Hey, I'm Damon. I'm 31 and I work as a

chip engineer in Shenzhen.

In China, by 30, you're expected to have

your life figured out.

A respectable job, a happy family, and a

stable life.

By that standard, I guess I'm doing

okay.

I have a steady job, decent pay, and a

girlfriend I've been with for years.

So, I should feel secure, right?

On paper, it's a 9:00 to 6:00 job with

weekends off.

In reality, I'm on call around the

clock.

If something goes wrong on the

production line overnight, one call

pulls me out of bed.

The more I want out, the more afraid I

am to leave.

What scares me isn't quitting itself.

It's what quitting could cost me.

Today, I want to talk about how I landed

what many people see as a good job, what

it gave me, and what it cost me.

It's Sunday, and as usual, my girlfriend

and I are heading to the library.

Our weekend rule: [music]

one day to relax and one day to learn.

This is a free public library close to

where I live.

It's small, but it has a kid section,

reading areas,

and study spaces.

Libraries in Shenzhen are usually packed

on weekends.

We didn't get here that early, so every

individual study desk was taken.

We looked around for a while before

finding an open spot in the reading

area.

Most importantly, it had an outlet.

I have a master's degree in physics.

When I graduated, the chip industry was

hiring a lot of people.

My physics background was relevant to

the field, and that was enough to get me

in.

I got lucky with the timing.

Otherwise, I might have become a

teacher.

My first job was back home in Hunan.

I made around 7,000 to 8,000 RMB a

month, about 1,000 to 1,200 US dollars.

The pay was low and the hours were

brutal.

Working until 10:00 or 11:00 p.m. was

normal.

My overtime rate was 17.6 RMB an hour,

about $2.60.

I still remember that number.

By law, weekday overtime is supposed to

pay 1.5 times your regular wage.

But the company based it on the local

minimum wage, not what I actually made.

Pretty clever, right?

That job wore me out, but it also gave

me my start in the chip industry.

I had a job right after graduation and

got the experience I needed.

So even now, I'm still grateful to that

company.

After almost 2 years, I started to hit a

ceiling.

I wasn't learning much anymore, so I

decided to change jobs.

At the time, I was in Hunan and my

girlfriend was in Guangdong, several

hundred kilometers away.

We could usually only see each other

around major holidays, like Lunar New

Year.

Long distance was hard, so I used the

job change as a chance to move closer.

That's what brought me to Shenzhen,

where I joined the semiconductor

manufacturer I still work for today.

Shenzhen offered much better pay and

benefits than Hunan.

With my experience, finding a

semiconductor job paying over 10,000 RMB

a month, about 1,500 US dollars, wasn't

too hard.

In China, 10,000 RMB a

is a common benchmark for doing pretty

well.

I grew up in rural Hunan, so I was happy

with that salary and the benefits.

More importantly, I could finally see my

girlfriend every week.

This job really did give me a better

life.

That's why I can't just walk away.

I've been sitting too long. I need a

walk.

There's a park with a lake right next to

the library.

It's one reason I like coming here.

On paper, my contract says 9:00 to 6:00,

weekends off, with good pay and

benefits.

What it doesn't say is that I still have

to answer work calls after hours.

For me, being on call is worse than

working overtime.

Semiconductor production runs 24 hours a

day.

If something goes wrong with the

equipment or the product, whoever is

responsible may be called to deal with

it, no matter the hour.

None of that time counts as overtime,

and none of it shows up in my hours.

It breaks up my sleep.

Sometimes I worry the phone will ring

later that night.

I already struggle to fall asleep.

Even after the problem is fixed, my

brain won't shut off.

Sometimes I get just three or four

hours, then go to work like normal.

And this job demands intense focus.

Even a small mistake can cause enormous

losses.

Over time, I felt my health getting

worse.

Every annual checkup seems to find

something new.

Maybe it isn't the chip industry itself

that I want to leave.

Maybe it's this on-call life.

Sometimes I just want one full night's

sleep.

Back at the library, I spend some more

time on work-related material.

Until I find another direction, leaving

my current job still feels too risky.

China's job market has become more

competitive.

In some industries, candidates over 35

face real age discrimination.

I'm only 4 years away.

If work stops, my income stops.

The bills and family responsibilities

don't.

So, I'm rethinking my career.

What else can I do besides chip

development?

Could I leave the semiconductor industry

altogether?

Making videos is one experiment. A way

to document what comes next and take

back control of my life.

I don't know where this will lead.

For now, I'm just giving it a try.

For many of us trying to change

direction, we can't just walk away from

the job we have.

We can only explore another path after

work and on weekends.

Before we leave, I'm signing up for a

library card.

It only takes a quick check with my

Chinese national ID and I'm registered.

Borrowing and returning books is mostly

self-service.

I've never used one of these before.

I'll start with two books and take my

time with them.

You can disinfect the books here, too.

It works a bit like a microwave.

Put them in, press a button, and wait.

That's it.

She has a high-speed train back to

Guangzhou tonight. So, we don't have

much time.

We find a noodle place nearby and grab a

quick dinner.

We've been together for 17 years. Of

course, we've talked about marriage.

My job is exhausting, but it's

relatively stable.

She works in tech.

She earns good money, but her job is

less secure than mine.

That's a big reason I can't just quit.

I've always felt that at least one of us

needs a steady income.

This job doesn't just support me. It

gives both of us a financial safety net.

In China, marriage often brings pressure

to buy a home and have kids.

Both are huge expenses, and both take

years of stable income.

We haven't gotten married yet. Not

because I don't want to build a family

with her.

I want to give myself another 2 years to

earn more and find a way to have more

time for her and our future family.

It's already hard to make enough time

for the two of us while I'm on call

around the clock.

I don't want her or our future child

waiting for me to finish work before our

life can begin.

After dinner, I take her to the

high-speed rail station.

We've done this so many times, but I

still don't like train stations.

>> I'm going out for a run.

When I run, all I have to focus on is my

breathing and my steps.

For a little while, I don't have to

think about equipment, yield rates, or

the next call.

The whole point of working this hard is

to build a life I can enjoy.

But I don't want to put life on hold

while I'm building it.

I still don't know what my next move is.

Tomorrow, I'll go back to work.

Next Sunday, I'll probably be back at

the library looking for another way

forward.