honesty really really matters and i

think much of the reason why i started

this podcast was to give

the world the much needed honesty it

needs but often doesn't get

you hear success stories that are

glamorized and that are oversimplified

but

that's rarely rarely the case this

week's guest

will give you exactly that raw

unfiltered honesty

like you've never heard it before and in

some points honestly that might make you

a little bit uncomfortable

it made her uncomfortable it made me

uncomfortable this week i'm joined by

chrissy

chella she's an unbelievable and in my

opinion

heavily underrated entrepreneur running

multiple

multi-million pound businesses she's one

of the

uk's number one fitness creators

athletes whatever you want to call her

she's an author her book is coming out

in january

she has a remarkable story one that

starts from very very humble

beginnings as an immigrant that was

bullied on the playground in the uk

and what you'll find out about her is

inspiring it's captivating

it's real one of the most amazing

conversations i've ever had on this

podcast

and i'm so glad that we can bring you

her story

in this way told with total honesty

without further ado i'm stephen bartlett

and this is the dire rover ceo

i hope nobody is listening but if you

are then please keep this to yourself

as i did a little bit of research on you

and i got to

sort of uncover your story and i got to

stalk you a little bit on social media

um the more and more that i observed and

sort of looked

past your instagram feed the more

i saw a pretty remarkable

entrepreneur and business person and one

of the thoughts that came to my mind and

you know this podcast is all about

speaking the truth and being honest was

this question which is

do you think that you get the credit you

deserve

as an entrepreneur that's the question

um it's not about me i haven't built a

community about me i've built a

community about

helping other women and i think that

it's never fully been about me and

the credit that i get is seeing other

women

thrive and succeed and come together

and that for me is enough credit i don't

need an award i don't need someone to

say oh my god you're the best business

woman in the world

for me when i see or when i read another

woman's story

that for me is enough i don't need

anything else

so yeah i do so because i was when i i

was watching some of your stories on

instagram

and you you run an office right

of people you run multiple businesses

right

and i typically think that people

are very very quick to arrive at

judgement when they see

a pretty young lady who's worked out on

instagram who has a big following

and they t and this is just being

completely honest they tend to come to

judgments very quickly a conclusion a

conclusion yeah and that that

conclusion and that narrative or that

image that they form of that person

i've come to learn is usually severely

wrong

100 it is and you know it's funny you

say that because i've also been on

multiple dates with people

and you know they see my instagram

following and they automatically assume

that oh it's because you get your ass

out that's that's

that's why you make money or it's

because you get your ass out that's why

you've built what you've built

and the truth is if i did that and if

that was the

fundamental reason then i wouldn't have

a team of 30 people

in one company and building another

company that sells out every time we

restock

it goes past being a pretty face or a

pretty picture

it goes past being a nice body it's

about the message that you have it's

about what you want to

truly truly put out in the world and i

think if people make that conclusion

it says more about them than it does to

me does it make you feel though

and i want you to be really honest here

how does it make you feel i think

okay like i'm gonna be complete honestly

i think it's one thing to be judged and

it's another thing to be judged as a

woman

okay so why is it that when you see a

handsome man

you don't come to a conclusion that he

only got what he got because he's

handsome

why is that as a woman i have to justify

myself more

i have to explain myself more all the

time

it's draining i shouldn't have to

explain myself

my face my body all of this stuff it's

just

external you know and

i think that can i swear on this

question

i smell my youtube all the time some

people get offended and i'm like listen

this is this is who i am

something else yeah no it pisses me off

it

pisses me off but at the same time it's

like it feeds me

right you know it feeds me like piss me

off even more because that's how i

thrive you you saying to me i can't do

something you saying to me that i only

got there because of this and that

it pushes me more to achieve more

and yeah i mean it's their problem not

mine i guess

there's a lot of you know let's just for

a second imagine that

that judgment of you was correct and

that you'd got here because you were

pretty or whatever or you're

you know you have a great physique or

whatever it was

um what would they be missing what is

the truth why why

did you get here because there are lots

of very pretty people out there right

yeah um but for some reason you made it

here and

i've seen your businesses i've looked

into them you have

pretty phenomenal businesses and you're

running big teams of people in big

offices so

like there's two kind of thoughts to

this but i think the central question

that i'm trying to

answer for myself is what is it about

chrissy

that differentiated you your approach

your message and the way that you

connect with people

from all of these other people that are

trying to do what you're doing

i think in all honesty if i'm if i'm

answering that question from a personal

perspective

i've always been 100 honest and

transparent with who i am

you're not gonna find a hidden secret or

some nasty surprise like

this is who i am you literally either

take it

or you leave it and i'm not going to try

and be anything else

to fit in for anybody else you know

and for me when i started my fitness

journey when i

you know moved countries to england i

never felt like i had a sense of home

i never felt like anybody understood me

so to be blessed with a platform where i

can build a community

and bring women together globally you

know this is this goes beyond

me this is about bringing women together

that have

been abused that have had you know

mental

disorders eating disorders such bad

things you couldn't even imagine what

women have gone through and have told me

to bring them all together and to create

this

tribe you know that for me

is like i think that's what people see

yeah and i think that's what people

believe i want to do because i genuinely

do want to do that

and you know one of the things that

sorry to interrupt there but i really

wanted to

one of the things you said was about you

being yourself

and i asked you that question actually

with

a bit of a preconceived idea of what the

answer would be and

when i watch you on instagram the feel

that i get from you versus

pretty much everybody else other than

one other person i've got to be honest

and he sat

in this chair and he's actually coming

back is joe wicks like when i met joix

he is the guy you meet off off

off air or whatever is the same guy and

he's so [ __ ] genuine

and all he cares about is like genuinely

helping people but the reason i said to

joe i said i think the reason you're so

successful

is because you are yourself and

you will share it all and when i was

watching you on instagram and watching

some of your videos

you cater to the 99 of people's lives

which is the

real [ __ ] yeah i saw your video this

week you did on your story

you're waking up and you're saying

listen i don't want to wake up today and

most people don't admit that because you

know a lack of perfection is sometimes

perceived as weakness so

i wondered how that resonated with you

in terms of the importance of

your success originating from chrissy

being her truer self

yeah you're you can only be the best

version of yourself right

and i think if you start trying to be

something else soon enough it will come

out

or you'll start to fall through the

cracks or it will slip

something will slip and you can only

uphold that image and

you know that presence for so long

before it really just [ __ ] up

so the only thing you can do is be the

best version of yourself

and this is what i tell people all the

time it's never been about other

people's perceptions of you

it's always been what you think about

yourself and if you

truly truly believe in yourself

you won't want to be anybody else you

want to you won't want to be fake you

wouldn't want to be

trying to please everyone my job isn't

to please everyone were you always at

that point

no tell me about that oh my god no i

mean

i remember when i was in a relationship

i was 16 years old i was like i'm gonna

marry this person i'm so in love

like this is it uh and then he cheated

on me and i was like oh [ __ ] this is not

it it's his name

no he does not deserve the air time i'll

tell you that much

but i was heartbroken and

i was trying so hard to please this

person

you know i was trying so hard even in

school i know it sounds petty but i was

trying so hard to fit in

all the time all the time

i remember like this is so this is not

cute on my end i'ma be honest with you

i remember being at school and i'm

foreign okay like

i'm mediterranean we're hairy okay

and i had a no i had a moustache and the

girls used to rip me for it

and i was so sad i was like oh my god

why am i not like

these pretty english girls like i don't

understand like i used to feel so shitty

about myself

constantly trying to like fit in and

then when i got cheated on i was like oh

my god

it must be because i'm not pretty enough

it must be because i'm not sexy enough

[ __ ] that that's draining what do you

mean i constantly have to be something

else for someone else

i'm never gonna be happy and i i wasn't

happy for such a long time

so yeah i just i just fully like expose

my moustache story there

so let's take us from mustache to

self-confidence

um what was that journey and what

changed your uh

your your self-esteem and your

self-confidence what helped you

get that confidence in yourself i think

for me it was can we just i think that

should be the podcast title master

no no seriously even sarah doesn't know

that

i used to have him no guys i'm gonna be

honest with you okay

like i don't give a [ __ ] i had a

moustache growing up

okay and all the girls used to rip me

the [ __ ] up they used to be like uh

your man your boy like honestly

[ __ ] [ __ ] man and i ate my school

dinner

for six months in a toilet because i

didn't have any friends

do you think that experience is part of

the reason you are who you are today

100 like honestly

it's pretty impossible to to break me

and when you've broken me understand

that you've really

like broken me down because it takes a

lot now

was that we talk about the mustaf

mustache thing is if it was

this trivial thing but i'm guessing what

you're saying is you were bullied in

school

yeah but at the same time it's not like

i was constantly bullied like i think

i don't know a lot of us go through

awkward stages in school trying to make

friends trying to be with a cool gang

trying to do this try and do that then

you almost become

like mean as well because you're so hurt

by everybody else that

you only yeah so

i think you know like i remember

walking into sixth form one time and a

lot of personal things

happened in my life and no one wanted to

be around me at that point

and i just hated everyone around me

and i was full of anger constant anger

and hate

you know and i didn't want to be that

person anymore especially after being

cheated on i didn't want to be that

person anymore

and i remember being on the train one

day

because i used to work in potter's bar

at the time um

in this little men's boutique like

retail shop and i was coming back home

and i remember like the penny dropped

and i was like

i can try so hard to be sexy and cool

and all this stuff

other people but i'm not doing anything

for myself

and that's where the quote do this for

you comes from

because i signed up to the gym that day

and then i'll walk straight back out and

then go back for two months i'm not

gonna

lie to you i was signed up and like i'm

gonna do this i'm gonna do this i know

what to do

signed up didn't come back for two

months i was actually actually hanging

back i don't know what to do

why didn't you go because i was scared i

was like who i was like who do you

who do you think you are crazy trying to

be like

a fitness girl you don't know what

you're doing you know

this was like six years ago you don't

know what you're doing

go back home relax right relax chill go

to work

study relax at some point you must have

changed your mind

yeah i did i did and evidently i did and

i was like uh

okay now i need to do this like what am

i doing i'm

so lethargic i'm tired all the time i'm

not strong

i was never like um overweight or

underweight i was just

tired all the time and drained

especially mentally

so when i got into the gym i remember

looking at the leg press machine and i

was like

what is this transformer i don't know

what the [ __ ] to do with this machine

and everybody else around me seemed to

kind of

know what to do and then there was like

men there

and the women were on the cardio

machines and the men were at the weights

i didn't care about the cardio machine i

was so intrigued by the weights

i was like what why do men go there what

is that about

men that go there and women go there i

want to go there

and i didn't know how to use weights i

didn't know what i was doing i was

training

i didn't have anything like no one was

on instagram at the time

no one was teaching the way social media

has literally opened up a book full of

information

and free content and we didn't have that

at the time i started you know i didn't

know what i was doing it's how did you

i learned you learned i just learned i

just was like

you know what i'm just going to do this

and i kind of i kind of got addicted to

the feeling of

how completing a workout made me feel

and i started going again and again and

i started learning because what was it

doing for you going

it was giving me my therapy therapy

from what from life from

my reality from the fact that i

was so depressed or with who i was and

so angry at the world

and everything the world had done to me

and the only time i felt like i could

escape

was at the gym which is so crazy

because the gym is like a chore for

people i've got a [ __ ] train today

but i went there and i escaped

it was therapy and no one could take

that feeling away from me

not an ex-boyfriend that cheated on me

not a mean girl at school

not a horrible boss no one

isn't it funny that so much of you know

when you speak to people that have

achieved great things

it all seems to have been sparked by

like an earlier catalyst of

being bullied or feeling insecure and or

inadequate

in some way i see the same in myself the

reason why i am successful

without a shadow of a doubt is because

the feeling of

being broke and being inadequate in the

area that i lived in

and having all the windows on my house

smashed for a decade and

the grass being six foot high and but

living in all of these around all of

these white people zero black people at

my school other than my brother

and my other brother that feeling of

inadequacy

put pressure on me for like 15 16 years

and so my obsession as i wrote in my

diary 18

was i'm gonna have uh a million pounds

before i'm 25. i'm gonna have

a range river is going to be my first

car right couldn't even drive yeah it's

so funny i did the same

right i swear and it's so funny you say

it was the only black man in your school

because i was the only foreign guy on

mine

i was trying to contend with this whole

idea of having curly hair i was like i i

started relaxing it when i was 12 so

it'd be straight

and it and and i look back and i think

if i hadn't have gone through that in

the way that i had you wouldn't be where

you were not a [ __ ] shadow of a doubt

and and it's like that pressure releases

at some point

in different ways i could have ended up

in prison right my my friend said my

best friend said to me at 18 he said

steve and i remember where i stood when

he said he said you're either going to

be

a millionaire or you're going to be in

prison and i hit me like a ton of bricks

because he was telling the truth

i cared so much about escaping from that

pressure

and from that life that it was going to

channel itself into something so tell me

about your diary what did you write your

day

oh god i remember so funny right

i remember i wrote down and i will never

ever forget

i wrote down i'm going to be someone one

day

i wrote i wrote that down and then i

remember you went

you have blackberries yeah all right

back in the day and i used the right of

my blackberry

and i just believed it

and anyway when i went to the gym and

kind of figured it out along the way

um i fell in love with someone

at the gym like i was going he's now my

ex-fiance by the way everyone

we're no longer together but he

is a very important person in this story

because when i met him i was at rock

bottom

but i was also trying to find my feet

and i was becoming more confident in

myself

and that confidence confidence did grow

and attract the person that i was

supposed to be with at the time right

because i do believe your your vibe and

energy attract the people that you have

around you right

and i remember he was driving me to work

one day because i was waitressing

and i looked at him and i said i don't

know why i started instagram at this

point

had like 50 000 followers i started

instagram

in all honesty i started it just to see

how i looked doing exercises

and hollywood recorded me and i was like

oh my god i'm gonna break my back i

don't know what i'm doing i need to fix

my form

but somehow people started loving it and

anyway

he was driving me to work and i go jack

i don't know why but i

feel like we're gonna achieve something

by helping women

and generally said to me he goes yeah

whatever man you get to work i'll come

pick you up

i was like no i feel it and i started

crying

crying streams of tears he's like what's

wrong with you i was like no i believe

it i don't know what it is this is

feeling i can't explain

never had that feeling before and

here we are today what do you think that

feeling was

belief where did that belief come from

me

i just believed in me so much that no

one not even

you know the person i was with could

sway me another way

and i do think a lot of that comes from

persevering in the gym and growing that

discipline

and growing evidence right yeah that you

could right yeah because when you're

when you start doing something

good for yourself training was good for

me right

you start to build these disciplines and

habits and consistencies

and they transfer in other aspects of

your life

it's like a domino effect so

i started becoming more disciplined at

university i didn't need

10 cans of red bull to stay awake i was

focused

um i would excel all the time

and it wasn't because i put in extra

hours it was because i was so hyper

focused

where i was with who i was i was present

and if it wasn't for the gym i wouldn't

be able to have done that

so your ex fiance yeah jack

do you think you would have met him had

you not

built the confidence within yourself or

started to build a confidence within

yourself that the gym had given you

do you think you would have been ready

quote-unquote to have that relationship

with him at that time

if you were the old chrissy no um

and if i did if i was with someone

at the time i wasn't so confident it

would have been the wrong person

because you attract the energy that you

have you attract what you believe in

yourself

if you're constantly negative about

yourself if you're constantly just

trying to

make yourself believe you're you're just

not worthy you're always going to

attract that

and don't get me wrong there was

like dates in between jack obviously

when i wasn't with him by the way i mean

no i mean like after the guy that

cheated on me i had like went through

i went for a phase i went through dayton

and it's always the wrong guy i was the

wrong guy

and then it was i realized it's because

i'm trying to find happiness in other

people

constantly trying to find happiness of

people and then when i started focusing

on myself

he came along

you know a lot of women when they're in

the situation where they're lacking

confidence or self-worth or they're

feeling like something is missing

will and this isn't just women this is

men as well yeah right

they'll think that the answer is a

romantic solution yeah right

is it no it's not um

i've been there i've done that and

obviously i'm speaking from personal

experience you could find someone that

really helps you you know you could

genuinely find someone who

inspires you motivates you pushes you

and that's

so remarkable and if you do find that

person don't let them go

you know but unfortunately if you have

so much

self-hatred you are never going to be

satisfied in the relationship that you

are in because

you constantly have to find that person

to give you that happiness

you're constantly waiting for that

person to do something for you stable

right

it's unstable it is a lot of dependency

and um i think that the most rel most

important relationship you're ever going

to have is going to be with yourself

because when you go to bed at night and

you're in your own little thoughts up

here

right that's you and you that's you and

you

so you've got to fix that up here first

before you go trying to find a

a person to share your life with you

know

and you know so you end up you know

jack ends up proposing yeah you you

build a business together which is a

topic in and of itself which you're

you're still

working together with him on now yeah

and then at some point you both decide

in a very you know i've listened to your

story so you decide in a very

amicable mature way that this situation

isn't making both of you right

happy yeah and there was a sentence you

said where you said um

you and jack grew apart which i found

quite curious and i find it curious

because on this podcast we've we've been

talking a lot about monogamy

for whatever reason and this idea in

fact the last guest we had on dr arya

who was you know who people have been

really really blown away about um

he he was cheated on by his partners you

know and he found out in a really

horrific way that she was pregnant with

another man

yeah i listened to that okay and so on

that sentence about

growing apart this makes me ask you the

same question about monogamy if it's

possible for you to meet someone and

grow apart you know especially you know

because everybody's growing in some way

um what are your thoughts on monogamy

having been almost

to the altar with someone what are your

thoughts on monogamy and

i can i be honest i mean

please you never have to ask permission

again to be honest

i've never said this ever and i'm a

little bit nervous to say this

but i when i was with jack

i thought that that was my person

and i genuinely felt it in my heart and

my soul i never questioned it once right

and we grew apart and that's because

a lot of people don't know what was

going on behind the scenes last year

when i launched toner sculpt with jack

we had a lawsuit against

us you know no one really knew about

that

you know 50 grand in lawsuits trying to

get our app that we

we built just to be ours and then build

it from the ground up that's why we had

to

refurbish and relaunch the programs

because everything is now built

home grown in our offices with our

technology right

and do you know how much pressure that

adds to a relationship

i can't imagine and you're going home

and you're like what do you mean you

don't do this

what do you mean you didn't do that

hating each other resenting each other

because you think they're to blame

he thinks you're to blame i think he's

to blame

right and it's going to take a

very very special person

to fit into the shoes that jack left

you know he is such an incredible man

in every aspect works hard is caring is

loving as ambitious

is everything a woman would want in a

man unfortunately we grew apart

and it is unfortunate because i

genuinely

loved him and still do love him

unconditionally i'd give him my kidney

if he needed it and

it would take someone very very special

and confident to fill that space

up and i'm not gonna hold my breath

does that make sense i'm not gonna hold

my breath i'm gonna

you know let's just see where it goes

you think it's possible

um i think it's possible i think

anything's possible

i just think that it's gonna take

someone with a hell of a lot of

confidence and someone

that understands that i don't need

anything else but effort

and time from them i don't need your

money i don't need your gifts

i don't need so you're saying

you think that jack's shoes will be

difficult to fill and it's almost like

you're setting his shoes

as the standard of what you're looking

for in the future so it kind of begs the

question

well you've got two feet that fit those

shoes perfectly jacks

so why isn't he filling those shoes

i think if anyone turns around and says

to you that i

work with my partner and we run a

company of 30 people and hundreds and

thousands

of subscribers and you know an

ever growing company and we're so in

love

i i really literally will look at them

and be like how did you make that happen

working and being romantically involved

with someone is difficult

because let me tell you something when

you come home from work

you're coming home from work with the

same person what do you think you're

going to speak about when you get home

work what do you think you're going to

speak about

um after you have sex

work the work i'm being honest like

you you live and you breathe your

company jack is an entrepreneur and

himself

jack is a co-founder jack built this

with me

right yeah so if i'm going through all

those things as an entrepreneur as a

co-founder

he is as well i don't know if you're

answering the question chris

but i am answering the question it

doesn't work it doesn't work because you

work together yes

it doesn't work together it would have

probably worked

isn't that a shame when i when i um

when i first met jack i have never felt

that way about someone before

and i never once questioned our

relationship or i never once questioned

whether i didn't want to be with this

person

and it's funny because when we hire new

people at tone and scope they obviously

know

mine and jack's relationship and a lot

of employees tend to get a bit nervous

they're like are the co-founders going

to be better are they going to be nasty

to one another

and you know what they always say it's

insane how much respect and love they

have for one another it's actually a bit

worrying

how much respect and love we have for

one another and

had we not had tona sculpt we would have

100 be married by now

probably expecting a first child is jack

in a relationship

i don't know we don't speak about stuff

like that

i don't know if he's in a relationship

okay so here's another thing

jack's made it pretty clear he's been

like i don't know who i'm gonna find

that's

like you and you said the same to me

today and i've said the same thing about

him

um and another thing is i've been

with him for five years right i was with

him for five years i still work with

him in a normal situation you break up

and you

go separate ways go separate ways you

don't speak you don't see unless you're

stalking each other

which i would because i'm a weirdo so

i'd stalk you for a bit until i got

over you but what i'm saying is i see

him every day

so it's like how can i ever forget about

you you're always there

i speak to you every day i'm on the

phone to you every day we make executive

decisions together

every day i still go to you for advice

every day but why is i don't look at you

and want to kiss you

right do you no i don't i don't

i don't not not right now anyway but i

don't

to be in a relationship you have to have

that flair come on you have to have that

spark that

you you make me feel some type of way

and i know over time it will pass

and whatever but it sounds so weird but

i see him

almost like a best friend but then

everyone always tells you to marry your

best friend

so maybe have i got relationships all

wrong

right so i don't know

i don't know but all i'm saying is the

person that i'm with

and next with or whatever

they don't necessarily have like they're

not competing

because that's horrible you don't want

to compete kind of

somewhat unavoidable though especially

in chrissy's brain

but at the same time it's like jack

was is the most genuine person

like would always take care of me always

listen always put me first

would always want me to to succeed it

was every

check check check check check but why

are we not together

i don't i me myself i still don't have a

a fundamental reason as to why

you know i read the comments and people

were like

of course she would leave jack now she's

got like

millions of followers and has got money

of course she was she's gonna go

marry a rich arab man i was like

what you clearly don't know me you

clearly don't know me

but um i don't have a rich arab man as a

boyfriend by the way

i just want to clear that up but i don't

know if jack's dating i i don't know

what he's doing all i all i do know

is that i want him to be so happy could

you imagine life without him

oh no well that question just took my

breath away a bit

no i couldn't no i turned around

tomorrow said he said i'm leaving the

business i'm moving

no i'd be absolutely heartbroken

i'd be i'd be absolutely grieving

i couldn't imagine life without jack but

then again

don't they say the most

important person in your life as a

business owner is your

business partner you almost speak

special bond you always speak to them

more than you speak to the partner

you go to bed with but it's also and the

reason i asked that question

is i remember asking myself that

question about my business partner many

years ago

and i'm embarrassed and i thought to

myself what if they died

and it was like well then there's no

point me doing this business anymore

which is a really weird thought i had i

thought well then they were such a

fundamental part of the purpose and the

journey

and i it made me question you know why

i'm actually doing this and

i think with jack i think it's probably

true that um

a huge part reason why you do this

business is because of him you've been

through so much

together yeah i couldn't imagine doing

it with someone else

yeah but i also can't imagine doing it

without him and you've been through hell

and back together with

jack right yeah and that strengthens the

relationship like

you know so much been through so much

with jack

um you do five years with someone shit's

gonna happen shit's gonna hit the fan

is it is it a possibility to be back

with him

um like i've always said you can never

say never

and anything is possible however

if jack was to find someone right

and say oh like chrissy you know out of

respect he would have to sit me down

because we work together and be like i'm

with someone now

and if i see that that girl is treating

him so well

and looking after him in all honesty

that's all i hope

would you be a little bit jealous

probably

i mean i'm not gonna lie probably would

but and would you then question

the decision oh no i'm not the type of

person that if if

if i if i don't have you no one else can

on you know me and that's just weird

i mean you'd go home that day and start

thinking oh i would go home and be like

oh like damn you'd set reminders off

like alarm bells will start going off i

absolutely don't regret ending it

i've learned more about myself in the

year and a half of parting ways with

jack than i did in five years of being

with him

facts i don't regret ending it would i

feel some type of way if he were

he was with someone else you'd be

absolutely lying to yourself if you said

no

come on mate like we buddy was about to

get married

we own a company together of course

you'd feel some type of way but would i

be jealous no would i be happy if he was

happy hell yeah i would because

his happiness makes me happy is

in the future a possibility of me being

with him again i don't i don't know

how can i how can you possibly answer

that question when

the possibility of me parting ways with

him five years ago was

not even a vision i can't answer that

question

but if he was to find someone and be

truly happy and in love

and she was a good egg i'd be happy and

it's possible to be happy for someone

but also for it to suck at the same time

100 but that's only because you just

feel some type of way but deep down you

just want them to be happy

i think he will find someone i think

he's going to find someone who's really

genuine

are you smiling i wasn't smiling you're

smiling no i wasn't smiling i think you

are

i think you were smiling i think you

felt some type of way by saying that

no i really do i swear i

but yeah i've been honest enough now

till now to like lie

but but if when he does right

when he does which he will i just want

one thing from that girl

if you're listening out there to jack's

future wife i just don't want her to

sway

he's a mind on our business

does that make sense yeah oh leave tone

and sculpt you don't need it anymore

that's horrible like don't interfere

don't need to get involved love all

right

look at you but it's true

like i'm sorry but when i'm with a guy

if he starts telling me what to do with

my company

or if he starts telling me or it's me or

jack i'd be like

yeah get a grip it's jack

if you give me an ultimatum i don't want

to be with you

you know what this thing so i was i was

thinking about this earlier

and i've got some friends i wouldn't

call them necessarily friends but people

that i know personally

and they would hate because they're so

insecure as men

they would hate the idea of dating

someone as

self-made and successful as you mm-hmm

and it's a certain type of insecure man

i'm laughing because i already know

already been there

really yeah certain type of insecure man

that really is seeking to control

that would would not like a chrissy

because

you can't be controlled you can't be

controlled through gifts through

x and you've been there yeah i've been

there i've

done that like you know i remember one

time

go for it sarah was like yeah

sarah was my pa she's like yeah open up

but i remember one time when i was

speaking to this guy

you know after jack and i was going to a

lathe this was one of the biggest photo

shoots

for tone and scott this was you know to

refurbish the entire app and everything

like

brand new look brand new everything so

much money went into this i think

nearly 90 grand in production that's a

lot of money

[ __ ] to the money [ __ ] ton of money

yeah i mean i can put down two mortgages

for that yeah so as you can see like

what but when we do things we do things

right i

tone and sculpt and that's facts um

so i remember he sat down he was like

i don't know i just feel a bit you going

i said what do you mean what do you

think i'm gonna do

go and go and you know

go crazy with other men in la i'm going

to work

oh i don't know i don't know really

insecure

and i found myself thinking it was me

i was like wait a minute and then i sat

back and i was like no that's you

you're insecure that's a problem that's

not my problem

when la had the best time ever with my

team we had the most incredible time

you know met the most incredible people

came back most incredible campaign

and i felt good but had i let that

man sway me

maybe i i may have been a bit vulnerable

at the time and let's say he did sway me

what if i changed my eye and didn't go

that could have happened

was he intimidated by you and your

success do you think at the beginning

yeah 100

let's be honest i'm 20 oh my god i'm 26.

i'm 26. i was still 24. i'm

26 years old and you are killing the

game i'll say it because i know you're

too humble

no i no no no no no no

no i said it it's fine you didn't you

say whatever you want but it's not even

that it's

you know when you're 26 years old and

maybe you have a few things

um people start to obviously

feel a bit like you know i think it was

people start to feel like they should

have them i say something

when you talk about your success i get

awkward don't i i'm super awkward and

i'll can i just say an observation and i

think this is

a society problem not you problem men

aren't like that

no they're not i love coming up on here

and saying how much money they're making

and how much they're killing it how many

x wins that they've achieved um you

don't seem to be as comfortable talking

about your success and i feel like

that's a reflection of the society we

live in

uh honestly it's not even that it's me

i'm

very awkward with stuff like that like

can i be honest i don't even check my

bank accounts

i let my account and deal with it i i

i don't i i think for me i stay so

tunnel vision and the vision

so i wake up in the morning the first

thing i do is check

my mentions and dms and go on my

community pages

in that forum that's literally the first

thing i do

and if i start thinking about how am i

going to make a billion how am i going

to do this i'm going to do that

i don't know it becomes a bit

suffocating to the vision that you have

um and i was really number driven at the

beginning not

financially but on instagram followers

and

followers the more followers it means

i'm amazing the more likes it means i'm

fit enough to be here

you know and i got so obsessed i used to

almost like not think i was good enough

unless i got a certain amount of likes

or followers and i

completely lost sight of why i'm doing

what i'm doing

you know now i don't even check the

likes i get i don't even check the the

my statistics my team do

i don't check it because i don't care

what i care about is that comment that a

lady saying to me

oh my god this has helped me so much

this has made me so confident

that feeds my energy if i start thinking

how am i going to get 100 million how am

i going to juice

that will come i'm confident it will

come

but it's not my fundamental

you know and it's going to be focusing

on something else yeah i'm focused on

something else and

it's not that society has made me feel

uncomfortable to talk about my success

it's that i've you can speak to any of

my team like i

just don't care about it can i be honest

with you like

i am not thriving to

i don't know i'm not i'm not thriving to

have

the biggest house or the fanciest car

i mean i even said to you like i don't

have a fancy car a fancy house by the

way

and you were like i don't care yeah you

know like i don't really care about

stuff like

that i never i never have been like that

and it's not that i'm trying to be

humble it's like i literally don't give

a [ __ ]

i don't care about a fancy car never

have done

on the things that you do care about you

talked about these comments and these

dms you get um

i imagine you know because i get a

couple dms as well

you get a lot not a couple you get a lot

and uh

how how does it feel to have that sort

of responsibility when someone messages

you something so

deeply personal and that they're seeking

advice or guidance or they're just

sharing a problem with you how does that

feel in terms of

well how does it make you feel um

when can i message sometimes because you

know what to say

because i'm not qualified to deal with

certain situations

but at the same time the contradiction

with me is like you're giving that

advice

something yeah and i just want to

acknowledge the person but i know i

can't so and it would be almost

irresponsible for me to try and solve

their problem

100 you're not there to fix someone's

problems yeah but but

i think the value that i can bring is

just by like listening and acknowledging

but you know there's a spectrum right so

you have on one end i love what you do

in the other end you have

people that are suicidal or that are you

know

and um it's it sometimes it's a lot i

had this one video go viral 30 million

views and it was about depression

and i got 8 000 dm's that week from

people on that spectrum

and i just didn't know what to do i was

like

because when you read them some people

are really really suffering

and they've come to me because clearly

in some cases one girl that said she'd

barricaded herself in a room in egypt

and she was on the verge of suicide like

she didn't feel like she could speak to

anyone else and sometimes a stranger

yeah is the the most safe place to you

know

how does it feel that that has kind of

made me emotional no it didn't i did

the funny thing to that i remembered

that instantly this girl

barricaded in a room in egypt who would

watch this video

and had reached out to me to for me to

give her the answer she's looking for in

her life

which i'm not qualified to give right

all i can do is

be a friend in that in that situation um

but but i'm sure you get messages that

are

you know yeah i get um messages

every day thousands and um

so there's two things that i've started

to do one of the biggest teams we have

at tone and sculpt is the customer

support team right

and by the way this isn't because we get

influxes of emails

it's because we have a person for each

social

facebook community manager instagram all

of this stuff

and the reason being is we don't need

them

it's because i want every single person

to be heard and what you just said that

is exactly what i think as well you want

to be a friend

i call my community familia

i always use that word i always say

you're my sisters you're my familia

because at the end of the day i'm not

here to fix your problems but i'm here

to listen to your problems

i'm here to be the friend that you may

think you don't have in in your reality

you can't fix someone's problems you

can't offer

you know mental health advice because if

you say something wrong

god forbid anything happened but you can

listen

you can make feel make someone feel like

they're part of something

and that's the best thing i can do you

know yeah and you know i was i was

thinking then as well about the previous

topic we had i rarely switched back

but before you came here today there was

a question i actually wanted to ask you

about because

i only ask questions because i am

curious myself

sure and i'm trying to i think the

reason i ask these questions is i'm

trying to find similarities in some way

between a you know a person on your

journey and a personal mind the question

is

are you hard to date

today was one of those days in my life

where i'm filming this podcast with

chrissy i've got a ton of things going

on i've got tons and tons of emails

i'm sprinting around and like usual in

my crazy crazy world i am neglecting my

nutrition something that i

i have done for probably the last decade

and this is why

huel sponsored this podcast and why i've

been a huge customer for about three

years and why

when i was looking for a partner to work

with on this podcast hill was the

company that came to mind

it's a company that helped me with my

nutrition and for me to stay sort of

nutritionally complete

as is huel itself despite the fact that

i have a crazy

crazy unfi predictable unforgiving

schedule

and um i love it and it's it's such a

pleasure to get to have a podcast and to

have a partner

in huel and then julian who is the

founder and ceo

where i can talk about it and the

benefits it gives to me in such an

authentic way

if you've not tried huel and you are

someone that frequently

neglects your diet whether it's through

busyness whether you forget to have

meals because

of whatever's going on in your life i

implore you just to try it

just to check it out um they and heal

comes in many different like shapes and

sizes there's the powder

they've got like the savory meals now

and they have the bottles

and for me i've always loved the bottles

um so it's yeah it's a pleasure that

you'll sponsor this podcast and support

us in this mission

and they're the reason that we're going

to be scaling this podcast up

big time i was just chatting to um

chatting to some of the production crew

that worked with me and jack and dom

and i was saying that um now we have a

partner on the podcast

we can really take this up a level

you've seen me taken up one level this

season already

we're gonna take it up even further and

that's in terms of production in terms

of the guests in terms of

what we can invest into this into this

um piece of

content so thank you to huel check it

out try the chocolate flavor let me know

what you think if you are a hula gun

right and um i appreciate you listening

back to the podcast

the question is are you hard to date

um oh [ __ ] yeah i think so

i think i am i'm not gonna lie

like okay so here's the thing right i'm

super loving

when i'm with you i'll do anything for

you

like i'll look after you i'll make you

feel special

it's gonna be like but if you like it

but

no no like honestly like even i

i can honestly say like even sarah and

my pa will tell you like

i fall hard in love yeah

i head over heels for someone i'll fall

so hard for you um but i also fall so

hard out of love for you

oh [ __ ] that's the issue of me and

that's

facts and i hate that about myself

so much it's the one thing i hate the

most about myself

i'm a switch you do something to annoy

me

or you do something to kind of like

it's bad it's not healthy like i

people think i'm superwoman i've got my

own problems this like

i want my own issues i feel so in love

with someone and then if i don't see

that same level of love back

i'm like [ __ ] this [ __ ] self-defense

yeah i do think in relationships i'm

really i'm really defensive

and you know what i can't believe i'm

admitting all this but

yeah i i would say i am and i think that

um what are you defending yourself from

i don't know okay why are you are you

hard to date

yeah okay so so are you defensive

christy this is all about your diary

well come to me

no i want to know what you're defending

yourself from

because you you literally said if i

didn't get the same type of love back

okay okay so you're obviously very

motivated you're very inspired you're

very like

driven right thanks you're welcome i'm

the same like i just want to keep going

i want to grind i want to grind

so if i see someone kind of just not

doing the same

infuriates me like i'm almost like how

can you not have

passion for something how can you not

have a try for something

and then it leads me to believe that

hold on a minute if i did have the same

person that had the same level of drive

would we be compatible

maybe i do need someone a little bit

more like low-key

because then it will make me feel a bit

calmer when i'm home

it's all over the gap i don't know what

i want women don't know what they want

stop asking women what we want we don't

know what we want

we don't know what we want but what i

can say is

i think sometimes when we overthink

things especially me i overthink

relationships

all the freaking time i think sometimes

it's a good idea to just

take a step back and just relax a bit

because if someone is genuinely there

for you

willing to listen willing to take care

of you

and willing to always always put effort

in

stop being a [ __ ] pretty much you know

i i

me personally i'm i'm difficult to stay

i'm not gonna lie

i'm not gonna lie i don't even feel bad

saying that i felt quite free saying

that like i'm i'm difficult today

so no one said you should feel bad no i

i am and i

i feel bad for the guy but so i really

want to dig into that because i can

really really relate and that's why i

started laughing because

i've gone over the same predicament in

my head thinking maybe i need someone

that's super ambitious and has loads of

passions and there's a flagship person

and then i thought but then maybe they'd

drive me crazy because you know and then

so i flip-flop and usually when i'm with

one i think i want the other

same and then yeah and then when with

that i'm like nope

yeah that's literally me yeah i'll

like maybe we can figure this out today

i honestly can't and i think you know

what it is

i think it's because we are people that

are constantly switched on yeah like

neurotic obsessive

obsessive like with work with this with

that i'm not obsessive in a relationship

like if someone tries to tell me what to

do with my life i'd be like

no way and i couldn't imagine ever

trying to tell someone what to do with

their life

like if you want to do whatever you do

whatever you want to do that's your life

you live it the way you want to live it

um so

because i'm obsessive with my life and

my career

i'm constantly switched on so

if someone around me isn't i almost feel

like

i don't know she doesn't think they're a

bum

oh my god i think that's true

it's true yes i know it's so

true and then do you find yourself

feeling a bit lazy

yeah but also i i'm like steve don't

tell him because you're

passing your own world view and your own

values onto someone else

who doesn't want it yeah and you

shouldn't be trying to change people out

here

you accept them oh my god that is me i'm

literally like

what do you mean you don't want to be

ambitious in life what do you mean you

don't have a passion

what do you mean and i go crazy in my

head and this is happening in my head

whilst i'm looking at the meat

do you know what i mean like let's say

i'm like

let's say we're we're at dinner i'm

having a full-on-blown conversation in

my head like what do you mean i'm not

ambitious

what do you mean you don't want this and

he's just chilling you know you're not

doing anything wrong

and then i have to let you take a

breather and be like what am i doing i

can't

i can't push that on to someone i can

only push that onto myself i need to

chill out

connected to this maybe maybe not your

parents

hard working oh my god so hard working

um came from another country came from

another country

um immigrated at the back of the lorry

you know i immigrated back of banana

lorry

yeah and um i remember we landed in

france

and my family got arrested because we

were immigrants and they separated us so

they put

me my my brother in one room my dad in

another room he could see him through

the glass

and i remember crying and crying and

crying like dad dad dad i didn't know

what's going on i was four years old

but i still remember that i'll never

forget the the prison room was turquoise

i'll never forget that and when we came

to this country

my mom and dad worked hard

my mom worked three jobs my dad worked

as a hb1 lorry driver every single night

you know every penny they had they saved

they saved they saved um

my dad had a pretty bad gambling problem

i'm gonna be honest my mum was

constantly trying to like

fix that problem and

i've never actually mentioned that ever

before

ever and as much as i love my dad with

my entire heart and and i

want nothing more for him to be happy it

caused a lot of strain on my mum

like trying to feed her family trying to

like work hard trying to save trying to

take us on holiday you know

um so to save money and then to have the

person you love gambling away it's like

what's the point like i don't understand

why i'm with this person but in my

culture you don't leave the man you're

with

you're stuck with them but my mum even

though he was like that my mum

loved and loves my dad so much it's

pretty bizarre

because that would be enough to take

anyone off but she just believed in him

he doesn't do any more

believed in him and nourished him and

loved him so much

and together they grew better um

so for me if i have a man and he like

places a bet on something

it triggers me to think he's going to be

gambling and i'm like oh my god no

sorry out he's put one bet down and i

think he's

canvased you know what i mean it's crazy

so

i asked that question for a reason gone

um

because we've we've established that we

have very much

similar traits and relationships that we

we tend to really value

hard work and ambition and it tends to

be the case

that the value we attribute to hard work

and ambition probably comes from

a childhood where um

hard work and ambition were the thing

that might have got us out of some

[ __ ] let me

tell you from my example all right so

very much the same as yours

but switch the parents so i came from

africa i was born in africa came to the

uk

my dad had like a pretty good job but my

mom you could all call it a gambling

addiction

she had this she has both gambling

addiction on one hand because she played

there was probably a thousand lottery

tickets if i opened any drawer in our

house

okay but on the other hand she she was

she was

she couldn't stop starting businesses to

the point that

the reason why we were so poor we never

had birthdays or christmases or went on

holiday at all ever period

was because my mom spent all the money

trying to become a millionaire

by starting these businesses they'd all

fail within six months because she can't

read or write

and my dad was the unconditionally

loving calm

supportive won't leave you even though

you're an absolute [ __ ] parent right

so there's one yeah so in my house i

think when i think about why i am the

way i am now

i think money was such a big problem

that in our house it was the cause of so

much pain mm-hmm same that i grew up

valuing it so much and the thing that

would get you it which

would to me would be like you know my

what i thought was happiness

was like hard work ambition like my

parents worked so hard that they

wouldn't even be that in the house when

i went to bed or when i woke up

and so i value hard work and ambition

because my parents taught me it because

it was the cure to our problems

right so and especially as immigrants

right there's a different there's like

an

immigrant vibe i get you yeah i get you

don't we don't even have to talk about i

just get you

so like this is part of the reason why i

think in relationships when someone

doesn't have those values when they

don't value hard work and ambition i'm

like

what the [ __ ] is wrong with you yeah

there's probably something wrong with me

i don't think there's anything wrong

with you i think i

i'm i'm not going to sit here and think

there's something wrong with me not

wrong

it's like it's the result of my traum my

traumatic childhood experience maybe i

wouldn't change it for the world

do you know what it is i swear to god i

think it's it's the fact

that okay

so a lot of people

when we moved to england i was never

allowed to like go

to stay over other friends houses my dad

is super strict like i couldn't even

wear skirts around him

absolutely not forbidden and so when i

did used to go to my other friends

houses like english culture

it was a completely different vibe like

their family was different like their

moms and dads were different

and then when i'd come to my house it

was different and i

didn't understand it so my dad has

always wanted me to marry an albanian

man it's like his dream he's like please

marry an albanian man

you two will be amazing together like

this and i'm like

dad i don't care what he is so long as

i'm in love

and it happens to be that the guys i've

been with have been

english and the cultures are completely

different and it it i don't understand

like sometimes when they do things i

don't understand

examples like okay

so in my household mediterranean loud

proud like

very like good really yeah super loud i

am super loud i love it

but you know you come to my house and my

mum will have dinner ready for you

my mom will buy you slippers to make you

feel like home you know and she'll

she'll welcome you hug you kiss you on

each cheek

but then when i'd go to jack's families

for example as much as they were so

loving so caring it just wasn't the same

like you'd have dinner different times

or

and i didn't understand it because i've

been brought up in a family where

everything's together like togetherness

and everyone's got each other's backs

and everyone's solid so

to have a different culture thrown into

the mix

sometimes it does clash and it does like

cultures are different

but that doesn't mean one culture is

better it just means it's different

so it's up to you whether you want to

learn both cultures and

and meet in the middle it would be

easier if i went for an albanian guy

because their cult

culture is the same and i've been

brought up in that culture

but obviously jack's culture is

completely different so

i've had to kind of like

you know find the middle find that

that middle ground i guess i don't know

what you call it but find that balance

are you scared that you might not ever

meet the right person all the time i'm

all the time scared

i'm 26 years old and as women we're told

we have

a time frame if you're not 30 you have

kids you're

too old if you if you have kids at 40

what kind of mum are you

all this bloody [ __ ] around us all the

time see how much pressure that adds as

a woman

all the time so much pressure you got to

get married you got to have kids you got

to be a mom you got to be a mum

before 30. oh that's when i like

breathe out so much pressure and it

petrifies me

it honestly petrifies me because a lot

of people around me

in my industry are married or i'll have

children or have like

a fiance and i had that and i almost

think to myself i had that and i let

that go

and sometimes you you think do you know

and this is probably i'm asking this

question again for my own reasons so

you do you ever consider the fact that

you might be too busy

being entrepreneur no you're never too

busy for someone you love

i don't think that's the case i don't

think um

i'm too busy you think you're what

you're doing with with your businesses

and as an entrepreneur

might prevent you um being

uh aware and forming a healthy

relationship when the prospect arises

do you know what i think it is when you

have a nine to five

you clock out you come home you switch

off

you don't clock out you're working

constantly even if you're in this room

you're still at the back of your head

thinking about your business you're

thinking about something you need to do

something

to check off something you need to

approve something to expand on

so it's it's so guilty for me to say

this i feel bad saying it but i could be

in a room with you and i'm thinking

about my companies

constantly and someone who has a nine to

five doesn't

understand that because it's like you're

switched off at five

and sometimes i feel bad saying i do

kind of wish i can switch off at 5 p.m

but i just can't

and i think it's not necessarily i'm too

busy at some constantly thinking

even if i'm in the room with you i'm

constantly thinking about what i have to

do

you can make someone feel pretty lonely

just by being even if you're sat next to

them yeah

you're often you know yeah i often say i

say like when i'm with somebody

my aim isn't for them to ever understand

me it's just to understand

that they don't understand yeah because

i think i'm like too difficult to

understand if i'm quiet for an hour it

doesn't mean i don't love you it means

that i've just got an email

so true and it's just [ __ ] me and i

actually don't want to always share

things at home because you're offloading

yeah you're offloading and i don't want

to be back because i could offload 24

7. oh trust me so can i sarah's always

like oh

here we go again um but it's

true like you know your phone is buzzing

off constantly

you could get a dm by someone you could

you could get a message an

email and it's like oh [ __ ] really

and you're just sitting watching a movie

with your partner tell me about that

part of being an entrepreneur i think

that's why i really started the podcast

in the first place was

i want to hear about the [ __ ] of

running a business the unexpected

unpredictable

life-shifting [ __ ] that happens

yeah your life is you breathe and you

live your businesses

i think this is something people don't

understand you live

and you breathe your companies they are

your babies

no one and nothing can get in the way

and no one understands that they see the

money the success

the followers the this the that the

blingy cars whatever

the hell you want to see and

let me tell you the reality you don't

have much time

you suck at relationships

you don't have many friends and the

friends that you have you don't really

see them

um when you do have time to yourself

you never switch off ever

you are the biggest self-critic ever

you constantly think that you could be

doing better and that pressure

is insane mentally and physically it

drains you

and um another thing is that i really

just want to say

um if you think a life of an

entrepreneur

is so glamorous this is the first time

i've put on jeans

in i would say i'm blessed i feel

privileged

i don't know how long but i don't live

in jeans i live in sweats and sliders

so if it sucks so much it doesn't suck

and you know what i'm trying to say yeah