Most people think weight is about

discipline. Eat less, move more. Simple.

But if it were that simple, nobody would

struggle with it. I have been fat. I've

been thin. I've gone from 110 kilos down

to 67 in 10 weeks. And then I watch as

the weight slowly creep back on. This

isn't a video about how to lose weight,

by the way. This is a video about the

mental chemistry of why we eat when we

shouldn't eat. The impulses, the

obsessions, the fluctuations, and what

that all that actually reveals about how

we're wired. And for me, it starts when

I was about 7 years old. The earliest

memory I have of being aware of my

weight. I was probably around 7 or 8

years old. I didn't feel fat, but I was

definitely fat if you compared me to the

other kids. You could say I was carrying

more weight than I should have. Now, why

was I fat? The answer is obvious.

calories in, calories out. I was eating

more calories than I needed to eat. I

don't really buy into the idea that

metabolism results in people not being

able to lose weight and all that. I'm

sure, you know, there's different

metabolisms. That's for sure. But if you

eat less and you move more, you will

eventually lose weight full stop. It's

true that a bigger body burns more

calories than a smaller body body.

That's that's just thermodynamics. So if

you're big, you have to eat a few more

calories than if you're small. It takes

more energy for you to move your body

and operate your body if you're a big

person um tall or just generally big

than it does if you're small. But the

principle remains the same. Calories in,

calories out. So for me, the real

question wasn't why I was fat. It was

why was I eating more than I needed to.

And I think the answer for me was

dopamine. Food gives you a hit of

pleasure. Everyone knows that. But for

some people, and I'm one of them, that

hit creates a cycle. You eat, you feel

good, your brain wants more. It's the

same principle behind alcohol, gambling,

all types of addiction. I think as a

kid, I connected with food and I

overindulged to the point that my mom

had to hide the biscuits around the

house because I used to just eat them

all. She also hid the mayonnaise cuz I

used to have too much mayonnaise. But at

the same time, she used to say to me,

"Make sure you finish all your food on

your plate. Don't waste food." I think

that combination, the hiding and the

obligation, it planted something deep.

So, I'm not blaming her. I know that if

my son had the same tendencies, I try to

help. But I'm not sure I could have

prevented or I could prevent it either.

These patterns form early and they form

quietly. Here's what I've come to

understand about myself. I'm obsessive.

When something gets into my head, I

can't let go until I've learned it,

until I've finished it, or until I've

experienced everything I can about it.

I'm all in or not in, one of the two.

And that single trait, it connects to

everything. Let me explain what I mean

about obsessive cuz it's not just about

food. I stopped drinking alcohol a few

months ago and it and it this is wasn't

the first time I stopped drinking. A

couple of years ago, I went over a year

without a drink. It was incredible. I

had clarity, sharpness, good sleep. I

felt great. And I didn't actually fancy

a drink at all. But I was on holiday

with my wife and we were at this uh

lunch place, pool bar kind of thing,

really warm outside. And I was having an

unalcoholic beer. She was having a

normal beer. In Spain, they call it a

kanya. And she said, "Why don't you have

a Kanya with me?" And, you know, just

enjoy yourself. Let's have a beer

together. And I thought, "Okay, well,

just one beer won't um won't cause

anything. I'll just have a beer." And I

sipped it and it was okay. It's tasted

quite sharp. I remember that taste. Uh

sharp taste and strong taste cuz of the

alcohol cuz I was used to non-alcoholic

beer by this point. And that was a

mistake. That one beer, even though she

was right, that one beer didn't hurt.

But here's what happens. That one beer

leads to another and it might not be the

same day. In fact, it was that day it

was fine. It was the next day or maybe

the following day and then the following

day and then the following week another

beer and so on. And then gradually I

increased my intake to the point of

almost what I was drinking when I was

drinking the most I've ever drunk. See,

alcohol works on the same dopamine

principle as food. You have a drink and

you go from baseline, which let's call

it it's zero, up to five. That feels

great. And then over time it wears off,

but you don't go back to zero. You go to

minus one. So now you're at minus one.

And you know from experience that a beer

will take you up to level five. So you

have a beer, but you don't go to level

five, you go to level four. And then

again, when it wears off over some time,

you end up in level minus two. You see,

it's a downward staircase. You drink

more to get less. The baseline keeps

dropping. I don't know a single person

that drinks regularly and has not

stopped drinking let's say for a period

of a year, two years, 5 years, 10 years,

doesn't matter. Somebody that keeps on

drinking that over the course of x

amount of time drinking doesn't drink

any more than they did when they first

started drinking without any pause in

between. The amount people drink, the

trajectory is always upwards. And that

same pattern applies to food. the same

obsessive chase, the same short-term

pleasure overriding long-term goals. I

recognize this in myself. I'm not an

addict in the clinical sense, but I have

tendencies. When I have a bit of

dopamine, I want more. And that

obsessive tendency is great when

building a company, but it's a kind of a

nightmare when I'm trying to manage my

weight. So, let me take you through the

timeline.

At 14, I decided I was going to lose

weight. I started skateboarding. I

started working out. I started asking my

mom to give me less food. I would

actually go and plate up my own plate

myself rather than being served. I

remember one afternoon, it was probably

around 400 p.m. and I was walking

downtown from my house in Spain. And it

was a downhill walk, probably around 3

km from the urbanization where I used to

live down to the beach. And I remember

thinking to myself, I'm I was hungry

because I probably skipped lunch or

something. And I felt like I was I

remember thinking to myself that I feel

like I'm consuming myself. I I felt like

I was so depedished of energy that I was

literally consuming myself. I I had that

feeling and that that feeling stayed

with me. Every time I lose weight now, I

get that same feeling. And I think to

myself, good hunger means progress.

Every second that passes, another cell

of fat is burning. The problem that I've

learned is that that mindset isn't

sustainable. You can't live in a severe

calorie restriction forever. Eventually,

the compensation kicks in and you end up

eating more than you would have if you

hadn't restricted yourself. But at 14,

it worked for a while, and I got down to

a weight that I was almost satisfied

with. I felt great, but I didn't think I

looked as good as I'd like to look. And

throughout my late teens and 20s, I

fluctuated from between 65 to 75 kilos,

more or less. Small up and downs,

nothing dramatic. And then I started my

business and I just stopped caring. 75

became 80, 85 became 90, 90 became 95.

And at that point, I just stopped

caring. Fully stopped caring. I went

into full destruction mode. I told

myself my business is more important

than my body. And by late 2020, I was

around 110 kilos. That's 17.3

stones. And I'm 172 cm or 5'7. My son

was 2 and a bit at the time. And my

wedding or my vow renewal was coming up

uh the following year. And I watched

this documentary by this guy, this

Australian guy. The documentary is

called Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead. It's

on Netflix. And what he does he what he

did is he went through he went on a trip

in the US and states and he for the for

three months he traveled around

different states in the US with a juicer

in the back of his car and he'd he'd go

around the markets buy fruits and

vegetables plug the juicer into his car

and just juice what he just bought and

he would consume water and juice and

nothing else for I think three months he

did it for and he lost a ton of weight

but also So he cured the diseases and

problems that he had some immune problem

disease that he had that was cured with

juice. I think it was actually cured by

the calorie restriction and the vitamins

I guess I don't know but he cured it for

me it was wasn't necessarily the curing

of the problem that he had which was a

bonus for me it was the weight that he

managed to shift in the time that he

shifted it and I thought to myself well

this is the perfect answer for me to be

able to get from where I am now to a

more sustainable weight for my wedding.

So I thought great I'm going to get

juicing. So, I ended up going to the I

can't remember what shop it was, but I

bought the juicer. I might have bought

it online and I started juicing. Juicing

was a bit messy because you had to buy

the the vegetables and fruits and juice

them at home and splat it over the walls

and everything. So, it wasn't ideal. I

ended up buying a subscription to a

company called Press Presscription

Juices uh team of doctors and

nutritionists to put together this uh

sort of like seven juices a day diet.

And I they delivered it to the door. So

frozen juices delivered to the door, one

delivery per week and you had enough

juices for the week to consume. So I was

on that program uh for around 10 weeks.

So for 10 weeks I consumed juice,

vegetable and fruit juice and water and

nothing else. And I dropped from 110

kilos down to 67 kilos in that time. I

felt on top of the world. Probably what

the people that take Monaro and uh

what's the other one called? Hey Siri,

what's the other drug like Mangaro that

it's for weight loss? Famous one.

>> Mangaro is a weight loss medication that

mimics or regulate appetite and blood

sugar.

>> Ompic

>> cancel. And I felt on top of the world.

I mean probably similar to what the

people that take Monjaro or Zmpic feel

like these days. I even hired a

dietitian after the wedding just to tell

me what I needed to eat after juicing

because obviously it's 10 weeks without

eating any solids. She advised on what I

needed to eat and what quantities I

needed to eat to make sure that I

reintroduced food into my system. And

that lasted around three or four months.

I was eating really well. And slowly but

surely, I started etching into my old

ways. Beer after work, wine after

dinner, nuts, chocolate, the old rituals

returned. By 2023, I was back up at 85

kilos. And then I went into another

phase of restriction. I stopped

drinking. I got a personal trainer. And

within a few months I was back down to

75. And now I'm at 77. Fluctuate between

72 78. That's my fluctuation jump right

now. Nothing's really changed in my

patterns, but I'm more aware of them

now. My goal is to be at 65 with around

12% body fat. Currently at 77, 78, uh,

and 22% body fat. So, I've got a way to

go. But again, the patterns haven't

changed. It's just that now I'm more

self-aware.

So, here's what I've observed, and this

might be obvious, but it's worth naming.

I think people fall into three

categories with weight. One is you're

carrying extra weight and you struggle

to lose it. Two, you're thin and you

struggle to gain it. And three, you

fluctuate. You You've got a tendency in

one direction, but then you correct hard

towards the other direction, and you end

up spending your life oscillating. See,

I'm the third type. I tend towards

gaining because I tend towards

overeating, but I also have the capacity

for extreme restriction. Juicing for 10

weeks, fasting for seven days, cutting

out entire food groups overnight.

Speaking of fasting, the juicing journey

opened up a door that I didn't know

existed. Fasting gave me something

beyond weight loss. It gave me clarity,

a state of mental sharpness that I don't

get in day-to-day life. About 24 hours

into a fast, I'm sharp. About 48 hours

in, I'm incredibly sharp. If you think

about it, it makes evolutionary sense.

Our ancestors when they had to go and

find food, when they had to go out

hunting, they did this fasted. So

naturally, we've evolved to be in a

state of mental alertness and sharpness

when we're hungrier. The human body has

adapted to be alert when fasted. I've

experimented with different fasts and

different durations. The longest fast

I've done was a 7-day fast, just water

and black coffee. decaf black coffee.

Actually, I remember I was working in

Dubai at the time. I was alone and I

spent my days at this cafe, restaurant

cafe, and I used to order sparkling

water and a decaf espresso and just sit

there. I was working on my laptop for

the day and obviously it's a it's a

restaurant so you got people having

their lunch and physically I felt great

day 1, day three, day five. I felt

fantastic, but mentally it was

incredibly hard. I started with a lot of

motivation. I started this uh thinking

I'm going to do a 7-day fast. I had 7

days in Dubai that I was going to be

there by myself. And I thought what a

perfect time to just spend that time

detoxing, cleaning out my my body, but

also mentally trying to take this on as

a challenge. And boy, was it a

challenge. I remember physically feeling

really light and capable, sharp, and on

it. I was working out as well, normal

routine, but mentally, especially, I

guess, being in that place where it's

abundance everywhere. You got people,

it's it's a place, I guess, like a party

land, Dubai. So, you got people having

lovely, lavish meals in front of you,

and you're there with your sparkling

water and espresso, espresso. And it was

a tough, really tough mental challenge

to spend those seven days without

eating. I can't describe how difficult

that was. I remember I broke the fast

with a steak. It wasn't even a great

steak, but it tasted so nice. It was It

was the nicest tasting steak that I've

had in my life. And then afterwards, I

had a salted caramel coffee that it was

obviously some sugar in it. Uh, and it

tasted incredible. So nice that I had

another one straight afterwards. But

that experience of fasting for 7 days

was so intense that it's actually I've

not done a fast I don't think I've done

a fast longer than a day since that one.

And that was about a year, just over a

year ago. Uh, but I but I will do it

again because fasting has evolved from a

weight loss tool to something way more

than that for me anyway. It's it's it's

a reset. It's a way to recalibrate

mentally to achieve a state of clarity

that nothing else provides.

So, let's rewind the beginning and let

me come back to last night. It was half

10 at night, central London after a

marketing workshop. I'd spent 3 hours in

a boardroom. I wasn't hungry. I ended up

buying 1,200 calories that I didn't

need. I know why I did it. My brain

wanted a dopamine hit before bed, a

comfort, a little ritual before ending

the day, and I gave in. But here's what

frustrates me. I can describe this

mechanism in complete detail. I know

what happened. I understand the dopamine

cycle. I know I'm trading short-term

pleasure for long-term progress. I've

read about it, experienced it, reflected

on it, and yet I still do it. Does that

mean I don't care enough about the goal?

I don't think so. Does it mean that

immediate gratification means more to me

than progress in the long term? Not in

the grand scheme of things. But

something in that moment overrides what

I know to be true. And I think that's

the honest bit that people just don't

say out loud. Self-awareness doesn't

equal mastery. Understanding the pattern

doesn't mean you've broken it. You can

see the trap clearly and still walk into

it. But I do think awareness is

progress. Not the final destination, but

the foundation. Because here is where I

am now. I'm at 77 kilos. I've cut

alcohol out again. I'm training

consistently. I know exactly what my

obsessive personality will do. It'll

drive me towards extreme restriction

again, and then it will pull me back

towards excess. It's the usual

oscillation. That's my pattern. But I'm

closer to peace with it than I have ever

been. Not because the battle is over,

but because I understand the

battlefield, you know, the dopamine

chase, the obsessiveness, the short-term

override, the restriction compensation

cycle. I haven't mastered any of it yet,

but I know myself way better than I did

at 7, 25, 30, or even at 110 kilos. And

I think that honest self-awareness, you

know, the kind that you admit that you

haven't figured it out yet, is the only

foundation where real change can come.

This is my journey. It's ongoing and I

suspect it will always be. If that

resonated, if you identify yourself in

any of the three groups that I mentioned

earlier, leave a comment. I'm actually

curious to see what experience you've

had. Like and subscribe if it's the kind

of content you want to see more of. I

share my journey as a founder and as a

person. The business stuff, the personal

stuff, the stuff that I figured out, and

the stuff that I haven't yet. Not

everything is a lesson. Sometimes an

honest observation is what matters. And

I think there's value in that. If you're

a founder or CEO building something, I

talk about all of it in this channel.

The building, the philosophy, and the

mistakes around it because running a

business is not easy. And having the

right philosophy in life, one that can

help you sustain and get through the

hardest parts, I think, is critical.

Check out my website, axelmolist.com.

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