It's that time again where I drop

trousers and plant a stinky one on

Burger King. It is unbelievable how

often I make fun of this company. I

believe they have some of the worst fast

food in the world. Your money would be

better spent buying rats to eat than

their food. It is just absolutely

terrible. But the thing that keeps me

shooting spitballs at them is they are

addicted to awful, awful decisions.

They're like the Ubisoft of fast food.

They're just incapable of even

accidentally stumbling into a good

decision for their business. At least in

America. Every time I mention this and

go on this rant on stream, there's

always someone like Clockwork that says,

"But Charles, that's only in the

States." Internationally, Burger King is

serving up some highquality cuisine. You

know what's better than serving up

smiles? It's like, okay, I guess I can't

speak for the quality of Burger King

outside of America, but every Burger

King in America is a [ __ ] hate crime

when it comes to food. It's terrible.

It's terrible. And now their most recent

announcement is probably their stupidest

one yet, which is that's an

accomplishment. That is actually an

achievement. I cannot believe Burger

King found a way to get stupider, but

they did it. That orb of confusion

working overtime over there at the

Burger King HQ.

>> Good morning, Patty.

>> Would you want an AI voice in your

headset all day at work built to assist

you? Looks like the women's restroom

needs cleaning, but also potentially

listening in on your interactions with

customers.

>> Thank God. Finally, an AI assistant that

can jack into the headset of all Burger

King employees to act like their [ __ ]

mother saying, "Hey, did you remember to

clean the bathroom? Go lick the [ __ ]

clean, please. Burger King demands it."

and then also monitoring your speech to

ensure you are saying please and thank

you enough times per day. Excellent.

This is what everyone's been begging

for. This is probably the most desperate

attempt to hamfist AI into a corporation

to try and see any kind of like clawback

on money because I bet Burger King's

already lost quite a bit investing in AI

in somewhere in their pipeline. So

they're like, "Okay, let's check for

please and thanks you. thank yous and

then anyone who's not, you know, pinky

up saying please and thank you to every

customer will just [ __ ] fire. And

they're trying to frame this as a

friendliness coach. My left butt cheek,

a friendliness coach. All it's doing is

reminding them to do chores and

monitoring their speech. it it like it's

going to be used as a tool of fear

because if you don't say please and

thank you enough or go, you know, shove

your head in the toilet and give

yourself a swirly when AI Patty at

Burger King tells you to do so, you

might lose your job. How is this

coaching you in any way, shape, or form?

This is outrageous. And also, believe it

or not, Burger King's biggest issue

isn't the lack of manners and

friendliness. You know, it's not because

they're devoid of pleases and thank

yous. That's that's what that's not why

people avoid Burger King like the

plague. It's because they literally

serve up the plague on a bun. They serve

you sewage. They serve you radioactive

sludge. If if Burger King wants to

improve customer satisfaction, work on

your [ __ ] menu, not the pleases and

thank yous from your employees.

>> Well, that's what a new tool at Burger

King plans to do, and it's causing quite

a stir. The company's chief digital

officer telling The Verge the new BK AI

named Patty was listening for certain

words like please and thank you so

managers could see how their staff was

performing on friendliness.

>> The chief digital officer over there at

Burger King is a damn clown. This is so

[ __ ] stupid. What incarnation?

Imagine everything goes wrong in your

life and you unfortunately go to the

Burger King drive-thru because every

other fast food place is burnt down for

some reason. So, you're in the Burger

King drive-thru and you're communicating

with the worker and they just keep

saying please over and over and over

again and you pull up to the window and

you see sweat pouring down their face.

You know, they're [ __ ] panic in their

eyes because they've got Patty in their

headset threatening their life if

there's not enough pleases in there.

They're going to stop their heart or

something like blow up their brain like

it's Suicide Squad. You only said please

15 times during that interaction. I'm

sorry, Doug. This is the end of the

line. Your [ __ ] head pops.

>> Burger King providing NBC News with this

video showing off the new tool.

>> Is there anything that needs my

immediate attention?

>> The team's friendliness scores this

morning were the highest this week.

>> Yeah, we new record for the friendliness

score.

We did it. BURGER KING EMPLOYEES. WE ARE

SUPER FRIENDLY. Thank you uh AI

assistant Patty for keeping everyone in

line and coaching us on how to say

please and thank you enough. We saved

Burger King.

>> The company telling us in a statement

that the tool listening for keywords was

used in limited pilot restaurants.

>> This is anonymized data. So it is not

tied back to to an employee.

>> Let me interrupt you there. No, it's

not. You're full of [ __ ] You You're

full of [ __ ] dog [ __ ] Actually,

there's no such thing as anonymized data

in the current day and age. Everything

you interact with, everything you use,

and certainly every AI spy that they're

jacking into your [ __ ] headset is

collecting data. No doubt in my mind. I

don't even know why you're bothering to

try and spin that baloney. Everyone

knows that's not true, brother. What the

[ __ ] is even the point in trying to hide

it? There's no punishments for it or

anything anymore. Just say it with your

whole chest. Everyone knows it's

despicable, but that's the state of the

world right now.

>> And it's really a coaching tool. It's

about uh ensuring that we raise the

hospitality for the overall restaurant.

>> The company also saying we believe

hospitality is fundamentally human.

>> Fundamentally human you say? Why are you

using AI to teach it then? Oh, this this

uh hospitality thing fundamentally

human. Which is why we brought in Jarvis

over here that can blow up your [ __ ]

if you don't say please enough to teach

you how to be human. That makes a lot of

sense there. Chief digital clown. Good

work. You could call it the friendly

wars in retail.

>> The customer interaction matters. And

for evidence of this, just take a look

at the success of Chick-fil-A. A lot of

people when they talk about Chick-fil-A

don't actually talk about their chicken

sandwiches. They talk about how the

employees greet them. What world are you

living in, Buster? When people talk

about Chick-fil-A, they are often

talking about the food. them having to

say my pleasure like [ __ ] corporate

drones is not necessarily something

people love about the experience. I

don't know real human beings like real

nonbot people that go to Chick-fil-A and

really feel like butterflies in their

tummy and get tingly and excited when

they say my pleasure when they get

served by the Chick-fil-A employee. They

are forced to say that. Like that makes

it a non-genuine interaction. That makes

it insincere. The reason Chick-fil-A is

successful is not because they say my

pleasure. It's because the food is very

high quality compared to other options.

Like [ __ ] Burger King, for example.

Like, it's this is ridiculous. And

improving the friendliness score of

Burger King isn't the secret ingredient

here, the chemical X to save the

business, man. There's only like one

spot worse on the planet for food than

Burger King, and that's Long John

Silvers. Like if you go to Long John

Silvers and you try and eat the whole

menu, you're basically committing

suicide. So that is like the lowest food

can go and Burger King is just barely

above that. And no amount of

friendliness is going to change people's

want to be in Burger King. Like Long

John Silvers could offer you a [ __ ]

every time you walk through the doors

and people probably still wouldn't go if

they also had to order food to receive

it cuz it's not worth it. It doesn't

matter how friendly they are. Is it a

nice thing if the employees are like

really friendly and customers feel like,

you know, they had a joyful experience

or whatever? Yeah, that's cool. Like

Culver's, I've always mentioned Culver's

is my favorite fast food place. I think

their food is extremely good. And I've

only had a positive experience there.

Like the first time I ever went to

Culver's, the manager or whatever came

up and apologized for the long wait for

my [ __ ] chicken tendies, even though

it only been like 2 minutes. I didn't

even realize I was waiting. Like I I

placed the order and then I sat on my

phone for like what felt like 10

seconds. The guy that came over, he's

like, "Oh my god, I'm so sorry this took

so long. Here, here's a little gift card

for some custard and stuff. I'm super

sorry for the wait. It's almost ready."

I was like, "Brother, I didn't realize I

was waiting. It's no big deal, man." And

like he it was super nice and like every

time I've been to Culver's, everyone's

been great. But that's not the reason I

keep going back. It's because the food

is really good. That's just a nice

little perk, I suppose. But the food is

the reason why I keep going back to

Culver's. And that's going to be the

same song and dance across the board.

And like the difference is when it feels

organic, it's significantly better when

it's forced by Burger King's AI patty

that's jacked into their cerebral

cortex, forcing them to say please and

thank you out of fear for being fired.

Like, if you're trying to create a

positive atmosphere, it should probably

start with the employees, I would say,

more so than the customers. If the

employees are happy and having fun, the

friendliness score might just naturally

boost because, well, maybe then it'll be

a better environment that they'll want

to interact more positively with

customers as opposed to being forced

under the corporate thumb to do so. It's

so dumb. This whole idea of an AI system

assistant being used to coach employees

on how to be friendly, it's outrageous.

It's absurd. It's [ __ ] gross. What a

completely useless use of AI for the

sake of having AI in Burger King. I

cannot believe how dumb Burger King is,

man. It blows my mind. So, anyway, just

wanted to insult them again for the

millionth time because they keep doing

absolute garbage like this. That's about

it. See you.