life on this earth is limited. That you

don't get to do everything. See, it is

the panic to try to do everything that

turns you into the optimizer bot because

I'm going to optimize this and then I'm

going to optimize this. I'm going to

optimize this and I'm going to optimize

this. It's progress for the sake of

progress. What is the problem that you

are trying to avoid solving? Every time

you move towards something, what are you

moving away from? Something that I'm

starting to see more of is people are

what I would call relentless optimizers.

Right? So, we have a culture right now

where we have a bunch of people on the

internet like yours truly who will tell

you guys how to get more out of life,

right? So, we're like steering clear of

politics, but like we're going to we're

going to use various kinds of products

and services to optimize my life. Oh my

god, there's this I did not put this

here, but that looks like Steven. Um,

shout out to Stephen. Um, and so there's

just a lot of people who are like, I got

to do better. I got to do more. And, and

sometimes these people become what I

would like to call an optimizer bot.

Okay? And I know that's mean, so let me

explain. I'm a dick.

Okay? No, here's what I mean. So, as a

psychiatrist, I've worked with a ton of

people who want to optimize. I myself

also like to optimize. Like, this setup

over here has been optimized for my

streaming pleasure. Okay? So

optimization is not bad, right? Becoming

efficient is not bad. But sometimes what

happens is people people become

optimizer bots and they sort of optimize

for the sake of optimization, for the

sake of just like I'm going to do more

because more is better, right? More

money is better. More girlfriends, more

boyfriends are better. More houses,

bigger houses, just more is better. Why

have one hot dog when you can have two?

More is better. And they sort of

relentlessly optimize. And so

optimization doesn't become a means to

an end, which spoiler alert, that's when

optimization is healthy. It becomes an

end in and of itself. And what I've seen

as a psychiatrist is when optimization

becomes an end in and of itself, it

actually masks other psychological

problems. So, one of the things that I

love about being a psychiatrist is that

I get to work with a lot of people.

Like, not all psychiatrists are like

this, which is totally fine. You know,

some many many psychiatrists, many of my

mentors um are like specialists in one

area. So, there's a guy named Dr.

Michelon who's like was an awesome

mentor of mine is just like one of the

world's best experts in depression and

in supplementation. So he's like

absolute awesome guy, fantastic person

to to learn from. But what I sort of

found when I was training is like I like

I kind of liked the variety of it and

and what I've done is I I've seen

optimizers of many shapes and sizes. So

I've seen people who were like I'm a

CEO. I uh I exited my first company now.

I'm optimizing my life so I can be a

serial entrepreneur. Or hey, I'm

homeless and I really have to like get

my together because I'm tired of

being homeless. I need my first job. I'm

addicted to pornography. I'm addicted to

fentinil. Like I need to like fix my

life. Okay. So there's like a whole

spectrum of people. So the first thing

is there's not one optimizer. It's not

one psychology. There's actually a

different set of reasons why people

become relentless optimizers. So I'll

give you all an example. This is one

that is very common for very successful

people. So when I work with someone

who's like entrepreneur or CEO or like

you know senior VP of like sales in

North America or something like that,

many of these people they're optimizers,

right? So they they do sauna, they do

red light therapy, they do intermittent

fasting, they're they're just amazingly

productive human beings. And one of the

things there's a really interesting

aspect of psychology which is that one

of the best ways you can run away from a

problem is to solve a completely

different problem. So sometimes when I I

run into relentless optimizers, why do

they keep on optimizing? Because all of

these optimizations are running away

from the one problem they don't solve.

Hey y'all, if you're interested in

applying some of the principles that we

share to actually create change in your

life, check out Dr. K's guide to mental

health. And if you kind of tunnel down,

okay, why aren't you motivated? And

they're like, well, there's no point.

And if you get underneath there's no

point, what you ultimately find is

hopelessness. So what the yogis

discovered is that what we call

motivation, they actually called a

concentrated mind. What's the difference

between someone who actually does stuff

and someone who just tries to do stuff?

So check out the link in the bio and

start your journey today. There's a

paper that is looking at burnout for

software developers. And one of the

reasons that software developers burn

out is because when there is a task that

they don't want to do, when they're

procrastinating

on one task, what they do is they spend

a lot of time doing like little things

that are not solving their main problem.

And one of for senior developers, one of

the key things that they do is junior

code review. So, it's like I've got this

big thing that like this big feature

that I have to build, but I don't know

how to build it and I don't have the

budget and I don't have the time and

management keeps on changing their mind

and the feature isn't even going to

work. Oh my god, what do I do about it?

I know what I'm going to do. I'm going

to go into work today and I'm going to

do junior code review. So, we as human

beings have this very fundamental

element of our psychology, which is that

we don't like unsolvable problems. When

I'm faced with an unsolvable problem, I

need to do like I I need to do something

about it, but I don't know how to do

something about it. And when we're faced

with an unsolvable problem, it feels

absolutely overwhelming, right? Because

I need to do something, but I can't do

something. I don't know what to do. It's

psychologically torture. So, what we do

is shift to things that we can control.

There's a a saying, rearranging deck

chairs on the Titanic. Now, I don't even

know if this story is right, is correct

or not, is real or not. There's a story

that when the Titanic was sinking, one

of like the senior weight staff was

like, "Oh my god, the deck chairs on the

top of the Titanic are out of order. The

ship is sinking, but we have to have the

deck chairs in the right order." And you

guys may have seen this. may have had a

parent who like is going through a bad

situation at work or is stressed out in

some way and they show up and they're

like this needs to be done this way.

Like the shoes need to go in the

cupboard like this way. These plates

need to be wiped down this way and they

they hyperfocus on controlling one thing

because they can't control something

else. And the reason that you you know

this is the case is because for the

optimizer it's because we're

relentlessly optimizing all kinds of

random things. And really what we are

and this is where when I when I work

with some of these executives and stuff

we'll like lean into shadow work, right?

So it's like what is the problem that

you are avoiding

by solving this other thing and then

solving this other thing and solving

this other thing and solving this other

thing because if you can be moving

towards something it gives you a sense

that you're progressing and if you are

progressing if you're progressing over

here it's hard because of this principle

called cognitive dissonance to feel

stuck over here right so it's really

hard for humans to feel progressing and

stuck. This is an element of EQ that

needs to be trained. In in in therapy,

we'll call this the dialectic, right?

So, like this person loves me and

they're angry with me. It's hard to

believe those two things at the same

time. I recently realized, this is hard

for me, that I have a very close family

member that I dislike, but I love them

immensely. Right? It's hard to hold

those two things at the same time. And

so sometimes what the optimizer does is

takes advantage of this because if I

feel crippled and over here, I can

optimize all of these different things.

And this is how they become optimizer

bots because I'm going to optimize this

and then I'm going to optimize this. I'm

going to optimize this and I'm going to

optimize this. It's progress for the

sake of progress. And oftentimes if

you're this kind of person, right, the

the the key question that I usually ask

in therapy or coaching is like what is

the problem that you are trying to avoid

solving, right? Every time you move

towards something, what are you moving

away from? What's that one thing that is

not going well in your life that you

feel paralyzed in order to solve? And so

that's the key question. But that's only

one kind of psychology. Another reason

why people optimize is because it's

their way of measuring their value. So I

one time asked someone was very

successful what drives your desire for

money and their answer was it's the best

way to keep score in the game of life.

How do you know who's winning? Because

this person could be happy, this person

could be healthy, this person could be

sad. There's no way to know if I'm

winning. Are you winning, son? And so,

enter money. It's just the best way for

me to understand whether I'm better than

another human being. So, another subtle

reason why people are relentless

optimizers. And once again, I'm not

saying that optimization is bad. Like,

it is a healthy part, a very productive

part of life. But sometimes people

optimize out of ego. They optimize

because they want to be the best, right?

And be the best for what? Be the best

because you just want to be the best.

Because you don't really understand who

you are. Because you're not content in

life. You are not at peace. So there's

this idea that if I'm not at peace in

life, if I become the best, then that

somehow solves that problem. So people

want to get better just because they

want to get better because they want to

be number one. And this is also where if

we look at the vulnerability here, why

does someone want to be the best? It's

because they're not happy in who they

are. So this is where it's like, you

know, the the operative question here is

what does it feel like to not optimize

something? Who do you become when you

are not optimizing? And often times this

will uncover all kinds of terrible

stuff. So I see this very commonly in

people. I'm making them

I'm making them sound like

They're not. I had a patient once who

was bullied a lot in high school. This

is terrible. I don't know if you guys

have experienced this, but you know,

sometimes in high school, in your

freshman year, one of the worst things

that can ever happen to you is someone

can come up with a nickname that sticks

and is derogatory. So, when everyone's

getting to know each other, when you're

15 years old, they slap you with a

nickname. And since everybody's insecure

and everyone's feeling not confident

about themselves, it's really easy to

dog pile onto this derogatory nickname

and that's what they call that person.

So every time they have the wrong answer

in class, when they fumble the football,

the nickname comes out, the nickname

comes out, the nickname comes out. And

so once you get branded in this way, you

feel like the worst. And so optimization

enters the picture because how does

optimization enter the picture? Because

you're at the bottom of the totem pole.

And as long as you are getting better,

you will never be at the bottom of the

totem pole again. So this group of

people sounds kind of like they're

right? They're egotistical and

they want to be number one. But the

question is why? It's because they used

to be number 100. They used to be number

10,000 and they vowed to themselves

never again. But then they get into a

subtle problem. I don't know if this

kind of makes sense. This is hard. But

they start to associate

and attach meaning to progress because I

never want to be this thing over here. I

want to be number one. And number one

means I'm happy. Why does number one

mean I'm happy? Because number 100 meant

I was sad. Right? So if I was sad down

here and I achieve this, then I will be

happy. And so now something really,

really, really dangerous happens is they

start to tie together being number one

with happiness because they tie together

being number 100 with sadness. But it

doesn't work like that, right? The right

way to be happy is to not run away from

unhappiness. It is to work through

unhappiness. If you guys wonder what

does that mean, watch our video on

emotional processing.

turns out was one of the best videos

that we made last year because people

are like, "I've heard this term. I've

heard this term. I don't know what it

is." We're starting a deep dive on

Monday, by the way, into emotional

processing over on the membership side.

So, if y'all are interested in that, but

you can watch the free video on YouTube

if you guys want more, then you can

check out the membership one, but the

video on YouTube is great. Okay. So, the

second reason to optimize is because I

want to be number one, and I'm going to

be the best. And the better I get at

things, the closer I get to number one.

Why do I want to be number one? because

I've been number 100. Don't ever want to

be that again. There are other reasons

why it can be associated with ego. So

once again, this becomes an optimizer

bot. You are just relentlessly

optimizing for a reason that you don't

even understand. The third reason, this

is a little bit more esoteric. Actually,

I don't know if that's fair. Number

three reason why people relentlessly

optimize comes down to a fear of death.

So how does this work? Okay, so let's

understand what optimization is.

optimization is getting more per unit of

resource expended. Okay, so it's like

making a $100 instead of 50 per hour.

And if we really look at a lot of this

optimization, if we look at a lot of

this, it's like I don't want to spend

time eating lots of food. I want to just

have one drink that will deal with all

of my nutrition, right? Like I I I want

to learn how to I want to listen to

podcasts while I'm walking around. I

want a a watch that will measure my

sleep. I I want to get more out of a

fixed amount of resource. That's the

fundamental of optimization. Makes

sense, right? I want to get more. I want

more, more, more. I want more per unit

time. And generally speaking, when we

think about what we're optimizing, if

you really look at the denominator, the

top can be whatever. It can be more

muscles, more money, more nutrition,

more longer lifespan. And then what ends

up happening is per per unit what per

unit time. The denominator is almost

always time. Because if you look at what

in a human life, what is the most

limiting factor? The limiting factor is

time. I need to read one book a month.

Why? Why can't you read one book every

two months? Why do you have to read 300

books a year? Why can't you read 30

books a year? Because time is running

out. And so if we really look at

fundamentally this third kind of

optimizer, if you want to stop being an

optimizer bot, if you want actual peace

and contentment, which by the way is

something that the first two optimizers

don't really get, right? So the peace

and contentment comes when optimization

is a means to an end. The target is

already set and the achievement of the

target will bring you hopefully peace,

happiness, contentment. This is the I'm

trying to optimize because I want to get

a PS5 before this particular game comes

out, before the Fable remaster comes

out, whatever, right? And then once you

get the Fable Remaster, hopefully,

fingers crossed, you're happy with it,

right? But this third group of people,

what they fundamentally are concerned

with is a lack of time. I want to do

more. Why do I want to date more people?

Why am I so interested in polyamory?

Because I this experience is limited.

And what I want is I want to get closer

to an unlimited experience. There's so

many books to read. I can't read them

all. I want to read more. I want to read

more. I want to read more. And what does

this boil down to? It boils down to a

fear of death. Now, this is one of the

fundamental four fears I think that the

Buddha talked about other people in the

in the karmic traditions, Hinduism,

Buddhism will talk about the fear of

death as being fundamental. Some groups

of people believe that conquering the

fear of death will conquer all of your

fears because it is the mo the most

fundamental fear that human beings have.

This is also true in western psychology

as well. There are many like

psychoanalytic thinkers who will sort of

really focus on the fear of death is the

root of all anxiety because death and

the limitation of time is how we as

human beings are limited. So conquering

that fear, accepting that life on this

earth is limited, that you don't get to

do everything. See, it is the panic to

try to do everything that turns you into

the optimizer bot. I need to do more. I

need to do more. I need to do more. I

need to do more. You can't do it all.

This is also where FOMO comes from,

right? Fear of missing out. Missing out

on what? This experience. Why are you

not content with the experience that you

have? And so you can try to increase the

numerator as much as you want to, but

that denominator is ticking, ticking,

ticking. And it is terrifyingly ticking.

And no amount of optimization will stop

the march of time. No way to beat death.

And so once you start to grapple with

that directly, right? My time on this

earth is limited. And so the optimizer

will say, "But I want to make the most

of it." Which is good. There's a good

logic there, and I encourage you to make

the most of it. But here's the tricky

thing. Making the most of it is not

necessarily more because once you

understand the difference, then you'll

understand, right? So think on that,

meditate upon that. Existential dread

setting in. Good. Existential dread

setting in, it's not setting in, it's

coming up. Right? setting in implies

it's coming from the outside. No, it's

coming up. That existential dread is

there. It needs to be worked through.

And so, generally speaking, when it

comes to optimizers, these are the three

major psychological patterns that I see

for optimizer bots. And for the rest of

you who are using optimization because

you already have a goal in mind, which

hopefully will lead to peace and

contentment, then go for it, right? But

optimize with awareness. Don't just do

it automatically. I need more, more,

more, more. Why? right? Because it's

never going to work. Hey y'all, hope you

enjoyed today's video. We talk about a

bunch of topics like this on the

channel, so be sure to subscribe for

more. If you're already subscribed, GG,

and we'll see you in chat.