I'm Dr. Orion Taban and this is Psychax

Better Living Through Psychology. And

the topic of today's short talk is the

female idol. This is going to be a good

one. You know what an idol is, don't

you? It's like the golden calf in the

book of Exodus. It is a figure on a

pedestal that is supposed to represent a

kind of spiritual being to which the

devout offer sacrifices. These

sacrifices could be goats. They could be

the first crops of the harvest or

libations or incense or money or even in

some cultures human beings. The process

works through a kind of magical

thinking. The idea is that worshippers

offer up valuable goods at the foot of

the idol and by virtue of that

sacrifice, the value of those goods is

spiritually transubstantiated

and consumed by the spiritual being that

the idol represents. And if the

sacrifice is sufficient, then the

spiritual being will bless the

worshippers. it will provide a good

harvest or bring rain or provide health

for a loved one etc etc. Now sacrifice

is a tricky thing because you can't

really transact with a god. That's not

how gods work. You can't really bribe a

god into giving you what you want by

providing a god with something that you

value. You can only make sacrifices,

give gifts in essence to a god and hope

that the god is inspired by the

sincerity and sufficiency of your

offering to satisfy your desire out of

the wellspring of its own divinity and

generosity.

Now people nowadays like to shake their

heads at the idea of idol worshippers.

Oh, those poor souls ins snared by a

benided superstition who just don't know

the one true way. H tragic. However, to

my mind, this kind of thinking is alive

and well today. In fact, it sounds to me

a lot like modern dating. Allow me to

explain.

Men want sex from the women that they

date. they won't go out with them

otherwise. However, you can't directly

transact sex and affection from most

women. That's what you do with a

prostitute. And women who don't think of

themselves as prostitutes generally

don't like to feel like they're

prostitutes. So, how do men overcome

this hurdle? Well, by putting the woman

on a pedestal like an idol, at least in

the early stages of dating. In fact, we

can see the entire initial courtship

process as a sacrifice of value, a

sacrifice of time, energy, money,

attention, effort, consideration, etc.

Like modern dating has been correctly

described as a kind of humiliation

ritual for the man. And all this

sacrifice is designed to subcommunicate

to the woman, you are not a prostitute.

You are far more valuable than that. How

valuable? Consider the combined value of

everything I'm willing to lay at your

feet. This is but a small token of my

esteem and appreciation. And of course,

I don't expect anything in return. I

can't presume to transact with a higher

being. I I'm certainly not trying to buy

sex from you. [laughter]

No. Uh these gifts are yours to do with

as you like. And if you are moved to

think of your humble servant in his time

of need, then that speaks more to your

great municence than to my poor dessert,

etc., etc. Now, many men put women on a

pedestal

in the initial stages of the courtship

process. But in today's day and age,

even more women put themselves there.

They expect a sacrifice of a certain

amount of value. Otherwise, they do not

move from their spot. No coffee dates,

no drinks at all. Dinner reservations a

must. And send a car for me. And don't

expect anything in return, buster. The

Lord works in mysterious ways. After

all, if you play your cards right, give

me gifts and attention and acts of

service, and it is my pleasure to do so,

then maybe I might consider requiting

your desire, blessing you with sex and

relationship. But don't count on it. Of

course, a relationship with such a woman

is really just an opportunity for a man

to prolong the sacrifice of value, which

is rarely a good deal for the man

involved. This is like paying for the

opportunity to work your job. Hardly an

enticing offer. And this is why idols,

listen up ladies, this is why idols

typically end up smashed and

disregarded.

They're too expensive in that they do

not consistently and sufficiently bless

their worshippers with their heart's

desire. And so the faithful tend to

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Why else would a woman bulk at a

loweffort date? In the

transubstantiation of the sacrifice, a

loweffort date communicates that the

woman is perceived as a low value being,

a second rate goddess who is trying to

be swindled out of her obesence. But

really, why should you need to pay money

in order to get to know somebody?

Let's all return to dating first

principles, shall we? If we consider

dating fundamentally to be a vetting

process for the physical, emotional, and

psychological compatibility generally

required to achieve a specific goal in a

long-term relationship, then how the

[ __ ] have cash and prizes entered into

the occasion? Like, let's be real. When

this occurs, corruption starts to enter

into the picture and corruption is no

bueno. Consider

the relationship between pharmaceutical

companies and medical doctors. Ideally,

this relationship should be an

information exchange to improve best

practices and health outcomes. So, why

are these companies buying doctors first

class tickets to attend conferences at

resorts in the Bahamas? Why are they

offering presentations accompanied by

fine wine in file? like what does that

have to do with keeping people healthy?

Now, a lot of doctors resist these

temptations, of course. But a lot of

doctors also think, after all, why not?

I've worked hard. I deserve this kind of

treatment. And if this is how these

companies want to spend their money,

then who am I to say otherwise? And

doctors enter into an understood

relationship where they come to

prioritize certain products over others,

irrespective of what is in the best

interests of the patient. This is

corruption. I don't know what other word

to use and we absolutely do not get

better health outcomes because of it.

Similarly, corruption has entered into

the fundamental process of dating. When

it's understood that one side pays for

the privilege of getting to know the

other, then the entire endeavor is off

on the wrong foot. But many women think

to themselves,

"Well, after all, why not? It costs

money to look this good. I deserve this

kind of treatment. And if this is how

men want to spend their money, then who

am I to say otherwise? I'm tired of

disappointing dates with uninteresting

men that don't go anywhere. If I don't

get at least something out of this, I'm

just going to stay at home in my

sweatpants." Of course, if men were to

date only if they were guaranteed to get

something at the end of it, I'm fairly

sure the entire sexual marketplace would

grind to a halt very quickly.

I've seen women post on social media

that they expect men to send them $1,000

just to put a date on the calendar. This

is does this has nothing to do with the

actual date itself. This is just to

reserve the date. I've had women

explicitly ask me, I [ __ ] you not, to

send a helicopter to pick them up. And

of course, none of these sacrifices

guarantee sex or affection, though I

suppose they might consider keeping you

around as long as you're paying out. At

the end of the day, all blessings

ultimately remain her divine pleasure.

And this is ultimately why Moses smashed

that [ __ ] calf. That allure of

idolatry seems to prey on an enduring

vulnerability in the human mind. It is a

trap, a vestage of magical thinking. And

it is a trap precisely because all of

that sacrificed value could have been

more effectively deployed in reciprocal

transaction.

What do you think? Does this fit with

your own experience? Let me know in the

comments below. And please send this

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Anyone looking to join my free weekly

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can find out more on my website. There

are also my books, the best-selling The

Value of Others, in which I explore my

economic model of relationships and my

psychological novel Starry Night, where

I examine the final weeks in the life of

painter Vincent Van Gogh. There's also

my private member community, The

Captain's Quarters, where, among other

things, I host bimonthly group

consultation calls with a wonderful

group of folks. Check these things out.

A lot of good value in all of these

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