Here's how you fix every marriage. You

do four things. Number one, you have

more fun together as opposed to

rehearsing grievance. More fun, less

grievance. Therapy is like grievance,

grievance, grievance. And have more fun

together. Number two,

>> and how long have you been married?

>> 34 years.

>> Mhm. Okay.

>> Second is pray together

>> because you're the fusion. One flesh is

the fusion of the right hemispheres of

your brains.

>> This is the goal. If you get married to

him, the goal is to fuse your right

hemispheres. The best way to do that is

by meditating together, is by praying

together, is by doing right hemisphere

activity together.

>> The third protocol is to make eye

contact whenever you talk.

>> Never be talking without making eye

contact. Way more important for your

wife than it is for you.

>> Way more important because she gets

three times as much oxytocin, which

means she's better at bonding, but it

also means that she's better at starving

when she's not getting enough oxytocin.

eye contact from the beloved which is

you know when you have eye contact with

a newborn baby oxytocin is like the

fourth of July inside your head which is

why you wouldn't leave the baby on the

bus because suddenly the baby's kin

right it's an evolved phenomenon and

last but not least is remember ABT

always be touching always be touching

always be touching more important for

men than for women as a matter of fact

that's why when you're with your beloved

and she hooks her arm into your arm

while you're walking down the street

you're like I'm big and strong why

because that's super important so the

Last thing before you go to bed when

you're reading to each other or when

you're talking, go five minutes earlier

to bed. 5 minutes earlier to bed and

stare at each other.

>> And it's hard.

>> Yeah.

>> It's scary. It's like the eyes according

to St. Paul are the windows to the soul.

>> And that's when you know you really feel

it. And biologically the reason is

because oxytocin is just like old

faithful

>> for her. She will love you more if you

have 5 to 10 minutes of intense eye

contact before you go to sleep while

you're holding hands under the covers.

And by the way, for anyone who has not

tried this,

>> you've done this, right?

>> I have done this.

>> 5 to 10 minutes is so long.

>> Yeah. Yeah.

>> It's really intense.

>> You could start lower.

>> You can start lower. Here's the most

intense exercise you can do if you want

like the break glass plan for fixing

your relationship. Right? Here's what

you do.

>> You stand in front of each other staring

at each other in the eyes, silent,

>> and you hold your arms out to the side

like in an iron cross holding hands like

this for eight minutes.

>> And so what's going on here?

>> The Shaolin monk therapy school.

>> Yeah. You know, it's super painful. And

it's going to be more painful for you

because after about four minutes, you're

holding her arms up, right? So he's like

5 lb weights in each hand. And so you're

in intense excruciating pain while

having your soul opened with a crowbar,

right?

>> And this is like intense.

>> How did you arrive at this?

>> I've experimented with this and also I

read the research, right? And and I

participated in the research. I've

actually done this a number of times.

There's a number of religious traditions

that will do exercises actually that are

like this.

>> I did one in Spain last year. It's

called El Pto Moroyal and that's the

marital love project. It's a very big

deal across Spain. It's not in English

yet. And so it was in a little retreat

center outside Madrid and we were seeing

cuz my wife and I we do a lot of talks

together and you know we counsel couples

that are that are engaged etc. This is

our side hustle right is you know

helping people fall in love and stay in

love.

>> Yeah.

>> And so we were like what's this method

everybody's so crazy about? We were

doing stuff like this and it was like

holy mackerel. I mean because they don't

know how much neuroscience they're

actually doing.

>> Yeah.

>> Somebody came up with this and said I

wonder if this works. It's like

>> it's really really heavy. It's just

topnotch

>> neuroscience matched up with it's as

left and right brain as you can get.

>> Wow. And also not yet in English. That

sounds like a job for Arthur Brooks and

some AI tools and Esther Brooks. She's

she's the spiritual leader in our

family. There you go. Job for Esther who

wouldn't need the AI.