I had an on-again off-again relationship

with a guy that I met in college over 14

years ago. It's been about a year and a

half now. And I've made it clear that I

still have feelings for him. I still

love him. I'm willing to even move to

the East Coast. He lives over there. I

live in Houston. And I just think that

he's so afraid to trust that I'm going

to really stay that he doesn't believe

me and he's not willing to risk it. And

so is there anything I can do or is this

a lost cause?

>> Well, okay, let me ask you a question.

>> You're telling him you love him?

>> Yeah.

>> And you're even willing to move closer?

>> I am.

>> Well, closer is not going to get it.

>> Oh god. What will

>> you have to move to New Jersey?

>> Oh god. I thought that. [laughter]

>> Okay.

>> No. So, you live in Houston. He lives in

Jersey, right?

>> Yeah. Yeah.

>> You You want to move closer? What? What

the hell is that? What you going to move

to Cleveland? I'm

>> That's why I'm saying closer ain't going

to get it. If you don't move to New

Jersey

>> and he has to invite you there.

>> Oh, okay. Cuz you know, I'm willing to

move is what I'm saying. But my hope is

that he'll think Houston's a better

option and he will come to Houston.

Who's laughing back there? [laughter]

No, [cheering] I am.

>> It's women in the back laughing at this.

>> This is something you're going to have

to do because you've been the one

pulling the plug on the relationship in

the past.

>> Mhm. Technically,

>> he has to believe that you going to put

the plug in this time and leave it

there.

>> Right.

>> But see, you don't want to do that.

>> No, I'm good. I'm good. No, you don't

want to do I'm looking at you.

>> I want to do it.

>> I want to do it.

>> But what?

>> But y'all don't know him like I know

him. But I will I'll do the first one.

I'll make the first one.

>> Okay. No,

>> no,

>> no, no, no. It's okay. Y'all don't know

him like I know. Explain to us what

Explain something about him we don't

know.

>> Oh, okay. I just, you know, it's it's

the level there are things in a level of

commitment that I am ready for at times

that he's not that it's hard to

sometimes like keep pushing, keep trying

when someone's not giving you that.

There are moments and sacrifices that

I've had to make and I've been

uncertain. It hasn't like I've been like

I've left him because I didn't care.

Hasn't been like I've left him because I

didn't love him. It's because I left him

because I didn't know if he was as

involved and invested in the

relationship.

>> Okay, that's fair. Why don't y'all I got

an idea. Okay,

>> this is this is just I'm just throwing

it out there.

>> Let's hear it.

>> Why don't y'all break up?

[cheering]

[applause]

>> If you If he's never ready, you've never

been ready. And now he don't believe you

ready.

>> Who Who ready?

>> Yeah.

>> You ain't go You ain't running to him

and he ain't coming to get you. Yeah.

>> At one point in time, somebody got to

want somebody in this relationship.

[applause]

>> So, I was dating this guy for about four

months. Um, things were going pretty

well. Um, then he became a little less

consistent. Um, a little less present.

Um, so one day I went to his job where

it just so happens his identical twin

brother also works. Um, so when I went

to see him, he ended up leaving abruptly

and that left his brother and I uh

alone. and his brother confessed that he

had feelings for me. Um that he was into

me. Um so we spent the rest of the day

together. Nothing happened. Um but word

got back to his brother which caused

some friction between them and between

our relationship and now I don't talk to

either one of them. Uh so in December I

reached out to the guy cuz I do still

really like him. Um he didn't respond.

So my question to you is do you think

there's still a chance or do you think

it was like a game?

You know I don't know. [laughter]

Listen, how many times do the same

people got to tell you that they don't

want you? You're a beautiful young girl.

What? You reached out to him cuz he

still like you.

>> Cuz you still like him.

>> And he didn't respond. Do you still have

a chance? Why do you even want a chance?

[applause]

>> [applause]

>> I look,

you just move on. You You can't

You know, Judge Lynn told her was on the

show, and I've said this probably 10

times, but you have to repeat stuff to

people. You know what she said on this

show? She said her grandmother told her,

"Don't let a man have to tell you twice

he don't want you. [applause]

Don't let it.

You're a beautiful young lady. He was

into you. His brother be into you.

Somebody else into you. Yo, December,

let his ass go. He ain't nothing.

>> He just some little pretty ass dude. He

cute, ain't he?

>> Yes.

>> That's all it is. Probably some pretty

ass.

>> So, that's a plus.

>> Pretty men don't make good men nowhere.

>> Get you a regular ass looking man.

[applause]

>> Yeah.

>> That's about something.

Pretty dudes. I tell people all the

time, pretty dudes ain't about nothing,

man. You got to get you a dude with some

with some face on it with a couple

issues, [laughter]

okay?

>> You know, like, you know, you know, kind

of look like something might be wrong

with him a little bit. That's the you

want a man, you know, when you look at

him, you got to kind of tilt your head a

little bit.

Well, you know, well, [laughter]

can't look at him straight on. You got

to go.

>> Well, he kind of cute, you know.

[laughter]

>> He kind of cute. That's what you need.

Don't worry about it. Okay. Okay.

>> All right. Let's go. [applause]

>> Next up, where's Tanisha?

>> I've been single for a long time. I

mean, a long time. So, I'll go on those

dates.

>> How long is that, babe?

>> Ma'am,

>> no. About uh 17 years. Oh,

>> okay. I go on these dating website um

advice things and I read recently that a

woman should offer to pay for 50% you

know half the dinner on the first date.

So they said men would definitely say no

but they'll appreciate the effort. Well

the last couple of times they've said

yes.

So I thought this backfired. Let me see.

Um, so well my uh question is do men

really appreciate it and should women

offer to pay for half on the first date?

>> No. No, they don't appreciate it and you

shouldn't offer it.

>> It's just look, [applause]

>> you know what?

[applause]

I really get sick of dating sites trying

to play both sides of the fence. You

want to match a woman up with somebody,

but then you want her to be this totally

independent, standalone person. Well,

guess what? A man can't be an

independent standalone person. A man, a

heterosexual man is nothing without a

woman. Zero. Nothing. Ask him.

[cheering and applause]

Listen to me. Ask any heterosexual man

and he'll tell you. Without women, this

don't work. This is nothing without you.

>> Do you understand that?

>> That's period. So stop teaching these

women stuff that they don't need to

know.

>> If a man asks you out

>> and he's not willing to buy you a plate

of food. How can you possibly think that

this guy can take care of a [cheering]

family? [applause]

Doesn't make any sense.

>> IT DON'T MAKE NO SENSE. [applause]

YOU CAN'T FEED ME, but we f to go

somewhere and have some kids.

>> Who's going to require constant feeding?

>> Excuse me. Men, we know, real men, we

know

>> that if we take you out, we supposed to

pay. We know that.

[applause and cheering]

We know that. We already know that, man.

Listen, let's stop playing this game.

[applause] We know the deal. Cuz let me

explain something to you. When we're all

across the room and we meet you, when we

see you, we see the re only reason we

walk over to you and we start talking to

you is because you have something we

want.

>> It's the only reason we walk over to you

because we see something we want.

>> Our job as men is to go over there and

see what it's going to cost us to get

what we want.

[applause]

>> THAT'S WHAT IT IS.

SO, WE ALREADY know this going to at

least start with a plate of food.

>> Then we know if we going to keep getting

what we want, we going to have to make

some type of commitment. Then we know if

we want to keep getting what we want, we

might have to buy a ring up in here.

Then we know if we keep getting what we

want, we going to have to ask you to

marry us. Then if we want to keep

getting what we want, we going to have

to put you in a house that you can call

your own.

We know that. [applause]

We know that. Don't ever stop requiring

that because real men know that's what

we do.

>> Lauren. LAUREN. [applause]

[cheering]

>> HEY, STEVE.

How are you?

>> Hi.

>> Hi. So, I've been with a on-again

off-again boyfriend for eight years. He

was really no good to me. He lied a lot.

He was very manipulative. So, I

basically went to a close guy friend of

mine and told him what was going on. So,

the close guy offered me a relationship

with him

and he's doing much better than my ex.

So, I decided to get in the relationship

cuz he's a good guy. He has a lot going

on for him. He's good.

>> Okay.

>> Okay. So, he's nothing like the ex.

>> But I want to ask you, did I rush too

soon? You were in an eight-year onag

again off-again relationship.

>> Yes.

>> Okay. Let me let me just stop all women

right here.

>> Stop saying that you're in an on again

offagain relationship with a man because

the key to being on and off is you have

to be on and off. We are never off.

We might be off with you,

>> but we on somewhere.

>> So stop thinking that you in a off

again, on again relationship.

like he go away for 90 days, 3 months,

and he over there just in the mountains

trying to find himself. We don't go in

the mountains to find ourself. We go get

in the arms of another chick so she can

help find us. We don't go up into the

mountains. We ain't got to drink herbal

tea.

I just have to tell you the truth,

ladies. That don't make me in bad. You

just need to know that. So now you in

the on again, off again relationship.

You go and tell a close friend of yours

what happened.

>> Yep.

>> He asked you could he be in the

relationship.

>> Yep.

>> Now, what does that tell you about

having close male friends?

[laughter]

>> That he had he had his eye on me.

>> Yeah.

>> That's that's why he your friend.

>> Okay.

>> Now, I'm not saying you can't have

relationships with me and this friend,

but you can't be in a friendly

relationship with a man that's attracted

to you. Mhm.

>> Cuz the moment you come to him with the

little Oh my god. Oh my god. [laughter]

Oh. Oh. Well, hell right here then. Oh.

Oh, you ain't got to.

[applause]

>> Okay. So, your friend

>> then you decided to take him up on it.

>> Yes.

>> He's doing much better.

>> Yes.

>> Do you feel like you jumped in too soon?

>> Yeah.

>> Okay. Then you jumped in too soon.

>> Mhm. [laughter]

[gasps] Now, if it felt right to you and

you feel good, but sometimes you just

need a break from relationship, take

some time and be you. You know, you

really a cool person when you get to

know yourself.

>> Mhm.

>> That's what I found out about me. I like

me.

>> Yeah.

>> Okay. [applause] Thank you.

>> Yeah.

There's uh Dedra.

>> Hey, Steve.

>> Hey.

>> So, I a lot of my friends say I have a

lot a lot of expectations for guys and I

ask for too much. I'm currently pursuing

my master's degree and I work full-time.

So, I want a guy on that same level. And

currently, I've been dating a guy for

like eight months. He's a really, really

great guy, but he's not goal driven at

all. And I'm not really that attracted

to him. So, recent, so

recently,

I asked him like, why are you why don't

you have any goals in life? And so,

pretty much he wrote down goals for

2019.

And I'm like, "Okay, should I stay and

see if he follows through with him or

just like walk away?"

>> Okay. But you're not you you're you're

not attracted to him.

>> No, but he's a really really great guy.

Like he's like a really a really

>> you you got to walk away from this

because simply even if he was goal

driven,

>> you're not attracted to him. [applause]

>> There's no way.

>> Yeah.

>> Listen to me. [applause]

Now, once again, just eo, whatever. I

don't know how you can be in a

relationship with a person you're not

attracted to. I I don't know. See, you

can't get in an argument with a person

you ain't attracted to. [laughter]

>> Okay.

>> I've never seen that work in no kind of

way.

>> Okay,

>> that's that's for starters. Now,

secondly, the gold. How old is he?

>> He's He's 30. 30. He just turned 30.

Yeah, he just turned 30.

30.

That's That's when the audience try to

help me out. 30.

HE 30. AIN'T GOT NO GOALS, ain't he? He

ugly. What is

>> Yeah. I You know, come on now. 30 years

old, no goals.

>> I mean, really, you can't attach

yourself to that wagon. Okay.

>> That's a wagon you going to end up

having to pull.

>> Okay.

>> You cannot attach yourself to a low

driven man.

>> Yeah.

>> You and then a low driven ugly man. You

>> I'm not waking up every morning go.

[applause]

What's What's wrong with him? Tell me

that.

>> What is it about him that's not

attractive to you?

>> Um well his teeth. his teeth.

>> Yeah.

>> Yeah. You got Yeah, that's hard cuz

>> Yeah. And and I'm

>> Even when he smile, it's disturbing.

[laughter]

>> So at his happiest moments is one of his

worst moments. [cheering]

[applause]

Oh, boy. You so crazy. You trying to

have a conversation HIDE YOUR BOY WHY

YOU SO CRAZY?

[cheering]

>> [screaming]

[cheering and applause]

>> I'm sorry, baby. Yeah.

>> Okay. Thank you.

>> Hey, Steve. Hey,

>> I'm currently single. I've been married

twice. The second one was on a dare in

Las Vegas.

>> The second one? What?

>> It was on a dare in Las Vegas, so I

don't count that one.

>> It was on a on a dare.

>> A dare.

>> Somebody dared you.

>> Yeah.

>> And you did it. Yeah.

>> Wow. [laughter]

>> Wow.

>> But that's not the problem.

>> That's not the problem.

>> No.

>> So, my relationships tend to last way

longer than they should. Um, I have a

problem breaking up with people. I don't

know how to do it. I'm too empathetic. I

don't want to hurt their feelings. I

think I

>> Oh, you stayed too long before you break

up.

>> Yeah. I was I was in a 13-year

relationship and it should have ended at

8, but I kept thinking I can fix it. I

can change it.

>> A a lot of people do that.

>> So, I need to stop that and I need

>> So, why don't you do this? First of all,

you got to learn a little bit of

patience. You can't go in so fast the

next time. The way to avoid it or to at

least lessen the opportunity of it

happen again, you got to create some

standards. You got to have, every woman

should have a list of ideally what they

want in a man and then they got to have

a list of what they will not accept. No

man is on the whole list of what you

want. He does not exist cuz it's going

to be something wrong with all of us.

You may not find out right away, right?

>> But it's something wrong with everybody,

>> right? I love to avoid red flags. I look

the other way.

>> You when you see a red flag, you look

the other way.

>> Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah.

>> What? [laughter]

>> I

mean, but I mean, but you do understand

what the red flag is for.

>> I do now. Yes.

>> Yeah. So, you got you got to stop

ignoring the red flag. You got to pay

attention to your thing that God gave

all women called intuition.

>> You must pay attention to it. It really

does work. [applause]

And you just got to pull back. Here's

the best advice. Judge Lynn Toller was

on my show one time. You know what she

said? Her grandmother told her she her

grandmother told her, "Don't let a man

have to tell you twice he don't want

you."

If he tells you one time he don't WANT

YOU, YOU GOT TO BELIEVE that [applause]

at year number eight, [applause]

probably at eight, he led you to believe

that he didn't want you.

>> Yes.

>> You thought in you could fix it for five

more years.

>> Exactly. Yes.

>> I don't want you. You can't fix that. If

a man tell you he don't want you, you

should believe that. That's all you got

to do. Just get yourself some standards.

Believe when men tell you they don't

want you. And before it gets to that,

how about you just not want them?

>> Try that. All right, we'll be right

back.

>> LA from the UK about a few months ago,

and I realized that the men out here are

rather sexualized than I'm used to.

>> Okay, hold on one sec. What?

>> [laughter]

>> What what is sexual lies?

>> Like, you know, they're just like all

about sex, you know? It's just very,

you know,

>> and men in London ain't

>> Well, I'm not saying that they're not,

but it's just it's just more apparent

over here,

>> if that makes sense.

>> Okay, I understand. Go ahead.

>> Okay, so I went on a date recently with

this guy. Um, absolute great guy,

gentleman. And then he said, um, I want

to take you to my place to give you a

massage. And I, you know, to to to give

me a massage.

>> Oh, a massage.

>> Yes.

>> Oh, okay. So, what happened?

>> So, I obviously know a massage is code

for something else, right?

And so, you know, I know, Steve, you're

very big on women having this 90day

rule. Yeah. Yes. And I've only met this

I've only known this man for like under

30 days. And I'm afraid if I tell him

about the 90-day rule that he'll run

away or if I just kind of see how things

go and see what happens.

>> Yeah. Well, see, first of all, you don't

have to tell the men that you're going

by the 90-day rule. I don't re I didn't

never told you to tell the men. I just

said you should use the 90 rule. You

ain't got to tell a man 90 days. This is

your barometer of seeing where he is.

Now, you don't have to be vocal about

it,

>> but now let's keep in mind, ladies, he

asked you,

"Can I take you to my place and give you

a massage?" He asked you. You obviously

said no.

>> Yes.

>> Coot. Has he called again?

>> I mean, we checked here and there. It's

just not as much as we did when we first

met initially.

>> Now, you understand the purpose of the

90-day rule.

>> Yeah. See, that's what it's for.

Cuz [applause] what happens is

if you go for the massage in 30 days is

he's hoping that the massage leads to

something. But he not going to tell you

what the something is he wants it to

lead to. He just tell you, "Let me do

this for you."

And if you want the massage, he halfway

there. because you got to take your

clothes off to get the massage.

>> So, you did the right thing. Now, it's

just, you know, just see how it goes.

>> Okay?

>> You know, he may come back around. Yes.

>> So, see, guys can be trained how to

treat you.

>> We can be taught because we can only

treat you the way you allow us.

>> So, if you say no massage and we still

want to talk to you, then we got to call

you without the massage. But if you say

it's a massage or we ain't talking no

more, then you can get rid of him now.

>> He might still be okay.

>> Okay,

>> just ride it out and see where it go.

>> Okay, [applause] thank you.

>> Ladies and gentlemen,

you have just learned a cultural

difference between London and here.

[laughter]

We give massages,

they give massages.

We'll be right back.

>> Single but uh currently dating and I've

been finding myself in a lot of those

same same situation with uh text

messaging and men these days. One guy I

met him but we never got around to go on

a date because every single day he would

text me hey or hello. After a while I

got annoyed so I kind of told him hey by

the way you know what's your deal

because you keep texting me those one

word and you keep saying the same hey

every day. So instead of responding like

the very next day he text me ola just to

mix it up a little. So I felt like

but right so I guess he was probably

paying attention but at the same time

that's really not the point. The point

is like every single day you're texting

me hey not like hey would you like to go

on a coffee? Would you like to meet up?

Nothing. Just hey. So at some point I'm

just asking because this happens like a

lot these days. I don't know what's the

text messaging business now, but it

becomes so confusing. I just don't

respond anymore. So, why do men just

take the time to text hey to a woman

like every single day

>> because they've gotten away with it

before, [laughter]

>> you know? They go, "Hey," and then some

woman goes, "Hey, how you doing?" And

then they engage. I don't You don't You

don't have to do this. You really don't.

Uh you mind if I How old you are?

>> Oh, I'm 37.

>> 37?

>> Yeah. I look like 16, but yeah.

[laughter] No, I mean I mean you look a

lot younger than that. But let me

explain something to you. I Why y'all

Why y'all put up with this? You're in

your 30s. The hell are you texting for?

Excuse me.

I do verbal communication.

Click.

Text him back. I do verbal communication

to get to know who people really are.

Send. That's it. A guy texting you, hey,

you don't got to justify that. You ain't

got to respond to that, man. When a

man's supposed to talk to a woman. Man's

supposed to have a conversation with a

woman. You can't learn a guy through

texting. And you you at one point you

got to be too old for this. You have to

be too old for this. My wife and I text

during the day and it be one or two

exchanges and then we got to get on the

phone cuz my wife, she'll send one of

them uh faces.

>> I don't know what the hell they mean.

You know, look,

I go, "Baby, what? [applause]

You know,

I don't even know what the hands mean.

>> What is you praying for? I wish

[laughter]

I just said I ain't going to get off to

eight."

Well, hell, I wish I COULD GET OFF AT 4.

[laughter]

SO, I mean, you know, we stop. you you

don't have to tolerate it. And men do it

because they're getting away with it

nowadays. And the reason they're getting

away with it because women are accepting

it. The moment women say, "I only do

verbal communication. Thank you." If he

wants to talk to you, he'll call you.

>> But that's that's exactly what I do. I

literally just don't answer anymore. But

I don't understand how a person would

like continuously text me every day

after a week if I literally don't answer

anything because I don't answer to

>> Hey,

>> he's just throwing bait in the water.

>> You you know when you deep sea fish,

they have this thing called chuming.

Chuming is in a bucket. It's a pale of

cut up pieces of fish and blood and they

throw it in the water and it draws fish

to the boat. All he doing is throwing

chuming in the water. He just throwing

it in the water. Somebody bite. You

ain't got to You know how many people he

texting hey to?

[applause]

>> Hey hey hey.

[applause]

He just throwing that line. Hey. He just

throwing that line. He waiting on

somebody to bite. You don't bite, he got

another hey for you tomorrow. You don't

like hey.

>> What is it?

Hola.

>> No, I'm talking about H O L A.

>> The H is silent.

>> Hola.

>> Hola.

>> Dog. I've been saying hola my whole

life.

>> Hola.

Hey, we'll be right back.

Steve. Um, this is my fiance, Kendall.

Now, one thing I love about Kendall is

he has a lot of great ideas and he's

really smart and he wants me to invest

$20,000 in a couple of his ideas. Should

I invest in his um ideas and his

financial vision for our for our family?

>> Well, can I ask you a question, sir?

>> Yes, sir.

>> Oh.

>> Uh what what's the investment? Can you

mind saying it?

>> Well, what I want her to invest in is

social services. And honestly, the

return on investment is a 100% return on

investment every month.

>> I don't know what she doing, but I got

20,000 for that.

[applause]

>> Yeah. I I would not I would not ask her

to I would not ask her to invest in

something that would put her in harm's

way.

>> 20,000. Get 20,000 back. 20,000 every

month.

>> Absolutely,

>> bro. You know how hot it is.

>> That's That's conservative.

>> Huh?

>> That's conservative.

>> That's con bro. That's impossible money.

See, let me tell you something, dog. Dog

dog dog.

>> If it sound too good to be true,

>> bro. That's a No, I'm just saying

[applause]

that's a huge return on your money, man.

I I would I would do that in a heartbeat

if I thought I could make my 20 back in

30 days and get 20 every

>> it it is and that's why so certainly you

could understand my confusion as to why

I've I've shown her on paper how this

works.

>> What what what do you want to say ma'am?

I think more so than just focusing on

investing. I think bigger picture. It's

uh for me um I want I I want to be a

risk t I want to be a risk taker. I want

to do something because I feel like if

you do the same thing, you're going to

get the same thing. Absolutely.

>> And because I have been so conservative

along the way, I think that has has had

limitations on my ability to do more. So

I'm open to, you know, taking risk. I'm

just a little reluctant with the amount

maybe more than anything.

>> Marjorie and I have to reach a

compromise, a conclusion together. I

can't just go in there and tell this

woman this what we doing. That that

partner

going to be a rough ass day for me right

there. So, we we still have to talk it

over. Women marry us because they want

to feel secure. They want to feel safe,

man. They want their heart to feel safe.

They want their children to feel safe.

They they they want their finances to

feel safe. Now, obviously, you've taken

care of the heart department. She feels

safe cuz she wants to marry you. You got

to you just got to embrace her, man. You

got to get her calm about it. If y'all

here's if she take this chance and it

don't work, what you going to say to

her? See that? That's that 20 gone.

Here's what I think you should do, bro.

I would get an outside investor, leave

my wife out of this. I'm a man. I'm

going to go take out a personal loan

myself. I'mma take a shot at this 20.

I'mma put something I got up, put all my

stuff up, collateralize it. I'mma come

over here. I'mma do this deal. I got

this dude I know. I talked to Steve. I

would say I would say do it like that,

man. Just to keep peace in the home.

Don't make her feel like she has to

support you in order for to feel

complete. That's a little bit unfair

because look at her, man. You really hit

the jackpot with her. You know, you

really did. [applause]

Hey, we'll be right