and fatigue is real.

35:57

Fatigue is real. Shuts down our

36:00

forebrain, so the circuits are impaired.

36:01

Our hypothalamus is driving us to like

36:03

go back to sleep. But

36:06

we have to think about the fear of

36:08

showing up in class for an exam and not

36:10

knowing, you know, it's the it's the

36:11

nightmare everybody's had at least once,

36:13

right? So I feel like the the control

36:16

strategy seems to be to go to a deeper

36:18

layer of fear, disgust, etc. How well

36:22

does the opposite work? Like how good is

36:25

aspiration for good stuff? Because those

36:28

are also powerful drivers of human

36:29

behavior and and I'm curious whether

36:31

experiments have been done to

36:32

differentiate between sort of fear and

36:34

love if you will to put it broadly to

36:37

allow us to navigate all sorts of

36:38

circumstances. But I love the idea that

36:41

chasing love chasing desire all these

36:43

great things but there are times when we

36:44

have to be like oh no I got to imagine

36:46

the cockroach or else this whole I'll go

36:48

back to sleep. I'll hit the snooze

36:50

button.

36:51

I think what you're saying Andrew is

36:52

something super profound. More profound

36:54

than you might think. So for years

36:58

self-control researchers have assumed

37:00

that the secret to self-control is

37:01

actually doing exactly the opposite of

37:03

what you suggested which is turning off

37:05

the hot system but because they argue

37:07

that these limbic systems these hot

37:09

systems these more quote unquote

37:10

animalistic systems are the things that

37:13

make the temptations so powerful and so

37:15

by activating those systems

37:17

all we're doing is we're up regulating

37:19

the temptation impulses. And so for

37:22

years and and this is part of Walter

37:24

Mischel's fundamental model for example

37:25

and many many others they talked about

37:28

making your cognitions cooler. In other

37:30

words shutting down the emotional system

37:32

and thinking very coolly and calmly

37:34

about the thing in front of you in order

37:36

to make the right choice.

37:38

I think what's profound about you're

37:39

saying is that you've articulated two

37:42

alternatives. One is that I fight fire

37:45

with fire. So if this thing is pulling

37:47

me I'm going to find something that's

37:49

going to push me away.

37:51

Right? And as you said the example would

37:53

be like there's a piece of chocolate

37:54

cake and I imagine a cockroach crawling

37:55

across it.

37:56

There's not actually very much research

37:58

on that. The most most of the dominant

37:59

models in self-control really talk about

38:01

cooling your cognitions. You're you're

38:03

told not to fight fire with fire that

38:05

you need to be in a calm and collected

38:07

state.

38:08

The reason I think what you're saying is

38:09

true is that I have some other work

38:11

looking at the other strategy which is

38:13

you said finding love. So in my own

38:16

research we have shown that if we can

38:19

get people to think about their whys.

38:22

Um, you know, the purposes behind their

38:25

decisions, the broader purposes behind

38:26

their what they're doing, they're much

38:28

more likely to be able to overcome the

38:30

temptation. So, if there's a piece of

38:31

chocolate cake in front of me and I'm

38:33

trying not to eat it,

38:34

if I only think about cake-related

38:37

things, that could be really difficult.

38:38

But if instead I ask myself, like and

38:41

and even if you said, "Oh, I'm I'm not

38:42

supposed to eat that because I'm on a

38:44

diet." That doesn't have much magic to

38:47

it. It's like it it's kind of sterile,

38:48

so it doesn't move me in any way. But if

38:50

instead I'm saying things like I need to

38:52

do this for my family, I need to do this

38:54

to get to my children. I want to look

38:55

good for my children's for my children's

38:57

wedding photos or, you know, my children

38:59

are looking at me. I want to be a good

39:00

example or all these other kinds of

39:02

reasons that you might these

39:03

higher-order reasons that you might have

39:05

for getting healthier, being fitter, or

39:07

whatever, not eating the cake,

39:09

we show that that

39:11

increases the odds that people will

39:12

avoid the the cake. And we think it's

39:14

cuz it's giving people meaning. It's

39:15

infusing the moment, as you say,

39:18

fighting fire like fighting fire with

39:19

fire, not with fear, but with love. Like

39:22

these are these are higher-order things

39:24

that I care about, and these are what's

39:26

going to motivate me to hold out.

39:29

What you're highlighting is it with your

39:31

original example, something a little bit

39:32

different than that, which is fighting

39:34

fire by taking the positive and turning

39:36

it into a negative. And my PhD student

39:39

Paul Stillman and a colleague of his,

39:41

um, Caitlin Woolley, they did some

39:43

experiments in which they had people

39:45

think about it's usually when you think

39:47

about self-control, you think about the

39:49

short-term or long-term gains. They

39:51

instead had people think about the

39:52

short-term losses of indulging. So, what

39:55

are some of the things like what's the

39:57

like think about the sugar crash that

39:59

you would experience if you ate the

40:00

chocolate cake, right? So, and they

40:03

showed that that

40:05

kind of served much like you were

40:06

talking about the vomit response, it

40:08

pushes people away far enough. They're

40:10

in the short-term mindset, they're

40:11

thinking about short-term things, the

40:13

short-term is pulling them in, so they

40:15

fight that with a short-term repellent.

40:18

And they found that that's also very

40:19

effective for self-control. So your

40:21

ideas

40:22

are almost antithetical to what most

40:24

people would say the status quo in

40:27

self-control research. But for that

40:29

reason, I'm super excited because my own

40:31

work is starting to challenge that idea

40:33

as is as is Paul Stillman and Caitlin

40:34

Woolley's that we might be able to use

40:37

the limbic system. We might be able to

40:38

use our hot reactions. We We don't have

40:40

to assume that they're going to be bad

40:42

but or they're going to they're going to

40:44

pre- predispose us to indulgence but and

40:46

make us susceptible to indulgence but

40:47

instead they might be what inspires us

40:50

and gives us the motivation to do the

40:53

right thing. And I think that is really

40:54

exciting.

40:56

Fascinating.

40:58

And I'm so glad you you're doing that

40:59

work. Um you know, we had David Goggins

41:02

on this podcast. David author of Can't

41:04

Hurt Me um and famed for doing hard

41:07

things all day long. I I knew David

41:10

before he had a book before he was

41:11

public facing and I can tell you

41:14

I met him at a meeting and afterwards he

41:16

said he was running to the airport and I

41:17

thought he meant like rushing to the

41:18

airport cuz that's what that means to

41:20

me. He was literally running to the

41:21

airport. We're 16 miles away from San

41:23

Jose Airport and he was he went in the

41:24

back changing and like ran to the

41:26

airport with his luggage. So he's always

41:28

been that way at least uh

41:30

as long as I've known him. And I think

41:32

one of the reasons David is such a

41:33

shining example

41:35

of motivation is that he is very

41:39

open about the fact that he listens to

41:42

negative comments from social media in

41:44

his headphones when he when he runs.

41:45

He's talked about that. He talks he

41:47

tells himself what a piece of garbage he

41:49

is if he doesn't do this. I mean he he

41:52

basically flagellates himself into into

41:54

doing these things and any attempt to

41:57

suggest to him like, "Oh, maybe you

41:58

could take like a more soft gloves

41:59

approach." Like he's not hearing it. It

42:01

clearly works for him. He's actually

42:03

right now um

42:04

I think he went back to the military.

42:05

He's also in

42:07

paramedic school. I think he's he's

42:08

probably becoming a physician, too. I

42:10

mean, he's a he's a remarkable example

42:12

of that approach.

42:14

It's an approach that's very hard for a

42:15

lot of people and some people would say

42:17

it's pathological. I don't believe it is

42:19

cuz it clearly works for him and the

42:20

alternative was far worse. He'll tell

42:22

you that as well.

42:23

We could even talk about eating

42:24

disorders, right? Anytime we have a

42:26

discussion about suppression of the

42:27

impulse to eat cake, you know, there's

42:29

going to be a subset of people out there

42:30

that are saying, "Oh, so you know, what

42:32

you're talk talking about is

42:34

is eating disorders, right? Switching

42:36

the contingency. If I can avoid it,

42:37

that's rewarding." Which is associated

42:39

with certain eating disorders.

42:42

I love the idea that there's this other

42:44

side that you could entice yourself with

42:47

the positive outcome. What I'm hearing

42:49

you say

42:50

is that

42:52

if it's a short-term battle, like right

42:54

now, think about the downside or the

42:57

upside right now.

42:59

If it's a long-term battle, you want to

43:01

think in terms of long-term outcomes,

43:04

both bad and good. Is that right? Should

43:06

we have all of those in our toolkit?

43:08

>> I completely agree with you. And I love

43:10

the fact that you used the word toolkit.

43:11

Um my colleague Ethan Kross and I, we

43:14

wrote a paper in which we talked about

43:15

the self-control toolkit.

43:18

Basically, we argue we have lots of

43:20

different ways to enhance self-control.

43:23

We speculate that certain tools might

43:26

work better for certain people

43:28

at certain times.

43:30

We don't currently have a very good

43:32

framework for predicting what would be

43:34

the right strategy for this kind of

43:36

person in this kind of situation. And so

43:38

if you're if you're listeners are

43:40

saying, "Wow, that totally would not

43:42

work for me."

43:44

That's okay by me, too. I don't think

43:45

there's going to be one tool that's

43:47

going to work for everybody. The

43:49

self-control toolbox approach uh

43:51

explicitly um embraces the idea that

43:55

different things are going to work for

43:57

different people. So if you're the kind

43:58

of person who's very act reactant,

44:01

someone who says, "No, I can do it."

44:03

Then you might want to think about all

44:05

the bad things people say about you

44:06

because you're going to react to it and

44:08

say, "No, I'm going to do it." But, if

44:09

you're the kind of person who tends to

44:11

listen to what people say, and you

44:13

incorporate their perspectives, and

44:14

they're saying bad things about you,

44:16

well, then that's probably going to have

44:17

a demotivating effect, right? So, again,

44:20

the strategy that works so well for one

44:22

individual may not work for another.

44:24

>> [snorts]

44:24

>> It may also be that certain self-control

44:26

strategies work for certain contexts and

44:29

not for others. So, for example,

44:31

you know, for me, getting started with

44:33

the workout is the hardest part. I have

44:35

all I have a litany of reasons why I

44:37

don't want to do this today. And so, for

44:39

me, the hardest part is just getting on

44:40

the bike, or starting to lift weights.

44:43

You know, sometimes it's just putting on

44:44

the workout clothes.

44:46

The strategies I use for that, I usually

44:48

tell myself, like, you know, what would

44:51

my heroes do in this situation? So, the

44:53

quote-unquote, "What would Jesus do?" I

44:55

think is a very effective strategy in

44:56

those kinds of situations. You imagine

44:58

someone that you really admire, or you

45:00

imagine someone who looks up to you, and

45:02

you have you want to be you want to be

45:04

that person that you admire, or you want

45:05

to be that person that people see in

45:07

you. That for me helps me get going for

45:10

ex- at the beginning of exercise, but

45:12

when it comes to the end, when I'm like

45:15

just pumping out that last rep, or I'm

45:17

just the last minute of a really hard

45:19

climb, these things don't work so well

45:21

for me. Like, for me, at that point, I

45:22

just want to grit my teeth and get it

45:24

done. And so, willpower might be a

45:25

better strategy. So, I think we have to

45:28

explore the entirety of the self-control

45:30

toolbox. We have to be And through trial

45:32

and error, find what works best for us.

45:35

This is another reason why I would like

45:37

to stress to your listeners that

45:38

self-control is a skill that you tailor

45:41

for yourself. And it's a lifelong

45:43

journey, right? I'm not going to be able

45:45

to get up here and say, "Do XYZ," and

45:47

all of a sudden, people are going to be

45:48

amazing. Instead, they have to try,

45:52

and they have to fail. And it's in the

45:54

failure where you actually learn the

45:56

most, because you say, "Oh, that's not

45:57

for me," or at least that wasn't for me

45:59

at this time.

46:01

The reason why I find this approach

46:03

really

46:04

exciting and also hopeful is that I

46:07

think a lot of people when they fail at

46:08

self-control, they just say, "Oh, I'm a

46:09

terrible person. I'm never going to get

46:10

this. I just have bad self-control, bad

46:12

willpower." But instead, the learning

46:15

approach, the toolbox approach just

46:17

says, "Okay, that tool didn't work this

46:18

time."

46:19

And failure represents an opportunity

46:21

for self-growth and exploration and

46:23

discovery, which makes it a lot more

46:26

positively toned as opposed to wow, I

46:28

really screwed up. I'm a terrible

46:30

person. My goal is forever gone. And I

46:32

think that's a really important

46:33

implication of understanding

46:35

self-control not as an innate skill, but

46:38

something that you grow and cultivate

46:40

over time with things that you learn.

46:44

As many of you know, I've been taking

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48:28

Is motivation something that needs

48:31

warming up? I I've long chuckled at the

48:34

fact that we understand that you need to

48:36

warm up before exercise.

48:38

Even it's running, you got to jog a

48:40

little bit before you you you sprint.

48:43

Um certainly we need warm-up sets before

48:45

we do our work sets. Everyone

48:47

understands this. But for some reason, I

48:49

think people assume that focus and doing

48:53

hard things mentally um or creatively

48:56

should be like a step function where

48:57

you're like, "Show up to the work and

48:58

you're like, focus." I like to think

49:00

I've tried to

49:01

spread the gospel of Look, it's going to

49:03

take a little bit of warming up. Your

49:04

mind's going to flip to other things. I

49:05

mean, and you can drop into a groove. I

49:08

mean, I think the the really interesting

49:09

research on both the hypothalamus but

49:11

also these these higher brain states, if

49:13

you will, that the models say that

49:15

they're sort of like an an attractor uh

49:17

model where, you know, you sort like

49:18

your your brain state is sort of like a

49:20

ball bearing on a flat surface that's

49:22

kind of moving around, and the ball

49:24

bearing's moving and then over time it

49:25

becomes more and more concave, and

49:26

eventually focus you drop into a groove,

49:29

but that takes time. It takes reps. It

49:31

takes the mind

49:33

picking up your phone again for the

49:34

third time and then going, you know

49:35

what, I just got to get this thing out

49:36

of the room. The that focus isn't just

49:38

like a switch. Motivation isn't just

49:39

like a switch. And I don't think people

49:41

really

49:43

they either haven't heard it or they

49:44

don't believe it, but everyone is at

49:46

least to my knowledge has experienced

49:47

it. We're not robots. We're not robots.

49:50

And so, are there tools that people can

49:52

use to either embed that knowledge or

49:55

to, you know, move into focus states uh

49:58

more quickly or more effectively, as

49:59

well as move out of motivated states?

50:01

Has anything been studied about

50:02

transitions between tasks as something

50:05

useful? Because we have dynamic lives,

50:06

right? It's not just about the workout

50:08

or just about the class or just about,

50:09

you know, parenting or just about

50:11

whatever it is. It We have to move from

50:13

thing to one thing to the next, and

50:14

these are very different brain circuits.

50:17

I think what you're saying is really

50:18

fascinating. I love this idea of

50:19

attracter states. Um

50:22

in my own work, we don't have that kind

50:24

of model, and we don't use the language

50:26

of warming up.

50:27

But we do know that there is a dynamic

50:29

interplay between how you think about

50:31

something and the motivation that you're

50:33

experiencing. Right? So, if a workout

50:36

is, you know, oh, another hour of pain,

50:39

like we're not going to get super

50:40

excited about it. But if instead you

50:43

change your mindset about it, and and

50:44

again, this is the power of work that

50:46

Aliya Crum and uh folks who do growth

50:48

mindsets think about,

50:50

if you change sort of the cognitive

50:52

orientation you have towards it, a

50:53

different set of motivations can get

50:55

activated. So, if I say, it's not an

50:57

hour of pain, but instead of me becoming

50:59

the better me,

51:01

that set of cognitions, that set of

51:02

thoughts, activates a different set of

51:04

motives that comes to bear and and can

51:07

then be applied to the task at hand.

51:09

Now, that's not quite warming up, but in

51:11

some senses it is a warm-up. It's sort

51:13

of finding the right set of thoughts

51:15

that are working through your mind to

51:16

maximize the motivation that you're

51:18

experiencing at a given time.

51:20

Another interesting thing to think about

51:22

is that there's there's sometimes it's

51:24

not just about the amount of motivation,

51:26

but it's also the type of motivation.

51:29

For example, many sports have an

51:31

offense-oriented

51:33

component and a defense-oriented

51:35

component.

51:36

And they probably require very different

51:38

mindsets, and they probably also require

51:40

different motivational orientations.

51:43

One of the most important orientations

51:44

that we know from motivation science is

51:47

an orientation towards

51:48

um nurturance and advancement, moving

51:51

forward, gains,

51:53

versus an orientation towards safety and

51:57

security, preventing losses. And there's

52:00

been some speculation that the And

52:02

there's been some research to support

52:03

this that having the right kind of

52:05

motivation for the right kind of tasks

52:08

enhances performance. So, if I'm playing

52:10

offense, right? There's always There's

52:12

always that notion that you don't want

52:13

to play not to lose. You want to play to

52:15

win. Right? And that's particularly true

52:17

of offense. So, in offense, you want to

52:18

be about advancement, promotion, gains.

52:21

But when you're on defense, right? At

52:24

times, it might it very well might be

52:26

about preventing losses. And so, if that

52:29

were true, and again, that's not true

52:30

for every sport, but if that is true for

52:31

a particular sport, you might do better

52:34

if you're in a more promotion

52:35

motivational state when you are on

52:37

offense and a more prevention orient uh

52:39

motivational state when you're on

52:41

defense. And if you get that mixed up,

52:44

you won't be as effective. So, when you

52:45

get the match, research suggests that

52:47

you enhance performance, but if you get

52:49

a mismatch, you kind of have like not

52:51

quite grooving,

52:53

and you won't perform as well. You're

52:55

not kind of not right. You're just not

52:56

feeling right.

52:58

You're not feeling fit. You know, there

53:00

is research on regulatory fit, and it

53:01

suggests that if you can if you can get

53:03

task motivation fit, if you can find the

53:06

if you can get yourself in the right

53:07

motivation for the task at hand, you'll

53:09

have enhanced performance.

53:11

Now, the reason why I bring this up is

53:13

because research that I conducted with

53:15

my colleague Abigail Scholer and David

53:17

Mealey,

53:18

we've shown um that

53:21

people have some insight into this. They

53:23

know there are certain tasks that you're

53:24

better It's better to be promotion on

53:26

this task, and it's better to be

53:27

prevention on this task. And they also

53:29

kind of know the thought processes that

53:31

they have to engage in in order to get

53:32

there. So, are you going to be thinking

53:34

about gains, or are you thinking about

53:35

losses? Um Are are you going to be more

53:37

in a sort of a uh uh

53:39

uh again, uh security or advancement or

53:42

security mindset, they can tell us that

53:44

if I think this way, if I think about

53:46

security or I think about advancement, I

53:48

will do better on this task, which

53:49

suggests that people have some insight

53:51

into what not just the amount of

53:53

motivation, but the right type of

53:55

motivation to do well. And so, part of

53:57

what you're talking about warming up

53:59

might be that people are sort of trying

54:02

to cobble together the right set of

54:03

thoughts to get the right set right

54:05

right motivational type, not just the

54:07

right amount, but the right type in

54:09

order to do the task at hand.

54:12

There may also be an additional

54:13

complexity with the amount because we

54:15

know

54:16

not enough motivation is not good, but

54:18

we also know too much motivation is bad.

54:23

And so, you like Yerkes-Dodson rule,

54:25

like the the U-shaped functions. You

54:27

kind of want to be in the middle for

54:28

ideal. You want to be amped up to be

54:30

able to do the task at hand, but if you

54:31

have too much, right, you might choke

54:33

because it means so much to you that you

54:34

just you just overthink things, right?

54:36

So,

54:37

there there might also be regulation not

54:39

just to maximize motivation, but the

54:41

right type and at the right level for

54:43

the task at hand. So, you can imagine

54:46

your your colleague David Goggins going

54:48

absolutely crazy at a daycare soccer you

54:51

know, like some children's soccer game.

54:52

That would be bad, right? So, you need

54:53

to scale back motivation, find that

54:55

sweet spot. So, I think there is a lot

54:57

of this regulation that people kind of

54:59

do intuitively. Some people probably do

55:02

it better than others, and I love this

55:04

idea. I've never thought about it as

55:06

sort of warming up because it might take

55:08

a couple of moments to actually get all

55:11

the ducks lined up in a row so that the

55:13

system is is operating functionally both

55:15

cognitively, motivationally,

55:17

biologically, at all levels to maximize

55:20

performance, and I love this idea.

55:22

You also mentioned this idea of

55:24

switching, and there is an extensive

55:26

literature in cognitive psychology and

55:28

it's called task switching, moving from

55:30

one one set of tasks to the other and

55:31

rapidly switching back and forth.

55:33

There's something known as the switch

55:35

cost. There's a sort of delay and a

55:36

decrease in performance at the very

55:39

point of switching because you're

55:40

there's kind of an cognitive inertia.

55:42

You're still operating under the old set

55:44

and it takes some time to figure out how

55:46

to switch into the new one.

55:49

Sort of zooming out a little bit, I

55:52

think that's also related to research on

55:54

disengaging, right? So, um you know,

55:56

I've been pursuing this goal for so long

55:58

and I get it and now it's done. It it

55:59

doesn't really make sense to keep going

56:01

cuz you've already accomplished it. It's

56:02

time to move on to something else.

56:04

There is some research suggests that

56:05

that that disengagement process is very

56:07

difficult.

56:08

And we actually don't understand it

56:10

nearly as well as we understand

56:12

persistence. So, because of research on

56:15

and on self-control and grit, we know a

56:18

lot more about persistence than we know

56:21

about disengagement and it's a it's an

56:24

area of research that is really

56:25

important for us to get into. We do know

56:28

that disengagement is related to lots of

56:32

positive outcomes it

56:34

when the person is unable to pursue a

56:37

goal anymore. So, for example, if you're

56:39

a woman and you you always wanted to

56:41

have children, but you're now past the

56:43

biological age where you can have

56:45

children, it's probably healthy to

56:46

disengage from the desire to have

56:48

children. Similarly, if we age out of a

56:51

sport or we experience some kind of

56:52

catastrophic injury where we just can't

56:54

do it anymore or there's some window of

56:56

opportunity has closed, right? Research

56:59

suggests that for people who are more

57:01

adept at disengagement, they experience

57:03

better mental well-being outcomes and

57:06

they're able to re-engage in a new set

57:08

of goals much faster.

57:09

But beyond that, we have to really

57:11

understand more about the about the

57:13

psychology of disengagement and how we

57:16

know when to persist and when to

57:19

disengage.

57:21

That's a really important question, but

57:22

we don't know very much about it partly

57:24

because we tend to in our culture

57:26

emphasize persistence and grit more than

57:28

disengagement.

57:30

Seems like what we're trying to do when

57:31

we want to get motivated or when we're

57:34

engaging self-control is we're trying to

57:36

bring together state of mind and body

57:39

and concept. So, there's the the thought

57:41

piece like I'm I'm a person who works

57:44

out even if he doesn't want to provided

57:46

I'm not sick or injured, right? Cuz I

57:48

think it's important to have those

57:49

caveats. I don't believe in the no days

57:50

off thing. I take a day off every week.

57:52

I cycle my training, etc., etc. But

57:55

I also believe in state of mind and

57:57

body. And one of the things that's

58:00

kind of um

58:01

well, that just isn't discussed enough

58:02

among high performers and I think in

58:04

athletics, in academics, in music, etc.

58:07

is that

58:08

once you taste a really great workout

58:12

once you taste flow state, once you

58:15

taste neuroplasticity, like you grinded

58:17

out and you learn something and you now

58:18

have mastery of something

58:21

there's this temptation to need to be in

58:23

that perfect state in order to feel like

58:26

you can do it at all. Like as you ascend

58:28

the staircase that somehow like that's

58:30

going to happen more and more often. And

58:32

many people will assemble their entire

58:33

lives trying to recreate those states.

58:36

And I think one of the beautiful things

58:37

again about people like David Goggins,

58:39

we've we've also had Coleman Ruiz,

58:40

another uh SEAL Team Tier 1 operator, DJ

58:43

Shipley, Jocko Willink. I think what's

58:46

beautiful about that community is the

58:48

way that they describe doing hard

58:50

things, but actually

58:52

they were weaned in BUD/S and and in

58:55

their other training from a place of

58:57

suck. Like as Jocko, who's a good friend

58:59

of mine, says, "You know, we start where

59:01

it sucks. When your weapons are wet and

59:04

you're cold and it's sandy, that's the

59:06

starting line so that you completely

59:08

recalibrate this notion of optimal

59:11

performance." And I think that's

59:12

something that we don't really have an

59:14

analog for in in the rest of the world,

59:16

certainly not in academia. It's like get

59:17

great sleep, uh maybe caffeinate just

59:19

enough, be on the right place of that

59:21

U-shaped curve, right? Uh or inverted

59:23

U-shaped curve, not too stimulated, not

59:25

understimulated, and on and on. And I

59:26

think while all of that's great. It's

59:28

one of the reasons I don't like the

59:30

notion of optimization because

59:31

ultimately, optimization is about for

59:33

that moment. And the the idea that we're

59:36

trying to attain a perfect state before

59:37

we can do the real work, I think is one

59:39

of the more popular concepts about

59:41

motivation. So, is it possible that we

59:45

can rewire our thinking so that we're we

59:49

start from a place of suck? Like maybe I

59:51

should be doing my workouts at 3:00 a.m.

59:54

ala Goggins.

59:55

But I don't do that, right? I like being

59:57

rested, caffeinated.

59:59

Do you see what I'm getting at? I I

60:00

because in terms of building real mental

60:02

toughness, the ability to push into

60:04

something when everything is like

60:07

pushing back on oneself,

60:09

that seems to require crap conditions. I

60:13

think what you're saying is really

60:14

interesting because I do think we know

60:16

from research that people are incredibly

60:21

creative at coming up for justifications

60:24

to not engage in self-control. So, you

60:27

know,

60:28

I'm supposed to work out today.

60:30

Um my gym clothes don't match. Or, you

60:33

know,

60:34

I'm supposed to work out today, but it's

60:36

too sunny. I'm supposed to work out

60:37

today, but it's not sunny enough. It's

60:40

It's raining too much. It's raining too

60:41

little. Like people are remarkably

60:44

creative at coming up with reasons to

60:46

justify their indulging in their

60:48

temptations. So, what's really

60:50

interesting about what you're suggesting

60:52

here is that you can just I I And again,

60:55

I don't know that anyone's actually

60:56

studied this, but this is sort of there

60:57

might be sort of this bias or at least

61:00

we we capitalize on a bias that things

61:03

have to be just right for me to do it.

61:04

Like I have like I I I think of this

61:06

when I'm writing.

61:07

I um you know, I think a lot of us have

61:09

this idea that like I don't feel like

61:11

writing today.

61:13

Like the conditions just aren't right,

61:14

so I won't. I'll just put it off till

61:16

like the muses hit me and it's just

61:18

right, right? Um and you know, you learn

61:20

over time that like you're every day is

61:23

going to be that not so perfect day and

61:25

so you just have to learn to deal with

61:26

it and then once you get into it

61:29

as you were talking about earlier, you

61:30

might warm up to a point where now it's

61:32

actually optimal, but it takes some time

61:33

to get there. I think one of the things

61:35

that's really interesting about what

61:36

you're suggesting about the sort of

61:37

optimization culture

61:39

may be that we are embracing this partly

61:41

because optimization is an exciting

61:43

idea, but also it's

61:46

it's a great justification for not ever

61:49

doing the really hard things because the

61:50

conditions aren't quite right. And

61:51

again, I I think people are incredibly

61:53

creative at coming up with reasons why

61:54

they shouldn't do the the hard things.

61:57

In the moment of choice, it seems

61:59

perfectly reasonable. And that's one of

62:01

the things that's really frustrating and

62:03

challenging about self-control because

62:05

you mentioned the sort of idea of

62:07

aligning concept with body.

62:09

When self-control conflicts are far away

62:11

from us, so when I'm thinking about you

62:14

know, exercising more next year but not

62:17

today, next year, it's really easy to to

62:20

be able to say like that's that's the

62:21

right thing to do. That's the thing that

62:22

I really want.

62:24

But when next year becomes today

62:26

right? All of a sudden my my mindset's

62:28

in a different place and that choice is

62:30

really hard again. It becomes really

62:32

really hard. The clarity that I once had

62:34

is gone.

62:35

What's also frustrating with

62:36

self-control is so that makes it hard to

62:39

follow through with your intentions.

62:41

But what's also really frustrating about

62:43

self-control is as that moment passes

62:44

and you're looking back at it sometime

62:46

in the future, right? So now that that

62:48

the day to start has come and gone and

62:50

now you're looking back on it you have

62:52

distance again and the clarity comes

62:54

back and you're like

62:56

why didn't I do what I was supposed to

62:57

do? So again, one of the frustrating

62:59

things about about self-control is that

63:02

it's distance-dependent. The right thing

63:04

to do is really clear when it's far

63:05

away, but when it's close, it's hard to

63:07

figure out what I should be doing.

63:10

And research that I've done suggests

63:11

that this exists in part because our our

63:14

minds shift in how we think about the

63:16

event. When the event is in the distant

63:18

future, it's more abstract. It's or

63:20

distant future or it's happening to

63:21

somebody else or it's hypothetical. When

63:23

it's far away from me, it's [snorts] not

63:25

imminent, I'm more likely to think about

63:27

it

63:28

in terms of desirability, why I'm doing

63:30

it. Right? It's going to be much more

63:32

abstract. But as when that future

63:35

becomes now,

63:36

my mindset [clears throat] changes and

63:38

I'm thinking now more and more about

63:40

feasibility, how am I going to do it?

63:42

And much more much more concretely about

63:44

what I have to do. And the problem is is

63:47

a lot of these things that are hard, the

63:49

whys are really positive, but the hows

63:50

are really negative, right? That's

63:52

because they're hard. And so, just at

63:54

the point where I have to do the hard

63:56

thing is when I'm thinking about why

63:58

it's so hard the most.

64:00

And then that's why I say I don't want

64:01

to do it. And then again, time passes,

64:03

distance passes, it gets farther away

64:04

from me and I'm looking back at it and

64:05

be like, but that was something I really

64:07

really wanted to do because now I'm

64:08

thinking about it in terms of why again

64:10

instead of how. So, in order to try to

64:13

overcome that, in in my lab, we've

64:15

conducted experiments in which we have

64:17

people think about um we we we bring

64:19

them in and we have them think about

64:21

their goals and why they're pursuing

64:23

their goals or how they're going to

64:24

pursue those goals.

64:26

We then give them a self-control

64:27

conflict that's unrelated to those

64:28

goals. So, they're just thinking

64:29

generally about why or generally about

64:31

how. So, this is again the frame of mind

64:34

that we generally have when things are

64:35

far away or the generally have frame of

64:37

mind when they're close.

64:39

You used the word warm up. So, we

64:40

essentially warmed them up.

64:42

And then we give them a self-control

64:43

task and they have much better

64:44

self-control when they've thought about

64:46

whys than hows. And again, we argue that

64:48

this is because we're simulating the

64:49

mindset of when the thing was distant

64:51

than when it was close. But that's the

64:53

problem with hard things. When they're

64:55

in the distant future, it seems like a

64:56

really good idea. But and we can think

64:59

about why we want to do it, when it's

65:01

when we're actually have to do it, we

65:02

don't think about why anymore. We think

65:04

about how and the how just sucks.

65:08

And then again, as as time passes on, we

65:10

look back,

65:11

we're completely perplexed as to why we

65:14

didn't do the thing when it was it's so

65:16

clear to us that that was the thing that

65:17

we really wanted to do.

65:19

I would also

65:21

um add, and feel free to disagree, that

65:22

that

65:23

the rewards that come after challenges

65:27

to meet those rewards are are the real

65:28

rewards. You know, I've I've been going

65:31

on and on and on line for a few years

65:32

now that, you know, uh dopamine and

65:35

other forms of chemical reinforcement

65:36

that come without effort, um while there

65:39

are are examples of those that can be

65:41

healthy or innocuous, most of them are

65:43

are pretty uh detrimental, but there's

65:46

nothing quite like

65:48

rewards that follow intense, prolonged

65:52

effort.

65:53

It's really interesting that you mention

65:55

this because I think when we think about

65:57

self-control, we tend to think about it

66:00

as a binary.

66:01

You know, so again, if we're going to

66:03

use um

66:05

you know, cake as an example. So, if I'm

66:06

trying to lose weight and there's a

66:07

piece of cake in front of me, usually

66:09

it's a binary. I have this goal to lose

66:11

weight, I also have this goal to eat the

66:13

yummy cake, right? And those two goals

66:14

are in conflict and I have to choose one

66:15

of them. And that makes the decision

66:17

actually kind of hard because it's one

66:19

against one.

66:21

One of the things I think really

66:22

interesting about what you're saying

66:23

about doing hard things is that those

66:25

are additional motivations that have

66:27

nothing to do with losing weight, right?

66:30

Th- those are additional motivations

66:32

that fuel

66:33

the long-term goal. So, I I was

66:36

mentioning before, it's really important

66:37

to think about your your whys. I I'm

66:39

using that in plural cuz it's not just

66:41

the one why I want to lose weight, but

66:44

it's I want to I want to be healthier, I

66:46

want to be a good example for my kids, I

66:49

want to show that I can do this, I want

66:50

to become the better me, uh you know,

66:52

whatever all these different

66:53

motivations.

66:55

Wh-

66:56

It There's no reason why resolving a

66:59

self-control dilemma should be a fair

67:01

fight. Like, why should you give the

67:02

temptation a a fair one-on-one

67:04

challenge? Instead, I think you're

67:07

you're kind of highlighting that growth,

67:10

self-discovery,

67:11

confidence, self-esteem, you know, um

67:15

all of these other things can also, if

67:17

we can leverage them,

67:19

we we can become much more um much more

67:21

powerful against the temptation cuz we

67:23

just find additional sources of

67:25

motivation to push through the things

67:27

that we really don't want to do. And

67:28

ironically, it's a self it's an upward

67:30

cycle because the more you do it, right?

67:33

The the more positivity you experience,

67:36

uh and so it's a sort of a virtuous

67:37

cycle. Whereas, you can also imagine the

67:39

opposite. If you

67:41

give up,

67:42

right? Then you say, "I'm not capable."

67:45

And all those motivations start to

67:46

collapse. I'm not going to become that

67:47

person. I'm not going to grow. I am the

67:49

person I was worried I was And all these

67:51

You can just sort of hear this negative

67:52

self-talk, and you can see it becoming a

67:55

negative downward spiral. So, I really

67:57

find what you're saying really

67:57

interesting like like really like not

68:00

just the phenomenon, but to really focus

68:02

on it and say like, "I'm doing the hard

68:04

thing not just for the one goal, but

68:06

because I want that dopamine rush. I

68:08

want, you know, I want my system to

68:10

learn how to take this on, and I want to

68:12

prove to myself that I can do it."

68:14

As I said, it's it shouldn't be a fair

68:15

fight. We should stack the deck in our

68:17

favor.

68:18

Yeah, if the temptation is limbic, come

68:20

in with more limbic, as well as high

68:23

high-level concepts. Spread them out

68:25

over time is what I'm hearing. Like,

68:26

"What's the benefit now? What's the

68:27

drawback now of making the wrong

68:29

decision?" And then extend that out to

68:31

like tomorrow, the next day. Spending a

68:32

little bit of time on these things can

68:34

can mean a lot. And in the end, what

68:36

we're saying is a lot of time is really

68:37

like a minute. Yes, right? Like, it's

68:40

not like you have to sit down and do a

68:41

journaling exercise, although I think

68:43

from your work, it's clear that that can

68:44

be beneficial.

68:46

I do also think that like it should get

68:48

easier over time cuz as you said, we

68:50

have these attractor states in our mind.

68:52

And, you know, the first time we try to

68:54

pull these thoughts together, it's

68:56

herding sheep, right? [snorts] So,

68:57

you're trying to get all these ideas and

68:59

these motivations and these thoughts and

69:00

these biological systems, motivational

69:02

systems, cognitive systems all lined up,

69:04

the first time you do that, that might

69:06

take more work, but the more you do it,

69:08

right? We know the mind likes to

69:10

practice and be in the same places. I

69:11

think at more of a time it should become

69:13

faster and faster. So, this idea of

69:14

warming up, which I really like, that

69:16

you mentioned before, the warm-up might

69:17

get easier and easier and easier the

69:19

more I do it. Well, the concept of

69:21

warming up came to me years ago when we

69:22

would record neural activity in in the

69:25

brain

69:26

uh either awake animals or in some cases

69:28

I had the benefit of of seeing this in

69:30

humans. I have a friend who's a

69:31

neurosurgeon. If you look at a

69:34

an animal or a person doing a task and

69:37

and you you could use functional

69:38

imaging, so it's more non-invasive. Um

69:41

or you could use electrodes, you could

69:42

use calcium imaging and monitoring the

69:43

activity of lots and lots of neurons.

69:45

You you don't see that like the the

69:48

person or the animal like does this

69:49

perception exercise and all of a sudden

69:50

like the circuit that's involved like

69:52

lights up. What you see is there's a lot

69:53

of noise, what we call a lot of hash,

69:55

not not the kind people smoke, but it's

69:57

like

69:58

it sounds like they're on the audio

69:59

monitor. As they repeat the task over

70:01

and over, the the signal becomes very,

70:03

very clear, and you haven't made any

70:05

adjustments to the equipment. Sometimes

70:06

you have, and you start getting great

70:08

signal to noise because the circuit just

70:10

it's easy to track your states, and then

70:11

the signal noise goes way, way up. And I

70:13

was watching this and going, "Well,

70:14

these are like simple behavioral tasks

70:16

or perceptual tasks of like telling, you

70:18

know,

70:19

uh you know, a person trying to say,

70:21

"Oh, you know, the dots are moving up or

70:23

the dots are moving, you know, on

70:24

average down." And you just see like the

70:26

brain goes through this like transition

70:28

state. And then

70:30

and then as people get sleepy, it gets a

70:32

little noisier, and then it comes back

70:33

again. I was like, "Oh, this kind of

70:35

like explains a lot of my experience

70:36

trying to study or to do things." One uh

70:39

piece of knowledge that I'm really

70:40

excited about that I'll just pass along,

70:41

there's a guy down at University of

70:43

Pittsburgh, Peter Strick, um who's an

70:45

exerciser. He happens to like doing

70:47

exercise, but he also maps neural

70:48

circuits. And he discovered that the

70:51

brain areas that control movement of the

70:53

large musculature,

70:54

when And become active, they actually

70:56

activate the release of adrenaline when

70:58

we move and the adrenaline then feeds

70:59

back on those circuits. So, this is

71:02

a reminder to anyone that doesn't feel

71:04

like working out, the warm-up serves to

71:06

increase these chemicals that then bring

71:09

more signal to noise in the neural

71:10

circuits that control movement. So, it

71:12

makes sense why like after 5 minutes of

71:14

warming up, you're like you're more

71:15

motivated. It's it's not purely

71:17

psychological. Anyway, I just kind of

71:19

throw that out there. I'm curious about

71:20

the role of of competitiveness.

71:23

Um you know, I when I was a postdoc

71:25

confronted with being

71:27

in an area of science where a lot of

71:28

tools were coming in, it was super

71:30

competitive, and it was kind of a first

71:32

come first serve. There was some

71:33

creative work involved, but like we all

71:35

knew what the tools were, and we were

71:36

all like going hungry hippos for these,

71:37

and I was in competition with really big

71:39

labs, and that competition fueled me in

71:42

a way that I wasn't familiar with. I'm

71:44

not I don't consider myself an innately

71:45

competitive person about most things. I

71:48

won't like be the guy who has to win at

71:50

ping-pong, right? Um certain things I'm

71:52

competitive about, but not others. But

71:54

what I noticed was having a an enemy was

71:58

incredibly motivating. And in the end,

72:00

they got some and we got some, and we

72:02

ended up being more or less friends at

72:03

the at the end, but and it brought out

72:05

our best. I like to think that it

72:06

brought out our best.

72:08

Do people tend to kind of distribute

72:11

along a normal distribution, or is it a

72:13

binary distribution in terms of

72:14

competitiveness? And to what extent are

72:16

people that are competitive, like we

72:18

have the example of Mike Michael Jordan,

72:19

who apparently was like he was

72:20

competitive about everything,

72:22

apparently. To what extent are those

72:24

people the people we call motivated? Are

72:27

they just really really competitive?

72:29

Because a lot of endeavors in life are

72:31

not competitive, but a lot of them are,

72:33

right? Getting at the you know, the

72:35

setting the curve, being the one student

72:37

who could or two students who can get A+

72:39

in the class, like you and I, you know,

72:41

you went to Harvard, I'm at Stanford,

72:42

you know, and

72:43

you know, it's a very competitive

72:45

environment. It's sort of the apex of

72:46

competitive academic environments. So,

72:50

how does competitiveness play into

72:51

willpower and tenacity and self-control

72:53

over time? Are those people just better

72:56

at it?

72:57

But what happens when you remove the

72:58

enemy? You remove the competitor?

73:01

I think what you're saying is really

73:02

interesting. Um and I too have heard a

73:05

lot of these stories and I've always

73:06

thought they were very interesting. I

73:08

personally don't know of any direct work

73:10

looking at competitiveness and

73:12

self-control.

73:13

Um the closest work that I can think of

73:15

in my sphere and and there might be

73:16

other research on competitiveness

73:17

outside of the work that I typically

73:19

read. Mostly has to do with achievement

73:21

motivation, right? So achievement

73:22

motivation is a lot like competitiveness

73:24

in this I think competitiveness actually

73:25

often comes out of achievement

73:27

achievement motivation. Achievement

73:28

motivation

73:30

is sort of like a recognition for doing

73:33

really really well on something and it's

73:34

usually really really well relative to

73:36

other people, right? So like achievement

73:38

motivation, you really want to be the

73:39

person all the way at the top. Like

73:40

that's maximal achievement motivation

73:43

satisfaction if you're number one. If

73:45

you're number two, you might actually

73:46

get to that situation where now you're

73:48

rivals and that fuels you to go higher

73:50

and higher. We do know that achievement

73:52

motivation is a motivation like many

73:54

other motivations that's probably

73:55

normally distributed.

73:57

Uh so so that the desire for achievement

74:00

and achievement recognition uh will be

74:02

stronger in some people and weaker in

74:04

others.

74:04

The thing to think about I think is

74:07

although achievement motivation may be

74:09

sort of um promoted by our particular

74:12

culture, when I think of motivation, I

74:14

think of much more of the the myriad or

74:17

plethora of different emotions that we

74:19

have the different motivations that we

74:20

have that might motivate behavior

74:23

in just as productive a manner. So I'm

74:25

I'm I'm examining for I'm thinking about

74:27

for example, we know that belonging

74:29

motivation is really important for

74:30

humans. Humans is a social species. We

74:32

survived because we were in groups and

74:34

we had others. A human alone is not very

74:37

powerful, but a human in large groups is

74:38

very powerful. So we've [snorts] evolved

74:40

this motivation um to be connected and

74:43

and socially intertwined with other

74:44

people. But I'm sure you know folks that

74:47

are super [snorts] belonging motivated

74:50

and people who are not so motivated. And

74:53

the people who are really motivated to

74:55

belong to a group will do amazing things

74:57

in order to belong to the group. If they

74:59

get rejected from that group, they will

75:01

they will bend, you know, heaven and

75:02

earth to get back in that group and just

75:04

do amazing things. So, I and then there

75:07

are many other motivations too.

75:09

Motivations for power, motivations

75:12

uh for um

75:14

uh

75:14

you know, control, uh

75:17

you name it. There's there's a whole

75:18

motivations for self-esteem, motivations

75:20

for for competence. Um and so, you know,

75:23

when I think of motivations, I try not

75:26

to think of any one motivation, but sort

75:29

of think about the aggregate motivation

75:32

impelling pushing us towards a

75:33

particular uh behavior. So, again, we

75:36

were I was talking a little bit before

75:37

about not giving the temptation a fair

75:40

one-on-one

75:42

uh fight, but actually bringing to bear

75:44

all the motivations that might help you

75:46

overcome it.

75:47

If you know what motivates you,

75:50

you should use those and activate those

75:53

when you need them strategically, right?

75:55

So, if I'm someone who is competitive,

75:57

then I might use achievement motivation

76:00

to fuel my desire to to do really hard

76:03

things.

76:04

Um but maybe I'm not that kind of

76:05

person. And and you see this all the

76:07

time, like I do Peloton and you see the

76:09

Peloton instructor say, like, "If you

76:11

don't want to see the leaderboard, get

76:13

rid of it." For for some other people,

76:15

it's more about being on the bike with

76:16

other people. And that's what and and

76:18

staying with the group, not being in

76:20

front of the group, but staying with the

76:21

group is what fuels them to do things

76:24

that they didn't think they could do

76:25

before. Again,

76:27

just taking the idea of the self-control

76:28

toolbox really seriously, different

76:31

strategies are going to work differently

76:32

for different people. And so, I think

76:34

it's really important to explore and

76:36

not just explore different strategies,

76:38

but to really to explore yourself. To

76:41

really say, like, "What really does

76:42

motivate you? And I'm not sure that we

76:44

always do know what really motivates us.

76:46

I think a lot of times

76:48

we kind of discover what our motivations

76:50

are by saying, "Ooh, I like this and I

76:52

don't like this." But it's only through

76:53

exposure. So, to go and explore and

76:56

figure out what makes you tick and then

76:59

to exploit and use those in your

77:01

strategies. And again, the constellation

77:03

of tools that works for me may not work

77:05

for other people.

77:07

I'd like to take a quick break and

77:08

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77:50

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77:52

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78:27

One thing I've been playing with a

78:29

little bit recently in my own life is um

78:32

>> [clears throat]

78:32

>> just striving for

78:34

immense consistency in certain things.

78:37

Not trying to fail, but not focusing so

78:39

much on on peak performance,

78:42

but just without fail, every single

78:44

night I have a particular practice

78:46

before I go to sleep, and just no matter

78:48

what, I show up to it. If I fall asleep,

78:50

I get out of bed. There are times I'm

78:52

like, "Ah, I'm not like fully focused on

78:54

this right now. I'm not I'm having

78:55

trouble fully focusing on this." But for

78:57

me, it's really become an experiment in

78:59

consistency. I think I'm like 2 years

79:02

and some change now into it. And And so,

79:05

it's tapped into this different part of

79:06

myself that I'm not so familiar with,

79:09

which is like not

79:11

trying to get the best performance out,

79:13

right? Um

79:15

But that's great when it happens, but

79:16

it's different. And earlier, we were

79:18

talking before we went on mic, we were

79:19

talking about abstinence versus

79:21

moderation. And I'm curious what the

79:23

data show. Uh and when I hear

79:25

abstinence, obviously, it sounds like

79:27

people trying to avoid certain

79:28

behaviors. But I think we could flip it

79:30

the other way, too. You know, is it uh

79:33

you know, is it always the case that um

79:35

you know, we have to show up to to the

79:37

thing, or could you know, at our best,

79:40

or like yesterday I was supposed to do a

79:41

HIIT workout, and I confess, look,

79:42

happens to me, too, folks. I was like I

79:44

was due to do a for a high-intensity

79:46

interval training workout, and I was

79:47

like

79:48

things were getting really compressed,

79:49

and I thought, "What would happen if I

79:50

just did the eight rounds of this on the

79:52

assault bike?" But I didn't go all out.

79:56

And I'm going to just do the first two

79:57

not lazy, but semi-lazy. And I noticed

79:59

by the third or the fourth, of course,

80:00

my motivation started to increase. And I

80:02

was like, "Oh, this is really cool." It

80:03

was It was informative for me. Because

80:06

it showed me where the barrier was. It

80:08

wasn't necessarily about the effort, it

80:10

was about the concept. So, what What's

80:12

the deal with abstinence versus

80:14

moderation? When When can we tap into

80:15

this as a useful tool? I've got a

80:17

two-part answer, so it might be a little

80:18

bit long-winded. I hope you remember

80:20

both parts. So, the first part is that

80:22

generally speaking, um psychology has

80:25

tended to emphasize abstinence or

80:28

consistency in self-control over the

80:30

alternative, which is moderation. So, if

80:33

have a lot of self-control theoretical

80:34

models which stress the importance of

80:36

patterns over isolated acts.

80:40

Once you have a pattern of behavior in

80:41

place,

80:42

it carries a

80:44

a special

80:45

uh

80:46

hold over you that a non-pattern does

80:49

not. So, let me give you an example. So,

80:51

I have an I have an Apple Watch and it

80:53

tells me if I've closed my ring for the

80:55

day. And there was a point in time where

80:57

that number was some huge number because

80:59

I managed to be consistent for a really

81:01

long time. And it's let's say it was

81:02

500. I had 500 and I wanted that to keep

81:05

going.

81:06

And just knowing that I had that

81:08

unbroken streak of 500

81:11

in and of itself became motivating to me

81:14

above and beyond the desire to exercise

81:17

and all the reasons why I wanted to do

81:19

the workouts, right? So, these

81:20

theoretical analyses have suggested that

81:23

one of the things that helps us maintain

81:25

self-control is the knowledge of the

81:28

pattern. The pattern itself has strength

81:31

over us in a way that doing something

81:33

once every once in a while sporadically

81:35

does not. So, if you're able to tell

81:37

yourself, I do this I've done this every

81:39

week for, you know, this every Sunday

81:42

for every week of for the last x number

81:44

of years, that has a special

81:46

motivational power

81:48

that perhaps even the same number of

81:51

things even the same number of times

81:52

you've done the activity if you've done

81:53

it more sporadically, it doesn't have

81:55

that power. Perhaps it could be just

81:56

because you have the habit. Perhaps the

81:58

habit locks you in the place and it's

81:59

possible that, you know, we have like

82:01

psychological and cognitive things that

82:03

help us in place. Others have argued

82:04

that, you know, we like the sense of

82:07

completeness, the gestalt of having this

82:10

pattern. Whereas again, the sporadic

82:12

doesn't have that sort of orderly

82:13

system, right? Um

82:16

but one of the things that you might

82:18

recognize is that patterns

82:21

tend to lead to really rigid behaviors,

82:23

right? So, when I was And had the streak

82:25

going, I was like up at the middle of

82:27

the night on a treadmill just trying to

82:29

get my steps in

82:30

just because I wanted to keep the

82:31

pattern which was really stupid.

82:34

So, you know, they can take a life of

82:35

their own which in some cases can be

82:37

good but it can but the rigidity of

82:39

these behaviors could also be bad.

82:41

So, it was this idea that there might be

82:44

um

82:46

trade-offs associated with abstinence

82:47

like drawbacks of abstinence that got my

82:49

student Fung Lay and I really interested

82:52

in if there were other alternatives. And

82:54

the most common alternative is some

82:56

version of

82:57

uh moderation. So, at its extreme

83:00

abstinence is doing like never indulging

83:03

in the temptation or always doing the

83:05

goal-directed option.

83:07

And moderation is

83:10

generally doing the thing that's good

83:12

for the goal but allowing yourself to

83:14

have the occasional lapse.

83:16

Now, I want to be clear here. This is

83:17

not the same thing as failing because

83:20

failing or just you know, justifying

83:23

something post hoc

83:25

you you're you're you're not talking

83:26

about the pattern of behaviors. You make

83:27

that decision in the moment and say,

83:30

well, you know, the the cake looks

83:32

really good. It's sunny out. It's

83:34

beautiful. I deserve the cake and you

83:35

eat it. That's sort of like a a

83:36

justification in the moment.

83:38

>> [snorts]

83:38

>> When we're talking moderation, it's more

83:40

kind of like I have the goal in mind

83:43

and with the goal in mind, I understand

83:46

that indulging once isn't going to kill

83:48

that goal, right? So, so it's not that I

83:50

don't have the goal in mind and I'm just

83:52

want the temptation. I have the goal in

83:54

mind. I'm integrating it with the

83:55

indulgence and saying

83:58

this one instance isn't going to destroy

84:00

my goal.

84:01

It's a lot like saying, you know, eating

84:03

chocolate cake once isn't going to make

84:05

you fat. Or eating a salad for lunch one

84:08

day isn't going to allow you to lose

84:10

weight. What matters is the sustained

84:12

behavior over time. But you have choices

84:15

about that pattern. You can either have

84:17

it be completely consistent one thing or

84:19

you can have cheat days. And so we were

84:22

really interested in some of the

84:23

tradeoffs. You think about some of the

84:25

tradeoffs

84:26

abstinence, as I just mentioned, leads

84:28

to really rigid behaviors.

84:30

But computationally, like the choice is

84:33

is already pre-decided for you. You sit

84:35

down, it's it's Monday, 5:00, that's

84:37

your exercise time. You don't have a

84:39

choice, right? If you're following an

84:41

abstinence strategy, the choice is made

84:43

for you. It's really easy. So it's

84:45

computationally simple in principle, if

84:48

you can hold on to that it makes much

84:50

more rapid progress cuz you never take a

84:52

step back. You're always going towards

84:53

the goal.

84:54

But there are some tradeoffs with this,

84:56

like the rigidity, right? So it's

84:57

Monday, 5:00 p.m., it's your daughter's

85:00

wedding, but you're getting the workout

85:01

in. Why? Right? Like that lack of

85:05

flexibility is kind of crazy. Once the

85:07

pattern is broken it's all or none. It's

85:10

gone.

85:11

So if you're absent and you have a

85:12

lapse, the goal is done, right? You you

85:15

can't go back. My point here is that

85:16

there are some tradeoffs between

85:18

abstinence and moderation. And we are

85:20

really interested in trying to

85:21

understand why people choose one versus

85:25

the other

85:26

for what kinds of tasks, what kinds of

85:28

what kinds of goals,

85:30

um and with the idea that maybe

85:33

sometimes we're picking the wrong

85:35

pattern for the goal at hand, right? So

85:38

for example if I'm trying to be faithful

85:41

to my spouse

85:43

right? Abstinence is probably better

85:46

than indulgence because the thing about

85:48

being faithful to your spouse is that if

85:50

you have the one lapse, you are no

85:51

longer faithful spouse. Right? Sort of

85:54

by definition, that's a situation in

85:56

which you have failed and that goal is

85:57

gone forever. On the other hand, for a

86:00

student studying for an exam

86:03

they can

86:04

hang they can they can watch a little

86:06

Netflix or they can study for their

86:07

exam. Normally those two types of

86:09

conflicts those those two goals aren't

86:11

in conflict, but if they're if it's the

86:13

night before an exam, now they're in

86:15

conflict.

86:16

Do they exclusively study or do they

86:19

give themselves a study break? In that

86:20

kind of situation, a study break might

86:22

be okay because the taking 5 minutes for

86:25

a study break doesn't mean that you fail

86:27

at studying. But so so we're we're kind

86:29

of interested in whether people pick

86:32

certain kinds of strategies for certain

86:34

kinds of conflicts, whether and also

86:36

whether certain personality types might

86:38

prefer certain kinds of strategies. So

86:40

if I'm the kind of person who likes to

86:41

keep things black and white, abstinence

86:43

might be the way to go. If I'm the kind

86:45

of person who likes variety, then

86:47

moderation might be better.

86:49

Another thing that we're really

86:50

interested in is

86:53

why people pick the wrong one.

86:55

And one of the things that we've been

86:56

finding, some initial uh findings that

86:58

we have from our lab, is that when you

87:00

present people with

87:02

targets, other people who have engaged

87:04

in abstinence versus moderation,

87:06

at least the participants that we've

87:08

asked generally say that the person who

87:10

engaged in abstinence has better

87:11

self-control than the person who engaged

87:13

in moderation.

87:15

Which is interesting to us because

87:16

actually moderation is more difficult.

87:19

So you you could have said that the

87:20

moderation person has more self-control

87:22

than the person who's abstinent because

87:23

that's the easy that's in principle the

87:24

easier decision.

87:26

But this suggests to us is that there's

87:28

a there may be a bias that when people

87:30

are saying, "Okay, I want to go on a

87:32

diet. I want to exercise more. I want to

87:34

uh do whatever."

87:36

they might be defaulting to abstinence

87:38

when in fact they might be better off

87:40

doing some some version of moderation.

87:43

Fascinating. Uh

87:44

two of the best pieces of advice that I

87:46

ever got for

87:47

my academic career but turned out to be

87:49

valuable for all sorts of long-term goal

87:52

pursuits um and just life is my dad,

87:55

who's a a scientist, you know, he said,

87:57

"When I really hit the gas pedal on my

88:00

academics cuz I was coming from behind

88:01

coming out of high school." Um he said,

88:03

"Listen,

88:04

you got to be a long-distance runner in

88:06

this game. You know, you you there is a

88:08

thing called burnout and you just have

88:10

to figure out what you can do

88:12

consistently. And then uh a neurologist

88:14

at Berkeley who was also in the

88:16

psychology department, Bob Knight,

88:18

uh

88:19

one time I asked him like

88:20

what's the key to this whole thing? And

88:22

he said uh

88:24

um he said, "Find a non-destructive way

88:27

to reset yourself each week

88:30

and figure out what you can invest five

88:32

or six days per week and update that

88:36

every five years or as your personal

88:38

life changes." So what he was saying was

88:39

what you can do as a graduate student is

88:40

different than when you're a post-doc

88:42

and when you have a family and and I

88:43

said, "What's your uh non-destructive

88:45

thing?" And he goes, "Completely

88:46

mindless activities, in particular

88:48

fishing." I don't want to insult any of

88:49

the fishermen and women in the in the

88:51

audience. I have a lot of fishermen on

88:53

my mom's side. Um but he just would go

88:56

fishing, not think about science, not

88:58

think about anything. I don't know if he

89:00

did it with other people or not and that

89:01

was his reset. And I think it as simple

89:03

as that advice is, it was really

89:05

valuable to me, which is why I'm saying

89:06

it now because he was laying out a

89:08

pattern. The week is it is a fundamental

89:11

unit of work and you have to figure out

89:13

how to reset so that you can continue to

89:15

come back and be that long-distance

89:16

runner. Otherwise, you could burn out is

89:19

real. A physical burnout, mental

89:22

burnout, and what's not sustainable is

89:24

like

89:25

not sustainable. I think

89:27

one of the things that, you know, one of

89:29

the ideas that we've been playing around

89:30

with is this notion that there might be

89:32

sort of two modes of goal pursuit that

89:35

people have. One of them is the single

89:37

goal. Like here's the most important

89:38

thing in my life and I'm going to

89:39

sacrifice everything for it.

89:42

And again, that's very effective for

89:44

getting things done. And I think some of

89:45

the most highly productive, highly

89:47

successful people specialize in that

89:50

mode. And and I think our

89:52

our society's actually really good at

89:53

advancing that idea. Like they say like,

89:55

you know,

89:56

study when you're young, throw

89:57

everything into it, that's not

89:58

important, put your put your effort in

90:00

this. We're really a very goal-directed

90:02

society. I think we raise our I think

90:05

you know, we're really raising our kids

90:06

to be that way saying like, you know,

90:08

you got to do XYZ. So, if you want to be

90:10

an athlete, you have to do this, this,

90:11

this, this, this. If you want to be uh

90:13

you know, if you want to be a scientist,

90:14

you have to do this, this, this. If you

90:15

have a doctor, this, this, this, this.

90:16

So, we kind of track them really quickly

90:18

and then everything becomes about that

90:20

singular goal.

90:21

But, humans we never pursue one goal at

90:24

time. Like, the truth is we are pursuing

90:27

in our lives multiple goals. So, I have

90:30

a goal to spend time with you know, to

90:32

work obviously, but I also want to spend

90:34

time with family and friends. Um I want

90:38

to exercise. I would watch out for my

90:39

health. I want to indulge my artistic

90:41

side. I want to indulge you know, all

90:42

these different goals. They they're kind

90:44

of what my friend Abby calls invisible

90:47

goals. They're they're goals that we're

90:48

pursuing, but we aren't necessarily

90:51

aware that we're pursuing them. And as a

90:53

result, we're not actually maximizing

90:57

and giving them their fair due diligence

91:00

for us to be the well-rounded humans

91:02

that we want to be. So, you were

91:03

mentioning balancing work and non-work.

91:05

I think this is fundamental, but when we

91:08

think about what is success, we go back

91:10

into that single goal mind, right? That

91:12

single goal mode. And one of the things

91:15

I got I think that's why people prefer

91:16

abstinence over moderation. They they

91:18

think they're thinking about the one

91:19

goal that is most important to them and

91:21

they're going to subordinate all the

91:22

other goals, sacrifice all the other

91:24

goals that they have for that one goal.

91:26

But, there might be something really

91:28

healthy and wholesome about

91:31

understanding that you're actually

91:33

pursuing multiple goals and then

91:34

realizing that you have to divvy your

91:35

effort among them. And doing so

91:37

systematically might end up helping all

91:40

the goals

91:42

in a way that's better than just

91:44

pursuing the one and sacrificing all the

91:46

others. In other words, the the gain

91:48

from pursuing all of them might be more

91:50

than the gain of pursuing the one. And I

91:52

think the the the philosophies of

91:55

abstinence versus moderation kind of

91:56

speak to that that that tension between

92:00

do I pursue the one that's really

92:01

important versus do I do I spread my

92:04

effort among the many?

92:06

Certainly in the United States, we love

92:08

to revere the examples of extreme

92:10

performance. Michael Jordan, um

92:14

you know, uh

92:16

Mike Tyson, um amazing gymnasts, um

92:21

uh you know, Yo-Yo Ma, like all these

92:22

people. But if you if you talk to them

92:24

or people from the Tier 1 operations

92:26

community, they'll tell you

92:27

um

92:29

there was very little balance in uh

92:31

certainly when they were ascending the

92:32

ladder, but even to maintain high

92:34

performance, a very very few people can

92:37

do that over time and have a

92:39

uh a stable and healthy personal life.

92:40

Some can. Many can't. These days there

92:43

seems to be a kind of theme of of

92:46

demonizing people for being too extreme

92:47

after

92:49

I find it very selfish on the part of um

92:52

the public to, you know, like revere

92:53

these people, glean all the rewards of

92:55

the incredible, you know, photos of

92:58

Jordan dunking and the dynasties and all

93:00

that. And then and then you're like,

93:01

"Oh, well, he was, you know,

93:02

compulsively uh competitive or something

93:04

like that." Like, "What do you want?"

93:06

Like, I mean, obviously he did it for

93:07

himself, hopefully more than he did it

93:09

for uh for the adoration, but, you know,

93:12

imbalance also brings extremes. I, you

93:15

know, we're talking about training a

93:16

dog, right? I mean, you can get these

93:18

dogs that can do extreme things well

93:21

beyond what their their breed

93:23

represents, but that dog is not going to

93:26

be like other dogs. Its neural circuits

93:28

are honed around these training things,

93:30

and that's what happens when you take

93:31

young kids and you shape them around a

93:32

certain behavior, academic or athletic.

93:35

So, it's easier to look at those

93:37

examples and say, "Oh, yeah, I I don't

93:40

want to deal with that." And so, let's

93:41

demonize them. I think we should

93:42

celebrate those people if that's what

93:44

they genuinely wanted. And we should pay

93:46

attention to the fact that they became

93:47

asymmetric in their wiring, literally.

93:50

And most of us probably don't want that

93:52

or aren't willing to make those

93:53

sacrifices. And I think we can be okay

93:56

with that duality in our heads like, you

93:59

know,

94:00

I there there may be goals for which you

94:02

pursue in that single single-minded way

94:04

and because they're so important to you,

94:07

as long as you're aware,

94:08

you know, so sort of like do I want to

94:09

be a specialist or a generalist? And

94:13

you can't be both. So, balancing your

94:15

time and effort between those two modes

94:17

I think is really important. You have to

94:18

decide, okay, this is a this this goal

94:20

is worth sacrificing for. These other

94:22

ones are not. And as long as we're aware

94:23

of the tradeoffs, I think that's good.

94:25

My concern is I think we often aren't

94:27

aware of the tradeoffs. We're only aware

94:29

of the tradeoffs in retrospect after

94:31

we've made the decision. So, you know,

94:33

those who have sort of more balanced

94:34

their goals, they say, I should have

94:36

put more effort into the one. I didn't

94:38

achieve all the things I wanted to and

94:39

so they're regretful of that. And you

94:41

also see lots of stories of people

94:43

saying like I

94:44

killed myself for this one goal, I did

94:46

it, but I kind of wish I had, you know,

94:49

this other and so I think the more we

94:51

can do it proactively as opposed to

94:53

retrospectively,

94:55

the the closer we will be to where we

94:57

want to be. Again, I think I think

94:58

there's not much research on this and I

95:00

think that's [snorts] what's really

95:02

interesting to me about it. We can have

95:03

this conversation

95:05

as a scientist I'm a little frustrated

95:06

that science hasn't quite gotten up

95:08

caught up to these insights that we're

95:09

talking about.

95:11

If only, dangerous words. Um

95:14

I don't spend a lot of time on social

95:15

media. I have an allocated set of time.

95:17

I have a separate phone for it, which

95:18

helps. Talk about moderation. That

95:20

really helps. So, when people send me

95:22

things on X or Instagram, I I can't see

95:24

it when it cuz texts come through a

95:26

different phone. So, it's an allocated

95:28

time. That's just a little It's been

95:29

very helpful. But I have this kind of

95:31

appreciation for I don't know why there

95:33

these high-speed cup grabbers. Do you

95:35

know these people? So, they set up cups

95:37

or objects.

95:38

And everyone's like, oh, it was sped up

95:39

and

95:40

they and they'll do other things like

95:42

run a clock in the background so you can

95:43

see that it wasn't actually artificially

95:44

sped up. And I'm like, this is so cool.

95:46

And then I realize

95:47

I'm like, how much time did they put

95:48

into this? And um you know, I hope that

95:50

they're happy in their high-speed cup

95:52

grabbing. I don't know what they're

95:53

sacrificing for that, but it's kind of

95:54

amazing in this day and age that because

95:56

we can put everything on display, um

95:58

there's more and more incentive to

95:59

become hyper-specialized in something

96:01

for mere attention. And I hope they're

96:04

being rewarded handsomely in whatever

96:05

way, psychologically or financially. But

96:07

it's kind of interesting. I don't think

96:09

this existed in the past. There might

96:10

have been a traveling carnival or

96:11

something where people would come

96:12

through and do acrobatics. But we're in

96:14

a time now where we can reach into our

96:16

pocket and see the extremes of behavior,

96:19

including these highly trained

96:20

behaviors. So it's a very weird time

96:23

that we're living in. And it sort of

96:24

gives the impression that one has to be

96:27

hypertrophied in one skill or or one

96:30

attribute or else you're not really

96:32

living. And nothing could be further

96:33

from the truth.

96:34

>> You're making really interesting

96:35

observations about the current state of

96:37

our society and and also about the

96:39

impact it could potentially have on

96:40

motivation.

96:41

I think the interesting angle for me in

96:44

what you're just saying, you know,

96:44

you're asking whether the cup is these

96:47

cup folks um these cup stackers are

96:50

doing this for the attention or they're

96:51

doing it for themselves. And I would say

96:53

the the research suggests that they

96:55

probably do it because they themselves

96:58

love it. And it goes back to something

96:59

that you said

97:00

a conversation we had earlier about

97:02

doing hard things.

97:03

Research suggests that

97:05

when it comes to doing really hard

97:07

things, especially sustaining that hard

97:10

things over time, so you could do

97:12

something hard maybe once when you're

97:14

externally motivated, but sustaining

97:16

that over time is really difficult if

97:19

you were exclusively externally

97:21

motivated. Research suggests that your

97:23

self-control or at least your

97:24

performance and self-control is enhanced

97:27

to to the extent that you're

97:28

intrinsically motivated.

97:30

That you enjoy it for the task itself.

97:31

So there's research that Ayelet Fishbach

97:34

has done and Caitlin Woolley as well, um

97:37

where they've shown that, you know, if

97:39

you go to the gym and you only think

97:41

about all the things that you benefit

97:43

long-term from the gym,

97:45

that your attendance at the gym is okay,

97:48

but if they include intrinsic

97:51

intrinsic positivity or intrinsic

97:52

rewards like just listening to your

97:54

favorite music while you're on the

97:55

treadmill

97:56

increases your likelihood of going

97:59

regularly. Right? So, the idea here is

98:01

that

98:01

it's easier to sustain motivation over

98:04

time, especially when things are hard.

98:06

That's when you need to sustain it the

98:07

most when [snorts] you love what you do.

98:10

If you can't find something to love,

98:12

then you might be able to do it

98:14

short-term, but over time you'll

98:16

struggle to to keep that motivation up.

98:18

Mostly because the rewards are not

98:20

tracking with the difficulty of the

98:21

task, right? That's led me to have some

98:24

thoughts about how you build

98:25

self-control and how you teach

98:26

self-control. And I think the worst

98:28

thing to do is to make someone like the

98:31

way that we currently teach

98:32

self-control. I think a lot is in the

98:33

classroom where we make kids sit in the

98:35

in the chairs really quietly and it's

98:37

sort of like rule imposed. This is what

98:39

you're supposed to do. I'm not convinced

98:41

that that's necessarily the best way to

98:43

teach self-control only because that's

98:45

all externally imposed. The child does

98:47

not want to sit there quietly. The child

98:48

wants to do their thing. Instead, I

98:51

think the best way to cultivate

98:53

self-control for yourself or for others

98:56

is to do it in a domain that you have

98:58

intrinsic interest because there's

99:00

something where you will put you will

99:03

do the hard thing for a long time, but

99:06

you'll also

99:08

be more willing to explore and and and

99:11

find better ways of doing something

99:13

because you love it so much, right? So,

99:15

I used to practice martial arts and I

99:17

loved it. And you know, I I would lose a

99:20

competition or I would have a horrible

99:22

practice or I just couldn't do

99:23

something.

99:24

And what kept me going wasn't the some

99:28

desire to be better or some desire it

99:31

was really just the intrinsic love of

99:32

the thing itself. The intrinsic love of

99:34

the process

99:35

that kept me in the game when things

99:37

were the hardest. So,

99:38

you know, if I were to give advice to

99:39

anyone about how best to cultivate

99:41

self-control and to cultivate this

99:43

ability to do hard things, it would

99:45

first be make sure the thing that you

99:46

are trying to do that's so hard is

99:48

something that you love doing. Because

99:49

if you don't love it, all of the

99:51

external rewards are negative. They're

99:53

all punishments. And that's not going to

99:54

sustain you. So, unless there's

99:55

something about the process itself that

99:57

you enjoy the pain, and that sounds

100:00

masochistic, but I think most people who

100:02

do hard things, they enjoy something

100:04

about the process. That's what keeps us

100:06

going and that's what gives us the

100:08

consistent motivation to pursue things

100:09

over time.

100:11

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101:48

You perfectly queued up with this

101:50

question that I've had in uh about

101:53

people who have very uh low activation

101:56

energy, which sounds like a bad thing,

101:58

but it means they can just like get into

101:59

action right away, um versus people that

102:02

you know, it takes a lot for them to get

102:04

into motion to do things. And in being a

102:07

scientist and in being in labs and in

102:09

running a lab, I can't say that people

102:11

fall out into two bins or two um

102:14

you know, distributions on this, but

102:16

there do seem to be people who for

102:18

whatever reason

102:20

I used to try and correlate it with

102:21

upbringing or something like did they

102:22

grow up on a farm or like were their

102:24

parents structured at home, but there

102:26

are these people who like if there are a

102:27

bunch of lab tasks, they're really

102:30

boring. They're like really boring. The

102:31

first time you do them they might be

102:32

interesting, but like washing covers,

102:33

acid washing covers labs and you know,

102:35

and and like aliquoting antibodies. Like

102:38

there's if you can listen to something

102:39

or some music or something like you can

102:40

make it a little bit more bearable, but

102:42

it's it's boring. Right? The moment you

102:44

realize a technician could do it for you

102:45

and you already know how to do it, you

102:47

know, there are certain people who are

102:48

like can't a technician do this? But

102:51

there other people who just go, "Okay."

102:53

And they just do it and they seem to get

102:55

energy from it. It's really interesting.

102:57

And then there are other people and I

102:58

used to think, "Oh, these are going to

103:00

be the people with better ideas or more

103:01

creative and they won't do any of this

103:03

what I call chop wood carry water stuff.

103:06

I haven't found that to be the case at

103:08

all. Some people just have low

103:09

activation energy. You give them a task,

103:12

they might ask you why, but they just

103:13

kind of do it. And then they don't waste

103:15

any effort like no friction. Other

103:17

people it's like this whole process and

103:19

I'm kind of pointing the mirror at

103:20

myself now because certain things I'm

103:22

very plug and chug about. Other things

103:24

I'm like, "Really? Like do I have to do

103:25

this and that?" I will say that as one

103:28

um you know, the interesting thing about

103:30

academia

103:32

that was told to me by my chairman years

103:33

ago. He said, you know, academia is one

103:35

of these funny careers because the

103:36

higher you go up the up the ladder, the

103:38

more like low-level crap they give you

103:41

to do in addition to everything else. I

103:43

actually think that might not be It's a

103:44

terrible thing on the one hand, but it

103:46

might not be such a bad thing. And I'll

103:47

just use one more anecdote. I worked at

103:49

a in the Stanford Sleep Lab for a summer

103:51

when I was um in college and uh there

103:53

was a guy who ran the the project on um

103:56

co-ran the project on looking for the

103:58

gene for narcolepsy, which they

103:59

eventually got. His name was Seiji

104:00

Nishino.

104:02

And he ran the lab. He's an MD and a

104:04

PhD, extremely talented, and they're

104:06

hunting for this gene, and it was a big

104:07

deal. But he would come into lab and do

104:10

like the most rudimentary stuff with the

104:12

technicians. And I remember asking him,

104:15

I was like, "What's the deal?" And he

104:16

said, "Oh, I just like to show people

104:19

that I'll do this.

104:20

And yet, I also just like doing it

104:23

because it makes everything else

104:24

easier." And I thought, holy cow, like

104:27

this guy's running a giant program. And

104:30

he's in there doing like the most

104:32

rudimentary stuff. No complaint, no

104:34

nothing. And I thought, "How do you get

104:36

to be like that?" And it turns out, for

104:37

me, you just have to like scruff

104:39

yourself and make yourself do it. But

104:40

some people just seem to naturally make

104:42

the connect. What What is that? Is it

104:45

upbringing? Is it that some people just

104:47

analysis paralysis? Or they think

104:49

they're special? I haven't found the

104:51

thing. I I can't find it. I don't

104:53

either. Uh I I don't know that I have a

104:55

good answer for you. Um

104:59

I can give you a sort of a scientific

105:01

perspective, but I can also give you a

105:03

philosophical perspective that comes

105:05

from my own Japanese background.

105:08

Um

105:08

So So I'll start with the the the

105:11

philosophical one. You know, in in

105:12

Japanese culture, I've been really

105:14

interested about this concept of ikigai,

105:16

which means you're doing a mundane task,

105:20

but you are finding purpose in it. So,

105:22

you know, your job might be to sweep the

105:25

the

105:25

of a temple, and you could ask like,

105:27

"Wow, that's like as bad as mundane and

105:30

as trivial a task as I could actually

105:31

find."

105:32

But, you know, the I the the idea of

105:35

ikigai is to sort of thinking about it

105:36

if if that is your purpose, if that's

105:38

your piece of the pie, like you're part

105:40

of this giant system and this is the

105:42

important cog that you fill,

105:44

people

105:45

it actually enhances well-being. That

105:47

that that they they'll do it until

105:49

they're like 90 years old, they'll still

105:50

be doing it because and they won't give

105:52

it up because they find so much meaning

105:54

in the simple task. This infusion of

105:57

simple tasks, I think, is also related

105:59

to

106:00

the notion of rituals, right? So, we a

106:02

lot of us a lot of traditions have

106:03

rituals that people engage in and they

106:05

engage in a perfunctory manner. But, if

106:08

you engage it in a meaningful way,

106:10

it has this power to connect us to

106:14

everyone else who's ever done the ritual

106:15

and anyone who might in the future. So,

106:17

sort of expands us to include more

106:20

people in us.

106:21

Um

106:22

And I'm really interested in this idea

106:23

that we can draw sacredness from these

106:25

mundane tasks. Again, this is all

106:27

speculation. My colleague

106:30

uh Shira Gabriel, she's at uh Stony

106:32

Brook Buffalo, she studies what's known

106:34

as collective effervescence, this idea

106:36

of these magical experiences that we

106:38

have when we're in a crowd all kind of

106:40

doing the same thing. So, like if we all

106:42

go to a football game and we're all

106:43

cheering at the same time or we go to a

106:45

concert and we're all singing Taylor

106:47

Swift together, like whoever your singer

106:49

of choice might be, um that there's sort

106:51

of like a magicness where we become

106:53

we're doing something that's fairly

106:55

mundane, but it feels sacred and special

106:57

to us. It's sort of infusing it with

106:58

meaning. Just going back to your point,

107:01

you know, I wonder for for some people

107:03

doing the simple tasks might just be a

107:06

way of connecting to the essence of the

107:09

science itself or the essence of the

107:11

task itself. So, when I was doing

107:13

martial arts, you know, you're supposed

107:14

to tie your armor on in a certain way

107:16

and you're supposed to bow in in a

107:18

certain way. And in some senses, it's

107:20

like, "Oh, there's a stupid set of

107:21

traditions." And you Again, you could

107:23

just go through them in a perfunctory

107:24

manner, but if you did them with

107:25

meaning,

107:27

uh it's not just the task itself, but it

107:29

carries this it it's the connection that

107:32

we have to people that came before us

107:34

and the people that came be after us.

107:36

Again, as mentioned, social belonging is

107:37

one of the most powerful human

107:38

motivations. Um if we can create these

107:41

bonds through these simplistic rituals,

107:44

you know,

107:45

those Again, these are all speculations

107:47

that I'm drawing, but it could

107:48

potentially be really, really powerful.

107:49

And this this idea that there might be

107:52

sacredness in the mundane is a an idea

107:54

that I think really interesting to me.

107:55

So, perhaps, you know, this this PI that

107:58

you're talking about felt more connected

108:00

to the lab by doing these mundane tasks

108:03

that I personally would not want to do.

108:06

Um but, you know, perhaps it was a way

108:07

of sort of saying, like, "I'm still part

108:09

of the science when I'm pushing

108:10

paperwork at the higher levels of

108:12

administration." Again, this is all

108:14

purely speculation, but I think there is

108:15

some basis in in science.

108:18

>> [snorts]

108:18

>> Yeah, I remember thinking back then,

108:20

like, what a badass. The guy got Also,

108:22

he and his and his coworker, um Emmanuel

108:25

Mignot, eventually found the gene of the

108:27

It's in the orexin hypocretin system,

108:29

which has all these implications for

108:30

hunger regulation, has implications for

108:32

the treatment of obesity. Like, these

108:34

They were making fundamental

108:35

discoveries. And like, there he was. And

108:37

to this day, I still like revere him in

108:39

my mind. I was like, He's also, by the

108:40

way, I'll just throw this out there,

108:42

incidentally, the guy who taught me that

108:43

getting morning and evening sunlight in

108:45

my eyes would set my circadian rhythm,

108:47

cuz the guy used to work at like heroic

108:49

hours. He'd sleep like 4-5 hours a

108:51

night, and he was like, "You just have

108:52

to stay on a circadian schedule." Turns

108:53

out you need a little more sleep than

108:54

that. But, he's still going strong. So,

108:57

incredible.

108:58

As we've been talking today, I I've had

109:01

a this thing in the back of my mind,

109:03

which is like,

109:04

there's something, and this is an

109:06

obsession of mine, admittedly, there's

109:08

something about our ability as humans to

109:11

dynamically regulate our perception in

109:14

time that is extremely valuable. Right?

109:17

And it and it's especially salient when

109:19

we think, "Okay, there's the cake. I

109:21

want that. Okay, I'm not going to do

109:22

that." You have to get out of

109:24

You can do things in space.

109:26

In not outer space, but in physical

109:28

space as these kids did with the

109:30

marshmallow. You can turn around. You

109:31

can put something in front of it. You

109:32

could imagine a cockroach on it. But the

109:35

powerful tools seem to be when we

109:36

incorporate some exit from the moment

109:39

into a future moment. We let Or we could

109:42

think back. I mean, David Goggins will

109:44

tell you and I have a friend

109:45

who's come on the podcast before and

109:48

Samer Határ is a scientist and he talked

109:50

about how he was very very overweight

109:52

and you know, he he

109:53

he's he's doing great now with his

109:56

health, but

109:57

David will tell you too like the fear of

109:59

being that again is also a motivator. So

110:01

thoughts to the past linking the present

110:03

to that and to a future concept. What

110:06

we're talking about is is mental time

110:08

travel. And this is a pretty high-level

110:10

thing that I'm assuming my dog when I

110:13

put a piece of meat in front of him on

110:14

the floor can't do unless I give him a

110:16

command and I take it away if he doesn't

110:18

obey the command, which is how he

110:19

learned it so fast. So

110:22

when we're talking about dynamic time

110:24

perception, we know that that's harder

110:26

when we're under conditions of stress.

110:28

When we're when we're more relaxed, it's

110:30

easier to do. So does any of the work

110:32

that you've looked at in self-control

110:34

actively incorporate the notion of

110:36

self-regulation,

110:37

how calm or how anxious one is? Cuz we

110:39

hear this like oh Some people don't eat

110:41

when they get anxious, but a lot of

110:42

people just become anxious eaters or you

110:45

know, for people in 12-step for alcohol,

110:46

it's like never be like what is it? Like

110:48

angry, tired, you know, etc. For these

110:51

very reasons.

110:53

I think what you're saying is

110:54

fundamental to understanding

110:55

self-control. Self-control fails when we

110:58

are not able to move in dis in distance,

111:02

right? So I talked about how

111:03

self-control is distance dependent. When

111:05

it's far away, it's easy. When it's

111:07

close, it's really difficult.

111:09

And so many of the most effective

111:11

strategies in self-control

111:13

require either physically distancing

111:15

yourself, as you've already talked

111:16

about, or psychologically distancing

111:19

myself, finding ways to either

111:22

uh to to activate the mindsets that I

111:25

have when the thing is distant, so I'm

111:26

thinking about it as if it was distant,

111:28

even though it's proximal.

111:30

Um

111:31

or uh finding other ways um to frame it

111:35

as if it's distant. So, um as I said, in

111:37

my lab, we talk about, you know, again,

111:40

when things are far away, we tend to

111:41

think about things in terms of why, but

111:42

when they're close, we tend to think

111:43

about them in terms of how. And so, in

111:45

my lab, we sort of stress knowing your

111:47

whys as one way to extricate yourself

111:50

psychologically uh from the situation

111:52

that you're currently in.

111:54

Now, you mentioned things like, you

111:56

know, being drunk or being angry or

111:58

being tired as things that predispose us

112:00

to self-control failure.

112:02

I don't know if it's necessarily that

112:04

it's difficult um or if it's just they

112:07

bias us in one direction or the other.

112:10

You know, strong emotional states, um

112:13

being uh

112:14

we know with alcohol, it creates myopia.

112:17

We know that when we're tired, we tend

112:19

to think more again, more myopically,

112:21

more here and now, cuz we just want to

112:23

rest, we don't want to think about the

112:24

long term. That our mind sort of this

112:27

attractive state towards being very

112:29

concrete in thinking about how, and

112:31

which again brings us actually proximal

112:33

to the temptation. So, I'm not sure that

112:36

it's necessarily

112:37

um

112:38

harder to do in the sense that like it's

112:41

that much more

112:42

effort, and all else is being equal,

112:44

it's just that the situation has

112:46

put us in a situation where it's a lot

112:48

easier think proximally than think

112:50

distally. So, what are some other ways

112:52

in which you can think get more distance

112:54

from a temptation that's not necessarily

112:56

thinking about why versus how? Um other

112:58

ways might include and these come from

113:00

my colleague Ethan Kross, who I know has

113:02

been a a guest on your show. Referring

113:04

to yourself in the third person as

113:06

opposed to me, Right? So, I might say,

113:09

"What does Ken want to do in this

113:10

situation?" versus "What do I want to

113:11

do?" And just simply referring to myself

113:14

as other people, not me, but as other

113:16

people would create psychological

113:18

distance in the space that allows that

113:20

gives me just enough to think of it as

113:22

far as opposed to close. Um I mentioned

113:25

also uh a study that uh

113:28

that you know, what would Jesus do? For

113:29

example, he did this with kids uh Angela

113:31

Duckworth and um Rachel Carson at the

113:33

University of Minnesota. They brought

113:35

kids in and in one condition they just

113:38

had them do a task that required

113:40

self-control as they normally would. But

113:42

in the experimental condition, they for

113:44

the boys they got they they gave them

113:46

very I'm sorry, they they gave the

113:47

children various costumes. They could

113:48

pick the costume that they wanted to

113:50

wear the most. It's like the boy a

113:51

little boy might put on a Batman cape

113:53

and cowl. And then they were simply

113:55

asked, "As you do this task, we want you

113:57

to ask the question, what would that

113:58

character do?" So, a boy might say,

114:00

"What would Batman do?"

114:02

And they showed that

114:04

thinking like Batman made them have

114:06

better self-control. Now, there's many

114:07

reasons for this, but the reason that

114:09

they emphasized was that Batman isn't

114:11

the kid. And so, they created distance

114:13

by emulating somebody else. Research has

114:16

suggested that the simulation of someone

114:18

else's mind, in order to simulate

114:21

someone else's mind, we actually

114:22

activate the neural circuitry necessary

114:25

to have that mind. So, if I ask myself,

114:27

"What would Batman do?" I literally have

114:29

to think like Batman. I reactivate the

114:31

kinds of thinking that I think Batman

114:33

would have.

114:35

In other words, literally turning me and

114:37

my cognitive system into somebody else.

114:39

Um so, you know, when you are tired and

114:41

drunk and mad and everything else, one

114:44

way if if you can't think about your

114:46

whys and you're having trouble finding

114:48

distance from the object in front of

114:49

you, it's not about not being emotional.

114:52

It's really just finding some

114:53

psychological space. And one way to do

114:55

that potentially is to take on someone

114:57

else's perspective, someone that you

114:58

really admire. Incredible. I don't know

115:01

if the following experiment exists, but

115:04

uh maybe pieces of it exist in different

115:06

experiments. I'm interested in the value

115:09

of words spoken to self in one's mind,

115:13

words spoken to self out loud, but with

115:16

no one around,

115:18

writing things down, words spoken to

115:20

other people,

115:22

pictures, etc. as

115:25

either weaker or stronger motivators

115:29

for the obvious reasons. And I think all

115:32

of us are familiar, at least, you know,

115:34

in the 2000s you would go into an office

115:36

or a school and there'd be these

115:37

pictures. It would be like, you know,

115:39

inspiration when, you know, the moment

115:42

meets the opportunity and then it'd be

115:44

like so sunrise or something. Like, and

115:46

I'm not trying to make light of those

115:48

better those than like a bunch of other

115:49

things. But and they're very innocuous

115:51

too, like in this day and age where no

115:53

single historical figure seems to be

115:55

immune from criticism, these have become

115:57

the like the safe concepts. I'm not sure

116:00

I have chuckling, but like what is the

116:02

value of telling oneself like like

116:05

Andrew, you got this. Or telling someone

116:07

else like I'm going to do this. I don't

116:09

know, maybe using AI to create a picture

116:11

of yourself in the future doing

116:13

something or having done something.

116:15

Surely these experiments have been done.

116:17

I know some of them your laboratory has

116:18

done.

116:19

What is the most potent tool and I have

116:21

a feeling you're going to say all of

116:22

them.

116:23

I think they can all have their place,

116:26

but as I mentioned before, I think

116:28

different

116:29

different things will have better power

116:31

over others for certain people.

116:34

So for example, if you tend to be the

116:36

kind of person who already has so a lot

116:37

of self-talk going on and the self-talk

116:40

means something to you. Like like

116:41

they're meaningful voices to you that

116:43

you listen to, then self-talk presumably

116:46

would be very effective for you, right?

116:47

So if you're the kind of person where if

116:48

you're positive self-talk, you literally

116:50

feel better. If it's negative self-talk,

116:51

you feel worse.

116:52

You know, then perhaps strategically

116:55

trying to change that self-talk could

116:57

potentially have a really powerful

116:58

effect on you. Some people talk about

117:00

visualization. So I mention one one

117:02

thing I forgot to mention with respect

117:04

to distancing strategy. One distancing

117:06

strategy is to take a third-person

117:07

perspective versus a first-person

117:09

perspective on the thing that you're

117:10

looking at.

117:11

This doesn't work for me at all because

117:14

I'm not a particularly visual thinker. I

117:16

think in words. So for me, words are

117:18

more effective than pictures. But if

117:20

you're a much more pictorial person, and

117:22

we know that this is a distribution that

117:24

some people are more pictorial and some

117:25

people are more verbal, um then perhaps

117:28

like visualizing yourself engaging in

117:30

the behavior would be more effective.

117:33

Let me add one more thing. There is

117:34

research that suggests um that when you

117:38

communicate something to somebody and

117:40

then they respond in a way that makes it

117:42

seem like you are on the same

117:43

wavelength,

117:45

that that creates an experience known as

117:47

shared reality.

117:49

People put a special premium in truth

117:52

value to those interchanges than when

117:55

you don't have that. So let me just give

117:57

you an example. On a lot of college

117:58

campuses today, you will see um banners

118:01

that say, "You belong." And they're

118:03

trying to promote inclusion and make

118:05

everyone feel at home on the college

118:06

campus. And my own intuition about this

118:09

is I'm not so sure how effective those

118:10

are. I think they're a lot like the

118:11

motivational posters that you're talking

118:13

about that used to be in the offices.

118:15

However,

118:16

if someone says, "Hey, you know what? I

118:19

think you really belong. I think um

118:22

I'm really happy that you're here." It

118:23

seems it's a very similar message. Uh

118:25

maybe it might even use the same words.

118:28

If it's conveyed in a way that makes you

118:30

feel like they understand you and that

118:32

you guys are on the same wavelength,

118:33

that actually has a very powerful

118:35

effect. And there's some ongoing

118:37

research in my lab that that actually

118:40

even though it's the same words, there's

118:42

something about that exchange of like we

118:44

see the world in the same way that

118:45

convinces me that what you're saying is

118:48

true. And so therefore it has a much

118:50

bigger impact on me. So I bring this all

118:53

back to the self-control by saying,

118:54

"Well,

118:55

if you know, so you talked about is

118:57

self-talk more effective than other

118:59

talking?"

119:00

I suspect other talking would be much

119:02

more effective if you were able to

119:04

create this kind of reality, right?

119:06

Where if you had this conversation and

119:07

you said, "I'm going to do this." And

119:09

that other person says, "I know you're

119:11

going to do this." Right? I bet that has

119:13

a lot more power than you saying to

119:15

somebody else, you know, "I'm going to

119:17

do this." And they're like, "Uh-huh,

119:18

uh-huh, good luck." Right? So, like so

119:20

there there are because humans are

119:22

social species,

119:24

there there is a special power when we

119:27

can create um a sense of oneness with

119:30

others that makes our thoughts become

119:32

real. So, if if by saying it that if I

119:34

by writing it, my thoughts are becoming

119:37

real and have more power over um those

119:40

are much more likely to have an effect.

119:41

Again, this is all pure speculation, but

119:43

I think it fits what we know about

119:44

psychology.

119:46

That's incredible. I'm remembering a

119:47

recent conversation where, you know, we

119:50

was kind of playing with the idea with

119:51

someone, you know, like it's the old uh

119:55

you know, riddle, if a tree falls in the

119:56

woods, you know, and no one's uh there

119:58

to uh witness it, did it make a sound?

120:00

It's sort of like if we have a thought

120:02

or an experience, um and no one was

120:04

there to hear it or witness it, did it

120:06

really happen? And we know it happened,

120:08

right? We can be alone and we can have a

120:09

thought, but there does seem to be a

120:11

sort of loop that closes and gets

120:15

enhanced, and I'm not trying to be

120:16

mystical here when something that we say

120:19

or do uh is witnessed and registered. Um

120:23

this can go in multiple directions. I'm

120:24

uh uh reminded of a

120:27

uh just very brief story. I have a good

120:28

friend, his name is Ken Rideout. Uh he's

120:30

one of these incredible

120:32

um

120:33

parents and is husband to his wife and

120:35

and he comes from a really hardscrabble

120:37

background and and he's this incredible

120:40

endurance runner and uh in his 50s, he's

120:42

like crushing races. And he was doing a

120:44

race in the in like the the I think it

120:46

was like the African it was like the

120:48

Gobi Desert I think is what it was and

120:50

he's super competitive with himself and

120:52

everyone else but he he was hurting one

120:54

day and I think he he ran up next to the

120:56

guy who was lead leading the race took

120:58

out his earbud and turned to him and he

121:00

said in kind of psychological warfare

121:02

manner he said you know I don't know

121:03

what it is about me I just don't get

121:05

tired. And he said he registered the

121:07

fear on the other guy's face and he just

121:10

crushed him that day and and I and he

121:12

won of course in Ken Rideout typical

121:14

fashion uh he's an amazing guy has a

121:16

book out that's like really it is super

121:18

worth reading um because it of his

121:22

trajectory like David Goggins or these

121:24

other guys and the fact he wrote a book

121:25

is interesting right it's not just

121:27

there's something about externalizing

121:29

these these thoughts I am sure somewhere

121:32

in his mind he didn't necessarily

121:34

believe what he was saying everybody

121:36

gets tired right even Ken Rideout gets

121:38

tired but there's something about

121:39

externalizing it seeing that validated

121:42

that makes it more true to ourselves.

121:45

And that's a kind of

121:46

a competitive example but there are also

121:48

beautiful examples of that like you said

121:49

where someone's like I believe in you

121:51

like you can do this and it completely

121:53

changes our notion of what's possible I

121:55

certainly experienced that in a

121:56

non-competitive arena so

121:59

something there I guess that's a

122:01

a note to the uh

122:03

to the person or people hearing

122:05

somebody's goal or wish

122:07

um to like tune in cuz those are potent

122:11

moments or potentially potent moments.

122:13

I'm always struck that you know our

122:16

the impact that we have on our students

122:18

especially our graduate students and

122:19

stuff um they're not the things I think

122:21

they're going to be they they always

122:23

remember these side conversations where

122:25

>> [snorts]

122:25

>> you know you acknowledge some small

122:27

thing that was going on in their life

122:28

but again for them it was that sort of

122:30

moment of like I'm

122:32

bringing to reality some of the thoughts

122:34

that they were having and hearing me say

122:36

them or hearing me verify some of these

122:38

thoughts had an incredibly uplifting and

122:40

as As it can also have an incredibly

122:41

crushing event. So, if I'm having

122:42

insecurities and I'm sort of harping on

122:45

those acknowledging that those

122:46

insecurities might have a have a have a

122:48

truth to them, they could be incredibly

122:50

damaging.

122:51

Um but I'm always amazed by how

122:53

inspiring it can be. Someone that you

122:55

really respect, you know, they know you

122:57

have this goal and then they say like,

122:59

"I know you have this goal and I think

123:01

you can do it." Like it it brings That

123:03

That's what I'm talking about, the

123:04

shared reality, the social validation of

123:06

this belief makes it more real and thus

123:09

has more power. You know, we know that

123:11

writing thoughts down can be a very

123:12

powerful thing as well for emotion

123:15

regulation and and motivation. I think

123:17

part of that is just the actual sharing

123:19

part is the fact that now that I've

123:20

written it down, I'm now looking at it

123:23

as if it was not me.

123:25

Right? So, so I'm now it's not me, it's

123:27

words on the page and that brings

123:29

another level of power that didn't have

123:31

when they're just floating. So, I again,

123:33

I think all of these strategies that

123:34

you're talking about, self-talk,

123:35

writing, talking to other people, I

123:37

think they're all they can all be

123:38

powerful in the right way for the right

123:40

person, but they may also exist on a

123:42

continuum of potential potency, both

123:44

good and bad.

123:46

What I'm about to ask sort of gets into

123:47

the realm of like um

123:50

performance, but I could imagine it

123:52

being used for any number of things.

123:55

You know, music, in particular the music

123:56

that we listen to at a

123:58

particular stage of life, um is able to

124:01

embody a lot without us having to like

124:03

script out complete sentences. It's sort

124:05

of a time-space travel of its own,

124:07

right? There's certain songs, I'm sure

124:08

for you too. You hear them and I I

124:10

teleport back, you know. Um

124:13

is it possible to build these anchors?

124:16

You know, like like have a song or

124:17

something that that you associate with a

124:19

time of like working through struggle

124:21

that

124:22

the process is captured in that and then

124:25

you can reapply it. Like do those tools

124:27

really work? Cuz there was this phase

124:29

from about like 1998 to about 2015 when

124:34

like TED Talks and books were

124:35

chock-a-block full of this stuff.

124:38

It's not clear to me that they work or

124:40

that they don't work, but music's a

124:41

powerful anchor.

124:43

Um so, has anything been explored around

124:45

around this? Not that I'm aware of. The

124:47

the the best work that I can link to

124:48

this is work that I know that's done on

124:50

nostalgia.

124:51

Um and nostalgia is traditionally is

124:54

portrayed in most media as something

124:56

really negative. It's like a negative

124:58

bittersweet state, but there research in

125:00

psychology suggests that nostalgia

125:02

actually has a very functional process.

125:04

It serves a lot of different

125:05

motivations. So, for example, one of the

125:08

things that it does is it helps make me

125:09

feel connected. As as so, a lot of times

125:12

I I might feel like I don't really know

125:14

myself. I don't know who I am.

125:16

And nostalgia is a way of as you meant

125:18

used the word anchor. It

125:19

allows you to time travel and anchor and

125:22

then more importantly see a sense of

125:24

self-continuity. That I can see how I

125:26

was there then and I can see how I am

125:28

now and I see I feel a sense of

125:30

connection, a sense of oneness. And that

125:32

can have a lot of positive benefits to

125:34

the extent that that's what you're

125:35

looking for. So,

125:36

you know, to the extent that music makes

125:38

you nostalgic and I think a lot of the

125:39

music that we love most has an element

125:41

of nostalgia to it, I do think it serves

125:44

a very important

125:46

distance traveling function, time

125:47

traveling function. And and you used the

125:50

word anchor which I really like, too. It

125:52

it it reminds us who we are,

125:54

where we've been and who we've become.

125:56

And we know for humans that's a very

125:58

that that narrative, that sense of

126:00

continuity is also very important for

126:02

existential reasons. That I belong here

126:04

for a reason, that there's a purpose.

126:05

And so, motivationally those can be very

126:07

effective. Now, I don't know if it

126:08

reinstates the motivations that you had

126:11

during the time, but I think it at least

126:13

allows you to connect to the time where

126:16

you had those motivations. They may have

126:17

changed, they may be stronger, they may

126:19

be weaker, but that sense of connection

126:21

I think is really important for

126:21

understanding

126:23

what your motivations are in the first

126:24

place, right? How they've evolved over

126:26

time and what they are now like.

126:28

To the extent that they're the same, it

126:29

might be able to reactivate, but to the

126:30

extent that they're different, it

126:31

actually might cause deactivation, but

126:33

not in a bad way, but in sort of a good

126:35

way in reminding you, "Okay, now what

126:37

motivates you? Now what's changed? What

126:39

what do you care about now?"

126:41

I'd like to just briefly return to the

126:43

concepts of intrinsic versus extrinsic

126:46

motivation. As I recall, there was this

126:48

famous set of experiments also done at

126:50

Stanford where they had kids draw, kids

126:52

intrinsic Excuse me, where kids drew

126:55

intrinsically like drawing. They just

126:56

observed which kids drew. Then they

126:57

started rewarding those kids for

126:59

drawing, and then they observed, at

127:00

least as I recall, the outcomes being

127:02

they they observed that some of these

127:04

kids um drew less or gave up drawing

127:06

because

127:07

um the conclusion that was that these

127:10

kids now were doing it for the the

127:12

rewards as opposed to the activity

127:13

itself. Did those results hold up over

127:15

time? Generally speaking, the results

127:18

have held up over time, although, you

127:19

know, the there there are some

127:21

situations in which

127:23

um they appear at odds with current

127:26

practices and intuitions that we might

127:28

have. And And the best example I can

127:29

think of is being paid for your job.

127:31

Right? So, so being paid for your job is

127:34

something that you um

127:36

it is an extrinsic reward is an

127:38

extrinsic reward for something that you

127:40

may or may not be intrinsically

127:41

interested in. And so the the big

127:43

question is, if you love your job,

127:46

and then I pay you to do the job that

127:48

you love, does the love that you have

127:50

for that job go down?

127:52

Now, I don't think this is that

127:55

perplexing if you understand what was

127:57

actually going on in those Stanford

127:59

studies. So, they were children.

128:01

So, again, the children were

128:02

intrinsically enjoy playing with

128:03

markers, and then all of a sudden, in

128:06

one condition, they were say, "Okay, now

128:08

I want you to play with these markers,

128:09

and if you play with these markers, I

128:11

will give you a reward."

128:12

A second condition, they said,

128:14

"Surprise!

128:15

You just play with the markers, but

128:17

we're going to also give you a reward."

128:19

And then the third condition, there was

128:20

no reward, right? Um

128:22

and where you saw intrinsic intrinsic

128:25

motivation go down is when the child

128:27

knew before they got to play with the

128:29

markers the second time that that they

128:32

were going to get the reward. So, they

128:33

were cuz they knew they were playing

128:35

with the markers to get the reward.

128:38

It's unclear to me whether that same

128:40

confusion would happen with adults. So,

128:42

if I know I love this job

128:45

and now you're paying me a lot of money

128:47

to do this job that I love,

128:50

is it possible that I will confuse get

128:53

confused and start to think oh, I'm

128:55

actually doing it because I'm getting

128:56

paid? Yes, and I think we can think of

128:58

people who have had that experience.

129:00

But, you can also imagine that as

129:01

adults, I know what I love.

129:03

And I'm not even paying attention to how

129:05

much money I'm being paid even though

129:07

I'm being paid.

129:08

What matters here is the

129:10

the confusion. Why am I doing what I'm

129:12

doing? And you could imagine with adults

129:14

if I'm really clear why I'm doing what

129:17

I'm doing that that confusion might be

129:18

less likely to happen

129:20

um than than if I'm not as clear about

129:23

what I really really love. Now, I will

129:25

say what I just said is very

129:27

controversial and I'm sure the

129:29

psychologists who are listening to this

129:31

are going to be all up in arms about how

129:32

that's not can't be true. Um I think

129:35

there are multiple theories about how

129:36

intrinsic motivation works and I'm

129:38

drawing for those expert readers expert

129:41

listeners from the attributional

129:42

approach um and what matters here is the

129:44

conclusions one draws from one's

129:46

actions. And why am I doing this? As

129:48

that depending on how I answer that will

129:51

dictate how my motivation flows. If I'm

129:53

doing it because I'm trying to get the

129:55

extrinsic rewards, then it becomes

129:57

extrinsically motivated and my

129:58

motivation drops. But, you can imagine

130:01

again with adults those who really know

130:03

that that they love the thing and

130:04

they're really certain they love the

130:05

thing, they may be a little bit more

130:07

resistant to that.

130:09

Interesting and and as adults we can

130:11

also um connect dots and expand our

130:14

wise. You know, say well, I love doing

130:17

this thing, get paid for doing it, and

130:20

uh those resources can help me provide

130:22

for others uh who I also love. So, it's

130:24

sort of exponential. Um I remember a

130:26

salary discussion with my chairman, not

130:28

at Stanford, but when I was down at

130:29

UCSD. I won't mention who it was. You'll

130:31

never figure it out, folks, cuz there

130:33

were several chairmen during my time

130:34

there. And I'll never forget during a

130:35

salary negotiation, he said two things.

130:37

He said, "A, you can't make more money

130:39

than me." Which seemed fair. He's, you

130:40

know, running the department. I was a a

130:42

junior professor.

130:44

And he said, "And never forget, you're

130:45

going to make far less money than you

130:47

deserve for most of your career. And

130:48

then you're going to make far more money

130:50

than you deserve at the end of your

130:51

career." And I remember thinking like,

130:53

"That's the worst argument I ever heard

130:55

to somebody who can't afford housing or

130:56

whatever." Anyway, Stanford always

130:58

treated me well. But, um

131:00

and in many ways he was probably right.

131:02

No one Nobody goes into academic science

131:04

to make money. It's just not what you

131:05

do. You can look at anyone running a

131:07

lab,

131:08

certainly in academia, and you can be

131:11

sure that the amount of work that

131:13

they're doing reflects their love of of

131:15

discovery and and and doing science. I I

131:17

feel very comfortable making that

131:18

statement. But, in a lot of careers,

131:21

people do make a lot of money for

131:23

something that they intrinsically loved.

131:25

I'm thinking about performing artists,

131:26

for instance. And um for my friends who

131:29

are in that world, I I think it can

131:31

create a lot of dissonance. Like, uh

131:34

because they'll start taking tours and

131:36

they'll start doing album deals simply

131:39

for for the finances. And they get used

131:41

to a certain lifestyle, which brings me

131:42

back to this chop wood, carry water

131:44

notion and the ikigai. Is that how you

131:46

pronounce it?

131:47

>> ikigai um notion earlier. You know, it's

131:50

Several of the people who I've observed

131:52

have incredibly long, super successful

131:55

creative careers. I've been fortunate

131:57

enough to to speak to some of these

131:59

these people and know a few of them. And

132:02

100% of them will say that they still

132:05

engage in a lot of mundane tasks

132:06

throughout their day. Yeah, they have a

132:08

lot of hired help and things like that,

132:09

but they're still picking up after their

132:11

kids. Some of them are still edging the

132:13

lawn. They're still doing these things

132:14

because when they didn't, they thought

132:16

that all their time would expand into

132:18

doing their creative work, and they

132:20

found that wasn't the case. They

132:21

actually had lower motivation. And I'm

132:24

sure there are exceptions to this, but I

132:26

don't know, there's really something to

132:27

this um

132:29

like staying in the groove of what what

132:31

you were doing in the early to maybe mid

132:34

portions of your career when you were

132:35

like climbing the rungs. That's it's

132:37

almost like a it's like a mental muscle.

132:39

Yes, it's it's it seems to me a little

132:40

bit like just stay I guess I mentioned

132:42

before like staying connected to the to

132:44

the process, to to the way that you

132:46

know, I used to do things. I will say we

132:48

have to be really careful though because

132:49

I think this relationship between

132:51

external rewards and intrinsic

132:54

motivation can be exploited. So, there's

132:57

some research suggests that when we know

132:59

somebody loves the job,

133:02

we don't feel the need to pay them as

133:04

much cuz we know they'll do the job

133:06

anyway. Right? So, whereas if you took

133:08

two people, one who is intrinsically

133:10

motivated and one who's extrinsically

133:12

motivated, you have to pay the

133:13

extrinsically motivated person a lot

133:15

more money to do the same job than the

133:18

person who's intrinsically motivated.

133:20

But it begs a lot of questions about

133:21

fairness. Should you really be paying

133:23

two people different amount of money

133:25

when they're doing exactly the same task

133:27

just because they have differences in

133:29

motivation? And in some respects, you're

133:31

almost rewarding the person that you

133:34

probably don't want doing the job

133:36

because they don't they're just doing it

133:37

for the money as opposed to they really

133:38

love what they're doing. Um I think a

133:40

lot of employers would like to believe

133:42

that they're or like to have employees

133:44

who are intrinsically motivated cuz

133:46

people who are intrinsically motivated

133:48

will often do the extra step, they'll do

133:50

the hard work. But again, there's this

133:51

there's this always this concern that

133:52

they could be exploited because we know

133:55

because they derive some value from the

133:57

work itself that we might have this

133:59

perception that they don't need to be

134:01

compensated quite enough. So, there is

134:02

this exploitation effect that's really

134:04

dangerous and pernicious.

134:06

Are there any elements of Japanese

134:08

culture that you wish you saw more of in

134:10

the United States for let's just say

134:13

your students and for for young people

134:15

in general but maybe adults as well and

134:17

vice versa that in the context of your

134:20

work because they are very different

134:22

places culturally certainly there's

134:24

overlap too but numerous times across

134:28

our conversation on and off microphone

134:29

we sort of touched into some of these

134:31

really incredible concepts in Japan and

134:33

Japanese culture certainly we have them

134:35

in the United States and elsewhere too

134:36

but you're in a unique position to

134:38

answer this if if you're willing and I'm

134:40

always interested in how

134:42

concepts from other cultures and our own

134:45

could be you know looked at. Well, I

134:48

should say first and foremost I'm

134:49

Japanese American. I'm Nisei so I was

134:51

born here so I have never lived in Japan

134:54

so I think a lot of Japanese listeners

134:57

might say oh he's not really Japanese.

134:59

I'm definitely Japanese American. My

135:02

connection to my culture mainly comes

135:04

from food

135:06

because I like eating and cooking mostly

135:08

eating

135:09

and I also as I said I used to practice

135:11

martial arts I used to I used to

135:12

practice the Japanese martial art Kendo

135:14

which is sword fighting.

135:16

I've never actually thought about this

135:17

question so so the question that you've

135:18

asked is is is really tough one for me

135:20

I'm going to have to just sort of think

135:21

on the spot.

135:23

I think for me

135:25

um

135:26

one of the things I

135:29

again psychology I think is starting to

135:31

come to grips with it but a lot of the

135:32

work on mindfulness I think is really

135:34

interesting and important but I don't

135:36

know that we recognize enough is sort of

135:39

the importance of

135:40

breaks

135:42

opportunities to take your foot off the

135:43

gas again I'm not so sure it's Japanese

135:46

culture

135:48

the the society that they're good at

135:49

that either

135:50

you know the stereotype is that they

135:52

work all the time so maybe they maybe

135:53

they have just the same problems that we

135:55

do but from the outsider's perspective

135:57

at least the notion of mindfulness

136:00

suggests that there are times where we

136:02

need to

136:04

not be so goal directed and so driven,

136:07

but instead just enjoy the moment. But,

136:10

it's not even enjoy the moment like I'm

136:12

going to enjoy this chocolate cake. It's

136:13

like just enjoying

136:16

being here

136:17

uh in this moment. Um I think that's an

136:19

interesting idea that I think in

136:20

psychology we are wrangling with. And

136:21

there's a lot of research in this area,

136:23

so maybe perhaps it's not quite

136:24

answering your question. The other

136:26

notions that I think are interesting is

136:28

it's just sort of the notion of

136:30

uh

136:31

it this notion of wabi-sabi, that

136:34

there's beauty in decay and

136:36

non-perfection. And again, I think

136:38

that's an idea that

136:40

can be foreign in in the in the in the

136:43

in the western cultural space where, you

136:45

know, like if we think about our

136:46

landscaping or we think about, you know,

136:49

what we want, you know, the way that we

136:50

dress, it has to be perfect, right?

136:52

Like, you know, so we get all this

136:53

cosmetic surgery or we, you know, buy

136:55

all these clothes, and if there's one

136:56

wrinkle, we have to, you know, change

136:58

clothes or whatnot. Like, we we always

137:00

we're we're you you mentioned the word

137:02

optimization before that. We things have

137:03

to be perfect. Um where isn't in

137:07

Japanese culture, there's a beauty in

137:08

the imperfection. In fact, you want you

137:10

actually intentionally build in the

137:12

imperfections to have beauty. And I

137:14

think again, with in the context of this

137:16

conversation that we just had, you know,

137:18

embracing the suck and and starting from

137:20

the place of not being perfect to try to

137:23

strive for something better, um again,

137:25

might be an idea that we could

137:27

incorporate. Um and and we also already

137:29

talked about ikigai, this idea of

137:31

finding

137:32

connection

137:34

and and and and expansion and

137:38

um meaning purpose in something really

137:40

mundane or ritualistic or simple, I

137:42

think, is also really interesting idea

137:44

that might sort of explain some of the

137:48

lack of happiness that we're currently

137:50

experiencing in our own culture, where

137:51

we're constantly future-oriented as

137:53

opposed to and we're always looking for

137:54

bigger things as opposed to finding

137:56

beauty in the simple things that we do.

137:58

Like, the most mundane tasks that we do

138:00

might be the most important things that

138:02

we do, but we just don't code it that

138:04

way because we're our eyes are on the

138:06

prize downstream. And I wonder if that

138:08

too might be an interesting idea worth

138:10

exploring. It's interesting to think

138:12

about your answer in the context of the

138:14

the mundane or the chop wood carry water

138:16

type uh thing plug and chug whatever

138:18

people want to call it because therein

138:20

seems to be

138:22

at least part if not all of the

138:24

operations that we're applying to the

138:25

big lofty goals just on repeat with this

138:30

thing that this concept like I'm going

138:32

for this big whatever trophy degree

138:35

founding a company building this like

138:37

when we think about external things but

138:39

even for people who who have like a

138:40

really big family concept beautiful,

138:42

right? But I've seen a lot of people

138:44

crushed under that pressure too.

138:46

And then they end up with a kid who

138:47

doesn't fit into their family concept

138:49

and it's like completely destabilizing

138:52

for all their ideas they thought they

138:53

could script it out according to their

138:55

family album from the past. I don't wish

138:57

that you know these hardships on anyone

138:59

and yet they're kind of like the stuff

139:01

that make life

139:03

great too in a weird way. Yeah, that

139:06

that that brings us back to the idea of

139:08

wabi-sabi like beauty in the

139:09

imperfection in beauty in the decay and

139:12

yeah, like we can embrace what is not

139:15

perfect which seems you know just sort

139:16

of thinking about my own life like wow,

139:18

that's in some sense that's totally

139:20

foreign. You know, you're taking

139:21

pictures and it has to be the perfect

139:23

picture or you're you're saying this

139:24

perfect family like we have these mental

139:26

models of what the goal is and we we

139:29

only achieve it when you're there.

139:31

Um it's interesting to think about like

139:35

other like being giving some degrees of

139:37

freedom in that and and finding meaning

139:39

in that. I think that's really

139:40

interesting idea. Yeah, it's actually

139:42

one place where social media has

139:44

um in my opinion has shown a bit of

139:46

humanity uh contrary to the stereotype

139:49

like you know, I see a lot of social

139:50

media stuff and sure like you'll see

139:52

incredible feats of artistic or athletic

139:55

or whatever and they'll get like tons of

139:56

views and likes But every once in a

139:58

while someone will come along and very

140:00

authentically like confess a failure or

140:04

come along and and just, you know,

140:07

express a hardship that they're going

140:08

through or a win that they that doesn't

140:11

really fall within our normal notions of

140:13

what a win is and it's like an avalanche

140:16

of interest in those. So, I think

140:17

there's a there's a natural um

140:20

kind of uh magnetism to these like just

140:23

human elements. So, I appreciate you

140:25

being willing to take that answer uh to

140:27

answer that question excuse me on the

140:28

fly um because uh you know, it's not

140:31

within your uh your PubMed profile, but

140:33

I but you you're I do believe that the

140:37

the people we are comes to the science

140:39

we do and and I numerous times

140:41

throughout today's discussion I've

140:43

detected these elements of like who you

140:45

are in this and it's impossible to to

140:48

separate so So, thank you for for the

140:50

consideration. And as a final question,

140:53

I'm actually just really curious what

140:55

you

140:56

want to do now. Like what what is the

140:58

the experiment you're working on now or

141:00

the dream set of experiments that you

141:01

think can really move the needle forward

141:03

in your own concept of this work cuz

141:05

clearly you're you're very focused on it

141:07

and we're very grateful that you're

141:08

doing this work, but yeah, like what

141:10

what where's your What are you most

141:11

excited about right now? One is we tend

141:15

to think about self-control again at the

141:17

tactic level. What do I do to overcome

141:20

this temptation? And I think largely

141:22

overlooked is this idea of

141:25

what do I want to do again cuz you don't

141:27

you don't get your goal from a single

141:29

behavior. It's through repeated patterns

141:30

of action. So, to really come up with

141:33

better ways to understand repeated

141:35

patterns of action in the lab or in the

141:38

field. I think it's a major challenge

141:40

that the field has to take on and hasn't

141:43

and I think one of the reason why we

141:44

haven't studied it is cuz it's so hard.

141:46

That's why we go back to these one-shot

141:47

deals. I think that's one of the most

141:49

important things to think about.

141:51

Um another is and again we talked about

141:53

this two modes idea, am I pursuing the

141:55

one goal or am I pursuing the many?

141:58

I think in psychology we have spent a

142:00

lot of time focusing on the pursuit of

142:02

the one.

142:03

And we haven't really done a good job of

142:06

sort of embracing the pursuit of the

142:09

many. To the extent that we have it's

142:11

usually like two goals, so like

142:12

work-life balance, we'll look at how

142:14

people navigate those. But as I

142:15

mentioned before,

142:17

we have more than two goals at any given

142:18

time. So, how do we integrate all of

142:20

these goals? How do we pursue them all

142:22

the time? How are we juggling all these

142:23

balls and keeping track of them?

142:25

Are there goals that we are that we have

142:26

that we're not even aware of um, that we

142:29

are actually pursuing?

142:30

Really interested in that. Um, and then

142:33

and related to that is sort of fitting

142:35

goals into the broader constellation of

142:39

all the things that we want. Like

142:40

connecting goals to these big underlying

142:43

values and motivations that we have.

142:47

That link is not really well understood.

142:49

So, we talked a little bit about getting

142:50

our ducks in a row.

142:52

Seeing like the whys of a particular

142:55

like when you think about your goals,

142:57

the the broader motivations of what

142:58

motivates them.

143:00

How how did that come to be? Like, did

143:02

our system just know that these things

143:03

were aligned and

143:05

now retrospectively we're making the

143:06

connections or does making the

143:09

connections have an important impact?

143:11

So, not just multiple goals but also

143:14

levels of goals and how they connect to

143:16

more fundamental motives and how we know

143:18

that whether goal is right for us. I

143:20

think fundamentally requires

143:22

understanding whether they resonate with

143:24

these broader motives that we had. And

143:26

again, as you mentioned also like like

143:29

getting things aligned. Like that

143:30

alignment idea. I don't know that we

143:32

really understand

143:34

how people do this. It's magical.

143:37

When we get it right, we do amazing

143:38

things.

143:40

How do we know it was the right thing to

143:41

do? Like, there's no textbook, there's

143:43

no wiring, there's that so what are the

143:45

cues? What are the signals? How do we

143:46

discover what we really want? Those

143:48

kinds of things I think are the future

143:50

of our science. I don't know that it's

143:52

going to require a lot of methodological

143:53

development, but I think those are the

143:55

big questions I'd like to see us

143:56

address.

143:57

Awesome. Awesome. I look forward to

143:59

seeing what you and your colleagues

144:00

discover next. And I want to thank you.

144:04

Um thank you so much for coming here

144:05

today, sharing

144:07

uh work that you've been doing in your

144:08

lab. When I discovered uh your webpage

144:10

and saw a few uh things you had done um

144:12

previously, I was like, I really really

144:14

want to sit down and uh and talk to Ken

144:16

because I I can tell that not only is

144:19

the work embedded in something that we

144:21

all grapple with, and that's extremely

144:23

important to life advancement, no matter

144:25

how ambitious or non-ambitious somebody

144:26

is, but it's also clear that you're

144:28

bringing in a real understanding of just

144:31

how dynamic our lives are. It's like not

144:33

one goal, and and studying these things

144:35

in isolation has served us well, I

144:36

think, in the past in building a

144:38

framework, but I think it's just

144:39

terrific the way that you're throwing

144:41

your arms around all of it. And um and

144:44

as I mentioned before, it's clear

144:46

whether you intended it or not that you

144:47

bring a lot of humanity to this in

144:49

considering

144:51

yes, there are answers, they vary, you

144:54

need a dynamic toolbox, and yet there's

144:57

evidence that certain things really

144:59

work. So, I know I'm going to

145:00

incorporate a number of things that you

145:02

shared today, and I know our listeners

145:03

will as well. And so, thank you for

145:06

doing the work you do. Please come back

145:07

again and update us as things evolve.

145:09

And um once again, really appreciate

145:11

you. Really honored to be here. Thank

145:13

you.

145:14

Thank you for joining me for today's

145:15

discussion with Dr. Kentaro Fujita. To

145:18

learn more about his work, please see

145:19

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145:21

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147:32

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147:35

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Interactive Summary

In this episode of the Huberman Lab Podcast, Andrew Huberman and guest Dr. Kentaro Fujita discuss the science of self-control and motivation. They re-examine the classic marshmallow experiment, highlighting that self-control is a learned skill rather than an innate trait, and emphasize the importance of intrinsic motivation. The discussion covers practical strategies for goal achievement, the psychology of overcoming impulsivity, and the debate surrounding the 'depletion' of willpower. Dr. Fujita introduces the idea of a 'self-control toolkit,' suggesting that different strategies work for different people in various contexts, and underscores the value of aligning behavior with higher-order purposes.

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