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Susan Cain: Why Introverts Make Great Leaders | Podcast | In Good Company

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Susan Cain: Why Introverts Make Great Leaders | Podcast | In Good Company

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1059 segments

0:01

Hi everyone, I'm Nicolai Tangen, the CEO

0:03

of the Norwegian Wealth Fund, and today

0:04

I'm in really good company with Susan

0:06

Cain.

0:07

>> [music]

0:07

>> Now, Susan is the author who gave the

0:10

world of introverts a voice because her

0:12

book Quiet spent 8 years on the

0:14

bestseller list, and her TED Talk has

0:17

been watched by millions and millions of

0:19

people.

0:20

She changed how millions of us think

0:22

about personality, leadership, and

0:24

creativity, and Susan, warm welcome.

0:27

>> Thank you so much, Nicolai. It is such a

0:29

pleasure to be here with you.

0:31

>> Um Susan, I'd love to start with AI

0:34

because the world is changing. Is it

0:37

changing the relationship between

0:38

introverts and extroverts?

0:40

>> It's very interesting with these

0:41

technologies in general. Uh I often feel

0:45

that they're

0:46

they often at the beginning um offer

0:50

more promise for introverts to have

0:53

multiple ways of communicating beyond

0:55

the conventional ones of being always in

0:58

person, always on, always activated. Um

1:01

and then uh somehow they they end up

1:03

often becoming

1:05

uh additional platforms for

1:07

self-presentation because that's so

1:09

prevalent in our culture. So, I I

1:11

actually with AI I'm adopting a bit of a

1:12

wait-and-see attitude.

1:14

>> Yeah. Um there is a new expression uh

1:16

which I heard which is the kind of the

1:18

high agency people.

1:20

People who kind of really leverage the

1:22

technology to make them even louder, and

1:23

I'm just wondering whether that's

1:25

one of those things, you know, which

1:27

amplifies

1:29

the extroverts even more. What do you

1:30

think?

1:32

>> Well, not necessarily. I mean, from the

1:33

dawn of the uh internet, there's

1:37

actually been this kind of concept of

1:38

the People call it sometimes the online

1:41

extrovert, the in-person I'm sorry,

1:43

yeah, online extrovert, in-person

1:45

introvert. And introverts are just as

1:49

high agency as extroverts in terms of

1:52

having goals that they're excited about,

1:55

projects that they want to accomplish,

1:57

um and being uh having high agency

2:01

in the service of those goals that they

2:02

care about. And in fact, I would say um

2:05

what is singular about introverts or

2:07

what distinguishes them is that uh they

2:09

tend to focus on one or two or three

2:13

goals in their lives. They tend to focus

2:15

on people in their lives that they

2:16

really care about. Um if they're

2:18

committed to a given company or to

2:20

leading a company, they're like really

2:22

really really committed. And so, um so

2:25

their high agency in that sense, and in

2:28

that sense uh being able to mobilize AI

2:31

towards those highly directed goals can

2:34

be incredibly amplifying and powerful.

2:37

>> So, who do you think are going to be

2:39

more robot-proof

2:42

in the future?

2:44

>> I don't know that that

2:47

that it's going to be introverts or

2:49

extroverts are more robot-proof.

2:52

Uh what I would say is that the most

2:54

robot-proof people are going to be the

2:57

ones who

2:59

care very deeply about maintaining human

3:03

authenticity. Um

3:05

we we as human beings we're

3:07

evolutionarily

3:09

designed to pick up a thousand

3:12

unconscious cues from the people around

3:14

us. And so so we take in information

3:16

from the people around us without even

3:17

quite knowing that that's what we're

3:18

doing, which is how we can often tell

3:22

that somebody is speaking the truth

3:24

versus telling us the lie. You know, you

3:25

just get some kind of a six a sixth

3:27

sense about that. So, when we talk about

3:30

introverts and extroverts, I don't know

3:31

that there's a difference there.

3:33

However,

3:34

there's this category of person that I

3:36

talk about a lot in my work. Um it's

3:40

category called the highly sensitive

3:41

person, and it describes about 15 to 20%

3:45

of the population. Many of these people

3:47

are introverts, although some of them

3:49

a few of them are or

3:51

who just like a lot of alone time. But

3:53

anyway, highly sensitive people uh

3:56

by their nature

3:59

react more to everything in their

4:01

environments, both the positive and the

4:03

negative. So, they see a a beautiful

4:06

sunset or a beautiful spreadsheet or

4:08

whatever it is, and they're very excited

4:10

about it, and it's incredibly meaningful

4:13

to them. Um

4:15

by the same token, when there's, let's

4:17

say,

4:18

a conflict or an upset in their personal

4:20

life, they they might feel that more

4:21

acutely as well.

4:24

Highly sensitive people

4:26

care a lot about authenticity. Before

4:29

authenticity was ever a word that people

4:31

were using hundreds of times per day, um

4:35

this is the way highly sensitive people

4:37

live and breathe. And so, for that

4:39

category of people, I believe there's

4:40

going to be a huge advantage, if if

4:43

that's even the right word, um

4:46

in the age of AI, because they are the

4:47

ones who are going to be resistant to

4:50

letting the machines take over their

4:52

self-expression and their leadership and

4:54

and their means of connecting with

4:55

people.

4:57

And, you know, I as we all know, I

4:59

that's going to be the big commodity in

5:01

in the

5:02

next decade is actually being oneself

5:06

and connecting human to human.

5:08

>> It's interesting when you say highly

5:09

sensitive people, of course, there are

5:10

some

5:12

immediate characters to come to mind of

5:14

my friends and so on. You What

5:16

characterize these people?

5:18

>> Um

5:19

well, I mean, we could start with uh

5:22

with what's happening neurobiologically

5:24

um for these people, and that is that

5:27

they have nervous systems that react

5:29

more intensely to all different forms of

5:31

stimulation. So, if you think of people

5:34

you know in your life who um

5:37

react more to a noisy environment, like

5:40

there's a lot of noise, and they it just

5:42

really bothers them, that kind of thing.

5:43

And by the same token, they react more

5:45

to beauty. Um

5:48

what's happening is that

5:50

their nervous system is much more

5:52

stimulated by those incoming inputs.

5:55

Um

5:56

and what they often have in common as a

5:58

result of that is a deep appreciation of

6:02

excellence,

6:03

um a commitment to having beautiful

6:06

environments or to making beautiful

6:07

things or products or whatever it is,

6:10

um and to having authentic personal

6:12

relationships because their very nervous

6:15

systems will react more um in the

6:17

presence of inauthenticity.

6:20

And so yeah, I I I I do think that once

6:22

you become attuned to the presence of

6:25

this 20% of the population, you you do

6:28

see them everywhere and you become

6:31

it

6:31

Yeah, one starts to notice them. And

6:34

I think the beauty of all of this kind

6:37

of work about personality and

6:38

temperament is you quickly start to

6:41

realize that the world really could not

6:43

exist without all these different kinds

6:46

of people. Like you you couldn't have an

6:47

organization that was made up entirely

6:49

of highly sensitive people.

6:51

Uh

6:52

but you also couldn't have an

6:53

organization without them. There There

6:56

There would be uh a core essence missing

6:58

there.

6:59

>> Is um social media making us all

7:03

less sensitive um

7:07

less social?

7:09

>> In a sense, yes, because what it is

7:11

doing and it wasn't like this at the

7:12

beginning. You know, at the beginning of

7:14

the internet or even at the beginning of

7:16

social media,

7:17

um

7:18

I think there was a desire to use it to

7:21

connect, right? Like people would get on

7:23

Facebook and they would use that to

7:25

connect with their oldest friends or

7:28

stay in touch with people, whatever it

7:30

was. And And there's still that aspect

7:32

to it.

7:33

But in in In the years to come,

7:36

uh social media has just become an

7:38

amplification of our already overloaded

7:42

culture of self-presentation.

7:44

Um so like one of the things I I

7:47

researched

7:49

in my book is uh

7:51

about the way that we moved in the 19th

7:54

or really at the turn of the 20th

7:55

century from what cultural historians

7:58

call a culture of character to a culture

8:01

of personality.

8:03

So in the culture of character,

8:05

this

8:06

was in the time when we tended to be

8:08

living in smaller communities with

8:10

people who we knew intimately. And if if

8:15

you were living alongside your and

8:16

working alongside your neighbors,

8:19

what really matters is inner worth.

8:22

Um you know, character. Like are are you

8:24

going to do the right thing in a

8:25

difficult time? Those kinds of

8:26

questions. Are you going to be a person

8:28

of honor and a person of integrity? And

8:31

if you look at the the self-help manuals

8:34

even from that era,

8:36

they were teaching people how to have

8:38

more integrity.

8:40

Then we came to the 20th century

8:43

and people started moving out of their

8:45

small towns and moving into cities and

8:49

um working alongside people they had

8:51

never known before and having job

8:54

interviews and sales presentations. And

8:56

suddenly what started to matter was

9:00

how magnetic are you? How charismatic

9:03

are you? How do you present yourself?

9:05

And so that's when we came into this era

9:07

of the culture of personality.

9:09

And so to so to answer your question,

9:12

right now in the 21st century with with

9:15

social media

9:17

and

9:18

though at first it seemed like it was

9:20

going to return us to an age of

9:23

heightened connection with people we

9:25

knew and love,

9:27

um

9:28

it has become an ampli-

9:31

amplified platform for self-presentation

9:34

and for the for just presenting

9:37

ourselves as as a package as opposed to

9:41

what we truly are.

9:42

>> How do you see differences between the

9:44

various geographies in the world when it

9:46

comes to this?

9:47

>> Oh, well, that's very interesting

9:49

actually because there there really are

9:52

um

9:53

great cultural differences in terms of

9:56

how we view introversion and

9:58

extroversion as personality traits.

10:00

Um so, you will not be shocked to know,

10:03

for example, that the United States is

10:05

one of the more extroverted cultures in

10:07

terms of what it values. Um

10:11

if you look at Confucian societies in

10:14

particular, you see much more of a

10:16

valuing of introversion because

10:20

Confucian societies, of course, are

10:22

cultures where people um

10:25

where there's much more of a focus on

10:27

group harmony.

10:28

And if you want group harmony, you don't

10:31

want

10:32

one person standing out too much or

10:34

drawing too much attention to

10:36

themselves. You want the the strong

10:37

functioning of the group. So,

10:40

in Confucian societies, for example,

10:42

some of the the common aphorisms would

10:44

be um

10:45

the the the wind howls and the mountain

10:49

remains still.

10:51

So, quiet is much more of seen as a

10:53

source of strength.

10:55

Um

10:56

>> Susan, how much of this is given from

10:57

birth and how much is it because of the

10:59

way we are brought up and

11:01

you know, encouraged by our parents?

11:04

>> It's a good question and of course, we

11:06

know by now that everything is a

11:08

combination of nature and nurture. Um

11:10

but, introversion and extroversion and

11:13

also high sensitivity that we were

11:15

talking about um

11:16

are among the most heritable of all the

11:19

personality traits. So, like I was

11:21

telling you at the beginning about how

11:24

highly sensitive introverts will react

11:26

much more to stimulation.

11:28

That's something that you can see from

11:31

the minute babies are born. Um so so,

11:34

scientists have done these fascinating

11:36

studies where they'll take newborn

11:37

babies and they will follow them over

11:40

the course of their lifetime or or for

11:42

many years, let's say. And um

11:45

they they start with these newborn

11:46

babies and they give them sugar water.

11:51

And what they see is that the babies

11:52

that salivate more in response to the

11:55

sugar water, that's an indication of a

11:57

nervous system that is reacting more to

11:59

all different kinds of stimulation. So

12:02

now you take that baby and they're 2

12:03

years old and they go into a playgroup

12:06

of kids they haven't seen before.

12:09

Those are the the the the children who

12:11

salivated for the sugar water

12:14

are the same ones who are going to be

12:15

more quiet in that playgroup because

12:18

their nervous systems are sending them

12:20

the signal

12:21

that there's a lot there's a lot

12:23

happening right now. We should pause, we

12:25

should check it out and figure out

12:26

what's going on here and let's get back

12:28

to equilibrium. And as soon as those

12:30

kids feel that they're in equilibrium

12:32

and they they figured out the

12:34

environment, then you'll see they get

12:36

comfortable and they start to go and

12:38

play.

12:39

And this

12:41

way of being

12:43

can stay with us. It's it's a

12:45

temperament. So even though we learn all

12:47

kinds of skills and we have all kinds of

12:49

experiences as we grow, that temperament

12:52

can stay with us.

12:54

Um

12:55

and and so then you talk about let's say

12:57

people in a company who are 40 years old

12:59

and now it's time to make a business

13:01

decision. Well, if you're the person

13:03

who's

13:05

uh

13:06

whose nervous system tends to tell you

13:08

we want to get back to equilibrium here,

13:10

you're that you're probably going to be

13:12

more attuned to if you're contemplating

13:15

a new business deal, let's say, you're

13:17

going to be more attuned to um the

13:20

potential risks along the way or just

13:22

the the the subtleties that are involved

13:24

in the business program because you want

13:26

to make sure everything's

13:29

getting to that equilibrium point. So,

13:31

these things affect us in fascinating

13:34

ways, and there are aspects

13:37

bottom line that we really are born

13:38

with. Although, we do, of course,

13:41

adapt and change over the course of a

13:43

lifetime.

13:44

>> Susan, what are the implications for

13:46

leadership? How should

13:49

introverts and extroverts be led

13:51

differently if so if they should?

13:53

>> Oh, how should they be led differently?

13:54

And we should talk also about the

13:56

difference between introverted and

13:58

extroverted leaders. Um but, yeah, in

14:01

terms of being

14:03

led differently, I I

14:06

It's really

14:07

the idea of leading the actual person as

14:11

opposed to just leading

14:14

an undifferentiated mass of humans

14:16

really applies here, of course, because

14:19

um

14:22

introverts and extroverts have

14:23

incredibly different needs for a perfect

14:27

work day.

14:28

If you think if if you go back to that

14:30

idea of equilibrium, and what is it that

14:32

gets each person into a state of

14:34

equilibrium? And by the way, so less

14:36

less sensitive people um

14:39

have nervous systems that react much

14:41

less to stimulation. So, for them, the

14:44

the downside and the danger is that

14:47

they're not having enough stimulation

14:49

coming at them, and then they can start

14:50

to feel unhappy and bored and sluggish.

14:54

So,

14:55

we have to take care of that as well.

14:56

So, you want to be creating environments

14:58

where

15:00

each employee can

15:03

have access to the proper amount of

15:06

stimulation for them so that they could

15:08

be spending as much of their time in a

15:10

state of equilibrium as possible. So,

15:12

this shows up in terms of how do we

15:14

design our office space? Um are we

15:17

making sure that we have spaces where

15:20

there's lots of interaction and

15:21

stimulation and noise, um which all of

15:24

us, whether introvert or extrovert, we

15:26

all want that at some point during the

15:27

day.

15:29

And then, do we have office places in

15:31

the office where people can go to be

15:33

quiet and focus and have their heads

15:36

down? Um in terms of how do we design

15:39

schedules? An introvert will probably

15:41

function at their best if they can have

15:43

a schedule where they can focus a lot

15:46

uninterrupted and get into that state of

15:48

flow.

15:49

Whereas

15:51

extroverted workers will need that some

15:53

of the time because all good creative

15:54

work needs that, but they're going to

15:57

start feeling unhappy if they don't have

15:59

enough uh

16:01

enough um social interaction during the

16:03

day. So,

16:05

you know, so thinking about how do you

16:06

structure the day? Like, do you want to

16:08

maybe have

16:09

uh designated zones where there's

16:12

uninterrupted flow time, no meetings, um

16:15

and then zones where the meetings can

16:16

happen.

16:18

Um in terms of how do you run those

16:20

meetings?

16:21

How do you make sure that you're hearing

16:22

from everyone? Um there is a study

16:25

outside of from the Kellogg School of

16:27

Business that found that in your typical

16:29

large meeting, you have three people

16:32

doing 70% of the talking.

16:36

And that is a disaster if you assume

16:39

that on average everyone has the same

16:42

number of good and bad ideas. And now we

16:45

know we're only hearing from

16:47

a few of the most vocal or dominant or

16:49

senior people, whatever. Um

16:51

well, that's

16:53

a lot of bad a lot of good ideas we're

16:54

not hearing, and there might be an over

16:56

weighting of less good ideas.

16:58

>> The extrovert and also the most highly

17:00

paid.

17:01

>> Uh often, often [clears throat] that's

17:03

true, which then uh

17:05

creates the has the cycle keep on going.

17:08

>> So, your So, your perfect day then. So,

17:10

you're you I mean, you are you are

17:11

self-declared uh introvert, right?

17:13

>> Yes, I am.

17:14

>> I uh

17:16

let's say I am a touch more extrovert

17:18

perhaps. So your perfect day, do you

17:20

have how does it look?

17:22

>> Oh, that's interesting. So um

17:25

I need to have social interaction in my

17:27

day to look forward to and then I like

17:29

to have a lot of

17:30

alone time in between. So

17:33

every day I try to play tennis and

17:35

that's partly social, partly not I guess

17:37

you could say.

17:38

Um

17:39

every day

17:41

I absolutely must have my alone time

17:44

with my laptop where I'm writing or

17:46

otherwise thinking. It's that's

17:48

incredibly

17:50

important solo sanctuary time for me.

17:53

Even when we're on family vacation, I

17:55

have to have that time.

17:57

Um

17:58

and then usually I like well, it

18:01

depends. If I'm spending if it's a day

18:03

where I have my family around, I don't

18:05

really have other social needs.

18:08

Um

18:09

If my family happens not to be around,

18:11

then I have to be scheduling something

18:13

at one point or another. And then

18:15

there's always business meetings and

18:16

podcasts and that kind of thing. But

18:18

basically, like I

18:21

I schedule my calendar I I can't let my

18:25

assistant, even though she's amazing, I

18:27

can't have her schedule a calendar for

18:30

me because every single day I'm

18:32

precisely calibrating it so that I'm

18:34

getting exactly the right amount of time

18:37

of social time and solitary time. And

18:40

and it's so

18:42

idiosyncratic that no one else could do

18:44

it for me. But I

18:46

>> What happens What So what happens now? I

18:47

take over your calendar. You know, I'm

18:49

going to work for you for a few weeks

18:51

now. I'm going to take over your

18:51

calendar and we're just going to pack it

18:53

full of stuff, you know.

18:54

>> Uh-huh.

18:54

>> Meeting people, open door policy,

18:57

everybody can come and grab you when

18:58

they want. There is no tennis, no

19:00

nothing. How What would it do to you?

19:03

>> Um

19:04

I would just start to feel

19:07

I probably I I don't know that I'd

19:09

really show it, but I would start to

19:10

feel overwhelmed

19:13

tired of it all

19:15

um

19:16

probably not focusing quite as well

19:19

just a little bit jangled more likely to

19:21

burn out

19:23

not enjoying the day-by-day I I

19:25

as I'm saying it

19:28

I'm just talking about myself now the

19:29

word that really comes to me is burnout

19:32

I would burn out quite quickly

19:34

though I'd function in the moment

19:36

>> well um

19:37

somebody told me that if you if you

19:39

pretend to be an extrovert than you are

19:40

you burn out straight away and I guess

19:41

that's what it is right?

19:43

>> yeah but it's a cognitive load

19:46

you also you're you're you're not you're

19:47

not thinking as well because when you're

19:51

when

19:52

when you're having to fight against the

19:54

way you really prefer to be spending

19:56

your time there's a kind of cognitive

19:58

load that's involved with that so

20:00

literally your brain is just not quite

20:02

as fluid as it would be otherwise

20:04

>> why do we promote so many extroverts you

20:07

know charismatic people to become

20:08

leaders?

20:10

even even the even then when they're not

20:12

you know what first of all why do we do

20:13

it and then of course are they are they

20:15

actually better or are they actually

20:16

worse?

20:17

>> well um I think there's two reasons one

20:19

of them is you know the very word

20:21

charisma uh

20:23

means a person who has a kind of magical

20:26

quality about them and we all love a

20:28

magical quality and it's one of it's a

20:31

great gift to have that and people like

20:33

to be around it so I mean that's just

20:35

one really simple explanation um

20:38

but then the other one is this culture

20:40

that we live in like that I was talking

20:41

about before that since the 20th century

20:44

we have lived in this culture of

20:45

personality where we're we're taught

20:47

from a very early age that

20:50

uh what [clears throat] what's most

20:51

important is

20:53

the

20:55

to be the most dominant to talk the most

20:57

um there's studies that show that people

21:00

will value as more will rate as more

21:03

intelligent

21:04

someone who speaks more loudly and who

21:06

speaks more quickly, and all of these

21:08

things.

21:09

Um but in terms of the actual outcomes,

21:12

what's interesting about it is there's

21:14

there are many studies suggesting that

21:16

introverted leaders deliver outcomes

21:18

that are as strong or in some cases

21:21

stronger um than extroverted leaders.

21:25

And that's a really interesting

21:28

phenomenon, and we could talk about the

21:30

reasons why that is, cuz I think there's

21:32

a few of them.

21:33

Um

21:35

One is

21:37

so there was a study uh you're probably

21:39

familiar with the book Good to Great,

21:41

Jim Collins's famous work, and um

21:44

in that study he looked at the

21:46

top-performing CEOs in the United States

21:49

at that time, and there was 11 of them,

21:52

and he found that

21:54

all 11 of these CEOs were described by

21:58

their colleagues

22:00

as quiet, unassuming, soft-spoken, shy

22:04

people, which is not I I think the what

22:07

we expect.

22:09

But they were also described as having a

22:12

fierce sense of dedication to their

22:14

companies and like real commitment and a

22:16

real vision for their companies.

22:18

And this gets into the the heart

22:22

of what introverted people are like,

22:24

because I was saying this before,

22:27

introverts by nature, we tend to

22:31

invest deeply in the subjects that we

22:34

really care about and in the people that

22:36

we really care about. And if you have

22:40

an employee who's incredibly talented

22:43

and dedicated in that way,

22:46

they can end up becoming incredible

22:49

leaders, but they'll often get to that

22:51

leadership po- um

22:54

point through a different means. It's

22:56

It's like they're they're getting there

22:57

through their commitment, and they end

22:59

up acquiring all this expertise, they

23:01

end up building networks with with other

23:04

people who share their passion. Um

23:07

and and they end up attracting people

23:09

around them who also share their sense

23:11

of commitment. So, it's a very different

23:16

uh route to that leadership position,

23:19

but it can be incredibly powerful.

23:22

Um

23:23

And and they also like once they get to

23:24

those leadership positions, they often

23:26

have a very different way of

23:28

communicating. So, one of my favorite

23:30

examples of this is Douglas Conant who

23:33

um until not long ago, he was the CEO of

23:36

Campbell Soup. Um he is by his own

23:39

description a very shy and introverted

23:41

person.

23:42

And

23:44

he and he really cares about people and

23:47

you can feel that the minute you meet

23:48

him. Like he really cares.

23:51

And he

23:53

when he was at Campbell, he would

23:55

identify who were the employees who were

23:58

really contributing to the company.

24:00

And he would sit down and write to them

24:02

these personal letters of gratitude.

24:05

And people would carry those letters

24:07

around like it meant so much to them. Um

24:09

and he wrote

24:11

30,000 of those letters during his 10

24:13

years at Campbell. And an extroverted

24:15

CEO would would connect in a completely

24:17

different way. No more, no less

24:19

powerful. It's just different.

24:21

So,

24:23

so there these alternative routes to

24:25

leadership that that we don't think

24:26

about. Um

24:29

and then there's also a a famous study

24:30

by the social scientist Adam Grant at at

24:34

Wharton. Um

24:36

And he found

24:38

this is really fascinating. He found

24:40

that

24:41

extroverted leaders do produce better

24:44

outcomes in situations where

24:47

um their employees are not as motivated.

24:51

And the extrovert can come in and

24:53

deliver a lot of inspiration and

24:54

charisma and kind of like get them get

24:56

them going.

24:58

And the introverted leaders

25:00

got delivered better outcomes than the

25:02

extroverts when they had proactive

25:05

employees. Because in those cases

25:08

the introverted leaders were more likely

25:10

to listen to what those

25:12

um proactive employees had to say. The

25:15

proactive employees would share their

25:16

ideas and the introverted leader would

25:18

would take them in and think about them

25:20

and listen to them.

25:21

And that would produce better outcomes

25:23

in the end.

25:25

So, there's all kinds of factors to

25:26

leadership that were not

25:28

well enough taken into account and as a

25:30

result

25:32

we're not cultivating for leadership

25:34

opportunities many of our most talented

25:36

people, which

25:38

is a waste and a shame.

25:41

>> So, now we are establishing a new

25:42

company and it's called Susan Cain

25:44

Limited [laughter] and we produce great

25:46

stuff and do incredible We just do

25:49

incredible things.

25:51

Now, you are the CEO. You are now

25:54

building up this company, recruiting the

25:55

people you want, making the mix of

25:57

people you want. Do whatever you want.

26:00

Just how do you

26:01

how do you go about it? What is the

26:03

right mix? Um

26:05

you know, who do you recruit? Just how

26:07

do you think about all these things?

26:09

>> Well, I mean I I assume you're asking

26:10

kind of from a temperament point of view

26:12

and what I would really want to do is

26:15

create it it is hire a mix of people. A

26:18

mix of introverts and extroverts. Um we

26:20

know that teams who have introverts and

26:22

extroverts on them, mixed teams

26:25

do the best.

26:26

Um because introverts and extroverts

26:28

really like each other. Like they like

26:30

working with each other. They complement

26:31

each other. And you see it in marriages,

26:33

too. I mean, I'm married to an extrovert

26:35

and that's not an accident. Um

26:38

so

26:39

that's what I would be looking for in

26:41

the hiring and I would also probably be

26:43

looking for

26:45

a co-CEO or a deputy or something like

26:47

that who is more extroverted than I am.

26:50

Um

26:52

so that there would be

26:54

we each get to play to our own strengths

26:55

instead of having one person try to do

26:57

everything.

26:59

Very important.

27:00

>> Is home office

27:02

good for introverts?

27:03

>> To some degree, um but

27:07

we all have social needs.

27:09

Uh

27:11

so

27:14

everyone's social needs need to get met

27:15

just to differing degrees.

27:17

And we all function better with people

27:20

who we truly know. So, there's got to be

27:22

some way of having that connection. And

27:25

it it it I I it's really a question of

27:27

degree.

27:29

I never

27:31

write my books at home ever. I find it

27:34

much too isolating. I always go off to

27:36

coffee shops to do my writing because I

27:38

like to have people around me. So, these

27:40

things are not always as um

27:43

as predictable as you might think. But

27:45

yeah, I I do believe hybrid is the way

27:47

to go.

27:47

>> Susan, 10 years after you wrote um

27:49

Quiet, you wrote another book,

27:51

Bittersweet. And um

27:53

I I read it as someone where I was uh

27:56

you know, quite down and it just

27:58

resonated so incredibly with me, you

28:00

know.

28:01

Um

28:02

tell me, what is a bittersweet

28:03

personality?

28:05

>> It's um

28:06

it's a personality that

28:10

understands and is aware of the fact

28:12

that in our lives and in this world,

28:14

there is always a mix of joy and sorrow.

28:17

That that's just part of the nature of

28:19

being human. And that paradoxically, to

28:22

live with that awareness and with an

28:24

awareness of mortality and all of it,

28:26

leads to a richer form of happiness in

28:30

the end. Um because it leads you to

28:32

appreciate each moment and and there's

28:35

also just a curious

28:37

beauty in it all. I mean, you know from

28:40

reading the book, I I actually got

28:42

started on this quest because I was

28:44

curious about why I kept having such an

28:47

ecstatic reaction to listening to

28:50

minor key sad music. And I would

28:54

It didn't make sense. Like this music

28:56

that is by by definition sad music, why

28:59

would it make me happy? Um but

29:03

there is a kind of heightened joy that

29:06

comes from

29:07

realizing just the fragility of being

29:09

human and the fact that all our fellow

29:11

humans were equally fragile and there's

29:13

a a kind of connection in it all and a

29:15

savoring of each moment that comes with

29:17

that outlook on the world.

29:19

>> You are critical to what to what some

29:21

people call toxic positivity.

29:24

What is that?

29:25

>> Well, it's

29:27

uh

29:28

the insistence, the unspoken insistence

29:32

that people show up every day at work or

29:35

anywhere really um

29:37

with a relentlessly

29:40

happy uh

29:42

presentation.

29:44

I Okay, so I think about this all the

29:45

time. I often get called in to do um

29:49

Zoom calls where it's like a company or

29:52

a group of employees or something and

29:54

everyone gets on the Zoom and the person

29:55

who's leading it will

29:58

ask everyone, you know, tell us in the

30:00

chat, what are you

30:01

how are you feeling right now?

30:03

And everyone types in the chat, I'm

30:05

feeling great, I'm feeling excited, I'm

30:07

feeling happy.

30:08

And like there's no way that's true.

30:10

There's no way that all those people are

30:11

feeling that way. Um

30:14

and yet there's this expectation that

30:16

that's what we have to perform for each

30:18

other. Now, I'm not saying actually that

30:21

we should have workplaces where

30:25

people feel the opposite expectation

30:27

that they should be disclosing

30:29

everything that they feel, the the good,

30:31

the bad, the sad, the happy. Um

30:33

but when there's the expectation that

30:36

you have to kind of pretend to be happy

30:38

in a way that you're not, that

30:41

that is an unspoken load.

30:43

Not only because it takes so much energy

30:46

um out of the individual people, but the

30:48

real issue is the connections that don't

30:51

actually happen um

30:54

when we're performing that kind of

30:55

positivity. And you know, you know in

30:57

the in the book I talk about um a

30:59

Harvard Business School study

31:02

of an oil rig in the Gulf of Mexico. Uh

31:06

and this oil rig had an incredibly

31:08

masculine culture where you had to

31:11

present a very positive face all the

31:12

time. And also you had to present that

31:16

you always knew what you were doing, you

31:18

had no doubts, nothing bothered you.

31:21

And

31:24

and and and and then what happened was

31:26

the um the

31:27

the this oil rig was moving to an even

31:30

bigger oil rig. It was going to be more

31:32

dangerous, more challenging, all

31:34

the whole thing.

31:35

And the CEO, this guy named Rick Fox,

31:39

he

31:40

decided he he was he was worried about

31:42

this move and about the safety

31:44

implications. And he started bringing

31:47

all his workers into rooms where they

31:50

would

31:51

talk to each other from morning until

31:53

night. They like holed up together for

31:55

like 10 days in a row and really

31:57

encouraged each other to share what was

31:59

happening in their personal lives, their

32:02

family lives to the extent they wanted

32:03

to.

32:04

And and they developed a completely

32:08

new and more open way of connecting with

32:12

each other. And as a result, the

32:14

accident rates, even once they had moved

32:16

to the the more dangerous, bigger oil

32:19

rig, the accident rates plummeted and

32:21

their productivity went way up. And a

32:23

lot of this was just a result of the

32:25

guys no longer feeling like they had to

32:27

pretend that they knew what what they

32:29

were doing when they didn't. Or if they

32:30

saw that there was a problem in the

32:32

machinery, they would feel comfortable

32:35

saying to their co-workers, "There's a

32:36

problem here. Uh what should we do about

32:39

it?" And these these subtle little

32:41

shifts of a culture can make a huge

32:43

difference.

32:44

>> But positivity, isn't that a good thing?

32:46

I mean, positive people are on average

32:48

happier, aren't they? They recover

32:51

easier from setbacks. They make more

32:53

money.

32:54

I mean,

32:55

how how wrong is it to be positive?

32:57

>> I mean,

32:58

the point is not so much be positive,

33:01

negative. Um it's great whenever

33:05

whenever we're feeling positive, it

33:06

feels very good. It's it it feels good

33:08

to be around positive people. The point

33:10

more is to um

33:13

be able to be more or less what you

33:16

actually are.

33:17

>> Is it a choice? Is positivity a choice?

33:20

>> There are It's a very good question

33:22

because

33:23

we definitely, I would say in micro

33:25

moments, have the ability to

33:28

um do things like fake it until you make

33:30

it or to decide I I

33:33

um you know, I'm going to put on a smile

33:35

and that's actually going to make me

33:36

feel better temporarily in the moment. I

33:38

I'm not even talking so much about

33:39

moment-by-moment choices as I am kind of

33:42

a a broader outlook.

33:44

>> And it I think it's kind of funny

33:45

because every time

33:46

every time I'm asked to send pictures to

33:49

a US uh you know, whatever it is,

33:52

seminar or speaker engagement, I get the

33:54

picture back and I'm asked to send a new

33:56

one with a big smile on.

33:57

>> Oh, that's so interesting. Yeah.

34:00

>> I I never smile on pictures cuz I don't

34:02

think life is that funny, you know.

34:03

>> That's very, very interesting. Yeah, and

34:05

interest I was just having um dinner the

34:08

other night with uh a couple. The guy is

34:11

American and the uh

34:14

the the what

34:15

gal is from the Czech Republic. And we

34:17

were talking about those cultural

34:19

differences and how like

34:21

you look at pictures of people from the

34:23

Czech Republic. Like no one's smiling in

34:25

the pictures. So, same thing. And from

34:27

the US point of view, that looks so

34:29

surprising.

34:30

>> Talking about um uh Beatrice Wei, what's

34:32

the mistake you have done in your life?

34:35

>> The biggest mistake

34:38

That's interesting.

34:40

Something I ask myself about all the

34:42

time is, you know, I wanted to be a

34:44

writer from the time I was 4 years old.

34:47

But I went to law school and I worked as

34:50

a corporate lawyer for about 7 years.

34:54

And

34:54

there's some ways in which that was a

34:56

mistake because I was spending

34:59

such a large part of my extremely like

35:03

productive like inexhaustible years

35:06

doing something that ultimately wasn't

35:08

really my calling.

35:10

But

35:12

I don't know. In the end, I don't

35:13

exactly regret it because I feel like

35:17

I wouldn't have the outlook that I have

35:19

now without having had that experience

35:22

in the hardcore business world and

35:25

one thing just led to the other. So,

35:28

yeah.

35:29

>> What are you What are you reading just

35:31

now?

35:33

>> Um I just finished an incredible novel

35:36

called uh

35:37

Flashlight by Susan Choi. It's about a

35:41

Korean family living in Japan um in the

35:45

World War II years. I love learning

35:47

about history through reading novels. I

35:49

will say by the way, I don't know if

35:50

you're noticing this, but I went through

35:53

a period of time where I wasn't reading

35:55

very many books and I was really worried

35:57

about the

35:59

the future of books cuz I saw that I

36:00

wasn't reading and I like I was always

36:02

such a reader all my life and I felt

36:03

like, well, if I'm not reading, no one

36:05

must be. And all of a sudden in the last

36:08

6 months or 12 months

36:11

I'm back to books again.

36:13

And I think it is a kind of just

36:18

reaction, you know, to

36:20

to everything being screens. And so, I'm

36:22

hoping that I'm a kind of human

36:23

barometer here and I'm not the only one.

36:26

But how about you? Are you reading books

36:28

right now?

36:29

>> I'm I'm reading all the time.

36:32

Um

36:33

I just think it's the most incredible

36:35

thing, and that's how I spend my my

36:37

holidays. But, I don't finish all the

36:38

books. I don't think

36:40

I don't think you need to finish books.

36:41

I think they really need to deserve to

36:43

be finished. And so, I probably finish

36:45

um

36:46

>> I agree.

36:46

>> Yeah, not all of them. That's uh to be

36:48

frank.

36:49

>> Have you read um Iain McGilchrist? He

36:51

wrote The Master and His Emissary.

36:54

I

36:54

I've been reading a lot of his work

36:56

lately, and I think he's fantastic.

36:58

He writes about the left and right

37:00

hemisphere of the brains. I think you

37:01

would like it.

37:02

>> I'll put it on I'll put it on my list.

37:04

Susan, lastly, what is your um

37:07

advice to young people?

37:09

>> My advice to young people is

37:12

to think about

37:14

what did you really love, and who were

37:17

you really when you were a child?

37:20

Because that gives you the clue to who

37:24

you really are.

37:25

And you're getting so much pressure in a

37:27

thousand different ways, not just about

37:29

introversion and extroversion, just a

37:30

thousand different things. You're

37:31

getting pressure to go in

37:33

direction X.

37:35

And

37:36

if you remember what your childhood self

37:38

was, it will tell you what you really

37:40

want.

37:41

>> That's a beautiful piece of advice, and

37:42

it's the first time I've ever heard it

37:44

on this podcast. So, big thank you.

37:46

>> You're very welcome.

37:47

>> Susan, it's been great having you on. Uh

37:49

big thank you for all you've done in

37:50

terms of increasing our understanding of

37:52

this super important uh

37:55

topic. I mean, it means life and kind of

37:58

life and death to so many people every

38:00

day. So,

38:01

big thank you.

38:03

>> Oh my gosh, big thank you for having me

38:05

on [music] and for this podcast. Really

38:07

enjoyed it.

Interactive Summary

Nicolai Tangen interviews Susan Cain, author of "Quiet," about introversion, extroversion, and related concepts. They discuss how AI may initially benefit introverts but can also amplify self-presentation. Cain introduces the concept of Highly Sensitive Persons (HSPs), emphasizing their deep connection to authenticity and their potential advantage in the age of AI. The conversation also covers the shift from a "culture of character" to a "culture of personality," geographical differences in valuing personality traits, and the heritability of introversion and sensitivity. Cain explains how leaders should manage introverts and extroverts differently, highlighting the strengths of introverted leadership, and advocates for mixed teams. She also discusses "Bittersweet" personalities, the dangers of "toxic positivity," and advises young people to remember their childhood passions to find their true calling.

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